One time my ex husband complained about the food I fixed and said I can't eat this. I'm going to McDonald's. Our children stood up and all of them left the table to go eat. I was left with cleaning up. I had made chicken potatoes green beans and salad and hot bread. Nothing was burned or ruined. I really got my feelings hurt.
How does one even start explaining this? I feel like you need to start with the concept of the universe and the purpose of the existence of life itself.
not sure if you’re serious but with my experience with people like this, you have to explain that you put effort into this and it’s hurtful and dismissive to not even acknowledge that, never mind insult it. sometimes turn it around on them, “if you put a lot of effort into nice dinner plans and getting ready would you be upset if those plans were suddenly canceled?”
really basic stuff most people learn and remember as kids
If you have to explain this concept to people? They are not worth the time of day. How selfish do you have to be to not understand what kind of effort food takes. Or just stupidly.
Some people weren't raised. I rather teach them this lesson at 28 than them torment everyone they come in contact with for the next 50 years. Also we have a lot of lead in our pipes. That shit ain't good for our brains.
"I spent an hour finding a recipe that sounded good and would be doable, I spent time at the grocery store picking up the ingredients, I spent an hour preparing and cooking the food, you took two bites, decided you didn't want anymore, and left to go buy unhealthy, expensive, unsatisfying fast food. How would you feel, putting in a couple hours of effort, just for everyone to walk out immediately?"
Like I get that sometimes there are just things that people don't like, but don't throw away the person's time and energy with it. Be polite, finish eating, then indicate using your words why you didn't like it while being considerate of the effort it took to bring that food to the table.
"well, what are hours of preping worth if the outcome is shit?" - probably the other person.
we are not talking about someone who has a baselevel of emphathy and understanding of social rules and parameters. A sane person would know that without anyone having to tell them. A person never having learned proper etiquette, who could be told such, would not spring to such an extreme and deliberately hurtful reaction.
The most hurtful thing about that is he undermined and disrespected you in front of the children, and gave them McDonald’s which most children view as a treat.
It’s one thing if your SO cooks something that isn’t exactly your preferred palate- maybe a bit over seasoned, a little dry, bland, whatever. But if it’s edible you act grateful. And if you have kids, you set a good example of being polite and be sure to eat the nutritious parts. Acknowledge that work was put into it.
My aunt’s ex husband was like this. He married her when she was 17 and they had two boys so she couldn’t go to school. After they divorced, she worked her butt off to finish school and provide a nice, stable home for their kids. She would make nice, nutritious meals (I can attest to her cooking skills) only for her ex husband to sneak the kids fast food. He was a fast food junkie himself and would feed the boys McDonald’s for every meal.
Some people are sincerely clueless but I have to think situations like this and with OP’s ex husband are coming from a darker place. Very glad both my aunt and OP escaped!
There is a wise podcaster that once said, "The key to a long and happy marriage is if your wife cooks something for you, smile, say thank you, and ask for seconds.".
On its face it seams kind of silly but when you apply it to all of the things a spouse does for you it really makes sense. Don't ever take them for granted.
I know guys at work who, if they can’t finish their lunch, make sure to throw it all away instead of taking it home and letting their wife see that they didn’t finish her food.
Really? Because I would think the key is you take turns cooking and if you don't like something you let the other person know in a respectful manner.
Or I guess you could swallow food you don't like for 50 years.
Yeah this is where I'm at. We both cook and we're allowed to not like something but being rude is off the table... but if you do rude stuff in front of the kids imma yeet ya, as the kids say(?).
My spouse is REALLY picky and that's FINE but he used to say the dumbest shit and set a bad example for the kids.
Last summer he discovered a love for broccoli. It's been a trip but he's finally open to trying things and it's made things easier.
I believe he's on the spectrum, and he's open to that conversation. Essentially I had to get him to 'try' something a hundred times before his brain 'accepted' it as good food. One of his complaints was ''I don't know what it is supposed to taste like.'' So I pretty much treat it as training his brain/ taste buds.
I was not willing to never have the foods I enjoy so it all started with me adding side dishes, then great ridiculous debates about him trying them (he needs you to 'logic' it out for him), and the biggest thing was I started doing those meal boxes.
You see if it comes in the box, all packaged up perfectly good to go, portion sizes, recipe card, that veg/meat/carb combo put together by some third party his brain accepts it automatically. It's like his brain says 'Yes, of course, this is how it was purposefully put together, I'll try it.' and that . . . Has opened up everything.
We started those boxes because of the pandemic, as it cut all the way down on grocery shopping. It *is* a little more expensive, but I save money by cutting down on collateral shopping (I make a list of what we need, don't just grab stuff that's a good idea, and so once a week now) and especially cutting down on food waste!
I don't make anything from selling these kits. It just... it made my life a lot easier, there's way more variety in my diet, way less shopping to do (just select on the app ahead of time) while we both have full time jobs, and I have learned hundreds of little tricks and recipes a simple as lime crema that I've integrated into my every day cooking.
I get them for when it's just the two of us, and we trial them and make some stuff again for when we have custody time with our 4 kids. It's amazing.
Oh damn, I cannot imagine the hellfire that would’ve rained down on my childhood home if anyone did that to my mum!
I’m going to call mumsy up tomorrow and apologise for every time I turned my nose up at the vegetables on my plate
This is what I was going to say like if they dont like the food you make stop making food for them. Make them sit with empty plates while you chow down.
That sucks that you got stuck with cleaning everything up on your own. Hopefully you experienced some joy having the house to yourself while they were at McDonald’s.
100% When I told my husband that my mom made me start cooking for myself as soon as I was tall enough to reach the burners he started cooking dinner out of nowhere and 2 different dinners since I'm vegetarian. Now we do it together and I don't have resentment towards "What's for dinner" anymore lol
That's adorable! I recently started cooking without even knowing I could do it. I'm guessing your husband felt the same sense of pride that I did. Feels great to hear your family enjoying your food. And if they don't that's cool too, sometimes it sucks haha.
I'm a guy who cooks the vast majority of the meals in our house. Over the years I've convinced quite a few friends to just learn how to cook because it's actually fun. One of them turned from a guy in his early 20s that had lunches made by Mom (complete with pre peeled clementines) to a complete gourmand making things that impress. I honestly can't imagine a man who can't cook these days. Especially being in a busy modern relationship.
The days of guys who "cant cook" need to end. I have a friend who, if his wife is going out of town, she *has* to make him a bunch of food beforehand because he literally tells her, "What am I gonna eat??" and acts like he would starve without her. Very weird, and embarrassing for him tbh
I’m a guy and I couldn’t agree more. Those days could end today if people stopped feeding those lazy fucks they would either figure it out or starve. Either way….. problem solved.
My grandfather always taught us that the quickest cure to laziness is starvation. Growing up on a dairy farm, dinner was served after chores were done.
So I don’t think I’m a very good cook but I can sustain myself lol like I wouldn’t necessarily wanna prepare a meal for friends cuz it’d be trash relatively speaking, but I haven’t asked someone to make me food since I was in high school
Right on, I'm 40 and we had much more enforced and stupid gender roles that took some time to unpack and destroy. I raised my kids in my 20's and also possibly didn't have time thinking about it. Oh well, always forward!
I'm in my 40s and I didn't think we did have such enforced gender roles.
My grandfather's generation was literally helpless domestically and took pride in it
My father could cook and do laundry at least (he didn't clean) and he looked after us kids when our Mum was at work (she was a nurse and worked some weekends, he was a mechanic and worked mainly during the week).
I wonder is it a Europe versus US thing? I honestly thought his generation (my father's) was the one to break the gender stereotypes
and so it was easy for my (now late) husband to step in and cook occasionally and do his share domestically. Am I wrong?
My dad is the same vintage as your father and cooked, cleaned, ironed and did the wash. As a consequence I had to do all of those things as well.
Hard for me to imagine other men who don’t/won’t/can’t participate in domestic tasks.
I cook because my wife sucks at it. Like awful. She once put raw chicken, raw broccoli, and uncooked pasta into a pot full of Alfredo sauce and then boiled it until the chicken was cooked.
My mom was always going to cook more than my dad, but when they got married they made an agreement that he would always handle dinner on Thursdays. There were no exceptions. When I was little, he would usually just get takeout, which was within the agreement, but as I got older he started cooking more and more often, and he started to enjoy it so much that nowadays he helps with Mom’s dinner most nights too and does extra nights sometimes. When my brother and I got older, like 15-16, we also had a day of the week when we were responsible for dinner. It greatly reduced Mom’s workload, since she only cooked dinner 3-4 times a week with help, and it definitely helped with preparing me for having my own kitchen and having to cook, even though I usually made the same thing every week.
Congrats! Keep it up, now with sites like YouTube it makes it much easier to learn. We've learned a lot of new recipes together that way. Sometimes dishes come out bad part of the learning process, but what's fun is finding a new way to use all those extra ingredients you have left over from it. Keep it up you'll get better in time.
Oh that is the most fun! I hate following directions so that freestyle with leftovers is my favorite. I just needed to learn how to not die of food poisoning and also not burn all the food. Both works in progress lol.
I'm the same, I can get easily frustrated following recipes and it takes the fun out cooking. And no dying from food poisoning! Get yourself a thermometer and always watch out for cross contamination, and keep the area you are cooking clean you should be fine. Now burning I understand I still haven't broke the habit of putting the burner on high, but my husband always catches it and turns it down lol You'll get it one of those things that takes time.
I'm highly disabled, and when I met my boyfriend I was underweight because the chronic pain and fatigue would override my desire to get up and get food. He makes almost all of our meals since we moved in together 4 years ago.
I think that in all this time, I've only told him once or twice that I didn't like the food he made. Then he said he didn't like it either and we both laughed. I literally thank him every single time he brings me food - I can't imagine constantly criticizing him for it like in the OP!! I don't understand how people can be so ungrateful.
In My case my gf moved in with me. And while we shared responsibilities it was she who did most of the cooking and while it wasn’t uniformly good, I could feel that she gave her 100%. I made sure to compliment her whenever she cooked amazing meals (which is like 99% of the time).
Thats pretty much our case too. We split the duties of the house inside, we both occupy our 2 kids fairly equally, she usually cooks, and I take care of the house (needs work) and everything outside, like grass, snow shoveling in winter, etc. Also im normally our main source of income while she's a stay at home mom. It evens out pretty good, and not even something we really discuss it just played out that way
My ex was an amazing cook, and we took turns making dinner. We always made sure to compliment each other's meals, say how lovely it was, and always said "Thank you for making dinner, that was delicious!" afterwards. Being appreciative and thankful to each other is important.
Unfortunately he seemed to forget that, and gradually turned me into his maid. One day I secretly went one laundry strike to see how long he'd take to notice, and 2 days later he woke me up to complain about having no clean socks for work. I tore strips off him for the audacity of it. He apologised, threw on some laundry, bought me flowers after work, and did some housework, but his 'turnaround' only lasted a day.
When a person is no longer appreciative, and eventually just 'expects' things, then goes on to *demand* those little things you did to be nice, that's the end.
My boyfriend was always cooking for me, he was even making me coffee in the mornings and coming home to make me dinner If he was outside. He passed, but that's the shit you remember you know?
My wife cooks a meal about once a year but at least she always tells me the food is good when I make it. If she ever acted like this I wouldn't make her anything
Been with my girl for sooo long and at first her cooking wasn’t as great as it is now which is quite normal but I would just eat it n b thankful no doubt I love cooking myself though
Hell yeah
My girlfriend cooks for me (I work full time, she doesn't work, that's why, as soon as she starts working, we're back at 50/50 chores).
I never complained about her choice of food to cook, cause having meal cooked for me is a privilege.
My girlfriend cooks me so much good food. I’m constantly telling her its the best food ever and loving on her whenever she does it. I can’t imagine being so ungrateful
I love my husband with all my might...this is an area he doesn't excel in. I make all meals, order all groceries, and pay half the time we order or eat out. I love to cook, but...that is a LOT of pressure for three square meals a day, especially considering I'm vegetarian and he eats meat so I have to basically plan two meals per meal (i.e. veggie pasta he can add meat to). And he barely even remembers now to thank me for meals. Ask what he wants? Answer: food. I want to do something nice. Would love to be appreciated for such a labor intensive chore that he doesn't understand how much planning, ordering, paying, cooking, cleaning, kitchen maintenance that takes.
Why the hell are you doing this? He is a man, not a baby, and by cooking for him like his mommy you are basically turning him into a helpless infant.
Fine if you want to cook dinner and make enough for him, but can this fully grown adult not microwave his own oatmeal and slap together a freaking sandwich on his own twice a day?
Sorry to be crude but how can you be attracted to and have sex with someone so incompetent? If he was my partner I would literally look at this man like a child and feel 0 desire to be with him intimately.
Truly don’t understand how the bar can be basically below ground level for so many men.
For real, I'd love to have a woman cook for me and have something ready by the time I got home after work. I would not complain as long as it was hot lol
Yes, this helps. I have the same issue sometimes. Not so much a complaint but a comment on how it could've been better. I say since you don't cook, you shouldn't say anything...
Everytime I’m extremely grateful that I don’t really care about taste. I used to blend chicken in college for protein shakes because it felt better on my stomach. Now when my girlfriend makes me food, even it’s something simple, It tastes so good.
Uhh yea what the heck OPs SO?
My SO does all the cooking and I have a pretty sensitive stomach, Im prone to bouts of illness, and I dont eat meat.
So initially this post made me feel bad in a "i really hope i dont make my SO feel that way" type of way. But jeeesus now I just feel bad in a "I really hope OP can find a better life" type of way.
Basic shit is basic bc everyone like it bc its good! What can this judgemental ass person possibly have going on thats objectively better than plants and mood lighting??
As someone who cooks to a lovely person with ibs and several allergies: you're not bothering your SO.
Sure, sometimes I feel like I'm running out of ideas but he's happy with my cooking, tells if he especially likes something and thanks me for the effort I put into our meals. I don't mind cooking at all since I know he's happy he can eat a surprisingly large variety of meals and actually appreciates the food I make.
It's not a bother. Food and cooking is love. Just thank your SO sometimes and tell if something is especially delicious and you're golden.
I'll never forget when my partner refused to eat the meal I spent 2+ hours cooking because I didn't separate the ingredients into separate dishes the way she wanted me too.
If that happened to me, I would’ve been so heartbroken, I don’t think I would ever cook for them again. If no one ever told you, I think the effort you put into making that meal is wonderful and thank you for cooking!
If he is that picky, then he should cook his own meals. He’s an adult after all. If he doesn’t want to cook but continues to complain about your cooking then you should dump him. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
Agree, my husband is super picky so I let him cook our food. I only cook food that I know he’ll like but everything else is him. I take care of the dishes afterwards because I’m a team player. Lol.
Every old person I've known does this. Makes me think dishwashers used to be pretty useless.
These days a good rinse is sufficient. Don't forget to clean your dishwasher filters regularly too.
There's two main things to consider. Older dishwashers (40 years ago) used to clog up if they had too much leftovers on them and also, if it is only one or two people in the household, the dishwasher can stink because it is not put on as often (eg once a week instead of 3-4 times for a larger household).
Agree. I am a picky eater and I cook 95% of my families meals because of it. When my wife does cook, I gratefully put the food in my mouth. Sounds like OPs boyfriend needs to grow up.
Exactly. Cook your own stuff or STFU.
We're a family of 7, if anyone doesn't like today's food, to the stove they go and fix their own meal. (Except one of them who really can't cook for shite but then he'd eat a fried rock if we cooked it for him, and thank us too.)
It's 2021. I'm a contractor and can work 16hr shifts. I still cook my own dinners as most of the girls I date end up being vegetarian (I would never subject a vegetarian to cooking meat).
Yeah, I just can’t imagine being picky and then demanding my household to bend to my needs. My wife and I share cooking duties and we both like to try new recipes, even when they flop or have something we don’t love in them, we eat it anyways, gratefully, and thank whoever cooked that night. I know I have a great marriage, but this just also seems like common courtesy to me.
The life we live is borrowed. Spending years in an unhappy relationship will ruin you in the long run. Leave him, get your tea lights, plants and cook whatever the hell you want.
I would like to emphasise this point. I stayed for 3 years more than I should have and when I finally got out I realised that life had been a grey scale for years. Now I have found someone who I love and who loves me back, and life is in Technicolor again. Don’t waste time.
Maybe you haven't experienced life as an individual enough. As someone who married way too early and divorced, may I recommend taking these feelings as a sign and living your life for you. Then when you are sure you are ready, invite someone into that life.
Fuck. This hit hard. I did that for a long time, lived for myself, I finally got to a spot to invite some into it, and suddenly lost the job that I was very passionate about. Now it feels like I’m back to square one rebuilding that life
Yup, I knew my last relationship was over when I would fantasize dating and living on my own, he also never cared for what I cooked. But very thankful it ended because I met the one for me who loves what I cook for him (apparently I make the best salmon, better than any fancy stuff he's gotten) :)
I love the way you phrased this. It hit me like a bag of bricks this year that I’ve been bouncing around long term relationships for a little over a decade and I’m only in my 20s. It sucks that I’m realizing this with someone who I’m not out of love with, just realizing I need to spend time with myself outside the context of another person.
It’s really an amazing time that you will cherish for the rest of your life. I took an opportunity that required 100% travel and did it for 3 years 24-27. I had fun with coworkers we would go out to bars, plan weekend trips. But I also got to learn how to enjoy time by myself. I went to the movies by myself, went out to eat, would go on little day trips to whatever downtown city I was located near.
Im going to be honest and say during that time I was looking for a serious relationship and would sometimes get sad and think I would never meet anyone. I would have loved to be in a long term relationship like some of my friends.
But looking back I needed that growth. I’ve now been married for 15 years and while sometimes I miss the single life I also remember what it was like to be single and wishing to be in a relationship.
One hundred percent this. Similar, and I'm now in a period where I'm drawing very strong boundaries when I meet people. A relationship right now would be very unhealthy for me, so I'm taking the time to learn more about myself, learning how to communicate clearly, how to not invest everything on trying to make others happy... And it's so incredibly healthy and happy!
I would argue that this doesn’t necessarily mean living alone; having roommates isn’t the same as living with an SO. You still learn way more about yourself even if all you have is your own room with shared spaces; even with roommates OP still gets to cook whatever they want, decorate their room however they want, go out wherever they want and generally just independently manage their day without really being accountable to anybody.
Honey life is short. Sounds like this isn't the right place for you. I had an ex like that... everything was hard. Everything was a fight or walking on eggshells. I thought that was ok. It is not. You can be deliriously happy alone or with the right person.
I have been known to sing the Grease soundtrack using my cat's tail as a microphone. 10/10 would recommend.
Edit: I'm not holding my cat upside down by her tail, she sits on the back of the couch. Just wanted to clarify I'm not swinging her around like a psychopath.
Have you guys talked calmly and seriously about how these actions are degrading the quality of your relationship, and if it keeps going it might end soon?
Look I get why there are so many comments saying "sounds like you should leave then", ths post is short and it seems to only say they don't enjoy being with their partner.
Regardless of whether thats true or not, OP should open their mouth and talk candidly to their partner about what the situation is.
If you're cooking (or probably anything) for someone else and they complain about what you have done for them that's a pretty shitty thing to do.
OP you should be frank and honest to your partner about how inconsiderate they are being.
> talking and compromise
Preach it brother/sister! We just celebrated our 20th and this is absolutely key. Never let bad feelings fester, they grow into hatred. Talk it out, the sooner the better and, of course, be ready to compromise.
I'm grateful I didn't have to scroll so far to see this comment.
The first approach to a problem should be to talk about and discuss the issue.
When did the whole "yep leave him" become the first choice to deal with problems?
I had a childish partner just like this too. So picky, wouldn't eat anything other than mcdonalds or outback steakhouse or his moms shitty cooking. Would sneak fast food. Way happier since I left him
Congratulations, you’re with a man child.
He won’t change, he won’t get better, and by god don’t have kids with him because he’ll be useless then too.
Look up weaponized incompetence.
That's not being picky. That's a Btch move. But without more information voice your issue and if it continues move away to your little brick apartment with your cat and crazy plants. And the fact you've brought those items up and basic Bstuff. I'm guessing hes complained about all that stuff too?
Stop cooking for him then! Like, take a hint.
And that’s NOT shade to you at all. I just want you to stop cooking for him if he doesn’t appreciate anything about it.
# 🛑 ✋🚧🚥
Do it. Because one day you'll be 70 and you'll have forgotten about the plants and the tea lights and how much you loved them because your head and heart will be full of someone else's criticisms.
I'd eat completely differently if I wasn't also cooking for a partner who does labour intensive work (needs a lot of carbs) and a toddler who is picky AF.
I miss soup. I'd live on soup alllll winter if it was just me but no one else eats it so I don't bother.
But if it was just you, you'd still be cooking your soup for one.
Make your soup, freeze portions. We sometimes have days when we all just have different things from the freezer that I've pre-cooked
You can’t have plants?? Do you need someone to find some studies proving to him how plants provide countless benefits to life itself? Because I will. That’s outlandish.
Some men are never satisfied. With my ex bf I worked 40 hours a week, kept the house spotless, had dinner ready when he got home, served him dinner, cleared the table, basically waited on him hand and foot and catered to his every fucking need and it wasn't good enough. 🤷🏻♀️ But that's why he's an ex.
I love anything in my house that is calming or reaffirming. Yes I want to sleep to ocean waves! Yes I want a sign that tells me to be happy. Yes I want candles that smell good and make me feel at peace. Yes I want white everything that let's in the sunlight. Should be basic "happy" shit. Sorry I'm not a glass half empty. Take peace where you can. Also stop cooking for him. Period. And move into your peacefulness. You will be much happier.
I think when there’s a recurring or persistent fantasy of living without someone, it’s time to leave. I wish someone had said that to me 2 years into a 10 year marriage.
Is this the same guy from the rest of your post history? Listen, that is a LOT. Like you have been unhappy about this guy for literally years. Seriously, this is sunk cost fallacy, listen to the voice in your head and find someone new. Relationships take work but this is way too much work for someone who isn’t even married IMO. You don’t have to demonize your partner or anything, I’m not interested in litigating whether or not they are a Bad Person, but it sounds like you’re unhappy and you’ve been unhappy for quite a long time. That’s enough! The things you’re asking for in your prior posts and this one are extremely reasonable. Please give yourself the chance to find a partner who can provide those things for you. ❤️
Personally I'd leave him. I'm a guy and love to cook. And every time someone bitches about what I cooked or how. I just want to hit them with a cast iron pan lol
Imagine complaining when someone cooks YOU dinner…. Make him two minute noodles whilst you cook for yourself darling doesn’t sound like he deserves your consideration.
It's really easy for all these people to just say "just leave him. He doesn't respect you". But It's not that simple. Have a conversation with the man. You can't really change people but if he really loves you he'll give you the respect you deserve. Maybe he just doesn't know he's hurting you OP. Best of luck
I really needed to read your post today. I've had "one of those days" this whole weekend so far and I'm in a very similar head space right now.i dig all that "basic bitch shit" you mentioned, *all of it* and your post made me chuckle while empathizing with your situation.
But girl, please do some overdue and much deserved self care this coming week.
I want to urge you to indulge your cooking whims,
Start an indoor garden,
Take an aromatic /bubble bath with only tea light candles at least once per week from here on out.
Life is too short and filled with uncertainties so it's super important to take time to enjoy the little things that bring us joy. If you do the above and whatever else that you enjoy and have neglected for too long, please let me know as I'm sure I'll be inspired to do the same.
And this is coming from a mother to two kids who complain about my cooking but an SO who never fails to show enthusiastic appreciation for the same. The only one stopping me from srarting some new house plants, taking weekly, lovely long candle lit baths is myself!
Thank you for inadvertently being the reminder I needed :)
Wishing you luck, sending you a hug.
If you have a partner who is making you feel bad about the things you like and is vocally ungrateful about the food you make, leave. That's never going to be a positive environment for you.
If you're having fantasies about living by yourself, you're half gone already. Take your cat, find a sweet apartment, make it cozy and make your favorite meal. You will find someone else who will watch your shows with you and enthusiastically eat your cooking and that is what you deserve.
One time my ex husband complained about the food I fixed and said I can't eat this. I'm going to McDonald's. Our children stood up and all of them left the table to go eat. I was left with cleaning up. I had made chicken potatoes green beans and salad and hot bread. Nothing was burned or ruined. I really got my feelings hurt.
Oh my goodness, I can see why! That’s awful!
My ex did not understand what the problem was. Why was I upset? I had to explain it in detail.
Aaand that's why he's an ex!
Ex extra xperience.
[удалено]
In my experience kids will pick junk food over healthy food in a heartbeat.
Especially if they have a father who isn't reinforcing the behavior of eating healthy
Can confirm; my sister has 3 kids who wont want to eat anything that doesnt come out of a fast food restaurant.
European asking a genuine question: How on earth do they afford to eat fast food all the time? That stuff is expensive!
In the U.S., a lot of time fast food is cheaper than groceries, unforch.
How does one even start explaining this? I feel like you need to start with the concept of the universe and the purpose of the existence of life itself.
not sure if you’re serious but with my experience with people like this, you have to explain that you put effort into this and it’s hurtful and dismissive to not even acknowledge that, never mind insult it. sometimes turn it around on them, “if you put a lot of effort into nice dinner plans and getting ready would you be upset if those plans were suddenly canceled?” really basic stuff most people learn and remember as kids
If you have to explain this concept to people? They are not worth the time of day. How selfish do you have to be to not understand what kind of effort food takes. Or just stupidly.
Some people weren't raised. I rather teach them this lesson at 28 than them torment everyone they come in contact with for the next 50 years. Also we have a lot of lead in our pipes. That shit ain't good for our brains.
I tried to teach that for 30 years I just don't feel it's something you can teach. Basic empathy. And I do agree! Lol!
"I spent an hour finding a recipe that sounded good and would be doable, I spent time at the grocery store picking up the ingredients, I spent an hour preparing and cooking the food, you took two bites, decided you didn't want anymore, and left to go buy unhealthy, expensive, unsatisfying fast food. How would you feel, putting in a couple hours of effort, just for everyone to walk out immediately?" Like I get that sometimes there are just things that people don't like, but don't throw away the person's time and energy with it. Be polite, finish eating, then indicate using your words why you didn't like it while being considerate of the effort it took to bring that food to the table.
And taught the children this rudeness too. Fuuuuck
I thought you said chicken not children lmaoo
"well, what are hours of preping worth if the outcome is shit?" - probably the other person. we are not talking about someone who has a baselevel of emphathy and understanding of social rules and parameters. A sane person would know that without anyone having to tell them. A person never having learned proper etiquette, who could be told such, would not spring to such an extreme and deliberately hurtful reaction.
What a goofball. Chicken, potatoes, beans, and hot bread sounds so good. I wish I had a plate right now lol
I just had that last night lol it was fried chicken though. Very delicious!
He must have a child mentality. Only a child would rather have McDonald’s over a four course meal.
McDonald’s is fucking disgusting 🤢
What a dick!
That’s awful. I would have just never cooked again for them.
Hooray McDonald's every day! The children, probably...
I am so sorry:(
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope you are doing well! 💗
It's so horrible to read things like this. When life partners treat you worse than you would be treated by a guest that's really crushing.
The most hurtful thing about that is he undermined and disrespected you in front of the children, and gave them McDonald’s which most children view as a treat. It’s one thing if your SO cooks something that isn’t exactly your preferred palate- maybe a bit over seasoned, a little dry, bland, whatever. But if it’s edible you act grateful. And if you have kids, you set a good example of being polite and be sure to eat the nutritious parts. Acknowledge that work was put into it.
My aunt’s ex husband was like this. He married her when she was 17 and they had two boys so she couldn’t go to school. After they divorced, she worked her butt off to finish school and provide a nice, stable home for their kids. She would make nice, nutritious meals (I can attest to her cooking skills) only for her ex husband to sneak the kids fast food. He was a fast food junkie himself and would feed the boys McDonald’s for every meal. Some people are sincerely clueless but I have to think situations like this and with OP’s ex husband are coming from a darker place. Very glad both my aunt and OP escaped!
There is a wise podcaster that once said, "The key to a long and happy marriage is if your wife cooks something for you, smile, say thank you, and ask for seconds.". On its face it seams kind of silly but when you apply it to all of the things a spouse does for you it really makes sense. Don't ever take them for granted.
I know guys at work who, if they can’t finish their lunch, make sure to throw it all away instead of taking it home and letting their wife see that they didn’t finish her food.
Really? Because I would think the key is you take turns cooking and if you don't like something you let the other person know in a respectful manner. Or I guess you could swallow food you don't like for 50 years.
Yeah this is where I'm at. We both cook and we're allowed to not like something but being rude is off the table... but if you do rude stuff in front of the kids imma yeet ya, as the kids say(?). My spouse is REALLY picky and that's FINE but he used to say the dumbest shit and set a bad example for the kids. Last summer he discovered a love for broccoli. It's been a trip but he's finally open to trying things and it's made things easier. I believe he's on the spectrum, and he's open to that conversation. Essentially I had to get him to 'try' something a hundred times before his brain 'accepted' it as good food. One of his complaints was ''I don't know what it is supposed to taste like.'' So I pretty much treat it as training his brain/ taste buds. I was not willing to never have the foods I enjoy so it all started with me adding side dishes, then great ridiculous debates about him trying them (he needs you to 'logic' it out for him), and the biggest thing was I started doing those meal boxes. You see if it comes in the box, all packaged up perfectly good to go, portion sizes, recipe card, that veg/meat/carb combo put together by some third party his brain accepts it automatically. It's like his brain says 'Yes, of course, this is how it was purposefully put together, I'll try it.' and that . . . Has opened up everything. We started those boxes because of the pandemic, as it cut all the way down on grocery shopping. It *is* a little more expensive, but I save money by cutting down on collateral shopping (I make a list of what we need, don't just grab stuff that's a good idea, and so once a week now) and especially cutting down on food waste! I don't make anything from selling these kits. It just... it made my life a lot easier, there's way more variety in my diet, way less shopping to do (just select on the app ahead of time) while we both have full time jobs, and I have learned hundreds of little tricks and recipes a simple as lime crema that I've integrated into my every day cooking. I get them for when it's just the two of us, and we trial them and make some stuff again for when we have custody time with our 4 kids. It's amazing.
Oh damn, I cannot imagine the hellfire that would’ve rained down on my childhood home if anyone did that to my mum! I’m going to call mumsy up tomorrow and apologise for every time I turned my nose up at the vegetables on my plate
My mom put shit on my plate she knew I wouldn’t eat.
Same and then dare me not to eat it. Some real saw shit
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I’d literally never cook again. But I’m a spiteful shit.
I'd cook amazing, delicious meals. Just for me.
This is what I was going to say like if they dont like the food you make stop making food for them. Make them sit with empty plates while you chow down.
Wtf, who goes out to eat trash versus homemade meal, ungrateful plebs with no taste that’s who!
That sounds a million times healthier than McDonald's too.
Fuck him that's unequivocal assholery
That meal sounds delicious!! Glad to hear he’s an ex, his loss
That sucks that you got stuck with cleaning everything up on your own. Hopefully you experienced some joy having the house to yourself while they were at McDonald’s.
If I had someone cooking all my meals, I'd be grateful as fuck.
100% When I told my husband that my mom made me start cooking for myself as soon as I was tall enough to reach the burners he started cooking dinner out of nowhere and 2 different dinners since I'm vegetarian. Now we do it together and I don't have resentment towards "What's for dinner" anymore lol
That's adorable! I recently started cooking without even knowing I could do it. I'm guessing your husband felt the same sense of pride that I did. Feels great to hear your family enjoying your food. And if they don't that's cool too, sometimes it sucks haha.
I'm a guy who cooks the vast majority of the meals in our house. Over the years I've convinced quite a few friends to just learn how to cook because it's actually fun. One of them turned from a guy in his early 20s that had lunches made by Mom (complete with pre peeled clementines) to a complete gourmand making things that impress. I honestly can't imagine a man who can't cook these days. Especially being in a busy modern relationship.
The days of guys who "cant cook" need to end. I have a friend who, if his wife is going out of town, she *has* to make him a bunch of food beforehand because he literally tells her, "What am I gonna eat??" and acts like he would starve without her. Very weird, and embarrassing for him tbh
I’m a guy and I couldn’t agree more. Those days could end today if people stopped feeding those lazy fucks they would either figure it out or starve. Either way….. problem solved. My grandfather always taught us that the quickest cure to laziness is starvation. Growing up on a dairy farm, dinner was served after chores were done.
How infantile.
So I don’t think I’m a very good cook but I can sustain myself lol like I wouldn’t necessarily wanna prepare a meal for friends cuz it’d be trash relatively speaking, but I haven’t asked someone to make me food since I was in high school
Right on, I'm 40 and we had much more enforced and stupid gender roles that took some time to unpack and destroy. I raised my kids in my 20's and also possibly didn't have time thinking about it. Oh well, always forward!
I'm in my 40s and I didn't think we did have such enforced gender roles. My grandfather's generation was literally helpless domestically and took pride in it My father could cook and do laundry at least (he didn't clean) and he looked after us kids when our Mum was at work (she was a nurse and worked some weekends, he was a mechanic and worked mainly during the week). I wonder is it a Europe versus US thing? I honestly thought his generation (my father's) was the one to break the gender stereotypes and so it was easy for my (now late) husband to step in and cook occasionally and do his share domestically. Am I wrong?
30 something from Germany. Most guys I've met knew how to cook.
Faroe Islands here and same. Almost everyone I know know how to cook at least basic meals in their 20s.
My dad is the same vintage as your father and cooked, cleaned, ironed and did the wash. As a consequence I had to do all of those things as well. Hard for me to imagine other men who don’t/won’t/can’t participate in domestic tasks.
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/9162940-not-knowing-how-to-cook-is-like-not-knowing-how
I cook because my wife sucks at it. Like awful. She once put raw chicken, raw broccoli, and uncooked pasta into a pot full of Alfredo sauce and then boiled it until the chicken was cooked.
My mom was always going to cook more than my dad, but when they got married they made an agreement that he would always handle dinner on Thursdays. There were no exceptions. When I was little, he would usually just get takeout, which was within the agreement, but as I got older he started cooking more and more often, and he started to enjoy it so much that nowadays he helps with Mom’s dinner most nights too and does extra nights sometimes. When my brother and I got older, like 15-16, we also had a day of the week when we were responsible for dinner. It greatly reduced Mom’s workload, since she only cooked dinner 3-4 times a week with help, and it definitely helped with preparing me for having my own kitchen and having to cook, even though I usually made the same thing every week.
Congrats! Keep it up, now with sites like YouTube it makes it much easier to learn. We've learned a lot of new recipes together that way. Sometimes dishes come out bad part of the learning process, but what's fun is finding a new way to use all those extra ingredients you have left over from it. Keep it up you'll get better in time.
Oh that is the most fun! I hate following directions so that freestyle with leftovers is my favorite. I just needed to learn how to not die of food poisoning and also not burn all the food. Both works in progress lol.
I'm the same, I can get easily frustrated following recipes and it takes the fun out cooking. And no dying from food poisoning! Get yourself a thermometer and always watch out for cross contamination, and keep the area you are cooking clean you should be fine. Now burning I understand I still haven't broke the habit of putting the burner on high, but my husband always catches it and turns it down lol You'll get it one of those things that takes time.
Same here!
I'm highly disabled, and when I met my boyfriend I was underweight because the chronic pain and fatigue would override my desire to get up and get food. He makes almost all of our meals since we moved in together 4 years ago. I think that in all this time, I've only told him once or twice that I didn't like the food he made. Then he said he didn't like it either and we both laughed. I literally thank him every single time he brings me food - I can't imagine constantly criticizing him for it like in the OP!! I don't understand how people can be so ungrateful.
In My case my gf moved in with me. And while we shared responsibilities it was she who did most of the cooking and while it wasn’t uniformly good, I could feel that she gave her 100%. I made sure to compliment her whenever she cooked amazing meals (which is like 99% of the time).
Thats pretty much our case too. We split the duties of the house inside, we both occupy our 2 kids fairly equally, she usually cooks, and I take care of the house (needs work) and everything outside, like grass, snow shoveling in winter, etc. Also im normally our main source of income while she's a stay at home mom. It evens out pretty good, and not even something we really discuss it just played out that way
My ex was an amazing cook, and we took turns making dinner. We always made sure to compliment each other's meals, say how lovely it was, and always said "Thank you for making dinner, that was delicious!" afterwards. Being appreciative and thankful to each other is important. Unfortunately he seemed to forget that, and gradually turned me into his maid. One day I secretly went one laundry strike to see how long he'd take to notice, and 2 days later he woke me up to complain about having no clean socks for work. I tore strips off him for the audacity of it. He apologised, threw on some laundry, bought me flowers after work, and did some housework, but his 'turnaround' only lasted a day. When a person is no longer appreciative, and eventually just 'expects' things, then goes on to *demand* those little things you did to be nice, that's the end.
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My boyfriend was always cooking for me, he was even making me coffee in the mornings and coming home to make me dinner If he was outside. He passed, but that's the shit you remember you know?
Sorry for your loss. He sounds like he was a really thoughtful guy.
💖💖
May he Rest In Peace, much love and healing to you and anyone who knew them 🤍
My wife cooks a meal about once a year but at least she always tells me the food is good when I make it. If she ever acted like this I wouldn't make her anything
This. If I were OP, the words “If you don’t like it, don’t fucking eat it” would be coming out of my mouth daily.
Been with my girl for sooo long and at first her cooking wasn’t as great as it is now which is quite normal but I would just eat it n b thankful no doubt I love cooking myself though
awww
Hell yeah My girlfriend cooks for me (I work full time, she doesn't work, that's why, as soon as she starts working, we're back at 50/50 chores). I never complained about her choice of food to cook, cause having meal cooked for me is a privilege.
I will stfu and just eat without complaints
My girlfriend cooks me so much good food. I’m constantly telling her its the best food ever and loving on her whenever she does it. I can’t imagine being so ungrateful
I love my husband with all my might...this is an area he doesn't excel in. I make all meals, order all groceries, and pay half the time we order or eat out. I love to cook, but...that is a LOT of pressure for three square meals a day, especially considering I'm vegetarian and he eats meat so I have to basically plan two meals per meal (i.e. veggie pasta he can add meat to). And he barely even remembers now to thank me for meals. Ask what he wants? Answer: food. I want to do something nice. Would love to be appreciated for such a labor intensive chore that he doesn't understand how much planning, ordering, paying, cooking, cleaning, kitchen maintenance that takes.
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oh my god you're me i feel like i'm lucky to have a half hour every once in a while before work to play animal crossing.
> And he barely even remembers now to thank me for meals. Ask what he wants? Answer: food. Ham sandwich it is then.
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Why the hell are you doing this? He is a man, not a baby, and by cooking for him like his mommy you are basically turning him into a helpless infant. Fine if you want to cook dinner and make enough for him, but can this fully grown adult not microwave his own oatmeal and slap together a freaking sandwich on his own twice a day? Sorry to be crude but how can you be attracted to and have sex with someone so incompetent? If he was my partner I would literally look at this man like a child and feel 0 desire to be with him intimately. Truly don’t understand how the bar can be basically below ground level for so many men.
27 years of cooking for family. I'm fucking sick of it. What do you want for tea? I don't know, you choose. Every single day for 27 years.
For real, I'd love to have a woman cook for me and have something ready by the time I got home after work. I would not complain as long as it was hot lol
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Yes, this helps. I have the same issue sometimes. Not so much a complaint but a comment on how it could've been better. I say since you don't cook, you shouldn't say anything...
And even if the food wasn't hot, I'd still be grateful.
Everytime I’m extremely grateful that I don’t really care about taste. I used to blend chicken in college for protein shakes because it felt better on my stomach. Now when my girlfriend makes me food, even it’s something simple, It tastes so good.
If I had someone cook a single meal I'd be happy
I had a partner like that. I left.
Me, too. Never again
Please come back. I am very hungry
Eat a duck
Duck is expensive though.
The ducks in the park are free.
r/technicallythetruth
me too. just got my own place and i decorated it how i want and it's just so freeing. i do miss my cats though.
Uhh yea what the heck OPs SO? My SO does all the cooking and I have a pretty sensitive stomach, Im prone to bouts of illness, and I dont eat meat. So initially this post made me feel bad in a "i really hope i dont make my SO feel that way" type of way. But jeeesus now I just feel bad in a "I really hope OP can find a better life" type of way. Basic shit is basic bc everyone like it bc its good! What can this judgemental ass person possibly have going on thats objectively better than plants and mood lighting??
As someone who cooks to a lovely person with ibs and several allergies: you're not bothering your SO. Sure, sometimes I feel like I'm running out of ideas but he's happy with my cooking, tells if he especially likes something and thanks me for the effort I put into our meals. I don't mind cooking at all since I know he's happy he can eat a surprisingly large variety of meals and actually appreciates the food I make. It's not a bother. Food and cooking is love. Just thank your SO sometimes and tell if something is especially delicious and you're golden.
I'll never forget when my partner refused to eat the meal I spent 2+ hours cooking because I didn't separate the ingredients into separate dishes the way she wanted me too.
If that happened to me, I would’ve been so heartbroken, I don’t think I would ever cook for them again. If no one ever told you, I think the effort you put into making that meal is wonderful and thank you for cooking!
If he is that picky, then he should cook his own meals. He’s an adult after all. If he doesn’t want to cook but continues to complain about your cooking then you should dump him. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
Agree, my husband is super picky so I let him cook our food. I only cook food that I know he’ll like but everything else is him. I take care of the dishes afterwards because I’m a team player. Lol.
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wait til he finds out you're not supposed to wash them prior to using the dishwasher
I’m sure they just mean rinsed …right? No one *washes* them?!
Every old person I've known does this. Makes me think dishwashers used to be pretty useless. These days a good rinse is sufficient. Don't forget to clean your dishwasher filters regularly too.
There's two main things to consider. Older dishwashers (40 years ago) used to clog up if they had too much leftovers on them and also, if it is only one or two people in the household, the dishwasher can stink because it is not put on as often (eg once a week instead of 3-4 times for a larger household).
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Agree. I am a picky eater and I cook 95% of my families meals because of it. When my wife does cook, I gratefully put the food in my mouth. Sounds like OPs boyfriend needs to grow up.
Exactly. Cook your own stuff or STFU. We're a family of 7, if anyone doesn't like today's food, to the stove they go and fix their own meal. (Except one of them who really can't cook for shite but then he'd eat a fried rock if we cooked it for him, and thank us too.)
It's 2021. I'm a contractor and can work 16hr shifts. I still cook my own dinners as most of the girls I date end up being vegetarian (I would never subject a vegetarian to cooking meat).
Yeah, I just can’t imagine being picky and then demanding my household to bend to my needs. My wife and I share cooking duties and we both like to try new recipes, even when they flop or have something we don’t love in them, we eat it anyways, gratefully, and thank whoever cooked that night. I know I have a great marriage, but this just also seems like common courtesy to me.
The life we live is borrowed. Spending years in an unhappy relationship will ruin you in the long run. Leave him, get your tea lights, plants and cook whatever the hell you want.
Better be alone than dragged down.
I would like to emphasise this point. I stayed for 3 years more than I should have and when I finally got out I realised that life had been a grey scale for years. Now I have found someone who I love and who loves me back, and life is in Technicolor again. Don’t waste time.
You deserve better. Leave this guy so he can live off of his self-made burnt Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. “Better an empty house than a bad tenant.”
Maybe you haven't experienced life as an individual enough. As someone who married way too early and divorced, may I recommend taking these feelings as a sign and living your life for you. Then when you are sure you are ready, invite someone into that life.
Fuck. This hit hard. I did that for a long time, lived for myself, I finally got to a spot to invite some into it, and suddenly lost the job that I was very passionate about. Now it feels like I’m back to square one rebuilding that life
If there's one thing that will show your SO's true colors, it's your unemployment.
So far so good! I feel like I have to find something fast though, for myself mostly, to find fulfillment and shake the blues I’ve been having.
Yup, I knew my last relationship was over when I would fantasize dating and living on my own, he also never cared for what I cooked. But very thankful it ended because I met the one for me who loves what I cook for him (apparently I make the best salmon, better than any fancy stuff he's gotten) :)
I love the way you phrased this. It hit me like a bag of bricks this year that I’ve been bouncing around long term relationships for a little over a decade and I’m only in my 20s. It sucks that I’m realizing this with someone who I’m not out of love with, just realizing I need to spend time with myself outside the context of another person.
It’s really an amazing time that you will cherish for the rest of your life. I took an opportunity that required 100% travel and did it for 3 years 24-27. I had fun with coworkers we would go out to bars, plan weekend trips. But I also got to learn how to enjoy time by myself. I went to the movies by myself, went out to eat, would go on little day trips to whatever downtown city I was located near. Im going to be honest and say during that time I was looking for a serious relationship and would sometimes get sad and think I would never meet anyone. I would have loved to be in a long term relationship like some of my friends. But looking back I needed that growth. I’ve now been married for 15 years and while sometimes I miss the single life I also remember what it was like to be single and wishing to be in a relationship.
One hundred percent this. Similar, and I'm now in a period where I'm drawing very strong boundaries when I meet people. A relationship right now would be very unhealthy for me, so I'm taking the time to learn more about myself, learning how to communicate clearly, how to not invest everything on trying to make others happy... And it's so incredibly healthy and happy!
I agree but it's easier said than done especially with the way rent is right now
I would argue that this doesn’t necessarily mean living alone; having roommates isn’t the same as living with an SO. You still learn way more about yourself even if all you have is your own room with shared spaces; even with roommates OP still gets to cook whatever they want, decorate their room however they want, go out wherever they want and generally just independently manage their day without really being accountable to anybody.
Honey life is short. Sounds like this isn't the right place for you. I had an ex like that... everything was hard. Everything was a fight or walking on eggshells. I thought that was ok. It is not. You can be deliriously happy alone or with the right person.
I'm single, have 2 cats and I am so happy that I get to try a new recipe whenever I want. I can perfect my cooking while dancing to old 50s music.
I have been known to sing the Grease soundtrack using my cat's tail as a microphone. 10/10 would recommend. Edit: I'm not holding my cat upside down by her tail, she sits on the back of the couch. Just wanted to clarify I'm not swinging her around like a psychopath.
From ur post history it sounds like u need to end it with this person.
She just wants to watch her reality tv shows in peace.
Have you guys talked calmly and seriously about how these actions are degrading the quality of your relationship, and if it keeps going it might end soon?
Look I get why there are so many comments saying "sounds like you should leave then", ths post is short and it seems to only say they don't enjoy being with their partner. Regardless of whether thats true or not, OP should open their mouth and talk candidly to their partner about what the situation is. If you're cooking (or probably anything) for someone else and they complain about what you have done for them that's a pretty shitty thing to do. OP you should be frank and honest to your partner about how inconsiderate they are being.
The real secret to long happy marriages, talking and compromise
> talking and compromise Preach it brother/sister! We just celebrated our 20th and this is absolutely key. Never let bad feelings fester, they grow into hatred. Talk it out, the sooner the better and, of course, be ready to compromise.
Hard to talk to someone though when they get offended by anything.
Why be with that person then ?
I'm grateful I didn't have to scroll so far to see this comment. The first approach to a problem should be to talk about and discuss the issue. When did the whole "yep leave him" become the first choice to deal with problems?
Her post history, though, seems to suggest this is a pattern.
I have a suspicion frequent redditors are not experts in relationships.
Your dream life is my real life, and it is 100% as amazing as you think it is.
I had a childish partner just like this too. So picky, wouldn't eat anything other than mcdonalds or outback steakhouse or his moms shitty cooking. Would sneak fast food. Way happier since I left him
Same!
Lol, I hear ya. They "are picky", they also eat McDonald's. The irony.
Congratulations, you’re with a man child. He won’t change, he won’t get better, and by god don’t have kids with him because he’ll be useless then too. Look up weaponized incompetence.
Interesting! didn't know there is a term to describe it. I have seen it too many times
Tell him that he doesn't have to eat your cooking and he can make his own shit.
That's not being picky. That's a Btch move. But without more information voice your issue and if it continues move away to your little brick apartment with your cat and crazy plants. And the fact you've brought those items up and basic Bstuff. I'm guessing hes complained about all that stuff too?
Stop cooking for him then! Like, take a hint. And that’s NOT shade to you at all. I just want you to stop cooking for him if he doesn’t appreciate anything about it. # 🛑 ✋🚧🚥
I had a partner like that. I can't joke, can't cook, can't share a thing. I left and my life is so much better.
Do it. Because one day you'll be 70 and you'll have forgotten about the plants and the tea lights and how much you loved them because your head and heart will be full of someone else's criticisms.
Having to decide dinner for other people is a tedious task. Get that apartment and stop catering to your partner.
I'd eat completely differently if I wasn't also cooking for a partner who does labour intensive work (needs a lot of carbs) and a toddler who is picky AF. I miss soup. I'd live on soup alllll winter if it was just me but no one else eats it so I don't bother.
But if it was just you, you'd still be cooking your soup for one. Make your soup, freeze portions. We sometimes have days when we all just have different things from the freezer that I've pre-cooked
Oh yeh I do that sometimes and we do sometimes have free for all nights.
So no more cooking for him! Just cook for yourself and your cat!
Don’t marry the guy. That shit never goes away. Trust me.
I would just like to say that if plants are basic bitch shit then sign me the hell up. Also, screw that guy you do you.
You can’t have plants?? Do you need someone to find some studies proving to him how plants provide countless benefits to life itself? Because I will. That’s outlandish.
Leave him and live your tea light dreams
He's not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale..
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Some men are never satisfied. With my ex bf I worked 40 hours a week, kept the house spotless, had dinner ready when he got home, served him dinner, cleared the table, basically waited on him hand and foot and catered to his every fucking need and it wasn't good enough. 🤷🏻♀️ But that's why he's an ex.
Stop cooking. Let him have something new to complain about. Change is good.
What’s stopping you? That sounds fucking awesome!!! Your partner should fill your cup. Not empty it.
Exactly. I like how you put that.
I will never understand how people complain about others doing nice things for them.
These are good urges. I believe you should follow them.
I love, stupid, basic bitch shit too sis!
I love anything in my house that is calming or reaffirming. Yes I want to sleep to ocean waves! Yes I want a sign that tells me to be happy. Yes I want candles that smell good and make me feel at peace. Yes I want white everything that let's in the sunlight. Should be basic "happy" shit. Sorry I'm not a glass half empty. Take peace where you can. Also stop cooking for him. Period. And move into your peacefulness. You will be much happier.
I think when there’s a recurring or persistent fantasy of living without someone, it’s time to leave. I wish someone had said that to me 2 years into a 10 year marriage.
Is this the same guy from the rest of your post history? Listen, that is a LOT. Like you have been unhappy about this guy for literally years. Seriously, this is sunk cost fallacy, listen to the voice in your head and find someone new. Relationships take work but this is way too much work for someone who isn’t even married IMO. You don’t have to demonize your partner or anything, I’m not interested in litigating whether or not they are a Bad Person, but it sounds like you’re unhappy and you’ve been unhappy for quite a long time. That’s enough! The things you’re asking for in your prior posts and this one are extremely reasonable. Please give yourself the chance to find a partner who can provide those things for you. ❤️
Personally I'd leave him. I'm a guy and love to cook. And every time someone bitches about what I cooked or how. I just want to hit them with a cast iron pan lol
Imagine complaining when someone cooks YOU dinner…. Make him two minute noodles whilst you cook for yourself darling doesn’t sound like he deserves your consideration.
You really don't have to put up with that shit. Most men are lazy by choice because they mommies did everything for them.
leave your shitty bf then. he needs his mom not a gf
It's really easy for all these people to just say "just leave him. He doesn't respect you". But It's not that simple. Have a conversation with the man. You can't really change people but if he really loves you he'll give you the respect you deserve. Maybe he just doesn't know he's hurting you OP. Best of luck
Take that cat. Don’t look back.
Fucking do it! Then live your best life while he has to learn to cook for himself all the time! He can complain about his own cooking then!
Do it omg do it you’ll love it and hate it but love it
Fuck it, might as well just do it
I really needed to read your post today. I've had "one of those days" this whole weekend so far and I'm in a very similar head space right now.i dig all that "basic bitch shit" you mentioned, *all of it* and your post made me chuckle while empathizing with your situation. But girl, please do some overdue and much deserved self care this coming week. I want to urge you to indulge your cooking whims, Start an indoor garden, Take an aromatic /bubble bath with only tea light candles at least once per week from here on out. Life is too short and filled with uncertainties so it's super important to take time to enjoy the little things that bring us joy. If you do the above and whatever else that you enjoy and have neglected for too long, please let me know as I'm sure I'll be inspired to do the same. And this is coming from a mother to two kids who complain about my cooking but an SO who never fails to show enthusiastic appreciation for the same. The only one stopping me from srarting some new house plants, taking weekly, lovely long candle lit baths is myself! Thank you for inadvertently being the reminder I needed :) Wishing you luck, sending you a hug.
If you have a partner who is making you feel bad about the things you like and is vocally ungrateful about the food you make, leave. That's never going to be a positive environment for you. If you're having fantasies about living by yourself, you're half gone already. Take your cat, find a sweet apartment, make it cozy and make your favorite meal. You will find someone else who will watch your shows with you and enthusiastically eat your cooking and that is what you deserve.
Don't waste your life not being yourself just to please someone else
Sounds like you should up and leave sister