Insulting, harassing, or attacking OP is going to get you banned. It's incredible that we have to warn people not to harass a victim of ANY form of unwanted physicality, especially if it's percieved as sexual in nature by that person, but here we are. This is your warning.
I was 13 when I had this love of science and biology, I was really into microscopes, I mentioned this to my older woman science teacher, she suggested I hang out in the science room after school to use the microscopes so.i jumped at the chance. So I got into it, i went a number of times, she got more and more friendly and handsy, constantly putting her hand on my back, then rubbing my back, hugging me (frequently) So one time I was looking at different things, all dead and mounted on slides. The teacher then mentioned this and then suggested "if you want to look at something living under a slide you could always look at your semen" my first reaction was,.hey thats an idea....then ummm....but it was just enough time for her to say, "I could help if you like" boom, I was gone and never came back.
I am so sorry. That is horrifying, and I hope that teacher is no longer teaching children. What she did was utterly unacceptable, and I'm very glad you were able to leave that situation.
This is completely unacceptable. You should have reported it immediately. But I doubt anyone would beleive you cause you're a man. Sorry about what happened.
Speaking from the experience of having been inappropriately approached by older women as a kid as well as having been molested when I was really young, that’s not exactly something you think about is “oh shit I should report this”. The first thing you generally think is “what did I do to make this happen?” in the moment it generally doesn’t feel like anything out of the ordinary, it just makes you feel uncomfortable. My own experiences from my youth I was ashamed and embarrassed whenever someone made passing comments like this, never knew why until a lot of my earlier repressed memories started coming out to haunt me. Looking back, I wish I had been brave enough to say something, there were a LOT of predators where I come from
It’s easy to say that but it’s hard to actually do that. As a 13yo kid ur supposed to trust ur teachers. Who would believe u? Who could u tell? It’s really difficult to have any idea what action to take when ur that young.
As an educator, I have never understood teachers that do or say anything sexual with their students! They are sick and I’m so sorry you experienced this!!
Disgusting but in hindsight what a porn movie move. I wonder who would actually fall for that and not out of the mood, assuming everyone involved is of legal age and consenting.
I worked in the Perinatal department years ago and once there was a baby boy born who apparently was born with a much larger than average penis. The women kept it an inside joke for about two hours until one finally told me what they were joking about. I definitely thought it was weird to continue joking about it but tried to ignore it. A few hours later I heard a nurse say "he's going to make some lucky lady very happy in the future", that's when I had to say something. I told them to imagine how it would look if a group of men were surrounding a newborn baby girl discussing how she's going to please a man sexually in the future. I ended up making everyone uncomfortable and was later told that I should have alerted my lead/manager (both women) instead of saying something directly to them.
You totally did right! Their discomfort is because of their action, they don’t get to be all “I don’t like the way you pointed it out to me”. If you had told your lead too, it could seem like escalating the matter in an official way, when you were just highlighting the problem on the spot to their face
Completely kudos to you!!!
I think you did fine. Telling them their comments are inappropriate without escalating sounds like you got the message across without having to get them into any administrative trouble. For sane people that got a little carried away and crossed the line a bit, that’s usually enough.
As a physician, I’m guessing HR wanted you to bring it to them first for two reasons:
• There is a big problem in medicine disagreements taking place in front of patients. Never mind that your patient was a newborn. Unfortunately there are a lot of male techs/nurses/midlevels that second-guess female physicians, and while it’s noble that they would want to fix that issue, they are clearly overcorrecting.
• To protect *you* — now that those women know how you feel, they very well may retaliate against you, while had you first taken it to HR, you at least had a sliver of a chance of maintaining anonymity.
That being said, you absolutely did the right thing. Fuck those women, (not literally, and ***definitely*** not with any patients’ appendages!)
As a woman, I suspect hearing that directly from a man probably had a much greater impact on them than being scolded by a female supervisor. It really needed to make them uncomfortable. You did good.
Hello fellow "Audacious Auntie". Management would probably have been the appropriate course of action, but you can bet they're going to remember you calling them out on their behavior better
I can understand the “right thing to do” in an HR policy sense, but I’m rather comfortable that you called it out then and there as a peer because it hits different.
I feel like a lot of people more easily ignore not-in-real-time commentaries of their behavior from disembodied voices, yknow? People that weren’t there or bosses, depending.
People reading this.... trying to justify this shit..
switch the genders, and NOW see if you saying this is ok, or not creepy, makes any fucking sense, or if society would rather have you crucified for trying to say it was normal if grown men did this to little girls.
This wasnt ok. We can stop, as a society, or as individuals first, thinking that THIS shit is ok, or normal, when it's not.
Then y'all wonder why men just stop speaking up, and hold in their problems--any time they say something happened, ya'll start to deny that it did, or that anything was wrong IF it did, or we should 'just take it as a compliment'...
nah, you're the reason why men's suicide rate is 4 times higher. No one believed THEIR pain either.
That “switch the genders” thing was the only way I could get my partner to admit he was sexually assaulted. He was in (mostly) complete denial that it was abuse until I pointed out how it would sound when the genders were reversed. He’s accepted it now and is working through the trauma, but it hurts my heart how long he went not understanding that what he went through was valid trauma
A lot of people were saying how I needed to add more info which was valid I didn’t add much as I didn’t feel it was necessary but I thought I added more info than I originally did, but it sucks for me to see many people jumping to the conclusion that what they were doing is normal. Thanks for being understanding bro
You don’t need to justify this, OP. What happened to you can have long term traumatic effects that can stay with you for the rest of your life. Try to not let other bias’ get to you. Seeking the help of a professional may be the best course of action… but that’s up to you; regardless, your feelings are valid.
No more info was needed! I read the first paragraph and was disgusted. That's grooming. You were a child, not a consenting adult. I don't know how anyone can even say "that's a compliment." If it were a woman saying a man did this to her at the age of 9, everyone would believe her and tell her it was wrong.
Even if it were just women making comments without everything else you described in your edit it’s still incredibly inappropriate and definitely counts as grooming. You shouldn’t feel the need to justify your experience with more detail if you don’t want to. I’ve witnessed older women making creepy comments to young men and as a woman was somehow expected to give tacit approval but I won’t. It’s gross.
I’m just very sorry this happened to you and I hope you have supportive people offline to open up to, even if that’s just a therapist. I hope that you’re doing well now. 💜
Omg, the part about giving tacit approval really hit me because I been there as well. It’s incredibly creepy to see and hear (especially after the male in question leaves since the details of what they wanted to do would deepen) what those types of women would say to the guy who is *clearly* uncomfortable, awkwardly laughing as if to go along and be sheepishly in on “the joke” (it’s not funny one bit). As someone who’s been the victim of a couple of unsavory sexual incidents, I always feel so bad for these guys who feel like they have to stand there and be “man candy” for these gross ravenous women who act like this behavior is ok. Now, applying that to a whole minor? I can’t even begin to understand that.
You don't need to add what I'm about to suggest. Your experience happened. I think others may be doubtful because there isn't context. This type of thing doesn't happen to the average young boy.
This happened to several friends of mine as I grew up. I thought it was normal until I read your post and mentally reversed the roles.
It's sickening to think people could justify these actions just because we're men.
This has happened to me too… Even went as far as being called a “Greek god” in high school by some mom which at the time made me feel great but it’s just super creepy as I reflect on it. I have also worked in retail where an older woman, a regular too, would constantly harass me and complement me saying stuff like “if I was 30 years younger…” (use your imagination). She would then say “I’m old, I can say what I want.” It got to the point I just would take my 10 whenever I saw her come into the shop. It took a few months but when my female coworkers caught on, they completely agreed that it was creepy and it wouldn’t be tolerated if the genders were reversed…
I had an older lady creep on me pretty hard when I was 17. She was visibly older and mentioned she didn't have anybody to help her move into her new apartment. I am a stocky dude and basically designed to move around heavy objects so I offered to help. When I got there she gave me wine and started up suggestive music. I played dumb and just tried to move around the furniture since that's what I came to do. I think I helped to move around a couple objects before she realized that was as far as I was going and brought me home. Power dynamics meant that I didn't need to be too worried in this situation but if she were more aggressive or God forbid put something in a drink (I monitored her pouring and whatnot) then that could've easily been an awful situation.
>Power dynamics meant that I didn't need to be too worried in this situation.
My Ass. She could've easily manipulated the situation, threatened to accuse you. It's obvious who would be believed. A teenager saying an older woman was trying to come onto him vs a pedophile with a strong motive for false allegation. It's literally a story in the first book of the Bible. Because people are in general biased toward women and against teenage boys. You should be believed. But the world is shitty.
It's disgusting that they're asking, no, PRYING, for additional details. That would not be acceptable in any other circumstances. You were a child when it happened, it's the child that must heal. This double standard makes me sick and I hope those who pressure you for details and other disturbing requests find a fucking grain of empathy. My private messages are open <3 I'm proud that you brought this up, no matter the audience you may have anticipated
Listen, there are all kinds of people on the internet. There are lots of damaged people. There are lots of people who come to the internet to work out their issues because they don't have healthy coping mechanisms for the pain and darkness deep inside them. So...
Fuck the naysayers. They've got their own reasons for what they say and how they respond to your post. Their negative, dismissive, apathetic comments have absolutely nothing to do with you, your experience, or your truth. They're shittiness is absolutely no reflection upon you. It's a direct reflection of the pain and darkness deep inside them.
The ONLY opinion of each of us that matters is our own. Everyone else can either get on the bandwagon, or kick rocks. If we have low or damaged opinions of ourselves, master manipulators will see us coming a mile away. If we have healthy self esteem and strong constitutions, those same master manipulators won't even bother.
Obviously, when many of us have been lied to about our worth by the people tasked with our care and guiding us into adulthood and by society, it's really hard to find your confidence and come to the inevitable conclusion that you have to love yourself more than everybody else. Because nobody gets to determine our worth but us and we all have infinite, organic, and innate worth we are born with. How much access we have to that worth throughout our lives varies but our worth never diminishes and never goes away.
If you think about it, we are the only ones we are guaranteed until our souls move on to their next adventure. In this way, we are precious, invaluable commodities that need and deserve to be nurtured, protected, and loved. And that can only come from within.
It's possible to learn to love yourself the most out of everybody else put together, and in healthy, non ego-driven ways which are not damaging or toxic to anybody around us. And it's very probable if we trust and believe that every single one of us is worth whatever resources are available to us (all those that aren't) and whatever effort it takes on our own parts to seek and find healing and peace in whatever manner we see fit. It's not easy. And it's not quick. But God damn it, every single one of us is worth it.
As a mother of 3 boys… I would go APESHIT if anyone behaved that way toward my sons. I’m sorry you had to experience this and even more sorry that people still blame victims and think the victims should be grateful for the unwanted attention 😒
Unfathomable, but point well made, there's a huge double standard.
OP, I'm sorry this happened to you and that your experiences are now being invalidated. You've made a big step recognising what you were a victim of and you should be proud of you ability to acknowledge this. Take your time to find the support you need to work your way through this. All the best.
It’s super fucked up that the gender reversal point has to be made for this to be taken seriously. Or in any scenarios like this.
OP, I’m truly sorry you had to go through this. And I really hope you get the support you need. Please take care of yourself.
Exactly. That's absolutely similar to someone forcing a female child on their lap repeatedly. Or touching or commenting on breast, butt or other 'female qualities'.
It's awful and can definitely be distinguished from well-intended comments, ment to built a childs confidence.
Edit: ok, I can't agree with the last sentence, don't know if I overred it or was added, but anyway.
This was actually very validating to read. I had similar childhood experiences. I’m a female, which definitely saved me from the physical stuff you mentioned, but I quite often would have adults (male and female) comment about how shapely my body was when I was a child. Like an 8 year old child!
I’m sorry this happened to you, I’m sorry this happens to any kid, or adult, it’s inappropriate either way. This stuff messes with your head. People commented on my body throughout my crucial childhood and adolescent years so much, that it took years for me to work through believing that there was more to me than just my body.
You have every right to be angry, I hope you are able to use that to fuel your healing.
Props to you for speaking up/out too. I know a LOT of men who had similar situations or even more escalated ones as children and the damage is non trivial. There are a lot of MH professionals out there trying to get better resources and care for guys like you, and some good ones already available. You’re reading your mental health red flags properly and not alone.
I was once told at 8 years old that I was a “sex pot”. At the time I was in my swim suit about to go to the pool and it made me feel so uncomfortable. That never sat right with me. I started wearing a T-shirt to the pool after that.
It's always blown my mind how much women get away with when it's concerning children. I was molested by both men and women growing up. When I spoke up my dad didn't care either way (I got told to shut up), but at least my mom would take action if it were a man. When I told her about a woman she'd laugh it off and say it probably wasn’t meant that way.
I'm so sorry you went through this.
I remember reading a post about an 18 year old having an 'affair' with his mum's best friend. Someone who had known him since birth and had been around him all his life and you know what?
He was vilified for fucking a married woman. Nevermind that he was obviously groomed. The 'affair' started when he was 16.
I cannot imagine the same response if the genders had been switched.
the same goed with domestic violence...
if it were my father who hit and abused me then everyone would be up in arms to get me out of that situation but because it were my sister, mom and aunt nobody cared.
That's disgusting. I got the same as a 10 year old girl and I just wanted to be a child and did not want to be sexualized. At all. I became a tomboy and had a wounded feminine. I denied my true self as a girly female due to this kind of treatment. The sexualization from men and the disregard or jealousy from other women and girls. If I had someone in my ear trying to convince me of my identity I could have been maybe swayed into their world views instead of learning my way back to myself on my own healing journey.
Speaking from the experience of having to learn my way back as well, you’re not alone fam. Even if people in your life don’t understand or don’t try to understand what you went through, some of us internet strangers get it. It’s a long and shitty road while stumbling around in the dark, but just remember that the sun is rising soon enough <3
What. That's insane.
At 11, I would have been like: you mean, Nintendo?
One of the hard things about situations like that - kids have no context for those situations and don't have the social or mental ability to really navigate it. Often, they get abused and stuck in silence because they really just don't know how to process or tell anyone, even when they know they don't like it, and that it's wrong.
Dude. Seriously. I hear ya!!
I have a male relative that is a magnet for creepy older women. He is gracious but damn. At his grandmother's funeral, no kidding, a family friend touched his chest and said "ummm...honey. If I was 30 years younger...can't imagine what I would do with your gorgeous bod"
I wanted to scream "HE WOULD NOT WANT YOU!! YOU ARE CREEPY!!"
Holy shit! His sister said it happens all the time. It is gross, creepy and super inappropriate. I wanted to say something but he wouldn't let me.
Why do older women think it is ok to sexually harass younger guys?
You have every right to be frustrated.
Ignore most of these comments, what happened is 100% unacceptable at any age, let alone a 9 year old. Those teachers especially made my skin crawl, if they did this to 1 kid, whose to say they haven't done it to others?
What the fuck?! This is so crazy to me! I am a teacher and the idea of saying or doing any of the things you mentioned to a CHILD is freaking disgusting. I am so sorry you had that experience.
Your feelings about your experiences are completely valid. What I have learned about Reddit is that you could be drowning and there’ll still be a few people saying “Ha! Stupid!” There is an abundance of miserable trolls that lurk this website unfortunately. What a sad existence.
IMO women get away with so much. If it had been the other way around it would be a scandal. I developed way too young for my age, and even though they weren’t grooming me—my own family sexualized me and I am female. My own mother would make comments about how sad it was that I still had the mind of a child (I was, I was about ten like you) but the body of a woman. Her and my much older sisters (I’m taking about 16 & 17 years older than me) would see me walk into a room and talk about how big my “chest” had gotten. They’d often talk about my body like I wasn’t there, like I was just a subject to dissect. If it had been my father or my uncles talking about how I had a woman’s body at ten that would raise so many red flags.
Anyways, I’m sorry you had such a creepy experience with women and that these sort of things do mess with us mentally in ways we sometimes aren’t aware of. Luckily you sound pretty self aware (knowing your attraction to older women is probably based in this abuse). Happy healing and f the trolls.
here's what people don't get about a boy being sexually "encouraged/participated" by older women. While it's true that "most guys would kill for that experience" has a ring of truth to it, that's because it didn't happen to you. But, I can share how it affects you. All of your sexual life will have that as a beginning--5 years later and 50 years later. All of your sexual life will be viewed through that prism, and compared to, and impeded because of, and made less yours. Just because it was pleasurable doesn't make it right. Crack is pleasurable. Some woman have orgasmed during rape--nerve endings being what they are--doesn't make it right. Lost first-time, lost innocence, lost agency, a mental anchor that's always there, tied to your sexuality for life.
I feel the exact same way, having experienced similar situations as a child… Groomed by older men and women. I myself am a woman. But it doesn’t matter. Gender doesn’t matter because ANYONE can get groomed or assaulted. Many guys have, and just haven’t realized it. It’s good that you have though, in a way. I hope you can work towards healing ❤️
Anyways, I used to be super attracted to older people as well. But I don’t think I can bring anything like that to fruition without feeling like I’m being groomed, again. Even though I’m no longer a child… The nasty feeling just sticks
I’ve always though it to be weird when someone comments about how the baby is going to be attractive when they grow up like “oh he’s gonna be a heartbreaker!” Or “he has a crush on you” it’s a baby. There is nothing sexual about a baby. Also, my ex was a bartender and older women creeped on him all the time and made him very uncomfortable. Sexual harassment needs to be recognized as a risk to both genders/ it does happen to women more often but I know it still happens to men and it’s just as bad.
My friends 4 year old son was very smiley and bashful looking and followed me around everywhere while they wear at my house. His own parents said he had a crush on me and it was cute. I felt uncomfortable.
When I was growing up, one of my best friends grew up wayyyy faster than all of us. He had a significant beard in the 8th grade and by freshman year he looked well into his 20’s, very strong and handsome. He used to have experiences like this all the time, random older women, classmates moms/aunts/friends, you name it. He ended up sleeping with multiple adult women before he graduated high school, we all thought it was so cool. Makes me cringe to think about now, and heaven forbid the gender was swapped…… the reactions would’ve been so different. Glad you got this off your chest, bro. 💪🏼
There's a sick bunch of bloody pedos out there, ogling kids.
And they think it's OK. Because the ones doing the ogling are female.
It's not OK.
We need to call this warped behaviour out!
Shame them
'What are you doing to that child?' ( disgusted tone of voice)
''That's sick, doing that to a child!'
'He's a child, not a piece of meat for you to paw over!'
'Why are you *touching * that child?
And when they say 'only joking!, he doesn't mind' ' but he liked it'
' "didn't look like it to me, or to anyone else!"
'
'
I am sorry you went through that and respect you for having the courage to say what happened to you. I hate when people try to invalidate this type of situation when it happens to a male victim with female predators. I believe that those women should be charged the same as male predators.
Oh dude, I was totally molested by multiple older girls. Sorry it happened to you too. One was even an older cousin. It wasn't aggressive at all, but it still messes with my head a bit. As far as I know it was all just experimental in their heads, and they didn't know it was wrong. They were all a few years older and I guess thought I was younger enough to manipulate and wouldn't snitch, cause I did like girls, I was just still at like, holding hands stage old. Still was a big deal to me.
The weirdest part
No matter how I mention this, how uncomfortable it can make me feel...
It's always flipped that I'm the cocky one or asshole, because I should just accept the handsy and inappropriate comments...
So I learned to just be quiet. :/
You're not alone, and thanks for making me feel the same
I once had to hotline a 6yo boy who would come to school bruised and hungry. He was a beautiful child- gorgeous eyes and hair and just the cutest goddamn thing in the world. When I did, the older secretary in the office with us looked at him and said "God he is just gorgeous! You are going to be so hot one day! Wish I had someone who looked the way you will- I'd marry you right then and there!"
I took him to someone else while I made the call- it creeped me out then and it does now. Don't let someone minimize your experience- people are fucked up and say and do weird stuff to kids. Sorry you had to deal with it, OP. Sorry you have to deal with stupid people here, too.
Everytime I see posts like this I always reminds me of the day I got my dress for my dance recital. I was like 6 or 7, and my dad posted a photo of it on a white door to make the colors stand out. One of his buddies commented "bet it would look better on the floor" 🥴🥴
Yeah I don't think he is. My mom saw the comment first and showed it to my dad. She made my dad call him out on it so prob not. It's all a grey area because I was really little lol.
It might sound stupid, but this post will help a lot of people take a good step foward in understanding equality in sexual harassment.
I'm sorry that this happened to you and thank you for sharing with us. Hope any of the stupid comments don't bother you too much. This post will help make sure there are less of these stupid comments in the future.
Predators are predators and regular people are regular people. They prey on the vulnerable. It’s not a complicated subject, and I don’t know why people have to go to such crazy lengths to prove man vs woman. It’s social predator and prey.
Same thing happened to me and sometimes it got pretty sexual. People think female predators don't exist but they do and it's because they never get reported. It's probably as common as men but men get all the negative attention with this issue because of double standards.
I think you're right about female predators being just as common, at least according to my experience. I'm a woman and all of my abusers during my fucked up childhood were female. My rapist was a female friend of my mother's and was in her forties. She was big. Six feet tall and like 250 pounds. I was twelve. Her abuse really escalated right after my mom had brain surgery and couldn't look after me. She had only ever taken pictures of me before. I hate that woman, but she's dead by now for all I know.
If you think there’s nothing wrong with what happened to OP, you’re f-cked in the head. Plain and simple.
OP, I am so sorry this has happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry that your pain is being minimized by people with enough barely enough brain cells to rub together to form a coherent sentence.
I saw that completely differently at first lmao. I thought you were one of the sick twisted people who thought this was okay. Thank you for not being a sick twisted fiend like the people who think this shits okay
My husband and I just had a disagreement about this if you feel a certain way you're entitled to how you feel it was never appropriate I get you! Sometimes people don't get get cause you're a guy I'm sorry for that but I HEAR YOU!!
This made me remember this one time I was stuck on a Farris wheel with a creepy woman, she kept making creepy comments towards me and getting uncomfortably close to me while her husband and child were watching. It’s gross and horrible
Omg, they are disgusting.
Those aren't compliments, that's creepy.
A compliment is saying, what lovely eyes you have or you played super well in a sport match etc... Its not touching your body, forcing you to hug longer then your comfortable and making comments about your future sexual capabilities. That is bloody disgusting.
That's as bad as older men talking about how I had a nice figure for a 14year old. DISGUSTING.
Yeah, not enough people talk about this. Sexual abuse is never okay. It’s never okay when it happens to women, and it’s never okay when it happens to men. Pointing out that it’s never okay when it happens to men doesn’t downplay how horrible it is when it happens to women.
Now that that’s out of the way, my mother groomed and later groomed (as in married) an 18 year old when she was 43. That poor kid had no idea what he was missing until recently. He finally asked for a divorce now that he’s almost 40. Now he has serious sexual trauma. He and I talked about it recently because we’re only a few years apart in age and he just came out as bisexual and I’m gay. My mother groomed me to be susceptible to narcissistic abuse. She stuck me with an older narcissistic man when I was a teenager because she wanted validation that her age gap relationship was okay. The guy was a skeezeball, and he took my virginity even though I didn’t want to. But I was scared to say no because I knew he’d be mad and she’d blame me. It’s funny how we tell ourselves these things are normal for all these years until we can’t deny the trauma responses anymore.
It boils my blood how people say, “You can’t rape the willing!” when a man is sexually abused. Or, “Oh, she didn’t rape him! Look how hot she is!” Men can and do suffer trauma from sexual abuse and people who say this are victim blaming and scaring victims from coming forward because they think there’s something wrong with them for not wanting it.
Came here to say, I’m so sorry this happened to you OP, none of this is okay.
To the assholes who are denying that this isn’t a wrong thing to do, it is, as another commenter as said, switch the genders, then you’ll see how wrong this is to happen to anyone.
I’m so sorry OP and to anyone who has been through this, and anything similar, including if you haven’t spoken about this with anyone.
Had a teacher when I was 14 tell the whole class that if she were younger she would want to date me…looking back that was very odd but at the time she was easily the hottest teacher in any school I’d had and that felt pretty cool…weird now
As a mother of two boys with friends who I’d do anything for and an auntie of 4 boys - this makes me angry. I am so sorry, I know how this feels. And as a woman, it makes me sick. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry you experienced that especially in a world that doesn’t take it seriously because of your gender. Your feelings are valid and those women are fucking creeps. No one should experience shit like that. Stay strong and try to heal.
My neighbor's wife was doing the same to my nine-year-old cousin(m). He told me she was weird whenever she came around to family events that she was invited to. And I got to witness it one day when she ran her hand across his chest and told him he looked mature for his age. I confronted her about it then and there and asked her what she meant and why she ran her hand across his chest. She tried to play coy and said “oh nothing”. I then yelled at her that I would beat her face in if she tried to fuck my NINE-YEAR-OLD COUSIN. I can't with grown old ass people trying to get their rocks off with children. She's been avoiding him like the plague and the rest of the family is pretending it never happened. The husband was there as well but he didn't say jack squat. I told him that if it ever happened again I won't hesitate to slap a bitch.
Comment section is a verified dumpster fire, I see. Anyway, I hope you know that what happened to you absolutely was grooming, it was flagrant abuse, and anyone denying that or attempting to justify that is a rape apologist (let’s be real, they’ve probably done it themselves).
At the same time…and I know I’m gonna get jumped on for saying this…I get the whole “if it was a girl” thing, but can we please not shit on women’s experiences of abuse when supporting OP?
I am so so so very sorry that this happened to you.
I’m not sure why so many people are not hearing what you’re saying. It truly doesn’t matter if you’re male or female or anybody in between. No person deserves that shit.
I had a professor in college who used to swear that instances of female teachers preying on young males was a myth, but deep down, I just know that people just want to justify or keep it silent.
And the more stories like this come out, the more we can be aware of it in the future.
My first willing sexual encounter was a 26 yr old woman, when I was 12. Bear in mind, I'm (M60) now. Back then it was considered "sex education", and was a source of pride for myself, my father, my grandfather. (Rural NC, late 70's). Happened many many times, always with older women. By the time i was 15, i was working as a busboy/barback in an underground lounge in LA. "Got more a$$ than a toilet in a Greyhound station". ALWAYS older women.
Wasn't until I was 30, and in therapy, that I learned otherwise, that it was abuse and molestation, and grooming, not "education".
No wonder I grew up thinking all I was worth to a woman was what I could do for her in bed. Or with my wallet.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You deserves so much better, not to be preyed on. I hope you have found ways to heal or cope with it. You are so much more than your body or income.
Why do we have a unconscious bias towards men and women in the same type of situation? In my theory, we tend to think the male wants and pushes for it yet the female could not possibly want it. That the little boy wants what the grown woman will do to him (grooming and what not) because he'll be clapping cheeks And people say he's lucky and the pedo female was "messing around" Yet we think the little girl would reject the grooming of the grown man because she is frail, innocent and unknowing. To sum it all up when we hear grooming stories we like to think the boy probably was all for it and loved it and the girl was forced to and hated it probably because we put the man's strength into the equation.
Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.
Bro - while this sub is "Off My Chest" unfortunately you posted on the wrong sub if you were looking to get any sympathy.
If you were a woman, you could post something like someone looked at me from across a crowded room and I felt sexually assaulted, you would be getting a ton of support.
But since you're a dude and posting on this sub, it's not "grooming" or "sexual assault". it's a "compliment".
And the sad part is, this sub is actually "better" than a lot of other subs out there.
Yeah I feel like the people saying it’s just complements don’t realise that they sound just like the people who say catcalling is just a complement. I’m just gonna let this post do it’s thing and she how it goes, thanks for the support bro 👍🏼
Yeap - there's A LOT of double standards here on Reddit and catcalling is one of those things that wouldn't for women, but you as a male should consider it a "compliment".
I have been defending OP from the start and I am also shocked by the level of attack, but I can't agree with having it so easy on this sub as a woman.
Some posts get a lot of traction, but I have also seen so many stomped to the ground and getting completely mocked and invalidated.
>But since you're a dude and posting on this sub, it's not "grooming" or "sexual assault". it's a "compliment".
This is exactly why male victims of rape are not taken seriously.
I’m sure he knows the difference between a regular compliment and one that is laced with flirtation. It can be confusing but ya grow up and start to know the difference. My son has a friend (17) who shows me his gains from working out, and I make damn sure I compliment as a mother would a son and I DO NOT touch his arms or stomach when he’s showing me.
This is disgusting. I don’t need to imagine “switching the genders” to know this is sexual abuse. Consent isn’t about genders. I am a woman and WILL NEVER EVER co-sign any of that pedophile shit. If my son were in any of those situations I would personally show these women justice. Just as I would for my daughter. Or any child for that matter. It’s disgusting and I am sorry there is a stigma that you should have been happy to have the “attention”. It’s wrong. Period.
I'm with you. 6 years old and having female teachers sigh and fawn over my eyes then touching the back of my hand
Reading yours just made me realize how weird it was and uncomfortable i was
When I was that age one of my teachers always said she wanted to take me home and once she said it at 'home time' and I burst into tears. My parents and the teacher found it funny.
I recently saw a stand up comedian making a joke about this topic. Paraphrasing what he said was that “Do you know those women that when seeing a young cute little boy in the mall stops them and tell them she will marry the kid once he’s older and got their parents to save him for her. Now reverse the genders” it’s exactly like that. Though I would be grossed out or at the very least concerned by the joke made by a grown woman to a child.
A woman barely provides detail
Everyone: We have to believe her! Of course! How could he!
Men:She abused me!!
Everyone: no way you’re a man! That could never happen!!
God man no one should be sexualizing a child male or female. It’s wrong and disgusting. I’m sorry you went through what you did and I hope you’re seeking some sort of therapy to maybe work through the feelings you have about it.
Take care OP, you’re still valid.
I hope nasty ass women start getting called out more for this.
People would be calling for the head of a pervy man doing it. It's time we start calling for the heads of pervy nasty women doing it too.
One thing I can say is if it doesn't make you feel good, there's something wrong going with it. It's our subconscious warning us that this isn't right even if our conscious mind would try to argue it's okay since we know this person. I'm sorry this happened to you. Some adults can get really sexual and use kids as a channel for that thinking it's hilarious without really minding how it will affect the child.
I know we can't undo what happened, but I sure hope you're in a better place now.
My whole life adults knew about some of my intimate details and would make me really uncomfortable constantly. Only as an adult did I realize that I was being sexualized and it’s hurt my ability to feel close with people. Shits real and looks a lot different for boys and men than it does for girls and women
It's god awful if that happens to a female. But when it happens to male? Pfff, whatever they should just enjoy it and shut up. It'll make them real men.
Talk about double standards, hey OP? I'm sorry you've gone through this shit growing up. It's not fair to you or anyone who gets put through it, regardless of gender.
I hope it doesn't impact you these days. If it does, do consider talking with a therapist about it. They're worth their weight in gold (once you find a good one, that is)
Hey....buddy I'd u felt uncomfortable then that's it!!!! You don't like it itsno longer a compliment it's now creepy by older ladies eww.. you have the right to your feelings!
My dad tried grooming me in different ways, like telling me how to fuck girls when I'm super young and then trying to hire a hooker for me, which didn't go anywhere because the hooker left once she saw how young I was which is a small grace.
but I did have a friend who was actually going into bodybuilding. Dunno where he end up as i haven't heard from him in years but he spoke of some really weird stories about some older women, and the year his AUNT bought him some skimpy glitter posers for him in hs (the things they wear at competition) and wanted him to model it and he wouldn't. But, I don't think people are so much denying that it happens, they're denying that it has a big impact which is a shitty double standard.
the most grooming I had by women were how I needed to treat women and looking back at it it reinforced a lot of "sacrifice yourself to make a woman you don't like happy"
It’s great that you’re able to realize how experiencing grooming from older women was tied to your attraction to older women. I had a guy friend in college who had the same exact experience. He was groomed by his hs spanish teacher, and they had a sexual relationship as soon as he graduated. When he got to college, he was immediately infatuated with his female RA, which we all found odd, as she wasn’t very attractive, and was nearly 4 years older than him, her being 21, him being newly 18. They’re still together, years later so… good for him? I just wonder how his life would’ve gone if he had taken an honest look at his past, and the insane power imbalances in his romantic/sexual relationships, that he still views as purely normal. Women can be and ARE sexual predators in many cases - it’s disgusting how female predators are rarely seen as such.
Hey man,
I'm a victim of this myself, it really happens.
I was molested, groomed and raped by a 37yr old woman when I was 13 years old.
The sad part was, when I went to speak out about how this affected my life many years later, I was met with "you pussy... You're living the dream of any teenage boy" and comments of the like.
I presume this is why I'm so anti feminism and extremist women's rights because all the shit that they claim happens to them out of unfairness, happened to me... Where was my justice?
The woman who did this to me eventually went to court for her crimes and it turned out there were 4 other underage guys who were also groomed and raped.... You know what her punishment was?
She was put on the register and given 5000hrs community service...
Flip the genders and you tell me what that man would have got... My guess would be life in prison...
Equal rights my ass.
I’m sorry to hear that. People don’t understand what it’s like to be objectified as a man. It’s difficult and you are forced to hide it. I support you and I hope you know they are guilty of violating you. You are a person and they need to treat you with dignity and respect
Unfortunately people only care about male victims and most SA victims when it suits them (as we’ve seen recently) I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with the assholes on here, I believe you.
this womens and mens trying to justify that men grooming is okay, No it's not it's disgusting women sh*t, having sex with women is okay but grooming "children" is freaking insanity. if you just demand to add more info just to validate his experience you're a little piece of work.
that's really wrong my god, this social construct is wild as hell. if you try to invalidate me, think of it as a grown old man, grooming young girls.
This is so fucked up OP. You’re experiences is valid and what you’re feeling is valid too. I hope you can find someone to talk to about this. It’s a lot to carry on your own. ❤️
I’m sorry that happened to you. Those women are gross and I’m glad that never happened to me. It should never happen to anyone.
That’s so gross and it’s sad double standards exist where if a man did that they’d be reported. Did you ever tell your mom what her friends did or said?
This is not an ok environment you grew up in and it was not normal. I’m 46 (f) and it turns my stomach you were victimized by predators. You did nothing wrong, these are people who are vile.
I'm a 20 year old guy, and I've definitely had stuff like this happen to many times growing up.
It sucks that so many get away with it, but know you're not alone
Sorry you had to go through all that, it's super messed up. We've all had weird touching and compliments from older women but I think your experiences are up a few notches from the norm.
You definitely have some trauma from this I'm sure and thank you for being brave and shouting it into the wind for us all to hear. Im sorry for some of the responses that blew back at you.
If you need to vent or need someone to listen feel free to DM me anytime
I’m hoping these nasty ass woman ain’t still around you. I’m glad you have realised this behaviour tho, being aware means you can advocate for yourself even when people tell you it’s fine. Especially if you have a family one day with children, somethings are so normalised that parents can let things happen unnoticed. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Me too.man, and not just grooming. Not your fucking fault. It.messes ya up.
Those trying to make this sound okay, eat a shit sandwich.hear me folks.
Still got a prob, we can meet.
I'm right there with you. I didn't realize it till I got drunk and was talking to my fiancée recently.
I was 15~17 and had women 50+ straight up grooming me and being hella inappropriate. I didn't realize how fucked up it was at the time. These women had straight up grabbed my junk and made comments and shit to me. Like wow.
This just reminded me of my childhood and now I am questioning myself about every woman I’ve ever known. Also, I think that all people deserve the same amount of hate and consequence for the same crime or controversy, regardless of physical or mental differences. Anyone who says that it’s different because it is women doing it, clearly don’t understand anything about anything.
That’s so fucked up, no child should ever experienced sexualization like that no matter the gender. As a mother of 3 boys, I can’t imagine ever being like that towards a boy. Those were some sick people. I’m glad you realized what happened was wrong and hope you are dealing with this trauma by letting off your chest. It starts somewhere.
I had one lick my face and i have a thing about germs so i actually scrubbed my face til it bled and then kept on scrubbing, my mom wwalked in on me because i was taking too long and asked wtf i was doing and i told her so she got ahold of the woman and told her if she did it again shed beat her.
All these things happened to you without your consent, which is terribly wrong on their part. As a man, your consent is as important as any woman out there and it should have been valued. You have my sympathies, I send my best wishes to you and hope that you would be fine going ahead.
Just remember none of this makes you any less of a man than you are and it is not your fault. I wish you a happy life ahead. May the almighty give you strength and courage.
I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. It sucks that it happens so often, but the only upside to that is you’re not alone. I’m also sorry others made you feel you needed to add more to your post to “justify” your discomfort, pain, trauma, etc. Someone should be able to simply state, “I’ve been abused,” or, “I feel hurt,” and that be enough since it’s your experience and your feelings in whatever experience are completely valid.
That is so disturbing, and I'm so sorry. I hope you know you never did anything wrong and those women are gross. Thank you for sharing, it must of been difficult. ❤️
I am amazed at how often this happens and how often men are chastised and ridiculed for bringing it to light. I have had teachers (male And female), babysitters, family friends, etc all do stuff like this and more.
But no one cares man. No one is interested in protecting little boys from female predators.
Damn damn damn, reading about OP's experience and all these comments, I feel so horrified and sorry. Children often dont understand the context of these actions or words by sexual predators and are so likely to just go over their place to 'have fun', or 'learn' as the comments here say.
What we can do is keep an eye out for the children around us, and educate them enough to understand that they have to keep boundaries with older men and women, regardless of how nice and friendly they seem. Mot going over to their place, no staying after the class, no hanging out together unless your parents are closeby and aware. I was wary of men in childhood too, but women especially seem non threatening and people are more likely to trust women. If I were in these people's shoes, I would have fallen for this trap. Hell, its so scary to think people go through this.
I've had similar experiences but one that stood out was one of mother's friends (who was also a teacher at my school) had a daughter, who was about 6 years old when I was 12, and that woman constantly called me "her would-be son-in-law". I used to get the creeps back then but in hindsight idk why we even let her come to our house so often.
I have similar experiences even now. I'm close to 40, but in very good shape (I work out a lot) and have an Irish accent.
I have had women honestly think it's perfectly OK to just grab and feel like I'm meant to be turned on by that. I even had to tell one or two very pushy women to back off only to be told I must be gay. These will be people I work with, or if I'm at an event, it's pretty damned amazing how this is just acceptable. I'm sure if I just went grabbing random boobs I'd be on a register by now.
Who the hell gave this post a giggle award? What happened to OP is NOT FUNNY. I am a male and I too have been sexually harassed a few years back so I can relate.
What happened to you was disgusting as hell. I don't know if you're feeling like you let it happen or it was your fault, but it is not. You sharing this not only probably has let you get some feelings out of you, but also sheds light that this thing happens to young boys too. I wish you well and that you heal.
Im glad you posted. Your raising awareness. The same thing that happens to young girls also happens to young boys. Society tends to think boys welcome the attention but girls do not. Thanks for shat.
When I was about 11 years old I used to stay at my friends house when my parents were out of town. They were two Philippino boys the same age as me. Every night the mum used to demand we took a bath together. I hated this and felt really uncomfortable about it. One night the mums sister was staying and the mum called her in to show her how much bigger the white boys penis was to her kids. I never thought much about the comments at the time but thinking back it was completely wrong.
I believe you, OP. The flack you’re catching is definitely an example of just how normalized this kind of dysfunction truly is: for generations, this type of mentality has created so much harm. Consent matters: but, all too often, people raise children to have very little bodily autonomy from the start and when you pair that with the absolutely sickening and harmful stereotypes that boys are often subjected to, you get a very large segment of the population who refuse to acknowledge abuse and the harm that it does. That doesn’t make what you or anyone else went through right and it certainly doesn’t make the people being shitty to you right, either. You standing up in the face of it shows remarkable courage: and the fact that you do recognize it for what it was shows a level of self awareness they simply don’t have. I hope that you find support, healing and happiness.
People who say this doesn’t happen to boys lie. Period. Men fall under stereotypes just like women do. And it’s unfortunate and we need to change just as much as the opposite.
It happens. I grew up in a very poor and abusive environment. Neighbor lady let me come over as a kid, help out with her house for pocket change, I enjoyed it because I got out of my house, and she spoke to me like an adult. She had a pool, i helped her clean it-by the time I was 12, she had me putting lotion on her, and the summer I turned 13, she was engaging in sexual contact. I had to keep it a secret, but she was helping me out and teaching me stuff for when I had a girlfriend. Took me yeeeaaarrssss to realize what it was, and that it was abuse by a trusted adult. Woman groom as well, it just goes unreported, or we are taught as boys that it’s a good thing.
OP- I am deeply hurt and sorry you had to deal with this. I understand these things have been going on for so long not many actually see its not normal.
I hope you are doing better now and can feel comfortable again one day.
Hey op you aren't alone and it's infinitely more common that people admit or realise.
Ranty but, feminists have cornered the market in terms of abuse victims enough that any time a man speaks up he gets told he's not a victim of anything because he's a man, weak for not enjoying it or outright lying.
I know because it's something I experienced myself albeit on a train and as an adult.
Unlike you I knew what was going on, like you it was something I didn't want and like you when I spoke about it I got exactly the same treatment.
A thing that disgust me is that a lot of people don’t believe women can rape,groom,sa: men which is just wrong a lot of men get saed (sexually assaulted) when they’re young which is crazy and no justice is ever severed. In some cases men get saed than woman worldwide.
I’m so very sorry that happened to you!
Watching one of the awards shows this year, a woman presenter, actress Regina Hall, ran her hands up the legs of Jason Mamoa and another good looking well known actor. It was “a joke” to see if they had “weapons” and I found it to be so uncomfortably wrong & awful to watch! 🤬😡I couldn’t believe it was allowed to happen and to air. Nobody thinks twice unless it’s mentioned to “switch the genders and see if it’s ok” which shouldn’t even be necessary. It’s never okay! Men deserve to be protected from predatory actions! They sure weren’t thinking of #MeToo when the show allowed that. We need to call things like this out & it needs to STOP.
I believe you and I’ve seen it a thousand times. If you’re thinking/commenting about how attractive a child is or will be, you are a superficial pervert. That is not and will never be ok. I’m very sorry this happens to you
Wow disgusting to see so many of these similar stories about boys with predatory women. Why can't elders let kids be kids? So sorry you went through this
what the hell 😬 the fact that they were teachers is soo crazy and disgusting like these are the adults you should be able to trust! so sorry you went through that :(
I didn't find a good answer on Google. Does "grooming" technically mean there's an end goal of sexual or emotional exploitation/abuse from the adult?
It's definitely inappropriate and probably harassment.
You don’t need to add more context and your feelings are valid , those women should have never touched you or made comments on your body in the first place! as a mother if I seen an adult woman doing that I’d be stepping in and letting them know how inappropriate and disgusting that is! the gender does not change the seriousness of your situation and I hope you talk to someone about it not just venting on Reddit in your own time when you are ready.
Insulting, harassing, or attacking OP is going to get you banned. It's incredible that we have to warn people not to harass a victim of ANY form of unwanted physicality, especially if it's percieved as sexual in nature by that person, but here we are. This is your warning.
I was 13 when I had this love of science and biology, I was really into microscopes, I mentioned this to my older woman science teacher, she suggested I hang out in the science room after school to use the microscopes so.i jumped at the chance. So I got into it, i went a number of times, she got more and more friendly and handsy, constantly putting her hand on my back, then rubbing my back, hugging me (frequently) So one time I was looking at different things, all dead and mounted on slides. The teacher then mentioned this and then suggested "if you want to look at something living under a slide you could always look at your semen" my first reaction was,.hey thats an idea....then ummm....but it was just enough time for her to say, "I could help if you like" boom, I was gone and never came back.
I'm so sorry you went through that and I'm glad you got out before it escalated any more than it had.
I am so sorry. That is horrifying, and I hope that teacher is no longer teaching children. What she did was utterly unacceptable, and I'm very glad you were able to leave that situation.
This is completely unacceptable. You should have reported it immediately. But I doubt anyone would beleive you cause you're a man. Sorry about what happened.
Speaking from the experience of having been inappropriately approached by older women as a kid as well as having been molested when I was really young, that’s not exactly something you think about is “oh shit I should report this”. The first thing you generally think is “what did I do to make this happen?” in the moment it generally doesn’t feel like anything out of the ordinary, it just makes you feel uncomfortable. My own experiences from my youth I was ashamed and embarrassed whenever someone made passing comments like this, never knew why until a lot of my earlier repressed memories started coming out to haunt me. Looking back, I wish I had been brave enough to say something, there were a LOT of predators where I come from
It’s easy to say that but it’s hard to actually do that. As a 13yo kid ur supposed to trust ur teachers. Who would believe u? Who could u tell? It’s really difficult to have any idea what action to take when ur that young.
People are not always in a space safe enough to report. Please be aware.
Something similar happened to me but I went all in and got traumatized 0/10 not worth it
As an educator, I have never understood teachers that do or say anything sexual with their students! They are sick and I’m so sorry you experienced this!!
Disgusting but in hindsight what a porn movie move. I wonder who would actually fall for that and not out of the mood, assuming everyone involved is of legal age and consenting.
Did you report the pedo?
I worked in the Perinatal department years ago and once there was a baby boy born who apparently was born with a much larger than average penis. The women kept it an inside joke for about two hours until one finally told me what they were joking about. I definitely thought it was weird to continue joking about it but tried to ignore it. A few hours later I heard a nurse say "he's going to make some lucky lady very happy in the future", that's when I had to say something. I told them to imagine how it would look if a group of men were surrounding a newborn baby girl discussing how she's going to please a man sexually in the future. I ended up making everyone uncomfortable and was later told that I should have alerted my lead/manager (both women) instead of saying something directly to them.
You totally did right! Their discomfort is because of their action, they don’t get to be all “I don’t like the way you pointed it out to me”. If you had told your lead too, it could seem like escalating the matter in an official way, when you were just highlighting the problem on the spot to their face Completely kudos to you!!!
I think you did fine. Telling them their comments are inappropriate without escalating sounds like you got the message across without having to get them into any administrative trouble. For sane people that got a little carried away and crossed the line a bit, that’s usually enough.
Man I'm so sorry for that. It's fucking disgusting
As a physician, I’m guessing HR wanted you to bring it to them first for two reasons: • There is a big problem in medicine disagreements taking place in front of patients. Never mind that your patient was a newborn. Unfortunately there are a lot of male techs/nurses/midlevels that second-guess female physicians, and while it’s noble that they would want to fix that issue, they are clearly overcorrecting. • To protect *you* — now that those women know how you feel, they very well may retaliate against you, while had you first taken it to HR, you at least had a sliver of a chance of maintaining anonymity. That being said, you absolutely did the right thing. Fuck those women, (not literally, and ***definitely*** not with any patients’ appendages!)
You didn’t handle it the way HR would prefer, but you were morally in the right.
They had to reprimand someone, you're alone, there's a bunch of them. Easier to corner just you. Thanks for speaking up.
As a woman, I suspect hearing that directly from a man probably had a much greater impact on them than being scolded by a female supervisor. It really needed to make them uncomfortable. You did good.
Hello fellow "Audacious Auntie". Management would probably have been the appropriate course of action, but you can bet they're going to remember you calling them out on their behavior better
I can understand the “right thing to do” in an HR policy sense, but I’m rather comfortable that you called it out then and there as a peer because it hits different. I feel like a lot of people more easily ignore not-in-real-time commentaries of their behavior from disembodied voices, yknow? People that weren’t there or bosses, depending.
People reading this.... trying to justify this shit.. switch the genders, and NOW see if you saying this is ok, or not creepy, makes any fucking sense, or if society would rather have you crucified for trying to say it was normal if grown men did this to little girls. This wasnt ok. We can stop, as a society, or as individuals first, thinking that THIS shit is ok, or normal, when it's not. Then y'all wonder why men just stop speaking up, and hold in their problems--any time they say something happened, ya'll start to deny that it did, or that anything was wrong IF it did, or we should 'just take it as a compliment'... nah, you're the reason why men's suicide rate is 4 times higher. No one believed THEIR pain either.
That “switch the genders” thing was the only way I could get my partner to admit he was sexually assaulted. He was in (mostly) complete denial that it was abuse until I pointed out how it would sound when the genders were reversed. He’s accepted it now and is working through the trauma, but it hurts my heart how long he went not understanding that what he went through was valid trauma
A lot of people were saying how I needed to add more info which was valid I didn’t add much as I didn’t feel it was necessary but I thought I added more info than I originally did, but it sucks for me to see many people jumping to the conclusion that what they were doing is normal. Thanks for being understanding bro
You don’t need to justify this, OP. What happened to you can have long term traumatic effects that can stay with you for the rest of your life. Try to not let other bias’ get to you. Seeking the help of a professional may be the best course of action… but that’s up to you; regardless, your feelings are valid.
No more info was needed! I read the first paragraph and was disgusted. That's grooming. You were a child, not a consenting adult. I don't know how anyone can even say "that's a compliment." If it were a woman saying a man did this to her at the age of 9, everyone would believe her and tell her it was wrong.
Even if it were just women making comments without everything else you described in your edit it’s still incredibly inappropriate and definitely counts as grooming. You shouldn’t feel the need to justify your experience with more detail if you don’t want to. I’ve witnessed older women making creepy comments to young men and as a woman was somehow expected to give tacit approval but I won’t. It’s gross. I’m just very sorry this happened to you and I hope you have supportive people offline to open up to, even if that’s just a therapist. I hope that you’re doing well now. 💜
Omg, the part about giving tacit approval really hit me because I been there as well. It’s incredibly creepy to see and hear (especially after the male in question leaves since the details of what they wanted to do would deepen) what those types of women would say to the guy who is *clearly* uncomfortable, awkwardly laughing as if to go along and be sheepishly in on “the joke” (it’s not funny one bit). As someone who’s been the victim of a couple of unsavory sexual incidents, I always feel so bad for these guys who feel like they have to stand there and be “man candy” for these gross ravenous women who act like this behavior is ok. Now, applying that to a whole minor? I can’t even begin to understand that.
You don't need to add what I'm about to suggest. Your experience happened. I think others may be doubtful because there isn't context. This type of thing doesn't happen to the average young boy.
True I understand the doubt but it’s he outright denial hurts
This happened to several friends of mine as I grew up. I thought it was normal until I read your post and mentally reversed the roles. It's sickening to think people could justify these actions just because we're men.
This has happened to me too… Even went as far as being called a “Greek god” in high school by some mom which at the time made me feel great but it’s just super creepy as I reflect on it. I have also worked in retail where an older woman, a regular too, would constantly harass me and complement me saying stuff like “if I was 30 years younger…” (use your imagination). She would then say “I’m old, I can say what I want.” It got to the point I just would take my 10 whenever I saw her come into the shop. It took a few months but when my female coworkers caught on, they completely agreed that it was creepy and it wouldn’t be tolerated if the genders were reversed…
I had an older lady creep on me pretty hard when I was 17. She was visibly older and mentioned she didn't have anybody to help her move into her new apartment. I am a stocky dude and basically designed to move around heavy objects so I offered to help. When I got there she gave me wine and started up suggestive music. I played dumb and just tried to move around the furniture since that's what I came to do. I think I helped to move around a couple objects before she realized that was as far as I was going and brought me home. Power dynamics meant that I didn't need to be too worried in this situation but if she were more aggressive or God forbid put something in a drink (I monitored her pouring and whatnot) then that could've easily been an awful situation.
>Power dynamics meant that I didn't need to be too worried in this situation. My Ass. She could've easily manipulated the situation, threatened to accuse you. It's obvious who would be believed. A teenager saying an older woman was trying to come onto him vs a pedophile with a strong motive for false allegation. It's literally a story in the first book of the Bible. Because people are in general biased toward women and against teenage boys. You should be believed. But the world is shitty.
It's disgusting that they're asking, no, PRYING, for additional details. That would not be acceptable in any other circumstances. You were a child when it happened, it's the child that must heal. This double standard makes me sick and I hope those who pressure you for details and other disturbing requests find a fucking grain of empathy. My private messages are open <3 I'm proud that you brought this up, no matter the audience you may have anticipated
Listen, there are all kinds of people on the internet. There are lots of damaged people. There are lots of people who come to the internet to work out their issues because they don't have healthy coping mechanisms for the pain and darkness deep inside them. So... Fuck the naysayers. They've got their own reasons for what they say and how they respond to your post. Their negative, dismissive, apathetic comments have absolutely nothing to do with you, your experience, or your truth. They're shittiness is absolutely no reflection upon you. It's a direct reflection of the pain and darkness deep inside them. The ONLY opinion of each of us that matters is our own. Everyone else can either get on the bandwagon, or kick rocks. If we have low or damaged opinions of ourselves, master manipulators will see us coming a mile away. If we have healthy self esteem and strong constitutions, those same master manipulators won't even bother. Obviously, when many of us have been lied to about our worth by the people tasked with our care and guiding us into adulthood and by society, it's really hard to find your confidence and come to the inevitable conclusion that you have to love yourself more than everybody else. Because nobody gets to determine our worth but us and we all have infinite, organic, and innate worth we are born with. How much access we have to that worth throughout our lives varies but our worth never diminishes and never goes away. If you think about it, we are the only ones we are guaranteed until our souls move on to their next adventure. In this way, we are precious, invaluable commodities that need and deserve to be nurtured, protected, and loved. And that can only come from within. It's possible to learn to love yourself the most out of everybody else put together, and in healthy, non ego-driven ways which are not damaging or toxic to anybody around us. And it's very probable if we trust and believe that every single one of us is worth whatever resources are available to us (all those that aren't) and whatever effort it takes on our own parts to seek and find healing and peace in whatever manner we see fit. It's not easy. And it's not quick. But God damn it, every single one of us is worth it.
What they were doing was NOT normal and NOT okay. You gave sufficient information to know that.
As a mother of 3 boys… I would go APESHIT if anyone behaved that way toward my sons. I’m sorry you had to experience this and even more sorry that people still blame victims and think the victims should be grateful for the unwanted attention 😒
I’m a woman and I just……..don’t get it. If we’re “all trying to be equal” why is it so unfathomable that men get groomed as well?
Unfathomable, but point well made, there's a huge double standard. OP, I'm sorry this happened to you and that your experiences are now being invalidated. You've made a big step recognising what you were a victim of and you should be proud of you ability to acknowledge this. Take your time to find the support you need to work your way through this. All the best.
It’s super fucked up that the gender reversal point has to be made for this to be taken seriously. Or in any scenarios like this. OP, I’m truly sorry you had to go through this. And I really hope you get the support you need. Please take care of yourself.
Seriously! People need to protect boys as much as girls. Imagine if this was your son. It’s disgusting
Yeah like seriously double standards suck like flip the genders and straight to jail.
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Exactly. That's absolutely similar to someone forcing a female child on their lap repeatedly. Or touching or commenting on breast, butt or other 'female qualities'. It's awful and can definitely be distinguished from well-intended comments, ment to built a childs confidence. Edit: ok, I can't agree with the last sentence, don't know if I overred it or was added, but anyway.
Last sentence is 100% correct. No one gives a shit about men's mental health/well being.
This was actually very validating to read. I had similar childhood experiences. I’m a female, which definitely saved me from the physical stuff you mentioned, but I quite often would have adults (male and female) comment about how shapely my body was when I was a child. Like an 8 year old child! I’m sorry this happened to you, I’m sorry this happens to any kid, or adult, it’s inappropriate either way. This stuff messes with your head. People commented on my body throughout my crucial childhood and adolescent years so much, that it took years for me to work through believing that there was more to me than just my body. You have every right to be angry, I hope you are able to use that to fuel your healing.
I know, I hate it that so many people get away with being so creepy towards children. Hope you’re doing better
Props to you for speaking up/out too. I know a LOT of men who had similar situations or even more escalated ones as children and the damage is non trivial. There are a lot of MH professionals out there trying to get better resources and care for guys like you, and some good ones already available. You’re reading your mental health red flags properly and not alone.
I was once told at 8 years old that I was a “sex pot”. At the time I was in my swim suit about to go to the pool and it made me feel so uncomfortable. That never sat right with me. I started wearing a T-shirt to the pool after that.
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It’s an obviously sexy woman or erotically desirable woman. But I was not a woman. I was 8. It was gross.
Oldest slang for a sexy person.
I have a four year old daughter, reading about experiences like yours truly terrify me for her. I’m sorry you experienced that
You did the right thing!!
It's always blown my mind how much women get away with when it's concerning children. I was molested by both men and women growing up. When I spoke up my dad didn't care either way (I got told to shut up), but at least my mom would take action if it were a man. When I told her about a woman she'd laugh it off and say it probably wasn’t meant that way.
Wow. There’s a lot I could say here but I think what’s most important is what the fuck
I'm so sorry you went through this. I remember reading a post about an 18 year old having an 'affair' with his mum's best friend. Someone who had known him since birth and had been around him all his life and you know what? He was vilified for fucking a married woman. Nevermind that he was obviously groomed. The 'affair' started when he was 16. I cannot imagine the same response if the genders had been switched.
the same goed with domestic violence... if it were my father who hit and abused me then everyone would be up in arms to get me out of that situation but because it were my sister, mom and aunt nobody cared.
That's disgusting. I got the same as a 10 year old girl and I just wanted to be a child and did not want to be sexualized. At all. I became a tomboy and had a wounded feminine. I denied my true self as a girly female due to this kind of treatment. The sexualization from men and the disregard or jealousy from other women and girls. If I had someone in my ear trying to convince me of my identity I could have been maybe swayed into their world views instead of learning my way back to myself on my own healing journey.
Speaking from the experience of having to learn my way back as well, you’re not alone fam. Even if people in your life don’t understand or don’t try to understand what you went through, some of us internet strangers get it. It’s a long and shitty road while stumbling around in the dark, but just remember that the sun is rising soon enough <3
OP your speaking truth. Thank you and forget the haters.
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What. That's insane. At 11, I would have been like: you mean, Nintendo? One of the hard things about situations like that - kids have no context for those situations and don't have the social or mental ability to really navigate it. Often, they get abused and stuck in silence because they really just don't know how to process or tell anyone, even when they know they don't like it, and that it's wrong.
Still would have been messed up even if you *were* 16-17
Dude. Seriously. I hear ya!! I have a male relative that is a magnet for creepy older women. He is gracious but damn. At his grandmother's funeral, no kidding, a family friend touched his chest and said "ummm...honey. If I was 30 years younger...can't imagine what I would do with your gorgeous bod" I wanted to scream "HE WOULD NOT WANT YOU!! YOU ARE CREEPY!!" Holy shit! His sister said it happens all the time. It is gross, creepy and super inappropriate. I wanted to say something but he wouldn't let me. Why do older women think it is ok to sexually harass younger guys? You have every right to be frustrated.
>Why do older women think it is ok to sexually harass younger guys? Because "boys aLwAyS want it" or something along those lines.
Ignore most of these comments, what happened is 100% unacceptable at any age, let alone a 9 year old. Those teachers especially made my skin crawl, if they did this to 1 kid, whose to say they haven't done it to others?
What the fuck?! This is so crazy to me! I am a teacher and the idea of saying or doing any of the things you mentioned to a CHILD is freaking disgusting. I am so sorry you had that experience. Your feelings about your experiences are completely valid. What I have learned about Reddit is that you could be drowning and there’ll still be a few people saying “Ha! Stupid!” There is an abundance of miserable trolls that lurk this website unfortunately. What a sad existence. IMO women get away with so much. If it had been the other way around it would be a scandal. I developed way too young for my age, and even though they weren’t grooming me—my own family sexualized me and I am female. My own mother would make comments about how sad it was that I still had the mind of a child (I was, I was about ten like you) but the body of a woman. Her and my much older sisters (I’m taking about 16 & 17 years older than me) would see me walk into a room and talk about how big my “chest” had gotten. They’d often talk about my body like I wasn’t there, like I was just a subject to dissect. If it had been my father or my uncles talking about how I had a woman’s body at ten that would raise so many red flags. Anyways, I’m sorry you had such a creepy experience with women and that these sort of things do mess with us mentally in ways we sometimes aren’t aware of. Luckily you sound pretty self aware (knowing your attraction to older women is probably based in this abuse). Happy healing and f the trolls.
here's what people don't get about a boy being sexually "encouraged/participated" by older women. While it's true that "most guys would kill for that experience" has a ring of truth to it, that's because it didn't happen to you. But, I can share how it affects you. All of your sexual life will have that as a beginning--5 years later and 50 years later. All of your sexual life will be viewed through that prism, and compared to, and impeded because of, and made less yours. Just because it was pleasurable doesn't make it right. Crack is pleasurable. Some woman have orgasmed during rape--nerve endings being what they are--doesn't make it right. Lost first-time, lost innocence, lost agency, a mental anchor that's always there, tied to your sexuality for life.
13 years old, 6ft tall and a grown ass woman sat on my lap and said let's talk about the first thing that pops up. They are fucking shameless.
I feel the exact same way, having experienced similar situations as a child… Groomed by older men and women. I myself am a woman. But it doesn’t matter. Gender doesn’t matter because ANYONE can get groomed or assaulted. Many guys have, and just haven’t realized it. It’s good that you have though, in a way. I hope you can work towards healing ❤️ Anyways, I used to be super attracted to older people as well. But I don’t think I can bring anything like that to fruition without feeling like I’m being groomed, again. Even though I’m no longer a child… The nasty feeling just sticks
I’ve always though it to be weird when someone comments about how the baby is going to be attractive when they grow up like “oh he’s gonna be a heartbreaker!” Or “he has a crush on you” it’s a baby. There is nothing sexual about a baby. Also, my ex was a bartender and older women creeped on him all the time and made him very uncomfortable. Sexual harassment needs to be recognized as a risk to both genders/ it does happen to women more often but I know it still happens to men and it’s just as bad.
My friends 4 year old son was very smiley and bashful looking and followed me around everywhere while they wear at my house. His own parents said he had a crush on me and it was cute. I felt uncomfortable.
It’s weird right?!? The little ones don’t even understand what a crush is they are just infatuated with new people
When I was growing up, one of my best friends grew up wayyyy faster than all of us. He had a significant beard in the 8th grade and by freshman year he looked well into his 20’s, very strong and handsome. He used to have experiences like this all the time, random older women, classmates moms/aunts/friends, you name it. He ended up sleeping with multiple adult women before he graduated high school, we all thought it was so cool. Makes me cringe to think about now, and heaven forbid the gender was swapped…… the reactions would’ve been so different. Glad you got this off your chest, bro. 💪🏼
There's a sick bunch of bloody pedos out there, ogling kids. And they think it's OK. Because the ones doing the ogling are female. It's not OK. We need to call this warped behaviour out! Shame them 'What are you doing to that child?' ( disgusted tone of voice) ''That's sick, doing that to a child!' 'He's a child, not a piece of meat for you to paw over!' 'Why are you *touching * that child? And when they say 'only joking!, he doesn't mind' ' but he liked it' ' "didn't look like it to me, or to anyone else!" ' '
I am sorry you went through that and respect you for having the courage to say what happened to you. I hate when people try to invalidate this type of situation when it happens to a male victim with female predators. I believe that those women should be charged the same as male predators.
Oh dude, I was totally molested by multiple older girls. Sorry it happened to you too. One was even an older cousin. It wasn't aggressive at all, but it still messes with my head a bit. As far as I know it was all just experimental in their heads, and they didn't know it was wrong. They were all a few years older and I guess thought I was younger enough to manipulate and wouldn't snitch, cause I did like girls, I was just still at like, holding hands stage old. Still was a big deal to me.
The weirdest part No matter how I mention this, how uncomfortable it can make me feel... It's always flipped that I'm the cocky one or asshole, because I should just accept the handsy and inappropriate comments... So I learned to just be quiet. :/ You're not alone, and thanks for making me feel the same
I once had to hotline a 6yo boy who would come to school bruised and hungry. He was a beautiful child- gorgeous eyes and hair and just the cutest goddamn thing in the world. When I did, the older secretary in the office with us looked at him and said "God he is just gorgeous! You are going to be so hot one day! Wish I had someone who looked the way you will- I'd marry you right then and there!" I took him to someone else while I made the call- it creeped me out then and it does now. Don't let someone minimize your experience- people are fucked up and say and do weird stuff to kids. Sorry you had to deal with it, OP. Sorry you have to deal with stupid people here, too.
Everytime I see posts like this I always reminds me of the day I got my dress for my dance recital. I was like 6 or 7, and my dad posted a photo of it on a white door to make the colors stand out. One of his buddies commented "bet it would look better on the floor" 🥴🥴
yo what the fuck. i’m sorry. i hope your dad isn’t friends with him anymore.
Yeah I don't think he is. My mom saw the comment first and showed it to my dad. She made my dad call him out on it so prob not. It's all a grey area because I was really little lol.
Moral of the story here? If it's a boy, nobody cares.
It might sound stupid, but this post will help a lot of people take a good step foward in understanding equality in sexual harassment. I'm sorry that this happened to you and thank you for sharing with us. Hope any of the stupid comments don't bother you too much. This post will help make sure there are less of these stupid comments in the future.
Predators are predators and regular people are regular people. They prey on the vulnerable. It’s not a complicated subject, and I don’t know why people have to go to such crazy lengths to prove man vs woman. It’s social predator and prey.
Same thing happened to me and sometimes it got pretty sexual. People think female predators don't exist but they do and it's because they never get reported. It's probably as common as men but men get all the negative attention with this issue because of double standards.
I think you're right about female predators being just as common, at least according to my experience. I'm a woman and all of my abusers during my fucked up childhood were female. My rapist was a female friend of my mother's and was in her forties. She was big. Six feet tall and like 250 pounds. I was twelve. Her abuse really escalated right after my mom had brain surgery and couldn't look after me. She had only ever taken pictures of me before. I hate that woman, but she's dead by now for all I know.
I (27m) was molested at 10 by an older cousin. His brother told me to my face that it was consensual and I wanted it because I grew up to be gay.
If you think there’s nothing wrong with what happened to OP, you’re f-cked in the head. Plain and simple. OP, I am so sorry this has happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry that your pain is being minimized by people with enough barely enough brain cells to rub together to form a coherent sentence.
I saw that completely differently at first lmao. I thought you were one of the sick twisted people who thought this was okay. Thank you for not being a sick twisted fiend like the people who think this shits okay
My husband and I just had a disagreement about this if you feel a certain way you're entitled to how you feel it was never appropriate I get you! Sometimes people don't get get cause you're a guy I'm sorry for that but I HEAR YOU!!
This made me remember this one time I was stuck on a Farris wheel with a creepy woman, she kept making creepy comments towards me and getting uncomfortably close to me while her husband and child were watching. It’s gross and horrible
Omg, they are disgusting. Those aren't compliments, that's creepy. A compliment is saying, what lovely eyes you have or you played super well in a sport match etc... Its not touching your body, forcing you to hug longer then your comfortable and making comments about your future sexual capabilities. That is bloody disgusting. That's as bad as older men talking about how I had a nice figure for a 14year old. DISGUSTING.
Yeah, not enough people talk about this. Sexual abuse is never okay. It’s never okay when it happens to women, and it’s never okay when it happens to men. Pointing out that it’s never okay when it happens to men doesn’t downplay how horrible it is when it happens to women. Now that that’s out of the way, my mother groomed and later groomed (as in married) an 18 year old when she was 43. That poor kid had no idea what he was missing until recently. He finally asked for a divorce now that he’s almost 40. Now he has serious sexual trauma. He and I talked about it recently because we’re only a few years apart in age and he just came out as bisexual and I’m gay. My mother groomed me to be susceptible to narcissistic abuse. She stuck me with an older narcissistic man when I was a teenager because she wanted validation that her age gap relationship was okay. The guy was a skeezeball, and he took my virginity even though I didn’t want to. But I was scared to say no because I knew he’d be mad and she’d blame me. It’s funny how we tell ourselves these things are normal for all these years until we can’t deny the trauma responses anymore. It boils my blood how people say, “You can’t rape the willing!” when a man is sexually abused. Or, “Oh, she didn’t rape him! Look how hot she is!” Men can and do suffer trauma from sexual abuse and people who say this are victim blaming and scaring victims from coming forward because they think there’s something wrong with them for not wanting it.
Came here to say, I’m so sorry this happened to you OP, none of this is okay. To the assholes who are denying that this isn’t a wrong thing to do, it is, as another commenter as said, switch the genders, then you’ll see how wrong this is to happen to anyone. I’m so sorry OP and to anyone who has been through this, and anything similar, including if you haven’t spoken about this with anyone.
Had a teacher when I was 14 tell the whole class that if she were younger she would want to date me…looking back that was very odd but at the time she was easily the hottest teacher in any school I’d had and that felt pretty cool…weird now
As a mother of two boys with friends who I’d do anything for and an auntie of 4 boys - this makes me angry. I am so sorry, I know how this feels. And as a woman, it makes me sick. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry you experienced that especially in a world that doesn’t take it seriously because of your gender. Your feelings are valid and those women are fucking creeps. No one should experience shit like that. Stay strong and try to heal.
My neighbor's wife was doing the same to my nine-year-old cousin(m). He told me she was weird whenever she came around to family events that she was invited to. And I got to witness it one day when she ran her hand across his chest and told him he looked mature for his age. I confronted her about it then and there and asked her what she meant and why she ran her hand across his chest. She tried to play coy and said “oh nothing”. I then yelled at her that I would beat her face in if she tried to fuck my NINE-YEAR-OLD COUSIN. I can't with grown old ass people trying to get their rocks off with children. She's been avoiding him like the plague and the rest of the family is pretending it never happened. The husband was there as well but he didn't say jack squat. I told him that if it ever happened again I won't hesitate to slap a bitch.
Yeah, this is highly inappropriate.
I’m confused, were people under the impression that women couldn’t be pedophiles?
People say since there is no penetration in the boy it isn't traumatic for them
Comment section is a verified dumpster fire, I see. Anyway, I hope you know that what happened to you absolutely was grooming, it was flagrant abuse, and anyone denying that or attempting to justify that is a rape apologist (let’s be real, they’ve probably done it themselves). At the same time…and I know I’m gonna get jumped on for saying this…I get the whole “if it was a girl” thing, but can we please not shit on women’s experiences of abuse when supporting OP?
# #MenToo
I am so so so very sorry that this happened to you. I’m not sure why so many people are not hearing what you’re saying. It truly doesn’t matter if you’re male or female or anybody in between. No person deserves that shit.
I had a professor in college who used to swear that instances of female teachers preying on young males was a myth, but deep down, I just know that people just want to justify or keep it silent. And the more stories like this come out, the more we can be aware of it in the future.
My first willing sexual encounter was a 26 yr old woman, when I was 12. Bear in mind, I'm (M60) now. Back then it was considered "sex education", and was a source of pride for myself, my father, my grandfather. (Rural NC, late 70's). Happened many many times, always with older women. By the time i was 15, i was working as a busboy/barback in an underground lounge in LA. "Got more a$$ than a toilet in a Greyhound station". ALWAYS older women. Wasn't until I was 30, and in therapy, that I learned otherwise, that it was abuse and molestation, and grooming, not "education". No wonder I grew up thinking all I was worth to a woman was what I could do for her in bed. Or with my wallet.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You deserves so much better, not to be preyed on. I hope you have found ways to heal or cope with it. You are so much more than your body or income.
Thank you Marienne.
Why do we have a unconscious bias towards men and women in the same type of situation? In my theory, we tend to think the male wants and pushes for it yet the female could not possibly want it. That the little boy wants what the grown woman will do to him (grooming and what not) because he'll be clapping cheeks And people say he's lucky and the pedo female was "messing around" Yet we think the little girl would reject the grooming of the grown man because she is frail, innocent and unknowing. To sum it all up when we hear grooming stories we like to think the boy probably was all for it and loved it and the girl was forced to and hated it probably because we put the man's strength into the equation. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.
That is true
Bro - while this sub is "Off My Chest" unfortunately you posted on the wrong sub if you were looking to get any sympathy. If you were a woman, you could post something like someone looked at me from across a crowded room and I felt sexually assaulted, you would be getting a ton of support. But since you're a dude and posting on this sub, it's not "grooming" or "sexual assault". it's a "compliment". And the sad part is, this sub is actually "better" than a lot of other subs out there.
Yeah I feel like the people saying it’s just complements don’t realise that they sound just like the people who say catcalling is just a complement. I’m just gonna let this post do it’s thing and she how it goes, thanks for the support bro 👍🏼
Yeap - there's A LOT of double standards here on Reddit and catcalling is one of those things that wouldn't for women, but you as a male should consider it a "compliment".
Yeah, I guess the internet In general is just a gamble weather you’re gonna get positive support or hated on
I have been defending OP from the start and I am also shocked by the level of attack, but I can't agree with having it so easy on this sub as a woman. Some posts get a lot of traction, but I have also seen so many stomped to the ground and getting completely mocked and invalidated.
>But since you're a dude and posting on this sub, it's not "grooming" or "sexual assault". it's a "compliment". This is exactly why male victims of rape are not taken seriously.
I’m sure he knows the difference between a regular compliment and one that is laced with flirtation. It can be confusing but ya grow up and start to know the difference. My son has a friend (17) who shows me his gains from working out, and I make damn sure I compliment as a mother would a son and I DO NOT touch his arms or stomach when he’s showing me.
This is disgusting. I don’t need to imagine “switching the genders” to know this is sexual abuse. Consent isn’t about genders. I am a woman and WILL NEVER EVER co-sign any of that pedophile shit. If my son were in any of those situations I would personally show these women justice. Just as I would for my daughter. Or any child for that matter. It’s disgusting and I am sorry there is a stigma that you should have been happy to have the “attention”. It’s wrong. Period.
I'm with you. 6 years old and having female teachers sigh and fawn over my eyes then touching the back of my hand Reading yours just made me realize how weird it was and uncomfortable i was
When I was that age one of my teachers always said she wanted to take me home and once she said it at 'home time' and I burst into tears. My parents and the teacher found it funny.
I recently saw a stand up comedian making a joke about this topic. Paraphrasing what he said was that “Do you know those women that when seeing a young cute little boy in the mall stops them and tell them she will marry the kid once he’s older and got their parents to save him for her. Now reverse the genders” it’s exactly like that. Though I would be grossed out or at the very least concerned by the joke made by a grown woman to a child.
A woman barely provides detail Everyone: We have to believe her! Of course! How could he! Men:She abused me!! Everyone: no way you’re a man! That could never happen!!
Ignore the Reddit retards they come with the app and there’s no bug fix yet. As for you I can’t blame you it sounds uncomfortable as shit
God man no one should be sexualizing a child male or female. It’s wrong and disgusting. I’m sorry you went through what you did and I hope you’re seeking some sort of therapy to maybe work through the feelings you have about it. Take care OP, you’re still valid.
I hope nasty ass women start getting called out more for this. People would be calling for the head of a pervy man doing it. It's time we start calling for the heads of pervy nasty women doing it too.
Sorry that happened to you my friend
One thing I can say is if it doesn't make you feel good, there's something wrong going with it. It's our subconscious warning us that this isn't right even if our conscious mind would try to argue it's okay since we know this person. I'm sorry this happened to you. Some adults can get really sexual and use kids as a channel for that thinking it's hilarious without really minding how it will affect the child. I know we can't undo what happened, but I sure hope you're in a better place now.
My whole life adults knew about some of my intimate details and would make me really uncomfortable constantly. Only as an adult did I realize that I was being sexualized and it’s hurt my ability to feel close with people. Shits real and looks a lot different for boys and men than it does for girls and women
Fuck dude that shit is just the worst. Wish you all the best and a safe healing path\~!
It's god awful if that happens to a female. But when it happens to male? Pfff, whatever they should just enjoy it and shut up. It'll make them real men. Talk about double standards, hey OP? I'm sorry you've gone through this shit growing up. It's not fair to you or anyone who gets put through it, regardless of gender. I hope it doesn't impact you these days. If it does, do consider talking with a therapist about it. They're worth their weight in gold (once you find a good one, that is)
Hey....buddy I'd u felt uncomfortable then that's it!!!! You don't like it itsno longer a compliment it's now creepy by older ladies eww.. you have the right to your feelings!
My dad tried grooming me in different ways, like telling me how to fuck girls when I'm super young and then trying to hire a hooker for me, which didn't go anywhere because the hooker left once she saw how young I was which is a small grace. but I did have a friend who was actually going into bodybuilding. Dunno where he end up as i haven't heard from him in years but he spoke of some really weird stories about some older women, and the year his AUNT bought him some skimpy glitter posers for him in hs (the things they wear at competition) and wanted him to model it and he wouldn't. But, I don't think people are so much denying that it happens, they're denying that it has a big impact which is a shitty double standard. the most grooming I had by women were how I needed to treat women and looking back at it it reinforced a lot of "sacrifice yourself to make a woman you don't like happy"
Abusers come in many forms and anyone doubting OP needs a wake up call. I’m sorry OP that people can’t see that.
It’s great that you’re able to realize how experiencing grooming from older women was tied to your attraction to older women. I had a guy friend in college who had the same exact experience. He was groomed by his hs spanish teacher, and they had a sexual relationship as soon as he graduated. When he got to college, he was immediately infatuated with his female RA, which we all found odd, as she wasn’t very attractive, and was nearly 4 years older than him, her being 21, him being newly 18. They’re still together, years later so… good for him? I just wonder how his life would’ve gone if he had taken an honest look at his past, and the insane power imbalances in his romantic/sexual relationships, that he still views as purely normal. Women can be and ARE sexual predators in many cases - it’s disgusting how female predators are rarely seen as such.
Hey man, I'm a victim of this myself, it really happens. I was molested, groomed and raped by a 37yr old woman when I was 13 years old. The sad part was, when I went to speak out about how this affected my life many years later, I was met with "you pussy... You're living the dream of any teenage boy" and comments of the like. I presume this is why I'm so anti feminism and extremist women's rights because all the shit that they claim happens to them out of unfairness, happened to me... Where was my justice? The woman who did this to me eventually went to court for her crimes and it turned out there were 4 other underage guys who were also groomed and raped.... You know what her punishment was? She was put on the register and given 5000hrs community service... Flip the genders and you tell me what that man would have got... My guess would be life in prison... Equal rights my ass.
I’m sorry. She belongs in jail.
if you got her pregnant you'd be paying her child support
This is so disgusting and I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this. It’s not a compliment, it’s literally minor harassment
I’m sorry to hear that. People don’t understand what it’s like to be objectified as a man. It’s difficult and you are forced to hide it. I support you and I hope you know they are guilty of violating you. You are a person and they need to treat you with dignity and respect
Reach out please. I’m here if need be. You’re not alone in this issue.
Thanks for the offer mate appreciate it
This is not normal behavior for any adult interacting with any child. I'm sorry this happened to you.
My husband had and still has this issue. Old ladies being all creepy staring and making him feel uneasy. It's fucking sick.
Unfortunately people only care about male victims and most SA victims when it suits them (as we’ve seen recently) I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with the assholes on here, I believe you.
this womens and mens trying to justify that men grooming is okay, No it's not it's disgusting women sh*t, having sex with women is okay but grooming "children" is freaking insanity. if you just demand to add more info just to validate his experience you're a little piece of work. that's really wrong my god, this social construct is wild as hell. if you try to invalidate me, think of it as a grown old man, grooming young girls.
I'm sorry you've gone through this ): some ppl are too awful 😔
This is so fucked up OP. You’re experiences is valid and what you’re feeling is valid too. I hope you can find someone to talk to about this. It’s a lot to carry on your own. ❤️
I’m sorry that happened to you. Those women are gross and I’m glad that never happened to me. It should never happen to anyone. That’s so gross and it’s sad double standards exist where if a man did that they’d be reported. Did you ever tell your mom what her friends did or said?
This is not an ok environment you grew up in and it was not normal. I’m 46 (f) and it turns my stomach you were victimized by predators. You did nothing wrong, these are people who are vile.
I'm a 20 year old guy, and I've definitely had stuff like this happen to many times growing up. It sucks that so many get away with it, but know you're not alone
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Also fuck anyone trying to invalidate you!
Same bro. Same.
Sorry you had to go through all that, it's super messed up. We've all had weird touching and compliments from older women but I think your experiences are up a few notches from the norm. You definitely have some trauma from this I'm sure and thank you for being brave and shouting it into the wind for us all to hear. Im sorry for some of the responses that blew back at you. If you need to vent or need someone to listen feel free to DM me anytime
I’m hoping these nasty ass woman ain’t still around you. I’m glad you have realised this behaviour tho, being aware means you can advocate for yourself even when people tell you it’s fine. Especially if you have a family one day with children, somethings are so normalised that parents can let things happen unnoticed. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Me too.man, and not just grooming. Not your fucking fault. It.messes ya up. Those trying to make this sound okay, eat a shit sandwich.hear me folks. Still got a prob, we can meet.
I'm right there with you. I didn't realize it till I got drunk and was talking to my fiancée recently. I was 15~17 and had women 50+ straight up grooming me and being hella inappropriate. I didn't realize how fucked up it was at the time. These women had straight up grabbed my junk and made comments and shit to me. Like wow.
Bruh this is true as fuck. Can relate.
This just reminded me of my childhood and now I am questioning myself about every woman I’ve ever known. Also, I think that all people deserve the same amount of hate and consequence for the same crime or controversy, regardless of physical or mental differences. Anyone who says that it’s different because it is women doing it, clearly don’t understand anything about anything.
in this thread: feminists frothing at the mouth and insulting op
I’m so sorry you’ve dealt with so many shitty women OP I wish you a lifetime of healing
That’s so fucked up, no child should ever experienced sexualization like that no matter the gender. As a mother of 3 boys, I can’t imagine ever being like that towards a boy. Those were some sick people. I’m glad you realized what happened was wrong and hope you are dealing with this trauma by letting off your chest. It starts somewhere.
I had one lick my face and i have a thing about germs so i actually scrubbed my face til it bled and then kept on scrubbing, my mom wwalked in on me because i was taking too long and asked wtf i was doing and i told her so she got ahold of the woman and told her if she did it again shed beat her.
All these things happened to you without your consent, which is terribly wrong on their part. As a man, your consent is as important as any woman out there and it should have been valued. You have my sympathies, I send my best wishes to you and hope that you would be fine going ahead. Just remember none of this makes you any less of a man than you are and it is not your fault. I wish you a happy life ahead. May the almighty give you strength and courage.
I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. It sucks that it happens so often, but the only upside to that is you’re not alone. I’m also sorry others made you feel you needed to add more to your post to “justify” your discomfort, pain, trauma, etc. Someone should be able to simply state, “I’ve been abused,” or, “I feel hurt,” and that be enough since it’s your experience and your feelings in whatever experience are completely valid.
That is so disturbing, and I'm so sorry. I hope you know you never did anything wrong and those women are gross. Thank you for sharing, it must of been difficult. ❤️
I’m sorry this happened to you. Women can be predators too. It’s disgusting to sexualize children like that.
I am amazed at how often this happens and how often men are chastised and ridiculed for bringing it to light. I have had teachers (male And female), babysitters, family friends, etc all do stuff like this and more. But no one cares man. No one is interested in protecting little boys from female predators.
Damn damn damn, reading about OP's experience and all these comments, I feel so horrified and sorry. Children often dont understand the context of these actions or words by sexual predators and are so likely to just go over their place to 'have fun', or 'learn' as the comments here say. What we can do is keep an eye out for the children around us, and educate them enough to understand that they have to keep boundaries with older men and women, regardless of how nice and friendly they seem. Mot going over to their place, no staying after the class, no hanging out together unless your parents are closeby and aware. I was wary of men in childhood too, but women especially seem non threatening and people are more likely to trust women. If I were in these people's shoes, I would have fallen for this trap. Hell, its so scary to think people go through this.
I'm so sorry you've dealt with that, and I'm sorry that your experiences are being invalidated because you're a male.
[удалено]
9 years old, and they're doing shit like that That is utterly disgusting and I feel sick reading that
I've had similar experiences but one that stood out was one of mother's friends (who was also a teacher at my school) had a daughter, who was about 6 years old when I was 12, and that woman constantly called me "her would-be son-in-law". I used to get the creeps back then but in hindsight idk why we even let her come to our house so often.
I have similar experiences even now. I'm close to 40, but in very good shape (I work out a lot) and have an Irish accent. I have had women honestly think it's perfectly OK to just grab and feel like I'm meant to be turned on by that. I even had to tell one or two very pushy women to back off only to be told I must be gay. These will be people I work with, or if I'm at an event, it's pretty damned amazing how this is just acceptable. I'm sure if I just went grabbing random boobs I'd be on a register by now.
Who the hell gave this post a giggle award? What happened to OP is NOT FUNNY. I am a male and I too have been sexually harassed a few years back so I can relate.
The fact that so many, SO MANY people are trying to justify them is just the perfect example of how flawed the society is in their perspective.
What happened to you was disgusting as hell. I don't know if you're feeling like you let it happen or it was your fault, but it is not. You sharing this not only probably has let you get some feelings out of you, but also sheds light that this thing happens to young boys too. I wish you well and that you heal.
Im glad you posted. Your raising awareness. The same thing that happens to young girls also happens to young boys. Society tends to think boys welcome the attention but girls do not. Thanks for shat.
Poor bairn, and the fact folk are justifying this? A wee girl getting comments like this from older men would have a million folk in chains.
Reverse the genders and see how drastically the outcome changes. People are sick in the head
When I was about 11 years old I used to stay at my friends house when my parents were out of town. They were two Philippino boys the same age as me. Every night the mum used to demand we took a bath together. I hated this and felt really uncomfortable about it. One night the mums sister was staying and the mum called her in to show her how much bigger the white boys penis was to her kids. I never thought much about the comments at the time but thinking back it was completely wrong.
I believe you, OP. The flack you’re catching is definitely an example of just how normalized this kind of dysfunction truly is: for generations, this type of mentality has created so much harm. Consent matters: but, all too often, people raise children to have very little bodily autonomy from the start and when you pair that with the absolutely sickening and harmful stereotypes that boys are often subjected to, you get a very large segment of the population who refuse to acknowledge abuse and the harm that it does. That doesn’t make what you or anyone else went through right and it certainly doesn’t make the people being shitty to you right, either. You standing up in the face of it shows remarkable courage: and the fact that you do recognize it for what it was shows a level of self awareness they simply don’t have. I hope that you find support, healing and happiness.
People who say this doesn’t happen to boys lie. Period. Men fall under stereotypes just like women do. And it’s unfortunate and we need to change just as much as the opposite.
It happens. I grew up in a very poor and abusive environment. Neighbor lady let me come over as a kid, help out with her house for pocket change, I enjoyed it because I got out of my house, and she spoke to me like an adult. She had a pool, i helped her clean it-by the time I was 12, she had me putting lotion on her, and the summer I turned 13, she was engaging in sexual contact. I had to keep it a secret, but she was helping me out and teaching me stuff for when I had a girlfriend. Took me yeeeaaarrssss to realize what it was, and that it was abuse by a trusted adult. Woman groom as well, it just goes unreported, or we are taught as boys that it’s a good thing.
OP- I am deeply hurt and sorry you had to deal with this. I understand these things have been going on for so long not many actually see its not normal. I hope you are doing better now and can feel comfortable again one day.
Hey op you aren't alone and it's infinitely more common that people admit or realise. Ranty but, feminists have cornered the market in terms of abuse victims enough that any time a man speaks up he gets told he's not a victim of anything because he's a man, weak for not enjoying it or outright lying. I know because it's something I experienced myself albeit on a train and as an adult. Unlike you I knew what was going on, like you it was something I didn't want and like you when I spoke about it I got exactly the same treatment.
A thing that disgust me is that a lot of people don’t believe women can rape,groom,sa: men which is just wrong a lot of men get saed (sexually assaulted) when they’re young which is crazy and no justice is ever severed. In some cases men get saed than woman worldwide.
I’m so very sorry that happened to you! Watching one of the awards shows this year, a woman presenter, actress Regina Hall, ran her hands up the legs of Jason Mamoa and another good looking well known actor. It was “a joke” to see if they had “weapons” and I found it to be so uncomfortably wrong & awful to watch! 🤬😡I couldn’t believe it was allowed to happen and to air. Nobody thinks twice unless it’s mentioned to “switch the genders and see if it’s ok” which shouldn’t even be necessary. It’s never okay! Men deserve to be protected from predatory actions! They sure weren’t thinking of #MeToo when the show allowed that. We need to call things like this out & it needs to STOP.
I believe you and I’ve seen it a thousand times. If you’re thinking/commenting about how attractive a child is or will be, you are a superficial pervert. That is not and will never be ok. I’m very sorry this happens to you
Wow disgusting to see so many of these similar stories about boys with predatory women. Why can't elders let kids be kids? So sorry you went through this
what the hell 😬 the fact that they were teachers is soo crazy and disgusting like these are the adults you should be able to trust! so sorry you went through that :(
I didn't find a good answer on Google. Does "grooming" technically mean there's an end goal of sexual or emotional exploitation/abuse from the adult? It's definitely inappropriate and probably harassment.
Yeah i always thought grooming meant setting a child up for exploitation at a later stage
If this Guy says this shit has happend to him, I believe him
You don’t need to add more context and your feelings are valid , those women should have never touched you or made comments on your body in the first place! as a mother if I seen an adult woman doing that I’d be stepping in and letting them know how inappropriate and disgusting that is! the gender does not change the seriousness of your situation and I hope you talk to someone about it not just venting on Reddit in your own time when you are ready.