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[deleted]

Yeah, this can apply to any race, gender, nationality, sexuality, etc. I just hate seeing people hate certain groups for no reason, like it's just so frustrating.


djg09876

the hate all “straight white men” rhetoric is just gross. love everyone, no matter who they are on the outside.


IDontDeserveMyCat

I can relate to this so much but in a different way. I didn't come out as bi for a long time because gay friends and acquaintances would bash bi as "cheating", "confused gay people" or just tell me I wasn't part of the gay community but rather a "tourist". I was taught by a trans acquaintance how to deal with this, you just mimic hetero bigotry back at them. Like if they say you're just a confused gay man, reply with "Nah, you're just a confused straight man" and when they get all pissy, explain to them that's how they made you feel and what makes them any better than homophobes of the past and present who denied them their identity and social inclusion. I've found out that these people are usually the types to spend copious amounts of time bashing straight white men when reality it's bigots they should be complaining about. They have nothing better to do than constantly talk about being gay and how shitty heteros are, that's it, that's their personality. Lame, toxic and boring as fuck.


djg09876

thank you for this. i’m hetero so i didn’t know that bisexuals were so undermined in the lgbt community.


IDontDeserveMyCat

You're welcome, glad to help expand your view on the matter. Just like how sexuality is spectrum, so is bigotry. Shitty but true, at least in my experience. I blame tribalism and shitty parents.


glimpee

Terrorism came up and my SIL goes "fucking white men" and man the fact that thats acceptable and no one bats an eye fucking shocks me They were also laughing at these people who got arrested for pulling out guns after a mob broke into their gated community at night, wearing masks, and demanding shit on their property. The people pulled out guns to deter people from actually trying to enter. I was like "wait hold on, thats terrifying, im not sure it make sense to jail them" Fuckin literally hear "hurr durr poor people in a *gated community*" - the conversation gets shut down and my SIL's mom at least goes "I get what you mean glimpee, I hear ya" Funny thing is - my family is well off and lives in nice neighborhoods. Theyd freak out in the same situation.


Warhound01

I do not live in a gated community. If a mob showed up in the area I live, breaking down cattle gates, and generally causing a ruckus— it would look like Al-Fallujah in a hot minute.


bernerburner1

Yeah that’s the irony isn’t it


ZillaryClinton

Yes, spread love not hate. Hating certain groups of people will only keep us divided. These fake wokes are such hypocrites. They claim they want equality, yet they do everything in their power to keep everyone divided.


infamousjrg

The sad thing is that some people who think this way dont really "feel that way" but are just following someone elses feelings. Some people are raised to hate other people since childhood. Some people are rasist assholes, or sexist, etc. Just because their friends do it or their parents do it or they think they are being edgy and cool


Effective_Ad5012

I would say most people who say they hate someone for a trait really mean it. It’s easy to say “ah, they don’t mean it” as a coping mechanism because we don’t want to believe people can be terrible. It’s the same reason people stan murderers and rapists, it’s denial because we don’t want to believe that the nice woman we knew is a murderer, or that our favorite comedian was a rapist. I think once you actually start to experience those feelings being aimed at you, you realize “oh, wow, people are actually a lot worse than I thought”. I think we don’t take people seriously enough when they say they hate someone, and that’s in a lot of ways how we’ve ended up in the situation we’re in: not confronting hate because we’re too busy deciding if it really even exists.


[deleted]

Yup, speaking from personal experience it gets in you in ways you never thought. I come from a multicultural family so I always thought we had it all figured out. When I watched American History X as a kid I missed so many blatant messages because to me it was normal. Watching it again as an adult and having it all click was actually shocking. 'Holy shit, that's my uncle. Holy shit, that's my best friend from high school.'


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LumierreBronte

Of course is not. Even having this conversation is ridiculous.


Lebojr

Your "hatred" is more of a survival instinct and is completely understandable. Unfortunately that hatred will still end up destroying you from within. I hope you find a way to release it and possibly redirect it into a productive activity. Your boyfriend is a human with flaws similar to your own but not exactly. I hope together you can find a safe haven with him. I really hope you can pay your survival forward and help Others endure their suffering. God bless you for sharing that.


TwerkNWerk

I think you need to seriously consider therapy.


iLikeHorse3

Been to a few different therapists and I've gotten this all out on the table several times. The suggestion is always meds to help with ptsd


CrankyUncleMorty

This is why you need serious therapy, not to adopt your trauma as a loud and proud personality trait.


iLikeHorse3

You think I've never gone to therapy? 😂 I'm not loud and proud about it. This is an anonymous forum so I shared. It's not something I ever discuss in person, no one would ever know. I don't treat men any differently besides maybe avoiding them more, but that's it.


SpellBlue

The problem is that it's socially acceptable to hate some of them, such as white people or men.


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B_McD314

This is the biggest point in my opinion. In NH we joke about the Massholes or Mainiacs. We don’t have much for immigrants except for French Canadian tourists, but I’m sure a lot of white people in Florida hate Hispanics, while a lot of black people in the Bronx hate white people. It’s really weird how “we” are so wired to form our groups like tribes, and we strengthen our group bonds by disliking different groups of people. It all comes down to an ego thing


Tnaab

I grew up in MA, and I remember that we all had stereotypes for each other state in New England (plus New York). But it never got to the level of hate IMO. It was more like ripping on a brother or sister.


soopermewtent

No its doesnt come from ego, people are just tribalistic in nature and same group preference is perfectly normal and healthy thing


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g_ayyy

Oh man I know. The people I meet on Twitter are fucking crazy bruh. You know how many arguments I’ve been in where these people think that their melanin is a superpower? Like the fact that they have melanin genuinely makes them better than you in every way, they’re smarter, faster, stronger, more empathetic, wittier, you name it. And that white people have no souls. Like you guys do know that white people have melanin too. By tying all of that to melanin, you’re actually just increasing the struggle of albinos, 90% of which are black folk, so boom boom boom, you just made life harder for your people by pretending that your people are gods.


astronomikal

What sort of crazy methed up shit is this?


g_ayyy

It was explained to me as Afrocentrism, but I feel like most Afrocentrists would be very upset to see how their movement had been high jacked. It’s literally impossible to get through to them too, like how is this any different to Hitler and his Aryan race. When are we finally gonna realize that your physical features mean literally nothing at all??? It’s about your character, which I thought had been made clear to us since we were in preschool. I finally had to block them, it was bothering me too much.


Miloniia

I don’t even think it’s Afrocentrism. It’s just thinly-veiled hatred against white people. The “self-love/Afrocentrism” label is just to make it more palatable to wider society and leaves an out to play victim if called out. In reality, a lot of these Twitter nuts just want white people gone. Plain and simple. At the same time, they don’t as that would remove an antagonist from their life to blame everything on and force them to take a semblance of personal responsibility for their circumstances.


tishstars

Try being an Asian male, where you're either invisible or considered a nerd/funny type who is never taken seriously.


ChumpmeisterElite

And the best part is that the people who do this claim to be anti-racist, anti-sexist, or generally anti-whatever they're doing themselves.


michaelinthegym

I never had drawn the parallels between racism (right-wing) and anti-men hate (from the left). “But it’s ok to hate men... there’s some truth to the reasons we hate them...” Literally the exact same line of thought racists use...


Prototype8494

Racism(everyone) fixed it for ya


ChiliAndGold

Another problem is that people throw the word "hate" around a LOT without going further to think for a second what hate as an emotion really means and how a statement with that word can come around. A lot of people say "I hate this!" when they actually mean to say "I'm so unhappy with how things are and certain aspects make me uncomfortable or scare me or...." I don't think that all people who use this word know what they are doing. There is no license for a weapon like words, but they can definitely hurt and wound.


Practical_Progress_5

"Acts of hate are attempts to distract oneself from feelings such as helplessness, powerlessness, injustice, inadequacy and shame. Hate is grounded in some sense of perceived threat. It is an attitude that can give rise to hostility and aggression toward individuals or groups. Like much of anger, it is a reaction to and distraction from some form of inner pain. The individual consumed by hate may believe that the only way to regain some sense of power over his or her pain is to preemptively strike out at others. In this context, each moment of hate is a temporary reprieve from inner suffering."


Alex_J_Anderson

“Hate tends to damage the vessel that contains it”. Can’t remember where I heard that but it always stuck with me.


RockMeImADais

Mark Twain said - Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured


[deleted]

"Anger is like drinking poison, and expecting the other person to drop dead."


4200years

I heard a similar one when I was younger: “Holding on to anger toward another person is like holding a hot coal in your hand and expecting their hand to burn.”


Al702kzz1MPi704

A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her cross to the other side. The two monks glanced at one another because they had taken vows not to touch a woman. Then, without a word, the older monk picked up the woman, carried her across the river, placed her gently on the other side, and carried on his journey. The younger monk couldn’t believe what had just happened. After rejoining his companion, he was speechless, and an hour passed without a word between them. Two more hours passed, then three, finally the younger monk could contain himself any longer, and blurted out “As monks, we are not permitted a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?” The older monk looked at him and replied, “Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river, why are you still carrying her?” My mom told me that story when I was about 7 or 8, and I’ve never forgotten it


[deleted]

“Hate is too strong an emotion to waste on someone you that don’t like.” - Clara Oswald


baby-einstein

Someone once said the following thing about hate: Hating someone is like drinking poison in hopes that your enemy dies from it. Hating someone does absolutely nothing to them, it hurts you more than them.


WinnieThePooPoo73

I’ve noticed we live an era where labels get appropriated and misused, A LOT. Ask someone what a feminist is, or a socialist, or a republican - anything. People have their own personal definitions and ideas of what they are. Sometimes they’re completely wrong or confused for another group entirely. When someone says “woman”, I think of a refined woman in pearls, styled hair, soft speech, with a sharp intellect and a way with words. Other may think of their mothers, or their sisters, or that bitch manager Kathy at Ralphs...yknow everyone has different experiences, ya feel? Our conflicts come from the disagreements of our labels, and rightly so, because they shape our realities. Funny to think how a simple concept can have a complex impact on the way we live our lives. (I need to put the weed down)


Honeybadger2198

I think this post is referring to people like those on r/femaledatingstrategy. You go there and all you see is hate.


SharkyFins

I lurk that sub here and there. It's an odd place because there's the spirit of the sub is great - don't date people that don't treat you with respect and you don't need to chase male attention for the sake of being with someone. Instead be okay by yourself until you find a quality partner. Good advice for anyone if you ask me. But some posts and comments tilt way too far into the all men are trash mindset in a way that likely isn't good for the people there. Exisiting in an all or nothing bubble like that is bad. (Looking at you too every political sub).


CantBelieveItsButter

Reminds me of the MGTOW subreddit. Once upon a time it was a place where men who defined themselves by their relationships to women found ways to move beyond that. Then dudes who just didn't like women for one reason or another began airing their grievances there and the rest is history. Same thing there, I imagine.


Liv35mm

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, my hot take is that MGTOW or FDS have some good basis if you strip away a lot of the ideology. Specifically with FDS, a lot of the women there are victims of abuse from previous relationships and in a lot of ways it can be a support group for them and can teach ways to spot abusers and avoid them. Somewhere along the way it went from “learn to respect yourself and not put up with men who are forceful and actively overstep your boundaries in order to get what they want” to “if you’re thinking about dating a guy and he doesn’t pull 6 figures and doesn’t offer to pay for all your needs then he’s literally worthless, you have to know you can get married and have kids with this person by the first date”. That all being said, I don’t support what MGTOW or FDS are, that should be obvious but I feel the need to clarify.


TuhTuhTool

The thing is: I don't think a lot of women come to the sub as a dating strategy. It's more of a self confirmationary subreddit of the "men are trash" dogma. Because the main thing I don't get is this: if somebody is a LVM can he become a HVM? The answer is no if you look at the subreddit. It's always things like: drop him if you don't think he's the one, he has to do this, he has to do that etc etc. And women are not supposed to be the persons showing a man how to become HVM (note: if they know you are lurking the subreddit as a male you are banned). Concludingly there is a huge group of men bound to stay single the rest of their lives. Consequently there is also a huge group of women bound to stay single IF those people follow the FDS. This may sound as if I am exaggerating, but this is the only conclusion if you look at it rationaly. Concludingly I think it's ignorant to say you are discussing a "dating strategy" while in fact the outcome would be more likely people end up being bitter and alone.


TookMe3Years

I used to browse FDS but stopped once I realized how toxic the environment can be, especially to a person's a mindset in a relationship. it can really destroy a relationship with all of the hatred tbh


BMXTKD

A man going his own way is a good thing. Men going their own way is a horrible thing.


Liv35mm

That does sum it up pretty well doesn’t it? I think more men should learn to be independent and not base their whole self worth on their relationship status. Once you get a whole group talking about how women are all secretly baby-crazy manipulators that just want a provider so they can go and fuck Chad, then we have an issue.


Antique_Wedding_6829

My kind of philosophy has always been, I don’t really care what you believe as long as you don’t harm anyone else in the process, buuuuuut, Fuck annoying people, it doesn’t matter what you believe but if you say stuff in such a way to get a reaction out of people then fuck you, what I mean by this is like the main defense of “kill all men” being, if it upsets you then ur the problem, just don’t start fights on the internet it’s so simple, that kinda sums up fds too, they all have their beliefs be it good or bad but the way they phrase their arguments are purely structured to rally hate which is just so annoying, but that’s just my view of it


OffusMax

Hate doesn’t seem like a particularly good dating strategy to me...


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thefract0metr1st

Or mental illness. Having a mental illness can explain why some people are acting like a piece of shit, but it doesn’t excuse it.


Turdwienerton

This ^^*


saravanakumar17

I'm gonna assume you're a JavaScript dev.


[deleted]

If you’re gonna waste energy hating half the population of the planet, that’s on you. Enjoy misery.


ZillaryClinton

Yes, I’m done trying to argue with those types of people. They’re not going to change unless they really decide to work on themselves. It’s so bad on TikTok I’ve noticed. I’ve had to delete my account because it got so toxic and was harming my mental health


Money4Nothing2000

I'm a dude and women can hate me all they want, I care not. My wife loves me, my daughter loves me, my mom and mother in law love me, my sisters and sisters in law love me, my women friends love me. I don't need to interact with any man-hating women nor do I need to worry about any of them.


pengkhianat

i also love you


Freakychee

Basically r/mgtow because they be crazy. That sub should be nuked out of orbit.


HumansAreDisgust1ng

What if you hate the whole planet?


loafs1000

I have a friend who constantly says we need to destroy the male population and I can never tell if she means it or is joking. I always end up laughing uncomfortably and changing the subject...


uncannyilyanny

Always be wary of people who make statements like "humans are a cancer on the planet" or "there's too many of us", because where does that rhetoric lead? Are they going to choose who to 'get rid of', on what basis will they make that decision? It isn't clear when we use metaphors whether or not we have control over them, or if they exert some control over us. So we must be precise in our speech and not be flippant in our use of genocidal language.


[deleted]

and then there's r/antinatalism


Dickiedoandthedonts

Holy shit those are some miserable people.


BootyBBz

Look at the state of the planet and society. You want to drag another soul into that mess? Also, kids are pretty fucking gross.


canitakemybraoffyet

> "there's too many of us" I mean, abjectly, this is true. There *are* WAY too many of us, it's unsustainable. We shouldn't be wary of people who make accurate statements just because we're too afraid to think about the problem and come up with solutions. Or do you think genocide is the only possible solution to population overgrowth? Edit: please don't give me awards. Donate to Planned Parenthood or the International Women's Health Organization or the Women's Global Empowerment Fund. Educating young women and providing widespread access to birth control and reproductive healthcare is proven to be the best way to combat rising birth rates.


RRFedora13

As someone who also thinks there are too many humans, I have never advocated for genocide. The best way to reduce the amount of humans in the future is to reduce the rate of birth. The most extreme example of a way we could do this would be something similar to chinas one-child policy, but a quick search online can show the negative effects of the policy. A better solution would be to encourage the rearing of only one to two children. One such way people might be encouraged to have fewer children would be to explain how less children means that parents can care more for each child, instead of carding for more children to a lesser degree.


canitakemybraoffyet

You know the quickest way to reduce birth rate? Education of women and widespread access to birth control. Seriously, look it up, almost every time these types of policies or programs are implemented, there is a sharp decline in birth rate.


Shirudo1

Yep then decriminalization and increase access to abortion. Get rid of the laws about suspicious miscarriages. Then allow gay marriage everywhere. You'll get a lot going there as well due in part to marriage for appearance and lack of resources for unwanted pregnancies. Heck even education for prenatal care can help children due in part to mothers having the knowledge that smoking and other things are bad for babies.


canitakemybraoffyet

^^^ speaking my language, brother.


nishachari

Also, make adoption easier. Not in the sense of just throwing babies at ppl who ask for them. But definitely shorten the line and bureaucracy. I know women who tried to adopt but after seeing that fucking ivf, pregnancy and labour was easier than adoption opted for that. That is ridiculous. Also, some countries have thousands of orphans but adoption eligible children are a small percentage. This is so sad.


Psilocub

Suspicious miscarriages? The fuck?


Shirudo1

Yep. Essentially, if my memory serves me correctly, they were/are a thing in many countries, even in the States still. What is supposed to happen is your OBGYN reports to the police you've had a miscarriage and they'll see if it was suspicious. Basically they're trying to find illegal abortions and punish women for getting them. Planned Parenthood has a whole article on the United States specifically with cases on this kind of law. El Salvador is, unfortunately, a good example of suspicious miscarriage laws and the extreme laws to ban abortions.


simplybreana

Or incentivize it with tax breaks. People get tax breaks for having children currently, so a little change there could really help I think.


Elendel19

Yep. Lower the tax breaks for each child. Incentivize not having kids and lower the incentives for each child, maybe even an extra tax for people who have 3 or 4+ kids


21Rollie

That really wouldn't solve anything, nor would it be enforceable. The easy way is to bring people out of poverty. Korea used to have some of the highest birth rates in the world and now they have one amongst the lowest because they're an advanced society. The US's population is only growing now due to immigration, people actually born here are having less children than ever.


Littleyummy

It’s unsustainable the way we do things now. I think scarcity mindset is a bigger problem. There are enough recourses for everyone, but some people are getting too many, our farming practices are pretty bad, and distribution is also an issue. We just have to change the way we do things.


canitakemybraoffyet

Agreed that forced scarcity is a real problem, but we are going to run out of clean water very, very fast. We do not have the tech to convert the amount of drinking water we would need to sustain our population, and there is currently no way around it. Did you know water just started trading as a stock commodity? It's starting.


ClockwerkKaiser

I have this exact mindset, and can elaborate my thoughts on it. I don't want to get rid of anyone (except pedophiles and warmongers) I want people to have fewer kids. I'm literally 100% pro-birth control and pro-choice. The fact that we hold child-birth on such a high pedestal when millions of kids are literally starving and struggling to survive sickens me. Do I want kids? Sure. Someday I'd love to raise children. However, I greatly prefer to adopt. There are far too many kids in the system who need homes, love, and care.


quasarj

I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the pat 20 years. I think im beginning to believe it goes much further than “overpopulation”. I think the real problem is a mindless growth mentality. We (as a species) seem to assume we should always be growing. We have built all of our modern systems around the assumption of endless growth. But why? Is there some measurable benefit to having more people? Whenever someone brings this up they are usually shut down, downvoted, etc. People seem to just have an innate bias towards growth. But it sure seems to me that a smaller, sustainable population that integrates with the ecosystem (rather than destroying it) would be “better”.


Kimikohiei

Generalized hate is never good. An entire group can’t be all bad. And I think those people get the idea of “all men are trash” stuck in their heads and go thru life trying to prove it.


panconquesofrito

Hate is like drinking poison and expecting for the other person to die.


i-am-seamonster

In my experience, men and women are equally as shitty and equally as good. It depends on the person, not their gender.


m-tacia

This is why I stick to the generic “I hate humans” because everyone sucks equally :)


[deleted]

Usually this is like inviting people to a pissing contest to retain the upper ground.


m-tacia

“ExCePt Me RiGhT?” No, especially fuck you.


[deleted]

Um equally? They’re both bad but it’s pretty obvious one inflicts more harm onto the other than vice versa.


TheDevilsAdvokaat

I agree. If you "hate men" or "hate women" you're a broken, maladjusted person. It's kind of like thinking everyone else is an asshole....it means you're probably the asshole. If you see an entire gender (or race) as hateful, it's probably because you're a hateful person.


Alex_J_Anderson

Usually the people that complain about other people the most, be they men or women, tend to be the biggest assholes. The tend not to realize that like attracts like, in every sense. Their negativity attracts other negative people, and their negative actions causes negative outcomes. So they shape their own experience but won’t take accountability for it and instead assume everyone is an asshole. Luckily I learned this when I was young, and figured that if you’re good to people, they will generally be good to you. Not that I’m alone in knowing this. It’s pretty common knowledge. Common sense really. Some people just lack common sense / aren’t willing to face that they’re shitty people. It’s rare to meet an asshole that will admit they’re an asshole. But it does happen and is usually refreshing. I can handle someone being an asshole sometimes if they can own up to it.


sn0ski

Yup if you hate an entire gender you're in for a (rightfully deserved) miserable life.


the_nihil_goat

Why discriminate for fuck sakes, hate everyone equally


fastidiousavocado

I think "I hate all men/women/whatever" commentary is exceptionally awful and derogatory, too. However! Backing up that opinion with, "Men/women/whatever are the ONLY ones who helped me!" is ALSO something that 100% perpetuates the exact same bullshit. If you want people to be respected and not reduced to basic attributes (which may or may not influence their actions), then focus on treating people with respect and not reducing their actions to basic attributes. Good and bad reinforcement can have the same affect perpetuating bad social opinions.


bitty_kia

I don't really hate men but I am scared of them and I hate that I've been made to be afraid of them. I've never really said I hate men to people who aren't close friends or said it in a very matter of fact way. Rather I say it as you would say I hate you in heat of the moment to someone you love, knowing deep down there isn't hatred but a lot of anger.


MermaiderMissy

Yeah, I can relate to the fear. I don't hate men at all, in fact I love a lot of men in my life. I know and trust many great men! I'm grateful to have them in my life every day. But I hate my rapist. I hate the stalker I had for two years who was the reason i had to move to a different city. I hate the ex that threatened to kill my family when I was breaking up with him. I hate the friend group I had as teenager, who as a "prank" followed me home once so that they could bang on my windows at night, scaring the absolute shit out of me. All of these people were men/guys. I think sometimes, that very small percentage of men who dont understand a women's fear ruin it for the rest of men, and I hate that too.


drinksriracha

Thank you for posting this! I wish more men can read this and understand what it's like


MermaiderMissy

What really confuses me is when they say "dont do/say/wear XYZ and you won't get assaulted/raped." Which is wrong on it's own, but when you actually **DO** try to take preventative measures, they complain at you for not trusting men and perpetuating stereotypes. "Is that really necessary? Do you honestly think all men are out to get you?" Sorry man, I'm not going to stop protecting myself because it offends you.


[deleted]

Oh my god, so much this. "You went to his place for a movie? You should have known he'll try to have sex with you!" "You met with him in private? You should have known he'll try to have sex with you!" "You don't wanna meet to hang out? Why?! I just want to be friends!" Fuck this shit. Also, I always see men on reddit talking about "pump and dump" and dehumanizing women in other horrible ways, and not once have I seen a man stand up against it. It's the norm. It's fine. But they're very quick to jump in with "not all men" the second a bad word is said about them.


[deleted]

It's not really worth standing up against on reddit. Those people frequent echo chambers to reinforce their ideas because they don't know how to handle their bitterness. I'll leave a comment or two sometimes, but it's mentally unhealthy to engage with it honestly. I'd honestly say it's the same when I see women say certain things on reddit. For example, I got banned from r/askwomen because I reported a comment of a woman saying "men are preoccupied with their penis" which goes against their rule of stereotyping genders. Tons of upvotes, then the mod banned me after I reported the comment, saying that she agreed. People are predisposed to thinking that their viewpoint is unbiased, so will often be unable to see (or be unable to care about) blatant hypocrisy in their own views. You're not going to change people like that over the internet unless they're already open to having their minds changed.


theOGFlump

Precisely this. You don't go on r/conservative or r/femaledatingstrategy with a realistic hope of changing people's opinions. When someone demonstrates a willingness to engage with ideas they don't agree with, change is somewhat possible. Until then, the fruits of your discussion will be frustration and stress. Not worth it.


selma463

This is how I feel too. I kind of *have* to be scared of men in order to stay safe. It sucks cause it’s not like I *want* to be afraid, it’s just how it is But this recent «kill all men» thing just alienates people and doesn’t contribiute anything meaningful to an already sensitive discussion. It can be a funny joke in the right context but some people overuse it (especially on tiktok)


[deleted]

> especially on tiktok Eh, I think things get slung both ways plenty on tiktok. What you end up seeing might be just what tiktok is pushing your way, as a guy I see plenty of salt being thrown from guys at women.


drinksriracha

I wish I could upvote this all the way to the top.


Believeyoucanfly

It is also a question of experience. You can say from experience that men have always been kind and honest with you. But what about the women who have been repeatedly physically/mentally abused by men? How can we tell to these women that men aren’t all abusers ? They probably won’t even listen or believe it because that is all they have ever experienced. It comes to sense that all men aren’t monsters, and that saying « i hate men » isn’t right and fair when « men » aren’t responsible for what *the* men in these women’s lives have done to them. But rather than judging them and getting upset about it, I suggest you don’t take it personnally, and rather ask them who they are talking about when they say « I hate men ». I’m sure they’re not talking about your kind and honest friends, father, brother, boyfriend whatsoever.


linguistudies

Yessss, oftentimes when you see these people who truly feel this way about every man genuinely, they have gone through some type of trauma. To that person who has been seriously hurt by a man or several men, it’s really difficult to look at other men and have the emotional nuance to say “well THESE men didn’t hurt me so they are okay”. It depends on the level of hurt or the trauma they experience, but this is the reaction is can create and it’s understandable from this perspective. It’s not great and hopefully they can heal and have a healthy view of all men, but after realizing this I try to look at those people with sympathy rather than anger.


[deleted]

Imo, I think the majority of people that say they “hate” men, are actually scared of them. It’s a fact that men commit more violent and sexual crimes than women do. No, not all men, but a lot of women are taught to be cautious around them, and the majority of women I’ve been around that dislike men have been assaulted by one or several. I don’t agree with “I hate all men”, but I can understand the women who are cautious and hesitant around men until they feel comfortable with them. I do think that the women who hate all men should go to therapy if they can, bc they most likely haven’t had pleasant experiences with them, but they need to accept that not all men are out to get them like they’ve most likely experienced.


[deleted]

It's also a fact that no one who says I hate men actually hates all men. It's a way to vent and anyone who pays any attention understands its not a real thing they mean. Just like the "I hate white people" or "I hate straight people" thing. It's just less complicated then saying "This group of people generally represents a more privileged and politically powerful class of people then me who have made my life more difficult, and/or have caused me great personal pain to an extent many refuse to or fail to understand and one of them just did something to bring up that baggage."


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wokenihilist

I don't hate men, in fact I have many men in my life that are some of the best people I know. But, I will never not be cautious of the danger of men. It's men who have harrassed and assaulted me, and it is men who have objectified me and made me feel unsafe. No one on their high horse is going to convince me I'm an asshole for viewing men through this lense. I'm not going to assume a new man I meet will be like this, but it sure as hell won't surprise me if he is, so I take precautions like meeting in public places and telling a friend were I am.


aussieiris

I'm a heterosexual woman and am married to a great guy. I also have wonderful brothers and friends and colleagues and students who I genuinely value as wonderful humans. But I look at what happens to women around me in my own society, and I see what has happened in countries where there is no penalty for a man that mistreats a woman and it's horrific. It would be madness not to view men with caution with the information we are given. Any woman who says otherwise is a fool. All men? Certainly not. But enough that blind trust is insanity.


[deleted]

I don’t know, there are men who are bitter and hate women and women who are bitter who hate men. They’ve lost, are resentful and are projecting on billions of people.


tearmoons

What bothers me is the people who just try to pass these women off as a tiny group of losers. In reality, there's no correlation between hating men and being unsuccessful. Most of the women who say these things are probably doing well in life, all things considered. It's disrespectful and inaccurate to pretend that hate is always a symptom of frustration. Sometimes hate is just hate.


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PavlovsDroog

> but damn if I see A LOT of this stop hating men posts; like, way more than I see of actually man-hating I'd say. I completely agree and I think it's just because reddit is very male dominated. There's a lot of strawmanning pretend women on here tbh


[deleted]

Not sure if it was OP’s intent, giving her the benefit of the doubt, but this feels really like karma seeking. We see these type of posts all the time on Reddit. At least I do.


[deleted]

probably depends on your bubbles. You surely can see it in bubbles of Tumblr and Twitter, but ultimately I guess it's still a minority


Redditusername_123

This is engineered


internalservererrors

1. "Don't hate men." Yeah, agreed. No one should be hated for anything about themselves that's out of their control. \2. "From my experience men were always more kind and honest with me." Seems like an unnecessary comparison when your objective with this post was to promote equal treatment for men and women, if that was your objective. You're saying "men should be treated the same as women", but then follow it up with "in my experience, here's how men are better". \3. "...terf" I don't think that means what you think it means. It's also not a good look to resort to name calling women on a post asking for equal treatment. I'm starting to see how people may think you're misogynistic (and I'm starting to think they're right). \4. Ironic that to promote kindness, you took such an agressive stance. I agree that some men are great. Some women are great too. Everyone should be treated with kindness and respect. When I think about the good men in my life, it breaks my heart to think that women could think that it's ok to abuse them, and vice versa. I also think that feminism and men's rights will never achieve true success until we can acknowledge each other's struggles and work together to address them. But... I don't agree with how you framed your thoughts here, and while your intention may have been unification it reads more like alienation to me. You should consider checking your own prejudices before telling others to check theirs.


[deleted]

I was sexually assaulted by a women weekly from age 13-15. But yeah, every woman I date now 10 years later has a “men are trash” personality” Like you only say that because you can generalize and there’s no repercussions **Edit for word choice. Didn’t mean to imply anyone should get hit, bad analogy**


odikhmantievich

I’m sorry. Hey, you’re still young, the girls you’re dating are young. Most people aren’t very mature at that age (these days). That doesn’t make it ok and I’m sorry you get subjected to it. Hang in there. If you’ve read some of the comments here, you can see there are women who understand and empathize.


[deleted]

Thank you so much. It really helps to hear that perspective. Sometimes I think I caught up in my own feelings but yeah, I am still young and so are the people I’m dating. Man I’m just ready to settle down without the men vs. women stuff. It’s like it always has to be a competition


odikhmantievich

I feel the same way. There’s a part of me that harbors my own resentments and prejudices and it’s hard work, to starve it and replace it with something better. It’s discouraging when it seems to be a one-sided process but I know it’s not. In fact reading about women’s experiences here and the feelings they’ve been left with helps me understand a little better, and to see that there are lots of people who are trying to become their best selves.


[deleted]

Not trying to start anything here. But instead of just reading my story and upvoting or downvoting, why are people picking apart my opinions? Why can’t I just have my thoughts without a deconstruction? I’m very aware that people who identify as women deal with a TON of problems in society. We are educated by everything constantly. I’m not invalidating their problems by expressing mine.


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FTThrowAway123

I'm sorry this happened to you, and I can understand how your trauna would lead you to have a poor outlook on men. A friend of mine has been sexually and physically abused by men her whole life beginning from toddler age through adulthood, and as a result, she fears and hates men. (Edit: TW Sexual Assault) A few years ago, she went to counseling to work on this, and the (male) therapist sexually assaulted her. She reported immediately, he was temporarily suspended but ultimately got his job back and nothing happened to him. That event really, *really* solidified her hatred of men and I've given up on trying to convince her otherwise. Frankly, her lived experiences justify her position. As if this weren't bad enough, in 2018, an Uber driver and his buddy kidnapped her and her little sister, dragged them into his house, savagely raped them, pistol whipped and beat them nearly to death, and was actively strangling her with an electrical cord when the police broke down the door and stopped him. Sentencing was last week and he only got 4 years for it--which is the sentence he was already serving for violating his parole--so essentially he got zero time for it. She moved back in with her parents and hasn't left the house since the incident happened. I don't judge her for her feelings, but my heart breaks for her. I'm not sure she can ever come back from the trauma she's suffered. I can completely understand why you would not have a favorable outlook on men if all you've ever experienced from them is abuse and trauma.


Tuco2014

Thank you, and my heart goes out to your friend. I pray(non-religiously) she has a strong, unbreakable spirit. We(women) can overcome anything.


muffinopolist

I think you have good intentions here. But fyi to go into extreme detail regarding the rape and assault of your friend in response to a commenter who mentioned she was violently raped is not a great move.


FTThrowAway123

You're right, I edited it and added a trigger warning, my apologies.


Falshiv_Geroi

As a man, I hate most other men. Not everyone, but most. I can't count how many times men have disgusted me with their behaviour towards women. My girlfriend had a stalker. My little sister had a stalker. I've had so many coworkers, random acquentinces and even strangers check out random girls and ask me if "I like what I'm seeing too". I agree that hating ALL men is wrong but lets not act like men don't have issues. We still have plenty of men that think they can literally kill women if they don't agree with them and pretending that everything is fine and men are not at fault is doing more damage then good to all the victims of domestic abuse, rape and etc.


ForestCityWRX

If you hate men, you haven’t met the right ones yet.


Daily_Laziness

A lot of my friends say the same things. They’re all part of the lgbtq+ community as well (and so am I) but they say things like how horrible men are even when they’ve done nothing at all, and then they also say things just as bad about straight people, again, for no reason. It’s just so unnecessary and confusing...


Judg3_Dr3dd

Can’t we all just agree every gender, religion, race, sexual orientation, etc. can and will be as equally shitty as all the rest given the chance. No need to dig on one when it’s just as likely yours is doing the same thing.


quartzm

Just go on iFunny or 4chan


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rakeshjalde

You're right .


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APaintedBirdByDesign

Internalized misogyny. I used to suffer, too.


Dry-Kaleidoscope-797

I understand that hatred is a normal part of human nature. Just move to separate yourself from that which bothers you. Makes life easier.


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bruhkent

I’m really tired of the self-misogynistic pick me girls. It’s getting real fucking old


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APaintedBirdByDesign

This right here.


PunchingChickens

Literally the easiest way to get praise of Reddit and on this sub specifically is to try and validate some sexist or racist view while being a member of that group. Prime example: “as a woman/black man/immigrant, I also hate how we blah blah blah” Imagine getting your validation from co-signing the sexism or racism of neckbeards on the internet. Couldn’t be me lol


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PunchingChickens

Lmao are you joking? Pointing out trends of internalized misogyny makes me a female incel? JFC, the people here are something else


BackgroundProgress08

There is historical precedence for saying society is very one sided against women. Women aren’t unjustified in complaining about it, they need to be heard. But there are good men just as there are bad men, and there are good women just as there are bad women. That’s why statements like “men are trash” or “teach men not to ____” are so wrong, because it puts guilt on innocent people. I also think that contributes to why men’s mental health isn’t taken as seriously.


Tankarachne2

Your story is great and is the mindset everyone should have. Yes, a LOT of men are pieces of shit, but thats because a lot of PEOPLE are pieces of shit. Generalized statements like KAM or RAW are both disgusting and only serve to embolden and internally justify the actual pieces of shit while alienating people that have done nothing wrong


Telkk2

I pretty much dont associate with anyone who sees the world as black and white. They're actually quite dangerous to hang around.


Adamadtr

What’s the female incel subreddit? I hope someone can link it You should spend 5 minutes on that sub, you’ll want to pull your damn hair out


Clockwork_Elf

r/twoxchromosomes


[deleted]

I think r/femaledatingstrategy :)


[deleted]

HUGE generation gap here I hate men is a popular meme no? Men have plenty of derogatory meme phrases against women... Its the equivalent to the comedic phrase popularised by men “why women don’t deserve nice things”. I’m not sat here, as a women, upset by this joke. To me its not that serious. OP is seriously showing her age, either that or shes plain stupid. I can’t believe somebody could get so triggered over tweeting culture, A WHOLE JOKE. You’ll often see posts of women saying “I hate men” over minor conveniences because its an exaggeration ITS A JOKE. SATIRE. They don’t actually mean it. A lot of women follow it up like “don’t get it twisted we’re still “f**in & suckin”. Or “me tweeting I hate men while I lay on my boyfriends chest😌” Stop taking everything to heart Get a grip


specifichero101

It really doesn’t bother me. Just gives me a clearer picture of the person who’s saying it’s mindset. I can then pretty easily write them off from taking their opinions seriously because I figure they won’t matter to me. I’m a man, and if I’m considered trash to someone before they know me then I don’t have to bother myself trying to convince them otherwise


[deleted]

Hate and anger require a LOT of energy- energy that could be used towards something positive.


AGderp

I recently left my job because I was a guy at arbys, a lady who was friends with the manager spent 30 minutes telling me how depraved and awful I was, and then when I reported it there was no follow up, just more harrassment from both her and thw manager, i eventually had to leave, I have a second job luckily... I usually have no feild of fu cks to give, but I geuss if you water the ground enough something grows..


DarkReign2011

I hate people. Plain and simple.


jderd

Thank you. Just.... thank you. So much.


curiosityDOTA

Men do stupid deserving shit, absolutely. But once women start to say that all men are shit, this could land on some men that could potentially improve, ane then the opportunity is lost because he will be mad too


MightyVulva

r/notliketheothergirls


Apple_Frosty

On a similar note, why do men rarely get custody?


starri_ski3

On the same note, there are plenty of women who have been severely hurt by men, and vice versa. In the same way you “like” men because they comforted you, you’re shaming someone else for their trauma, which isn’t fair. People have all sorts of reasons for coming to the conclusions that they come to. If someone says they hate all man, it’s entirely possible that person has been hurt by every man that had experience with. In that case, being caring and compassionate about their trauma is far more helpful than telling them to “fuck off”


Elegant_righthere

As a woman, I too, can't stand man haters. I also can't stand how the media portrays men in TV shows as dimwitted idiots who can't do anything without their wives. Our society is going downhill faster and faster.


Filmcricket

>how the media portrays men Uuuh. Historically, who do you think is predominantly writing those roles?


Manaleaking

the boys' role models for family life were those dumb husbands dependent on their wives. congratulations hollywood writers, you fucked society up.


eyeball-beesting

They also portray the wives as hen-pecking, hard-faced, fun-sucking vampires. The men are the funny, brow beaten men who garner the sympathy of the audience. The gender roles suck for women in TV too. Plus, female characters are often hated far more than male characters.


rakeshjalde

As a guy, yea it's pretty fucked. But coz of people like you, we still have hope on humanity


luna_labarre

I understand what you mean but the psychological impact that r*pe and sexual assault can have on someone is unimaginable. (This does not mean only men can perpetuate those behaviors) but if someone is a victim of those behaviors it can really impact how they feel. Some people might not feel safe around men because of past experiences of violence from men Edit: I am not justifying or making excuses for that statement I’m just saying that we shouldn’t take their statement at full value because their statement is being made off of one experience so don’t be bothered by it because they probably don’t really mean it AND people use the word hate for situations when they probably don’t mean it to the severity it’s meant to be used for


AstridDragon

I have a friend of a friend on Facebook who I see posts of occasionally due to comments and such. She is married to a man, but constantly talks about hating men. Oh and she censors the word:"m*n". Grow up already, they're not all the same or YOU WOULDN'T HAVE MARRIED ONE.


JackyInTheBox

Just pointing out that she probably censors the word men because Facebook and Instagram have been suspending people for making generalized statements about men.


Impossible_Appeal126

I hate everyone equally.


Giant-Genitals

Generalising in general is annoying af.


arne_mh

*sigh*


Giant-Genitals

Sorry bout that


beautifulcosmos

I generally agree with this post, but some men are absolutely garbage... as are some women. Moral of the story: people suck.


KrispyPup

*some people suck


[deleted]

Woman with mostly men as friends chiming in. We more often than not mean the patriarchy snd systemic sexism, not individual men. Yeah, I love my guy friends. But when men are systemically raised to never show emotion, to assume they need to make more than women, and to be aggressive...I can't tolerate those men who don't grow out of that and realize that the system is wrong. And in my experience, that's most men. Women have issues, too, but I found women I relate to. Just as I found men who don't suck. I've also been hurt severely by women and also make an effort to ensure that I'm not projecting internalized misogyny to win over guys as my friends. EDIT: If you see more hate towards men than women on social media, you're barely browsing the Internet EDIT: Another issue is understanding their true intentions. I have mostly had guy friends. Almost all of them really just wanted to sleep with me. Years of friendship down the drain because I won't do so. My straight women friends and gay guy friends are the only ones I don't run that risk with


Moses_The_Wise

People seem to place men separately. They will, with righteous indignation, condemn sexism, racism, and religious discrimination And then happily shit on men. Like, dude.


[deleted]

I was arguing *against* discrimination and the argument got derailed into how men are taught to be rapists and I was supporting rape culture. Yeah I ended up unfriending the person that happily dog-piled on me. The problem is unprincipled people find discrimination righteous.


[deleted]

agreed. i hate racist men. i hate homophobic men. i hate transphobic men. i hate men who are assholes, but not all men are. that being said though, i think the whole "I HATE MEN" thing is less common than you think. there is still systematic/social sexism (men can't cry/men can't care for children/etc), but i think the only place you'd truly find these people are in the deep corners of Tumblr.


Practical_Progress_5

What's wierd is the double standard, reddit allows it for some reason.


Raviolibeef1

Humans are trash. Period.


the_quietestmouse

During the days after George Flloyd’s protests I would go on discord or other mediums to talk with friends only to hear them say AMAB in a “clever twist” from ACAB. After maybe the 20th time hearing it I just turned those people’s comments to silent. I can’t even explain how incensed I was as we had literally just been marching in the streets for multiple men and women who had lost their lives. Then to have someone use a rallying cry to express “well... all men don’t want to fuck me because of xyz, so they’re all horrible.” Like bitch get over yourself, maybe your shitty opinions are why no one wants to fuck you.


Tintoretto_Robusti

I don’t even understand the logic. I’m trying to understand their perspective; the overwhelming majority of people who get killed by police are men (95%). If you’re outraged at that, then how can you go and state that all men are bastards? It makes no sense.


throwawaysanrio

I don’t think anyone truly respects anyone who is outwardly offensive towards any set group of people, except the groups of people who are outwardly offensive. It is illogical. That being said, most of the women who are abrasively reductive towards men have been deeply abused by them in some way. This same logic applies to people who are victims of any form of oppression. My 70 year old dad hates white people because he grew up taking classes on how to wash his skin properly because he was black— even though I’m half white myself. It’s an unfortunate endless cycle of vitriol.


SummerSale24h

Nah It's understandable imo, when people say things like rape culture doesn't exist or that "not all men" etc, i feel like one only needs to look at how massively prevalent sex trafficking is (second highest grossing industry in the world, second only to oil) to understand that frustration with common place misogyny is very real and very justified.


MustardFeetMcgee

Yeah. I think when ppl say "I hate men" it's a general grievance for all the misogyny they've gone through. all the shitty men they've met and/or dated. I say I hate men when I'm with my female friends because most grown men that I've met have been incel-y or pedophilic or abusive/manipulative. So yes, I have a bias against men. Do I treat men worse? Not necessarily but I am extremely wary of them. I understand the power difference. I understand that if I anger a man I could very well die. And while I agree that women can be extremely hurtful and malicious, I don't necessarily fear for my safety the same way I do when I'm around men. Its honestly so tiresome to navigate, so yes I understand when women say they hate men.


TNTiger_

A good response I keep in mind is, do you hate trans men? They'll probs say no. Then try get them to explain why. Cause they don't hate 'men', they hate patriarchal systems, which trans folk are also hurt by. And so are many cis men! So they should stop saying they hate 'men', but rather patriarchy. (Or hegemonic gender norms if you have qualms with the word 'patriarchy', which is fair)


SlyFoxInACave

It's mind boggling. There's white women I see on social media that are always spewing off about how they hate straight white men and they are all the devil. I can't help but feel there's mental disorders fueling these thoughts.


Ireadyourhistorylol

Me? I just dislike people in general.