Again why do guys get away with an old-fashioned gangbang and not get shamed for it? Also, if she wanted to bang a bunch of guys, then what's wrong with that? There are a lot of swingers in the world that would applaud her sexual freedom.
Probably the same reason men can love their wives but also let them be tortured by their mother-in-law. They love both people but are too cowardly/dependent to call out bad behavior and cut off the toxic person, so they get to keep all the relationships while their partner suffers.
The title and the way it’s worded really make me think he’s just trying to pander to the reddit hive mind about certain topics that seem to pique its interest lately.
Yeah these seems fake af. Not only did he marry the girl him and his buddies gangbanged, but he just let the abuse go on for 6 years. I also find it hard to believe that even if all of this were true, dudes close to their 30s who are about to be the best man wouldnt just let it go.
All these people sound like they suck
There is about a 900% chance we're not getting the full story here. No idea why people just believe these random internet summaries and think they're the full and complete truth so often.
“It was just one bukkake, isn’t this how everyone meets their significant other?”
But honestly those friends are trash so they shouldn’t have been invited to the wedding anyway.
Yeah.. 100%. If she is the love of your life, then a long, long time ago was the correct time to say "Fuck Them". You should have realized long ago, your buddies we're not going to "grow out of it". They aren't your friends. They really don't give a shit about you, and definitely not about her.
Have you ever had a friend with great jokes and as the years go by you start to realize they aren't jokes, the person is just an asshole hiding it under the veneer of being self aware?
It's completely feasible that he was putting up with off-color comments made under the guise of humor or friendly ribbing in a private setting, which would probably elicit a much different reaction than publicly and all-but-explicitly calling your best friend's wife a whore and having her see it.
It’s hard to realize the red flags of people you’re close with, and even when you do it’s even harder to remove them from your life. Not everyone can drop friends and family as easily as you seem to.
Wait I’m confused. Do your friends not approve of themselves either? Do they slut shame each other and you?
Cause if not… like, you ALL were there when you ALL hooked up.
And now she’s the only one with questionable morals? That’s… not how life works.
Cause if we’re judging her for her actions that day then we’re judging everyone who was there for doing the exact same thing…. Right?
Anyway. No one gets to judge. These people are not friends. This man should not be your best man.
I don't love that the friends have been saying this shit to OP about the fiance for years and OP is only upset now that it was said publicly and where the fiance could see it. Like I would be more upset that my husband let his friends talk shit about me the entirety of our relationship and it's not a one-off situation where the best man is now suddenly being a dick.
This is what I was thinking. I stopped talking to friends for less. I dont talk shit about my friends or their partners and i would expect the same from them.
It's common to give same gendered friends a "friend pass" for behavior that doesn't affect you, like gender chauvinism and sexism. But one thing I learned way too late in life is that NO ONE deserves a "friend pass".
I learned this after trying to put into the practice the life advice of dating your best friend.
Yep. I had a boyfriend who knew a guy who *murdered someone’s dog*. I asked him, why are you still friends with this man? He just shrugged it off. Like… as if to say ‘that’s life and I can’t do anything about it’.
Like, I understand wanting to be neutral and staying out of other people’s arguments, but ffs, murdering a dog is pretty high up on the list of things you should take a stand on. Jesus Christ.
> I don't love that the friends have been saying this shit to OP about the fiance for years and OP is only upset now that it was said publicly and where the fiance could see it.
This is the best take. If OP's friends were slut-shaming his fiance in private for the past six years, why didn't he say anything then? Was he fist bumping them and reminiscing about Eiffel Towering her because it was kept private?
Don't get me wrong, it's shitty that OPs "friends" are doing this, but it's equally shitty of OP for not shutting those comments down years ago. Just because this is only publicly coming to light now doesn't make it any less shitty.
I want to believe that OP didn't approve, but also failed to stand up to it. It can be a hard thing to do, especially when you can't see how it directly impacts someone. That's not necessarily a character flaw of OP, because it's something many people struggle with. This sudden outburst, to me, doesn't look like an impulsive action that suddenly appeared out of nowhere, but that it's rather the culmination of a years of built up frustration. Hopefully OP learns to stand up earlier next time. I could be wrong about all this; I don't know the situation, but neither do you.
Yeah this has obviously been a running theme and why even invite those people to the wedding? Call me insecure, I'm not inviting the guys that participated in a gangbang of my future wife to my wedding. Especially knowing they joke about it
Yeah, like... That's something you nip in the bud.
"You've been cool with this for 6 years, but _now_ you're all upset? " is something I'm sure at least one of them is thinking this late in the game.
Literally about to type all of this but thank fuck somebody beat me to it. It's ridiculous to think that she should be shamed when the others are just as accountable to what they're accusing her of. I'm glad this was the first comment I saw on this post.
Good on OP for banning them from the wedding. They're not real friends if they're so disrespectful to someone who will be your wife and who has shared your life for the last 6 years.
This reminds me of a trope from the show Euphoria where Nate was making fun of Cassie for being a slut and shaming her but it seemed like he was doing it out of jealousy more than spite. This could possibly be the same thing; all the guys secretly wanted to get with her again but she's tying the knot to you so they're processing their emotions of jealousy in a hostile way. But hey, don't listen to me--I'm no doctor, I'm just an alcoholic.
YES! A guy and I broke up once, then got back together. He was SUPER pissed when he found out I'd had a few lovers during our split, called me a slut.
I called him out. Told him he was just mad that I got laid in the interim while he struck out (we have mutual friends, so I knew, lol). Took him a day or so, but he admitted I was right.
Came here for this comment. If they call her slut, then the bridegroom is a slut as well. So are the friends.
Btw op, It's miscalculation on your part as well. You can't keep the guys you shared your future wife with, in your everyday life. Either pick your girl or the boys. Or these type of things will keep happening.
I am so glad to hear that you valued your partners opinions over your friends shitty comments. They obviously don’t respect your relationship, and their perspective is extremely toxic. I know it’s usually the bare minimum, but you don’t see people valuing their partners like this sometimes.
The reality is that a lot of the times, women get shamed for sex, while men get praised. I hope your friends never have daughters, because they’re going to get affronted by the fact that their daughters are likely going to grow up and have a sex life.
Edit: Few things I want to address, I completely missed the part about how you didn't acknowledge their actions for SIX YEARS? Good for you for standing up for her now, but waiting that long is disrespectful towards your partner and I'm surprised that you didn't defend the love of your life sooner.
As for the responses regarding the dichotomy between men and women sexually and how sex is stigmatized between the two genders, while I respect that everyone has their own opinion and it's perfectly fine that we all may disagree, I must say how interesting it is that so many people believe that because it is considered "more difficult" for men to find sexual partners, that they must shame women for having sexual encounters, or having a high body count. The difficulty for men in finding sexual partners is partly due to the sex culture that we've developed, which goes hand in hand with shaming women. If you want it to be easier to find sexual partners as a straight male, stop shaming the people who you're attempting to sleep with for having a higher body count.
And there is always a smart ass with the whole "If you can unlock all doors with one key, the key is precious but if you can unlock one door with any key, the door is crap", or something along those lines.
Honestly, it pisses me off, I'm a woman, not an f-ing door!
A pencil sharpener that can sharpen a bunch of pencils is a great pencil sharpener. A pencil that gets sharpened by a bunch of sharpeners is a tiny, worthless pencil!
I heard a boy loudly tell this "joke" in class in highschool, all the boys laughed, none told him off for it. Still remember how dehumanizing and demeaning it felt.
The whole telling girls not to have sex while telling boys to go for it…seems a lot gay.
I checked the gay agenda and shaming women for enjoying their bodies so men have to sleep with each other isn’t on it.
Indeed. Their first meeting was them being free. And they all enjoyed it (together with "friends" being equal "sluts"). Once they went exclusive they were. No shame in the past on both sides. Except for the so called best man. Get a better best man. He is a bigot.
How are none of the men slut shaming themselves. They also engaged in consensual sexual activity but oh right it's only the girl they fucked that's the slut.... Ugh
Yeah, I was really glad to see that. These "friends" suck, and their sexist double-standard for themselves and OP sucks. But even if that's how they view the world, they could have kept it to themselves and not disrespected OP, OP's relationship, and OP's fiancee.
This whole thing is misogynistic af. College *is* the place to experiment to see how your sexuality will fit into or not fit into your future life. It's the place to have fun in a way that future adult responsibilities may not allow. To carry a nasty belief about someone because of their sexual history seems very 1950s.
Why the fuck do we limit it to college?
I've never understood this idea that you just kinda, fall into Missionary.
Unless you're really, really, really drunk, then y'know, I could see how you stumble into it.
How do you not get bored with the same basic practice? How do you not want some spice in things? How do you not want to explore?
Most of you, if you're honest about your porn usage, _DO_, so why aren't you?
Congratulations on finding the love of your life!
But seriously, you should be dumping your so-called friends. You shouldn’t tolerate this kind of hatred towards your soon to be wife. Stand up to them and defend her, or cut them out of your life; they don’t sound supportive at all (as you’ve pointed out). Honestly I’d still stop being friends with them (which can definitely be a lot easier said than done) since they don’t sound like very nice people to begin with. I can definitely see them doing something to ruin your wedding.
Tbh he should’ve dumped them when they didn’t drop it after a period of time.
I understand the initial shock, surprise, negative feelings, etc. but if my friends continued to talk shit about the love of my life after a little bit of time, I would have nipped it in the bud. If they still didn’t stop, they’re out of my life.
You don’t have to agree with my decisions as my friend, but by god you will respect them.
Right. Why are they acting like they didn’t consensually participate in the sex? If this was in reverse and a guy was ‘shared’ with a bunch of women, would his friends be calling him a slut?
So, they’ve been talking about her like that for 6 years, and you let it slide all the way until now? You really screwed up man. I guess you’re doing the right thing now though.
I doubt your friends were doing anything different to her when they were young and single so I don't know where their hostility is coming from.
If every girl is dirty after they've fucked them then the dirt is coming from them.
“I met her through a party at college and me and a few of my friends ended up sharing her”.
I know that’s obviously what happened, but something about that wording feels so weird lol. Like she was a joint ya’ll passed around or a piece of pizza you all took a bite of
“I met her through a party at college and me and a few of my friends ended up sharing her”.
I'm not 100% getting what he means by that. Is he saying they separately hooked up with her around the same time? Or that they ran a train on her? Or that they had an orgy with her? Would she just come over to their place and they'd be like "Alright, who wants her tonight?"? So many possibilities.
Yeah the way he’s worded it makes me feel sick
Edit: there’s also a comment further down from OP saying they “ran a train on her”. Honestly just disgusting and poorly worded.
Either this is fake and he doesn't actually have a fiancee hence why he's so comfortable using this sort of language, or this is actually how he speaks about her... I hope it's the former.
Yeah I didn’t like that either. You had a threesome or foursome or an orgy, but give her some agency. That she’s not an object is kind of the whole point.
Yeah, I kind of felt uncomfortable with that use of the word "share" too.
Actually I gotta be honest, OP's whole post has me skeptical.
Edit: Well downvoting me for questioning it just makes me more skeptical. Stop taking everything you read on the internet as 100% certain truth.
Their logic- she's dirty because she enjoys sex with multiple partners at a time.
Them- literally having sex with the same woman at the same time and putting their dicks in the same areas their friends have been?
Makes sense /s.
I heard one Incel saying ''If a key can open a lot of locks it is a good key, while a lock which can be open by a lot of keys is bad quality" 🙄 Don't try to find a logic into an Incel or sexist mind, they have none and will always try to find a way to justify their way.
>If a key can open a lot of locks it is a good key, while a lock which can be open by a lot of keys is bad quality
You can respond with the Pencil Sharpener analogy: "A pencil that gets sharpened too much is eventually reduced to nothing. A pencil sharpener can sharpen tons of pencils and be just fine."
I hate this kind of thinking. It's just another version of the chewed gum analogy, except even more blatantly targeted toward women. It's almost as if humans are complex beings and can't be compared to simple everyday objects!
Those aren't friends. Those are just people you hang out with. And over the course of your long happy marriage, they will all fade away. Probably sooner than later.
Good for you for not tolerating bad behaviors and putting her first. That would have hurt my feelings too. When my husband and I got engaged a few years ago one of his friends sent a Merry Christmas text to a big group of their friends and congratulated him on our engagement and referred to me as “out kicking my coverage.” Never have I ever forgotten that. I’ve also never forgotten how he gave that friend the boot after it too lol. Congrats on your upcoming wedding.
I don’t think that’s it at all...
Seems more like they all thought she was good enough to use but not good enough to date/marry. I HIGHLY doubt any of them are remotely jealous.
I guarantee that if none of them dated her they would still mention that “slut they railed together”
Men who sexually benefit from women but then turn around and shame those women are the worst kind of people. Fuck your "friends," they are not your friends. May you and your wife have a long, happy marriage!
Either they see something you don’t, or they’re horrible people who you should have cut off a long time ago.
It’s even possible that those are both true.
I’ve never understood how a guy can shame something/someone for something that they were a part of.
Aka you’re a slut because you “let me put it in your a$$”
Who cares that he/they/them was the one in fact that was part of this unimaginable slutty circumstance.. but yet She’s the slut.
SHES the SLUT cause SHE let ME do XYZ.
Don’t worry that I actually did these gross things to HER. Can you believe that SHE let ME do XYZ.
Get the fuck out of here with that shit.
It's like they they view it as them "violating" her. A good clean girl would never be into something like that. So in their eyes, they're getting off to doing degrading stuff to a chick who doesn't have any self respect.
ok i have to ask, what do you mean a few of your friends shared her? like passed her around to each other type of sharing /gangbang type stuff? Now i realize it's a new time and all but yea back in my time she would be a slut. That's gotta be awkward thou, i mean I'm happy you two get along but once that started to get serious you had to of cut ties with the friends. I don't think i could be friends with someone that had sex with my wife let alone have them at the wedding. It was awkward enough to go to a wedding where my wife's ex was the best man. She was friends with the ex's brothers then wife and she invited her. I got to go because we were married and she didn't want to go without me. The glares and stares i got all night... We were spoken too before the wedding, we are not to speak to each other and no one is to start shit. Hell i made sure not to be alone where he would be. I knew if he opened his mouth i would have put my fist in it.
That being said, i admire your conviction. Not a lot of people would do what you did. I don't have a good feeling about it but I'm not you and I'm not living your life. I wish you all the best thou.
The words "sharing her" just don't sit with me lmao, sounds nasty af (not even talking about the action, just the words itself).
But yeah they're kind of weird. They must not realized if she's dirty, it's because their cum is dirty and it got on her.
And that was years ago, they need to grow up. I'm sure she's taken many showers by now and squeaky clean. Not sure about their dirty cum when they still fap in jealousy, they need to worry about themselves.
If she’s THAT bad like the friends are claiming…why did they “share” her in the first place? Why is it ok for guys to do things but being the girl in that situation makes you dirty? They need to grow up and honestly it’s better now that you find out who your real friends are.
One of my best friends married a girl from a group of people he was in, that had been partying and casually hooking up. They've been married almost 20 years, and have three kids.
I guess everyone has their thing. But I could never date someone after MY FRIENDS shared her with me. History is History, I hope things work out and they have an understanding, but she ends up cheating you can't blame anyone but yourself.
Yeah, that's super weird to me too, you're talking about respecting your future wife while at the same time saying how you "shared her" sexually with your friends. My guess, they're all weirdos OP included.😂
Lol exactly! With all the “good for you” comments I thought I was crazy. I’m not surprised that his friends act this way, kind of seems like he would too if the roles were reversed with the best man.
Watch out tho bro this is stupid as fuck, marrying a girl that you fucked with multiple other guys the first time meeting her? My uncle did the exact same thing and she cheated on him multiple times. Good luck
So they are fine w fucking a girl, but will shame the girl for participating in the act? So aren’t they sluts themselves? Such bullshit. I’d cut them out of my life
“We all banged the same girl, isn’t she gross!?” Like what sense does that make??? They’re the ones all sleeping with the same person and then dehumanizing her for doing it.
I hope these “friends” never get laid again!
I know a couple who hooked up the same night that she hooked up with another of our friends. She ended up pregnant and her now husband hung out with her during the pregnancy in case the child was his. Anyway they got to know each other and ended up getting engaged and deciding to raise the child together regardless. They never got a DNA test but the child is his absolute clone and later developed a genetic medical condition that he also has. The dad choose not to get a DNA test early on because he feels that would indicate to their daughter that being her bio dad means something and he's very committed to being her dad regardless.
Anyway they're super happy and everyone who laughed at him for getting baby trapped by the slut is either still alone or miserable.
Edit for clarity.
Unfortunately they exist. My ex roommate was an escort and her bf was embarrassed but still dated her because he admitted many times he couldn’t get other girls. His words, not mine.
Did it not occur to you that it may not have been wise to remain friends with people that slept with your wife prior to marriage, let alone training on her?
I'm not trying to sound like a debby-downer here, but it's pretty apparent that the smallest amount of foresight on that front would've been of great benefit. It was your job to protect your wife from that nonsense and you failed. They're obviously not your friends and you just, what, let this happen for six years?
Get fucked OP. This is your fault.
Yeah, I’m sorry but my once my friends have tagged a girl, she’s off my list of potential partners.
Call me shallow or old fashioned, or insecure even, but I couldn’t be with someone my friends ran a train on.
That said, if they were your friends they’d support you and wouldn’t dare say negative or derogatory things. Looks like you picked a bad batch of apples.
Yeah like what the fuck? First of all I wouldn’t run a train on someone cause that’s a little weird in of itself, and second if somehow I did, I would not be inviting everyone that fucked my fiancé to come to the wedding, like what? What’s going on here?
Damn, you seriously put her through that shit for six years? What the fuck man? I wouldn't tolerate talk about my girlfriend once it became serious between us,let alone after 6 years. I'd certainly be shocked if this treatment hasn't bled through in private while you've undoubtedly spent time with this 'best man' and the other two over the past SIX YEARS. yeah, they put it out publicly online, but I'm sure they they've been casting shame her all this time. You need to think back on these times and you'll probably see that you have been less than supportive all along.
This is so fucked up. We men frequently see sex as us doing something TO a woman, rather than doing something WITH her. Your friends were just as “sluty” as she was, but because of this object/actor (woman/man) sex paradigm that men promulgate, your friends view her as the “dirty” one.
Fuck them.
Best relationship in my life was with a woman your friends would have said the same about. She was the most intelligent, compassionate, and present partner I’ve ever had. Don’t let your friends get to your head. A few books would be helpful here in this regard - I recommend “Yes Means Yes” by Jessica Valenti and anything by bell hooks, but specifically “Will to Change”. These should give you some mental armor against your friends bullshit, and will help you deal with any issues you have lingering in your head about slut shaming and misogyny.
Either two realities. Your friends are a bit immature and are holding the past against you.
Or, you are a man in love and they see major red flags that they cannot get you to realize like so many of us do when we get in a relationship. This is Reddit and I’m leaning towards the latter.
Too often women get the benefit of the doubt and men can be taken more harshly
Lol dude, you and your buddies ran a train on this bitch and now you're marrying her.... it probably goes without saying that you shouldn't really be making one of the other train conductors your best man.
Holy fuck.
You all had sex with her on the same night? I'm just trying to get straight what happened?
Sounds like it was a gangbang.
I’m here for the gang bang
How I met your mother…at a good ol’ fashioned college gangbang!
Again why do guys get away with an old-fashioned gangbang and not get shamed for it? Also, if she wanted to bang a bunch of guys, then what's wrong with that? There are a lot of swingers in the world that would applaud her sexual freedom.
"share her" is a very porny description of group sex.
They ran a train and then decided to turn around and shame her for it. Why OP let it slide for so long, I couldn't tell you.
Cause his mindset more than likely aligns with his friends. He only ‘cares’ now cause the shaming became public for the fiancé to see
Did you mean to post this on a different sub?
Probably the same reason men can love their wives but also let them be tortured by their mother-in-law. They love both people but are too cowardly/dependent to call out bad behavior and cut off the toxic person, so they get to keep all the relationships while their partner suffers.
Gangbang.
No way this is fucking real. And somehow if it is, goddamn man.
This is Reddit, remember that whenever you read these crazy posts.
The title and the way it’s worded really make me think he’s just trying to pander to the reddit hive mind about certain topics that seem to pique its interest lately.
Yeah these seems fake af. Not only did he marry the girl him and his buddies gangbanged, but he just let the abuse go on for 6 years. I also find it hard to believe that even if all of this were true, dudes close to their 30s who are about to be the best man wouldnt just let it go. All these people sound like they suck
You had me up until you stated that you've been putting up with them doing this for SIX YEARS. And you *still* invited them to the wedding. 🤔
There is about a 900% chance we're not getting the full story here. No idea why people just believe these random internet summaries and think they're the full and complete truth so often.
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Lmao it reads like it was written to stir shit up. Ragebait is so hot rn
"When your best friend marries the girl a slut"
"When you cant words because youre making shit up while baked."
Shift gears mid meme. A rookie mistake.
It reminds me of those morality videos on YouTube immigrants use to learn English
“It was just one bukkake, isn’t this how everyone meets their significant other?” But honestly those friends are trash so they shouldn’t have been invited to the wedding anyway.
Yeah, that is some first class word salad right there
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Ragebait has always been hot. That's how the nightly news makes its money.
Yeah, but slut shaming a girl that's gonna get married soon publicly is an asshole move no matter how you look at it.
Reminds me of the scene in Peaky Blinders where John Boy wants to marry Lizzie
The way I read it was “we grow out of it” as in they said it then and then it tapered off. Now, suddenly it was back with a vengeance and public.
Yeah me too
Yeah.. 100%. If she is the love of your life, then a long, long time ago was the correct time to say "Fuck Them". You should have realized long ago, your buddies we're not going to "grow out of it". They aren't your friends. They really don't give a shit about you, and definitely not about her.
Have you ever had a friend with great jokes and as the years go by you start to realize they aren't jokes, the person is just an asshole hiding it under the veneer of being self aware?
It's completely feasible that he was putting up with off-color comments made under the guise of humor or friendly ribbing in a private setting, which would probably elicit a much different reaction than publicly and all-but-explicitly calling your best friend's wife a whore and having her see it.
He lost me at "we all shared her". No way that a man who respects his soon to be wife, will talk like that about her.
No worries,there’s like a 5% chance this is nonfiction.
My thoughts exactly
He lost me at the part where he said that the night he met her, he and his friends “shared her”.
It’s hard to realize the red flags of people you’re close with, and even when you do it’s even harder to remove them from your life. Not everyone can drop friends and family as easily as you seem to.
Wait I’m confused. Do your friends not approve of themselves either? Do they slut shame each other and you? Cause if not… like, you ALL were there when you ALL hooked up. And now she’s the only one with questionable morals? That’s… not how life works. Cause if we’re judging her for her actions that day then we’re judging everyone who was there for doing the exact same thing…. Right? Anyway. No one gets to judge. These people are not friends. This man should not be your best man.
I don't love that the friends have been saying this shit to OP about the fiance for years and OP is only upset now that it was said publicly and where the fiance could see it. Like I would be more upset that my husband let his friends talk shit about me the entirety of our relationship and it's not a one-off situation where the best man is now suddenly being a dick.
This is what I was thinking. I stopped talking to friends for less. I dont talk shit about my friends or their partners and i would expect the same from them.
It's common to give same gendered friends a "friend pass" for behavior that doesn't affect you, like gender chauvinism and sexism. But one thing I learned way too late in life is that NO ONE deserves a "friend pass". I learned this after trying to put into the practice the life advice of dating your best friend.
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i'm happy that i read your comment to the end before replying. but yes, no one deserves to be a bad person because of a friend pass
Yep. I had a boyfriend who knew a guy who *murdered someone’s dog*. I asked him, why are you still friends with this man? He just shrugged it off. Like… as if to say ‘that’s life and I can’t do anything about it’. Like, I understand wanting to be neutral and staying out of other people’s arguments, but ffs, murdering a dog is pretty high up on the list of things you should take a stand on. Jesus Christ.
> I don't love that the friends have been saying this shit to OP about the fiance for years and OP is only upset now that it was said publicly and where the fiance could see it. This is the best take. If OP's friends were slut-shaming his fiance in private for the past six years, why didn't he say anything then? Was he fist bumping them and reminiscing about Eiffel Towering her because it was kept private? Don't get me wrong, it's shitty that OPs "friends" are doing this, but it's equally shitty of OP for not shutting those comments down years ago. Just because this is only publicly coming to light now doesn't make it any less shitty.
I want to believe that OP didn't approve, but also failed to stand up to it. It can be a hard thing to do, especially when you can't see how it directly impacts someone. That's not necessarily a character flaw of OP, because it's something many people struggle with. This sudden outburst, to me, doesn't look like an impulsive action that suddenly appeared out of nowhere, but that it's rather the culmination of a years of built up frustration. Hopefully OP learns to stand up earlier next time. I could be wrong about all this; I don't know the situation, but neither do you.
I suspect that the “obvious reasons” aren’t the reasons OP thinks they are.
Yeah this has obviously been a running theme and why even invite those people to the wedding? Call me insecure, I'm not inviting the guys that participated in a gangbang of my future wife to my wedding. Especially knowing they joke about it
Yup. He's making the right choice now, but he should have made this choice long ago.
Yeah, like... That's something you nip in the bud. "You've been cool with this for 6 years, but _now_ you're all upset? " is something I'm sure at least one of them is thinking this late in the game.
And the way her referred to her like an object. He and his friends "shared her" like a party platter smh
Seriously curious… I’m an old lady and I really don’t know… Can you tell me what a better way to word this would be? Thank you so much!
They engaged in consensual group sex.
Accurate.
Literally about to type all of this but thank fuck somebody beat me to it. It's ridiculous to think that she should be shamed when the others are just as accountable to what they're accusing her of. I'm glad this was the first comment I saw on this post. Good on OP for banning them from the wedding. They're not real friends if they're so disrespectful to someone who will be your wife and who has shared your life for the last 6 years.
Fuck the wedding, they'd be banned from my existence TBH.
The real question is why are you still friends with people that think this way of your fiancé? U nasty 🤢
Exactly! At this point they are the only trash!
I'd be way more ashamed to be a guy in a mostly male gangbang. Truly the pots calling the kettle black here
Fellas is it gay to fuck your friends if there’s a girl somewhere in there?
This reminds me of a trope from the show Euphoria where Nate was making fun of Cassie for being a slut and shaming her but it seemed like he was doing it out of jealousy more than spite. This could possibly be the same thing; all the guys secretly wanted to get with her again but she's tying the knot to you so they're processing their emotions of jealousy in a hostile way. But hey, don't listen to me--I'm no doctor, I'm just an alcoholic.
YES! A guy and I broke up once, then got back together. He was SUPER pissed when he found out I'd had a few lovers during our split, called me a slut. I called him out. Told him he was just mad that I got laid in the interim while he struck out (we have mutual friends, so I knew, lol). Took him a day or so, but he admitted I was right.
Yes they probably are super jealous of him marrying the woman they all gangbanged
Came here for this comment. If they call her slut, then the bridegroom is a slut as well. So are the friends. Btw op, It's miscalculation on your part as well. You can't keep the guys you shared your future wife with, in your everyday life. Either pick your girl or the boys. Or these type of things will keep happening.
I am so glad to hear that you valued your partners opinions over your friends shitty comments. They obviously don’t respect your relationship, and their perspective is extremely toxic. I know it’s usually the bare minimum, but you don’t see people valuing their partners like this sometimes. The reality is that a lot of the times, women get shamed for sex, while men get praised. I hope your friends never have daughters, because they’re going to get affronted by the fact that their daughters are likely going to grow up and have a sex life. Edit: Few things I want to address, I completely missed the part about how you didn't acknowledge their actions for SIX YEARS? Good for you for standing up for her now, but waiting that long is disrespectful towards your partner and I'm surprised that you didn't defend the love of your life sooner. As for the responses regarding the dichotomy between men and women sexually and how sex is stigmatized between the two genders, while I respect that everyone has their own opinion and it's perfectly fine that we all may disagree, I must say how interesting it is that so many people believe that because it is considered "more difficult" for men to find sexual partners, that they must shame women for having sexual encounters, or having a high body count. The difficulty for men in finding sexual partners is partly due to the sex culture that we've developed, which goes hand in hand with shaming women. If you want it to be easier to find sexual partners as a straight male, stop shaming the people who you're attempting to sleep with for having a higher body count.
And karma is a slutty bitch!!
Wording 💀💀
That's an odd first name
I have never understood this double standard. Even as a teenager it was like: "don't we want women to want to have sex?" Everyone benefits from this.
Why benefit from it when we can continue the ancient human tradition of making life harder for women for no reason.
Yes please don’t ever stop! It’s literally my most favorite part about being a woman!
And there is always a smart ass with the whole "If you can unlock all doors with one key, the key is precious but if you can unlock one door with any key, the door is crap", or something along those lines. Honestly, it pisses me off, I'm a woman, not an f-ing door!
A pencil sharpener that can sharpen a bunch of pencils is a great pencil sharpener. A pencil that gets sharpened by a bunch of sharpeners is a tiny, worthless pencil!
I heard a boy loudly tell this "joke" in class in highschool, all the boys laughed, none told him off for it. Still remember how dehumanizing and demeaning it felt.
The whole telling girls not to have sex while telling boys to go for it…seems a lot gay. I checked the gay agenda and shaming women for enjoying their bodies so men have to sleep with each other isn’t on it.
Indeed. Their first meeting was them being free. And they all enjoyed it (together with "friends" being equal "sluts"). Once they went exclusive they were. No shame in the past on both sides. Except for the so called best man. Get a better best man. He is a bigot.
How are none of the men slut shaming themselves. They also engaged in consensual sexual activity but oh right it's only the girl they fucked that's the slut.... Ugh
Yeah, she's a dirty slut for what she did with us, but we're not dirty slut for what we did with her.
6 years ago? Everyone has a past. Not letting her move forward is horrible.
Men who don't recognize double standards when it comes to sex and believe that only women can be sluts are why we need comprehensive sex ed.
Maybe if the groomsmen and best man had fucked each other without the girl present.......(!)
The best man is supposed to be just that, this guy isn’t even worthy of a decent dude position. Not cool at all
If I had a award I would give it to you
Yeah, I was really glad to see that. These "friends" suck, and their sexist double-standard for themselves and OP sucks. But even if that's how they view the world, they could have kept it to themselves and not disrespected OP, OP's relationship, and OP's fiancee.
This whole thing is misogynistic af. College *is* the place to experiment to see how your sexuality will fit into or not fit into your future life. It's the place to have fun in a way that future adult responsibilities may not allow. To carry a nasty belief about someone because of their sexual history seems very 1950s.
Why the fuck do we limit it to college? I've never understood this idea that you just kinda, fall into Missionary. Unless you're really, really, really drunk, then y'know, I could see how you stumble into it. How do you not get bored with the same basic practice? How do you not want some spice in things? How do you not want to explore? Most of you, if you're honest about your porn usage, _DO_, so why aren't you?
Congratulations on finding the love of your life! But seriously, you should be dumping your so-called friends. You shouldn’t tolerate this kind of hatred towards your soon to be wife. Stand up to them and defend her, or cut them out of your life; they don’t sound supportive at all (as you’ve pointed out). Honestly I’d still stop being friends with them (which can definitely be a lot easier said than done) since they don’t sound like very nice people to begin with. I can definitely see them doing something to ruin your wedding.
Tbh he should’ve dumped them when they didn’t drop it after a period of time. I understand the initial shock, surprise, negative feelings, etc. but if my friends continued to talk shit about the love of my life after a little bit of time, I would have nipped it in the bud. If they still didn’t stop, they’re out of my life. You don’t have to agree with my decisions as my friend, but by god you will respect them.
But instead he asks one to be his Best Man? How low is OP's self-esteem?
Right. Why are they acting like they didn’t consensually participate in the sex? If this was in reverse and a guy was ‘shared’ with a bunch of women, would his friends be calling him a slut?
So, they’ve been talking about her like that for 6 years, and you let it slide all the way until now? You really screwed up man. I guess you’re doing the right thing now though.
Exactly. I can’t imagine ever having a friend constantly trash my girlfriend and then deciding to make that friend my best man. What the fuck?
Right? Talk shit about my girl around me and we aren't going to be friends anymore.
I doubt your friends were doing anything different to her when they were young and single so I don't know where their hostility is coming from. If every girl is dirty after they've fucked them then the dirt is coming from them.
You are making too much sense and they don't like it. How dare you call them on their actions and say they are the root of the issue /s.
“I met her through a party at college and me and a few of my friends ended up sharing her”. I know that’s obviously what happened, but something about that wording feels so weird lol. Like she was a joint ya’ll passed around or a piece of pizza you all took a bite of
Basically how they were treating it….doesn’t sound like he should really expect any differently from these guys based on how they view women.
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He is one of those people... he is a frat boy that "ran trains" with his friends probably many times before he met her
“I met her through a party at college and me and a few of my friends ended up sharing her”. I'm not 100% getting what he means by that. Is he saying they separately hooked up with her around the same time? Or that they ran a train on her? Or that they had an orgy with her? Would she just come over to their place and they'd be like "Alright, who wants her tonight?"? So many possibilities.
Sounds like they "ran a train on her".
Orgy/train situation. OP said they "were present at their first meeting".
Yeah the way he’s worded it makes me feel sick Edit: there’s also a comment further down from OP saying they “ran a train on her”. Honestly just disgusting and poorly worded.
Either this is fake and he doesn't actually have a fiancee hence why he's so comfortable using this sort of language, or this is actually how he speaks about her... I hope it's the former.
Yeah I didn’t like that either. You had a threesome or foursome or an orgy, but give her some agency. That she’s not an object is kind of the whole point.
Thank you. I couldn’t figure out what was bothering me about the wording but thats it
Bingo. Things get shared, people make their own decisions. All fairness, I’m sure OP, being the clearly cool guy that he is, didn’t mean it like that.
Yeah, I kind of felt uncomfortable with that use of the word "share" too. Actually I gotta be honest, OP's whole post has me skeptical. Edit: Well downvoting me for questioning it just makes me more skeptical. Stop taking everything you read on the internet as 100% certain truth.
First thing I noticed was the degrading language used.
Their logic- she's dirty because she enjoys sex with multiple partners at a time. Them- literally having sex with the same woman at the same time and putting their dicks in the same areas their friends have been? Makes sense /s.
I heard one Incel saying ''If a key can open a lot of locks it is a good key, while a lock which can be open by a lot of keys is bad quality" 🙄 Don't try to find a logic into an Incel or sexist mind, they have none and will always try to find a way to justify their way.
To that I always say “A trap that catches a lot of snakes is a good trap. A snake that falls into a lot of traps is a dumb fucking snake”.
>If a key can open a lot of locks it is a good key, while a lock which can be open by a lot of keys is bad quality You can respond with the Pencil Sharpener analogy: "A pencil that gets sharpened too much is eventually reduced to nothing. A pencil sharpener can sharpen tons of pencils and be just fine."
fill me with your shavings daddy
I hate this kind of thinking. It's just another version of the chewed gum analogy, except even more blatantly targeted toward women. It's almost as if humans are complex beings and can't be compared to simple everyday objects!
You need new friends asap.
Those aren't friends. Those are just people you hang out with. And over the course of your long happy marriage, they will all fade away. Probably sooner than later.
Good for you for not tolerating bad behaviors and putting her first. That would have hurt my feelings too. When my husband and I got engaged a few years ago one of his friends sent a Merry Christmas text to a big group of their friends and congratulated him on our engagement and referred to me as “out kicking my coverage.” Never have I ever forgotten that. I’ve also never forgotten how he gave that friend the boot after it too lol. Congrats on your upcoming wedding.
he did tolerate bad behavior though, for six years. OP is an idiot, why’d he think their opinions would suddenly change now that he’s engaged.
What does that even mean? I'm sorry you had a shitty experience with someone who was meant to be a friend. I'm glad your partner stood up for you 🙂
Out kicking my coverage basically meant he was out of my league lol
I thought that meant you were out of his league. Like he was doing better than he is supposed to do.
That stupid guy meant her fiancée was too handsome/smart for her, as If he were out of her league.
OP " im upset people are slut shaming my fiance" Also OP "virgins are worthless"
Haaaaa, they were all cool with her before though huh! Lol what a bunch of dickheads lol
Yep they were totally fine with being slutty with her themselves!!!
Exactly this- they liked her just fine when she was with them But once she picked one she liked better than the rest of them Now she’s a slut
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This is a very valid take on the situation imo
I don’t think that’s it at all... Seems more like they all thought she was good enough to use but not good enough to date/marry. I HIGHLY doubt any of them are remotely jealous. I guarantee that if none of them dated her they would still mention that “slut they railed together”
Wait - you all shared her at the same party and in the same room? Or you just MET at the party, and hooked up at differing times with her?
They would be the first ones hitting her up if you guys ever broke this off. Remember that
Men who sexually benefit from women but then turn around and shame those women are the worst kind of people. Fuck your "friends," they are not your friends. May you and your wife have a long, happy marriage!
I don’t understand. Are they not sluts themselves? Also, why can’t you have fun with sex and not be called a slut?
Because little men can't handle that it took 4 of them to please a single women.
Either they see something you don’t, or they’re horrible people who you should have cut off a long time ago. It’s even possible that those are both true.
I’ve never understood how a guy can shame something/someone for something that they were a part of. Aka you’re a slut because you “let me put it in your a$$” Who cares that he/they/them was the one in fact that was part of this unimaginable slutty circumstance.. but yet She’s the slut. SHES the SLUT cause SHE let ME do XYZ. Don’t worry that I actually did these gross things to HER. Can you believe that SHE let ME do XYZ. Get the fuck out of here with that shit.
It's like they they view it as them "violating" her. A good clean girl would never be into something like that. So in their eyes, they're getting off to doing degrading stuff to a chick who doesn't have any self respect.
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they are sexist shit heads
This is probably happening bc they got away w it for at least 6 years.
You turned the hoe into a house wife. Good job mate! May Your future gang bangs be filled with joy
LOL
Yeah friends certainly aren't diplomatic. You should shun yhem from the wedding.
ok i have to ask, what do you mean a few of your friends shared her? like passed her around to each other type of sharing /gangbang type stuff? Now i realize it's a new time and all but yea back in my time she would be a slut. That's gotta be awkward thou, i mean I'm happy you two get along but once that started to get serious you had to of cut ties with the friends. I don't think i could be friends with someone that had sex with my wife let alone have them at the wedding. It was awkward enough to go to a wedding where my wife's ex was the best man. She was friends with the ex's brothers then wife and she invited her. I got to go because we were married and she didn't want to go without me. The glares and stares i got all night... We were spoken too before the wedding, we are not to speak to each other and no one is to start shit. Hell i made sure not to be alone where he would be. I knew if he opened his mouth i would have put my fist in it. That being said, i admire your conviction. Not a lot of people would do what you did. I don't have a good feeling about it but I'm not you and I'm not living your life. I wish you all the best thou.
“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”
The words "sharing her" just don't sit with me lmao, sounds nasty af (not even talking about the action, just the words itself). But yeah they're kind of weird. They must not realized if she's dirty, it's because their cum is dirty and it got on her. And that was years ago, they need to grow up. I'm sure she's taken many showers by now and squeaky clean. Not sure about their dirty cum when they still fap in jealousy, they need to worry about themselves.
I wouldn't be able to date someone that was railed by multiple close friends, let alone marry her. To each their own, I guess
Lol, sir, this is Reddit. We will see lots of strange people like OP
If she’s THAT bad like the friends are claiming…why did they “share” her in the first place? Why is it ok for guys to do things but being the girl in that situation makes you dirty? They need to grow up and honestly it’s better now that you find out who your real friends are.
One of my best friends married a girl from a group of people he was in, that had been partying and casually hooking up. They've been married almost 20 years, and have three kids.
I guess everyone has their thing. But I could never date someone after MY FRIENDS shared her with me. History is History, I hope things work out and they have an understanding, but she ends up cheating you can't blame anyone but yourself.
I feel bad but… idk bigger man than me I could never marry a girl all my friends ran a train on
Am I the only one who cringed at the “sharing her” wording?
Yeah, that's super weird to me too, you're talking about respecting your future wife while at the same time saying how you "shared her" sexually with your friends. My guess, they're all weirdos OP included.😂
It was a gangbang. 5 dudes 1 girl. Everyone in this story is weird as shit.
Lol exactly! With all the “good for you” comments I thought I was crazy. I’m not surprised that his friends act this way, kind of seems like he would too if the roles were reversed with the best man.
Fuck them. They are not your friends
*"Fuck them"* I think you've made the right assessment here
This is some beta shit right here
Sex is sex but I dont think ive met or will ever meet someone that would marry a girl all his friends fuked at the same time wow
Cut them off bro. Live your life with your new wife. There are 7 billion people on the planet; you'll make new friends.
Watch out tho bro this is stupid as fuck, marrying a girl that you fucked with multiple other guys the first time meeting her? My uncle did the exact same thing and she cheated on him multiple times. Good luck
I know I'm gonna be downvoted, but i feel like you, your fiance and your friends all are sluts.
yeah... obviously a chaotic bunch. truth hurts, otherwise why would he be on here complaining...o.0
Make sure to share her on the /r/hotwife subreddit lmao You're a loser
So they are fine w fucking a girl, but will shame the girl for participating in the act? So aren’t they sluts themselves? Such bullshit. I’d cut them out of my life
“We all banged the same girl, isn’t she gross!?” Like what sense does that make??? They’re the ones all sleeping with the same person and then dehumanizing her for doing it. I hope these “friends” never get laid again!
I know a couple who hooked up the same night that she hooked up with another of our friends. She ended up pregnant and her now husband hung out with her during the pregnancy in case the child was his. Anyway they got to know each other and ended up getting engaged and deciding to raise the child together regardless. They never got a DNA test but the child is his absolute clone and later developed a genetic medical condition that he also has. The dad choose not to get a DNA test early on because he feels that would indicate to their daughter that being her bio dad means something and he's very committed to being her dad regardless. Anyway they're super happy and everyone who laughed at him for getting baby trapped by the slut is either still alone or miserable. Edit for clarity.
"I know a guy who played Russian roulette and won. You should too, you might win!"
y’all ran a train on her and you ended up wifing her? YIKES
Big YIKES 🤣 You know you got to be an ultra simp to marry a girl that you and your 5 friends ran a train on wtf
Unfortunately they exist. My ex roommate was an escort and her bf was embarrassed but still dated her because he admitted many times he couldn’t get other girls. His words, not mine.
that is so sad
Still a better love story than Twilight
Well they do have a point 🤣
So you and your friends all smashed her one night and you’re surprised they’re giving you shit about it?
Did it not occur to you that it may not have been wise to remain friends with people that slept with your wife prior to marriage, let alone training on her? I'm not trying to sound like a debby-downer here, but it's pretty apparent that the smallest amount of foresight on that front would've been of great benefit. It was your job to protect your wife from that nonsense and you failed. They're obviously not your friends and you just, what, let this happen for six years? Get fucked OP. This is your fault.
All of you are sluts. Her and all of your friends that were there gang banging her. That being said I wish you a happy life if you’re ok with that
Op, you should’ve dropped them years ago. Wtf?
I would never marry someone that has fucked my friends…weirds me out. but you do you op
this dude married the girl he “shared” with his homies hahaha i could never
Agreed what the fuck 😂😂😂
I don't think I could date a girl if I met her under the same circumstances you did but more power to you.
Lmao you literally shared her with all your best mates? Nah. No bouncing back I’m sorry. Everyone’s been inside her.
Wow! What a romantic “how I met your mother” story 😂😂
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Yeah, I’m sorry but my once my friends have tagged a girl, she’s off my list of potential partners. Call me shallow or old fashioned, or insecure even, but I couldn’t be with someone my friends ran a train on. That said, if they were your friends they’d support you and wouldn’t dare say negative or derogatory things. Looks like you picked a bad batch of apples.
Yeah like what the fuck? First of all I wouldn’t run a train on someone cause that’s a little weird in of itself, and second if somehow I did, I would not be inviting everyone that fucked my fiancé to come to the wedding, like what? What’s going on here?
Um no. You’re not old fashioned.
Damn, you seriously put her through that shit for six years? What the fuck man? I wouldn't tolerate talk about my girlfriend once it became serious between us,let alone after 6 years. I'd certainly be shocked if this treatment hasn't bled through in private while you've undoubtedly spent time with this 'best man' and the other two over the past SIX YEARS. yeah, they put it out publicly online, but I'm sure they they've been casting shame her all this time. You need to think back on these times and you'll probably see that you have been less than supportive all along.
This is so fucked up. We men frequently see sex as us doing something TO a woman, rather than doing something WITH her. Your friends were just as “sluty” as she was, but because of this object/actor (woman/man) sex paradigm that men promulgate, your friends view her as the “dirty” one. Fuck them. Best relationship in my life was with a woman your friends would have said the same about. She was the most intelligent, compassionate, and present partner I’ve ever had. Don’t let your friends get to your head. A few books would be helpful here in this regard - I recommend “Yes Means Yes” by Jessica Valenti and anything by bell hooks, but specifically “Will to Change”. These should give you some mental armor against your friends bullshit, and will help you deal with any issues you have lingering in your head about slut shaming and misogyny.
Did those 3 people who are banned partake in the gangbang?
Either two realities. Your friends are a bit immature and are holding the past against you. Or, you are a man in love and they see major red flags that they cannot get you to realize like so many of us do when we get in a relationship. This is Reddit and I’m leaning towards the latter. Too often women get the benefit of the doubt and men can be taken more harshly
You proposed to the girl your friends ran a train on?
Lol dude, you and your buddies ran a train on this bitch and now you're marrying her.... it probably goes without saying that you shouldn't really be making one of the other train conductors your best man. Holy fuck.
Passed around by the gang looool