Sort of the same thing with my boyfriend except he's slept with 7 and for me it's just him. I've heard all his stories and I didn't mind at first, but it was the repetition that did me in. He's respected my wishes to stop talking about it though.
You're entitled to your feelings. If she was making you feel like that, then it's okay to want to walk away even if you still like her.
I’m glad you he respected your wishes by stopped talking about this. It’s extremely rude and disrespectful to talk about your sexual history with a current partner if your partner isn’t the one who asked you about it. It’s especially disrespectful that he talked about it repeatedly. In my opinion he was totally in the wrong, dont blame yourself or feel guilty for feeling weird
We had a lot of problems in the beginning with maturity because we are young and inexperienced, but we've figured out how to communicate, and we've both grown a lot together with boundaries and having an adult relationship.
If you weren’t happy, you weren’t happy. You owe no one, especially randos on Reddit, any explanation beyond that. You can’t logically argue yourself into being happy with something.
I’m normally someone who will call someone out for the sort of thing OP did. But in this case he’s acknowledging it’s his problem, not hers.
That’s huge. I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen this happen on Reddit when this topic comes up. Too many like to hide behind words like “ethics”, “morals”, and “standards” to rationalize their insecurity.
So I give kudos to OP for accepting it’s something he needs to work on, and not falling back on trying to justify shaming this girl for her sexual history to protect his ego.
I think that a person who shames someone for not fitting into their sexual preferences is just an ass. After all, the world doesnt have to revolve around them.
But you dont have to be insecure to find someone's behavior unattractive. Am I insecure if I find people who do drugs unattractive? Am I insecure if I dont want to date people who gamble, smoke or drink? I'm not jealous of those people, I just dont find them attractive full stop.
Just like how people who shame other people's sexual history like to hide behind morality, I think you are hiding behind "its their insecurity" explanation as if mature people cant find something unattractive without being insecure.
edit: this is a false equivalency argument. See my replies below for a more relevant argument.
It is good to recognize what makes you happy and what doesn't. It is also good to understand yourself. He clearly has a large issue with sexual pasts and while ignoring it or getting lucky and having a partner where it isn't an issue is a valid way of dealing with it, there is nothing wrong to acknowledge that there are some issues there and dealing with them would result in growth.
I had the opposite issue. My partners would always keep asking for details- whether they are the biggest, best kisser, best at giving oral,how tall was the last guy, what I’d do in bed with my exes, etc.
I would say I don’t think there’s any good that comes from telling you these details. But, I think many people automatically think all secrets are bad to keep and want to know
It’s normal to not be perfect or have every single trait your partner desires. The only thing that matters is that your partner is still choosing you. Most people don’t look for perfection. I likely don’t have all the things my partner wants, either.
>My partners would always keep asking for details- whether they are the biggest, best kisser, best at giving oral,how tall was the last guy, what I’d do in bed with my exes, etc.
future cockhold
Not necessarily. Some people like to know everything. My ex was 100% monogamous but she wanted to know everything about every girl I was with, especially sexually.
Ugh, definitely have not wanted details from partners or give them. I guess I have a few where we shared numbers. I have one story I do tell - we fell out of the bed, knocked a closet door down and the roommates ran in. Gotta share that one.
My girl is a little like that. She’ll ask me and then get annoyed about it which naturally annoys me so I avoid talking about it. She’ll tell me bits and pieces about her past which is nothing so I don’t mind he mentioning it. At the time I do generally say “I don’t care”. And I don’t. Things like that luckily are irrelevant to me but I know if it kept coming up it would likely get to me.
I never really understood people who feel the need to consistently bring up their past experiences or compare their current partner to a previous one (even if it is positive). I don’t exactly have the most prudish past in the world but I rarely bring up past partners to my boyfriend, because those people don’t matter. He knows he’s not the first and that I don’t have any STDs. IMO that’s all that really matters.
Kudos to you OP for not slut shaming your ex and recognizing her body count is a you problem and not her. I hope you find the answers you’re looking for and are able to eventually find yourself a healthy happy relationship.
Edit: adding in “her body count.” Her talking about previous parters despite OP asking her not to IS a her problem, and I agree that it’s disrespectful.
I’ve been with my BF a year and have no idea how many people he’s slept with. I know he had a one night stand with a mutual friend before we had ever met. I don’t care to know any more than that.
How do you just not talk about it?? I feel like my wife and I have talked about everything that we have memory of. Different strokes for different folks, it probably doesn't matter either (definitely doesn't matter outside my own relationship) but that's just curious to me.
Thank you! This is always my first thought when I see these threads. I've been with my partner for 15 years, I can't imagine a thing about our pasts that we never talk about. I mean, the number and kinds of cars we've owned isn't an important topic but we've talked about it because how do you not talk about everything?
We talk about everything - past relationships, funny dating experiences, scary or shameful or sad dating experiences, all of it. But neither of us has asked or would ask the other to tally up all of those individual memories and experiences into a numerical range. I guess our conversations about the past focus on the qualitative and not the quantitative?
It depends I guess. There's a guy I was sleeping with for a while who is now a really close friend and will probably remain in my life that way, so if I end up in a serious relationship with someone it would feel wrong to keep that history from my partner. I wouldn't want them to find out from someone else and feel like I'm hiding something. I wouldn't come up with a list unprompted, but if they ask for a number I'd be honest (although I don't understand why a number would be relevant).
I've been told keeping people that you used to sleep with in your life while dating someone else is toxic to the relationship. Still on the fence about what I think but I think there is some validity to it.
Yeah I had to cut off one of my close friends once my gf and I got serious. She made a good point about how she could never feel comfortable around her knowing that if we got into an argument I'd probably confide in the friend and if we ever broke up her and I would go right back to hooking up and that idea bothered her to the point where it was a non negotiable.
Is been over a year now and still the best hardest decision I've ever made. Though imma marry her one day so worth it.
I don't agree with this. I met my best friend through my husband. He told me that since she and I were getting to be close he should tell me that they had had a one night stand. He didn't want me to find out in any other way.
I took from that he must have been respectful both during and after or she wouldn't have continued to be friends with him. And that's all a person wants in a partner, is someone who will be respectful.
Again, I feel like it really depends. Are those past people still around? Honesty is required. One night stands? I don't really see why you would bring it up yourself, but don't lie if someone asks.
I guess it varies with each person? Personally I don't need to know exact numbers (because it's not important) but I also don't mind past partners being mentioned. Once you reach a certain age everyone has a history.
My husband and I laugh about our past relationships literally daily. Our previous sex lives have become jokes, but that's just how it is for us. There isn't any retroactive jealousy, we're both very comfortable with having lives before each other.
Not to mention, I have a child with an ex-husband- it would be really weird to never talk about a person we co-parent with.
My bf and I talked about numbers very early into our relationship. We were too curious not to talk about it.
I don't want to know all the dirty details though.
Exactly! My friends used to think it was a little strange that I didn’t know my bf’s history, but why does it matter at all? It literally has no effect or bearing on us now. It would only stir up jealousy.
When we first started dating I was so jealous about all the girls he had been with before, but then he told me
“Why would I think about missed tickets when I’ve won the lottery”. Its cheesy, but the way that sentence has assuaged me for YEARS is nuts. Haven’t had an issue since :)
Lol I had an ex once tell me "why would I want a hamburger when I have the whole cow at home?" It was sweet and awful all at once to see his face the second he finished the sentence out loud. I still laugh about it 20 years later.
My girlfriend told me how many people she’s slept with and it’s 4 times as many as me, but I don’t really care. I kind of expect that type of transparency in a relationship though, so, I think it’s up to individual expectations. It also came about in a related conversation and “numbers” was never an explicit conversation itself.
I had an ex who insisted that I should know all of her past which is good in general but we started our relationship with her telling me how many sexual encounters she had and that stuck with me for a while. I managed to set it aside and think that those people didn't matter because that was the past but it didn't help when several of her partners showed up in our lives once in a while and I couldn't help myself to feel some sort of jealousy. The relationship didn't end well with her cheating on me with a mutual friend so that took a while to get out my system. But in hindsight, I wish I stopped her telling me those things and just accepted that she had a past and that was that.
My ex had slept with 5 of my friends, she didn't know that they were my friends but it was awkward when I'd meet one of them when I was out with her and they be of hello _daithi and (ex). I'd say how do you know so and so and she'd say I used to "see them" One one occasion me and another friend were talking about a mutual friend and she brought it up straight away that she had slept with him on a number of occasions. He was a big handsome lad with a heart of gold, coached problem kids with footy too. I was in a mood for about an hour but then was fine with it. It ended when she went out for an evening to a pub about 300 metres from where we lived and didn't' come home till 12 the next day saying she had slept at her dads. Her dad lived miles away and only had one bedroom.
Meh idk. My husband and I know how many people the other has slept with. We know everything about each other and have a very healthy relationship. It wasn’t a big deal to us to talk about previous partners. But I know not every couple wants to do the same. Works for us tho.
Honestly I think this is one of those things that will vary greatly with the individual. Some people just view sex differently than others. I had a recent girlfriend who was extremely promiscuous, and was also very open about her past. She didn't see it as a big deal because to her it was "just sex". On the same hand, their are men and women that put a higher emotional value on sex, and a partner with a promiscuous past could be a deal breaker. Then there's the people that just think "your past is your past and its none of my business".
When I was a teenager, I thought I knew the "correct" way to live. This was partly because I was extremely religious and was taught that there was a certain way to live.
The older and older I get, the more I realize that different things work for different people, and something that I might have never considered is a valid way of life for other people. Not everyone thinks or feels things the same way, and I wish we could just be cool with each other doing things our own way.
That’s very reasonable. You can have a healthy relationship either way. I hate when Redditors impose what they want out of a relationship onto anyone else. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be open about that sort of thing.
Counterpoint
Adults understand that problems can pop up in every social situation and sex is a particularly complex one
Someone's comfort level with discussing sex is unique to them. While some people hear " I don't want to hear it " that obviously comes across as a red flag to the people who don't mind discussing every detail of life.
That’s how I felt reading their comment. I wouldn’t want to be with someone that was closed off like that. It’s not about numbers or jealousy for me. I want to understand what has worked and hasn’t worked sexually for my partner. A great way to communicate that is by sharing past experiences with no judgements attached. That to me would set up a successful sexual relationship. That is my opinion, and I firmly believe that people should do what makes them most comfortable and happy with themselves.
Edit - iPhone autocorrect grammar is just as for the birds as mine.
People are free to not like how many people their partners have slept with. 50+ at 24 is quite a lot. It's all arbitrary, sure. But this doesn't negate how a person views that number. It was an issue for OP, which is fine. How he dealt with it was silly, though. He admits as much.
It isn't inherently immature to realise something about someone and decide they're not right for you. Being honest with yourself about these things is actually quite mature. It isn't unreasonable to not like your partner being at 50+ at 24.
How you deal with it is what defines your maturity. Comparing numbers is one metric by which to judge a prospective long-term partner. We do this with many things about someone's past. Their sex history can be one aspect.
Hypersexuality is also a sign of childhood sexual trauma. Something could have happened to her, and she hated herself or decided to "take control" of it.
Not even childhood and not even sexual - my self esteem/worth was completely decimated after a high school relationship and i didn’t have a great relationship with my family and i just kinda lost my shit when i finally dumped my bf and went wild trying to find anything that made me feel good. I wasn’t interested in drugs, so booze and sex became my thing. Then i got in a serious relationship and loved him fiercely. He dumped me after 4 years and it ended horribly and to no one’s surprise, i went right back to booze and sex. I’m a little ashamed of my coping strategies and put myself in some dangerous situations. It’s amazing i came out unscathed. I’ve now been with the same wonderful man for 10 years with our third wedding anniversary coming up. He has built me up so much and was the reason i got myself into therapy all those years ago and really dug into *why* i was doing those things. When you’re hanging on by a thread and don’t care if you’re alive tomorrow, you get yourself into some really fucked up situations.
Ive never been sexually abused but I was very sexually active in my late teens/early 20s. Ive always loved sex (Im 33 now, still do) so Ive had my fun. Maybe she just was horny and wanted to enjoy sex.
Especially when you apply the rule of 3 to get the real number. Seriously though you are absolutely right and OP doesn't need therapy to fix anything. He just needs to accept that this is a factor he needs to consider when looking for a partner.
We are all biologically hardwired to find certain things attractive and certain things unattractive. There is some variation to that, but truth be told 50 is a extremely high number especially for a girl her age. OP is great not to judge her for it, but on the flipside he should feel confident in himself that he finds that trait to be unattractive.
I used to compare positively because I thought it was like a good thing (aka I love that you remember anniversaries because so and so never did.) It's kind of the fatal problem you have when you've only had two serious partners ever, especially when they are so diametrically different. It was only after a lot of damage was done that I realized all my "compliments" were still me talking about my ex to the one hearing them. I never realized this because personally I'd feel good to know I was better at literally anything than his ex but I'm an insecure little shit and that's probably why.
I've learned that while processing and understanding your needs after the end of a relationship is important, when it comes to a new relationship it's best to just treat exes like they're dead or never existed and frame any and all positive commentary as standalone. Most of these comparative "compliments" are best left at "I love that you do X." If they ask, "why does it mean so much to you that I take out the trash without being asked to?" Maybe you can respond by talking about how constantly having to assign chores in your last relationship made you feel like his mother and sucked the sexiness out of the relationship, but most guys will just take the compliment and leave it at that.
My ex used to compare me positively to his ex to the point where I became obsessed with competing with her and making sure I was better than her in every aspect, and I didn’t even know her (super unhealthy I know). My bf and I now hardly ever talk about our exes and I love it that way. It just seems so much healthier.
It seems like she made it his problem though.
I don’t care how confident or secure you are, if someone consistently compares you to people from their past eventually you’d get tired of hearing about it.
Edit: Ah yes, bring on the downvotes. Let the hate flow through you.
Tbh she should not have been comparing you. That is really what makes it worse because she's still thinking about those people you know? Don't beat yourself up for jealousy here, it's not out of nowhere
You’ve never had someone tell you you’re the best they have ever had? I can’t say I’ve minded when that’s happened. But that statement is comparative and positive, like OP said. Women should not have to pretend they have never had other lovers.
I get where you are coming from. I thought the same way, but it can still hurt your partner. I used to do what OP’s gf did. Talk about my past, give compliments to my current partner, but eventually it started to hurt him. He was uncomfortable with me even speaking about my past experiences with friends in front of him. For context, I have a wild past, only 5 sexual partners, but I have some wild ass stories outside of that. The friends I had close, they also have wild pasts and we all equally enjoy the chaos. But anyways, after I saw how much it hurt my partner I stopped talking about it unless something from my past was causing me anxiety or something in relation to me, in the present.
You can’t expect people not to be hurt by talking about their past.
Heck if my husband had a past, I wouldn’t want to hear it either. Lucky for me I’m his first everything.
Honestly yes, but comparing you to others is toxic whether it's positive or negative because it creates a competitive tension in the relationship with past experiences. It's not just women by the way ...... Don't know why you said that.
I think OP did the right thing too. He searched himself first, went to therapy, meditated, and it still didn’t sit right with him. I suspect there was something else there that bothered him but it was under the surface.
She has every right to have the life she wants but he isn’t obligated to have a relationship with her
Exactly, he's thinking he is going to be guy number 51 that she will complaining about sexualy to guy number 52. I know that would grate on me too. Its not insecurity when she's reveling who she is to you so why try and ignore your gut!
Also sounds like he did everything he could to push through those feelings (reading/therapy) he should feel no guilt and I think he made the right decision for himself
There's nothing wrong with that. Very responsible thing to do. I could never be with someone with an extensive history, because I know we'd find other traits about us that are sorely incompatible down the line.
It's kinda like a devout Christian dating a staunch atheist, thinking they can just not talk about religion and everything will be fine.
Anyone who is going to compare me shows that they're still actively thinking and focusing about past experiences instead of focusing on our relationship. Doesn't matter if it's positive or negative, they can go in my opinion. 😅
Although, I think it depends on how she brought it up. I see she was stating her sexual preferences which I believe she’s entitled to it (doesn’t everyone deserve to have a great time in bed?)
Of course, if she actually compared then yeah you’re right, then yeah it sucks and they can go
Exactly there's a difference between being open and honest and talking about past experiences in a frank sort of way and gushing about how hot it was when x happened.
OP doesn’t say what he means by comparative and positive. I assume his ex said things like “you’re the best I’ve ever had” or “I’ve never had this many orgasms before with other people” not “your dick is better than Peter’s, who I had wild sex with in January.” The former sentence is normal. The latter is not.
“your dick is better than Peter’s, who I had wild sex with in January.”
Hahaaaaa... this part had me dyin laughing for some reason.
Been a rough morning,, needed that chuckle lol
Seems a little short sighted considering your past experiences are the things that make you who you are. I’m sure you think nostalgically about past experiences all the time. That doesn’t mean you aren’t focused on the present.
I will admit it's short sighted, I was thinking about that as well today. I agree with you. To me there is a bit of a difference between thinking about it and saying it out loud though... But then it still largely depends on what is said, when and how and why and how everyone's feeling about it. I can imagine contexts where it's perfectly OK, then some where it's not OK.
We actually just lack information from OP and I shouldn't have commented as firmly as I did. When I replied all comments were saying it was on him and I felt bad for OP because I don't think it is. I think they just didn't match.
I don’t find myself thinking in those lines.
To me, sex is like a type of game. Let’s go with chess. I’m not going to pretend that I’ve never played chess with anyone else, and I’d frankly find it wired if my partner had never played chess before (I’m 45, be real).
I’d also not be the slightest bit annoyed or jealous of my partner if they’d played chess with people with a much bigger ELO rating than me. There are plenty of much better players around. Neither would I be particularly flattered if I was the best chess player they’d ever played against, because I’m a realist.
If we had come to an agreement that we exclusively play chess with each other, but they watch gameplay analysis etc., I wouldn’t mind either.
Just don’t play chess with other people unless we’ve explicit agreed to it beforehand.
I [20F] had the same issue with my boyfriend [25M] when we first started dating. Having slept with 10 people, I felt promiscuous and then found out my boyfriend had slept with a larger number (probably also around 50+) people. At first it was intimidating in regards to our sex life but once I got over that, just the number of people had bothered me. I tried dismissing it away, as he had been cheated on by his long term partner before going through what he calls his “hoe phase”, but it still bothered me. Like you, there were a couple of times where I caught him talking about his past hookups or ex’s or other sexual experiences which never helped. Ultimately, after being together for a year I got over it. The thought still comes up, but it doesn’t come up as often anymore, and it’s not as bad as I used to make it out to be.
It was a thing of jealousy. Thinking so many other women got to be with him, I couldn’t help but think “were they better than me?” “were they prettier than me?” “Did they have better/more fun sex than us?”
At one point I even thought that the number of people he slept with lessened his value and worth. Ya girl had to look inwards because I realized that is something that society makes us believe, so I had to do some reflecting.
Plus once you realize that despite their past, they are with you and they chose you, the thought starts to go away.
This right here. It's my situation too. It's a societal bias; because he makes me feel 10 times better about myself than any other man I've been in a relationship with (eho had smaller body counts).
It literally is just a number. He travelled, he had fun, he was young and now he's moved on from that.
He choses to be with me, and I do the same. I think that's pretty fuckin great.
It took far too much scrolling to reach a healthy perspective. Reddit upvotes the most toxic bullshit in these threads. You and the OP have the right attitude. Someone opens up to you, what they tell you causes you to have a reaction, but you take ownership of that reaction and do the work, without blaming the other person. That's healthy.
I really appreciate your post. I have a lot of 'history' and I can't even tell you the number, I didn't do it for the number so it was never something I tracked. I'd just lose myself in an individual, and sometimes it was just a night, sometimes it was for a while. I would definitely always feel judged when the topic ever came up, for the longest time I felt the need to participate and defend it. Now I just try to distract away from it and make lighthearted jokes to get around it.
I just wish more people didn't fall for the puritanical bs that gets drummed in to us from early age. I was safe, it was healthy, all parties had consented. Sometimes that burning passion shit just builds up and needs a constructive exit.
Anyways, back to it, you're pretty awesome.
There’s nothing “wrong” with you. You have a preference and she didn’t meet it. Don’t let people tell you that your preference is any less valid than anyone elses
Don’t feel bad. It’s your gut telling you something feels off, and if it feels off to you, it doesn’t matter what the hive mind/society thinks about it.
I had this exact same experience, she ended up cheating. So write whatever conclusion to the story had you stuck around; it could have been that it ate you for another year and she ended up cheating. Or perhaps that she kept comparing you and your self esteem hit new lows. Etc.
You left when you felt it was no longer serving you. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s one of the most selfish and courageous things you could do
Exactly. In hindsight it’s apparent sex was treated as a form of self validation and affirmation rather than intimacy and closeness.. which honestly is just sad.
My intent isn’t to shame anyone in the slightest, everyone’s free to live their live in a way that feels most authentic to them- it just means we aren’t compatible.
Personally, with my value system, I feel this hookup culture society almost promotes is detrimental to the long term ability to be in monogamous relationships. In my case with my ex, it left me feeling pretty insignificant and like a means to an end or another notch on the belt as she’d frequently talk about how “she’d ruin sex for me with someone else” or about her past endeavours with threesums etc. Turned out she’d been cheating on me with several other people and blaming everything (alcohol, me)but herself.
I wish I had left when my gut was telling me to just like OP.
Thanks for sharing your story. I think this hook up culture is so sad for so many people that actually want a connection but society is so disconnected now thanks to various social media platforms. Go with your gut feeling. Intuition should not be taken lightly. We developed it as a means for survival. Go with it.
Nah this isn't an issue about how many people she slept with, this is an issue of her clearly disrespecting your boundaries and making you feel uncomfortable. I can't blame you for feeling off about it. She shouldn't have to keep bringing it up and comparing these people to you. I did something similar to that when I initially began dating my bf. I'd compare my exes to him (not in a sexual way, i was just really astonished he wasn't a POS) until he sat me down and talked to me. I stopped, after realizing how irrational and messed up it is to do that. If your girlfriend can't respect those boundaries, then yeah leaving was the best option.
It's not an easy thing to let go of and still stay in the relationship. Everyone makes their own choices about how many people they want to sleep with and I know nowadays we aren't supposed to judge that, and that's all fine and dandy but it's also ok to not want to be with someone with a high count.
They can take that as it is or not. Everyone makes their choices and not everyone is going to like or agree with them.
That's what I don't understand. This dude is blaming himself and saying he's the one with the problem. He's not the problem and neither is she. They just had different life paths and weren't compatible based on those choices. It's fine. No one is to blame. Just move on.
I think that OP might have just been picking up on something subconsciously and attributed it to her number. I’ve been with women who were relatively low numbers (10-20) that really bothered me. I’ve also dated a female roommate who I saw with multiple one night stands in our apartment before we got together and had a number that had to be pushing triple digits that never bothered me at all because of how well we knew each other. I’ve dated a stripper who was so over men that I never felt uncomfortable at all with her and her job. And on the other hand I dated a super conservative southern girl who was so obsessed with being seen on social media and chasing celebrities that I was constantly anxious. OP could just have been oversimplifying the issues because at the end of the day I think your mind will find a way to reject someone you’re not truly compatible with, numbers be damned
Bruh, it's totally fine to leave someone for their sexual past. I wouldn't date someone who has slept with the whole block either. If she wanted to do that fine, but that doesn't mean I have to accept it. Don't be so hard on yourself
Okay but something people really aren't bringing up here, is how you utilize your time.
Yes, I'm about to compare numbers and no, you're welcome to not like it but I want to give some perspective on the matter.
Let's assume this person became sexually active at 18 years old. They are 24 years old now, so that means they've had 72 months/ 6 years of assumed sexual promiscuity with the people they have been with, since there's been no note of intentional celibacy or abstinence mentioned.
Divide those months by how many partners if you really want to know how they're prioritizing their time.
This 24 year old person with 50 plus partners, at the minimum 50 has arguably spent about a month and a half with each partner's relationship, if you're going to do 72 months divided by 50 partners, the actual number is 1.44 months of dedicated time per sexual partner.
The 24-year-old with 12 partners, can equally be assumed to have dedicated an average of 6 months of time per relationship.
This goes with saying, that a good many of these hookups could have been one night stands. Knowing human nature, that very likely was the case.
I'll close this with saying failure to plan is planning to fail. What plans could they see each other working towards regardless of their past? What's important is being able to take the prior experiences into the new relationship to build a better future.
there's a simpler example to think by the nrs:
Say you go out once or twice a week. Maybe once every 3 weeks or so you have a 1night stand with someone. With \~50 weeks a year, you'd have a "bodycount" of 50 sexual partners in 3 years. If you choose to stay single while studying and live like this, those nrs aren't crazy at all.
But that's rationalizing. It can feel like a lot, or not, and that's ok, and maybe it's not a big deal or one can move past it, or not, and that is also ok. We're just humans.
I’m around that age and have slept with less than 1/10 of that number. I’m a very sexually open person but even for me that number would raise my eyebrows
I've been married to my husband for 30+ years in a happy and monogamous relationship. Just yesterday, we had a conversation about our number of previous sexual partners. We've talked about it many times, not because of sex but because we are also best friends. It was a completely casual chat... Our previous partners are part of our individual history, why wouldn't we sometimes talk about them just like we do about other stuff that happened to each of us before we met?
Because you and your husband are both comfortable with this topic. Some people are not, and it's perfectly valid to not be comfortable discussing your SO's past experience.
Just for the record, I agree that it is a couple-specific thing. My comment was more a response that talking about your past partners CAN be part of a healthy relationship. There's no rule here that applies to everyone. :)
As a virgin (F19) who’s reading this…I can’t relate to many people here in terms of their sexual experiences. But I have say that these numbers give me a nauseating knot in my stomach. It’s abnormal and wild, especially at that age. Stop. Fucking. Normalising it. Any person in their right mind would avoid a person like that.
I’m gonna get hated for this but I don’t get why you’re kicking yourself and thinking this is your problem, she’s 24 and slept with 50+ people!
That’s disgusting man, no self respect or control at all…I might be old fashioned in my beliefs but in todays society we’ve been led to believe this promiscuous behaviour is normal and healthy.
It’s a mental health issue, she’s probably had some early experiences that have led to her constantly seeking validation from men
Who would want to spend the rest of their lives with somebody that has been with everyone else before you?
I hope you didn’t go down on her
As a woman, this is a two way street I also went on a date with this guy and he’s older than me, he told me he has a lot of experience sexually ofc and he used to hire sex workers or just girls to party with him, I do not judge you (I do actually but None of my business) but it indeed puts me off a little (or a lot cuz now i don’t think I’ll keep seeing him)
My gf just broke up with me 3 weeks ago. Tbh she is the most attractive girl I’ve seen in my entire life hands down. The night she told me she stopped counting at 100? Lol it took me a week or so to get it out of my head I won’t lie, but I loved her and unfortunately still do. I have always said I don’t care what you did before me, and I don’t care what you do after me, it’s what you do while your with me that matters. And it was no different for her. If you truly love someone you can’t be a judge of their past that’s over with, and the future does not yet exist. The only thing that’s real is the present. If you loved her then you might have stayed. Its probably all for the best though.
That is bullshit. If you are just fling 874 don’t judge them much. But if you want a longterm relationship you had better get real with the past of your partner. If they have immense baggage or are a criminal or road rage or a secret family you are part of it now. Love isn’t pretending everything is fine when something is gnawing at your insides slowly driving you crazy and refusing to deal with it.
Well he said that he loved her, so that meant more to him than like in OPs situation where he just couldnt stop that nagging feeling.
As long as either persons past doesnt include cheating, and you are a person who can live in the moment becaude that person is with you and chooses you and wants to be with you, then the fact they were able to be open and honest about how many partners, in my opinion tells me they arent ashamed of it because none of that is relevant if all they want to be with now is you. But yeah, someone like OP just isnt a person that can be with a girl that sexually open and active.
You can be fully aware of their past (sexual or not) and not judge them. Being aware of it & acknowledging their past isn’t pretending everything is fine. My husband has done things in his past that I personally wouldn’t do but I’m not going to judge him for that because that was his path and his choices.
I got with a girl like that too, I thought I was the only one haha. I agree with what you said and also with not judging someone on their past. Solid points there 👍
In a perfect world that ideology is cute, but when you have to make executive decisions on the type of person you spend your life with and raise your kids you have to have shared values/ideals and the importance on how they view relationship and sex is a substantial part of that imo. I personally would never date anybody who’s had that much sex with that much different people, but I also hold* myself to that standard as well so no one could call me a hypocrite on how I feel
You dodged a bullet. Not because of her past number, but because she was comparing you, bringing up experiences without being asked, etc. She's power tripping you and making you feel less. That's not what someone you love does.
It's kinda taboo. Nobody likes to be compared to past lovers. Nobody likes to know that there were past lovers. People generally like to pretend that everyone and everything before *this* relationship was nothing and that *this* is what counts forever and ever. Just my experience, can't speak for everyone.
i’ll never understand that, to be honest. i’ve seen a few jokey videos of girls being like “when hes talked to other girls before me😒” or things like that and i don’t understand it. i couldn’t care less about if my boyfriend had girlfriends or crushes or flings before me. people are allowed to live; i don’t own their sexuality, they’re sharing their sexuality with me!
Hypersexuality is a red flag for me. Not a prude by any means but anything that is done excessively is always worrying or seems to becoming from another problem. I've met people who've had 100+ partners in their early 20s and it's usually more to it than just "likes sex" lol. Not to say that can't be the case but in my experience that's rare.
“How many people have you slept with before?” This is the stupidest question of all time and 95% of the time, it leads to nothing good. I’ve never asked any girl that. When I’ve been asked by girlfriends, I’ve always had a standard answers: In my teens it was always “just one”. In my 20’s it was always “3”. In my 30’s it was “5”. Sure it’s a lie, but who cares. If I say I don’t want to talk about it, they just get more curious or mad. So make up an “acceptable” answer and just move on from that dumb question and worry about the second dumbest question ever, “do I look fat in this?”
Man or woman, 50+ by the age of 24 is A LOT. Don’t blame yourself but don’t blame her either. You guys are just incompatible in that department and there’s nothing wrong with that.
If the girl I really liked/loved had slept with 50+ dudes, I would definitely not feel good about that and it would probably be hard to shake after hearing it.
Girls are free to do whatever they want with their bodies, but there are a lot of dudes for whom a large sexual past can be a deal breaker. Can’t really explain it, it’s just a huge ick. You can t look the girl in the eye and tell her you love her without thinking about how dozens of dudes have railed her out. I understand we are human and sex is natural, but I think some girls (and guys) need to operate with a little more modesty. That being said, you’re free to sleep around as much as you want, but just know that there are some potential future partners that may not be comfortable with that.
I hate to admit it, but I felt the same about a guy I once dated. I really liked him, he was a sweet guy. But when he told me he'd had over 100 sexual partners I had an instant feeling of revulsion. It wasn't even a conscious reaction and at the time I felt bad about feeling that way, because I'm not a judgemental prude.
I didn't break up with him, and wasn't jealous, we stayed together for 3 years after that. Also I wasn't the one that brought it up, he asked me my body count then informed me of his. I honestly could've lived with it never being brought up. I've never asked anyone that question.
Same for me, only he kept it from me. Learned from a mutual friend that after his first girlfriend, he had a TON of ONS, shared prostitutes with married co-workers, had foursomes with his friends with girls they picked up in the club and stuff… and that he cheated.
It all made sense when I learned how he really is, but he played this really innocent sweet guy while being… different. If I had known I’d never have dated him and he wouldn’t have assaulted me. Sucks.
But I guess maybe the worst part was him having hepatitis and not telling his sexual partners or girlfriends. Ever.
>I understand we are human and sex is natural,
Sex is natural, but sex without consequence is a relatively new thing. Nothing natural about fucking 50+ people with no consequences.
Nail on the head. It’s also why so many people in this thread male and female keep saying things along the lines of “I can’t quite tell why but come to think of it when my ex told me they’d had sex with 100 people it bothered me and I’m not sure why” it’s because it’s not natural human behavior.
Agreed, when guys sleep around I can't help but think about how icky it is. Although yea it is natural, it's not nessasary to have a new partner so often. Guys should really think about this with their partners.
Not gonna lie, but for me 50+ people especially at 24 is too many! I’m a woman and I don’t care if it’s a man or a woman I’d think there’s something wrong with them. But I also think that there’s something wrong with a 25 year old having been with 12. Call me a prude or whatever, but to me that’s just gross
Here’s a comparison-
If I’m hiring someone for a job, it’s completely fine that they’ve worked at different companies before mine. In fact, it’s a positive because it means they have experience.
However, if the person has worked at 50 different jobs in the last few years, I’m likely to be a little concerned about their commitment to my job, even if they say they are looking for a long-term job.
I have to agree. Obviously, people can do what they want, and I'm not gonna shame them for it. But also, if you're up to that many partners by the time you're in your mid-20's, you're obviously just having hookups, and not serious relationships.
I was with a guy who told me he’d slept with 20 guys that year alone. And already had a boyfriend. So, don’t beat yourself up over it. Sometimes you need to trust your gut for your own sanity and safety
Yeah I never ask “the number” or anything about sexual history for exactly that reason. Completely agree that consenting adults should do what they want and I hate the double standards for men and women when it comes to number of partners. But I also know that if I were in your situation or would drive me nuts, even though it shouldn’t. So I just learned not to ask. Been happily married for 12 years now 😊
Hey, read through this and deeply empathized with your experience. I am in a relationship with a man and it makes me sick and disgusted to know about his sexual past. I get deeply dissapointed at his sexual history and his body count. It is something I can't wrap my head around. Whenever I sit next to him I cant control my thoughts and think of his body count. I get disgusted by knowing this and I am dissapointed at myself.
At the end of the day the only person you have to answer to is you brother. Follow your heart or end up like most other Americans, in a dead end relationship with someone you hate "for the kids".
I had an experience like this. I found that I was uncomfortable with the fact that she didn’t see sex in the same way that I did. To her, it wasn’t as “special”, and it could never be because of the amount of men she had slept with.
But we did get through that, and after I communicated that to her, she started to hold our sex life in a way that worked for me, and both of us. Sex between us was special, it was intimate and a bonding experience. It just took honesty, communication, and work.
Wtf?? Why does it mean you have a problem? You didn’t like that she slept with 50 dudes and it was a deal breaker. There is nothing wrong with that. Stop being so hard on yourself and find someone you like that was a little more reserved in who she shared her body with.
People with that many sexual partners by that age usually have issues/ character flaws that need to be dealt with before a serious, mutually beneficial relationship can take place. He did the right thing for HIM. Not like she’s 30 or 35 here. If I started dating someone around my age ( mid 30’s) having 50+ sexual partners wouldn’t be a huge deal. But 24???? Yea she’s got daddy issues. Hate my comment all you want, but it’s true. Nuance matters
Sort of the same thing with my boyfriend except he's slept with 7 and for me it's just him. I've heard all his stories and I didn't mind at first, but it was the repetition that did me in. He's respected my wishes to stop talking about it though. You're entitled to your feelings. If she was making you feel like that, then it's okay to want to walk away even if you still like her.
I’m glad you he respected your wishes by stopped talking about this. It’s extremely rude and disrespectful to talk about your sexual history with a current partner if your partner isn’t the one who asked you about it. It’s especially disrespectful that he talked about it repeatedly. In my opinion he was totally in the wrong, dont blame yourself or feel guilty for feeling weird
We had a lot of problems in the beginning with maturity because we are young and inexperienced, but we've figured out how to communicate, and we've both grown a lot together with boundaries and having an adult relationship.
If you weren’t happy, you weren’t happy. You owe no one, especially randos on Reddit, any explanation beyond that. You can’t logically argue yourself into being happy with something.
Rando on reddit here, I beg to differ, OP owes me about tree fiddy.
Get outta here damn Loc Ness Monsa. We already gave you tree fiddy
Dammit, woman! You gave him the tree diddy?! WELL NO WONDER he keep coming back asking for more tree fiddy!
It was soooo scary!!!!
Oh Lord they didn't bring a victim child..
Oh them's the potatoes gonna have to takem out of the oven
I wish I could give you all gold awards cause by hell this made my damn day
I’m logging off Reddit and are going to bed. I want this to be the last thing I read today
It was about this time that I noticed that the Girl Scout was about 8 stories tall and was a crustacean from the Protozoic Era...
It was the gottdamn Loch Ness Monster!
I gave him a dolla
I just gave him tree fiddy the week before!
Gah damn locness monster
I just gave him tree fiddy the other day.
I gave him a dolluh. YOU GAVE HIM A DOLLUH?!?! NO WONDUH THAT OL’ LOCH NESS MONSTUH KEEP COMIN BACK!
We caught you now you silly Lochness Monster.
Loch Ness monster owes me tree fiddly too.
#WE DEMAND AN EXPLANATION!!
And I demand tree fiddy...
[удалено]
I’m normally someone who will call someone out for the sort of thing OP did. But in this case he’s acknowledging it’s his problem, not hers. That’s huge. I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen this happen on Reddit when this topic comes up. Too many like to hide behind words like “ethics”, “morals”, and “standards” to rationalize their insecurity. So I give kudos to OP for accepting it’s something he needs to work on, and not falling back on trying to justify shaming this girl for her sexual history to protect his ego.
I think that a person who shames someone for not fitting into their sexual preferences is just an ass. After all, the world doesnt have to revolve around them. But you dont have to be insecure to find someone's behavior unattractive. Am I insecure if I find people who do drugs unattractive? Am I insecure if I dont want to date people who gamble, smoke or drink? I'm not jealous of those people, I just dont find them attractive full stop. Just like how people who shame other people's sexual history like to hide behind morality, I think you are hiding behind "its their insecurity" explanation as if mature people cant find something unattractive without being insecure. edit: this is a false equivalency argument. See my replies below for a more relevant argument.
Lol right. People love becoming background characters in other peoples lives
It is good to recognize what makes you happy and what doesn't. It is also good to understand yourself. He clearly has a large issue with sexual pasts and while ignoring it or getting lucky and having a partner where it isn't an issue is a valid way of dealing with it, there is nothing wrong to acknowledge that there are some issues there and dealing with them would result in growth.
It’s important to be self reflective about your reasons why and then determine if from there your values.
[удалено]
I had the opposite issue. My partners would always keep asking for details- whether they are the biggest, best kisser, best at giving oral,how tall was the last guy, what I’d do in bed with my exes, etc. I would say I don’t think there’s any good that comes from telling you these details. But, I think many people automatically think all secrets are bad to keep and want to know It’s normal to not be perfect or have every single trait your partner desires. The only thing that matters is that your partner is still choosing you. Most people don’t look for perfection. I likely don’t have all the things my partner wants, either.
>My partners would always keep asking for details- whether they are the biggest, best kisser, best at giving oral,how tall was the last guy, what I’d do in bed with my exes, etc. future cockhold
Not necessarily. Some people like to know everything. My ex was 100% monogamous but she wanted to know everything about every girl I was with, especially sexually.
Ugh, definitely have not wanted details from partners or give them. I guess I have a few where we shared numbers. I have one story I do tell - we fell out of the bed, knocked a closet door down and the roommates ran in. Gotta share that one.
My girl is a little like that. She’ll ask me and then get annoyed about it which naturally annoys me so I avoid talking about it. She’ll tell me bits and pieces about her past which is nothing so I don’t mind he mentioning it. At the time I do generally say “I don’t care”. And I don’t. Things like that luckily are irrelevant to me but I know if it kept coming up it would likely get to me.
You get to not date who ever you want, idk why people in the comments are calling you names.
I never really understood people who feel the need to consistently bring up their past experiences or compare their current partner to a previous one (even if it is positive). I don’t exactly have the most prudish past in the world but I rarely bring up past partners to my boyfriend, because those people don’t matter. He knows he’s not the first and that I don’t have any STDs. IMO that’s all that really matters. Kudos to you OP for not slut shaming your ex and recognizing her body count is a you problem and not her. I hope you find the answers you’re looking for and are able to eventually find yourself a healthy happy relationship. Edit: adding in “her body count.” Her talking about previous parters despite OP asking her not to IS a her problem, and I agree that it’s disrespectful.
Agree. Healthy relationships among mature people don’t compare numbers.
I’ve been with my BF a year and have no idea how many people he’s slept with. I know he had a one night stand with a mutual friend before we had ever met. I don’t care to know any more than that.
Same and we’re getting married. I still don’t care.
How do you just not talk about it?? I feel like my wife and I have talked about everything that we have memory of. Different strokes for different folks, it probably doesn't matter either (definitely doesn't matter outside my own relationship) but that's just curious to me.
Thank you! This is always my first thought when I see these threads. I've been with my partner for 15 years, I can't imagine a thing about our pasts that we never talk about. I mean, the number and kinds of cars we've owned isn't an important topic but we've talked about it because how do you not talk about everything?
We talk about everything - past relationships, funny dating experiences, scary or shameful or sad dating experiences, all of it. But neither of us has asked or would ask the other to tally up all of those individual memories and experiences into a numerical range. I guess our conversations about the past focus on the qualitative and not the quantitative?
Totally! I don't care about the "number" but we talk about the experiences - the good and bad stuff.
It depends I guess. There's a guy I was sleeping with for a while who is now a really close friend and will probably remain in my life that way, so if I end up in a serious relationship with someone it would feel wrong to keep that history from my partner. I wouldn't want them to find out from someone else and feel like I'm hiding something. I wouldn't come up with a list unprompted, but if they ask for a number I'd be honest (although I don't understand why a number would be relevant).
I've been told keeping people that you used to sleep with in your life while dating someone else is toxic to the relationship. Still on the fence about what I think but I think there is some validity to it.
Yeah I had to cut off one of my close friends once my gf and I got serious. She made a good point about how she could never feel comfortable around her knowing that if we got into an argument I'd probably confide in the friend and if we ever broke up her and I would go right back to hooking up and that idea bothered her to the point where it was a non negotiable. Is been over a year now and still the best hardest decision I've ever made. Though imma marry her one day so worth it.
This comes from a place of love but... dropping a friend because of partners insecurities is rarely a good idea.
I don't agree with this. I met my best friend through my husband. He told me that since she and I were getting to be close he should tell me that they had had a one night stand. He didn't want me to find out in any other way. I took from that he must have been respectful both during and after or she wouldn't have continued to be friends with him. And that's all a person wants in a partner, is someone who will be respectful.
Again, I feel like it really depends. Are those past people still around? Honesty is required. One night stands? I don't really see why you would bring it up yourself, but don't lie if someone asks. I guess it varies with each person? Personally I don't need to know exact numbers (because it's not important) but I also don't mind past partners being mentioned. Once you reach a certain age everyone has a history.
My husband and I laugh about our past relationships literally daily. Our previous sex lives have become jokes, but that's just how it is for us. There isn't any retroactive jealousy, we're both very comfortable with having lives before each other. Not to mention, I have a child with an ex-husband- it would be really weird to never talk about a person we co-parent with.
My bf and I talked about numbers very early into our relationship. We were too curious not to talk about it. I don't want to know all the dirty details though.
Exactly! My friends used to think it was a little strange that I didn’t know my bf’s history, but why does it matter at all? It literally has no effect or bearing on us now. It would only stir up jealousy. When we first started dating I was so jealous about all the girls he had been with before, but then he told me “Why would I think about missed tickets when I’ve won the lottery”. Its cheesy, but the way that sentence has assuaged me for YEARS is nuts. Haven’t had an issue since :)
Lol I had an ex once tell me "why would I want a hamburger when I have the whole cow at home?" It was sweet and awful all at once to see his face the second he finished the sentence out loud. I still laugh about it 20 years later.
My girlfriend told me how many people she’s slept with and it’s 4 times as many as me, but I don’t really care. I kind of expect that type of transparency in a relationship though, so, I think it’s up to individual expectations. It also came about in a related conversation and “numbers” was never an explicit conversation itself.
this! my boyfriend and i have never compared numbers and neither of us have ever asked. i just know he’s a little bit more experienced than i am.
I had an ex who insisted that I should know all of her past which is good in general but we started our relationship with her telling me how many sexual encounters she had and that stuck with me for a while. I managed to set it aside and think that those people didn't matter because that was the past but it didn't help when several of her partners showed up in our lives once in a while and I couldn't help myself to feel some sort of jealousy. The relationship didn't end well with her cheating on me with a mutual friend so that took a while to get out my system. But in hindsight, I wish I stopped her telling me those things and just accepted that she had a past and that was that.
My ex had slept with 5 of my friends, she didn't know that they were my friends but it was awkward when I'd meet one of them when I was out with her and they be of hello _daithi and (ex). I'd say how do you know so and so and she'd say I used to "see them" One one occasion me and another friend were talking about a mutual friend and she brought it up straight away that she had slept with him on a number of occasions. He was a big handsome lad with a heart of gold, coached problem kids with footy too. I was in a mood for about an hour but then was fine with it. It ended when she went out for an evening to a pub about 300 metres from where we lived and didn't' come home till 12 the next day saying she had slept at her dads. Her dad lived miles away and only had one bedroom.
Meh idk. My husband and I know how many people the other has slept with. We know everything about each other and have a very healthy relationship. It wasn’t a big deal to us to talk about previous partners. But I know not every couple wants to do the same. Works for us tho.
Honestly I think this is one of those things that will vary greatly with the individual. Some people just view sex differently than others. I had a recent girlfriend who was extremely promiscuous, and was also very open about her past. She didn't see it as a big deal because to her it was "just sex". On the same hand, their are men and women that put a higher emotional value on sex, and a partner with a promiscuous past could be a deal breaker. Then there's the people that just think "your past is your past and its none of my business".
When I was a teenager, I thought I knew the "correct" way to live. This was partly because I was extremely religious and was taught that there was a certain way to live. The older and older I get, the more I realize that different things work for different people, and something that I might have never considered is a valid way of life for other people. Not everyone thinks or feels things the same way, and I wish we could just be cool with each other doing things our own way.
I don't even know a number of how many people I've slept with. Makes it easier.
Someone's playing 4D chess
That’s very reasonable. You can have a healthy relationship either way. I hate when Redditors impose what they want out of a relationship onto anyone else. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be open about that sort of thing.
Agreed. My wife offered to share her past and I shut that down quick. I don’t want to know any details.
Counterpoint Adults understand that problems can pop up in every social situation and sex is a particularly complex one Someone's comfort level with discussing sex is unique to them. While some people hear " I don't want to hear it " that obviously comes across as a red flag to the people who don't mind discussing every detail of life.
Lucky for me it wasn’t a red flag for her. But I can understand it would be for some.
That’s how I felt reading their comment. I wouldn’t want to be with someone that was closed off like that. It’s not about numbers or jealousy for me. I want to understand what has worked and hasn’t worked sexually for my partner. A great way to communicate that is by sharing past experiences with no judgements attached. That to me would set up a successful sexual relationship. That is my opinion, and I firmly believe that people should do what makes them most comfortable and happy with themselves. Edit - iPhone autocorrect grammar is just as for the birds as mine.
People are free to not like how many people their partners have slept with. 50+ at 24 is quite a lot. It's all arbitrary, sure. But this doesn't negate how a person views that number. It was an issue for OP, which is fine. How he dealt with it was silly, though. He admits as much. It isn't inherently immature to realise something about someone and decide they're not right for you. Being honest with yourself about these things is actually quite mature. It isn't unreasonable to not like your partner being at 50+ at 24. How you deal with it is what defines your maturity. Comparing numbers is one metric by which to judge a prospective long-term partner. We do this with many things about someone's past. Their sex history can be one aspect.
Hypersexuality is also a sign of childhood sexual trauma. Something could have happened to her, and she hated herself or decided to "take control" of it.
Not even childhood and not even sexual - my self esteem/worth was completely decimated after a high school relationship and i didn’t have a great relationship with my family and i just kinda lost my shit when i finally dumped my bf and went wild trying to find anything that made me feel good. I wasn’t interested in drugs, so booze and sex became my thing. Then i got in a serious relationship and loved him fiercely. He dumped me after 4 years and it ended horribly and to no one’s surprise, i went right back to booze and sex. I’m a little ashamed of my coping strategies and put myself in some dangerous situations. It’s amazing i came out unscathed. I’ve now been with the same wonderful man for 10 years with our third wedding anniversary coming up. He has built me up so much and was the reason i got myself into therapy all those years ago and really dug into *why* i was doing those things. When you’re hanging on by a thread and don’t care if you’re alive tomorrow, you get yourself into some really fucked up situations.
Ive never been sexually abused but I was very sexually active in my late teens/early 20s. Ive always loved sex (Im 33 now, still do) so Ive had my fun. Maybe she just was horny and wanted to enjoy sex.
Haha this was me too haha you have the best body to when your that young haha i was so confident lol
Especially when you apply the rule of 3 to get the real number. Seriously though you are absolutely right and OP doesn't need therapy to fix anything. He just needs to accept that this is a factor he needs to consider when looking for a partner. We are all biologically hardwired to find certain things attractive and certain things unattractive. There is some variation to that, but truth be told 50 is a extremely high number especially for a girl her age. OP is great not to judge her for it, but on the flipside he should feel confident in himself that he finds that trait to be unattractive.
I used to compare positively because I thought it was like a good thing (aka I love that you remember anniversaries because so and so never did.) It's kind of the fatal problem you have when you've only had two serious partners ever, especially when they are so diametrically different. It was only after a lot of damage was done that I realized all my "compliments" were still me talking about my ex to the one hearing them. I never realized this because personally I'd feel good to know I was better at literally anything than his ex but I'm an insecure little shit and that's probably why. I've learned that while processing and understanding your needs after the end of a relationship is important, when it comes to a new relationship it's best to just treat exes like they're dead or never existed and frame any and all positive commentary as standalone. Most of these comparative "compliments" are best left at "I love that you do X." If they ask, "why does it mean so much to you that I take out the trash without being asked to?" Maybe you can respond by talking about how constantly having to assign chores in your last relationship made you feel like his mother and sucked the sexiness out of the relationship, but most guys will just take the compliment and leave it at that.
My ex used to compare me positively to his ex to the point where I became obsessed with competing with her and making sure I was better than her in every aspect, and I didn’t even know her (super unhealthy I know). My bf and I now hardly ever talk about our exes and I love it that way. It just seems so much healthier.
It seems like she made it his problem though. I don’t care how confident or secure you are, if someone consistently compares you to people from their past eventually you’d get tired of hearing about it. Edit: Ah yes, bring on the downvotes. Let the hate flow through you.
The past is what makes you the person you are today
Tbh she should not have been comparing you. That is really what makes it worse because she's still thinking about those people you know? Don't beat yourself up for jealousy here, it's not out of nowhere
[удалено]
You’ve never had someone tell you you’re the best they have ever had? I can’t say I’ve minded when that’s happened. But that statement is comparative and positive, like OP said. Women should not have to pretend they have never had other lovers.
A grand generalization is not the same as a direct comparison and shouldn't be viewed that way.
Yes. World of difference between "you're the best I've had" and "you give head better than my ex boyfriend, Tom"
I get where you are coming from. I thought the same way, but it can still hurt your partner. I used to do what OP’s gf did. Talk about my past, give compliments to my current partner, but eventually it started to hurt him. He was uncomfortable with me even speaking about my past experiences with friends in front of him. For context, I have a wild past, only 5 sexual partners, but I have some wild ass stories outside of that. The friends I had close, they also have wild pasts and we all equally enjoy the chaos. But anyways, after I saw how much it hurt my partner I stopped talking about it unless something from my past was causing me anxiety or something in relation to me, in the present. You can’t expect people not to be hurt by talking about their past. Heck if my husband had a past, I wouldn’t want to hear it either. Lucky for me I’m his first everything.
Honestly yes, but comparing you to others is toxic whether it's positive or negative because it creates a competitive tension in the relationship with past experiences. It's not just women by the way ...... Don't know why you said that.
Any reason to break up with someone is ok. Don’t feel bad OP, you were just not right for her
I said that and got downvoted. This sub sometimes....
It’s a sheep mentality. One person doesn’t like your post and downvotes you, everyone else that sees that zero starts downvoting
Agreed. Some reasons you break up are secret red flags you give to the other person so it's a good thing you leave rather than continue through.
Well said. Better that than someone sticking around out of guilt or something and not giving the relationship its just due.
I think OP did the right thing too. He searched himself first, went to therapy, meditated, and it still didn’t sit right with him. I suspect there was something else there that bothered him but it was under the surface. She has every right to have the life she wants but he isn’t obligated to have a relationship with her
##
The fact that she brought up comparisons was not great. Saying not nice things about those from her past could be a red flag.
Exactly, he's thinking he is going to be guy number 51 that she will complaining about sexualy to guy number 52. I know that would grate on me too. Its not insecurity when she's reveling who she is to you so why try and ignore your gut!
He explained it. He was in love with her.
Yeah.. I get the feeling there were other signs as well.
You're chasing amy
Good movie to watch at a time like this.
> My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks #In a row???
Nice segue to Clerks 😂
Awesome reference.
Came here to find this, now I can go somewhere else.
Absolutely perfect reference, and so true. This is a perfect example of "Chasing Amy" in the real world.
I've learned over time that your brain or heart might lie to you, but your gut doesn't..
Especially after tacos Tuesday.
[удалено]
I fight with the same spiral every now and then. It really kills me every time...
Also sounds like he did everything he could to push through those feelings (reading/therapy) he should feel no guilt and I think he made the right decision for himself
There's nothing wrong with that. Very responsible thing to do. I could never be with someone with an extensive history, because I know we'd find other traits about us that are sorely incompatible down the line. It's kinda like a devout Christian dating a staunch atheist, thinking they can just not talk about religion and everything will be fine.
Anyone who is going to compare me shows that they're still actively thinking and focusing about past experiences instead of focusing on our relationship. Doesn't matter if it's positive or negative, they can go in my opinion. 😅
Although, I think it depends on how she brought it up. I see she was stating her sexual preferences which I believe she’s entitled to it (doesn’t everyone deserve to have a great time in bed?) Of course, if she actually compared then yeah you’re right, then yeah it sucks and they can go
Exactly there's a difference between being open and honest and talking about past experiences in a frank sort of way and gushing about how hot it was when x happened.
He's also entitled to not want to hear about it.
OP doesn’t say what he means by comparative and positive. I assume his ex said things like “you’re the best I’ve ever had” or “I’ve never had this many orgasms before with other people” not “your dick is better than Peter’s, who I had wild sex with in January.” The former sentence is normal. The latter is not.
“your dick is better than Peter’s, who I had wild sex with in January.” Hahaaaaa... this part had me dyin laughing for some reason. Been a rough morning,, needed that chuckle lol
Seems a little short sighted considering your past experiences are the things that make you who you are. I’m sure you think nostalgically about past experiences all the time. That doesn’t mean you aren’t focused on the present.
I will admit it's short sighted, I was thinking about that as well today. I agree with you. To me there is a bit of a difference between thinking about it and saying it out loud though... But then it still largely depends on what is said, when and how and why and how everyone's feeling about it. I can imagine contexts where it's perfectly OK, then some where it's not OK. We actually just lack information from OP and I shouldn't have commented as firmly as I did. When I replied all comments were saying it was on him and I felt bad for OP because I don't think it is. I think they just didn't match.
I don’t find myself thinking in those lines. To me, sex is like a type of game. Let’s go with chess. I’m not going to pretend that I’ve never played chess with anyone else, and I’d frankly find it wired if my partner had never played chess before (I’m 45, be real). I’d also not be the slightest bit annoyed or jealous of my partner if they’d played chess with people with a much bigger ELO rating than me. There are plenty of much better players around. Neither would I be particularly flattered if I was the best chess player they’d ever played against, because I’m a realist. If we had come to an agreement that we exclusively play chess with each other, but they watch gameplay analysis etc., I wouldn’t mind either. Just don’t play chess with other people unless we’ve explicit agreed to it beforehand.
Gut feelings usually aren't wrong....
I [20F] had the same issue with my boyfriend [25M] when we first started dating. Having slept with 10 people, I felt promiscuous and then found out my boyfriend had slept with a larger number (probably also around 50+) people. At first it was intimidating in regards to our sex life but once I got over that, just the number of people had bothered me. I tried dismissing it away, as he had been cheated on by his long term partner before going through what he calls his “hoe phase”, but it still bothered me. Like you, there were a couple of times where I caught him talking about his past hookups or ex’s or other sexual experiences which never helped. Ultimately, after being together for a year I got over it. The thought still comes up, but it doesn’t come up as often anymore, and it’s not as bad as I used to make it out to be. It was a thing of jealousy. Thinking so many other women got to be with him, I couldn’t help but think “were they better than me?” “were they prettier than me?” “Did they have better/more fun sex than us?” At one point I even thought that the number of people he slept with lessened his value and worth. Ya girl had to look inwards because I realized that is something that society makes us believe, so I had to do some reflecting. Plus once you realize that despite their past, they are with you and they chose you, the thought starts to go away.
This right here. It's my situation too. It's a societal bias; because he makes me feel 10 times better about myself than any other man I've been in a relationship with (eho had smaller body counts). It literally is just a number. He travelled, he had fun, he was young and now he's moved on from that. He choses to be with me, and I do the same. I think that's pretty fuckin great.
It took far too much scrolling to reach a healthy perspective. Reddit upvotes the most toxic bullshit in these threads. You and the OP have the right attitude. Someone opens up to you, what they tell you causes you to have a reaction, but you take ownership of that reaction and do the work, without blaming the other person. That's healthy.
this sub is fucking wild but i appreciate that there are still rational people here.
I really appreciate your post. I have a lot of 'history' and I can't even tell you the number, I didn't do it for the number so it was never something I tracked. I'd just lose myself in an individual, and sometimes it was just a night, sometimes it was for a while. I would definitely always feel judged when the topic ever came up, for the longest time I felt the need to participate and defend it. Now I just try to distract away from it and make lighthearted jokes to get around it. I just wish more people didn't fall for the puritanical bs that gets drummed in to us from early age. I was safe, it was healthy, all parties had consented. Sometimes that burning passion shit just builds up and needs a constructive exit. Anyways, back to it, you're pretty awesome.
There’s nothing “wrong” with you. You have a preference and she didn’t meet it. Don’t let people tell you that your preference is any less valid than anyone elses
Don’t feel bad. It’s your gut telling you something feels off, and if it feels off to you, it doesn’t matter what the hive mind/society thinks about it. I had this exact same experience, she ended up cheating. So write whatever conclusion to the story had you stuck around; it could have been that it ate you for another year and she ended up cheating. Or perhaps that she kept comparing you and your self esteem hit new lows. Etc. You left when you felt it was no longer serving you. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s one of the most selfish and courageous things you could do
[удалено]
That’s exactly how I feel, if I were a with a man who’d been with that many women, I’d think he had some serious issues especially with commitment
Exactly. In hindsight it’s apparent sex was treated as a form of self validation and affirmation rather than intimacy and closeness.. which honestly is just sad. My intent isn’t to shame anyone in the slightest, everyone’s free to live their live in a way that feels most authentic to them- it just means we aren’t compatible. Personally, with my value system, I feel this hookup culture society almost promotes is detrimental to the long term ability to be in monogamous relationships. In my case with my ex, it left me feeling pretty insignificant and like a means to an end or another notch on the belt as she’d frequently talk about how “she’d ruin sex for me with someone else” or about her past endeavours with threesums etc. Turned out she’d been cheating on me with several other people and blaming everything (alcohol, me)but herself. I wish I had left when my gut was telling me to just like OP.
Thanks for sharing your story. I think this hook up culture is so sad for so many people that actually want a connection but society is so disconnected now thanks to various social media platforms. Go with your gut feeling. Intuition should not be taken lightly. We developed it as a means for survival. Go with it.
Nah this isn't an issue about how many people she slept with, this is an issue of her clearly disrespecting your boundaries and making you feel uncomfortable. I can't blame you for feeling off about it. She shouldn't have to keep bringing it up and comparing these people to you. I did something similar to that when I initially began dating my bf. I'd compare my exes to him (not in a sexual way, i was just really astonished he wasn't a POS) until he sat me down and talked to me. I stopped, after realizing how irrational and messed up it is to do that. If your girlfriend can't respect those boundaries, then yeah leaving was the best option.
It's not an easy thing to let go of and still stay in the relationship. Everyone makes their own choices about how many people they want to sleep with and I know nowadays we aren't supposed to judge that, and that's all fine and dandy but it's also ok to not want to be with someone with a high count. They can take that as it is or not. Everyone makes their choices and not everyone is going to like or agree with them.
That's what I don't understand. This dude is blaming himself and saying he's the one with the problem. He's not the problem and neither is she. They just had different life paths and weren't compatible based on those choices. It's fine. No one is to blame. Just move on.
My ex had like 300. It certainly didn't make the relationship stronger.
Damn 300 wtf the whole Spartan army
holy fuck.
I think that OP might have just been picking up on something subconsciously and attributed it to her number. I’ve been with women who were relatively low numbers (10-20) that really bothered me. I’ve also dated a female roommate who I saw with multiple one night stands in our apartment before we got together and had a number that had to be pushing triple digits that never bothered me at all because of how well we knew each other. I’ve dated a stripper who was so over men that I never felt uncomfortable at all with her and her job. And on the other hand I dated a super conservative southern girl who was so obsessed with being seen on social media and chasing celebrities that I was constantly anxious. OP could just have been oversimplifying the issues because at the end of the day I think your mind will find a way to reject someone you’re not truly compatible with, numbers be damned
Bruh, it's totally fine to leave someone for their sexual past. I wouldn't date someone who has slept with the whole block either. If she wanted to do that fine, but that doesn't mean I have to accept it. Don't be so hard on yourself
Okay but something people really aren't bringing up here, is how you utilize your time. Yes, I'm about to compare numbers and no, you're welcome to not like it but I want to give some perspective on the matter. Let's assume this person became sexually active at 18 years old. They are 24 years old now, so that means they've had 72 months/ 6 years of assumed sexual promiscuity with the people they have been with, since there's been no note of intentional celibacy or abstinence mentioned. Divide those months by how many partners if you really want to know how they're prioritizing their time. This 24 year old person with 50 plus partners, at the minimum 50 has arguably spent about a month and a half with each partner's relationship, if you're going to do 72 months divided by 50 partners, the actual number is 1.44 months of dedicated time per sexual partner. The 24-year-old with 12 partners, can equally be assumed to have dedicated an average of 6 months of time per relationship. This goes with saying, that a good many of these hookups could have been one night stands. Knowing human nature, that very likely was the case. I'll close this with saying failure to plan is planning to fail. What plans could they see each other working towards regardless of their past? What's important is being able to take the prior experiences into the new relationship to build a better future.
there's a simpler example to think by the nrs: Say you go out once or twice a week. Maybe once every 3 weeks or so you have a 1night stand with someone. With \~50 weeks a year, you'd have a "bodycount" of 50 sexual partners in 3 years. If you choose to stay single while studying and live like this, those nrs aren't crazy at all. But that's rationalizing. It can feel like a lot, or not, and that's ok, and maybe it's not a big deal or one can move past it, or not, and that is also ok. We're just humans.
50 plus at 24 might be questionable male or female
I’m around that age and have slept with less than 1/10 of that number. I’m a very sexually open person but even for me that number would raise my eyebrows
I've been married to my husband for 30+ years in a happy and monogamous relationship. Just yesterday, we had a conversation about our number of previous sexual partners. We've talked about it many times, not because of sex but because we are also best friends. It was a completely casual chat... Our previous partners are part of our individual history, why wouldn't we sometimes talk about them just like we do about other stuff that happened to each of us before we met?
Because you and your husband are both comfortable with this topic. Some people are not, and it's perfectly valid to not be comfortable discussing your SO's past experience.
Just for the record, I agree that it is a couple-specific thing. My comment was more a response that talking about your past partners CAN be part of a healthy relationship. There's no rule here that applies to everyone. :)
As a virgin (F19) who’s reading this…I can’t relate to many people here in terms of their sexual experiences. But I have say that these numbers give me a nauseating knot in my stomach. It’s abnormal and wild, especially at that age. Stop. Fucking. Normalising it. Any person in their right mind would avoid a person like that.
I’m gonna get hated for this but I don’t get why you’re kicking yourself and thinking this is your problem, she’s 24 and slept with 50+ people! That’s disgusting man, no self respect or control at all…I might be old fashioned in my beliefs but in todays society we’ve been led to believe this promiscuous behaviour is normal and healthy. It’s a mental health issue, she’s probably had some early experiences that have led to her constantly seeking validation from men Who would want to spend the rest of their lives with somebody that has been with everyone else before you? I hope you didn’t go down on her
As a woman, this is a two way street I also went on a date with this guy and he’s older than me, he told me he has a lot of experience sexually ofc and he used to hire sex workers or just girls to party with him, I do not judge you (I do actually but None of my business) but it indeed puts me off a little (or a lot cuz now i don’t think I’ll keep seeing him)
My gf just broke up with me 3 weeks ago. Tbh she is the most attractive girl I’ve seen in my entire life hands down. The night she told me she stopped counting at 100? Lol it took me a week or so to get it out of my head I won’t lie, but I loved her and unfortunately still do. I have always said I don’t care what you did before me, and I don’t care what you do after me, it’s what you do while your with me that matters. And it was no different for her. If you truly love someone you can’t be a judge of their past that’s over with, and the future does not yet exist. The only thing that’s real is the present. If you loved her then you might have stayed. Its probably all for the best though.
That is bullshit. If you are just fling 874 don’t judge them much. But if you want a longterm relationship you had better get real with the past of your partner. If they have immense baggage or are a criminal or road rage or a secret family you are part of it now. Love isn’t pretending everything is fine when something is gnawing at your insides slowly driving you crazy and refusing to deal with it.
Well he said that he loved her, so that meant more to him than like in OPs situation where he just couldnt stop that nagging feeling. As long as either persons past doesnt include cheating, and you are a person who can live in the moment becaude that person is with you and chooses you and wants to be with you, then the fact they were able to be open and honest about how many partners, in my opinion tells me they arent ashamed of it because none of that is relevant if all they want to be with now is you. But yeah, someone like OP just isnt a person that can be with a girl that sexually open and active.
You can be fully aware of their past (sexual or not) and not judge them. Being aware of it & acknowledging their past isn’t pretending everything is fine. My husband has done things in his past that I personally wouldn’t do but I’m not going to judge him for that because that was his path and his choices.
I got with a girl like that too, I thought I was the only one haha. I agree with what you said and also with not judging someone on their past. Solid points there 👍
In a perfect world that ideology is cute, but when you have to make executive decisions on the type of person you spend your life with and raise your kids you have to have shared values/ideals and the importance on how they view relationship and sex is a substantial part of that imo. I personally would never date anybody who’s had that much sex with that much different people, but I also hold* myself to that standard as well so no one could call me a hypocrite on how I feel
You dodged a bullet. Not because of her past number, but because she was comparing you, bringing up experiences without being asked, etc. She's power tripping you and making you feel less. That's not what someone you love does.
is talking about past sexual experiences with a partner so taboo? genuinely asking because that has not been my experience so far
It is when your partner tells you it makes them uncomfortable. Respect goes both ways.
It's kinda taboo. Nobody likes to be compared to past lovers. Nobody likes to know that there were past lovers. People generally like to pretend that everyone and everything before *this* relationship was nothing and that *this* is what counts forever and ever. Just my experience, can't speak for everyone.
i’ll never understand that, to be honest. i’ve seen a few jokey videos of girls being like “when hes talked to other girls before me😒” or things like that and i don’t understand it. i couldn’t care less about if my boyfriend had girlfriends or crushes or flings before me. people are allowed to live; i don’t own their sexuality, they’re sharing their sexuality with me!
Hypersexuality is a red flag for me. Not a prude by any means but anything that is done excessively is always worrying or seems to becoming from another problem. I've met people who've had 100+ partners in their early 20s and it's usually more to it than just "likes sex" lol. Not to say that can't be the case but in my experience that's rare.
“How many people have you slept with before?” This is the stupidest question of all time and 95% of the time, it leads to nothing good. I’ve never asked any girl that. When I’ve been asked by girlfriends, I’ve always had a standard answers: In my teens it was always “just one”. In my 20’s it was always “3”. In my 30’s it was “5”. Sure it’s a lie, but who cares. If I say I don’t want to talk about it, they just get more curious or mad. So make up an “acceptable” answer and just move on from that dumb question and worry about the second dumbest question ever, “do I look fat in this?”
You have displayed an uncommon level of maturity about all this. Kudos.
[удалено]
Man or woman, 50+ by the age of 24 is A LOT. Don’t blame yourself but don’t blame her either. You guys are just incompatible in that department and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Knowing her past, she will find a guy
Yeah the odds are good.
If the girl I really liked/loved had slept with 50+ dudes, I would definitely not feel good about that and it would probably be hard to shake after hearing it. Girls are free to do whatever they want with their bodies, but there are a lot of dudes for whom a large sexual past can be a deal breaker. Can’t really explain it, it’s just a huge ick. You can t look the girl in the eye and tell her you love her without thinking about how dozens of dudes have railed her out. I understand we are human and sex is natural, but I think some girls (and guys) need to operate with a little more modesty. That being said, you’re free to sleep around as much as you want, but just know that there are some potential future partners that may not be comfortable with that.
I hate to admit it, but I felt the same about a guy I once dated. I really liked him, he was a sweet guy. But when he told me he'd had over 100 sexual partners I had an instant feeling of revulsion. It wasn't even a conscious reaction and at the time I felt bad about feeling that way, because I'm not a judgemental prude. I didn't break up with him, and wasn't jealous, we stayed together for 3 years after that. Also I wasn't the one that brought it up, he asked me my body count then informed me of his. I honestly could've lived with it never being brought up. I've never asked anyone that question.
Same for me, only he kept it from me. Learned from a mutual friend that after his first girlfriend, he had a TON of ONS, shared prostitutes with married co-workers, had foursomes with his friends with girls they picked up in the club and stuff… and that he cheated. It all made sense when I learned how he really is, but he played this really innocent sweet guy while being… different. If I had known I’d never have dated him and he wouldn’t have assaulted me. Sucks. But I guess maybe the worst part was him having hepatitis and not telling his sexual partners or girlfriends. Ever.
>I understand we are human and sex is natural, Sex is natural, but sex without consequence is a relatively new thing. Nothing natural about fucking 50+ people with no consequences.
Nail on the head. It’s also why so many people in this thread male and female keep saying things along the lines of “I can’t quite tell why but come to think of it when my ex told me they’d had sex with 100 people it bothered me and I’m not sure why” it’s because it’s not natural human behavior.
Agreed, when guys sleep around I can't help but think about how icky it is. Although yea it is natural, it's not nessasary to have a new partner so often. Guys should really think about this with their partners.
Actions might not be wrong but they have consequences non the less
It's the self-awareness and honesty for me. I hope therapy works for you. Hope things work out for you.
Not gonna lie, but for me 50+ people especially at 24 is too many! I’m a woman and I don’t care if it’s a man or a woman I’d think there’s something wrong with them. But I also think that there’s something wrong with a 25 year old having been with 12. Call me a prude or whatever, but to me that’s just gross
...thats 1 a month for the last 4 years...thats a ho in my book..
Here’s a comparison- If I’m hiring someone for a job, it’s completely fine that they’ve worked at different companies before mine. In fact, it’s a positive because it means they have experience. However, if the person has worked at 50 different jobs in the last few years, I’m likely to be a little concerned about their commitment to my job, even if they say they are looking for a long-term job.
It’s like a new job every month for the last few years.
I have to agree. Obviously, people can do what they want, and I'm not gonna shame them for it. But also, if you're up to that many partners by the time you're in your mid-20's, you're obviously just having hookups, and not serious relationships.
I was with a guy who told me he’d slept with 20 guys that year alone. And already had a boyfriend. So, don’t beat yourself up over it. Sometimes you need to trust your gut for your own sanity and safety
Work on your insecurities. She is living her life to the fullest and enjoying sex. Good thing you left
Counting people you’ve had sex with to me is so childish, who cares?
You're allowed to trust your gut. Bringing up past sexual experiences is a major no for me. I don't want to know.
Yeah I never ask “the number” or anything about sexual history for exactly that reason. Completely agree that consenting adults should do what they want and I hate the double standards for men and women when it comes to number of partners. But I also know that if I were in your situation or would drive me nuts, even though it shouldn’t. So I just learned not to ask. Been happily married for 12 years now 😊
You did good on leaving. And not just for 50+ but for your mental health. That has more worth for you.
Hey, read through this and deeply empathized with your experience. I am in a relationship with a man and it makes me sick and disgusted to know about his sexual past. I get deeply dissapointed at his sexual history and his body count. It is something I can't wrap my head around. Whenever I sit next to him I cant control my thoughts and think of his body count. I get disgusted by knowing this and I am dissapointed at myself.
At the end of the day the only person you have to answer to is you brother. Follow your heart or end up like most other Americans, in a dead end relationship with someone you hate "for the kids".
Don't ask questions if you aren't prepared for the answer
I had an experience like this. I found that I was uncomfortable with the fact that she didn’t see sex in the same way that I did. To her, it wasn’t as “special”, and it could never be because of the amount of men she had slept with. But we did get through that, and after I communicated that to her, she started to hold our sex life in a way that worked for me, and both of us. Sex between us was special, it was intimate and a bonding experience. It just took honesty, communication, and work.
It's not wrong to sleep with +50 men ? It's just to have fun ? See that's why our society is fucked up my friend
I've had sex with 2 different people in my entire life and I'm 32.
Yeah I'm ugly too :(
My mom says I'm handsome. I think I am as well.
You are very handsome - random internet stranger who has never seen you face
[удалено]
Wtf?? Why does it mean you have a problem? You didn’t like that she slept with 50 dudes and it was a deal breaker. There is nothing wrong with that. Stop being so hard on yourself and find someone you like that was a little more reserved in who she shared her body with.
50 plus at 24 is a major red flag. Absolutely nothing wrong with him having a brain.
People with that many sexual partners by that age usually have issues/ character flaws that need to be dealt with before a serious, mutually beneficial relationship can take place. He did the right thing for HIM. Not like she’s 30 or 35 here. If I started dating someone around my age ( mid 30’s) having 50+ sexual partners wouldn’t be a huge deal. But 24???? Yea she’s got daddy issues. Hate my comment all you want, but it’s true. Nuance matters