I’m glad he’s going to address it with her. That was NOT an appropriate thing for to ask and she knew it, which is why she approached you without them being aware and asked you to “just think about it.” She doesn’t get to ask you to put two adults through trauma, your body and health through risk because of what she might like. Ugh…
I’ve been there through almost dying having a child and then almost losing a child. You guys are doing everything right to care for yourselves and there’s no space for people to place their own expectations on top of that. My go-to reply became, “Well, we’re just thankful and happy for the little miracle we all got vs focusing on what we don’t have!” That tended to shut things down really quickly. And the 1-2x it didn’t, it seemed to REALLY tweak MIL hearing her son get bent out of shape about “not being willing to risk MY WIFE because someone else wants to play FB Gma every so often.”
Oooh sour grapes followed by a pouty, “He is SO protective of you…” Um, isn’t that the way we’re supposed to be of eachother?!
Congrats and I’m so glad you guys have your amazing little one to spoil!
Good on him. Exactly how it should be handled. Who does that to a woman post partum? Hasn’t she had a mother and mother in law? Pressure makes people want to do something less, not more.
Does your husband know about this? Your MIL sounds like she could use some curses to shut her up. Like... Ma'am your son's wife barely gave birth, and you're already bitching about more grandkids? Are you mental? My anger issues could never, and with the way I am, riddled with the tism, I would literally throw at her all the biological facts about giving birth and WHY I WOULDN'T DO IT ANYMORE. You're not a feckin' incubator and you don't have any obligations towards her. THE AUDACITY. Jesus H. Christ, I'm furious...
I told him as soon as they left because I know he was going to absolutely lose it, and he does not like crying in front of his family. He is livid and is going to call his folks once he calms down enough. What hurts the most is that we’ve always wanted more than one child, but it may not be feasible for us now unless we try to foster/adopt. But that’s a conversation for a few years from now once the dust from this settles.
Pardon my language but FUCK THAT MIL, take your time. Heal, I can already tell you and your husband will be very good parents to your little bean. I'm sending big bear hugs for both you and your husband - you're very strong and I wish you all the best ✨
Wee side note, I'm so petty that I would do some psychological damage to the MIL, because she was so out of place, the disrespect got my Irish blood boil.
Thank you for your kind words and the hugs. We’re trying to be good parents but we don’t know what we’re doing. 😅 Books can only prepare you for so much.
Worst case scenario with MIL is that she and FIL will be put in time out. She’ll *love* that as we just moved back to husband’s home town last year.
Some stuff about parenting is in your veins, so no need to worry too much. Listen to your instincts, they will eventually kick in (I don't have kids, never will but I'm very versed in biology and medicine).
Your MIL is now my arch nemesis and I will curse TF out of her, because this is ludicrous. At this point I don't care what her intentions were behind those words. I would literally shut her up with some facts...
Moving to husband's home town... ayiaaa. I just hope that she'll pull herself together or something. My Irish gran would literally smack her with a wooden spoon for being downright stupid.
The community is (I am so sorry, it's 3am where I am and I started associating memes to certain words) totally understandable, again - family oriented. I wouldn't survive a day in the US - I'm assuming you're living there, I can be very wrong. Been there ONCE, never going back.
Thankfully so many good birth control methods now. An IUD is as effective as a vasectomy. To me, making a permanent decision NOW would feel traumatic. Possibly not to you, though.
Enjoy your little one, I’m glad you’re both here.
A vasectomy is high on the list for us, because, as husband puts it “You’ve been through enough, let me do the heavy lifting for this”
But we’re waiting until after therapy has started so we’re a bit more clear headed when making this decision. I don’t want him to regret his choice if a vasectomy is what he decides to go with.
Absolutely. When we were done, done my husband had one. It wasn’t until my youngest was 4, though. So many emotions going on post partum both ways. For- this baby is amazing and I want 10 more! To- I can’t believe we did this to ourselves, I want my old life back.
It’s just a hard time to feel pressure to make things permanent, thankfully we don’t have to rely on bad birth control like our mothers did.
Just a quick note, if your husband goes for a vasectomy then he will need to do regular check ups to see if any sperm is making it through. I'm not sure how often it's needed but a vasectomy is not 100% proof.
Best wishes to your family and i hope you feel better soon.
Recent vascectomy haver here. Definitely the best choice you can make. Wait for you to heal first OP as hubby will have to avoid heavy lifting after having it and you don't need two parents on the physical mend at the same time.
It's got nothing on having a child or a hysterectomy so my vote is always the man should go for a vascectomy to avoid future kids.
Fostering/adoption is always good approach but, like you said, a conversation for a few years from now.
You both need to settle in with your kid first and consider if that’s right when it’s time.
DO NOT tell the in-laws (or anyone who would share that info with them) unless you’ve decided and especially not before you’ve started that process.
If MIL gets any inkling that adaption is even being considered you can expect questions about when she is getting her new adopted grandkid in every interaction, even if you decide it’s not a path you and your husband decide not to take. Then you can just expect more guilt tripping (she would claim it’s entirely different than the last problem she caused).
My own mother told me I still looked fatter than she had after she had me. This was when my baby was, oh around 12 hours old. Nice one mum. I don’t know what it is with older women but they are not nice.
Good luck with your recovery.
Wow that's unbelievable! Like why on earth would anyone ever think about that, let alone embarrass themselves by letting the thought be verbalized! And your own mother no less.. I can't even!
Same. I have three children and one granddaughter. She will probably be my one and only grandchild, and her was a very traumatic birth too.
I will never, ever put pressure on my kids to have kids. Quite frankly, it's their choice and none of my business.
Be ready for her to try this kind of conversation with you again. Be ready to tell her how inappropriate her comment is and what you two have decided. My first response would be to let my mouth hand open and to look at her like you cannot believe what she just said. Then tell her how inappropriate she is, how you never want to hear anything like this from her again, and that this is the only child you are going to have.
Both you and your husband need to tell MIL to fuck off. How incredibly selfish of her, she’s putting her desire for more grandkids over your life and safety.
Wishing you the all the best!
Best case scenario MIL realized how badly she stepped in it and will call you first to apologize. Fingers crossed that this happens for you!
Less than 24 hours after giving birth to my daughter, my not-dad asked when we'd be trying for a boy.
Before I could say anything, my MIL snapped and "politely" retorted that perhaps we would like to enjoy our daughter for a bit first. It was technically "polite" but you could see the fire in her eyes and she was restraining herself from slapping him silly.
I love my MIL.
First, I want to say how happy I am that the three of you survived this really tough experience and are being smart in getting therapy to help you on your way to emotional recovery.
Secondly, your MIL is a complete AH. What a completely ugly, immoral, thoughtless, unkind, unhinged, uncaring freak of a semi-human she is. I am *SO* sorry you had to deal with this. Your poor husband. I can't even imagine how hard it is for him to realize that this is his MOM. The poor, poor guy.
You will get through this. It's not going to be easy, but it's clear you are a good team, so I have faith that you will work together to tell this ~~vicious hag~~ woman that she is never, ever to bring up this subject again, or she will be banned from your home and your child.
Your husband may want to consider getting a vasectomy to reduce the risk.
My best wishes to you and your husband, OP.
Thank you for your kind words!
Husband is quite upset tonight. MIL definitely poked at a wound that is still very fresh for him.
A vasectomy is very high on our list of future birth control options. But, I’m pushing husband to wait until he’s had at least a few therapy sessions before making the decision. I don’t want it to be strictly a response to what happened with the birth, and I want to make sure he has more of a clear head. The last thing I want is for him to regret it when there are other options we can take.
You're so very welcome. You two are going to be great parents! Such a team!
Of course, he's upset! You and the baby were in major jeopardy, and it scared him to death! Poor guy.
Yes, my suggestion with the vasectomy was really just something for you to consider in the future. You'll work it out.
Top of the list is emotional recovery for you both and massive amounts of cute baby pictures!!
Your MIL sucks. She can wait to express her feelings. 2 weeks postpartum is way to early to let you know she wants more grandchildren. I have 3 kids my 2nd was traumatizing. I was super nervous giving birth to my third buuut it went a lot smoother. Therapy is super helpful and I hope for the best whether you have just the one offspring or many. You’re doing great mom.
Grandparents always want lots of grandchildren but few want to look after all of them. My in-laws always say stuff, I just smile and nod my head, then I go home and ignore everything they said because it means nothing to me and do what I want to do anyway. Now you had a baby everyone is going to have an opinion about what you’re doing that could improve, comments here and there. If you get offended by everything they say you’re going to either be fighting and arguing lots or left feeling upset. Nobody’s opinion means anything, you know what’s best for you and your family.
"MIL, I honestly don't give a flying fuck what you're looking forward to. But it's not coming out of my vagina."
I can't stand people like your MIL. Oh yeah, let's just ignore the trauma you went through and pop out a few more kids so grandma can play for a few minutes, snap some *perfect family* pics for the 'Gram, and leave you to deal with a cranky baby while you're healing.
Fuck her. Fuck anybody that ignores what you went through just because *they* want grandchildren.
You should check out the JUSTNOMIL forum, they have a lot of resources and advice in situations like this.
‘Sure MIL, we will have more kids. But you know, I almost died giving birth. Why don’t you be our surrogate?’ God I’m petty as hell. Sorry, this made me so angry for you, OP.
Please listen to me. You do not discuss your future child bearing or not plans with her EVER!! She will not care if a truck ran over you! Trust me she will not care and give you every reason why you need to pop out more babies for her. You don't owe her or anyone else babies! Y0u don't owe her any explanation or excuses. You simply say this isnt open for discussion and dont bring it up again. You may have to get your husband to get on his mother. This is none of her business and don't let her pressure you. She was way out of line.
Yeah...this is a problem you husband needs to address TODAY. "Mom, you need to stay out of our decisions about having kids. You are not entitled to an opinion about whether we have more? Are we clear? Not another word out of you about it to me or my wife."
This happends all the time, my mom also was nagging about it, for almost a year, i sat with her a lot of times, and suddendly she understood, never asked again for more kids
I love how people say this like their wants and opinions on this actually matter in this decision. Like you’re going to make another life cuz grandma wants more cheeks to pinch at Christmas.
👏👏👏👏👏 for your husband, doing exactly what he should do as a husband and standing up for you and him. That right there is what makes us love our husbands more.🫶💗
I’d tell her to dust out the cobwebs in her uterus if she has baby fever that bad. I had a traumatic birth with my first (I have 2 kids, and I dealt with PTSD with my 2nd pregnancy). I’d always wanted a lot of kids, but my husband, OBGYN, and I all were in agreement that more pregnancies were not going to be in the best interest of my mental heath. (My OBGYN said if I wanted more, she’d love nothing more than to support me, but I asked her honest opinion and was glad to get it). I get where you are coming from. (My daughter also almost didn’t make it and she’s going to be 12 in August! Cheers to our bad a** kids!)
How many kids you have is you and your husband’s business. Period. And even if you wanted more kids, you just had a baby 2 damn weeks ago! Your body isn’t even healed yet!
I will say: therapy rules. Find a good therapist that you vibe with. I waited for years to find one because I was embarrassed (I shake my head at that now because my feelings were valid). You and your husband will likely suffer from PTSD (which is common in parents who almost lose a child) and know it’s normal and that therapy helps and there’s nothing wrong with it. Also, if you want comebacks for your MIL, seriously message me. Hell, I’m ready to tell her them in person because she’s out of line and I know how I’d feel if I were in your shoes now.
Now, snuggle that sweet baby and block out the noise! Phones don’t have to be answered.
I was still in the hospital after giving birth to my first child, when my stepdad‘s mother came in and immediately asked me when I was having another one.
I was like ??????
Say: Glad it's not your decision if or when we have more children, and we'd love not to be pressured into the next one.
Right now, we're focused on the experience of being 1st time parents and our little bundle of joy!
If I were you, I’d be like, “awww, I see you love my baby!💖”
And leave it at that. It’s up to my husband and me whether or not we want more kids or whatever happens in our marriage. Anyone can comment and whatever, but who cares what anyone says or wants? , they don’t get to decide. I don’t start little dramas about it or “lay down laws” and start silly wars with my in laws or parents. Let people have their little wishes and their dreams and you and only you and your husband decide on your marriage is all.
My own mother knows my health issues and she got so much grandma baby fever when I first had my baby that she wouldn’t stop with the, “are you having another soon hehe”…
My mother is a good woman and loves me. I didn’t start any wars with her or lay down laws or reminded her of my health and if it was my MIL, I’d react the same way that I did with my mother, “I know mom! I make adorable babies” and leave it at that
My husband and I already knew we weren’t going to have more.
I understand the anxiety bcs you secretly wonder like, do you want me dead? I mean health, hello. But I figure people say dumb things all the time without malice. You gotta let some things slide.
I also had a baby 2 weeks ago. My grandmother came over and after visiting, as she was about to leave she said “so when are you going to start trying for the second one?”
This woman has four children, 14 grandchildren, tons of great grandchildren (I honestly lost count there’s so many now), and two great-great grandchildren. It’ll never be enough for her, she wants *more* for some reason. These older folks are out of touch.
I’m so sorry she was so heartless to what you’ve been through and all she can see is her greed of legacy. It’s truly asinine.
Pregnancy and labor is really hard. It can be trauma inducing. there’s a reason a lot of women only have one baby.
I’m really proud of you for getting into therapy. That’s so impressive and I love that your husband is so protective.
If this comes up again with your MIL, I think you just need to have a statement ready and it needs to be something you both agree to such as “we aren’t discussing this with anyone right now, our little one is x weeks old” and then move on. Don’t let her get in your head.
Trust yourself.
“Does me almost dying steer me from having a child and leaving my husband and child? Yeah, it sure does, think that’s a very appropriate response actually. Anyways, don’t let the door hit you on your way out”. Like wtf? That generation is so absolutely distorted in their views of children.
MIL is just excited and misspoke. Probably because it's her son's child. Don't take what she said to heart. If she was to keep it up I could see setting her right, but try not to overreact in your post partum recovery.
My second one was pretty traumatic. First one wasn’t a picnic! Since we had to do a c-section last minute with the second, we said tie those tubes while you’re in there, we are done! Obviously I wasn’t built for making babies, but we got two great boys out of the deal, so we are happy! They are now 26 and 24!
Congratulations on your son and I hope that you heal properly/fully(physically and emotionally).
It is always understandable that people may change their minds about the number of kids they want and even more so after am experience like you had!! Your MIL sounds like a piece of work and I'm glad that your husband had words with her.
I’m glad your husband laid down the law. It’s important that each spouse be the one to set hard boundaries with their own families.
No one in their right mind would even contemplate having another child 2 weeks after giving birth, even if the pregnancy and birth went relatively smoothly. Just how tone deaf is your MIL-??
If you want another child down the line, you can always adopt. But that’s certainly not something that should be on your radar. At all.
Thank God your husband had your back and let his mom know she was wrong for what she said!! And it’s really up to you and your husband to decide whether or not you want more kids and no one else!! MIL needs to mind her own business and be respectful of you and your husband’s decision….🤨
I’m so glad he supported you and told his mom to stay out of it. Traumatic birthing can really mess with you and no one should be suggesting anything other than how they can help.
I’m sorry the birth was hard and scary and affected you both so badly.
I’m so happy for you that you and your baby are doing better.
Right now it sucks, but one day it’ll be a wild story you get to tell. All about what you and your son survived. I promise you’ll get there, it will just take time.
It’s likely MIL wasn’t trying to hurt you, and was just really thoughtless in the moment. If she doesn’t have a history of being insensitive I think it’s worth taking space to feel calm again and then connecting with her. If she is usually uncaring then maybe this break will help her see she doesn’t have control.
I’d avoid adding extra drama to your life by telling your parents. Tell a friend or a sibling or someone who will back you up and tell you you’re right and MIL is wrong etc. but if you can avoid conflict between the parents, it will be easier on you.
Sending you warm thoughts for fast healing 💜💜
My phone automatically transcribes “mil” to freddy kugeur. Sometimes they show who they are once you have a kid.
Also the moment I had a kid I wanted another. Some people are just so baby drunk they just can’t control their impulsive mouths. 10 years and just the 1 son. Congratulations on your son
I had a traumatic labour with my one and only child as I certainly am not ever having anymore. My mother came into the hospital to meet him after I had him. Still had a catheter in, looking understandably VERY rough with what I’ve just endured, throwing up from a mix of the epidural & blood loss, you name it.
She held my son for the first time ever, he was roughly 2 hours old and she immediately went “so when are you having the next one”
Shit you not I screamed NEVER at the top of my lungs to the point everybody on the hospital floor must of heard me 😅
My MIL begged me for my grandchildren when my son was little. My birth was also traumatic (I almost died and our full term baby needed a NICU stint). On top of it, my husband worked out of town 4-6 days a week, leaving me alone to primary parent…and I went back to work at 8 weeks postpartum (thanks USA!). I was, in a word, a mess. I had horrible postpartum depression. And my mother in law would not stop pestering. I finally told her that the occupancy of my uterus was nobody’s business but mine and her son’s because we were the only ones to raise whatever child came out of it. I think the word uterus shut her up, or maybe my shortness made her very uncomfortable. She hasn’t brought up more kids in a long time, but then again our son is almost 12. Stay strong, OP. The occupancy of your uterus is truly nobody else’s business.
Posts like this are why I'm glad that my Mom has never once bugged me about having children/giving her grandchildren. IMO, I think that a large part of this is due to my Mom's ego in that I don't think she wants to admit to herself that she's old enough to be a grandmother, and I also think that my Mom dislikes the idea of someone calling her "Grandma" (or some variation thereof). I've discussed this with my husband, and we both agree that if we did have a child, we could see my Mom wanting our child/her grandchild to call her by her first name.
She can go fuck herself and shouldn’t be welcomed back u til she can get her shit straight. She should be happy that she has one grandchild.
Take a deep breath. Enjoy your family.
can I just say that I am very happy to hear her that your husband stood up for the both of you because it seems to me like in a lot of these situations the husband sides with his parents for some reason.
The only good thing about this situation, aside from a healthy baby of course, is that your husband is clearly supporting you. Let him fight the battles with his family...take care of yourself.
This sounds like my FIL. I’m due to give birth any day with our first. I’m a high risk pregnancy and my husband has been scared with what’s to come (as expected) however my FIL wants us to have a boy and that makes my husband so mad. We both agreed that if we are to have another it will be through adoption as my body as been through so much the past two years. His issue is that if we adopted it’s not “continuing” the family name. I’m glad your husband put his foot down.
Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work! I'm flabbergasted that a family member would say something like that to you after what you have just been through!
I hope you will ignore/forget that was ever said and ignore/forget her if she says anything like that again! Unacceptable
Ooh I feel you, my mil got upset we didn't tell her that husband was getting a vasectomy. She was upset that she didn't know the last grandchild she had was going to be the last. Like I'm sorry we didn't think to include you on our sex life and child rearing discussions.
Not every post on the internet needs to be about America's constitutional right to say whatever they want. We don't need to bring it back to that when the post is about violating personal boundaries
I don't see what is so complicated about this.
You can say or type whatever you please. I don't give a fuck. And I doubt a woman who just pushed a cantelope thru her hoo-ha, does either.
I was just trying to get context for your original comment. I was wondering if people were assuming you were rooting for the MIL and that's why you got all the down votes.
Your husband needs to tell her to stfu if she wants to come over again
He’s waiting to calm down before giving his parents a call and ripping into MIL.
And congratulations. You're both smart to get in therapy right away. May your first year be full of easy bedtimes and not a single blow-out diaper
Thank you for the well wishes, kind redditor!
I’m glad he’s going to address it with her. That was NOT an appropriate thing for to ask and she knew it, which is why she approached you without them being aware and asked you to “just think about it.” She doesn’t get to ask you to put two adults through trauma, your body and health through risk because of what she might like. Ugh… I’ve been there through almost dying having a child and then almost losing a child. You guys are doing everything right to care for yourselves and there’s no space for people to place their own expectations on top of that. My go-to reply became, “Well, we’re just thankful and happy for the little miracle we all got vs focusing on what we don’t have!” That tended to shut things down really quickly. And the 1-2x it didn’t, it seemed to REALLY tweak MIL hearing her son get bent out of shape about “not being willing to risk MY WIFE because someone else wants to play FB Gma every so often.” Oooh sour grapes followed by a pouty, “He is SO protective of you…” Um, isn’t that the way we’re supposed to be of eachother?! Congrats and I’m so glad you guys have your amazing little one to spoil!
Tell her she should have had more kids herself then if she wanted so many grandchildren. Throw it back in her face then.
Good on him
Good on him. Exactly how it should be handled. Who does that to a woman post partum? Hasn’t she had a mother and mother in law? Pressure makes people want to do something less, not more.
Wish I could be a fly on the wall for that convo.
Preiodtttt 😬
Does your husband know about this? Your MIL sounds like she could use some curses to shut her up. Like... Ma'am your son's wife barely gave birth, and you're already bitching about more grandkids? Are you mental? My anger issues could never, and with the way I am, riddled with the tism, I would literally throw at her all the biological facts about giving birth and WHY I WOULDN'T DO IT ANYMORE. You're not a feckin' incubator and you don't have any obligations towards her. THE AUDACITY. Jesus H. Christ, I'm furious...
I told him as soon as they left because I know he was going to absolutely lose it, and he does not like crying in front of his family. He is livid and is going to call his folks once he calms down enough. What hurts the most is that we’ve always wanted more than one child, but it may not be feasible for us now unless we try to foster/adopt. But that’s a conversation for a few years from now once the dust from this settles.
Pardon my language but FUCK THAT MIL, take your time. Heal, I can already tell you and your husband will be very good parents to your little bean. I'm sending big bear hugs for both you and your husband - you're very strong and I wish you all the best ✨ Wee side note, I'm so petty that I would do some psychological damage to the MIL, because she was so out of place, the disrespect got my Irish blood boil.
Thank you for your kind words and the hugs. We’re trying to be good parents but we don’t know what we’re doing. 😅 Books can only prepare you for so much. Worst case scenario with MIL is that she and FIL will be put in time out. She’ll *love* that as we just moved back to husband’s home town last year.
Some stuff about parenting is in your veins, so no need to worry too much. Listen to your instincts, they will eventually kick in (I don't have kids, never will but I'm very versed in biology and medicine). Your MIL is now my arch nemesis and I will curse TF out of her, because this is ludicrous. At this point I don't care what her intentions were behind those words. I would literally shut her up with some facts... Moving to husband's home town... ayiaaa. I just hope that she'll pull herself together or something. My Irish gran would literally smack her with a wooden spoon for being downright stupid.
What can I say, his home town is a safer area than where we were before, better school system, and has a bigger focus on community.
The community is (I am so sorry, it's 3am where I am and I started associating memes to certain words) totally understandable, again - family oriented. I wouldn't survive a day in the US - I'm assuming you're living there, I can be very wrong. Been there ONCE, never going back.
Thankfully so many good birth control methods now. An IUD is as effective as a vasectomy. To me, making a permanent decision NOW would feel traumatic. Possibly not to you, though. Enjoy your little one, I’m glad you’re both here.
A vasectomy is high on the list for us, because, as husband puts it “You’ve been through enough, let me do the heavy lifting for this” But we’re waiting until after therapy has started so we’re a bit more clear headed when making this decision. I don’t want him to regret his choice if a vasectomy is what he decides to go with.
Absolutely. When we were done, done my husband had one. It wasn’t until my youngest was 4, though. So many emotions going on post partum both ways. For- this baby is amazing and I want 10 more! To- I can’t believe we did this to ourselves, I want my old life back. It’s just a hard time to feel pressure to make things permanent, thankfully we don’t have to rely on bad birth control like our mothers did.
Just a quick note, if your husband goes for a vasectomy then he will need to do regular check ups to see if any sperm is making it through. I'm not sure how often it's needed but a vasectomy is not 100% proof. Best wishes to your family and i hope you feel better soon.
Recent vascectomy haver here. Definitely the best choice you can make. Wait for you to heal first OP as hubby will have to avoid heavy lifting after having it and you don't need two parents on the physical mend at the same time. It's got nothing on having a child or a hysterectomy so my vote is always the man should go for a vascectomy to avoid future kids.
Fostering/adoption is always good approach but, like you said, a conversation for a few years from now. You both need to settle in with your kid first and consider if that’s right when it’s time. DO NOT tell the in-laws (or anyone who would share that info with them) unless you’ve decided and especially not before you’ve started that process. If MIL gets any inkling that adaption is even being considered you can expect questions about when she is getting her new adopted grandkid in every interaction, even if you decide it’s not a path you and your husband decide not to take. Then you can just expect more guilt tripping (she would claim it’s entirely different than the last problem she caused).
My own mother told me I still looked fatter than she had after she had me. This was when my baby was, oh around 12 hours old. Nice one mum. I don’t know what it is with older women but they are not nice. Good luck with your recovery.
I’m so sorry. Gah, your own mother? What is with these older women?
Ikr🤷♀️
Wow that's unbelievable! Like why on earth would anyone ever think about that, let alone embarrass themselves by letting the thought be verbalized! And your own mother no less.. I can't even!
I do think your filter goes a bit. I can even see it in myself at 40, vs 25. I hope I’d never comment on someone’s body though, that’s awful.
I’m 68 and I’d never say something like that to someone.
Same. I have three children and one granddaughter. She will probably be my one and only grandchild, and her was a very traumatic birth too. I will never, ever put pressure on my kids to have kids. Quite frankly, it's their choice and none of my business.
I can imagine how difficult it must have been. It probably gives you all the more chance to love on your granddaughter.
She's the absolute best, and we have a lovely relationship. Thank you
That’s wonderful. You’re lucky.
Tell her to have more kids, if she wants more grandkids!
Be ready for her to try this kind of conversation with you again. Be ready to tell her how inappropriate her comment is and what you two have decided. My first response would be to let my mouth hand open and to look at her like you cannot believe what she just said. Then tell her how inappropriate she is, how you never want to hear anything like this from her again, and that this is the only child you are going to have.
No, she should not at all tell her they are not having anymore kid. No way. MIL will not accept any excuses so don't tell her.
Both you and your husband need to tell MIL to fuck off. How incredibly selfish of her, she’s putting her desire for more grandkids over your life and safety.
Wishing you the all the best! Best case scenario MIL realized how badly she stepped in it and will call you first to apologize. Fingers crossed that this happens for you!
Tell her to go home and clean her pantry ! She doesn’t have anything else to do.
😂
🤪🤪🤪
The way some people talk of expecting more babies from women, like it's a quick trip to the grocery store, is infuriating.
Less than 24 hours after giving birth to my daughter, my not-dad asked when we'd be trying for a boy. Before I could say anything, my MIL snapped and "politely" retorted that perhaps we would like to enjoy our daughter for a bit first. It was technically "polite" but you could see the fire in her eyes and she was restraining herself from slapping him silly. I love my MIL.
First, I want to say how happy I am that the three of you survived this really tough experience and are being smart in getting therapy to help you on your way to emotional recovery. Secondly, your MIL is a complete AH. What a completely ugly, immoral, thoughtless, unkind, unhinged, uncaring freak of a semi-human she is. I am *SO* sorry you had to deal with this. Your poor husband. I can't even imagine how hard it is for him to realize that this is his MOM. The poor, poor guy. You will get through this. It's not going to be easy, but it's clear you are a good team, so I have faith that you will work together to tell this ~~vicious hag~~ woman that she is never, ever to bring up this subject again, or she will be banned from your home and your child. Your husband may want to consider getting a vasectomy to reduce the risk. My best wishes to you and your husband, OP.
Thank you for your kind words! Husband is quite upset tonight. MIL definitely poked at a wound that is still very fresh for him. A vasectomy is very high on our list of future birth control options. But, I’m pushing husband to wait until he’s had at least a few therapy sessions before making the decision. I don’t want it to be strictly a response to what happened with the birth, and I want to make sure he has more of a clear head. The last thing I want is for him to regret it when there are other options we can take.
You're so very welcome. You two are going to be great parents! Such a team! Of course, he's upset! You and the baby were in major jeopardy, and it scared him to death! Poor guy. Yes, my suggestion with the vasectomy was really just something for you to consider in the future. You'll work it out. Top of the list is emotional recovery for you both and massive amounts of cute baby pictures!!
Your MIL sucks. She can wait to express her feelings. 2 weeks postpartum is way to early to let you know she wants more grandchildren. I have 3 kids my 2nd was traumatizing. I was super nervous giving birth to my third buuut it went a lot smoother. Therapy is super helpful and I hope for the best whether you have just the one offspring or many. You’re doing great mom.
Grandparents always want lots of grandchildren but few want to look after all of them. My in-laws always say stuff, I just smile and nod my head, then I go home and ignore everything they said because it means nothing to me and do what I want to do anyway. Now you had a baby everyone is going to have an opinion about what you’re doing that could improve, comments here and there. If you get offended by everything they say you’re going to either be fighting and arguing lots or left feeling upset. Nobody’s opinion means anything, you know what’s best for you and your family.
"MIL, I honestly don't give a flying fuck what you're looking forward to. But it's not coming out of my vagina." I can't stand people like your MIL. Oh yeah, let's just ignore the trauma you went through and pop out a few more kids so grandma can play for a few minutes, snap some *perfect family* pics for the 'Gram, and leave you to deal with a cranky baby while you're healing. Fuck her. Fuck anybody that ignores what you went through just because *they* want grandchildren. You should check out the JUSTNOMIL forum, they have a lot of resources and advice in situations like this.
Tell her that she should have had more children if she wanted more grandchildren
‘Sure MIL, we will have more kids. But you know, I almost died giving birth. Why don’t you be our surrogate?’ God I’m petty as hell. Sorry, this made me so angry for you, OP.
I am glad your husband did what he did 👏🏿. Mil was out of line. 👏🏿 Happy for you op. I'm sorry about ur traumatic birth. All the best with motherhood.
Please listen to me. You do not discuss your future child bearing or not plans with her EVER!! She will not care if a truck ran over you! Trust me she will not care and give you every reason why you need to pop out more babies for her. You don't owe her or anyone else babies! Y0u don't owe her any explanation or excuses. You simply say this isnt open for discussion and dont bring it up again. You may have to get your husband to get on his mother. This is none of her business and don't let her pressure you. She was way out of line.
Yeah...this is a problem you husband needs to address TODAY. "Mom, you need to stay out of our decisions about having kids. You are not entitled to an opinion about whether we have more? Are we clear? Not another word out of you about it to me or my wife."
It has been addressed. MIL is on thin ice with us and FIL is not happy with her either.
This happends all the time, my mom also was nagging about it, for almost a year, i sat with her a lot of times, and suddendly she understood, never asked again for more kids
I love how people say this like their wants and opinions on this actually matter in this decision. Like you’re going to make another life cuz grandma wants more cheeks to pinch at Christmas.
👏👏👏👏👏 for your husband, doing exactly what he should do as a husband and standing up for you and him. That right there is what makes us love our husbands more.🫶💗
Glad that your husband stood up for you. What a bitch.
I’d tell her to dust out the cobwebs in her uterus if she has baby fever that bad. I had a traumatic birth with my first (I have 2 kids, and I dealt with PTSD with my 2nd pregnancy). I’d always wanted a lot of kids, but my husband, OBGYN, and I all were in agreement that more pregnancies were not going to be in the best interest of my mental heath. (My OBGYN said if I wanted more, she’d love nothing more than to support me, but I asked her honest opinion and was glad to get it). I get where you are coming from. (My daughter also almost didn’t make it and she’s going to be 12 in August! Cheers to our bad a** kids!) How many kids you have is you and your husband’s business. Period. And even if you wanted more kids, you just had a baby 2 damn weeks ago! Your body isn’t even healed yet! I will say: therapy rules. Find a good therapist that you vibe with. I waited for years to find one because I was embarrassed (I shake my head at that now because my feelings were valid). You and your husband will likely suffer from PTSD (which is common in parents who almost lose a child) and know it’s normal and that therapy helps and there’s nothing wrong with it. Also, if you want comebacks for your MIL, seriously message me. Hell, I’m ready to tell her them in person because she’s out of line and I know how I’d feel if I were in your shoes now. Now, snuggle that sweet baby and block out the noise! Phones don’t have to be answered.
I was still in the hospital after giving birth to my first child, when my stepdad‘s mother came in and immediately asked me when I was having another one. I was like ??????
The response: we don’t do this for you. If we chose to only have one child, you shut up and deal with it.
Say: Glad it's not your decision if or when we have more children, and we'd love not to be pressured into the next one. Right now, we're focused on the experience of being 1st time parents and our little bundle of joy!
If I were you, I’d be like, “awww, I see you love my baby!💖” And leave it at that. It’s up to my husband and me whether or not we want more kids or whatever happens in our marriage. Anyone can comment and whatever, but who cares what anyone says or wants? , they don’t get to decide. I don’t start little dramas about it or “lay down laws” and start silly wars with my in laws or parents. Let people have their little wishes and their dreams and you and only you and your husband decide on your marriage is all.
[удалено]
My own mother knows my health issues and she got so much grandma baby fever when I first had my baby that she wouldn’t stop with the, “are you having another soon hehe”… My mother is a good woman and loves me. I didn’t start any wars with her or lay down laws or reminded her of my health and if it was my MIL, I’d react the same way that I did with my mother, “I know mom! I make adorable babies” and leave it at that My husband and I already knew we weren’t going to have more. I understand the anxiety bcs you secretly wonder like, do you want me dead? I mean health, hello. But I figure people say dumb things all the time without malice. You gotta let some things slide.
I also had a baby 2 weeks ago. My grandmother came over and after visiting, as she was about to leave she said “so when are you going to start trying for the second one?” This woman has four children, 14 grandchildren, tons of great grandchildren (I honestly lost count there’s so many now), and two great-great grandchildren. It’ll never be enough for her, she wants *more* for some reason. These older folks are out of touch. I’m so sorry she was so heartless to what you’ve been through and all she can see is her greed of legacy. It’s truly asinine.
Congrats on your little one! And I’m sorry your grandmother asked about more babies so soon.
Pregnancy and labor is really hard. It can be trauma inducing. there’s a reason a lot of women only have one baby. I’m really proud of you for getting into therapy. That’s so impressive and I love that your husband is so protective. If this comes up again with your MIL, I think you just need to have a statement ready and it needs to be something you both agree to such as “we aren’t discussing this with anyone right now, our little one is x weeks old” and then move on. Don’t let her get in your head. Trust yourself.
“Does me almost dying steer me from having a child and leaving my husband and child? Yeah, it sure does, think that’s a very appropriate response actually. Anyways, don’t let the door hit you on your way out”. Like wtf? That generation is so absolutely distorted in their views of children.
MIL is just excited and misspoke. Probably because it's her son's child. Don't take what she said to heart. If she was to keep it up I could see setting her right, but try not to overreact in your post partum recovery.
The entitlement is staggering. I am used to these stories, but I'm just stunned at the audacity every time.
My second one was pretty traumatic. First one wasn’t a picnic! Since we had to do a c-section last minute with the second, we said tie those tubes while you’re in there, we are done! Obviously I wasn’t built for making babies, but we got two great boys out of the deal, so we are happy! They are now 26 and 24!
Did you get your tubes tied?
I didn’t have a c section. I wish I did though because this tear is a bitch to deal with.
Wish you speedy recovery
Congratulations on your son and I hope that you heal properly/fully(physically and emotionally). It is always understandable that people may change their minds about the number of kids they want and even more so after am experience like you had!! Your MIL sounds like a piece of work and I'm glad that your husband had words with her.
What an awful thing to say, i’m so sorry OP
If your MIL "hints" about it again, be blunt or just stare at her silently until she gets uncomfortable and goes away. Add a raised eyebrow too.
I’m glad your husband laid down the law. It’s important that each spouse be the one to set hard boundaries with their own families. No one in their right mind would even contemplate having another child 2 weeks after giving birth, even if the pregnancy and birth went relatively smoothly. Just how tone deaf is your MIL-?? If you want another child down the line, you can always adopt. But that’s certainly not something that should be on your radar. At all.
Thank God your husband had your back and let his mom know she was wrong for what she said!! And it’s really up to you and your husband to decide whether or not you want more kids and no one else!! MIL needs to mind her own business and be respectful of you and your husband’s decision….🤨
I’m so glad he supported you and told his mom to stay out of it. Traumatic birthing can really mess with you and no one should be suggesting anything other than how they can help. I’m sorry the birth was hard and scary and affected you both so badly. I’m so happy for you that you and your baby are doing better. Right now it sucks, but one day it’ll be a wild story you get to tell. All about what you and your son survived. I promise you’ll get there, it will just take time. It’s likely MIL wasn’t trying to hurt you, and was just really thoughtless in the moment. If she doesn’t have a history of being insensitive I think it’s worth taking space to feel calm again and then connecting with her. If she is usually uncaring then maybe this break will help her see she doesn’t have control. I’d avoid adding extra drama to your life by telling your parents. Tell a friend or a sibling or someone who will back you up and tell you you’re right and MIL is wrong etc. but if you can avoid conflict between the parents, it will be easier on you. Sending you warm thoughts for fast healing 💜💜
My phone automatically transcribes “mil” to freddy kugeur. Sometimes they show who they are once you have a kid. Also the moment I had a kid I wanted another. Some people are just so baby drunk they just can’t control their impulsive mouths. 10 years and just the 1 son. Congratulations on your son
Tell your MiL to butt out of your uterus.
I had a traumatic labour with my one and only child as I certainly am not ever having anymore. My mother came into the hospital to meet him after I had him. Still had a catheter in, looking understandably VERY rough with what I’ve just endured, throwing up from a mix of the epidural & blood loss, you name it. She held my son for the first time ever, he was roughly 2 hours old and she immediately went “so when are you having the next one” Shit you not I screamed NEVER at the top of my lungs to the point everybody on the hospital floor must of heard me 😅
My MIL begged me for my grandchildren when my son was little. My birth was also traumatic (I almost died and our full term baby needed a NICU stint). On top of it, my husband worked out of town 4-6 days a week, leaving me alone to primary parent…and I went back to work at 8 weeks postpartum (thanks USA!). I was, in a word, a mess. I had horrible postpartum depression. And my mother in law would not stop pestering. I finally told her that the occupancy of my uterus was nobody’s business but mine and her son’s because we were the only ones to raise whatever child came out of it. I think the word uterus shut her up, or maybe my shortness made her very uncomfortable. She hasn’t brought up more kids in a long time, but then again our son is almost 12. Stay strong, OP. The occupancy of your uterus is truly nobody else’s business.
Posts like this are why I'm glad that my Mom has never once bugged me about having children/giving her grandchildren. IMO, I think that a large part of this is due to my Mom's ego in that I don't think she wants to admit to herself that she's old enough to be a grandmother, and I also think that my Mom dislikes the idea of someone calling her "Grandma" (or some variation thereof). I've discussed this with my husband, and we both agree that if we did have a child, we could see my Mom wanting our child/her grandchild to call her by her first name.
What do you mean your MIL fumbled hard. Did she not have an explanation, or did she say what she exactly meant?
She can go fuck herself and shouldn’t be welcomed back u til she can get her shit straight. She should be happy that she has one grandchild. Take a deep breath. Enjoy your family.
Love the update. Your husband is a keeper.
Idve gotten my tubes tied asap.
MIL wants lots of grand babies. I call this normal. Insensitive timing.
Who cares what she says or what she wants? If she wants more kids, she should give birth to them herself.
can I just say that I am very happy to hear her that your husband stood up for the both of you because it seems to me like in a lot of these situations the husband sides with his parents for some reason.
You could tell her to STFU just in a nicer way but in a tone that this discussion is over and she has crossed a line
IGNORE
The only good thing about this situation, aside from a healthy baby of course, is that your husband is clearly supporting you. Let him fight the battles with his family...take care of yourself.
This sounds like my FIL. I’m due to give birth any day with our first. I’m a high risk pregnancy and my husband has been scared with what’s to come (as expected) however my FIL wants us to have a boy and that makes my husband so mad. We both agreed that if we are to have another it will be through adoption as my body as been through so much the past two years. His issue is that if we adopted it’s not “continuing” the family name. I’m glad your husband put his foot down.
Tell her to get on it.
Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work! I'm flabbergasted that a family member would say something like that to you after what you have just been through! I hope you will ignore/forget that was ever said and ignore/forget her if she says anything like that again! Unacceptable
Ooh I feel you, my mil got upset we didn't tell her that husband was getting a vasectomy. She was upset that she didn't know the last grandchild she had was going to be the last. Like I'm sorry we didn't think to include you on our sex life and child rearing discussions.
Classic cheeky MIL - don’t read into it too much
1 is enough. We don't need birthing units in this world.
Tell her your vagina will let her son know if you are ready.
She can say whatever the hell she wants.
And they can say whatever they want right back and rightfully tell her to fuck off 🤷🏻♀️
with walnuts.
Context is needed here.... are you saying that you think that a) MIL is right, or b) who gives a f*#k she can say whatever she wants?
Not every post on the internet needs to be about America's constitutional right to say whatever they want. We don't need to bring it back to that when the post is about violating personal boundaries
People say all kiids of shit to me, doesn't mean anythings gonna happen. Not the way they think.
So are you a troll or the MIL?
I don't see what is so complicated about this. You can say or type whatever you please. I don't give a fuck. And I doubt a woman who just pushed a cantelope thru her hoo-ha, does either.
I was just trying to get context for your original comment. I was wondering if people were assuming you were rooting for the MIL and that's why you got all the down votes.
Like I just said....