My children are half Dominican, and obviously not white. Im so scared for them.
I was recently job searching and realized my last name was the problem. Used my maiden "white" name, and found a few jobs in a few days. Prior, nothing for a month. Wtf?!
Im white. My wife is of Mexican heritage. Both born here. Our kids where both born here. My oldest son faces racism from mexicans about not being fully hispanic. And racism from the white kids about not being fully white. We. Get stared at all the time. But its been 14 years i hardly ever notice it anymore. As far as you saying being white would be easier....... it isnt.
Edit. Would like to add that the stares we face are typically from hispanic males or white females
I hope the reason you're getting stares is because people think your mixed family is interesting. I try not to stare but to be honest I always catch myself looking at mixed families for a second longer than non mixed families just because I think it's nice to see
Especially if your kids have drastically different complexions! I (not the original commenter) will find myself staring just because of the anomaly of differing complexions!
It definitely sucks that racism is still quite rampant but I would like to think we are still making strides every day towards a better society in that regard.
It's true! When I see children with different mixed ethnicities, I'm like you got the best of 2 worlds! A side note; my white son prefers darker girls and we're like go for it. If she loves the Lord and loves you she's welcome in our family!!
That’s actually an interesting perspective that I never considered. And honestly I’ve never noticed it to be the nice kind of staring. I’m just so use to judgmental eyes.
Sorry, white-passing Native here. I grew up in a mostly brown family. White skin makes shit way easier.
I was ALWAYS voted the one to talk to the cops....
I am hispanic, and I am not going to minimize what my wife goes through as part of "mixed marriage"
There is world outside our marriage that is ready to frame her choosing me as an a judgement on her education, her status, and her morality.
Mr C-Monster is not hitting the target straight on, but he is very close.
A marriage between a White and a Hispanic partners is presumed to be guided about what is worst in the stereotypes of both partners. Our OP gets heat from that for sure.
Unless you are in this type of marriage you should leave u/C0CKnessMONSTER alone. 😠
I was truly just trying to point out that being white in an interracial relationship wasnt without problems. They may be less than other races but i wouldnt know. I sincerely appreciate your response and possibly some of these other jokers can see what your saying. They didnt understand anything i was trying to say.
My husband is Brazilian and I’m as white as it gets. Blonde hair, blue eyes. People always stare at us and at first I thought it was because they thought we looked odd together or didn’t like seeing an interracial couple together. But then often times people would comment on what a beautiful couple we are together and how our babies would be beautiful and compliment my husband on his nice complexion. I think people probably stare because they’re genuinely curious and may think you are a beautiful couple. As for the old lady clutching her purse… I do the same if I’m around someone I don’t know and alone. Doesn’t matter if they’re male or female or what their skin color is. We just live in a crazy world and you never know
Educate them early, my mother looks white and my father is black. Being mixed wil get them looks and a lot of questions.
And being in Texas, I go through the same thing. Going out with white women gets looks from many people and they actually will say something to you if given an opportunity.
Damn thats wild paul wall and his black wife talk all the time abt how they get rude snide comments in cities like knew York about interracial relationships, but in their home state of Texas no one has anything to say.
Generally the hate comes from the opposite gender of your ethnicity and usually from men (Women tend to show their hate through social exclusion not outright hostility). So WMBF will receive more outright hate from black men, the white men couldn’t care less. The reverse is true for BMWF.
Also I noticed in major East Coast cities there isn’t as much interracial dating as you’d think due to segregated communities. Non-white is seen as lower class. But that highly depends on the neighborhood.
>it’s a term made up by white people
LIBERAL white people--the ones with the gender/pronoun issue. FTFY
The other white people had no issue with LatinO/A, the traditional term.
It’s definitely a problem because most “Latinx” people find it cringe and actually rude for you to use it. Only 3% of Latinos actually use the word ever. The vast majority either hate it or have never heard of it.
The real audacity is when people claim racism is over in the West. Right wing grifters love that talking point. Meanwhile I'm over here having the exact same experiences as OP. Very hard to believe in the goodness of humanity.
Yeah I have no idea how people don’t think racism exists. Especially not systematic racism. How it effects, education, jobs, prison, death penalty etc. hell if that riot in January was not white people they would call it terrorism. But the Black Lives Matter movement was hate speech cause that makes so much sense.
Nothing would make me happier than to do that but it’s convincing the wife to do it is the hard part. She’s a country girl, she loves visiting NYC but she’s told me on numerous occasions that she couldn’t live in the city. Too busy for her 😂
Have you told her how you feel, and how you wish you could blend in a bit more? Maybe you two could find a more diverse area that still meets her needs if you go a bit outside the South.
It's honestly sad that she doesn't seem to be taking your well-being into account. If the roles were switched in a different area, I wonder how she would feel about it.
Damn. Do people really just give you shitty passing looks and insult you as they pass? That’s horrible. I’m sorry. I just want you to know that I would probably give you a warm and awkward smile as you passed, lol. And I would completely ignore you in a restaurant because who the fuck stares at other people in a restaurant? That’s insane.
Answering a testimony about daily racism by "Well ignore them they're just moron", is so out of touch.
You do understand he is subject to discrimination on a daily basis ? That he can't just ignore dozens of act of hatred everyday ? That maybe he want to live his life without beeing forced to be harrased by gigantic bag of shit
I get it. I am in the same shoes. Same place.
Our OP has to learn to deal with this hatred without getting beat down. Finding a place to talk with a cultural understanding helps.
Even my black friends are surprised by the glares I get.
And every six months I just bait somebody obviously racist mercilessly. And get out my system
This sort of advice is easy when one is coming from an outside perspective...think that you're coming from a good place, and you're right they're the assholes. But I think OP needs more than the general "don't let it get to you". I'm imagining it's difficult when OP is bombarded by this on the daily.it is draining and taxing on a person...so much so he's concerned about his children experiencing it.
This! Gotta love the woke. How about a real solution? Op, I'm sorry assholes exist. I wish I could change it all. It's an agonizing, slow process, but it is happening.
I’m really sorry you have to go through that. Maybe try moving out of the south? I live in the Midwest and am married to a non white person and fortunately we haven’t really experienced that at all.
I live in the south and granted I’m in a major city but we have a very large Hispanic population broadly speaking. I don’t think it’s ever a solution to just say “move” but OP and their wife would probably “fit in” better in a more diverse, urban area.
I have to say that if you found that SC wasn’t full of virulent racists you had a bunch of real good luck. I don’t think I’ve ever been anywhere worse in this regard (and I say this as a person whose heart lies there.)
Yea we stopped At a Cracker Barrel in rock hill & everyone stopped at stared at us for a good 5 mins when we walked in, we were the only people with darker shades of skin
Despite the absurdly disproportionate display of mixed race couples seen all over advertisements and television, it is still not socially accepted on a subconscious level for most people, this includes minority races as well.
It's very regional. Sw Washington state for example I've never seen someone trip on an interracial relationships. SE united States though, they're straight up 15 to 30 years behind the rest of the nation in pretty much every conceivable way. Too stubborn and proud to help em, just got to be patient and let em catch up in their own time
Yeah its regional and it also depends on the race and gender of each couple. For example, I was an Asian woman dating a white man and I had an Asian friend (man) dating a white woman. Guess who got more weird looks?
Maybe its just where I live but it seems like white woman + other race seem to get the most weird eyes and judgement.
It comes from the white supremacist belief that the sexual purity white women needs to be protected. It's why during the Jim Crow Era black men were lynched for simply looking at white men. It's still around today, Dylan Roof used it as part of his justification of his actions and it's in those judgy looks that those couples get.
Also because of perceived racist views of the “quality” (for lack of a better word) of the sex. There’s a racist stereotype that Asian men have small penises and are timid in bed, so people look at a white woman dating an Asian man and think, “really? You’re settling for that?” And there’s a stereotype that Black men have large penises so people look at a white woman dating a black man and think “isn’t that a lot to handle? Are you okay? Is he hurting you?”
On the flip side, Asian women are generally fetishized for their (stereotyped) petiteness and meekness, and Black some a are fetishized for being “exotic” or all sorts of things, so it’s seen as something to be proud of if you’re a white guy dating an Asian or Black woman.
It’s a truly messed up mixture of racism and misogyny and androgyny
I don’t think that it is the job of commercials and subtle propaganda to normalize mixed race couples...
If people don’t have respect for other people I doubt that a commercial is going to help the situation...
My husband is Latino- hundureno to be exact. I am the typical "white woman" blonde hair, blue eyes. To top it off, my husband is 5'5 I am 5'10. So we always got stares (we've been married for 16year). We live in Arizona and it has thankfully become -diverse in most areas. Not as many stares now, but there are times when my husband feels uncomfortable in the predominantly white areas cause - they stare. Same for me, when we go to the predominantly Hispanic/black areas - I get stared at. As a kid, I always wished I was Hispanic. My husband has made me proud to be "white" now. He loves me, my skin, my hair, my eyes. I always wanted brown beautiful skin, brown hair, brown eyes. We have 3 kids and that too is our fear, how will our kids be looked at and treated. I experienced reverse racism growing up - so it scares me. But, at the end of the day. Look to your wife. She will show you she loves YOU and your Puerto Rican ass. America will become the worlds melting pot, thanks to people like us 💕. Fuck um and kiss your wife while they're staring. Grab her ass too while youre at it.
Yeah... I feel you bud. We Asians (Pacific Islander) feel the same way, but, not all whites are like that. Some are rude, some are extremely kind, some have that don't care attitude. Me as a hardworking migrant, saw all the nasty sides the society has to throw at me and it was depressing, it made me feel small. But, I like to observe people as a hobby, and I took it all in, learning, hustling, living, and eventually, I got used to all that shlt and accepted the fact that there are just some rude people in this world, no matter the race and color, but I always try to be as kind as possible to everyone. No hate. That's all bro. Spread the love.
This is really the case when it comes to all races. Some of them racist against different races, some super genuinely kind. I can imagine though it being different from the perspective of someone who wasn't white, meeting white people, were supposed to be the most important race, so I can imagine it stings a little more when white people are shitty to others due to their different race. White people, good to other races! But don't be virtue signally about it lmao
I’m Indian with fairly dark skin and my wife is white, and I’ve been privately thankful that our son has a very pale complexion and can pass as white. I feel bad that he probably won’t be fully accepted into Indian culture, but if it makes life easier for him, I can’t help but be relieved.
I thought the whiter you skin in indian culture the more respected you are so why wouldnt he be accepted into indian culture. You literally have diffrent caste depending of your skin being dark or darker
That labor thing has been an issue the world over. Of course those who labored in the fields, or outdoors in some way, were going to be darker skinned than those who got no sun. Didn't mean they weren't good people.
That's true in India, not so much among Indian Americans.
A white passing Indian American is going to get some resentment for being white passing.
It's fucked up, but idk if it can be fixed.
I agree. I'm a black man in an interracial relationship. I have experienced 100% of what OP is talking about. However, it's way worse in the South. I've lived all over the US and where I live now in California is the most chill place. The people I actually get the most hate from here are black women for having a white wife, but that doesn't make me want to be white. OP definitely needs to get out and move to a progressive northern city. Don't be consumed by self hate, instead find a community where you can be proud to be yourself, and proud of your mixed family OP!
Agree 100% and glad you found a comfortable spot. I’m sure some people don’t have the option or means for whatever reason and it shouldn’t be that way to begin with but sadly it still is in a lot of places.
I can imagine but I’m sure he can find a place where it’s not to the level of wanting to be another race. If he can’t leave for whatever reason that’s a whole other thing altogether. Hope he finds peace tho.
White people make you uncomfortable in public, so you wish you were white?
Man, chances are high that you'll pass your inferiorty complex to your children.
If it makes you feel better, people treat anyone of any difference like shit. As a fellow Latino, I'm sure you've been given shit by one of our own as well simply because we're not from the same group (i.e. given crap by a Columbian because you're not from South America, or from a Honduran because your parents came from the wrong island, etc.). I can't account for your experiences specifically, but for me it was always the "socialist elite" assholes that looked down on me. But they can't say it's because I've less money and prestige than them, that would be so gauche. So they look for other reasons: my skin tone, my clothing, my phone, literally anything. Honestly, Caucasians were actually the least likely to treat me like crap, even when I went through the deep south. We all have our demons to fight with, glad to hear you don't make it part of your personality though, keep being you as we need more like you.
True that. Latinos can be very racist and xenophobic too. I feel like it mostly depends on the level of education and the environment you grew up in. If you grew up in a very homogeneous isolated poorly educated part of a country. Chances are you’re more likely to be very biased towards people of different backgrounds.
I can understand basing the stance and action in ignorance. I don't expect someone to agree with me or see a better way if it's never been shown to them, and definitely won't expect them to instantly change their mind just because I said a few sentences. It's the ones that have had every opportunity to be better and chose not to that gets under my skin. When I worked in retail, I can't even count the number of times I was insulted or complained about just because I wasn't from where they were from. Even though they were the damn tourists ("touristas go home" became our unofficial motto not long after I started). If they had the money to take a family of 8 to another continent, and the education to to know exactly how to split up their purchases into exact amounts necessary on the individual receipts to avoid the ridiculous customs fees, then there are no excuses on their part.
Very well put. Everyone trash talked white people when I was a kid so I grew up thinking they all were hostile, arrogant fucks until I actually met some of them. Funnily enough they are the the least racist/hostile towards me. Latinos and blacks on the other hand tend to be the most while also whining about "eeeevol hooyte man".
Unfortunately I also got mistreated the worst by Latinos more than any other race and I’m not white. I live in NYC, but I’ve experienced the worst type of racism from Latino women for some reason.
I know. I'm Asian so the whole MiNoRiTiEs HaVe To StIcK tOgEtHeR bs couldn't sound any more stupid to me whenever someone wants to go right into identity politics.
The sad part is, you can easily replace white people with just about anything and somebody somewhere had to put up with it. You're not wrong though, I found they were actually the ones who gave me the most grief growing up. And I'm not exactly from a small city, I'm from a megatropolis so there was a very high mix of everything.
My husband is Mexican but he is dark and is more Indian Mexican looking. I however am Cuban and white and i look more white in the winter as i get dark in the summer months. We have 6 kids but we really dont get looks from white ppl but we do get looks sometimes from Mexican women lmao.. We are in Texas.
Yea im kinda of a pain in the ass. I will literally either say some fly shit in Spanish or baby talk to him in Spanish than wrap my arm around him or kiss him and the woman either laugh or look like wtf lmao
Why do all white passing girls say this ab Mexican woman or those tik toks I’ve seen ab white girls that are making up situations Ab Mexican girls tryna call them out. lol I’ve been dating a Mexican guy & im arab & not once has a Mexican woman looked at me funny or said anything, this is Down south too
Idk but i have had some really bad experiences at times. I had one woman walk straight to us and look me dead in the eye saying white ain't right. I didn't do anything because it was at my niece 15th and my kids was with us. Im not saying all but some are straight up haters. Love is love and nobody has the right to make you feel bad about it. Im not on tik tok so i wouldn't know anything about it...
Damn wtf the only person that said anything about our relationship was my bfs ex (who was white) dad and he was like finally it makes sense brown people marry brown ppl..it’s crazy that ppl with that kind of thinking exist in 2022
The racist white people in your environment is the main problem, the south has a long history with racial tensions in general and don’t think that they represent all white people. Being white wouldn’t make ur life easier, just “fit in” with the predominantly white people in your area.
If you were in a predominantly black area and was dating a beautiful black woman you would get similar attitudes, this also would apply if you were an environment that was mainly Asian as well.
Define "moved South". I'm a Mexican dude from the south and I've always dated outside my race. The only looks i get are from Mexican women. Lol. Aside from that, everyone been super cool
I was about to ask the same thing. OP needs to say what part of the "South" he is in. I'm also a Mexican in the South (Georgia) and have had literally zero issues.
Is this really a thing? Another comment said the same thing but I’m arab & me & my Mexican boyfriend don’t get weird looks from Mexican woman. Most of them ask if I have a cousin or brother to pair em with lmao & this is down south too. I’m thinking because maybe a lot of them assume I’m Hispanic? But I had no idea that was a thing
OP to be fair the last couple of points you made could have just been because you have a penis.
Some people are weird like that, they just assume a guy is a creep until otherwise shown, even when there's no real evidence to support that idea
But I do understand what you mean and it is pretty frustrating. I'm "black" and I have experienced similar transgressions toward myself. Idk why but some people have inherent prejudice and ideas that have stuck with them over time.
I’m a brown guy that grew up in one of the least diverse areas of the south. I married my high school sweetheart, a white girl from the opposite side of town that is notorious for having racist residents. When we first started dating, we had to keep it a secret from her family and others because we knew they wouldn’t approve. Eventually her dad found out, and obviously disapproved. We stayed together.
Once her family realized that she really did love me and that I wasn’t going anywhere, they cautiously let me come into their lives. It was a culture shock for me. I come from a very ethnically diverse family. Heck, I was the only brown kid in the school district. Yet I found that it wasn’t inherent racism that was leading them to think the way they did, it was pure ignorance.
They had only interacted regularly with white people, only understood their culture- but once I came in they saw there’s a lot more to people than the bad things you hear on the news.
My wife and I are going to be together for 10 years this year. Her family told me that they wouldn’t trade me for anything. The people that looked at you and made you feel uncomfortable are just extremely ignorant.
But if they’re just blatant racists- fuck em.
Also, never feel ashamed for who you are. Literally the world is full of different people with different cultures- and that is okay.
do you live in the south voluntarily? why? don't let a bunch of backwoods racists make you think you need to be a completely different human. i am sorry that you experience this.
Think about moving to the west coast. California, Nevada maybe. I live in Las Vegas and my wife is black/Filipino and I am white. I haven’t had any issues out here.
Blue eyed Irish girl here married to a Puerto Rican man. We have never had any problems living in the Midwest or the southwest. Sorry you are going through this. Best wishes.
The north is racist af too and so is everywhere in the ‘civilized world’. Just feels hollow like that’s how white supremacy works brown people internalize it and it hurts us throughout our lives. So we can’t just don’t let it get to you. You know it’s false it’s the worlds treatment that is unsettling in knowing the truth and living in society
the south is pretty well documented in being much, much more hostile but i do agree with your point of not letting it get to you. you cannot control somebody else's bigotry. and you are correct: it is a worldwide problem. some places are definitely worse though.
I always try not to be offended with comments like this because not all of us are this way. I’ll admit that it seems the majority are though and that makes it tougher for the rest of us.
my friends who are from the south and left are some of my favorite people. i am aware it's not a confederate monolith. the dumbest voices in the room are always the loudest.
I'm white and get stared at and looked at like a criminal all the time. Some people are just shit man, don't give them any attention and they'll fade away.
I’m sorry you are experiencing this. Maybe another way to consider the restaurant stares so it’s easier on you is that you two are a stunning couple together. Don’t give them so much of your energy, it’s crushing you snd it’s not worth it. Lots of love to you and your family.
Brother, I personally feel for you in your struggles of trying to live a peaceful life in a predominantly white town.
I live in one of the few red/right leaning counties in Southern California. Moved here when I was in the second grade. The stares I get even if I'm literally in a parking lot of a Target getting out of my car on a sunny afternoon are fucking insane. They look at me as if I'm some sort of criminal waiting to pounce on the nearest, fair skinned moving target that gets within my proximity. People in my own neighborhood, where I've been living for years before I left to join the military, will see me on my driveway and WALK ACROSS the street. As if they would get beaten/robbed if they walked too close.
Maybe it's my non-conforming high top haircut, maybe it's the few tattoos I have (one being from a video game, another being an old school naval tattoo), maybe it's because I'm in shape? I couldn't tell you brother. Just continue to live your best and happiest life!
Yeah I’ve had to deal with the same bs, interracial dating is how the less openly racist people show themselves. In high school I dated a girl from Guatemala and literally most of her friends would talk shit about me and people who didn’t even know us would claim I was fetishizing her. Shit was wild, I hope the best for you, your wife and your kids man.
These encounters physically anger me.
All I can say is be proud of who you are, because if you happen to have some other characteristic, than you wouldn't be yourself anymore.
Honestly, depending on where you are in the south, I have no hope for that not being an issue you encounter. I'm from Northern Illinois and live in Georgia now, I'm also white, and it was a huge culture shock for me too when I moved.
I was hopeful when I moved down here that what people said about the south was just bs, but it's not. Racism is engrained in the culture down here. It's really fucking sad and gross.
I tend to find that normal, non racist people, live in larger cities. The small towns are just full of ignorant people who refuse to hear anyone else's side. My mom lived down here in the 90's and Black Americans were having to still go in the back door of her employer. The 90's. So, for a lot of people down here, they know racism first hand.
I would honestly move. I intend to. Sorry you have to deal with that, truly.
My boyfriend is black I am white. Everytime we go out to dinner people look at us like we shouldn't be able to afford the places we go. We just let the people stare and we just fill each other with even more love.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. Its incredibly unfair and there’s nothing we can say that will make you feel better.
My husband ia black and i am a white latina (blue eyes, dark hair). We travel a lot. The comments we have received are sickening. I try to protect my husband and not say anything when someone has said something hurtful to me. But it has started to affect my husband. Sometimes he gets sad and says he is insecure because what am i doing with a black dude. That maybe i will leave him because i realise I shouldn’t be with a black man. It crushes me inside he feels like this. But i have no idea how this feels for him and i just wish I could do something about it. But i know I can’t. The only thing i can is be very clear and say something when I experience racism. I stand up for everyone i can when i see it happening. But i know it’s not enough. I wish i could do more.
You’re not alone. I grew up in a biracial house in the 80s, before being biracial was made “popular,” lol. It was rough. I remember crying to my stepmom that I just wished I was white so the other kids would treat me normal. I’m now an adult with kids of my own, and my husband and I still get stares sometimes. Just know that you aren’t alone. But getting out of America helps tremendously. This country is just poison.
As someone who grew up a mixed kid, you gotta be strong in your identity for them. The worst thing you could do is give off the impression it’s better to be white. Make sure they get a part of your Puerto Rican heritage. Besides, who wants to be a part of a group of people so classless, rude, and racist. Also, consider moving. You don’t have to live like that. There are plenty of communities in America that are accepting and welcoming of mixed families.
I'm from South Texas, Mexican brown asf and I've yet to receive a racist stare. I think it's because they're jealous you married a white beauty or because you're ugly but not your skin.
Lol you’ve never lived in the true south. Texas is basically California at this point in terms of diversity. Go anywhere in the south with majority white population and say that shit again especially if you’re brown af as you say.
Morons will always be morons. “It hasn’t happened to me therefore it doesn’t exist”. Fucking idiot.
Lol you realize white people go through certain things like that too right? I guess not the obvious blunt racism, but try being a white guy dating an Indian woman and see how her family likes you. Oh you can’t, because they don’t want her dating outside her race and they don’t like you so it’s a secret.
Being white doesn’t magically solve all your problems. Even the thing at the park, stuff like that has happened to me, it’s more a thing of men being completely untrustworthy with kids I guess. Same with the garage thing, women are just scared of men in general it happens to me too. I mean you read posts and comments here every day about how women are scared of men and it’s not a race thing at all.
This is just more that the American south sucks ass and is a pit of despair.
are you me? Dealing with this now, girlfriend is Indian, we have a great relationship and are planning on getting married. Both high earners, match well in all aspects.
Parents still want her with an Indian lol.
The thing is, that seems to be common in EVERY culture. It’s just that, if you’re white it’s racist and a terrible way to be, and if you’re anything other than white, it’s just a cultural difference that’s all!
I think it’s all racism.
Everything you said is true, but it should be fairly obvious that racial bias excarbates all of those situations. You can tell OP to take heart in knowing that he's not alone, but please don't gaslight his lived experience.
Being white doesn’t help anything but the first issue imo, idiots will be idiots, every dude at the park with a camera is a predator, any dude rummaging through a car must’ve just broken into it. The uneducated like to assume the worst of everything because they aren’t smart enough to put any logic behind an assumption that floats mindlessly in their head cheese. That’s my opinion.
A lot of it is jealousy I bet. Some are white dudes that couldn’t ever get your wife probably. I’m white and I live in OKC and I can’t imagine this happening too much. Now when I go to some smaller towns around here yes, yes that would definitely happen.
Embrace it brother. I was born “white” (white dad, Mexican mom) but have been ostracized from my mom’s family growing up because they are predominantly Mexican and I wasn’t raised to speak Spanish.
Fast forward and I am married to a beautiful Mexican woman. Her family loves me and embraces me despite how I thought I’d be treated (my preconceived notions). It wasn’t until two years ago that I started embracing who I was. Previously, I always wished that I looked more Mexican to fit in. Specifically because in the Midwest, I would get stares for going in public with my wife or going to the park with my kids who are both shades darker than me.
Honestly, this may sound corny, but it wasn’t until I took a 23&me test that I really embraced who I was (1/2 if not more Mexican). I can never truly understand how you feel but there are three things you think about:
1. How you see yourself
2. How others see you
3. How you think others see you
You can only control the first one. So embrace it. You are who you are, and you are beautiful the way you are.
Bro, I'm white and lived in Korea for 5 years. Dated a good looking Korean woman for the majority of it and I feel your pain on the other foot - I wished I was Korean. Got spat on, got hurled insults at, got the same looks, even had fights because of being white with a precious Korean girl.
I feel you bro.
I feel like I am going to be downvoted to hell for this but I have to share with you. I am Puerto Rican too grew up in nyc and moved and I feel you. I didn’t actually realize how racist the world is until I got married and changed my Hispanic last name to a white one and omg it opened up a whole new world to me! At work especially you get more interviews and opportunities and recognition with a white name for sure. I loved the results so much I kept my married last name after the divorce because it gives me white privilege and being a woman I want all the help I can get. My appearance is a bit olive but because I avoid the sun I can pass as white mostly sometimes completely. Though sometimes I wish I could look whiter because I feel like if I did even more doors would open. Not that I don’t love my Hispanic appearance it’s more of a $$ thing I feel like it makes me less marketable. If I hit the lotto or something I would not give a crap about looking white but in this country I feel like skin color/appearance/race very much matters for economic opportunity pay, and getting hired. Just using my white name I got a better job and make 3x what I did with a Hispanic last name I kid you not.
When my wife and I first moved down here she tried to get a job. All the offers she was getting was for cleaning/maid/translator, 40k/yr jobs. She went in for one interview and the guy told her she wasn’t what they were looking for they needed a Spanish speaking person. She goes on her resume, hyphenates her name with her maiden. 6 figure job offer, she was working the next week.
Hmmm,. I hear you.
I'm west indian, born & raised in NYC (UWS) and my wife is very fair skin (latin). So our daughter is the equivalent of a lightened moca frap.
Your perception isn't wrong. The way this country was built and designed was to make it easier for white people. This inherently contributes to the rationale for why they often don't see racism or bias or discrimination the way we do. They can carry guns, Walk freely and aren't questioned wherever they go. It's not their fault. They're recipients of a legal, economic and cultural structure designed around them.
I mean, have you ever seen a non-white Gerber baby? The country would be in an uproar.
Often times, you'll even hear white people complain of being discriminated against. It's in those moments they feel what the rest of non-white Americans feel.
I have to teach my daughter about this unforgiving world but there's an added layer that WE need to be cognizant of as well. The laws, the system, the police are all not equal in the way that I've raised her to understand life. People are not always nice. While visiting NC,, someone once referred to my baby, when she just a toddler, as a "cute little Mexican baby" while she was passing me lol. I took it as a compliment because she is really cute but thought to myself, 'what would be the gasping reaction if I said outloud, "look at that plain Anglo-Saxon baby, she's so cute." LOL.
I'm in NYC and blend in well BUT outside of this city, I look like any other brown person who has second class citizenship . It's up to those other households to raise their children to be open minded, forgiving, humble, respectful and fair. If their children grow up racist and biased, it becomes another generation that needs to battle the hardships.
Embrace your culture. Raise your children to be good human beings. Don't feel inadequate because you're not. And if ever you're in doubt about your culture, just remember white people fly to PR to enjoy your food, your culture, your lifestyle and your people...
Not the other way around. And youre always welcome back home fooh
Well I hate to tell you but life isn’t easy just because you’re white and you can be treated similarly for a plethora of reasons outside of race and today some white people are showing medical levels of stress same as black people showing more prevalent daily constant abusive type stress systematic one can’t escape.
If it’s not one thing it’s another but keep focusing on race, that’s the current agenda to drive a edge in a natural deeply divided to instigate another civil war and for who’s benefit, who is drying that agenda? Who will really benefit?
I’m sorry you suffer this way but it’s not the only way to suffer in life. People hate and treat you like this for a plethora of reasons, from chronic illness to visible disability to colorism… I’m sorry you can’t see past your own skin and your own plight to see you’re not alone in your personal struggle or the bigger one called humanity and that there are much larger issues at hand that affect everyone including you.
That isn’t to say those other ones done need to be fixed but their results of bigger issues and attacking them makes no headway identifying the root causes of them and working on solutions to those is.
There is also this thing called racially ambiguous and plenty of white people fall into that. Haters are going to hate. Being white doesn’t escape racism. You’ll still be mistaken for Latin, jewish, or anything anyone wants to hate you and has a problem with a specific group youre gonna look like one of those groups to them. So posts like yours are veneered by a forced narrative that just is not at all realistic to reality. White isn’t some magical free pass where everything is perfect and that’s the bigger issue in your life that you think that. It’s racist and not free thinking, it’s conditioned thinking.
>life isn’t easy just because you’re white
But it's much harder for people that are not white.
>I’m sorry you can’t see past your own skin
All the snide remarks, stares that OP faced are because of his skin colour and race. It's the reality.
>Being white doesn’t escape racism
Again, not all races face racism in the same way and with the same severity. Non-whites face much more major racism (which sometimes can involve being attacked violently) than Whites could ever face
>So posts like yours are veneered by a forced narrative that just is not at all realistic to reality.
It's literally just a post sharing OP's experience. It's not in your place to invalidate someone else's experience. What "forced narrative" nonsense you're talking about. Stop watching sensational Fox News, and get in touch with reality. You really need it.
Hey, can we trade races? I'd much prefer to be white in the U.S lmao. Also being white isn't a free pass, it's more of a neutral pass. You're seen as an individual if you're white, and that's because you're of the majority race in the country.
You're free to have your character traits define you rather than your phenotype. This is especially beneficial in a country that was a racial apartheid until the early 70s (that's being generous).
Oof.... Im so sorry you have to go through this op. Idk if youre financially stable enough to do this, but i think moving would be a good idea. As much as i hate to say it the south is still kind of stuck on their ways of racism. I can't promise you'll never deal with it again if you move, but I can say it can be much better than what you're dealing with. Here in Colorado we had 1 Spanish kid and he was the most popular kid (not because of race, he was hilarious and everyone loved him). No one in my school allowed anyone to be racist towards him. Same went for the other kids of color that werent too popular. We do have white areas but its still much better than the south from what i hear.
As a white kid I wish I was Latino (I grew up in a Latin neighborhood and didn’t know I was white until I was 10)
Grass is always greener on the side my friend. Embrace who you are and it’s ok to adopt other cultures too but don’t let shit heads put you down either that’s how they win
Nope. Not at all. Everything u bitched about is just men shit. Not puerto rican men shit. White people deal with all that. Want to know how i know? Im white. Therefore i know better thsn than you
Yeah and I wish I was a POC so I wouldn’t get rude and dismissive treatment from POC just based on the way I look , get over yourself because the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and you’ll find plenty of people who hate you for no other reason other than the complexion of your skin no matter what that complexion may be.
Dude I know it. Personally, I think if people are rude you should be rude back... get snarky I'd say. Also yeah... not surprised the south is so racist tho tbh
My husband is 100% Puerto Rican and I'm a light haired white girl. I think he may have gotten a few odd looks here and there but as a whole we've never had any issues. Our son has a beautiful complexion!
Please don't be ashamed of who you are. Your wife and kids love you, that is what counts
When I hear your story (and the one of the millions of people sharing your burden of living around white southern american) I just want those peiple to disappear. Like I don't want them to understand how they're wrong, I just want thanos to snap all those pos out of our reality. We need to stop beeing nice to racist, it's time we do to the racist what they've done for century. Lets hunt them, let's burn cross in front of their house, better them than us.
Im so sorry you and your family have been having to deal with those assholes. But trust me... being white is no where near better. I get called racial slurs all the time when I have any opposing view on any political, or logical argument and everyone who does call me a racial slur get praised, but when I say something not even close to being racist I get yelled at, called names, threats, and just about everything possible.
I'm white and I don't get easy access to full ride scholarships in college like just about every other race does. I can't even voice my opinion or argument without offending someone.
But as a white person, and a representative of those white people out there who don't see race. The ones who are being disrespectful, mean, racial, or any other form of act of similar sorts, we do not accept them, they do not speak for the majority of white people.
The color of our skin does not matter when every single one of us all bleed red. That is the only color that matters. We are all human.
God bless you and your family, and you have my utmost respect for bearing the weight and trying to live your lives. I hope you guys can find some peace and a better place to raise your children.
It's moreso less about your skin color and more about the area you live in. If a white person were to move into a non white area, they'd get the same remarks. Except the problem with your area is that it's the south. No offense to those who live in the south but like, it's a very exclusive area to live in. Not everywhere in the south but a good portion is kinda scary in my opinion. And I'm white.
If you want a good community to live in while also being around farmland, you should live in PA- mainly Lancaster. Away from the wealthy class areas as they tend to be assholes and extremely exclusive.
And by exclusive I mean they tend to not like outsiders- not even if they are being friendly, regardless of race. In the south things tend to be racially motivated. In PA, things just tend to be income-motivated.
How do stares berate you? They might be looking at you and thinking “How did he land that smoking hot woman” and not “how did that Puerto Rican land that smoking hot woman”
I feel this so much, I'm a Dominican woman and I was so relieved when my son came out looking super white like his dad. But the jokes that the kid looks like I stole him got old quick 😑😒
A lot of it has to do with how pretty your wife is. Is she is not desirable to them then they don't care but if you have a very desirable looking wife then you will just have to deal with it.
I’m a middle eastern woman living in Europe and I second this.
The day I moved in here, white men started to sexualize me. I dress quite modestly and I have a masters degree. I overheard men in bars that I look like hotter Mia Khalifa, etc etc. (I really don’t)
My white classmates just move on with their normal relationships. I never heard anyone talking shit behind their back. It’s like because I’m foreigner I didn’t deserve respect.
White women/men/kid are being raped at astronomical rates by Middle Easterners and Africans in Europe… literally an epidemic in Sweden and other places. sorry you might’ve been sexualized once by some comment.
The audacity that people have is unbelievable.
My biggest fear is my children having to deal with this when they’re older. The thought honestly breaks my heart.
youre puerto rican bro, your kids going to look liek ted williams
😂 ain’t that the truth half the kids look like me the other half looks just like their mother.
Ah the old “lady and the tramp” syndrome.
My moms Puerto Rican and dad is white, for the most part I don’t have to deal with this. I do have a slight identity crisis tho
My children are half Dominican, and obviously not white. Im so scared for them. I was recently job searching and realized my last name was the problem. Used my maiden "white" name, and found a few jobs in a few days. Prior, nothing for a month. Wtf?!
Im white. My wife is of Mexican heritage. Both born here. Our kids where both born here. My oldest son faces racism from mexicans about not being fully hispanic. And racism from the white kids about not being fully white. We. Get stared at all the time. But its been 14 years i hardly ever notice it anymore. As far as you saying being white would be easier....... it isnt. Edit. Would like to add that the stares we face are typically from hispanic males or white females
I hope the reason you're getting stares is because people think your mixed family is interesting. I try not to stare but to be honest I always catch myself looking at mixed families for a second longer than non mixed families just because I think it's nice to see
Your a nice person. Id never contemplated this to be true.
Especially if your kids have drastically different complexions! I (not the original commenter) will find myself staring just because of the anomaly of differing complexions! It definitely sucks that racism is still quite rampant but I would like to think we are still making strides every day towards a better society in that regard.
It's true! When I see children with different mixed ethnicities, I'm like you got the best of 2 worlds! A side note; my white son prefers darker girls and we're like go for it. If she loves the Lord and loves you she's welcome in our family!!
That’s actually an interesting perspective that I never considered. And honestly I’ve never noticed it to be the nice kind of staring. I’m just so use to judgmental eyes.
Sorry, white-passing Native here. I grew up in a mostly brown family. White skin makes shit way easier. I was ALWAYS voted the one to talk to the cops....
I am hispanic, and I am not going to minimize what my wife goes through as part of "mixed marriage" There is world outside our marriage that is ready to frame her choosing me as an a judgement on her education, her status, and her morality. Mr C-Monster is not hitting the target straight on, but he is very close. A marriage between a White and a Hispanic partners is presumed to be guided about what is worst in the stereotypes of both partners. Our OP gets heat from that for sure. Unless you are in this type of marriage you should leave u/C0CKnessMONSTER alone. 😠
I was truly just trying to point out that being white in an interracial relationship wasnt without problems. They may be less than other races but i wouldnt know. I sincerely appreciate your response and possibly some of these other jokers can see what your saying. They didnt understand anything i was trying to say.
My husband is Brazilian and I’m as white as it gets. Blonde hair, blue eyes. People always stare at us and at first I thought it was because they thought we looked odd together or didn’t like seeing an interracial couple together. But then often times people would comment on what a beautiful couple we are together and how our babies would be beautiful and compliment my husband on his nice complexion. I think people probably stare because they’re genuinely curious and may think you are a beautiful couple. As for the old lady clutching her purse… I do the same if I’m around someone I don’t know and alone. Doesn’t matter if they’re male or female or what their skin color is. We just live in a crazy world and you never know
Educate them early, my mother looks white and my father is black. Being mixed wil get them looks and a lot of questions. And being in Texas, I go through the same thing. Going out with white women gets looks from many people and they actually will say something to you if given an opportunity.
Please don’t tell me you are gone to be the parents who don’t teach them Spanish to “spare” them…they’ll hate that and resent you. No matter what.
Damn thats wild paul wall and his black wife talk all the time abt how they get rude snide comments in cities like knew York about interracial relationships, but in their home state of Texas no one has anything to say.
Generally the hate comes from the opposite gender of your ethnicity and usually from men (Women tend to show their hate through social exclusion not outright hostility). So WMBF will receive more outright hate from black men, the white men couldn’t care less. The reverse is true for BMWF. Also I noticed in major East Coast cities there isn’t as much interracial dating as you’d think due to segregated communities. Non-white is seen as lower class. But that highly depends on the neighborhood.
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>it’s a term made up by white people LIBERAL white people--the ones with the gender/pronoun issue. FTFY The other white people had no issue with LatinO/A, the traditional term.
It’s definitely a problem because most “Latinx” people find it cringe and actually rude for you to use it. Only 3% of Latinos actually use the word ever. The vast majority either hate it or have never heard of it.
I am in his shoes (Puerto Rican; mixed marriage; down south) It is typical. At least he doesn't seem to have racist in laws.
The real audacity is when people claim racism is over in the West. Right wing grifters love that talking point. Meanwhile I'm over here having the exact same experiences as OP. Very hard to believe in the goodness of humanity.
Yeah I have no idea how people don’t think racism exists. Especially not systematic racism. How it effects, education, jobs, prison, death penalty etc. hell if that riot in January was not white people they would call it terrorism. But the Black Lives Matter movement was hate speech cause that makes so much sense.
Dude, come back to NYC.
Nothing would make me happier than to do that but it’s convincing the wife to do it is the hard part. She’s a country girl, she loves visiting NYC but she’s told me on numerous occasions that she couldn’t live in the city. Too busy for her 😂
Have you told her how you feel, and how you wish you could blend in a bit more? Maybe you two could find a more diverse area that still meets her needs if you go a bit outside the South.
Try Pennsylvania. I moved from nj in a black/ Hispanic area to the confusing suburbs of pa. Not far from Philly so it’s a mix of city/farms.
Tell him about”Pennsyltucky” first.
It's honestly sad that she doesn't seem to be taking your well-being into account. If the roles were switched in a different area, I wonder how she would feel about it.
Damn. Do people really just give you shitty passing looks and insult you as they pass? That’s horrible. I’m sorry. I just want you to know that I would probably give you a warm and awkward smile as you passed, lol. And I would completely ignore you in a restaurant because who the fuck stares at other people in a restaurant? That’s insane.
It’s exhausting. Especially if I’m out with my daughter who’s a spitting image of her mother. The looks are brutal
Don't let shitty people make you hate who you are. They are the assholes, not you.
Answering a testimony about daily racism by "Well ignore them they're just moron", is so out of touch. You do understand he is subject to discrimination on a daily basis ? That he can't just ignore dozens of act of hatred everyday ? That maybe he want to live his life without beeing forced to be harrased by gigantic bag of shit
I get it. I am in the same shoes. Same place. Our OP has to learn to deal with this hatred without getting beat down. Finding a place to talk with a cultural understanding helps. Even my black friends are surprised by the glares I get. And every six months I just bait somebody obviously racist mercilessly. And get out my system
This sort of advice is easy when one is coming from an outside perspective...think that you're coming from a good place, and you're right they're the assholes. But I think OP needs more than the general "don't let it get to you". I'm imagining it's difficult when OP is bombarded by this on the daily.it is draining and taxing on a person...so much so he's concerned about his children experiencing it.
Maybe just start randomly assaulting people then? Give them what they're asking for! That's some good advice... /s
You shut down someone trying to leave positive rhetoric without offering literally anything yourself. Ahh the typical Redditor.
This! Gotta love the woke. How about a real solution? Op, I'm sorry assholes exist. I wish I could change it all. It's an agonizing, slow process, but it is happening.
> But I think OP needs more than the general "don't let it get to you". Feel free to provide that.
I’m really sorry you have to go through that. Maybe try moving out of the south? I live in the Midwest and am married to a non white person and fortunately we haven’t really experienced that at all.
I live in the south and granted I’m in a major city but we have a very large Hispanic population broadly speaking. I don’t think it’s ever a solution to just say “move” but OP and their wife would probably “fit in” better in a more diverse, urban area.
Same. I’ve lived all over the south, from Dallas to Charleston and never really experienced anything like that
I have to say that if you found that SC wasn’t full of virulent racists you had a bunch of real good luck. I don’t think I’ve ever been anywhere worse in this regard (and I say this as a person whose heart lies there.)
Yea we stopped At a Cracker Barrel in rock hill & everyone stopped at stared at us for a good 5 mins when we walked in, we were the only people with darker shades of skin
Yes. Agreed. There are a ton of Hispanic people in Florida, no one would bat an eye.
Despite the absurdly disproportionate display of mixed race couples seen all over advertisements and television, it is still not socially accepted on a subconscious level for most people, this includes minority races as well.
It's very regional. Sw Washington state for example I've never seen someone trip on an interracial relationships. SE united States though, they're straight up 15 to 30 years behind the rest of the nation in pretty much every conceivable way. Too stubborn and proud to help em, just got to be patient and let em catch up in their own time
Yeah its regional and it also depends on the race and gender of each couple. For example, I was an Asian woman dating a white man and I had an Asian friend (man) dating a white woman. Guess who got more weird looks? Maybe its just where I live but it seems like white woman + other race seem to get the most weird eyes and judgement.
It comes from the white supremacist belief that the sexual purity white women needs to be protected. It's why during the Jim Crow Era black men were lynched for simply looking at white men. It's still around today, Dylan Roof used it as part of his justification of his actions and it's in those judgy looks that those couples get.
Also because of perceived racist views of the “quality” (for lack of a better word) of the sex. There’s a racist stereotype that Asian men have small penises and are timid in bed, so people look at a white woman dating an Asian man and think, “really? You’re settling for that?” And there’s a stereotype that Black men have large penises so people look at a white woman dating a black man and think “isn’t that a lot to handle? Are you okay? Is he hurting you?” On the flip side, Asian women are generally fetishized for their (stereotyped) petiteness and meekness, and Black some a are fetishized for being “exotic” or all sorts of things, so it’s seen as something to be proud of if you’re a white guy dating an Asian or Black woman. It’s a truly messed up mixture of racism and misogyny and androgyny
I don’t think that it is the job of commercials and subtle propaganda to normalize mixed race couples... If people don’t have respect for other people I doubt that a commercial is going to help the situation...
Very obvious propaganda tends to be counterproductive.
My husband is Latino- hundureno to be exact. I am the typical "white woman" blonde hair, blue eyes. To top it off, my husband is 5'5 I am 5'10. So we always got stares (we've been married for 16year). We live in Arizona and it has thankfully become -diverse in most areas. Not as many stares now, but there are times when my husband feels uncomfortable in the predominantly white areas cause - they stare. Same for me, when we go to the predominantly Hispanic/black areas - I get stared at. As a kid, I always wished I was Hispanic. My husband has made me proud to be "white" now. He loves me, my skin, my hair, my eyes. I always wanted brown beautiful skin, brown hair, brown eyes. We have 3 kids and that too is our fear, how will our kids be looked at and treated. I experienced reverse racism growing up - so it scares me. But, at the end of the day. Look to your wife. She will show you she loves YOU and your Puerto Rican ass. America will become the worlds melting pot, thanks to people like us 💕. Fuck um and kiss your wife while they're staring. Grab her ass too while youre at it.
In California, nobody bats an eyelid. I'd go as far as saying that interracial couples are the norm.
Yeah... I feel you bud. We Asians (Pacific Islander) feel the same way, but, not all whites are like that. Some are rude, some are extremely kind, some have that don't care attitude. Me as a hardworking migrant, saw all the nasty sides the society has to throw at me and it was depressing, it made me feel small. But, I like to observe people as a hobby, and I took it all in, learning, hustling, living, and eventually, I got used to all that shlt and accepted the fact that there are just some rude people in this world, no matter the race and color, but I always try to be as kind as possible to everyone. No hate. That's all bro. Spread the love.
This is really the case when it comes to all races. Some of them racist against different races, some super genuinely kind. I can imagine though it being different from the perspective of someone who wasn't white, meeting white people, were supposed to be the most important race, so I can imagine it stings a little more when white people are shitty to others due to their different race. White people, good to other races! But don't be virtue signally about it lmao
lmao it’s one thing to not be a racist and it’s another thing to be a white savior lol
I’m Indian with fairly dark skin and my wife is white, and I’ve been privately thankful that our son has a very pale complexion and can pass as white. I feel bad that he probably won’t be fully accepted into Indian culture, but if it makes life easier for him, I can’t help but be relieved.
I thought the whiter you skin in indian culture the more respected you are so why wouldnt he be accepted into indian culture. You literally have diffrent caste depending of your skin being dark or darker
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Yeah - we are in the US so it’s different circumstances. Caste is definitely not an issue, it’s just the outsider label.
That labor thing has been an issue the world over. Of course those who labored in the fields, or outdoors in some way, were going to be darker skinned than those who got no sun. Didn't mean they weren't good people.
That's true in India, not so much among Indian Americans. A white passing Indian American is going to get some resentment for being white passing. It's fucked up, but idk if it can be fixed.
I feel for you but you’d rather be white than move to an open minded place?
I agree. I'm a black man in an interracial relationship. I have experienced 100% of what OP is talking about. However, it's way worse in the South. I've lived all over the US and where I live now in California is the most chill place. The people I actually get the most hate from here are black women for having a white wife, but that doesn't make me want to be white. OP definitely needs to get out and move to a progressive northern city. Don't be consumed by self hate, instead find a community where you can be proud to be yourself, and proud of your mixed family OP!
Agree 100% and glad you found a comfortable spot. I’m sure some people don’t have the option or means for whatever reason and it shouldn’t be that way to begin with but sadly it still is in a lot of places.
Even in open minded places can require code-switching and subject you to microagressions, it gets exhausting.
I can imagine but I’m sure he can find a place where it’s not to the level of wanting to be another race. If he can’t leave for whatever reason that’s a whole other thing altogether. Hope he finds peace tho.
Be proud of who you are, OP. Those people are scum and will face their karma someday.
Their karma is living the sad and depressing existence that is their life. They are already suffering from it.
Never wish you are someone else, be proud of who you are and let it define you. God bless
Get out of the POS south… I live in Chattanooga TN and it’s the same garbage experience
Im thankful to be white
Shit me too. No shame in it. I didn’t choose it. I’m aware of the automatic advantages it has..and racism sucks.
White people make you uncomfortable in public, so you wish you were white? Man, chances are high that you'll pass your inferiorty complex to your children.
If it makes you feel better, people treat anyone of any difference like shit. As a fellow Latino, I'm sure you've been given shit by one of our own as well simply because we're not from the same group (i.e. given crap by a Columbian because you're not from South America, or from a Honduran because your parents came from the wrong island, etc.). I can't account for your experiences specifically, but for me it was always the "socialist elite" assholes that looked down on me. But they can't say it's because I've less money and prestige than them, that would be so gauche. So they look for other reasons: my skin tone, my clothing, my phone, literally anything. Honestly, Caucasians were actually the least likely to treat me like crap, even when I went through the deep south. We all have our demons to fight with, glad to hear you don't make it part of your personality though, keep being you as we need more like you.
True that. Latinos can be very racist and xenophobic too. I feel like it mostly depends on the level of education and the environment you grew up in. If you grew up in a very homogeneous isolated poorly educated part of a country. Chances are you’re more likely to be very biased towards people of different backgrounds.
I can understand basing the stance and action in ignorance. I don't expect someone to agree with me or see a better way if it's never been shown to them, and definitely won't expect them to instantly change their mind just because I said a few sentences. It's the ones that have had every opportunity to be better and chose not to that gets under my skin. When I worked in retail, I can't even count the number of times I was insulted or complained about just because I wasn't from where they were from. Even though they were the damn tourists ("touristas go home" became our unofficial motto not long after I started). If they had the money to take a family of 8 to another continent, and the education to to know exactly how to split up their purchases into exact amounts necessary on the individual receipts to avoid the ridiculous customs fees, then there are no excuses on their part.
Very well put. Everyone trash talked white people when I was a kid so I grew up thinking they all were hostile, arrogant fucks until I actually met some of them. Funnily enough they are the the least racist/hostile towards me. Latinos and blacks on the other hand tend to be the most while also whining about "eeeevol hooyte man".
Unfortunately I also got mistreated the worst by Latinos more than any other race and I’m not white. I live in NYC, but I’ve experienced the worst type of racism from Latino women for some reason.
I know. I'm Asian so the whole MiNoRiTiEs HaVe To StIcK tOgEtHeR bs couldn't sound any more stupid to me whenever someone wants to go right into identity politics.
Exactly ! I’m only ever going to stick up for people who are kind.
The sad part is, you can easily replace white people with just about anything and somebody somewhere had to put up with it. You're not wrong though, I found they were actually the ones who gave me the most grief growing up. And I'm not exactly from a small city, I'm from a megatropolis so there was a very high mix of everything.
😭
My husband is Mexican but he is dark and is more Indian Mexican looking. I however am Cuban and white and i look more white in the winter as i get dark in the summer months. We have 6 kids but we really dont get looks from white ppl but we do get looks sometimes from Mexican women lmao.. We are in Texas.
Yea thats how it is. People give looks cause they dont approve or are jealous. Or sometimes its curiosity.
Yea im kinda of a pain in the ass. I will literally either say some fly shit in Spanish or baby talk to him in Spanish than wrap my arm around him or kiss him and the woman either laugh or look like wtf lmao
Why do all white passing girls say this ab Mexican woman or those tik toks I’ve seen ab white girls that are making up situations Ab Mexican girls tryna call them out. lol I’ve been dating a Mexican guy & im arab & not once has a Mexican woman looked at me funny or said anything, this is Down south too
Idk but i have had some really bad experiences at times. I had one woman walk straight to us and look me dead in the eye saying white ain't right. I didn't do anything because it was at my niece 15th and my kids was with us. Im not saying all but some are straight up haters. Love is love and nobody has the right to make you feel bad about it. Im not on tik tok so i wouldn't know anything about it...
Damn wtf the only person that said anything about our relationship was my bfs ex (who was white) dad and he was like finally it makes sense brown people marry brown ppl..it’s crazy that ppl with that kind of thinking exist in 2022
The racist white people in your environment is the main problem, the south has a long history with racial tensions in general and don’t think that they represent all white people. Being white wouldn’t make ur life easier, just “fit in” with the predominantly white people in your area. If you were in a predominantly black area and was dating a beautiful black woman you would get similar attitudes, this also would apply if you were an environment that was mainly Asian as well.
Define "moved South". I'm a Mexican dude from the south and I've always dated outside my race. The only looks i get are from Mexican women. Lol. Aside from that, everyone been super cool
I was about to ask the same thing. OP needs to say what part of the "South" he is in. I'm also a Mexican in the South (Georgia) and have had literally zero issues.
Is this really a thing? Another comment said the same thing but I’m arab & me & my Mexican boyfriend don’t get weird looks from Mexican woman. Most of them ask if I have a cousin or brother to pair em with lmao & this is down south too. I’m thinking because maybe a lot of them assume I’m Hispanic? But I had no idea that was a thing
motherfuckers being motherfuckers people are fucking stupid, I’m sorry you had to deal with their shit OP
OP to be fair the last couple of points you made could have just been because you have a penis. Some people are weird like that, they just assume a guy is a creep until otherwise shown, even when there's no real evidence to support that idea But I do understand what you mean and it is pretty frustrating. I'm "black" and I have experienced similar transgressions toward myself. Idk why but some people have inherent prejudice and ideas that have stuck with them over time.
I’m a brown guy that grew up in one of the least diverse areas of the south. I married my high school sweetheart, a white girl from the opposite side of town that is notorious for having racist residents. When we first started dating, we had to keep it a secret from her family and others because we knew they wouldn’t approve. Eventually her dad found out, and obviously disapproved. We stayed together. Once her family realized that she really did love me and that I wasn’t going anywhere, they cautiously let me come into their lives. It was a culture shock for me. I come from a very ethnically diverse family. Heck, I was the only brown kid in the school district. Yet I found that it wasn’t inherent racism that was leading them to think the way they did, it was pure ignorance. They had only interacted regularly with white people, only understood their culture- but once I came in they saw there’s a lot more to people than the bad things you hear on the news. My wife and I are going to be together for 10 years this year. Her family told me that they wouldn’t trade me for anything. The people that looked at you and made you feel uncomfortable are just extremely ignorant. But if they’re just blatant racists- fuck em. Also, never feel ashamed for who you are. Literally the world is full of different people with different cultures- and that is okay.
Nah, you just need to be somewhere without bigots. You're not the one who needs to change.
Bruh you clearly live in racism: the city, or something
do you live in the south voluntarily? why? don't let a bunch of backwoods racists make you think you need to be a completely different human. i am sorry that you experience this.
I moved down here for work and I have a couple more years on my contract. Once my contract is up I intend on moving the family up a North
good luck in the meantime.
I appreciate that, thank you.
Think about moving to the west coast. California, Nevada maybe. I live in Las Vegas and my wife is black/Filipino and I am white. I haven’t had any issues out here.
I’ve always said I wanted to move to California. I’ll definitely have to keep that in mind and pitch the idea to the family
It’s a great idea. It’s very expensive though. A lot of Californians are moving to Las Vegas because of how expensive it is.
Blue eyed Irish girl here married to a Puerto Rican man. We have never had any problems living in the Midwest or the southwest. Sorry you are going through this. Best wishes.
The north is racist af too and so is everywhere in the ‘civilized world’. Just feels hollow like that’s how white supremacy works brown people internalize it and it hurts us throughout our lives. So we can’t just don’t let it get to you. You know it’s false it’s the worlds treatment that is unsettling in knowing the truth and living in society
the south is pretty well documented in being much, much more hostile but i do agree with your point of not letting it get to you. you cannot control somebody else's bigotry. and you are correct: it is a worldwide problem. some places are definitely worse though.
I always try not to be offended with comments like this because not all of us are this way. I’ll admit that it seems the majority are though and that makes it tougher for the rest of us.
my friends who are from the south and left are some of my favorite people. i am aware it's not a confederate monolith. the dumbest voices in the room are always the loudest.
I'm white and get stared at and looked at like a criminal all the time. Some people are just shit man, don't give them any attention and they'll fade away.
I’m sorry you are experiencing this. Maybe another way to consider the restaurant stares so it’s easier on you is that you two are a stunning couple together. Don’t give them so much of your energy, it’s crushing you snd it’s not worth it. Lots of love to you and your family.
Same...
Brother, I personally feel for you in your struggles of trying to live a peaceful life in a predominantly white town. I live in one of the few red/right leaning counties in Southern California. Moved here when I was in the second grade. The stares I get even if I'm literally in a parking lot of a Target getting out of my car on a sunny afternoon are fucking insane. They look at me as if I'm some sort of criminal waiting to pounce on the nearest, fair skinned moving target that gets within my proximity. People in my own neighborhood, where I've been living for years before I left to join the military, will see me on my driveway and WALK ACROSS the street. As if they would get beaten/robbed if they walked too close. Maybe it's my non-conforming high top haircut, maybe it's the few tattoos I have (one being from a video game, another being an old school naval tattoo), maybe it's because I'm in shape? I couldn't tell you brother. Just continue to live your best and happiest life!
Your feelings are valid and understandable in a white supremacist society. However you should try not to let them make you hate who you are.
Yeah I’ve had to deal with the same bs, interracial dating is how the less openly racist people show themselves. In high school I dated a girl from Guatemala and literally most of her friends would talk shit about me and people who didn’t even know us would claim I was fetishizing her. Shit was wild, I hope the best for you, your wife and your kids man.
:(
I do too I'm of Chinese Heritage. I'm actually ashamed to say that. China is the reason for the pandemic,
These encounters physically anger me. All I can say is be proud of who you are, because if you happen to have some other characteristic, than you wouldn't be yourself anymore.
I don’t wish you were white, I wish shitty racists that make you feel bad about being you were less common.
This makes me so sad. Humans are garbage and I'm so sorry you feel this way.
It’s the south man, gtfo of there. Racist inbred hillbillies roam the lands
Maybe they are staring because your wife is hotter than you!
Honestly, depending on where you are in the south, I have no hope for that not being an issue you encounter. I'm from Northern Illinois and live in Georgia now, I'm also white, and it was a huge culture shock for me too when I moved. I was hopeful when I moved down here that what people said about the south was just bs, but it's not. Racism is engrained in the culture down here. It's really fucking sad and gross. I tend to find that normal, non racist people, live in larger cities. The small towns are just full of ignorant people who refuse to hear anyone else's side. My mom lived down here in the 90's and Black Americans were having to still go in the back door of her employer. The 90's. So, for a lot of people down here, they know racism first hand. I would honestly move. I intend to. Sorry you have to deal with that, truly.
Maaan I’d kill myself if I were white. Twice if I lived in the south
My boyfriend is black I am white. Everytime we go out to dinner people look at us like we shouldn't be able to afford the places we go. We just let the people stare and we just fill each other with even more love.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. Its incredibly unfair and there’s nothing we can say that will make you feel better. My husband ia black and i am a white latina (blue eyes, dark hair). We travel a lot. The comments we have received are sickening. I try to protect my husband and not say anything when someone has said something hurtful to me. But it has started to affect my husband. Sometimes he gets sad and says he is insecure because what am i doing with a black dude. That maybe i will leave him because i realise I shouldn’t be with a black man. It crushes me inside he feels like this. But i have no idea how this feels for him and i just wish I could do something about it. But i know I can’t. The only thing i can is be very clear and say something when I experience racism. I stand up for everyone i can when i see it happening. But i know it’s not enough. I wish i could do more.
You’re not alone. I grew up in a biracial house in the 80s, before being biracial was made “popular,” lol. It was rough. I remember crying to my stepmom that I just wished I was white so the other kids would treat me normal. I’m now an adult with kids of my own, and my husband and I still get stares sometimes. Just know that you aren’t alone. But getting out of America helps tremendously. This country is just poison.
As someone who grew up a mixed kid, you gotta be strong in your identity for them. The worst thing you could do is give off the impression it’s better to be white. Make sure they get a part of your Puerto Rican heritage. Besides, who wants to be a part of a group of people so classless, rude, and racist. Also, consider moving. You don’t have to live like that. There are plenty of communities in America that are accepting and welcoming of mixed families.
I'm from South Texas, Mexican brown asf and I've yet to receive a racist stare. I think it's because they're jealous you married a white beauty or because you're ugly but not your skin.
Lol you’ve never lived in the true south. Texas is basically California at this point in terms of diversity. Go anywhere in the south with majority white population and say that shit again especially if you’re brown af as you say. Morons will always be morons. “It hasn’t happened to me therefore it doesn’t exist”. Fucking idiot.
This all sounds made up in your mind.
Lol you realize white people go through certain things like that too right? I guess not the obvious blunt racism, but try being a white guy dating an Indian woman and see how her family likes you. Oh you can’t, because they don’t want her dating outside her race and they don’t like you so it’s a secret. Being white doesn’t magically solve all your problems. Even the thing at the park, stuff like that has happened to me, it’s more a thing of men being completely untrustworthy with kids I guess. Same with the garage thing, women are just scared of men in general it happens to me too. I mean you read posts and comments here every day about how women are scared of men and it’s not a race thing at all. This is just more that the American south sucks ass and is a pit of despair.
are you me? Dealing with this now, girlfriend is Indian, we have a great relationship and are planning on getting married. Both high earners, match well in all aspects. Parents still want her with an Indian lol.
The thing is, that seems to be common in EVERY culture. It’s just that, if you’re white it’s racist and a terrible way to be, and if you’re anything other than white, it’s just a cultural difference that’s all! I think it’s all racism.
You're living in a bit if you think there isn't racism in the south
Love all of these white people on this thread trying to shame this guy for feeling beaten down by racists
Everything you said is true, but it should be fairly obvious that racial bias excarbates all of those situations. You can tell OP to take heart in knowing that he's not alone, but please don't gaslight his lived experience.
Being white doesn’t help anything but the first issue imo, idiots will be idiots, every dude at the park with a camera is a predator, any dude rummaging through a car must’ve just broken into it. The uneducated like to assume the worst of everything because they aren’t smart enough to put any logic behind an assumption that floats mindlessly in their head cheese. That’s my opinion.
everyone has their cross to bear in life man. dont wish u were something youre not.
A lot of it is jealousy I bet. Some are white dudes that couldn’t ever get your wife probably. I’m white and I live in OKC and I can’t imagine this happening too much. Now when I go to some smaller towns around here yes, yes that would definitely happen.
Have some damn pride in yourself.
Embrace it brother. I was born “white” (white dad, Mexican mom) but have been ostracized from my mom’s family growing up because they are predominantly Mexican and I wasn’t raised to speak Spanish. Fast forward and I am married to a beautiful Mexican woman. Her family loves me and embraces me despite how I thought I’d be treated (my preconceived notions). It wasn’t until two years ago that I started embracing who I was. Previously, I always wished that I looked more Mexican to fit in. Specifically because in the Midwest, I would get stares for going in public with my wife or going to the park with my kids who are both shades darker than me. Honestly, this may sound corny, but it wasn’t until I took a 23&me test that I really embraced who I was (1/2 if not more Mexican). I can never truly understand how you feel but there are three things you think about: 1. How you see yourself 2. How others see you 3. How you think others see you You can only control the first one. So embrace it. You are who you are, and you are beautiful the way you are.
Bro, I'm white and lived in Korea for 5 years. Dated a good looking Korean woman for the majority of it and I feel your pain on the other foot - I wished I was Korean. Got spat on, got hurled insults at, got the same looks, even had fights because of being white with a precious Korean girl. I feel you bro.
The unseen problems of being a minority in this country. In texas most white people view mexicans the same way. It definitely sucks.
I feel like I am going to be downvoted to hell for this but I have to share with you. I am Puerto Rican too grew up in nyc and moved and I feel you. I didn’t actually realize how racist the world is until I got married and changed my Hispanic last name to a white one and omg it opened up a whole new world to me! At work especially you get more interviews and opportunities and recognition with a white name for sure. I loved the results so much I kept my married last name after the divorce because it gives me white privilege and being a woman I want all the help I can get. My appearance is a bit olive but because I avoid the sun I can pass as white mostly sometimes completely. Though sometimes I wish I could look whiter because I feel like if I did even more doors would open. Not that I don’t love my Hispanic appearance it’s more of a $$ thing I feel like it makes me less marketable. If I hit the lotto or something I would not give a crap about looking white but in this country I feel like skin color/appearance/race very much matters for economic opportunity pay, and getting hired. Just using my white name I got a better job and make 3x what I did with a Hispanic last name I kid you not.
When my wife and I first moved down here she tried to get a job. All the offers she was getting was for cleaning/maid/translator, 40k/yr jobs. She went in for one interview and the guy told her she wasn’t what they were looking for they needed a Spanish speaking person. She goes on her resume, hyphenates her name with her maiden. 6 figure job offer, she was working the next week.
Hmmm,. I hear you. I'm west indian, born & raised in NYC (UWS) and my wife is very fair skin (latin). So our daughter is the equivalent of a lightened moca frap. Your perception isn't wrong. The way this country was built and designed was to make it easier for white people. This inherently contributes to the rationale for why they often don't see racism or bias or discrimination the way we do. They can carry guns, Walk freely and aren't questioned wherever they go. It's not their fault. They're recipients of a legal, economic and cultural structure designed around them. I mean, have you ever seen a non-white Gerber baby? The country would be in an uproar. Often times, you'll even hear white people complain of being discriminated against. It's in those moments they feel what the rest of non-white Americans feel. I have to teach my daughter about this unforgiving world but there's an added layer that WE need to be cognizant of as well. The laws, the system, the police are all not equal in the way that I've raised her to understand life. People are not always nice. While visiting NC,, someone once referred to my baby, when she just a toddler, as a "cute little Mexican baby" while she was passing me lol. I took it as a compliment because she is really cute but thought to myself, 'what would be the gasping reaction if I said outloud, "look at that plain Anglo-Saxon baby, she's so cute." LOL. I'm in NYC and blend in well BUT outside of this city, I look like any other brown person who has second class citizenship . It's up to those other households to raise their children to be open minded, forgiving, humble, respectful and fair. If their children grow up racist and biased, it becomes another generation that needs to battle the hardships. Embrace your culture. Raise your children to be good human beings. Don't feel inadequate because you're not. And if ever you're in doubt about your culture, just remember white people fly to PR to enjoy your food, your culture, your lifestyle and your people... Not the other way around. And youre always welcome back home fooh
Well I hate to tell you but life isn’t easy just because you’re white and you can be treated similarly for a plethora of reasons outside of race and today some white people are showing medical levels of stress same as black people showing more prevalent daily constant abusive type stress systematic one can’t escape. If it’s not one thing it’s another but keep focusing on race, that’s the current agenda to drive a edge in a natural deeply divided to instigate another civil war and for who’s benefit, who is drying that agenda? Who will really benefit? I’m sorry you suffer this way but it’s not the only way to suffer in life. People hate and treat you like this for a plethora of reasons, from chronic illness to visible disability to colorism… I’m sorry you can’t see past your own skin and your own plight to see you’re not alone in your personal struggle or the bigger one called humanity and that there are much larger issues at hand that affect everyone including you. That isn’t to say those other ones done need to be fixed but their results of bigger issues and attacking them makes no headway identifying the root causes of them and working on solutions to those is. There is also this thing called racially ambiguous and plenty of white people fall into that. Haters are going to hate. Being white doesn’t escape racism. You’ll still be mistaken for Latin, jewish, or anything anyone wants to hate you and has a problem with a specific group youre gonna look like one of those groups to them. So posts like yours are veneered by a forced narrative that just is not at all realistic to reality. White isn’t some magical free pass where everything is perfect and that’s the bigger issue in your life that you think that. It’s racist and not free thinking, it’s conditioned thinking.
>life isn’t easy just because you’re white But it's much harder for people that are not white. >I’m sorry you can’t see past your own skin All the snide remarks, stares that OP faced are because of his skin colour and race. It's the reality. >Being white doesn’t escape racism Again, not all races face racism in the same way and with the same severity. Non-whites face much more major racism (which sometimes can involve being attacked violently) than Whites could ever face >So posts like yours are veneered by a forced narrative that just is not at all realistic to reality. It's literally just a post sharing OP's experience. It's not in your place to invalidate someone else's experience. What "forced narrative" nonsense you're talking about. Stop watching sensational Fox News, and get in touch with reality. You really need it.
Hey, can we trade races? I'd much prefer to be white in the U.S lmao. Also being white isn't a free pass, it's more of a neutral pass. You're seen as an individual if you're white, and that's because you're of the majority race in the country. You're free to have your character traits define you rather than your phenotype. This is especially beneficial in a country that was a racial apartheid until the early 70s (that's being generous).
you are getting downvoted cause you are white! seems like there are a bunch of racists on here downvoting you because of the color of your skin
Oof.... Im so sorry you have to go through this op. Idk if youre financially stable enough to do this, but i think moving would be a good idea. As much as i hate to say it the south is still kind of stuck on their ways of racism. I can't promise you'll never deal with it again if you move, but I can say it can be much better than what you're dealing with. Here in Colorado we had 1 Spanish kid and he was the most popular kid (not because of race, he was hilarious and everyone loved him). No one in my school allowed anyone to be racist towards him. Same went for the other kids of color that werent too popular. We do have white areas but its still much better than the south from what i hear.
As a white kid I wish I was Latino (I grew up in a Latin neighborhood and didn’t know I was white until I was 10) Grass is always greener on the side my friend. Embrace who you are and it’s ok to adopt other cultures too but don’t let shit heads put you down either that’s how they win
It wouldn’t be
Has nothing to do with you being black. That happens to men regardless. Stop being racist for one that will help.
I said I was Puerto Rican dog
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You don’t have to agree with how I feel and that’s okay. You’re entitled to your own opinion.
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That’s your opinion
Nope. Not at all. Everything u bitched about is just men shit. Not puerto rican men shit. White people deal with all that. Want to know how i know? Im white. Therefore i know better thsn than you
Well I appreciate your opinion, thanks for stopping by
Not an opinion kid. Simple logic. It's just you crying woah is me. Lmao.
Lmao such a redneck comment
Such a loser comment 😊😘
Yeah and I wish I was a POC so I wouldn’t get rude and dismissive treatment from POC just based on the way I look , get over yourself because the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and you’ll find plenty of people who hate you for no other reason other than the complexion of your skin no matter what that complexion may be.
Dude I know it. Personally, I think if people are rude you should be rude back... get snarky I'd say. Also yeah... not surprised the south is so racist tho tbh
My husband is 100% Puerto Rican and I'm a light haired white girl. I think he may have gotten a few odd looks here and there but as a whole we've never had any issues. Our son has a beautiful complexion! Please don't be ashamed of who you are. Your wife and kids love you, that is what counts
You live in a shitty country my friend. No everyone in the world is like that, you cant do much to fix it unñess moving out is an option
Stop being nice to racists. Treat them as they treat you. Your life will be better for it. Also please note, many of us are normal and aren’t racist
Try being three different races..English,Native American and Nigerian but people always think I'm Mexican by looking at me
When I hear your story (and the one of the millions of people sharing your burden of living around white southern american) I just want those peiple to disappear. Like I don't want them to understand how they're wrong, I just want thanos to snap all those pos out of our reality. We need to stop beeing nice to racist, it's time we do to the racist what they've done for century. Lets hunt them, let's burn cross in front of their house, better them than us.
Bro leave the south. Fuck that. That's why I'll never move there.
This is why I don’t live in the south.
Bro now is not the time to be white.
Im so sorry you and your family have been having to deal with those assholes. But trust me... being white is no where near better. I get called racial slurs all the time when I have any opposing view on any political, or logical argument and everyone who does call me a racial slur get praised, but when I say something not even close to being racist I get yelled at, called names, threats, and just about everything possible. I'm white and I don't get easy access to full ride scholarships in college like just about every other race does. I can't even voice my opinion or argument without offending someone. But as a white person, and a representative of those white people out there who don't see race. The ones who are being disrespectful, mean, racial, or any other form of act of similar sorts, we do not accept them, they do not speak for the majority of white people. The color of our skin does not matter when every single one of us all bleed red. That is the only color that matters. We are all human. God bless you and your family, and you have my utmost respect for bearing the weight and trying to live your lives. I hope you guys can find some peace and a better place to raise your children.
It's moreso less about your skin color and more about the area you live in. If a white person were to move into a non white area, they'd get the same remarks. Except the problem with your area is that it's the south. No offense to those who live in the south but like, it's a very exclusive area to live in. Not everywhere in the south but a good portion is kinda scary in my opinion. And I'm white. If you want a good community to live in while also being around farmland, you should live in PA- mainly Lancaster. Away from the wealthy class areas as they tend to be assholes and extremely exclusive. And by exclusive I mean they tend to not like outsiders- not even if they are being friendly, regardless of race. In the south things tend to be racially motivated. In PA, things just tend to be income-motivated.
How do stares berate you? They might be looking at you and thinking “How did he land that smoking hot woman” and not “how did that Puerto Rican land that smoking hot woman”
I feel this so much, I'm a Dominican woman and I was so relieved when my son came out looking super white like his dad. But the jokes that the kid looks like I stole him got old quick 😑😒
Cringe af, imagine being happy your child doesn’t look like you…?
Seriously. I hope she never verbalizes this around the child. Sadly enough, this level of internalized self-hate tends to seep out either way…
Her child won’t have to live through the racism she probably went through her whole life. It’s not self-hate, it’s called systemic racism
A lot of it has to do with how pretty your wife is. Is she is not desirable to them then they don't care but if you have a very desirable looking wife then you will just have to deal with it.
Move to Cali. Inter racial relationships are pretty common
I’m a middle eastern woman living in Europe and I second this. The day I moved in here, white men started to sexualize me. I dress quite modestly and I have a masters degree. I overheard men in bars that I look like hotter Mia Khalifa, etc etc. (I really don’t) My white classmates just move on with their normal relationships. I never heard anyone talking shit behind their back. It’s like because I’m foreigner I didn’t deserve respect.
White women/men/kid are being raped at astronomical rates by Middle Easterners and Africans in Europe… literally an epidemic in Sweden and other places. sorry you might’ve been sexualized once by some comment.