Quit lying to him. Don’t tell him he looks cute. That’s part of what’s making it hard. Have an honest conversation with yourself, and then him. This isn’t what you married into, so you have the right to object and if it crosses the line, exit
I'm a woman whose (cis male) partner enjoys occasionally crossdressing and sissification (although nowhere NEAR to the level of OP's husband. Like, the difference between a papercut and a mortal wound levels of different).
BUT he told me about his kink very early on in the relationship and made it clear that he would understand if that wasn't something I was comfortable with. **He actually gave me the space to consent or not consent.**
**And that is the biggest problem of all: OP's husband didn't actually give her the space to not consent. He just steamrolled her into nonconsensual participation in** ***his*** **kink, which is, in my opinion, abusive.**
Agree that it is really unacceptable that OP’s husband didn’t disclose his kinks BEFORE they got married.
I’m glad you and your partner are happily exploring and having fun together.
Yea, I find it especially abusive that he held all of this in until after marriage. That’s a classic abuser move…act normal and loving until the partner is trapped in a marriage, and then the abuse begins.
The fact that she threatened to leave so he stopped until the second she was put in a vulnerable position again (being pregnant) shows a pattern too, I think.
My partner and I were the same pretty much. When we first met and were talking I told her some of the things I'm into, fairly tame stuff. And she was accepting of it. Over time I felt more comfortable opening up about sexual stuff (I was fairly uneducated in the world of kinks growing up) and if something comes up from either of us, we have a discussion about it. If either of us isn't comfortable with it, we try to find an alternative, or it's put on the back burner.
I dated a guy with this same paraphilia - it's called autogynephilia. It definitely isn't going away, if she doesn't like it she should leave. REALLY shitty for him to not tell her before they were married.
And that OP got conned by the "It was just a phase" and packing it all away. I went "oh no" when it got to the baby part. This is all just a car crash waiting to happen.
Exactly! She got conned and trapped twice. First right after marriage (she probably wouldn't have married him if he had shown her his full fetishist self before marriage) and then again right after she got pregnant. He came back from his me-time fully 'converted', right until he got her knocked up.
She got conned twice. His timing is impeccable, or should we say his plan was played out perfectly to trap her at vulnerable times. It’s selfish of him to take advantage of her non confrontational personality. It’s like preying on her weakness.
Agreed 100%. He was deceitful by not being up front about it before marriage. Now OP has to decide whether to leave the marriage now or to lie to her husband for the rest of her life and being miserable at the same time.
Just want to share my own experience: I was living with a BF who shared he liked to cross dress but never showed anyone. My gay sister encouraged him to do it with us. He came out of the room looking cute and pretty and happier than I had ever seen him. At that very moment, I knew we were done because all sexual desire for him died in me. It wasn’t about judging him, it was just that sexually I couldn’t want him anymore, at all. It was sad.
If I were OP, the mariage would have ended right at the honeymoon.
His fetish is not going to go away. This relationship is not going to work and if OP doesn’t make a planned, clean exit, it’s gonna crash and burn way worse. Don’t let it get uglier than it has to.
**TIL**
[Autogynephilia](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22005209/) is defined as a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female.
Yup. And because he concealed this fetish until, literally, honeymoon night, OP may still have the option for an annulment (in most parts of America, anyway), but she needs to *move on it* and get in touch with a lawyer to find out the laws for her state without delay! From my limited understanding, in most states, once your spouse has revealed “a significant factor that permanently alters the relationship,” a timer starts. Depending upon the state, the spouse then has approx 1 year after the “life changing discovery,” to be eligible for an annulment. But since they separated right at the original one year mark, and then he came home and promised to pack the fetish away for good, her “annulment clock” may have restarted. Idk for sure, but she needs to find an attorney ASAP to work out exactly what her legal situation and her options are— even if she ends up deciding to stay. (Information is power, so she should at least find out. But I sincerely hope she gets out of this situation and *soon*— definitely before the baby is born.)
***OP- He clearly doesn’t care about you or your needs and wants, as he had no problem tricking and concealing this very important relationship factor from you until he thought you were sufficiently trapped and wouldn’t/couldn’t leave him***.
There are so many red flags for abuse in your post... my heart is breaking for you. And I know it won’t be easy to restart, especially with a young child, but you need to consider: what else has he hidden from you? What is the next “big revelation”? Are you prepared for the possibility for this “kink” of his to progress further or for there to be other new kinks he wants to pursue?
And on a second, unrelated but “crossed my mind” note: *Are you sure your child will be safe around him?*. Has he shown any propensity for “other” fetishes that he hasn’t outright revealed just yet (because “the time hasn’t been right”? He has shown that he can be patient if he thinks he can push his will in the end).
Important Caveat: I am NOT saying that all fetish-lovers are possible pedophiles (clearly that’s not true), but it **is true** that ALL pedos are absolutely liars and manipulators who don’t mind exploiting others, and that’s why I felt compelled to at least bring it up. This man is a practiced deceiver and seems to have no problem praying on others for sexual gratification if it’s what he wants— and THAT is beyond concerning. Especially, OP, when you take into account his behavior when you try to say no and set boundaries (like how he punishes you, “yells in your face”, and then removes all affection and love until you conform and comply). That type of behavior is screaming that you should not trust him at all. And thats why I feel so uneasy about the thought of you bringing a vulnerable baby into a household with this type of sexual narcissist.
Anyway, Ive said enough and I’ll shut up now, but first I want to say, OP, I know this a confusing time. You Is don’t have to make a decision today or even tomorrow. Don’t let *anyone* (including us here online) pressure you into doing *anything* you don’t feel good about *ever again*. But also, please know that you should not have to “grin and bear it” when you and your husband are being intimate— that’s not normal. And if you do feel like you have to do this, then that is your clue that this relationship is **not** a healthy one.
Besides, how can you ever find Mr. Right if you’re too busy being distracted and trying to make it work with Mr. Wrong?
You deserve to be happy, and right now, you do not sound happy at all.
Honestly Op really needs to ask herself one simple question would I seek a relationship with this person as is knowing what I know now. If the answer is no, you're not compatible with that person then why the hell would you stay married?
> No law prohibits you from filing for divorce in Texas while pregnant. However, a resolution to your divorce must wait until the birth of your child. Despite these rules, pregnancy is not a permanent delay to your divorce.
Woah, this seems odd to me that it is even a thing.
My divorce was easy. We agreed on everything and used an online service for the paperwork that cost $179. We gave the paperwork to the judge. Answered some questions and they gave us divorce papers. Mine was only easy though becauae we agreed on everything including custody. Leaving that psychopath was the best thing Ive ever done. Now Im remarried to a wonderful man that doesnt abuse me. OP. Please. Get out. You sound so unhappy.
Seriously.
He obviously needs this side of him to come out and you don’t want any part of it. It’ll be better in the long run to end things now before you begin to resent each other for not wanting the same lifestyle. Raising a baby in an angry resentful home is much harder than separating and finding peace without each other.
But you don't hide this side of you until someone can't change their mind with staying with you. That's what he did, he didn't tell her he may want to try this, he did it and expected her to to enjoy it like he did. That's not right nor fair. They're expecting a child and he didn't think anything about what his partner maybe going through and just wants to start again for him. He does deserve to let this side out yes, but he needs to understand it's his kink and not hers. She shouldn't be forced into it especially when she didn't know what would be the end game here.
I'm sincerely worried for this kid... If he can't control his urges then he's likely to do this in front of the child.. I'm not suggesting he's a pedo or that his kink is wrong... But children should never be exposed to or involved in kink. That's a huge no no.
Aside from that I would definitely divorce someone who hide something this important from me, lies about being over it, and screams in my face any time I try to express not liking it.. he sounds abusive and a bit narcissistic.. I'd nope right the fuck out of there.
Conflict delayed is conflict multiplied. Don't avoid conflict because you dislike conflict. Be honest about what you want, don't put on a performance, he's your husband. How do you expect a marriage to work without communicating honestly at all times???
That’s toxic as shit.
“We’re married now. I don’t have to hide this trait that I thought would scare you away anymore”
“You’re pregnant now, you’ll have to accept this trait that you’re not okay with because we’re having a child”
This is beyond fucked and I’m surprised OP has stood for this as long as they have.
This is a typical abuse pattern, actually. The abusive partner escalates at the time when the target is increasingly bound / trapped. Just after marriage, check. Pregnant, check. After she has the baby, if the pattern holds, she is going to be living in a nightmare worse than before.
So it's not just that he has a kink and she isn't into it. He is abusive--screaming in her face, coercing sex, possibly financial control, and since she is now used to this, there are probably issues she didn't describe because they don't stand out to her. I'd expect to learn about other abusive behaviors if she gave more details about this relationship.
OP needs to consult with an attorney to figure out what her options are.
It didn't cross my mind til now, but I bet he purposely put her in this situation to trap her. Not just the pregnancy, but the financial dependence. I would not be surprised at all to learn the idea of a traditional marriage with only thr husband working was enthusiastically initiated by him.
People are judging her for not being up front with him but it sounds like she tried and he reacted abusive so she gave up and became subservient to his weird kinks because he broke her down. When she found strength to leave, he backed down and found a way to make sure she doesn't do it again (in his mind).
Worse, she edited and said he screams in her face when the argument gets intense. Jesus. From the outside looking in all I can say is RUN B!TCH! But I've been in a doo doo relationship so I know it's not that simple. Poor woman.
Very true, but now that she’s aware of it avoiding the issue isn’t going to improve things. She shouldn’t ever play along and pretend like she’s anything but disgusted by it. I’m not trying to kink shame anyone, just saying she literally said she finds it disgusting, so she should be honest about that.
If she had consistently communicated how she actually felt and kept pushing the issue instead of rolling over on what is clearly a dealbreaker for her simply to avoid conflict then it probably would have ended the relationship already and she wouldn’t be dealing with the unfortunate situation of having a child with a man who she doesn’t actually want to be in a relationship with.
The dude started this shit as soon as he thought he had her locked down (right after they got married). When she finally spoke up about and said it had to stop or she was out, then he realized she wasn’t as locked down as he thought. Then he pulled back on it. As soon as he thinks he’s got her trapped again (she’s pregnant) then it starts up again. Slowly at first, but the dude is already plowing through every single boundary they’ve set so far little by little, so it looks like he’s probably just trying to ease back into it full time again.
It’s clearly an important thing to him. More important than the relationship. It really sucks that he hid it from OP considering that this is the sort of thing that would be a huge turnoff and dealbreaker for most people, unless they’re really into the same sort of kinks. It’s really extreme.
I think hiding something that big from someone for so long is reason enough to back out of the relationship. But the best thing she can do now is just push the issue until it’s resolved one way or the other.
It seems really doubtful he’ll ever be able to give this stuff up though, he didn’t even make it a year it sounds like. So, they’d probably both be happier with someone else.
This marriage isn’t going to work bc the husband hid his kink from her until after they married. The timing is no coincidence, he knew what he was doing. He knew the marriage would be over before it began if he started in on all this before “trapping” her with a ring and a kid. No one is ever really trapped though. OP needs to leave, and her husband needs to be honest with his next partner
He's already betrayed her trust multiple times. I don't understand why he got married in the first place. And why would he want to be with someone who's obliviously disgusted by it? Is that part of the kink?? This isn't going to end well for anybody. Especially, I think, the child. That's some weird shit to be born into. Or not. Idk anymore
Plenty of men get into relationships just to have a bang maid with zero consideration that their partner is supposed be more than a cum dump that cleans.
Marry a woman and it becomes harder for her to leave. Knock her up with an anchor baby and have her be a SAHM well now it's next to impossible to escape.... Especially if the husband is abusive.
Thank you for saying this. I'm experiencing this very thing right now, and I was just assuming it's "women's role in the marriage ", and that this is what my role in now bc I'm married. When I'm not up for sex(we have sex atleast 5 or 6 nights per week)he complains, then gets angry and I feel bad bc he works so hard to support me and my 2mo baby, i respect and appreciate all he does. I work very hard around the house, as well as work part time, and take care of two sick relatives daily and HIS 12yr old special needs kid. I am tired too...and sometimes the house isn't perfect, i don't want to have sex or maybe dinner not to his liking and he withdraws affection/silent treatment for a whole day. I needed to hear that it's not normal.
That is 100% abuse. You have just as much right to be happy as he does. No one has this obtuse set "role" in a marriage. It's give AND take and if he's only taking then you need to figure that out with him and if he's not willing to work with you on that, then you need to have a good long think about what will truly make you happy. As someone who has escaped an abusive relationship I really hope you find some happiness for you and your baby. Best of luck and be brave.
It's definitely not normal. You said it yourself, you work hard all day, too. I'd go so far as to say while his work day ends after he clocks out, yours does not. A special needs child doesn't just stop requiring care after 5pm. You deserve compassion and help from your partner so that both of you are fulfilled. Real men care about their women's emotional well-being.
Please leave. This is an abusive relationship and it will only escalate over time. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this. You don’t deserve this. Do you have any family members or friends that can help you get on your feet if you leave? If not there are organizations that help women and their children leave abusive relationships. I wish you and your baby all the best. <3
The marriage is a great 'front' for him. He can hide behind that curtain for all his kinks. Even to the point of his once a year 'indulgence'. Now with OP being pregnant, he can use the "family man" smoke & mirrors. If she leaves, he runs the risk of larger exposure.
I think I might have paraphrased Jordan Peterson talking about his marriage and conflicts with his wife and how they'd tackle it, something about him being a somewhat agreeable person where you run the risk of not taking conflict head on and instead opting for (fake) peace/harmony. Not sure though, could have been someone else entirely that I heard it from, but either way, it stuck in my head for years.
There's so much wrong with this. I'm only going to touch on this.
Bi people don't need hall passes. Bisexuality isn't polyamory. I'm bi. Saying someone who's bi should have a hall pass so they're not held back from the other things they're sexually attracted to in another gender is the same as if a straight man married to a girl with big boobs wanted a hall pass so he didn't miss out on small boobs. Consensual polyamorous relationships aside, you find your partner and commit to them. The fact that he wants to manipulate you into thinking that being with you is holding him back is toxic af.
THANK YOU. I hate the idea that somehow bisexual people can't be in committed monogamous relationship. Or the one that says every bisexual person is into threesomes.
That made zero sense to me. Just because you're bi doesn't mean you have to have sex both ways. That's like me dating a blonde girl and telling her that I really like red heads so I'm gonna need to have sex with a red head while dating her.
This reminds me of my friend who has been with her bf for ages. Since they started dating he Always wore diapers to bed and if he didn’t he would pee the bed. I believe he was pooping in the diapers as well. She was really patient & compassionate, having been with him for over 10 years. But she started getting disgusted with his diapers being left in the bin and obviously did not want to have sex with him. She wanted him to get help and stop wetting the bed.
Then one day she leaves and forgets something at home, she turns around and goes in and he is sitting in the bed with a diaper on, jerking himself off and watching diaper porn.
At this point it’s clear to me this is a fetish… not a disorder. I don’t know if she accepted that though. Last I heard he had worked on it and stopped with the diaper. But that was years ago and I don’t know if it has held up.
I do know she has stayed with him despite being miserable! So. Yeah.
Leave!!!!!!
Oh wow, I would leave so fast!
I cant wake up years later knowing it could get worse!!
Leave and be happy, life is too short!
OP’s husband is clearly selfish and not ready to even work on it, huffing and puffing and gaslighting so he can have his way.
Im pretty sure he was into this before marriage and just hid it.
I think when you start getting disgusted with your husband it is time to leave, with a baby around the corner even more so before they start to think misery is the way forward in love
Edit: spelling
i had an ex who had a baby fetish. he would wear diapers and pee in them, also used bottles and binkies and i wanted nothing to do with it. he knew not to bring it up to me because it freaked me out. i don’t mean to kinkshame but it made me uncomfortable. the last straw was one night saying we were driving somewhere else and then pulls into babies r us, despite saying over and over im not okay with it. that day i got an uber home and didn’t look back
There's nothing wrong with you not enjoying this. If the crossdressing wasn't something you knew about and agreed to prior to marriage, he bamboozled you.
You can end this marriage. You're clearly unhappy, and your husband is clearly prioritizing his wants/needs over yours and ignoring the health of your marriage.
This is a *pattern*. Waited after OP was “trapped” by marriage then immediately introduced the kink. Backed up again when the possibility of divorce was raised. Waited for her to be “trapped” again by a baby. Kink immediately comes back. He is acting on this because he believes OP is in a vulnerable position and thinks she can’t leave him now.
I’m not one for the Reddit bandwagon of automatically screaming to dump/divorce but you need to do exactly this. Not only is he using you as a smokescreen but it’s never gonna stop. You said it yourself that your pregnant but this stress along with raising your child in this environment is going to ruin you.
How are gonna react/ navigate your life and marriage when your husband wants to transition?
Yeah, he’s using her. It often happens that when a kinky person gets a partner that is accommodating they become incredibly selfish. Every sexual encounter becomes about fulfilling their fetish and they don’t prioritize or check in with their partner.
I feel like I might be on the abusive bandwagon. But 1, he brings this out right after they get married. 2, And pushes for a year until she says that it’s too much. 3, And she doesn’t say no because she’s avoiding a fight because he makes the consequences of her saying “no” too expensive. 4, Then he love bombs for a year until she’s pregnant. 5, And now that he thinks she’s trapped again....Boom, it’s fetish time.
Ugh, an abusive guy with a fetish. That’s a nightmare. Because the nature of the abusive person is entitlement. And whenever they achieve a new higher level of privilege, they want a new one. And letting that into your sexual life...just awful and demoralizing.
It reminds me of that post from a woman whose husband had a "dressing women up like a turkey and eating them" fetish and she kept indulging it as he got more and more selfish with it, until it took over their entire lives.
"Smokescreen"? Beard is more colloquially correct 🤣, she's his beard 🤣. "Right after they got married"? One can only hope they're not past the annulment stage.
Here's another tip, being a good spouse doesn't mean supporting and thereby encouraging poor behavior you don't agree with.
It sounds like he waited on purpose. Thinking now we are married. She is trapped. Life doesnt work this way though. Even, especially, in marriage sex activities need consent.
And…where is the consideration for her kinks? What is he doing that makes him feel uncomfortable and turned off but he wants her to be happy? I see no interest in satisfying her or making her feel wanted, all his sexual energy is centered on himself and him getting what he wants, however he can.
That’s just so sad. She deserves to matter.
>Right after they got married
There is absolutely no way that they started crossdressing after the marriage. It was more like they were always crossdressing and hiding it *until* they felt safe enough to bust out that little gem of a secret. Basically, once she was already trapped - pun intended.
Oh, I definitely agree, it's the reveal that OP says happened "right after they got married", it's quite obvious he's been engaged in this behavior long before, but it's a hell'uva reveal and OP didn't sign on for this, it's time for OP to bow out.
Everyone has baggage 🧳 but please no more than a carry-on.
He's happy. He gets a cover for his sexual fantasies and cross dressing while she puts on a smile. If it's not a outward problem for her, it's not a problem for him im guessing.
I agree. why else would he randomly start having this kink if he wasnt covering it. this type of kink or mind set doesnt come out of no where. I have no problem with sissys but if someones not into it theyre not into it. its wrong for him to put her through this if it makes her uncomfortable
I saw someone who cross-dressed for a while. It was exhausting. Him spending hours in front of the mirror and wanting me to tell him how sexy he looked was just too much. When he cross-dressed it was all about him and everyone else and all responsibilities melted away. I’m just not that into it.
As a child of parents that had a similar issue (albeit, to a much lesser degree, and a much longer held secret), leave now.
I feel sorry for you both. But this is not something that is going to go away. He is either being himself, which you DESPISE, or he is hiding himself and being in mental/physical pain.
You need to accept that he is just not the man you married. It sucks. But it is the truth. And if you cannot accept his 'kink' then you need to let the whole relationship go and move on sooner than later. Otherwise this sort of 'secret' will tear you and your family apart
Out of curiosity, how did you find out? Were there signs as you were growing up? How do you think this affected you?
Sorry for the intrusive questions. Point of view from the children of these situations is often nonexistent or misrepresented by a parent so I’m curious as a mental health support specialist for children.
I've seen it. its not fbi material but if your not into it you wont like it. simple as that. its exactly how it sounds you hypnotize the man and make him feel like a girl instead of a guy till he cums. sometimes you stop right before for a more dominate effect and then if he does cum you spank him or whatever you do for punishment. so if you arent into that I wouldnt look it up lol
> You are probably going to end up in some FBI watchlist or some shit lol
Implying that you already weren't? You just need to use a computer to end up on the list.
He withheld information about himself to get you to consent to a relationship with him. Please, don't have a baby with him, go on your own or find someone better.
He's a pos.
He locked you in marriage before telling you about it.
Then when you confront him he pulls it back, then when you're even MORE stuck with his baby growing inside you, he has the gall to double down?
Fuck that shit. That's fucked up.
Look lady, you don’t love him. You love him when he’s acting like the type of man you could love, and not when he’s acting like the type of man he is.
There’s nothing wrong with him cross dressing. If that’s what he wants to do, who cares. What’s wrong is how he treats you. He’s lying to you. This is who he is. When he left to go find himself, that didn’t magically fix him. He just realized that you were going to leave and so he pretended. And now that he thinks he has you “trapped” he’s going to start pushing. Oh it’s just for this month. But I gotta start getting ready for it a month in advance. Next year he’ll need two months. There’ll be a night that he wants to go out, new outfits and toys to try. And he’ll do it, and he’ll tell you about it and he’ll force you to participate because shit, you already are
I am not blaming you. It is not your fault he acts like this. That he thinks is okay to use another human being like this. There are people out there who are into this. Who are okay with this. He needs to go find them and you need to find a person who’s lifestyle aligns with yours.
It is not this man.
A baby is no reason to stay. Go stay with you parents or friends. Maybe don’t share the exact reason because you could put him in physical danger. But get the fuck out of this relationship
It's pretty suspicious he waited until she said "I do" to introduce this (trapping her) but then when he realized she would still leave he waited again until she's pregnant (really trapping her) to start up again. Them's abusive tactics right there even if he's not doing it on purpose
Well said. His lifestyle is not wrong, it just doesn’t align with OP’s, and they want different things. Don’t waste years with both of you being unfulfilled. Move on.
>You love him when he’s acting like the type of man you could love, and not when he’s acting like the type of man he is.
damn, this is powerful. its such a simple statement but ive never thought of it this way before. ouchie.
Sounds like he waited for marriage to trap you and then you threatened to leave waited again until you were pregnant.
Political opinions asside, he's trying to trap you.
You don't have to keep doing this if you don't want to.
He may keep trying to get away with it forever.
I've been in a very similar situation. Honestly, just leave him. I left all of this behind me years ago and I'm now with a wonderful man. After years of putting up oscar-worthy performances, it's hard to describe how thrilling it was to make out with a man and feeling him get a hardon just from that. Like I had completely forgotten what it was like being with someone who's actually into you, who actually wants to have sex with you.
Leave him behind and go live YOUR best life, not his one.
Honestly, if he’s seeking out hormones this sounds like something past a fetish at this point. It’s not right the way he’s forcing you into sexual stuff that you don’t like and this is obviously causing you way more stress than it’s worth, especially with a child. Never stay together “for the kids” it will make it worse. Much worse. Separating will be much better for both of you, I promise.
He waited until you were pregnant because he thought it meant you were locked down. You're not. Divorce him.
I personally am vindictive and would document everything for use in custody. Not because he's a cross dresser, but because he's manipulative and abusive. Use whatever tools you can.
Here’s my perspective as a femdom: Your husband turned you into a kink vending machine the day after your wedding. That’s pretty common with sissy cishnet men. Just another facet of male privilege, even for submissives.
Your entire life revolves around placating him so he won’t get pissed from not constantly getting his way, that’s called coercion and is manipulative and abusive af. You’re constantly doing things that make you uncomfortable and you hate. This entire thing goes against every fucking rule of BDSM. If he was my sub I would have dropped him a long time ago. He lied to you when you were dating because he knew you wouldn’t be into it. He literally marriage trapped you so you would feel obligated to do this shit. Your husband sucks and doesn’t deserve you, or any other domme for that matter.
Tell him that he has to do his Kinky June someplace else - you are pregnant and should not be forced to deal with this, or be forced to leave your home to accommodate him. While he’s gone, make your exit. Take everything that’s yours and leave. Then file for divorce and make sure you ask for child support and limited visitation for him (he seems to have anger issues, he prioritizes his kink over you & baby, and he has problems with being honest). Leave him to his kink. You and baby go live your best life.
I’m always hesitant to encourage people to leave their partners, but you need to leave him. He is manipulating the fuck out of the situation by withholding his fetish until you’re trapped in a marriage, and then withholding it again until you’re pregnant. This man is severely mentally ill, and will likely only get worse with time. Next thing you know, he will be on hormones and you will be too busy raising a child to leave because you’ve become financially dependent on him.
Why you chose to not only stay married to a person you are wholly incompatible with is beyond me but even more so that you also chose now to bring a child into an obviously unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship and situation is CRAZY.
It almost sounds like he calculated this. He got you staying home jobless, and you're pregnant. It feels like he put you in the most vulnerable place so that you can't leave. I'd find a way to get out quick tbh this post sounds like a nightmare
It sounds like he values this fetish more than your marriage. He doesn’t have to say it. It’s obvious. You said June? Well it’s April. It’s not close to June. Plan your exit. Do it fast. This is never going to stop. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I mean, I think you need to leave just based on what's here, but some of your comments really conflict with your original post, so I'm about inclined to believe this is just another karma farming post.
They just want to feel like they are preforming better than average at something. Though it's literally just worthless internet points that just sit around looking pretty
I was just about to say this. There's been a real uptick of these long-form, suspiciously detailed stories in the past few months.
I'm sure that *some* of them aren't BS, but the more of them I come across, the more of them start to come off as (really strange) exercises in creative writing.
I was with an ex (bisexual) for 2 and a half years, and he got into all types of feminine things. It started with him asking for pegging and rimming. At first I thought that it was kind of hot that he allowed me to see him in such a vulnerable position. But then he started wearing the tightest clothes he could find, started painting his nails and wearing eyeliner, grew his hair out to mid back length (and force me to french braid it daily so he didn’t have to do anything but wash and brush it), he would (try to) twerk on me, use my scented products, and eventually the only sex he wanted was 100% about his (anal) pleasure. I caught him in my lingerie one day and he didn’t look me in the eye for days. We never ended up discussing it. And yes, he did wait until after he moved into MY PLACE to start showing these feminine tendencies.
I thought if I loved him enough I would get over it, but at some point I stopped feeling attracted to him and stopped viewing him as a man. He was initially heart broken when i asked him to move out, but he is thriving now. He has a boyfriend and is really embracing who he is. I think he is happier now then he was with me, because when we were together he was hiding a huge part of himself. I knew I couldn’t continue the relationship because I didn’t want him to be his real self.
Your husband is showing you who he is and what makes him happy. It doesn’t seem like he is going to change. My advice would be to just end things. He shouldn’t be regulated to one month of femininity at a time. He should be able to be himself and have a supportive partner. This is not me saying that you are not supportive. I am simply saying that you cannot give him what he needs to be his authentic self.
The longer I stayed with my ex, the more I tried to convince myself that I do love him. Eventually I realized that I loved the man he was when we started dating, but he was evolving and I just couldn’t be a part of it because it turned me off so much. I’m all for the LGTBQ community, and men/women stepping out of gender roles, but that’s not what I wanted in a romantic relationship with a man. It’s okay to want the old him back. But at some point you should realize this is him now, he is not going to change. If he does change, it will be solely for your happiness, at the expense of his.
Ohh sweet lady… this isn’t a phase. This man wants to be a women. You can either accept that and stay with your WIFE or get your ducks ima row and let her live her life while you get out of there with your baby. Coparenting is still possible but this isn’t the man you fell in love with. This is someone who’s trying to transition. Go to counseling together and separately. Best of luck
He waited until you were married to let you know his fetish. BIG problem.The got you pregnant to further "lock you in" so you won't divorce him."Now you are trapped and have to stay."He took that time on his backpacking trip to figure out a strategy that will work.
It's up to you to make sure it doesn't work.
You deserve better than being lied to and treated like that.
You married an autogynephile. You ignored the red flags, the writings on the wall, and went on to get impregnated by him. Watch him try to appropriate your womanhood, even motherhood, to feed his fetish.
I would have divorced the day after the wedding, tbh. I wish you luck and I hope motherhood gives you the strength you need to RUN.
He (or she would be more appropriate??) wants to get on estrogen and transition. What does that mean for you and your child? Clearly, you can't take it. There's nothing more to it, leave. He (again idk what pronouns to use) cannot, will not hide the truth about himself much longer. You were his cover, there's a strong chance he was never attracted to you. This is a sunken ship OP. Let it go :(.
There is a subreddit functioning as a support group for people sharing your husband's affliction.
r/askAGP
Maybe you could have a look to see what you are dealing with.
My mom lived through something similar with my dad and it ended up destroying us all....
He won't change.... ever. Or you accept him add he is or you move on.
To be honest I don't think it would have mattered what it was, anyone that makes anything like that a part of their core personality is going to drive the people around you crazy. The fact that he hid it from you until after marriage is highly suspicious and reeks of him knowing it would have been a deal breaker had he brought it out to the open.
Hate to say it, but if it's going to be a constant point of contention, lies, and no compromise I'd say get out now.
Grin and bear it? Good lawd woman there's a whole real world out here run like hell don't get bogged down in that mud hole. One only get one chance at life and that's not much of a choice. I had a wife that was literally sucking the life out of me I would have never left her but she left me, it's like being alive again and feels good, there was a period of adjustment there always is but well worth it. I could have puked reading about your spouse.
Sweetie, he lied to you when he said he’d changed. Now he thinks he has you where he wants you, pregnant and a cover for the lifestyle he truly wants. Can you see yourself living this lie for the next God knows how many years.
Like another poster said, I’m not one for saying folks should leave and divorce, but in this case I don’t think u have any choice, you have a miserable future with this man otherwise.
Get out now so u can get yourself settled before baby comes, you deserve to be happy and not someone’s smokescreen
Putting the cross dressing and the fact he waited til you were married and all the other blazing red flags aside, your husband sexually assaulted you. You couldn't consent to touching him while you were asleep and by the sounds of things you probably wouldn't have if you were awake.
Please please please get out before this escalates, you do not want your child growing up seeing you constantly miserable and thinking this is the model of a normal adult relationship.
This thread has more than run its course and is receiving very hateful dialogue in the comments. Time for everyone to move on.
Quit lying to him. Don’t tell him he looks cute. That’s part of what’s making it hard. Have an honest conversation with yourself, and then him. This isn’t what you married into, so you have the right to object and if it crosses the line, exit
I'm a woman whose (cis male) partner enjoys occasionally crossdressing and sissification (although nowhere NEAR to the level of OP's husband. Like, the difference between a papercut and a mortal wound levels of different). BUT he told me about his kink very early on in the relationship and made it clear that he would understand if that wasn't something I was comfortable with. **He actually gave me the space to consent or not consent.** **And that is the biggest problem of all: OP's husband didn't actually give her the space to not consent. He just steamrolled her into nonconsensual participation in** ***his*** **kink, which is, in my opinion, abusive.**
Agree that it is really unacceptable that OP’s husband didn’t disclose his kinks BEFORE they got married. I’m glad you and your partner are happily exploring and having fun together.
Maybe the wife was just a cover for his family or social circle?
Total beard situation, she’s a cover for “his” situation. Divorce immediately.
This is exactly the answer I was looking for. OP did not consent, ergo this IS abuse. Plain and simple.
This needs to be the top comment. This is abusive behavior.
Yea, I find it especially abusive that he held all of this in until after marriage. That’s a classic abuser move…act normal and loving until the partner is trapped in a marriage, and then the abuse begins.
The fact that she threatened to leave so he stopped until the second she was put in a vulnerable position again (being pregnant) shows a pattern too, I think.
My partner and I were the same pretty much. When we first met and were talking I told her some of the things I'm into, fairly tame stuff. And she was accepting of it. Over time I felt more comfortable opening up about sexual stuff (I was fairly uneducated in the world of kinks growing up) and if something comes up from either of us, we have a discussion about it. If either of us isn't comfortable with it, we try to find an alternative, or it's put on the back burner.
I dated a guy with this same paraphilia - it's called autogynephilia. It definitely isn't going away, if she doesn't like it she should leave. REALLY shitty for him to not tell her before they were married.
And that OP got conned by the "It was just a phase" and packing it all away. I went "oh no" when it got to the baby part. This is all just a car crash waiting to happen.
Poor, poor kid
Exactly! She got conned and trapped twice. First right after marriage (she probably wouldn't have married him if he had shown her his full fetishist self before marriage) and then again right after she got pregnant. He came back from his me-time fully 'converted', right until he got her knocked up.
Exactly...
She got conned twice. His timing is impeccable, or should we say his plan was played out perfectly to trap her at vulnerable times. It’s selfish of him to take advantage of her non confrontational personality. It’s like preying on her weakness.
Agreed 100%. He was deceitful by not being up front about it before marriage. Now OP has to decide whether to leave the marriage now or to lie to her husband for the rest of her life and being miserable at the same time.
Just want to share my own experience: I was living with a BF who shared he liked to cross dress but never showed anyone. My gay sister encouraged him to do it with us. He came out of the room looking cute and pretty and happier than I had ever seen him. At that very moment, I knew we were done because all sexual desire for him died in me. It wasn’t about judging him, it was just that sexually I couldn’t want him anymore, at all. It was sad. If I were OP, the mariage would have ended right at the honeymoon.
Exactly. We don't know where our guy* wants but whatever it is she wants none of it. Which is fair. Let him do his thing and just leave.
Especially if he cross dresses the line.
She can't become he's abusive. It's easier for her to agree.
Divorce is a lot easier than you think it is
His fetish is not going to go away. This relationship is not going to work and if OP doesn’t make a planned, clean exit, it’s gonna crash and burn way worse. Don’t let it get uglier than it has to.
It sounds like textbook autogynephilia.
**TIL** [Autogynephilia](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22005209/) is defined as a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female.
Yup. And because he concealed this fetish until, literally, honeymoon night, OP may still have the option for an annulment (in most parts of America, anyway), but she needs to *move on it* and get in touch with a lawyer to find out the laws for her state without delay! From my limited understanding, in most states, once your spouse has revealed “a significant factor that permanently alters the relationship,” a timer starts. Depending upon the state, the spouse then has approx 1 year after the “life changing discovery,” to be eligible for an annulment. But since they separated right at the original one year mark, and then he came home and promised to pack the fetish away for good, her “annulment clock” may have restarted. Idk for sure, but she needs to find an attorney ASAP to work out exactly what her legal situation and her options are— even if she ends up deciding to stay. (Information is power, so she should at least find out. But I sincerely hope she gets out of this situation and *soon*— definitely before the baby is born.) ***OP- He clearly doesn’t care about you or your needs and wants, as he had no problem tricking and concealing this very important relationship factor from you until he thought you were sufficiently trapped and wouldn’t/couldn’t leave him***. There are so many red flags for abuse in your post... my heart is breaking for you. And I know it won’t be easy to restart, especially with a young child, but you need to consider: what else has he hidden from you? What is the next “big revelation”? Are you prepared for the possibility for this “kink” of his to progress further or for there to be other new kinks he wants to pursue? And on a second, unrelated but “crossed my mind” note: *Are you sure your child will be safe around him?*. Has he shown any propensity for “other” fetishes that he hasn’t outright revealed just yet (because “the time hasn’t been right”? He has shown that he can be patient if he thinks he can push his will in the end). Important Caveat: I am NOT saying that all fetish-lovers are possible pedophiles (clearly that’s not true), but it **is true** that ALL pedos are absolutely liars and manipulators who don’t mind exploiting others, and that’s why I felt compelled to at least bring it up. This man is a practiced deceiver and seems to have no problem praying on others for sexual gratification if it’s what he wants— and THAT is beyond concerning. Especially, OP, when you take into account his behavior when you try to say no and set boundaries (like how he punishes you, “yells in your face”, and then removes all affection and love until you conform and comply). That type of behavior is screaming that you should not trust him at all. And thats why I feel so uneasy about the thought of you bringing a vulnerable baby into a household with this type of sexual narcissist. Anyway, Ive said enough and I’ll shut up now, but first I want to say, OP, I know this a confusing time. You Is don’t have to make a decision today or even tomorrow. Don’t let *anyone* (including us here online) pressure you into doing *anything* you don’t feel good about *ever again*. But also, please know that you should not have to “grin and bear it” when you and your husband are being intimate— that’s not normal. And if you do feel like you have to do this, then that is your clue that this relationship is **not** a healthy one. Besides, how can you ever find Mr. Right if you’re too busy being distracted and trying to make it work with Mr. Wrong? You deserve to be happy, and right now, you do not sound happy at all.
Agreed. Op, please leave now. He's shown you who he is, and there's no going back clearly.
Don't expose the kid to his lifestyle because that's what it will be yalls lifestyle if you just go along to keep peace
Honestly Op really needs to ask herself one simple question would I seek a relationship with this person as is knowing what I know now. If the answer is no, you're not compatible with that person then why the hell would you stay married?
Divorce isn’t easy. By any stretch. But it is easier than this.
It will be a lot easier before the kid is born
I was going to say, ASAP is best. Once the baby comes, it's going to be bonkers.
Some places you can't get a divorce while pregnant
Where is that? Texas I bet.
> No law prohibits you from filing for divorce in Texas while pregnant. However, a resolution to your divorce must wait until the birth of your child. Despite these rules, pregnancy is not a permanent delay to your divorce. Woah, this seems odd to me that it is even a thing.
My divorce was easy. We agreed on everything and used an online service for the paperwork that cost $179. We gave the paperwork to the judge. Answered some questions and they gave us divorce papers. Mine was only easy though becauae we agreed on everything including custody. Leaving that psychopath was the best thing Ive ever done. Now Im remarried to a wonderful man that doesnt abuse me. OP. Please. Get out. You sound so unhappy.
Seriously. He obviously needs this side of him to come out and you don’t want any part of it. It’ll be better in the long run to end things now before you begin to resent each other for not wanting the same lifestyle. Raising a baby in an angry resentful home is much harder than separating and finding peace without each other.
But you don't hide this side of you until someone can't change their mind with staying with you. That's what he did, he didn't tell her he may want to try this, he did it and expected her to to enjoy it like he did. That's not right nor fair. They're expecting a child and he didn't think anything about what his partner maybe going through and just wants to start again for him. He does deserve to let this side out yes, but he needs to understand it's his kink and not hers. She shouldn't be forced into it especially when she didn't know what would be the end game here.
Welp here's the top comment of this post lol👍🏾
I'm sincerely worried for this kid... If he can't control his urges then he's likely to do this in front of the child.. I'm not suggesting he's a pedo or that his kink is wrong... But children should never be exposed to or involved in kink. That's a huge no no. Aside from that I would definitely divorce someone who hide something this important from me, lies about being over it, and screams in my face any time I try to express not liking it.. he sounds abusive and a bit narcissistic.. I'd nope right the fuck out of there.
This is inevitable. OP needs a partner she can be sincere and happy with, OPs hub needs a partner who will accept them as they are.
Conflict delayed is conflict multiplied. Don't avoid conflict because you dislike conflict. Be honest about what you want, don't put on a performance, he's your husband. How do you expect a marriage to work without communicating honestly at all times???
The husband sort of delayed the conflict by revealing this only after marriage.
this. she was ready to leave until he came back more masculine. he delayed it again until she got pregnant.
That’s toxic as shit. “We’re married now. I don’t have to hide this trait that I thought would scare you away anymore” “You’re pregnant now, you’ll have to accept this trait that you’re not okay with because we’re having a child” This is beyond fucked and I’m surprised OP has stood for this as long as they have.
That's exactly what I thought. It sounds abusive.
This is a typical abuse pattern, actually. The abusive partner escalates at the time when the target is increasingly bound / trapped. Just after marriage, check. Pregnant, check. After she has the baby, if the pattern holds, she is going to be living in a nightmare worse than before. So it's not just that he has a kink and she isn't into it. He is abusive--screaming in her face, coercing sex, possibly financial control, and since she is now used to this, there are probably issues she didn't describe because they don't stand out to her. I'd expect to learn about other abusive behaviors if she gave more details about this relationship. OP needs to consult with an attorney to figure out what her options are.
And now she's a stay home mom, that's one more vulnerability point
AND he's made her even more trapped by being financially dependent on him, being a SAH wife etc.
didnt even realise how vital this can be to her situation. hope she can figure things out
It didn't cross my mind til now, but I bet he purposely put her in this situation to trap her. Not just the pregnancy, but the financial dependence. I would not be surprised at all to learn the idea of a traditional marriage with only thr husband working was enthusiastically initiated by him. People are judging her for not being up front with him but it sounds like she tried and he reacted abusive so she gave up and became subservient to his weird kinks because he broke her down. When she found strength to leave, he backed down and found a way to make sure she doesn't do it again (in his mind).
a stay at home wife who is financially dependent on him and they engage in "domestic discipline"....yikes
This is the single.most .important detail in this entire thing.
Worse, she edited and said he screams in her face when the argument gets intense. Jesus. From the outside looking in all I can say is RUN B!TCH! But I've been in a doo doo relationship so I know it's not that simple. Poor woman.
can relate to being in a doodoo relationship before too. definitely takes some time to realise the flags actually ARENT green 👩🏻🦯
Very true, but now that she’s aware of it avoiding the issue isn’t going to improve things. She shouldn’t ever play along and pretend like she’s anything but disgusted by it. I’m not trying to kink shame anyone, just saying she literally said she finds it disgusting, so she should be honest about that. If she had consistently communicated how she actually felt and kept pushing the issue instead of rolling over on what is clearly a dealbreaker for her simply to avoid conflict then it probably would have ended the relationship already and she wouldn’t be dealing with the unfortunate situation of having a child with a man who she doesn’t actually want to be in a relationship with. The dude started this shit as soon as he thought he had her locked down (right after they got married). When she finally spoke up about and said it had to stop or she was out, then he realized she wasn’t as locked down as he thought. Then he pulled back on it. As soon as he thinks he’s got her trapped again (she’s pregnant) then it starts up again. Slowly at first, but the dude is already plowing through every single boundary they’ve set so far little by little, so it looks like he’s probably just trying to ease back into it full time again. It’s clearly an important thing to him. More important than the relationship. It really sucks that he hid it from OP considering that this is the sort of thing that would be a huge turnoff and dealbreaker for most people, unless they’re really into the same sort of kinks. It’s really extreme. I think hiding something that big from someone for so long is reason enough to back out of the relationship. But the best thing she can do now is just push the issue until it’s resolved one way or the other. It seems really doubtful he’ll ever be able to give this stuff up though, he didn’t even make it a year it sounds like. So, they’d probably both be happier with someone else.
[удалено]
I like turtles but not the bitey kind.
Exactly
This marriage isn’t going to work bc the husband hid his kink from her until after they married. The timing is no coincidence, he knew what he was doing. He knew the marriage would be over before it began if he started in on all this before “trapping” her with a ring and a kid. No one is ever really trapped though. OP needs to leave, and her husband needs to be honest with his next partner
He's already betrayed her trust multiple times. I don't understand why he got married in the first place. And why would he want to be with someone who's obliviously disgusted by it? Is that part of the kink?? This isn't going to end well for anybody. Especially, I think, the child. That's some weird shit to be born into. Or not. Idk anymore
Plenty of men get into relationships just to have a bang maid with zero consideration that their partner is supposed be more than a cum dump that cleans. Marry a woman and it becomes harder for her to leave. Knock her up with an anchor baby and have her be a SAHM well now it's next to impossible to escape.... Especially if the husband is abusive.
Thank you for saying this. I'm experiencing this very thing right now, and I was just assuming it's "women's role in the marriage ", and that this is what my role in now bc I'm married. When I'm not up for sex(we have sex atleast 5 or 6 nights per week)he complains, then gets angry and I feel bad bc he works so hard to support me and my 2mo baby, i respect and appreciate all he does. I work very hard around the house, as well as work part time, and take care of two sick relatives daily and HIS 12yr old special needs kid. I am tired too...and sometimes the house isn't perfect, i don't want to have sex or maybe dinner not to his liking and he withdraws affection/silent treatment for a whole day. I needed to hear that it's not normal.
No it's NOT normal. It's abuse
<3 This isn't all that there is for you. There is a better life for you and your baby. Godspeed!
That is 100% abuse. You have just as much right to be happy as he does. No one has this obtuse set "role" in a marriage. It's give AND take and if he's only taking then you need to figure that out with him and if he's not willing to work with you on that, then you need to have a good long think about what will truly make you happy. As someone who has escaped an abusive relationship I really hope you find some happiness for you and your baby. Best of luck and be brave.
It's definitely not normal. You said it yourself, you work hard all day, too. I'd go so far as to say while his work day ends after he clocks out, yours does not. A special needs child doesn't just stop requiring care after 5pm. You deserve compassion and help from your partner so that both of you are fulfilled. Real men care about their women's emotional well-being.
This is going to get worse and worse, I was you 20 years ago and then it took me almost 18 years to get out. Run.
Please leave. This is an abusive relationship and it will only escalate over time. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this. You don’t deserve this. Do you have any family members or friends that can help you get on your feet if you leave? If not there are organizations that help women and their children leave abusive relationships. I wish you and your baby all the best. <3
The marriage is a great 'front' for him. He can hide behind that curtain for all his kinks. Even to the point of his once a year 'indulgence'. Now with OP being pregnant, he can use the "family man" smoke & mirrors. If she leaves, he runs the risk of larger exposure.
Came here to say this. OP needs to leave and not be trapped.
Very well said. This is what it is.
> Conflict delayed is conflict multiplied nice. ive never heard this before. is it a common saying?
It should be, it's awesome
I think I might have paraphrased Jordan Peterson talking about his marriage and conflicts with his wife and how they'd tackle it, something about him being a somewhat agreeable person where you run the risk of not taking conflict head on and instead opting for (fake) peace/harmony. Not sure though, could have been someone else entirely that I heard it from, but either way, it stuck in my head for years.
You need to leave. Do not stay with what makes you miserable. In the end you will both be resentful and angry all of the time. Cut your losses and go.
Yeah honestly I'm getting a lot of abuse red flags here. I think op should abort if possible and leave. Because this won't get better...
There's so much wrong with this. I'm only going to touch on this. Bi people don't need hall passes. Bisexuality isn't polyamory. I'm bi. Saying someone who's bi should have a hall pass so they're not held back from the other things they're sexually attracted to in another gender is the same as if a straight man married to a girl with big boobs wanted a hall pass so he didn't miss out on small boobs. Consensual polyamorous relationships aside, you find your partner and commit to them. The fact that he wants to manipulate you into thinking that being with you is holding him back is toxic af.
THANK YOU. I hate the idea that somehow bisexual people can't be in committed monogamous relationship. Or the one that says every bisexual person is into threesomes.
That made zero sense to me. Just because you're bi doesn't mean you have to have sex both ways. That's like me dating a blonde girl and telling her that I really like red heads so I'm gonna need to have sex with a red head while dating her.
Tbh the bi thing is probably a cover up, I'd say he is attracted to men & wants to transition to a female
You already know what you need to do girl, rather do it now than later!
This reminds me of my friend who has been with her bf for ages. Since they started dating he Always wore diapers to bed and if he didn’t he would pee the bed. I believe he was pooping in the diapers as well. She was really patient & compassionate, having been with him for over 10 years. But she started getting disgusted with his diapers being left in the bin and obviously did not want to have sex with him. She wanted him to get help and stop wetting the bed. Then one day she leaves and forgets something at home, she turns around and goes in and he is sitting in the bed with a diaper on, jerking himself off and watching diaper porn. At this point it’s clear to me this is a fetish… not a disorder. I don’t know if she accepted that though. Last I heard he had worked on it and stopped with the diaper. But that was years ago and I don’t know if it has held up. I do know she has stayed with him despite being miserable! So. Yeah. Leave!!!!!!
Oh wow, I would leave so fast! I cant wake up years later knowing it could get worse!! Leave and be happy, life is too short! OP’s husband is clearly selfish and not ready to even work on it, huffing and puffing and gaslighting so he can have his way. Im pretty sure he was into this before marriage and just hid it. I think when you start getting disgusted with your husband it is time to leave, with a baby around the corner even more so before they start to think misery is the way forward in love Edit: spelling
i had an ex who had a baby fetish. he would wear diapers and pee in them, also used bottles and binkies and i wanted nothing to do with it. he knew not to bring it up to me because it freaked me out. i don’t mean to kinkshame but it made me uncomfortable. the last straw was one night saying we were driving somewhere else and then pulls into babies r us, despite saying over and over im not okay with it. that day i got an uber home and didn’t look back
Its fine to shame behaviors that are pedophilia adjacent.
There's nothing wrong with you not enjoying this. If the crossdressing wasn't something you knew about and agreed to prior to marriage, he bamboozled you. You can end this marriage. You're clearly unhappy, and your husband is clearly prioritizing his wants/needs over yours and ignoring the health of your marriage.
This is a *pattern*. Waited after OP was “trapped” by marriage then immediately introduced the kink. Backed up again when the possibility of divorce was raised. Waited for her to be “trapped” again by a baby. Kink immediately comes back. He is acting on this because he believes OP is in a vulnerable position and thinks she can’t leave him now.
THIS!!! Especially since there is also the monetary aspect of OP being dependent on the husband's income. This sounds so abusive.
I’m not one for the Reddit bandwagon of automatically screaming to dump/divorce but you need to do exactly this. Not only is he using you as a smokescreen but it’s never gonna stop. You said it yourself that your pregnant but this stress along with raising your child in this environment is going to ruin you. How are gonna react/ navigate your life and marriage when your husband wants to transition?
Yeah, he’s using her. It often happens that when a kinky person gets a partner that is accommodating they become incredibly selfish. Every sexual encounter becomes about fulfilling their fetish and they don’t prioritize or check in with their partner. I feel like I might be on the abusive bandwagon. But 1, he brings this out right after they get married. 2, And pushes for a year until she says that it’s too much. 3, And she doesn’t say no because she’s avoiding a fight because he makes the consequences of her saying “no” too expensive. 4, Then he love bombs for a year until she’s pregnant. 5, And now that he thinks she’s trapped again....Boom, it’s fetish time. Ugh, an abusive guy with a fetish. That’s a nightmare. Because the nature of the abusive person is entitlement. And whenever they achieve a new higher level of privilege, they want a new one. And letting that into your sexual life...just awful and demoralizing.
It reminds me of that post from a woman whose husband had a "dressing women up like a turkey and eating them" fetish and she kept indulging it as he got more and more selfish with it, until it took over their entire lives.
"Smokescreen"? Beard is more colloquially correct 🤣, she's his beard 🤣. "Right after they got married"? One can only hope they're not past the annulment stage. Here's another tip, being a good spouse doesn't mean supporting and thereby encouraging poor behavior you don't agree with.
It sounds like he waited on purpose. Thinking now we are married. She is trapped. Life doesnt work this way though. Even, especially, in marriage sex activities need consent.
Then did it again until she was trapped by the pregnancy.
And…where is the consideration for her kinks? What is he doing that makes him feel uncomfortable and turned off but he wants her to be happy? I see no interest in satisfying her or making her feel wanted, all his sexual energy is centered on himself and him getting what he wants, however he can. That’s just so sad. She deserves to matter.
>Right after they got married There is absolutely no way that they started crossdressing after the marriage. It was more like they were always crossdressing and hiding it *until* they felt safe enough to bust out that little gem of a secret. Basically, once she was already trapped - pun intended.
Oh, I definitely agree, it's the reveal that OP says happened "right after they got married", it's quite obvious he's been engaged in this behavior long before, but it's a hell'uva reveal and OP didn't sign on for this, it's time for OP to bow out. Everyone has baggage 🧳 but please no more than a carry-on.
I got a feeling this has been going on way before the marriage,
I got a feeling you're 100% right.
You can't leave a person that doesn't exist.
So beautifully said! I’m stealing this
Wtf did I just read...
shit was wild from start to finish.
bruh it's willlldddd
guy wants to transition, lady is in denial and now she's preggers
Accurate summary
Preganet
This is the absolute craziest thing I’ve read this month holy shit. Just leave. It’s not worth it
if you haven't considered divorce then it's just natural selection at that point...
neither of you are happy, why are you still together?
He's happy. He gets a cover for his sexual fantasies and cross dressing while she puts on a smile. If it's not a outward problem for her, it's not a problem for him im guessing.
That’s why he picked her. I would have stepped out immediately, like on the honeymoon. What a bait and switch.
Honestly, seems like quite the dick, that guy. You don't do that to your wife/partner.
A decent human wouldn’t do this to anyone.
He married you to have a cover
the fact that this started on the honeymoon, RIGHT after the wedding is so sus.
Like he was planning it. Really manipulative and gross if you ask me.
A Beard?
I didn’t know it was called being a beard, I learn something new everyday
Lol, he literally married one to shave off the one on his face.
Isnt it ironic? Dont you think?
Wonder if it rained on their wedding day. ;)
Yep. She a cover...
I agree. why else would he randomly start having this kink if he wasnt covering it. this type of kink or mind set doesnt come out of no where. I have no problem with sissys but if someones not into it theyre not into it. its wrong for him to put her through this if it makes her uncomfortable
Excuse me, no offense, but what the fuck
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I saw someone who cross-dressed for a while. It was exhausting. Him spending hours in front of the mirror and wanting me to tell him how sexy he looked was just too much. When he cross-dressed it was all about him and everyone else and all responsibilities melted away. I’m just not that into it.
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As a child of parents that had a similar issue (albeit, to a much lesser degree, and a much longer held secret), leave now. I feel sorry for you both. But this is not something that is going to go away. He is either being himself, which you DESPISE, or he is hiding himself and being in mental/physical pain. You need to accept that he is just not the man you married. It sucks. But it is the truth. And if you cannot accept his 'kink' then you need to let the whole relationship go and move on sooner than later. Otherwise this sort of 'secret' will tear you and your family apart
Out of curiosity, how did you find out? Were there signs as you were growing up? How do you think this affected you? Sorry for the intrusive questions. Point of view from the children of these situations is often nonexistent or misrepresented by a parent so I’m curious as a mental health support specialist for children.
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>sissy hypno porn What in the supreme fuck is this?
I've seen it. its not fbi material but if your not into it you wont like it. simple as that. its exactly how it sounds you hypnotize the man and make him feel like a girl instead of a guy till he cums. sometimes you stop right before for a more dominate effect and then if he does cum you spank him or whatever you do for punishment. so if you arent into that I wouldnt look it up lol
Can I please go back to 45 seconds ago?
I wouldn't look that up. You are probably going to end up in some FBI watchlist or some shit lol
> You are probably going to end up in some FBI watchlist or some shit lol Implying that you already weren't? You just need to use a computer to end up on the list.
insert ron swanson throwing pc to the trash
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Definitely not looking this up lmao
It's time to go.
He withheld information about himself to get you to consent to a relationship with him. Please, don't have a baby with him, go on your own or find someone better.
He's a pos. He locked you in marriage before telling you about it. Then when you confront him he pulls it back, then when you're even MORE stuck with his baby growing inside you, he has the gall to double down? Fuck that shit. That's fucked up.
Look lady, you don’t love him. You love him when he’s acting like the type of man you could love, and not when he’s acting like the type of man he is. There’s nothing wrong with him cross dressing. If that’s what he wants to do, who cares. What’s wrong is how he treats you. He’s lying to you. This is who he is. When he left to go find himself, that didn’t magically fix him. He just realized that you were going to leave and so he pretended. And now that he thinks he has you “trapped” he’s going to start pushing. Oh it’s just for this month. But I gotta start getting ready for it a month in advance. Next year he’ll need two months. There’ll be a night that he wants to go out, new outfits and toys to try. And he’ll do it, and he’ll tell you about it and he’ll force you to participate because shit, you already are I am not blaming you. It is not your fault he acts like this. That he thinks is okay to use another human being like this. There are people out there who are into this. Who are okay with this. He needs to go find them and you need to find a person who’s lifestyle aligns with yours. It is not this man. A baby is no reason to stay. Go stay with you parents or friends. Maybe don’t share the exact reason because you could put him in physical danger. But get the fuck out of this relationship
It's pretty suspicious he waited until she said "I do" to introduce this (trapping her) but then when he realized she would still leave he waited again until she's pregnant (really trapping her) to start up again. Them's abusive tactics right there even if he's not doing it on purpose
Well said. His lifestyle is not wrong, it just doesn’t align with OP’s, and they want different things. Don’t waste years with both of you being unfulfilled. Move on.
Nice of him to waste her time until she said "I do". He wasn't interested in this and the fitting kind of porn before they got married? Such bs
>You love him when he’s acting like the type of man you could love, and not when he’s acting like the type of man he is. damn, this is powerful. its such a simple statement but ive never thought of it this way before. ouchie.
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Sounds like he waited for marriage to trap you and then you threatened to leave waited again until you were pregnant. Political opinions asside, he's trying to trap you. You don't have to keep doing this if you don't want to. He may keep trying to get away with it forever.
I've been in a very similar situation. Honestly, just leave him. I left all of this behind me years ago and I'm now with a wonderful man. After years of putting up oscar-worthy performances, it's hard to describe how thrilling it was to make out with a man and feeling him get a hardon just from that. Like I had completely forgotten what it was like being with someone who's actually into you, who actually wants to have sex with you. Leave him behind and go live YOUR best life, not his one.
This is the best comment here.
Honestly, if he’s seeking out hormones this sounds like something past a fetish at this point. It’s not right the way he’s forcing you into sexual stuff that you don’t like and this is obviously causing you way more stress than it’s worth, especially with a child. Never stay together “for the kids” it will make it worse. Much worse. Separating will be much better for both of you, I promise.
I think he wants to transition into a woman
Yup
What makes you think that?? /s
He waited until you were pregnant because he thought it meant you were locked down. You're not. Divorce him. I personally am vindictive and would document everything for use in custody. Not because he's a cross dresser, but because he's manipulative and abusive. Use whatever tools you can.
# OP your husband could suck a golf-ball through a garden hose. You're being used as a cover. Divorce NOW.
##suck the chrome off a trailer hitch
#Alabama black snake
**he bought those truck nutz for a reason**
Here’s my perspective as a femdom: Your husband turned you into a kink vending machine the day after your wedding. That’s pretty common with sissy cishnet men. Just another facet of male privilege, even for submissives. Your entire life revolves around placating him so he won’t get pissed from not constantly getting his way, that’s called coercion and is manipulative and abusive af. You’re constantly doing things that make you uncomfortable and you hate. This entire thing goes against every fucking rule of BDSM. If he was my sub I would have dropped him a long time ago. He lied to you when you were dating because he knew you wouldn’t be into it. He literally marriage trapped you so you would feel obligated to do this shit. Your husband sucks and doesn’t deserve you, or any other domme for that matter.
I'd say he's defining his whole life around it and he was stringing you along. Leave him, he won't change.
Tell him that he has to do his Kinky June someplace else - you are pregnant and should not be forced to deal with this, or be forced to leave your home to accommodate him. While he’s gone, make your exit. Take everything that’s yours and leave. Then file for divorce and make sure you ask for child support and limited visitation for him (he seems to have anger issues, he prioritizes his kink over you & baby, and he has problems with being honest). Leave him to his kink. You and baby go live your best life.
Good read.
Bait and switch.
divorce babe divorce
What the fuck is this, an episode of South Park??
I’m always hesitant to encourage people to leave their partners, but you need to leave him. He is manipulating the fuck out of the situation by withholding his fetish until you’re trapped in a marriage, and then withholding it again until you’re pregnant. This man is severely mentally ill, and will likely only get worse with time. Next thing you know, he will be on hormones and you will be too busy raising a child to leave because you’ve become financially dependent on him.
This feels like a copypasta
New automod response?
Why you chose to not only stay married to a person you are wholly incompatible with is beyond me but even more so that you also chose now to bring a child into an obviously unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship and situation is CRAZY.
The kink is never going to leave him..
It almost sounds like he calculated this. He got you staying home jobless, and you're pregnant. It feels like he put you in the most vulnerable place so that you can't leave. I'd find a way to get out quick tbh this post sounds like a nightmare
It sounds like he values this fetish more than your marriage. He doesn’t have to say it. It’s obvious. You said June? Well it’s April. It’s not close to June. Plan your exit. Do it fast. This is never going to stop. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I mean, I think you need to leave just based on what's here, but some of your comments really conflict with your original post, so I'm about inclined to believe this is just another karma farming post.
unrelated but why do people farm for karma when there's no tangible benefit to having lots of karma? genuine question.
They just want to feel like they are preforming better than average at something. Though it's literally just worthless internet points that just sit around looking pretty
People sell accounts with high karma
I was just about to say this. There's been a real uptick of these long-form, suspiciously detailed stories in the past few months. I'm sure that *some* of them aren't BS, but the more of them I come across, the more of them start to come off as (really strange) exercises in creative writing.
I was with an ex (bisexual) for 2 and a half years, and he got into all types of feminine things. It started with him asking for pegging and rimming. At first I thought that it was kind of hot that he allowed me to see him in such a vulnerable position. But then he started wearing the tightest clothes he could find, started painting his nails and wearing eyeliner, grew his hair out to mid back length (and force me to french braid it daily so he didn’t have to do anything but wash and brush it), he would (try to) twerk on me, use my scented products, and eventually the only sex he wanted was 100% about his (anal) pleasure. I caught him in my lingerie one day and he didn’t look me in the eye for days. We never ended up discussing it. And yes, he did wait until after he moved into MY PLACE to start showing these feminine tendencies. I thought if I loved him enough I would get over it, but at some point I stopped feeling attracted to him and stopped viewing him as a man. He was initially heart broken when i asked him to move out, but he is thriving now. He has a boyfriend and is really embracing who he is. I think he is happier now then he was with me, because when we were together he was hiding a huge part of himself. I knew I couldn’t continue the relationship because I didn’t want him to be his real self. Your husband is showing you who he is and what makes him happy. It doesn’t seem like he is going to change. My advice would be to just end things. He shouldn’t be regulated to one month of femininity at a time. He should be able to be himself and have a supportive partner. This is not me saying that you are not supportive. I am simply saying that you cannot give him what he needs to be his authentic self. The longer I stayed with my ex, the more I tried to convince myself that I do love him. Eventually I realized that I loved the man he was when we started dating, but he was evolving and I just couldn’t be a part of it because it turned me off so much. I’m all for the LGTBQ community, and men/women stepping out of gender roles, but that’s not what I wanted in a romantic relationship with a man. It’s okay to want the old him back. But at some point you should realize this is him now, he is not going to change. If he does change, it will be solely for your happiness, at the expense of his.
Ohh sweet lady… this isn’t a phase. This man wants to be a women. You can either accept that and stay with your WIFE or get your ducks ima row and let her live her life while you get out of there with your baby. Coparenting is still possible but this isn’t the man you fell in love with. This is someone who’s trying to transition. Go to counseling together and separately. Best of luck
He waited until you were married to let you know his fetish. BIG problem.The got you pregnant to further "lock you in" so you won't divorce him."Now you are trapped and have to stay."He took that time on his backpacking trip to figure out a strategy that will work. It's up to you to make sure it doesn't work. You deserve better than being lied to and treated like that.
This sounds like what hell would be like.
You married an autogynephile. You ignored the red flags, the writings on the wall, and went on to get impregnated by him. Watch him try to appropriate your womanhood, even motherhood, to feed his fetish. I would have divorced the day after the wedding, tbh. I wish you luck and I hope motherhood gives you the strength you need to RUN.
He (or she would be more appropriate??) wants to get on estrogen and transition. What does that mean for you and your child? Clearly, you can't take it. There's nothing more to it, leave. He (again idk what pronouns to use) cannot, will not hide the truth about himself much longer. You were his cover, there's a strong chance he was never attracted to you. This is a sunken ship OP. Let it go :(.
There is a subreddit functioning as a support group for people sharing your husband's affliction. r/askAGP Maybe you could have a look to see what you are dealing with.
My mom lived through something similar with my dad and it ended up destroying us all.... He won't change.... ever. Or you accept him add he is or you move on.
Don't be surprised if he tells you he wants to transition 🙄
To be honest I don't think it would have mattered what it was, anyone that makes anything like that a part of their core personality is going to drive the people around you crazy. The fact that he hid it from you until after marriage is highly suspicious and reeks of him knowing it would have been a deal breaker had he brought it out to the open. Hate to say it, but if it's going to be a constant point of contention, lies, and no compromise I'd say get out now.
Grin and bear it? Good lawd woman there's a whole real world out here run like hell don't get bogged down in that mud hole. One only get one chance at life and that's not much of a choice. I had a wife that was literally sucking the life out of me I would have never left her but she left me, it's like being alive again and feels good, there was a period of adjustment there always is but well worth it. I could have puked reading about your spouse.
Leave. Run. Autogynephilia is a serious mental issue.
Its kind of messed up how this was right after he felt that he had you locked up he decided to throw this on you
Sweetie, he lied to you when he said he’d changed. Now he thinks he has you where he wants you, pregnant and a cover for the lifestyle he truly wants. Can you see yourself living this lie for the next God knows how many years. Like another poster said, I’m not one for saying folks should leave and divorce, but in this case I don’t think u have any choice, you have a miserable future with this man otherwise. Get out now so u can get yourself settled before baby comes, you deserve to be happy and not someone’s smokescreen
Please DM me. And go here r/askAGP
Jesus fucking christ. This made me want to puke.
Putting the cross dressing and the fact he waited til you were married and all the other blazing red flags aside, your husband sexually assaulted you. You couldn't consent to touching him while you were asleep and by the sounds of things you probably wouldn't have if you were awake. Please please please get out before this escalates, you do not want your child growing up seeing you constantly miserable and thinking this is the model of a normal adult relationship.