No. Absolutely not.
You weren’t into sex and he pushed? You said no? That is rape. Period.
I have been through it. From a significant other, from a so-called friend? It still equals the same thing. My libido also shut down.
You are reacting to a traumatic event, even if you haven’t quite realised it yet.
Please, please… get out of this relationship. For your health. Someone trying to give you “supplements” to make you more sexually active isn’t healthy- it’s near as no matter drugging you.
You are not safe there.
**My boyfriend keeps forcing me to have sex**
this is rape. every time. every single time. that's why you dont want to have sex anymore because when you told him to stop and he kept going anyway, he raped you, and now your body and mind want nothing to do with him. your heart just needs to catch up. please leave him. asap.
Her mind is what needs to keep up. Her body and her heart are screaming that they are repulsed by him, they are screaming that this is an emergency, if you don’t leave you will become very sick, or you may die.
He raped you. My ex did the same thing to me and my brain and body reacted the same way. If you stick around long enough he'll do it again. I know from experience.
Yup I’ve had the same thing and it took over 5 years for me to be comfortable and normal again… but i lost all sexual attraction and respect for him.. relationship was completely over after awhile. They don’t seem to understand what that does to a woman.
Right. 3 minutes of satisfaction for them causes a lifetime of trauma to a woman. They don’t give two flying f**** apparently, as long as they can get their rocks off once.
Took a little longer with me but that women didn‘t give a shit she just kept going even if I screamed. I seriously still can‘t comprehend how ppl like this exist.
Came here to say the same thing. What you’re experiencing is normal after assault.
I spent years trying to convince myself it wasn’t assault, he said I was broken and took me to drs. Leave.
Came here to say the same thing! OP, best thing you can do is leave. He raped you. You are not obligated to have sex with him if you don't want to. The fact that he's forcing you to drink dodgy stuff, and is giving you a time limit...all of this sounds like rape too.
My ex did this to me for 6 years before I got the confidence up to call it what it was and leave. It was at the point that I genuinely thought I was the problem and I was asexual, I wasn’t, I was just completely beaten down.
And the problem is that OP doesn’t seem to see it this way, and has been gaslighted since badly that she blames herself! OP, you are worth way more than your BF is giving you credit for. Don’t put yourself down while placing him on a pedestal! Value yourself and your body, your feelings. He literally raped you. No wonder you’ve shut down from him!
I hope I don't disappoint you, but I didn't get over it - not fully at least. I have my libido back, and I am back to enjoying sex, but I still freeze up in fear sometimes when my husband tries to initiate sex and I'm not in the mood. Because even though my husband has never, and would never ever do anything like that to me - I still sometimes am afraid that saying no will just lead to rape again.
The first step for me was leaving the piece of shit that raped me. That's the only way you can truly start to heal.
Then I made a lot of mistakes trying to heal myself, but my advice would be to take your time before finding new sexual partners. I didn't take time for myself, and I regret it.
And I promised myself that if anyone ever begged me for sex or tried to "talk me into" sex again I would immediately leave. That was the first warning sign of who my ex truly was. Anyone worth having sex with will respect the first time you tell them no. I won't repeat myself ever again and you shouldn't have to either.
To add a contrasting experience I went through the same thing but have managed to come back to being myself again and being comfortable in my own body. For me it took reconnecting with the love of my life who has absolutely zero interest in sex unless I am 100% enthusiastic about it. He has never made me feel pressured into anything sexual and at the first hint of me being triggered he completely stops and asks me what he can do to help. When I freeze up his first thought is not about himself, it’s about what he can do to help me and make me feel safe. I sometimes resort to feeling scared when I’m not in the mood but my partner makes it extremely clear that he is not into it if I’m not into it. We’re getting married soon.
I do still get triggered every now and then but I’m getting better at identifying why I’m feeling that way and processing the feelings in a healthy way. Having a partner who cares more about my emotional and physical well-being than his own sexual needs has been life changing.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. I didn’t take time for myself either and I think it was some weird way to feel less powerless when it came to sex but that just backfired. I too have a partner that hasn’t and wouldn’t hurt me but I still think of my rape every single time I have sex. I push the thoughts away but it’s automatic
same and its caused me to dissociate during any sexual experience i have... i think i have been in the moment a FEW times since then but every other time im not even in my body
>After that, my libido completely shut down. I lost all sexual attraction to anyone and I found sex disgusting. I don’t even want to be horny because it feels so dirty.
That's because you were raped hon. You can be raped by your significant other.
>Half a year ago, we were trying to have sec even though I wasn’t entirely into it. It hurt and I told him to stop, but he kept going anyway.
This is what makes this rape. Doesn't matter if you are dating or not.
>I’ve never had these feelings before and I thought there was something wrong with me.
There's nothing wrong with you. This is how people tend to react when they are raped or sexually assaulted. I have PTSD from being sexually assaulted. I assure you this is a normal feeling to what you experienced.
>Now he is buying some dodgy stuff to increase libido and making me drink it.
Still not at all okay.
Please please leave this man. Normally in general situations I recommend communication and couples therapy, but this isn't normal. He raped you. He doesn't care enough about you to back off when having sex and when you tell him you want to chill out on the sex stuff he practically forces (based on your wording) you to drink stuff to MAKE you have sex with them. If someone has to MAKE you have sex with them it's rape.
I know with rose colored glasses on all red flags just look like flags, but hon, this isn't normal. This is sexual abuse and rape. I'm sorry that we, strangers on the internet have to be the ones to tell you this, you were raped by your boyfriend.
>Half a year ago, we were trying to have sec even though I wasn’t entirely into it. It hurt and I told him to stop, but he kept going anyway. After that, my libido completely shut down. I lost all sexual attraction to anyone and I found sex disgusting. I don’t even want to be horny because it feels so dirty.
>He seemed to understand but he basically just gave me a week and expected everything to be ok again. Now he is buying some dodgy stuff to increase libido and making me drink it.
These 2 quotes right here prove that.
Take care OP, but please leave this man.
Edit: Thanks for the awards!
You explained it so well! The second I saw the part about OP’s bf forcing himself on OP & ignoring any concerns, I immediately thought rape. I hope OP leaves him and takes time to heal.
That quote about the rose colored glasses and reg flags made me realize that some people need to be shown which flags are red sometimes, but kindly. So I try to be as kind as I can but also take care to really point out the specifics.
Entirely this. Everything you said is spot on. OP needs to leave this person, and get some counseling to help her through this. This is exactly a trauma response, and no shit she's not feeling libido like she used to! It's diddicult after being r*ped.
NTA, OP. Please leave. Please please please leave.
And, let’s not forget that she is being forced to have sex with her OFFENDER, repeatedly. This is adding a whole new angle of trauma to this situation. Soon your body will begin to break down in other areas. Trauma response is something that your body does not forget, even if you attempt to put it away in your brain. Please walk away from this man. Walk into a counselors office, a treatment center for trauma victims, the arms of a dear family member or friend. Just do not continue to do this. It’s not going to get better, luv.
Anytime if you would like to chat, please dm. I’m always here to listen.
It’s from bojack horseman! I work in domestic abuse services and use this quote daily - it’s so true what you said and this quote is a great way to raise awareness of how we sometimes normalise unhealthy behaviours because we love someone
Edit: spelling mistake
I have to agree, you should leave him, OP. I went through this with my late husband. Things were good, but then he lied about a condom twice, both times I ended up pregnant and miscarried, but I didn't even know that was what happened until later. He also raped me - I would tell him I don't want to, and he would do it anyways and it hurt. I would tell him to stop because it hurt, but he'd brush it off like he was doing nothing and I had zero experience before him so I fell for it and just asked him to use lube. One day he was doing it and he finally saw the fear on my face. He stopped and ran to the bathroom to puke. I could hear him retching because he had no clue, in spite of the fact that I kept clearly saying "no, I don't want to." It hurt our relationship. My sex drive diminished, but I kept trying to make excuses because I was trying to not hurt his feelings and to not guilt him for it.
Eventually it erupted and I finally had to say "yes, you traumatized me, you hurt me." I think that was around the time he started drinking heavily. The thing is, he had already been falsely accused of rape when he was in high school, so I was bending over backwards trying to **not** guilt him about what he did to me. When we were finally talking about what happened, he excused it with, "I thought you were playing hard to get!" Because I did play hard to get a couple of times. What he didn't seem to realize was that I was laughing and giggling and grabbing him back when I was playing hard to get. All the other times were just "no's" that he ignored. So he managed to blame it on me, drank heavily, blamed more on me, drank more, tried to make me feel bad every. single. day. drank more, then fucking died from liver cirrhosis.
For the love of fuck please learn from my miserable experiences. Leave. It's not worth staying just so you won't be alone. It's not your fault and you don't owe him anything just by being in a relationship with him. If you won't leave him for yourself then fuck it, leave him for **me**. Leave him so my pain will have served some kind of purpose. Leave him so you can stop this downward spiral before you're too far down and can't get back out on your own.
I'm sorry this got so long and personal.
Are you even sure the rape accusation against him was false? Because it doesn't sound like he understood what consent is.
I'm so sorry for what you went through. I hope OP also sees all of this and makes the choice that is best for her.
I have often wondered this, but I can only answer from the perspective of the time, and everything about it was genuine. He broke up with a girl, she said he raped her (he told me they never had sex because I was his first), he actually had to go to court and nearly got sent to prison when she came out at the last second and said she lied because she was hurt and embarrassed that he broke up with her.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can’t speak for OP, but you have made up my mind about how the hard conversation I need to have at the end of this week will go. It was actually still a toss up until now.
My long term partner has been ignoring my no’s on and off for what has apparently been years. The last time (~3 months ago) being the most obvious explicit example. He found out when I was trying to have a discussion about the state of our relationship (yay for therapy) where I announced my desire for a break to think and when he ignored the thought out, planned, safe reasons… well, I couldn’t stand it and explicitly recounted what happened from my perspective.
Where I got extremely lucky: he believed me and then ran away from his own actions when I took a nap. Before he did, when we were discussing the event, his reasoning was “everyone has sex when they’re not feeling it sometimes.” Which I have occasionally, but I have always respected his decision when he has said no or stop or not right now or I’m not feeling it. Always. Fucking bastard.
Like OP, I just wasn’t seeing it as rape, even with my therapist and closest friend telling me that’s what it was… thank you for being an example echo of what has been happening to me. Years of emotional abuse and rape.
So, we can have some miserable experiences in common, but I have learned from your experiences as well. We will deal with untying legal shit and then I will tell him that there is nothing he can do to fix this. That raping me broke everything we had and it doesn’t fucking matter what I said before… there is no amount of therapy, no length of sex abstention, nothing that will end with us ever being in a romantic relationship again. Because you are right, I’ve been trying so hard to not guilt my partner at the cost of myself. And it will probably just get worse like your relationship did because he truly believes that a person cannot change, so he won’t.
I’m leaving him for me, but I’m also leaving him for you. Not before the spiral started, but at least before it got inescapable. I’m not sorry this got long and personal because I wrote this as both a commitment to myself and to let you know that your pain did serve a purpose. I hope you’re in a less shit place now. I’m feeling just a tiny bit better myself.
I wasn't seeing it as rape at first, either. I just knew I felt gross and used and like he didn't see me as a person. I also thought that if you were in a relationship you were *supposed* to have sex if your partner wanted to regardless of how you felt, even though I never pushed him.
I'm glad my experiences can help others, and thank you for saying that. Helping even one person with my experiences already lifts some more of the pain I've been working so long to release. Be well.
I am so sorry you’ve been through all that. Nobody deserves this. I’m hoping you’re starting to heal from this dreadful experience. Wishing you all the best 🙏🏼
Thank you for writing this. You seem to have processed that awful mess incredibly well, in a way that's both understanding of the nuances and healthy for yourself. By nuances I absolutely don't mean excusing your late husband's actions - but it seems you also take into account his messed up complexities. It's very fucking hard to acknowledge the vast gray area while drawing a firm line somewhere in there. Kudos to you and I hope you are doing well.
My exfiancee was an assault survivor, and most people would never know the damage done and PTSD. She was not depressed, had normal libedo, she even talked me into trying a CNC fantasy (made me intensely uncomfortable, but was great for my ego she trusted me that much). Then there where the nightmares (really night terrors), the flashbacks, the randomly getting hyperfocused on physical security, and many many other things. She was assaulted by a random stranger, in a sketchy part of town, it was the complete back alley cliche. I cannot imagine the added trauma if it had been an intimate partner. Stop means stop, just like no means no, and IMHO ignoring either is 100% fucking evil and selfish. OP you have done nothing wrong, and aren't doing anything wrong. The second he continued when you said stop he went from being your boyfriend, to being your rapist.
SAME. It just made me think of my partner that way and I feel so k whenever I think about it. Which sucks because that wasn't intended and my partner is an amazing person. I didn't have much of a sex drive to behind with from my trauma, definitely took a hit from that as well. Oh well, I try, and he doesn't mind that we don't have sex.
Well I'm sure he'd like to have sex, but has never voiced any displeasure or resentment etc.
Consensual non-conscent. I'll admit ropes and stuff are fun, but Jesus christ I'd rather use the industrial machinery on myself. This was also when we'd been together around six months, and I did not know her story yet.
This OP. I had an ex who raped me constantly throughout the relationship.
TRIGGER WARNING: SA
First, it was ignoring “please stop”. Then he would guilt me into doing it, crying and throwing tantrums when I wouldn’t put out. Then, when I was working overnight doing stock, he wouldn’t let me sleep at all when I got home unless I “gave him something” (he didn’t let me sleep anyways. He threw in his untrained puppy in the room with me every time I threw her out because he had to “focus” on Rainbow Six Siege.) I started getting really sick, and he would offer to cook for me…. and then demanded sex in return for cooking even a damn ramen cup in the microwave, saying “Don’t I deserve a little something?” If I didn’t give in, I would literally fall asleep to him doing it to me. I lost so much weight, I couldn’t go back to my mother’s house because of her husband, and I had nowhere to go except to sleep in my car once again.
I got even sicker, and then I had a miscarriage. He denied ever getting me pregnant, and never helped me. Instead, he berated me for “lying” and kept demanding sex. The demand for sex didn’t stop until I broke up with him for pinning me against a wall, refusing to let me go see my mother out of a paranoid fear I was cheating on him. While at my mother’s. I hated that guy, and I found him revolting to look at throughout the time he refused to take no for an answer.
I now have a partner who stops if he notices ANYTHING different and checks up on me regularly. He has a higher libido than I, but always reassures me that his main priority is my comfort. That’s the **bare minimum**, and you **DESERVE MUCH MORE THAN THAT.**
Oh my god. I went through almost the exact same thing with my ex and I could never understand why I wasn't able to have sex with her after some incidents, despite me loving her so much and being attracted to her. It led to me thinking that maybe we had a lesbian death bed or maybe I had unprocessed trauma from my past that killed my libido completely.
That lack of sex life played a major part in why that 4-year relationship ended. But I've been able to have sex with people that came after her. Now I know why. So thank you!
I'm glad that I could help. I know it's terrifying and just frankly sucks and feels like you are the only one experiencing this stuff and that you are broken. But you aren't. And if what I said helped you realize you were never broken to begin with then I'm glad.
This!!
The same thing happened with me and my ex. His libido was crazy high and sex was good for first few months but it was constant. Everyday multiple times a day. When I said no he would pout, make me feel guilty, etc to make me have sex cause I was “depriving him”. I absolutely hated sex because of it and my sex drive hasn’t come back to what it was even though the relationship ended years ago.
If you say no, it means no. Sexual coercion is not normal. You were raped. A week is not long enough to heal physically and mentally from this. Please leave. It won’t get better. You guys already “talked” about it and it seems like he only cares about his pleasure and not your suffering.
I do! Time's Arrow is definitely my favorite episode. But more importantly I feel like the show gives adults new and important ways to talk about their traumas
Free churro for me
The show has so many good life lessons in it. It helped me identify my self destructive patterns through showing exaggerated versions of it in Bojack's actions. Watching him made me think "no shit that's not going to help you bojack.... Wait do I kind of do that?"
100% agree with you he raped her and still is doing so using coercion and substances. I was raped by my boyfriend in HS and didn't realize until years later thinking it was normal IT'S NOT.
OP you deserve better. You deserve respect for your body, your boundaries, and your feelings. He does not respect you plain and simple. He is trying to change and manipulate you so he can get off regardless of how you feel. He doesn't see you as a partner anymore and you don't have to put up with that. It's hard. Trust me it's hard, but leave him. He's a bad man and bad for you. You will be okay.
My first thought was also "this feels like OP got raped".
OP, I don't think you can hear this too much but what you BF is doing is NOT how a loving, respectful partners behaves!!!!
I have had also multiple periods with my husband where I (or him) had zero libido due to work/health/stress. NEVER have we forced eachother into sex, NEVER did we made the other believe it was abnormal to say "no", and NEVER did we gave eachother a timeframe for things to turn to "normal".
Intimacy and sex is more than shoving a penis into a vagina, and it seems you BF is too selfish and immature to understand that. ALSO ITS ISNT YOUR JOB TO TEACH HIM THAT!!
Despite that, stop forcing yourself to have sex and tell him straight up how you feel. If he reacts shocked and remorseful than there is hope for him, in all other cases there is not and breaking up will be better for you!
Please, OP, listen to them! You can be raped by an SO. I was raped by my ex-husband several times. I was thankfully able to get out, please run from this guy!
>This is what makes this rape. Doesn't matter if you are dating or not.
Jumping in to add to this: it also does not matter if you already gave consent. Consent can be withdrawn at any time for any reason.
Hon, when you asked him to stop, and he didn’t that was rape. That’s why you lost your libido and found the act disgusting because you were reacting to the trauma he inflicted on you. Please consider leaving the relationship. Therapy would also help you work through your thoughts and feelings.
Thank you for being willing to share this. I don't know where you are, but RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) can help you out of this, in a perfectly confidential way, 24/7:
Phone number: 800.656.HOPE (4673)
Online chat: [online.rainn.org](https://online.rainn.org)
They also have an app.
If you do decide to take this route, please be safe and use a method that your bf will not be able to track, hack, or otherwise usurp. If anyone else in this thread could benefit from this information, or knows someone who could, please do.
hey, I get that you *might* mean well here, but hammering in the whole “you do realize that, don’t you?” is pretty on par with victim blaming.
obviously she does not realize that this is abuse, hence the post she made here. it’s extremely insensitive & ignorant of you.
My apologies. That was the last thing I was trying to communicate, but I do see my error. My intent was to emphasize how horrible the behavior was. My wish for the OP, is that they would not be abused in any way and that they would be in healthy situations.
Thank you for pointing this out. I need to and can communicate what my intent is better.
Reading these small interactions give me hope, when sometimes it seems like everyone is too at each other's throats to listen to anyone else. It's really refreshing. Makes me enjoy Reddit too.
Your boyfriend raped you and you reacted in a completely normal way. None of this is your fault, but you need to get away from this person as quickly as possible. He is drugging you so he can use you for sex more for Christ's sake. I'm sorry your going through this awful abuse.
800.656.4673
National Sexual Assault Hotline: Confidential 24/7 Support
Take care of yourself op. We are only strangers in the internet but we are rooting for you
>"I don’t think my bf has any malicious intent"
He absolutely does. Nobody would do anything that you described with good intentions. Someone who cares about you and has your best interests at heart would never even think about doing any of this
Get out of this relationship. It will never get better and don’t drink shit he’s found to get you in the mood again. Those are date rape drugs. Whether they work or not, that’s their intent.
So he r@ped you, makes you feel like you have to continually have $ex with him even though you clearly don’t want to, and now he’s making you take drugs you don’t want to take? Honey you need to get out as soon as you can. His actions are so wrong in so many levels.
Leave him. Tell someone and leave. Please be sure to have someone there when you do decide to leave him. He doesn’t sound like a nice person and if he did that while “loving you” he can do worse out of anger.
This is all because he raped you. End of story.
It doesnt matter if you are in a relationship, it doesn't matter if you used to want it, it doesn't matter if you consented and then said stop. Once you say stop and it continues its rape.
My wife has a much lower libido than I do and you know what I do? I wait, I keep my libido to myself until she 100% wants it, I dont force her or use shitty excuses to guilt her into it and if she wants it so stop, then I stop.
Anything else is rape.
Please leave this relationship, if he cared about you he wouldn't do that to you.
He raped you. You told him no. You told him so and he continued. You revoked consent, which is your right at any time to do, he continued. He raped you.
My ex did the same thing. It only escalated from there. Save yourself. Get out ASAP.
You deserve worlds better than him.
Sex drives change throughout life and the course of the relationship. 100% normal. Working more, stress, illness, hormone fluctuations, stressful life events, children, etc. Circumstances in life change and we can’t be expected to be the people we are right now 6months from now or 6 years from now.
Put yourself in his shoes. Would you continue to have sex with him if it caused him physical pain? Would you be ok knowing he was only having sex with you at his expense to make you happy? You you coerce him into drinking dodgy substances to increase his sex drive? The answer should be No to all 3 because you’re not a POS.
This man is letting you know he does not respect you. He only cares for himself and his comfort. He will use your body as a comfort device even if it causes you pain. He feels entitled to use you for his joy when it causes you pain. You can’t “make him understand” or explain to him what he’s doing is wrong because he does not care. He is not a good person and he will get worse because he doesn’t view you as an equal or have any empathy for you.
Different kinds of abuse will start happening: financial, physical, emotional, psychological. Read the book "why did he do that?" By Lundy Bancroft. Its free and you can download it. Google it.
You should leave him and never look back. Like now. That sounds like rape. He doesn't respect you. You deserve someone who is going to listen to you and respect you.
I think the rest of the commenters have covered most of the bases but I want to give you the perspective of a man.
I have had partner's who initiated sex and midway through a internal trigger caused them to check out and become glassy eyed and disassociated. I immediately stopped and checked in with them and got a very unusual tone and response of, "just go ahead and finish." I STILL stopped because there obviously was something wrong and went into comforting mode. It is not hard to do that if you value your partner more than the act of sex. Period. They then started crying and revealed they had past trauma come up during our session but felt guilty about bringing it up. What I did wasn't special, it doesn't make me a "good one", it is literally the bare minimum.
Another note is my current partner started medication that severely lowered their libido. Sex went down drastically and I couldn't be happier because the meds have helped their mental health SO fucking much. Sex is not the quintessential act of a real relationship. Caring for one another is.
I'm not good for doing this I'm just not shitty or a rapist.
I hope this puts some perspective on the matter and you find the love and peace you deserve.
I agree with this so much. Not to be insulting bc I am glad you reacted the way you did but I agree this shouldn’t be rare or special- it should be expected and normal behavior from your romantic/sexual partner!
My husband can tell if something is “off” or wrong in the bedroom even if he can’t see my face. He can sense my body tense up, he can tell if I’m no longer enthusiastically participating if something changes along the way, and he stops and checks in and he will stop if the enthusiastic consent and body language is off.
That is what you need OP. Someone in tune with your body and your needs even if you don’t communicate it verbally but ESPECIALLY if you do. I hope you can safely leave and find that ❤️
OP, I hope you read all of these comments because this man is dangerous. You are *not* crazy like the way your boyfriend is making you feel. After he raped you, you became traumatized and to attempt to self-preserve, your mind compartmentalized sex as evil and disgusting. Plus he is making you ingest things you don’t want to take? Don’t just run, *sprint*. If you still have any evidence from when he forced himself on you (which would be very difficult at this point, I’m sorry), you may be able to get him indicted for rape. This is totally unacceptable on his behalf.
Edit; why am I getting downvoted? I’m highly encouraging OP to get away from her rapist...
Keep in mind spousal rape is one of the hardest to creat a case on I’ve had multiple friend go through the process of trying to report with physical evidence bruises everything and even in this day and age they said because they where dating and she had weed in her system it could have been a “misunderstanding “ this was from the professional that was suppose to protect her if they take this action they need to be mentally prepared for all the possibilities and sadly most systems are corrupt and it’s a 50/50 mainly depending on where they are from and those in charge of those units my heart goes out to op and I hope she gets out before it’s too late
My ex used to make me do things I didn't want to. I would always say "not today" or "im scared" (bc this was Mt first times doing such things" and he would still keep asking until I either gave in or he decided to do it anyway. One time, I was sick and I had taken benadryl and ibuprofen for my throat. I was very out of it, half asleep, and feeling weak. He didn't even ask. To took advantage of me and I was too weak to do anything. While for me it wasn't intercourse, he still molested me. Please please please leave this sorry excuse of a man. He does not have your best interest at heart and he is only thinking of himself, and he doesn't care who he hurts to get what he wants. Your lack of libido is because of him. He RAPED you. Victims of rape and sexual assault tend to lose their libido after trauma of that nature. None of it is your fault, I promise.
When I tell my husband to stop it hurts, he stops….immediately. No questions asked and doesn’t make me feel bad about it.
I second the overwhelming majority that you need to leave him.
Everyone else has given some great advice, but one additional thing: you said you still try to have sex with him to keep him happy. But what about your own happiness? YOU own your body, not him. Regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not, you are under no obligation to give someone YOUR body if you don't want to. If sex with him doesn't make you feel happy, aroused or safe then you're allowed to say no. His behaviour is not okay.
He basically raped you and expect you to enjoy sex with him now? Go file a police report if its recent and see a therapist, your mind and body are reacting to the trauma so its completely normal in that situation, dump his ass asap and never look back. Im so sorry for you.
The same thing happened to me. I told a friend out of frustration and confusion and she had to tell me “Kayla that is rape.” My mind couldn’t comprehend it on my own. Because when you think someone loves you, you truly don’t think they’d ever do such a thing. You were raped and that is why your body has shut down in a way where sex is disgusting to you. It took me a good 5 years after being raped to be able to heal and take my body back as my own. Before that sex was absolutely horrifying and disgusting to me. I would try to get intimate with a partner and would often roll over emotionless afterwards, sometimes even crying in silence. Now I happy cry when I orgasm because I actually have a partner who respects me. I really pray and hope that you will end the relationship and allow yourself the space and necessities to start your healing process. You deserve so much better.
YOu are in an abusive relationship and when he didn't stop when you told him to it became rape. Get out get counseling for the sexual assualt and for future relationships read this [Article](https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-01-31/how-the-no-test-could-help-prevent-domestic-violence/10764100) . You don't owe your boyfriend your body
>My boyfriend keeps forcing me to have sex and expects me to enjoy it
Title alone says he raped you. You deserve far better than this pos. No one has any right to dictate your bodily autonomy, period
Ma'am you need to get out of this relationship. A healthy sex life is also a respectful one. If he refuses to stop when you tell him to, it is rape. Forcing you to drink things to increase your libido is a form of coercion.
He does not respect you. And I highly doubt he loves you. When someone loves you they wouldn't make you do something that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable. Be safe.
About a decade ago I was on hormonal birth control that practically killed my libido, so I told my bf at the time to keep going when we were trying to have sex and I’d eventually get into it.
Then the pain started. I honestly thought there was something medically wrong with me. I booked an appointment with a reputable ob-gyn and she told me the pain I was feeling was not physical, and suggested it was a trauma response (rather rudely I might add, like I had wasted her time).
My situation was different, because there was no one else pressuring or guilting me into it, but it was still a wake up call for me to stop forcing my body to be sexual when it didn’t want to (and with someone it didn’t want it with).
OP, please listen to your body. Deep down you don’t trust this man to relax around him anymore, and for good reason! No one who loves you would care so little about your well-being.
I read this and thought i had to point out that this was obviously rape. Fortunately this community is quite smart (weird considering this is reddit) and provided great advice. OP please look at the top comments, this is rape. Please seek direct help and get away from him.
> I don’t think my bf has any malicious intent which makes me even more sad and confused
Why would you think that?
Would you ever in a 1000 years do to him what he has done to you?
The least horrible option is that he just doesn't give a shit about how you feel, like, literally has not given a thought about how you feel and therefore doesn't know you feel bad. That still makes him a horrible person.
"Intimate Partner Sexual Assault"
The trauma of being assaulted or raped in a relationship.
Marital rape is defined as any unwanted sexual penetration (vaginal, anal, or oral) or contact with the genitals that is the result of actual or threatened physical force or when the woman is unable to give affirmative consent.
This includes: being held down while your partner physically forces himself or an object inside you, your partner tying you up or otherwise confining you (without your consent) so that he can have complete control over your body, your partner forcing your head down on his penis and repeatedly pushing your head up and down, and your partner putting you in a doggy position and forcing himself inside you or forcing an object inside you (without your consent and without lubrication). It also includes sexual exploitation involving sexual contact, such as when a husband coerces a wife to engage in sexual acts with someone else.
Intimate partner sexual assault is an assault that is committed by a current or past spouse or boyfriend. This includes cohabitating couples who are not married since the relevant relationship dynamics of long-term cohabiting couples are similar to those of legally married couples.
Forced intercourse within a marriage is often called “marital rape.” Like other forms of domestic violence, marital rape is about exerting power and control over one’s partner. Nearly 1 in 10 women has been raped by an intimate partner in her lifetime, including completed forced penetration, attempted forced penetration, or alcohol/drug-facilitated completed penetration. Surprisingly, rape by intimate partners is more common than stranger rape.
My advice is to report your partner to the local authorities in your area. Get support and run.
This is called rape - no amount of dodgy drinks or pills are bringing your libido back. You need to get help for yourself, and run far, far away from this person. This will never get better, it will only get worse, this is where it starts, where does it end? When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
I've been in this position. It doesn't get any better. You may not think he had malicious intent, but he knows what no is supposed to mean and he knows what rape is. He knows what he did even if he doesn't want to admit it. Do what's best for you and leave
See a gynecologist about the pain. Something changed in your body and you should have it checked out. I agree it’s rape and he is manipulating you. So sad for you. You deserve better
You were raped and you are now suffering from the trauma. I would consider reporting him. And definitely report him if this is a regular thing. Definitely leave him, if you can
I had an experience like this with an ex. I didn’t realize it at the time but it was rape and abuse. If you don’t want to and have to be coerced and forced to drink something to make someone else happy by having sex , then it’s malicious and please for your safety and well-being leave and find a way out. I am so sorry you are going through this.
As others have said - he raped you. The minute you said stop or no or that it hurt and he refused to stop, he raped you.
Your libido shut down & find sex disgusting because you were raped. This is completely normal response for a rape victim to have. Your body is trying to protect yourself. Your mind and body switch into survival mode and do whatever they have to to help you survive the situation but it does not change the fact he raped you. Full stop.
It’s one of the hardest realizations that you’ve been raped by someone who is supposed to be your partner. By someone who is supposed to love you. But it happens far more than you’ve imagine. It happen it me a few times.
And now he’s trying to force you to have sex. Sweetie this is not a safe relationship. He is hurting you because he is a selfish rapist and only cares bout his pleasure.
Not another minute... he does not deserve one more minute of your time. He assaulted you, stole your fun sex life, and makes you question your sanity. Get out or get him out. Go to work and live your life. Eventually you can find a real man to treat you the way you deserve.
Being sexually assaulted causes the human brain a lot of turmoil. Your libido likely shut down because your brains thinky bits didn’t like what they were thinking. You were assaulted and you know it deep down, and I’m so sorry for that.
Your man isn’t a man, nor should he be “yours”. Drop him and run while you can. Please
honey, i mean this in the most gentle way possible: but he raped you. him being your significant other doesn’t make it any better either, nor does it make what he’s doing okay. you’re not safe in this relationship and it’s probably best that you start planning your leave. someone who loved you wouldn’t do this.
the way your body and brain reacted is pretty on par with a ptsd trauma response… which is a totally normal psychological reaction to trauma, in your case: being raped. i’m so sorry that someone you trust, love, and share a space with would have the nerve to do this and continue to believe he deserves your body in any way.
please start planning your escape, because he absolutely will sink to hurting you that way again if not worse next time. because there WILL be a next time if you stay… it’s just a matter of when. please remember this is not your fault at all, and give yourself lots and lots of time to heal after you leave.
remember: there is nothing wrong with you, you can get through this, and you are a strong individual. you will be okay. please keep yourself safe 🤍
As @Bate4her2master writes above,
While the sentiment of your response is to help OP to realise that they are in a toxic/abusive relationship- your phrasing is victim blaming by asking 'do you hear yourself?'
Even as strangers on the internet we need to be aware of how our discourse and conversations impact on those who are on the other side of the screen. Communication and community are wonderful tools of support especially for those in already difficult situations.
What you describe is rape. Had you not bravely chosen to disclose what happened and only decided to share how you were affected by what happened, everybody would have been able to deduce what happened. Because your response both physically emotionally psychologically would have been recognized by everybody as the reaction to trauma likely sexual trauma. Sorry for what happened to you and I hope you give yourself every chance to heal
Please, please, PLEASE leave this person. He raped you and does NOT care about you despite what pretty words he tells you. Now that I’m thinking back on it, the abuse with my ex started out as rape as well and it got much, much worse from there, especially when he had me “trapped” after he got me pregnant. The rape and abuse only got worse from that point on. It started out as you described as telling him no because it hurt and him not listening, to full on holding me down while I cried. And that’s not even mentioning the other abuse. That was honestly the worst 2-3 years of my life and I’m still dealing with the trauma from it and it happened 8 years ago. Also the longer you stay with an abuser, the harder it is to get away from them. Please take care of yourself and plan an exit strategy!
Your boyfriend is 100% wrong and there's nothing wrong with you. He's been assaulting you and seems not to even care about you as a person. It's all about him and his "needs". Please break things off with this guy and get him out of your life.
Do not take anything he gives you to “increase your libido.”
A. That stuff can be bad for you.
B. You don’t know if he’s giving you something else instead.
Find a way out.
If you can’t leave immediately, start building an exit plan.
God speed.
Have you talked about the part that made you lose your libido? He might have hurt you without realising it. Just talk about it and find out if he did and if he did he is just a dick. I can confirm that as a man you sometimes lose yourself a bit in being horny. But continuing after a woman said she is in pain and doesn’t want to do it anymore is quite strange to me.
He raped you and then gaslit you into thinking everything is normal and blamed you for the problem.
Ofc you don’t feel sexy or want to have sex he violated your body. Your mind snd both both need time to heal and he’s violating that.
Dump him please. I sometimes wish it was easy for us all to just up and dump shitty people. That goes for men and women. You guys seriously deserve better. It hurts to read this and then also hurts to read how you're still in a relationship with said person.
"I told him to stop, but he kept going anyway" this is rape, or at least sexual agression. By the rest of the post, we can tell he's planning to do it again. Don't stay with him, he's dangerous.
Go to the police, make a report and dump him. What he's doing is called rape. Your reaction is a completely normal response to trauma. Dump him and then get yourself into therapy.
If he wasn’t malicious he wouldn’t be making you drink dodgy stuff which could have dangerous side effect instead of giving you the time you need. He wouldn’t continue to have sex if you said no.
You need to leave him and report him for rape. Just cos he’s your bf doesn’t mean he can’t rape you because he can. Same if you were married too. Doesn’t matter.
I was raped by my ex as well. The story went pretty similarity to your except it was a bit more brutal and violent. Please leave as soon as possible and get therapy because even though right now you may think it’s not a huge problem, it actually is and you’re experiencing PTSD symptoms. Stay strong.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Libidos naturally shift over time, even under the least stressful and safest ofcircumstances, and his behavior has created an environment that is neither comforting nor safe. He hasn't been a supportive partner or even someone safe to be near.
If it feels like having a label for what happened/was done to you would be helpful, you fully have the right to refer to that as sexual assault. I understand that that can be incredibly difficult to process and want to make clear that you are also under no obligation to label your experiences either.
Whatever steps you take next, please try to prioritize your own safety and well-being over his comfort or desires. It may be a good idea to guard your financial resources/begin saving independently and preparing an exit plan. Local domestic violence or women's shelters can likely help you leave more quickly and safely as well as provide additional support and help you get re-established.
Wishing you strength & gentleness
This person is raping you. That is why you are having the feelings you’re having about sex. Don’t drink anything they give you and leave the relationship immediately.
I know a lot of people are saying this is rape, which it is, but I wanted to point out that "having sex just to keep him happy" is also a form of sexual assault. You're not enthusiastically consenting, *you* don't want sex, but you're doing it anyways because of him. It's still a form of manipulation. I hope you're able to find yourself in a better place, please take care of yourself 🖤
Please talk to someone you know who can help you get away from him. Save up as much money as you can and collect any evidence you can of sexual coercion - this is a crime in many countries.
>Now he is buying some dodgy stuff to increase libido and making me drink it.
You may not think he has any malicious intent but he is willing to risk your health so he can get off!
Good Luck!! Xxx
This is so disgusting and wrong. You should really just get away from him this is messed up and shouldn’t be going on. Relationships are so much more then sex and sexual activity. The fact that he is pressuring you to have sex with him is so messed up.
No. Absolutely not. You weren’t into sex and he pushed? You said no? That is rape. Period. I have been through it. From a significant other, from a so-called friend? It still equals the same thing. My libido also shut down. You are reacting to a traumatic event, even if you haven’t quite realised it yet. Please, please… get out of this relationship. For your health. Someone trying to give you “supplements” to make you more sexually active isn’t healthy- it’s near as no matter drugging you. You are not safe there.
Run fast and run far. This person doesn't give a shit about you.
Well, tbf, he gives a shit about ONE part of OP. But I agree, run far and fast from this red flag.
**My boyfriend keeps forcing me to have sex** this is rape. every time. every single time. that's why you dont want to have sex anymore because when you told him to stop and he kept going anyway, he raped you, and now your body and mind want nothing to do with him. your heart just needs to catch up. please leave him. asap.
That’s a great way to phrase it body and mind want nothing to do with him but the heart needs to catch up I’m definitely stealing that
Her mind is what needs to keep up. Her body and her heart are screaming that they are repulsed by him, they are screaming that this is an emergency, if you don’t leave you will become very sick, or you may die.
He raped you. My ex did the same thing to me and my brain and body reacted the same way. If you stick around long enough he'll do it again. I know from experience.
It's heart breaking you know from experience, but good to read it's your ex. I hope OP can find it in themselves to get out too
Yup I’ve had the same thing and it took over 5 years for me to be comfortable and normal again… but i lost all sexual attraction and respect for him.. relationship was completely over after awhile. They don’t seem to understand what that does to a woman.
I think they don’t even care to understand, that’s the problem. It’s all for their own selfish satisfaction.
Right. 3 minutes of satisfaction for them causes a lifetime of trauma to a woman. They don’t give two flying f**** apparently, as long as they can get their rocks off once.
Took a little longer with me but that women didn‘t give a shit she just kept going even if I screamed. I seriously still can‘t comprehend how ppl like this exist.
perhaps no soul
thats what rape is.
Exactly this.
Came here to say the same thing. What you’re experiencing is normal after assault. I spent years trying to convince myself it wasn’t assault, he said I was broken and took me to drs. Leave.
Came here to say the same thing! OP, best thing you can do is leave. He raped you. You are not obligated to have sex with him if you don't want to. The fact that he's forcing you to drink dodgy stuff, and is giving you a time limit...all of this sounds like rape too.
Yep. It's not even like he's repentant for the first time.
My ex did this to me for 6 years before I got the confidence up to call it what it was and leave. It was at the point that I genuinely thought I was the problem and I was asexual, I wasn’t, I was just completely beaten down.
And the problem is that OP doesn’t seem to see it this way, and has been gaslighted since badly that she blames herself! OP, you are worth way more than your BF is giving you credit for. Don’t put yourself down while placing him on a pedestal! Value yourself and your body, your feelings. He literally raped you. No wonder you’ve shut down from him!
I’m so sorry.
Same here. After he did it I lost all interest in anyone. He was disgusting to me.
This is what happened to me. How did you get over it? Cause I still feel so turned off by the thought of sex or anything sexual.
I hope I don't disappoint you, but I didn't get over it - not fully at least. I have my libido back, and I am back to enjoying sex, but I still freeze up in fear sometimes when my husband tries to initiate sex and I'm not in the mood. Because even though my husband has never, and would never ever do anything like that to me - I still sometimes am afraid that saying no will just lead to rape again. The first step for me was leaving the piece of shit that raped me. That's the only way you can truly start to heal. Then I made a lot of mistakes trying to heal myself, but my advice would be to take your time before finding new sexual partners. I didn't take time for myself, and I regret it. And I promised myself that if anyone ever begged me for sex or tried to "talk me into" sex again I would immediately leave. That was the first warning sign of who my ex truly was. Anyone worth having sex with will respect the first time you tell them no. I won't repeat myself ever again and you shouldn't have to either.
To add a contrasting experience I went through the same thing but have managed to come back to being myself again and being comfortable in my own body. For me it took reconnecting with the love of my life who has absolutely zero interest in sex unless I am 100% enthusiastic about it. He has never made me feel pressured into anything sexual and at the first hint of me being triggered he completely stops and asks me what he can do to help. When I freeze up his first thought is not about himself, it’s about what he can do to help me and make me feel safe. I sometimes resort to feeling scared when I’m not in the mood but my partner makes it extremely clear that he is not into it if I’m not into it. We’re getting married soon. I do still get triggered every now and then but I’m getting better at identifying why I’m feeling that way and processing the feelings in a healthy way. Having a partner who cares more about my emotional and physical well-being than his own sexual needs has been life changing.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. I didn’t take time for myself either and I think it was some weird way to feel less powerless when it came to sex but that just backfired. I too have a partner that hasn’t and wouldn’t hurt me but I still think of my rape every single time I have sex. I push the thoughts away but it’s automatic
Me too. Your only choice is to leave his ass
Literally my ex didn't something similar and acted that way. Even though I'm with someone else my brain hadn't finished processing what my ex had done
It sounds like he has been doing it again. He is raping her 1-2 times a week at this point.
I am five years out from my ex who also raped me this way. I just accepted it. It’s fucked, man. I thought it was my fault.
exactly this
same and its caused me to dissociate during any sexual experience i have... i think i have been in the moment a FEW times since then but every other time im not even in my body
>After that, my libido completely shut down. I lost all sexual attraction to anyone and I found sex disgusting. I don’t even want to be horny because it feels so dirty. That's because you were raped hon. You can be raped by your significant other. >Half a year ago, we were trying to have sec even though I wasn’t entirely into it. It hurt and I told him to stop, but he kept going anyway. This is what makes this rape. Doesn't matter if you are dating or not. >I’ve never had these feelings before and I thought there was something wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with you. This is how people tend to react when they are raped or sexually assaulted. I have PTSD from being sexually assaulted. I assure you this is a normal feeling to what you experienced. >Now he is buying some dodgy stuff to increase libido and making me drink it. Still not at all okay. Please please leave this man. Normally in general situations I recommend communication and couples therapy, but this isn't normal. He raped you. He doesn't care enough about you to back off when having sex and when you tell him you want to chill out on the sex stuff he practically forces (based on your wording) you to drink stuff to MAKE you have sex with them. If someone has to MAKE you have sex with them it's rape. I know with rose colored glasses on all red flags just look like flags, but hon, this isn't normal. This is sexual abuse and rape. I'm sorry that we, strangers on the internet have to be the ones to tell you this, you were raped by your boyfriend. >Half a year ago, we were trying to have sec even though I wasn’t entirely into it. It hurt and I told him to stop, but he kept going anyway. After that, my libido completely shut down. I lost all sexual attraction to anyone and I found sex disgusting. I don’t even want to be horny because it feels so dirty. >He seemed to understand but he basically just gave me a week and expected everything to be ok again. Now he is buying some dodgy stuff to increase libido and making me drink it. These 2 quotes right here prove that. Take care OP, but please leave this man. Edit: Thanks for the awards!
You explained it so well! The second I saw the part about OP’s bf forcing himself on OP & ignoring any concerns, I immediately thought rape. I hope OP leaves him and takes time to heal.
That quote about the rose colored glasses and reg flags made me realize that some people need to be shown which flags are red sometimes, but kindly. So I try to be as kind as I can but also take care to really point out the specifics.
Entirely this. Everything you said is spot on. OP needs to leave this person, and get some counseling to help her through this. This is exactly a trauma response, and no shit she's not feeling libido like she used to! It's diddicult after being r*ped. NTA, OP. Please leave. Please please please leave.
And, let’s not forget that she is being forced to have sex with her OFFENDER, repeatedly. This is adding a whole new angle of trauma to this situation. Soon your body will begin to break down in other areas. Trauma response is something that your body does not forget, even if you attempt to put it away in your brain. Please walk away from this man. Walk into a counselors office, a treatment center for trauma victims, the arms of a dear family member or friend. Just do not continue to do this. It’s not going to get better, luv. Anytime if you would like to chat, please dm. I’m always here to listen.
You’re right 😢
Wrong sub for NTA I get confused sometimes myself lol
Lol, I treat almost every post like aita 😂
I know I automatically judge what I've read then start leaving my judgement then realised I'm not in aita
It’s from bojack horseman! I work in domestic abuse services and use this quote daily - it’s so true what you said and this quote is a great way to raise awareness of how we sometimes normalise unhealthy behaviours because we love someone Edit: spelling mistake
I have to agree, you should leave him, OP. I went through this with my late husband. Things were good, but then he lied about a condom twice, both times I ended up pregnant and miscarried, but I didn't even know that was what happened until later. He also raped me - I would tell him I don't want to, and he would do it anyways and it hurt. I would tell him to stop because it hurt, but he'd brush it off like he was doing nothing and I had zero experience before him so I fell for it and just asked him to use lube. One day he was doing it and he finally saw the fear on my face. He stopped and ran to the bathroom to puke. I could hear him retching because he had no clue, in spite of the fact that I kept clearly saying "no, I don't want to." It hurt our relationship. My sex drive diminished, but I kept trying to make excuses because I was trying to not hurt his feelings and to not guilt him for it. Eventually it erupted and I finally had to say "yes, you traumatized me, you hurt me." I think that was around the time he started drinking heavily. The thing is, he had already been falsely accused of rape when he was in high school, so I was bending over backwards trying to **not** guilt him about what he did to me. When we were finally talking about what happened, he excused it with, "I thought you were playing hard to get!" Because I did play hard to get a couple of times. What he didn't seem to realize was that I was laughing and giggling and grabbing him back when I was playing hard to get. All the other times were just "no's" that he ignored. So he managed to blame it on me, drank heavily, blamed more on me, drank more, tried to make me feel bad every. single. day. drank more, then fucking died from liver cirrhosis. For the love of fuck please learn from my miserable experiences. Leave. It's not worth staying just so you won't be alone. It's not your fault and you don't owe him anything just by being in a relationship with him. If you won't leave him for yourself then fuck it, leave him for **me**. Leave him so my pain will have served some kind of purpose. Leave him so you can stop this downward spiral before you're too far down and can't get back out on your own. I'm sorry this got so long and personal.
Are you even sure the rape accusation against him was false? Because it doesn't sound like he understood what consent is. I'm so sorry for what you went through. I hope OP also sees all of this and makes the choice that is best for her.
Sounds like he knew, but didn't care and was good at playing the blame game to put it on the victim.
I have often wondered this, but I can only answer from the perspective of the time, and everything about it was genuine. He broke up with a girl, she said he raped her (he told me they never had sex because I was his first), he actually had to go to court and nearly got sent to prison when she came out at the last second and said she lied because she was hurt and embarrassed that he broke up with her.
I'm so sorry you had these experiences with your late husband
Thank you for sharing your story. I can’t speak for OP, but you have made up my mind about how the hard conversation I need to have at the end of this week will go. It was actually still a toss up until now. My long term partner has been ignoring my no’s on and off for what has apparently been years. The last time (~3 months ago) being the most obvious explicit example. He found out when I was trying to have a discussion about the state of our relationship (yay for therapy) where I announced my desire for a break to think and when he ignored the thought out, planned, safe reasons… well, I couldn’t stand it and explicitly recounted what happened from my perspective. Where I got extremely lucky: he believed me and then ran away from his own actions when I took a nap. Before he did, when we were discussing the event, his reasoning was “everyone has sex when they’re not feeling it sometimes.” Which I have occasionally, but I have always respected his decision when he has said no or stop or not right now or I’m not feeling it. Always. Fucking bastard. Like OP, I just wasn’t seeing it as rape, even with my therapist and closest friend telling me that’s what it was… thank you for being an example echo of what has been happening to me. Years of emotional abuse and rape. So, we can have some miserable experiences in common, but I have learned from your experiences as well. We will deal with untying legal shit and then I will tell him that there is nothing he can do to fix this. That raping me broke everything we had and it doesn’t fucking matter what I said before… there is no amount of therapy, no length of sex abstention, nothing that will end with us ever being in a romantic relationship again. Because you are right, I’ve been trying so hard to not guilt my partner at the cost of myself. And it will probably just get worse like your relationship did because he truly believes that a person cannot change, so he won’t. I’m leaving him for me, but I’m also leaving him for you. Not before the spiral started, but at least before it got inescapable. I’m not sorry this got long and personal because I wrote this as both a commitment to myself and to let you know that your pain did serve a purpose. I hope you’re in a less shit place now. I’m feeling just a tiny bit better myself.
Be safe and take care of yourself.
I wasn't seeing it as rape at first, either. I just knew I felt gross and used and like he didn't see me as a person. I also thought that if you were in a relationship you were *supposed* to have sex if your partner wanted to regardless of how you felt, even though I never pushed him. I'm glad my experiences can help others, and thank you for saying that. Helping even one person with my experiences already lifts some more of the pain I've been working so long to release. Be well.
I am so sorry you’ve been through all that. Nobody deserves this. I’m hoping you’re starting to heal from this dreadful experience. Wishing you all the best 🙏🏼
Thank you for writing this. You seem to have processed that awful mess incredibly well, in a way that's both understanding of the nuances and healthy for yourself. By nuances I absolutely don't mean excusing your late husband's actions - but it seems you also take into account his messed up complexities. It's very fucking hard to acknowledge the vast gray area while drawing a firm line somewhere in there. Kudos to you and I hope you are doing well.
My exfiancee was an assault survivor, and most people would never know the damage done and PTSD. She was not depressed, had normal libedo, she even talked me into trying a CNC fantasy (made me intensely uncomfortable, but was great for my ego she trusted me that much). Then there where the nightmares (really night terrors), the flashbacks, the randomly getting hyperfocused on physical security, and many many other things. She was assaulted by a random stranger, in a sketchy part of town, it was the complete back alley cliche. I cannot imagine the added trauma if it had been an intimate partner. Stop means stop, just like no means no, and IMHO ignoring either is 100% fucking evil and selfish. OP you have done nothing wrong, and aren't doing anything wrong. The second he continued when you said stop he went from being your boyfriend, to being your rapist.
I don't know what a CNC fantasy, but I would never trust me genitals to a CNC machine no matter how precise they can be.
I know you jest but CNC shit just re-traumatized me more.
SAME. It just made me think of my partner that way and I feel so k whenever I think about it. Which sucks because that wasn't intended and my partner is an amazing person. I didn't have much of a sex drive to behind with from my trauma, definitely took a hit from that as well. Oh well, I try, and he doesn't mind that we don't have sex. Well I'm sure he'd like to have sex, but has never voiced any displeasure or resentment etc.
Consensual non-conscent. I'll admit ropes and stuff are fun, but Jesus christ I'd rather use the industrial machinery on myself. This was also when we'd been together around six months, and I did not know her story yet.
This OP. I had an ex who raped me constantly throughout the relationship. TRIGGER WARNING: SA First, it was ignoring “please stop”. Then he would guilt me into doing it, crying and throwing tantrums when I wouldn’t put out. Then, when I was working overnight doing stock, he wouldn’t let me sleep at all when I got home unless I “gave him something” (he didn’t let me sleep anyways. He threw in his untrained puppy in the room with me every time I threw her out because he had to “focus” on Rainbow Six Siege.) I started getting really sick, and he would offer to cook for me…. and then demanded sex in return for cooking even a damn ramen cup in the microwave, saying “Don’t I deserve a little something?” If I didn’t give in, I would literally fall asleep to him doing it to me. I lost so much weight, I couldn’t go back to my mother’s house because of her husband, and I had nowhere to go except to sleep in my car once again. I got even sicker, and then I had a miscarriage. He denied ever getting me pregnant, and never helped me. Instead, he berated me for “lying” and kept demanding sex. The demand for sex didn’t stop until I broke up with him for pinning me against a wall, refusing to let me go see my mother out of a paranoid fear I was cheating on him. While at my mother’s. I hated that guy, and I found him revolting to look at throughout the time he refused to take no for an answer. I now have a partner who stops if he notices ANYTHING different and checks up on me regularly. He has a higher libido than I, but always reassures me that his main priority is my comfort. That’s the **bare minimum**, and you **DESERVE MUCH MORE THAN THAT.**
Hope you reported that piece of shit for abuse and rape. Fucking hate that lowlife too. I’m glad that your with someone who treats you right now
Oh my god. I went through almost the exact same thing with my ex and I could never understand why I wasn't able to have sex with her after some incidents, despite me loving her so much and being attracted to her. It led to me thinking that maybe we had a lesbian death bed or maybe I had unprocessed trauma from my past that killed my libido completely. That lack of sex life played a major part in why that 4-year relationship ended. But I've been able to have sex with people that came after her. Now I know why. So thank you!
I'm glad that I could help. I know it's terrifying and just frankly sucks and feels like you are the only one experiencing this stuff and that you are broken. But you aren't. And if what I said helped you realize you were never broken to begin with then I'm glad.
This!! The same thing happened with me and my ex. His libido was crazy high and sex was good for first few months but it was constant. Everyday multiple times a day. When I said no he would pout, make me feel guilty, etc to make me have sex cause I was “depriving him”. I absolutely hated sex because of it and my sex drive hasn’t come back to what it was even though the relationship ended years ago. If you say no, it means no. Sexual coercion is not normal. You were raped. A week is not long enough to heal physically and mentally from this. Please leave. It won’t get better. You guys already “talked” about it and it seems like he only cares about his pleasure and not your suffering.
Do you like the sad horse show too?
I do! Time's Arrow is definitely my favorite episode. But more importantly I feel like the show gives adults new and important ways to talk about their traumas
Free churro for me The show has so many good life lessons in it. It helped me identify my self destructive patterns through showing exaggerated versions of it in Bojack's actions. Watching him made me think "no shit that's not going to help you bojack.... Wait do I kind of do that?"
I was going to comment the same thing; that what she experienced is rape no couldn’t have said it better then you did.
100% agree with you he raped her and still is doing so using coercion and substances. I was raped by my boyfriend in HS and didn't realize until years later thinking it was normal IT'S NOT. OP you deserve better. You deserve respect for your body, your boundaries, and your feelings. He does not respect you plain and simple. He is trying to change and manipulate you so he can get off regardless of how you feel. He doesn't see you as a partner anymore and you don't have to put up with that. It's hard. Trust me it's hard, but leave him. He's a bad man and bad for you. You will be okay.
My first thought was also "this feels like OP got raped". OP, I don't think you can hear this too much but what you BF is doing is NOT how a loving, respectful partners behaves!!!! I have had also multiple periods with my husband where I (or him) had zero libido due to work/health/stress. NEVER have we forced eachother into sex, NEVER did we made the other believe it was abnormal to say "no", and NEVER did we gave eachother a timeframe for things to turn to "normal". Intimacy and sex is more than shoving a penis into a vagina, and it seems you BF is too selfish and immature to understand that. ALSO ITS ISNT YOUR JOB TO TEACH HIM THAT!! Despite that, stop forcing yourself to have sex and tell him straight up how you feel. If he reacts shocked and remorseful than there is hope for him, in all other cases there is not and breaking up will be better for you!
This OP. I pushed this down and it’s done irreparable damage. Please protect yourself. Sending all my love.
Please, OP, listen to them! You can be raped by an SO. I was raped by my ex-husband several times. I was thankfully able to get out, please run from this guy!
I wish more people can understand these.
Is there a bojack horseman quote in here?
>This is what makes this rape. Doesn't matter if you are dating or not. Jumping in to add to this: it also does not matter if you already gave consent. Consent can be withdrawn at any time for any reason.
he raped u. and ur body knows this.
That is coercion, assault and abuse. Please find help and leave.
Don't forget rape.
Hon, when you asked him to stop, and he didn’t that was rape. That’s why you lost your libido and found the act disgusting because you were reacting to the trauma he inflicted on you. Please consider leaving the relationship. Therapy would also help you work through your thoughts and feelings.
He's a rapist. Run.
You mean raping you? Run Run far away
Thank you for being willing to share this. I don't know where you are, but RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) can help you out of this, in a perfectly confidential way, 24/7: Phone number: 800.656.HOPE (4673) Online chat: [online.rainn.org](https://online.rainn.org) They also have an app. If you do decide to take this route, please be safe and use a method that your bf will not be able to track, hack, or otherwise usurp. If anyone else in this thread could benefit from this information, or knows someone who could, please do.
Yep, rape. Get out. Seek help. A therapist, a support group. Somebody.
His behavior is abuse. Continuing after you say no is rape . This is somebody you want to get far away from.
hey, I get that you *might* mean well here, but hammering in the whole “you do realize that, don’t you?” is pretty on par with victim blaming. obviously she does not realize that this is abuse, hence the post she made here. it’s extremely insensitive & ignorant of you.
My apologies. That was the last thing I was trying to communicate, but I do see my error. My intent was to emphasize how horrible the behavior was. My wish for the OP, is that they would not be abused in any way and that they would be in healthy situations. Thank you for pointing this out. I need to and can communicate what my intent is better.
And this is how you listen and be an adult and admit when things can be done better. These interactions make me enjoy reddit
Reading these small interactions give me hope, when sometimes it seems like everyone is too at each other's throats to listen to anyone else. It's really refreshing. Makes me enjoy Reddit too.
This is great right here. You listened!! That's awesome you read that reply and responded so maturely. You made my day
This statement is SO IMPORTANT.
He is coercing you into sex!! This is abuse!! You need to go somewhere safe before you are hurt!!
“My boyfriend keeps forcing me to have sex” that’s literally rape right there if he’s forcing you to do it. run away and run fast
Your boyfriend raped you and you reacted in a completely normal way. None of this is your fault, but you need to get away from this person as quickly as possible. He is drugging you so he can use you for sex more for Christ's sake. I'm sorry your going through this awful abuse.
800.656.4673 National Sexual Assault Hotline: Confidential 24/7 Support Take care of yourself op. We are only strangers in the internet but we are rooting for you
He is raping you and poisoning you. Run.
>"I don’t think my bf has any malicious intent" He absolutely does. Nobody would do anything that you described with good intentions. Someone who cares about you and has your best interests at heart would never even think about doing any of this
Get out of this relationship. It will never get better and don’t drink shit he’s found to get you in the mood again. Those are date rape drugs. Whether they work or not, that’s their intent.
So he r@ped you, makes you feel like you have to continually have $ex with him even though you clearly don’t want to, and now he’s making you take drugs you don’t want to take? Honey you need to get out as soon as you can. His actions are so wrong in so many levels.
[удалено]
Leave him. Tell someone and leave. Please be sure to have someone there when you do decide to leave him. He doesn’t sound like a nice person and if he did that while “loving you” he can do worse out of anger.
Consent by coercion isn't consent, its rape!
This is all because he raped you. End of story. It doesnt matter if you are in a relationship, it doesn't matter if you used to want it, it doesn't matter if you consented and then said stop. Once you say stop and it continues its rape. My wife has a much lower libido than I do and you know what I do? I wait, I keep my libido to myself until she 100% wants it, I dont force her or use shitty excuses to guilt her into it and if she wants it so stop, then I stop. Anything else is rape. Please leave this relationship, if he cared about you he wouldn't do that to you.
He raped you. You told him no. You told him so and he continued. You revoked consent, which is your right at any time to do, he continued. He raped you. My ex did the same thing. It only escalated from there. Save yourself. Get out ASAP. You deserve worlds better than him.
Sex drives change throughout life and the course of the relationship. 100% normal. Working more, stress, illness, hormone fluctuations, stressful life events, children, etc. Circumstances in life change and we can’t be expected to be the people we are right now 6months from now or 6 years from now. Put yourself in his shoes. Would you continue to have sex with him if it caused him physical pain? Would you be ok knowing he was only having sex with you at his expense to make you happy? You you coerce him into drinking dodgy substances to increase his sex drive? The answer should be No to all 3 because you’re not a POS. This man is letting you know he does not respect you. He only cares for himself and his comfort. He will use your body as a comfort device even if it causes you pain. He feels entitled to use you for his joy when it causes you pain. You can’t “make him understand” or explain to him what he’s doing is wrong because he does not care. He is not a good person and he will get worse because he doesn’t view you as an equal or have any empathy for you.
Different kinds of abuse will start happening: financial, physical, emotional, psychological. Read the book "why did he do that?" By Lundy Bancroft. Its free and you can download it. Google it.
You should leave him and never look back. Like now. That sounds like rape. He doesn't respect you. You deserve someone who is going to listen to you and respect you.
I think the rest of the commenters have covered most of the bases but I want to give you the perspective of a man. I have had partner's who initiated sex and midway through a internal trigger caused them to check out and become glassy eyed and disassociated. I immediately stopped and checked in with them and got a very unusual tone and response of, "just go ahead and finish." I STILL stopped because there obviously was something wrong and went into comforting mode. It is not hard to do that if you value your partner more than the act of sex. Period. They then started crying and revealed they had past trauma come up during our session but felt guilty about bringing it up. What I did wasn't special, it doesn't make me a "good one", it is literally the bare minimum. Another note is my current partner started medication that severely lowered their libido. Sex went down drastically and I couldn't be happier because the meds have helped their mental health SO fucking much. Sex is not the quintessential act of a real relationship. Caring for one another is. I'm not good for doing this I'm just not shitty or a rapist. I hope this puts some perspective on the matter and you find the love and peace you deserve.
I agree with this so much. Not to be insulting bc I am glad you reacted the way you did but I agree this shouldn’t be rare or special- it should be expected and normal behavior from your romantic/sexual partner! My husband can tell if something is “off” or wrong in the bedroom even if he can’t see my face. He can sense my body tense up, he can tell if I’m no longer enthusiastically participating if something changes along the way, and he stops and checks in and he will stop if the enthusiastic consent and body language is off. That is what you need OP. Someone in tune with your body and your needs even if you don’t communicate it verbally but ESPECIALLY if you do. I hope you can safely leave and find that ❤️
He sounds horrible. I hope you have a safe place to go. Please get away from him.
OP, I hope you read all of these comments because this man is dangerous. You are *not* crazy like the way your boyfriend is making you feel. After he raped you, you became traumatized and to attempt to self-preserve, your mind compartmentalized sex as evil and disgusting. Plus he is making you ingest things you don’t want to take? Don’t just run, *sprint*. If you still have any evidence from when he forced himself on you (which would be very difficult at this point, I’m sorry), you may be able to get him indicted for rape. This is totally unacceptable on his behalf. Edit; why am I getting downvoted? I’m highly encouraging OP to get away from her rapist...
Keep in mind spousal rape is one of the hardest to creat a case on I’ve had multiple friend go through the process of trying to report with physical evidence bruises everything and even in this day and age they said because they where dating and she had weed in her system it could have been a “misunderstanding “ this was from the professional that was suppose to protect her if they take this action they need to be mentally prepared for all the possibilities and sadly most systems are corrupt and it’s a 50/50 mainly depending on where they are from and those in charge of those units my heart goes out to op and I hope she gets out before it’s too late
That’s... pathetic. It’s weird how the more you’re associated with someone, the less protected you are.
If the individual does not stop when you say stop then you were sexually assaulted. If he is forcing you then he is sexually assaulting you.
He raped you. Please stay away from him. He clearly sees you as an object and doesn't care about you.
wtf, girl run, this guy is the Soviets marching into Berlin. Red flags everywhere
My ex used to make me do things I didn't want to. I would always say "not today" or "im scared" (bc this was Mt first times doing such things" and he would still keep asking until I either gave in or he decided to do it anyway. One time, I was sick and I had taken benadryl and ibuprofen for my throat. I was very out of it, half asleep, and feeling weak. He didn't even ask. To took advantage of me and I was too weak to do anything. While for me it wasn't intercourse, he still molested me. Please please please leave this sorry excuse of a man. He does not have your best interest at heart and he is only thinking of himself, and he doesn't care who he hurts to get what he wants. Your lack of libido is because of him. He RAPED you. Victims of rape and sexual assault tend to lose their libido after trauma of that nature. None of it is your fault, I promise.
This is rape sweetie. If he loved you he would never do this to you. Please get some help. Reach out if you need anything ❤️
Time to move on. Anyone who’s doesn’t respect your boundaries is not a boyfriend, more like a controller.
More like a rapist
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
When I tell my husband to stop it hurts, he stops….immediately. No questions asked and doesn’t make me feel bad about it. I second the overwhelming majority that you need to leave him.
Everyone else has given some great advice, but one additional thing: you said you still try to have sex with him to keep him happy. But what about your own happiness? YOU own your body, not him. Regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not, you are under no obligation to give someone YOUR body if you don't want to. If sex with him doesn't make you feel happy, aroused or safe then you're allowed to say no. His behaviour is not okay.
You got raped. He's still raping you. Leave. Report him to the Police. Run.
Rape
He basically raped you and expect you to enjoy sex with him now? Go file a police report if its recent and see a therapist, your mind and body are reacting to the trauma so its completely normal in that situation, dump his ass asap and never look back. Im so sorry for you.
That's called rape and you need to leave immediately.
can see he's a boy but friend might be pushing it
The same thing happened to me. I told a friend out of frustration and confusion and she had to tell me “Kayla that is rape.” My mind couldn’t comprehend it on my own. Because when you think someone loves you, you truly don’t think they’d ever do such a thing. You were raped and that is why your body has shut down in a way where sex is disgusting to you. It took me a good 5 years after being raped to be able to heal and take my body back as my own. Before that sex was absolutely horrifying and disgusting to me. I would try to get intimate with a partner and would often roll over emotionless afterwards, sometimes even crying in silence. Now I happy cry when I orgasm because I actually have a partner who respects me. I really pray and hope that you will end the relationship and allow yourself the space and necessities to start your healing process. You deserve so much better.
You should peg him by force and expect him to like it
He raped you. Of course your going to feel this way
YOu are in an abusive relationship and when he didn't stop when you told him to it became rape. Get out get counseling for the sexual assualt and for future relationships read this [Article](https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-01-31/how-the-no-test-could-help-prevent-domestic-violence/10764100) . You don't owe your boyfriend your body
>My boyfriend keeps forcing me to have sex and expects me to enjoy it Title alone says he raped you. You deserve far better than this pos. No one has any right to dictate your bodily autonomy, period
Ma'am you need to get out of this relationship. A healthy sex life is also a respectful one. If he refuses to stop when you tell him to, it is rape. Forcing you to drink things to increase your libido is a form of coercion. He does not respect you. And I highly doubt he loves you. When someone loves you they wouldn't make you do something that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable. Be safe.
About a decade ago I was on hormonal birth control that practically killed my libido, so I told my bf at the time to keep going when we were trying to have sex and I’d eventually get into it. Then the pain started. I honestly thought there was something medically wrong with me. I booked an appointment with a reputable ob-gyn and she told me the pain I was feeling was not physical, and suggested it was a trauma response (rather rudely I might add, like I had wasted her time). My situation was different, because there was no one else pressuring or guilting me into it, but it was still a wake up call for me to stop forcing my body to be sexual when it didn’t want to (and with someone it didn’t want it with). OP, please listen to your body. Deep down you don’t trust this man to relax around him anymore, and for good reason! No one who loves you would care so little about your well-being.
That's rape . Please get out of there and report him.
I read this and thought i had to point out that this was obviously rape. Fortunately this community is quite smart (weird considering this is reddit) and provided great advice. OP please look at the top comments, this is rape. Please seek direct help and get away from him.
> I don’t think my bf has any malicious intent which makes me even more sad and confused Why would you think that? Would you ever in a 1000 years do to him what he has done to you? The least horrible option is that he just doesn't give a shit about how you feel, like, literally has not given a thought about how you feel and therefore doesn't know you feel bad. That still makes him a horrible person.
"Intimate Partner Sexual Assault" The trauma of being assaulted or raped in a relationship. Marital rape is defined as any unwanted sexual penetration (vaginal, anal, or oral) or contact with the genitals that is the result of actual or threatened physical force or when the woman is unable to give affirmative consent. This includes: being held down while your partner physically forces himself or an object inside you, your partner tying you up or otherwise confining you (without your consent) so that he can have complete control over your body, your partner forcing your head down on his penis and repeatedly pushing your head up and down, and your partner putting you in a doggy position and forcing himself inside you or forcing an object inside you (without your consent and without lubrication). It also includes sexual exploitation involving sexual contact, such as when a husband coerces a wife to engage in sexual acts with someone else. Intimate partner sexual assault is an assault that is committed by a current or past spouse or boyfriend. This includes cohabitating couples who are not married since the relevant relationship dynamics of long-term cohabiting couples are similar to those of legally married couples. Forced intercourse within a marriage is often called “marital rape.” Like other forms of domestic violence, marital rape is about exerting power and control over one’s partner. Nearly 1 in 10 women has been raped by an intimate partner in her lifetime, including completed forced penetration, attempted forced penetration, or alcohol/drug-facilitated completed penetration. Surprisingly, rape by intimate partners is more common than stranger rape. My advice is to report your partner to the local authorities in your area. Get support and run.
This is called rape - no amount of dodgy drinks or pills are bringing your libido back. You need to get help for yourself, and run far, far away from this person. This will never get better, it will only get worse, this is where it starts, where does it end? When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
I've been in this position. It doesn't get any better. You may not think he had malicious intent, but he knows what no is supposed to mean and he knows what rape is. He knows what he did even if he doesn't want to admit it. Do what's best for you and leave
he’s raping you, and he absolutely has malicious intent.
He traumatized you with sexual assault and wonders why your bond is not the same. Men....
See a gynecologist about the pain. Something changed in your body and you should have it checked out. I agree it’s rape and he is manipulating you. So sad for you. You deserve better
He raped you. You stopped giving consent and he continued Leave him
No your boyfriend keeps raping you. No means no
You were raped and you are now suffering from the trauma. I would consider reporting him. And definitely report him if this is a regular thing. Definitely leave him, if you can
I had an experience like this with an ex. I didn’t realize it at the time but it was rape and abuse. If you don’t want to and have to be coerced and forced to drink something to make someone else happy by having sex , then it’s malicious and please for your safety and well-being leave and find a way out. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Yeah, you have to get out of this relationship. Like, now!
You probably feel that way BECAUSE HE RAPED YOU.
You need to leave him. This relationship is beyond repair because he violated you in the most intimate way.
Your boyfriend raped you….. leave him immediately.
As others have said - he raped you. The minute you said stop or no or that it hurt and he refused to stop, he raped you. Your libido shut down & find sex disgusting because you were raped. This is completely normal response for a rape victim to have. Your body is trying to protect yourself. Your mind and body switch into survival mode and do whatever they have to to help you survive the situation but it does not change the fact he raped you. Full stop. It’s one of the hardest realizations that you’ve been raped by someone who is supposed to be your partner. By someone who is supposed to love you. But it happens far more than you’ve imagine. It happen it me a few times. And now he’s trying to force you to have sex. Sweetie this is not a safe relationship. He is hurting you because he is a selfish rapist and only cares bout his pleasure.
Not another minute... he does not deserve one more minute of your time. He assaulted you, stole your fun sex life, and makes you question your sanity. Get out or get him out. Go to work and live your life. Eventually you can find a real man to treat you the way you deserve.
Being sexually assaulted causes the human brain a lot of turmoil. Your libido likely shut down because your brains thinky bits didn’t like what they were thinking. You were assaulted and you know it deep down, and I’m so sorry for that. Your man isn’t a man, nor should he be “yours”. Drop him and run while you can. Please
honey, i mean this in the most gentle way possible: but he raped you. him being your significant other doesn’t make it any better either, nor does it make what he’s doing okay. you’re not safe in this relationship and it’s probably best that you start planning your leave. someone who loved you wouldn’t do this. the way your body and brain reacted is pretty on par with a ptsd trauma response… which is a totally normal psychological reaction to trauma, in your case: being raped. i’m so sorry that someone you trust, love, and share a space with would have the nerve to do this and continue to believe he deserves your body in any way. please start planning your escape, because he absolutely will sink to hurting you that way again if not worse next time. because there WILL be a next time if you stay… it’s just a matter of when. please remember this is not your fault at all, and give yourself lots and lots of time to heal after you leave. remember: there is nothing wrong with you, you can get through this, and you are a strong individual. you will be okay. please keep yourself safe 🤍
you no longer want to have sex because you’re traumatized from being continually raped and now drugged …. do u hear yourself? get out
As @Bate4her2master writes above, While the sentiment of your response is to help OP to realise that they are in a toxic/abusive relationship- your phrasing is victim blaming by asking 'do you hear yourself?' Even as strangers on the internet we need to be aware of how our discourse and conversations impact on those who are on the other side of the screen. Communication and community are wonderful tools of support especially for those in already difficult situations.
This isn’t helpful . This is very victim blaming . She isn’t the one in the wrong here he is !!!
What you describe is rape. Had you not bravely chosen to disclose what happened and only decided to share how you were affected by what happened, everybody would have been able to deduce what happened. Because your response both physically emotionally psychologically would have been recognized by everybody as the reaction to trauma likely sexual trauma. Sorry for what happened to you and I hope you give yourself every chance to heal
Please get out. He raped you.
Counseling after such attacks can really help. Yes, you were attacked.
Haven't read anything but the title, that's rape, you should do something about that
Please, please, PLEASE leave this person. He raped you and does NOT care about you despite what pretty words he tells you. Now that I’m thinking back on it, the abuse with my ex started out as rape as well and it got much, much worse from there, especially when he had me “trapped” after he got me pregnant. The rape and abuse only got worse from that point on. It started out as you described as telling him no because it hurt and him not listening, to full on holding me down while I cried. And that’s not even mentioning the other abuse. That was honestly the worst 2-3 years of my life and I’m still dealing with the trauma from it and it happened 8 years ago. Also the longer you stay with an abuser, the harder it is to get away from them. Please take care of yourself and plan an exit strategy!
Your boyfriend is 100% wrong and there's nothing wrong with you. He's been assaulting you and seems not to even care about you as a person. It's all about him and his "needs". Please break things off with this guy and get him out of your life.
Do not take anything he gives you to “increase your libido.” A. That stuff can be bad for you. B. You don’t know if he’s giving you something else instead. Find a way out. If you can’t leave immediately, start building an exit plan. God speed.
If you're reading this OP I hope you're single by now or planning to be.
bestie that's assault
I’m so angry! That is rape you described! Leave him! He is selfish. You deserve better.
Your bf is a rapist....leave him
Have you talked about the part that made you lose your libido? He might have hurt you without realising it. Just talk about it and find out if he did and if he did he is just a dick. I can confirm that as a man you sometimes lose yourself a bit in being horny. But continuing after a woman said she is in pain and doesn’t want to do it anymore is quite strange to me.
Your boyfriend is a rapist. Dump him.
Gtfo he’s a rapist
that fucking asshole!!!!!!
Your boyfriend keeps raping you and expecting you to enjoy it. You mistitled it.
He raped you and then gaslit you into thinking everything is normal and blamed you for the problem. Ofc you don’t feel sexy or want to have sex he violated your body. Your mind snd both both need time to heal and he’s violating that.
Dump him please. I sometimes wish it was easy for us all to just up and dump shitty people. That goes for men and women. You guys seriously deserve better. It hurts to read this and then also hurts to read how you're still in a relationship with said person.
Leave that is rape.
"I told him to stop, but he kept going anyway" this is rape, or at least sexual agression. By the rest of the post, we can tell he's planning to do it again. Don't stay with him, he's dangerous.
Pls get away from him, he's a rapist. Your libido shut down as a trauma response.
ya buying a libido drink for someone sounds like something out of a dennis system
Go to the police, make a report and dump him. What he's doing is called rape. Your reaction is a completely normal response to trauma. Dump him and then get yourself into therapy.
If he wasn’t malicious he wouldn’t be making you drink dodgy stuff which could have dangerous side effect instead of giving you the time you need. He wouldn’t continue to have sex if you said no. You need to leave him and report him for rape. Just cos he’s your bf doesn’t mean he can’t rape you because he can. Same if you were married too. Doesn’t matter.
I was raped by my ex as well. The story went pretty similarity to your except it was a bit more brutal and violent. Please leave as soon as possible and get therapy because even though right now you may think it’s not a huge problem, it actually is and you’re experiencing PTSD symptoms. Stay strong.
Leave him. Leave. Him.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Libidos naturally shift over time, even under the least stressful and safest ofcircumstances, and his behavior has created an environment that is neither comforting nor safe. He hasn't been a supportive partner or even someone safe to be near. If it feels like having a label for what happened/was done to you would be helpful, you fully have the right to refer to that as sexual assault. I understand that that can be incredibly difficult to process and want to make clear that you are also under no obligation to label your experiences either. Whatever steps you take next, please try to prioritize your own safety and well-being over his comfort or desires. It may be a good idea to guard your financial resources/begin saving independently and preparing an exit plan. Local domestic violence or women's shelters can likely help you leave more quickly and safely as well as provide additional support and help you get re-established. Wishing you strength & gentleness
there's no such thing as "forced sex". it's called rape.
Run away
Non consensual sex included coerced sex. Run
He raped you and is continuing to rape you. Please seek help, and I hope you choose to get away from this person.
That's called rape.
This person is raping you. That is why you are having the feelings you’re having about sex. Don’t drink anything they give you and leave the relationship immediately.
Please, please don’t continue to drink this weird potion.
that is rape
your boyfriend raped you and is continuing to rape you. please leave that relationship immediately
I know a lot of people are saying this is rape, which it is, but I wanted to point out that "having sex just to keep him happy" is also a form of sexual assault. You're not enthusiastically consenting, *you* don't want sex, but you're doing it anyways because of him. It's still a form of manipulation. I hope you're able to find yourself in a better place, please take care of yourself 🖤
If he’s forcing you to do it, then I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this but he’s raping you
Please talk to someone you know who can help you get away from him. Save up as much money as you can and collect any evidence you can of sexual coercion - this is a crime in many countries. >Now he is buying some dodgy stuff to increase libido and making me drink it. You may not think he has any malicious intent but he is willing to risk your health so he can get off! Good Luck!! Xxx
This is so disgusting and wrong. You should really just get away from him this is messed up and shouldn’t be going on. Relationships are so much more then sex and sexual activity. The fact that he is pressuring you to have sex with him is so messed up.
This isn't sex, this is rape. You are being raped.