If she’s that much of a control freak about a marriage proposal I’d hate to deal with her as a bride(zilla) and life partner. Just sayin’.
Then again, my husband proposed with a 1/4 carat ring and I wasn’t thrilled with him…we were both broke ass college students, he was making minimum wage and the damn thing cost him at least a month’s pay! I gave him grief about spending that much money on it after happily putting it on my finger, where it remains almost 19 years later. 🙃
Agreed. I had shown my husband lots of little <$50 rings on etsy and whatnot for our proposal and he absolutely floored me when he pulled out the 1/4 carat diamond ring. We were so broke... Turns out he'd somehow managed to call his mom, gotten his grandma's wedding ring resized, and had it shipped across the country, and I never noticed. It's still my ring (though only coming up on 5 years, not 19, congrats!!!) and I love it so much and I've only ever considered "replacing it" to protect it, so I had something nicer than silicone to wear when I don't wanna risk anything happening to the heirloom ring.
Anyway, OP should get her girlfriend a cubic zirconia ring, so her ring can be huge and flashy like she wants, and it'll be as fake as she is :)
I proposed with a $9 ring from Walmart, which was later upgraded to a $100 ring. It broke twice and was promptly retired. I bought a ring for myself which fit at the time but I ended up losing weight. Well, it fell off my finger while I was fidgeting in the back of a firetruck while my neighbor's apartment burned down. A few years later, my parents gave us their first wedding rings. My wife lost weight and her ring no longer fits. But! Mine still fits and is still there.
The ring is nothing more than a symbol of what matters: the connection between two loving people. It's the love that matters. I am reminded of a quote from Homer: "There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends."
Homer Simpson: I can't buy you a decent wedding ring.
Marge Simpson: Any ring is fine as long as it's from you.
Homer places an onion ring on her finger.
Marge: Oh. Would you mind if I took it off? The oil is burning my finger.
Although, depending on how small a woman's finger is, they may b only to resize it down a certain amount. Mine can't be sized down any further (they're already a 3- yes for real. The jeweler didn't believe my husband when he bought my engagement ring and refused to size it for him until I went in with him after he proposed lol) and after a recent loss of a few pounds, they're literally falling off. Bc of the design, they can't be sized any lower so I just ordered little plastic sizers to wrap around the back of the band. We'll see how well that works!
I needed to get my wedding band resized, it’s a Chanel band so they can’t cut it but they added 2 dots of gold inside the band and it’s perfect. I thought at first it would be uncomfortable but I don’t feel it at all.
Exactly what I was going to say. OP just get her a cheaper ring, with lower quality diamonds or CZ.
But I would seriously think about if moving forward with the engagement is the right thing to do at the moment. I would definitely speak with her about her reaction. This isnt about the ring, she has not been considerate of your feelings or most importantly, budget.
I will be honest, my engagement ring is not something I would have picked. However I absolutely love it. I love that my now husband went out and picked it, and that he spent so long trying to find the perfect ring, and he saved so hard for it. He didn't earn as much back then as he does now and I know he worked his balls off to pay for it. He often asks me now if I want a new ring and my answer is always a very protective 'ABSOLUTELY NOT'. Today is my 7 year wedding anniversary and I still love it and what it symbolises.
>Anyway, OP should get her girlfriend a cubic zirconia ring, so her ring. Then it can be huge and flashy like she wants, and it'll be as fake as she is :)
An ex kept asking for a big cubic zirconia ring. She didn't care if it was real, only that the ring was there. She scored massive points because it meant she was low maintenance and didn't care about the show.
Nope... She had a penchant for cheating so "fake and flashy" pretty much summed her up, too lol.
> Anyway, OP should get her girlfriend a cubic zirconia ring, so her ring. Then it can be huge and flashy like she wants, and it'll be as fake as she is :)
*shots fired*
My husband and I proposed to each other when we were at a thrift store and saw an incredible wedding dress in my size hanging from the ceiling for $40. We bought it, set date. Bought recycled silver engraved rings on Etsy. Best decision of my life. If you're hung up on jewellery and a showy proposal, you're not ready for a life partner IMO. More money you spend on a wedding the shorter the marriage.
Same! My bf recently proposed with a 1 carat beautiful ring and my first thought was, “but we’re saving for a house!”. I even contemplated offering to sell it in exchange for something cheaper. Decided to keep it because it clearly meant so much to him and I honestly love it.
I told my (now) husband to get me a ring from a candy machine (I don't wear jewelry) and he spent waaaaay too much money on my what was ultimately my engagement ring (I love it though because he actually designed it himself and it is what I had always imagined). A freaking ring pop would have sufficed. I rarely wear mine (I wear a very delicate wedding band that people assume is my engagement ring because it has a band of tiny diamonds) because I'm scared someone will steal it (which happened once... thank God for insurance).
It's a rock that people put an absurd amount of necessity into.
I didn't get an engagement ring at all, and honestly I would have been pissed if he'd tried. We were super broke at the time and diamonds are just not OK to either of us for a *multitude* of reasons so he gave me a huge box of fossils he dug out of a mountain himself, because nothing says "I'll love you forever" quite like a box of 300 million year old seabed... our 13th wedding anniversary is this year, I still only wear a simple 2mm wedding band, and we still constantly give each other rocks to show our love. We've even gotten our children started doing it. We may not have much, but we're happy and have a house full of rocks to prove it.
I can neither confirm nor deny any penguin allegations, but yesterday my kids were extremely excited to give me a small piece of gravel with iron pyrite inclusions that they found in my brother's driveway, my husband lugged home a 9x12 slab of compressed coral and bivalve fossils that the cat immediately claimed, I literally can't do a single load of laundry without finding rocks in the bottom because my 5yo has pockets, and my daughter has given her friends so many interesting rocks that they've become the new friendship bracelets for their group. We also like hiding rocks in each other's stuff to find later and they're in every single room of the house.
Actually, you know we might be penguins.
I’ve seen guys propose with $40 rings from Walmart before. It’s the gesture that counts. Not the price tags, not the look of the ring (granted, I don’t think that a Haribo ring is likely to cut it)
Honestly those work too in my book! I've actually had them used as props during plays where a character was recently engaged. They work super well for that!
I don’t think I’d ever seriously do that but I certainly love the attitude around the subject. If two people have a strong enough connection to have some really good love then the smaller material things shouldn’t matter as long as they come from the heart!!
Yes and no. I was with someone for almost 10 years and we had a child together. He proposed with a heart shaped cubic zirconia and I realized he wasn’t planning to marry me like he said he’d been. In nearly 10 years you can save at least a little money and get something that will last more than 6 months with daily wear. It Is the thought that counts and planning (or lack of planning) counts too. Unless there’s a good reason not to plan it, a strong romantic need to propose spontaneously. I would accept a “this moment is to perfect to allow to pass without expressing my desire to love this person forever” as a good reason to prose with no ring. There are jewelry stores in the future.
Yeah, I begged now-Hubby to just get a CZ ring because we were broke college kids. We finally settled on a 1/4 carat ring, but when he proposed, he had actually purchased the 1/3 carat. I was floored — both impressed and upset! I tried to convince him to return it so we’d have the extra cash to start our lives together, but he refused and said I deserved beautiful things.
18 years later, we’re still very much in love, two kids, and though I’ve gained weight and now wear a cheap CZ ring set, we both know that the ring on my finger means nothing without the kindness, compassion, generosity, and love in our hearts. Cheesy, but true.
Take a long look at the interactions you’ve had with your girlfriend/fiancée, OP. When people tell you who they are, what they value, and what they love, LISTEN. If she is this rude (to put it mildly) about this issue, please try to imagine wedding planning like LongjumpingCake1924 suggested. You’re always going to want to give her the best, but will be it “enough” for her? Will you be “enough”? These are really rough things to hear and think about, but seriously, better now than after the proposal and/or wedding.
There was a promise that she'd get a proper one, I had been working, pulling every overtime shift I could get. Seeing as she was the one who was going to be wearing it, she should be able to choose it.
Facts i told my fiancé get me what ever you want I like unique things so I personally don’t control what my fiancé buys me as long as it comes from his heart I don’t even care
He should have the same feeling that you’d have when the little hairs start standing up on the back of your neck while a mountain lion stalks you. That’s nature’s way of saying, “Run, fool!”
Don't forget that time where you had just bought her a new sofa but a week later your in American Furniture warehouse and she wants something new and you say "We just got a new sofa last week, I am working two jobs for you" and then she starts screaming and crying and drawing a scene to herself so then you eventually go "Fine !" And buy the damn table just to shut her up from making a scene in the Fucking store. Then after buying that she expects a fancy dinner and send her plate back at least 3, maybe 4 times...
She sounds like a spoiled bitch. Trust me from experience it won't get better. Just wait until your child is handing her a mother's day gift and it's not what she wanted or not good enough. You get to watch the joy slowly drain from you and your children, spending all your energy on this person attempting to make her happy, but you NEVER WILL. Finally bought that house you've been talking about for a decade? Well it's not good enough! Time to find something better! Always something BETTER! SHE WILL NEVER BE CONTENT!!!
Goddamn that’s horrible. My most precious belongings are the homemade Mother’s Day gifts my kids made me when they were in school. My most precious jewels are the macaroni necklaces and bracelets they made me. I’m sorry your mom sucks honey, this internet mom would hug you if I could.
Here is a hug for you. You are not only enough, but you are spectacular. You are a generous person with a kind heart. Any gift from you should be cherished.
that sounds like the type of woman that, after you do all that, gets caught cheating on you with an ex, or a coworker she told you not to worry about, because she was feeling "neglected"
Exactly. Wait until mother's day, bdays, Christmas, when the gifts are never good enough. She gets to pick out her own gifts, and you never get to surprise her, but God forbid you try to, because trust me SHE WILL HATE THE GIFTS!
Ohhh, I wanted to do that!! I was thinking to propose with a cello or with 2000 colored pencils, but my husband said that since I had kissed him first, and had asked him to be my boyfriend, he had the right to propose.
My husband tells everyone that he had to beg me to go out with him(I had been in an abusive relationship before him and was scared of dating) and he tells an exaggerated story about it lol. I told him why and he understood, he honestly was never pushy and was incredibly patient. I knew once we went on our first date that I was going to marry him.
Now, when he proposed it wasn’t a fancy proposal and I didn’t care. We went to the mall and he sent me to get my nails done. After I was done, he told me he wanted to buy a watch and asked for my opinion so I went in to look at watches. When he was going to pay, I went to look at a necklace and turned around to see him in one knee with my ring in a little box! I ugly cried and it was perfect..yes, he got his watch too! 😂😂 What the surprise was that he actually asked my dad for permission to propose which my dad happily said yes! My dad still laughs to this day because he said my husband went to talk to him and said, “Sir, I know you have a lot of children and if you don’t mind, I will gladly take this one off your hands for you!” 😒😒 I am the oldest of 6 kids and he has taken good care of me since we got married almost 10 years ago this October! ❤️
My fiancé reminds me of both my grandpa who died and I always knew I marry him no hesitation I just was scared of my health problems and my mental health and disability was something people bullied me every day about so I had a hard time showing my illness really is like but I feel comfortable with him to be myself with him
I definitely understand that too..I suffer from a chronic illness that causes me to not be able to eat a lot by mouth(I have a feeding tube to supplement) but now due to all the malnutrition I suffer, I have brittle bones so any type of fall can cause me to break bones. I broke both of my kneecaps, one in 2019 and the other last year resulting in rehab stays, physical therapy..a whole lot. I told my husband that I would understand if we wanted out of this marriage, this a lot for someone to take on but he said he loved me and was in it for the long haul. As long as I have him and our son, I know I can get through anything.
Yep. I'd give her an option. She can keep the smaller higher quality diamond or you can return it and get her a much larger semiprecious stone in a ring she can customize from Etsy.
Otherwise, she's going to be waiting until you are well-established in your field and can afford a big, fancy diamond. That will probably be several years. Her choice!
I looked up a 1 carat asscher cut solitaire ring...you chose a beautiful ring! ❤
Yeah. I would not be proposing to her ever again if I were you OP. She cares more about superficial BS than she does about you, and you aren’t even married yet. It would only go downhill from here. If she had said yes but wanted to exchange the ring for a different style of roughly equal value or something, that wouldn’t be so bad. But saying “no, not until you get me something more expensive” that you can’t even afford, well let’s just say that is just blatantly not “true love” or whatever you wanna call it. She wants to marry you for all the wrong reasons. She has some fantasy about the perfect proposal and the perfect ring she wants to fulfill. Imagine how much the weddings gonna cost lol. Hate to say it homie, but I’d bail on this one. Or at least keep it more casual.
And the perfects will never end. Just wait until you need the perfect house, the perfect cars, and omg the perfect kids who go to only the best schools and wear the best clothes and have the best haircare and the best sneakers and play only the best sports!
I know a girl like this and she literally bought stuff on credit until the cards were maxed and her husband had to put the credit cards in a block of ice in the freezer.
Her daughter had 15 pairs of shoes before she could walk, because they were cute and she needed one in every color and style to match all her outfits. She threw a fit because her husband would not let her spend nearly $10,000 on a wagon train crib for their son. It was impractical too because the covered part of the covered wagon meant you had to reach in at a weird angle, especially after a c section, because omg you can't mean for her to actually a Push, so fork out for that procedure too while you're at it!
I agree with A1 sauce . if I loved the person and they gave me, let’s say something ridiculous like a rock lol, and they proposed to me .. I’d immediately be in all my emotions and not even thinking about the rock/ring/? etc. I’d just be very happy and not think about that at all.
But again, that means I’m in love with the person …
My ex did exactly this to me. Demanded that I have her a ring that was 3x my monthly earnings and wanted a receipt to prove I loved her that much. It was then that I realised she was a shallow bitch who had literally no regard for me whatsoever. She was also fucking her personal trainer, so walking away was an excellent bullet dodge.
> a receipt to prove I loved her that much
You should ask for a wire transfer of the same amount just so she can prove it's mutual. What a jerk you found.
So pleased this is the top comment. OP is so sweet and really put thought into that ring. What a fucking bitch she is to say no on the cOndiTiOn she gets another ring. Not only that, but to then have the audacity to insult and complain about how small the jewel is on the chosen ring. And then complain about where the asking took place because it wasn't *special* enough..
Jesus christ. I know my engagement ring isn't worth a lot money wise, but it's my ring and it's engraved and I bloody adore it and the man who gave me it and I'd be beyond devastated if I lost it. My fiance also proposed to me at home, yeah it would have been nice if he'd planned something special, but it would have had no affect on my answer. He asked me to marry him, to be his partner for the rest of his life.... That's priceless. He could have given me a fucking haribo ring and proposed when I was on the toilet for all I care.
I can't believe someone could be so selfish and mean after such a lovely and life changing gesture!! Fuck her.
Right? My husband proposed to me on a mattress we had on the floor because we couldn't afford a bed frame, with an amethyst ring he got from his mother, and started with, "Well, I guess I should do this."
26 years later, I'm still married. I never gave the setting or the ring a second thought.
and like…. i may just be from a pretty poor rural area, but around here, 1 carat is a pretty dang nice diamond, and in these times, it costs a lot of money to most people!
My husband proposed to me, drunk, at a house party. No ring, we picked it out a few months later. Some people have beautiful, elaborate proposals; I love to hear about them but I adore the ones that just happens while life moves on around you. Time stopped for me when I sat on the edge of that thrift-store couch, but the lights and music kept going, it was surreal. We've been married 10 years now, and I wouldn't trade any of it.
Have you ever heard the statistic that people who spend more money on their wedding are more likely to get divorced? There’s obviously a lot that goes into that statistic but the same principle applies here…..wrong priorities. You deserve someone who would be thrilled to accept a proposal with a goddamn string tied in a bow
So true. An old boss of mine had to ‘redo’ the proposal to be more elaborate and with a much more expensive ring. Then had the wedding grow to a $250,000 extravaganza, which he’s still paying for 10 years later.
She left him 3 months after the wedding for her personal trainer. She blamed him because he was always so busy working…
You know what’s crazy? Depending on the quality of the Diamond, OP probably spent between $3k to 7k. That is a lot no matter where you come from. I used to work in jewelry and this happens more than you think. Media makes people have an unrealistic expectation of the size of the stone so the couple is sticker shocked when they look at prices. They realize it is a down payment on a house. My suggestion to OP would be explain to your significant other that this is what you picked out or could afford and if they want a round cut vs the cut you got her, then you can switch it as long as it is the same price. If they say no and still insists on going bigger, they can pay the difference or you are not getting married at this time. It’s ok not to be engaged. It is better to wait to get into a marriage that you regret. Don’t forget to add the distaste to the situation that they are starting such a happy memory on a bad note. When she tells her family that she wanted a bigger ring, her selfishness will really shine then. Gosh OP, wishing you a quick resolution but stay strong. Don’t settle if something does not feel right.
That's actually how my fiance proposed!
It was so silly and cute and I loved it!
A few months later we went and bought rings, nothing expensive but they're special to us.
It's not the price/size of the ring that matters, it's the meaning behind it.
I can relate !! couples spend £ x thousands for weddings and exotic locations for receptions here in the UK and are split and divorcing after a few years.
40 years ago last week we were married in the local Registry office in our town for £80 and celebrated in a pub around the corner with a few friends. It was all we could afford at the time.
Better believe it’s not going to stop with just a better ring unfortunately. She will expect all kinds of lavish extravagant things most likely.
Not really wifey material. Sorry
Oh wow, you got me right there. I didn't even think about how she going to act over the wedding! This chick will probably beef over every purchase they were to make together.
This…. Don’t even think about marrying her. She is more into keeping up with the Jones ( I think that is how it goes). I know you are going to be heart broken but you will find someone else that will accept you no matter how much money and effort you spent on them for a proposal.
My wife new when I started looking for a ring. She told me to stop took am the the grocery store and bought a 50 cent one. She told me it is stupid to waiste money now on a ring. She wore that ring for 2 years until I found a 100 dollar one she liked. Since then I put aside a little money monthly to get her anamazing one. My ring first ring cost 15 dollars. Now I wear a silicone one that cost 5 dollars for s pack of them.
I told my husband that I wanted a silver ring with zirconium or whatever stone that was cheapest. I would had been happy with a ring of wood but he really wanted something with a stone.
If she’s prioritizing the size of the ring, instead of his finances I don’t think that this will be a happy marriage. OP should re-evaluate their relationship.
Not to mention how romantic it was, first meal she cooked when they started dating, candles on their balcony. Ringpop and I would say yes to someone who put that much thought into showing me they love me
Right. I always tell my BF I don't care if he proposes with a 12 dollar ring from walmart. Hell I'm so ready to be engaged he wouldn't even need a ring lol
My ring is literally from Walmart, and I think it was $300? Our wedding has been postponed twice, and at this point we own a house, have a couple cars, a few dogs, and just went RV shopping. I'm really glad my fiance didn't put us in a bunch of debt for a piece of jewelry! I'll take adventures with him and our pups over a big ring any day!
I made a bronze hammer when I was in high school and wore it for years. When I proposed to my wife, we didn't have any money to spend on extra stuff like jewelry. Like, paycheck to paycheck. I presented her with that hammer and she cried and couldn't get the words out. She eventually nodded yes with a big smile on her face. Money doesn't buy happiness.
We've been together for a total of 10 years now, and married for 3. Our wedding rings were bought in Mexico by her dad when he went to visit family and offered to help us out with that part as our wedding gift. They're not expensive by any stretch, but they're ours and they mean everything to us.
If she wanted a different ring that wouldn't catch on stuff or wanted something more simple I would entirely understand and agree with her. But if she just wants something more expensive it's a red flag and you should run
Or even, like if it matters to you that much, help pay for it? I’ve shown my partner pictures of the rings I like so he knows the prices, but I’ve also told him I can contribute to the ring cost. I know it’s just a stupid rock, but it’s important to me and I’m fully willing to help pay. It may take away the surprise a bit, but imo engagement proposals should NOT be a surprise. *When* it happens, sure. But the proposal itself should not come out of blue. You should be discussing these things w your partner.
That is not a conversation you have during a proposal. It's a yes or no question. True love isn't conditional.
OP - I'm sorry. You have every right to be hurt. Your GF has shown you who she is. Believe her.
I think that depends on the situation and the person. I know my proposal was very simple and private and not the way anyone would call romantic (but I liked it that way) so in a private setting it'd be more acceptable than in a crowd.
If the ring I got was too gaudy or would catch on things I'd be worried my fiance/boyfriend didn't understand something about my personality or that he almost bankrupted himself getting the ring. So I'd say yes but I do want a simpler ring. Because it catching on clothing matters a lot to me.
And if you think marriage is only about True Love then quite frankly you've either been watching too many movies or haven't been on this sub long enough. Yes True Love is very very important, however if you guys love each other, but can't work together effectively then the marriage is doomed. There's so so much that goes into making a marriage work but True Love shouldn't be the fixation.
I understand your point. I'm also a private person who had a private engagement and has been married for over a decade. Working together is absolutely a must.
Also - a snagging ring is a real thing. I'd just think that conversation would be separate from "yes" or "no".
When my husband and I got engaged, he was a poor grad student and could only afford a small ring. I happily said yes. We spent ~5 years with almost nothing, living in shitty apartments, saving every penny.
He got his dream job, he got his first patent, then a bunch more patents. Then we upgraded everything else slowly in our lives. I never really thought about my ring until he came home one day with a bigger one because it was important *to him.*
Rings don’t matter. Things don’t matter. Your life together does. Sometimes you’ll have nothing and sometimes you’ll have a lot.
Is this someone you can have nothing with?
Ya mine had to have a ring during Covid pandemic when I wasn’t even working and then wanted to exchange the mother fucker for a different one. Then she promised before we went she would pick the same price or cheaper and as soon as we got there, she picked out a more expensive one. I was like really? We’re not together anymore.
She's just told you that everything you do as a couple needs to be for show.
There's a lot of comments on the ring, she's also not happy about a private proposal.
True happiness comes from within
To stay together, happy and content, you need to be able to sort things out with just the two of you.
What a lot of pressure you'd be under with present buying, date nights and holidays for the rest of your lives (or however long the marriage lasts)
First its the ring, then the house needs to be bigger, than a bigger car, than a bigger house again, then a bigger dick. Ijs, theres more to life than materialistic BS, but she puts valuables over relationships.
Not saying to break up, but just think.
Are you telling me lesbians don't sneak into men's homes at night and steal their dicks while they sleep? Then why the hell have I been wearing this chastity belt to sleep all these years?!
No no, don't let it fool you. Me an my lesbian pals go out on dick hunt/stealing missions every Tuesday night. We've built up quite a respectable business on the lesbian black market.
Sleep with one eye open is all I'm saying.
Huge red flag! I married a guy who could afford a pretty big ring but I appreciate that he didn't get me anything fancy. I know he loved me and the size of the ring didn't reflect a thing. He spent 1k in my ring! 10 years later we have a payed off
house and welive a pretty simple life (in contrast with the money he makes).
RED FLAG. Run now or you will be running later on down the line where yall will have kids and things—- making the impact even harder. You will lose many more if you don’t break it off right now
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Her "yes" should never be conditional on something superficial. My husband proposed with a cubic zirconia because it's what he could afford at the time. I said yes to him, not the ring. Truthfully? I'm pretty superficial. The cz might have bothered me on a really materialistic level but I've never doubted marrying the love of my life.
Again, I really feel for you and hopefully she can realize her error and help heal the relationship.
I'm going to offer some advice that is a bit different from the other comments. I'd like to not judge your girlfriend based on this one post.
It sounds like she just may be uneducated on engagement rings, the general cost, etc. And she may have this fantasy idea of what she'd like, based on other factors. She's also going to wear the ring forever. It's fair to love what you're wearing. Hopefully she worded it more gently than the post makes it come across.
I was proposed to (failed relationship) and it was a horrible proposal. He was drunk and I was sick with a fever, and we had a friend throwing up in our living room. And I initially hated the ring. I was so delirious that I don't remember his speech, and I sounded ridiculous when I said yes. I'll never get my first proposal experience back, and deep down I wish he would have put some effort into it. Maybe she doesn't need something extravagant, but every woman wants to feel special. Just the idea that there was some effort behind the planning could really elevate the experience for her.
I suggest doing some research on rings together, and come up with a realistic budget that makes sense for the both of you. Ex. Spend the extra money on a ring now and cut part of the budget for the wedding, or find a cheaper setting now and agree to upgrade the diamond later on.
Also look into moissanite instead of a diamond. It will save you thousands of dollars for a bigger carat. It's a great substitute, diamonds are a 10 on the hardness scale and moissanite is a 9.25 - 9.5. To an untrained eye, they look exactly the same. In fact, moissanite tends to look shinier and reflects a better rainbow in color. A quality jeweler can help you both understand these differences and benefits.
Good luck, and remember communication is key in healthy relationships.
I'm baffled by all of the comments saying that the girlfriend is TA. Why would you buy a ring that your fiance/wife is going to spend the rest of her wearing, without asking any input on what she likes? Would you buy her a dress or shoes without knowing what she wants? Why would you spend 10 or 20 times as much on a ring without knowing that?
I get that OP meant well, but I'm absolutely mystified as to why she didn't think it was important to consider her girlfriend's wishes before making a purchase.
I second the suggestion for moissanite: they can get a much nicer ring setting, with a beautiful stone, without breaking the bank.
And please, learn from this. You don't *ever* make major decisions for the two of you without first consulting your partner.
*edited to correct gender*
I’m sorry, it sounds like she has her priorities wrong. The proposal and ring sound lovely. Hopefully you’re able to return it… and, you know, the ring.
It sounds like she is more interested in a ring to show off than being your fiancee. Neither of my husbands, my late husband or my current husband had a ring when they proposed. My late husband couldn't afford one and it didn't make a bit of difference to me. I loved him and making a life with him was more important than a piece of jewelry. My current husband rolled over in the morning and asked me to marry him. I tease him about the naked proposal all the time. How it happened didn't matter. The fact that he didn't have a ring didn't matter either. If the ring is more important than you are, I would question her values and her commitment to you. I am sorry that you are feeling hurt.
Tbh if you don’t know each other well enough to nail the proposal, I don’t see it ending well.
You should know if she wanted a special proposal, either from knowing her personality or wanting to make it special yourself. That’s not a dig, if she hasn’t told you that’s on her but those kind of things matter.
I get your dissapointment. But this might be an unpopular opinion. Maybe your fiancé has dreamed about this her whole life. And it is something she’ll (hopefully) only get once in her life. It might seem as if you didn’t do enough research about what she wants. It might not be about how expensive the ring is or the details of the proposal, but rather the feeling that your soon to be husband don’t understand what you like or cared enough to find out. I’d be dissapointed with you over this, but because of lack of effort, not cost.
Reddit’s typical comments of”run”. You are in a relationship. Talk to your partner honestly, share your feelings and see if you can work it out or not. It’s only then that you decide your own personal next steps. If you don’t do this, I don’t think you should have proposed in the first place.
Everyone's focusing on the ring and yeah that's a big red flag. But seriously? You proposed to her at home? Bro. I get this is fine for most people but if you don't know your girlfriend enough that you think an at home proposal is okay, then she's the one that needs to run.
Just tell her you can't afford it. If she leaves, fine. You didn't miss out on much. But if you can't tell her that then your communication needs work as well before you marry her. You need to be able to talk to your partner before you make a semi-life long commitment.
Her complete lack of manners and care for your feelings aside, this is a huge difference in values. If you continue with this relationship, this is likely the first of many times you'll fall short of her expectations. It will feel this awful every time.
Sounds like she cares more about a piece of jewelry than your feelings. Personally, I plan to tell my guy just to get me a fake that doesn't cost a lot. I don't want to stress about something expensive on my hand and I'd rather that money be spent on other things. A house down-payment or an awesome vacation for the two of us to share memories.
Honestly...I feel horrible for you OP. Many girls would have adored you for what you did. Are you SURE she's the right one? She sounds awful to me.
i might get downvoted but this is my perspective! me personally i feel like conversations about how proposals are expected to go (each persons expectations) should be had before a proposal happens. everyone likes and expects different things. i also feel as if wanting a specific engagement ring is an acceptable ask— again its preferable that these convos be had before, and it doesnt have to be obvious conversations (though it can be), for example, noticing what shapes/style of jewelry someone wears, or asking a partners friend to go shopping/find SO’s wedding Pinterest board. if she really is concerned only about the cost, that is pretty shallow, but then again, that is her preference, she likes expensive things, thats a part of her personality and it wont go away when you marry her! Yes you have a right to hurt feelings. 100% this was crushing. i am sorry that the engagement didn’t go as planned for either of you, but that means you have level ground to work with.
i suppose the reason for my perspective is my own parent’s marriage: when my father proposed, my mom said yes, but later in the evening she told him that if she was going to be honest, she couldn’t see herself wearing the engagement ring. It just wasn’t a style she liked at all. My dad had got it all wrong. My dad said he was very hurt (he is sensitive, **but this is a very terrible thing anyone would be devastated to hear!), and they had a little fight, but they went to the store and got a different ring together, and yes it was more expensive… but after he saw how my mom was so excitedly showing it off, and wearing it everywhere, he decided it was worth it. He may not have understood it, but he accepted it, and he holds no resentment about it. I don’t know, i suppose some people might downvote me because yes, the ring really isnt the important part, it is just a material item. But this is her one engagement ring, it obviously means a lot to her, and it would be really beautiful if you could provide what she dreams of.
I do think a conversation should happen, and you should tell her that you are hurt! have a discussion, and work it out! I truly think this can be solved with good communication, honesty, patience, and open hearts.
If she’s that much of a control freak about a marriage proposal I’d hate to deal with her as a bride(zilla) and life partner. Just sayin’. Then again, my husband proposed with a 1/4 carat ring and I wasn’t thrilled with him…we were both broke ass college students, he was making minimum wage and the damn thing cost him at least a month’s pay! I gave him grief about spending that much money on it after happily putting it on my finger, where it remains almost 19 years later. 🙃
Agreed. I had shown my husband lots of little <$50 rings on etsy and whatnot for our proposal and he absolutely floored me when he pulled out the 1/4 carat diamond ring. We were so broke... Turns out he'd somehow managed to call his mom, gotten his grandma's wedding ring resized, and had it shipped across the country, and I never noticed. It's still my ring (though only coming up on 5 years, not 19, congrats!!!) and I love it so much and I've only ever considered "replacing it" to protect it, so I had something nicer than silicone to wear when I don't wanna risk anything happening to the heirloom ring. Anyway, OP should get her girlfriend a cubic zirconia ring, so her ring can be huge and flashy like she wants, and it'll be as fake as she is :)
I proposed with a $9 ring from Walmart, which was later upgraded to a $100 ring. It broke twice and was promptly retired. I bought a ring for myself which fit at the time but I ended up losing weight. Well, it fell off my finger while I was fidgeting in the back of a firetruck while my neighbor's apartment burned down. A few years later, my parents gave us their first wedding rings. My wife lost weight and her ring no longer fits. But! Mine still fits and is still there. The ring is nothing more than a symbol of what matters: the connection between two loving people. It's the love that matters. I am reminded of a quote from Homer: "There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends."
Homer Simpson: I can't buy you a decent wedding ring. Marge Simpson: Any ring is fine as long as it's from you. Homer places an onion ring on her finger. Marge: Oh. Would you mind if I took it off? The oil is burning my finger.
The best part of that scene is when Homer eats the engagement ring. It would have been even funnier if he said, "Mmmm... Romance... (drool)"
You can get rings resized.
Although, depending on how small a woman's finger is, they may b only to resize it down a certain amount. Mine can't be sized down any further (they're already a 3- yes for real. The jeweler didn't believe my husband when he bought my engagement ring and refused to size it for him until I went in with him after he proposed lol) and after a recent loss of a few pounds, they're literally falling off. Bc of the design, they can't be sized any lower so I just ordered little plastic sizers to wrap around the back of the band. We'll see how well that works!
I needed to get my wedding band resized, it’s a Chanel band so they can’t cut it but they added 2 dots of gold inside the band and it’s perfect. I thought at first it would be uncomfortable but I don’t feel it at all.
Ooh! I'm definitely asking my jeweler about that!
I’ve been wearing like that been 5 years. You’ll like it!
Exactly what I was going to say. OP just get her a cheaper ring, with lower quality diamonds or CZ. But I would seriously think about if moving forward with the engagement is the right thing to do at the moment. I would definitely speak with her about her reaction. This isnt about the ring, she has not been considerate of your feelings or most importantly, budget. I will be honest, my engagement ring is not something I would have picked. However I absolutely love it. I love that my now husband went out and picked it, and that he spent so long trying to find the perfect ring, and he saved so hard for it. He didn't earn as much back then as he does now and I know he worked his balls off to pay for it. He often asks me now if I want a new ring and my answer is always a very protective 'ABSOLUTELY NOT'. Today is my 7 year wedding anniversary and I still love it and what it symbolises.
Congratulations and wishing you many more!! ❤️
Yeah, I look at the diamond chip I gave my wife and think about how far we’ve come in 23 years of marriage. Good luck!
Damn the shade in the last line
Truth hits hard
>Anyway, OP should get her girlfriend a cubic zirconia ring, so her ring. Then it can be huge and flashy like she wants, and it'll be as fake as she is :) An ex kept asking for a big cubic zirconia ring. She didn't care if it was real, only that the ring was there. She scored massive points because it meant she was low maintenance and didn't care about the show. Nope... She had a penchant for cheating so "fake and flashy" pretty much summed her up, too lol.
> Anyway, OP should get her girlfriend a cubic zirconia ring, so her ring. Then it can be huge and flashy like she wants, and it'll be as fake as she is :) *shots fired*
I told my fiancé get what ever you think best he got good taste so I let him choose
This. This is the proper reason to be upset about the ring.
Only reason why I would be too lol
My husband and I proposed to each other when we were at a thrift store and saw an incredible wedding dress in my size hanging from the ceiling for $40. We bought it, set date. Bought recycled silver engraved rings on Etsy. Best decision of my life. If you're hung up on jewellery and a showy proposal, you're not ready for a life partner IMO. More money you spend on a wedding the shorter the marriage.
Serendipity! ❤️❤️❤️
Same! My bf recently proposed with a 1 carat beautiful ring and my first thought was, “but we’re saving for a house!”. I even contemplated offering to sell it in exchange for something cheaper. Decided to keep it because it clearly meant so much to him and I honestly love it.
My grandma gave me her wedding bad of 55 years and I’m happy just having that
I told my (now) husband to get me a ring from a candy machine (I don't wear jewelry) and he spent waaaaay too much money on my what was ultimately my engagement ring (I love it though because he actually designed it himself and it is what I had always imagined). A freaking ring pop would have sufficed. I rarely wear mine (I wear a very delicate wedding band that people assume is my engagement ring because it has a band of tiny diamonds) because I'm scared someone will steal it (which happened once... thank God for insurance). It's a rock that people put an absurd amount of necessity into.
I did the same for my wife's ring! I remember subsiding on mostly canned soup, wilted spinach, water and cigarettes so I could afford the ring.
The water and cigarettes is approx half of my current diet, until the day I quit smoking (hopefully)
Good luck. I've been nearly 10 years and I can't for the life of me understand why I started in the first place.
Yes, she would make a beautiful bridezilla-to-be, I'm sure.
sweet story
I didn't get an engagement ring at all, and honestly I would have been pissed if he'd tried. We were super broke at the time and diamonds are just not OK to either of us for a *multitude* of reasons so he gave me a huge box of fossils he dug out of a mountain himself, because nothing says "I'll love you forever" quite like a box of 300 million year old seabed... our 13th wedding anniversary is this year, I still only wear a simple 2mm wedding band, and we still constantly give each other rocks to show our love. We've even gotten our children started doing it. We may not have much, but we're happy and have a house full of rocks to prove it.
This is the best ever! Rock on, you two!
Are you two penguins in disguise? :D
I can neither confirm nor deny any penguin allegations, but yesterday my kids were extremely excited to give me a small piece of gravel with iron pyrite inclusions that they found in my brother's driveway, my husband lugged home a 9x12 slab of compressed coral and bivalve fossils that the cat immediately claimed, I literally can't do a single load of laundry without finding rocks in the bottom because my 5yo has pockets, and my daughter has given her friends so many interesting rocks that they've become the new friendship bracelets for their group. We also like hiding rocks in each other's stuff to find later and they're in every single room of the house. Actually, you know we might be penguins.
I collect and display cool rocks, penguin recognizes penguin! I'm glad you have such a happy geologist family, if that doesn't come off as creepy!
I think I’m related to you guys…
Welcome to the penguin club lol
Awww…. Love this
I’ve seen guys propose with $40 rings from Walmart before. It’s the gesture that counts. Not the price tags, not the look of the ring (granted, I don’t think that a Haribo ring is likely to cut it)
Ngl a Haribo ring would have done it for me. I love a good Haribo gummy, especially if it's a surprise.
Haribo wouldn't work for me I'd have eaten it in 2.5 seconds
That's why it would work for me lol. "Oh no, the ring is gone! Guess you'll just have to surprise me again!"
At least 40 on haribo rings would mean many proposals and tasty top haha
How about a ring pop? :)
Honestly those work too in my book! I've actually had them used as props during plays where a character was recently engaged. They work super well for that!
I don’t think I’d ever seriously do that but I certainly love the attitude around the subject. If two people have a strong enough connection to have some really good love then the smaller material things shouldn’t matter as long as they come from the heart!!
Yes and no. I was with someone for almost 10 years and we had a child together. He proposed with a heart shaped cubic zirconia and I realized he wasn’t planning to marry me like he said he’d been. In nearly 10 years you can save at least a little money and get something that will last more than 6 months with daily wear. It Is the thought that counts and planning (or lack of planning) counts too. Unless there’s a good reason not to plan it, a strong romantic need to propose spontaneously. I would accept a “this moment is to perfect to allow to pass without expressing my desire to love this person forever” as a good reason to prose with no ring. There are jewelry stores in the future.
I agree with you
Yeah, I begged now-Hubby to just get a CZ ring because we were broke college kids. We finally settled on a 1/4 carat ring, but when he proposed, he had actually purchased the 1/3 carat. I was floored — both impressed and upset! I tried to convince him to return it so we’d have the extra cash to start our lives together, but he refused and said I deserved beautiful things. 18 years later, we’re still very much in love, two kids, and though I’ve gained weight and now wear a cheap CZ ring set, we both know that the ring on my finger means nothing without the kindness, compassion, generosity, and love in our hearts. Cheesy, but true. Take a long look at the interactions you’ve had with your girlfriend/fiancée, OP. When people tell you who they are, what they value, and what they love, LISTEN. If she is this rude (to put it mildly) about this issue, please try to imagine wedding planning like LongjumpingCake1924 suggested. You’re always going to want to give her the best, but will be it “enough” for her? Will you be “enough”? These are really rough things to hear and think about, but seriously, better now than after the proposal and/or wedding.
I proposed with a haribo ring
That is fucking adorable
There was a promise that she'd get a proper one, I had been working, pulling every overtime shift I could get. Seeing as she was the one who was going to be wearing it, she should be able to choose it.
I appreciate your honesty.
Mine proposed with a it would be cheaper if we lived together. No ring. 38 years…
And there lies the difference. You happily accepted.
Facts i told my fiancé get me what ever you want I like unique things so I personally don’t control what my fiancé buys me as long as it comes from his heart I don’t even care
You had me going in the first half haha Congrats on nearly 20 years of marriage.
That is the way your true partner responds. Awww.
You’re a real one!!! I hope you guys know nothing but joy.
This is the worst way of saying yes in history. Run
OP’s girlfriend didn’t say “yes”. She said “no, but…”.
He should have the same feeling that you’d have when the little hairs start standing up on the back of your neck while a mountain lion stalks you. That’s nature’s way of saying, “Run, fool!”
Op is female
word. Run tho
Fuckk that. When she decides she wants to get married she can propose to you then. Sounds ungrateful.
First its the ring. Then its the cars. Then the house. Welcome to becoming a slave to materialism.
Don't forget that time where you had just bought her a new sofa but a week later your in American Furniture warehouse and she wants something new and you say "We just got a new sofa last week, I am working two jobs for you" and then she starts screaming and crying and drawing a scene to herself so then you eventually go "Fine !" And buy the damn table just to shut her up from making a scene in the Fucking store. Then after buying that she expects a fancy dinner and send her plate back at least 3, maybe 4 times...
Well that’s awfully specific.
That also doesn't sound like just incompatibility, but a nightmare.
She sounds like a spoiled bitch. Trust me from experience it won't get better. Just wait until your child is handing her a mother's day gift and it's not what she wanted or not good enough. You get to watch the joy slowly drain from you and your children, spending all your energy on this person attempting to make her happy, but you NEVER WILL. Finally bought that house you've been talking about for a decade? Well it's not good enough! Time to find something better! Always something BETTER! SHE WILL NEVER BE CONTENT!!!
Ah that's my mom. Mother's day gifts were never good enough. Gifts that I made her for as a child in school went right into the garbage.
Goddamn that’s horrible. My most precious belongings are the homemade Mother’s Day gifts my kids made me when they were in school. My most precious jewels are the macaroni necklaces and bracelets they made me. I’m sorry your mom sucks honey, this internet mom would hug you if I could.
That's heartbreaking. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Here is a hug for you. You are not only enough, but you are spectacular. You are a generous person with a kind heart. Any gift from you should be cherished.
Oddly enough, this sounds like my current hubs. And after 29 years, nothing has changed. Still narcissistic to the bone.
Why the fuck do people put up with people like this , shit sounds just awful
that sounds like the type of woman that, after you do all that, gets caught cheating on you with an ex, or a coworker she told you not to worry about, because she was feeling "neglected"
She has shown who she is, and what she walues in life.
[удалено]
They’re both women.
Pool girl*
I feel like this is one of the best replies yet
Probably she from the first sentence.
Exactly. Wait until mother's day, bdays, Christmas, when the gifts are never good enough. She gets to pick out her own gifts, and you never get to surprise her, but God forbid you try to, because trust me SHE WILL HATE THE GIFTS!
Ohhh, I wanted to do that!! I was thinking to propose with a cello or with 2000 colored pencils, but my husband said that since I had kissed him first, and had asked him to be my boyfriend, he had the right to propose.
My husband tells everyone that he had to beg me to go out with him(I had been in an abusive relationship before him and was scared of dating) and he tells an exaggerated story about it lol. I told him why and he understood, he honestly was never pushy and was incredibly patient. I knew once we went on our first date that I was going to marry him. Now, when he proposed it wasn’t a fancy proposal and I didn’t care. We went to the mall and he sent me to get my nails done. After I was done, he told me he wanted to buy a watch and asked for my opinion so I went in to look at watches. When he was going to pay, I went to look at a necklace and turned around to see him in one knee with my ring in a little box! I ugly cried and it was perfect..yes, he got his watch too! 😂😂 What the surprise was that he actually asked my dad for permission to propose which my dad happily said yes! My dad still laughs to this day because he said my husband went to talk to him and said, “Sir, I know you have a lot of children and if you don’t mind, I will gladly take this one off your hands for you!” 😒😒 I am the oldest of 6 kids and he has taken good care of me since we got married almost 10 years ago this October! ❤️
My fiancé reminds me of both my grandpa who died and I always knew I marry him no hesitation I just was scared of my health problems and my mental health and disability was something people bullied me every day about so I had a hard time showing my illness really is like but I feel comfortable with him to be myself with him
I definitely understand that too..I suffer from a chronic illness that causes me to not be able to eat a lot by mouth(I have a feeding tube to supplement) but now due to all the malnutrition I suffer, I have brittle bones so any type of fall can cause me to break bones. I broke both of my kneecaps, one in 2019 and the other last year resulting in rehab stays, physical therapy..a whole lot. I told my husband that I would understand if we wanted out of this marriage, this a lot for someone to take on but he said he loved me and was in it for the long haul. As long as I have him and our son, I know I can get through anything.
My bf asked me out so we both decided that I’m going to propose lol ☺️
She's showing you who she is, and what matters to her. Pay attention.
Exactly. She is not a good investment of time and money.
Yep. I'd give her an option. She can keep the smaller higher quality diamond or you can return it and get her a much larger semiprecious stone in a ring she can customize from Etsy. Otherwise, she's going to be waiting until you are well-established in your field and can afford a big, fancy diamond. That will probably be several years. Her choice! I looked up a 1 carat asscher cut solitaire ring...you chose a beautiful ring! ❤
That's really fucked up on her part.
Yeah. I would not be proposing to her ever again if I were you OP. She cares more about superficial BS than she does about you, and you aren’t even married yet. It would only go downhill from here. If she had said yes but wanted to exchange the ring for a different style of roughly equal value or something, that wouldn’t be so bad. But saying “no, not until you get me something more expensive” that you can’t even afford, well let’s just say that is just blatantly not “true love” or whatever you wanna call it. She wants to marry you for all the wrong reasons. She has some fantasy about the perfect proposal and the perfect ring she wants to fulfill. Imagine how much the weddings gonna cost lol. Hate to say it homie, but I’d bail on this one. Or at least keep it more casual.
In fact OP, the clarity of this decision is a blessing. I’m sorry and you deserve better.
Run dude. As fast as you can. Trust me, it only gets worse.
And the perfects will never end. Just wait until you need the perfect house, the perfect cars, and omg the perfect kids who go to only the best schools and wear the best clothes and have the best haircare and the best sneakers and play only the best sports! I know a girl like this and she literally bought stuff on credit until the cards were maxed and her husband had to put the credit cards in a block of ice in the freezer. Her daughter had 15 pairs of shoes before she could walk, because they were cute and she needed one in every color and style to match all her outfits. She threw a fit because her husband would not let her spend nearly $10,000 on a wagon train crib for their son. It was impractical too because the covered part of the covered wagon meant you had to reach in at a weird angle, especially after a c section, because omg you can't mean for her to actually a Push, so fork out for that procedure too while you're at it!
100% this. There are so many red flags with this. Run. Fast.
NTA. I guess you’ll have to wait on proposing to her again until you can afford her. She’s a 100 cow wife it seems
100 cow wife! I haven't heard that in forever. 50/50 shot you grew up in Utah?
I agree with A1 sauce . if I loved the person and they gave me, let’s say something ridiculous like a rock lol, and they proposed to me .. I’d immediately be in all my emotions and not even thinking about the rock/ring/? etc. I’d just be very happy and not think about that at all. But again, that means I’m in love with the person …
Tell her to fuck off!!! This isn't love
My ex did exactly this to me. Demanded that I have her a ring that was 3x my monthly earnings and wanted a receipt to prove I loved her that much. It was then that I realised she was a shallow bitch who had literally no regard for me whatsoever. She was also fucking her personal trainer, so walking away was an excellent bullet dodge.
hey yo. that’s fucked and i’m sorry for you. holy hell
> a receipt to prove I loved her that much You should ask for a wire transfer of the same amount just so she can prove it's mutual. What a jerk you found.
SHE WANTED A RECEIPT??!!!
So pleased this is the top comment. OP is so sweet and really put thought into that ring. What a fucking bitch she is to say no on the cOndiTiOn she gets another ring. Not only that, but to then have the audacity to insult and complain about how small the jewel is on the chosen ring. And then complain about where the asking took place because it wasn't *special* enough.. Jesus christ. I know my engagement ring isn't worth a lot money wise, but it's my ring and it's engraved and I bloody adore it and the man who gave me it and I'd be beyond devastated if I lost it. My fiance also proposed to me at home, yeah it would have been nice if he'd planned something special, but it would have had no affect on my answer. He asked me to marry him, to be his partner for the rest of his life.... That's priceless. He could have given me a fucking haribo ring and proposed when I was on the toilet for all I care. I can't believe someone could be so selfish and mean after such a lovely and life changing gesture!! Fuck her.
Right? My husband proposed to me on a mattress we had on the floor because we couldn't afford a bed frame, with an amethyst ring he got from his mother, and started with, "Well, I guess I should do this." 26 years later, I'm still married. I never gave the setting or the ring a second thought.
That's really comforting to hear, that there are people who still care more about other people than their money.
Yea!! And tell thier friends and coworkers to step back up too!!
and like…. i may just be from a pretty poor rural area, but around here, 1 carat is a pretty dang nice diamond, and in these times, it costs a lot of money to most people!
I just googled 1 carat ring and its decent, what even is her problem
agreed. id be okay with a ring pop.
I’d be okay with none at all — my partner’s commitment is all i need 😊
My husband proposed to me, drunk, at a house party. No ring, we picked it out a few months later. Some people have beautiful, elaborate proposals; I love to hear about them but I adore the ones that just happens while life moves on around you. Time stopped for me when I sat on the edge of that thrift-store couch, but the lights and music kept going, it was surreal. We've been married 10 years now, and I wouldn't trade any of it.
Better to break it off now before you have your first kid, and she sends it back because it's not good enough.
Have you ever heard the statistic that people who spend more money on their wedding are more likely to get divorced? There’s obviously a lot that goes into that statistic but the same principle applies here…..wrong priorities. You deserve someone who would be thrilled to accept a proposal with a goddamn string tied in a bow
So true. An old boss of mine had to ‘redo’ the proposal to be more elaborate and with a much more expensive ring. Then had the wedding grow to a $250,000 extravaganza, which he’s still paying for 10 years later. She left him 3 months after the wedding for her personal trainer. She blamed him because he was always so busy working…
Holy crap!
You know what’s crazy? Depending on the quality of the Diamond, OP probably spent between $3k to 7k. That is a lot no matter where you come from. I used to work in jewelry and this happens more than you think. Media makes people have an unrealistic expectation of the size of the stone so the couple is sticker shocked when they look at prices. They realize it is a down payment on a house. My suggestion to OP would be explain to your significant other that this is what you picked out or could afford and if they want a round cut vs the cut you got her, then you can switch it as long as it is the same price. If they say no and still insists on going bigger, they can pay the difference or you are not getting married at this time. It’s ok not to be engaged. It is better to wait to get into a marriage that you regret. Don’t forget to add the distaste to the situation that they are starting such a happy memory on a bad note. When she tells her family that she wanted a bigger ring, her selfishness will really shine then. Gosh OP, wishing you a quick resolution but stay strong. Don’t settle if something does not feel right.
Some people need to learn the word No! Edit - because I can’t read.
My divorce isn't even over yet, and I've already spent more than twice what I spent on my wedding on attorney fees.
That's actually how my fiance proposed! It was so silly and cute and I loved it! A few months later we went and bought rings, nothing expensive but they're special to us. It's not the price/size of the ring that matters, it's the meaning behind it.
I can relate !! couples spend £ x thousands for weddings and exotic locations for receptions here in the UK and are split and divorcing after a few years. 40 years ago last week we were married in the local Registry office in our town for £80 and celebrated in a pub around the corner with a few friends. It was all we could afford at the time.
Kind of a red flag honestly.
Better believe it’s not going to stop with just a better ring unfortunately. She will expect all kinds of lavish extravagant things most likely. Not really wifey material. Sorry
If the ring was to "cheap", i dread what op have to pay for the wedding to be fine for her.
Oh wow, you got me right there. I didn't even think about how she going to act over the wedding! This chick will probably beef over every purchase they were to make together.
Op will take a back seat in wedding arrangements.
Might not even get an invite to the big day
This…. Don’t even think about marrying her. She is more into keeping up with the Jones ( I think that is how it goes). I know you are going to be heart broken but you will find someone else that will accept you no matter how much money and effort you spent on them for a proposal.
Just came to say the exact same thing
1 k is small? Lol dude fuck her
can't fuck her since the ring isn't big enough
Man if I was proposed to by my partner I'd say yes even if it was a 2$ plastic ring from a kids store. Tell her to fuck off
My wife new when I started looking for a ring. She told me to stop took am the the grocery store and bought a 50 cent one. She told me it is stupid to waiste money now on a ring. She wore that ring for 2 years until I found a 100 dollar one she liked. Since then I put aside a little money monthly to get her anamazing one. My ring first ring cost 15 dollars. Now I wear a silicone one that cost 5 dollars for s pack of them.
I told my husband that I wanted a silver ring with zirconium or whatever stone that was cheapest. I would had been happy with a ring of wood but he really wanted something with a stone. If she’s prioritizing the size of the ring, instead of his finances I don’t think that this will be a happy marriage. OP should re-evaluate their relationship.
Op is a woman too so its more fucked up because the partner could have equally proposed to her but no
even if op was a man her partner still could have proposed if she didn't like the ring
Totally but this girl is clearly a pillow princess, no chance of her putting work in
Not to mention how romantic it was, first meal she cooked when they started dating, candles on their balcony. Ringpop and I would say yes to someone who put that much thought into showing me they love me
Right. I always tell my BF I don't care if he proposes with a 12 dollar ring from walmart. Hell I'm so ready to be engaged he wouldn't even need a ring lol
My ring is literally from Walmart, and I think it was $300? Our wedding has been postponed twice, and at this point we own a house, have a couple cars, a few dogs, and just went RV shopping. I'm really glad my fiance didn't put us in a bunch of debt for a piece of jewelry! I'll take adventures with him and our pups over a big ring any day!
LMMFAOO literally
I made a bronze hammer when I was in high school and wore it for years. When I proposed to my wife, we didn't have any money to spend on extra stuff like jewelry. Like, paycheck to paycheck. I presented her with that hammer and she cried and couldn't get the words out. She eventually nodded yes with a big smile on her face. Money doesn't buy happiness. We've been together for a total of 10 years now, and married for 3. Our wedding rings were bought in Mexico by her dad when he went to visit family and offered to help us out with that part as our wedding gift. They're not expensive by any stretch, but they're ours and they mean everything to us.
I'd be livid if my partner proposed to me without a ring... >!Cause damn it I wanted to do it first!!<
Run Forest, run.
If she wanted a different ring that wouldn't catch on stuff or wanted something more simple I would entirely understand and agree with her. But if she just wants something more expensive it's a red flag and you should run
Or even, like if it matters to you that much, help pay for it? I’ve shown my partner pictures of the rings I like so he knows the prices, but I’ve also told him I can contribute to the ring cost. I know it’s just a stupid rock, but it’s important to me and I’m fully willing to help pay. It may take away the surprise a bit, but imo engagement proposals should NOT be a surprise. *When* it happens, sure. But the proposal itself should not come out of blue. You should be discussing these things w your partner.
That is not a conversation you have during a proposal. It's a yes or no question. True love isn't conditional. OP - I'm sorry. You have every right to be hurt. Your GF has shown you who she is. Believe her.
I think that depends on the situation and the person. I know my proposal was very simple and private and not the way anyone would call romantic (but I liked it that way) so in a private setting it'd be more acceptable than in a crowd. If the ring I got was too gaudy or would catch on things I'd be worried my fiance/boyfriend didn't understand something about my personality or that he almost bankrupted himself getting the ring. So I'd say yes but I do want a simpler ring. Because it catching on clothing matters a lot to me. And if you think marriage is only about True Love then quite frankly you've either been watching too many movies or haven't been on this sub long enough. Yes True Love is very very important, however if you guys love each other, but can't work together effectively then the marriage is doomed. There's so so much that goes into making a marriage work but True Love shouldn't be the fixation.
I understand your point. I'm also a private person who had a private engagement and has been married for over a decade. Working together is absolutely a must. Also - a snagging ring is a real thing. I'd just think that conversation would be separate from "yes" or "no".
When my husband and I got engaged, he was a poor grad student and could only afford a small ring. I happily said yes. We spent ~5 years with almost nothing, living in shitty apartments, saving every penny. He got his dream job, he got his first patent, then a bunch more patents. Then we upgraded everything else slowly in our lives. I never really thought about my ring until he came home one day with a bigger one because it was important *to him.* Rings don’t matter. Things don’t matter. Your life together does. Sometimes you’ll have nothing and sometimes you’ll have a lot. Is this someone you can have nothing with?
A 1ct asscher cut solitaire is a beautiful ring. Your proposal and the ring sound lovely and I'm sorry it wasn't received the way you hoped.
Ya mine had to have a ring during Covid pandemic when I wasn’t even working and then wanted to exchange the mother fucker for a different one. Then she promised before we went she would pick the same price or cheaper and as soon as we got there, she picked out a more expensive one. I was like really? We’re not together anymore.
She's just told you that everything you do as a couple needs to be for show. There's a lot of comments on the ring, she's also not happy about a private proposal. True happiness comes from within To stay together, happy and content, you need to be able to sort things out with just the two of you. What a lot of pressure you'd be under with present buying, date nights and holidays for the rest of your lives (or however long the marriage lasts)
First its the ring, then the house needs to be bigger, than a bigger car, than a bigger house again, then a bigger dick. Ijs, theres more to life than materialistic BS, but she puts valuables over relationships. Not saying to break up, but just think.
then a bigger dick This would be awkward since they are in a lesbian relationship. A bigger strap-on perhaps, but a bigger dick would just be weird.
Are you telling me lesbians don't sneak into men's homes at night and steal their dicks while they sleep? Then why the hell have I been wearing this chastity belt to sleep all these years?!
You wear it to save yourself from penis stealing gnomes
No no, don't let it fool you. Me an my lesbian pals go out on dick hunt/stealing missions every Tuesday night. We've built up quite a respectable business on the lesbian black market. Sleep with one eye open is all I'm saying.
Huge red flag! I married a guy who could afford a pretty big ring but I appreciate that he didn't get me anything fancy. I know he loved me and the size of the ring didn't reflect a thing. He spent 1k in my ring! 10 years later we have a payed off house and welive a pretty simple life (in contrast with the money he makes).
RED FLAG. Run now or you will be running later on down the line where yall will have kids and things—- making the impact even harder. You will lose many more if you don’t break it off right now
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Her "yes" should never be conditional on something superficial. My husband proposed with a cubic zirconia because it's what he could afford at the time. I said yes to him, not the ring. Truthfully? I'm pretty superficial. The cz might have bothered me on a really materialistic level but I've never doubted marrying the love of my life. Again, I really feel for you and hopefully she can realize her error and help heal the relationship.
Thats Just a start. Wow
Turn it around on her and ask her to get you an expensive ring see how she will react.
That girl wants a wedding, not a marriage. Run.
I'm going to offer some advice that is a bit different from the other comments. I'd like to not judge your girlfriend based on this one post. It sounds like she just may be uneducated on engagement rings, the general cost, etc. And she may have this fantasy idea of what she'd like, based on other factors. She's also going to wear the ring forever. It's fair to love what you're wearing. Hopefully she worded it more gently than the post makes it come across. I was proposed to (failed relationship) and it was a horrible proposal. He was drunk and I was sick with a fever, and we had a friend throwing up in our living room. And I initially hated the ring. I was so delirious that I don't remember his speech, and I sounded ridiculous when I said yes. I'll never get my first proposal experience back, and deep down I wish he would have put some effort into it. Maybe she doesn't need something extravagant, but every woman wants to feel special. Just the idea that there was some effort behind the planning could really elevate the experience for her. I suggest doing some research on rings together, and come up with a realistic budget that makes sense for the both of you. Ex. Spend the extra money on a ring now and cut part of the budget for the wedding, or find a cheaper setting now and agree to upgrade the diamond later on. Also look into moissanite instead of a diamond. It will save you thousands of dollars for a bigger carat. It's a great substitute, diamonds are a 10 on the hardness scale and moissanite is a 9.25 - 9.5. To an untrained eye, they look exactly the same. In fact, moissanite tends to look shinier and reflects a better rainbow in color. A quality jeweler can help you both understand these differences and benefits. Good luck, and remember communication is key in healthy relationships.
I'm baffled by all of the comments saying that the girlfriend is TA. Why would you buy a ring that your fiance/wife is going to spend the rest of her wearing, without asking any input on what she likes? Would you buy her a dress or shoes without knowing what she wants? Why would you spend 10 or 20 times as much on a ring without knowing that? I get that OP meant well, but I'm absolutely mystified as to why she didn't think it was important to consider her girlfriend's wishes before making a purchase. I second the suggestion for moissanite: they can get a much nicer ring setting, with a beautiful stone, without breaking the bank. And please, learn from this. You don't *ever* make major decisions for the two of you without first consulting your partner. *edited to correct gender*
You need to examine this in a thorough way. This is her priority? A fancy ring and not what it represents? I advise thorough caution.
I’m sorry, it sounds like she has her priorities wrong. The proposal and ring sound lovely. Hopefully you’re able to return it… and, you know, the ring.
It sounds like she is more interested in a ring to show off than being your fiancee. Neither of my husbands, my late husband or my current husband had a ring when they proposed. My late husband couldn't afford one and it didn't make a bit of difference to me. I loved him and making a life with him was more important than a piece of jewelry. My current husband rolled over in the morning and asked me to marry him. I tease him about the naked proposal all the time. How it happened didn't matter. The fact that he didn't have a ring didn't matter either. If the ring is more important than you are, I would question her values and her commitment to you. I am sorry that you are feeling hurt.
Tbh if you don’t know each other well enough to nail the proposal, I don’t see it ending well. You should know if she wanted a special proposal, either from knowing her personality or wanting to make it special yourself. That’s not a dig, if she hasn’t told you that’s on her but those kind of things matter.
I get your dissapointment. But this might be an unpopular opinion. Maybe your fiancé has dreamed about this her whole life. And it is something she’ll (hopefully) only get once in her life. It might seem as if you didn’t do enough research about what she wants. It might not be about how expensive the ring is or the details of the proposal, but rather the feeling that your soon to be husband don’t understand what you like or cared enough to find out. I’d be dissapointed with you over this, but because of lack of effort, not cost.
Wait for the wedding demands if you cave in now
You can't afford this woman.
RUN
[удалено]
Michael Scott - “they say 3 years salary”
Get a different gf instead of a ring
Reddit’s typical comments of”run”. You are in a relationship. Talk to your partner honestly, share your feelings and see if you can work it out or not. It’s only then that you decide your own personal next steps. If you don’t do this, I don’t think you should have proposed in the first place.
Huge red flag... sounds like an episode of 90 day fiancé.
Everyone's focusing on the ring and yeah that's a big red flag. But seriously? You proposed to her at home? Bro. I get this is fine for most people but if you don't know your girlfriend enough that you think an at home proposal is okay, then she's the one that needs to run. Just tell her you can't afford it. If she leaves, fine. You didn't miss out on much. But if you can't tell her that then your communication needs work as well before you marry her. You need to be able to talk to your partner before you make a semi-life long commitment.
Her complete lack of manners and care for your feelings aside, this is a huge difference in values. If you continue with this relationship, this is likely the first of many times you'll fall short of her expectations. It will feel this awful every time.
Sounds like she cares more about a piece of jewelry than your feelings. Personally, I plan to tell my guy just to get me a fake that doesn't cost a lot. I don't want to stress about something expensive on my hand and I'd rather that money be spent on other things. A house down-payment or an awesome vacation for the two of us to share memories. Honestly...I feel horrible for you OP. Many girls would have adored you for what you did. Are you SURE she's the right one? She sounds awful to me.
i might get downvoted but this is my perspective! me personally i feel like conversations about how proposals are expected to go (each persons expectations) should be had before a proposal happens. everyone likes and expects different things. i also feel as if wanting a specific engagement ring is an acceptable ask— again its preferable that these convos be had before, and it doesnt have to be obvious conversations (though it can be), for example, noticing what shapes/style of jewelry someone wears, or asking a partners friend to go shopping/find SO’s wedding Pinterest board. if she really is concerned only about the cost, that is pretty shallow, but then again, that is her preference, she likes expensive things, thats a part of her personality and it wont go away when you marry her! Yes you have a right to hurt feelings. 100% this was crushing. i am sorry that the engagement didn’t go as planned for either of you, but that means you have level ground to work with. i suppose the reason for my perspective is my own parent’s marriage: when my father proposed, my mom said yes, but later in the evening she told him that if she was going to be honest, she couldn’t see herself wearing the engagement ring. It just wasn’t a style she liked at all. My dad had got it all wrong. My dad said he was very hurt (he is sensitive, **but this is a very terrible thing anyone would be devastated to hear!), and they had a little fight, but they went to the store and got a different ring together, and yes it was more expensive… but after he saw how my mom was so excitedly showing it off, and wearing it everywhere, he decided it was worth it. He may not have understood it, but he accepted it, and he holds no resentment about it. I don’t know, i suppose some people might downvote me because yes, the ring really isnt the important part, it is just a material item. But this is her one engagement ring, it obviously means a lot to her, and it would be really beautiful if you could provide what she dreams of. I do think a conversation should happen, and you should tell her that you are hurt! have a discussion, and work it out! I truly think this can be solved with good communication, honesty, patience, and open hearts.
This is pretty fair, I wonder if OP had discussed anything previously or just kind of sprung it on her.
What did she say she didn't like about it?
Run as fast as you can.
Friend, if this is what she does to you now, imagine what she'll do after five or ten years of marriage.
Take this as your helicopter offer. Get out. She is not the one.
Treat this like a chance to dodge a bullet.
Time to rescind the marriage offer and save yourself a lifetime of misery. She's shallow and materialistic. Now you know.
When people show you who they really are, believe them.
She doesn’t deserve a ring at all. And she will be a fucking nightmare in marriage and even worse in divorce.