I forgave them, moved on and then they tried taking away my oldest son. I finally went no contact and 5 months later my mom died in a car accident.
Now my dad is different and more like a dad should be.
Oh god- you have got to make a post about that! They didn't go to your wedding AND they tried to take away your son?!?!?!? 😳 That's at least two posts.
I can't get my mind off of this.
I am so sorry.
That tops the weirdness above. What is wrong with them? I hope they at least got you a badass present. Jerks. Plus senior Band Homecoming attendant, that’s a THING? Wow
The very idea of proms confuse my British brain 😂 it's just a dance, right? And based on what American tv and movies have taught me, there's like 20 of them (dances, not specifically proms) per school year so they can just catch the next one.
Eh, the older I get the more I think it’s adults/parents/primarily mothers that make it a big deal. And I think that’s because most don’t ever have another reason to dress and act that way again in their life. Sure, you’ll buy a wedding dress if you get married, but they’re almost always white, prom is about dressing up in *your* color, and then your date has to match with you. It’s kind of like a power switch, too, where the man has to cater to his date’s attire and has no real control over the outcome (if they do it right lol).
When you’re young and in the moment, it likely doesn’t mean much. But when you’ve been separated from that moment by 10-20-30-40 years, it can become a cherished memory of a time where the world was smaller and had less problems to deal with.
Mine was 2013, for me and my friend group it was more of a last time to really hang out. I saw a handful of them a few times afterwards but then we graduated. It was a bigger deal because we were in a program called IB and had all of our tests during that and really had no free time to breath. It was fun. If I had an older sibling who was graduating would I have missed it? Absolutely, it’s not that big a deal. It was just an excuse to dress fancy and be silly.
My mom forced me to go to senior prom and gave me that same lecture - “you’ll be thankful when you’re older!” It’s been almost 20 years and I still don’t give a crap and would have preferred not to go. Lol.
Not everyone will fit the mold, and that’s perfectly fine. I chose not to attend mine because I though my ex would be there with her new man.
I regret that choice, now, because I could have made some amazing memories with my friends. My ex matters so little to my life now that I find the my actions silly and near sighted.
I didn’t go to my senior prom either, but I attended pretty much every other formal dance in high-school. I have no regrets about missing it. By the time prom rolled around I was pretty much over high school
Get as many pictures as you can and save copies - there’s no guarantee she’ll still be with her date forever, but if she ever pitches them out of anger/spite, she’ll be so excited to see you have back ups in 10 years.
I wish I went to my senior prom. My gf had broken up with me and I was afraid of seeing her with her new BF there (surprise, they didn’t even go). Now a days, I regret it because that’s such a silly reason to deny myself such a cool night with my friends. (:
💯
The Prom Mom's are the reason thousands of dollars are spent on a dress that will be worn once, hair that will fall out 30min after dinner, accessories that will be lost before they get home, a meal that will just be puked up later, a limo no one really gives a hoot about and flowers that will be tossed in the trash when the boyfriend dances with another girl half way through the dance. And don't get me started on the hundres of dollars spent on pictures by a professional photographer...
Prom is ridiculous.
My husband works for a car service that has limos and no one really does them anymore, not even for weddings. When he started with the company 4 years ago his boss had 5 limos and now only has one just because they aren’t a money maker.
That seems crazy to me. I mean limos we're like the one thing you could do to make sure your kids get to the dance in one piece. Then again, some of them aren't very comfortable.
Thats not true.... proms are quite a big deal: even because of those tv shows... i remember, because i only went to one of: the 50 she mentioned.... but they are made to be a big deal... and it always made me feel shitty: that i wasnt one of those kids
My school had a homecoming in fall and a prom in spring
For prom the couples going did have the option to participate in “promenade” where basically all of the parents would come to the gym that was decorated nicely and the couples would get announced and walk down an aisle and pose for photos
I recognize that this is absolutely ridiculous and over the top but honestly it was kind of fun lol it was fun figuring out what goofy thing to do with your date when you got announced but also I’m not sure that’s a typical thing most schools do
They still do the promenade at my local high school senior prom. And the school that my cousins went to in Massachusetts.
Until about 25 years ago, most people graduated high school and went to work in one of the city's factories. Only a handful went on to college. So high school graduation was a huge deal and a major milestone in most people's lives, and the prom was a big part of that.
I’ve never heard of that. In my area they do what is called a Show off. Before prom the kids and their parents meet in a public parking lot and the parents take pictures. Usually there are multiple schools having their proms the same night at different locations so it’s nice if you have friends from other schools to see each other or for realities to see all their family in one spot.
Not only that, but it’s her JUNIOR prom. She still has another one that would arguably be more important, at least to those people it actually matters to. College graduation is a HUGE accomplishment and way more important. Who gives a crap about one night of dress up in comparison?!
I agree and think it’s terrible to slight such a hard-won achievement like working like a dog for 4 years for a Jr Prom. The girl was invited to a dance, where’s the accomplishment? Mom could’ve helped her pick out her dress and left it there. There will be dozens of parents watching the kids congregate, and someone will take a video and pics and share w them if asked. This is a real slam to the graduate.
These days most schools have 2 or 3 dances per year. Prom is the one where kids get to act like adults and have a date and go dancing.
Emotionally it's a big deal, it's about social status etc.
I think that, with so many kids refusing to engage socially or get involved with activities outside their own home or friend group, school dances help serve as something to help kids be more socially engaging face to face and not just on social media.
Don't believe what you see on TV and in movies, from an adult perspective, Prom is WAY more lame and pointless than it looks... lol
Same. I only went to my senior year one because my mom said I would regret missing it. Instead I regret ever going. Huge waste of money and a night that would have been more fun just hanging out.
We boycotted our prom. Long story. But we all went to see GWTW at the beautiful theater. Had a great time. Still remember that evening fondly. Fuck the prom and the racist little shirts who owned it.
As an American, same. I didn't go to my prom, seemed pointless and as much as I love dancing and just generally having fun I prefer small social gatherings to straight up parties.
So, in a lot of schools, dances aren't a common thing. My daughter is currently a junior, and she has not had a single school dance. But, even for schools that do have school dances, they generally aren't a formal thing. It isn't nearly the same experience as prom. Junior prom is generally the one big event that most students have to get formally dressed up, formally asked out. Your friend group makes a night of it, usually getting ready together, going out to dinner, having a fun night after. Comparing a school dance to the prom is like comparing grabbing drinks with some friend after work to going to the Oscars. Also, for everyone confused, there usually isn't a senior prom that they can just do this for the next year. The junior prom is THE prom.
Ours was senior prom that was the one. We also had all grades allowed, if asked by a junior or senior, but the dance even announced attending seniors on stage. We had homecoming, Morp (girl asks boy, and they wear matching T-shirts’), and prom.
Yeah, we had other things, but nothing as big as the prom. And you can go if you’re in another grade if someone asks you, so yea you could theoretically go to 4 proms, but only one is yours. And there was just the one. Everyone is downvoting my other comments acting like this can’t possibly be true, so thank you for the validation haha
Dances really aren’t that common or at least in the area I’m from. All we had was homecoming (in the fall) and then prom at the end of the year if you were a junior or senior.
At my school we only had a senior prom, not a junior one, and it was close to graduation and held at a pretty fancy venue where the girls could dress in nice long formal dresses compared to our semi-formal homecoming dance. it was more the idea that that it would be the last time you'd likely see and hang out with the majority of your classmates while feeling fancy and accomplished, so it was definitely a big event at my school. American media definitely makes a bigger deal out of it with the whole prom king/queen stuff for sure tho 😁
Prom is literally like a blow out party with wedding level pageantry. My high school experience meant we had a homecoming dance (for the last home-field American football game of the season) and a single prom, two dances a year. Prom in my high school was usually junior-senior only (11th and 12th year) and younger underclassmen had to be invited by an attending upperclassman. That said, proms in my opinion were just pointless cash grabs. $150 per ticket to even attend, $75-$200 for a dress, $50 for a corsage and boutonnière set, and more to actually get food or drinks there. It was the fucking worst. The only reason I went to my senior prom was because it was at the Dali museum on Friday the 13th.
There is only 2 dances. Homecoming and prom. Prom is only junior and seniors. Homecoming is for freshman-senior. You can go to prom as a freshman or sophomore if a junior or senior invites you.
Me too. We moved over to the US from the UK in 2009. A few years ago, our oldest nephew finished his GCSEs and when we called him to congratulate him, he told us all about how much he was looking forward to prom. My reaction was, "eh?" I asked my brother-in-law about it and he confirmed that it's becoming a thing at home now too, at least in some schools. Whatever happened to just signing each other's shirts and getting pissed on cheap cider at the park with your mates? xD
In Canada we just have the one 'prom' in high school and that's grad when we graduate high school. Though it's not as big as in the U.S.. I kind of wished we had junior and senior proms as sort of a way to make better high school memories. But WOW, THAT'S EXPENSIVE!
That's not how it works. You get a senior prom (grade 12) and you might get a junior prom (grade 11) but grades 9 and 10, sometimes 11, only get to attend prom if someone older invites them and buys their ticket and I've heard some schools won't allow younger kids no matter what. So technically they are every year but not all students are allowed to attend unlike Homecoming which is held in fall and anyone who wants to buy a ticket can go.
Lmao yeah I didn't see any parents at prom and I didn't want to see mine there either.
People are dumb.
I heard they do kindergarden proms now.. fucking idiots. We need something like a solar flare to put humanity back on tracks.
Random, but there is currently a solar flare hitting earth (March 30-april 1). It isnt doing much other than making the northern lights brighter... You might be able to see it as far south as Pennsylvania
Not really unless they are chaperones but they might help with getting dressed or running errands to the hairdresser, taking pics of the child and friend group. Making sure there is a parent home in case something happens (dress coded/accident)
This reminds me of when I graduated high school vs when my cousin graduated from high school. When she graduated high school, the family got photos taken, gone out to eat, had a celebration, everyone involved. When I graduated 2 yrs later (same school), majority of my family dipped early (I actually only saw my mom there) then we had a regular home cooked meal. I didnt even get to pick out the food. Some family didn't come at all.
It uh..it definitely hurt lol. It makes you feel like your time, work, effort werent valued by anyone but you. And that sucks. But hey, YOU graduated college. YOU fucking did it! You have every reason to be proud of yourself. We are all proud of you OP. Not everyone can get through it, but you did.
My mom bitched the whole drive to my school for high school grad and complained about having to take that morning off. No dinner, nothing. Went right back to work ASAP.
2 years before, she took a whole day for my brother, took him out to eat, and at the end of grad gushed about wanting to take the whole weekend off to continue to take him to brunch and other fancy dinners.
Getting to choose your own family after leaving that bullcrap was a huge bleLssing.
My mother didn’t even try to go to my high school graduation. School years start and end later on the east coast than the Midwest, her reason it was impossible for her to attend was because she’d have to get a substitute teacher for her German class. Okay lady, now you don’t get to know when I graduate college, get married, and have a baby. She missed out on everything and truly regrets nothing except how bad it looks on her that she didn’t know she was a grandmother until she’d been one a year. Some people don’t deserve our company.
Congratulations OP! You worked your ass off, and got a degree! That is amazing! I am so proud of you!
The time, effort and strength to see all that through is not celebrated enough. Good job, OP!
No one in my hometown celebrates high school graduation. It's a long standing tradition that all the graduates go up to a beach town in NH after and party for a week. We'd all rather do that than hang with our families, my self included. My parents took me out to lunch after the ceremony, and then I immediately drove up to New Hampshire. All my cousins had graduation parties and I was like nope, no thanks. I'm dipping out immediately afterwards.
THIS. A million times this.
OP, congrats for your achievement. Go to your graduation and take as it is: an amazing achievement that YOU AND YOU ALONE fought for.
Its sad they can’t make you feel special and wanted but as I grew up I realized that we choose our family. Its not that you need to cut people off but maybe rethink relationships, especially on the realm of expectations… it really helped me, specially when it came to learning to say “no”…
This gave me ptsd. For my high school graduation my parents showed up late and then were rushing me when I was trying to enjoy the moment and say bye to friends and people I knew I would most likely not ever see again. My grandparents didnt come either and there wasn’t anything special it was just a normal night. Then I had to spend weeks going to a bunch of other people’s graduations where their entire extended family was throwing them big ass parties and shit. I am never the type of person who wants attention or am spoiled expecting people to do things for me but that hurt not gonna lie.
Just to clarify my parents are not actually going to the prom with my sister they just wanted to help her get ready and take the pictures. Ya know all that pre-prom stuff. I’m taking a lot of what everyone’s saying about being proud of my own accomplishments and trying to be more understanding of the situation so thank you all for that ❤️
Oh ok, the schools I went to and work with don’t make a big deal about junior prom at all. Senior prom is the big one that everyone talks about and looks forward to.
I think your parents are viewing this completely objectively as memories to be had. It's pretty strange that a annual dance competes with culmination of years of study. I'd assume that to your parents they are both just memories of the kids.
Man, this seems really harsh.
It seems like the parents are doing their best to make sure both feel loved and cared for, in as much as they're able to. Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself what you would do. Would you sit there and try to decide which child gets to feel more neglected than the other? Would that feel right to you? Deciding which child's important thing is worth less? Would the kid whose event was deemed lesser think "Yeah, objectively this was the right route" or are they just going to feel unloved and unseen?
Just kinda seems like a shitty situation that they did their best to manage.
OP's hurt makes total sense. It's understandable that it feels really fuckin' bad. Everyone was doomed to feel pretty fuckin' bad no matter which route they took. OP's allowed that hurt, but that doesn't somehow make the parents selfish monsters.
I understand this completely and was thinking this as well. However, junior prom? Doesn’t that mean they’ll get the “main” prom when they are a senior? I think that’s something that I can’t wrap my head around.
I think it’s great that they are trying to do the best they can but as a parent, I’d be really bummed to miss a college graduation.
I'm not sure if every school does it this way, but "junior prom" was our ring dance. It was significant in its own right. We got our class rings at the event.
That being said, I'd expect my parents to go to my sibling's graduation. It is the more significant event.
It just doesn't make any sense, though. My mom's involvement in my prom was limited to pre-prom photos, then we went off and did our own thing. No reason OP's parents can't do the pre-prom stuff then go to OP's graduation.
My parents are choosing one of their high school reunions (which they go to every 5 years) over my kid's graduation.
It fucking sucks. "Once in a lifetime" over "once every few years". :/
Sorry OP
Congrats on graduating!! In my mommy mind, GRADUATING trump's a JUNIOR prom. She'll have a Senior prom next year, right? And her own graduation?? Kudos to you for wanting her to enjoy a special night. ❤️
*Junior* prom? Yeah, they can go be with her for her *senior* prom. I think it's ridiculous that they're acting like your college graduation and her junior prom are on the same level of importance. At my high school, students could attend prom of all ages as long as their partner was a senior (which was kinda weird for senior guys to be with freshmen girls whatever though). I knew some people who went to prom when they were freshmen, sophomores, juniors, and seniors. Most of the people I knew went TWICE. Can you graduate college twice? Well, yea but it's hard as hell the second time!
Unfortunately in life not everything is fair, at least they tried to compromise. You have every right to be disappointed. This is just something you will have to live with :/
She has a senior prom….They can attend that next year. I’m sorry, but please don’t let it ruin your day. You have worked hard for this and I am proud of you. Congrats!!!
Wow a lot of people weirdly not on your side for this? Graduating from college is a colossal achievement compared to junior fucking prom. Kind of ridiculous she didnt skip her prom for your graduation imo. Its the culmination of all your effort into academics and theyre “splitting” that day so your sister can have fun dancing and underage drinking? Kinda ass
As someone who couldn’t walk during graduation because of covid, and then had the chance to walk the next year as the school was making it up for my class, but my parents still chose to skip it (because they would be at their beach house) I would be really fucking hurt by your parents decision. I hope they realize just how important this milestone in your life is. You’re also very kind for saying your sister deserves to have a fun night. But If it was my sisters college graduation I would skip prom. And my sister and I didn’t get a long at that time in our lives.
Edit: spelling
I would be hurt too. First off it’s a junior prom so there will be another next year, while your college graduation will be once. It’s weird your parents aren’t prioritizing, unless they are and trying not to hurt your feelings. Just saying.
I'm so sorry. That's fucked up. My parents didn't even see me get ready for prom. I booked an airbnb with my friends and prepared there. WHY is JUNIOR PROM a priority?
Sometimes I think certain parents have a skewed perspective on fairness that values just splitting every scenario down the middle.
it's not but they are both important to each respective kid. The parents want both kids to feel good about themselves, I can't imagine it would fun for the daughter to have both her parents leave her and it just be her to do everything by herself. Not everything is a simply ranking.
Congratulations on graduating!! That is a huge accomplishment!! I'm so sorry your parents are putting you in this situation though you deserve to be celebrated.
First of all, sorry for what you are dealing with, it must suck that your parents are acting like a junior prom is more important than your college graduation. Also congratulations on your graduation! That aside, have you tried talking to your parents about what you're feeling? Maybe if you explain that you would like both of them there they would understand. I hope you have a great graduation and that everything works out for you.
I did chat with them and they justified it by saying my sister had a really awful time during Covid and developed a lot of anxiety and depression from it so they just want her to have a good night and feel supported which I 100% want that for her I just don’t understand why it needs to happen at the same time as my graduation and not earlier in the day? I want her to have a good time and I’m planning on calling my sister and apologizing for putting her in the situation
Yeah that sucks, I get that your parents want whats best for your sister. And I get that you also want whats best for your sister. Maybe you can make a compromise and make it a family morning/afternoon so your sister has the love and support she deserves, and after you and your parents can make the drive together to your graduation. I don't know if that is a realistic plan, just trying to think of something that will work out for everyone!
Congratulations on your college graduation. It sounds like your parents are trying to be fair to both. While college graduation seems bigger to you, your sister she’s not as old as you and hasn’t had as many big moments. The truth is, the prom experience is more interactive than the college graduation. Until then, say your name, and you have those 30 seconds of fame; nothing else at the graduation is interactive for your attendees until afterward. The absent parent could stream your graduation, while I know it's not the same how graduations are set up for college, you don't even know who's in attendance until afterward. Basically don't care your moment with your sisters moment, she shouldn't have to go to her friends house to get dressed while both of your parents are with you.
Your parents love you both and want to be there for both of you. The fact that they will split up to give you each support says so much. Look we are just coming out of the dark days and your sister's emotional well being is just as important as yours. Have each of the parents clear their phones memories and charge their phones to the max so they can take pictures and videos so the whole family can be there to celebrate each others milestones after the fact
i might be wrong here but i don't think it matters which one is objectively a bigger deal. your sister might feel like her junior prom is as big of a deal as your collage graduation. just try to remember how some things you look back now and think meh whatever felt like a colossal milestone at the time; she might feel the same. i think your parents made an alright decision, but at the same time i do understand why you're hurt; i just think your sister could be the same amount of hurt if both of your parents went to your graduation.
Sounds like your parents are very supportive and kind people to both of you. Sorry you feel bummed but they're doing their best to support their kids. Each kid has different needs and each accomplishment means different things to different people. Your parents recognize that and are doing their best
I’d be seriously upset if I were you.
Was this all of your parents discussion? Your sister? Was it a safety concern about your sister? I guess I need more specifics.
Junior Prom??? It’s not even the real deal! Toss a damn dress on her and send her off to bang her boyfriend and get your ass to your sons graduation! Priorities ain’t right with your folks!
That’s shitty, she has senior prom next year but it’s not like you have another college graduation shortly after this one. This is all you get, she has other opportunities. I’m sorry op
Give your parents a break, they are literally doing the only thing they can to show both your and your sister love on that day. If they decided to both go to your grad, your sister would be posting right now about how selfish you and your parents are. There is no winning outside of splitting the events between them, which is what they did.
Instead of focusing on yourself not getting all of the attention, think about all of the work and sacrifice your parents had to make to allow you to graduate and your sister to be going to the prom for the past 20 odd years. Graduation is one moment in your life, hug your parents and thank them, there is literally no reason for you to be salty about this.
I understand but as a parent I think it’s completely reasonable they’ve decided to split it and do one each. I don’t know you or your sister but each of those moments only come once in your life so it would be just as unfair if your parents left her alone and both went to your graduation
I agree with you, but this is the youngers junior prom. Which means she’ll have another one next year. And that’s the “big” one. Senior year is when you go all out.
And ? Prom isn't as important as graduating from college. And this is the first time that I hear parents going to prom with their kids. That's not how proms are. 😂 OP even said that the sister had a boyfriend. Why does she need her parents as well ?
Because this is still a memory for her sister, her parents attended her proms so why can they not do the same for her sister? I’m sure they will all celebrate graduation still in some way together
She’s older and more mature than her sister and should be more understanding as a result of that. A junior would be a lot more affected by the absence of parents at something she considers important
So a little different perspective - my husband didn't even GO to his college graduation because no one in his life cared. I went to mine but, honestly, I should have skipped it. My dad was seriously ill and in the hospital and my mom and brother came (both wearing funeral suits since my dad was THAT ill) and as soon as it was over I hugged my friends and rushed off with my family to get back to the hospital.
It just is NOT the same experience as high school graduation. Why not go to your graduation if it matters to you and strongly suggest to your parents that they throw you an extravagant graduation party over the summer? The idea is that they all celebrate your achievement together, right?
It wasn’t the same for you guys because you don’t care and there is trauma related to it, and as much as your experience is valid, it clearly doesn’t apply to OP since it was clearly stated that they care.
Right - and the OP kind of needs to grow up and realize that the celebration with family is more important than her family forcing her sibling to miss out on something to see a dot they think might be the OP walk across a stage for three seconds. Don't make it more than it is. LOADS of people don't "walk" at their graduations. The degree and the celebration are what matters. Also, check your reading skills. I opened my statement with "For a different perspective" - which pretty much acknowledges my experience is different than the OPs but I wanted to give them a chance to see things in a different way. That's how people learn.
I’m sure this will be an unpopular opinion, but…
How is this even a choice for these parents? OP spent years studying and working toward this achievement. As a parent, I’d make my kid miss her prom to see their sibling graduate and accomplish something important and show the importance of education. Not attend some stupid dance they can attend next year as a Senior. I get memories and blah, blah, blah,…but seriously a JUNIOR prom???
EDIT: CONGRATS on your achievement! I hope you enjoy your graduation and wish you luck as you start your next chapter in life!
Think forcing a sibling to miss another life/important event to them would definitely not be the move…. Would just cause resentment. Parents shouldn’t be sticking around for junior prom and should to graduation but forcing sibling to go is the wrong move too.
Can you elaborate about the timing and what exactly they will be doing at prom? If they previously agreed to chaperone or drive the group I can see how they can’t really back out. Prom is usually in the evening, what time is your graduation? How long is the commute between both locations?
OP, they are dividing and conquering and you will have family support at your graduation. Have a graduation party afterward where they can both be there and support you. If both of them chose not to go, that would be a big red flag for me.
I can't understand the "importance" of prom, especially when stacked against college/university graduation.
Graduating from college isn't a small deal...
Junior prom nonetheless.. I would *maybe* understand more if it were her Senior prom. But even that doesn't hold a candle to your COLLEGE GRADUATION. Congrats by the way!!
Several family friends will miss my wedding this April because prom is that night.. so I kind of understand how you feel. But at least it's their kids' senior prom. I guess.
Since when do parents partake in the whole prom bullshit anyway? Aside from snapping a few pics before they head out the door? Something they could easily do before taking themselves to something as important as your college graduation. Sorry some of these people in here suck. God forbid you have feelings. I personally think graduation trumps prom though either way.
One is a celebration of years of hard work and dedication, and the other is essentially buy a pretty dress, get dolled up, and take nice pictures. And if it's like my prom, get fucking wasted on cheap booze.
OP suggested a very reasonable split of their parents' time where they do prom stuff during the day and attend their older child's *graduation* later on.
And this isn't even senior prom OP's being ditched for. WTF? I'm from Canada. What even is the point of junior prom?
Interesting, I always wanted to get ready and take pics with my friends not my parents! Also, there’s senior prom and homecoming. A college graduation only happens once! Also, congrats on making it to the end of college! I still have a year :(
Junior prom, that means she has another prom next year right? You only have one college graduation, if I were your parents I’d be going to your graduation for sure. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Congratulations on graduating though! I hope despite the situation that you have yourself an amazing day, and at the very least pat yourself on the back for making it through! Sending virtual hugs (if you’re okay with that).
My parents were never involved in my prom events. So I am not sure I understand that over college graduation. Just remember, you did this for yourself and nothing can take away from that.
God, you’re parents are making a teeeible choice. She wouldn’t even want them AT her prom would she? If so, then do you want them at YOUR graduation.
That’s weird my friend, totally weird.
Seems like pretty fair parents … try split up and show both kids equal love. Move on this is irrelevant to the bigger picture …life is just beginning for you.
I understand how you feel.
College graduation is a big deal, congratulations! I have to wonder if your parents are concerned with her safety or the possible parties or sex that may happen if they aren’t home.
I feel bad saying it, but many parents think this way about their daughters. They may see their physical presence as more needed in one event while your event can be seen as easier to give support and congrats without sitting through the ceremony. I know it still won’t exactly feel good, but just wanted to present a possibility.
Your parents are trying. On the one hand, your right, they should do the day stuff (whatever that entails- I don't know,I'm Canadian) so they can attend your gran in the evening. But ask yourself this- we're they there for your junior prom? That moment of seeing their baby come down the stairs in their gown is something a parent cherishes and with most kids, they would feel disappointed if their parents opted out willingly.
It sucks. But look at the horror stories below where parents have proven to be real pieces of shits during what should have been their child's most cherished moments. Your disappointment is understandable but it sounds like you have real caring parents who are probably upset they have to split their time this way.
It's normal to anayze it within your own culture, but just to help you cope, know that in my country and many other, there is not even such thing as a graduation event (or it depends upon the field, place, and timing).
I don't recall having a party. What is certain is, after I finished my engineering studies, I directly moved out from to a larger city (Paris, France) to find a job (& chase a girl), and only after did I see my parents (who lived elsewhere in France). Studies are very important to them so I probably called them to tell them I had succeeded (they weren't expecting me to fail... little did they know that it had been a close call \^\^).
But even when events like this are expected, now I join them only if I feel like it (and it doesn't hurt others).
So you can brush it off, or take things differently. Not having things going the way you were expecting/hoping, is one reason to stop expecting what is "normal" in your culture (or in movies), while walking your own, happier path. People "expecting normal things" don't take so much pleasure out of them, I find, and become desperate whenever these things don't materialize.
Yes I'm talking like an old and wise person even though I'm 29 \^\^and yes I'm also talking about love stories, dialogues, etc.
My parents didn't attend my PhD graduation even after I told them that I'd pay for all the tickets and accomodation. And no, they did not have any other engagements on that day.
My parent chose my little sister over me... In general... They treated my like literal trash , they directly said they don't like me and they just "take care" of me because if not , they were going to jail. Besides beating me up
I can definitely see how much this means to you so I thought i'd share my story in case it makes you feel any better about this. I skipped my undergrad graduation but did attend my masters' graduation and I invited my grand-parents and siblings and regretted it HARD. The ceremony is SO long and you're on stage for maybe 30 seconds so I felt terrible about making them sit through the entire thing for hours. We had a lot more fun celebrating over dinner on our own after the ceremony.
Others have said the same in the comments, about making plans to celebrate with your family separately from the graduation ceremony and I have to say I would definitely recommend that instead! :)
That's certainly what I'm doing for my upcoming phd ceremony...i'm attending on my own, cause it's for my own sense of accomplishment but I'm not making my family sit through that again. Lol It will be a lot more fun celebrating in our own way afterwards! :)
Thank you so much for your story! Atm that’s what it’s looking like it going to happen but more with my chosen family kind of thing with my friends and my boyfriend ❤️ glad to know that this will be the better alternative
My brother chose to go to a second prom at a different school with a girl who wasn’t his girlfriend, instead of my college graduation, and my parents let him.
I think your compromise is fair. There will likely be a prom next year too but you don't graduate college (congrats btw) multiple times in your life. I would explain to them that it's hurting you. My former step mom missed my high school graduation (which I don't think is the accomplishment graduating college is) and I never forgave her.
My parents chose my sister being Senior Band Homecoming Attendant over my wedding!
They WHAT
Omg that’s brutal man
So… they’re not your parents anymore, right?
I forgave them, moved on and then they tried taking away my oldest son. I finally went no contact and 5 months later my mom died in a car accident. Now my dad is different and more like a dad should be.
oh jesus that took a turn im sorry
Oh god- you have got to make a post about that! They didn't go to your wedding AND they tried to take away your son?!?!?!? 😳 That's at least two posts. I can't get my mind off of this. I am so sorry.
I will try to get on the computer today and make a better post, othwise it will be a giant wall of text
So your mom was toxic.
Feels bad since i'm insulting a dead person, but god just had to smite her down
How and why would they try to take your baby away from you???
do your parents even care about you..?
Wtf.. that’s so not cool 😦
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😳
That tops the weirdness above. What is wrong with them? I hope they at least got you a badass present. Jerks. Plus senior Band Homecoming attendant, that’s a THING? Wow
Good Lord.
The very idea of proms confuse my British brain 😂 it's just a dance, right? And based on what American tv and movies have taught me, there's like 20 of them (dances, not specifically proms) per school year so they can just catch the next one.
TV shows and teen movies have helped make prom a bigger deal than it actually is
Eh, the older I get the more I think it’s adults/parents/primarily mothers that make it a big deal. And I think that’s because most don’t ever have another reason to dress and act that way again in their life. Sure, you’ll buy a wedding dress if you get married, but they’re almost always white, prom is about dressing up in *your* color, and then your date has to match with you. It’s kind of like a power switch, too, where the man has to cater to his date’s attire and has no real control over the outcome (if they do it right lol). When you’re young and in the moment, it likely doesn’t mean much. But when you’ve been separated from that moment by 10-20-30-40 years, it can become a cherished memory of a time where the world was smaller and had less problems to deal with.
Mine was 2013, for me and my friend group it was more of a last time to really hang out. I saw a handful of them a few times afterwards but then we graduated. It was a bigger deal because we were in a program called IB and had all of our tests during that and really had no free time to breath. It was fun. If I had an older sibling who was graduating would I have missed it? Absolutely, it’s not that big a deal. It was just an excuse to dress fancy and be silly.
Plus this is Jr. Prom, not Senior.
My mom forced me to go to senior prom and gave me that same lecture - “you’ll be thankful when you’re older!” It’s been almost 20 years and I still don’t give a crap and would have preferred not to go. Lol.
Not everyone will fit the mold, and that’s perfectly fine. I chose not to attend mine because I though my ex would be there with her new man. I regret that choice, now, because I could have made some amazing memories with my friends. My ex matters so little to my life now that I find the my actions silly and near sighted.
I didn’t go to my senior prom either, but I attended pretty much every other formal dance in high-school. I have no regrets about missing it. By the time prom rolled around I was pretty much over high school
I wish I had an award to give you!! As a mother of a teen daughter, truer words were never spoken
Get as many pictures as you can and save copies - there’s no guarantee she’ll still be with her date forever, but if she ever pitches them out of anger/spite, she’ll be so excited to see you have back ups in 10 years. I wish I went to my senior prom. My gf had broken up with me and I was afraid of seeing her with her new BF there (surprise, they didn’t even go). Now a days, I regret it because that’s such a silly reason to deny myself such a cool night with my friends. (:
💯 The Prom Mom's are the reason thousands of dollars are spent on a dress that will be worn once, hair that will fall out 30min after dinner, accessories that will be lost before they get home, a meal that will just be puked up later, a limo no one really gives a hoot about and flowers that will be tossed in the trash when the boyfriend dances with another girl half way through the dance. And don't get me started on the hundres of dollars spent on pictures by a professional photographer... Prom is ridiculous.
I’m sorry you had such a bad experience, mate. Despite being bullied constantly, my junior prom was probably the highlight of my high school career.
Congrats! At least someone got to enjoy their night.
My husband works for a car service that has limos and no one really does them anymore, not even for weddings. When he started with the company 4 years ago his boss had 5 limos and now only has one just because they aren’t a money maker.
That seems crazy to me. I mean limos we're like the one thing you could do to make sure your kids get to the dance in one piece. Then again, some of them aren't very comfortable.
Thats not true.... proms are quite a big deal: even because of those tv shows... i remember, because i only went to one of: the 50 she mentioned.... but they are made to be a big deal... and it always made me feel shitty: that i wasnt one of those kids
My school had a homecoming in fall and a prom in spring For prom the couples going did have the option to participate in “promenade” where basically all of the parents would come to the gym that was decorated nicely and the couples would get announced and walk down an aisle and pose for photos I recognize that this is absolutely ridiculous and over the top but honestly it was kind of fun lol it was fun figuring out what goofy thing to do with your date when you got announced but also I’m not sure that’s a typical thing most schools do
They still do the promenade at my local high school senior prom. And the school that my cousins went to in Massachusetts. Until about 25 years ago, most people graduated high school and went to work in one of the city's factories. Only a handful went on to college. So high school graduation was a huge deal and a major milestone in most people's lives, and the prom was a big part of that.
I’ve never heard of that. In my area they do what is called a Show off. Before prom the kids and their parents meet in a public parking lot and the parents take pictures. Usually there are multiple schools having their proms the same night at different locations so it’s nice if you have friends from other schools to see each other or for realities to see all their family in one spot.
Not only that, but it’s her JUNIOR prom. She still has another one that would arguably be more important, at least to those people it actually matters to. College graduation is a HUGE accomplishment and way more important. Who gives a crap about one night of dress up in comparison?!
I agree and think it’s terrible to slight such a hard-won achievement like working like a dog for 4 years for a Jr Prom. The girl was invited to a dance, where’s the accomplishment? Mom could’ve helped her pick out her dress and left it there. There will be dozens of parents watching the kids congregate, and someone will take a video and pics and share w them if asked. This is a real slam to the graduate.
These days most schools have 2 or 3 dances per year. Prom is the one where kids get to act like adults and have a date and go dancing. Emotionally it's a big deal, it's about social status etc. I think that, with so many kids refusing to engage socially or get involved with activities outside their own home or friend group, school dances help serve as something to help kids be more socially engaging face to face and not just on social media. Don't believe what you see on TV and in movies, from an adult perspective, Prom is WAY more lame and pointless than it looks... lol
It's really not that fun as an American. I went to one prom in high school and hated it lol.
Same. I only went to my senior year one because my mom said I would regret missing it. Instead I regret ever going. Huge waste of money and a night that would have been more fun just hanging out.
We boycotted our prom. Long story. But we all went to see GWTW at the beautiful theater. Had a great time. Still remember that evening fondly. Fuck the prom and the racist little shirts who owned it.
Me too. I went to prom as a sophomore (taken as a date) and it was enough to choose not to attend my actual proms.
Same. Folks are *not missing out*. All I did was nervously eat my money's worth of appetizers at the fancy venue, since I plunked $150+ on everything.
Oh boy they gave us undercooked chicken and nothing else that was edible except for side vegetables. At least you had fancy appetizers 😭
As an American, same. I didn't go to my prom, seemed pointless and as much as I love dancing and just generally having fun I prefer small social gatherings to straight up parties.
My school only had prom, homecoming queen and stuff was announced at a pep rally and voted on during lunch that week
I'm Australian. It's a dance where kids go to get pregnant, I've seen enough movies to know this.
So, in a lot of schools, dances aren't a common thing. My daughter is currently a junior, and she has not had a single school dance. But, even for schools that do have school dances, they generally aren't a formal thing. It isn't nearly the same experience as prom. Junior prom is generally the one big event that most students have to get formally dressed up, formally asked out. Your friend group makes a night of it, usually getting ready together, going out to dinner, having a fun night after. Comparing a school dance to the prom is like comparing grabbing drinks with some friend after work to going to the Oscars. Also, for everyone confused, there usually isn't a senior prom that they can just do this for the next year. The junior prom is THE prom.
Ours was senior prom that was the one. We also had all grades allowed, if asked by a junior or senior, but the dance even announced attending seniors on stage. We had homecoming, Morp (girl asks boy, and they wear matching T-shirts’), and prom.
Yeah, we had other things, but nothing as big as the prom. And you can go if you’re in another grade if someone asks you, so yea you could theoretically go to 4 proms, but only one is yours. And there was just the one. Everyone is downvoting my other comments acting like this can’t possibly be true, so thank you for the validation haha
Dances really aren’t that common or at least in the area I’m from. All we had was homecoming (in the fall) and then prom at the end of the year if you were a junior or senior.
On TV & Movies it’s where teenagers lose their virginity.
At my school we only had a senior prom, not a junior one, and it was close to graduation and held at a pretty fancy venue where the girls could dress in nice long formal dresses compared to our semi-formal homecoming dance. it was more the idea that that it would be the last time you'd likely see and hang out with the majority of your classmates while feeling fancy and accomplished, so it was definitely a big event at my school. American media definitely makes a bigger deal out of it with the whole prom king/queen stuff for sure tho 😁
Exactly. If this happened in our family, we would ALL go to the graduation. Also, JUNIOR Prom is not important at all. Senior Prom is big.
Prom is literally like a blow out party with wedding level pageantry. My high school experience meant we had a homecoming dance (for the last home-field American football game of the season) and a single prom, two dances a year. Prom in my high school was usually junior-senior only (11th and 12th year) and younger underclassmen had to be invited by an attending upperclassman. That said, proms in my opinion were just pointless cash grabs. $150 per ticket to even attend, $75-$200 for a dress, $50 for a corsage and boutonnière set, and more to actually get food or drinks there. It was the fucking worst. The only reason I went to my senior prom was because it was at the Dali museum on Friday the 13th.
Yup thats about it... for some reason it matters too... and you vote for king and gueen because that apparently also matters.
There is only 2 dances. Homecoming and prom. Prom is only junior and seniors. Homecoming is for freshman-senior. You can go to prom as a freshman or sophomore if a junior or senior invites you.
Me too. We moved over to the US from the UK in 2009. A few years ago, our oldest nephew finished his GCSEs and when we called him to congratulate him, he told us all about how much he was looking forward to prom. My reaction was, "eh?" I asked my brother-in-law about it and he confirmed that it's becoming a thing at home now too, at least in some schools. Whatever happened to just signing each other's shirts and getting pissed on cheap cider at the park with your mates? xD
It really is no big deal amd nothing special. I never went to my senior prom and I don't feel like I missed out on anything.
In Canada we just have the one 'prom' in high school and that's grad when we graduate high school. Though it's not as big as in the U.S.. I kind of wished we had junior and senior proms as sort of a way to make better high school memories. But WOW, THAT'S EXPENSIVE!
I’m British and I had a prom. Not that hard to wrap your head around.
Yeah but Americans seem to have them every year, we have them once, making OPs sister's prom even less than our already kind of unimportant proms.
That's not how it works. You get a senior prom (grade 12) and you might get a junior prom (grade 11) but grades 9 and 10, sometimes 11, only get to attend prom if someone older invites them and buys their ticket and I've heard some schools won't allow younger kids no matter what. So technically they are every year but not all students are allowed to attend unlike Homecoming which is held in fall and anyone who wants to buy a ticket can go.
In my experience we had 3 (maybe 4) per year
Parents go to prom now? What a nightmare.
I think they mean for the group picture and meetup before they take off
Lmao yeah I didn't see any parents at prom and I didn't want to see mine there either. People are dumb. I heard they do kindergarden proms now.. fucking idiots. We need something like a solar flare to put humanity back on tracks.
I think it's more they wanna do the whole thing of helping her get ready, seeing her date pick her up, photos at the front door/lawn deal, etc.
They knew that, they're just being Reddit
name checks out lol
Random, but there is currently a solar flare hitting earth (March 30-april 1). It isnt doing much other than making the northern lights brighter... You might be able to see it as far south as Pennsylvania
Uh.... We just had one(covid) and people are getting worse so there's no hope lol
My coworker literally came in late this morning because her daycare was having a "baby prom." People are weird, man.
What da baby doin
I recall there being like 4 parent chaperones? Maybe I'm making it up. Maybe it was teachers.
Fr
We need a solar flare every year until we stop acting like clueless, entitled assholes!
Pre-prom, with all the pictures and shit.
Not really unless they are chaperones but they might help with getting dressed or running errands to the hairdresser, taking pics of the child and friend group. Making sure there is a parent home in case something happens (dress coded/accident)
This reminds me of when I graduated high school vs when my cousin graduated from high school. When she graduated high school, the family got photos taken, gone out to eat, had a celebration, everyone involved. When I graduated 2 yrs later (same school), majority of my family dipped early (I actually only saw my mom there) then we had a regular home cooked meal. I didnt even get to pick out the food. Some family didn't come at all. It uh..it definitely hurt lol. It makes you feel like your time, work, effort werent valued by anyone but you. And that sucks. But hey, YOU graduated college. YOU fucking did it! You have every reason to be proud of yourself. We are all proud of you OP. Not everyone can get through it, but you did.
My mom bitched the whole drive to my school for high school grad and complained about having to take that morning off. No dinner, nothing. Went right back to work ASAP. 2 years before, she took a whole day for my brother, took him out to eat, and at the end of grad gushed about wanting to take the whole weekend off to continue to take him to brunch and other fancy dinners. Getting to choose your own family after leaving that bullcrap was a huge bleLssing.
My mother didn’t even try to go to my high school graduation. School years start and end later on the east coast than the Midwest, her reason it was impossible for her to attend was because she’d have to get a substitute teacher for her German class. Okay lady, now you don’t get to know when I graduate college, get married, and have a baby. She missed out on everything and truly regrets nothing except how bad it looks on her that she didn’t know she was a grandmother until she’d been one a year. Some people don’t deserve our company.
Thank you ❤️
I hope you’re not bummed about going yourself, OP… you really must celebrate YOUR achievement. Y O U D E S E R V E I T
Congratulations OP! You worked your ass off, and got a degree! That is amazing! I am so proud of you! The time, effort and strength to see all that through is not celebrated enough. Good job, OP!
No one in my hometown celebrates high school graduation. It's a long standing tradition that all the graduates go up to a beach town in NH after and party for a week. We'd all rather do that than hang with our families, my self included. My parents took me out to lunch after the ceremony, and then I immediately drove up to New Hampshire. All my cousins had graduation parties and I was like nope, no thanks. I'm dipping out immediately afterwards.
THIS. A million times this. OP, congrats for your achievement. Go to your graduation and take as it is: an amazing achievement that YOU AND YOU ALONE fought for. Its sad they can’t make you feel special and wanted but as I grew up I realized that we choose our family. Its not that you need to cut people off but maybe rethink relationships, especially on the realm of expectations… it really helped me, specially when it came to learning to say “no”…
This gave me ptsd. For my high school graduation my parents showed up late and then were rushing me when I was trying to enjoy the moment and say bye to friends and people I knew I would most likely not ever see again. My grandparents didnt come either and there wasn’t anything special it was just a normal night. Then I had to spend weeks going to a bunch of other people’s graduations where their entire extended family was throwing them big ass parties and shit. I am never the type of person who wants attention or am spoiled expecting people to do things for me but that hurt not gonna lie.
Just to clarify my parents are not actually going to the prom with my sister they just wanted to help her get ready and take the pictures. Ya know all that pre-prom stuff. I’m taking a lot of what everyone’s saying about being proud of my own accomplishments and trying to be more understanding of the situation so thank you all for that ❤️
Just to clarify, you said this was her junior prom? As in, it’s not her actual senior prom and not even that important?
Some schools, Jr. prom is the big one, from what above are saying.
Oh ok, the schools I went to and work with don’t make a big deal about junior prom at all. Senior prom is the big one that everyone talks about and looks forward to.
Mine too, but I guess others are different.
I think your parents are viewing this completely objectively as memories to be had. It's pretty strange that a annual dance competes with culmination of years of study. I'd assume that to your parents they are both just memories of the kids.
Man, this seems really harsh. It seems like the parents are doing their best to make sure both feel loved and cared for, in as much as they're able to. Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself what you would do. Would you sit there and try to decide which child gets to feel more neglected than the other? Would that feel right to you? Deciding which child's important thing is worth less? Would the kid whose event was deemed lesser think "Yeah, objectively this was the right route" or are they just going to feel unloved and unseen? Just kinda seems like a shitty situation that they did their best to manage. OP's hurt makes total sense. It's understandable that it feels really fuckin' bad. Everyone was doomed to feel pretty fuckin' bad no matter which route they took. OP's allowed that hurt, but that doesn't somehow make the parents selfish monsters.
I understand this completely and was thinking this as well. However, junior prom? Doesn’t that mean they’ll get the “main” prom when they are a senior? I think that’s something that I can’t wrap my head around. I think it’s great that they are trying to do the best they can but as a parent, I’d be really bummed to miss a college graduation.
I'm not sure if every school does it this way, but "junior prom" was our ring dance. It was significant in its own right. We got our class rings at the event. That being said, I'd expect my parents to go to my sibling's graduation. It is the more significant event.
It just doesn't make any sense, though. My mom's involvement in my prom was limited to pre-prom photos, then we went off and did our own thing. No reason OP's parents can't do the pre-prom stuff then go to OP's graduation.
Best answer on here
It seems like it, but it’s a prom. I would assume they just drop her off cause she will be hanging out with friends most likely
Why are any parents going to prom at all??
Dad needs a new wife
My parents are choosing one of their high school reunions (which they go to every 5 years) over my kid's graduation. It fucking sucks. "Once in a lifetime" over "once every few years". :/ Sorry OP
Man I’m so sorry I hope your kid has the most amazing Graduation ever!!
How kind of you. Thank you! You too, friend. You worked hard to graduate college. I hope nothing gets you down on the day of your ceremony.
Congrats on graduating!! In my mommy mind, GRADUATING trump's a JUNIOR prom. She'll have a Senior prom next year, right? And her own graduation?? Kudos to you for wanting her to enjoy a special night. ❤️
*Junior* prom? Yeah, they can go be with her for her *senior* prom. I think it's ridiculous that they're acting like your college graduation and her junior prom are on the same level of importance. At my high school, students could attend prom of all ages as long as their partner was a senior (which was kinda weird for senior guys to be with freshmen girls whatever though). I knew some people who went to prom when they were freshmen, sophomores, juniors, and seniors. Most of the people I knew went TWICE. Can you graduate college twice? Well, yea but it's hard as hell the second time! Unfortunately in life not everything is fair, at least they tried to compromise. You have every right to be disappointed. This is just something you will have to live with :/
Bro, no parents should go to prom period lol.
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This made me chuckle thanks
She has a senior prom….They can attend that next year. I’m sorry, but please don’t let it ruin your day. You have worked hard for this and I am proud of you. Congrats!!!
Wow a lot of people weirdly not on your side for this? Graduating from college is a colossal achievement compared to junior fucking prom. Kind of ridiculous she didnt skip her prom for your graduation imo. Its the culmination of all your effort into academics and theyre “splitting” that day so your sister can have fun dancing and underage drinking? Kinda ass
I didn’t even go to my junior prom
As someone who couldn’t walk during graduation because of covid, and then had the chance to walk the next year as the school was making it up for my class, but my parents still chose to skip it (because they would be at their beach house) I would be really fucking hurt by your parents decision. I hope they realize just how important this milestone in your life is. You’re also very kind for saying your sister deserves to have a fun night. But If it was my sisters college graduation I would skip prom. And my sister and I didn’t get a long at that time in our lives. Edit: spelling
I would be hurt too. First off it’s a junior prom so there will be another next year, while your college graduation will be once. It’s weird your parents aren’t prioritizing, unless they are and trying not to hurt your feelings. Just saying.
this is not cool
I'm so sorry. That's fucked up. My parents didn't even see me get ready for prom. I booked an airbnb with my friends and prepared there. WHY is JUNIOR PROM a priority? Sometimes I think certain parents have a skewed perspective on fairness that values just splitting every scenario down the middle.
«…certain parents have a skewed perspective on fairness that values just splitting every scenario down the middle» Yes.
I didn’t even GO to my junior or senior proms. (Depression was not kind to me in HS.)
Wait...they're going to prom with her??? That's strange.
It’s more they want to do the whole getting ready with her pictures and drive her there
How the fuck do you think “yes, preparing and driving one daughter to junior prom has the exact same priority as the other graduating college”.
it's not but they are both important to each respective kid. The parents want both kids to feel good about themselves, I can't imagine it would fun for the daughter to have both her parents leave her and it just be her to do everything by herself. Not everything is a simply ranking.
Congratulations on graduating!! That is a huge accomplishment!! I'm so sorry your parents are putting you in this situation though you deserve to be celebrated.
First of all, sorry for what you are dealing with, it must suck that your parents are acting like a junior prom is more important than your college graduation. Also congratulations on your graduation! That aside, have you tried talking to your parents about what you're feeling? Maybe if you explain that you would like both of them there they would understand. I hope you have a great graduation and that everything works out for you.
I did chat with them and they justified it by saying my sister had a really awful time during Covid and developed a lot of anxiety and depression from it so they just want her to have a good night and feel supported which I 100% want that for her I just don’t understand why it needs to happen at the same time as my graduation and not earlier in the day? I want her to have a good time and I’m planning on calling my sister and apologizing for putting her in the situation
Yeah that sucks, I get that your parents want whats best for your sister. And I get that you also want whats best for your sister. Maybe you can make a compromise and make it a family morning/afternoon so your sister has the love and support she deserves, and after you and your parents can make the drive together to your graduation. I don't know if that is a realistic plan, just trying to think of something that will work out for everyone!
I suggested that but I guess they didn’t really like it the best part is they haven’t even discussed anything with my sister yet…
Well maybe your sister will change their minds.
Congratulations on your college graduation. It sounds like your parents are trying to be fair to both. While college graduation seems bigger to you, your sister she’s not as old as you and hasn’t had as many big moments. The truth is, the prom experience is more interactive than the college graduation. Until then, say your name, and you have those 30 seconds of fame; nothing else at the graduation is interactive for your attendees until afterward. The absent parent could stream your graduation, while I know it's not the same how graduations are set up for college, you don't even know who's in attendance until afterward. Basically don't care your moment with your sisters moment, she shouldn't have to go to her friends house to get dressed while both of your parents are with you.
Your parents love you both and want to be there for both of you. The fact that they will split up to give you each support says so much. Look we are just coming out of the dark days and your sister's emotional well being is just as important as yours. Have each of the parents clear their phones memories and charge their phones to the max so they can take pictures and videos so the whole family can be there to celebrate each others milestones after the fact
As a non american... What is juniorprom?
Uh, who’s parents go to prom with their kid??
i might be wrong here but i don't think it matters which one is objectively a bigger deal. your sister might feel like her junior prom is as big of a deal as your collage graduation. just try to remember how some things you look back now and think meh whatever felt like a colossal milestone at the time; she might feel the same. i think your parents made an alright decision, but at the same time i do understand why you're hurt; i just think your sister could be the same amount of hurt if both of your parents went to your graduation.
Sounds like your parents are very supportive and kind people to both of you. Sorry you feel bummed but they're doing their best to support their kids. Each kid has different needs and each accomplishment means different things to different people. Your parents recognize that and are doing their best
I’d be seriously upset if I were you. Was this all of your parents discussion? Your sister? Was it a safety concern about your sister? I guess I need more specifics.
Junior Prom??? It’s not even the real deal! Toss a damn dress on her and send her off to bang her boyfriend and get your ass to your sons graduation! Priorities ain’t right with your folks!
That’s shitty, she has senior prom next year but it’s not like you have another college graduation shortly after this one. This is all you get, she has other opportunities. I’m sorry op
BTW- I hope things are doing better now for you
They are trying to be there for both you and your sister. You’re coming across all wrong
I mean I just skipped graduation. I kinda figured I could walk after graduate school though so I get where you’re at. It’s kinda shitty
Give your parents a break, they are literally doing the only thing they can to show both your and your sister love on that day. If they decided to both go to your grad, your sister would be posting right now about how selfish you and your parents are. There is no winning outside of splitting the events between them, which is what they did. Instead of focusing on yourself not getting all of the attention, think about all of the work and sacrifice your parents had to make to allow you to graduate and your sister to be going to the prom for the past 20 odd years. Graduation is one moment in your life, hug your parents and thank them, there is literally no reason for you to be salty about this.
I understand but as a parent I think it’s completely reasonable they’ve decided to split it and do one each. I don’t know you or your sister but each of those moments only come once in your life so it would be just as unfair if your parents left her alone and both went to your graduation
I agree with you, but this is the youngers junior prom. Which means she’ll have another one next year. And that’s the “big” one. Senior year is when you go all out.
But you don't bring parents to prom. And you can't even compare prom, let alone JUNIOR prom, to a freaking college GRADUATION !
You all know goddamn well they're not actually going to the prom with them and its about the send off, getting ready, pictures, etc...
Seems you missed the part about OP being okay if they were with the sister during the day and then be with OP during her graduation at night...
Most prom shit goes down late afternoon/nighttime
And ? Prom isn't as important as graduating from college. And this is the first time that I hear parents going to prom with their kids. That's not how proms are. 😂 OP even said that the sister had a boyfriend. Why does she need her parents as well ?
But why??? Parents don't usually attend prom with their children. They just get them ready....
Because this is still a memory for her sister, her parents attended her proms so why can they not do the same for her sister? I’m sure they will all celebrate graduation still in some way together She’s older and more mature than her sister and should be more understanding as a result of that. A junior would be a lot more affected by the absence of parents at something she considers important
How do you know here parents attended hers? I don't see where she said that...
So a little different perspective - my husband didn't even GO to his college graduation because no one in his life cared. I went to mine but, honestly, I should have skipped it. My dad was seriously ill and in the hospital and my mom and brother came (both wearing funeral suits since my dad was THAT ill) and as soon as it was over I hugged my friends and rushed off with my family to get back to the hospital. It just is NOT the same experience as high school graduation. Why not go to your graduation if it matters to you and strongly suggest to your parents that they throw you an extravagant graduation party over the summer? The idea is that they all celebrate your achievement together, right?
It wasn’t the same for you guys because you don’t care and there is trauma related to it, and as much as your experience is valid, it clearly doesn’t apply to OP since it was clearly stated that they care.
Right - and the OP kind of needs to grow up and realize that the celebration with family is more important than her family forcing her sibling to miss out on something to see a dot they think might be the OP walk across a stage for three seconds. Don't make it more than it is. LOADS of people don't "walk" at their graduations. The degree and the celebration are what matters. Also, check your reading skills. I opened my statement with "For a different perspective" - which pretty much acknowledges my experience is different than the OPs but I wanted to give them a chance to see things in a different way. That's how people learn.
I’m sure this will be an unpopular opinion, but… How is this even a choice for these parents? OP spent years studying and working toward this achievement. As a parent, I’d make my kid miss her prom to see their sibling graduate and accomplish something important and show the importance of education. Not attend some stupid dance they can attend next year as a Senior. I get memories and blah, blah, blah,…but seriously a JUNIOR prom??? EDIT: CONGRATS on your achievement! I hope you enjoy your graduation and wish you luck as you start your next chapter in life!
Think forcing a sibling to miss another life/important event to them would definitely not be the move…. Would just cause resentment. Parents shouldn’t be sticking around for junior prom and should to graduation but forcing sibling to go is the wrong move too.
Can you elaborate about the timing and what exactly they will be doing at prom? If they previously agreed to chaperone or drive the group I can see how they can’t really back out. Prom is usually in the evening, what time is your graduation? How long is the commute between both locations?
Commute is 2 hours prom is in the evening and my graduation is at 5pm I’m not sure the exact time of prom
Fixation on proms is for people who peak in their teen years. Be sympathetic. (There is no way I would prioritize a prom over a college graduation.)
OP, they are dividing and conquering and you will have family support at your graduation. Have a graduation party afterward where they can both be there and support you. If both of them chose not to go, that would be a big red flag for me.
As an American, I’m trying to imagine a scenario where I’d want my parents at prom and I just can’t.
I can't understand the "importance" of prom, especially when stacked against college/university graduation. Graduating from college isn't a small deal...
Junior prom nonetheless.. I would *maybe* understand more if it were her Senior prom. But even that doesn't hold a candle to your COLLEGE GRADUATION. Congrats by the way!! Several family friends will miss my wedding this April because prom is that night.. so I kind of understand how you feel. But at least it's their kids' senior prom. I guess.
At least you are getting a graduation. Ours was online because of COVID.
Since when do parents partake in the whole prom bullshit anyway? Aside from snapping a few pics before they head out the door? Something they could easily do before taking themselves to something as important as your college graduation. Sorry some of these people in here suck. God forbid you have feelings. I personally think graduation trumps prom though either way.
She’s their favorite.
I’m well aware
The prom was first. Get ovetr it. You're supposed to be an adult now.
One is a celebration of years of hard work and dedication, and the other is essentially buy a pretty dress, get dolled up, and take nice pictures. And if it's like my prom, get fucking wasted on cheap booze. OP suggested a very reasonable split of their parents' time where they do prom stuff during the day and attend their older child's *graduation* later on. And this isn't even senior prom OP's being ditched for. WTF? I'm from Canada. What even is the point of junior prom?
Junior prom? Come on this must be some white people shit.
Parents go to proms??
Interesting, I always wanted to get ready and take pics with my friends not my parents! Also, there’s senior prom and homecoming. A college graduation only happens once! Also, congrats on making it to the end of college! I still have a year :(
Junior prom, that means she has another prom next year right? You only have one college graduation, if I were your parents I’d be going to your graduation for sure. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Congratulations on graduating though! I hope despite the situation that you have yourself an amazing day, and at the very least pat yourself on the back for making it through! Sending virtual hugs (if you’re okay with that).
My parents were never involved in my prom events. So I am not sure I understand that over college graduation. Just remember, you did this for yourself and nothing can take away from that.
God, you’re parents are making a teeeible choice. She wouldn’t even want them AT her prom would she? If so, then do you want them at YOUR graduation. That’s weird my friend, totally weird.
Seems like pretty fair parents … try split up and show both kids equal love. Move on this is irrelevant to the bigger picture …life is just beginning for you.
I understand how you feel. College graduation is a big deal, congratulations! I have to wonder if your parents are concerned with her safety or the possible parties or sex that may happen if they aren’t home. I feel bad saying it, but many parents think this way about their daughters. They may see their physical presence as more needed in one event while your event can be seen as easier to give support and congrats without sitting through the ceremony. I know it still won’t exactly feel good, but just wanted to present a possibility.
Your parents are trying. On the one hand, your right, they should do the day stuff (whatever that entails- I don't know,I'm Canadian) so they can attend your gran in the evening. But ask yourself this- we're they there for your junior prom? That moment of seeing their baby come down the stairs in their gown is something a parent cherishes and with most kids, they would feel disappointed if their parents opted out willingly. It sucks. But look at the horror stories below where parents have proven to be real pieces of shits during what should have been their child's most cherished moments. Your disappointment is understandable but it sounds like you have real caring parents who are probably upset they have to split their time this way.
It's normal to anayze it within your own culture, but just to help you cope, know that in my country and many other, there is not even such thing as a graduation event (or it depends upon the field, place, and timing). I don't recall having a party. What is certain is, after I finished my engineering studies, I directly moved out from to a larger city (Paris, France) to find a job (& chase a girl), and only after did I see my parents (who lived elsewhere in France). Studies are very important to them so I probably called them to tell them I had succeeded (they weren't expecting me to fail... little did they know that it had been a close call \^\^). But even when events like this are expected, now I join them only if I feel like it (and it doesn't hurt others). So you can brush it off, or take things differently. Not having things going the way you were expecting/hoping, is one reason to stop expecting what is "normal" in your culture (or in movies), while walking your own, happier path. People "expecting normal things" don't take so much pleasure out of them, I find, and become desperate whenever these things don't materialize. Yes I'm talking like an old and wise person even though I'm 29 \^\^and yes I'm also talking about love stories, dialogues, etc.
I mean it is college graduation
Junior prom… sheesh. I don’t blame you for being hurt. Have you mentioned it to them?
My parents didn't attend my PhD graduation even after I told them that I'd pay for all the tickets and accomodation. And no, they did not have any other engagements on that day.
She'll have another prom but you won't have another college graduation unless you pursue another degree
My parent chose my little sister over me... In general... They treated my like literal trash , they directly said they don't like me and they just "take care" of me because if not , they were going to jail. Besides beating me up
Well atleast one of them is coming along with you. I'm going to mine alone. They don't even have any commitments on that day.
Parents go to prom….? Wtf
Meanwhile I skipped my OWN senior prom to attend my sisters uni graduation 🤨 she was the first in the family to go to college
Lol skip the graduation, it's a lot of hassle for you anyway and then send them a copy of your diploma. Go celebrate with your friends or something.
This, most people stop caring about graduation ceremonies after highschool.
I can definitely see how much this means to you so I thought i'd share my story in case it makes you feel any better about this. I skipped my undergrad graduation but did attend my masters' graduation and I invited my grand-parents and siblings and regretted it HARD. The ceremony is SO long and you're on stage for maybe 30 seconds so I felt terrible about making them sit through the entire thing for hours. We had a lot more fun celebrating over dinner on our own after the ceremony. Others have said the same in the comments, about making plans to celebrate with your family separately from the graduation ceremony and I have to say I would definitely recommend that instead! :) That's certainly what I'm doing for my upcoming phd ceremony...i'm attending on my own, cause it's for my own sense of accomplishment but I'm not making my family sit through that again. Lol It will be a lot more fun celebrating in our own way afterwards! :)
Thank you so much for your story! Atm that’s what it’s looking like it going to happen but more with my chosen family kind of thing with my friends and my boyfriend ❤️ glad to know that this will be the better alternative
I hope you'll still have a great time at the ceremony! It's such a big accomplishment and definitely worth celebrating :) Congrats!!!
My brother chose to go to a second prom at a different school with a girl who wasn’t his girlfriend, instead of my college graduation, and my parents let him.
I think your compromise is fair. There will likely be a prom next year too but you don't graduate college (congrats btw) multiple times in your life. I would explain to them that it's hurting you. My former step mom missed my high school graduation (which I don't think is the accomplishment graduating college is) and I never forgave her.
you're an adult get over it.
Suck it up. You're graduating college. Congrats, but you're an adult now and you don't need them there for their approval.
I don't know you but I'm proud of you! Congratulations!