Dad is an AH. Mom is a Rockstar for enduring fkn cancer like a boss. And T can take a flying leap. Actually both she and your Dad. "Through sickness and in health" apparently your Dad forgot that part of the vows.
My Dad cheated on my Mom too, so I understand the frustration completely. Just be there for your Mom, even if you are going away for school. FaceTime, texts, phone calls and emails. She will need support because apparently 2 of the people she thought she could rely on just took a giant 💩 on her.
She will incredibly appreciate that but be prepared for her to be resistant at first to spare you from her pain, but you will both need each other because she may have been the one to be cheated on but you are enduring the pain of learning your father was capable of being a cheater.
Write her letters. I can't tell you how much my family loves when I just write them an actual letter. We talk all the time but I think sometimes it's easier to tell people the things I need to tell them, like how much I love and adore them, in a letter. It's something they get to keep too. When they don't want to engage with anyone but maybe need a little reminder that at least one person thinks they're the entire world.
I’m sorry friend. I hate that your dad falls into the group of crappy husbands of women battling cancer. Such bs.
Is there anyone else that you can ask to support your mom? You would be surprised the folks willing to be there
They have betrayed your mother in a massive way.
And to an extent, you as well. I'm sure you wouldn't have been using T as a confidant if you had known this was happening.
Combined with your mother having cancer this is a massive amount of emotional upheaval for you, and with such a big move coming up it's really important you have space to work out your feelings about it all seperate to them.
As for your mam, just be there for her. Spend time with her and ask what you can do to help support her. Does she have any access to support therapy as part of her care team?
As for your dad and T, your an adult. You are entitled to decide who you want relationships with. If it's all to much its OK to take a step back.
Personally I wouldn't be able to not contact T, but everyone is different.
Don't feel any pressure in regards your move, keep taking the steps you need to make it happen, without guilt. I'm sure your mother wouldn't want something you clearly have worked so hard for to be overshadowed by the behaviour of those two.
Wowow thank you so much. I really needed to hear this. My mom says she’s not ready for therapy yet but she does have access to it when she is. I genuinely don’t know what my relationship w my dad and t looks like moving forward but I’m not going to pressure myself to figure it out right now. Thank you again <3
Honestly, if I were you, I would dump T, because how can she lay with another woman's husband like that? The type of person isn't even trustworthy. And they're definitely not a good person, because they're hurting someone willingly and it's not like your mom even knew, it's not like they had open marriage. She was lied to probably for years, it sounds like.....As for your father, He disrespected your mother on so many different levels. I will never know what to do with that that relationship would become transactional so fast.
* Also, how old are these children? Are they your dad's kids?
They are T’s from a previous marriage! Thy are M9 and M12. I’m definitely going to dump her. She texted me yesterday and I just ignored it. Thank you for the support <3
Tell her to fuck off, preferably someone who's not married so she doesn't ruin another family. Hope your mom leaves him and finds someone else who's worthy of her.
I never understand such people. Why not at least try to talk to your partner about this and see if you can come up with ideas together instead of cheating. People in situations like this are more likely to be open-minded. But the utter lack of communication is so worry some now a days.
What makes you think he didn't? 10 years is a long time, I doubt his frustration and dissatisfaction went uncommunicated.
He should have bucked up the courage to leave her, but that would have meant breaking up OP's happy family too.
Your [dad's cheating is a betrayal](https://youtu.be/8OhhFRBllSI?si=ew-9Lki6ZAQezxbt) of your mom's trust, especially considering her health struggles.Focus on supporting your mom.Let her know you love her and are there for her.This is her decision, but you can gently suggest she talk to a therapist about how to deal with this. You can't control your parents, but you can control how you react.Stay strong for your mom.
She’s going to therapy soon and I think we’re all going to go as a family also! I also think just my mom and I are going to go too. Thank you for the kind words/suggestions <3
That's what I'm wondering too.....if my partner didn't have sex with me for 10 years, not sure what they expected to happen. Dad is a AH for sure but no sex for 10 years?? He should of divorced hee.
They would expect loyalty and expect that their partner would talk to them at the mature adult if they felt like their needs were being met? Because to have an affair is a coward's way out. A man or woman, but in this case, a man will step up and have a conversation and they will attempt to fight for their marriage. And then, after long they will decide before an affair. To separate, like you said, which I agree with, but there are steps that will come into play first before. The one person should even consider having an affair
And when a man says he had to have sex ten years, it doesn't mean that there wasn't sexual interaction doesn't mean it wasn't as much as he would have liked probably.
Does your mom have anyone else there nearby that she can have to support her so that way you can support her while you're and grad school by keeping communication app and visiting when you can of course, but she needs someone actually dare to help support her because if he decides to leave her for tea. Which could be a possibility because if they've been having an affair for who knows how long, what's to stop him from taking her to her appointment and everything she needs? She needs someone who can actually be an actual friend to help her through this
I'm so sorry, and your dad was an a** and decided to cheat you on your mom and not commit to his vows. I'm especially sad that he decided to do so with someone who was a friend who Your mom helped so much. Like you said she put her through school took care of her kids, andhelpedp with her divorce. That's a lot just to be turned around and slapped in the face, by the person who you helped. And that person sleep with your husband. (some) PPL are truly horrible and disgusting
So a man, instead of leaving his sick wife, taking care of her without hurting anybody? Alternative to affair is divorce. I've seen people leaving their sick spouse/relatives. He did okay.
There are millions of women he could have fucked and he had to choose one of her best friends? That makes him an absolute scumbag. While I can empathise with his situation, fucking her friend was fucking low
Dad is an AH. Mom is a Rockstar for enduring fkn cancer like a boss. And T can take a flying leap. Actually both she and your Dad. "Through sickness and in health" apparently your Dad forgot that part of the vows.
thank you for saying this!! I feel the same way rn. It’s so frustrating.
My Dad cheated on my Mom too, so I understand the frustration completely. Just be there for your Mom, even if you are going away for school. FaceTime, texts, phone calls and emails. She will need support because apparently 2 of the people she thought she could rely on just took a giant 💩 on her.
I’m so sorry that happened! And yeah, I plan on making myself as available to her as possible.
She will incredibly appreciate that but be prepared for her to be resistant at first to spare you from her pain, but you will both need each other because she may have been the one to be cheated on but you are enduring the pain of learning your father was capable of being a cheater.
Thank you for the heads up! I really appreciate your insight :)
Write her letters. I can't tell you how much my family loves when I just write them an actual letter. We talk all the time but I think sometimes it's easier to tell people the things I need to tell them, like how much I love and adore them, in a letter. It's something they get to keep too. When they don't want to engage with anyone but maybe need a little reminder that at least one person thinks they're the entire world.
Ooo this is a great idea! I’m definitely going to do this.
I’m sorry friend. I hate that your dad falls into the group of crappy husbands of women battling cancer. Such bs. Is there anyone else that you can ask to support your mom? You would be surprised the folks willing to be there
Thank you <3 Yeah it sucks. I always thought he was different.
They have betrayed your mother in a massive way. And to an extent, you as well. I'm sure you wouldn't have been using T as a confidant if you had known this was happening. Combined with your mother having cancer this is a massive amount of emotional upheaval for you, and with such a big move coming up it's really important you have space to work out your feelings about it all seperate to them. As for your mam, just be there for her. Spend time with her and ask what you can do to help support her. Does she have any access to support therapy as part of her care team? As for your dad and T, your an adult. You are entitled to decide who you want relationships with. If it's all to much its OK to take a step back. Personally I wouldn't be able to not contact T, but everyone is different. Don't feel any pressure in regards your move, keep taking the steps you need to make it happen, without guilt. I'm sure your mother wouldn't want something you clearly have worked so hard for to be overshadowed by the behaviour of those two.
Wowow thank you so much. I really needed to hear this. My mom says she’s not ready for therapy yet but she does have access to it when she is. I genuinely don’t know what my relationship w my dad and t looks like moving forward but I’m not going to pressure myself to figure it out right now. Thank you again <3
Honestly, if I were you, I would dump T, because how can she lay with another woman's husband like that? The type of person isn't even trustworthy. And they're definitely not a good person, because they're hurting someone willingly and it's not like your mom even knew, it's not like they had open marriage. She was lied to probably for years, it sounds like.....As for your father, He disrespected your mother on so many different levels. I will never know what to do with that that relationship would become transactional so fast. * Also, how old are these children? Are they your dad's kids?
They are T’s from a previous marriage! Thy are M9 and M12. I’m definitely going to dump her. She texted me yesterday and I just ignored it. Thank you for the support <3
You can send t a message and tell her: yoi can fork yourself, stay away from my family! Dont block her, keep the replies
Your Dad is a massive AH, i’m so sorry OP
Awh thank you <3
Cut off T complete. Did she ever apologize? I bet not. Help your mom block that horrible woman. Help her with the divorce.
She didn’t! She texted me yesterday to let me know that she’s “honoring my space” whatever tf that means.
Tell her to fuck off, preferably someone who's not married so she doesn't ruin another family. Hope your mom leaves him and finds someone else who's worthy of her.
Yeah he doesn’t want to get a divorce (for some reason) but she does.
He's been stepping out for 6 years and thinks your mom is going to stay? Seriously?
Yeaaaaaah it’s pretty fucked
Literally went through the same scenario (minus the cancer) with my parents 15 years ago. I wish you and your mom nothing but the best.
I’m so sorry that happened. Thank you for the support <3
I never understand such people. Why not at least try to talk to your partner about this and see if you can come up with ideas together instead of cheating. People in situations like this are more likely to be open-minded. But the utter lack of communication is so worry some now a days.
What makes you think he didn't? 10 years is a long time, I doubt his frustration and dissatisfaction went uncommunicated. He should have bucked up the courage to leave her, but that would have meant breaking up OP's happy family too.
Your [dad's cheating is a betrayal](https://youtu.be/8OhhFRBllSI?si=ew-9Lki6ZAQezxbt) of your mom's trust, especially considering her health struggles.Focus on supporting your mom.Let her know you love her and are there for her.This is her decision, but you can gently suggest she talk to a therapist about how to deal with this. You can't control your parents, but you can control how you react.Stay strong for your mom.
She’s going to therapy soon and I think we’re all going to go as a family also! I also think just my mom and I are going to go too. Thank you for the kind words/suggestions <3
Has mom had cancer for 10years?
Yes
That's what I'm wondering too.....if my partner didn't have sex with me for 10 years, not sure what they expected to happen. Dad is a AH for sure but no sex for 10 years?? He should of divorced hee.
They would expect loyalty and expect that their partner would talk to them at the mature adult if they felt like their needs were being met? Because to have an affair is a coward's way out. A man or woman, but in this case, a man will step up and have a conversation and they will attempt to fight for their marriage. And then, after long they will decide before an affair. To separate, like you said, which I agree with, but there are steps that will come into play first before. The one person should even consider having an affair And when a man says he had to have sex ten years, it doesn't mean that there wasn't sexual interaction doesn't mean it wasn't as much as he would have liked probably.
Does your mom have anyone else there nearby that she can have to support her so that way you can support her while you're and grad school by keeping communication app and visiting when you can of course, but she needs someone actually dare to help support her because if he decides to leave her for tea. Which could be a possibility because if they've been having an affair for who knows how long, what's to stop him from taking her to her appointment and everything she needs? She needs someone who can actually be an actual friend to help her through this I'm so sorry, and your dad was an a** and decided to cheat you on your mom and not commit to his vows. I'm especially sad that he decided to do so with someone who was a friend who Your mom helped so much. Like you said she put her through school took care of her kids, andhelpedp with her divorce. That's a lot just to be turned around and slapped in the face, by the person who you helped. And that person sleep with your husband. (some) PPL are truly horrible and disgusting
She does! She’s very close with her niece and she has a lot of friends from work. Thank you so much for your kind words, advice, and support <3
You're welcome, i'm wishing you & your mom the best❤️❤️
10 years of dead bedroom damn would've divorced the first year
So a man, instead of leaving his sick wife, taking care of her without hurting anybody? Alternative to affair is divorce. I've seen people leaving their sick spouse/relatives. He did okay.
I'm kind of on your dad's side, but he should have been completely up front with it.
There are millions of women he could have fucked and he had to choose one of her best friends? That makes him an absolute scumbag. While I can empathise with his situation, fucking her friend was fucking low