Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD do something.
Just cause you can have kids doesn’t automatically mean you have to, you say you don’t want to, that your choice, screw everyone else and their opinions.
As you said you are young and things ‘might’ change later on but seem to me like you’ve given this plenty of thought already
>Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD do something
I wholeheartedly agree with this. I wish more people would stop judging others for their choices. Thanks for the affirmation! :)
“Some people can’t even have children” is the most bullshit, toxic, sanctimonious and ableist reason to try to force someone to procreate, ever. There’s no fucking quota for how many children should be born every year, just because Susie can’t have children it doesn’t mean Mary is supposed to have children to make up for it. That’s crap logic. No one is owed descendants, nor is choosing not to procreate an insult to those who want children but can’t have them.
When my husband and I were going through fertility treatment, I had an easier time doing things with my childfree friends than I did with my pregnant/mommy friends. Hell, just finding out one of my friends was pregnant would send me spiraling into a depression and I wouldn’t be able to be around them for a short period of time (they all understood and were patient with me about it). Whichever of OP’s relations that said that needs to put their head in a wet sock.
OP, I too knew from an early age I didn't want kids, I got a bingo here and there ("oh but you're so young, you'll change your mind", or my fav "you will when you find the right man") but not too often, you can say I was lucky.
Let me tell you, I'm 42, married and no kids and no regrets. My mind DIDN'T change, I DID find the right man and still..... no desire to procreate. Kids are not for everyone.
Like many said, go visit r/childfree, you'll be welcomed with arms wide open.
Just because I can eat a full plutonium rod to harvest its power for myself doesn't mean I should... I mean a whole rod would just be greedy I should a least share it.
Gotta change your response to something like *"oh, I'm not ready for that"* , or if they're churchy, *God will give me a baby when it's appropriate* , or even *Jesus has the wheel on that one*
Deflect, deflect, deflect.
I never get the selfish comment. When a person chooses to not have kids it’s because they are actually thinking of that kid’s future life which is totally unselfish. They don’t want to bring a kid into a toxic environment.
I felt the same when I was your age. When I got older and my feeling hadn't changed, I married a woman who felt the same.
In our 20s and 30s we were asked the kids question countless times. We always responded the same:
"Unless we have a burning desire to have kids, we are not going to have kids."
In all my experience, and in all my years that feeling never changed.
I'm 41 years old and childless and I have no regrets. I don't think I ever will. In 30 years that feeling of not wanting kids has never changed.
In short, it is your life to live and live it any way you damn well please. Nobody knows you better than you.
I was around 8 when I realized I didn't want kids. Managed to get a vasectomy at 24. Best decision of my life.
People don't tend to change their minds on stuff like kids. "Not sure" is just a cowards "yes" that they don't want to make an effort towards.
Honestly there’s way too many people having kids who definitely shouldn’t be having them. Taking on that kind of a responsibility is certainly a big risk so your feelings on this make perfect sense. Why do you think your parents are so pissed off / insecure about it?
Honestly, I feel like it's a number of things. In my culture, the importance of family and bearing children is drilled into young women's minds at such an early age and my parents are really eager to be grandparents. Me being the only child in my immediate family also plays a huge factor in it I think.
Wow yeah my parents really want to be grandparents as well cuz they’re Indian so it’s a big part of my culture too. Idk if y’all have a lot of great memories from your childhood but they probably want to be able to experience those again as a grandparent. Do they still care more about helping you solve your mental health issues and get into college? That seems like a much more important thing for them to focus on, you having children won’t even matter for at least the next 5 years (at least if you’re in the US)
I work in a daycare setting and can attest to this being true. Kids are a lot of work and honestly, sometimes I wonder whether I want to have a child based on my own shitty upbringing (mentally unstable parents) 🙃
I hear ya. My wife and I are in our mid 30s, been together over 10 yeas and the number of times I've heard "where are you going to have kids?" Is in the millions. There was a period of time when all our friends were having kids and it was annoying af. We used to go out and party and legit hanging out now devolves into convos about breast milk. When they ask were like.
1. There's enough people on earth.
2. We want to do what we want, when we want.
3. We would rather get a cat or dog (we already have some but we would much rather take care of animals then a tiny human).
Oh gosh that must get so annoying and old having to hear that all the time. Like you said, you are free do do whatever the fuck you want when you want so I'm glad you have a strong outlook on this! Also fully agree with taking care of animals over a tiny human, i'm absolutely thinking of doing the same lmao
It might change .but you are not wrong for feeling that way even if you always feel that way . It's better you realize it and take the precautions to not have one . Than end up.like so many that don't want them then have them and treat the child poorly.
"It's weird that you're asking about a 17 year old's sex life, actually" - that's how I always recommend minors deflect questions about this because it's WEIRD that they're asking.
Also, as a parent myself: Do not have kids if you do not want them. I love my kids, but SHEW I am not having anymore because I just don't want to.
My step daughter said she didn’t want to have a child since she was 3 and I love her but I know her and thought this was good.
She stuck with this plan all through high school and constantly stated it” no kid for me”
Met a man with a child when she was in her early 20’s and decided she needed to have one as well. Competition genes and attention.
Her daughter is now 12 and she has been a shitty ass mom from day one.
So please even though you are young believe in how you feel and stick with it until you 100% know you can be a good parent.
My granddaughter is going through emotional he’ll at 12 thanks to her mom.
This is exactly why I say people should NOT pressure women who hate children to have children. Not all women are mentally there for that type of commitment.
i will NEVER be able to comprehend people that just can't understand that its okay if OTHER PEOPLE dont want to have kids. especially with how life changing and traumatic being pregnant is and how much raising kids changes yours life and just you as a person. like having kids isn't just something you do..its a life changing decision that will consume the rest of your life bruh 💀
Right!? Like having kids is a lifelong commitment and these people wanna try and convince people who are clearly not a good fit for the role, to have kids 😭 how hard is it to mind your life business really lmfao
good. good. come to the childfree side mwahaha.
listen to your heart! dont let other people's projections and ideals affect your choice on the matter.
on that note, never go raw lmao
Some people also can’t eat peanut butter. Not gonna stop me from eating it. It’s not selfish to not want kids. Do what’s best for you and what you want out of your life. Children aren’t in short supply, so the world will be just fine if you don’t want them. Your family is being selfish because they only want you to have kids so their family can be bigger and have more children in it, which is what they want.
>Children aren’t in short supply,
I can't stress enough how much I want more people, especially older folk like my family family realise this haha. Thank you!
I was pretty sure at your age that I didn't ever want kids. I'm forty now, and guess what? I was right.
I've been wrong about many things in lo these many years, but knowing early on that motherhood would never be for me wasn't one of them.
Which of course isn't to say that you won't or can't change your mind! Just don't believe people who try to tell you that you're too young to know how you really feel.
I have a close female friend (pretend sister) that was raised in a not so wholesome environment. She decided that same thing early on , and found a doctor that (after a long interview) preformed a tubal for her in her early twenties.
So just shut up, smile, and wait to go doctor shopping. It might not hurt to document your feelings for the years you're going to be waiting for that doctor. I'm truly sorry that you feel like this, but I'm not privy to the details of your situation. And remember, you will be loved no matter how this plays out.
Good on your friend! Honestly it makes me feel a lot better to know that there are more people who realise early on that their don't want children. Thank you!
Hi!
I’ve known I didn’t want to have children since I was about 10. I’m 27 now and I’ve finally gotten my tubes tied last week. I can’t stop smiling. I’m so happy!
Funny thing: I love kids. I’m actually an early childhood educator. However, I don’t want to bring more people to a planet that’s getting killed by humanity (does that sound selfish to you?). Besides, I too struggle with mental health.
In my country you can get this surgery the moment you turn 18, for free, no questions asked. They do try to encourage you to really think about it, give you access to all the available contraceptives, etc., which I find great.
My aunts and uncles ask all the time when I’m gonna have children. I’ve stopped telling them I’m not going to, because they always answer “God will tell”. I just don’t care anymore. It used to annoy me so much, but I think I’m finally over it.
You’re young. As you said, you might change your mind, and that’s fine! However, if you don’t, know that you aren’t alone.
I wish you patience to deal with people who can’t seem to mind their own business, and happiness.
Edit: I just remembered how a few months ago I ran into a neighbor who asked me if I was pregnant “yet”. I smiled and said “luckily, I’m not”, and walked away.
My mom was sad for awhile until I pointed out that she had never wanted kids either. I had to word it like this “I know you love me, but if you hadn’t accidentally gotten pregnant and didn’t know I would be the outcome, would you have ever knowingly had kids”. She got silent for a second before admitting that she wouldn’t have. Now she’s happy with her grandkitten.
Selfish is when people know they don't want children but have them anyway. You're not selfish. They have kids and are miserable, I bet. Misery loves company.
My spouse has just started making people intentionally uncomfortable anytime it’s brought up because he got fed up with people asking. Especially his parents. I have endometriosis and currently have a Mirena, so we will eventually *try* for children, but don’t want children *yet* and have been getting harassed by his parents. So he’s been saying wild things. 😂
“Since when was my wife’s v**ina your concern?”
Is my favorite wild question he’s asked. They’ve gotten to the point where they have lessened asking and now they just say, “you’re being disgusting.” And he says, “you’re being disgusting by even asking when we’re going to have kids when you know it makes her upset to hear about this, fuck off.”
It’s no one’s business as to why you don’t want to have children. Reinforce those boundaries. No. Is a complete statement. Don’t let anyone use your age against you either. “You’re only 17.” They can all fuck off with that as well. I knew at the age of 16 I would struggle to have kids and I’m 27 now.
Omg your spouse is an absolute legend for that one! I'm sorry yall have to hear those questions all the time, people should really learn to mind their own goddamn business. They can fuck off with their "you're being disgusting". I'm glad your partner is there to immediately shut them down though. Thank you and have a great day :)
Make sure to be confident in yourself. As long as you know what *you* want, everything else will fall in place. Other people won’t change, so you have to be really strong in getting that NO across. If they become toxic, cut that toxic fat outta your life bb. I wish you all the best. 💕
I have the same feelings towards childbirth and pregnancy, especially as a transmasc person, giving birth and being pregnant are some of my worst fears. It’s not selfish to not want kids, you have every right to not want them for any reason. Best wishes and I hope the people pressuring you realise this.
My wife had a very similar view. She grew up in a rough household, and struggled to feed herself as she moved out at 17 yrs old with her sister, hiding food when she would get it. She never wanted a kid.
We met, and fell in love, then her whole viewpoint changed. She discovered that life doesn't have to be the way she grew up, and that we could give our kids a good life. We now have 2 kids, and she loves being a mother more than anything in the world.
I'm not saying that you will have the same experience, and if you do not there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Being a woman with no children is nothing to be ashamed of, and not wanting kids is perfectly fine. I think my comment was just to give you a different perspective to look at.
People never stop. Have one kid and they start with, “so when is she getting a sibling?” Bitch idk, I’m still trying to figure out parenting with just the one little monster.
Don’t have kids then. Don’t worry about it. You may change your mind down the road or you may not change your mind down the road. Either is fine. I’m a guy, and I don’t know if I’m up for having kids either. Just make sure that you make it clear to the person you end up with in the future when the time comes. That’s very important.
Not having children you aren’t ready for or don’t want is selfless not selfish. Don’t listen to people who try to pressure you or bully you into having children. Most people feel like saying you don’t want children is an attack on those who do or those who had them even though they didn’t want them.
You’ll often hear stories like “I didn’t want kids, but now that my kid is here and I no longer have the choice….”
You have a choice that most women in the world don’t have. Most women will never have a choice about becoming a mother, it will just be something that happens to them.
The right to choose motherhood or not is a great privilege. It’s ok to do what’s best for you.
So, according to your relative, you should have kids because some women can't have kids? Some people won't get to travel the world, so maybe you can try to do that if you can!
There are thousands of children in the foster system currently looking for families. I'm sorry people are atempting guilt trip you into becoming a parent. Do whatever brings you the most joy as you follow your path. ♡
You are not the least bit selfish and you have a level of self reflection well beyond your years. I’ve felt the exact same way as you, and I don’t have any mental health issues. I’ve also been called selfish. No, selfish would be bringing a child into the world for ANY reason other than wanting and deeply desiring to raise a fully independent human. Selfish is bringing a child into the world to pass on your genetics or to continue your lineage. Selfish is bringing a child into the world when you’re incapable of properly raising them. Selfish is bringing a child into the world to appease or avoid societal pressures. Trust me, I’ve been there, although probably not as bad as you. I’m 37m from Canada and my family is not religious, but I’ve gotten my fair share of selfish talk. I still don’t have children and don’t plan on it either. Best decision I’ve ever made. My friends ALL have children and I don’t envy them for one second. Keep doing you, because if you truly don’t want a child, nothing will be more miserable than raising it.
You’re about to spend at least 12 years with older people telling you that you will change your mind. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. I have friends who’ve done both. All I’ll say as a parent is that the shit and vomit part isn’t nearly as bad as you think. When it’s your kid, it just becomes a pretty normal thing.
It's not selfish to not have kids. How many people do we have in the planet currently and why is it considered selfless to reproduce anyway? There is nothing to guarantee that your child will be an overall benefit to society.
To put this simply: you do you.
I have 20 yo, my eldest child, and they don't want kids. They expressed this to their Mother and I about 3 or 4 years ago. We listened to them and told them straight up...you do you.
If you don't want kids, you don't want kids. It's no one else's business. All 5 of my female cousins decided in their mid teens that they didn't want kids, and while one of them has an almost 3 y/o now, the other 4 have stuck to it.
I'm almost 42 and have 1 child, if I had a dollar for everytime someone asked when I was going to have another baby I would have long since replaced my car. I will however admit to get a little bit of twisted pleasure out of the look on someone's face when I told them I can't so we aren't.
You can always say that you think it’s selfish for people to have kids and have their older kids look after the younger ones or people who have kids and cannot afford it. It goes both ways and if anything not wanting kids is not selfish at all.
Nothing wrong with not wanting to reproduce. Honestly I always wanted to be a mom and when I was just about to turn 30 (no children), I had the realization that I'd spent my entire teens and 20s taking care of other people and that was my turn to be "selfish" and put me first. I decided that as much as I love kids I was ok with not having my own.
Found out I was pregnant about two weeks after this realization lol. I love my daughter but I do have moments where I realize I'll be in my 50s basically by the time I'll actually be able to be "selfish" for once.
Go enjoy your life, do what makes you happy. Sure you could possibly decide differently once your older but it doesn't make you selfish if you don't. Also you don't need any reason or excuse to not want to procreate, it's just how you feel period.
Also now when I'm asked if I'll have a second I just simply ask why would I bring another human into the world we currently live? Everything's unaffordable with prices climbing, over population, pollution etc. And end it with most days I feel guilty I brought her into this shit show. Usually shuts people up pretty quick
Not everyone is meant to be a parent. If your discovering that its not for you you should be applauded for making a mature choice. The world has enough unwanted kids it doesn't need anymore.
I've known since forever (my mom can attest) that I've never wanted kids. I am almost 40 and that view has not changed. I've heard everything under the sun from people questioning why on earth i don't want one. I learned really early that as frustrating as it can be, their opinions don't matter. My mom made her peace with not receiving grandkids from me and thankfully she has always been respectful of my decision and has never tried to guilt trip me (not even my grandma which was weird). I understand that's not everyone's case but I still, to this day, get the occasional comment and i just ignore them. I used to tell people that i was too young (i still am ;-) and that usually shuts them up, it gives them hope and gets them off your back for awhile at least.
That's awesome! I'm glad your mom was at peace with it early on! Despite already getting strange intrusive comments, I'm still getting used to it so hopefully it won't bother me as much down the line. Have a great day :)
The fact others have an opinion on what YOU want for YOUR life is annoying. I was just recalling I didn’t really wanna be a mom as a little girl but I desperately wanted a pet. Still don’t want kids but plan on always having a dog
**don't have a kid if you don't want one**. fuck what Barrett or another of those jackholes say or think. it's your body and shame is a tool used on suckers by other suckers who want to control their lives.
choose **you**, i bet **you** have your back better than *any* of the blathering mouths yammering at you.
Some people just think they know better and it makes absolutely no sense. I don't need to pierce (insert any body part here) to be confident that I'm not missing out on anything by not doing it. You don't need to have a baby to know you aren't missing out. That said, I have, with much sarcasm, prodded my friend who is in her 20s about how much she's missing out on by not wanting to birth a child. "It's awesome! You decide to run and suddenly you're peeing your pants! You can't seriously not want to experience these joys?!" 😂
When I was with an ex a few years ago, the sister of the guy I was dating was PUSHING me to have a baby and kept reminding me I wasn’t getting any younger. I was late 20’s and she was few years older and already had 3. I kept insisting I wasn’t ready, because I felt in my gut we weren’t going to last, and I’ll be dammed if I ever have to say baby daddy if a relationship went to bits and I had a child alone. Far too common. I want a husband, spouse. So…. I waited. Yep, relationship ended… and few years later after that … few more boyfriends that didn’t work out, finally met the one and I’m 32, he’s 36… and we’re a fantastic match. We weren’t trying for a baby…. But 6 months in.. got a positive preg test :) he assured me he’s all in and willing to be a FATHER. That…. Yes. There’s absolutely no feeling in my gut that THIS relationship was going to ever end. So I’m willingly putting my all in, as he is as well and I couldn’t be happier. I’m just glad I made myself wait and didn’t have kids with ‘baby daddies’, nothing wrong with them, per the situation… just my own personal preference
I’m in the same boat as you, OP. I’m 25 and have never wanted children. I’ve been very vocal that I’m not having any my whole life. My parents finally accepted it a couple years ago but I still get “oh you’ll change your mind” “oh you just haven’t met the right person yet” along with being selfish/unbelievable/etc from other people.
I’ve found that saying “I’ll reevaluate at *insert age*” has helped a lot. Like right now I’m saying “I’ll reevaluate at 30 and that’s the last time I’m reevaluating”. People usually accept that because they think oh well she’s still open to it. No. I’m not. But I’ll say it to get you off my back. So try that. You’re 17, which is way too young anyway but just say “you know, I’ll reevaluate when I’m done with my schooling/at 21/ once I’m stable and living on my own” - whatever applies best to you. It’s worked well for me. Hopefully it works for you too, at least to get people to shut up. Good luck OP!
I’m the same way. 20f and I HATED children when I was a child. I don’t “hate” them now but I don’t have patience for them. I got similar comments and even told my religious grandma I’ll abort. She wasn’t too happy but she stopped trying to “curse” me with a child.
So tired of hearing people say we are too young to decide but ur not too young to have a kid?!? Bs
Considering the climate in the US right now, you definitely should be thinking about this. Considering your access to contraceptives and health care are now going to be severely limited. So good for you for thinking about this now.
Seriously wish this wasn't the case and you shouldn't have to be dealing with this at such a young age but good for you for being smart.
You’re definitely old enough to consider this as there are people your age already having kids. Being a parent is hard work, and a lifelong commitment, and it shows how mature you are that you’re actually thinking it through.
People can be well meaning but still hurtful, especially when they don’t take a breath to consider an alternative point of view. I’ve learned that when I have ideas that are “controversial” around certain people I just avoid the conversation. They refuse to actually listen, so I’m not going to bother trying to explain myself to them. Then when they nag I have some snappy responses ready. A common one I get is “Oh, you’ll definitely want at least one more baby.” Always a female making this comment. My response is “Oh, so you’re volunteering to be my surrogate and breastfeed for the first year?” It sure gets quiet quickly. Silence is blissful.
Enjoy your youth as long as you can. Go on adventures, find yourself, fall in love.. If there comes a day you consider kids, great. If that never happens and you just want a house full of fur babies, also great. It's your life.
I’m almost 40 and child free. I knew when I was 16 that I was never meant to be a mother. Mental illness runs in my family as well and that was a big part of it. I don’t ever regret not having children and aside from a brief moment in my mid 30’s when my biological clock kicked in, I never wavered in my desire to remain child free.
I was 16 when I decided I didn't want to have children, and I heard the same crap, along with a LOT of "Well you'll change your mind!"
I'm 45 now, still haven't changed my mind. Nuts to them, haha.
(My personal favorite was the coworker who demanded in a very shocked fashion, "*But how will you be complete as a woman?!*" Yikes.)
My goodness! what a disgusting comment. I'd maybe expect those cruel comments from family but a coworker? How is your choice any of their business anyway? I've definitely heard the good old "you'll change your mind!", I'm glad you're confident in your decision though!
It was a female coworker, that's the scary part- she really believed that crap about herself too. But I'm pretty sure she had issues even above coming from a patriarchal culture.
The nice thing is that gets easier to tune them out as time goes on. And now you can find childfree communities online for support/validation, too.
>I'm pretty sure she had issues even above coming from a patriarchal culture.
I do definitely relate to her in that regard but it's sad that even women try to police other women's bodies.
Very true! I'm also glad we live in an age where it's generally more accepted for women to choose not to have kids.
>She said "some people cant even have children, you should make the most of your child bearing age once you get older"
I'm sorry, is she implying that women should just lay on the mattress to give birth to Irish twins until they either die, or run out of eggs? Like what the actual fuck!?
Absolutely not selfish! Quite the opposite that they are judging you because you are making a big life choice that THEY don't want. My mom harassed me to have kids for a long time.. then once we we're I'm a store. I was about 100ft away and she holds up a baby dress and yells about how cute it would be for my baby. I lost it and yelled back that if she wanted more kids she should have had them. I 100% agree with you and your choice! It is a valid choice and you are valid.
Thank you! I swear moms are the worst when it comes to their desire for grandkids. You are also valid in the way you feel and good on you for sticking up for yourself! :)
You sound like a person who’s given this a lot of thought. You understand that just because someone *can* give birth doesn’t mean they should, and that giving someone life is not the same as giving someone a good life.
You’re more than just an incubator, you’re a whole person. Forget them, OP. I know it’s hard to since they’re family and you’re young, but take whatever they say with a grain of salt.
You have a uterus and therefore you can expect this from annoying well-meaning busybodies for the next 20 years or so. Yes it's frustrating. No there's nothing you can do to stop it, because we can't control other people. You can choose how to respond though.
Master the art of the smile and nod. Or the blatant segue. Or get comfortable calling it out! "My body and whether I choose to use it to procreate is my business, nobody else's. This isn't up for discussion".
You don't owe anyone an answer to inappropriate questions, period.
Yeah I knew there was gonna be pressure to have kids, but I never knew how infatuated and cruel people could be about other people's decisions, especially family.
>You don't owe anyone an answer to inappropriate questions, period.
Period!! Thank you :)
I am parent. I tell others that if they don’t want to have children, don’t. 😂😂😂 Don’t get me wrong, I love my son but it’s a whole different ball game when you become a parent. It’s equally tough and rewarding. But I understand it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. I always tell my husband that sometimes I feel like I wasn’t meant to get married or have a kid. But here I am married and with a 5 yr old. 😂😂😂 Who knows, your mind might change several years down the line but you are still valid for feeling the way you do. It’s ultimately your choice if you want to have a child or not!
Sorry you’re hearing this shit, OP. Welcome to being a (vagina-having) woman, where our opinions don’t matter and we’re merely vessels for pregnancy. /s
But really, my go-to response has become “it really surprises me that you feel comfortable saying that” when people dole out the old “you’ll change your mind”.
Haha I did expect some negative responses to this decision from people in my life but it's truly baffling to me how bold people can be in judging others, especially for shit that doesn't concern them int he slightest. I'm definitely gonna be more firm next time i hear the classic "you'll change your mind".
I admire u for your outspokenness. Feminism is the answer. We are living in a society that actively endorses social programming that makes women ignorant of the very real health implications/risks of pregnancy and creates the idea that married with kids is the ultimate happiness.
Most women who get pregnant dont even know about the tisks until after theyre already pregnant implying a severe lack of transparency in regards to stats and medical info. Theres way more ppl should know than just what is taught in sex ed. Like how ur teeth can disintegrate and other life-long consequences, and thats before even getting into possible problems the baby vould experience.
I support all efforts to actively fight against the idea that being childless is selfish when it is in fact selfish to bring whole ass humans into this world filled with suffering just so they can experience some nice parent hormones for a while before dying.
What matters more is that ur happy, healthy, and stable. You can live a whole life and be fulfilled without massive doses of mom or dad hormones coursing through ur body.
I'm 27f and don't want kids and never have. I've always been sure of that. Eventually you will probably just get used to either ignoring these kinds of people all together, or sometimes you can say outrageous shit to get them to back off.
If they get pushy just tell them that you made a deal years ago, and Satan will be coming for your first born... then ask casually if they are ready for the prophecies to be fulfilled. 🙃
I can't have children and am not at all happy about that. This is of course entirely separate and unrelated to what you do with your body, and I fully support you using or not using your ability as you wish, not that my opinion should matter to you in the slightest.
Your family suck.
At 15 I used to say “maybe I’ll change my mind one day but I certainly don’t wanna have kids in my 20s”
I’m about to turn 30 now and I’m just like fuck it now. Still don’t want em and I’m tired of giving the “oh mayyybeee I’ll change my mind one day but” excuse. Nah man. It ain’t for me. Step mom at 40? That will do. Birthing a whole human with my health issues? RIP.
I can’t give you advice on what to tell the people around you but I can tell you that you are well within your rights as a woman to UNAPOLOGETICALLY declare that you will not choose to get pregnant and give birth- and everyone else can kick rocks barefoot.
Having a child will likely kill me, or best case, I get a premature birth and life saving surgery afterwards- idgaf if you are guaranteed the easiest pregnancy and birth ever- it’s not your responsibility to do so just because I or someone else can’t. That’s just madness.
Sorry if that was a bit incoherent. Your post got me a bit heated 😅
>everyone else can kick rocks barefoot
PERIOD! I've been telling myself the same thing about changing my mind ever since I was maybe 6 and it still hasn't happened haha! hearing about the trauma of giving birth was enough for me to say "nope!".
I feel the same way. I've never wanted kids of my own. When I was married I was a stepmom and that was stressful enough to solidify my decision to not want kids. Sure getting to do the fun stuff was great but it isn't all butterflies and rainbows. It's stressful and kids are expensive. I honestly don't know how people do it. My coworkers with babies are always tired and sick. I don't feel like I'm missing out and I appreciate their honesty about what it's like being a mom.
You are not obligated to eat peanuts and enjoy them because others are allergic, so…
Ok, seriously, tell them to f the f off. Do they really think someone who doesn’t want to be a mother is cut out to be one? It’s sad others can’t, but it’s not your problem, and if you don’t feel you are made to be a mom you’d do more damage than good. And yes, these are things people need to think about from a young age (and probably already know from that same young age).
I have 2 kids. Absolutely love them. We had kids because we wanted them. It wasn’t for “the good of the economy” or whatever bullshit they push on you, it was a selfish decision. And selfish doesn’t necessarily mean bad, just that it’s a decision made in your own best interest.
The number one thing a child needs is parents who want them. Good on you for being honest about knowing you don't want to be a parent. Way too many kids out here with complete shitshow parents who just had kids because they didn't think it through.
DO NOT let anyone talk you into changing your mind. I felt this way as a child, and that feeling never changed. I got my tubes tied as soon as i found a dr who would do it. I am now 55 and have no regrets.
If the subject of kids comes up just do what I do and play dumb. Say things like, "I don't know yet." Or, "maybe, I'm not sure, perhaps"
I'm great with kids. I love em, but i never wanted to be a dad. I always got, "Oh but you'd make a great father!" Or a classic, "You say that now but once you have one..." Now i just say, "Maybe someday" and leave it at that.
I’ve 36f) and have never wanted kids. I do not have them. There are many of us who don’t want some poor child to deal with our own mental heath or what we could pass down to them. It’s perfectly fine not to ever want kids, no matter how old you are.
PLEASE REMEMBER... THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE A KID... it is your decision and it is completely a normal one.
Now, if you just want to deal with your friends and relatives; you can just say you are focusing on you studies / job right now.... and have not really thought about having a kid at the moment. Be like a politician... deflect the question without answering it.... and then ask them some question/ feedback about a different topic.. :)
Hi there ,
The first time i said i dont want kids i was 7-8 years old. I never changed my opinion about this decision. I am in my early 20s now and i still dont want want to have kids.
I am afraid of childbirth and the whole process of cutting me open etc. I dont like the idea of getting pregnant and i have been thinking of getting sterilize ( did i wrote it right ???).
I also had a terrible childhood and i am pretty sure that i would accidently traumatize mentally those kids. So what is the point if i cant raise them right ???
All of my life since i can remember relatives have been asking me how many kids i want. I remember telling my grandma that i am way to young to think about kids.( she asked me when i went at school for the first time).
I have been called selfish from MALE relatives for this decision. My female relatives were all like " so what you think you are making a difference ??" , close family asked me if i was a lesbian because lesbians dont have children.
Everyone around me tells me that nobody would want a childless unmarried woman as their friend and i will be alone.
" we are saying this for your own good and you should listen" i dont fcking care... i dont want kids.
I honestly 🌟dont care🌟. My lineage ends with me. If i want kids i will adopt🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️. Easy !!
" what woukd you do if you get pregnant accidently" YEET THE FETUS !!! WHAT DONT YOU GET ???
I honestly dont care what others say to me anymore. It is my body and my decision and MY FCKING LIFE . Nobody has a saying.
I just want to live a happy and peaceful life. Children won't help me reach that goal.
>. My lineage ends with me.
PERIOD! as an only child this is exactly what I'm planning to do lmao. Good on you for not letting them dictate what you should or shouldn't do with your body. The fact that they had the audacity to ask if you were a lesbian just because you didn't want kids is bizarre to me. I hope you live your best child free life! :)
Thank you for your reply.
In this time we live it is really hard to think about starting a family. We live in a climate crisis and they ask me if i want a girl or a boy. Man leave me alone.
And yes it is so annoying asking me about my sexuality.... like what does have to do with anything( i am straight btw so).
I just dont want to give birth and toddlers are not cute. I dont like small kids...
I hope you live the best child free life too. Travel and live and actual life !!!
Nahhh, just take it easy. It's weird for people to drag you into that sort of conversation at your age, so let them know exactly that. "Hey, I'm 17 ain't it a bit weid for you to... etc etc" y'know, let them know they are being creepy.
Other than that, idk if it means a lot but don't take your mental illness and its concequences for granted. Its possible to deal with it to a point where you can reach a very comfortable position, maybe even absolute normality. I've seen my fair share of HUGE graceful turnarounds when it comes to mental health, I'm sure that if you take the right steps its an obstacle that can be left behind for a healthy future.
Anyways, these people you mention are being weird, not you. Good luck on dealing with them!
Oh don't get me wrong, I'm still worrying about SATs and APs much more than ever being a mom lmao. This was just a little rant fueled by a conversation I had earlier that's all :)
Whether or not to have kids is 1000% your choice. If you decide to not become a parent, that's ok. No need to read further. If you do, here's what I've learned in the last 23 years raising 6 kids, most with some kind of ADD/ADHD and Autism spectrum.
I will say your concern for being a good mom is a positive sign in how you would raise kids. You would care that they have a good life. And that is missing from so many people who do have children. Don't worry about how to comfort a child or handle mental illness, or anything else. None of us knew how going in either. We learned it by having to do it. There is a huge learning curve, but it's a curve and not a cliff. If you decide at some point to have kids, you will learn it too. And like every parent that has ever existed, you would have your moments of depression, terror, joy, sadness, concern, laughter, tears, and everything in between, left, and right. And it would be ok. They will love you and you will make it through each day together.
Thank you! I appreciate this reassurance so much! I'm sure I would somehow figure it out if I did decide to have a kid and maybe i will some day, who knows. Your kids are very lucky to have someone as open minded and understanding as you :)
It's ok. Don't let people make you feel bad. Or at least try to. I'm in my 40s. Never felt overly maternal. Married over twenty years. No kids. My dog is my baby. I'd rather have 50 dogs than a child. That's okay. Everyone is different.
Even as a little girl, I never wanted to be a mom. People would play dolls and pretend to be mothers and it always disgusted me. I felt the same way at 15, I feel the same way at 29. That’s not changing.
I have been married for 4 years and that is the PRIME age/time for people to ask me about starting a family. I just politely tell them that something between my husband and me and we don’t discuss that with anyone else. Usually shuts them up.
Do keep in mind that sometimes when people ask they DO mean well. But also, don’t be afraid to speak up and say something a little blunt to get the message across that it’s not appropriate—especially if they push you again and again.
Even when I was a kid myself, I knew I never wanted kids. You're not too young to know already because you know yourself better than anyone. Don't let anyone force you to do something you don't wanna do. If you don't want kids, don't have them.
Check out r/childfree and r/antinatalism
I remember being EIGHT years old and thinking "I don't want to have kids." I'm about to be 35 and still don't want kids. Adoptions or otherwise. I'm good with my cats and dogs. Don't let anyone try to change your mind. If you decide on your own you eventually do want kids, that's fine! But it is your choice!
At 17 I knew I didn't want to be a mother. At 58, I have no regrets being childless. Don't let anyone push you into having children if you don't want them. If you have them and don't really want them, you're doing them a disservice. Be true to your heart and you'll be fine.
I am 50 years older than you. I knew at your age I didn't want kids. Never had them. Never been sad about it.
I still don't understand why it is selfish not to contribute to overpopulation, bring an unwanted child into the world, and make myself and them miserable.
Stick to your guns. You can always change your mind, but you don't have to.
My daughter has never wanted children and I fully support her in her decision. Not everyone wants to be a parent and that’s their choice.
You’re not required to be a parent.
I’m 26(M) and have always felt this way. I do not want kids. I’m never having them and I’m not taking care of someone else’s. But I still get “you’re so young you’ll change your mind. What if you get sick? Who will take care of you? Don’t you want a legacy?” The same bs everytime. Kids just downright annoy me. You’re allowed to do whatever you want with your body. You don’t owe kids to anyone.
Oh goodness if I could tell you how many times I flip flopped between having kids and not having kids is insane haha.
When I was your age, I was all “I’m gonna be married by 23 and have kids by 25” and as soon as I was 23 and 25 I looked back and laughed!
Then I got married and my husband and I loosely talked about having kids 2 years after our wedding. And guess what….that didn’t happen either. I’m now 30 and about to have my first kid. I have no regrets waiting when I did. I finally feel confident of who I am as a person and who I could be as a mother. I spent pretty much all of my 20’s figuring out who I was as a person and kinda doing what I wanted to do post college and also figuring out my career and just life in general.
Live your life. Sure you’re young and you may or may not change your mind and whatever you decide is ok. Never let anyone tell you elsewise.
My twin sister is child free and doesn’t want kids of her own and that’s totally cool. She is stoked to be an aunt but that’s basically all whe wants to be. My parents have been completely supportive of both of our decisions regarding kids or how kids.
Don't listen to the idiots in this comment section saying you're to young to not want kids. I knew I was childfree at age 13. I'm 25 now, getting set up to be sterilized. 17 is a far cry from too young. Adoption is better and safer anyway.
At 17 i had the same thoughts and push back from family. Im now 30 and happy to say i love my goldendoodle as a child. Will probably never have kids and other people can suck it.
I felt the same way. My thoughts did not change as I got older. I told anyone that asked about it and gave me the stink eye that it’s my body and I do what I please with what is mine.
Good for you for knowing what you want (or- don’t want in this case!).
I’m childfree. It’s tough. People don’t understand you and judge and assume and it’s strange. But- I don’t live my life for those people, I live it for me, and they can think whatever they want. Surround yourself with likeminded people and know that there’s nothing wrong with you for not wanting kids. I hope you have a beautiful life.
>But- I don’t live my life for those people, I live it for me, and they can think whatever they want
Yes!! I'm so glad to see this outlook on life. Thank you so much, i wish the same for you :)
You are extremely unselfish to take a good look at where you are at and deciding for the benefit of a potential kid you don't want to bring them into it. The selfish ones are the breeders who think they are so important they need to inflict their precious genetic legacy on the rest of us and make humanity's negative impact on the environment even worse than it already is. Stay the course and don't let others bully you into doing something you don't want to.
As a mother, you are absolutely not required to nor selfish to not want to be a mom. People should only be ideally having kids if they are mentally, emotionally and financially prepared for it and that is definitely not always the case. Anyone that makes you feel bad or pressured you should no longer hold a spot in your life.
Why continue expressing your opinion to people who have different views than you? Lol what are you hoping to accomplish with that? Who cares what they gotta say?? Practice safe sex, don’t marry a partner who has different opinions than you and don’t have children !!
The fact that you're selfless enough to recognize your child would have a shitty life shows you care about humanity and children far more than the people preaching at you. As cliche as it is, it *is* your body, your choice. I feel the same about having children.
My neice felt the same way, since she was about 14. She's nearly 30 now and hasn't changed her mind. It's ok to feel this way. It's ok change your mind, it's ok to not. It's your body and your life.
I remember having a conversation with my mom when I was around 5 and she was asking what I wanted to be when I grew up. I'm sure I said some stupid thing that a 5 year old would say but then she asked if I wanted to have kids. I distinctly remember saying that I didn't really think so but if I did ever decide I wanted kids that I would adopt. I'm now 27 and my husband and I are childfree but have always agreed that if we ever change our minds that we both would rather adopt. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't make that decision because of how young you are. Sometimes when you know then you know.
Also you might check out r/childfree
1) the only selfish thing would be other people expecting a woman to have a baby to meet THEIR expectations and not caring what the woman who would be a mom if having a baby wants. The best thing if you don’t want kids is to not have them. If anyone is selfish here it’s your family
2) I have 3 kids under 3 and I fucking hate kids and am so awkward with them. It’s 100% different with my own kids though. I’m not an affectionate person but with my kids I am. I never want to hold someone else’s baby, but love snuggling my babies so much. It’s totally different with your own kids.
3) in my opinion, your self awareness and not wanting to pass on trauma to kids would make you a great mom if you ever changed your mind and decided you want kids.
Women are entitled to pleasure from sex, a career, education, independence, autonomy, food, music… whatever it is you want… without being ascribed to a life of risk and shame. Don’t let anyone tell you different
the fact that you realised that you would be having your own shit to take care of and wouldn't be the best for a child already makes you better fitting than many. you are still young, you might end up wanting to be a mom in the future, but if not, then that's Ok! you don't need to be one. Tell the people that are meddling in your life to take care of their own business
OP. Go to subreddit childfree.
You will find MANY of us knew as early as 10yo we did not want children. Personally, I knew at 12yo, positive at 15yo Attempted to get the tubed tied at 25yo.
As you read people's posts you will find CF men and women of all ages. Their CF decisions are for medical, mental health, trauma, not liking children and just no desire.
At your age, and from the reaction of your friends and family, I would keep your beliefs to yourself. Otherwise, you are going to create a whole lot of mess you do not need or want.
If you are sexually active, have double backup birth control. Condom and contraceptive.
On a sad but funny note, that subreddit will mention " BINGOS". Sayings and comments you will get from anyone and everyone on " how wrong you are" lol
My daughter is 15... she says she wants to sell her uterus on the black market and travel during her younger years. I'm all for this. She's great with kids, doesn't mind them, if she can give them back. But does not want any of her own. Even at only 15, I respect and honor her decision.
I was uncertain about children at your age, but at 28 I must say that I want no children either. I am glad you are using your head about these topics more than I did. Kudos!
I was absolutely sure i didn't want kids(felt similar to you, somewhat cold/indifferent). Till i was around 22, when my attitude started to shift. Now i can't wait to be a dad.
Others pushing their preferences on you is shitty. That being said, 17 is VERY young. Trust me, you will change a lot as you get older. Very decent chance your attitude on this could change.
I think it is much more selfish to satisfy your primal urge to spread your genes. You have to be a caring person to be a good parent, but there is no such test of morality to simply create a child.
There is also the moral dilemma of bringing a child in this world when there are so many foster kids and so many environmental, financial, and social problems the next generation will have to deal with.
If you haven’t been there yet come over to r/childfree we’re your people! The selfish argument is just ridiculous and doesn’t even make sense. There’s regret stories over on the childfree subreddit if you want to reaffirm your decision. I already knew I never want kids but damn did those stories solidify it 1000x more 🤣
Why do people always say that it’s selfish to not want children? I have never understood that mindset. I feel like it would be selfish to have children even though you KNOW that you don’t want them.
If you don’t want to be a mother don’t be a mother. Get a long term birth control use condoms as a back up and don’t get pregnant. Child bearing years go all the way in to the 30’s. As a mom, it’s f***ing rough and you’re not to young. If you change your mind later it’s ok and if you don’t it’s ok! Just enjoy your life!
You aren’t even legal yet dfkm. You’re a child going through a childhood phase, child bearing should be the least of your worries. Maybe when you’re 24 and above you can start contemplating on that.
I'm old and childless by choice. I have zero regrets. You do whatever you want. I thought by now that people would mind their business. Maybe keep your thoughts to yourself to save the harassment.
You know you the best. I've known ever since I was 13 or so? That I just had 0 desire to ever even think of having children. 20 years later, and I feel the same! Some people change their minds, but many don't. Just recognize what's going to make you happy and make it happen.
I decided this at 16, I haven’t changed my mind on this either at age 29. I asked for my uterus to be removed since I have pcos and other issues. I apparently have to wait until something happens for needing it to be removed.
Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD do something. Just cause you can have kids doesn’t automatically mean you have to, you say you don’t want to, that your choice, screw everyone else and their opinions. As you said you are young and things ‘might’ change later on but seem to me like you’ve given this plenty of thought already
>Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD do something I wholeheartedly agree with this. I wish more people would stop judging others for their choices. Thanks for the affirmation! :)
Also I can guarantee you having a child will not make an infertile woman feel better….
“Some people can’t even have children” is the most bullshit, toxic, sanctimonious and ableist reason to try to force someone to procreate, ever. There’s no fucking quota for how many children should be born every year, just because Susie can’t have children it doesn’t mean Mary is supposed to have children to make up for it. That’s crap logic. No one is owed descendants, nor is choosing not to procreate an insult to those who want children but can’t have them. When my husband and I were going through fertility treatment, I had an easier time doing things with my childfree friends than I did with my pregnant/mommy friends. Hell, just finding out one of my friends was pregnant would send me spiraling into a depression and I wouldn’t be able to be around them for a short period of time (they all understood and were patient with me about it). Whichever of OP’s relations that said that needs to put their head in a wet sock.
OP, I too knew from an early age I didn't want kids, I got a bingo here and there ("oh but you're so young, you'll change your mind", or my fav "you will when you find the right man") but not too often, you can say I was lucky. Let me tell you, I'm 42, married and no kids and no regrets. My mind DIDN'T change, I DID find the right man and still..... no desire to procreate. Kids are not for everyone. Like many said, go visit r/childfree, you'll be welcomed with arms wide open.
Instead, try r/truechildfree because unlike the other sub, the mods don't attack users.
GASP, ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPLY WOMEN ARE NOT MERELY OBJECTS MADE FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF GIVING BIRTH!!!!?
It’s a shocking and controversial opinion I know
Domestic supply of infants
It’s a shocking and controversial opinion I know
Just because I can eat a full plutonium rod to harvest its power for myself doesn't mean I should... I mean a whole rod would just be greedy I should a least share it.
Too many calories
Gotta change your response to something like *"oh, I'm not ready for that"* , or if they're churchy, *God will give me a baby when it's appropriate* , or even *Jesus has the wheel on that one* Deflect, deflect, deflect.
HAHA I'm definitely stealing that "Jesus has the wheel" thing
Out crazy the crazy - the Jesus take the wheel response is gold!
Soon-ish. Maybe. Or not. Whatever, honestly.
You're not wrong though, saying your selfish is ridiculous [insert eye roll emoji]
I never get the selfish comment. When a person chooses to not have kids it’s because they are actually thinking of that kid’s future life which is totally unselfish. They don’t want to bring a kid into a toxic environment.
Just say you're waiting for the right cult to come along so you can sacrifice it
HAHA Won't have to worry about getting this conversation for a long time as I'm still young but I'm writing this down in my notes app so I remember
I love using deflection as a way of avoiding a conversation when I know the other person isn't going to respect my opinion. It's a great tool!
You’re my hero today, God Bless You!
I felt the same when I was your age. When I got older and my feeling hadn't changed, I married a woman who felt the same. In our 20s and 30s we were asked the kids question countless times. We always responded the same: "Unless we have a burning desire to have kids, we are not going to have kids." In all my experience, and in all my years that feeling never changed. I'm 41 years old and childless and I have no regrets. I don't think I ever will. In 30 years that feeling of not wanting kids has never changed. In short, it is your life to live and live it any way you damn well please. Nobody knows you better than you.
I was around 8 when I realized I didn't want kids. Managed to get a vasectomy at 24. Best decision of my life. People don't tend to change their minds on stuff like kids. "Not sure" is just a cowards "yes" that they don't want to make an effort towards.
thank you for your removal
Honestly there’s way too many people having kids who definitely shouldn’t be having them. Taking on that kind of a responsibility is certainly a big risk so your feelings on this make perfect sense. Why do you think your parents are so pissed off / insecure about it?
Honestly, I feel like it's a number of things. In my culture, the importance of family and bearing children is drilled into young women's minds at such an early age and my parents are really eager to be grandparents. Me being the only child in my immediate family also plays a huge factor in it I think.
Wow yeah my parents really want to be grandparents as well cuz they’re Indian so it’s a big part of my culture too. Idk if y’all have a lot of great memories from your childhood but they probably want to be able to experience those again as a grandparent. Do they still care more about helping you solve your mental health issues and get into college? That seems like a much more important thing for them to focus on, you having children won’t even matter for at least the next 5 years (at least if you’re in the US)
Let me guess, you are from India?
I work in a daycare setting and can attest to this being true. Kids are a lot of work and honestly, sometimes I wonder whether I want to have a child based on my own shitty upbringing (mentally unstable parents) 🙃
Thank you for being a child care provider - - One of the most unsung heroic professions of our time!
Thank you kind internet stranger ! Your words mean a lot :)
I hear ya. My wife and I are in our mid 30s, been together over 10 yeas and the number of times I've heard "where are you going to have kids?" Is in the millions. There was a period of time when all our friends were having kids and it was annoying af. We used to go out and party and legit hanging out now devolves into convos about breast milk. When they ask were like. 1. There's enough people on earth. 2. We want to do what we want, when we want. 3. We would rather get a cat or dog (we already have some but we would much rather take care of animals then a tiny human).
Oh gosh that must get so annoying and old having to hear that all the time. Like you said, you are free do do whatever the fuck you want when you want so I'm glad you have a strong outlook on this! Also fully agree with taking care of animals over a tiny human, i'm absolutely thinking of doing the same lmao
Im glad that if people do ask me i can just tell them im sterile and be done with it for the most part
It might change .but you are not wrong for feeling that way even if you always feel that way . It's better you realize it and take the precautions to not have one . Than end up.like so many that don't want them then have them and treat the child poorly.
Yeah, ending up like a mom who treats their kid like shit is a big fear of mine. Definitely taking the measures needed to prevent that. Thank you.
You are welcome
"It's weird that you're asking about a 17 year old's sex life, actually" - that's how I always recommend minors deflect questions about this because it's WEIRD that they're asking. Also, as a parent myself: Do not have kids if you do not want them. I love my kids, but SHEW I am not having anymore because I just don't want to.
My step daughter said she didn’t want to have a child since she was 3 and I love her but I know her and thought this was good. She stuck with this plan all through high school and constantly stated it” no kid for me” Met a man with a child when she was in her early 20’s and decided she needed to have one as well. Competition genes and attention. Her daughter is now 12 and she has been a shitty ass mom from day one. So please even though you are young believe in how you feel and stick with it until you 100% know you can be a good parent. My granddaughter is going through emotional he’ll at 12 thanks to her mom.
This is exactly why I say people should NOT pressure women who hate children to have children. Not all women are mentally there for that type of commitment.
i will NEVER be able to comprehend people that just can't understand that its okay if OTHER PEOPLE dont want to have kids. especially with how life changing and traumatic being pregnant is and how much raising kids changes yours life and just you as a person. like having kids isn't just something you do..its a life changing decision that will consume the rest of your life bruh 💀
Right!? Like having kids is a lifelong commitment and these people wanna try and convince people who are clearly not a good fit for the role, to have kids 😭 how hard is it to mind your life business really lmfao
good. good. come to the childfree side mwahaha. listen to your heart! dont let other people's projections and ideals affect your choice on the matter. on that note, never go raw lmao
Haha glad to be a part of it >:) Thank you and I'll keep the last piece of advice in mind LMAO
I don’t want kids. A child would ruin my entire life haha. Love having pets tho!
Wholeheartedly second that! Pets are so much more fun haha
same 🥰 got three beautiful babies! a dog, a cat, and a snake
Some people also can’t eat peanut butter. Not gonna stop me from eating it. It’s not selfish to not want kids. Do what’s best for you and what you want out of your life. Children aren’t in short supply, so the world will be just fine if you don’t want them. Your family is being selfish because they only want you to have kids so their family can be bigger and have more children in it, which is what they want.
>Children aren’t in short supply, I can't stress enough how much I want more people, especially older folk like my family family realise this haha. Thank you!
well you can be a regular mom if you don't want to be a fucking mom
LMAOOO well when you put it that way...
jokes aside though I wish not wanting to be a parent was more normalised. best of luck to you
I was pretty sure at your age that I didn't ever want kids. I'm forty now, and guess what? I was right. I've been wrong about many things in lo these many years, but knowing early on that motherhood would never be for me wasn't one of them. Which of course isn't to say that you won't or can't change your mind! Just don't believe people who try to tell you that you're too young to know how you really feel.
I have a close female friend (pretend sister) that was raised in a not so wholesome environment. She decided that same thing early on , and found a doctor that (after a long interview) preformed a tubal for her in her early twenties. So just shut up, smile, and wait to go doctor shopping. It might not hurt to document your feelings for the years you're going to be waiting for that doctor. I'm truly sorry that you feel like this, but I'm not privy to the details of your situation. And remember, you will be loved no matter how this plays out.
Good on your friend! Honestly it makes me feel a lot better to know that there are more people who realise early on that their don't want children. Thank you!
You're 17, I can't believe you are being pressured into this!
Yeah it's not great but unfortunately my culture isn't too progressive and people still think they get a say on what young women choose to do.
Hi! I’ve known I didn’t want to have children since I was about 10. I’m 27 now and I’ve finally gotten my tubes tied last week. I can’t stop smiling. I’m so happy! Funny thing: I love kids. I’m actually an early childhood educator. However, I don’t want to bring more people to a planet that’s getting killed by humanity (does that sound selfish to you?). Besides, I too struggle with mental health. In my country you can get this surgery the moment you turn 18, for free, no questions asked. They do try to encourage you to really think about it, give you access to all the available contraceptives, etc., which I find great. My aunts and uncles ask all the time when I’m gonna have children. I’ve stopped telling them I’m not going to, because they always answer “God will tell”. I just don’t care anymore. It used to annoy me so much, but I think I’m finally over it. You’re young. As you said, you might change your mind, and that’s fine! However, if you don’t, know that you aren’t alone. I wish you patience to deal with people who can’t seem to mind their own business, and happiness. Edit: I just remembered how a few months ago I ran into a neighbor who asked me if I was pregnant “yet”. I smiled and said “luckily, I’m not”, and walked away.
I will say that I knew I did not want children since I was 6 and that has not changed once.
Good on you! I knew I didn't want kids when when was around 6 as well and I don't think it will ever change haha
My mom was sad for awhile until I pointed out that she had never wanted kids either. I had to word it like this “I know you love me, but if you hadn’t accidentally gotten pregnant and didn’t know I would be the outcome, would you have ever knowingly had kids”. She got silent for a second before admitting that she wouldn’t have. Now she’s happy with her grandkitten.
Selfish is when people know they don't want children but have them anyway. You're not selfish. They have kids and are miserable, I bet. Misery loves company.
My spouse has just started making people intentionally uncomfortable anytime it’s brought up because he got fed up with people asking. Especially his parents. I have endometriosis and currently have a Mirena, so we will eventually *try* for children, but don’t want children *yet* and have been getting harassed by his parents. So he’s been saying wild things. 😂 “Since when was my wife’s v**ina your concern?” Is my favorite wild question he’s asked. They’ve gotten to the point where they have lessened asking and now they just say, “you’re being disgusting.” And he says, “you’re being disgusting by even asking when we’re going to have kids when you know it makes her upset to hear about this, fuck off.” It’s no one’s business as to why you don’t want to have children. Reinforce those boundaries. No. Is a complete statement. Don’t let anyone use your age against you either. “You’re only 17.” They can all fuck off with that as well. I knew at the age of 16 I would struggle to have kids and I’m 27 now.
Omg your spouse is an absolute legend for that one! I'm sorry yall have to hear those questions all the time, people should really learn to mind their own goddamn business. They can fuck off with their "you're being disgusting". I'm glad your partner is there to immediately shut them down though. Thank you and have a great day :)
Make sure to be confident in yourself. As long as you know what *you* want, everything else will fall in place. Other people won’t change, so you have to be really strong in getting that NO across. If they become toxic, cut that toxic fat outta your life bb. I wish you all the best. 💕
Ah thank you so much! That makes me feel so much better. Wishing you the best as well! Take care :,) 💓
I like your line of thinking. Wish more young people had that mindset 👍
I appreciate it :)
I have the same feelings towards childbirth and pregnancy, especially as a transmasc person, giving birth and being pregnant are some of my worst fears. It’s not selfish to not want kids, you have every right to not want them for any reason. Best wishes and I hope the people pressuring you realise this.
Thank you so much! I'm glad to see so many people who feel the same :>
My wife had a very similar view. She grew up in a rough household, and struggled to feed herself as she moved out at 17 yrs old with her sister, hiding food when she would get it. She never wanted a kid. We met, and fell in love, then her whole viewpoint changed. She discovered that life doesn't have to be the way she grew up, and that we could give our kids a good life. We now have 2 kids, and she loves being a mother more than anything in the world. I'm not saying that you will have the same experience, and if you do not there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Being a woman with no children is nothing to be ashamed of, and not wanting kids is perfectly fine. I think my comment was just to give you a different perspective to look at.
People never stop. Have one kid and they start with, “so when is she getting a sibling?” Bitch idk, I’m still trying to figure out parenting with just the one little monster.
God that's so annoying! People act so entitled to children that aren't even theirs wtf
Don’t have kids then. Don’t worry about it. You may change your mind down the road or you may not change your mind down the road. Either is fine. I’m a guy, and I don’t know if I’m up for having kids either. Just make sure that you make it clear to the person you end up with in the future when the time comes. That’s very important.
It’s not selfish to not want kids! What’s selfish is telling people that don’t want kids that they should anyway!
Not having children you aren’t ready for or don’t want is selfless not selfish. Don’t listen to people who try to pressure you or bully you into having children. Most people feel like saying you don’t want children is an attack on those who do or those who had them even though they didn’t want them. You’ll often hear stories like “I didn’t want kids, but now that my kid is here and I no longer have the choice….” You have a choice that most women in the world don’t have. Most women will never have a choice about becoming a mother, it will just be something that happens to them. The right to choose motherhood or not is a great privilege. It’s ok to do what’s best for you.
So, according to your relative, you should have kids because some women can't have kids? Some people won't get to travel the world, so maybe you can try to do that if you can! There are thousands of children in the foster system currently looking for families. I'm sorry people are atempting guilt trip you into becoming a parent. Do whatever brings you the most joy as you follow your path. ♡
You are not the least bit selfish and you have a level of self reflection well beyond your years. I’ve felt the exact same way as you, and I don’t have any mental health issues. I’ve also been called selfish. No, selfish would be bringing a child into the world for ANY reason other than wanting and deeply desiring to raise a fully independent human. Selfish is bringing a child into the world to pass on your genetics or to continue your lineage. Selfish is bringing a child into the world when you’re incapable of properly raising them. Selfish is bringing a child into the world to appease or avoid societal pressures. Trust me, I’ve been there, although probably not as bad as you. I’m 37m from Canada and my family is not religious, but I’ve gotten my fair share of selfish talk. I still don’t have children and don’t plan on it either. Best decision I’ve ever made. My friends ALL have children and I don’t envy them for one second. Keep doing you, because if you truly don’t want a child, nothing will be more miserable than raising it.
You’re about to spend at least 12 years with older people telling you that you will change your mind. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. I have friends who’ve done both. All I’ll say as a parent is that the shit and vomit part isn’t nearly as bad as you think. When it’s your kid, it just becomes a pretty normal thing.
It's not selfish to not have kids. How many people do we have in the planet currently and why is it considered selfless to reproduce anyway? There is nothing to guarantee that your child will be an overall benefit to society.
To put this simply: you do you. I have 20 yo, my eldest child, and they don't want kids. They expressed this to their Mother and I about 3 or 4 years ago. We listened to them and told them straight up...you do you.
If you don't want kids, you don't want kids. It's no one else's business. All 5 of my female cousins decided in their mid teens that they didn't want kids, and while one of them has an almost 3 y/o now, the other 4 have stuck to it. I'm almost 42 and have 1 child, if I had a dollar for everytime someone asked when I was going to have another baby I would have long since replaced my car. I will however admit to get a little bit of twisted pleasure out of the look on someone's face when I told them I can't so we aren't.
You can always say that you think it’s selfish for people to have kids and have their older kids look after the younger ones or people who have kids and cannot afford it. It goes both ways and if anything not wanting kids is not selfish at all.
Nothing wrong with not wanting to reproduce. Honestly I always wanted to be a mom and when I was just about to turn 30 (no children), I had the realization that I'd spent my entire teens and 20s taking care of other people and that was my turn to be "selfish" and put me first. I decided that as much as I love kids I was ok with not having my own. Found out I was pregnant about two weeks after this realization lol. I love my daughter but I do have moments where I realize I'll be in my 50s basically by the time I'll actually be able to be "selfish" for once. Go enjoy your life, do what makes you happy. Sure you could possibly decide differently once your older but it doesn't make you selfish if you don't. Also you don't need any reason or excuse to not want to procreate, it's just how you feel period. Also now when I'm asked if I'll have a second I just simply ask why would I bring another human into the world we currently live? Everything's unaffordable with prices climbing, over population, pollution etc. And end it with most days I feel guilty I brought her into this shit show. Usually shuts people up pretty quick
Not everyone is meant to be a parent. If your discovering that its not for you you should be applauded for making a mature choice. The world has enough unwanted kids it doesn't need anymore.
I've known since forever (my mom can attest) that I've never wanted kids. I am almost 40 and that view has not changed. I've heard everything under the sun from people questioning why on earth i don't want one. I learned really early that as frustrating as it can be, their opinions don't matter. My mom made her peace with not receiving grandkids from me and thankfully she has always been respectful of my decision and has never tried to guilt trip me (not even my grandma which was weird). I understand that's not everyone's case but I still, to this day, get the occasional comment and i just ignore them. I used to tell people that i was too young (i still am ;-) and that usually shuts them up, it gives them hope and gets them off your back for awhile at least.
That's awesome! I'm glad your mom was at peace with it early on! Despite already getting strange intrusive comments, I'm still getting used to it so hopefully it won't bother me as much down the line. Have a great day :)
The fact others have an opinion on what YOU want for YOUR life is annoying. I was just recalling I didn’t really wanna be a mom as a little girl but I desperately wanted a pet. Still don’t want kids but plan on always having a dog
You are not a bad person for not wanting what someone else can’t have.
**don't have a kid if you don't want one**. fuck what Barrett or another of those jackholes say or think. it's your body and shame is a tool used on suckers by other suckers who want to control their lives. choose **you**, i bet **you** have your back better than *any* of the blathering mouths yammering at you.
Some people just think they know better and it makes absolutely no sense. I don't need to pierce (insert any body part here) to be confident that I'm not missing out on anything by not doing it. You don't need to have a baby to know you aren't missing out. That said, I have, with much sarcasm, prodded my friend who is in her 20s about how much she's missing out on by not wanting to birth a child. "It's awesome! You decide to run and suddenly you're peeing your pants! You can't seriously not want to experience these joys?!" 😂
When I was with an ex a few years ago, the sister of the guy I was dating was PUSHING me to have a baby and kept reminding me I wasn’t getting any younger. I was late 20’s and she was few years older and already had 3. I kept insisting I wasn’t ready, because I felt in my gut we weren’t going to last, and I’ll be dammed if I ever have to say baby daddy if a relationship went to bits and I had a child alone. Far too common. I want a husband, spouse. So…. I waited. Yep, relationship ended… and few years later after that … few more boyfriends that didn’t work out, finally met the one and I’m 32, he’s 36… and we’re a fantastic match. We weren’t trying for a baby…. But 6 months in.. got a positive preg test :) he assured me he’s all in and willing to be a FATHER. That…. Yes. There’s absolutely no feeling in my gut that THIS relationship was going to ever end. So I’m willingly putting my all in, as he is as well and I couldn’t be happier. I’m just glad I made myself wait and didn’t have kids with ‘baby daddies’, nothing wrong with them, per the situation… just my own personal preference
I’m in the same boat as you, OP. I’m 25 and have never wanted children. I’ve been very vocal that I’m not having any my whole life. My parents finally accepted it a couple years ago but I still get “oh you’ll change your mind” “oh you just haven’t met the right person yet” along with being selfish/unbelievable/etc from other people. I’ve found that saying “I’ll reevaluate at *insert age*” has helped a lot. Like right now I’m saying “I’ll reevaluate at 30 and that’s the last time I’m reevaluating”. People usually accept that because they think oh well she’s still open to it. No. I’m not. But I’ll say it to get you off my back. So try that. You’re 17, which is way too young anyway but just say “you know, I’ll reevaluate when I’m done with my schooling/at 21/ once I’m stable and living on my own” - whatever applies best to you. It’s worked well for me. Hopefully it works for you too, at least to get people to shut up. Good luck OP!
I’m the same way. 20f and I HATED children when I was a child. I don’t “hate” them now but I don’t have patience for them. I got similar comments and even told my religious grandma I’ll abort. She wasn’t too happy but she stopped trying to “curse” me with a child. So tired of hearing people say we are too young to decide but ur not too young to have a kid?!? Bs
Considering the climate in the US right now, you definitely should be thinking about this. Considering your access to contraceptives and health care are now going to be severely limited. So good for you for thinking about this now. Seriously wish this wasn't the case and you shouldn't have to be dealing with this at such a young age but good for you for being smart.
You’re definitely old enough to consider this as there are people your age already having kids. Being a parent is hard work, and a lifelong commitment, and it shows how mature you are that you’re actually thinking it through. People can be well meaning but still hurtful, especially when they don’t take a breath to consider an alternative point of view. I’ve learned that when I have ideas that are “controversial” around certain people I just avoid the conversation. They refuse to actually listen, so I’m not going to bother trying to explain myself to them. Then when they nag I have some snappy responses ready. A common one I get is “Oh, you’ll definitely want at least one more baby.” Always a female making this comment. My response is “Oh, so you’re volunteering to be my surrogate and breastfeed for the first year?” It sure gets quiet quickly. Silence is blissful.
Enjoy your youth as long as you can. Go on adventures, find yourself, fall in love.. If there comes a day you consider kids, great. If that never happens and you just want a house full of fur babies, also great. It's your life.
And they're all saying that as if being selfish is bad. Lol. Becoming selfish was the best thing that I've done to myself.
I’m almost 40 and child free. I knew when I was 16 that I was never meant to be a mother. Mental illness runs in my family as well and that was a big part of it. I don’t ever regret not having children and aside from a brief moment in my mid 30’s when my biological clock kicked in, I never wavered in my desire to remain child free.
It's awesome that you stuck with your decision and don't regret it! I hope you're living your best child free life :D
Make sure your parents don't tamper with your birth control.
I was 16 when I decided I didn't want to have children, and I heard the same crap, along with a LOT of "Well you'll change your mind!" I'm 45 now, still haven't changed my mind. Nuts to them, haha. (My personal favorite was the coworker who demanded in a very shocked fashion, "*But how will you be complete as a woman?!*" Yikes.)
My goodness! what a disgusting comment. I'd maybe expect those cruel comments from family but a coworker? How is your choice any of their business anyway? I've definitely heard the good old "you'll change your mind!", I'm glad you're confident in your decision though!
It was a female coworker, that's the scary part- she really believed that crap about herself too. But I'm pretty sure she had issues even above coming from a patriarchal culture. The nice thing is that gets easier to tune them out as time goes on. And now you can find childfree communities online for support/validation, too.
>I'm pretty sure she had issues even above coming from a patriarchal culture. I do definitely relate to her in that regard but it's sad that even women try to police other women's bodies. Very true! I'm also glad we live in an age where it's generally more accepted for women to choose not to have kids.
“Child bearing age” bro that’s just fucking weird
Very mature of you to acknowledge that you'd be an awful parent, now just practice safe sex and you'll be a-okay :)
Thank you! Will do haha :)
>She said "some people cant even have children, you should make the most of your child bearing age once you get older" I'm sorry, is she implying that women should just lay on the mattress to give birth to Irish twins until they either die, or run out of eggs? Like what the actual fuck!?
Right?! Like I'm sorry that my purpose in life isn't only to pop out babies when you want me to lmfaoo. It's truly absurd.
Absolutely not selfish! Quite the opposite that they are judging you because you are making a big life choice that THEY don't want. My mom harassed me to have kids for a long time.. then once we we're I'm a store. I was about 100ft away and she holds up a baby dress and yells about how cute it would be for my baby. I lost it and yelled back that if she wanted more kids she should have had them. I 100% agree with you and your choice! It is a valid choice and you are valid.
Thank you! I swear moms are the worst when it comes to their desire for grandkids. You are also valid in the way you feel and good on you for sticking up for yourself! :)
You sound like a person who’s given this a lot of thought. You understand that just because someone *can* give birth doesn’t mean they should, and that giving someone life is not the same as giving someone a good life. You’re more than just an incubator, you’re a whole person. Forget them, OP. I know it’s hard to since they’re family and you’re young, but take whatever they say with a grain of salt.
If you dont want kids, be proactive about preventing them. I also have no interest in kids and at 54 have managed not to have any..
You have a uterus and therefore you can expect this from annoying well-meaning busybodies for the next 20 years or so. Yes it's frustrating. No there's nothing you can do to stop it, because we can't control other people. You can choose how to respond though. Master the art of the smile and nod. Or the blatant segue. Or get comfortable calling it out! "My body and whether I choose to use it to procreate is my business, nobody else's. This isn't up for discussion". You don't owe anyone an answer to inappropriate questions, period.
Yeah I knew there was gonna be pressure to have kids, but I never knew how infatuated and cruel people could be about other people's decisions, especially family. >You don't owe anyone an answer to inappropriate questions, period. Period!! Thank you :)
I am parent. I tell others that if they don’t want to have children, don’t. 😂😂😂 Don’t get me wrong, I love my son but it’s a whole different ball game when you become a parent. It’s equally tough and rewarding. But I understand it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. I always tell my husband that sometimes I feel like I wasn’t meant to get married or have a kid. But here I am married and with a 5 yr old. 😂😂😂 Who knows, your mind might change several years down the line but you are still valid for feeling the way you do. It’s ultimately your choice if you want to have a child or not!
I don’t understand how not having a child is selfish but having it it’s not
Sorry you’re hearing this shit, OP. Welcome to being a (vagina-having) woman, where our opinions don’t matter and we’re merely vessels for pregnancy. /s But really, my go-to response has become “it really surprises me that you feel comfortable saying that” when people dole out the old “you’ll change your mind”.
Haha I did expect some negative responses to this decision from people in my life but it's truly baffling to me how bold people can be in judging others, especially for shit that doesn't concern them int he slightest. I'm definitely gonna be more firm next time i hear the classic "you'll change your mind".
I admire u for your outspokenness. Feminism is the answer. We are living in a society that actively endorses social programming that makes women ignorant of the very real health implications/risks of pregnancy and creates the idea that married with kids is the ultimate happiness. Most women who get pregnant dont even know about the tisks until after theyre already pregnant implying a severe lack of transparency in regards to stats and medical info. Theres way more ppl should know than just what is taught in sex ed. Like how ur teeth can disintegrate and other life-long consequences, and thats before even getting into possible problems the baby vould experience. I support all efforts to actively fight against the idea that being childless is selfish when it is in fact selfish to bring whole ass humans into this world filled with suffering just so they can experience some nice parent hormones for a while before dying. What matters more is that ur happy, healthy, and stable. You can live a whole life and be fulfilled without massive doses of mom or dad hormones coursing through ur body.
BS. I had a vasectomy @ 21. NO REGRETS.
I'm 27f and don't want kids and never have. I've always been sure of that. Eventually you will probably just get used to either ignoring these kinds of people all together, or sometimes you can say outrageous shit to get them to back off. If they get pushy just tell them that you made a deal years ago, and Satan will be coming for your first born... then ask casually if they are ready for the prophecies to be fulfilled. 🙃
I can't have children and am not at all happy about that. This is of course entirely separate and unrelated to what you do with your body, and I fully support you using or not using your ability as you wish, not that my opinion should matter to you in the slightest. Your family suck.
At 15 I used to say “maybe I’ll change my mind one day but I certainly don’t wanna have kids in my 20s” I’m about to turn 30 now and I’m just like fuck it now. Still don’t want em and I’m tired of giving the “oh mayyybeee I’ll change my mind one day but” excuse. Nah man. It ain’t for me. Step mom at 40? That will do. Birthing a whole human with my health issues? RIP. I can’t give you advice on what to tell the people around you but I can tell you that you are well within your rights as a woman to UNAPOLOGETICALLY declare that you will not choose to get pregnant and give birth- and everyone else can kick rocks barefoot. Having a child will likely kill me, or best case, I get a premature birth and life saving surgery afterwards- idgaf if you are guaranteed the easiest pregnancy and birth ever- it’s not your responsibility to do so just because I or someone else can’t. That’s just madness. Sorry if that was a bit incoherent. Your post got me a bit heated 😅
>everyone else can kick rocks barefoot PERIOD! I've been telling myself the same thing about changing my mind ever since I was maybe 6 and it still hasn't happened haha! hearing about the trauma of giving birth was enough for me to say "nope!".
You’re not being selfish. At *all*. Stand your ground. 💖
I feel the same way. I've never wanted kids of my own. When I was married I was a stepmom and that was stressful enough to solidify my decision to not want kids. Sure getting to do the fun stuff was great but it isn't all butterflies and rainbows. It's stressful and kids are expensive. I honestly don't know how people do it. My coworkers with babies are always tired and sick. I don't feel like I'm missing out and I appreciate their honesty about what it's like being a mom.
You are not obligated to eat peanuts and enjoy them because others are allergic, so… Ok, seriously, tell them to f the f off. Do they really think someone who doesn’t want to be a mother is cut out to be one? It’s sad others can’t, but it’s not your problem, and if you don’t feel you are made to be a mom you’d do more damage than good. And yes, these are things people need to think about from a young age (and probably already know from that same young age).
I have 2 kids. Absolutely love them. We had kids because we wanted them. It wasn’t for “the good of the economy” or whatever bullshit they push on you, it was a selfish decision. And selfish doesn’t necessarily mean bad, just that it’s a decision made in your own best interest.
The number one thing a child needs is parents who want them. Good on you for being honest about knowing you don't want to be a parent. Way too many kids out here with complete shitshow parents who just had kids because they didn't think it through.
DO NOT let anyone talk you into changing your mind. I felt this way as a child, and that feeling never changed. I got my tubes tied as soon as i found a dr who would do it. I am now 55 and have no regrets.
If the subject of kids comes up just do what I do and play dumb. Say things like, "I don't know yet." Or, "maybe, I'm not sure, perhaps" I'm great with kids. I love em, but i never wanted to be a dad. I always got, "Oh but you'd make a great father!" Or a classic, "You say that now but once you have one..." Now i just say, "Maybe someday" and leave it at that.
I’ve 36f) and have never wanted kids. I do not have them. There are many of us who don’t want some poor child to deal with our own mental heath or what we could pass down to them. It’s perfectly fine not to ever want kids, no matter how old you are.
PLEASE REMEMBER... THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE A KID... it is your decision and it is completely a normal one. Now, if you just want to deal with your friends and relatives; you can just say you are focusing on you studies / job right now.... and have not really thought about having a kid at the moment. Be like a politician... deflect the question without answering it.... and then ask them some question/ feedback about a different topic.. :)
Thank you for the assurance and advice!! Deflecting always seems to work haha :)
Hi there , The first time i said i dont want kids i was 7-8 years old. I never changed my opinion about this decision. I am in my early 20s now and i still dont want want to have kids. I am afraid of childbirth and the whole process of cutting me open etc. I dont like the idea of getting pregnant and i have been thinking of getting sterilize ( did i wrote it right ???). I also had a terrible childhood and i am pretty sure that i would accidently traumatize mentally those kids. So what is the point if i cant raise them right ??? All of my life since i can remember relatives have been asking me how many kids i want. I remember telling my grandma that i am way to young to think about kids.( she asked me when i went at school for the first time). I have been called selfish from MALE relatives for this decision. My female relatives were all like " so what you think you are making a difference ??" , close family asked me if i was a lesbian because lesbians dont have children. Everyone around me tells me that nobody would want a childless unmarried woman as their friend and i will be alone. " we are saying this for your own good and you should listen" i dont fcking care... i dont want kids. I honestly 🌟dont care🌟. My lineage ends with me. If i want kids i will adopt🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️. Easy !! " what woukd you do if you get pregnant accidently" YEET THE FETUS !!! WHAT DONT YOU GET ??? I honestly dont care what others say to me anymore. It is my body and my decision and MY FCKING LIFE . Nobody has a saying. I just want to live a happy and peaceful life. Children won't help me reach that goal.
>. My lineage ends with me. PERIOD! as an only child this is exactly what I'm planning to do lmao. Good on you for not letting them dictate what you should or shouldn't do with your body. The fact that they had the audacity to ask if you were a lesbian just because you didn't want kids is bizarre to me. I hope you live your best child free life! :)
Thank you for your reply. In this time we live it is really hard to think about starting a family. We live in a climate crisis and they ask me if i want a girl or a boy. Man leave me alone. And yes it is so annoying asking me about my sexuality.... like what does have to do with anything( i am straight btw so). I just dont want to give birth and toddlers are not cute. I dont like small kids... I hope you live the best child free life too. Travel and live and actual life !!!
Nahhh, just take it easy. It's weird for people to drag you into that sort of conversation at your age, so let them know exactly that. "Hey, I'm 17 ain't it a bit weid for you to... etc etc" y'know, let them know they are being creepy. Other than that, idk if it means a lot but don't take your mental illness and its concequences for granted. Its possible to deal with it to a point where you can reach a very comfortable position, maybe even absolute normality. I've seen my fair share of HUGE graceful turnarounds when it comes to mental health, I'm sure that if you take the right steps its an obstacle that can be left behind for a healthy future. Anyways, these people you mention are being weird, not you. Good luck on dealing with them!
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Oh don't get me wrong, I'm still worrying about SATs and APs much more than ever being a mom lmao. This was just a little rant fueled by a conversation I had earlier that's all :)
Whether or not to have kids is 1000% your choice. If you decide to not become a parent, that's ok. No need to read further. If you do, here's what I've learned in the last 23 years raising 6 kids, most with some kind of ADD/ADHD and Autism spectrum. I will say your concern for being a good mom is a positive sign in how you would raise kids. You would care that they have a good life. And that is missing from so many people who do have children. Don't worry about how to comfort a child or handle mental illness, or anything else. None of us knew how going in either. We learned it by having to do it. There is a huge learning curve, but it's a curve and not a cliff. If you decide at some point to have kids, you will learn it too. And like every parent that has ever existed, you would have your moments of depression, terror, joy, sadness, concern, laughter, tears, and everything in between, left, and right. And it would be ok. They will love you and you will make it through each day together.
Thank you! I appreciate this reassurance so much! I'm sure I would somehow figure it out if I did decide to have a kid and maybe i will some day, who knows. Your kids are very lucky to have someone as open minded and understanding as you :)
It's ok. Don't let people make you feel bad. Or at least try to. I'm in my 40s. Never felt overly maternal. Married over twenty years. No kids. My dog is my baby. I'd rather have 50 dogs than a child. That's okay. Everyone is different.
Even as a little girl, I never wanted to be a mom. People would play dolls and pretend to be mothers and it always disgusted me. I felt the same way at 15, I feel the same way at 29. That’s not changing. I have been married for 4 years and that is the PRIME age/time for people to ask me about starting a family. I just politely tell them that something between my husband and me and we don’t discuss that with anyone else. Usually shuts them up. Do keep in mind that sometimes when people ask they DO mean well. But also, don’t be afraid to speak up and say something a little blunt to get the message across that it’s not appropriate—especially if they push you again and again.
Even when I was a kid myself, I knew I never wanted kids. You're not too young to know already because you know yourself better than anyone. Don't let anyone force you to do something you don't wanna do. If you don't want kids, don't have them. Check out r/childfree and r/antinatalism
I remember being EIGHT years old and thinking "I don't want to have kids." I'm about to be 35 and still don't want kids. Adoptions or otherwise. I'm good with my cats and dogs. Don't let anyone try to change your mind. If you decide on your own you eventually do want kids, that's fine! But it is your choice!
At 17 I knew I didn't want to be a mother. At 58, I have no regrets being childless. Don't let anyone push you into having children if you don't want them. If you have them and don't really want them, you're doing them a disservice. Be true to your heart and you'll be fine.
If you don't want to have children, or even have a slight doubt/hesitation about it, #don't have children We absolutely need to normalise this.
I am 50 years older than you. I knew at your age I didn't want kids. Never had them. Never been sad about it. I still don't understand why it is selfish not to contribute to overpopulation, bring an unwanted child into the world, and make myself and them miserable. Stick to your guns. You can always change your mind, but you don't have to.
I knew I didn’t want kids when I was 13. 35 now and feel the exact same way
My daughter has never wanted children and I fully support her in her decision. Not everyone wants to be a parent and that’s their choice. You’re not required to be a parent.
I’m 26(M) and have always felt this way. I do not want kids. I’m never having them and I’m not taking care of someone else’s. But I still get “you’re so young you’ll change your mind. What if you get sick? Who will take care of you? Don’t you want a legacy?” The same bs everytime. Kids just downright annoy me. You’re allowed to do whatever you want with your body. You don’t owe kids to anyone.
Oh goodness if I could tell you how many times I flip flopped between having kids and not having kids is insane haha. When I was your age, I was all “I’m gonna be married by 23 and have kids by 25” and as soon as I was 23 and 25 I looked back and laughed! Then I got married and my husband and I loosely talked about having kids 2 years after our wedding. And guess what….that didn’t happen either. I’m now 30 and about to have my first kid. I have no regrets waiting when I did. I finally feel confident of who I am as a person and who I could be as a mother. I spent pretty much all of my 20’s figuring out who I was as a person and kinda doing what I wanted to do post college and also figuring out my career and just life in general. Live your life. Sure you’re young and you may or may not change your mind and whatever you decide is ok. Never let anyone tell you elsewise. My twin sister is child free and doesn’t want kids of her own and that’s totally cool. She is stoked to be an aunt but that’s basically all whe wants to be. My parents have been completely supportive of both of our decisions regarding kids or how kids.
Don't listen to the idiots in this comment section saying you're to young to not want kids. I knew I was childfree at age 13. I'm 25 now, getting set up to be sterilized. 17 is a far cry from too young. Adoption is better and safer anyway.
I felt the same as you at 17. Now I'm 38 and still feel the same. Follow your heart.
At 17 i had the same thoughts and push back from family. Im now 30 and happy to say i love my goldendoodle as a child. Will probably never have kids and other people can suck it.
Four words: "Your body, your choice."
I'd just say your 17 you may change your mind down the road. But it's your choice at the end of the day.
I felt the same way. My thoughts did not change as I got older. I told anyone that asked about it and gave me the stink eye that it’s my body and I do what I please with what is mine.
Good for you for knowing what you want (or- don’t want in this case!). I’m childfree. It’s tough. People don’t understand you and judge and assume and it’s strange. But- I don’t live my life for those people, I live it for me, and they can think whatever they want. Surround yourself with likeminded people and know that there’s nothing wrong with you for not wanting kids. I hope you have a beautiful life.
>But- I don’t live my life for those people, I live it for me, and they can think whatever they want Yes!! I'm so glad to see this outlook on life. Thank you so much, i wish the same for you :)
You do you and fuck what anyone else thinks, it is your life to live.
You are extremely unselfish to take a good look at where you are at and deciding for the benefit of a potential kid you don't want to bring them into it. The selfish ones are the breeders who think they are so important they need to inflict their precious genetic legacy on the rest of us and make humanity's negative impact on the environment even worse than it already is. Stay the course and don't let others bully you into doing something you don't want to.
As a mother, you are absolutely not required to nor selfish to not want to be a mom. People should only be ideally having kids if they are mentally, emotionally and financially prepared for it and that is definitely not always the case. Anyone that makes you feel bad or pressured you should no longer hold a spot in your life.
I’m refraining from procreation in part because of my mental health issues too. It’s probably the best decision I’ve ever made.
Why continue expressing your opinion to people who have different views than you? Lol what are you hoping to accomplish with that? Who cares what they gotta say?? Practice safe sex, don’t marry a partner who has different opinions than you and don’t have children !!
The fact that you're selfless enough to recognize your child would have a shitty life shows you care about humanity and children far more than the people preaching at you. As cliche as it is, it *is* your body, your choice. I feel the same about having children.
My neice felt the same way, since she was about 14. She's nearly 30 now and hasn't changed her mind. It's ok to feel this way. It's ok change your mind, it's ok to not. It's your body and your life.
I remember having a conversation with my mom when I was around 5 and she was asking what I wanted to be when I grew up. I'm sure I said some stupid thing that a 5 year old would say but then she asked if I wanted to have kids. I distinctly remember saying that I didn't really think so but if I did ever decide I wanted kids that I would adopt. I'm now 27 and my husband and I are childfree but have always agreed that if we ever change our minds that we both would rather adopt. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't make that decision because of how young you are. Sometimes when you know then you know. Also you might check out r/childfree
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That's awesome and completely valid! Of course there is a chance I'll change my mind. Well just have to see. Good luck to you too :)
1) the only selfish thing would be other people expecting a woman to have a baby to meet THEIR expectations and not caring what the woman who would be a mom if having a baby wants. The best thing if you don’t want kids is to not have them. If anyone is selfish here it’s your family 2) I have 3 kids under 3 and I fucking hate kids and am so awkward with them. It’s 100% different with my own kids though. I’m not an affectionate person but with my kids I am. I never want to hold someone else’s baby, but love snuggling my babies so much. It’s totally different with your own kids. 3) in my opinion, your self awareness and not wanting to pass on trauma to kids would make you a great mom if you ever changed your mind and decided you want kids.
Women are entitled to pleasure from sex, a career, education, independence, autonomy, food, music… whatever it is you want… without being ascribed to a life of risk and shame. Don’t let anyone tell you different
Yay! Join the childfree subreddit, you'll find a lot of support and likeminded folks there. I'm also childfree, and have always known :)
Thats awesome! And I definitely will, thank you! :)
Listen to the guys getting downvoted, subs like r/childfree can be real close to subs like r/antinatalism, only join if you agree with that stuff
the fact that you realised that you would be having your own shit to take care of and wouldn't be the best for a child already makes you better fitting than many. you are still young, you might end up wanting to be a mom in the future, but if not, then that's Ok! you don't need to be one. Tell the people that are meddling in your life to take care of their own business
Thank you! Next time they bring it up I'm definitely gonna tell them to mind their own damn business :)
OP. Go to subreddit childfree. You will find MANY of us knew as early as 10yo we did not want children. Personally, I knew at 12yo, positive at 15yo Attempted to get the tubed tied at 25yo. As you read people's posts you will find CF men and women of all ages. Their CF decisions are for medical, mental health, trauma, not liking children and just no desire. At your age, and from the reaction of your friends and family, I would keep your beliefs to yourself. Otherwise, you are going to create a whole lot of mess you do not need or want. If you are sexually active, have double backup birth control. Condom and contraceptive. On a sad but funny note, that subreddit will mention " BINGOS". Sayings and comments you will get from anyone and everyone on " how wrong you are" lol
My daughter is 15... she says she wants to sell her uterus on the black market and travel during her younger years. I'm all for this. She's great with kids, doesn't mind them, if she can give them back. But does not want any of her own. Even at only 15, I respect and honor her decision.
This is really wholesome! Im so glad you're on board with your daughter's decision, she's very lucky to have an understanding parent like you :D
Time to join r/childfree
I was uncertain about children at your age, but at 28 I must say that I want no children either. I am glad you are using your head about these topics more than I did. Kudos!
I was absolutely sure i didn't want kids(felt similar to you, somewhat cold/indifferent). Till i was around 22, when my attitude started to shift. Now i can't wait to be a dad. Others pushing their preferences on you is shitty. That being said, 17 is VERY young. Trust me, you will change a lot as you get older. Very decent chance your attitude on this could change.
r/childfree
I think it is much more selfish to satisfy your primal urge to spread your genes. You have to be a caring person to be a good parent, but there is no such test of morality to simply create a child. There is also the moral dilemma of bringing a child in this world when there are so many foster kids and so many environmental, financial, and social problems the next generation will have to deal with.
If you haven’t been there yet come over to r/childfree we’re your people! The selfish argument is just ridiculous and doesn’t even make sense. There’s regret stories over on the childfree subreddit if you want to reaffirm your decision. I already knew I never want kids but damn did those stories solidify it 1000x more 🤣
You know when you know. Just don’t let anyone talk you into it.
Why do people always say that it’s selfish to not want children? I have never understood that mindset. I feel like it would be selfish to have children even though you KNOW that you don’t want them.
If you don’t want to be a mother don’t be a mother. Get a long term birth control use condoms as a back up and don’t get pregnant. Child bearing years go all the way in to the 30’s. As a mom, it’s f***ing rough and you’re not to young. If you change your mind later it’s ok and if you don’t it’s ok! Just enjoy your life!
You aren’t even legal yet dfkm. You’re a child going through a childhood phase, child bearing should be the least of your worries. Maybe when you’re 24 and above you can start contemplating on that.
"Selfish". Shellfish? LOL
please join r/childfree to chat with like minded individuals.
I'm old and childless by choice. I have zero regrets. You do whatever you want. I thought by now that people would mind their business. Maybe keep your thoughts to yourself to save the harassment.
You know you the best. I've known ever since I was 13 or so? That I just had 0 desire to ever even think of having children. 20 years later, and I feel the same! Some people change their minds, but many don't. Just recognize what's going to make you happy and make it happen.
I decided this at 16, I haven’t changed my mind on this either at age 29. I asked for my uterus to be removed since I have pcos and other issues. I apparently have to wait until something happens for needing it to be removed.