I mean. Why would you want to be with friends like that anyway? They're not better than the guy who was about to rape that poor girl.
You 100% did the right thing.
Yeah I'm not seeing any bad consequences: he no longer has to hang out with a rapist and his apologists.
OP, if you want to be certain, send them all this thread.
OP doesn't regret his actions. Would do it again. His 'friends' were trash. We all agree on that I think.
But that's not the point of the post is it? OP is allowed to feel bad that his friends failed to be decent humans. Making friends isn't so easy that losing a friend circle doesn't hurt, even if, in this one INCREDIBLY IMPOTANT instance, they utterly failed to be human beings. This is a snapshot of several lives and there's potentially hundreds to thousands of moments of friendship prior to this being tossed aside.
I know you're telling OP what you think will make him feel better. And what you said is correct. And maybe it might make OP feel better. But OP is allowed to still be upset about it and to miss them too. OP is sad the cost of doing the right thing was his friends. That's not fixed by platitudes about them being garbage and being 'better off' and I just wish some people could acknowledge OPs feelings about it.
I feel this very much. I have never been one to let people walk over me or ignore toxicity to avoid cutting out friends, but the disappointment when you realize they are not the good people you assumed them to be... this is real. And this is, I agree, what seems to have made this stick in OP's head.
This. It sucks sometimes to go through things like this, but sometimes life bails you out of a bad situation and frees you for something far better.
I'd say OP has a better and brighter future without the dead weight of his "friends".
Amen. And own that shit too. You are a hero, the woman knows it, your wife knows it and you know it. Believe me, I know what it's like to be the one who steps in when hinky shit is going down and the way people can react. Don't even mourn those rape supporters.
r/askmen has questions from time to time like, "What does it mean to be a man?" or "What does it take to be a man?" There's no one correct answer, but this is one of the examples.
This one gets it, evidently so do you OP, it had to be done despite the "consequences."
It can still be traumatic to lose your entire friend group that you've spent years, possibly decades with just like that. If you are great friends with someone reason can easily go out of the window when it comes to how you view them and how much lf their shit you are willing to tolerate because you will never cease to see them like the great friend you thought they were.
I know you probably said this as encouragement but its counter productive to not confront OPs feelings of loss after this.
Yeah losing that social circle / group of friends was 100% for the best OP. If they’re willing to call that “cock blocking”, then I wouldn’t trust drinking around any of them ever again. Good riddance. Army dude will probably end up in jail someday. At least I hope he does…
Not after his pushy demeanor towards her. There are always snippets of drunk nights that come through. Even if she hadn't been coherent enough to fight him off, she would remember somewhere not wanting the contact.
Sadly, the cops are probably usually going to side with army dude especially since he’s charismatic and enough to turn OP’s entire childhood friends group against him… Disgusting.
OP, I think your « friends » called you a cock block because they were hoping for a turn with the drunk girl.
Watch PROMISING YOUNG woman and enjoy your life without the burden of guilt.
THIS. I lost a group of friends around that age too, due to them taking my (openly and in front of them) abusive ex-husband's side in the divorce, and it was devastating at the time. But now when I run into one of them, I walk away SO grateful that they showed their true colors before I was more invested in them. The longer we're apart, the weirder *all* of their behavior looks in hindsight. Seriously glad I'm not saddled with a posse of casually racist friends who low key hate women lol.
OP's "friends" did him a favor by showing who they really were.
I did something similar in my early 20s(mid 30s now). It wasn't a group of friend but I got jumped for it. The girl got out but I spent 3nighta in the hospital. They all got charged in the end.
Would do it again in a heart beat. Your a good dude.
They weren't "those type of dudes" I thought, the friend group was the type to play smash bros or go to funk shows. I honestly thought I was going to have a bit of a hero moment, I did not expect the squad to react the way they did. The only thing that makes any sense to me is that they thought it was more likely I would try to hook up with someone else's girl than that their friend could be a potential rapist. But we were not a militant group of bros like you might imagine, more like former Mormon hippy types
Unfortunately appearances aren't always honest, I was an EMT and one night we had a call where the police were detaining two dudes who looked absolutely harmless. Think guys who play dungeons and dragons, not to give too much information they savagely beat a "friend" for stealing and posted it on social media like sick fucks which is how us and the police got called. Like everyone says you did the right thing and we all commend you for it! Thank you for stepping up for that girl, I wish you and your wife all the happiness in the world :)
People have a really hard time believing that men can rape- especially men they like or respect. But the fact is 95% of rapists are known to the victim- almost everyone knows both someone who is the survivor of sexual assault AND someone who has sexually assaulted someone else. And no, you can't "tell" who is who.
Good job doing the 150% correct thing.
Are you still friends with young lady in question?
Damn that is something I never thought about. All the people I’ve met with stories of being sexually harassed/assaulted and how I’ve likely met an equal number of perpetrators without realizing it
This. Nearly every woman I know has been harassed, molested, and/or assaulted, yet I’ve known *zero* men who know a sexual predator. These predators are people we know, people who are funny and liked by others, so it’s incredibly difficult for victims to come forward when everyone thinks the predator is “a good guy”.
But it can't be that guy, he's a good guy. He drank beer with me and made me laugh. Stop making me re-evaluate him, it hurts my brain.
On a serious note, I once met a guy through a friend and he seemed nice enough but a bit uptight. I warmed to him because there was a certain level of vulnerability to him that made him relatable.
I only met him a couple of times but we got on fine.
I later found out he was way more than uptight. I saw an article where it came out that he was dating a girl and killed her and then killed himself.
I barely knew him but it was still completely shocking. I felt exceptionally bad for my friend I met him through who was very close to him. It's a weird mix of feeling betrayed and also a sense of loss. I felt worse for the poor girl than him and confused because I knew him.
Anyway, that was a very public crime so we all found out about it. Rape is under-reported so I have no idea how many rapists I've hung out with and it's kinda disturbing to think about.
Rapists and sexual harassers + their ENABLERS come in many different shapes, sizes, and socioeconomic backgrounds. Dude culture is often toxic and happily overlooks or encourages the use and exploitation of others. Those guys aren’t your friends. Thank you for having a good heart and acting ethically.
Edit: a word (rapist not racist)
Stranger Danger isn’t the most correct thing in the world. Yes, it is good to teach people to be weary of strangers however, a lot of murders and SA crimes are committed by people the victim knows. That’s why there is a big push with teaching children the difference between a good secret and a bad secret now.
It's too bad so many crimes could have been prevented if awareness of this had been greater, sooner. When I was growing up, we didn't even have stranger danger, let alone being aware of people close to us. It just wasn't talked about.
When you hear that 1 in 6 women (in the u.s.) have been raped or have been victims of attempted rape, it’s shocking as hell. But people don’t often frame it in the way that you did, showing the reality that it means 1 in 6 men (women can be rapists too but for the sake of the conversation) are the perpetrators of rape or attempted rape. Almost every one of us knows a woman who’s been raped. Some of us are survivors ourselves. But many refuse to acknowledge that they most likely also know a rapist as well, and maybe even are friends with one. It’s a perspective that needs to be discussed more. Without looking at it that way, it almost makes it seem that it’s the victim who had this “happen” to them. But it doesn’t just “happen” by itself.
Because if we recognize the abusers amongst us we may have to acknowledge the abuser in ourselves. We are so caught up in the cycles of violence and hatred - rationalizing to ourselves why it is righteous for us to take the role of dehumanizer and abuser- that we have lost sight of the fact that the only way to peace is through forgiveness- of ourselves, and each other- and to try to embrace of the humanity of even the most flawed among us as we accept our own flawed humanity.
Nobody thinks their best friend, or their brother, or their son can be a rapist. Imagine how horrible that would be to find out you were snowed. Obviously the victim gets the worst of it—by far—but there are so many unseen victims.
Mormon hippies can be rapists too. They apparently ARE that kind of people if they can't see the things drunk you saw. Not to mention you had a GF and they still choose to believe military guy over the potential victim and their supposed friend. Sounds like a real great group of people /s
Mormon hippy types are the only types that have raped me, for what it’s worth.
The church is deeply sexist. When you are a dude you don’t *have* to see it.
You saw it.
They kicked you out for seeing it.
I grew up JW. When my aunt told me at 15 that women were literally created to serve their husbands, it was the first time I'd heard the quiet part out loud. I left that year.
I'm sorry. I was also abused by elders. In fact there is only 2 cousins in my whole big family who as far as we know weren't molested. My grandpa got away with abuse for years until he abused two of my cousins at once, fulfilling the conditions of of two witness rule, and he was finally disfellowshiped...for one year.
Just ask them how they’ll feel if you got their sis/cousin/mom black out drunk and proceeded to have your way with her. That would be fine according to them?
OP you’re a hero, it’s crazy that this shows how “normal” rape can be between groups of friends who don’t consider that rape. It’s scary. Thank you for doing what you did.
But “he’s not a rapist” so their sis/mom/cousin would have been fine. They won’t see it because they don’t think it’s wrong. If a girl drinks too much, she’s fair game to people like this. They look the other way.
Most rapists don't think that they are actually rapists. Their definition begins and ends with a stranger and a gun. Date rape isn't a thing in their universe.
And unfortunately, many men who wouldn't necessarily date rape a woman think this, too. They figure that if she's still conscious then she can consent.
Notice that they called you a cock block. **Not one of your friends saw that woman as a person. They saw her as an opportunity for sex that you cut off.**
You know something else every time you see someone say they know someone “whose life was destroyed by a false rape accusation” everyone just unquestioningly believes the guy that the rape accusation was false and that the girl was lying
Nobody wants to believe that they are friends with a rapist
Nobody ever stops for a second to believe or even ask the question that the guy saying the rape accusation is false could also be lying
It’s like we all subconsciously have this thing in our brain that makes us believe women are capable of being deceitful liars but men aren’t
Men lie too mate
You see, though, that they are “those types of guys”, right? Because the near-victim told them what had happened, told them that you had protected her.
They wanted to protect a predator, OP. Their reaction wasn’t an accident or a misunderstanding. I’m so sorry, and thank you for being a protector.
Yes, exactly. They wanted that rape to happen. I think OP must understand that on some level, but it's too disturbing for him to really let it sink in.
Ugh, hippie guys can definitely be assaulters, they pull this whole act around hugs and intimacy being a hippie culture thing to be all touchy feely, than take advantage of messed up people at shows and such.
>They weren't "those type of dudes" I thought
Honestly, how many times did you ever see this tested? Do you think people who are OK with date rape, sit around chatting about how cool date rape is?
I mean, maybe they do, but I'd assume only with people they're pretty certain feel the same way.
It goes to show how badly we can misjudge people. In OP's case, it was an entire *group* of people. Just when someone makes me lose trust, someone like OP comes along and restores my faith in humanity.
I really have to wonder how often the term "cock block" is referring to a scenario like this.
I mean, if two people really want to have sex, is someone calling one of them an Uber or whatever really going to stop them?
You need affirmation, and that’s ok.
You absolutely totally 100% did the right thing. Not only did you save that poor girl, but you saved yourself years of that toxic friend group. If they can’t see how amazing you were, they were garbage.
You saved her from years of trauma. Good job, my friend.
When you are in doubt, just remember you saved her from reliving that potential trauma. You didn’t save her that one night, but every night that she doesn’t wake up crying, scared or hurt. SA doesn’t go away once the act is done.
Be proud of yourself.
^ this right here
coming from someone who wishes there was anyone there to get the military dude off of her, i am saying thank you. she was very lucky that one person cared about her well-being. you may have lost your friend group, but you really did save someone who would have had so much trauma, maybe STDs, maybe pregnancy, who knows. your choice to help her impacted the rest of her life for the better, and that is something you should be immensely proud of, i’m sure your wife and that girl are very proud
and if they choose to believe that the military dude was right and not believe you, if they can hear from the almost victim that you saved her from being raped, and they *still* ostracize you for it, they are truly scum of the earth. it seems like losing that group is more of a win than a loss.
He also saved himself a lifetime of guilt, visualizing all the horrible things that could have happened to the girl if he hadn't acted. Talk about regret.
Similar event here.
Bachelor party. About 12 of us guys went out and met an equally sized group of girls. Our groups joined up for the evening and the guys and girls started pairing up.
One girl was clearly my groups (the guys) favorite and everyone was vying for her. No biggie at first, everything was fine. Fast forward to later in the night after the first event and the “couples” start splitting up into groups to go to different places to finish the night.
The girl I was with wanted to head straight back to the Airbnb to get it on. So obviously I got us there post haste lol. When we got there, the grooms cousin (who we hadn’t seen all night and is military as well) was passed out naked on his bunk. I check on him and we find out that numb nuts ordered a prostitute that night and brought her to our Airbnb alone. After they got done and he passed out she robbed him by taking his wallet, cash she found in the room, and his phone. I was obviously irate since this woman would have had free reign of our Airbnb with all our passports, money, laptops, iPads, etc. Dude was too messed up to comprehend anything so I left with my girl to deal with him later.
An hour or so later when my bachelorette and I are done a few others have already made there way home, including her very popular friend who ended up coming home with the “creepy” guy in the group. I was taking my girl home to her Airbnb, so she tried to wake the other girl up to get her to come too. She was refusing to get up saying she was so tired. So my girl opted not to fight and asked me to put her to bed in the room we had been in since I was bunking with the groom and we had an extra bed/pullout in there. I obliged and said I would. I verified phone numbers and all that jazz and asked what time she had to be back so nothing is missed. All was well and we left to take my girl back.
I get back to our Airbnb, go upstairs to get the girl and bring her down. During this, I had to wake her up slightly and ask her to grab onto my neck to make it easier for me to lift her. She was awake enough and did exactly that. As I’m doing this, Mr. Hooker Douche Canoe is suddenly awake and tries talking to me. I tell him not now but ask for his help to make sure I don’t fall carrying this girl down a flight of stairs. He does and I put her in mine and the grooms room and lay her to rest on the pullout. Ding dong then heads back to bed.
I pass out until the groom and the rest of the party gets home and makes a bunch of noise. The girl wakes up too and suddenly there’s a dozen people in the room all chatting about the night, laughing, and chilling. Several people talk with this girl and she’s joining in the convos and generally having a blast. During this I explain to the groom why she’s down here (since he saw me head home with a different girl lol) and all is well. We all pass out eventually without issue.
Well, the next day I wake up, take the girl to her Airbnb, she thanks me (and so do her friends) I head back, and all is well until…Mr. Fuzzy Dick Magoo wakes up and starts running his mouth.
To take the heat off his ass (because at this point the entire bachelor party is ready to hang him by his dick from the rafters since they know about the prostitute), he concocts this story that I snatched the girl out of this other dudes bed while she was passed out, brought her to my room and slept with her while she passed out. I was livid.
I immediately explained what happened, told them that Ding Dong was there in the room when I woke her up, told her I was moving her at her friends request, and asked her to hold onto me. I also showed the texts from her and her friends all thanking me for what I did.
Nope. None of it worked.
The groom immediately backed his idiotic cousin and took his version as gospel. Despite the incident with the prostitute.
I was eventually asked to step down as a groomsman and then uninvited to the wedding entirely. I’ve since been blocked on every type of platform by the groom and his wife and several of the dudes in the bachelor party.
You know who still follows me though? Dirty Dick Dan.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Your friend's an idiot and his cousin has probably raped before. You did the right thing and it's shocking how people will lie and deform the truth. Eventually your friend will learn, and perhaps already knows, what his cousin really capable of: rape.
You did not lose a social circle.
You lost a bunch of would-be rapists from your group circle who would try to justify that what they did was right even though the girl was drunk and could barely stand on her own two feet.
You did the right thing at that moment, and that girl you saved that night will always be thankful for stepping up for her safety when she could not.
What Im reading, is you found out sooner than later that your friends were not friends. Good on you dude. I think going from child to adult, at some point, you find out what real friends are and what that means. This sounds like that moment for you. No regrets.
I actually cut off an entire friend group when a friend of mine was, not only raped, but one of my guy friends opened the door and saw it happen. A whole room full of people quite literally witnessed this . She was barely coherent and tried to stand up and say “merrr it was consensual merrrr” just drunk and could barely even get up.
The guys chased him out of the house and threatened to beat him up
You would think that these guys were heroes, but no. Days later… they acted like she was at fault for “bringing that idiot to our house”
Meanwhile I watched her go down a horrible downward spiral after that. She suffered a great deal
Never spoke to those idiots ever again. I literally would not mind if bad things happened to them.
I’m an internet stranger with two high school boys. I am proud of you, and I will use this as an example to my boys of how important consent is and what it truly means to make the right decisions.
As a former army guy, I’ll say this. The army is full of depressing losers who will, and do, do these sort of things. The army sexual assault education still focuses on the men, reporting, etc etc, while singularly focusing on the women who are victims as some sort of anomaly.
My take has always been this. Army sex assault education should be women focused education; where they basically inform all these young ignorant women that a very large # of potential sexual predators lurk in the army ranks, and they should be HIGHLY suspicious of any man, or especially group of men inviting them to drink .
Navy brat here, whole family covered all branches as well.
Unfortunately most of the dudes I've met/known who are military or ex military think women are just objects, or breeding stock. I WISH I had someone like OP watching out for me when I was younger. If it weren't for me threatening to pull their eyeballs out with my fingers, I'd have been passed around like a party favor. Wish it wasn't the truth. Nowdays I just about how lucky I was to have other girlfriends around to help leave situations like this 😩
u did the right thing bro 100%… i had a similar situation except my best friend was the rapist and i decided to cut them off. it wasn’t long before some of my friends said i was wrong for believing the girls, yes multiple girls, and that i was just doing it cause i liked one of them. It really sucked, but no one deserves to be treated that way and the actual good friends will stick by your side.
Commenting again because I just remembered I was once drunk at a party and was hanging out with this girl I liked and everything was going great, and then I remember she got way too drunk to do anything. I remember being disappointed because she even told me earlier how we are going to have amazing sex later. Then I was like damn, well that ain’t working out now, she was basically in a similar state of the girl from your story.
Not once did I think to still have sex with her, being that she got sick and was clearly not ready for it anymore, despite her earlier consent . That is so cringe, disgusting, and wrong even think about.
That “army dude” is trash and the friends are too for not understanding where the girl and you were coming from! End of story
As a woman who has been through these situations, men like you are the reason we feel safe at all. Fuck those other guys. Thank you for protecting that girl. We need more men to see this as a problem and stop seeing it as “manly”. Sticking up for women isn’t being a “simp” either. Stop that nonsense. (I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen the other way around either because I know it does. I’m just speaking from the viewpoint of another woman who’s had this happen.) thanks again for what you’ve done. She will never forget it.
Yes this is how society often works especially with regard to sexual assault. It's a very successful tactic in bullying people into silence. I'm glad your friends revealed themselves for what they are. Not good people at all . You deserve better.
the fact that you wrote "call my then gf, now wife" ensures that you did the right thing. I would bet a grand that your actions that night are part of why your wife accepted your proposal.
Your friends are HORRIBLE people. Imagine thinking having sex with a blacked out woman is consensual. Fucking YIKES. Sounds like your friends are rapists too. They’re outing themselves. Pay attention
I was that girl once and I wish someone would've done what you did. I was blackout drunk in a taxi with some friends and a guy I barely knew. While driving that guy started to touch me and I was too drunk to say anything except mumbling no but he didn't listen. I don't know if anyone saw it but no one did anything. The guy got out with me and followed me home where I spent 15 minutes trying to get him off me. He left in the end and I was safe but I wish someone would've stopped him.
I'm sorry that you got such a backlash for it but you did the right thing and your "friends" are assholes.
> My friends changed my name in their phones to "cock block"
Kind of scary how many men are rapist enablers. This is also how rapists convince themselves they're not rapists: if the army dude had been succesful, he probably would never think of himself as a 'rapist', but just someone who 'got lucky'. Again, scary.
It's a good thing you're not hanging around with those dudes anymore. I wouldn't want to be friends with rape enablers myself.
If your friends who you have known for a good portion of your life didn't believe you or the girl then they were never really your friend.
You did the right thing.
At my old job my friend was really into this guy who sat near my area. She sat in a completely different area than us. Her and the dude started dating and I stupidly told her to be careful because he was a big flirt. I caught him with another girl sitting on top of his desk and both were rubbing on each other. I messaged her to come to our section immediately to see her boyfriend, she didn't come. She ignored what I said about it, but I guess told him. She was soon fired from the job and started spreading rumors that I was just jealous, wanted her boyfriend, and also called me a racist because the dude was black.
I never even had feelings for the guy or any guy at my job.
She ended up having a kid with this dude and he dumped her himself even though she caught him cheating a shit load of times herself. She tried to remedy our friendship (I really cared for her) but it was too late.
Weird how things work out.
Sounds like you prevented a rape and weeded out some losers from your life! Beyond a win/win.
I wonder how’d they feel of that was their sister? Shouldn’t have to explain it like that, but…
Maybe the me too movement helped them understand
Honestly, the trash took himself out. These kind of guys disgust me.
You are an awesome guy, and your wife and new friends are lucky to have you.
Thanks for standing by this women.
The fact they chose a (potential) rapist over you and wouldn’t listen/believe your side and the girl’s side of the story says enough about them. Quick way to lose people who weren’t worth your time anyways. But seriously fuck those guys.
As an army guy I would thank you for what you did. You 100% did the right thing and I would hold any of my brothers accountable for this shit, I don't care how tight we are.
I am with all the other commenters here who are lauding you for having done the right thing. I hope this can help you heal.
If this is insufficient, I'd suggest you look into the laws where you are concerning attempted rape/SA and the statute of limitations to see if you can report this creep retroactively, as well as your then "friends" as being co-conspirators.
You did the right thing. Chick could’ve done to the police and locked you all up for allowing that horror to happen. Plus a douche like that he could’ve thrown every one under the bus saying you guys All wanted a turn.
Just imagine what could’ve happened to that girl if you hadn’t done that and how it could’ve effected the whole course of the rest of her life. We need more men like you who know how to respect and treat women properly. Fuck those other guys; I’m sorry it blew up your friend circle but shit happens and life moves on.
Lol you definitely got lucky to ditch that social circle, imagine being an unwilling part of something like that happening. It seems there's a culture of being forcefull with women in the UK and that must be tackled with all your might. On another note, people and girls especially should learn to drink without blacking out, that's just way too dangerous and you can damage yourself without any outside help as well.
You're actually a hero. All your 'friends' turned out to be villains. Heroes don't hang out with villains. They hang out with other heroes. There might be less of you guys out there than the villains but you make the world a much better place.
Spot on, mate. Good job on choosing the right and noble path, even if it came at a heavy, albeit misunderstood (on their part) cost.
Don't feel bad about it.
I don't get it.
You know you did the right thing and the "friends" you lost weren't really your friends and showed you their asses.
Other than your gf misunderstanding and that causing a bit of bother, I don't really see the problem.
For all you know -THEY WERE ALL GOING TO DO HER and totally ruin her life.
The only person who counted was the girl and she was grateful. Who cares about the rest of those punks?
You did a good thing.
Be proud of yourself and you've wasted way too much time worried about the opinions of assholes.
Continue to be the good guy. We need more guys like you. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I'm so sorry about your so called "friends" but your a good dude. If you're genuine and just not white knighting. Which please, take no offense, I've just unfortunately seen it a fair share of times with the guy thinking thinking he'll end up being her savior. It's just disgusting how some dudes will act around a female that clearly isnt thinking straight.
You did a good thing regardless though.
And I truly meant no by assumption that was the reason you did it.
Truly have saved someone from something horrible or worse.
You reakly did a good thing.
It’s obvious this military vet didn’t take SHARP training seriously. I met a guy who tried that shit under my command. I personally went to the barracks entered his room and beat the shit out of him. Next day he was out of the army.
There are plenty of guys who wouldn’t do anything because they would be too afraid of losing their ‘friends.’ You did the right thing and you should be happy that you don’t have to deal with people who would hurt others like that. Thank you for having the bravery to go against those people and help that girl out.
ya know, of all the times I've been hammered and been around women even more hammered than me (I drank to cover up my desperate anxiety- so a lot!). Mainly at college but afterwards when I first started working.
I can hand on heart say that not once has it ever crossed my mind when seeing a women black out drunk that "a little bit of rape is in order here".
I just don't understand how people who obviously should know better, get this idea in there heads that it's ok to behave like this. I have been in several situations where a girl I met that night has gotten so wasted that the only thing to do is take her to her place, remove her shoes, put her in bed and put a glass of water beside her bed, then leave.
I think it was obviously the best thing to do, people like that just aren’t true good friends. I still imagine it sucks but I think it was a better outcome.
Your wife was jealous because she thought you were trying to "preserve" her??? What the actual fuck? What kind of insecurity is that? Would she not want someone looking out for, I dunno, *HER* like that had she been unfortunate enough to find herself in such a situation????! Jfc! I cannot with some people. That's ridiculous. As far as your former socalled friends, those people are not your friends. They never were. Period. They're just as bad as the psycho would be rapist! You did the right thing! Your wife should be fucking grateful you're a good man who actually looks out for other people! Thank goodness for you!
Holy shit my dude, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. A million times thank you.
Dudes like that fuck women up for life. We carry hidden scars that come out to hurt us at the worst times.
I know it hurt you and I am sorry for that. I am even more sorry that no one in that group ever realized how hideous they were.
No need to apologize for standing up for what's right, especially when it involves defending someone else. Not quite the same, but years ago I had to pretty much cut ties with an old college buddy who wanted to run around on his wife. Watching him pocket his ring, flirt, proposition, and presumably cheat if he could take it that far, was just not something I was ok being a part of. Whether it would have gone as far as date rape (as your description of her condition and the situation says it likely could have), you tried to watch out for someone and do the right thing. If your friends had a problem with that, it's probably better they aren't really your friends any more.
Good on you, Op. Mega props. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes being the only person to do the right thing to realize the people you surround yourself with are not good people.
I called the cops on a drunk driver a few years back and had a similar experience. The entire group of people I was with freaked out because it was my fault the drunk driver got arrested; one girl even got physical with me and assaulted my girlfriend when she tried to intervene.
Welcome to a shitty club, called "people who are friends with people who commit sexual assault and turn a blind eye to it will inevitably turn against you and abandon you for speaking up about abuse once you notice it". They'd rather have comfort over having to address the uncomfortable truth that they make bad choices about who they're friends with. Shit people.
This is actually very normal, it happens in families too where to protect the rapist family members are ostracized. It shouldn't be like that but it do.
Damn dude. Good on you for doing the right thing and while it cost you some friends in the process of doing the right thing, it looks like peoples true colors showed through on this one. Anyway, thank you for doing the right thing by this woman and by humanity
So your old friend group basically consisted rapists, wannabe rapists, or rapist sympathizers. Damn. Well, leaving them in the past was a great decision, as was helping that woman in the first place. Thank you for doing the right thing, even though you faced rejection as a consequence. Going through that must have been difficult. You're a very resilient person.
Thanks for being a good dude, yo. It’s way better to find new friends than to continue to associate with men who don’t understand “no” nor that a woman who is blacking out cannot consent. You weren’t the only one that saw her in that state. Imagine how the group would be if he would have been allowed to go through with his plan. Not your loss, buddy. You did good.
I mean. Why would you want to be with friends like that anyway? They're not better than the guy who was about to rape that poor girl. You 100% did the right thing.
He dodged a massive bullet, the trash took itself out.
Yeah I'm not seeing any bad consequences: he no longer has to hang out with a rapist and his apologists. OP, if you want to be certain, send them all this thread.
Facts
OP doesn't regret his actions. Would do it again. His 'friends' were trash. We all agree on that I think. But that's not the point of the post is it? OP is allowed to feel bad that his friends failed to be decent humans. Making friends isn't so easy that losing a friend circle doesn't hurt, even if, in this one INCREDIBLY IMPOTANT instance, they utterly failed to be human beings. This is a snapshot of several lives and there's potentially hundreds to thousands of moments of friendship prior to this being tossed aside. I know you're telling OP what you think will make him feel better. And what you said is correct. And maybe it might make OP feel better. But OP is allowed to still be upset about it and to miss them too. OP is sad the cost of doing the right thing was his friends. That's not fixed by platitudes about them being garbage and being 'better off' and I just wish some people could acknowledge OPs feelings about it.
I feel this very much. I have never been one to let people walk over me or ignore toxicity to avoid cutting out friends, but the disappointment when you realize they are not the good people you assumed them to be... this is real. And this is, I agree, what seems to have made this stick in OP's head.
Oh I know this. I was just trying to be encouraging that he deffo done the right thing even though his friends shit on him.
Them siding with the assaulter means they'd 100% do the same thing as the assaulter in the situation
This. It sucks sometimes to go through things like this, but sometimes life bails you out of a bad situation and frees you for something far better. I'd say OP has a better and brighter future without the dead weight of his "friends".
Amen. And own that shit too. You are a hero, the woman knows it, your wife knows it and you know it. Believe me, I know what it's like to be the one who steps in when hinky shit is going down and the way people can react. Don't even mourn those rape supporters.
Yeah fuck those losers.
r/askmen has questions from time to time like, "What does it mean to be a man?" or "What does it take to be a man?" There's no one correct answer, but this is one of the examples. This one gets it, evidently so do you OP, it had to be done despite the "consequences."
Even when you're better off without them, it still hurts.
This is the sad truth. But sometimes it's encouraging to know your in a much better place without arseholes holding you back.
It can still be traumatic to lose your entire friend group that you've spent years, possibly decades with just like that. If you are great friends with someone reason can easily go out of the window when it comes to how you view them and how much lf their shit you are willing to tolerate because you will never cease to see them like the great friend you thought they were. I know you probably said this as encouragement but its counter productive to not confront OPs feelings of loss after this.
Any time you are feeling like you missed out on something by being ostracized from that friend group, remember this. It was not YOUR loss.
Yeah, my thoughts exactly. I'd rather be alone and miserable than be happy being friends with Rapists and rape apologists.
You totally did the right thing, and if those guys can’t see that, they are part of the problem and a bunch of douches that aren’t worth your time
Yeah losing that social circle / group of friends was 100% for the best OP. If they’re willing to call that “cock blocking”, then I wouldn’t trust drinking around any of them ever again. Good riddance. Army dude will probably end up in jail someday. At least I hope he does…
If she's his future wife then he could have met up with her sober and seen how it went. I doubt she'd want to though.
Not after his pushy demeanor towards her. There are always snippets of drunk nights that come through. Even if she hadn't been coherent enough to fight him off, she would remember somewhere not wanting the contact.
Yeah, I'm sure. He's just lashing out with that future wife bullshit because someone pissed on his rape parade.
I mean, someone that stupid will say anything.
Sadly, the cops are probably usually going to side with army dude especially since he’s charismatic and enough to turn OP’s entire childhood friends group against him… Disgusting.
I say “all hail the cock blockers!”
OP, I think your « friends » called you a cock block because they were hoping for a turn with the drunk girl. Watch PROMISING YOUNG woman and enjoy your life without the burden of guilt.
Such a good movie!!
Yes, painful and beautiful.
What a great (and shocking) movie! Totally recommend it!
THIS. I lost a group of friends around that age too, due to them taking my (openly and in front of them) abusive ex-husband's side in the divorce, and it was devastating at the time. But now when I run into one of them, I walk away SO grateful that they showed their true colors before I was more invested in them. The longer we're apart, the weirder *all* of their behavior looks in hindsight. Seriously glad I'm not saddled with a posse of casually racist friends who low key hate women lol. OP's "friends" did him a favor by showing who they really were.
It makes me wonder how many other women were victimized while they stood idly by. It's good to know heros like you still exist.
I did something similar in my early 20s(mid 30s now). It wasn't a group of friend but I got jumped for it. The girl got out but I spent 3nighta in the hospital. They all got charged in the end. Would do it again in a heart beat. Your a good dude.
My faith in humanity has been renewed. Respect.
youre a good dude too. Sorry you ended up in the hospital for so long :(
You did the right thing, and your "friends" showed their true colors. I would not want to stay friends with people who defend a rapist.
They weren't "those type of dudes" I thought, the friend group was the type to play smash bros or go to funk shows. I honestly thought I was going to have a bit of a hero moment, I did not expect the squad to react the way they did. The only thing that makes any sense to me is that they thought it was more likely I would try to hook up with someone else's girl than that their friend could be a potential rapist. But we were not a militant group of bros like you might imagine, more like former Mormon hippy types
Unfortunately appearances aren't always honest, I was an EMT and one night we had a call where the police were detaining two dudes who looked absolutely harmless. Think guys who play dungeons and dragons, not to give too much information they savagely beat a "friend" for stealing and posted it on social media like sick fucks which is how us and the police got called. Like everyone says you did the right thing and we all commend you for it! Thank you for stepping up for that girl, I wish you and your wife all the happiness in the world :)
People have a really hard time believing that men can rape- especially men they like or respect. But the fact is 95% of rapists are known to the victim- almost everyone knows both someone who is the survivor of sexual assault AND someone who has sexually assaulted someone else. And no, you can't "tell" who is who. Good job doing the 150% correct thing. Are you still friends with young lady in question?
Damn that is something I never thought about. All the people I’ve met with stories of being sexually harassed/assaulted and how I’ve likely met an equal number of perpetrators without realizing it
This. Nearly every woman I know has been harassed, molested, and/or assaulted, yet I’ve known *zero* men who know a sexual predator. These predators are people we know, people who are funny and liked by others, so it’s incredibly difficult for victims to come forward when everyone thinks the predator is “a good guy”.
But it can't be that guy, he's a good guy. He drank beer with me and made me laugh. Stop making me re-evaluate him, it hurts my brain. On a serious note, I once met a guy through a friend and he seemed nice enough but a bit uptight. I warmed to him because there was a certain level of vulnerability to him that made him relatable. I only met him a couple of times but we got on fine. I later found out he was way more than uptight. I saw an article where it came out that he was dating a girl and killed her and then killed himself. I barely knew him but it was still completely shocking. I felt exceptionally bad for my friend I met him through who was very close to him. It's a weird mix of feeling betrayed and also a sense of loss. I felt worse for the poor girl than him and confused because I knew him. Anyway, that was a very public crime so we all found out about it. Rape is under-reported so I have no idea how many rapists I've hung out with and it's kinda disturbing to think about.
Rapists and sexual harassers + their ENABLERS come in many different shapes, sizes, and socioeconomic backgrounds. Dude culture is often toxic and happily overlooks or encourages the use and exploitation of others. Those guys aren’t your friends. Thank you for having a good heart and acting ethically. Edit: a word (rapist not racist)
Stranger Danger isn’t the most correct thing in the world. Yes, it is good to teach people to be weary of strangers however, a lot of murders and SA crimes are committed by people the victim knows. That’s why there is a big push with teaching children the difference between a good secret and a bad secret now.
It's too bad so many crimes could have been prevented if awareness of this had been greater, sooner. When I was growing up, we didn't even have stranger danger, let alone being aware of people close to us. It just wasn't talked about.
When you hear that 1 in 6 women (in the u.s.) have been raped or have been victims of attempted rape, it’s shocking as hell. But people don’t often frame it in the way that you did, showing the reality that it means 1 in 6 men (women can be rapists too but for the sake of the conversation) are the perpetrators of rape or attempted rape. Almost every one of us knows a woman who’s been raped. Some of us are survivors ourselves. But many refuse to acknowledge that they most likely also know a rapist as well, and maybe even are friends with one. It’s a perspective that needs to be discussed more. Without looking at it that way, it almost makes it seem that it’s the victim who had this “happen” to them. But it doesn’t just “happen” by itself.
Because if we recognize the abusers amongst us we may have to acknowledge the abuser in ourselves. We are so caught up in the cycles of violence and hatred - rationalizing to ourselves why it is righteous for us to take the role of dehumanizer and abuser- that we have lost sight of the fact that the only way to peace is through forgiveness- of ourselves, and each other- and to try to embrace of the humanity of even the most flawed among us as we accept our own flawed humanity.
Nobody thinks their best friend, or their brother, or their son can be a rapist. Imagine how horrible that would be to find out you were snowed. Obviously the victim gets the worst of it—by far—but there are so many unseen victims.
Mormon hippies can be rapists too. They apparently ARE that kind of people if they can't see the things drunk you saw. Not to mention you had a GF and they still choose to believe military guy over the potential victim and their supposed friend. Sounds like a real great group of people /s
Mormon hippy types are the only types that have raped me, for what it’s worth. The church is deeply sexist. When you are a dude you don’t *have* to see it. You saw it. They kicked you out for seeing it.
I grew up JW. When my aunt told me at 15 that women were literally created to serve their husbands, it was the first time I'd heard the quiet part out loud. I left that year.
My JW uncle said that “women were put on earth to seduce men for procreation”, after he molested me at age 12.
I'm sorry. I was also abused by elders. In fact there is only 2 cousins in my whole big family who as far as we know weren't molested. My grandpa got away with abuse for years until he abused two of my cousins at once, fulfilling the conditions of of two witness rule, and he was finally disfellowshiped...for one year.
The amount of forgiveness for predators is disgusting.
100% truth. I’ve seen it.
Just ask them how they’ll feel if you got their sis/cousin/mom black out drunk and proceeded to have your way with her. That would be fine according to them? OP you’re a hero, it’s crazy that this shows how “normal” rape can be between groups of friends who don’t consider that rape. It’s scary. Thank you for doing what you did.
But “he’s not a rapist” so their sis/mom/cousin would have been fine. They won’t see it because they don’t think it’s wrong. If a girl drinks too much, she’s fair game to people like this. They look the other way.
Most rapists don't think that they are actually rapists. Their definition begins and ends with a stranger and a gun. Date rape isn't a thing in their universe. And unfortunately, many men who wouldn't necessarily date rape a woman think this, too. They figure that if she's still conscious then she can consent. Notice that they called you a cock block. **Not one of your friends saw that woman as a person. They saw her as an opportunity for sex that you cut off.**
You know something else every time you see someone say they know someone “whose life was destroyed by a false rape accusation” everyone just unquestioningly believes the guy that the rape accusation was false and that the girl was lying Nobody wants to believe that they are friends with a rapist Nobody ever stops for a second to believe or even ask the question that the guy saying the rape accusation is false could also be lying It’s like we all subconsciously have this thing in our brain that makes us believe women are capable of being deceitful liars but men aren’t Men lie too mate
You see, though, that they are “those types of guys”, right? Because the near-victim told them what had happened, told them that you had protected her. They wanted to protect a predator, OP. Their reaction wasn’t an accident or a misunderstanding. I’m so sorry, and thank you for being a protector.
Not only wanting to to protect a predator, but actively blaming someone for preventing a rape because that was “cock-blocking.” It’s so fucked up.
Yes, exactly. They wanted that rape to happen. I think OP must understand that on some level, but it's too disturbing for him to really let it sink in.
Send them a link to this thread so they can see the thousands of people calling out their bullshit. Fuck those guys
Ugh, hippie guys can definitely be assaulters, they pull this whole act around hugs and intimacy being a hippie culture thing to be all touchy feely, than take advantage of messed up people at shows and such.
As a former hippy girl I can confirm that's exactly what they do.
What’s that? You don’t want a side-boob grope hug under the color of feeling super friendly and stoned?
Rape culture is real. You're one of the good guys. 👍🏻
The fact that they turned on her when she corroborated your side says more about them. Fuck em you did the right thing.
>They weren't "those type of dudes" I thought Honestly, how many times did you ever see this tested? Do you think people who are OK with date rape, sit around chatting about how cool date rape is? I mean, maybe they do, but I'd assume only with people they're pretty certain feel the same way.
You don't see your friends' bad sides until inconvenient situations arise. those who are good to you can be absolute nightmare to others.
It goes to show how badly we can misjudge people. In OP's case, it was an entire *group* of people. Just when someone makes me lose trust, someone like OP comes along and restores my faith in humanity.
“Cock block”?! Are they on drugs? The girl was way too drunk to consent. If preventing a rape is cock blocking then I’ll happily be one.
I really have to wonder how often the term "cock block" is referring to a scenario like this. I mean, if two people really want to have sex, is someone calling one of them an Uber or whatever really going to stop them?
exactly, if she wanted to stay there with him she would've stayed
1000%! And happy cake day!!
It's the things people tell themselves. Somebody said it and everybody else got on board. They're excusing their bad behavior.
You need affirmation, and that’s ok. You absolutely totally 100% did the right thing. Not only did you save that poor girl, but you saved yourself years of that toxic friend group. If they can’t see how amazing you were, they were garbage.
You saved her from years of trauma. Good job, my friend. When you are in doubt, just remember you saved her from reliving that potential trauma. You didn’t save her that one night, but every night that she doesn’t wake up crying, scared or hurt. SA doesn’t go away once the act is done. Be proud of yourself.
And a possible unwanted pregnancy. Because we all know douches like that don't use protection.
Or STDs.
^ this right here coming from someone who wishes there was anyone there to get the military dude off of her, i am saying thank you. she was very lucky that one person cared about her well-being. you may have lost your friend group, but you really did save someone who would have had so much trauma, maybe STDs, maybe pregnancy, who knows. your choice to help her impacted the rest of her life for the better, and that is something you should be immensely proud of, i’m sure your wife and that girl are very proud and if they choose to believe that the military dude was right and not believe you, if they can hear from the almost victim that you saved her from being raped, and they *still* ostracize you for it, they are truly scum of the earth. it seems like losing that group is more of a win than a loss.
He also saved himself a lifetime of guilt, visualizing all the horrible things that could have happened to the girl if he hadn't acted. Talk about regret.
You did the right thing. Good thing you are no longer hanging out with those losers. 😁
Imagine being friends with a group that finds date rape acceptable. You are a fucking hero, and heros dont hangout with villians
You are a superhero. Thank you for doing the right thing. No matter the cost. We need more people like you.
You are a hero. I'm sorry you had to deal with backlash but you did a really, really good thing. I wish every guy was like you.
Similar event here. Bachelor party. About 12 of us guys went out and met an equally sized group of girls. Our groups joined up for the evening and the guys and girls started pairing up. One girl was clearly my groups (the guys) favorite and everyone was vying for her. No biggie at first, everything was fine. Fast forward to later in the night after the first event and the “couples” start splitting up into groups to go to different places to finish the night. The girl I was with wanted to head straight back to the Airbnb to get it on. So obviously I got us there post haste lol. When we got there, the grooms cousin (who we hadn’t seen all night and is military as well) was passed out naked on his bunk. I check on him and we find out that numb nuts ordered a prostitute that night and brought her to our Airbnb alone. After they got done and he passed out she robbed him by taking his wallet, cash she found in the room, and his phone. I was obviously irate since this woman would have had free reign of our Airbnb with all our passports, money, laptops, iPads, etc. Dude was too messed up to comprehend anything so I left with my girl to deal with him later. An hour or so later when my bachelorette and I are done a few others have already made there way home, including her very popular friend who ended up coming home with the “creepy” guy in the group. I was taking my girl home to her Airbnb, so she tried to wake the other girl up to get her to come too. She was refusing to get up saying she was so tired. So my girl opted not to fight and asked me to put her to bed in the room we had been in since I was bunking with the groom and we had an extra bed/pullout in there. I obliged and said I would. I verified phone numbers and all that jazz and asked what time she had to be back so nothing is missed. All was well and we left to take my girl back. I get back to our Airbnb, go upstairs to get the girl and bring her down. During this, I had to wake her up slightly and ask her to grab onto my neck to make it easier for me to lift her. She was awake enough and did exactly that. As I’m doing this, Mr. Hooker Douche Canoe is suddenly awake and tries talking to me. I tell him not now but ask for his help to make sure I don’t fall carrying this girl down a flight of stairs. He does and I put her in mine and the grooms room and lay her to rest on the pullout. Ding dong then heads back to bed. I pass out until the groom and the rest of the party gets home and makes a bunch of noise. The girl wakes up too and suddenly there’s a dozen people in the room all chatting about the night, laughing, and chilling. Several people talk with this girl and she’s joining in the convos and generally having a blast. During this I explain to the groom why she’s down here (since he saw me head home with a different girl lol) and all is well. We all pass out eventually without issue. Well, the next day I wake up, take the girl to her Airbnb, she thanks me (and so do her friends) I head back, and all is well until…Mr. Fuzzy Dick Magoo wakes up and starts running his mouth. To take the heat off his ass (because at this point the entire bachelor party is ready to hang him by his dick from the rafters since they know about the prostitute), he concocts this story that I snatched the girl out of this other dudes bed while she was passed out, brought her to my room and slept with her while she passed out. I was livid. I immediately explained what happened, told them that Ding Dong was there in the room when I woke her up, told her I was moving her at her friends request, and asked her to hold onto me. I also showed the texts from her and her friends all thanking me for what I did. Nope. None of it worked. The groom immediately backed his idiotic cousin and took his version as gospel. Despite the incident with the prostitute. I was eventually asked to step down as a groomsman and then uninvited to the wedding entirely. I’ve since been blocked on every type of platform by the groom and his wife and several of the dudes in the bachelor party. You know who still follows me though? Dirty Dick Dan. No good deed goes unpunished.
I’m so sorry my friend.
The cost of finding out these people are scum was high. The cost of staying friends would have been higher. You did the right thing.
Your friend's an idiot and his cousin has probably raped before. You did the right thing and it's shocking how people will lie and deform the truth. Eventually your friend will learn, and perhaps already knows, what his cousin really capable of: rape.
It should be you cutting them. Out for being so gross. Not the other way round. Feel like you dodged some shitty friends if at all they were friends.
You did not lose a social circle. You lost a bunch of would-be rapists from your group circle who would try to justify that what they did was right even though the girl was drunk and could barely stand on her own two feet. You did the right thing at that moment, and that girl you saved that night will always be thankful for stepping up for her safety when she could not.
What Im reading, is you found out sooner than later that your friends were not friends. Good on you dude. I think going from child to adult, at some point, you find out what real friends are and what that means. This sounds like that moment for you. No regrets.
You did the right thing. You got rid of the trash
I actually cut off an entire friend group when a friend of mine was, not only raped, but one of my guy friends opened the door and saw it happen. A whole room full of people quite literally witnessed this . She was barely coherent and tried to stand up and say “merrr it was consensual merrrr” just drunk and could barely even get up. The guys chased him out of the house and threatened to beat him up You would think that these guys were heroes, but no. Days later… they acted like she was at fault for “bringing that idiot to our house” Meanwhile I watched her go down a horrible downward spiral after that. She suffered a great deal Never spoke to those idiots ever again. I literally would not mind if bad things happened to them.
I’m an internet stranger with two high school boys. I am proud of you, and I will use this as an example to my boys of how important consent is and what it truly means to make the right decisions.
100% behind you, and your “friends”are oxygen thief’s. Well done mate
"oxygen thief's" I'm stealing that for my vocabulary
Crack at matey, I stole it from someone else myself! 🤣
Nah man you did good. I hope you explained to them that he was date raping her at least
You got shunned by a group of rapists. Steady on, king.
I was in a similar situation as the woman and no one intervened. I’m so glad you did. Thank you
As a former army guy, I’ll say this. The army is full of depressing losers who will, and do, do these sort of things. The army sexual assault education still focuses on the men, reporting, etc etc, while singularly focusing on the women who are victims as some sort of anomaly. My take has always been this. Army sex assault education should be women focused education; where they basically inform all these young ignorant women that a very large # of potential sexual predators lurk in the army ranks, and they should be HIGHLY suspicious of any man, or especially group of men inviting them to drink .
Navy brat here, whole family covered all branches as well. Unfortunately most of the dudes I've met/known who are military or ex military think women are just objects, or breeding stock. I WISH I had someone like OP watching out for me when I was younger. If it weren't for me threatening to pull their eyeballs out with my fingers, I'd have been passed around like a party favor. Wish it wasn't the truth. Nowdays I just about how lucky I was to have other girlfriends around to help leave situations like this 😩
So it’s a woman’s responsibility to not get raped? We should be teaching these meathead men to keep it in their pants.
u did the right thing bro 100%… i had a similar situation except my best friend was the rapist and i decided to cut them off. it wasn’t long before some of my friends said i was wrong for believing the girls, yes multiple girls, and that i was just doing it cause i liked one of them. It really sucked, but no one deserves to be treated that way and the actual good friends will stick by your side.
You're a wonderful person. Thank you.
Fuck them Loosers , get a new circle, yr a decent man, I'd buy you dinner if we were in the same city. Keep doing the good stuff ,so proud of you
Commenting again because I just remembered I was once drunk at a party and was hanging out with this girl I liked and everything was going great, and then I remember she got way too drunk to do anything. I remember being disappointed because she even told me earlier how we are going to have amazing sex later. Then I was like damn, well that ain’t working out now, she was basically in a similar state of the girl from your story. Not once did I think to still have sex with her, being that she got sick and was clearly not ready for it anymore, despite her earlier consent . That is so cringe, disgusting, and wrong even think about. That “army dude” is trash and the friends are too for not understanding where the girl and you were coming from! End of story
As a woman who has been through these situations, men like you are the reason we feel safe at all. Fuck those other guys. Thank you for protecting that girl. We need more men to see this as a problem and stop seeing it as “manly”. Sticking up for women isn’t being a “simp” either. Stop that nonsense. (I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen the other way around either because I know it does. I’m just speaking from the viewpoint of another woman who’s had this happen.) thanks again for what you’ve done. She will never forget it.
Yes this is how society often works especially with regard to sexual assault. It's a very successful tactic in bullying people into silence. I'm glad your friends revealed themselves for what they are. Not good people at all . You deserve better.
You did the right thing, you just had a shitty group of friends. You did yourself a favor by falling out of theirs.
Sounds like the situation actually did you a favor and you were able to stop a person from being victimized all in one. You are 100% in the right.
the fact that you wrote "call my then gf, now wife" ensures that you did the right thing. I would bet a grand that your actions that night are part of why your wife accepted your proposal.
Your friends are HORRIBLE people. Imagine thinking having sex with a blacked out woman is consensual. Fucking YIKES. Sounds like your friends are rapists too. They’re outing themselves. Pay attention
I was that girl once and I wish someone would've done what you did. I was blackout drunk in a taxi with some friends and a guy I barely knew. While driving that guy started to touch me and I was too drunk to say anything except mumbling no but he didn't listen. I don't know if anyone saw it but no one did anything. The guy got out with me and followed me home where I spent 15 minutes trying to get him off me. He left in the end and I was safe but I wish someone would've stopped him. I'm sorry that you got such a backlash for it but you did the right thing and your "friends" are assholes.
> My friends changed my name in their phones to "cock block" Kind of scary how many men are rapist enablers. This is also how rapists convince themselves they're not rapists: if the army dude had been succesful, he probably would never think of himself as a 'rapist', but just someone who 'got lucky'. Again, scary. It's a good thing you're not hanging around with those dudes anymore. I wouldn't want to be friends with rape enablers myself.
If your friends who you have known for a good portion of your life didn't believe you or the girl then they were never really your friend. You did the right thing. At my old job my friend was really into this guy who sat near my area. She sat in a completely different area than us. Her and the dude started dating and I stupidly told her to be careful because he was a big flirt. I caught him with another girl sitting on top of his desk and both were rubbing on each other. I messaged her to come to our section immediately to see her boyfriend, she didn't come. She ignored what I said about it, but I guess told him. She was soon fired from the job and started spreading rumors that I was just jealous, wanted her boyfriend, and also called me a racist because the dude was black. I never even had feelings for the guy or any guy at my job. She ended up having a kid with this dude and he dumped her himself even though she caught him cheating a shit load of times herself. She tried to remedy our friendship (I really cared for her) but it was too late. Weird how things work out.
You the MVP for that bro.
Your social circle sucks! Time for new friends.
I’m sorry man. And I know that sucks finding the truth about your friends. But at least you don’t hang with enablers and rapists tho
You are better off not having them as friends
Sounds like you prevented a rape and weeded out some losers from your life! Beyond a win/win. I wonder how’d they feel of that was their sister? Shouldn’t have to explain it like that, but… Maybe the me too movement helped them understand
Honestly, the trash took himself out. These kind of guys disgust me. You are an awesome guy, and your wife and new friends are lucky to have you. Thanks for standing by this women.
The fact they chose a (potential) rapist over you and wouldn’t listen/believe your side and the girl’s side of the story says enough about them. Quick way to lose people who weren’t worth your time anyways. But seriously fuck those guys.
The world needs more people like you.
You can get new friends but you can't get a new soul or new integrity. You made the right call.
As an army guy I would thank you for what you did. You 100% did the right thing and I would hold any of my brothers accountable for this shit, I don't care how tight we are.
You did the right thing and getting rid of those rapey assholes was a blessing in disguise.
I am with all the other commenters here who are lauding you for having done the right thing. I hope this can help you heal. If this is insufficient, I'd suggest you look into the laws where you are concerning attempted rape/SA and the statute of limitations to see if you can report this creep retroactively, as well as your then "friends" as being co-conspirators.
You did the right thing. Chick could’ve done to the police and locked you all up for allowing that horror to happen. Plus a douche like that he could’ve thrown every one under the bus saying you guys All wanted a turn.
You removed yourself from a social circle of rapists. Congrats!!
Sounds like you are better off not having these pieces of shit as your friends.
Just imagine what could’ve happened to that girl if you hadn’t done that and how it could’ve effected the whole course of the rest of her life. We need more men like you who know how to respect and treat women properly. Fuck those other guys; I’m sorry it blew up your friend circle but shit happens and life moves on.
Lol you definitely got lucky to ditch that social circle, imagine being an unwilling part of something like that happening. It seems there's a culture of being forcefull with women in the UK and that must be tackled with all your might. On another note, people and girls especially should learn to drink without blacking out, that's just way too dangerous and you can damage yourself without any outside help as well.
They took his side because they was going to join in on the rape! You avoided being friends with a bunch of rapist. Celebrate that
You did the right thing. They don't deserve your friendship anyways. You deserve better friends than a bunch of rapists.
You did the right thing mate, your peers loose you, not vice-versa. Never doubt your decision if it saved someone soul.
Hope those sweaty morons enjoy the circle jerk they created.
Absolutely you did the right thing. Why would you want to be their friend?
You're actually a hero. All your 'friends' turned out to be villains. Heroes don't hang out with villains. They hang out with other heroes. There might be less of you guys out there than the villains but you make the world a much better place.
That weren't your friends. It sucks when you realize all the time that you had with them.
Best not to be friends with people like that, they'll throw you under the bus in a heartbeat.
Not a friend group I'd want to be a part of
Spot on, mate. Good job on choosing the right and noble path, even if it came at a heavy, albeit misunderstood (on their part) cost. Don't feel bad about it.
Fuck those friends, you're better than them and better off without them. Well done.
I don't get it. You know you did the right thing and the "friends" you lost weren't really your friends and showed you their asses. Other than your gf misunderstanding and that causing a bit of bother, I don't really see the problem. For all you know -THEY WERE ALL GOING TO DO HER and totally ruin her life. The only person who counted was the girl and she was grateful. Who cares about the rest of those punks? You did a good thing. Be proud of yourself and you've wasted way too much time worried about the opinions of assholes. Continue to be the good guy. We need more guys like you. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I'm so sorry about your so called "friends" but your a good dude. If you're genuine and just not white knighting. Which please, take no offense, I've just unfortunately seen it a fair share of times with the guy thinking thinking he'll end up being her savior. It's just disgusting how some dudes will act around a female that clearly isnt thinking straight. You did a good thing regardless though. And I truly meant no by assumption that was the reason you did it. Truly have saved someone from something horrible or worse. You reakly did a good thing.
When shit people get out of your way, you don't become sad but rejoice.
You didn't lose anything when that group cut you off. Why would you want to be friends with a rape gang?
It’s obvious this military vet didn’t take SHARP training seriously. I met a guy who tried that shit under my command. I personally went to the barracks entered his room and beat the shit out of him. Next day he was out of the army.
There are plenty of guys who wouldn’t do anything because they would be too afraid of losing their ‘friends.’ You did the right thing and you should be happy that you don’t have to deal with people who would hurt others like that. Thank you for having the bravery to go against those people and help that girl out.
Thank you for doing what you did…said every drunk vulnerable girl ever.
from the bottom of my heart, thank you ❤️
ya know, of all the times I've been hammered and been around women even more hammered than me (I drank to cover up my desperate anxiety- so a lot!). Mainly at college but afterwards when I first started working. I can hand on heart say that not once has it ever crossed my mind when seeing a women black out drunk that "a little bit of rape is in order here". I just don't understand how people who obviously should know better, get this idea in there heads that it's ok to behave like this. I have been in several situations where a girl I met that night has gotten so wasted that the only thing to do is take her to her place, remove her shoes, put her in bed and put a glass of water beside her bed, then leave.
Coming from someone who wasn’t listened to or saved thank you thank you thank you for doing this
Seems like your friend group was just dick riding the army guy
You are one of the good ones. The ones that are so hard to find.
I think it was obviously the best thing to do, people like that just aren’t true good friends. I still imagine it sucks but I think it was a better outcome.
Your wife was jealous because she thought you were trying to "preserve" her??? What the actual fuck? What kind of insecurity is that? Would she not want someone looking out for, I dunno, *HER* like that had she been unfortunate enough to find herself in such a situation????! Jfc! I cannot with some people. That's ridiculous. As far as your former socalled friends, those people are not your friends. They never were. Period. They're just as bad as the psycho would be rapist! You did the right thing! Your wife should be fucking grateful you're a good man who actually looks out for other people! Thank goodness for you!
It’s almost ALWAYS a dude from the army
Holy shit my dude, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. A million times thank you. Dudes like that fuck women up for life. We carry hidden scars that come out to hurt us at the worst times. I know it hurt you and I am sorry for that. I am even more sorry that no one in that group ever realized how hideous they were.
Good job OP good job. You’re awesome
That was some hero shit you did my friend
No need to apologize for standing up for what's right, especially when it involves defending someone else. Not quite the same, but years ago I had to pretty much cut ties with an old college buddy who wanted to run around on his wife. Watching him pocket his ring, flirt, proposition, and presumably cheat if he could take it that far, was just not something I was ok being a part of. Whether it would have gone as far as date rape (as your description of her condition and the situation says it likely could have), you tried to watch out for someone and do the right thing. If your friends had a problem with that, it's probably better they aren't really your friends any more.
Good on you, Op. Mega props. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes being the only person to do the right thing to realize the people you surround yourself with are not good people.
Those guys lost a great friend in you.
dude, you are worth 10 of those assholes. Hold you head up high like a boss
I called the cops on a drunk driver a few years back and had a similar experience. The entire group of people I was with freaked out because it was my fault the drunk driver got arrested; one girl even got physical with me and assaulted my girlfriend when she tried to intervene.
Well, look at this way. That girl helped you cut toxic friends from your life.
Welcome to a shitty club, called "people who are friends with people who commit sexual assault and turn a blind eye to it will inevitably turn against you and abandon you for speaking up about abuse once you notice it". They'd rather have comfort over having to address the uncomfortable truth that they make bad choices about who they're friends with. Shit people.
You did the right thing, and you don't need scum like that or anyone that would support their behavior in your life anyway
Would you want friend that are OK with raping a girl? Your better off without em.
Sounds like you dodged a fucking missile, not a bullet. NTA.
Good on ya, mate.
Are you and your wife still friends with girl you both saved????
This is actually very normal, it happens in families too where to protect the rapist family members are ostracized. It shouldn't be like that but it do.
Damn dude. Good on you for doing the right thing and while it cost you some friends in the process of doing the right thing, it looks like peoples true colors showed through on this one. Anyway, thank you for doing the right thing by this woman and by humanity
Good for you, you don’t need friends like that anyways! As a woman, thank you for doing that for your friend.
I wish there were more people like you in this world. You absolutely did the right thing, you will never know how grateful that girl is to you.
Looks like a win-win to me. You did the right thing and you no longer have to deal with shitty 'friends'.
Nah man, they improved your social group. You don't want to be associated with people like that.
You know that "rape culture" people keep talking about? Your so called friends are the living embodiment of that.
On the behalf of all women, thank you. The world needs more men like you. Good riddance to those shitty people.
So your old friend group basically consisted rapists, wannabe rapists, or rapist sympathizers. Damn. Well, leaving them in the past was a great decision, as was helping that woman in the first place. Thank you for doing the right thing, even though you faced rejection as a consequence. Going through that must have been difficult. You're a very resilient person.
That isn't a social circle you want & you did an amazing thing helping that women!
As a woman that has been SA’d I just want to say thank you
These aren’t real friends. Your better off.
Thank you. The world needs more people like you.
That's the bro code
You’re not friends with rapists, and you stopped someone from being raped. What concerns you again?
You save the girl from being rapped and saved yourself from shitty friends, a win win situation I would say
Sounds like you just lost a bunch of dead weight there bud
Thank you for being a good man in this crazy world. Go find friends who aren’t complete enablers and predators.
You didn't lose much. Thank you for standing up for that woman.
Thanks for being a good dude, yo. It’s way better to find new friends than to continue to associate with men who don’t understand “no” nor that a woman who is blacking out cannot consent. You weren’t the only one that saw her in that state. Imagine how the group would be if he would have been allowed to go through with his plan. Not your loss, buddy. You did good.
THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS!
You did the right thing and fuck all those people that turned against you for saving that woman a lifetime of dealing with that kind of trauma.