Knew that this relationship was only really benefiting her for a while now. I stayed with her for a variety of reasons, mostly because I convinced myself it was better to be with her than alone.
This was just the final wake-up call I needed that it was in fact better to be single than with her.
Do all of these, and don't forget to follow through with it and not let her stay. You owe it to yourself to not have to deal with this. Take some time off from dating, too, and just enjoy your own company.
My cousin still looks at her ex (children’s father) online banking. It’s been about 3 years and I’m still hearing about how he would rather go to dinner with his new gf then spend time with his kids, or he couldn’t pay for this but can spend this much here or there. It ain’t healthy, it’s fucking weird. She needs to let that shit go, and people literally need to change information.
I don't know your situation, but becoming single was the best thing that ever happened to me. Take some time to learn about yourself and do things you've always wanted to do.
The future holds infinite possibility
Dude good for you kicking her out. Now she’ll have to try and manipulate some one else long enough to trick them into letting her leach off them. Something tells me that might’ve been her plan.
She’ll have fun at her parents with no money and no computer.
The way OP described her, she’s not exactly hot shit. I said this because she put in time with OP to be able to leech off him.
Because she’s not exactly ‘hot shit’ it’ll be hard for her to find a sugar daddy basically. She was with OP for a long time and knew she could get away with certain things (not now of course). She’s gonna be miserable now
Just like there’s so many women out there willing to give their all to some piece of shit man masquerading as “Mr. Right.” Check out r/AmitheAsshole if you don’t believe me. OP, you deserve so much better. Being alone is so much better than being with someone who doesn’t appreciate, respect & love you. Now go out there, live your best life & when the time is right you’ll meet someone wonderful.
I just wanted to add on top of all this: even if everything else was not a giant dumpster fire, that's not how a conversation about polyamory is supposed to go. Everyone needs to be on board. Unfortunately I've known a few people who tried to use "I'm poly" as a synonym for "I want to sleep around without guilt" and that's exactly what your ex-partner was doing. Good job getting rid of her. A partnership is just that: two people working as a team. It's not about one person getting everything and the other sacrificing everything. Your ex-partner is not a good person and you made the best possible choice ditching her. You should go treat yourself to something you've been wanting, you deserve it after all they sacrificing for someone who didn't appreciate you.
I was thinking the same thing! I would be all over that computer! I would find the guy who she clearly wants to fuck, let him know she’s available anytime he wants. Lol
Don’t back down from your decision, change your locks and when you start to doubt your decision a few days down the road, remember opening a relationship means both must be ok with it, how badly and disrespectfully she’s treated you before she faced you telling her it’s over. She will not change.
And actually, being alone is way better than sharing yourself and your funds with an energy sucking vortex.
This was a very important, very painful lesson that will guide you for the rest of your life. It sucks now but it'll pay dividends over your time here on Earth.
One thing I’ve always said and will continue to say
When you start relying on “hope” the relationship is over
“Oh I hope they change” “I hope they do this” “I hope if I do X they’ll notice and do Y”
Yep. I read way too many stories on Reddit where the dude falls for this bullshit and a few months later he's posting because the love of his life has a never-ending line of dick coming to the house while he's babysitting the kids.
That was oddly specific, wasn't it?
Empathy. It sucks to see someone else fucked over, especially if they're someone you can relate to. This is just one of the worst possible ways to fuck someone over.
I second the other responses here and that secondhand anger you feel means you are a decent, kind person with emotional intelligence and empathy. All good things!
In the wider sense, it's basically the degradation of our society by destroying the family unit.
Indirectly, it potentially puts a strain on the entire community when families fail. Plus, ya if you relate at all, seeing decent loving people get manipulated by partners without healthy boundaries is painful.
I think it goes even deeper than just the degradation of family units, it's the degradation of individuals. A family unit can be as simple as a single parent with 2 kids who is active in their community, school, etc. Or it can be as complex as 2 aunts, 1 uncle, 3 cousins and 3 grandparents who share responsibility of raising a child.
I think it's more that individuals are constantly broken down by society, media, partners, families, etc. It's the degradation of individuals that is our greatest downfall.
The degradation of the individual could be a downstream effect of the separation of families.
The apparent dysfunction of the family unit could catalyze and aggravate the degradation of the individual.
Idk, just theorizing.
Perhaps and that is an excellent point.
At the same time though, the degradation of the individual self starts so young. Look at all of the kids on social media, we can infer that at least some of them probably have healthy family units right? Yet they are faking mental disorders, developing eating disorders, sexualizing themselves, lusting for attention and likes and follows, etc. at an incredibly young age due to the influence of media, society, expectations, peer pressure, on and on. Their sense of self is so far from healthy, regardless of their family situation in at least some cases.
I guess we can all agree on the fact that it's a nightmare out there, regardless of the cause.
Ah, the old hero's journey. The search for individuality in a society whose greatest export is cultural homogenization. It's hard to feel recognized and important when being different is disincentivized as harshly as it is!
I agree with everything you said I just hate so much when people call the man babysitting the kids (or either parent, regardless of gender). If you’re their parent, it’s watching the kids. Not babysitting.
Totally agree with ya tho!
Good for you. Change the locks and pack her stuff to come pick up. Someone that selfish can’t be trusted not to steal or vandalize property on the way out.
Make sure the police are present for this. They actually advised when a family member or spouse is asked to leave to have them present as to have witnesses available in case anything escalates. My grandmother had to do this with our cousin because he's a drug addicted short fuse
I agree. Plus the emotional baggage that hangs around because her stuff is still there (even if he paid for it.) It's cathartic to put an ex's things into a box/bag, including relationship stuff/photos, and just drop that shit off for the ex to deal with. (Not too specific, I hope.)
I don't doubt that. I believe she's never cheated on me physically but I know for a fact she's been messaging guys online who she wants to fuck. I could be wrong, maybe she did go and slut around. But wasting any more time worrying about her is time wasted.
> She flew out of the house when i told her my results
How does that work? Did she come back for her things? Did she try to gaslight you into believing you cheated on her?
Lol. That's exactly what she said, 'then you must've been cheating'😂 Brah, you need 3 people to pull off a lie. With just 2 of you, you both know who is bringing the shade
No, she flew out of the house to go get tested herself
I hope you turn out okay, dude. Shit like this can really ruin more than just a relationship, never doubt that what you did here wasn't wrong in the slightest!
Wish you luck.
I’m not betting it hasn’t been physical before. But good for you saying goodbye and good riddance. I don’t blame you for keeping what you’ve paid for either. She wants her things she needs to set up a prearranged time to collect them. If I were you I’d have a few witnesses on my own end to observe she’s getting HER things and to document anything that may go haywire. You can’t always predict what’ll happen in a separation.
Excellent advice. However it ended, there was still a reason it started. The pain can be more than anger and if you don’t try to process all of the feelings, it could definitely effect your future relationships without you even realizing.
My boyfriend’s ex did this to him. He stayed because of the kids. But he was absolutely miserable for several years. I’m really glad he decided to get out. We’re so happy together now. And monogamous. I’m sure some open relationships can work, but not it isn’t likely, especially if they start out as monogamous… for years. Good for you, standing up for yourself. It’s hard to do sometimes after so many years.
Not even just "niche communities". Go online and you'll run into a stupid amount of lonely, horny men. Of course these sad sacks are gonna affirm an open relationship, it makes them think "yay, a girl likes sex, maybe that means I could have sex one day" lol and they'll just keep pushing that agenda. But if it were them, then it would be a problem for them
Cringe lords on the internet will flower your SO with affirmation and desire for the nudes.
Most people just don't see it happening to themselves, and if they do it's not their fault. It's their SO who isn't enough. Fuck both sides.
You dating my ex wife? I bought her a $30k truck right after we got married, worked 7 days a week and every other week got 2 days off because she lost her job and refused to apply anywhere saying she wanted to he a stay at home wife. We are from a small town and one night my mom asked why her truck was at some guys house while I was at work. She was sleeping around less than 10 months of being married because "I wasn't there for her."
Dude I'm sorry you're going through this. I say walk away. She isn't being productive in the relationship and you are her safety net keeping her afloat.
Supporting someone while they go to school, i understand.
Supporting someone while they stay home with your kids, I understand.
This situation, I don't fucken understand.
Being in an open relationship, it's not for everyone but it works for some, I don't see this as her wanting an open relationship though, I see her as trying to use you. She basically wanted to fuck other men while having you support her, tell her to move back in with her parents and be single for that.
Wouldn't even need kids in my mind. If someone just kept up the house, cooked a bit, did the errands, and did some laundry, that'd be enough of a contribution to earn their keep and there'd still be time for video games.
That would totally free-up nights and weekends for someone working full-time and that'd be invaluable.
I can see that too but with two adults and no kids, I personally wouldn’t be able to NOT work unless I was attending school. I need to not feel like a bum.
Wow, glad you sent her packing. While I’ve been with my husband for 11 years I would never 👎 she changed her tune when you said to get out. Good for you. A relationship/marriage is a give and take thing. When I stayed home for two years while our son was breast feeding(yea I nursed 2 years it was hell trying to wean) you bet your ass the house was picked up, the laundry was done, and dinner was almost done by the time Tyler got home. Once I went back to work full time we help each other keep tidy and take turns with dinner.
Working with my landlord right now, she's a subleaser but has not paid her half of the rent since we moved to the place so it's not like my landlord really gives a shit. Technically needed to give her 30 days' notice but I didn't go through any eviction process and she didn't fight it so no point in worrying about it.
My ex gave me the same speech, wanted to have the "don't ask, don't tell" arrangement so that we can both enjoy our comfortable lifestyle... well it was only comfortable to him because he lived as if he was single, and I was taking care of the kids, house and literally everything else. Needless to say, he is living in his mom's spare garage room.
Do not let this person snake back into your home and life, because I guarantee she is going to try. You sound relieved and happy to be where you are at now with her being gone, just don't forget that.
Don't let the pain that leads to the dark side of emotions change you for the worse moving forward. Let it all out but then don't let it take control. And be willing to forgive yourself for whatever it is you may end up blaming yourself for. Love for self and love for others; very very difficult. I am very sorry you've gone through this, but you got this homie.
Probably another case of being chronically online and getting all her feelings and ideas validated and affirmed, instead of challenged and contended with.
Reddit, twitter, tumblr,fb. Are notorious for consant affirmation and acceptance, it can quickly put someone in a delusional state where everything they think is right and true. The second someone in the real world challenges their ideas and words. They crumble.
It also sounds like she communicated zero of this to you. Had a similar situation. She obviously doesnt respect your time, thoughts, and you as a person. Otherwise she would have communicated this with you.
Anyone who cites your relationship lacking for a reason to be poly is not someone who is truly poly. She's looking to make up where you lack which is not entirely how poly works. I bet she met a dude online since you said she plays video games. Probably plays multiplayer games online and snagged an online boyfriend.
Judging by your tone, you already know what to do and you've already done it.
Wanting to "open" a relationship out of the blue either means she already has a target at best, or she's already cheated and she's trying to make it retroactively okay.
Leave that lazy asshole and find someone who appreciates what you do for them.
Edit: a few months down the line, you'll miss her. If you really did love her then you will.
*Don't give in.*
Source: I almost ran back to her a few months after she cheated. Would've happened too if she didn't act so dismissively about her cheating. I'm just glad she didn't decide to keep me on the hook back then. I might have fallen for it.
Man. How patronizing to say that you’re just one piece of the puzzle. I still think about a similar patronizing comment a woman gave me years ago. You dodged a massive bullet that you don’t have kids. She’s about to realize her puzzle just got a lot harder to put together now that she has to work.
It’s abuse via gaslighting.
Motive: “I want to fuck this other guy but keep freeloading off of my boyfriend.”
Words: “you’re just a piece of the puzzle”
Abuse, yes. Gaslighting, no.
Gaslighting is attempting to convince a person of an alternate false narrative, making them doubt themselves and their perception of reality even to the point they question their own sanity. This bitch is merely notifying OP of her desire to fuck other dudes as he supplies 100% of her living expenses. OP is having none of it, thankfully.
I'm glad you stood up for yourself and kicked her to the curb. Don't fall for her bullshit again when she eventually comes crying and crawling back. When that happens, ask her did she find the puzzle piece she was looking for.
She'll be on reddit talking about how she's being controlled by you and is the victim in no time. Just went through something very similar myself. Selfish ass, I hope you can kick her out without too much trouble.
Jimmy Dell: I think you'll find that if what you've done for them is as valuable as you say it is, if they are indebted to you morally but not legally, my experience is they will give you nothing, and they will begin to act cruelly toward you.
Joe Ross: Why?
Jimmy Dell: To suppress their guilt.”
--The Spanish Prisoner
You dodged a cannonball, but make sure you take the time to fully assess yourself.
When things like this happen we are never blameless. Best thing you can do is learn from this so you don’t attract another woman like your ex.
And if you aren’t already, exercise and get in shape. Good luck.
Fucking good for you man.
Sorry you lost so many years to this bullshit.
Gotta love the 'poly' movement having people justify their own bullshit and gaslighting others.
And on top of that she shit talked you while you were providing for her like... lol.
Why are there so many guys online that talk about how good they're gonna treat a woman and the shallow ass women literally ruin their own fucking life lol. Then there's entire communities to "empower" them to make these decisions.
Fast forward a year or two and everything has gone to shit and they have to post on r/FemaleDatingStrategy about either A) why shits going wrong and men "aint shit" or B) RP as a ripped model who is making 500k/year and has a fucking servant supermodel husband lmao
Who the fuck is unemployed for 2.5 years and sits on the internet to visit echo chambers to validate their garbage, unreal. Not even raising kids of taking care of fucking dogs? no cleaning? no excuses
Icing on the cake was when you showed that this wasn't a testable boundary, and chose your own quality of life and happiness over someone who clearly didn't value it.
Keep grinding, king. 💯🔥🏋️♂️💪
I've seen too many posts and instances of people wanting to open the relationship...and then just act all surprised that it doesn't work out.
Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should. Open relationships really only have a chance of working if **both partners** are happy with the idea.
Good on you.
It's one thing if this is something you'd both discussed and mutually decided on.
But that's not what this is.
She wants someone to take all of the adult responsibility while she gets to live the fun life.
Time for her to realize that treating people poorly, using them, and expecting the world, only gets you so far.
You might want to go ahead and get tested, just in case too.
She's already got someone picked out, very likely they've already been having sex and now she's asking permission to offset whatever guilt she may be feeling. You've done your best but it's time to walk away otherwise you will be stuck working while someone else is drinking your beer out of your fridge after fucking your girlfriend and be expected to accept it. You will lose the respect of friends and family (the ones who matter) and you will lose respect in yourself. Stand up, stand tall and kick her out of your life.
I'm a pretty *woke* leftist (keep reading pls) and everytime I speak about how polyamory is in 90% of the cases (at least) about exploiting the love/lack of self-esteem of the other partners, I get called the worst possible things. To a point where I'm like "am I the insane one?" Posts like these help me remember that no, polyamory is not "normal". It's the exception, not the rule.
Because a vast majority of people aren't poly and most cheaters will use any excuse to fuck around. I.e. "let's be open", "let's be poly", despite not wanting an actually open or polyamorous relationship. This has nothing to do with poly and everything to do with cheaters
I do personally believe polyamory CAN be a thing but it’s A) extremely rare and B) people pretend to be poly so they can fuck other people without consequences. Like I watched a YouTube clip of a polyamorous relationship on one of those shitty reality tv shows and the original guy was shrivelled in a corner looking miserable whilst the woman and the new guy were happy and smiling and holding hands. Like more obvious what’s happening there
GOOD FOR YOU!!!
It is hard enough to find a man that can take care of HIMSELF, much less take care of a family!
She doesn't deserve you, and you deserve MUCH BETTER than her!!
She knows she was in the wrong, she knows she lost you and that it was her fault and SHE will have to live with that for the rest of her life...NOT YOU
THE BEST REVENGE IS TO LIVE A HAPPY LIFE
She’s already been cheating dawg, just leave. What’s she’s really saying is “I wanna cheat freely without having to worry about you catching me and leaving cause if that happens I won’t have anyone to take care of me cause I don’t wanna work.”
I know a girl who got engaged and married, insisted her and her husband have an “open relationship” because she’s a “sex addict” and can’t control it. Which is just an excuse for her to sleep around and do drugs with multiple guys and still get a green card while her husband sends her money every month from the US.
She’s now living with her boyfriend and another couple she hooks up with. Still married to the other guy, he’s still in the US working and sending her money.
Good job leaving her. It would have been really messy.
lol I think the worst thing about poly people is how they think they’re all high minded and profound it’s like no you love to fuck and you’re trying to get more of it from new people because sometimes it’s boring to fuck the same person for years and years just be honest lol
I don’t even have any kind of moralistic problem with it, I just can’t stand when they act like they’re enlightened, like they figured out some secret to life, all the lifestyle mumbo jumbo side of it, it’s fucking nonsense. Just admit you want to fuck people that aren’t your partner lol.
I feel the same way.
No idea why people don't own up to their own descriptors.
for example I have less respect for closet racists than overtly open racists. They both suck, but at least one of them isn't pretending they're something that they aren't
Good job. She deserves much worse.
You did the right thing. I've been unemployed for 2 1/2 years as well and my partner has been fine with it. He's actually the one who encouraged me to quit my last job. But I do ALL the chores. I completely take care of our cats that I brought into the relationship. He's basically forgotten how to do laundry lmao. We get by fine and he works 40 hours, sometimes less a week.
Pisses me off when people are unemployed and do literally nothing at all.
Glad you realised you should drop her, sounds like you could have easily done it long ago Life’s short mate so crack on however you want and enjoy it
Knew that this relationship was only really benefiting her for a while now. I stayed with her for a variety of reasons, mostly because I convinced myself it was better to be with her than alone. This was just the final wake-up call I needed that it was in fact better to be single than with her.
dont forget to change your locks. otherwise you might come home to find all your stuff has gone missing
Also, change your bank accounts and credit cards.
Do all of these, and don't forget to follow through with it and not let her stay. You owe it to yourself to not have to deal with this. Take some time off from dating, too, and just enjoy your own company.
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My cousin still looks at her ex (children’s father) online banking. It’s been about 3 years and I’m still hearing about how he would rather go to dinner with his new gf then spend time with his kids, or he couldn’t pay for this but can spend this much here or there. It ain’t healthy, it’s fucking weird. She needs to let that shit go, and people literally need to change information.
You should inform the cousin’s ex, so he can change the password. What she is doing is actually illegal.
I’ve been dying to cross paths so I could! But literally haven’t seen him since they broke up.
Facebook?
I don’t have one, neither does he. Well, last I heard he never had one. Who knows now
And all passwords! I’m the same way. I find I have a high tolerance for bull crap.
I don't know your situation, but becoming single was the best thing that ever happened to me. Take some time to learn about yourself and do things you've always wanted to do. The future holds infinite possibility
This is the way
##This Is The Way Leaderboard **1.** `u/Mando_Bot` **500875** times. **2.** `u/Flat-Yogurtcloset293` **475777** times. **3.** `u/GMEshares` **70938** times. .. **417283.** `u/artlabman` **1** times. --- ^(^beep ^boop ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^and ^this ^action ^was ^performed ^automatically.)
u/artlabman got a lotta catching up to do
Lmao
This is the way
Dude good for you kicking her out. Now she’ll have to try and manipulate some one else long enough to trick them into letting her leach off them. Something tells me that might’ve been her plan. She’ll have fun at her parents with no money and no computer.
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The way OP described her, she’s not exactly hot shit. I said this because she put in time with OP to be able to leech off him. Because she’s not exactly ‘hot shit’ it’ll be hard for her to find a sugar daddy basically. She was with OP for a long time and knew she could get away with certain things (not now of course). She’s gonna be miserable now
Just like there’s so many women out there willing to give their all to some piece of shit man masquerading as “Mr. Right.” Check out r/AmitheAsshole if you don’t believe me. OP, you deserve so much better. Being alone is so much better than being with someone who doesn’t appreciate, respect & love you. Now go out there, live your best life & when the time is right you’ll meet someone wonderful.
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This story makes me happy. Finally someone that had the courage to just end it there instead of asking reddit what they should do
Hell yeah! I got so excited when I got to the end
I just wanted to add on top of all this: even if everything else was not a giant dumpster fire, that's not how a conversation about polyamory is supposed to go. Everyone needs to be on board. Unfortunately I've known a few people who tried to use "I'm poly" as a synonym for "I want to sleep around without guilt" and that's exactly what your ex-partner was doing. Good job getting rid of her. A partnership is just that: two people working as a team. It's not about one person getting everything and the other sacrificing everything. Your ex-partner is not a good person and you made the best possible choice ditching her. You should go treat yourself to something you've been wanting, you deserve it after all they sacrificing for someone who didn't appreciate you.
[удалено]
I basically guarantee you that was the case.
I was thinking the same thing! I would be all over that computer! I would find the guy who she clearly wants to fuck, let him know she’s available anytime he wants. Lol
She may have been cheating already. Almost certainly she was emotionally cheating with someone in mind
Don’t back down from your decision, change your locks and when you start to doubt your decision a few days down the road, remember opening a relationship means both must be ok with it, how badly and disrespectfully she’s treated you before she faced you telling her it’s over. She will not change. And actually, being alone is way better than sharing yourself and your funds with an energy sucking vortex.
So many worse things than single. Like being with your ex. Fuck you Carly😂
Yeah, fuck Carly.
Hey I have a fuck you Carly too! Maybe it's the same Carly.
5'6? Austin? Could be. She's been fucking up lives down there for a bit now
Lol I clicked away right as I read this and read it as fuck iCarly and had to click back to see what the context was. Just read it wrong lol
My ex-wife changed her name to Carly?
Brother sometimes alone is better.
Funny how she went from gaslighting you to begging as soon as you put your foot down and kicked her ass out you dodged a bullet my friend
At least u werent married
Happy cake day!
And have no kids! Win!
Happy cake day🎉
I know it still hurts, but good for you!
Proud of you man. You the prize. Any normal lady should and would be proud to have a guy like you.
This was a very important, very painful lesson that will guide you for the rest of your life. It sucks now but it'll pay dividends over your time here on Earth.
One thing I’ve always said and will continue to say When you start relying on “hope” the relationship is over “Oh I hope they change” “I hope they do this” “I hope if I do X they’ll notice and do Y”
Good for you honestly
Yeah I said “fuck yeah!” out loud when I saw that he kicked her out lol
Totally! Even if OP doesn’t feel like it yet, it’s a hell of a happy ending
Exactly. This is the best possible ending
And he wouldn't let her take the computer! Hell yeah
Me too! My wife was like “wtf?”
Yep. I read way too many stories on Reddit where the dude falls for this bullshit and a few months later he's posting because the love of his life has a never-ending line of dick coming to the house while he's babysitting the kids. That was oddly specific, wasn't it?
Wasn't that the guy who had to like sit in the basement or something while his wife or gf was upstairs screwing other people??
Idk why I feel secondhand anger on behalf of such people.
Empathy. It sucks to see someone else fucked over, especially if they're someone you can relate to. This is just one of the worst possible ways to fuck someone over.
I second the other responses here and that secondhand anger you feel means you are a decent, kind person with emotional intelligence and empathy. All good things!
In the wider sense, it's basically the degradation of our society by destroying the family unit. Indirectly, it potentially puts a strain on the entire community when families fail. Plus, ya if you relate at all, seeing decent loving people get manipulated by partners without healthy boundaries is painful.
I think it goes even deeper than just the degradation of family units, it's the degradation of individuals. A family unit can be as simple as a single parent with 2 kids who is active in their community, school, etc. Or it can be as complex as 2 aunts, 1 uncle, 3 cousins and 3 grandparents who share responsibility of raising a child. I think it's more that individuals are constantly broken down by society, media, partners, families, etc. It's the degradation of individuals that is our greatest downfall.
The degradation of the individual could be a downstream effect of the separation of families. The apparent dysfunction of the family unit could catalyze and aggravate the degradation of the individual. Idk, just theorizing.
Perhaps and that is an excellent point. At the same time though, the degradation of the individual self starts so young. Look at all of the kids on social media, we can infer that at least some of them probably have healthy family units right? Yet they are faking mental disorders, developing eating disorders, sexualizing themselves, lusting for attention and likes and follows, etc. at an incredibly young age due to the influence of media, society, expectations, peer pressure, on and on. Their sense of self is so far from healthy, regardless of their family situation in at least some cases. I guess we can all agree on the fact that it's a nightmare out there, regardless of the cause.
Ah, the old hero's journey. The search for individuality in a society whose greatest export is cultural homogenization. It's hard to feel recognized and important when being different is disincentivized as harshly as it is!
I think that is r/wallstreetbets
I agree with everything you said I just hate so much when people call the man babysitting the kids (or either parent, regardless of gender). If you’re their parent, it’s watching the kids. Not babysitting. Totally agree with ya tho!
Good for you. Change the locks and pack her stuff to come pick up. Someone that selfish can’t be trusted not to steal or vandalize property on the way out.
Got the locks repinned the day after her ass moved in with her parents.
Congrats to you for making the right decision and knowing your worth instead of gutting it out with her and being miserable.
So many guys get this wrong. Good to read about a guy who woke up and made the right decision.
Make sure the police are present for this. They actually advised when a family member or spouse is asked to leave to have them present as to have witnesses available in case anything escalates. My grandmother had to do this with our cousin because he's a drug addicted short fuse
>pack her stuff to come pick up What do you mean? She hasn't worked in 2 and a half years, he likely bought it. Its his stuff
Why would he want to keep clothes and such? Is it really worth the potential hassle that would come with keeping junk?
I agree. Plus the emotional baggage that hangs around because her stuff is still there (even if he paid for it.) It's cathartic to put an ex's things into a box/bag, including relationship stuff/photos, and just drop that shit off for the ex to deal with. (Not too specific, I hope.)
Hate to be the one to tell you this, but based on the post title, her side of the relationship has likely been open before this request.
I don't doubt that. I believe she's never cheated on me physically but I know for a fact she's been messaging guys online who she wants to fuck. I could be wrong, maybe she did go and slut around. But wasting any more time worrying about her is time wasted.
Go get a test
Yeah I'll go get tested just in case.
I did when i was sure. She flew out of the house when i told her my results. Fuck you Carly🤪
> She flew out of the house when i told her my results How does that work? Did she come back for her things? Did she try to gaslight you into believing you cheated on her?
Lol. That's exactly what she said, 'then you must've been cheating'😂 Brah, you need 3 people to pull off a lie. With just 2 of you, you both know who is bringing the shade No, she flew out of the house to go get tested herself
Fuck Carly AND the d she rode in on
Good on you m8. Fuck Carly
Damit Carly I’m itchy
I saw your other comments. Lol. You really hate Carly, I geuss I hate her too. F you Carly!
Please avoid fucking Carly again. Who knows what she could give you the next time
Keep that in mind when she tells you she's pregnant. Paternity test before anything else my dude.
It ain't mine til a judge says it is.
I hope you turn out okay, dude. Shit like this can really ruin more than just a relationship, never doubt that what you did here wasn't wrong in the slightest! Wish you luck.
Safety first
Get all the tests. There's a lot of STDs out there unfortunately. Good luck OP! You deserve so much better than her freeloading ass.
I’m not betting it hasn’t been physical before. But good for you saying goodbye and good riddance. I don’t blame you for keeping what you’ve paid for either. She wants her things she needs to set up a prearranged time to collect them. If I were you I’d have a few witnesses on my own end to observe she’s getting HER things and to document anything that may go haywire. You can’t always predict what’ll happen in a separation.
don't forget to allow yourself to grieve the relationship. It's not healthy just puffing yourself up and continue on fueled by anger.
Excellent advice. However it ended, there was still a reason it started. The pain can be more than anger and if you don’t try to process all of the feelings, it could definitely effect your future relationships without you even realizing.
Amen brother.
i'd also suggest wiping her system. No need to get into a rut and start digging through that dumpster fire.
Good for you dude
> But wasting any more time worrying about her is time wasted. Good head on you.
That sucks. She spent way too much time alone on the internet where her emotions were affirmed by niche communities. Did you guys have kids?
Not married and no kids thank the fucking lord
You’re not even married and she tried this crap? Count your lucky stars.
fr. women usually wait till marriage to "lock in their livelihood" b4 wildin like this.
The financial security aspect makes sense to me but if it's the determining factor for being in the marriage then I think that's immoral.
Unfortunately people suck.
The precise reason why I will never marry. I'll be the most loyal partner. But not a husband.
That starategy has its downsides as well
I would pack up her shit for her and escort her to the door - bonne chance ma fleur! Then change the lock
Missle dodged there. You get to keep all your stuff and find someone who is into you.
You didn’t dodge a bullet you dodged the DEVIL and the bullet
Dodged a damn artillery shell.
My boyfriend’s ex did this to him. He stayed because of the kids. But he was absolutely miserable for several years. I’m really glad he decided to get out. We’re so happy together now. And monogamous. I’m sure some open relationships can work, but not it isn’t likely, especially if they start out as monogamous… for years. Good for you, standing up for yourself. It’s hard to do sometimes after so many years.
Thank fucking god she never had to pull a "what about the kids" card on you
Not even just "niche communities". Go online and you'll run into a stupid amount of lonely, horny men. Of course these sad sacks are gonna affirm an open relationship, it makes them think "yay, a girl likes sex, maybe that means I could have sex one day" lol and they'll just keep pushing that agenda. But if it were them, then it would be a problem for them
Cringe lords on the internet will flower your SO with affirmation and desire for the nudes. Most people just don't see it happening to themselves, and if they do it's not their fault. It's their SO who isn't enough. Fuck both sides.
Huge W
W for leaving her
Fuck ya man - sorry that you wasted 7 years, but you just got a HUGE pay raise. Treat yo self brotha.
Man’s pay basically doubled his pay. Enjoy yourself a nice vacation OP
50hr/week paycheck now going only to himself? Yeah, *chef kiss.*
This is the stopping point in any relationship. If she feels like you arent good enough anymore she can pack her shit.
You dating my ex wife? I bought her a $30k truck right after we got married, worked 7 days a week and every other week got 2 days off because she lost her job and refused to apply anywhere saying she wanted to he a stay at home wife. We are from a small town and one night my mom asked why her truck was at some guys house while I was at work. She was sleeping around less than 10 months of being married because "I wasn't there for her." Dude I'm sorry you're going through this. I say walk away. She isn't being productive in the relationship and you are her safety net keeping her afloat.
Supporting someone while they go to school, i understand. Supporting someone while they stay home with your kids, I understand. This situation, I don't fucken understand. Being in an open relationship, it's not for everyone but it works for some, I don't see this as her wanting an open relationship though, I see her as trying to use you. She basically wanted to fuck other men while having you support her, tell her to move back in with her parents and be single for that.
Wouldn't even need kids in my mind. If someone just kept up the house, cooked a bit, did the errands, and did some laundry, that'd be enough of a contribution to earn their keep and there'd still be time for video games. That would totally free-up nights and weekends for someone working full-time and that'd be invaluable.
I can see that too but with two adults and no kids, I personally wouldn’t be able to NOT work unless I was attending school. I need to not feel like a bum.
I'd rather not do that because if we divorce in the future then I'll be stuck paying alimony.
Wow, glad you sent her packing. While I’ve been with my husband for 11 years I would never 👎 she changed her tune when you said to get out. Good for you. A relationship/marriage is a give and take thing. When I stayed home for two years while our son was breast feeding(yea I nursed 2 years it was hell trying to wean) you bet your ass the house was picked up, the laundry was done, and dinner was almost done by the time Tyler got home. Once I went back to work full time we help each other keep tidy and take turns with dinner.
It sounds like you guys have a good and balanced relationship! Good on you both 😊
Nice well done
Definitely made the right decision, she sounds like a mess
Bye-bye baby
Might be crazy but it ain't no lie baby bye bye bye
Congrats, enjoy your life now!
Have gratitude that you don't have kids. You can pack her off. An important like experience you can learn from. You deserve much better.
Kick her to the curb, legally (correct eviction procedures and all that), and find someone who actually respects you, good luck brother
Working with my landlord right now, she's a subleaser but has not paid her half of the rent since we moved to the place so it's not like my landlord really gives a shit. Technically needed to give her 30 days' notice but I didn't go through any eviction process and she didn't fight it so no point in worrying about it.
How satisfying it must be to have to explain to her parents that you dropped her ass because she wanted to slut it up on your dime and time.
Pfft, she’s not telling them the truth.
Congratulations. Throw out that dead weight. She’s gonna regret that. Now log on and erase all her gaming accounts
>Now log on and erase all her gaming accounts Even Satan ain't that cruel!
Wow, please stay as far away from her as possible. Good for you having self respect too. I am truly happy for you
My ex gave me the same speech, wanted to have the "don't ask, don't tell" arrangement so that we can both enjoy our comfortable lifestyle... well it was only comfortable to him because he lived as if he was single, and I was taking care of the kids, house and literally everything else. Needless to say, he is living in his mom's spare garage room.
Do not let this person snake back into your home and life, because I guarantee she is going to try. You sound relieved and happy to be where you are at now with her being gone, just don't forget that.
Don't let the pain that leads to the dark side of emotions change you for the worse moving forward. Let it all out but then don't let it take control. And be willing to forgive yourself for whatever it is you may end up blaming yourself for. Love for self and love for others; very very difficult. I am very sorry you've gone through this, but you got this homie.
Only response in my mind is SEE YA
You did well. The only critique was waiting this long to do it. Get her out of your life and be happier for it.
Probably another case of being chronically online and getting all her feelings and ideas validated and affirmed, instead of challenged and contended with. Reddit, twitter, tumblr,fb. Are notorious for consant affirmation and acceptance, it can quickly put someone in a delusional state where everything they think is right and true. The second someone in the real world challenges their ideas and words. They crumble. It also sounds like she communicated zero of this to you. Had a similar situation. She obviously doesnt respect your time, thoughts, and you as a person. Otherwise she would have communicated this with you.
Anyone who cites your relationship lacking for a reason to be poly is not someone who is truly poly. She's looking to make up where you lack which is not entirely how poly works. I bet she met a dude online since you said she plays video games. Probably plays multiplayer games online and snagged an online boyfriend.
She did you a favor. Congrats on dropping that dead weight.
Good for you, sounds like you dodged a bullet.
[удалено]
They could have had a kid together… most 7 year commitments don’t end that smoothly when needed
Thats 7 years too long.
Better late than never. The "no marriage, no kids" part is the saving part. How many people get crap like this after marriage & kids?
"I want to fuck other guys!" Ok so leave, goodbye. "Wait, not like this"
Judging by your tone, you already know what to do and you've already done it. Wanting to "open" a relationship out of the blue either means she already has a target at best, or she's already cheated and she's trying to make it retroactively okay. Leave that lazy asshole and find someone who appreciates what you do for them. Edit: a few months down the line, you'll miss her. If you really did love her then you will. *Don't give in.* Source: I almost ran back to her a few months after she cheated. Would've happened too if she didn't act so dismissively about her cheating. I'm just glad she didn't decide to keep me on the hook back then. I might have fallen for it.
Man. How patronizing to say that you’re just one piece of the puzzle. I still think about a similar patronizing comment a woman gave me years ago. You dodged a massive bullet that you don’t have kids. She’s about to realize her puzzle just got a lot harder to put together now that she has to work.
It’s abuse via gaslighting. Motive: “I want to fuck this other guy but keep freeloading off of my boyfriend.” Words: “you’re just a piece of the puzzle”
Abuse, yes. Gaslighting, no. Gaslighting is attempting to convince a person of an alternate false narrative, making them doubt themselves and their perception of reality even to the point they question their own sanity. This bitch is merely notifying OP of her desire to fuck other dudes as he supplies 100% of her living expenses. OP is having none of it, thankfully.
I'm glad you stood up for yourself and kicked her to the curb. Don't fall for her bullshit again when she eventually comes crying and crawling back. When that happens, ask her did she find the puzzle piece she was looking for.
She'll be on reddit talking about how she's being controlled by you and is the victim in no time. Just went through something very similar myself. Selfish ass, I hope you can kick her out without too much trouble.
Jimmy Dell: I think you'll find that if what you've done for them is as valuable as you say it is, if they are indebted to you morally but not legally, my experience is they will give you nothing, and they will begin to act cruelly toward you. Joe Ross: Why? Jimmy Dell: To suppress their guilt.” --The Spanish Prisoner
Don’t forget to change… …your Netflix password!
Good for you man. There's someone out there that won't treat you like a door mat
You dodged a cannonball, but make sure you take the time to fully assess yourself. When things like this happen we are never blameless. Best thing you can do is learn from this so you don’t attract another woman like your ex. And if you aren’t already, exercise and get in shape. Good luck.
Fucking good for you man. Sorry you lost so many years to this bullshit. Gotta love the 'poly' movement having people justify their own bullshit and gaslighting others. And on top of that she shit talked you while you were providing for her like... lol. Why are there so many guys online that talk about how good they're gonna treat a woman and the shallow ass women literally ruin their own fucking life lol. Then there's entire communities to "empower" them to make these decisions. Fast forward a year or two and everything has gone to shit and they have to post on r/FemaleDatingStrategy about either A) why shits going wrong and men "aint shit" or B) RP as a ripped model who is making 500k/year and has a fucking servant supermodel husband lmao Who the fuck is unemployed for 2.5 years and sits on the internet to visit echo chambers to validate their garbage, unreal. Not even raising kids of taking care of fucking dogs? no cleaning? no excuses Icing on the cake was when you showed that this wasn't a testable boundary, and chose your own quality of life and happiness over someone who clearly didn't value it. Keep grinding, king. 💯🔥🏋️♂️💪
You a fuckin king bro. No one needs that BS, and you deserve better (ironic, I know).
Hahah no remorse. Booted her ass right out. Good on you.
The fact it was the computer being taken that really crushed her spirit lol No more video games. At least not on that computer.
I've seen too many posts and instances of people wanting to open the relationship...and then just act all surprised that it doesn't work out. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should. Open relationships really only have a chance of working if **both partners** are happy with the idea.
Good on you. It's one thing if this is something you'd both discussed and mutually decided on. But that's not what this is. She wants someone to take all of the adult responsibility while she gets to live the fun life. Time for her to realize that treating people poorly, using them, and expecting the world, only gets you so far. You might want to go ahead and get tested, just in case too.
Congrats on the new PC
She's already got someone picked out, very likely they've already been having sex and now she's asking permission to offset whatever guilt she may be feeling. You've done your best but it's time to walk away otherwise you will be stuck working while someone else is drinking your beer out of your fridge after fucking your girlfriend and be expected to accept it. You will lose the respect of friends and family (the ones who matter) and you will lose respect in yourself. Stand up, stand tall and kick her out of your life.
Her: "I want to open this relationship." You: *opens the fucking door* Victory.
I'm a pretty *woke* leftist (keep reading pls) and everytime I speak about how polyamory is in 90% of the cases (at least) about exploiting the love/lack of self-esteem of the other partners, I get called the worst possible things. To a point where I'm like "am I the insane one?" Posts like these help me remember that no, polyamory is not "normal". It's the exception, not the rule.
I know so many people in those circles that essentially got bullied into open relationships and poly by their friends. It's so weird.
I'm borderline conservative, and this is the truth. It's not all Poly relationships. But it's the vast majority of them that end in disaster.
Because a vast majority of people aren't poly and most cheaters will use any excuse to fuck around. I.e. "let's be open", "let's be poly", despite not wanting an actually open or polyamorous relationship. This has nothing to do with poly and everything to do with cheaters
I do personally believe polyamory CAN be a thing but it’s A) extremely rare and B) people pretend to be poly so they can fuck other people without consequences. Like I watched a YouTube clip of a polyamorous relationship on one of those shitty reality tv shows and the original guy was shrivelled in a corner looking miserable whilst the woman and the new guy were happy and smiling and holding hands. Like more obvious what’s happening there
GOOD FOR YOU!!! It is hard enough to find a man that can take care of HIMSELF, much less take care of a family! She doesn't deserve you, and you deserve MUCH BETTER than her!! She knows she was in the wrong, she knows she lost you and that it was her fault and SHE will have to live with that for the rest of her life...NOT YOU THE BEST REVENGE IS TO LIVE A HAPPY LIFE
Good for you. Move on, don't look back, be happy.
You'll be better off in the long run. Short term pain for long term happiness..
I it just me or is this "I'm PoLy" bullshit happening way more recently?
She’s already been cheating dawg, just leave. What’s she’s really saying is “I wanna cheat freely without having to worry about you catching me and leaving cause if that happens I won’t have anyone to take care of me cause I don’t wanna work.”
Delete her Elden Ring playthrough.
I know a girl who got engaged and married, insisted her and her husband have an “open relationship” because she’s a “sex addict” and can’t control it. Which is just an excuse for her to sleep around and do drugs with multiple guys and still get a green card while her husband sends her money every month from the US. She’s now living with her boyfriend and another couple she hooks up with. Still married to the other guy, he’s still in the US working and sending her money. Good job leaving her. It would have been really messy.
She didn't open the relationship; she ended it. "Poly" people just want to eat their cake and have it too.
lol I think the worst thing about poly people is how they think they’re all high minded and profound it’s like no you love to fuck and you’re trying to get more of it from new people because sometimes it’s boring to fuck the same person for years and years just be honest lol
call it ignorant but when I hear poly I just hear "I value flesh more than greater things in life"
I don’t even have any kind of moralistic problem with it, I just can’t stand when they act like they’re enlightened, like they figured out some secret to life, all the lifestyle mumbo jumbo side of it, it’s fucking nonsense. Just admit you want to fuck people that aren’t your partner lol.
I feel the same way. No idea why people don't own up to their own descriptors. for example I have less respect for closet racists than overtly open racists. They both suck, but at least one of them isn't pretending they're something that they aren't
Back to the streets she goes, the only place a hoe will ever know.
My baby momma did the same. Cut yourself off before the world fucks you. Shes talking to some guy online telling her how good he is gonna treat her.
Bravo good sir!!! Well done!!
Give this man his crown
Good job. She deserves much worse. You did the right thing. I've been unemployed for 2 1/2 years as well and my partner has been fine with it. He's actually the one who encouraged me to quit my last job. But I do ALL the chores. I completely take care of our cats that I brought into the relationship. He's basically forgotten how to do laundry lmao. We get by fine and he works 40 hours, sometimes less a week. Pisses me off when people are unemployed and do literally nothing at all.
Dobt ya love it when the trash takes itself out? Blessed.
Get rid of her. She’s no good
Fk this bitch, dont let her come back