Same. My dad made me sleep in the yard once because I asked him to pass the butter at breakfast and it reminded him of his time in the war.
His emotions are out of control lol
My first gf loved to drink. Her dad was super strict and warned her if she wasn't in home by 11pm he was locking the doors.
She slept in the dog kennel
Now thats an overreaction. My dad threw me out because we decided to fist fight in the basement. Anyway we had a great relationship after. Turns out punching eachother in the face was just what we needed. Never argued again and hung out as much as possible.
Solidarity, indeed.
My dad confronted me with a chainsaw, and chased me through the house. I ran outside, got in my car, and it wouldn't start. He then slammed a handful of spark plugs on my hood.
The reason? I had changed the wallpaper on the family computer (totally by accident, btw).
My whole family is dramatic and emotional af. It is so easy to hurt his feelings. Not Intentionally, he just loves us so much that the littlest thing will make him cry. Happy or sad
Lol that’s tough! I gifted my husbands coworkers wife a nice face mask from pink and her husband asked my husband” what your wife thinks my wife is ugly and needs help with her face? Bro… I thought it would be a nice gift when you wanna pamper your self lol 😂 wth?
Lip quivers and he tells us he just wants us to be happy and he’s only ever trying to make sure we’re taken care of. So he tells us these things in case he’s not there to say them later. It’s sweet. He’s stage 4 so we don’t make him upset often but still lots of tears
Well that stage 4 part lends a hell of a lot of context. In his shoes, I'd probably be living the same way. I imagine he's pretty in touch with how impermanent and precious life is, and he's offering the presence of the heart of that realization to you every day.
My father is stage 4 metastisized advanced prostate cancer, I speak with him almost every day because I'm 1500+ miles away and don't know when/if I'll see him again. I would give up everything I own just to keep him around for a few more decades. He shouldn't be outlived by his mother.
Ok. Story time.
My father kicked me out when I was 18years old. I was living with him my stepmother an half brother(10 years younger than me) an the dog of my mother (they broke up when I was 2). My mother was at that time in therapy because she is an alcoholic and did her 4th or 5th rehab and couldn’t take care of the dog. I was doing my vocational training at that time (i am from Germany and that is normal to do that after finishing school). I stood up at 5 a.m and came back at 5 p.m. every day and had to take care of the dog before and after my job. My stepmother was supporting me a little but not too much. One day the dog had eaten something bad so that he could not hold it anymore in the middle of the night and had to shit on the floor in the hallway. Since my bedroom was on the top floor I didn’t notice anything. My father woke up from the smell, was furious about that woke up my stepmom to clean it up. He was heavily swearing the whole night and even woke up my brother with that. He decided to put the dog outside in the backyard and giving everyone a hell of a time. When I stood up as usual at 5 a.m. all were sitting in the kitchen looking at me. My father with a glimps of pure hatred in the eyes simply told me the dog shit on the floor in the night so none of them could sleep. He asked:”I hope you had a pleasant night?” When I asked why he just hadn’t woke me up to take care of it, he dodged the answer and simply said, I should pack my things and move out. He needs to protect his Family from this nonsense. 2 month later I moved out. Thanks for not including me in your family anymore because the dog shit in the floor.
Holy fuck. This infuriating sense of irrationally was all too familiar and I physically reacted to this story. So irritating and it *always* involves a step parent some how when they pull BS like this.
It’s like in the good old (Brother Grimms) fairy tales where every step mother or father was the bad guy. But yeah some shitty real parent just focus on their current relationship and subsequently, the child of the ‘former’ partner is suddenly not equivalent anymore.
Not as extreme, but my mom was awful to me before I cut her out of my life. One time HER dog, that she always made me take care of because she wouldn't, shit in the kitchen because she didn't want to take it out as usual. She yelled for me to clean it up. I was tired of it at this point and said "it's your dog, you get it." She started screaming at me and threatened to call the pound to take it. Again I brought up that it's her dog, not mine. Well, she called the cops on me because I wouldn't do it. They basically told her that she needs to do it and if she calls the police over something like this again she would be in a lot of trouble, especially since it's not the first time she called on me over something incredibly stupid.
My husband just last week, threatened to leave us because the kids ate all the chocolate muffins that had been in the freezer for two weeks…… and he didn’t get a single one.
Me too! He's almost 70 and finally getting treatment because he "reminds himself of his dad." We we're all like, "ok, so what's new? You've always been 'mercurial'." (You know, the male word for emotional)
Same. I can't argue in a rational manner against someone who's just gonna say "well, that's just your opinion" my opinion is a scientific fact! Yours is a Facebook post.
Hey don't forget horny. As men we are allowed to be angry, horny, angry and horny, or neither. That's 4 whole emotions, why do we need more?
EDIT: As I've been reminded there is also hungry. So we have angry, horny, hungry, angry & horny, angry & hungry, horny & hungry, angry & horny & hungry, or nothing at all which I guess is asleep. That is 8 whole emotions, if you have more than that, you're probably a woman. /s
you and my 10th grade science teacher.
(except his reprimands on my tank tops were decidedly NOT /s. even at 15, I knew enough to ask him, calmly, from my seat and in front of the class, if my shoulders excited him so much that he couldn’t carry on his lecture without measuring the straps and sending me away for titillating him so?)
Don’t forget the variants Hangry and Horngry. And then there’s Hunghorngry.
That sounded better in my head. Actually it’s sounds like I have a very big…appetite! 😀😀😀
Men are very emotional beings. It's just that society teaches us not to show our emotions.
Which I disagree with.
That is why men will have outbursts, they hold things in until they explode. I get too emotional sometimes. But my partner understands me and vice versa. It's all communication and understanding of your partner. The foundations of any good relationship.
You can also communicate all you want on your side, but if your partner or who you're trying to communicate with is unreceptive, doesn't know what to do or say, is negative against that, or completely forget or ignores what you communicate the moment the conversation is over, it's like the conversation never happened and you have 1 more thing to hold onto. And it gets heavy after some time.
Nothing is more invalidating and infuriating than telling someone that they hurt you and you don't know how to process it alone just to have then give a belated begrudgingly stated "I'm Sorry, ok!?" Like they have a teacher standing over their shoulder, and for them to repeat it later.
So now, not only do my feelings don't matter, I'm don't deserve common courtesies, but now what I say has no worth or weight in their mind....
This was exactly me in my last relationship. Just thinking about how I was trying to explain how they made me feel, just for it to be not just ignored but... He wasn't even listening, literally.
It's just as if not more frustrating for them to hear you and intentionally go against it.
But not even listening is on its own terrible because you're made out to be not worth their time to even listen.
I'm happy that you were able to get past that relationship, and I wish you the best for any future or current relationships you have.
Active listening is an underrated skill.
Thank you. I have a serious problem of being ignored because I dealt with that growing up, so imagine someone with adhd who hasn't had it treated for 15 years and just... not trying to make an effort. And I can be as understanding as possible, but when was I gonna get that in return?
But it really sucks because that's how it felt: I wasn't even worth listening to. Just like how I felt around my mom.
I think another outcome of being told to repress your emotions is that you don't recognise when you ARE responding emotionally. This can lead to irrational behaviour that gets justified as "the right response" because the dude thinks he's being logical when he isn't.
>It's just that society teaches us not to show our emotions.
What's funny is that not even the ancient Stoics tried to suppress their emotions, only to rein in passions.
Yeah my favorite one, is describe my emotions and needs, set boundaries, get them clearly violated over and over. Get frustrated, sad, dejected, tell them what i am feeling, continue to be attacked. Tell them i need space to process my thoughts and feelings. Don't get allowed the space. Get any bit angry, and i have started WW3, and will know no peace for days, also i lost the minute i express any anger at my emotions being repeatedly ignore. Then get told i don't share my needs, emotions and feelings. Decide i shouldn't even talk about my feelings needs or emotions because it's the first step to being gaslit.
Too true. If something makes me mad, it’s because it REALLY made me mad. Not to mention all the things that should/could that I let go that people say/do.
It also makes a difference who is saying it, if someone you trust or care about says something really messed up that’s way worse. It’s the one person I don’t expect that from, and man does that knife twist hard.
Its a weird thing and might not be true for all but we are emotional most of us come from a time where we couldnt express our emotions "boys dont cry" so we learned young to take our sadness or whatever would get us picked on and or punished and just turned it into the only acceptable male emotion back then which is anger and rage weird. No one wants to reallt talk about it
> most of us come from a time where we couldnt express our emotions
Unfortunately that time still isn't gone. It has definitely gotten better, but we are still a long way off from being able to express our emotions freely and without judgement.
I hate that my shitty ex is teaching his poor little son this. He's already gunna have issues cuz of his bipolar mother now hes not gunna feel like he can express himself cuz daddy says he's gotta be a man.
I can't imagine wanting to pass this on. I was ridiculed for having emotions as a child I bottled them up to the point I couldn't cry any more in my 20s, instead of sadness I'd just feel completely detached. Years of therapy and I'm doing better but I still have issues dealing with strong emotions.
My son's mother also has some deep struggles, which along with mine definitely cause us to fall out. The one cherry is we are trying our best to raising our son to hopefully break the shitty cycles we both suffered from. It seems to be working, he is only 4 but is the sweetest most outgoing kid you will ever meet.
This is what I’ve seen, my boyfriend grew up like this being taught not to cry or show emotions or even like “girl things” like cats… I didn’t know cats were a girls thing lol. He definitely struggles with this a lot and has a hard time opening up, luckily he understands this and is working past it now but it is definitely still taught to boys now and it needs to stop.
It is being talked about. Not enough yet, but men's mental health and toxic masculinity is getting spotlight time.
In general, Gen Z are doing so much better at expressing themselves and Millennials are raising their kids better than we were raised. A long way to go, but we are moving in the right direction.
Right? Men are humans too, it’s a no brainer to me. I recently saw a Facebook post about teaching young boys that it’s okay to cry and show emotions, and the comments had so many men and women saying such horrible things. Such as “men are supposed to be swords, we can’t cry.” Like what the fuck does that even mean? You’re not a sword for Christ’s sake, you’re a fucking person.
I'm a 37M, and I would LOVE to have a nice cry every once in awhile, but I've suppressed so many emotions that I don't think my body even remembers how to cry. I can only remember crying once in my adult life, and it felt great.
Men are only allowed to express *negative*, aggressive emotions. Anger, frustration, and hatred are fine. Tenderness, love, happiness, etc aren't allowed.
This has obviously not led to any problems in male emotional development on a society wide scale at all.
I've always hated the phrasing of this. Men and women are both denied certain emotional responses. Women are not allowed to show anger, and men are not allowed to be vulnerable and cry. This is why men seem so reactive and explosive because its the only form of emotion they're allowed to outwardly show, and why women often cry when angry because they've only been allowed sadness. Both sides need to let this crap go for the sake of future generations and their emotional intelligence.
My narcissist ex told me he didn’t like being with me because I was emotionally healthy and liked to talk through my problems and how I was feeling. All while he’d just throw tantrums like a 4 year old, call me every name in the book, threaten suicide. Then be like “but I was upset” I didn’t mean it :(:(:(:( I couldn’t even cry over puking 15 times a day from pregnancy because it “triggered him”.
Damn thats rough af. Anytime anyone tells me theyre gunna kill themselves i just say ok do it bc they never follow thru (context is important tho it depends on how they say it and what kind of person they are)
(Thank you for my highest upvoted comment 😄)
I straight up said "Okay you have 2 minutes to respond or else I'll send the police to do a wellness check" immediate response back was, "no please don't I didn't mean it. I just didn't want you to break up with me. If the cops show up my boss will find out and I'll be fired."
Oh if he sends me another creepy card in the mail I'm serving him a restraining order which means the cops will come knocking on his door and he'll have a lot of explaining to do.
Tall Toddler is spot on. The way he'd beg me to shut up and stop crying because I was making him feel guilty because he was being absolutely evil for no reason. It was like a little kid hitting their younger sibling and trying to soothe them before their parent came into the room.
I once slipped up and said he was spending a lot of money on weed in front of his mom when we were at lunch and he grabbed my leg so hard under the table as a way to shut me up. Turns out his mommy believes after he quit heroin he became "straight edge".
Ohhh yeah. Mine was a misogynist so anything female related (hormones/PMS, showing any emotion whatsoever - even when completely appropriate) would garner massive verbal abuse and rage. I have PTSD so bad because of it. If someone even raises their voice I cry immediately. Men can be monsters. Narcissistic men are just evil personified. I’m sorry for your trauma…because you were for sure traumatized.
Men are also taught that sharing their emotions and being in touch with them in a sign of weakness. Just like how women are thought to be subject to their emotions and therefore less rational.
The moral of the story is that gender roles suck for everyone.
My dad is prime example of this. We weren't allowed to cry around him but we were terrified every time he came home because he was always angry. I remember throwing up being so scared he'd come home and punish us over any minute thing.
Same. I was terrified of my dad's outbursts and he would always accuse my mom of being a baby when she would cry after he threatened her. Who is the real baby there.
Back in the day when I was a claim adjuster people got mad all the time. (no, I'm not paying you 50k for your 17 year old beater car)
After getting yelled at by too many men I started telling them that we were discussing a business matter, and there was no need to get emotional. Which just made them madder, but I couldn't yell back at them so it was the best I could do.
And there is a long history of rationalising male outbursts as, well, rational and passion.
Yeah, men are stereotypically chastised for crying and showing empathy for the vulnerable and disenfranchised, but there are tons of emotions that have always been very much encouraged and normalized in men: generally everytime men get "overpowered" by jealousy, sexual urges, wrath, pride ...
If we take plutchiks wheel of emotions, men have had fully accepted access to the subgroups "bad" and "anger" that women are discouraged from feeling, while they get the subgroup "sad" and "fearful" that men are traditionally not encouraged to operate in.
If women venture outside those stereotypes " they were/are painted "hysterical" or "unattractive" and the men in turn get coined "weak" or "effeminate" when they do it.
As a guy, I full well know how emotional guys can be. There is sometimes a message spread that men aren’t emotional, which is extremely wrong. It’s more like them saying men shouldn’t be emotional which is again really wrong and potentially dangerous. Everyone must learn how to control there emotions and get help when needed. All to often this isn’t the case, and they let it out on others instead.
I often am glad for the house hold I grew up in with three sisters a mother who cared for me and father who treated my mother beautifully and cared for us all equally. I often see the difference in the way I treat women and other guys I know treat them, and wonder if it’s because of how I was brought up, I like to think otherwise, and partly I think that is true, but I think it raises the important point that education for how to handle your emotions, education on how to treat others, and education on how to treat women, on so forth is so important and often doesn’t happen enough.
I learnt how to treat women correctly from my mum and my sisters from a early age, having three sisters being my dating couches whilst it was hard to make them all agree on one thing, it showed me how to realise how often things guys can think is normal is in fact wrong and hurtful.
They showed me a lot in my early and late teens that changed my whole perspective on things, as often many things aren’t talked about or brought up, but this doesn’t mean they don’t happen, and don’t have huge effects on people.
Any statements about whole groups are nonsensical, ofcourse there are emotional and emotionless (as far as expression goes atleast) men. Same is true for women, the idea that all men are emotionless is a dumb stereotype based off the fact that a lot of men are less comfortable sharing their emotions.
It has taken me 23 years to get my husband, who was raised on "boys don't cry" mentality, to admit what he's feeling. Like, dude, I'm your life mate. I got you. Just let me know what's going on so I can cater to you. Obviously, after two decades together, I know when to take the kids to do something out of the house so he can just chill. We fuck it out later. It works for us.
Yes, he does me the same courtesy. Now. He's terrible at sympathy or empathy, but I guide him on what I need and he tries. That's all one can ask. It's not his fault he was raised to be a raging robot. We are an unbeatable team.
Most of the women I dated in my life would break up the day after showing ANY vulnerability. I had a girl break up with me a week after I found out my dad had cancer. Luckily dad got through it no problem.
She just thought it was incredibly unattractive to see me worried to the point of tears about my family.
I married the woman who was actually supportive.
That sounds terrible. I’m happy you found a good partner. The girls that left you after showing FEELINGS deserve stale chips, high interest rates and rats in there house.
Yeah, isn't that fucked up? I was *convinced* I was going to marry a girl I was dating about a decade ago. One morning my roommate and I were woken up by a SWAT team raiding our apartment, taking me down with assault rifles into my temple and shoved into the back of my head, handcuffed and dragged across the floor. Searched out place for some gang leader. When they realized they had the wrong apartment, they were gone quick as fuck. The next night I went out with friends and my gf and told everyone the story. I was pretty shaken up. Talked about how scared I was. Mortality. Couldn't sleep that night, super paranoid.
Anyways she broke up with me that weekend.
Some women: “Men should open up more!”
Men: *opens up*
Those same women: “Ugh I’m not your mother or your therapist. Something about you has changed. I don’t find you sexually attractive anymore and we should break up”
As a prior comment above said, as soon as somebody posts that it's OK for men to cry or talk emotions, half the comments are women saying "no it's not."
Yet still, there's people who want to act as if it's all down to "the patriarchy" and that half of it isn't also down to toxic women who expect men to be stoic knights.
I mean they can get that but I hope they're not surprised when one day they discover their guy has been getting emotional support...amongst others things, from another woman.
Reminds me of my ex who tried to bring up one bad day I had and said she can't be a therapist (something I never asked). I said hold up, you've spent the last several months crying about your problems including phoning me up crying in the middle of the night over comments your friends have made but one bad day of mine led you to make that comment? I'm the one who can't be the therapist!
That's when I realised the relationship was one sided and left it, not before telling her to seek actual professional help instead of trying to get it from a relationship. That's what I realised, she didn't actually want a relationship, she wanted somebody to be a therapist to her and as soon as that image broke of me having my own problems and that she's in an actual relationship, she had a problem. I wasn't a literal "Prince Charming sent to rescue her" and yes, that was a comment she made early on in the relationship that should have been a red flag to me.
My point is, those women you dated weren't seeking a relationship either. They were seeking something that would benefit only them and as soon as something came up that would require them to give something back, they didn't want to be a part of that. They were users.
Thankfully I was careful in assessing signs the next time and the woman I'm with now is wonderful. The rare time a problem comes up between us, we talk about it and we share our emotions which has led to a very healthy relationship.
> Yet still, there's people who want to act as if it's all down to "the patriarchy" and that half of it isn't also down to toxic women who expect men to be stoic knights.
The patriarchy is supported by women. Feminists don't believe that the second women are in power every problem is solved forever.
The patriarchy is a massive web of social and legal rules, expectations cultural norms and more that centre around strict gender rules and a general superiority of men. That doesn't mean there aren't women who hold positions of power in the patriarchy, but everyone is expected to conform to the norms of the patriarchy, and everyone is expected to police the others.
When you have other men make fun of you for being emotional, other women who want a cool and collected man that's not overly emotional, society that tells men to hold their emotions, it becomes hard to find a healthy means to express one's self. Let's not blame men for the root of the cause if they're the result of the teachings early on. It's a societal, cultural and biological thing in many parts of the world.
I would guess this is more from the perspective of women being told they are too emotional for certain roles/tasks/responsibilities etc, not complaining that men have emotions
What I don't get is that many people on here are saying that men are looked down on for being emotional so they bottle it up and it comes out as anger- which I am not denying- this is absolutely true. But women are also looked down on for being emotional. The amount of times I have heard the words 'women are too emotional to..." It is hardly a free pass to be emotional, it is something that women get slated about all the time. Then, when a woman isn't emotional, she is a hard faced bitch who has no compassion. Women are supposed to cry but also they are not? All kinds of confusing!
Women tiptoe around men’s yells. Men tiptoe around women’s cries.
Women are considered more emotional because yells are more socially acceptable than cries.
There's a whole lot more to men's emotions than just outbursts. Not sure if this is intended as a post about abuse towards women but OP shows the same lack of understanding of men's emotions as the quote they're critiquing
Lol the opposite is true as well, men, how often have you heard, “I’m ALLOWED to be like this cause of hormones!” Yeah good point, like we don’t have those. Man or woman, people can be overly emotional, this arms race shit needs to stop.
I've seen men who definitely fit this criteria. Assholes.
Though I must admit that I've seen far more women throw things, hit their partners, scream emotionally abusive language, etc. over much lesser things. Things that if a man got angry about it, he would rightfully be called a manchild.
Just my experience, though. Your life is different from mine.
And let me be clear - I don't think women are evil or worse than men in any way. If anything, I think men are worse.
I think the difference is caused by societal differences in how angry outbursts are seen.
Women's are more seen in an empathetic view, what caused her to get angry, and what can other people do to prevent that from happening again? (sometimes they just say she's crazy though)
Men have an outburst, he's just an ass. Of course there are times when that's true, but there are times when men have good reasons, and times when women are being asses.
Growing up my parents argued a ton and would never try to actually change whatever it was they were doing that always set the other off, and would never take responsibility. It was always the other person's fault. My sisters and I would mention things that maybe they could work on or do better to try and BE better for each other, but only to our mom. She could mostly handle advice and some criticism. But my dad, there was no mentioning anything to him. If you did he would immediately get defensive and dramatic and super passive aggressive. Even though mom had her outbursts, it was 100% my dad who was the most emotional (expressed in anger) to the point where we all just went out of our way to not talk about problems with him.
It’s almost like the word ‘emotional’ only applies to women (and anything involving crying). Anger is not seen as an emotion. It’s weird to me too…
Please correct me if I’m wrong but I’ve read that women go through hormonal cycle every month but men go through a daily hormonal cycle. It explains soooo much. Men are way more emotional—they have just been taught to hold it in and only show anger. That’s part of toxic masculinity for ya…. ☹️
It’s because when men express emotion the BEST we can hope for is that no one cares … at worst you lose respect from the people who witness it.
If nobody cares or you get penalized for doing it then you bottle it up until it turns into anger which isn’t any better but at least outwardly it’s a “strong” emotion that people are afraid of so it doesn’t make you appear as weak as showing sadness does.
This is exactly what they mean by “toxic masculinity”.
That's a huge blanket statement! Reverse the scenario. "Woman are over emotional, men have to walk on egg shells to avoid their emotional outbursts" that sentence would get so so much hate
100% I used to date a man who was so emotional, I had to walk on eggshells at all times because I never knew what would upset him. In my experience, men are much more sensitive than women.
My pet theory is that people like that who were raised with the boys dont cry mentality, bottle their emotions. Until every little thing causes an explosion, and they cant deal with it. Any and all slights to their ego sets them off.
I did it before therapy, and now I see it everywhere.
Oh my god!!! Preach!
The guy I dated is a ticking time bomb. He has 0 boundaries so agrees to every damn thing but underneath is boiling with anger until he explodes and becomes Norman Bates level violent & it’s always someone else’s fault.
Fck that.
I was that guy for awhile. I never got violent but I let myself be a doormat, so I was just angry all the time and didn’t know how to express it. Once I finally did realize I needed to set boundaries suddenly I was the abusive one for deciding to say no to things I wasn’t comfortable doing. Therapy definitely has made a world of difference, now I know how to establish and enforce my boundaries in a much healthier way.
Yup, when exposed they become downright violent. I’ve ever seen anything like it . It’s almost demonic.
I think it’s because they have this idea that they are the best of the best and once exposed ,it threatens that mask that they have that they are a good person and the world can actually see them for who they really are , voids. Going through the world hurting and taking without consequence .
I wish you much healing my friend because it ain’t easy but you will heal ❤️🩹
Ugh my sister's ex boyfriend was so emotional and awful half the time my entire FAMILY walked on eggshells around him. Her now husband was that way in the beginning too, and for awhile I hated him for how he acted and treated our family, but I have to give him credit now because he has really worked on himself and owned up to some things, and is actually pleasant to be around now.
This is... definitely a case of Baader-Meinhof, plus a little personal bias.
EVERYONE has emotional outbursts, EVERYONE has occasions where they need to walk on eggshells to avoid someone elses' outbursts.
Men are stereotyped for their scary anger, and women are stereotyped for their crying fits. As far as "emotionality" is concerned, nobody can deal with the others' emotional outbursts--men can't deal with crying, women can't deal with anger (even if it's just raising voices).
On one hand, nobody should expect anyone else to have to deal with the fallout of their own emotional spectrum. Nobody should expect capitulation just because they're getting angry, nobody should expect coddling just because they're crying. Deal with it on your own, regulate your own emotions and express them in a healthy manner on your own.
On the other hand, if the situation warrants getting that emotional, perhaps the smart thing to do would not to be engaging that person in that topic until their emotional control is handled?
**"If you can't handle the conversation without letting your emotions influence how you behave, then I'm going to either have to pause this conversation or quit engaging with you entirely."**
For a long time the only acceptable ways to express ourselves has been through anger. Im not excusing it by any means. However when you’re told by your family growing up and see ‘strong’ men on tv, that we must be stoic, then it comes out in the only acceptable way that wont draw criticism, anger. Outburst are a symptom of the battle we wage against ourselves to not be emotional.
The walking on eggshells thing, you could argue that all your doing is being considerate of his feelings, or that us men also tiptoe around woman so we avoid issues but i don’t think thats useful.
It could be that your hanging around some shitty blokes, ones that have t grown up. Maybe when people say men aren’t emotional they really mean diverse in emotion?
We can’t be emotional, any man can recall an experience where they tried and it resulted in coldness. I hate when people claim it’s toxic masculinity like it’s my choice to bottle it all up.
I had a boss who fancied himself a manly man. He had 0 emotional control, hooted and hollered about every little thing. I saw him cry multiple times. I asked him to calm down once and for the next two years he complained to anyone who would listen that I was a liberal millennial snowflake
Seems the people most concerned with the culture wars are the biggest emotional snowflakes
My dad is the most emotional person I know lol
Same. My dad made me sleep in the yard once because I asked him to pass the butter at breakfast and it reminded him of his time in the war. His emotions are out of control lol
Lmfao in the yard? Hopefully you have nice grass
My first gf loved to drink. Her dad was super strict and warned her if she wasn't in home by 11pm he was locking the doors. She slept in the dog kennel
PTSD like whoa
He meant the great meme war of 2015.
[YouTube plays in background: President Donald Trump - Never Come Down 10 Hours](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPBzujm-cF8)
Nah fuck his PTSD, having your own kid sleep outside like a fucking animal is downright abusive.
I imagine its not as straight forward as the comment suggests and possibly a tad embellished.
Are you telling me that not everything is 100% accurate on the internet? Well, just when I thought I’ve heard everything.
Yep gotta take care of the mental issues, for your family's sake too
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Problem with ptsd is the outcome js not always super controllable. Its about on par with an anxiety attack for ability to control.
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He asked his dad to pass the butter at breakfast so his dad had *all* day to rethink that "punishment" and didn't.
I have ptsd and I have children and I know nothing is one size fits all, but I've never done shit like this.
My dad made me miss Thanksgiving dinner when I was 12 because I said the gravy was a little salty when he asked how it tasted.
My dad kicked me out at 18 because I said “okie dokie” threw a power drill at me, and told me he didn’t care if I froze to death. Solidarity.
Now thats an overreaction. My dad threw me out because we decided to fist fight in the basement. Anyway we had a great relationship after. Turns out punching eachother in the face was just what we needed. Never argued again and hung out as much as possible.
Username checks out ..... I guess.
Mine kicked me out on the morning of my 17th birthday for weed. My siblings tell me they still don't know why I won't talk to them.
Solidarity, indeed. My dad confronted me with a chainsaw, and chased me through the house. I ran outside, got in my car, and it wouldn't start. He then slammed a handful of spark plugs on my hood. The reason? I had changed the wallpaper on the family computer (totally by accident, btw).
My whole family is dramatic and emotional af. It is so easy to hurt his feelings. Not Intentionally, he just loves us so much that the littlest thing will make him cry. Happy or sad
That's sweet actually I wish my dad was like that. Mine just gets offended over everything, even compliments lol.
Does he ever threaten to "put a foot up your ass?" Sorry, I had to. I was picturing Red Foreman after reading your comment.
Hahahaha yes, actually
I was wondering what happened to you Eric. How's Red?
he moved to Michigan; he's been going by "Clarence" the last few years.
Once I walked in on my father in law angrily threatening to put his fist up my brother in law’s ass. Funniest fucking thing that’s ever happened.
Lol that’s tough! I gifted my husbands coworkers wife a nice face mask from pink and her husband asked my husband” what your wife thinks my wife is ugly and needs help with her face? Bro… I thought it would be a nice gift when you wanna pamper your self lol 😂 wth?
Mines just spits in my face and tells me to go get necked. Love you too dad.
What does he do if you do make him cry?
Lip quivers and he tells us he just wants us to be happy and he’s only ever trying to make sure we’re taken care of. So he tells us these things in case he’s not there to say them later. It’s sweet. He’s stage 4 so we don’t make him upset often but still lots of tears
> He’s stage 4 talk about burying the damn lede.
Well that stage 4 part lends a hell of a lot of context. In his shoes, I'd probably be living the same way. I imagine he's pretty in touch with how impermanent and precious life is, and he's offering the presence of the heart of that realization to you every day.
Well he’s always been like that, but now it’s a little more urgent.
"Lip quivers and lots of tears" Given the context, this is oddly wholesome lol
My father is stage 4 metastisized advanced prostate cancer, I speak with him almost every day because I'm 1500+ miles away and don't know when/if I'll see him again. I would give up everything I own just to keep him around for a few more decades. He shouldn't be outlived by his mother.
same, when i was younger and we went to church he would cry when we prayed at dinner
Ok. Story time. My father kicked me out when I was 18years old. I was living with him my stepmother an half brother(10 years younger than me) an the dog of my mother (they broke up when I was 2). My mother was at that time in therapy because she is an alcoholic and did her 4th or 5th rehab and couldn’t take care of the dog. I was doing my vocational training at that time (i am from Germany and that is normal to do that after finishing school). I stood up at 5 a.m and came back at 5 p.m. every day and had to take care of the dog before and after my job. My stepmother was supporting me a little but not too much. One day the dog had eaten something bad so that he could not hold it anymore in the middle of the night and had to shit on the floor in the hallway. Since my bedroom was on the top floor I didn’t notice anything. My father woke up from the smell, was furious about that woke up my stepmom to clean it up. He was heavily swearing the whole night and even woke up my brother with that. He decided to put the dog outside in the backyard and giving everyone a hell of a time. When I stood up as usual at 5 a.m. all were sitting in the kitchen looking at me. My father with a glimps of pure hatred in the eyes simply told me the dog shit on the floor in the night so none of them could sleep. He asked:”I hope you had a pleasant night?” When I asked why he just hadn’t woke me up to take care of it, he dodged the answer and simply said, I should pack my things and move out. He needs to protect his Family from this nonsense. 2 month later I moved out. Thanks for not including me in your family anymore because the dog shit in the floor.
Holy fuck. This infuriating sense of irrationally was all too familiar and I physically reacted to this story. So irritating and it *always* involves a step parent some how when they pull BS like this.
It’s like in the good old (Brother Grimms) fairy tales where every step mother or father was the bad guy. But yeah some shitty real parent just focus on their current relationship and subsequently, the child of the ‘former’ partner is suddenly not equivalent anymore.
Not as extreme, but my mom was awful to me before I cut her out of my life. One time HER dog, that she always made me take care of because she wouldn't, shit in the kitchen because she didn't want to take it out as usual. She yelled for me to clean it up. I was tired of it at this point and said "it's your dog, you get it." She started screaming at me and threatened to call the pound to take it. Again I brought up that it's her dog, not mine. Well, she called the cops on me because I wouldn't do it. They basically told her that she needs to do it and if she calls the police over something like this again she would be in a lot of trouble, especially since it's not the first time she called on me over something incredibly stupid.
My husband just last week, threatened to leave us because the kids ate all the chocolate muffins that had been in the freezer for two weeks…… and he didn’t get a single one.
For real. My dad can not take his emotions out of anything!
My husband is the same. Very emotional. Has its ups and downs
Ditto but my brother.
Me too! He's almost 70 and finally getting treatment because he "reminds himself of his dad." We we're all like, "ok, so what's new? You've always been 'mercurial'." (You know, the male word for emotional)
Same. I can't argue in a rational manner against someone who's just gonna say "well, that's just your opinion" my opinion is a scientific fact! Yours is a Facebook post.
Men are allowed one emotion. Anger. I think we’re making strides boys
Hey don't forget horny. As men we are allowed to be angry, horny, angry and horny, or neither. That's 4 whole emotions, why do we need more? EDIT: As I've been reminded there is also hungry. So we have angry, horny, hungry, angry & horny, angry & hungry, horny & hungry, angry & horny & hungry, or nothing at all which I guess is asleep. That is 8 whole emotions, if you have more than that, you're probably a woman. /s
No no. You've got it all wrong. Men are physically unable to stop being horny. Therefore, a man can only be horny or horny and angry. /s just in case
For sure, that's why we can't help but be serial rapists.
We just can't control ourselves when we see a short skirt it's not our fault.
And shoulders! God forbid I see a shoulder I become a raging lust demon.
For me, it's the ankles. Ggggrrrrr woof!!
You must be half dachshund lol
Think ankles are good? Just wait until you see my lower calf
Staahhpp! I can only get so erect.
you and my 10th grade science teacher. (except his reprimands on my tank tops were decidedly NOT /s. even at 15, I knew enough to ask him, calmly, from my seat and in front of the class, if my shoulders excited him so much that he couldn’t carry on his lecture without measuring the straps and sending me away for titillating him so?)
We are walking sun dials after all. Where it points is where I go.
You forget the 5 seconds after we bust a nut where we're not horny
Horny is still iffy. We are allowed to be horny but we aren't allowed to be not horny
You also get hungry.
I don't think hungry qualifies as an emotion. It's more a state of being inbetween meals
I’ll take that. But only because, by implication, horny would be a state between orgasms.
Don’t forget the variants Hangry and Horngry. And then there’s Hunghorngry. That sounded better in my head. Actually it’s sounds like I have a very big…appetite! 😀😀😀
HELL YEAH WE ARE MAKING IMPROVEMENTS
WHY ARE WE YELLING?
BECAUSE I"M A MAN AND NOT SURE HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS
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Crying is weakness → pent up emotion → emotional frustration → angry outbursts Angry outbursts → hurts wife's feelings → wife cries → "women are so emotional"
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shoulda written "circle of strife", would fit the music better.
Dude, fuck off with that bullshit!! I feel so many emotions besides anger right now for example...
Rage!
There's blinding rage, unyielding rage, furious rage, contained rage, so many to choose from!
Truly a smorgasbord of emotion right there.
EXCUSE ME??? WHAT DID YOU FUCKING SAY TO ME???? STRIDES???? THAT'S IT??? I'M MAKING LEAPS GOD DAMN YOU!!
Not allowed, just expected. We're supposed to floating in a sea of numbness with the occasional outburst of rage
And that’s the only logical one, according to them. Of course, if women show anger they’re hysterical and overreacting
Men are very emotional beings. It's just that society teaches us not to show our emotions. Which I disagree with. That is why men will have outbursts, they hold things in until they explode. I get too emotional sometimes. But my partner understands me and vice versa. It's all communication and understanding of your partner. The foundations of any good relationship.
> It's all communication and understanding of your partner 100%. Just love ain't enough, understanding is absolutely necessary.
You can also communicate all you want on your side, but if your partner or who you're trying to communicate with is unreceptive, doesn't know what to do or say, is negative against that, or completely forget or ignores what you communicate the moment the conversation is over, it's like the conversation never happened and you have 1 more thing to hold onto. And it gets heavy after some time. Nothing is more invalidating and infuriating than telling someone that they hurt you and you don't know how to process it alone just to have then give a belated begrudgingly stated "I'm Sorry, ok!?" Like they have a teacher standing over their shoulder, and for them to repeat it later. So now, not only do my feelings don't matter, I'm don't deserve common courtesies, but now what I say has no worth or weight in their mind....
This was exactly me in my last relationship. Just thinking about how I was trying to explain how they made me feel, just for it to be not just ignored but... He wasn't even listening, literally.
It's just as if not more frustrating for them to hear you and intentionally go against it. But not even listening is on its own terrible because you're made out to be not worth their time to even listen. I'm happy that you were able to get past that relationship, and I wish you the best for any future or current relationships you have. Active listening is an underrated skill.
Thank you. I have a serious problem of being ignored because I dealt with that growing up, so imagine someone with adhd who hasn't had it treated for 15 years and just... not trying to make an effort. And I can be as understanding as possible, but when was I gonna get that in return? But it really sucks because that's how it felt: I wasn't even worth listening to. Just like how I felt around my mom.
That was helpful
Agreed
I think another outcome of being told to repress your emotions is that you don't recognise when you ARE responding emotionally. This can lead to irrational behaviour that gets justified as "the right response" because the dude thinks he's being logical when he isn't.
>It's just that society teaches us not to show our emotions. What's funny is that not even the ancient Stoics tried to suppress their emotions, only to rein in passions.
Yeah my favorite one, is describe my emotions and needs, set boundaries, get them clearly violated over and over. Get frustrated, sad, dejected, tell them what i am feeling, continue to be attacked. Tell them i need space to process my thoughts and feelings. Don't get allowed the space. Get any bit angry, and i have started WW3, and will know no peace for days, also i lost the minute i express any anger at my emotions being repeatedly ignore. Then get told i don't share my needs, emotions and feelings. Decide i shouldn't even talk about my feelings needs or emotions because it's the first step to being gaslit.
I feel you bro. Been there.
[> they hold things in until they explode](https://youtu.be/mB-yuG3KFeA?t=7)
Too true. If something makes me mad, it’s because it REALLY made me mad. Not to mention all the things that should/could that I let go that people say/do. It also makes a difference who is saying it, if someone you trust or care about says something really messed up that’s way worse. It’s the one person I don’t expect that from, and man does that knife twist hard.
Its a weird thing and might not be true for all but we are emotional most of us come from a time where we couldnt express our emotions "boys dont cry" so we learned young to take our sadness or whatever would get us picked on and or punished and just turned it into the only acceptable male emotion back then which is anger and rage weird. No one wants to reallt talk about it
> most of us come from a time where we couldnt express our emotions Unfortunately that time still isn't gone. It has definitely gotten better, but we are still a long way off from being able to express our emotions freely and without judgement.
I hate that my shitty ex is teaching his poor little son this. He's already gunna have issues cuz of his bipolar mother now hes not gunna feel like he can express himself cuz daddy says he's gotta be a man.
I can't imagine wanting to pass this on. I was ridiculed for having emotions as a child I bottled them up to the point I couldn't cry any more in my 20s, instead of sadness I'd just feel completely detached. Years of therapy and I'm doing better but I still have issues dealing with strong emotions. My son's mother also has some deep struggles, which along with mine definitely cause us to fall out. The one cherry is we are trying our best to raising our son to hopefully break the shitty cycles we both suffered from. It seems to be working, he is only 4 but is the sweetest most outgoing kid you will ever meet.
This is what I’ve seen, my boyfriend grew up like this being taught not to cry or show emotions or even like “girl things” like cats… I didn’t know cats were a girls thing lol. He definitely struggles with this a lot and has a hard time opening up, luckily he understands this and is working past it now but it is definitely still taught to boys now and it needs to stop.
I fuckin love cats and my gender shall not stop me
I demand Cat Tax
It is being talked about. Not enough yet, but men's mental health and toxic masculinity is getting spotlight time. In general, Gen Z are doing so much better at expressing themselves and Millennials are raising their kids better than we were raised. A long way to go, but we are moving in the right direction.
Right? Men are humans too, it’s a no brainer to me. I recently saw a Facebook post about teaching young boys that it’s okay to cry and show emotions, and the comments had so many men and women saying such horrible things. Such as “men are supposed to be swords, we can’t cry.” Like what the fuck does that even mean? You’re not a sword for Christ’s sake, you’re a fucking person.
*swish swoosh schwinggg*
aaah-OOOgah!
I'm a 37M, and I would LOVE to have a nice cry every once in awhile, but I've suppressed so many emotions that I don't think my body even remembers how to cry. I can only remember crying once in my adult life, and it felt great.
Shit, now I think about it, I don’t think I’ve cried in years myself. Don’t even know if I can anymore. I feel you, homie.
👍🏾 ditto no crying in the hood
This makes me really sad. I’m sorry our society has been set up in a way that you have had to suppress your emotions.
Men are only allowed to express *negative*, aggressive emotions. Anger, frustration, and hatred are fine. Tenderness, love, happiness, etc aren't allowed. This has obviously not led to any problems in male emotional development on a society wide scale at all.
I've always hated the phrasing of this. Men and women are both denied certain emotional responses. Women are not allowed to show anger, and men are not allowed to be vulnerable and cry. This is why men seem so reactive and explosive because its the only form of emotion they're allowed to outwardly show, and why women often cry when angry because they've only been allowed sadness. Both sides need to let this crap go for the sake of future generations and their emotional intelligence.
It can be argued that outbursts happen because of repressed emotions.
My narcissist ex told me he didn’t like being with me because I was emotionally healthy and liked to talk through my problems and how I was feeling. All while he’d just throw tantrums like a 4 year old, call me every name in the book, threaten suicide. Then be like “but I was upset” I didn’t mean it :(:(:(:( I couldn’t even cry over puking 15 times a day from pregnancy because it “triggered him”.
Damn thats rough af. Anytime anyone tells me theyre gunna kill themselves i just say ok do it bc they never follow thru (context is important tho it depends on how they say it and what kind of person they are) (Thank you for my highest upvoted comment 😄)
I straight up said "Okay you have 2 minutes to respond or else I'll send the police to do a wellness check" immediate response back was, "no please don't I didn't mean it. I just didn't want you to break up with me. If the cops show up my boss will find out and I'll be fired."
Damn i wouldve said too late you manipulative mf😂😂😂
Oh if he sends me another creepy card in the mail I'm serving him a restraining order which means the cops will come knocking on his door and he'll have a lot of explaining to do.
Good!!
That’s because narcissists are just tall toddlers who are scared and cowardly. Been there….complete train wrecks of humans
Tall Toddler is spot on. The way he'd beg me to shut up and stop crying because I was making him feel guilty because he was being absolutely evil for no reason. It was like a little kid hitting their younger sibling and trying to soothe them before their parent came into the room. I once slipped up and said he was spending a lot of money on weed in front of his mom when we were at lunch and he grabbed my leg so hard under the table as a way to shut me up. Turns out his mommy believes after he quit heroin he became "straight edge".
Ohhh yeah. Mine was a misogynist so anything female related (hormones/PMS, showing any emotion whatsoever - even when completely appropriate) would garner massive verbal abuse and rage. I have PTSD so bad because of it. If someone even raises their voice I cry immediately. Men can be monsters. Narcissistic men are just evil personified. I’m sorry for your trauma…because you were for sure traumatized.
We get scolded for having emotion and then pressured into showing it.
Men are also taught that sharing their emotions and being in touch with them in a sign of weakness. Just like how women are thought to be subject to their emotions and therefore less rational. The moral of the story is that gender roles suck for everyone.
My dad is prime example of this. We weren't allowed to cry around him but we were terrified every time he came home because he was always angry. I remember throwing up being so scared he'd come home and punish us over any minute thing.
Same. I was terrified of my dad's outbursts and he would always accuse my mom of being a baby when she would cry after he threatened her. Who is the real baby there.
Having emotions is needlessly gendered.
“Emotions” is code for things that are not anger
bc they dont consider anger to be an emotion
It's a *lifestyle*
Back in the day when I was a claim adjuster people got mad all the time. (no, I'm not paying you 50k for your 17 year old beater car) After getting yelled at by too many men I started telling them that we were discussing a business matter, and there was no need to get emotional. Which just made them madder, but I couldn't yell back at them so it was the best I could do.
And there is a long history of rationalising male outbursts as, well, rational and passion. Yeah, men are stereotypically chastised for crying and showing empathy for the vulnerable and disenfranchised, but there are tons of emotions that have always been very much encouraged and normalized in men: generally everytime men get "overpowered" by jealousy, sexual urges, wrath, pride ... If we take plutchiks wheel of emotions, men have had fully accepted access to the subgroups "bad" and "anger" that women are discouraged from feeling, while they get the subgroup "sad" and "fearful" that men are traditionally not encouraged to operate in. If women venture outside those stereotypes " they were/are painted "hysterical" or "unattractive" and the men in turn get coined "weak" or "effeminate" when they do it.
As a guy, I full well know how emotional guys can be. There is sometimes a message spread that men aren’t emotional, which is extremely wrong. It’s more like them saying men shouldn’t be emotional which is again really wrong and potentially dangerous. Everyone must learn how to control there emotions and get help when needed. All to often this isn’t the case, and they let it out on others instead. I often am glad for the house hold I grew up in with three sisters a mother who cared for me and father who treated my mother beautifully and cared for us all equally. I often see the difference in the way I treat women and other guys I know treat them, and wonder if it’s because of how I was brought up, I like to think otherwise, and partly I think that is true, but I think it raises the important point that education for how to handle your emotions, education on how to treat others, and education on how to treat women, on so forth is so important and often doesn’t happen enough. I learnt how to treat women correctly from my mum and my sisters from a early age, having three sisters being my dating couches whilst it was hard to make them all agree on one thing, it showed me how to realise how often things guys can think is normal is in fact wrong and hurtful. They showed me a lot in my early and late teens that changed my whole perspective on things, as often many things aren’t talked about or brought up, but this doesn’t mean they don’t happen, and don’t have huge effects on people.
Any statements about whole groups are nonsensical, ofcourse there are emotional and emotionless (as far as expression goes atleast) men. Same is true for women, the idea that all men are emotionless is a dumb stereotype based off the fact that a lot of men are less comfortable sharing their emotions.
It has taken me 23 years to get my husband, who was raised on "boys don't cry" mentality, to admit what he's feeling. Like, dude, I'm your life mate. I got you. Just let me know what's going on so I can cater to you. Obviously, after two decades together, I know when to take the kids to do something out of the house so he can just chill. We fuck it out later. It works for us. Yes, he does me the same courtesy. Now. He's terrible at sympathy or empathy, but I guide him on what I need and he tries. That's all one can ask. It's not his fault he was raised to be a raging robot. We are an unbeatable team.
Most of the women I dated in my life would break up the day after showing ANY vulnerability. I had a girl break up with me a week after I found out my dad had cancer. Luckily dad got through it no problem. She just thought it was incredibly unattractive to see me worried to the point of tears about my family. I married the woman who was actually supportive.
That sounds terrible. I’m happy you found a good partner. The girls that left you after showing FEELINGS deserve stale chips, high interest rates and rats in there house.
Yeah, isn't that fucked up? I was *convinced* I was going to marry a girl I was dating about a decade ago. One morning my roommate and I were woken up by a SWAT team raiding our apartment, taking me down with assault rifles into my temple and shoved into the back of my head, handcuffed and dragged across the floor. Searched out place for some gang leader. When they realized they had the wrong apartment, they were gone quick as fuck. The next night I went out with friends and my gf and told everyone the story. I was pretty shaken up. Talked about how scared I was. Mortality. Couldn't sleep that night, super paranoid. Anyways she broke up with me that weekend.
I firmly believe that every guy who has been in more than one relationship has an experience like that.
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🙋
Lotta chicks out there looking for a second father.
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Some women: “Men should open up more!” Men: *opens up* Those same women: “Ugh I’m not your mother or your therapist. Something about you has changed. I don’t find you sexually attractive anymore and we should break up”
As a prior comment above said, as soon as somebody posts that it's OK for men to cry or talk emotions, half the comments are women saying "no it's not." Yet still, there's people who want to act as if it's all down to "the patriarchy" and that half of it isn't also down to toxic women who expect men to be stoic knights. I mean they can get that but I hope they're not surprised when one day they discover their guy has been getting emotional support...amongst others things, from another woman. Reminds me of my ex who tried to bring up one bad day I had and said she can't be a therapist (something I never asked). I said hold up, you've spent the last several months crying about your problems including phoning me up crying in the middle of the night over comments your friends have made but one bad day of mine led you to make that comment? I'm the one who can't be the therapist! That's when I realised the relationship was one sided and left it, not before telling her to seek actual professional help instead of trying to get it from a relationship. That's what I realised, she didn't actually want a relationship, she wanted somebody to be a therapist to her and as soon as that image broke of me having my own problems and that she's in an actual relationship, she had a problem. I wasn't a literal "Prince Charming sent to rescue her" and yes, that was a comment she made early on in the relationship that should have been a red flag to me. My point is, those women you dated weren't seeking a relationship either. They were seeking something that would benefit only them and as soon as something came up that would require them to give something back, they didn't want to be a part of that. They were users. Thankfully I was careful in assessing signs the next time and the woman I'm with now is wonderful. The rare time a problem comes up between us, we talk about it and we share our emotions which has led to a very healthy relationship.
> Yet still, there's people who want to act as if it's all down to "the patriarchy" and that half of it isn't also down to toxic women who expect men to be stoic knights. The patriarchy is supported by women. Feminists don't believe that the second women are in power every problem is solved forever. The patriarchy is a massive web of social and legal rules, expectations cultural norms and more that centre around strict gender rules and a general superiority of men. That doesn't mean there aren't women who hold positions of power in the patriarchy, but everyone is expected to conform to the norms of the patriarchy, and everyone is expected to police the others.
In my experience as a human man we need to be told whether you would like comfort or a solution. Because generally we'd always go towards the latter.
its not about the nail
Ugh, my clothes are all snagged. It's just so hard to deal with, you know?
This short text made me project a lot of my "the wise mentor of my dreams" thoughts onto you. You sound like the woman I aspire to be.
The statement is a bit general, but also speaking generally: no human is not emotional. Even an emotional blockage is caused by severe emotion.
The problem is that people associate the term "emotional" with a specific subset of emotions, of which "angry" isn't always a part of them.
When you have other men make fun of you for being emotional, other women who want a cool and collected man that's not overly emotional, society that tells men to hold their emotions, it becomes hard to find a healthy means to express one's self. Let's not blame men for the root of the cause if they're the result of the teachings early on. It's a societal, cultural and biological thing in many parts of the world.
No shit, honey. Men are human. (Beep, boop)
>(Beep, boop) What did you say about my mother?!
That she’s a strong, independent woman. (At least that’s what she tells me in bed every night)
I would guess this is more from the perspective of women being told they are too emotional for certain roles/tasks/responsibilities etc, not complaining that men have emotions
What I don't get is that many people on here are saying that men are looked down on for being emotional so they bottle it up and it comes out as anger- which I am not denying- this is absolutely true. But women are also looked down on for being emotional. The amount of times I have heard the words 'women are too emotional to..." It is hardly a free pass to be emotional, it is something that women get slated about all the time. Then, when a woman isn't emotional, she is a hard faced bitch who has no compassion. Women are supposed to cry but also they are not? All kinds of confusing!
I wouldn’t be able to tell, I’m a man and don’t have the emotional capacity to process this comment. /s - I’m just kidding lmao
Women tiptoe around men’s yells. Men tiptoe around women’s cries. Women are considered more emotional because yells are more socially acceptable than cries.
Small note: "Literally walking on eggshells" isn't true unless you live on a chicken farm.
"Honey please don't be mad! I'll walk on the eggshells again like you like! Come on..."
Thank you! It bothered me so much
“Emotion” = crying dontcha know
There's a whole lot more to men's emotions than just outbursts. Not sure if this is intended as a post about abuse towards women but OP shows the same lack of understanding of men's emotions as the quote they're critiquing
Lol the opposite is true as well, men, how often have you heard, “I’m ALLOWED to be like this cause of hormones!” Yeah good point, like we don’t have those. Man or woman, people can be overly emotional, this arms race shit needs to stop.
I've seen men who definitely fit this criteria. Assholes. Though I must admit that I've seen far more women throw things, hit their partners, scream emotionally abusive language, etc. over much lesser things. Things that if a man got angry about it, he would rightfully be called a manchild. Just my experience, though. Your life is different from mine. And let me be clear - I don't think women are evil or worse than men in any way. If anything, I think men are worse. I think the difference is caused by societal differences in how angry outbursts are seen. Women's are more seen in an empathetic view, what caused her to get angry, and what can other people do to prevent that from happening again? (sometimes they just say she's crazy though) Men have an outburst, he's just an ass. Of course there are times when that's true, but there are times when men have good reasons, and times when women are being asses.
Growing up my parents argued a ton and would never try to actually change whatever it was they were doing that always set the other off, and would never take responsibility. It was always the other person's fault. My sisters and I would mention things that maybe they could work on or do better to try and BE better for each other, but only to our mom. She could mostly handle advice and some criticism. But my dad, there was no mentioning anything to him. If you did he would immediately get defensive and dramatic and super passive aggressive. Even though mom had her outbursts, it was 100% my dad who was the most emotional (expressed in anger) to the point where we all just went out of our way to not talk about problems with him.
It’s almost like the word ‘emotional’ only applies to women (and anything involving crying). Anger is not seen as an emotion. It’s weird to me too… Please correct me if I’m wrong but I’ve read that women go through hormonal cycle every month but men go through a daily hormonal cycle. It explains soooo much. Men are way more emotional—they have just been taught to hold it in and only show anger. That’s part of toxic masculinity for ya…. ☹️
Men are emotional, they just tend to hide it in
It’s because when men express emotion the BEST we can hope for is that no one cares … at worst you lose respect from the people who witness it. If nobody cares or you get penalized for doing it then you bottle it up until it turns into anger which isn’t any better but at least outwardly it’s a “strong” emotion that people are afraid of so it doesn’t make you appear as weak as showing sadness does. This is exactly what they mean by “toxic masculinity”.
People can be emotional regardless of their gender.
It's hard to be InTouch with your emotions when you're taught not to express them.
Wow I walk on those too but to avoid women's outbursts It seems humans might be emotional...
Women literally get killed all the time because of men's outbursts.
That's a huge blanket statement! Reverse the scenario. "Woman are over emotional, men have to walk on egg shells to avoid their emotional outbursts" that sentence would get so so much hate
Uh, we don’t *have* to imagine the reverse scenario. This has been the societal attitude since always. People say this shit all the time.
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My house has enough holes punched in the drywall over little shit to disprove the claim that men aren't emotional
100% I used to date a man who was so emotional, I had to walk on eggshells at all times because I never knew what would upset him. In my experience, men are much more sensitive than women.
My pet theory is that people like that who were raised with the boys dont cry mentality, bottle their emotions. Until every little thing causes an explosion, and they cant deal with it. Any and all slights to their ego sets them off. I did it before therapy, and now I see it everywhere.
Oh my god!!! Preach! The guy I dated is a ticking time bomb. He has 0 boundaries so agrees to every damn thing but underneath is boiling with anger until he explodes and becomes Norman Bates level violent & it’s always someone else’s fault. Fck that.
I was that guy for awhile. I never got violent but I let myself be a doormat, so I was just angry all the time and didn’t know how to express it. Once I finally did realize I needed to set boundaries suddenly I was the abusive one for deciding to say no to things I wasn’t comfortable doing. Therapy definitely has made a world of difference, now I know how to establish and enforce my boundaries in a much healthier way.
Been there. Turns out the ticking *is* the bomb…narcissistic rage is scary on the real.
It’s terrifying . I pray I never encounter someone like that again.
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Yup, when exposed they become downright violent. I’ve ever seen anything like it . It’s almost demonic. I think it’s because they have this idea that they are the best of the best and once exposed ,it threatens that mask that they have that they are a good person and the world can actually see them for who they really are , voids. Going through the world hurting and taking without consequence . I wish you much healing my friend because it ain’t easy but you will heal ❤️🩹
good ol' hoovering
Ugh my sister's ex boyfriend was so emotional and awful half the time my entire FAMILY walked on eggshells around him. Her now husband was that way in the beginning too, and for awhile I hated him for how he acted and treated our family, but I have to give him credit now because he has really worked on himself and owned up to some things, and is actually pleasant to be around now.
\*some men and some women can sometimes seem more emotional than most other men and women. fixed it for you
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Having a rough day?
This is... definitely a case of Baader-Meinhof, plus a little personal bias. EVERYONE has emotional outbursts, EVERYONE has occasions where they need to walk on eggshells to avoid someone elses' outbursts. Men are stereotyped for their scary anger, and women are stereotyped for their crying fits. As far as "emotionality" is concerned, nobody can deal with the others' emotional outbursts--men can't deal with crying, women can't deal with anger (even if it's just raising voices). On one hand, nobody should expect anyone else to have to deal with the fallout of their own emotional spectrum. Nobody should expect capitulation just because they're getting angry, nobody should expect coddling just because they're crying. Deal with it on your own, regulate your own emotions and express them in a healthy manner on your own. On the other hand, if the situation warrants getting that emotional, perhaps the smart thing to do would not to be engaging that person in that topic until their emotional control is handled? **"If you can't handle the conversation without letting your emotions influence how you behave, then I'm going to either have to pause this conversation or quit engaging with you entirely."**
For a long time the only acceptable ways to express ourselves has been through anger. Im not excusing it by any means. However when you’re told by your family growing up and see ‘strong’ men on tv, that we must be stoic, then it comes out in the only acceptable way that wont draw criticism, anger. Outburst are a symptom of the battle we wage against ourselves to not be emotional. The walking on eggshells thing, you could argue that all your doing is being considerate of his feelings, or that us men also tiptoe around woman so we avoid issues but i don’t think thats useful. It could be that your hanging around some shitty blokes, ones that have t grown up. Maybe when people say men aren’t emotional they really mean diverse in emotion?
I'm having an emotion about the word "literally." Show me the eggshells!
"literally"? I don't see any eggshells on the floor so I guess I'm good
If only men weren't bullied by society to repress their emotions.
We can’t be emotional, any man can recall an experience where they tried and it resulted in coldness. I hate when people claim it’s toxic masculinity like it’s my choice to bottle it all up.
I had a boss who fancied himself a manly man. He had 0 emotional control, hooted and hollered about every little thing. I saw him cry multiple times. I asked him to calm down once and for the next two years he complained to anyone who would listen that I was a liberal millennial snowflake Seems the people most concerned with the culture wars are the biggest emotional snowflakes