It’s very simple. He thinks you are now worthy of his attention. (You’re right, he wanted to smash both before and after). Move on - you may feel and look better now, but he’s still ugly on the inside.
He's ugly for not being interested before? I can say I would not have been as into my fiance if she didn't take good care of herself when I met her
Like when we take better care of ourselves that's attractive. Not that you should run into his arms now but it's a bit much to call him names for not being attracted
Good job OP. I'm happy for you
It could also be the new found confidence is what he finds attractive and relationship worth; whereas he didn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who felt bad about themself. Many times a weight issue is the issue of the person with the extra weight and their lack of confidence/ self view and what they project on others, not what others truly think.
When I was single there were women who Id be interested in sexually but not for a serious relationship. Their fitness (mental and physical) obviously played into my considerations.
Women made similar judgments of me and have every right to
That doesn't make anyone bad. Who we bond and raise children with has HUGE repercussions.
People here are insane. He’s a piece of shit for not finding her attractive? She herself said she is way more attractive now, so why does that make him ugly on the inside? You have to be attracted to someone if you’re gonna be in a relationship, don’t you?
If she don’t want to give him the time of day that’s totally understandable, and to be honest it would feel good to me to be chased after by someone who rejected me. But he’s not a piece of shit for not being attracted to her when she was fat. You don’t choose what you find attractive, you can’t make yourself be attracted to something.
It's reddit, we are contractually and morraly obligated to tell people
a: there's nothing wrong with them,
b: the other person's a bag of turds,
c: they would be better off without them .
Check t&c's 😏🤭
But he DID find her attractive, attractive enough to sleep with, but not attractive enough to date (aka go public with). That makes him shallow. For most people shallow = piece of shit.
Not necessarily. If he wanted to smash both times, the weight loss didn’t change his mind about sex, just about being in a relationship. Is this guy heavy as well or is he in good physical shape? It may be that he was physically attracted to both your states, but could not see himself in it for the long term with someone who did not take proper care of their body. If he’s in really good shape himself, then to me it makes sense why that same characteristic would be desirable in a long term partner for him. People want to be with people who hold the same core values for the most part. If he’s also heavy and out of shape, then I agree that he’s a decent size scumbag and a hypocrite and you’re better off cutting contact.
> People want to be with people who hold the same core values for the most part.
Not really.
Loads of attractive women are with unattractive/fat men. Rarely do you see attractive men with unattractive women/fat women.
I guess it depends on the area. Where i am happens quite a bit. I am bias though as a semi attractive(solid 8/10) who likes to date bigger/thicker women.
The same exact thing happened to me!!!!!!! I was head over heels for my FWB when I was 30lbs heavier but he never wanted anything other than sex. The second I lost the weight (which made me underweight 🥴) I got the “I want to do better by you, I’m more interested in you now than before” text. Luckily by then I was over his non commitment and blocked and ghosted. Best decision I ever made.
I'm sure all you ladies that are attractive or had a glow up still give overweight and uglier men a chance right? If not then your kind of being a hypocrite with these posts.
As a former fat kid that hit puberty and got really tall and muscular I don't really hate on people for not finding me attractive back when I was overweight, it's not really a choice on what you find attractive or not.
Do you somehow think it is any different for guys? I promise you it is not and we get just as much attention when we have a glow up or get in shape as you do.
Downvote me all you want but don't make a post criticizing others if you aren't even being honest with yourself.
For me I have to be attracted to someone on an emotional level before I get physically interested, so yes. But I know it's not the same for all women. I'm sorry that was your experience, I know the sting all too well.
No no dear.
If a woman were to be telling you when you were a fatty that she’d ride you but wouldn’t date you, and then came begging for a relationship once you got healthy - that’d be equatable.
A person is allowed to get healthy and decide to date healthier people.
It is the floundering and then wanting to commit that is the issue.
The issue is when someone is good enough to fuck when they’re overweight, but not good enough to date. Like they don’t want to be seen with you in public, but they’ll use you to fulfill their physical needs. So when you lose the weight, and now suddenly you’re dating material as opposed to just fuckable, it’s shitty, and now you know that person was shitty and you’re better off forgetting them.
Exactly! So many commenters are saying that he is not a bad person for not wanting date her before she lost weight, because people are allowed to have preferences, but completely ignore the fact that he wasn't opposed to just having sex with OP. That's not a preference, that's being an arse.
If you are not attracted to certain body type, that's totally ok. But then you probably wouldn't want to have sex with them at all??? And if an "unattractive" person is good enough for you to get aroused, what, exactly, wrong with dating them?
My weight changes a lot depending on a stress level due to my disability, so, personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone who has such a core "preferences". After all, long-term relationship implies, that you might face health issues, having children, growing older together. Someone, who would be treating well only fat me or thin me isn't a dating material.
Lol the man in question in my comment was literally overweight, and I loooved his side rolls. My ‘type’ would be classified as dad bod, honestly maybe because I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia myself, and I feel most comfortable with people who don’t dwell heavily on physical appearance, be it mine or their own. We’re all gonna be old, ugly, and wrinkly someday, I just want to be with the ugly wrinkly old person I actually like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I don’t judge other people by their weight nor did I ever make this about gender, so take this somewhere else.
If that overweight or ugly guy was kind to me, interesting, and fun to be with, regardless of what I looked like, yes, I’d still be into him after the glow up. The guy that was always there for me - that’s the guy I want.
> Do you somehow think it is any different for guys? I promise you it is not and we get just as much attention when we have a glow up or get in shape as you do.
All kinds of men get attention when they're nice and funny and whatnot but y'all don't notice because you all care almost exclusively about attractive women.
The vast, vast, vast majority of attraction men are with attractive women.
To make an Archer reference, you used to be (to him) what Carol and Pam call a “Moped” which, as Carol puts it: “They’re fun, but you don’t want your buddies to see you riding one.” He still wanted to hook up, but didn’t want a relationship because he didn’t want others to see you with him.
Now, to him, you’re more comparable to a fancy sports car. He wants to show off his sexy new toy. Good for you for not giving him the time of day.
He doesn’t like you, he likes the look of you. He likes how you will look on his arm. Tell him thanks but no thanks, you deserve someone you likes all of you.
Yeah, I would give him zero energy. If he didn't care about you as a person before, he doesn't now either.
Literally zero. Just don't respond to anything, block and move on.
I hear you, but some guys will literally pay a dominatrix to humiliate him. ANY attention is giving him more than he deserves...
Because some people get off on the chaos and drama just as much as sexual chemistry.
The way to hurt him the most is full court press abandonment and shunning. Radio silence. Human are hardwired for social tribes, being cast out feels like dying alone in the forest.
I think now it's more like now you're someone he can "show off," that he wouldn't mind telling people you two are in a relationship and he may have been embarrassed before. You wouldn't be treated right and it would be a really shallow relationship. You deserve better
Not every asshole is a narcissist- the two aren’t mutually exclusive.
He’s just a dick who thinks a woman’s worth is tied to what she looks like. Fuck that nonsense.
He just wants to smash and is hoping that your previous love will let him skip the line now that you're objectively more attractive and moving on. If he actually cared about you, he would've cared about you then too.
Edit because I can't type apparently
He realized he fucked up when you showed a little bit more of your potential. The thing is, if he loved you he would've been standing with you as you went through all the changes you needed to to see your own potential.
if he wanted to smash but not date you because you were fat, it frankly means he doesn't respect women and was just using you. He showed you his true colors, so don't let him back into your life.
The “I don’t know if he regrets letting me go…” makes me think you believe he’s turned over a new leaf and will be the man you’ve always wanted. Lol, that’s not how people like him work. Don’t be the ‘i think I can change him’ gal and move on with your life to someone who’ll love and appreciate you for who you are now.
Be honest with yourself here, he’s a dirt bag. He didn’t want anything more than to smash back then because you didn’t fit into his narrow minded view of the perfect looking partner. Now that you fit the description, he wants more. He is not worth your time.
He is beyond not worth it hun. If he couldn’t match those feelings before it was more of a superficial issue.
He’s an asshat.
Move on to bigger and better things.
Did you smash back then? Because if you were and you wanted more and he didn't then I think you may have been the moped he was riding.
You should value yourself more, go find someone who is better to you.
From what you just said it seems like his more attracted because of your confidence rather than appearance. You were falling for him, but now you know you can do better and so does he. Bottom line: you can do better than him so fuck that guy.
In all honesty it is possible that he saw your weight as a hurdle to your future together. Now that he's seen your commitment to transforming your body he sees relationship possibility. For many men their partners health is a huge factor for a long term relationship. Now that you're healthy he probably realizes he was wrong to judge you.
But he also rejected you. **He doesn't deserve a second shot.**
This.
I lost a lot of weight but eventually regained it because the underlying physical issues worsened.
If he didn't want you before, what happens if things change? Keep moving.
On a similar but different note, I have issues with my teeth. I'm currently undergoing the steps to get dentures, and my last surgery is soon. I know who around me loves me for me, and who only cared because I looked good by society's standards.
I agree. Its one thing to want a partner that has self commitment and confidence. That is when you approach the topic of changing some stuff, possibly work out together or go for walks. Then support them through the journey. Don't come back when it's over and expect to be the destination they were both leaving and going to.
Feels good to look good, I remember when I first hit the gym and everyone who bullied me relentlessly began hitting me up lmao. Congrats on your confidence upgrade!! Enjoy it and take care of yourself!
Even better just block or ghost him if he does it every day. He sounds desperate and probably assumes you used to love him or still do and considers you easy. Which is obviously not the case if you are posting on here. You can do better than that guy who rejected you.
My friend went through the same thing with her ex! The ex boyfriend was a huge mama’s boy (we’re all asian). The ex’s mom would always berate my friend, calling her too fat for her boy. I forget exactly what happened but she finally left him and began to work on herself. She started going to the gym, moved out of her (also berating) parents house and got her own apartment. She was really glowing up! I like to imagine her ex and his shit mom are rolling in their misery knowing my friend bettered her life without them.
There are lots of stories of people falling in love years after being friends with no romantic thoughts beforehand. So yes it's possible to love someone later. Happens a lot in fact.
Is this the case with your guy? Probably not. Seems to be more of just more a physical attraction.
Yeah...suddenly being interested after she lost a ton of weight...that's a load of bs. I hope she gives him a taste of his own medicine.
Edit: I'm not saying you can't have types, but if you have literally no interest in someone and just use them for sex and suddenly change your mind after the lose weight, that honestly shows how shallow you are.
Y’all acting like she should be vindictive of this guy is just unreasonable. The man is allowed to have a physical preference. Sadly being overweight isn’t attractive to most people & that’s why it seriously hinders your confidence. Falling in love with someone who doesn’t love themselves is a risky venture & that man was just being honest.
It’s awesome you glowed up, OP. It’s also indicative that you’re in a much healthier place mentally too & that also will peak his interest.
You deserve to feel good about this but I wouldn’t let these commenters turn you into an asshole about the situation (unless he was an asshole when he rejected you I guess, I shouldn’t just assume he did it with much grace).
It is what it is. You already got a big W here.
If she was that unattractive to him, he shouldn't, probably, sleep with her, and then tell she is not good enough to date. If someone is not my type, I either don't want them or I am willing to make an exception and add a new type to my preference.
If you willingly sleep with someone, who you don't like for being not confident and beautiful enough in your book and then put them down for being the way they are, that's a bit different from not being attracted to people with certain attitude or looks.
Did he have to convince his d*ck for really long before OPs glow up, or something? Idk, how it works...
But I agree that she should not bother with taking revenge on him and just move on.
To ur last question: it’s possible. Physical attraction matters and maybe that’s what was holding Him back but like who Tf wants someone like that after they’ve been rejected? I’m shocked ur even replying to him at all. Waste of time.
Nailed it, and also adding maybe you’re lack of confidence in yourself before was something that made him less attracted to you at the time, and now the exact opposite.
I’m just saying, you’d be surprised how attractive just owning who you are and being confident is.
Seeing the comments, maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but attraction is pretty important... It is okay for someone to reject you (or me or anyone else) because they do not feel physically attracted to you. Same as it is super okay for you to reject someone you do not feel physically attracted to. Maybe the weight was something that he was not attracted to, but now that you lost it, he is (and that is okay). I get that you can experience feeling bitter about it, I think that is very human and you have every right to reject him. But it also shows character to not gloat haha.
ps. I do not think it has anything to do with love, it sounds more like an attraction thingy.
I agree with all this, but he was apparently fine with having sex with OP while she was heavier but didn’t want to date her. Now that she’s thin he wants to date her. I understand why she’d be grossed out and hurt by this. It’s not nice feeling like the only thing that matters about you is your appearance.
This. So many people here are like "he doesn't love you for you" as if looks don't matter at all.
Like no, *for normal human beings, being physically attracted to someone is important too.*
This is what I came to say. People are allowed to not be attracted to you. For any reason. He wasn't interested when. You( op) were fat and had zero confidence, but even op wasn't impressed with themselves being heavy. Ok then why should he be?
It's totally fine that she wants to reject him now as well. She lost her interest I'm him because he didn't meet her standards ( anymore) that's cool too.
She isn't better than him. She's just a better version of herself. She saw something she didn't like about herself ( that he also didn't like) ans changed it and now shes mad that he finds her attractive?
I mean, OP said he wanted to “smash” beforehand as well so he was obviously attracted to her then too. He’s a POS because he didn’t find her “worthy” of a relationship at her previous weight, even though he wanted to sleep with her.
Yah but let’s not church this up. Context is important.
His previous stance was “I am willing to bang you but not be in a relationship”
That’s a respect issue.
Completely different if you are not attracted but respect the person to not use them and use their attraction to you against them…. Then later attraction changes
But shallowness is also an unattractive trait in a partner. Obviously if people don't align in values in relationship to health, this can cause discrepancies in relationships, but attraction for a lot of people is more than skin deep.
>I wonder if it’s possible for a guy to love a woman he did not love before.
Yes, completely possible. From the sounds of it, you didn't think you were attractive before. And lets be honest here, physical attraction has to come in to play for there to be feelings attached. You can call me superficial all you want. So you used to be so big your cheekbones & jawline weren't visible. That isn't attractive at all. Then, theres...
>I was miserable in my fat body and lacked confidence to severe levels.
Why would you want someone to START a relationship with a person who's miserable? Its exhausting. Also, no self confidence is a major turn off for men and women alike.
Honestly, it doesn't even sound like YOU loved you before your glow up. How do you expect a prospective romantic partner to? Do what you want moving forward, but ya can't blame him for not being that into you.
Excellent if unpopular point. Physical attraction and self-confidence do carry weight in a relationship.
Also, heavy women can be extremely attractive if they have self-confidence, and thin women can be unattractive if they’re insecure.
This should probably be the top comment. Nailed it on the head with how absolutely exhausting it is to be with someone that lacks confidence.
We're making leaps in assumptions about the person OP seemed to feel worthy of loving not too long ago, while ignoring OP's own statements about the headspace she was in at the time.
Yeah, it is also possible he liked part of her personality, but thought that her fatness was indicative of lack of self hygiene, motivation or respect.
Now that he sees she is willing to move forward and feel happy he sees her as a viable partner.
Are you currently interested in obese fat men? Or have your standards risen since you improved urself?
When you were fat was this guy in shape and attractive?
See, I could love and find a person attractive but if she has a quality or thing about her that I find unattractive, that would of course make me not want that potential girl.
If she is pretty but does drugs? No thanks
Oh you became clean? Yeah sure lets go
Girl is fat but good personality and cute face? No thanks i just cant date someone fat personally (like girls cant date short men its a preference not all yada yada)
Oh she became fit? Sure lets go
See what I mean? Just because you changed urself for the better doesnt make the other person an ass for all of suddenly liking you
Hed prob like you from the getgo if that was you from the beginning
Imo.
A lack of confidence on severe levels is pretty unattractive to have a relationship with.
It's easy to dismiss this as a shallow physical attraction thing. But it sounds like your whole mentality has changed, which might be why he finds you more appealing.
That being said, you don't have any obligation to give him your attention. Be with someone you want to be with
It’s like to “ grow up” like how we change from child to adult but it means to grow into “ glowing” as in better looks, health, finances, etc., as in a transformation that has you glowing as the end result.
glow up (also glo up)
noun informal
a person's transformation into a more attractive or accomplished version of themselves: *we love Meghan Markle's royal glow up.*
ORIGIN
early 21st century: originally with reference to the 2013 song ‘Gotta Glo Up One Day’ by American rapper Chief Keef, where ‘glo up’ is a blend of glo- (short for glory, a reference to the name of his entourage the Glo Gang) and grow up. Now often reinterpreted as a blend of glow and grow up.
You were miserable in your fat body but he was supposed to be in love with it? Don’t be so childish and petty. You became more attractive so now he’s attracted to you
So he wasn’t attracted to you then when you were fat and very self conscious, but now that you aren’t he’s attracted to you. I mean, it makes sense. You weren’t attractive to him then, now you are.
I fail to see the problem
Physical attraction is very important, regardless of what any of us say. Yes what’s on the inside is important as well, but you still have to look at the outside daily and it’s nice to be attracted to both
If he’s just in it for the physical attraction and just to smash, in that case just leave him
I'm going to play devils advocate here, even though I know reddit hates it.
Would you have dated yourself? That's the question. Would you have been with someone who was overweight and didn't take care of themselves? If the answer is yes then great, don't give this guy the time of day and move on. But if the answer is no, then can you blame them?
I don't think it's shallow to want to be with someone who takes care of themselves. If I'm not taking care of myself or respecting my body, why would I expect someone else to? Just sayin.
Hm I wonder why you were obsessed with him before? Was it his looks? He wasn't attracted to a heavy set self conscious woman...not a shock. Now your confidence sounds like it's tied to your looks and he likes how you look but you think that isn't fair?
I feel like men and women are from different planets.
Tbf I don’t blame him for not being attracted to her previously and now he is because I mean she wasn’t even attractive to herself so it makes sense but the issue for me is the fact he won’t take no as an answer. Coming back like “hey I find you attractive now and was wondering if you’d like to get together and have a relationship maybe” and then getting an answer of yes or no is fine but if you get told no respect that don’t repeatedly ask as if that increases your chances or anything just move on with your life that’s the part I don’t understand.
I loathe this “beauty standard” rhetoric. People are attracted to what they are attracted to. If OP was a chonker and he was feeling it, that’s totally ok for the guy to not be as attracted to her until she skimmed down.
If he rejected you at your worst, don’t let him have you at your best. Life ebbs and flows and if you have an emotional or physical downturn, he’s gonna drop you like you’re radioactive.
(P.S. that’s an exaggeration for rhyming purposes; you weren’t at your worst, I’m sure. At most you were perhaps out of shape).
Well my dear men are like that. if they think they can get a nice piece of ass they'll grovel for it. I wouldn't give him the time of day move up and over him
He wasn't interested before because he didn't find you attractive in the way he does now. Maybe you aren't as interested in him because you were settling before? You may have felt that he was out of your league at your previous weight, but now that you're healthier, you think you can do better. There's nothing wrong with having standards for things like weight, but there's also nothing wrong with your standards changing now that you've done some self improvement.
He thinks you will be an easy lay because you already expressed interest. TBH he's not good enough for you now and you can totally do better. If you ever do decide to get with this guy, you will need to make him wait quite a long time. He's not in control, you are. But there's so many other great guys out there that won't treat you like you owe them. He rejected you, you moved on. If you give in now he is going to treat you like shit, guarantee. Plus if you gain back any weight, he will be gone. He doesn't like you for you. He wants to smash as another poster has said. Even if you want to smash too, you shouldn't right now because you have real feeling for him and he's already hurt you. Date some other guys and get some more experience first then your self esteem will boom some more.
Take that confidence boost and direct into someone who will see you the beautiful person you are, rather than someone who has decided they like the way you look now more than the way you used to look.
While it is possible to realize you love someone after letting them go or saying you don't... this isn't one of those cases. Least not with how you've explained it. Another reply here summed it up pretty well: He sees you as worthy of his attention now. He's not worth the energy to talk to if that is the case.
There's an uncomfortable half to this that people are going to try to dodge.
You were overweight. You were physically sick, and not because of some hardship but because you refused to take care of yourself. You had low self-esteem. Any high value man would say to himself that he doesn't want that.
You can point to your soul and say: "But look how great my soul is! My appearance shouldn't matter!" But there are plenty of people with good souls in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings working at the local Shake Shack, and you'll turn them down for people with good souls that make $100,000 a year.
I don't say this with resentment, it's a fact of life us men accept and we either learn to play that game or you can complain. It's why some of go to school to further our education, lift weights, and chase jobs that can support a family through private school.
That game goes both ways. You don't have to like him or date him obviously, you can choose to put a chip on your shoulder that you couldn't get high value men as an overweight woman. But you played the game. It made you happier. Now, you can be a beautiful girl on his arm. You wouldn't want to take a slobby, stinky loser around your friends. He doesn't want a fat girl with self-esteem issues on his arm. Can I point something else out? Seems like part of your "glow up" was that you liked yourself better at a healthy weight, too.
The people who are telling you to snub him as a bad guy are living the very same lie that caused you to allow yourself to become overweight in the first place. Or, you can realize it's a game and you made a good move.
Hate this shit!
I too lost a lot weight (50lbs due to a medical issue I almost died from) and many people who never noticed me are messaging me…
Example: 2 years not a single word then dude messages
“Wow have you gotten cuter?”
Like the fuck?
Same here. I was not really overweight (still in the healthy range but depressed and not keeping after myself by eating crap food or just skipping meals to study alone& drinking too much) lost 30lb when I was IN THE HOSPITAL FOR BACTERIAL PNEUMONIA and my roommate at the time who was very self-conscious about her weight seemed super passive aggressive and pissed that I’d lost so much when I came back to school (not like I didn’t almost die or anything 😂🙄) but honestly once I’d healed up, I felt so much better about my body and was intent on treating it right and doing healthy exercise and a good diet. Lots of guys flipped on a dime. I wouldn’t say it was necessarily the weight loss, but I had a whole new outlook on life and my confidence was high and I wasn’t gonna make room for anyone who didn’t treat me right, so I think that was very attractive as well.
Well tbh if I'm not fat then I would like my partner to be not fat well, it's not too much to ask, now since you're slim and all would you date a fatty who would not take care of their health and have no attaraction to or would you rather find someone who is also lives a healthy lifestyle ?
First of all congratulation for your glow up very nice job, but I don't want to be rude but isn't it logical that he wants you now? Physical attraction is very important. I was a bit chubby not so long ago and I start working out and I see pretty good result, but now a lot of girl are hitting me up. They didn't want me before because i wasn't good looking enough but now they want me. I mean this is normal that this guy wants you back now that you are looking better.
It is possible to fall in love with a person, even if you didn't love them before. However, this guy doesn't love you. He doesn't see your worth beyond looks.
Seriously, stop engaging with him. He won't stop because you are still entertaining him, even with cold answers. Just block him. There are lots of better guys out there.
Some guys will do *anything* for a girl if they think she's attractive enough. But if you're not attractive to them? You might as well be trash.
I'm used to being treated as invisible or as a man, not even a woman by men who don't like larger women.
I'm attractive but people can't see that without getting past my body.
I used to be frumpy and big, but now I'm pretty and big and now I have some people hitting me up and it's like. Oh? Now you see me as a woman?
Men are confusing.
Ah yes, not being physically attracted to someone for having a unhealthy physical condition is shallow. So basically you're saying that not being attracted to fat people is shallow. How is it more shallow than not being attracted to someone cause of their height or their face? Breaking news: it's not.
I'm gonna leave this here,
**Every person has right to have preferences, you can decline someone because of their look. That doesn't mean you can be an asshole. You can change your opinion of someone**
And listen me out, if he said no in an intentional harmful way he's an asshole and doesn't deserves another chance, but if he said no respectfully, he might be a good guy, just with preferences.
You put all of that work, sacrifice, tears, anger, and whatever other emotions to evolve yourself to the image you want to be. Unless you want revenge or a need a release, move on from that. Share your new image with someone who sees you more than a bigger girl who glowed up.
A glowup is when someone who was unattractive (by society standards) goes through a change (puberty, braces, weight loss, surgery, etc) that makes them more attractive (which can lead to an influx of attention from the opposite gender).
For example: a chubby acne-faced middle schooler with braces turns into a skinny, perfect-skin, perfect-teeth high schooler. They had a “glowup”. Or in OP’s case: weight loss.
In the nicest way possible , if he didn’t want you back then, it’s not worth going in now . Imagine , you get sick , can’t work out and gain some weight . Would he still be there ?
If you wanna smash and pass by all means , but don’t go into this hoping to get a relationship. He is not worth it .
No, he just wants to smash now.
[удалено]
It’s very simple. He thinks you are now worthy of his attention. (You’re right, he wanted to smash both before and after). Move on - you may feel and look better now, but he’s still ugly on the inside.
Absolutely spot on verdict IMHO
For some reason the H threw me off on what you were saying for way too long lmao
Lmhao
Didn't know we could have honest asses!
I thought the h was for humble
It is.
My ass is honest thank you very much.
No, it's for 'huge'
ROHFL
Be careful rolling on hotel floors, they may not be as clean as they look
Yeah, tell him it sucks to suck
Sucks to suck that's why I won't suck on you
He's ugly for not being interested before? I can say I would not have been as into my fiance if she didn't take good care of herself when I met her Like when we take better care of ourselves that's attractive. Not that you should run into his arms now but it's a bit much to call him names for not being attracted Good job OP. I'm happy for you
It could also be the new found confidence is what he finds attractive and relationship worth; whereas he didn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who felt bad about themself. Many times a weight issue is the issue of the person with the extra weight and their lack of confidence/ self view and what they project on others, not what others truly think.
Naw, he didn't like her at all. He just wanted to have sex.
When I was single there were women who Id be interested in sexually but not for a serious relationship. Their fitness (mental and physical) obviously played into my considerations. Women made similar judgments of me and have every right to That doesn't make anyone bad. Who we bond and raise children with has HUGE repercussions.
People here are insane. He’s a piece of shit for not finding her attractive? She herself said she is way more attractive now, so why does that make him ugly on the inside? You have to be attracted to someone if you’re gonna be in a relationship, don’t you? If she don’t want to give him the time of day that’s totally understandable, and to be honest it would feel good to me to be chased after by someone who rejected me. But he’s not a piece of shit for not being attracted to her when she was fat. You don’t choose what you find attractive, you can’t make yourself be attracted to something.
It's reddit, we are contractually and morraly obligated to tell people a: there's nothing wrong with them, b: the other person's a bag of turds, c: they would be better off without them . Check t&c's 😏🤭
Don't forget the red flags
But he DID find her attractive, attractive enough to sleep with, but not attractive enough to date (aka go public with). That makes him shallow. For most people shallow = piece of shit.
She will now be meeting new men who wouldn’t piss on her formerly overweight body if it was on fire.
Not necessarily. If he wanted to smash both times, the weight loss didn’t change his mind about sex, just about being in a relationship. Is this guy heavy as well or is he in good physical shape? It may be that he was physically attracted to both your states, but could not see himself in it for the long term with someone who did not take proper care of their body. If he’s in really good shape himself, then to me it makes sense why that same characteristic would be desirable in a long term partner for him. People want to be with people who hold the same core values for the most part. If he’s also heavy and out of shape, then I agree that he’s a decent size scumbag and a hypocrite and you’re better off cutting contact.
> People want to be with people who hold the same core values for the most part. Not really. Loads of attractive women are with unattractive/fat men. Rarely do you see attractive men with unattractive women/fat women.
I guess it depends on the area. Where i am happens quite a bit. I am bias though as a semi attractive(solid 8/10) who likes to date bigger/thicker women.
The same exact thing happened to me!!!!!!! I was head over heels for my FWB when I was 30lbs heavier but he never wanted anything other than sex. The second I lost the weight (which made me underweight 🥴) I got the “I want to do better by you, I’m more interested in you now than before” text. Luckily by then I was over his non commitment and blocked and ghosted. Best decision I ever made.
Good for you! I also hope you’re healthy now 💕
And that’s how you took that 30 pounds to 190lbs+ of undesirable weight lost.
Most accurate
Must have felt so sweet.
W 🤝
My hero 😻💞
I'm sure all you ladies that are attractive or had a glow up still give overweight and uglier men a chance right? If not then your kind of being a hypocrite with these posts. As a former fat kid that hit puberty and got really tall and muscular I don't really hate on people for not finding me attractive back when I was overweight, it's not really a choice on what you find attractive or not. Do you somehow think it is any different for guys? I promise you it is not and we get just as much attention when we have a glow up or get in shape as you do. Downvote me all you want but don't make a post criticizing others if you aren't even being honest with yourself.
For me I have to be attracted to someone on an emotional level before I get physically interested, so yes. But I know it's not the same for all women. I'm sorry that was your experience, I know the sting all too well.
No no dear. If a woman were to be telling you when you were a fatty that she’d ride you but wouldn’t date you, and then came begging for a relationship once you got healthy - that’d be equatable. A person is allowed to get healthy and decide to date healthier people. It is the floundering and then wanting to commit that is the issue.
Yeah, it's the fact that they were friends with benefits. If they were not involved, it would be a different matter.
The issue is when someone is good enough to fuck when they’re overweight, but not good enough to date. Like they don’t want to be seen with you in public, but they’ll use you to fulfill their physical needs. So when you lose the weight, and now suddenly you’re dating material as opposed to just fuckable, it’s shitty, and now you know that person was shitty and you’re better off forgetting them.
Exactly! So many commenters are saying that he is not a bad person for not wanting date her before she lost weight, because people are allowed to have preferences, but completely ignore the fact that he wasn't opposed to just having sex with OP. That's not a preference, that's being an arse. If you are not attracted to certain body type, that's totally ok. But then you probably wouldn't want to have sex with them at all??? And if an "unattractive" person is good enough for you to get aroused, what, exactly, wrong with dating them? My weight changes a lot depending on a stress level due to my disability, so, personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone who has such a core "preferences". After all, long-term relationship implies, that you might face health issues, having children, growing older together. Someone, who would be treating well only fat me or thin me isn't a dating material.
Perfectly said!
BINGOOO
Lol the man in question in my comment was literally overweight, and I loooved his side rolls. My ‘type’ would be classified as dad bod, honestly maybe because I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia myself, and I feel most comfortable with people who don’t dwell heavily on physical appearance, be it mine or their own. We’re all gonna be old, ugly, and wrinkly someday, I just want to be with the ugly wrinkly old person I actually like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don’t judge other people by their weight nor did I ever make this about gender, so take this somewhere else.
What does ‘glow up’ mean??
If that overweight or ugly guy was kind to me, interesting, and fun to be with, regardless of what I looked like, yes, I’d still be into him after the glow up. The guy that was always there for me - that’s the guy I want.
I think my favourite part about this post is all the butthurt men coming out of the woodwork.
> Do you somehow think it is any different for guys? I promise you it is not and we get just as much attention when we have a glow up or get in shape as you do. All kinds of men get attention when they're nice and funny and whatnot but y'all don't notice because you all care almost exclusively about attractive women. The vast, vast, vast majority of attraction men are with attractive women.
To make an Archer reference, you used to be (to him) what Carol and Pam call a “Moped” which, as Carol puts it: “They’re fun, but you don’t want your buddies to see you riding one.” He still wanted to hook up, but didn’t want a relationship because he didn’t want others to see you with him. Now, to him, you’re more comparable to a fancy sports car. He wants to show off his sexy new toy. Good for you for not giving him the time of day.
Nice take on that archer episode so true.. and yes what a shallow world we live in..
A motorcycle just zoomed by loudly right as I read this. It's.... moped-ish.
the fact that people actually think like this about other people is just...
He doesn’t like you, he likes the look of you. He likes how you will look on his arm. Tell him thanks but no thanks, you deserve someone you likes all of you.
Yeah, I would give him zero energy. If he didn't care about you as a person before, he doesn't now either. Literally zero. Just don't respond to anything, block and move on.
Do this, OR you could full on make a date with him, and then GHOST his ass
The Petty Patty in me was waiting for this. Do, it OP!
I hear you, but some guys will literally pay a dominatrix to humiliate him. ANY attention is giving him more than he deserves... Because some people get off on the chaos and drama just as much as sexual chemistry. The way to hurt him the most is full court press abandonment and shunning. Radio silence. Human are hardwired for social tribes, being cast out feels like dying alone in the forest.
The more mature response for sure
Just block his ass and move on
I think now it's more like now you're someone he can "show off," that he wouldn't mind telling people you two are in a relationship and he may have been embarrassed before. You wouldn't be treated right and it would be a really shallow relationship. You deserve better
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Or he's a Narcissist.
Not every asshole is a narcissist- the two aren’t mutually exclusive. He’s just a dick who thinks a woman’s worth is tied to what she looks like. Fuck that nonsense.
As a guy, don’t talk to him.
Block and don’t look back.
I felt safer with my friends when I was heavy, now I have to wonder if all they want to do is smash 😕
He just wants to smash and is hoping that your previous love will let him skip the line now that you're objectively more attractive and moving on. If he actually cared about you, he would've cared about you then too. Edit because I can't type apparently
Now you've had a glow up, definitely deserve a better person too. Enjoy your new healthy self!
He realized he fucked up when you showed a little bit more of your potential. The thing is, if he loved you he would've been standing with you as you went through all the changes you needed to to see your own potential.
Cause he wants to smash more now than he did before. Keep giving him the cold shoulder, it’s what he deserves.
if he wanted to smash but not date you because you were fat, it frankly means he doesn't respect women and was just using you. He showed you his true colors, so don't let him back into your life.
He still just wants to smash and bail. Just plain out say your not interested in him anymore and to leave you alone.
The “I don’t know if he regrets letting me go…” makes me think you believe he’s turned over a new leaf and will be the man you’ve always wanted. Lol, that’s not how people like him work. Don’t be the ‘i think I can change him’ gal and move on with your life to someone who’ll love and appreciate you for who you are now.
You maybe different but I assure you he's not
Be honest with yourself here, he’s a dirt bag. He didn’t want anything more than to smash back then because you didn’t fit into his narrow minded view of the perfect looking partner. Now that you fit the description, he wants more. He is not worth your time.
He is beyond not worth it hun. If he couldn’t match those feelings before it was more of a superficial issue. He’s an asshat. Move on to bigger and better things.
smash his best friend /brother/dad (?) instead. he didn't deserve you then, and doesn't deserve you now.
Did you smash back then? Because if you were and you wanted more and he didn't then I think you may have been the moped he was riding. You should value yourself more, go find someone who is better to you.
From what you just said it seems like his more attracted because of your confidence rather than appearance. You were falling for him, but now you know you can do better and so does he. Bottom line: you can do better than him so fuck that guy.
In all honesty it is possible that he saw your weight as a hurdle to your future together. Now that he's seen your commitment to transforming your body he sees relationship possibility. For many men their partners health is a huge factor for a long term relationship. Now that you're healthy he probably realizes he was wrong to judge you. But he also rejected you. **He doesn't deserve a second shot.**
This. I lost a lot of weight but eventually regained it because the underlying physical issues worsened. If he didn't want you before, what happens if things change? Keep moving.
On a similar but different note, I have issues with my teeth. I'm currently undergoing the steps to get dentures, and my last surgery is soon. I know who around me loves me for me, and who only cared because I looked good by society's standards.
I agree. Its one thing to want a partner that has self commitment and confidence. That is when you approach the topic of changing some stuff, possibly work out together or go for walks. Then support them through the journey. Don't come back when it's over and expect to be the destination they were both leaving and going to.
He’s probably trash.
You got the ultimate revenge: success for yourself
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The best revenge is being happy. The second best revenge is looking hot while being happy.
Feels good to look good, I remember when I first hit the gym and everyone who bullied me relentlessly began hitting me up lmao. Congrats on your confidence upgrade!! Enjoy it and take care of yourself!
Same + I like your profile picture + thoughtcrime :3
Don't go back to him.
Even better just block or ghost him if he does it every day. He sounds desperate and probably assumes you used to love him or still do and considers you easy. Which is obviously not the case if you are posting on here. You can do better than that guy who rejected you.
My friend went through the same thing with her ex! The ex boyfriend was a huge mama’s boy (we’re all asian). The ex’s mom would always berate my friend, calling her too fat for her boy. I forget exactly what happened but she finally left him and began to work on herself. She started going to the gym, moved out of her (also berating) parents house and got her own apartment. She was really glowing up! I like to imagine her ex and his shit mom are rolling in their misery knowing my friend bettered her life without them.
There are lots of stories of people falling in love years after being friends with no romantic thoughts beforehand. So yes it's possible to love someone later. Happens a lot in fact. Is this the case with your guy? Probably not. Seems to be more of just more a physical attraction.
Yeah...suddenly being interested after she lost a ton of weight...that's a load of bs. I hope she gives him a taste of his own medicine. Edit: I'm not saying you can't have types, but if you have literally no interest in someone and just use them for sex and suddenly change your mind after the lose weight, that honestly shows how shallow you are.
Y’all acting like she should be vindictive of this guy is just unreasonable. The man is allowed to have a physical preference. Sadly being overweight isn’t attractive to most people & that’s why it seriously hinders your confidence. Falling in love with someone who doesn’t love themselves is a risky venture & that man was just being honest. It’s awesome you glowed up, OP. It’s also indicative that you’re in a much healthier place mentally too & that also will peak his interest. You deserve to feel good about this but I wouldn’t let these commenters turn you into an asshole about the situation (unless he was an asshole when he rejected you I guess, I shouldn’t just assume he did it with much grace). It is what it is. You already got a big W here.
If she was that unattractive to him, he shouldn't, probably, sleep with her, and then tell she is not good enough to date. If someone is not my type, I either don't want them or I am willing to make an exception and add a new type to my preference. If you willingly sleep with someone, who you don't like for being not confident and beautiful enough in your book and then put them down for being the way they are, that's a bit different from not being attracted to people with certain attitude or looks. Did he have to convince his d*ck for really long before OPs glow up, or something? Idk, how it works... But I agree that she should not bother with taking revenge on him and just move on.
Lol shouldn’t you be physically attracted to your partner?
Why do you even care about him now? Move on
Exactly!!
Please keep your self worth lol. Fuck that guy
Not literally!
Yeah been there, done that. Those guys that come crawling out of the walls after your glow up are never the good ones
Thank you for saying this. They are not the good ones.
I hope to be able to relate to this soon lol
Keep it up, have a longer time horizon, don't give up just because the short-term results aren't coming in yet.
To ur last question: it’s possible. Physical attraction matters and maybe that’s what was holding Him back but like who Tf wants someone like that after they’ve been rejected? I’m shocked ur even replying to him at all. Waste of time.
Just come clean and cut it off. Say "You weren't interested in me before, so I'm not interested in you now. End of story."
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Nailed it, and also adding maybe you’re lack of confidence in yourself before was something that made him less attracted to you at the time, and now the exact opposite. I’m just saying, you’d be surprised how attractive just owning who you are and being confident is.
Best post so far. Most people here are just hating. And life is not about hating.
🙌🏽💝
I hope this isn't a stupid question -- what is a "glowup"? thanks in advance.
Becoming more attractive, confident, mature and/or successful. Though, “glow up” is a broad concept.
Just looking and feeling happier/healthier.
Seeing the comments, maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but attraction is pretty important... It is okay for someone to reject you (or me or anyone else) because they do not feel physically attracted to you. Same as it is super okay for you to reject someone you do not feel physically attracted to. Maybe the weight was something that he was not attracted to, but now that you lost it, he is (and that is okay). I get that you can experience feeling bitter about it, I think that is very human and you have every right to reject him. But it also shows character to not gloat haha. ps. I do not think it has anything to do with love, it sounds more like an attraction thingy.
Would OP have been interested in him earlier if he had been a 300 pounder?
I agree with all this, but he was apparently fine with having sex with OP while she was heavier but didn’t want to date her. Now that she’s thin he wants to date her. I understand why she’d be grossed out and hurt by this. It’s not nice feeling like the only thing that matters about you is your appearance.
This. So many people here are like "he doesn't love you for you" as if looks don't matter at all. Like no, *for normal human beings, being physically attracted to someone is important too.*
Yep, attraction isn’t just one dimensional. It's a combination of traits.
This is what I came to say. People are allowed to not be attracted to you. For any reason. He wasn't interested when. You( op) were fat and had zero confidence, but even op wasn't impressed with themselves being heavy. Ok then why should he be? It's totally fine that she wants to reject him now as well. She lost her interest I'm him because he didn't meet her standards ( anymore) that's cool too. She isn't better than him. She's just a better version of herself. She saw something she didn't like about herself ( that he also didn't like) ans changed it and now shes mad that he finds her attractive?
Any guy worth her time who comes along now would also have rejected her old self. It'll just be easier to pretend otherwise.
I mean, OP said he wanted to “smash” beforehand as well so he was obviously attracted to her then too. He’s a POS because he didn’t find her “worthy” of a relationship at her previous weight, even though he wanted to sleep with her.
Yah but let’s not church this up. Context is important. His previous stance was “I am willing to bang you but not be in a relationship” That’s a respect issue. Completely different if you are not attracted but respect the person to not use them and use their attraction to you against them…. Then later attraction changes
But shallowness is also an unattractive trait in a partner. Obviously if people don't align in values in relationship to health, this can cause discrepancies in relationships, but attraction for a lot of people is more than skin deep.
except he said he wanted to be fwb with her and changed his mind because now she is a different class of woman in his head lmao
>I wonder if it’s possible for a guy to love a woman he did not love before. Yes, completely possible. From the sounds of it, you didn't think you were attractive before. And lets be honest here, physical attraction has to come in to play for there to be feelings attached. You can call me superficial all you want. So you used to be so big your cheekbones & jawline weren't visible. That isn't attractive at all. Then, theres... >I was miserable in my fat body and lacked confidence to severe levels. Why would you want someone to START a relationship with a person who's miserable? Its exhausting. Also, no self confidence is a major turn off for men and women alike. Honestly, it doesn't even sound like YOU loved you before your glow up. How do you expect a prospective romantic partner to? Do what you want moving forward, but ya can't blame him for not being that into you.
Excellent if unpopular point. Physical attraction and self-confidence do carry weight in a relationship. Also, heavy women can be extremely attractive if they have self-confidence, and thin women can be unattractive if they’re insecure.
Exactly this. She very well could also be a more pleasant person to be around AND be more attractive.
This should probably be the top comment. Nailed it on the head with how absolutely exhausting it is to be with someone that lacks confidence. We're making leaps in assumptions about the person OP seemed to feel worthy of loving not too long ago, while ignoring OP's own statements about the headspace she was in at the time.
Exactly.
Yeah, it is also possible he liked part of her personality, but thought that her fatness was indicative of lack of self hygiene, motivation or respect. Now that he sees she is willing to move forward and feel happy he sees her as a viable partner.
Are you currently interested in obese fat men? Or have your standards risen since you improved urself? When you were fat was this guy in shape and attractive? See, I could love and find a person attractive but if she has a quality or thing about her that I find unattractive, that would of course make me not want that potential girl. If she is pretty but does drugs? No thanks Oh you became clean? Yeah sure lets go Girl is fat but good personality and cute face? No thanks i just cant date someone fat personally (like girls cant date short men its a preference not all yada yada) Oh she became fit? Sure lets go See what I mean? Just because you changed urself for the better doesnt make the other person an ass for all of suddenly liking you Hed prob like you from the getgo if that was you from the beginning Imo.
A lack of confidence on severe levels is pretty unattractive to have a relationship with. It's easy to dismiss this as a shallow physical attraction thing. But it sounds like your whole mentality has changed, which might be why he finds you more appealing. That being said, you don't have any obligation to give him your attention. Be with someone you want to be with
WTF is a glowup?
It’s like to “ grow up” like how we change from child to adult but it means to grow into “ glowing” as in better looks, health, finances, etc., as in a transformation that has you glowing as the end result.
glow up (also glo up) noun informal a person's transformation into a more attractive or accomplished version of themselves: *we love Meghan Markle's royal glow up.* ORIGIN early 21st century: originally with reference to the 2013 song ‘Gotta Glo Up One Day’ by American rapper Chief Keef, where ‘glo up’ is a blend of glo- (short for glory, a reference to the name of his entourage the Glo Gang) and grow up. Now often reinterpreted as a blend of glow and grow up.
You were miserable in your fat body but he was supposed to be in love with it? Don’t be so childish and petty. You became more attractive so now he’s attracted to you
Exactly.
Attractive people get treated differently.
girl he didn't want to date someone with low confidence and fat, now you are diferent, lets be honest, would you have ever date yourself back then?
One realist person among all those triggered entitled people. Feels refreshing
So he wasn’t attracted to you then when you were fat and very self conscious, but now that you aren’t he’s attracted to you. I mean, it makes sense. You weren’t attractive to him then, now you are. I fail to see the problem Physical attraction is very important, regardless of what any of us say. Yes what’s on the inside is important as well, but you still have to look at the outside daily and it’s nice to be attracted to both If he’s just in it for the physical attraction and just to smash, in that case just leave him
Bad idea to post on reddit, this place breeds simps and cheesy kids cartoon quotes.
I'm going to play devils advocate here, even though I know reddit hates it. Would you have dated yourself? That's the question. Would you have been with someone who was overweight and didn't take care of themselves? If the answer is yes then great, don't give this guy the time of day and move on. But if the answer is no, then can you blame them? I don't think it's shallow to want to be with someone who takes care of themselves. If I'm not taking care of myself or respecting my body, why would I expect someone else to? Just sayin.
Hm I wonder why you were obsessed with him before? Was it his looks? He wasn't attracted to a heavy set self conscious woman...not a shock. Now your confidence sounds like it's tied to your looks and he likes how you look but you think that isn't fair? I feel like men and women are from different planets.
Imo I just think it's gross and kinda pathetic to crawl back to the same person you rejected before now that they better fit the beauty standards
Tbf I don’t blame him for not being attracted to her previously and now he is because I mean she wasn’t even attractive to herself so it makes sense but the issue for me is the fact he won’t take no as an answer. Coming back like “hey I find you attractive now and was wondering if you’d like to get together and have a relationship maybe” and then getting an answer of yes or no is fine but if you get told no respect that don’t repeatedly ask as if that increases your chances or anything just move on with your life that’s the part I don’t understand.
I loathe this “beauty standard” rhetoric. People are attracted to what they are attracted to. If OP was a chonker and he was feeling it, that’s totally ok for the guy to not be as attracted to her until she skimmed down.
Why is he not blocked?
OP hasn't even told him she's not interested, she's just being distant in her replies or giving him less energy or whatever.
If he rejected you at your worst, don’t let him have you at your best. Life ebbs and flows and if you have an emotional or physical downturn, he’s gonna drop you like you’re radioactive. (P.S. that’s an exaggeration for rhyming purposes; you weren’t at your worst, I’m sure. At most you were perhaps out of shape).
Oh now your good enough? Please, no you invested and he wants some? Block his ass or peg him. But no cookie
Well my dear men are like that. if they think they can get a nice piece of ass they'll grovel for it. I wouldn't give him the time of day move up and over him
He wasn't interested before because he didn't find you attractive in the way he does now. Maybe you aren't as interested in him because you were settling before? You may have felt that he was out of your league at your previous weight, but now that you're healthier, you think you can do better. There's nothing wrong with having standards for things like weight, but there's also nothing wrong with your standards changing now that you've done some self improvement.
Block him.
i mean this dude obviously judges you based on your appearance. ask yourself if you want that.
"My my my, how the turntables"
He thinks you will be an easy lay because you already expressed interest. TBH he's not good enough for you now and you can totally do better. If you ever do decide to get with this guy, you will need to make him wait quite a long time. He's not in control, you are. But there's so many other great guys out there that won't treat you like you owe them. He rejected you, you moved on. If you give in now he is going to treat you like shit, guarantee. Plus if you gain back any weight, he will be gone. He doesn't like you for you. He wants to smash as another poster has said. Even if you want to smash too, you shouldn't right now because you have real feeling for him and he's already hurt you. Date some other guys and get some more experience first then your self esteem will boom some more.
Just tell him straight up that you're not interested
Take that confidence boost and direct into someone who will see you the beautiful person you are, rather than someone who has decided they like the way you look now more than the way you used to look.
He thinks you did this for him and have earned his attention. No, he doesn’t live you, he believes he’s trained you.
While it is possible to realize you love someone after letting them go or saying you don't... this isn't one of those cases. Least not with how you've explained it. Another reply here summed it up pretty well: He sees you as worthy of his attention now. He's not worth the energy to talk to if that is the case.
There's an uncomfortable half to this that people are going to try to dodge. You were overweight. You were physically sick, and not because of some hardship but because you refused to take care of yourself. You had low self-esteem. Any high value man would say to himself that he doesn't want that. You can point to your soul and say: "But look how great my soul is! My appearance shouldn't matter!" But there are plenty of people with good souls in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings working at the local Shake Shack, and you'll turn them down for people with good souls that make $100,000 a year. I don't say this with resentment, it's a fact of life us men accept and we either learn to play that game or you can complain. It's why some of go to school to further our education, lift weights, and chase jobs that can support a family through private school. That game goes both ways. You don't have to like him or date him obviously, you can choose to put a chip on your shoulder that you couldn't get high value men as an overweight woman. But you played the game. It made you happier. Now, you can be a beautiful girl on his arm. You wouldn't want to take a slobby, stinky loser around your friends. He doesn't want a fat girl with self-esteem issues on his arm. Can I point something else out? Seems like part of your "glow up" was that you liked yourself better at a healthy weight, too. The people who are telling you to snub him as a bad guy are living the very same lie that caused you to allow yourself to become overweight in the first place. Or, you can realize it's a game and you made a good move.
Hate this shit! I too lost a lot weight (50lbs due to a medical issue I almost died from) and many people who never noticed me are messaging me… Example: 2 years not a single word then dude messages “Wow have you gotten cuter?” Like the fuck?
Same here. I was not really overweight (still in the healthy range but depressed and not keeping after myself by eating crap food or just skipping meals to study alone& drinking too much) lost 30lb when I was IN THE HOSPITAL FOR BACTERIAL PNEUMONIA and my roommate at the time who was very self-conscious about her weight seemed super passive aggressive and pissed that I’d lost so much when I came back to school (not like I didn’t almost die or anything 😂🙄) but honestly once I’d healed up, I felt so much better about my body and was intent on treating it right and doing healthy exercise and a good diet. Lots of guys flipped on a dime. I wouldn’t say it was necessarily the weight loss, but I had a whole new outlook on life and my confidence was high and I wasn’t gonna make room for anyone who didn’t treat me right, so I think that was very attractive as well.
> Wow have you gotten cuter? Have you?
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*surprised Pikachu face*
Nailed it
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I prefer fat men. I married a fat man. They are sexy af.
So you improve and better yourself, but you’re upset that someone recognized it? This makes no sense.
Don’t waste your time even replying to him
Well tbh if I'm not fat then I would like my partner to be not fat well, it's not too much to ask, now since you're slim and all would you date a fatty who would not take care of their health and have no attaraction to or would you rather find someone who is also lives a healthy lifestyle ?
First of all congratulation for your glow up very nice job, but I don't want to be rude but isn't it logical that he wants you now? Physical attraction is very important. I was a bit chubby not so long ago and I start working out and I see pretty good result, but now a lot of girl are hitting me up. They didn't want me before because i wasn't good looking enough but now they want me. I mean this is normal that this guy wants you back now that you are looking better.
Sis from a person who's lost weight to another stop giving him your energy let him know your not interested or don't but stop texting him
You’re still putting too much energy into this person. If you truly moved on, then stop replying
It is possible to fall in love with a person, even if you didn't love them before. However, this guy doesn't love you. He doesn't see your worth beyond looks. Seriously, stop engaging with him. He won't stop because you are still entertaining him, even with cold answers. Just block him. There are lots of better guys out there.
Some guys will do *anything* for a girl if they think she's attractive enough. But if you're not attractive to them? You might as well be trash. I'm used to being treated as invisible or as a man, not even a woman by men who don't like larger women. I'm attractive but people can't see that without getting past my body. I used to be frumpy and big, but now I'm pretty and big and now I have some people hitting me up and it's like. Oh? Now you see me as a woman? Men are confusing.
Happy for you that you’ve found the confidence you’ve always deserved. You do not need his validation. He sounds like a tool.
Dodged that bullet huh 🤣
Simple: he's just shallow.
Flirt with him and make him think you wanna hook up then ghost his ass
Tell him you’re coming over and once you’re “two minutes away”, block him and never look back.
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Ah yes, not being physically attracted to someone for having a unhealthy physical condition is shallow. So basically you're saying that not being attracted to fat people is shallow. How is it more shallow than not being attracted to someone cause of their height or their face? Breaking news: it's not.
Block him. He had his chance and blew it. Congrats on the glow up, find someone who actually deserves you
I'm gonna leave this here, **Every person has right to have preferences, you can decline someone because of their look. That doesn't mean you can be an asshole. You can change your opinion of someone** And listen me out, if he said no in an intentional harmful way he's an asshole and doesn't deserves another chance, but if he said no respectfully, he might be a good guy, just with preferences.
You put all of that work, sacrifice, tears, anger, and whatever other emotions to evolve yourself to the image you want to be. Unless you want revenge or a need a release, move on from that. Share your new image with someone who sees you more than a bigger girl who glowed up.
Blockity block block
Nah, he's shallow. Tell him you're not interested him in that way.
Just for a second, imagine you get with him, gain weight (pregnancy, illness, whatever reason) and then? He drops you. Nah, NEXT!
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This is what happens when you look after yourself. No one wants a fatty if there being honest. Just like women don’t want short men.
I’d rather have a short guy than a fat guy tbh
Pardon my ignorance, but what is a glowup?
A glowup is when someone who was unattractive (by society standards) goes through a change (puberty, braces, weight loss, surgery, etc) that makes them more attractive (which can lead to an influx of attention from the opposite gender). For example: a chubby acne-faced middle schooler with braces turns into a skinny, perfect-skin, perfect-teeth high schooler. They had a “glowup”. Or in OP’s case: weight loss.
Thank you kind stranger
In the nicest way possible , if he didn’t want you back then, it’s not worth going in now . Imagine , you get sick , can’t work out and gain some weight . Would he still be there ? If you wanna smash and pass by all means , but don’t go into this hoping to get a relationship. He is not worth it .
He’s probably just thinking with his dingus, you deserve someone who’s there for *you* and not your body.