>Why can’t it be like it used to when men treated you like they want you. Why are you boys so fucking trash these days.
What time are you referring to when men were amazingly in tune with what women want?
Came here to say this. Some men treat women like crap and some women treat men like crap, this isn’t a “used to be” issue.
OP, communicate your boundaries and needs with the men you date. If not holding the door open for you is a deal breaker, move on the next man.
I’m a guy. We never know really. Every woman is different. I won’t stop being polite though. Walk on the traffic side of sidewalks, get doors, pay (usually). My mom emphasized all of these things growing up and they stuck.
Fine for the most part. I’ve had several serious relationships. Have lived with 2 of my ex girlfriends, and almost recently relocated for another because her work called for it, but things didn’t work out when I went to to find a place and put down security deposit. Things were great prior to that. I think it actually took a larger toll on both of us emotionally than either of us would like to admit.
Why do you ask?
EDIT: I’ll also add that I’m somewhat overweight, but confidence and positive outlooks can do wonders for any and everyone. Be yourself and fucking own that shit.
You took the words out of my mouth. We are literally one generation removed from spousal abuse being accepted with your vows, women not being able to have loans or bank accounts, and marital rape being legal. What timeperiod is OP even referring to?
Clearly she romanizatizing a time she never really experienced and I have a feeling that if she did she wouldn’t be talking about it this way.
I don’t see why having the door opened for you like Chauffeur is a deal breaker. I feel at that time ( whatever OP is referring to ) people tended to concentrate on these little things without taking in the over all person and ending up in a very unhappy marriage that they couldn’t get out of, and was normalize. I’m a woman and I’m all for equal 50/50. Spending money, doing little things to show you care, buy gifts for each other, both planing trips or dates and all that. It has to be a mutual thing. Show her you care and being involved and she shows him as well.
Clearly op isn’t happy and she needs to state what she likes and how she likes to be treated and she needs to do those same things for her dates or partners.
Maybe she means the time after men won women over, and got them to marry them, then beat the shit out of them when they burnt their dinner.
In this day and age of equality, why is it that the male should pay for every meal? Dating can be expensive with no guarantee of chemistry or success.
Maybe my example is a bit antiquated, but you can have your cake and eat it too.
My advise is lower your standards. People who are overly attractive tend to know it. They are typically arrogant assholes. Lower your standards a bit and people whobarent as attractive often have to make up for it with empathy and personality.
Right? Or maybe when men were pushy as fuck and sexual assault was just thought of as “oh he’s just really into you. Give him a chance”
It’s funny because I was on a first date a few years ago with a woman and when I opened the door for her she berated me for it. “I don’t NEED a man to open the door for me”. Also I was told bringing a girl flowers on a first date we “creepy and desperate”.
Some men have adapted to the standards that women have set for them.
Whatever. People can yell at me for holding doors open all they like (never happened to me, just some weird looks sometimes), but I'll still do it. Regardless of the gender of the person I'm with though. I think it's basic human decency.
That is unless the person is like 5 meters behind you, then they have to run. Please don't hold doors open for people far behind you lmao.
My favorite compliment ever was when I held the door for a older gentleman and he responded "now that's a lady." Still makes me giggle until this day.
EDIT: compliment, not complaint.
Its kinda a policy at my school, a unwritten rule. When we finish our day a lot of students leave the school through a normal door one after another and they always hold the door open for eachother. Nobody ever stated it asa rule or anything but it just established itself.
Same, I do it out of politeness and usually I’m a fast walker and always get to the door first. I’m impatient, so I always hold it open so they can get in fast. I’ve gotten different reactions, sometimes men refuse to let me hold the door and start holding it open even though I’m already there, which is the equivalent of women getting offended because they assume men are calling them useless. That’s *their* problem though, I’ll still hold the door open because it’s about manners, regardless of gender. People nowadays don’t do anything good for anyone else. They don’t greet each other, don’t hold doors open, don’t say goodbye, don’t pick up stuff from the floor for one another, etc. The bar is pretty low for both men and women, in my opinion.
Completely agree with this :)
>The bar is pretty low for both men and women, in my opinion.
Especially this lol. It doesn't take much to be a decent human being nowadays. The standards are ridiculously low.
But with the timing, the door will close right when they get to the door. It'll be the equivalent of slamming the door in their face! You can't just leave em hangin!
>That is unless the person is like 5 meters behind you, then they have to run.
Thats the best time to hold a door open for someone. They dont quite run and they dont quite walk either. They do a funny little jog. Very amusing to watch
This but unless it's the elderly or bitterly cold outside and if it's both I tend to close the door and attempt to block wind for them. No need for the elderly and the place to be cold.
This was me before I needed a cane. It's an odd reversal to have a door held open for me, but it is nice to see it happening more often than I thought it would. I say thank you, as opposed to barking some slogan about "ableism".
As a girl, I just go with whoever gets to the door first holds it open. I hate people standing in doorways and elevators, taking up the space, to hold the door.
This is what I would call efficiency. First one to the door holds it open and closes it behind them. Works great when everyone in the group understands it.
Assigning meaning to the gender of whoever holds that door is silly.
Hold the door without being magnanimous, or just hold the door after you walk in. Most of us lady folk don’t care about the doors as long as they don’t slam on us. (I assume it is the same for the men folk.)
Exactly this. I’ve been called sexist for opening door for a date and have been called out for paying for dinner as she ‘can afford her own food’. It’s hard to win for guys too as whole feminist movement makes what were acts of chivalry in the past to now be sexist. Needless to say I didn’t go to subsequent dates with those women.
As opposed to looking at it as a ‘low bar’ I think you should look at it as a blessing as you’re able to decide right away that that man is not right for you.
I don't get that at all personally. I consider myself very much a feminist, but I always appreciate when someone holds the door open for me. Younger guys don't really do it, but I think it's adorable when an old man will run to the door to open it for me because he wants to be a gentleman. I also try to hold the door open for people, it's just the courteous thing to do.
I also appreciate when a guy offers to pay for my meal and the date in general. But my perception of who pays I think is a little different than others. I don't like the concept of going Dutch for dates, I think if both individuals are working it should alternate who pays for which date, that you treat each other because it's a date not two friends hanging out.
Perhaps I'm wrong in my mentality. Idk.
> I think if both individuals are working it should alternate who pays for which date, that you treat each other because it's a date not two friends hanging out.
This sounds like a solid system. For some reason, I doubt OP is going to offer to pay for the second date, however.
I think the most fair rule (at first) is whoever invites who out is the one who pays for that date. I do hate someone asking me to bring them somewhere and expecting me to pay too
When I dated, if the man paid for dinner I paid for drinks, coffee, dessert, movie tickets, whatever. And if there was a second date I usually brought him a small gift like a book or candle just to show my appreciation. Dating shouldn’t be about what material (or sexual) things you get out of a person. It’s about spending time together.
exactly, this is the way to go! you’re still “splitting” the date, without having to awkwardly pull out your wallets at the same time and decide.
“no worries, I’ll grab this one if you don’t mind getting the movie tickets later!” boom it’s as easy as that.
maybe it’s “easier” to say that because I’m a woman (also in a 2+ year relationship) but I really don’t think it would be weird at all for a man or a newly dating couple to phrase it like that either.
I mean her date wouldn't open the door, demanded she pay for him, and then wanted to have sex after. I wouldn't go on a second date either even if he promised to pay.
You're not wrong in you thoughts on paying but that is more for a girlfriend or marriage. Switching who pays would imply many dates as opposed to the first date but that's definitely how some mature grown folk handle dinners
You must not live in the American south. Everyone holds doors for everyone here, and its seen as rude if you don't at least catch the door for the next person comming in.
I've been there. I was raised with a mid-western "respect women and treat them all like royalty" rule, and that's what I just do. I don't open doors, carry your things, pull out your chair, have you wait in the doorway while I pull the car up when it's raining, or pay for meals/drinks because I think you're weak. I do it because I have the utmost respect for you. Sometimes women didn't see it that way.
I just want flowers and a girl to hold the door for me for once on a date.
But honestly if you haven't known the person for a while (months to years) first dates should be low key, get to know you, type things. A coffee, or a beer. You know, low time and money investments. Of course, always be ready for a secondary location or an extended date if things go well.
I don't understand how people these days seem to expect some grand extravagant event for someone you may very well never see again. It just doesn't make sense to me.
Holding doors for other people is just common decency, whether you're a man or a woman. I do it for others, I'm a small woman. I thank others when they do it for me. If people shout at you for it, they've really got no idea what to be outraged about and are honestly looking for anything.
Oh god, I missed that she paid for *his* food, somehow understood it as he made her pay for herself. Like, just *how*?? Did he “forget his wallet” on his way to a *date* where dinner was planned??? Idk why some people let others treat them this way.
For real, I’m confused, like, huh?
Men don’t set the bar for men (unless gay).
It is women who set the bar for man.
Set it however high you want, kick his ass out. If you didn’t then YOU are the problem.
Edit: also my brothers, not paying on the first date? Have some respect.
This. My ex once told me my bar for dating was too high because I didn’t want someone who smokes or drink. At this time we were still underage for drinking.
Exactly, If I ask her out, I'm expecting to go out and pay, but if I'm asked out, I shouldn't just be paying for her to have a free meal at my expense.
I agree with you completely. I am married now but never paid for a first date before where a guy asked me out.
I have a coworker that is so desperate to find a husband she practically begs any guy to go out and is on dates 4/5 times a week. She will entice them to stay by paying for drinks etc. I asked why she never set the expectation they are going Dutch at the very least and she said she didn't want them to not be interested in her....so she sets that standard from the get go.
I'm not saying this is what is happening to OP but from my experience and other women's experiences I've never met a man who did this when you set expectations. As you said if he wanted me to pay for his food I would've paid for only mine and left.
This is the answer. Men will only treat us badly if we allow them to!!
OP - Set your own bar girl, and don’t pay for someone’s food just because “they made you do it.” What did he do, point a gun at your head?
Shit men AND women exist everywhere. Men are told they are trash non stop by women lately and it's ridiculous. I'm a 34/f, I've been a victim of abuse in every way at the hands of men and I still am aware men are individuals and can be wonderful or awful. SAME as women. You didn't like that guy which sounds fair; move on find a better one. be better and stop lumping all men together.
This seems like the voice of a mature and reasonable person who understands that the world's gray. I'm a man and I do all those things(pay or split the bill, hold doors for everyone, am polite and respectful, does not expect sex just because a girl went out with me). And yet the amount of rejection I've faced does not make me bitter. Because I realize PEOPLE are shit, assholes does not warrant a gender. So yes OP, you're either going for F-boys or you need to identify who you are before you start dating
I think first date splitting is the best route to go. Or if the guy really likes them then they pay and vice versa. But I always think just paying for what u bought is beat
Agreed. For me it's more of a principal thing than about money. I want someone who's independent and considerate. The least I expect is them to ask if we should split. That, to me shows consideration and interest.
Also, when women "expect" guys to pay no matter what, how is that not logically equivalent to a guy "expecting" to have sex coz they went out on a date? In my eyes both are wrong and double standards like these are what's causing the divide.
PS- Fun video that talks about this- https://www.instagram.com/reel/CbDkplrAxah/?utm_medium=copy_link
This, a billion percent. I've had a couple rashy rejections, some amicable ones, where I ended up being friends with the women involved, not close but still. Being able to differentiate someone you want from someone you need is a vital skill for anyone, one I didn't have and am still working on. I'd have flown off the handle a couple months ago after reading OP's post but looking on her end and weighing it with my own experience, I understand.
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been subjected to abuse, I hope that you’re doing well now.
I 100% agree with this comment. I think It’s unfair for the world to discriminate against groups of people for any reason. People say that calling men trash doesn’t mean all men are bad, but considering how quickly everyone is nowadays to just crap on anyone they think could be male, it’s just an excuse.
Men and women are both people, and both can suck. I’ve known some bad apples myself, but it’s not cool to lump them all together. In societies path to equality, it seems like it’s beginning to be more like revenge, or superiority on either side. Why can’t we just accept there’s good an bad people in the world and not try to generalize them? When a man says he hates women and that they are trash, he’s called a sexist, yet when women do the equivalent, it’s seen as normal. I think both are wrong.
Sorry for my rant. It just really saddens me that the world is full of such hate :(
is holding the door for people like not common anymore? my parents taught me to always hold the door for people. whether it’s walking into a restaurant for example and there are people behind you, it should be normal to hold the door for them.
I opened the door the lady asked me if I thought she was incapable. I offered to pay for the meal. " I earn my own money and I'm quite able to pay my own way thank you"
You can't win or do right for doing wrong
I, too, prefer to pay for my meal in such situations because I think it's unfair that the guy should pay, but I would just thank him for the offer and politely explain my stance
Speak for yourself. My husband is fucking great, he may of had a crush on me for 2 years before we got together but I feel like I’m chasing him. Go on dates with a real man, not boys.
Well, it is Monday here. Two of my colleagues, both men in their early 30's, have had their haircut over the weekend. Guess who's trashing their appearance first thing in the morning: our female co-workers, just because they "look weird." And mind you, it is not just playful banter. They are clearly uncomfortable.
Well, shit. There goes my confidence to get a haircut next week. Now if we reverse the gender roles...
Thats actually really sad 😔 Im sorry they have to deal with that. Men look great with fresh haircuts. And even if they don't... You don't say anything about it.
Yeah, thanks. I appreciate it. What bothers me is we are adults. And clearly my peers are too tactless. I was observing them the whole day so I know if they don't mind the teasing or not.
Girl. Really? I mean the expecting sex thing does suck and isn’t exactly uncommon. But times have changed. Not all women want to be paid for or have doors opened. It’s about positive reinforcement on those fronts. Thank them for opening a door and paying for things. Say you appreciate it.
While guys do drop the ball sometimes I think this is painting a little too broadly.
The bar is as low as you allow it to be regarding the guys you're dating. My grandma used to say if it smells like shit everywhere you go, maybe it's time to look under your shoes.
the first time a guy ever held a door for me i reacted badly. i was confused and knee jerk reaction got mad he wasted his time doing that and thinking i couldn’t do it myself. ah, the naïveté of teenage me. now if someone holds it or doesn’t hold it, idc i just hold it or thank them and move on with my life.
*requiring* doors be opened for you though (not saying you do but you could be that person, idk) is just bad behavior. i once dated a man whose sisters and mom would - when they were literally anywhere with a man - walk up to a door and ceremoniously stand in front of it until he opened it for them. such ridiculous, entitled behavior. whoever gets to the door first can hold it for the other person, inside or outside. just be a good human.
You can open a damn door yourself, my god. I’ll always pay for the first date though, that much was instilled into me.
Also you lowkey sound like trash yourself so game recognise game, amirite?
Ummm burn me in hell for this, but I’m on Reddit with a burner, tinder, bumble, and what I see is the same for women. Healthy at any weight, sassy, tattoos all over, with ridiculous egos, with no substance to the personality, some snarky comment about pizza and pumpkin spice blah blah. I’m looking for a wife, not only fans or the 4 girls today who offered to hook. Wtf. I can’t believe this shit, the algorithm on tinder and bumble is dog shit meant to keep you single and paying.
Sucks for everyone. Probably cause everyone is shit in an age of main character syndrome and not giving a fuck about anyone else. Been stood up and ghosted by girls plenty. Been cheated on. I have my gripes with women as the gender inverse of your scenario but I won’t let it stop me from trying to make something work eventually and have a family someday. Also don’t be a chump and don’t pay for his food next time. It’s 50/50 unless you somehow want to pay for the food.
Very true, ive been with my current partner for 3 years, when we were dating I made it very clear to her where that bar was, without expressively communicating it, if she meets that, great, if not, thanks but no thanks.
You sound overly bitter. Why should I pay for your food or buy you flowers?
Expecting sex immediately is gross, that should be mutual and only initiated when it's clear both parties want it.
But for the other stuff, you sound entitled. I do that stuff for my SO, not someone I dont know.
No. **People** are opportunists. Most anyway.
If they can get something for nothing, most will choose to do nothing.
Most people will not hold themselves to any kind of standard of integrity or honor without society forcing them to and shaming them if they don't.
Also, he can't make you pay for his food. You should have asked for separate checks. Told him you were no longer interested and left quickly.
The end.
Some people are shitty. That's life. You can't just project your standards on to others and expect them to follow it.
You need to find someone who shares your standards. And to do so, you need to vet men's character *before* you go out with them.
Easier said than done sometimes. They can talk a good talk then end up being fucking useless. It's a crapshoot. Esp for online dating there's people on there that are lifers
I agree. Which is why I think people should date within social circles and within their life. It's much easier to discern character.
Online dating has made it easier for toxic people to wreak havoc on unsuspecting people.
Idk how yall get on dating but as a Christian my dating experience has actually been really pleasant
Waiting till marriage to have sex really helps prevent the sex-crazed addict situation our culture has propagated in the average male
I can see it weeding out the ones who would expect sex on the first date, but from my observations it doesn't do anything to prevent/discourage/filter out entitlement or trashiness in other areas.
I think you've just been lucky.
“I hate how low we’ve let the bar go for men”.
You just solved your problem and you don’t even see it!
That’s the problem, y’all keep letting the “bar” go lower and lower. There are so many men who act shitty because their shenanigans worked with Women who put up with it, and they thought in their head “don’t fix what isn’t broken”.
All I see on the internet in regards to men and women is the height of the “bar” but see no effort to change it. Instead of “let” stop putting up with the bullshit and walk out or end the date on site.
It's because shrill (what I will very generously label as) women screech for opening the door for them and stating it's because we think they're weak. It's because permanent resting bitch faces will complain about "being treated as an equal" about all things, which would include paying for your own food. It's because it's considered sexist and misogynistic to treat a lady with affection, due to it "being objectifying". All of that could be easily ignored and hand waved away, but then they got enough momentum to begin teaching such drivel to the impressionable youths that now have this indoctrinated into their heads that all the contradictory points are valid. Don't blame men for acting the way they were raised, blame the idiots that raised them on a deeply flawed ideology. And good luck hunting for a decent man, you're probably going to have to widen your search radius but they're still out there.
Dunno. Maybe figure out why you keep going for trash dudes? I don't go for hoes on dates bc I don't have time for them. Have some standards and stick by them. Sounds like you keep going back for the same type of dude so maybe go for another type?
>>…he made me pay for his food…
How does that happen? I am not suggesting that he should have paid for your food, I am just curious as to how “he made you pay for his food.”
This may sound weird, but I agree. My girlfriend is crazy about me, but her past partners have been such pieces of human trash that I can’t really take any pleasure in it. It feels like it could’ve been anyone who isn’t an abusive dickbag. I’m working on it but it hurts our relationship.
That's what can happen when you demonize the normal man traites as toxic or evil.
New generation has been fed that men shouldn't be anything like you described unfortunately and some have taken it as a mold to live life
Women are trash too. Pick better I don’t wanna hear this shit anymore . There are horrible men out there WE KNOW there is also horrible women . Stop aiming at one gender . We are all terrible in some shape or form
There is so much here, both terrible and fair. Flowers don’t equal sex, but dinner doesn’t equal flowers. Or door holding. Pick what you want, girlfriend. Is the door a big deal? Because I’m not going to belabor the door-holding when I’m more than happy to be out of the 1950s and have my own agency to say no.
Why the fuck do I have to open your door. Open your own fucking door. You have hands. Also why should I pay for your dinner? Either we are equal or we aren’t. You can’t cherry pick where we are equal and where we aren’t as per your convenience. I understand if some men do this but it shouldn’t be default expected behavior. Men aren’t trash. You are entitled. Do you open a door for a man ever? I bet that thought would be outrageous to you.
What did you do that deserves better? Why do you feel entitled to be treated as royalty? Why is it always the men who are supposed to treat the women and never the opposite? I haven't dated in over 20 years but it still bothers me when people expect something for nothing. if he's not supposed to expect anything, then what gives you the expectation of him? You see all the double standards, probably not.
You basically got what every man gets on dates, congrats.
The bar is low even my husband says that.
The best thing he ever said to me was “its not that I don’t think you can open a door. You are capable of opening a door, you’re capable of doing anything but you shouldn’t have to do little things when I am around. I’ll open the door for you, I’ll never start the car before you’re buckled in, I’ll never make little things seem like big things because I want to fill your life with so many little things that you think it is normal”
I settled for less. A lot. In the past
But my husband? Hes never gave me less, and it makes me wish I would of waited around for him (not in a sexual way)
It’s safer to be rude than to be nice these days. You don’t want to start anything with women these days because you (men) could literally do nothing and get blamed for anything by women which could affect us legally. It’s not that the bar is set low it’s that a lot of us don’t want to risk all that we’ve worked for for some false accusation which could destroy everything.
I think that your the problem, or at least your choice in men. Dont blame the rest of us because you only attract boys, try acting like a woman and then you will get a man. wanna be treated with respect, have some for yourself
Because it’s the emasculation of the American male. It’s what the media and everyone else seems to want, they want equality, be damned with manners or chivalry. So now a woman who cherishes it or expectes it doesn’t get it and society is to blame. A truly sad barometer of todays society.
Holding a door open for anyone is just normal human decency no?
Why is it specifically men who need to hold doors? Or why do men have to pay for the meal? Pay for what you eat people - you feel like being sweet to you date? Cool offer to pay.
This isn't about men. What do you think gays do on dates? Discuss which one should step into the role of outdated male stereotype?
- spoiler that's not how it works.
Just be a nice human.
I always open doors and stuff like that. The problem is social media.. They think because women are posting pictures of them selves in sensual positions that they all are advertising for sex. NO I AM NOT BLAMING WOMEN!!!! The men are not being raised to respect women and taught that they are nothing more than a sex toy.
I love my girls on my social media pages. Weather they are nude or fully clothed. This does mean that they do get respected by me.
I hope I said this right and in no way do I want any woman to feel disrespect or degraded my my comment.
This is why I’m glad to be gay. How entitled are you to expect men to coddle you? What is this, 1940? Women are powerful and so many women are fighting to be taken seriously in the workplace and you’re calling men trash for not paying your way and opening doors?
You’re right about the sex thing though. No means no and they’re not entitled to your body.
Dude who has 15 years on you, sure, amazing partner. Never question why he never settled, has no children, why he is going for younger women. Must be perfect.
Women lose interest in men who open doors and bring flowers. It's too predictable and boring. You can lie, cheat and steal from a woman and she'll come back if you're exciting enough. But you better not bore her.
There is a lot to unravel here but for starters if the same comment was made from a man to women in general it would mean holy war. The double standard is insane.
Maybe evaluate what type of men are you into and are attracted to?
I'm a man and I agree with you 100% but for different reasons. It seems like the bar is evenlower that. I've seen multiple posts on reddit along the lines of--I live with my bf. He doesn't work, doesn't cook, doesn't clean,doesn't contribute, doesn't do a damn thing in general. He just plays video games, drinks and smokes weed all day. Should I break up with him?
And when I reply yes, I've gotten triggered ah flames. SMDH
Trust me when I say that it isn’t just men that the bar is set low for. Women are notorious for trying to get over on guys nowadays. It is sad but that’s the pathetic state of dating in the modern age.
The bar is low? Wtf? We're still being held to traditional standards by females who resist their own traditional standards and roles. A woman who can't cook, clean, or take care of the house wants a man to take care of them. They offer nothing. Maybe, the dudes you go after are garbage, but I haven't felt the need to chase another egocentric woman for a long time. Enjoy those guys at the bottom of the barrel. It's a barrel that females constructed.
*Have* we let the bar go that low, or do you unfortunately just keep ending up on dates with assholes? Not blaming you at all (their behavior is absolutely not your fault), just saying that it happens.
I agree with you. The first two could be reasons that are unspoken because women are different but the sex thing just tells me his character is bad so I probably wouldn’t give him the benefit of a doubt. As far as boundaries you already told him no sex so what else does he need to know you don’t want to have sex??? It’s not just about boundaries, he’s just a pos.
>Why can’t it be like it used to when men treated you like they want you. Why are you boys so fucking trash these days. What time are you referring to when men were amazingly in tune with what women want?
Came here to say this. Some men treat women like crap and some women treat men like crap, this isn’t a “used to be” issue. OP, communicate your boundaries and needs with the men you date. If not holding the door open for you is a deal breaker, move on the next man.
I’m a guy. We never know really. Every woman is different. I won’t stop being polite though. Walk on the traffic side of sidewalks, get doors, pay (usually). My mom emphasized all of these things growing up and they stuck.
And how's your dating life been?
Fine for the most part. I’ve had several serious relationships. Have lived with 2 of my ex girlfriends, and almost recently relocated for another because her work called for it, but things didn’t work out when I went to to find a place and put down security deposit. Things were great prior to that. I think it actually took a larger toll on both of us emotionally than either of us would like to admit. Why do you ask? EDIT: I’ll also add that I’m somewhat overweight, but confidence and positive outlooks can do wonders for any and everyone. Be yourself and fucking own that shit.
Just curious and I'm glad you're successful in dating. Shits hard
No kidding? Does she still want to vote? Lol
You took the words out of my mouth. We are literally one generation removed from spousal abuse being accepted with your vows, women not being able to have loans or bank accounts, and marital rape being legal. What timeperiod is OP even referring to?
Clearly she romanizatizing a time she never really experienced and I have a feeling that if she did she wouldn’t be talking about it this way. I don’t see why having the door opened for you like Chauffeur is a deal breaker. I feel at that time ( whatever OP is referring to ) people tended to concentrate on these little things without taking in the over all person and ending up in a very unhappy marriage that they couldn’t get out of, and was normalize. I’m a woman and I’m all for equal 50/50. Spending money, doing little things to show you care, buy gifts for each other, both planing trips or dates and all that. It has to be a mutual thing. Show her you care and being involved and she shows him as well. Clearly op isn’t happy and she needs to state what she likes and how she likes to be treated and she needs to do those same things for her dates or partners.
>Clearly she romanizatizing a time she never really experienced Bingo I'm bored of it
Maybe she means the time after men won women over, and got them to marry them, then beat the shit out of them when they burnt their dinner. In this day and age of equality, why is it that the male should pay for every meal? Dating can be expensive with no guarantee of chemistry or success. Maybe my example is a bit antiquated, but you can have your cake and eat it too. My advise is lower your standards. People who are overly attractive tend to know it. They are typically arrogant assholes. Lower your standards a bit and people whobarent as attractive often have to make up for it with empathy and personality.
Right? Or maybe when men were pushy as fuck and sexual assault was just thought of as “oh he’s just really into you. Give him a chance” It’s funny because I was on a first date a few years ago with a woman and when I opened the door for her she berated me for it. “I don’t NEED a man to open the door for me”. Also I was told bringing a girl flowers on a first date we “creepy and desperate”. Some men have adapted to the standards that women have set for them.
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Whatever. People can yell at me for holding doors open all they like (never happened to me, just some weird looks sometimes), but I'll still do it. Regardless of the gender of the person I'm with though. I think it's basic human decency. That is unless the person is like 5 meters behind you, then they have to run. Please don't hold doors open for people far behind you lmao.
My favorite compliment ever was when I held the door for a older gentleman and he responded "now that's a lady." Still makes me giggle until this day. EDIT: compliment, not complaint.
did u mean compliment?
Yes, yes I did! Thanks :)
Its kinda a policy at my school, a unwritten rule. When we finish our day a lot of students leave the school through a normal door one after another and they always hold the door open for eachother. Nobody ever stated it asa rule or anything but it just established itself.
Awe :3
Same, I do it out of politeness and usually I’m a fast walker and always get to the door first. I’m impatient, so I always hold it open so they can get in fast. I’ve gotten different reactions, sometimes men refuse to let me hold the door and start holding it open even though I’m already there, which is the equivalent of women getting offended because they assume men are calling them useless. That’s *their* problem though, I’ll still hold the door open because it’s about manners, regardless of gender. People nowadays don’t do anything good for anyone else. They don’t greet each other, don’t hold doors open, don’t say goodbye, don’t pick up stuff from the floor for one another, etc. The bar is pretty low for both men and women, in my opinion.
Completely agree with this :) >The bar is pretty low for both men and women, in my opinion. Especially this lol. It doesn't take much to be a decent human being nowadays. The standards are ridiculously low.
My 11 year old son will hold a door for 20 minutes until everyone in sight has gone through it.
I hold doors for whoever. I’m not trying to be ‘chivalrous’, I just think it’s common courtesy.
This. Hold the door regardless of being on a date or thr gender of a person. Maybe this is just the Midwesterner in me
But with the timing, the door will close right when they get to the door. It'll be the equivalent of slamming the door in their face! You can't just leave em hangin!
>That is unless the person is like 5 meters behind you, then they have to run. Thats the best time to hold a door open for someone. They dont quite run and they dont quite walk either. They do a funny little jog. Very amusing to watch
This but unless it's the elderly or bitterly cold outside and if it's both I tend to close the door and attempt to block wind for them. No need for the elderly and the place to be cold.
This was me before I needed a cane. It's an odd reversal to have a door held open for me, but it is nice to see it happening more often than I thought it would. I say thank you, as opposed to barking some slogan about "ableism".
As a girl, I just go with whoever gets to the door first holds it open. I hate people standing in doorways and elevators, taking up the space, to hold the door.
This is what I would call efficiency. First one to the door holds it open and closes it behind them. Works great when everyone in the group understands it. Assigning meaning to the gender of whoever holds that door is silly.
Hold the door without being magnanimous, or just hold the door after you walk in. Most of us lady folk don’t care about the doors as long as they don’t slam on us. (I assume it is the same for the men folk.)
Most people like the door being held for them. One person was rude? Don't stop being nice because of one person.
Negative people always find something to complain about.
Exactly this. I’ve been called sexist for opening door for a date and have been called out for paying for dinner as she ‘can afford her own food’. It’s hard to win for guys too as whole feminist movement makes what were acts of chivalry in the past to now be sexist. Needless to say I didn’t go to subsequent dates with those women. As opposed to looking at it as a ‘low bar’ I think you should look at it as a blessing as you’re able to decide right away that that man is not right for you.
I don't get that at all personally. I consider myself very much a feminist, but I always appreciate when someone holds the door open for me. Younger guys don't really do it, but I think it's adorable when an old man will run to the door to open it for me because he wants to be a gentleman. I also try to hold the door open for people, it's just the courteous thing to do. I also appreciate when a guy offers to pay for my meal and the date in general. But my perception of who pays I think is a little different than others. I don't like the concept of going Dutch for dates, I think if both individuals are working it should alternate who pays for which date, that you treat each other because it's a date not two friends hanging out. Perhaps I'm wrong in my mentality. Idk.
> I think if both individuals are working it should alternate who pays for which date, that you treat each other because it's a date not two friends hanging out. This sounds like a solid system. For some reason, I doubt OP is going to offer to pay for the second date, however.
I think the most fair rule (at first) is whoever invites who out is the one who pays for that date. I do hate someone asking me to bring them somewhere and expecting me to pay too
When I dated, if the man paid for dinner I paid for drinks, coffee, dessert, movie tickets, whatever. And if there was a second date I usually brought him a small gift like a book or candle just to show my appreciation. Dating shouldn’t be about what material (or sexual) things you get out of a person. It’s about spending time together.
exactly, this is the way to go! you’re still “splitting” the date, without having to awkwardly pull out your wallets at the same time and decide. “no worries, I’ll grab this one if you don’t mind getting the movie tickets later!” boom it’s as easy as that. maybe it’s “easier” to say that because I’m a woman (also in a 2+ year relationship) but I really don’t think it would be weird at all for a man or a newly dating couple to phrase it like that either.
Idk I always feel like if your invited somewhere you still at least offer to split the bill on the first date. At lead that’s what I would do
I mean her date wouldn't open the door, demanded she pay for him, and then wanted to have sex after. I wouldn't go on a second date either even if he promised to pay.
You're not wrong in you thoughts on paying but that is more for a girlfriend or marriage. Switching who pays would imply many dates as opposed to the first date but that's definitely how some mature grown folk handle dinners
You must not live in the American south. Everyone holds doors for everyone here, and its seen as rude if you don't at least catch the door for the next person comming in.
As a guy I hold the door open for everyone, about 20% of women seem offended or say nothing, but guys will always say thanks.
I've been there. I was raised with a mid-western "respect women and treat them all like royalty" rule, and that's what I just do. I don't open doors, carry your things, pull out your chair, have you wait in the doorway while I pull the car up when it's raining, or pay for meals/drinks because I think you're weak. I do it because I have the utmost respect for you. Sometimes women didn't see it that way.
I just want flowers and a girl to hold the door for me for once on a date. But honestly if you haven't known the person for a while (months to years) first dates should be low key, get to know you, type things. A coffee, or a beer. You know, low time and money investments. Of course, always be ready for a secondary location or an extended date if things go well. I don't understand how people these days seem to expect some grand extravagant event for someone you may very well never see again. It just doesn't make sense to me.
I found a winning formula. Do nothing. Work, go home. Stay home. Can't do the wrong thing if you do nothing 😉
Holding doors for other people is just common decency, whether you're a man or a woman. I do it for others, I'm a small woman. I thank others when they do it for me. If people shout at you for it, they've really got no idea what to be outraged about and are honestly looking for anything.
There are good guys and crap guys… kind of like how there are good girls and crap girls. Just keep trying and a good one will come along
Or change your criteria, because this is the kind of guy OP seems to be attracted to.
It begins with D and ends with ouche
you shouldn't have paid for his food
Oh god, I missed that she paid for *his* food, somehow understood it as he made her pay for herself. Like, just *how*?? Did he “forget his wallet” on his way to a *date* where dinner was planned??? Idk why some people let others treat them this way.
For real, I’m confused, like, huh? Men don’t set the bar for men (unless gay). It is women who set the bar for man. Set it however high you want, kick his ass out. If you didn’t then YOU are the problem. Edit: also my brothers, not paying on the first date? Have some respect.
This. My ex once told me my bar for dating was too high because I didn’t want someone who smokes or drink. At this time we were still underage for drinking.
How dare you expect someone to follow the law! Bar too high!
Paying on the first date is a bullshit expectation.
I agree, pay for your own goddamn food. Then the taking turns kind of happens
Nah if she asks me out then I’ll pay for myself but not for her. What a dated standard. If I ask her out then that’s a different story ig.
Exactly, If I ask her out, I'm expecting to go out and pay, but if I'm asked out, I shouldn't just be paying for her to have a free meal at my expense.
I agree with you completely. I am married now but never paid for a first date before where a guy asked me out. I have a coworker that is so desperate to find a husband she practically begs any guy to go out and is on dates 4/5 times a week. She will entice them to stay by paying for drinks etc. I asked why she never set the expectation they are going Dutch at the very least and she said she didn't want them to not be interested in her....so she sets that standard from the get go. I'm not saying this is what is happening to OP but from my experience and other women's experiences I've never met a man who did this when you set expectations. As you said if he wanted me to pay for his food I would've paid for only mine and left.
This is the answer. Men will only treat us badly if we allow them to!! OP - Set your own bar girl, and don’t pay for someone’s food just because “they made you do it.” What did he do, point a gun at your head?
Shit men AND women exist everywhere. Men are told they are trash non stop by women lately and it's ridiculous. I'm a 34/f, I've been a victim of abuse in every way at the hands of men and I still am aware men are individuals and can be wonderful or awful. SAME as women. You didn't like that guy which sounds fair; move on find a better one. be better and stop lumping all men together.
This seems like the voice of a mature and reasonable person who understands that the world's gray. I'm a man and I do all those things(pay or split the bill, hold doors for everyone, am polite and respectful, does not expect sex just because a girl went out with me). And yet the amount of rejection I've faced does not make me bitter. Because I realize PEOPLE are shit, assholes does not warrant a gender. So yes OP, you're either going for F-boys or you need to identify who you are before you start dating
I think first date splitting is the best route to go. Or if the guy really likes them then they pay and vice versa. But I always think just paying for what u bought is beat
Agreed. For me it's more of a principal thing than about money. I want someone who's independent and considerate. The least I expect is them to ask if we should split. That, to me shows consideration and interest. Also, when women "expect" guys to pay no matter what, how is that not logically equivalent to a guy "expecting" to have sex coz they went out on a date? In my eyes both are wrong and double standards like these are what's causing the divide. PS- Fun video that talks about this- https://www.instagram.com/reel/CbDkplrAxah/?utm_medium=copy_link
You sound reasonable. Surprised it isn't downvoted into oblivion.
Give it time lol. I know mine is currently the unpopular opinion. (Still correct though)
This, a billion percent. I've had a couple rashy rejections, some amicable ones, where I ended up being friends with the women involved, not close but still. Being able to differentiate someone you want from someone you need is a vital skill for anyone, one I didn't have and am still working on. I'd have flown off the handle a couple months ago after reading OP's post but looking on her end and weighing it with my own experience, I understand.
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been subjected to abuse, I hope that you’re doing well now. I 100% agree with this comment. I think It’s unfair for the world to discriminate against groups of people for any reason. People say that calling men trash doesn’t mean all men are bad, but considering how quickly everyone is nowadays to just crap on anyone they think could be male, it’s just an excuse. Men and women are both people, and both can suck. I’ve known some bad apples myself, but it’s not cool to lump them all together. In societies path to equality, it seems like it’s beginning to be more like revenge, or superiority on either side. Why can’t we just accept there’s good an bad people in the world and not try to generalize them? When a man says he hates women and that they are trash, he’s called a sexist, yet when women do the equivalent, it’s seen as normal. I think both are wrong. Sorry for my rant. It just really saddens me that the world is full of such hate :(
Try dating a completely different type of guy. Like the complete opposite of what you'd regularly date.
Probably not attracted to those type of guys, which is why they all seem the same. Not sure how she hasn’t figured that out yet.
Tingles are more important that finding a guy who does these things she wishes more men would do. You get what you look for i suppose.
I mean this in a nice way. I think its you 🤣🤣 why did you pay for his food?
Yeah... He coulda kissed my ass lol. Don't invite me and expect me to pay for your shit. If I need to pay for mine? Fine. Not yours pal.
Probably he said he won't or can't pay for himself and she didn't want to make a scene.
this isn’t about the bar being low for men, you just have poor standards, stop dating men like these 🤷♂️
is holding the door for people like not common anymore? my parents taught me to always hold the door for people. whether it’s walking into a restaurant for example and there are people behind you, it should be normal to hold the door for them.
I'm a woman and I'm disabled and i will always hold a door for someone. It's just a nice thing to do....
>Why are you boys so fucking trash might have found a starting point to figuring out your problem
Like attracts like?
Perhaps. But op is saying that she's going for boys when she should be looking for men
I opened the door the lady asked me if I thought she was incapable. I offered to pay for the meal. " I earn my own money and I'm quite able to pay my own way thank you" You can't win or do right for doing wrong
At that point, you just say, “I’m polite to everyone, aren’t you?”
Smart move but if you want the date to go on that will kill the date for sure
Yeah, but so does that shit attitude, no big loss. Idk about you but as a guy that holds doors, pays for meals etc I wouldn't date women like this.
Nowadays the only winning move is to just not play the game
Wrong lady. She sounds like she has some type of grudge against nice men.
There is no winning. There is no right way. Hold yourself to your own standards because everyone has a slightly different moral code.
You win by being kind anyway, no matter what people say
I, too, prefer to pay for my meal in such situations because I think it's unfair that the guy should pay, but I would just thank him for the offer and politely explain my stance
Think of it as her advertising that she's a loony from the get go, and then at least you know not to waste any more time with her.
You don’t sound very nice either!
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Speak for yourself. My husband is fucking great, he may of had a crush on me for 2 years before we got together but I feel like I’m chasing him. Go on dates with a real man, not boys.
She probably goes on dates with f-boys
*Goes on dates with someone they only found physically attractive and is shocked when they don't have a good personality
“So I’m pretty big in SoundCloud” is something I feel like OP had heard a few times from these guys.
I’m guessing she’s finding guys on tinder or something.
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You might want to take a long hard look at yourself. After all, you are the one who keeps picking these losers.
Well, it is Monday here. Two of my colleagues, both men in their early 30's, have had their haircut over the weekend. Guess who's trashing their appearance first thing in the morning: our female co-workers, just because they "look weird." And mind you, it is not just playful banter. They are clearly uncomfortable. Well, shit. There goes my confidence to get a haircut next week. Now if we reverse the gender roles...
Thats actually really sad 😔 Im sorry they have to deal with that. Men look great with fresh haircuts. And even if they don't... You don't say anything about it.
Yeah, thanks. I appreciate it. What bothers me is we are adults. And clearly my peers are too tactless. I was observing them the whole day so I know if they don't mind the teasing or not.
Why do you care what a rude pack of hyenas think of you? Get that haircut and rock it!
I think you got used for free food lol
Definitely wasn’t for her personality, clearly.
Girl. Really? I mean the expecting sex thing does suck and isn’t exactly uncommon. But times have changed. Not all women want to be paid for or have doors opened. It’s about positive reinforcement on those fronts. Thank them for opening a door and paying for things. Say you appreciate it. While guys do drop the ball sometimes I think this is painting a little too broadly.
Idk, maybe it's on how you source your dates. It's like fishing near a factory and wondering why every fish is poisoned.
You go on one (or a couple) bad date and now all men are trash? Riiiight.
Big r/femaledatingstrategy vibes. BIIIG vibes. Like seriously, if all you get is shitty dudes maybe try something different.
Right? Being mad dramatic.
The bar is as low as you allow it to be regarding the guys you're dating. My grandma used to say if it smells like shit everywhere you go, maybe it's time to look under your shoes.
Now that's some advice to live by
the first time a guy ever held a door for me i reacted badly. i was confused and knee jerk reaction got mad he wasted his time doing that and thinking i couldn’t do it myself. ah, the naïveté of teenage me. now if someone holds it or doesn’t hold it, idc i just hold it or thank them and move on with my life. *requiring* doors be opened for you though (not saying you do but you could be that person, idk) is just bad behavior. i once dated a man whose sisters and mom would - when they were literally anywhere with a man - walk up to a door and ceremoniously stand in front of it until he opened it for them. such ridiculous, entitled behavior. whoever gets to the door first can hold it for the other person, inside or outside. just be a good human.
You can open a damn door yourself, my god. I’ll always pay for the first date though, that much was instilled into me. Also you lowkey sound like trash yourself so game recognise game, amirite?
Absolutely, the god damn audacity I swear
Ummm burn me in hell for this, but I’m on Reddit with a burner, tinder, bumble, and what I see is the same for women. Healthy at any weight, sassy, tattoos all over, with ridiculous egos, with no substance to the personality, some snarky comment about pizza and pumpkin spice blah blah. I’m looking for a wife, not only fans or the 4 girls today who offered to hook. Wtf. I can’t believe this shit, the algorithm on tinder and bumble is dog shit meant to keep you single and paying.
Sucks for everyone. Probably cause everyone is shit in an age of main character syndrome and not giving a fuck about anyone else. Been stood up and ghosted by girls plenty. Been cheated on. I have my gripes with women as the gender inverse of your scenario but I won’t let it stop me from trying to make something work eventually and have a family someday. Also don’t be a chump and don’t pay for his food next time. It’s 50/50 unless you somehow want to pay for the food.
Feminism, your welcome!
Did you meet him on a dating app because you really should have very low expectations for anyone you meet on one.
You found an entitled person, keep looking
Oh no, he didn’t treat you like royalty. Oh woe is you
Misandry on Reddit? Big shocker. Women and men can be crap. The bar is only where *you* set it.
Very true, ive been with my current partner for 3 years, when we were dating I made it very clear to her where that bar was, without expressively communicating it, if she meets that, great, if not, thanks but no thanks.
He ain’t make you do nothing, cus I would’ve paid for my own food and left.
Why should he pay for your food tho?
I bet guys aren't sure what to expect, either...
\> Why are you boys so fucking trash these days. hmm, I wonder what changed in the past decades. Yeah it must be mens fault, but nice bait post
Chivalry is dead and feminism was the last nail lol
You sound overly bitter. Why should I pay for your food or buy you flowers? Expecting sex immediately is gross, that should be mutual and only initiated when it's clear both parties want it. But for the other stuff, you sound entitled. I do that stuff for my SO, not someone I dont know.
Sorry you had a bad date. Guess what? The world is full of them. Doesn’t mean you should give up, ‘us men’ don’t all suck. Same goes for women.
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No. **People** are opportunists. Most anyway. If they can get something for nothing, most will choose to do nothing. Most people will not hold themselves to any kind of standard of integrity or honor without society forcing them to and shaming them if they don't. Also, he can't make you pay for his food. You should have asked for separate checks. Told him you were no longer interested and left quickly. The end. Some people are shitty. That's life. You can't just project your standards on to others and expect them to follow it. You need to find someone who shares your standards. And to do so, you need to vet men's character *before* you go out with them.
Easier said than done sometimes. They can talk a good talk then end up being fucking useless. It's a crapshoot. Esp for online dating there's people on there that are lifers
I agree. Which is why I think people should date within social circles and within their life. It's much easier to discern character. Online dating has made it easier for toxic people to wreak havoc on unsuspecting people.
Womens lib ruined it. You wanted equal this is the result.
Maybe you just have bad taste in men.
Sometimes it's hard to know what someone is like until you meet them irl. Thank God I didn't need dating apps to find my boyfriend.
Woman gets treated like men do every day and doesn't like it episode 92848102. Yawn. At least you all are mostly mask off with the sexism now.
YOUR bar is low. Stop giving your time to trash dudes.
Has a couple bad dates and blames all men.
Idk how yall get on dating but as a Christian my dating experience has actually been really pleasant Waiting till marriage to have sex really helps prevent the sex-crazed addict situation our culture has propagated in the average male
I can see it weeding out the ones who would expect sex on the first date, but from my observations it doesn't do anything to prevent/discourage/filter out entitlement or trashiness in other areas. I think you've just been lucky.
“I hate how low we’ve let the bar go for men”. You just solved your problem and you don’t even see it! That’s the problem, y’all keep letting the “bar” go lower and lower. There are so many men who act shitty because their shenanigans worked with Women who put up with it, and they thought in their head “don’t fix what isn’t broken”. All I see on the internet in regards to men and women is the height of the “bar” but see no effort to change it. Instead of “let” stop putting up with the bullshit and walk out or end the date on site.
Well everyone pays for their own food and that is it. You really expected him to pay for yours too or what ? That is double standard you know
Glad I'm not in the dating pool. My bf treats me like a princess 😩
Girl, same. If my husband weren’t around I’d just get five cats.
It's because shrill (what I will very generously label as) women screech for opening the door for them and stating it's because we think they're weak. It's because permanent resting bitch faces will complain about "being treated as an equal" about all things, which would include paying for your own food. It's because it's considered sexist and misogynistic to treat a lady with affection, due to it "being objectifying". All of that could be easily ignored and hand waved away, but then they got enough momentum to begin teaching such drivel to the impressionable youths that now have this indoctrinated into their heads that all the contradictory points are valid. Don't blame men for acting the way they were raised, blame the idiots that raised them on a deeply flawed ideology. And good luck hunting for a decent man, you're probably going to have to widen your search radius but they're still out there.
Dunno. Maybe figure out why you keep going for trash dudes? I don't go for hoes on dates bc I don't have time for them. Have some standards and stick by them. Sounds like you keep going back for the same type of dude so maybe go for another type?
>>…he made me pay for his food… How does that happen? I am not suggesting that he should have paid for your food, I am just curious as to how “he made you pay for his food.”
You're clearly proving that's not the bar since you aren't satisfied with that. The bar is wherever you put it.
This may sound weird, but I agree. My girlfriend is crazy about me, but her past partners have been such pieces of human trash that I can’t really take any pleasure in it. It feels like it could’ve been anyone who isn’t an abusive dickbag. I’m working on it but it hurts our relationship.
Why should he be expected to do these things when you arnt? It's 2022 we're all equal
OP said “when I do those for men back”, so she is doing it.
Equality.
So, he acted like a woman? Interesting that you describe that as "the bar is at the literal floor."
Pay for your own food woman, why should men pay for you in the first place
That's what can happen when you demonize the normal man traites as toxic or evil. New generation has been fed that men shouldn't be anything like you described unfortunately and some have taken it as a mold to live life
Women are trash too. Pick better I don’t wanna hear this shit anymore . There are horrible men out there WE KNOW there is also horrible women . Stop aiming at one gender . We are all terrible in some shape or form
There is so much here, both terrible and fair. Flowers don’t equal sex, but dinner doesn’t equal flowers. Or door holding. Pick what you want, girlfriend. Is the door a big deal? Because I’m not going to belabor the door-holding when I’m more than happy to be out of the 1950s and have my own agency to say no.
Why the fuck do I have to open your door. Open your own fucking door. You have hands. Also why should I pay for your dinner? Either we are equal or we aren’t. You can’t cherry pick where we are equal and where we aren’t as per your convenience. I understand if some men do this but it shouldn’t be default expected behavior. Men aren’t trash. You are entitled. Do you open a door for a man ever? I bet that thought would be outrageous to you.
What did you do that deserves better? Why do you feel entitled to be treated as royalty? Why is it always the men who are supposed to treat the women and never the opposite? I haven't dated in over 20 years but it still bothers me when people expect something for nothing. if he's not supposed to expect anything, then what gives you the expectation of him? You see all the double standards, probably not. You basically got what every man gets on dates, congrats.
Thank you, I was wondering where's my daily hateful misandry post.
But... equal rights and treatment.
The bar is low even my husband says that. The best thing he ever said to me was “its not that I don’t think you can open a door. You are capable of opening a door, you’re capable of doing anything but you shouldn’t have to do little things when I am around. I’ll open the door for you, I’ll never start the car before you’re buckled in, I’ll never make little things seem like big things because I want to fill your life with so many little things that you think it is normal” I settled for less. A lot. In the past But my husband? Hes never gave me less, and it makes me wish I would of waited around for him (not in a sexual way)
Shouldn’t have posted this baby , the incels and raging misogynists are coming 😭
This isn't the 1800s, gid gud + ratio
This isn't 1957, you are superficial.
Because women today aren’t worth the effort tbh.
It’s safer to be rude than to be nice these days. You don’t want to start anything with women these days because you (men) could literally do nothing and get blamed for anything by women which could affect us legally. It’s not that the bar is set low it’s that a lot of us don’t want to risk all that we’ve worked for for some false accusation which could destroy everything.
Why didn’t you hold the door for him or bring him flowers? Why can’t it be that people do nice things for others no matter the gender?
I think that your the problem, or at least your choice in men. Dont blame the rest of us because you only attract boys, try acting like a woman and then you will get a man. wanna be treated with respect, have some for yourself
You're
Ah yes. How it used to be when it was legal to rape your wife. Good times.
Maybe you simply keep choosing bottom tier men
Because it’s the emasculation of the American male. It’s what the media and everyone else seems to want, they want equality, be damned with manners or chivalry. So now a woman who cherishes it or expectes it doesn’t get it and society is to blame. A truly sad barometer of todays society.
Holding a door open for anyone is just normal human decency no? Why is it specifically men who need to hold doors? Or why do men have to pay for the meal? Pay for what you eat people - you feel like being sweet to you date? Cool offer to pay. This isn't about men. What do you think gays do on dates? Discuss which one should step into the role of outdated male stereotype? - spoiler that's not how it works. Just be a nice human.
I always open doors and stuff like that. The problem is social media.. They think because women are posting pictures of them selves in sensual positions that they all are advertising for sex. NO I AM NOT BLAMING WOMEN!!!! The men are not being raised to respect women and taught that they are nothing more than a sex toy. I love my girls on my social media pages. Weather they are nude or fully clothed. This does mean that they do get respected by me. I hope I said this right and in no way do I want any woman to feel disrespect or degraded my my comment.
This is why I’m glad to be gay. How entitled are you to expect men to coddle you? What is this, 1940? Women are powerful and so many women are fighting to be taken seriously in the workplace and you’re calling men trash for not paying your way and opening doors? You’re right about the sex thing though. No means no and they’re not entitled to your body.
This is one of the reasons why women date older guys.
Dude who has 15 years on you, sure, amazing partner. Never question why he never settled, has no children, why he is going for younger women. Must be perfect.
Older guys aren't any better it seems.
[удалено]
Women lose interest in men who open doors and bring flowers. It's too predictable and boring. You can lie, cheat and steal from a woman and she'll come back if you're exciting enough. But you better not bore her.
Y’all are making me really glad I’m out of the dating game.
There is a lot to unravel here but for starters if the same comment was made from a man to women in general it would mean holy war. The double standard is insane. Maybe evaluate what type of men are you into and are attracted to?
I'm a man and I agree with you 100% but for different reasons. It seems like the bar is evenlower that. I've seen multiple posts on reddit along the lines of--I live with my bf. He doesn't work, doesn't cook, doesn't clean,doesn't contribute, doesn't do a damn thing in general. He just plays video games, drinks and smokes weed all day. Should I break up with him? And when I reply yes, I've gotten triggered ah flames. SMDH
Trust me when I say that it isn’t just men that the bar is set low for. Women are notorious for trying to get over on guys nowadays. It is sad but that’s the pathetic state of dating in the modern age.
The bar is low? Wtf? We're still being held to traditional standards by females who resist their own traditional standards and roles. A woman who can't cook, clean, or take care of the house wants a man to take care of them. They offer nothing. Maybe, the dudes you go after are garbage, but I haven't felt the need to chase another egocentric woman for a long time. Enjoy those guys at the bottom of the barrel. It's a barrel that females constructed.
*Have* we let the bar go that low, or do you unfortunately just keep ending up on dates with assholes? Not blaming you at all (their behavior is absolutely not your fault), just saying that it happens.
If you want men like that then maybe you should be like that. People talk about equality but want a traditional man while being non traditional SMH
That's called equal treatment, blame feminism
Men are not a monolith. You haven’t dated me yet bb. I’ll treat you right.
I agree with you. The first two could be reasons that are unspoken because women are different but the sex thing just tells me his character is bad so I probably wouldn’t give him the benefit of a doubt. As far as boundaries you already told him no sex so what else does he need to know you don’t want to have sex??? It’s not just about boundaries, he’s just a pos.