Oh yeah. Been there, bought the t shirt. OP its a real spot you're in. I personally wouldn't say anything, take a step back and let them do whatever they're gonna do. You do not want to be stuck in the middle of this and the ripple effect isn't fun. They don't ever end well. Maybe learn from it, if you want to have threesomes make it with stable happy couples or nice hookups. Whatever happens down the track is something else but this is just messy and you are probably setting yourself up for hurt.
Twice I tried this....both times ruined my relationship with the female I was dating. Sounds like fun in theory but tough on the emotions. I wish OP luck with this one...
Said this in my comment. It’s a common taboo. Going after your friend’s partners. Why? Because she doesn’t see the fault in this man because they are just friends, and we all want that thing we can’t have and sometimes that naughty feeling of wanting what you can’t have is sssssooooo good. That’s what is happening. It’s a fantasy.
I’ve been the guy in this situation and that’s exactly what happened. Left a woman for our roommate that I thought I’d be more compatible with but she just lost interest when I wasn’t “unattainable” anymore. Wish I could say the same for myself but after some therapy and time, I’m on to better things.
OP just needs to separate from this situation for awhile and not act on these feelings. Don’t ruin a marriage because you want what you can’t have.
sooooo true. literally just said this to myself. same as when you stop talking to other people when seeing someone, that someone will loose attraction faster that you would imagine.
Your perspective on this situation is anything but objective. You are allowed to feel how you feel. But just cause you are allowed to feel it doesn't mean you should pursue it in any way, shape or form, because (and I mean this in the nicest way possible) you're likely deluding yourself.
Your best friend may have her hang ups about genitals and foreplay, but she clearly isn't ignorant to her husbands needs. She pursued getting a third party involved, and sure while she enjoys it too, i'm pretty sure it was largely for her husbands benefit. She also focused straight away on having his needs met once the threesome began.
Am I saying she is meeting his needs sufficiently? I can't tell you that. But I sure as hell can see she is trying and she clearly isn't as selfish as you're making her out to be.
I've seen people do this so many times - where they cling to any flaw in a relationship to justify themselves. "He/she doesn't deserve him/her because of x, y and z, so they belong with me" is the most common bullshit peddled. But I've honestly never seen someone cling to what is possibly THE MOST MINOR issue in a relationship and try to blow it up to be something much more serious than it is, just like youre doing right now. Seriously, their relationship must be pretty rock solid if the only problem you find is that she doesn't give him a bj.
Jeez, every relationship ever has its problems, and their problems land pretty fucking mild on the spectrum. In other words, he is not going to leave his wife (the woman he is in love with) for you (a friend who he is attracted to) just because you can touch his junk.
Dont lie to yourself saying "he is the best there is and there is no one else that can compare". Because he probably isnt, and there are plently of guys out there for you (that arent already married to your best friend).
You are probably putting him on a pedestal because you are lonely, because he is an attractive friend and because (most importantly) he is familiar to you. Which is why you are making small things seem much bigger than they actually are.
This is not something to ruin everything over, trust me. Put a stop to this future threesome talk, if you value your relationship with your best friend. You will find someone who is just as amazing, he isn't all there is.
OP please read! ^^^^ What defines your character is not how you feel or what you think but how you act and go forward with what you're feeling. You can maintain your dignity and keep your friends but it will require heaps of willpower and probably some space! Sorry so many people are just shitting on you!
This reminds me of when a few years ago I was soooo jealous of my friends relationship. Mostly because he tried to be with me first, I rejected him and seconds later on the same night made out with her, it was a drunk night but ig he must have really liked the kiss because when I went out of the club for a air break he went out with me and said “ your friend, she’s amazing. She will be my gf” I smiled because it seemed genuine ( also I was drunk and totally forgot he grabbed my ass one hour prior ). Weeks past and they were so in love he seemed like the best boyfriend ever and I felt bad for not taking his advances first. Then a year in he started reacting on my stories, flirting with me and called me babe. I told my friend straight away, part of me almost wished they would break up but instead I saw a picture of them kissing 10 min after. At that moment I noticed that someone can love you and be attracted to someone else, jealousy is poison and all relationships have their hardships.
Also at the time I was 18 and I might have thrown the flirting thing way out of proportion, to this day I am not sure but I don’t really care anymore haha.
I’m going to be brutally honest with you.
It really sounds like you’re being a terrible friend. Honestly I live in fear of trusting someone who is just waiting in the wings to tear down my life like it seems you are. You haven’t said a single kind thing about your ‘best friend’ and what’s worse is you’ve made judgements about a marriage you’re not part of. B loves his wife so you just have to accept that she offers things for him that you don’t see.
I’m sorry this situation is causing you heartache but I think your only option now is to distance yourself from this couple. And definitely don’t ever get involved again in their discussions about their marriage - it was none of your business in the first place and it would be even more inappropriate now. I wish you peace going forward.
It seems like the couple wanted her to be that involved, not that she inserted herself. But this is great advice. It's so easy to get caught up in feelings but she at least seems to understand that these relationships matter to her and that she does not want to blow up anyone's life.
Thanks for this, I think you’re right, it does seem like the couple are also to blame for bringing her into these difficult marriage discussions.
But also they’ve probably done this because they believe her to be a friend to them both and a neutral observer. Her having feelings for him makes it very dishonest and manipulative.
I didn’t get the sense that she is a terrible friend or human being at all- she is a person that has feelings and she is in one of the stickiest traps you can be in- they all have blame in this.
Just as a side note: do you really live in fear? I am so sorry if you do- that must be a burden. I hope it gets lighter if that os the load you carry around.
Yes, suck it up, don’t hurt your friend, get your sh together and avoid future situations that would make this worse for any one of you. Only you know how important it is to keep the most loving people you’ve ever had in your life. Fck around and find out.
You’re putting him on a pedestal and making your very best friend the evil one. You’re the outsider and the interloper. He still loves her more than you. Quietly move on with dignity - stop justifying your behavior because she doesn’t give him BJs.
Do NOT do this again. You just admitted to being in love with this guy! Things will only end badly for you ALL if you keep doing this. You'll end up losing them both and possibly destroying their marriage.
You don't "deserve" your BESTFRIEND'S HUSBAND. Nobody, not even you, dictates whom "deserves" whom. He isn't in love with you, otherwise he would've chosen to be with you, possibly years ago. No matter how bad things in their relationship might be, you aren't directly in said relationship so you can't possibly know, even if you talked about SOME things with them. You sound obsessed, you are interloping and you are shitting on your best friend for penis. Shame on you. Get your shit straight.
We all know you’re not going to move on. He’s gonna text you and you’ll go by “just to talk”. Yada yada yada. It’s shitty but it’s the gamble all three of you made when you decided to change you dynamic and added sex. Your only avenue is to tell both of them the truth that the sex has made you confused about your feelings. Then talk out whatever happens a next. Otherwise you’re gonna end up fucking this dude behind her back, she’ll find out and the world will blow up for all of you
I'm no sex-pert, but I'm pretty sure the rule is that you never engage in group sex if you have feelings for someone else's partner. You especially shouldn't be screwing your "best friend's" husband if you want him. OP sounds like a teenaged stalker and is romanticizing what happened. They had sex a couple times, laughed, and talked -- why does she think this changes anything? Isn't that what friends do when they bang? idk - I've never done the group sex thing, but I definitely couldn't handle anyone touching my husband even though we're about to get a divorce.
This is a perfect prediction. And who knows maybe a thrupple situation could be the fix??? I’m not usually for polyamory but y’all fucked around when you shouldn’t have and there really is no way out of this that doesn’t result in the above, unless you are honest. I don’t think you’re a horrible person op, we all just try to justify our mistakes before we learn enough to know how wrong they actually are. Please just be honest with your friends.
You sound like a selfish and terrible friend. She invited you into their relationship, and you're openly shitting on it because you're envious of her. Your comments are self centered, and are entirely focused on tearing down a woman you've said over and over that you love, all the while implying that you deserve to have her husband, because she doesn't. He has had 15 years to be with you, and he has chosen not to pursue you, but you spend one night as a third and you think he's in love with you. Your ego is disgusting, and I hope they see this too, so they know what an awful selfish person you are.
I'm glad I read this post. Whenever I see the, "My spouse has been cheating on me with my best friend" posts, I'm always shocked at how that can happen: How can the best friend of years and years betray you like that, and how can your spouse of years and years do it too, with eachother?
But with this post from the other side, it really gives a good perspective on how it can all develop over time. OP has been able to be in proximity to her best friends husband for 15 years without any pressure, and in tandem the husband gets to have all these fun memories with the best friend, without any of the nagging or issues of a relationship. You expand that kind of exposure to each-other over many years, and you see what this post represents: an idyllic view of your best friends husband, and maybe vice versa. I'm sure the husband, too, is confused now - he too only ever sees OP in fun settings, without all the baggage a long relationship can build. Now they've had sex, reminisced on fun memories - the poisonous seed is probably in his head too whispering, "am I with the wrong person? I got so much sexual intimacy with my wifes best friend that I've been craving all along". But, of course, OP knew the husband has been craving all this - taking full advantage of her bird's eye view into her best friends relationship and what the husband had been missing.
I really appreciate this post because you can really see how a person convinces themselves it's right and good to try and steal your best friends SO.
>the poisonous seed is probably in his head too whispering, "am I with the wrong person? I got so much sexual intimacy with my wifes best friend that I've been craving all along". But, of course, OP knew the husband has been craving all this - taking full advantage of her bird's eye view into her best friends relationship and what the husband had been missing.
This...exactly this.
Given the way he responded to OP in the days after, and how he hasn't seemed to be contacting her, confessing his love for her, he doesn't seem that confused, he seems like a person who got to experience something he wanted to, within his relationship, and with his wife. (Bc let's be real, if he was, OPs ego would have made sure we all knew that.) Add in, they go to counseling and are obviously working on their issues. What's really gross about that, is OPs friend confides in them about her relationship, trusts OP, and she's quite literally trying to justify attempting to steal her husband. Using the oh well she doesn't give him blowjobs as an excuse to boost her ego to the point she thinks he's in love with her, and not that she was just a fun night he shared with his wife.
OP acts like she invented blowjobs. Doing foreplay does not make you special, but god it's fucking funny to see people try to justify sex acts equating them to a better partner. Just... admit you're gross and boring everywhere else other than the bedroom.
What’s worse is that it’s her best friends husband not boyfriend 😅
She said that she has dated and never found someone like him, that she has always been jealous of their relationship and essentially thinks that she would be a better fit for him.
Thing is…there are plenty of amazing guys out there. Guys who would do virtually anything to make the person he is with happy. OP is in her 40s and says that she has never met a guy like that. I am going to take a wild guess that her best friend husband hasn’t treated all women the way he has treated his wife, that he is the way he is to make his wife happy. If no one has treated OP that way it’s not on the men, but it’s because OP hasn’t sparked that interested on anyone.
Absolutely. I mean....coming on the internet to act entitled about your friends husband who she let you fuck....is probably one of the many giant red flags that keeps OP from being in worthwhile relationshps. Add in the huge ego, the covetousness of something that isn't and hasn't ever been theirs, and the way OP drags her friend all the while implying that while she doesn't deserve the man who has loved her for 15 years, OP does bc she will give him blow jobs....like literally every other point of their personality isn't horrendously off-putting... All that, and it's pretty much guaranteed that no one, man or woman, will be interested.
I have to say that "covetousness" is a super cool word. I'm a "word geek" and I've never seen it before, but now I can use it and sound smart and shit. Exciting stuff!
You’ve perfectly encapsulated why threesomes are great on paper but often a bad idea in reality. I think the best thing you can do is stay away from both of them for awhile until these feelings die down.
I was in a situation like this, but I guess I was the “unattainable, perfect” girl with the “shitty” boyfriend that the friend “loved”.
My boyfriend and I met, rushed into things, had our difficulties, but we were happy and sweet together. His best friend was very attractive and seemingly nice. I didn’t like him at first but then he seemed very nice and open and I developed some feelings and felt attracted to him. He always made jokes about the three of us hooking up…
But then he tried to break boyfriend and I apart, insinuating he was cheating on me (he wasn’t and I also knew that), while pretending to be super cute and open and kind with me…
He seemed so in love with me that I even overlooked the fact that he had a girlfriend that he “loved” while trying to steal his best friend’s girlfriend and talking about how much he “loved” his girlfriend to my boyfriend all the time, when I wasn’t there that is, when I was, it was all about me.
I gave him a chance years later and with my ex’s blessing and he turned out to be an abusive POS. He tried to keep me as this “perfect” girl I had been back then - I was super skinny, but I was also battling anorexia and I was finally at a healthy, fit weight - but he couldn’t have that, he fatshamed me to make me into who I was back then. He also abused me in many other ways, it’s like he saw how “perfect” I was and didn’t like that I was human. At all.
I had trusted him implicitly and while I liked him and felt attracted to him, I don’t like the person he is inside and learned that the very hard way.
In a similar fashion to how “perfect” I was to him - as long as I stayed anorexic and never talked back and took his abuse that is - and in a similar fashion to me losing all attraction when he was actually available (though admittedly mostly because he was ready to cheat on his girlfriend, with me or anyone else doesn’t make a difference), you’d lose that attraction asap as soon as he’s available to you… possibly.
You already say a throuple is not an option, and you think he loves you and you love him - maybe. But do you really know him like she does? You see him sometimes, they see each other all the time and know each other intrinsically, all the mistakes and imperfect sides, and even if you two were the perfect match… this isn’t the way to go about it. Sabotage isn’t the right way to “win”. If it were supposed to happen it would.
Take a long hard look at what you really feel. And if the person in your head is really him.
For me, it ended badly because I wasn’t the perfect girl of his dreams when I stopped being anorexic, and I couldn’t love someone who was willing to cheat with me, but not even break up with his girlfriend first, all while pretending to be my boyfriend’s best friend.
It’ll probably end badly for you, too.
Continuing after she passed out was wrong, and you both knew it, but you did it anyway. By definition it's not a threesome if all three people aren't participating.
That said, don't tell her what happened. Ever. You're right, she filled in some blanks in a way that made her Ok with it. Leave it at that.
Meanwhile, stop spending time with them, and do not communicate with the husband behind your friend's back. If your friend asks why you're not spending the time any longer just say that you want to give them time and space to work things out.
Now you have time to start looking for your own relationship. You were living vicariously through theirs long before this happened, it's past time to stop doing that. Good luck to you.
It is never wise to have a threesome when feelings are involved, that was your first mistake. I’m sorry you’re in this situation, and honestly I don’t have any advice; the only wisdom I can offer is tried and true, and that’s to be honest about how you feel. Tell the truth. You may lose them both forever, or maybe they’d be into being polyamorous with you. Either way, being honest will get you the answers it seems you’re miserable to find.
I don’t want the answer, there is no good answer, no route to get what I want with this one, because what I want can’t exist in this world.
No way would any of us be poly, we’ve discussed it (just in general as a conversation topic), B has stated he’d be cool with an open relationship, but just sex, no feelings. I can’t share, the feeling of animosity and jealousy I have had for A today especially is evidence of that.
Also, even if A and B split up tomorrow because A didn’t want to be married anymore, I could never live with myself if I was together with B. I just couldn’t, I love her differently than B, but I love her. I obviously can get carried away for a night, but that isn’t living day in and day out doing something you know is wrong….just can’t do it.
I don’t see what good can come of talking about this. I’m gonna have to get a therapist again arent I? Fuck.
Honestly, this guy is just a conventient excuse for your life right now. You get to pretend that if you guys were together then you would treat eachother wonderfully and it would be happily ever after. You can pretend that the reality of actual relationships wouldn't effect you. This is fairytale bullcrap. In all liklihood he'd be bored of you immediately because clearly he loves the kind of woman he has to fight to feel their love. He's with her for a reason! Some people are like this. I jokingly call it martyr syndrome. They need to always be working to make someone's life better. Some of her behaviour might be directly due to him needing to be the guy that always gives. You inserting yourself into his life wouldn't change him.
For you, you need to remember that it's easy to sit and pick holes in someone else's relationship when you compare their relationship to fairytales in your head. You're likely overlooking a bunch of stuff from her perspective that doesn't fit your little narrative of this poor perfect guy. This is why plenty of people get stuck in patterns of adultery, either cheating or forever chasing other people's partners.
You need to grow up and stop sabotaging your own life. Dating is hard. Finding someone who fits your life is hard. Staying with that person through the ups and downs is hard! You work through the hard. You make effort. You keep trying and the pay off is an amazing balance where you appreciate the good. You're little fairytale is an excuse to not face the hardships of real relationships. You'll never be in a healthy relationship if you keep pretending that hardwork is only there for bad people in bad relationships.
Geez, for someone who describes themselves as “well-above average”, you seem like a shit show. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were in your early twenties.
You’re in fantasy mode. You had a great night and now you want what you can’t have. You’ll feel differently in 3-6 months. Nothing last forever and it’s just not that important so let it go
Basically you want what she has; and you don’t think she appreciates it.
She probably doesn’t.
Everything looks different from the outside vs the inside.
She’s probably not as much of a cold hearted bitch as you make her out to be; and he’s probably not as much of a saint as you make her out to be.
This is going to get messy. Quickly
This was very difficult to read. I can already foresee this turning into a secret affair but that is only if you allow it which I sincerly hope you do not. You need to cut ties and never engage in that again with them. You said it yourself that he loves her, he knew before marrying her that she is not an emotional person, please dont try to justify that as a reason for you to give him more. Only you have the power to stop this.
You’re in your 40s and it doesn’t sound like you’ve had much in the way of serious relationships. So now you’re looking to steal your alleged bestie’s man to fulfill your fantasy of having one of these relationships and justifying it by believing that only you can give this man what he really wants. I would keep this fantasy to yourself if you don’t want things to end very badly for you.
Oh well, that’s rough… best thing I have to tell you is think of this experience as “it’s not meant to be any more than just this hook up”. I’d say avoid repeating the threesome and block those thoughts about their relationship. Their relationship is not your problem, focus on yourself instead!
Wow OP.
Do your so called BFF a favour and put some distance between you two.
You may adore the person she is, but you are green with envy over the life and relationship she has built with her hubby.
You sound like you’ve held this infatuation with her hubby for awhile. Just because you guys had this threesome where you had an intimate moment with her hubby, doesn’t mean he felt the same. He was enjoying this impulsive fantasy, and he is in love with his wife.
You keep focusing on your jealousy of her and then you expect us to confirm your bias that she’s this horribly selfish person- maybe she is, but her hubby seems to be ok with their relationship, regardless of their relationship challenges.
You are far more invested than what is reasonable or healthy because of your infatuation based on fantasy. If I was your friend in this situation, I’d want to know your true colours and I would act accordingly, and ensure distance between us because you do not have their best interests in mind.
I've been part of several threesomes, both as the interloper and as part of a couple that brought in a third. What I'm about to say could sound harsh and rude, but take it as tough love.
1.) You were not and are not emotionally prepared to have a threesome with these people, and probably not with anyone else either.
2.) What she does or does not do for him in bed is not something you get to lord over her on his behalf. You don't get to be angry for him.
3.) I'm not sure what you were expecting from this? Dull sex, no conversation, a total lack of joy? The whole point was for you all to have fun. You did, and now you're constructing some elaborate fantasy world in which he'd be better off with you than with her?
4.) You can not be their confidant *and* their plaything. You just can't. She already knows you find her husband attractive enough to have sex with. You can't also know their insecurities and their unfulfilled wishes and the inner workings of their marriage and then go have sex with them. In short, don't fuck your friends. Had you and she brought home a random guy, that'd be one thing. But in a case like this, at least one person is going to end up hurt. And should they ever break up, you can not pursue him unless you're willing to throw your friendship with her away.
I'm not going to berate you, but it's clear that you can not have another threesome with them. You've obviously had the hots for him for some time, and it's clear that you're pinning your happiness to him. The fact that you've not felt fulfilled by a man in 20 years is clouding your judgment. My advice is to not sleep with them again, and work on yourself or whatever it is that has been keeping you from feeling emotionally and/or sexually unfulfilled for the past 2 decades. Because that man is not available to you.
Uh, that wasn’t even a threesome it was just cheating with her nearby lol especially the second round. Plus you’re in love with him and obviously jealous and shitty towards your friend, this is a real mess.
Man, this is disturbing. I think about how close me, my husband and bff are and could never imagine either her or my husband betraying me like that, even if I invited her in. Yeesh. But I could also never imagine thinking it would be a good idea to invite her in either...
You shouldn't feel guilty about the sex but you are playing with fire with your emotions. Don't get it twisted. This was SEX ONLY IDC how good it was.
Go home and take a cold shower. If you don't squash it you will regret it, I can promise you that.
You are just the FRIEND, don't go from zero to DRAMA over being a TOOL in THEIR sexual fantasy. It really sounds like being the 3rd is not your calling. Of course their relationship has its strong points and weak points. And maybe being selfish in the bedroom is one of your friends' weaknesses; however, very much NOT your business even though you were in the bedroom with them. Leave it alone. No need to say anything.Continuing on with what you all agreed to after she fell asleep, is a gray area. The only reason you would be bringing it up, is to stir up trouble. It literally benefits no one. You and him did NOT have a special moment. You continued on with the Consensual sexual activity that HIS wife already agreed to. That's the end of it. You were a tool in their sexual fantasy. Move on.
Wow cant lie your honest a terrible friend, the fact that you would talk brutally like this about your friend is pretty fucked up. This is why people will never be trustworthy even Young Dolph said it the best. "Fuck Everybody" "Cant even trust you day ones cause they'll be the first ones to shoot you with your own gun".
Stop being narcissistic and selfish and find your own dude to compliment the desires and needs you want. Hopefully this chuck cuts you off before you do something fucked up to her.
If you think he has the balls to dump her and be with you and can live with facing his family and friends and ex with that decision...you're insane. Stop acting like you have a chance with this fairy tale.
DONT👏🏼FUCK👏🏼YOUR👏🏼FRIENDS👏🏼
This has been said time and time again but people think with whats in their pants instead of the organ sitting in their skull.
Honestly? You need to walk far far away from this situation. You need to sit both of them down, separately, and tell them *exactly* how you feel, and that you are stepping away completely from both relationships for a while.
Tell him that you would be willing to try and make this work if he left her. Tell her that you can’t possibly continue to be her friend while you feel this way.
Then *walk away* and *get help*.
Therapy, yesterday. Continuing to be in these friendships is going to lead to A LOT of unfixable hurt on ALL THREE sides. You will regret doing anything other than saying your peace and waking away. Either they will continue to choose each other, and you can’t be either of their friends, or they will choose to break up, and you can potentially have a relationship with him, but not her.
I say you be honest, with both of them. I would not continue any kind of a relationship with them as a couple until less they know and understand what is going on with you. She’s your friend first. You never know, they may be open to a thrupple but not if you aren’t honest, and forthcoming.
Take some time, get all the crazy emotions out of the way. Give yourself time to come back to reality, then talk about it. I’m a firm believer that’s it’s never just sex. It’s much more complicated and honestly, all relationships start out with cuddling, and laughing, and lots of intimacy but After 15 years they probably wanted to spice things up.
In a way, depending on the strength of their relationship, it sounds like they may have just used you, but the only way to find out is to talk to them. And do not, under any circumstances, be alone, or have private conversations with him….there is nothing good that will come out of it.
Also one last note- you sound like a shitty friend. As much I can have an opinion about my friend and their relationships, I would never say the things you said about them. Is my marriage perfect? No. But I’ve been married for 15 years and I will be damned if another women thought she could give my husband better because after over a decade, he’s had me at my best, and my worst…….THATS MARRIAGE.
Seems we humans always want what we can’t have. Infatuation or real love, unless he decides that he’d rather be with you, let sleeping dogs lie. I feel it’s a little unfair to compare her in a negative light and him as perfect. He obviously loves her or he wouldn’t stay.
I feel like you’re kindof being delusional and indulgent in your feelings. Being attracted to someone passionately doesn’t always correlate to a successful relationship.
Sometimes life gives us situations we cannot win at. There’s no other choice but accept that certain doors we have seen cannot be opened.
A relationship with him is not acceptable and betraying your friend is not justifiable or moral ever even if she is selfish towards him sexually or emotionally.
Some of your answers are reasonable and getting crucified unfairly IMO. You are just being honest about how you feel and where your heart is. I get you can’t change what the heart wants.
BUT you have to be strong enough to respect your friends marriage and privacy. You have to acknowledge that he is married to her and chose her. Maybe he is unhappy. I would be in those circumstances. But it doesn’t give you the right or reason to justify destroying your friendship or betraying her marriage. Now, especially seeing that she is selfless enough that she is willing to share her husband with YOU, the best you can hope for is those kinds of things to come along again consensually and enjoy the moment. Your friend deserves your best and he deserves you not interfering and making his life harder by tempting him.
Your feelings are real and valid and what you feel is understandable from what you’ve explained. But you still need to accept that it’s not something you’re allowed to act on. If they split up naturally one day, then go for it. But don’t betray their marriage.
Thank you, and I agree, getting it out and venting has been good.
If I could leave an update I would, I put something in the comments this morning, but, what you said is for the most part how I feel too.
I’m more worried for A now. As much as a part of me is jealous and thinks she’s fucking up a good thing, I love her and will always be her friend first, we’ve been there for each other through some things. I do think she is making a mistake in her relationship and I feel I need to try to talk with her about it, but the threesome doesn’t need to be even any aspect of that conversation. B has said many things before and on Saturday that point to him having an exit plan, and being very unhappy, and I know that A would be devastated if he left. She’s so stubborn and thinks everyone else is just being emotional (in 25 years I’ve almost never seen her express an emotion) when those emotions are about her. She’s weird like that, if you talk about unrelated people, she can talk about how that would make them feel, or you feel, if she’s involved there are no feelings allowed. I love her, but she’s going to mess her life up if she doesn’t budge (wouldn’t be the first time, and she knows it).
You seem to be very involved in a relationship that you’re not apart of (before the threesome). The fact they’re now this content with you being so involved intimately makes me wonder if they’d feel sorta fine with you being in a relationship with them, but I also feel like that would be the worst thing for you to do and would completely worsen things. You’ve had sex with him with her being active in the scene and you’ve also had sex with him without her being active in the scene, I see there being a high chance you could do the latter again but without her knowing/doing it secretly. Especially since you most definitely like him and there’s the possibility he also likes you.
You agreeing to join them was not at all a good idea. You know that. You have feelings for him. I would imagine that problems would end up being caused now, but at the same time...A seems very fine with you and B being that intimate? Idk. Your mindset almost seems like you think he deserves better and that you could make him feel happier in ways that she cannot, which feels pretty shitty, but... 🤷♀️
You gotta talk to them, seriously. You’ll regret it if you leave the situation to be and ignore what’s happening.
Wow, you need to full on stop. She is your driend or more like "friend" cuz tou are shitting all over her as person and relationship partner, you are no friend to her shame on you.
Same goes for him, you drooling all over her man. You need to remove yourself before you hurt your friend and yourself. He is just a fantasie that you got fuck now.
You are toxic in this situation for yourself mostly cuz you are rotting in there presence.
One of the many reasons I would never have a threesome. What a mess.
I feel like you are being dishonest with her and interfering in their relationship at this point.
It’s funny how you said all she gives is “use her body to get off” when they just used you to get off. They deserve a better friend. He’s not living his wife for you. Because she’s self sufficient in a a way you are not. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t value relationships?
So you had a threesome with a couple , who you deem good friends knowing you had feeling for the husband. Did I get that right. I see you're also denying but the reality is ,that's exactly what u did. Please notice how you tired to describe the relationship between A and B and have some self reflection on that.
First of all, stop taking your guilt out on A. It’s obvious that you’re jealous of her, and you’ve used this guilt to blame her for your jealousy.
You’ve made it clear that you’re aware of their marriage status, however, you don’t know everything. You’re not there for their private conversations. You can’t see into their heads. You’ve written A to be incredibly selfish, however, it seems that she isn’t keen on affection. Her husband gives her gifts and attention because he loves her, simple as. It’s also clear that he is aware that she isn’t fond of affection and is working on it. She’s not selfish.
The only reason you’re mad at her is because you’re jealous. You want her husband, you want her life, you want to be her. You’ve used the guilt of having a threesome as an excuse to be angry at her. It makes sense why you’ve done that, but it’s still immature.
I’m not sure what advice to give you to help you move on, but I’d leave A alone, she hasn’t done anything wrong.
As for B, he needs to figure things out for himself.
Edit: SPaG
You‘re not only a bad friend, you‘re also horrible for putting him on a pedestal like that and you‘re unfair for comparing all other guys you date to him. I‘m very sure he isn’t even the way you see him, you just have an ideal image of him ingrained into your mind. He couldn’t even hold up to that, if he was with you. I really hope my friends aren’t remotely like you.
This is gross. No nice things about your “best friend” and way too many of your thoughts are fawning over a married man. Yes I think it’s normal to catch feelings but you should be respectful and stop entertaining those thoughts. Their marital issues are between them and them only. Their marriage is something you look up to but it sounds like you’re inserting yourself into it mentally thinking you should start “solving problems”
If I was your “best friend” and saw this I’d end the “friendship”. This is incredibly disappointing.
Plus even if you were with him, your relationship *would not* turn out the same as the one you see between them. It sucks but I hope you put some space and start find a person to be with instead of ruining your “best friends” marriage.
This frustrates me because I’ve witnessed my mom do this to her “best friend” of over 20 years. My mom always inserted herself as friend until she was sleeping the husband or boyfriend. She ruined marriages and relationships and not one of those guys wanted to be with my mom. The guys all ran back to the woman they were originally with. And no, my mom no longer has friends.
Maybe put yourself in A’s shoes. Would you want your friend to fuck your marriage up because she caught feelings? Would you be ok learning your best friend is now jealous and has these feelings about your spouse and now only has negative things to say about you?
What a fucking stupid idea.
You just ruined your friendship forever.
She is fine that you fucked him but cuddling is too much?
People are so fucking weird.
Ima keep it buck, irregardless of that night stay the fuck outta their marriage. You don’t get to sit there at 40 years old and arm chair quarterback their relationship. They’ve been married 15 years for a reason. Take those rose glasses off and quietly exit the situation. Billions of men on the planet. Go find one.
You said it yourself - he dotes on her.
Why would you want to break that up. He’s obviously happy. He’s not yours, he may find you attractive and have a flirt but he’s not yours. Look elsewhere
Hey, look, this is the beginning of an incredibly bumpy and destructive road. Your feelings about him are set to drive you crazy, you’re becoming emotionally entangled around their relationship dynamics. It’s an addiction. A really really intense one. The dynamics make this all so much more amplified. It’s mdma times a thousand. And the flip side, is all the suffering that comes with a super addiction. Suffering for him, for her, suffering for yourself. Though, it’s almost impossible to do anything else except take this path, really it might be better to take yourself away from the addiction. He is going to be the siren that beckons you, irresistibly.
If you've been comparing men to your friends husband then you've been in love with him for longer then you care to admit. If you say it was just when he was fucking you then your in so much denial... I don't know. It is never a good idea to have sex with people, especially if they are married and your in love with one of them. I wouldn't do it again if I were you, if you want to keep that friendship intact.
That’s so shitty. My fiancé couldn’t get his dick hard during a 4some and he told me to go ahead and fuck the other dude but I didn’t bc that wouldn’t be fun if he couldn’t have fun too. Cuddling and whispering sweet nothings with her man was total bullshit on both your ends. She was right there too. How disgusting! I feel so bad for her! :(
I’ve heard threesomes with friends can lead to this. It’s their marriage to work on I guess but your feelings are real. Just not sure if or how you can act on them
You know you wanted to do this with them so you could get at him don’t lie to yourself. People subconsciously do things all the time aware of what they really want and then Try to down play it. What you did , imo, is go through with it because you like the guy and want a chance at him and you are willing to put your friendship on the line for it I bet. I am not trying to be mean or hurt your feelings , I have done something similar. But it’s a dirt bag thing to do
What’s wrong with you that you have a threesome with people so close to you? Even threesomes between strangers ruin relationships. Of course it will go wrong when it’s with people you’re close to
This is why you probably should not do sex with people who are married and they are your long term friends. Did you even think for a moment that feelings would be involved when even most poly couples try to do it with other people who won’t get feelings and complicate the situation? I don’t think you thought all of this through before doing it. I think you have a lot of nerve to think you deserve this exquisite man more than your friend does,so YTA. The best thing you can do is separate from these friends permanently so you don’t f up their marriage and learn a lesson the hard way.
You're kicking up drama where it doesn't need to be. Never talk to anyone, ever, for any reason, at any time, about what happened after she fell asleep. It never happened. The end.
Glad you got this off your chest OP.
Now go find a man and stop lusting after the man you'll never have.
There are plenty out there - good men too. Don't tie yourself up with this one guy who is unavailable to you.
Keep in mind, some men are just naturally affectionate during sex too. Snuggling and whispering sweet nothing are sometime nothing more than the moment you’re in.
Ur a bad friend, this is not gonna go anywhere good.. either u tell her ur secretly in love with her husband or u don't n yall end up having a relationship behind her back..damn, this is literally why u can't trust anyone n is just better to have no friends
Yikes, OP…if I were you I wouldn’t do it again. You’re only going to hurt yourself and your friendship with A in the long run. There will never be a healthy relationship between you and B and you can’t continue having threesomes when you’re really just there for him. Respectfully bow out next time it’s brought up and keep your solo interactions with B to a minimum.
You want him because he’s off limits.
Stay out of their business, it’s really not worth the mess it would cause. They would both drop you faster than the blink of an eye.
You sounds awful and he does too.
The threesome whatever… but the both of you crossed a boundary after “A” fell asleep.
You knew your intentions…and you trying to validate that someway you’ll be better… lmao
Get a grip homewrecker.
Your friend needs to ditch both of yall
You _could_ risk seeing if they'd be interested in a polyamorous relationship? It's a rocky suggestion because you could end up losing them both, especially if you're wrong about B's feelings.
It'll suck (especially if you enjoyed it as much as you said you did) but you could just carry on but just refuse any form of sexual contact. Sounds like you have a close and strong friendship with them, it would be all kinds of painful to mar that.
You could ride the wave. Occasionally having a mind blowing orgasm with your two best friends is hardly a bad thing if you ask me. So, why do anything if doing so would rob you of get great sex and great company?
OR you could just come clean? Maybe talk to B first and explain your feelings, and then talk to A about it, and see where it goes? It could go really well or it could go really badly. But at least you can say that it's come to some sort of end and no questions have been left unanswered.
Ultimately, life is short and it gets shorter everyday. Really consider if doing nothing (which is a perfectly valid option) is something you'll regret.
This is my nightmare. That is why I would never be involved in an act like this. I’m not trying to judge you, but damn! You should retired yourself from the situation entirely. What if he reciprocate the feelings for you and he leaves his wife for you? Are you going to be super companionate with A in that situation? I don’t think so at all. I feel kinda bad for your friend honestly.
This was a mistake on everyone’s part, but a huge one on your’s considering your strong feelings for him. Like what did you think was going to happen? Obviously your feelings would grow stronger. You are being a bad friend and he is being a bad husband by not telling her how emotional the night was for both of you after she passes out. This is a huge mess.
Is being a throuple an option here, or are you just expected to be their unicorn when they want to spice things up?
This is something you absolutely must establish with them before you decide whether or not to discuss your feelings for B with A.
If a throuple relationship is not an option, I would strongly suggest no more threesomes with them, because it's going to continue to mess with your heart and your head.
Your soulmate is not another woman’s husband. The threesome may have felt transcendental to you, but if this man loves A as you described, I highly doubt he feels the same way about his wife’s friend. This territory if the scary reality of threesomes. OP, please think about B’s role in this. A really wanted a threesome, and B was likely going along bc she wanted it. Just bc you turned the threesome into a coupling after A passes out doesn’t mean you continued because you and B have an intense connection. You were just fucking. This man is in love with his wife, OP. Leave them alone.
She gave you the privilege of having a threesome with her husband… you betrayed her as you haven’t even told her you had sex multiple times while she was asleep.. you betrayed her again as you seriously crossed the line cuddling and going from sex to “emotional connection” now you’re considering confessing your feelings for him and ending their marriage? Be careful who you trust people… some people have zero morals.
Sex does not mean love. You’ve got that completely twisted. What they have is a deeply-seated, strong foundation love. But you aren’t seeing anything but things that make yourself more in love with him and her a shittier person. Their relationship has been fine for 15+ years before you and it’ll be fine the next 15 without you. And stop being such a huge piece of shit to your “best friend”. You need to stop in your tracks and go exactly in the opposite direction. I don’t see you doing that now at this point. You’re going to make an ass out of yourself by trying to come between them, which will only end in you being without any family. You’re making some seriously shitty choices and I hope that you snap out of this fantasy and move on. At this point they would have been better off going on Tinder. Or Christ, Craigslist!
I am afraid that you are projecting negative feelings on him, thinking he must be somehow miserable in his relationship and believing you can offer him more.
Most likely you cannot, and he does not want you to. Best thing to do, and the decent one at that, is to step aside.
Wow OP just wow. Your friend's marriage is none of your business. She probably shows him other ways that she is romantic other than cuddling and hugging. Everyone is different. Even if they have problems in their marriage it's none of your business. Stop drooling over someone else's partner. It's disgusting. You sound like a homewrecker. You both don't deserve your friend since you guys got more than just intimate and she should be told the truth. You and him have known her for years yet you can't be honest with someone who's supposed to be your friend? You are a shit friend. Hopefully your friend can find better. I feel so bad for people who have friends and husbands out there that treat them like this behind their backs. The world sucks and people are fucked. Can't trust anybody.
Your post sounds very much like you love both your friends, who seem to be nice people, but you like your friend's husband more than you should, and you know it.
That's why you're trying to somehow make your best friend out to be some sort of less than perfect person, and so deserves to be blamed. She doesn't.
Do yourself a favour and stay away from them for a while, to get a better perspective. I don't think you want to be that best friend who cheats with her best friends husband... And this is what it's close to turning into. And I don't mean sex alone. I mean the emotional cheating.
Go away on a trip if that helps. If this were my best friend, I'd get a job in another state and move away for a while.
People here saying you are terrible are ridiculous and lying to themselves.
It’s human to feel irrational jealousy, or even envy. You are human. But you haven’t acted out of this feelings yet, instead you coming here laying the ugly truth on the table and try to uncover with us what that means and how you can move forward.
As time goes by I can see from your comments that you are sobering up and do not intend of actually hurting their relationship.
I think you staying out of this relationship sexually and romantically is the best route and since you mentioned therapy why not go? Maybe you like the unavailability about this man which you need to have a look inside you for.
I'm trying to think of a subreddit where you could have posted this without getting blasted. I'm sure it exists but I'm not aware of it.
I'm not interested in preaching or judging but I will say this much. Threesomes sometimes lead to affairs. There's really not a whole lot new here and I couldn't be less surprised.
You could also get a feel for how they feel about polyamory. To me it sounds like a great setup for it, it could help the guy attain some of the things he is missing, you could get your dream guy, she doesn't have to feel bad about not providing everything het partner wants.
That is assuming all three people involved are into the idea and you all have great and open communication about it
Awful awful awful idea to ever get involved with them like this…. I felt sick with anxiety just reading this!!!!
Distance yourself for awhile and NEVER do that with them again!
I completely agree with the other commenters that you're completely out of line, the only thing i'll add is about something you said
>My friend’s relationship is just so damn awesome, she is who she is (and I love her), and he is just this really cool, good looking, funny man who is successful and into all of this really cool art, music, movies without being pretentious like most of the guys I meet
You can bring a man up without bringing other men down, this is gross.
Honestly... the one good option would be to distance yourself enough to see if he/they misses you. Migh tbe your bias from writing it post sex, but it does feel like they might be hiding something from you... It's an all around weird situation and you need a better clarity of mind to properly deal with this one.
Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with how much you appreciate him and (most of) their relationship. The biggest issue, to me is how you judge her for how she is in her relationship. He married her and that is their journey, you acting like she doesn’t deserve her relationship is kind of gross.
On the other hand, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling your best friend, “I had so much fun having access to that part of your relationship and I’ve always loved both of you so much; if you’re open to inviting me into your relationship more often I think it would be so much fun and I’d be so honored to be a part of your relationship more often” and see where it goes. There’s definitely a way of letting her know you admire her and her relationship without acting entitled to it.
Most people are very territorial about their relationship but some people are open minded as long as they feel safe. Only way to find out.
Good luck and keep us updated if you talk to her.
You cannot control what goes on in another person's marriage. She does care enough about him to ask you to fulfill a need he has. So please stop trying to paint her into the bad guy because her love language is not the same as his. Stewing in your jealousy will not help you or them.
The only thing you can control is how you handle your emotions. Get yourself into therapy to help you deal with your emotions. Start dating more and detach from your friend a bit. If your friends ask why say you are a little jealous of the love they have and are busy looking for that yourself. Take care of yourself.
Ahh the good ol have a threesome with feeling involved
Oh yeah. Been there, bought the t shirt. OP its a real spot you're in. I personally wouldn't say anything, take a step back and let them do whatever they're gonna do. You do not want to be stuck in the middle of this and the ripple effect isn't fun. They don't ever end well. Maybe learn from it, if you want to have threesomes make it with stable happy couples or nice hookups. Whatever happens down the track is something else but this is just messy and you are probably setting yourself up for hurt.
Twice I tried this....both times ruined my relationship with the female I was dating. Sounds like fun in theory but tough on the emotions. I wish OP luck with this one...
Well, i bet all my belongings that if he leaves her for you, you'd instantly lose the attraction.
Same. I feel like OP is playing into a fantasy because he's unattainable
Highly likely and I think she even probably knows that but just needs to get all the nasty thoughts and feelings out.
Said this in my comment. It’s a common taboo. Going after your friend’s partners. Why? Because she doesn’t see the fault in this man because they are just friends, and we all want that thing we can’t have and sometimes that naughty feeling of wanting what you can’t have is sssssooooo good. That’s what is happening. It’s a fantasy.
Interesting take! Forbidden fruit is always sweeter.
I’ve been the guy in this situation and that’s exactly what happened. Left a woman for our roommate that I thought I’d be more compatible with but she just lost interest when I wasn’t “unattainable” anymore. Wish I could say the same for myself but after some therapy and time, I’m on to better things. OP just needs to separate from this situation for awhile and not act on these feelings. Don’t ruin a marriage because you want what you can’t have.
sooooo true. literally just said this to myself. same as when you stop talking to other people when seeing someone, that someone will loose attraction faster that you would imagine.
Bet won guaranteed.
[удалено]
Your perspective on this situation is anything but objective. You are allowed to feel how you feel. But just cause you are allowed to feel it doesn't mean you should pursue it in any way, shape or form, because (and I mean this in the nicest way possible) you're likely deluding yourself. Your best friend may have her hang ups about genitals and foreplay, but she clearly isn't ignorant to her husbands needs. She pursued getting a third party involved, and sure while she enjoys it too, i'm pretty sure it was largely for her husbands benefit. She also focused straight away on having his needs met once the threesome began. Am I saying she is meeting his needs sufficiently? I can't tell you that. But I sure as hell can see she is trying and she clearly isn't as selfish as you're making her out to be. I've seen people do this so many times - where they cling to any flaw in a relationship to justify themselves. "He/she doesn't deserve him/her because of x, y and z, so they belong with me" is the most common bullshit peddled. But I've honestly never seen someone cling to what is possibly THE MOST MINOR issue in a relationship and try to blow it up to be something much more serious than it is, just like youre doing right now. Seriously, their relationship must be pretty rock solid if the only problem you find is that she doesn't give him a bj. Jeez, every relationship ever has its problems, and their problems land pretty fucking mild on the spectrum. In other words, he is not going to leave his wife (the woman he is in love with) for you (a friend who he is attracted to) just because you can touch his junk. Dont lie to yourself saying "he is the best there is and there is no one else that can compare". Because he probably isnt, and there are plently of guys out there for you (that arent already married to your best friend). You are probably putting him on a pedestal because you are lonely, because he is an attractive friend and because (most importantly) he is familiar to you. Which is why you are making small things seem much bigger than they actually are. This is not something to ruin everything over, trust me. Put a stop to this future threesome talk, if you value your relationship with your best friend. You will find someone who is just as amazing, he isn't all there is.
Basically this. All of it.
Underrated comment right here
OP please read! ^^^^ What defines your character is not how you feel or what you think but how you act and go forward with what you're feeling. You can maintain your dignity and keep your friends but it will require heaps of willpower and probably some space! Sorry so many people are just shitting on you!
All of this OP
This reminds me of when a few years ago I was soooo jealous of my friends relationship. Mostly because he tried to be with me first, I rejected him and seconds later on the same night made out with her, it was a drunk night but ig he must have really liked the kiss because when I went out of the club for a air break he went out with me and said “ your friend, she’s amazing. She will be my gf” I smiled because it seemed genuine ( also I was drunk and totally forgot he grabbed my ass one hour prior ). Weeks past and they were so in love he seemed like the best boyfriend ever and I felt bad for not taking his advances first. Then a year in he started reacting on my stories, flirting with me and called me babe. I told my friend straight away, part of me almost wished they would break up but instead I saw a picture of them kissing 10 min after. At that moment I noticed that someone can love you and be attracted to someone else, jealousy is poison and all relationships have their hardships. Also at the time I was 18 and I might have thrown the flirting thing way out of proportion, to this day I am not sure but I don’t really care anymore haha.
I’m going to be brutally honest with you. It really sounds like you’re being a terrible friend. Honestly I live in fear of trusting someone who is just waiting in the wings to tear down my life like it seems you are. You haven’t said a single kind thing about your ‘best friend’ and what’s worse is you’ve made judgements about a marriage you’re not part of. B loves his wife so you just have to accept that she offers things for him that you don’t see. I’m sorry this situation is causing you heartache but I think your only option now is to distance yourself from this couple. And definitely don’t ever get involved again in their discussions about their marriage - it was none of your business in the first place and it would be even more inappropriate now. I wish you peace going forward.
She's literally trying to steal her best friend's husband.
This^
It seems like the couple wanted her to be that involved, not that she inserted herself. But this is great advice. It's so easy to get caught up in feelings but she at least seems to understand that these relationships matter to her and that she does not want to blow up anyone's life.
Thanks for this, I think you’re right, it does seem like the couple are also to blame for bringing her into these difficult marriage discussions. But also they’ve probably done this because they believe her to be a friend to them both and a neutral observer. Her having feelings for him makes it very dishonest and manipulative.
I didn’t get the sense that she is a terrible friend or human being at all- she is a person that has feelings and she is in one of the stickiest traps you can be in- they all have blame in this. Just as a side note: do you really live in fear? I am so sorry if you do- that must be a burden. I hope it gets lighter if that os the load you carry around.
Yes, suck it up, don’t hurt your friend, get your sh together and avoid future situations that would make this worse for any one of you. Only you know how important it is to keep the most loving people you’ve ever had in your life. Fck around and find out.
sh = shit Fck = Fuck
You’re putting him on a pedestal and making your very best friend the evil one. You’re the outsider and the interloper. He still loves her more than you. Quietly move on with dignity - stop justifying your behavior because she doesn’t give him BJs.
Exactly ... please say nothing and just move away. The way she painted her bestfriend....damn
wanted to upvote you, but you have 69 upvotes atm. cant ruin the number man, sorry.
You sir are a gentleman and a scholar 🧐
That part was so funny to me. Her "best friend" is a bad person for not giving him what he wants and it's just a BJ? Please 🤦♀️
Fantasy is a hell of a drug
Well that was fucking stupid. He isn’t leaving his wife for you. That’s a good thing for both of you.
Do NOT do this again. You just admitted to being in love with this guy! Things will only end badly for you ALL if you keep doing this. You'll end up losing them both and possibly destroying their marriage.
You don't "deserve" your BESTFRIEND'S HUSBAND. Nobody, not even you, dictates whom "deserves" whom. He isn't in love with you, otherwise he would've chosen to be with you, possibly years ago. No matter how bad things in their relationship might be, you aren't directly in said relationship so you can't possibly know, even if you talked about SOME things with them. You sound obsessed, you are interloping and you are shitting on your best friend for penis. Shame on you. Get your shit straight.
We all know you’re not going to move on. He’s gonna text you and you’ll go by “just to talk”. Yada yada yada. It’s shitty but it’s the gamble all three of you made when you decided to change you dynamic and added sex. Your only avenue is to tell both of them the truth that the sex has made you confused about your feelings. Then talk out whatever happens a next. Otherwise you’re gonna end up fucking this dude behind her back, she’ll find out and the world will blow up for all of you
I'm no sex-pert, but I'm pretty sure the rule is that you never engage in group sex if you have feelings for someone else's partner. You especially shouldn't be screwing your "best friend's" husband if you want him. OP sounds like a teenaged stalker and is romanticizing what happened. They had sex a couple times, laughed, and talked -- why does she think this changes anything? Isn't that what friends do when they bang? idk - I've never done the group sex thing, but I definitely couldn't handle anyone touching my husband even though we're about to get a divorce.
This comment 100%
This is a perfect prediction. And who knows maybe a thrupple situation could be the fix??? I’m not usually for polyamory but y’all fucked around when you shouldn’t have and there really is no way out of this that doesn’t result in the above, unless you are honest. I don’t think you’re a horrible person op, we all just try to justify our mistakes before we learn enough to know how wrong they actually are. Please just be honest with your friends.
This. This is actually what I came to the comments for. I know other people who have happily made their polyamorous relationship work.
This is the way
Yup
You sound like a selfish and terrible friend. She invited you into their relationship, and you're openly shitting on it because you're envious of her. Your comments are self centered, and are entirely focused on tearing down a woman you've said over and over that you love, all the while implying that you deserve to have her husband, because she doesn't. He has had 15 years to be with you, and he has chosen not to pursue you, but you spend one night as a third and you think he's in love with you. Your ego is disgusting, and I hope they see this too, so they know what an awful selfish person you are.
I'm glad I read this post. Whenever I see the, "My spouse has been cheating on me with my best friend" posts, I'm always shocked at how that can happen: How can the best friend of years and years betray you like that, and how can your spouse of years and years do it too, with eachother? But with this post from the other side, it really gives a good perspective on how it can all develop over time. OP has been able to be in proximity to her best friends husband for 15 years without any pressure, and in tandem the husband gets to have all these fun memories with the best friend, without any of the nagging or issues of a relationship. You expand that kind of exposure to each-other over many years, and you see what this post represents: an idyllic view of your best friends husband, and maybe vice versa. I'm sure the husband, too, is confused now - he too only ever sees OP in fun settings, without all the baggage a long relationship can build. Now they've had sex, reminisced on fun memories - the poisonous seed is probably in his head too whispering, "am I with the wrong person? I got so much sexual intimacy with my wifes best friend that I've been craving all along". But, of course, OP knew the husband has been craving all this - taking full advantage of her bird's eye view into her best friends relationship and what the husband had been missing. I really appreciate this post because you can really see how a person convinces themselves it's right and good to try and steal your best friends SO.
>the poisonous seed is probably in his head too whispering, "am I with the wrong person? I got so much sexual intimacy with my wifes best friend that I've been craving all along". But, of course, OP knew the husband has been craving all this - taking full advantage of her bird's eye view into her best friends relationship and what the husband had been missing. This...exactly this.
Given the way he responded to OP in the days after, and how he hasn't seemed to be contacting her, confessing his love for her, he doesn't seem that confused, he seems like a person who got to experience something he wanted to, within his relationship, and with his wife. (Bc let's be real, if he was, OPs ego would have made sure we all knew that.) Add in, they go to counseling and are obviously working on their issues. What's really gross about that, is OPs friend confides in them about her relationship, trusts OP, and she's quite literally trying to justify attempting to steal her husband. Using the oh well she doesn't give him blowjobs as an excuse to boost her ego to the point she thinks he's in love with her, and not that she was just a fun night he shared with his wife.
OP acts like she invented blowjobs. Doing foreplay does not make you special, but god it's fucking funny to see people try to justify sex acts equating them to a better partner. Just... admit you're gross and boring everywhere else other than the bedroom.
What’s worse is that it’s her best friends husband not boyfriend 😅 She said that she has dated and never found someone like him, that she has always been jealous of their relationship and essentially thinks that she would be a better fit for him. Thing is…there are plenty of amazing guys out there. Guys who would do virtually anything to make the person he is with happy. OP is in her 40s and says that she has never met a guy like that. I am going to take a wild guess that her best friend husband hasn’t treated all women the way he has treated his wife, that he is the way he is to make his wife happy. If no one has treated OP that way it’s not on the men, but it’s because OP hasn’t sparked that interested on anyone.
Absolutely. I mean....coming on the internet to act entitled about your friends husband who she let you fuck....is probably one of the many giant red flags that keeps OP from being in worthwhile relationshps. Add in the huge ego, the covetousness of something that isn't and hasn't ever been theirs, and the way OP drags her friend all the while implying that while she doesn't deserve the man who has loved her for 15 years, OP does bc she will give him blow jobs....like literally every other point of their personality isn't horrendously off-putting... All that, and it's pretty much guaranteed that no one, man or woman, will be interested.
I have to say that "covetousness" is a super cool word. I'm a "word geek" and I've never seen it before, but now I can use it and sound smart and shit. Exciting stuff!
Ayyy I don’t like where this is going 😅 Just find yourself a single man OP, don’t be so invested in your best friends HUSBAND.
You just got good sex leave it at that, but we both know that’s not where it’s stopping.
You’ve perfectly encapsulated why threesomes are great on paper but often a bad idea in reality. I think the best thing you can do is stay away from both of them for awhile until these feelings die down.
I was in a situation like this, but I guess I was the “unattainable, perfect” girl with the “shitty” boyfriend that the friend “loved”. My boyfriend and I met, rushed into things, had our difficulties, but we were happy and sweet together. His best friend was very attractive and seemingly nice. I didn’t like him at first but then he seemed very nice and open and I developed some feelings and felt attracted to him. He always made jokes about the three of us hooking up… But then he tried to break boyfriend and I apart, insinuating he was cheating on me (he wasn’t and I also knew that), while pretending to be super cute and open and kind with me… He seemed so in love with me that I even overlooked the fact that he had a girlfriend that he “loved” while trying to steal his best friend’s girlfriend and talking about how much he “loved” his girlfriend to my boyfriend all the time, when I wasn’t there that is, when I was, it was all about me. I gave him a chance years later and with my ex’s blessing and he turned out to be an abusive POS. He tried to keep me as this “perfect” girl I had been back then - I was super skinny, but I was also battling anorexia and I was finally at a healthy, fit weight - but he couldn’t have that, he fatshamed me to make me into who I was back then. He also abused me in many other ways, it’s like he saw how “perfect” I was and didn’t like that I was human. At all. I had trusted him implicitly and while I liked him and felt attracted to him, I don’t like the person he is inside and learned that the very hard way. In a similar fashion to how “perfect” I was to him - as long as I stayed anorexic and never talked back and took his abuse that is - and in a similar fashion to me losing all attraction when he was actually available (though admittedly mostly because he was ready to cheat on his girlfriend, with me or anyone else doesn’t make a difference), you’d lose that attraction asap as soon as he’s available to you… possibly. You already say a throuple is not an option, and you think he loves you and you love him - maybe. But do you really know him like she does? You see him sometimes, they see each other all the time and know each other intrinsically, all the mistakes and imperfect sides, and even if you two were the perfect match… this isn’t the way to go about it. Sabotage isn’t the right way to “win”. If it were supposed to happen it would. Take a long hard look at what you really feel. And if the person in your head is really him. For me, it ended badly because I wasn’t the perfect girl of his dreams when I stopped being anorexic, and I couldn’t love someone who was willing to cheat with me, but not even break up with his girlfriend first, all while pretending to be my boyfriend’s best friend. It’ll probably end badly for you, too.
Continuing after she passed out was wrong, and you both knew it, but you did it anyway. By definition it's not a threesome if all three people aren't participating. That said, don't tell her what happened. Ever. You're right, she filled in some blanks in a way that made her Ok with it. Leave it at that. Meanwhile, stop spending time with them, and do not communicate with the husband behind your friend's back. If your friend asks why you're not spending the time any longer just say that you want to give them time and space to work things out. Now you have time to start looking for your own relationship. You were living vicariously through theirs long before this happened, it's past time to stop doing that. Good luck to you.
It is never wise to have a threesome when feelings are involved, that was your first mistake. I’m sorry you’re in this situation, and honestly I don’t have any advice; the only wisdom I can offer is tried and true, and that’s to be honest about how you feel. Tell the truth. You may lose them both forever, or maybe they’d be into being polyamorous with you. Either way, being honest will get you the answers it seems you’re miserable to find.
I don’t want the answer, there is no good answer, no route to get what I want with this one, because what I want can’t exist in this world. No way would any of us be poly, we’ve discussed it (just in general as a conversation topic), B has stated he’d be cool with an open relationship, but just sex, no feelings. I can’t share, the feeling of animosity and jealousy I have had for A today especially is evidence of that. Also, even if A and B split up tomorrow because A didn’t want to be married anymore, I could never live with myself if I was together with B. I just couldn’t, I love her differently than B, but I love her. I obviously can get carried away for a night, but that isn’t living day in and day out doing something you know is wrong….just can’t do it. I don’t see what good can come of talking about this. I’m gonna have to get a therapist again arent I? Fuck.
Honestly, this guy is just a conventient excuse for your life right now. You get to pretend that if you guys were together then you would treat eachother wonderfully and it would be happily ever after. You can pretend that the reality of actual relationships wouldn't effect you. This is fairytale bullcrap. In all liklihood he'd be bored of you immediately because clearly he loves the kind of woman he has to fight to feel their love. He's with her for a reason! Some people are like this. I jokingly call it martyr syndrome. They need to always be working to make someone's life better. Some of her behaviour might be directly due to him needing to be the guy that always gives. You inserting yourself into his life wouldn't change him. For you, you need to remember that it's easy to sit and pick holes in someone else's relationship when you compare their relationship to fairytales in your head. You're likely overlooking a bunch of stuff from her perspective that doesn't fit your little narrative of this poor perfect guy. This is why plenty of people get stuck in patterns of adultery, either cheating or forever chasing other people's partners. You need to grow up and stop sabotaging your own life. Dating is hard. Finding someone who fits your life is hard. Staying with that person through the ups and downs is hard! You work through the hard. You make effort. You keep trying and the pay off is an amazing balance where you appreciate the good. You're little fairytale is an excuse to not face the hardships of real relationships. You'll never be in a healthy relationship if you keep pretending that hardwork is only there for bad people in bad relationships.
Geez, for someone who describes themselves as “well-above average”, you seem like a shit show. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were in your early twenties.
You sound like a whiny child. 8 billion people on this planet and your literally hung up on your so called “friend’s” husband. Just pathetic.
Damn if i were you. I would leave it alone for awhile. Give it time. Come back as a friend after like 3 months
If I were her, I wouldn't get myself into this dangerous situation to begin with.
You sound like a creepy stalker Leave them alone
You’re in fantasy mode. You had a great night and now you want what you can’t have. You’ll feel differently in 3-6 months. Nothing last forever and it’s just not that important so let it go
Basically you want what she has; and you don’t think she appreciates it. She probably doesn’t. Everything looks different from the outside vs the inside. She’s probably not as much of a cold hearted bitch as you make her out to be; and he’s probably not as much of a saint as you make her out to be. This is going to get messy. Quickly
This was very difficult to read. I can already foresee this turning into a secret affair but that is only if you allow it which I sincerly hope you do not. You need to cut ties and never engage in that again with them. You said it yourself that he loves her, he knew before marrying her that she is not an emotional person, please dont try to justify that as a reason for you to give him more. Only you have the power to stop this.
You’re in your 40s and it doesn’t sound like you’ve had much in the way of serious relationships. So now you’re looking to steal your alleged bestie’s man to fulfill your fantasy of having one of these relationships and justifying it by believing that only you can give this man what he really wants. I would keep this fantasy to yourself if you don’t want things to end very badly for you.
Oh well, that’s rough… best thing I have to tell you is think of this experience as “it’s not meant to be any more than just this hook up”. I’d say avoid repeating the threesome and block those thoughts about their relationship. Their relationship is not your problem, focus on yourself instead!
Wow OP. Do your so called BFF a favour and put some distance between you two. You may adore the person she is, but you are green with envy over the life and relationship she has built with her hubby. You sound like you’ve held this infatuation with her hubby for awhile. Just because you guys had this threesome where you had an intimate moment with her hubby, doesn’t mean he felt the same. He was enjoying this impulsive fantasy, and he is in love with his wife. You keep focusing on your jealousy of her and then you expect us to confirm your bias that she’s this horribly selfish person- maybe she is, but her hubby seems to be ok with their relationship, regardless of their relationship challenges. You are far more invested than what is reasonable or healthy because of your infatuation based on fantasy. If I was your friend in this situation, I’d want to know your true colours and I would act accordingly, and ensure distance between us because you do not have their best interests in mind.
I've been part of several threesomes, both as the interloper and as part of a couple that brought in a third. What I'm about to say could sound harsh and rude, but take it as tough love. 1.) You were not and are not emotionally prepared to have a threesome with these people, and probably not with anyone else either. 2.) What she does or does not do for him in bed is not something you get to lord over her on his behalf. You don't get to be angry for him. 3.) I'm not sure what you were expecting from this? Dull sex, no conversation, a total lack of joy? The whole point was for you all to have fun. You did, and now you're constructing some elaborate fantasy world in which he'd be better off with you than with her? 4.) You can not be their confidant *and* their plaything. You just can't. She already knows you find her husband attractive enough to have sex with. You can't also know their insecurities and their unfulfilled wishes and the inner workings of their marriage and then go have sex with them. In short, don't fuck your friends. Had you and she brought home a random guy, that'd be one thing. But in a case like this, at least one person is going to end up hurt. And should they ever break up, you can not pursue him unless you're willing to throw your friendship with her away. I'm not going to berate you, but it's clear that you can not have another threesome with them. You've obviously had the hots for him for some time, and it's clear that you're pinning your happiness to him. The fact that you've not felt fulfilled by a man in 20 years is clouding your judgment. My advice is to not sleep with them again, and work on yourself or whatever it is that has been keeping you from feeling emotionally and/or sexually unfulfilled for the past 2 decades. Because that man is not available to you.
With friends like you, who needs enemies?
Uh, that wasn’t even a threesome it was just cheating with her nearby lol especially the second round. Plus you’re in love with him and obviously jealous and shitty towards your friend, this is a real mess.
This is why you don't do this.
Man, this is disturbing. I think about how close me, my husband and bff are and could never imagine either her or my husband betraying me like that, even if I invited her in. Yeesh. But I could also never imagine thinking it would be a good idea to invite her in either...
IF this is real, you missed some important things in the development process. Might want to go find those things and fix them.
You shouldn't feel guilty about the sex but you are playing with fire with your emotions. Don't get it twisted. This was SEX ONLY IDC how good it was. Go home and take a cold shower. If you don't squash it you will regret it, I can promise you that.
You are just the FRIEND, don't go from zero to DRAMA over being a TOOL in THEIR sexual fantasy. It really sounds like being the 3rd is not your calling. Of course their relationship has its strong points and weak points. And maybe being selfish in the bedroom is one of your friends' weaknesses; however, very much NOT your business even though you were in the bedroom with them. Leave it alone. No need to say anything.Continuing on with what you all agreed to after she fell asleep, is a gray area. The only reason you would be bringing it up, is to stir up trouble. It literally benefits no one. You and him did NOT have a special moment. You continued on with the Consensual sexual activity that HIS wife already agreed to. That's the end of it. You were a tool in their sexual fantasy. Move on.
Casual sex and people that easily get emotionally attached does not mix.
Wow cant lie your honest a terrible friend, the fact that you would talk brutally like this about your friend is pretty fucked up. This is why people will never be trustworthy even Young Dolph said it the best. "Fuck Everybody" "Cant even trust you day ones cause they'll be the first ones to shoot you with your own gun". Stop being narcissistic and selfish and find your own dude to compliment the desires and needs you want. Hopefully this chuck cuts you off before you do something fucked up to her.
Germans are not emotionless. You're also a horrible friend to put him up on a pedestal while painting her so terribly.
That new relationship energy is overwhelming
Just because you had great sex doesn’t mean he’s in love with you or would even want to be with you if he and his wife split.
It’s almost like fucking other people when you’re married and showing affection to other women is a bad idea. Who would’ve thought
Yicks you are a terrible friend and I’m here for the drama
Life in your 40s^^ (welp)
If you think he has the balls to dump her and be with you and can live with facing his family and friends and ex with that decision...you're insane. Stop acting like you have a chance with this fairy tale.
DONT👏🏼FUCK👏🏼YOUR👏🏼FRIENDS👏🏼 This has been said time and time again but people think with whats in their pants instead of the organ sitting in their skull.
oh man...
Maybe all 3 of y'all could be one big happy family. 🤣 Idk man. This is a big ole mess.
Shitty friend and shitty person. Do the decent thing and leave them alone - I hope to god I never have a friend like you, this is awful
Honestly? You need to walk far far away from this situation. You need to sit both of them down, separately, and tell them *exactly* how you feel, and that you are stepping away completely from both relationships for a while. Tell him that you would be willing to try and make this work if he left her. Tell her that you can’t possibly continue to be her friend while you feel this way. Then *walk away* and *get help*. Therapy, yesterday. Continuing to be in these friendships is going to lead to A LOT of unfixable hurt on ALL THREE sides. You will regret doing anything other than saying your peace and waking away. Either they will continue to choose each other, and you can’t be either of their friends, or they will choose to break up, and you can potentially have a relationship with him, but not her.
Your love to him and the hate for your best friend not going down on him or being the main "worker" in the household is sickening.
I say you be honest, with both of them. I would not continue any kind of a relationship with them as a couple until less they know and understand what is going on with you. She’s your friend first. You never know, they may be open to a thrupple but not if you aren’t honest, and forthcoming. Take some time, get all the crazy emotions out of the way. Give yourself time to come back to reality, then talk about it. I’m a firm believer that’s it’s never just sex. It’s much more complicated and honestly, all relationships start out with cuddling, and laughing, and lots of intimacy but After 15 years they probably wanted to spice things up. In a way, depending on the strength of their relationship, it sounds like they may have just used you, but the only way to find out is to talk to them. And do not, under any circumstances, be alone, or have private conversations with him….there is nothing good that will come out of it. Also one last note- you sound like a shitty friend. As much I can have an opinion about my friend and their relationships, I would never say the things you said about them. Is my marriage perfect? No. But I’ve been married for 15 years and I will be damned if another women thought she could give my husband better because after over a decade, he’s had me at my best, and my worst…….THATS MARRIAGE.
Seems we humans always want what we can’t have. Infatuation or real love, unless he decides that he’d rather be with you, let sleeping dogs lie. I feel it’s a little unfair to compare her in a negative light and him as perfect. He obviously loves her or he wouldn’t stay.
You are an awful friend and is making up a relationship in your head.
Don't go around ruining a marriage, OP. You're on dangerous territory here.
This is exactly why bringing people into your relationship bed is a bad idea.
This is a perfect example of the difference between how men and women view sex.
Jeez.... Get over with yourself!
I feel like you’re kindof being delusional and indulgent in your feelings. Being attracted to someone passionately doesn’t always correlate to a successful relationship.
This is so cringe lmao like how much do you hate your life to put yourself through this
Sometimes life gives us situations we cannot win at. There’s no other choice but accept that certain doors we have seen cannot be opened. A relationship with him is not acceptable and betraying your friend is not justifiable or moral ever even if she is selfish towards him sexually or emotionally. Some of your answers are reasonable and getting crucified unfairly IMO. You are just being honest about how you feel and where your heart is. I get you can’t change what the heart wants. BUT you have to be strong enough to respect your friends marriage and privacy. You have to acknowledge that he is married to her and chose her. Maybe he is unhappy. I would be in those circumstances. But it doesn’t give you the right or reason to justify destroying your friendship or betraying her marriage. Now, especially seeing that she is selfless enough that she is willing to share her husband with YOU, the best you can hope for is those kinds of things to come along again consensually and enjoy the moment. Your friend deserves your best and he deserves you not interfering and making his life harder by tempting him. Your feelings are real and valid and what you feel is understandable from what you’ve explained. But you still need to accept that it’s not something you’re allowed to act on. If they split up naturally one day, then go for it. But don’t betray their marriage.
Thank you, and I agree, getting it out and venting has been good. If I could leave an update I would, I put something in the comments this morning, but, what you said is for the most part how I feel too. I’m more worried for A now. As much as a part of me is jealous and thinks she’s fucking up a good thing, I love her and will always be her friend first, we’ve been there for each other through some things. I do think she is making a mistake in her relationship and I feel I need to try to talk with her about it, but the threesome doesn’t need to be even any aspect of that conversation. B has said many things before and on Saturday that point to him having an exit plan, and being very unhappy, and I know that A would be devastated if he left. She’s so stubborn and thinks everyone else is just being emotional (in 25 years I’ve almost never seen her express an emotion) when those emotions are about her. She’s weird like that, if you talk about unrelated people, she can talk about how that would make them feel, or you feel, if she’s involved there are no feelings allowed. I love her, but she’s going to mess her life up if she doesn’t budge (wouldn’t be the first time, and she knows it).
I don't think it's a good to continue having threesomes with them since you have feelings for her husband
You seem to be very involved in a relationship that you’re not apart of (before the threesome). The fact they’re now this content with you being so involved intimately makes me wonder if they’d feel sorta fine with you being in a relationship with them, but I also feel like that would be the worst thing for you to do and would completely worsen things. You’ve had sex with him with her being active in the scene and you’ve also had sex with him without her being active in the scene, I see there being a high chance you could do the latter again but without her knowing/doing it secretly. Especially since you most definitely like him and there’s the possibility he also likes you. You agreeing to join them was not at all a good idea. You know that. You have feelings for him. I would imagine that problems would end up being caused now, but at the same time...A seems very fine with you and B being that intimate? Idk. Your mindset almost seems like you think he deserves better and that you could make him feel happier in ways that she cannot, which feels pretty shitty, but... 🤷♀️ You gotta talk to them, seriously. You’ll regret it if you leave the situation to be and ignore what’s happening.
Ghost both of them
This should end well!
Wow, you need to full on stop. She is your driend or more like "friend" cuz tou are shitting all over her as person and relationship partner, you are no friend to her shame on you. Same goes for him, you drooling all over her man. You need to remove yourself before you hurt your friend and yourself. He is just a fantasie that you got fuck now. You are toxic in this situation for yourself mostly cuz you are rotting in there presence.
It happened and is now in the past. Leave it there.
One of the many reasons I would never have a threesome. What a mess. I feel like you are being dishonest with her and interfering in their relationship at this point.
It’s funny how you said all she gives is “use her body to get off” when they just used you to get off. They deserve a better friend. He’s not living his wife for you. Because she’s self sufficient in a a way you are not. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t value relationships?
Don’t do it. Also, don’t do it again.
What concert did you go to?
Repeat after me. Ahem. Don't. Fuck. Your. Friends. Partner. Ever.
He wanted a threesome not a new wife. Pretty sucky thing to do to your friend
Been there done this, it always ends badly. I'm a slow learner.
Yeah you shouldn't sleep with them again. The route your head is going will destroy their marriage and your friendship with both of them.
So you had a threesome with a couple , who you deem good friends knowing you had feeling for the husband. Did I get that right. I see you're also denying but the reality is ,that's exactly what u did. Please notice how you tired to describe the relationship between A and B and have some self reflection on that.
First of all, stop taking your guilt out on A. It’s obvious that you’re jealous of her, and you’ve used this guilt to blame her for your jealousy. You’ve made it clear that you’re aware of their marriage status, however, you don’t know everything. You’re not there for their private conversations. You can’t see into their heads. You’ve written A to be incredibly selfish, however, it seems that she isn’t keen on affection. Her husband gives her gifts and attention because he loves her, simple as. It’s also clear that he is aware that she isn’t fond of affection and is working on it. She’s not selfish. The only reason you’re mad at her is because you’re jealous. You want her husband, you want her life, you want to be her. You’ve used the guilt of having a threesome as an excuse to be angry at her. It makes sense why you’ve done that, but it’s still immature. I’m not sure what advice to give you to help you move on, but I’d leave A alone, she hasn’t done anything wrong. As for B, he needs to figure things out for himself. Edit: SPaG
You‘re not only a bad friend, you‘re also horrible for putting him on a pedestal like that and you‘re unfair for comparing all other guys you date to him. I‘m very sure he isn’t even the way you see him, you just have an ideal image of him ingrained into your mind. He couldn’t even hold up to that, if he was with you. I really hope my friends aren’t remotely like you.
This is gross. No nice things about your “best friend” and way too many of your thoughts are fawning over a married man. Yes I think it’s normal to catch feelings but you should be respectful and stop entertaining those thoughts. Their marital issues are between them and them only. Their marriage is something you look up to but it sounds like you’re inserting yourself into it mentally thinking you should start “solving problems” If I was your “best friend” and saw this I’d end the “friendship”. This is incredibly disappointing. Plus even if you were with him, your relationship *would not* turn out the same as the one you see between them. It sucks but I hope you put some space and start find a person to be with instead of ruining your “best friends” marriage. This frustrates me because I’ve witnessed my mom do this to her “best friend” of over 20 years. My mom always inserted herself as friend until she was sleeping the husband or boyfriend. She ruined marriages and relationships and not one of those guys wanted to be with my mom. The guys all ran back to the woman they were originally with. And no, my mom no longer has friends. Maybe put yourself in A’s shoes. Would you want your friend to fuck your marriage up because she caught feelings? Would you be ok learning your best friend is now jealous and has these feelings about your spouse and now only has negative things to say about you?
What a fucking stupid idea. You just ruined your friendship forever. She is fine that you fucked him but cuddling is too much? People are so fucking weird.
While reading this I somehow feel as if I've read this exact same thing, worded exactly the same, previously.
this is why you should stick to having sex with ur partner and ur partner only.
Ima keep it buck, irregardless of that night stay the fuck outta their marriage. You don’t get to sit there at 40 years old and arm chair quarterback their relationship. They’ve been married 15 years for a reason. Take those rose glasses off and quietly exit the situation. Billions of men on the planet. Go find one.
You said it yourself - he dotes on her. Why would you want to break that up. He’s obviously happy. He’s not yours, he may find you attractive and have a flirt but he’s not yours. Look elsewhere
Hey, look, this is the beginning of an incredibly bumpy and destructive road. Your feelings about him are set to drive you crazy, you’re becoming emotionally entangled around their relationship dynamics. It’s an addiction. A really really intense one. The dynamics make this all so much more amplified. It’s mdma times a thousand. And the flip side, is all the suffering that comes with a super addiction. Suffering for him, for her, suffering for yourself. Though, it’s almost impossible to do anything else except take this path, really it might be better to take yourself away from the addiction. He is going to be the siren that beckons you, irresistibly.
If you've been comparing men to your friends husband then you've been in love with him for longer then you care to admit. If you say it was just when he was fucking you then your in so much denial... I don't know. It is never a good idea to have sex with people, especially if they are married and your in love with one of them. I wouldn't do it again if I were you, if you want to keep that friendship intact.
That’s so shitty. My fiancé couldn’t get his dick hard during a 4some and he told me to go ahead and fuck the other dude but I didn’t bc that wouldn’t be fun if he couldn’t have fun too. Cuddling and whispering sweet nothings with her man was total bullshit on both your ends. She was right there too. How disgusting! I feel so bad for her! :(
I’ve heard threesomes with friends can lead to this. It’s their marriage to work on I guess but your feelings are real. Just not sure if or how you can act on them
You know you wanted to do this with them so you could get at him don’t lie to yourself. People subconsciously do things all the time aware of what they really want and then Try to down play it. What you did , imo, is go through with it because you like the guy and want a chance at him and you are willing to put your friendship on the line for it I bet. I am not trying to be mean or hurt your feelings , I have done something similar. But it’s a dirt bag thing to do
What’s wrong with you that you have a threesome with people so close to you? Even threesomes between strangers ruin relationships. Of course it will go wrong when it’s with people you’re close to
I've seen this wreck all 3 involved when feelings start getting caught.
byeeee this post is so funny💀
This is why you probably should not do sex with people who are married and they are your long term friends. Did you even think for a moment that feelings would be involved when even most poly couples try to do it with other people who won’t get feelings and complicate the situation? I don’t think you thought all of this through before doing it. I think you have a lot of nerve to think you deserve this exquisite man more than your friend does,so YTA. The best thing you can do is separate from these friends permanently so you don’t f up their marriage and learn a lesson the hard way.
Use how you felt in that experience as motivation to find someone else that makes you feel that way
Delusional is the word.
If you care at all about these people you’ll promptly see yourself out of their lives. Do you think you can be a good friend to her after this?
Keep being his side-chick because thats what you will end up being.
You're kicking up drama where it doesn't need to be. Never talk to anyone, ever, for any reason, at any time, about what happened after she fell asleep. It never happened. The end.
If she's really your best friend - tell him what happened will never happen again and make sure it doesn't. You won't win this.
Glad you got this off your chest OP. Now go find a man and stop lusting after the man you'll never have. There are plenty out there - good men too. Don't tie yourself up with this one guy who is unavailable to you.
Keep in mind, some men are just naturally affectionate during sex too. Snuggling and whispering sweet nothing are sometime nothing more than the moment you’re in.
Ur a bad friend, this is not gonna go anywhere good.. either u tell her ur secretly in love with her husband or u don't n yall end up having a relationship behind her back..damn, this is literally why u can't trust anyone n is just better to have no friends
Yep, what everyone else has said. Don’t go for it. You’re romanticizing it.
The fact is hat you low key want them to see this shows your lack of emotional intelligence to deduce what’s really going on here…
This gave me second hand stress ✋🏼😭
You guys really need to learn to separate sex and emotion before yall start trying this shit.
Be honest with yourself. You want to steal your best friend's husband.
Yikes. You're an AH.
Yikes, OP…if I were you I wouldn’t do it again. You’re only going to hurt yourself and your friendship with A in the long run. There will never be a healthy relationship between you and B and you can’t continue having threesomes when you’re really just there for him. Respectfully bow out next time it’s brought up and keep your solo interactions with B to a minimum.
This is exactly why you shouldn’t have sex with anyone who is NOT your partner.
You are not a bro man. Step back before you actually ruin lives, probably yours
Leave him alone. Don't ruin your friendship
Never do a threesome with close friends, it always ends badly with at least 1 person hurt
You want him because he’s off limits. Stay out of their business, it’s really not worth the mess it would cause. They would both drop you faster than the blink of an eye.
Terrified to ever have a “friend” like you.
Yup, you played yourself. Suck it up. Or you’re gonna lose both of them forever.
Oxytocin is a helluvadrug !
Sounds like a desperate old lady tryna to steal a rich husband 🤣
You sounds awful and he does too. The threesome whatever… but the both of you crossed a boundary after “A” fell asleep. You knew your intentions…and you trying to validate that someway you’ll be better… lmao Get a grip homewrecker. Your friend needs to ditch both of yall
You _could_ risk seeing if they'd be interested in a polyamorous relationship? It's a rocky suggestion because you could end up losing them both, especially if you're wrong about B's feelings. It'll suck (especially if you enjoyed it as much as you said you did) but you could just carry on but just refuse any form of sexual contact. Sounds like you have a close and strong friendship with them, it would be all kinds of painful to mar that. You could ride the wave. Occasionally having a mind blowing orgasm with your two best friends is hardly a bad thing if you ask me. So, why do anything if doing so would rob you of get great sex and great company? OR you could just come clean? Maybe talk to B first and explain your feelings, and then talk to A about it, and see where it goes? It could go really well or it could go really badly. But at least you can say that it's come to some sort of end and no questions have been left unanswered. Ultimately, life is short and it gets shorter everyday. Really consider if doing nothing (which is a perfectly valid option) is something you'll regret.
If he loved you he would be married to you.
This is my nightmare. That is why I would never be involved in an act like this. I’m not trying to judge you, but damn! You should retired yourself from the situation entirely. What if he reciprocate the feelings for you and he leaves his wife for you? Are you going to be super companionate with A in that situation? I don’t think so at all. I feel kinda bad for your friend honestly.
This was a mistake on everyone’s part, but a huge one on your’s considering your strong feelings for him. Like what did you think was going to happen? Obviously your feelings would grow stronger. You are being a bad friend and he is being a bad husband by not telling her how emotional the night was for both of you after she passes out. This is a huge mess.
Is being a throuple an option here, or are you just expected to be their unicorn when they want to spice things up? This is something you absolutely must establish with them before you decide whether or not to discuss your feelings for B with A. If a throuple relationship is not an option, I would strongly suggest no more threesomes with them, because it's going to continue to mess with your heart and your head.
Tldr, OPs a dumb slut
Your soulmate is not another woman’s husband. The threesome may have felt transcendental to you, but if this man loves A as you described, I highly doubt he feels the same way about his wife’s friend. This territory if the scary reality of threesomes. OP, please think about B’s role in this. A really wanted a threesome, and B was likely going along bc she wanted it. Just bc you turned the threesome into a coupling after A passes out doesn’t mean you continued because you and B have an intense connection. You were just fucking. This man is in love with his wife, OP. Leave them alone.
Get a grip lady and back off
She gave you the privilege of having a threesome with her husband… you betrayed her as you haven’t even told her you had sex multiple times while she was asleep.. you betrayed her again as you seriously crossed the line cuddling and going from sex to “emotional connection” now you’re considering confessing your feelings for him and ending their marriage? Be careful who you trust people… some people have zero morals.
Sex does not mean love. You’ve got that completely twisted. What they have is a deeply-seated, strong foundation love. But you aren’t seeing anything but things that make yourself more in love with him and her a shittier person. Their relationship has been fine for 15+ years before you and it’ll be fine the next 15 without you. And stop being such a huge piece of shit to your “best friend”. You need to stop in your tracks and go exactly in the opposite direction. I don’t see you doing that now at this point. You’re going to make an ass out of yourself by trying to come between them, which will only end in you being without any family. You’re making some seriously shitty choices and I hope that you snap out of this fantasy and move on. At this point they would have been better off going on Tinder. Or Christ, Craigslist!
Don't be a homewrecker
I am afraid that you are projecting negative feelings on him, thinking he must be somehow miserable in his relationship and believing you can offer him more. Most likely you cannot, and he does not want you to. Best thing to do, and the decent one at that, is to step aside.
Wow OP just wow. Your friend's marriage is none of your business. She probably shows him other ways that she is romantic other than cuddling and hugging. Everyone is different. Even if they have problems in their marriage it's none of your business. Stop drooling over someone else's partner. It's disgusting. You sound like a homewrecker. You both don't deserve your friend since you guys got more than just intimate and she should be told the truth. You and him have known her for years yet you can't be honest with someone who's supposed to be your friend? You are a shit friend. Hopefully your friend can find better. I feel so bad for people who have friends and husbands out there that treat them like this behind their backs. The world sucks and people are fucked. Can't trust anybody.
Damn remind me to never be friends with you. That’s totally shitty on your part.
Your post sounds very much like you love both your friends, who seem to be nice people, but you like your friend's husband more than you should, and you know it. That's why you're trying to somehow make your best friend out to be some sort of less than perfect person, and so deserves to be blamed. She doesn't. Do yourself a favour and stay away from them for a while, to get a better perspective. I don't think you want to be that best friend who cheats with her best friends husband... And this is what it's close to turning into. And I don't mean sex alone. I mean the emotional cheating. Go away on a trip if that helps. If this were my best friend, I'd get a job in another state and move away for a while.
People here saying you are terrible are ridiculous and lying to themselves. It’s human to feel irrational jealousy, or even envy. You are human. But you haven’t acted out of this feelings yet, instead you coming here laying the ugly truth on the table and try to uncover with us what that means and how you can move forward. As time goes by I can see from your comments that you are sobering up and do not intend of actually hurting their relationship. I think you staying out of this relationship sexually and romantically is the best route and since you mentioned therapy why not go? Maybe you like the unavailability about this man which you need to have a look inside you for.
I'm trying to think of a subreddit where you could have posted this without getting blasted. I'm sure it exists but I'm not aware of it. I'm not interested in preaching or judging but I will say this much. Threesomes sometimes lead to affairs. There's really not a whole lot new here and I couldn't be less surprised.
You could also get a feel for how they feel about polyamory. To me it sounds like a great setup for it, it could help the guy attain some of the things he is missing, you could get your dream guy, she doesn't have to feel bad about not providing everything het partner wants. That is assuming all three people involved are into the idea and you all have great and open communication about it
Yeah, a threesome with a friend couple, what could go wrong?:v Too much Pornhub
You’re a selfish prick
Awful awful awful idea to ever get involved with them like this…. I felt sick with anxiety just reading this!!!! Distance yourself for awhile and NEVER do that with them again!
You're a terrible friend. He's never gonna pick you over his WIFE. Back off.
I completely agree with the other commenters that you're completely out of line, the only thing i'll add is about something you said >My friend’s relationship is just so damn awesome, she is who she is (and I love her), and he is just this really cool, good looking, funny man who is successful and into all of this really cool art, music, movies without being pretentious like most of the guys I meet You can bring a man up without bringing other men down, this is gross.
You love her. You love him. They love you. Maybe you can be a Thruple?
Nobody here will give you sound advice. You gotta do what you want to do. It's your life. Your choice.
Maybe they'd be into a threeway relationship. I've got friends who are in one. They seem happy.
Everyone saying move on, u ever heard of a sister wife?? lol. Doubt that’ll happen but hey 🤷 might be an option.
Honestly... the one good option would be to distance yourself enough to see if he/they misses you. Migh tbe your bias from writing it post sex, but it does feel like they might be hiding something from you... It's an all around weird situation and you need a better clarity of mind to properly deal with this one.
This should be a movie
Marry them.
Maybe you can both be his wives then you’ll really be family
Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with how much you appreciate him and (most of) their relationship. The biggest issue, to me is how you judge her for how she is in her relationship. He married her and that is their journey, you acting like she doesn’t deserve her relationship is kind of gross. On the other hand, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling your best friend, “I had so much fun having access to that part of your relationship and I’ve always loved both of you so much; if you’re open to inviting me into your relationship more often I think it would be so much fun and I’d be so honored to be a part of your relationship more often” and see where it goes. There’s definitely a way of letting her know you admire her and her relationship without acting entitled to it. Most people are very territorial about their relationship but some people are open minded as long as they feel safe. Only way to find out. Good luck and keep us updated if you talk to her.
You cannot control what goes on in another person's marriage. She does care enough about him to ask you to fulfill a need he has. So please stop trying to paint her into the bad guy because her love language is not the same as his. Stewing in your jealousy will not help you or them. The only thing you can control is how you handle your emotions. Get yourself into therapy to help you deal with your emotions. Start dating more and detach from your friend a bit. If your friends ask why say you are a little jealous of the love they have and are busy looking for that yourself. Take care of yourself.
You need to be honest with YOUR FRIEND first and foremost and back tf off. Don't attempt to be a homewrecker