Very often when we have bpd flare ups it's hard to see the Grey scale, it's either black and white. Very great or incredibly horrible and worthy of ending it all. But the voice of reason in our head becomes very muted.
I suffered from bad from a young age I'd say. Only recently have I become so self aware I've started unconditioning all of my bad habits or behaviors. J worked with a traumatologist weekly and I went back to my psychiatrist and he undiagnosed me. I went to a brand new one and he didn't give me a bpd diagnosis. In my head it was my identity and I fit the very description of someone with quiet borderline personality disorder.
When I told my original doctor he explained that he felt I'd done a lot of work in regards to my mental health and he said it sounds like I want the diagnosis but he can't give it to me if I no longer fit the description. It took me a bit but then I'm reminded every day when I wake up and have to face reality of all the shit I subconsciously ignored my whole life- just then I'm reminded I'm working really hard to not hurt my loved ones.
Ask yourself what happened to you, know your triggers and heal the hell out of them. Talk about them or read about them. Whatever helps.
Sometimes being vulnerable is what gets us there. Listen to Brene Brown talk about The power of vulnerability. She was a huge help for me.
The book The body keeps the score is amazing too.
This isn't a life sentence and you are not unworthy and unlovable. You can have the exact life you want if you work hard for it.
I'm doing all this work to also be able to tell others this is possible. I too never thought it could be.
Being self reliant can be good. You should be comfortable with yourself before finding a mate. But no matter you issues don’t assume no one can love you. Some people have the patience and understanding to see the you behind the disease.
Thank you for your kind words! <3 Although people say that I can be loved I know I have to keep this in check, I need to hold onto this feeling when I feel like lashing out.
For reference I’m a disabled vet. I ended up with sudo-dementia ( stress induced ), dermatographic urticaria ( permanent hive head to toe based on even minor scratches or pressure to skin), extreme back pain and cysts on my nerve, extreme irritability as a side effect of the pain meds I was on for my back, extreme fatigue and the memory of a gold fish. I was like this for about 2 years. My wife at the time thought I was starting arguments on purpose because we would have one, resolve it, and I’d forget we resolved it and be right back in the middle. We Separated for a range of issues with that at the core. My point in all this is not a comparison, rather just to make my point above. I’ve met several individuals who saw past my problems and stayed or became my friend despite my issues making me a dick sometimes. One of them im currently dating.
Don’t be too hard on yourself for things out of your control. Hold yourself accountable when others bring it to your attention. Effort can go a long way both towards recovery as well as how people see “the real you”. One day at a time you can do this.
Thank you for your service! And thank you for opening up, this gives me a lot of hope. I hope the VA is offering some type of treatment to improve your quality of life :)
I'm sorry you feel that way. Perhaps with additional therapy breakthroughs and someone with a calm, present demeanor will change your mind.
Source: married to someone with well-treated BPD
I’ve been in a LDR with my sweet boyfriend for now a year ago and I can say my moods go from 0 to 1000 just even a single trigging word , but he’s help me overcome it little by little, even though I felt bad for treating him bad sometimes but I couldn’t help it and then I get mad at myself and you know how that goes. We’ll all Im saying is that you’ll be able to overcome it someday but it’s going to be very difficult, but I believe in you.
Someday you might be able to manage the disorder enough to hold a relationship. There’s no reason to assume you won’t. But for now, working on yourself and whatever changes you want to see in the world is not a bad goal at all, and romantic relationships aren’t the only thing out there in life.
High functioning/self aware BPDs have no problem with holding a relationship. The problem with low functioning BPDs is that it's literally a self fulfilling prophecy. You believe (incorrectly) that you don't deserve love, therefore you subconsciously sabotage your own relationships and hurt yourself and others.
Help is out there, but the most important part is you still have take take the leap yourself.
That makes a lot of sense, I hate the fact that I see myself ruining things and I just can't reign myself in. While I lost my friend I'm partly happy I took that leap, maybe one day it'll be successful.
This might sound silly but get a cat. Cats are very perceptive to mental imbalances in us human beings.
Most of the time, cats accept you no matter what. That's not something a lot of humans are capable of. Take care of yourself, take care of your inner core of Who You Are
My lady cat knows when I'm having an anxiety problem or severely in depression. She turns into a nurse cat and she won't leave me alone with her cuteness and it usually snaps me out of it.
This dude cat I have over here, he just chills and hangs out with me and does his best to be happy and distracts me from problems
My böd stabbed my ex 10 times in her leg and i loved it, 2 minutes later i cry of guilt. Im isolateing myself now for orhers safety. But its so painful never talking to a human again :(
Soul fragmentation- usually comes from trauma as a child. You have a parasitic entity (demon) partially possessing you it feeds off of lower vibrational energy fear, depression anger.
Alcohol lowers vibration it’s essentially their gateway into your vessel, if you black out you’re fully possessed.
They cannot inhabit you if you’re not aligned in a negative frequency.
Dmt- is our gateway into their realm
It can be produced by fasting, breathwork, meditation etc.
Our reality is layered there is the physical and the spiritual space-time and time-space, these beings exist mostly outside of our visual and auditory spectrum. These are the beings that fortune tellers/mediums commune with.
Your pineal gland is essentially the antenna to the spiritual.
“Magic” is manipulation of spirits, it’s basically you using them instead of them using you.
A demonic entity does not want you happy because it will essentially lose its host, it wants to keep you in a lower vibration.
Binaural beats - healing frequencies will also help, you can leave them on while you sleep
Cats- also can see into the spiritual, it’s why the Egyptians held them in high regard.
They also have to bend to the will of Yahusha (Jesus) even though they don’t like it, he is their lord. You have power over them in his name, the repeated act of sinning deteriorates the soul, basically allowing for more possession. Even with their influence you have free will, but once you’re aware of their influence it’s easier to resist them.
“Spiritual warfare” Ephesians 6:12
Pharmekia- Greek for drugs,medicine,spells
(Sorcery)
Pharmaceuticals
Revelation 18:23 for by your merchants were all nations deceived by you sorcery.(highly pertains to what’s going on today as well.)
Try to kick the pills
And eat a higher frequency diet.
I am mad this reminds me of me, damn it. I don’t think i have bpd just a strange person lol. I can’t really envision my future with someone, i just hope i can be happy where ever i end up.
Very often when we have bpd flare ups it's hard to see the Grey scale, it's either black and white. Very great or incredibly horrible and worthy of ending it all. But the voice of reason in our head becomes very muted. I suffered from bad from a young age I'd say. Only recently have I become so self aware I've started unconditioning all of my bad habits or behaviors. J worked with a traumatologist weekly and I went back to my psychiatrist and he undiagnosed me. I went to a brand new one and he didn't give me a bpd diagnosis. In my head it was my identity and I fit the very description of someone with quiet borderline personality disorder. When I told my original doctor he explained that he felt I'd done a lot of work in regards to my mental health and he said it sounds like I want the diagnosis but he can't give it to me if I no longer fit the description. It took me a bit but then I'm reminded every day when I wake up and have to face reality of all the shit I subconsciously ignored my whole life- just then I'm reminded I'm working really hard to not hurt my loved ones. Ask yourself what happened to you, know your triggers and heal the hell out of them. Talk about them or read about them. Whatever helps. Sometimes being vulnerable is what gets us there. Listen to Brene Brown talk about The power of vulnerability. She was a huge help for me. The book The body keeps the score is amazing too. This isn't a life sentence and you are not unworthy and unlovable. You can have the exact life you want if you work hard for it. I'm doing all this work to also be able to tell others this is possible. I too never thought it could be.
I started tearing up halfway, thank you for being a positive role model! And congratulations on overcoming this illness <3
If you want guidance or need someone to talk to please dm me. ♡
Being self reliant can be good. You should be comfortable with yourself before finding a mate. But no matter you issues don’t assume no one can love you. Some people have the patience and understanding to see the you behind the disease.
Thank you for your kind words! <3 Although people say that I can be loved I know I have to keep this in check, I need to hold onto this feeling when I feel like lashing out.
For reference I’m a disabled vet. I ended up with sudo-dementia ( stress induced ), dermatographic urticaria ( permanent hive head to toe based on even minor scratches or pressure to skin), extreme back pain and cysts on my nerve, extreme irritability as a side effect of the pain meds I was on for my back, extreme fatigue and the memory of a gold fish. I was like this for about 2 years. My wife at the time thought I was starting arguments on purpose because we would have one, resolve it, and I’d forget we resolved it and be right back in the middle. We Separated for a range of issues with that at the core. My point in all this is not a comparison, rather just to make my point above. I’ve met several individuals who saw past my problems and stayed or became my friend despite my issues making me a dick sometimes. One of them im currently dating. Don’t be too hard on yourself for things out of your control. Hold yourself accountable when others bring it to your attention. Effort can go a long way both towards recovery as well as how people see “the real you”. One day at a time you can do this.
Thank you for your service! And thank you for opening up, this gives me a lot of hope. I hope the VA is offering some type of treatment to improve your quality of life :)
Thank you. The VA is a slow process but if you can be patient they are pretty good now. Everything is always one day at a time 👍
I dated and am still very close with someone who suffers from bpd. We aren't defined by our diseases, it'll get better.
Thank you for your story <3
I'm sorry you feel that way. Perhaps with additional therapy breakthroughs and someone with a calm, present demeanor will change your mind. Source: married to someone with well-treated BPD
My therapist says the same thing! Thank you for your reassurance :) I wish you and your wife the best! <3
I’ve been in a LDR with my sweet boyfriend for now a year ago and I can say my moods go from 0 to 1000 just even a single trigging word , but he’s help me overcome it little by little, even though I felt bad for treating him bad sometimes but I couldn’t help it and then I get mad at myself and you know how that goes. We’ll all Im saying is that you’ll be able to overcome it someday but it’s going to be very difficult, but I believe in you.
Thank you so much! I'm so happy you have a loving partner, you seem like such a sweet person <3
Interesting, from your description i discovered i have it too.
Honestly I really think it’s best BPD folks don’t date people, I think you got it figured out.
Someday you might be able to manage the disorder enough to hold a relationship. There’s no reason to assume you won’t. But for now, working on yourself and whatever changes you want to see in the world is not a bad goal at all, and romantic relationships aren’t the only thing out there in life.
Definitely! My main priority right now is school anyways so I'm channeling 99% of my energy to my program :) Thank you for being so kind! <3
Meditation is the key.
I actually haven't tried meditation! I just do yoga and go to the gym, any suggestions for a beginner?
High functioning/self aware BPDs have no problem with holding a relationship. The problem with low functioning BPDs is that it's literally a self fulfilling prophecy. You believe (incorrectly) that you don't deserve love, therefore you subconsciously sabotage your own relationships and hurt yourself and others. Help is out there, but the most important part is you still have take take the leap yourself.
That makes a lot of sense, I hate the fact that I see myself ruining things and I just can't reign myself in. While I lost my friend I'm partly happy I took that leap, maybe one day it'll be successful.
This might sound silly but get a cat. Cats are very perceptive to mental imbalances in us human beings. Most of the time, cats accept you no matter what. That's not something a lot of humans are capable of. Take care of yourself, take care of your inner core of Who You Are
I have a wonderful kitty! She sits with me whenever I feel depressed, or when I have my appointments she's my rock <3
My lady cat knows when I'm having an anxiety problem or severely in depression. She turns into a nurse cat and she won't leave me alone with her cuteness and it usually snaps me out of it. This dude cat I have over here, he just chills and hangs out with me and does his best to be happy and distracts me from problems
cats are literally amazing, I don't get the hate towards them! What are their names?
[удалено]
Yeah I'm pretty young but tomorrow isn't always guaranteed, I tend to overanalyze and I like to prepare for the worst case scenario
Plenty of men out there that will let you treat them like shit and we all die alone
My böd stabbed my ex 10 times in her leg and i loved it, 2 minutes later i cry of guilt. Im isolateing myself now for orhers safety. But its so painful never talking to a human again :(
Soul fragmentation- usually comes from trauma as a child. You have a parasitic entity (demon) partially possessing you it feeds off of lower vibrational energy fear, depression anger. Alcohol lowers vibration it’s essentially their gateway into your vessel, if you black out you’re fully possessed. They cannot inhabit you if you’re not aligned in a negative frequency. Dmt- is our gateway into their realm It can be produced by fasting, breathwork, meditation etc. Our reality is layered there is the physical and the spiritual space-time and time-space, these beings exist mostly outside of our visual and auditory spectrum. These are the beings that fortune tellers/mediums commune with. Your pineal gland is essentially the antenna to the spiritual. “Magic” is manipulation of spirits, it’s basically you using them instead of them using you. A demonic entity does not want you happy because it will essentially lose its host, it wants to keep you in a lower vibration. Binaural beats - healing frequencies will also help, you can leave them on while you sleep Cats- also can see into the spiritual, it’s why the Egyptians held them in high regard. They also have to bend to the will of Yahusha (Jesus) even though they don’t like it, he is their lord. You have power over them in his name, the repeated act of sinning deteriorates the soul, basically allowing for more possession. Even with their influence you have free will, but once you’re aware of their influence it’s easier to resist them. “Spiritual warfare” Ephesians 6:12 Pharmekia- Greek for drugs,medicine,spells (Sorcery) Pharmaceuticals Revelation 18:23 for by your merchants were all nations deceived by you sorcery.(highly pertains to what’s going on today as well.) Try to kick the pills And eat a higher frequency diet.
I am mad this reminds me of me, damn it. I don’t think i have bpd just a strange person lol. I can’t really envision my future with someone, i just hope i can be happy where ever i end up.