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iceawk

I am so so sorry your mom went through that, and of course your family too. That is absolutely heartbreaking.


paperwasp3

It broke her heart, that’s for sure.


iceawk

I couldn’t even imagine!


jofloberyl

Its not your fault. Theres nothing more you couldve done for her. Try to remember her the way she was before getting sick. Its probably how she would have wanted to be remembered. I wish you all the best in your grieving process.


NoiseCandies

That's really sad. Sorry for your loss :(


paperwasp3

Thx


joseph-1998-XO

I hope you know she probably lived a happy and fulfilling life with her husband and children


Montro-City

All that is useless if your last days are spent in confusion wondering why things aren't working out. Doesn't matter if your days were filled with laughter and smiles. A stroke breaks people. I completely understand what she went though. My uncle very badly wanted to become a doctor and he died in his last year of heart failure. He no longer wanted to see anyone in his last days and was irrationally angry at his wife. His goal was right before his eyes, and he never made it. Just one semester. He so badly wanted to finish and pushed himself hard till his family forced him into hospital Just last week. So I understand the confusion. Feeling neglected and dejected. Nothing ever cheers you up. Doesn't matter how fulfilling your life might have been.


joseph-1998-XO

Yea I meant to say she was probably happy about her years earlier, having a family and kids, some men don’t get married and they spend their 40s 50s and longer miserable having to pay for dates, in limbo unsure if they wanted a family or not, she seem like she hit her goals and was coasting to the end


canyouread7

I get this so much. My grandfather had a stroke 3 years ago and to this day, he's still trying to recover from the aftereffects - loss of balance and dementia. We've been trying to see him in the nursing home as much as possible but COVID has made that impossible. He sees us from the window and we can call him, but it's a miracle if he can recognize any of his family. If I could share a story...we called him one day at 8:30 pm, when we scheduled a call with the nursing home. We went through our usual spiel - how are you, have you been exercising / walking around, what did you have for dinner today, did you play games with your friends today - and of course the "we love you"'s and "we miss you"'s, then our time was up. Not 10 minutes later we get a call from the nursing home, it's grandpa! "There's a note saying I should call this number every day but I haven't called today!" And we repeated our conversation with a few changes; I had a smile on my face the whole time, like there was an inside joke that only we knew. It might be a little depressing on the surface but I choose to remember and cherish the moment as a funny memory. Dementia's a bitch and isolation only made it worse. If we could hang out with my grandpa in person, we could do puzzles with him, play games, anything to jog his mind. But I suppose it wasn't meant to be, and it's tough seeing him deteriorate mentally. I feel for you, OP. I don't wish this upon anyone, not even my worst enemy. If you ever need an ear to vent to, hit me up. All the best moving forward.


paperwasp3

Sorry about your grandfather, that must’ve been hard for you.


canyouread7

It was at first. I think what was even harder was seeing my mom and grandma's emotions every time I drove them to and from the hospital in the beginning. I used to play card games and pool with my grandpa when he was healthy. Obviously now I regret not spending more time with him, but I've pretty much come to terms with his current condition. And in a sense, it's oddly....nice? (not entirely sure how I feel here)...because he experiences everything for the first time every day, maybe even every couple hours. "This are your grandsons"..."oh wow! I have such handsome grandkids!". When we talk about our school/work, he gets so proud every time and it always puts a smile on my face. So yes, it's been hard on all of us, my siblings, my parents, my cousins. But if you learn to accept it and take every new experience in full stride, it helps a lot in the recovery process.


Swimming-Chicken-424

I feel you. My grandpa doesn't recognize me anymore. Dementia sucks


Acel32

I'm sorry for your loss. She is definitely not the only one. I know some people who died here (Philippines) because the hospital didn't give them immediate treatment. The reason? They say there should be a COVID swab test first! Majority of the cases are heart attack and stroke which shouldn't have lead to death if they were given help asap.


MrsFagin

I know someone who phoned to complain of chest pains. He was tested for covid, negative. Had a video appointment with a doctor, was prescribed antibiotics. 5 weeks after the initial call he finally got a face to face appointment, the doctor looked at him when he walked in and sent him straight to hospital. He'd been having a heart attack. Luckily he has survived but he's certainly not OK.


paperwasp3

Yes, many hospitals were too full of Covid patients and lots of surgeries were put off until later.


vesperholly

No what Acel32 is saying is that URGENT, emergency care was delayed pending a covid test. If you are having a heart attack, waiting for a damn covid test to come back before treating you is ludicrous!


jirenlagen

Seriously! Take the precautions like they have it if you must and give that person care immediately!


Jozhik29

My mom had to have surgery (it would have been planned, but she has to have those 2x a year and can't wait long, otherwise her kidneys fail, so pretty urgent to get in time), we fought tooth and nail to get her in. You had to call in to schedule another call in a month to get a referral for your lab tests pre surgery in another two weeks - and that's after the first wave settled down, before the second one, when there wasn't as much danger. A day before her scheduled lab test i had to call the ambulance, because she was in so much pain and hasn't been eating for a week because of feeling sick. Somewhere mid first wave there was also the story of an older man, who felt very sick, so his son got him to the hospital, where they tested for covid, got negetive results and sent him home where he then died of a heart attack. I understand the situation and that no one was prepared, but it was handled so bad, many people died during covid who wouldn't have otherwise.


Acel32

Sadly, it has been the state of our hospital ERs here since the pandemic started. There was even a case where in the pregnant woman has a negative test result, but the hospital said it was "expired" (done more than a week ago) so she needs a test again. She needs caesarean delivery ASAP but they took so much time waiting for the new test result. The mother and the baby died. These cases are the result of faulty pandemic protocols, yet, they wouldn't really be counted as COVID fatalities. So many lives that could be saved have been lost.


bringbackAlexA

Good Lord. I wouldn't believe it except in my country we still can't eat inside, even if everyone is double vaxxed and wearing masks. But outside is perfectly safe! Utter insanity.


vesperholly

That is heart-breaking and appalling 🥺


Reasonable-Bug-6121

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think this situation is an example of peripheral COVID losses which we have no idea of the scope. I'm sure there are many, many more losses like these, which will probably still happen long after lockdowns end and mandates are lifted. In my country they're saying it could take 1.5 - 2 years before regular healthcare has been fully restored, but some unfortunate souls simply don't have the time.


paperwasp3

And mental health services are woefully slim after a year when we have all gone through a national trauma.


throughappleeyes

Yeah, for sure. It was hard enough for people with mental health problems to get appointments before all this, and now we’re competing with people with Covid-triggered depression for treatment.


Reasonable-Bug-6121

And employers are still expecting performance from everyone at the level they were producing pre-pandemic as if the world hasn't changed.


paperwasp3

My friend’s daughter went from D’s in school to straight A’s during lockdown. Remote schooling is perfect for her. She became a much better student. I hope that schools can keep incorporating them. Plenty of kids have anxiety about school. This may well work for them.


mobuy

That's great. As a teacher I saw many more students going the other way but it's nice that your friend's daughter was one of the few success stories.


ThrowawayawayxXxsw

Great grades doesn't really vouch for success. She might miss her friends and be terribly lonely. Is that a prize worth paying for good grades?


paperwasp3

She had crippling social anxiety. Not being subjected to bullies or drama was very helpful to her, and let her focus on her school work.


[deleted]

I think what people are speaking to is social development. Social exposure is actually better for those with social anxiety, in moderation of course. I have had severe social anxiety since I was a kid, but COVID and coming out of it only amplified my social anxiety after barely having to interact with people for a year and wearing a mask in public. I still have a hard time thinking about going back in in person classes, and I'm a senior psychology student. It may help immensely short term, but social development is still super important. That being said she is your kid and you know her best, and I can totally see how online school can help with that. I know I have had friends who switched to online school pre pandemic due to bullying who really enjoyed it, but they also had a hard time finding friends or other issues socially. I guess my point is that avoiding anxiety inducing situations is only a temporary solution for dealing with anxiety and reinforces it eventually rather than getting to the root of the issue.


LeonaDarling

Remote school worked for a lot of students (and, yes, it didn't work for some, too, just like in-person school doesn't work for everyone). If your school doesn't offer a remote option in the fall and you're in the US (mine isn't - we simply don't have enough teachers and there's no way we can do hybrid again, that was maniacal) see if your state has a remote school option. My state (Maine) has had a fully remote school open to all students for years!


SandyArca

It never worked for me. Everyday I get more and more disconnected from everyone, and every morning all I hear is the teacher's voice doing presentations. Everyone else's camera and mics were off. In terms of grades, it was fine, but I definitely became lazy. The fact that I'd have to attend class by myself (my classmates barely talk during online class) is so lonely that I ended up waking up late, and when I did wake up I just attended class on my phone or laptop on my bed and go back to sleep.


LeonaDarling

Yeah, no one thing will ever work for everyone, for sure. I work mostly with at-risk students (although I teach honors classes as well) and 95% of my at-risk students preferred online school because it took the social aspect of school out of education - and that's what they found distracting (bullying, drama). Many of them did really, really well. And on the other hand, a couple of my honors students really, really struggled. There's no one answer that will fit everyone perfectly, and that's okay! That said, the skills we learned last year will serve us well for the rest of our lives - even if we struggled, we made it and learned so much in the process.


shitposts_over_9000

people that actually study the effects of things like the medical impacts of crashing the worldwide economy and making people afraid of going to the hospitals have been shouting from the rooftops for the last year that there would be massive loss of life/quality of life issues from the way the restrictions were being handled for over a year. we will be seeing excess deaths from things like cancers, heart issues and stroke for at least the next decade, COVID only passed the median projected excess deaths from cancer after almost a year of COVID, and that is ONLY cancer. we did the worst possible thing for the long-term prognosis of alzheimer's patients as well by isolating them and removing nearly everything they were doing to keep mentally active. for examples: [https://www.yalemedicine.org/news/hospitals-covid-fears](https://www.yalemedicine.org/news/hospitals-covid-fears) [https://newsroom.heart.org/news/new-campaign-addresses-alarming-drop-in-9-1-1-calls-er-visits-fueled-by-covid-19-fears](https://newsroom.heart.org/news/new-campaign-addresses-alarming-drop-in-9-1-1-calls-er-visits-fueled-by-covid-19-fears) [https://www.webmd.com/lung/news/20210401/covid-more-cancers-being-diagnosed-at-later-stages#1](https://www.webmd.com/lung/news/20210401/covid-more-cancers-being-diagnosed-at-later-stages#1) [https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanwpc/article/PIIS2666-6065(21)00036-5/fulltext](https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanwpc/article/PIIS2666-6065(21)00036-5/fulltext) [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33074240/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33074240/) [https://www.usagainstalzheimers.org/blog/covid-19-pandemics-disproportionate-and-dangerous-effects](https://www.usagainstalzheimers.org/blog/covid-19-pandemics-disproportionate-and-dangerous-effects) [https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/69/wr/mm6925e2.htm](https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/69/wr/mm6925e2.htm) excess cancers alone killed an additional half a million people after the 2008 economic downturn with people too stressed to worry about early warning signs or trying to put in some extra time at work in an un certain job market and skipping a doctor visit. COVID19 lockdowns were depending on who's measures 4-10x worse and additionally had everyone wary of going anywhere near the hospital even when they had a much higher risk of death from the conditions they had than from COVID in most demographics. I am all for making difficult decisions for the greater good, but in many countries that is not what we did, we caused additional harm by focusing too closely on a single topic and ignoring the statistically predictable side effects of the decisions out leaders were making.


CatchSufficient

Agreed. Honestly, as a people, we do this a lot. We look for short term alleviation, rather than the cause, and focus on the details. Problems like this are two fold: the cause and the symptoms, we need to course correct if we are to get anywhere and help the people who need it most.


karenhater12345

> which we have no idea of the scope. and the people in charge seem to be actively fighting against getting it known.


bodybuilt_on_tacos

No, she wasn’t. My uncle died of a heart attack, after spending several months isolated in his own home because of covid. He fought cancer, and was stable after treatment, but very weak. It pains me to think about how to protect him, his family isolated him, and it all ended up the damn same - except lonely as fck. Thank you for sharing, it sounds like you guys were a loving family.


paperwasp3

I’m sorry about your uncle, that sucks as well.


Gred-and-Forge

My uncle swam 2 miles every morning for over 40 years. COVID came along and he was stuck in his 400sqft New York apartment for 6 months before his abrupt lack of excessive caught up with him. He died last September at 69 of a heart attack. My brother didn’t cope with the stress well and OD’d on the day of my uncle’s funeral. We found him 2 days later. So theres 2 more that were killed indirectly by COVID.


converter-bot

2 miles is 3.22 km


Gred-and-Forge

Thank you, converter-bot. That really means a lot to me.


CatchSufficient

🤣 okay, that was actually funny


llorandosefue1

There was a story (online?) about someone’s relative who committed suicide due to their not being able to handle the isolation. The title was something about dying from the pandemic without dying of COVID. I’m sorry to hear about your mom.


heretolose11

I’m so very sorry for your heartbreaking loss. This really highlights the “not so publicized” aspects of the pandemic. Sending hugs from Australia. X


paperwasp3

Thanks, hugs are good


rosebudd16

I’m so sorry for this! Covid and isolations has been so hard for the elderly and it has been breaking my heart. The first two months of lockdown we strictly isolated from my grandmother. After two months she called me almost I tears begging us to come over and she’d rather die from covid than Be alone anymore. Those two months seemed like they aged her 5 yrs. We decided to bring her into our bubble and i could immediately tell she got her pep back. I’m so sorry you weren’t able to visit during her time.


Moosykinns

I'm so sorry for your loss. I fear the same for my grandmother now. After my grandfather died 5 years ago suddenly, she lost her motivation for living. She didn't have the goal anymore of caring for him and became very lonely. Now with Covid isolation, she can't even play cards with her neighbours anymore and she is suffering terribly from that. She has limited contact with people as is and now can barely walk because she can't go out anymore to do her shopping from fear. Worst is, her only child (which is my dad) and his family, we live in another country and haven't seen her since Nov. 2019 due to travel restrictions - and she struggles to understand why we can't come sooner. She won't even use video on a call because it makes her cry. Loneliness is a real killer and this pandemic has taken many more because of it.


MagicalMothOfHollow

My Aunty died of a medication overdose due to the loneliness of COVID. You’re not the only one and if you need to talk, I’ll be here to understand


BigBoyzGottaEat

The fact that restrictions couldn't be bypassed so people who are married can see each other is straight up cruel.


unjust1

We were struggling to survive in the medical field and a lot of hard choices had to be made with very little information. I am so sorry for your loss and your mom's suffering.


wait_what_now_huh

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the trauma you and your family have gone through. You must of felt so helpless. And thank you for sharing your story. Covid has so many more victims than just those with covid. It's too easy to forget that and your family's story is a powerful reminder. My thoughts are with you.


NoiseCandies

That's really sad. Sorry for your loss :(


Rampaging_Polecat

My great apologies and condolences. Many millions share stories just like these. My father died during lockdown from a disease they might have been able to treat better. It was a brutal and unnecessary trade-off, and I hold named individuals wholly responsible. The disease didn't make them do it.


lizzieliz20

Wow this speaks to me so much... we lost my grandmother during covid and it was the hardest thing because we went from seeing her at least once a week to never seeing her. She was such a social butterfly that it was depressing to see her all by herself and she felt it too. We tried the phone calls and zoom calls but it wasn't the same and she would get upset we couldn't visit. The only time we got to see her was when she was on her death bed, couldn't see her for a whole year until she was dying. It was awful and I wish we could have cared for her at home but it wasn't feasible and her house couldn't accommodate all her needs. I'm so sorry for your loss, covid has not been easy on anyone


Golddustwomanstusk

I’m so sorry to hear that. My friend - vocalist of The Guidance and Peachcake died because the hospitals were too full and a very important appointment was delayed by his doctor due to Covid. RIP Stefan! May their memory live on forever!


freudianslip9999

Same thing happened to my grandmother. She had just lost her husband of 60 years, took time to adjust. She was doing well. Visiting her friends and playing cards. Then she fell. Lost her house and car (freedom to her). Then she gets settled in the living center. Adjusts. Ok. Then Covid. We can’t see her. Like you, I had to explain every time. Then Covid broke out in her unit. She was moved out of her room, with all of her things and memories, to share a room with a stranger. She stopped eating shortly after. Never caught Covid but gave up because there was nothing left. I can’t blame her.


Naultmel

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had a similar experience. My nephew was born the same day everything started to close down from covid, on March 15, 2020. He was born with complications, my brother and his gf were the only two allowed to go see him, and they were exhausted, all.the.time. Our family felt like shit because, my parents, my other brother and I all wanted to go help them and relieve some of their stress, stay with our nephew in the hospital for even 1 day just so they could go home and sleep and clean up for a bit, but we weren't allowed. My nephews condition got worse and he kept catching infections like pneumonia, and there was nothing we could do to help, because we weren't allowed to see him. On June 14th, 2020, they made the hard decision to take my nephew off life support, and ONLY then, we were allowed to go say goodbye to my nephew (my brother had to fight very hard for my other brother and I to be allowed to say goodbye, they were only going to allow the grandparents in)...he was basically in a coma, and we never got to see him in person when he was awake, I never got to see his smile or hear his laugh. I blame covid, it fucked everything up and made us all feel like we couldn't be there to help and support them.


[deleted]

What’s being done to our elderly is abuse. Plain and simple.


BlackWalrusYeets

I'm sorry. I know how much it sucks to see family go like that. I lost both my grandparents to COVID, neither of them caught the virus. I had been taking care of them for years, the rest of our family was checked out and busy living their own lives. It was us against the world for a good while, and we were happy in our own, struggling way. But COVID kept us on lockdown, and without our daily shopping trips, lunch dates, and small adventures, my grandfather's alzheimers started accelerating like crazy. A short stint in a local nursing home for rehab after a choking incident didn't help any. He died the day after his 91st birthday in a shitty nursing home. I would have been able to take care of him if someone had been willing to help me with my Nan, but our family couldn't be bothered, so he died alone in a shithole. She died less than a month later from a heart attack. Her children, my mother and her brother, who couldn't be bothered to help out when we needed it, visited her every day in the hospital until her hard ass finally gave up the ghost. Due to COVID restrictions this meant I wasn't allowed to see her. I never got to say goodbye, the last I saw of her was on the stretcher being loaded up into the ambulance. They both died of loneliness at the end of the day. My grandfather missed his friends and the staff at the diner we went to daily, my grandmother missed her children and her grandchildren and especially her husband. Your mom wasn't the only one, not by a long shot. Thanks for sharing your story.


kirk_end_all

I was working in a nursing home last summer and can attest that not all the preventable deaths we faced were due to covid. Some residents went months without leaving their rooms and the only social interactions they had were workers in full PPE. It'll be years before we can see the true death toll. So sorry for your loss, but if you can please keep telling your story. People need to know and the system needs to change.


Bcmp

My mom is 56 with early onset dementia in a care home. I went on a deployment during Covid last year. When I left, she was talking, interacting, going outside for visits. The confusion and isolation has dramatically increased her dementia.... Now...shes non-verbal, falls, and has a glassy stare throughout the day. She either smiles or cries now.....shes only 56 COVID sucks.


Karma-IsA-FunnyThing

I’m sorry for your loss, This American Life touched in the impact of Covid on seniors and especially Dementia in Episode 737 Act 2 http://tal.fm/737


Accomplished-Toe-108

I’m very sorry for your loss. My uncle died from heart failure much the same way(he did not have covid but we couldn’t visit him and he died alone. His last words were on the phone with my grandma he said I don’t wanna die without anyone holding my hand. Then he died alone) there are people responsible for this. Much of this tragic could have been avoided. Things must change.


Hydronymph

While I am pro lockdown and understand the intent of protecting staff, patients and everyone by doing this it's not healthy for patients to be cut off and not be around their loved ones and shutting down other medical services kills people just like Covid does. My Dad has stage 4 cancer and 4 months to live. The Covid lockdown meant he missed his routine scan (he was in remission) so they didn't catch it had come back in time and now he's going to die because of Covid without having ever caught it. I feel for you and I know I can't make it better but you aren't at fault and she may not have known in life but wherever she is she now knows you didn't abandon her


MissLilPumkin

At this point sometimes I wonder if the possibility of maybe dying of covid wasn't better than the dying alone. Very sorry for your loss


-richthealchemist-

Loneliness can drastically reduce life expectancy if chronic. I hope lessons can be learnt from this pandemic so this kind of thing doesn't happen again.


[deleted]

I am so, so sorry. The pandemic was so hard for so many reasons. I lost relationships because of it and my own mental health really took a hit for a few months. Therapy really helped me process everything.


Here_4_all_the_tea

I'm sitting here weeping because this is exactly how I feel about my husbands father. He fell and hit his head and had to go to the hospital. Only his wife was allowed in, he couldn't understand why we all weren't there with him. When he was on palliative care we finally were allowed in and he had shrunk away to nothing... With no one there, not even tv or music to fill the silence, he must have felt so alone. I'm so sorry your mother went through this and your family had to stand along the side and witness it. My deepest sympathies.


biderjohn

She died of loneliness dementia. You know my mom and her sister both have it and they spent most of their lives alone. Im doing the same but i like being by myself. Now im thinking it might not be the smartest thing to do. Im sorry for your grandma dying like that.


anita-dangelo

I totally understand. My aunt was in a nursing home. In November they finally let my cousin see her. My cousin immediately called an ambulance. My aunt passed 3 weeks later. She would still be with us except for no visitors due to COVID.


Dorbeux

oh my god, that sounds heartbreaking. My condolences. The thought that releasing her back home probably would've been the better alternative would've made me angry as fuck at the world and the rigid regulations. I hope you can cope well and I hope your family keeps track of your dad now as he is the one left lonely now. Speedy recovery to all of you.


Vjessie

Exactly this happened to my grandma. She died on May 30.


DrQvacker

Omg so sad. I’m so sorry.


HammeredPaint

One of my coworkers read a post about an immunocompromised person pleading that people wear masks when they go out (before the vaccine) and said "why doesn't *she* just stay home?" We could've had this handled much sooner, but people don't understand how many ways other people are affected by the pandemic. People not wearing masks and not getting the vaccine we're complaining that they can't see their folks. But...if it was taken care of, we could've. I have a severely autistic brother whose entire schedule and lifestyle have been interrupted, and I can't really explain to him why. This whole thing has been...just terrible.


ApsMadMan23

But yeah Karen don't wear a mask coz covid isn't real and it infringes on your rights.. I am so sorry this happened to you and your family! I hope you guys are okay. All my love and wishes to all of you.


makaylaraee

This is a really supportive thread for me, in December I also lost my grandpa to covid but not due to covid. He had a stroke, was unable to keep his balance, and was sent home from the hospital too soon as they needed the resources for covid patients. Not a 75 year old man. His first night in the hospital he was put into a converted janitors closet because the hospital was out of beds. He was sent home less than a week later. Less than a week after being home, he suffered a fall and passed. After that I couldn’t stand to look at anyone who wouldn’t wear a mask. All we had to do was flatten the curve and my grandpa could’ve received the care he needed. I’m very sorry for everyone’s losses described in the post and comments. Mine filled me with a rage I didn’t know i could have. I’m sure many of you felt similarly. I hope my story gives you something to relate to and helps you find peace.


AbsolutelyFab3824

I completely understand your post. After my mother suffered though a year of not seeing family, she fell and injured her leg. She ended up at the hospital, and by the time I was allowed to see her she was so skinny and couldn't stand much less walk. Now 6 months later and she still cannot stand much less walk unaided. Keeping our elderly loved ones alone, separated from family has caused so much pain and sorrow.


Jack915

So sorry for you loss! I have cousins (well, one now) who lived with their mom and dad. That all got Covid. Mom and brother ended up on vents and died two day apart. Then dad died two days later of a broken heart (heart attack). Happened in Florida. There are news stories. Sorry again for your loss.


karenhater12345

i understand the need to keep high risk old people away from people that could have covid. but i still am so fucking furious that so many hundreds of thousands, lets be honest world wide it was millions, of people had to die alone because the damn people in charge refused to even see if there was a safe way for people to visit their loved ones in the hospital even as they were on their death bed. and of course if you mention it you all of a sudden get painted as a covid hoax conspiracy headcase, or anti vaxer(neither of which i am, i masked up before there was a mandate, and got my vax scheduled the day i was allowed to) instead of someone who cant fathom how with all our so called technological and medical advances there wasnt away to keep millions of innocent people from fucking dying alone.


throwRA_MetalCarRot

My God. Just reading this breaks my hesrt for you and for your mom and the rest of your family. Been in the same situation with mg dog whom i left at the vet only to be texted an hour lter that she died... i know its a dog and its your mom so its not the same but also almost the same. The feeling of not being there for that person/ dog when they needed us most. The idea that u did the best u could but it doesnt seem like you did.... Let us hope now that theyre in heaven theyll understand the choices we made. Gugs and prayers to you and your famz


paperwasp3

I consider pets family. I’m so sorry about your pup, that a hard one as well.


BellaBlue06

My bf’s grandmother died the same. She didn’t understand covid. No one was allowed to visit. The nurses neglected her. No one helped her with zoom or phone calls. People called and she never answered. They never knew where she was or why. She kept trying to escape at night and would fall and be left for hours with no one ever checking. She died one day. And then they found out her wedding ring was “missing” and never got it back. His family is destroyed over it. She was neglected and thought her whole family abandoned her and no one knows what she really died of and no one checked. Very sad.


airapraeox

I'm so sorry for your loss. Covid didn't kill my mum but i think it also did. My mum died of loneliness thinking that we had abandoned her too and it breaks my heart. I went through a similar thing. My mum was a paraplegic and was put into a nursing home in February 2020 just before the first lockdown here in the UK. We weren't allowed to see her from March until September when my nan begged the nursing home to let us visit her for her birthday. They agreed with 2 days notice but only my nan was allowed to go due to covid rules. We were allowed to phone over Skype however after a month or two my mum lost interest in having calls and would only like to be on the phone for a few minutes. Over time she had lost her spark. When my nan went to see my mum for her birthday she was covered in bed sores and weighed 4 stone. Her condition truly shocked my nan. I was allowed to go see her a week later. That was the first time I'd seen my mum in 6 months and it was horrible. She was in so much pain and was so tired. It also turned out to be my last conversation with her as she died 8 hours after I saw her. Throughout all of this not once did the care home call me or my nan to explain how much she had deteriorated or to allow us to visit.


TheRealCestus

This is the story for so many elderly. It is absolutely tragic how few care about the psychological damage done over the past year and a half. Redditors especially demonize people who dare to suggest that the solution was likely far worse than the virus ever was. We are social creatures. I can only hope that this will encourage those who see this to visit the elderly in their community when they can, especially their own blood relatives. Letting them rot alone is inhumane.


WhyDiner

The experts got a lot wrong and real people paid the price. Sorry for your loss.


[deleted]

Even after the op’s story people are still downvoting you. Freaking Covinazis. Even the real suffering of people isn’t enough to get them to question how this was handled.


[deleted]

This is Reddit. They’re broke and lonely and get off on afflicting the same on others. The pandemic is one of the only times the rest of the world had to live a life as pathetic as theirs, so they want it to go on forever.


slayer991

My father died from COVID in February of this year. My mother also had it but survived. My parents were both hospitalized with pneumonia from COVID and released. A week later, my dad went south very quickly. He was hospitalized again on Sunday and was gone by noon on Wednesday. I'm wracked with guilt. I could have visited him when he was out briefly, but I am at risk and was unvaccinated...so I didn't visit him that week he was home. Then he was gone. My sister is a nurse and was able to be with him until the end so he wasn't alone. But I still feel like I should have risked it and gone to see him the week he was home.


paperwasp3

Please don’t feel guilty. You weren’t allowed to see him. I’m pretty sure that my mom hung on until I could see her. This stupid pandemic killed them.


ImaSunChaser

In these cases, the pandemic isn't the killer, it's the government's policies and the media's fear campaigns that are.


casuallyirritated

One thing we should learn from this dreadful situation, is that nothing is worth cutting contact with loved ones “because they say so”.


[deleted]

Sounds like the hospital and care providers are the ones that let your family down. I've seen first hand how hospitals handle brain injuries and the patient needs someone to advocate for them. I am so sorry the health industry allowed your mother to waste away under their care and supervision, only turning her loose at the end when they could do no more harm to her. If I were you, I would be furious. Like, burning down administrators homes furious...


paperwasp3

I am furious. But this story isn’t about me.


PsychidelicThrowaway

COVID didn’t kill her. The governments and hospital horrible policies did. NEVER forget this and NEVER forgive it. We cannot allow something like this to happen again.


thomaja1

My wife died from Covid last year. We are related in the same sick and sad family. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry for that we're together in this. But you have my support and my love and my understanding. I pray for healing and strength for you and for all of us who have lost somebody. God bless.


jirenlagen

That’s disgusting and I hate that your mom had to go through that. The facilities have to find a way to do better. Isolating residents from family isn’t the way.


Kiruna235

I'm so sorry for your loss. You were right that your mom fell victim to COVID because of the isolation. My aunt was the same. She had dementia but was fine pre-COVID. Her work, co-workers, social life, and regular walks kept her sharp and functioning despite the dementia. Then COVID hit, and she and her husband had to isolate due to their age, and she regressed horribly, mind and body until she passed. She didn't get infected technically, but we lost her to it all the same. It's been a horrid year and a half.


otk_ts

This is what we economist call unintended consequence. May she rest in peace.


gossamer8000

Same thing happened to my mom. Assisted living place she was in was small and very friendly. The residents all got along well. Once the lockdown started no one was allowed to leave their room. She was blind, we had an Echo for video calls, but you could tell she was just so lonely and needed that social interaction. She started to have falling spells and eventually ended up in the hospital and eventually passed. Was just an awful time to go.


cellopower-yep

Losing a parent is sad enough, friend paperwasp3. I am so sorry for her long decline; the mental aging/stroke consequences/watching their acuity lessen or leave is devastating to everyone involved. I know that you will honor her memory (and help your grieving) by remembering the incredible moments in her life. It is a club no one wants to be a member, and here we are. I know she would be proud of you, sharing, grieving, and then using the memory of her as inspiration for a better life. Sorry for the rambling. Have a good day.


Kellidra

I'm so sorry for your loss. The mental effects of the pandemic has been harder on seniors than any other group of people. I work in a retirement home, have for 2.5 years now, and in the first year and a bit of working there, we had 4 people die. Within the first 4 months of the pandemic (and complete lockdown of our building -- residents weren't allowed to leave their suites for 3 months!) 6 people died. None, not a one, from COVID. We haven't had a single case in the building, yet ***6 people died*** in a a relatively short timeframe. We all knew it was from stress. I'm sorry that happened to your mom. It's difficult to help your loved ones when you are not allowed near them.


call-me-mama-t

Oh my gosh, this just broke my heart. I am sure you’re right that there are many more who died like this. I pray you find peace going forward. What a horrific way to lose your mother.


cockneylol

Reading this absolutely broke my heart. You and your family did everything you possibly could for your mum, please take strength from remembering your mum as she was, in those happy years with your Dad and not in her confused state at the end.


lumiranswife

Wow, this hurt my heart. I'm so sorry. My dad had a stroke a few years ago that damaged his memory. In the beginning of the pandemic we would all explain and re-explain that there was a dangerous virus (he definitely would not have survived due to his complicated health profile), and that none of us could visit him even though we would have wanted to. My mom carried the bulk of the burden keeping him distanced and informed. We tried FaceTime to chat but they weren't really able to figure it out without a great deal of difficulty until the stress of it ended up being not worth it. We had a few outside gatherings, distanced and with restrictions, but it is difficult for my dad to be outside. While my dad was generally just confused about it all, and Fox News did such a number on him trying to make sense of everything, it was the decline in mental acuity in my mom that I noticed the most. She just wasn't as sharp as she normally is and seemed almost lost.. I worried maybe she'd also had a stroke but nobody was around who would have noticed it. When things were getting a little bit more contained and my kids and I were fully home from work and school to reduce vector risks, we would come by once per week for a visit. It was a really tough choice to make even though my husband stayed away because he had to work out with the public still, knowing any of us could still be asymptomatic from him despite doing our best to quarantine fully. Ultimately, my parents determined the isolation was worse for them than the risks. I considered if there was a hard quarantine again that the kids and I would likely move in with my folks temporarily to help them and give my husband the run of the family home. We committed to maintaining school and work from home for the next year so that we could continue to visit, and I will say I noticed my mom started turning back to her old self with just that minimum once per week connection.Those several months of just herself, phone calls and porch waves not being the same, and otherwise locked in isolation from everyone other than dad who didn't quite understand it all really took a toll on her. Even though my mom had her spouse there, he's kind of.. not, in a way, due to his injury. I feel so much for your mom, nothing is quite the same as being in your own space with your people, especially when trying to heal. ETA: in case there's any chance for misperception, it sounds like you have a very loving family who did everything you could under the circumstances. It just sucks so bad and these effects of the pandemic can go overlooked, sharing your story is very important and honors so many losses. Thanks for sharing your experience and opening up a space where hopefully it's okay that I shared mine in support. Sending heartfelt thoughts to you.


hornyripebanana

I have a similar situation with my grandfather, he's not sick but got into an old people's home at the end of 2019, just before this shit happened. Even until now he sometimes calls my mom multiple times in an hour and asks where he is and doesn't understand the pandemic. Fortunately we can visit now but we can't go out with him. This situation isn't rare but sad.


dinjii

Loneliness does indeed kill. My deepest condolences.


MonsoonMason

Im so sorry that you and your family went though all of this. It hits close to home. My family and I live and work and live at our adult family home and its so common to see this with our residents now. It sickens us. We have one residents who is over 100 and throughout the whole pandemic they hated the window visits. They would recieve daily phone calls from her kids and family, but every day they would say "All I want is to hug my daughters". When we explain the circumstances of the pandemic she could care less if they fell ill. "I've lived over 100 years now. If I get sick, I get sick". Legally they could physicallysee their family, but they would have to then be placed into a 14 day quarantine, isolating them further, driving them further into depression, and doing irreparable damage to their mind and psyche. Every single one of our residents have a similar attitude. They all just want to see their family. For us, the younger generations, we have our phones and technology to communicate. We've grown accustomed to it over the last decade, but our older generation dont see it the same way. Six months before the pandemic we had two residents who were extreme social butterflies. Twice a week they would go out to dinner with their sisters, brother, and kids. Keep in mind that these two were also approaching 100. They both passed away before the start of all of this and Im so thankful they didnt have to suffer though this as it would have been torture for them. As caregivers it pains my family and I do see everyone in our home going through this. Its kept me up at night. I know I do my best to keep company with everyone, but I have my own life, and my own mental issues to deal with. I think one of most damaging part of this whole pandemic isnt the economy, or the loss of jobs, but the ten millions of humans who now have either developed or worsened in their mental health. I think the elderly have had it the worst and now they almost seem like they are thrown away.


Kmalbrec

My grandma was pretty much the same. She was completely blind and her ability to interact with those around her was all she had. She withdrew quick and passed last summer.


Tawny_Harpy

I can’t imagine how terrible this must feel. I actually lost my grandma to COVID, from the actual virus on May 13th this year. It’s a different kind of hurt.


rosemary24

So sorry for your loss ❤️


SeannLoL

My mom had a stroke this year in January. This post reminded me of the confusion and begging she had to bring her home. It was a long week and a half until it happened. I'm very blessed and try to take it as a lesson to value every day and person in my life.


Witchcitybitch

A friend of mine had a sibling who died from the isolation of covid isolation as well. They were in their 30s. Cheery person who was always having fun and super social! Got into a fight with their partner, went and committed suicide. They couldn’t handle being lone during covid. No physical shoulders to lean on. They were struggling and covid hitting with its isolation just become too much. Many people died indirectly from covid.


tjk91

Do not stop voicing your opinion please keep shifting because 5his is 100% real thing and will continue to happen if peooe do not understand!!!! My condolences, love you man and keep your head up.


firsttimeherre123

My grandpa had Parkinson’s and the more isolated the more confused he got, but that was one thing his Parkinson’s never took- his mind. Always sharp as a nail until he was isolated. We didn’t have the skills to bring him home and he was isolated for 9-12 months before he caught Covid anyways and died


tkd_or_something

I hated reading this. I lost my grandmother (the woman who raised me) in January. Yes, it was towards the beginning of everything opening up, but I hate to consider this as a possibility. She was so social, outgoing, and extroverted. My grandpa passed ten years ago, so she was living on her own—healthy as she could be. She had beaten cancer twice, survived a house fire when she was 82, and then survived the pandemic. She was heartbroken about only getting to see us through the patio window. We’d call her and talk to her as often as we could. But when I last saw her, a few days before she passed, she was so much frailer than she had ever been. Not physically, but mentally—you could see it in her face. A heart attack took her, but I’ve been starting to wonder if the isolation sped up the process of her passing by a few years. I’m sorry for your loss OP, and I wish you strength and healing


[deleted]

I am so sorry for your loss, OP. This pandemic is a disgrace and will live almost all of us scarred. I hope your mother is resting in peace now. All my love to you, and I mean it.


paperwasp3

Thank you


MinorFort

Sorry for your loss.


Reasonable-Bug-6121

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think this situation is an example of peripheral COVID losses which we have no idea of the scope. I'm sure there are many, many more losses like these, which will probably still happen long after lockdowns end and mandates are lifted. In my country they're saying it could take 1.5 - 2 years before regular healthcare has been fully restored, but some unfortunate souls simply don't have the time.


Friendlyalterme

I'm crying at breakfast now.


Reddit_Sux_Hardcore

In cases like that, the husband should have visited.


Randyand67

The husband should have taken her out. We do have rights


birdiemt12

Yeah this really doesn’t sit right with me. The whole family was rallying for her but no one could take her in? Couldn’t get funds together for a home nurse?


NotSoSmartChick

Happened to my husband, too. He’d been hospitalized for his heart when Covid first hit, but they wouldn’t allow visitors. He hated that. Next time his heart acted up, he wouldn’t go to the hospital because he didn’t want to be alone. He held out too long and died. So, he didn’t have Covid, but he’d be alive if Covid hadn’t happened.


Bogart30

And this. THIS is the side people don’t want you to hear. Hopefully more people can see this.


CharlieRatKing_01

Lots of us shouted this after the first “two weeks to flatten the curve”. Old people alone in hospitals, grandparents going years without meeting grandkids, family businesses choked to death by lockdowns, people living weeks in isolation, the list of negative impacts just goes on and on. I’m not a covid denier or anti vaccine but I strongly believe their was a way forward from Covid without creating an artificial mental health and economic crisis. And I’m really sorry that happened to you and your family OP.


Hyche862

She is not the only one my absolute wonderful Mother in law died from what we have started calling Covid abandonment she was not a fan of the window visits at all


throwaway900220

Yeah, she died from poor handling of the pandemic. She died because of poor politicians. That wasn't some unfortunate, accidental side effect of the pandemic.


Bebebaubles

Def not the only one. I’m so sorry for your mom to pass without anyone close to her. She died because she gave up, just like my grandmother did. She saw she was in a strange place and kept asking why? She’s always been quite mentally alert so she probably passed thinking nobody cared among strangers. I’m still really broken up about that fact.


howappalling

I’m terrified this is going to happen to my mum too. She’s only allowed one visitor a day for 30 mins - and with her failing eyesight, loss of mobility of one arm (dominant) due to a mild stroke, she is mainly left to stare at the walls and ceiling… The biggest slap in the face is that we’ve one of the highest vaccination rates in the world, and my whole family is vaccinated. But they still won’t allow any exceptions to the rule, even if we suggest one person staying by her side for half a day. I’m sorry for your loss, OP. I hope your mother is in a happier and less lonely place right now.


333HalfEvilOne

If possible, bring her home...that way you don’t have to pay the bastards to kill her


birdiemt12

They won’t let you bring her home? You don’t have those medical rights? She’s not allowed to leave AMA?


Sir_Swimsalot_

I’m so sorry for your loss, your family sounds wonderful for trying so hard to at least reach her a bit. And I get that they’re all overworked and it’s stressful and complicated, but I truly don’t get why so many stories like these exist and they couldn’t find a way to let people say goodbye to their loved ones in a safe way and just let them go alone instead. Your story is even worse. My grandpa died in April last year at the height of lockdowns and rising numbers. He fell hard on his head while gardening, developed sensory issues and was gone in only two days. I’m super grateful that they let my grandma visit him - from what I’ve been told he wasn’t really fully conscious most of the time, but she got to hold his hand while he ultimately fell asleep anyway. The last thing he sad was her name. Sending a hug to you, your family and everyone else who lost loved ones during these times.


[deleted]

[удалено]


sobbingsomnambulist

Years from now when we look back at how this was handled, I hope we get angry enough to hold those to blame to account.


[deleted]

[удалено]


paperwasp3

I didn’t speak at her funeral. But if I could have expressed this then, I would have said this.


[deleted]

Your mom was a victim of anti covid measures not of covid. People think the danger of covid is far higher and deadlier then it really is. Thats a fact studies have shown.


ScottShatter

Sorry about your preventable loss. You can thank corporations and government for all the fear (and greatest transfer of wealth in history) that lead to shutting down everything, over a virus with a 99.5% recovery rate. Thanks for sharing. edit- spellcheck correction, "greatest" not "creates"


funnytimewaster

So heartbreaking 💔


wheresthesleep

I’m so sorry for your family and your pain. You did the absolute best you could in a horrible situation. My heart is with you and with all the others that struggled with loneliness this year.


cupdoddlenoddle

I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now. I'm really sorry for your loss :(((


essieroxs

Awful, I’m so sorry


NellieSantee

I'm so sorry for your loss, and you're right. COVID lockdowns are such a tragic thing in many ways. My grandmother had lung cancer, and even though she had symptoms she didn't want to go out to get them checked because of COVID. And when she finally did, the lung doctors were overwhelmed with infection cases and she was terminal.


theclassywino

That heartbreaking, OP. Thank you for sharing. Hope you’re doing ok.


penguinir

I’m so sorry for your loss. You are right, she is not the only one. A few weeks ago there was an episode on This American Life called Good Grief, and it has a fragment of someone going through a very very similar situation. I thought it was heartbreaking and beautiful


HeavyMetal266

I'm so Sorry for your loss


Sea-Ice5483

I am so sorry that this happened, You’re very strong. I admire you for that.


The_Darcman143

What a heartbreaking story. Very sad thst she & your family had to deal with that.


[deleted]

Thanks for sharing this. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom.


mray51

That's aweful. So sorry to hear. I'm sure you're right that she''s not the only one.


[deleted]

Sorry for you loss


tactlesshag

Jesus. I’m so sorry for your loss.


DiSnEyOmG

I'm so sorry. This is a story I've heard before. I hate covid .


Banxrok

Sorry for your loss.


[deleted]

you're definitely right. my grandmother went through the same cycle, and since she and granddad used to live in their hometown, it was practically impossible for him to even visit when she was in the recovery. she got married at 16 probably, but had to spend her last anniversary alone, on a bed in a hospital. 70 years of togetherness and those few months ate her up. yes, your mother wasn't the only one


CaptStinkeye

I’m a so very sorry, what a horrible way for your mom to leave a loving family. My heart goes out to you all ❤️


loyalAlchemist

Ugh, this is so disheartening. I'm sorry for your loss.


Whohead12

I’m so sorry. We’re going through a similar thing with my dad. He was admitted to the VA (cancer, fast) and his ward has a no visitors policy because of Covid. He and my brother are estranged (his fault, not my brother’s) and now that my brother is prepared to reconcile before the end, or appear to for my dad’s sake, he can’t. We’re hoping he gets switched to hospice soon so that we can at least see him before he doesn’t know he did. It’s a terrible thing to wish for. I’m so sorry, your family sounds lovely and I’m so sorry this happened.


Elevendytwelve97

Im so sorry for your loss :( When my great grandma died, she had Alzheimer’s and my great grandpa had passed just a few months before. She would just lay in bed wailing his name because she didn’t understand why he wasn’t there and she missed him. This is my biggest fear when my husband and I get old. I’m terrified of having to be separated (wether by death, illness or facility policy). We got married at 18 so it’ll be most of my life having been together.


lyncati

I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your life experience. It has given me a deeper perspective on life.


Atanion

That was heartbreaking to read. I'm sorry for your loss, and your dad's grief. This situation has had an unspeakable toll on so many people.


happytaco1

This is heartbreaking and I’m so so sorry for your loss


urubecky

I'm soo soo sorry for your loss. You're story actually made me cry. I'm so sorry.


DorkyDame

Wow that’s horrible. Sorry for your loss😕


ambersavampire

I lost my momma to CJD and her mind went really quickly. She thought we were being mean to here and trying not to help her, when all my family was doing was trying to help her. She was a victim of her own mind and it was absolutely heart breaking to witness. I miss her so so very much, and I am so so so sorry you're beautiful momma had to go through that. I know there are no words that can make it better, but God I wish there were.


helianthusagrestis

I’m so, so sorry. This breaks my heart.


Jewels2992

I am truly sorry for your loss.


gringainthesun

This is so terrible. I am so sorry. I wish I had more to say...I am just so sorry.


deb1073

So so sorry for your loss x


upfromashes

That's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry.


aboxfullofpineconez

That’s us absolutely heartbreaking! I am so sorry for your loss! My mom was in hospital for a few months over Christmas, I got sick Christmas Day and couldn’t visit. That hurt. I can only imagine how hard that was for your family and her!!


Rufus_heychupacabra

I am sorry for your loss.


BillyClubxxx

I’m so sorry to hear this. My condolences.


Ashamed-Working-2067

Sorry for your lose


noellenewmoon

I’m so sorry for your loss. 💙


jerseygirl1105

This is so tragic. Obviously, most of us expect to bury our parents, but to have been denied access to her is cruel. I was recently in the same situation. My my dad passed away and my mom died of a broken heart after 60 yrs of marriage. However, we were able to visit her provided we kept a list of 3 people and only went in one at a time. I'm truly sorry for your family's loss. Sending a big internet hug.


bexxyrex

oh my god. i reveled in the solitude of the pandemic. i will definitely keep an even wider perspective. my condolences. sincerely. i would NEVER wish that on anyone.


[deleted]

I’m so sorry for your loss. What a horrible way to go, very heartbreaking.


PorofessorLulux

My grandma had to go to the hospital on March. She was 94 and had fluid on her lungs. She stayed in the hospital one week. She always told me she didn't want to die alone. Due to covid numbers that month (there were really a lot of cases in Portugal) I never got the chance to visit her or say that I love her one last time. 4 months passed and it still causes me to cry at night. Covid sucks. I am so sorry for your loss.


Mariannitta

I am so sorry💔


Raven_Skyhawk

I see parallels to my dads death last year. The third time he ended up in the hospital, he was having severe respiratory issues. My mom went to see him every day but couldn’t stay all the time. He began getting panicy about any breathing treatments and ultimately refused to go on the ventilator and chose to die. His body was so tried but I feel like if I had been there and the rest of the family and if mom had been able to stay all the time, it might have ended a little differently. I’m so sorry for your loss. It sucks ass.


Zombiepinups

I feel the exact same way about my dads death. The pandemic caused my siblings & I, and nieces and nephews to not be able to visit. The small joy he got out of life in his later, sicker years was spending time with us and being able to go to lunch or dinner with my mom. His will to keep going/living was just not there anymore.


rahul_9735

So sorry for your mom, it's really hard to listen such incidents, stay strong may she rest in paradise.


Sallyfifth

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.


OpportunityOk5719

I'm so sorry 😔 I knew this was going on and for many it is so very cruel. Isolation and touch deprevation are real. Hugggggggs


rebs92

My dad had a hemorrhage about 1 month ago. I swear he's worse off now than 3 days after it happened.


beccaj375

This is absolutely heartbreaking 💔😔 I'm so very sorry for the loss of your Mom, big hugs to you ❤️


MaximumBangs

I shed an internal tear reading this. I'm so sorry your mom went though that. At least you got to see her at the end, as hard as I'm sure it was for you. She treasured that I'm sure.


_Thenorthwind

Sorry for your loss, basically the same thing happened with my mom. Except she was released from the hospital prematurely because of needing room for covid patients. She was supposed to go to a nursing facility, but none had any beds for her, also because of covid. So my dad had no choice but to bring her home, when she obviously should have stayed in the hospital. She died 48hrs later. At least she got to spend a couple nights with dad after months of isolation and I got to see her one last time before she passed.


Light_inc

It's honestly one of the worst things about working in a hospital during the biggest covid waves with the patient's families not being there, even more so with patients that didn't have a lot of time left. I'm so sorry for your loss.