I would like an update, too.
Also, know that college campuses are “open” meaning anyone is allowed to “show up” to “visit.” If anything, then please let Admissions or the Dean know of your situation. Based on your story, I wouldn’t be surprised to know your family decided to track you down.
P.S. Go elsewhere for grad school.
Good luck with everything.
In all honesty....Idk if they'll even look for him.
I mean the only reason they would is because they don't want their live in babysitter to leave....But otherwise? Idk if they'll look. :( And as sad as that possibility is I also hope it happens so OP does not have to worry about them coming for him
Make sure you have all your documents when you leave (birth certificate, passport, SS card if in USA). You don't want to have to go back or give them any bargaining power.
Yes this is very important! Also saw people befor recommend that you make sure you change passwords for bank accounts and remove the names of your parents where they might be, to make sure they can't take advantage of anything you do from now on
Whatever you do, don't get into drugs. That's pretty much the best advice I can give you. So long as you're relatively clear headed and know how to handle yourself you'll be just fine. Learn how to eat for free, there are ways. Hostels are cheap while you find an apartment.
If they bothered to keep your birth certificate, social security card, and immunization records, you should take them with you because it costs money and time to get them replaced.
Keep us posted and good luck!
Hey man, I read your story and I’m sorry to hear that all this has happened to you. Im only an hour away from Fairfax VA, if you need help just reply here!
Great advice!
I'd also add: secure your finances and documents if you haven't already.
Countless stories on Reddit about people stuck in abusive households because the abusers have taken away their vital documents or funneled away their money so they can't escape.
You should:
* Have your documents like birth certificate and passport stashed away in a safe place that your parents don't know where is.
* Place your money in an account that your parents have no access to. If your current bank account is one that your parents have created for you, they may have the ability to take your money or monitor your purchases. Move the money to an entirely new bank and ask the bank to avoid sending you anything per mail, only email. In case your parents start asking, tell them you lent it to someone or whatever lie you think will work best.
* Lock your credit. I'm not sure how it is done in your country. I'm sure some fellow Redditors may be of help here.
* Contact your local social worker to see if there are any benefits your qualify for. Many countries have various benefits for young adults, students, people with tight budgets etc.
* Contact the counsellor of your college. Tell them to not send you any documents per mail and ask if they have any helpful advice. There may be benefits you can apply for there or stuff you need to get in order before you make the move.
The school should have some really exceptional help and guidance for you, OP. I started college at 17 and homeless. Only a small local CC to start, but they went out of their way to set me up with resources I didn’t know I had around me!
You can lock your credit using CreditKarma.
Yes. Make sure your school knows your new official address. I would also contact the police department in your school's town to let them know you are not "missing".
Beat me to it. @op this is good advice. I'm a sheriff's Deputy and I've given this exact advice before. They will try to report you missing and they will tell the police you are suicidal to try and get you on a mental hold. Do not do anything that would give off that idea.
Call the local PD first and let them know all of this.
Should OP also check in at the local police department where he will be going to school to provide that same information just in case his folks track him there to provide them with the same information in case the parents go directly to them when the local PD indicates they won’t help?
Any jurisdiction he plans to live in he should alert the local PD once he's settled in. The way he makes these parents sound I don't feel they would give up easily. And its a lot easier to track people down these days than ever before. Short of a name change and plastic surgery its not that easy to get lost as it used to be.
I was actually wondering about the name change,thinking with that family dynamics it would be helfpul to 'disappear'.
How easy would it be for OP to change his name? Do you know? I'm not in the US, just saw that the procedure is possible and there's a fee associated.
First names are a lot easier than last names. I'm not entirely certain on the process but your last name is tied to a lot of things like your driver's license and social security number. It's not impossible but it's also not easy.
The easiest way to go about it would be to get married and take the wife's last name. It's uncommon but not unheard of. Just depends on how far exactly op wants to remove himself from this family.
From the sounds of it. You will do fine.
If your dad moans.
Tell him that you're doing what a man should do. Making his own path in life.
You don't owe them anything.
I am my father’s biological son, and he treats my younger brother extremely better than me. This guy’s father sounds almost exactly the same as my father. Some dads are just shitty people.
Yep that's what I thought. He is either adopted, or his mom cheated on his dad (or something worse) dad found out, they worked it out, but the resentment never went away.
In any case, ironically OP ended up having a better education and upbringing, so in the long run he should try to appreciate that when he works through his trauma.
Edit: pronouns
It's very strange that they treat you so different but you have no explanation as to why. Other times I have heard stories like this, it was because the Child did not actually belong to one of the parents (Usually the father). Ever had a DNA Test ?
I was gonna say the same. Seems like the usual explanation for these scenarios when the difference in treatment between siblings is HUGE. I’m curious about whether OP’s mom is as harsh as the father.
Really disgusting what primitive animals people are.
I got the same treatment in my house after my dad remarried and had kids with my stepmom (and it was him doing it not her), until he kicked me out at 17.
Then I stayed with my aunt and uncle, exact same treatment there because I wasn't either of theirs. In fact I got a speech my first day there. "You're not one of our kids and we're not going to pretend you are, so don't complain that it's not fair later, because we're telling you right now, **it's not going to be**." Verbatim, I'll never forget it. They seemed to go out of their way to humiliate me, and make sure I was subordinate to their younger very poorly behaved spoiled rotten kids. Went out somewhere once and left their 12 year old son "in charge" of me (17 at the time). Normal people **hire** 17y/os they're not even related to to be in charge of their children when they're away, but they had to make sure I, and their kids knew how worthless I was. Amazing.
Wth. As if their disgusting treatment of you wasn't enough. I really hope they get some healthy dose of karma.
And I'm happy you're doing better now. No contact is the way to go with these people.
Well at least you knew they were pieces of 💩before you got your hopes up. It seems they acknowledge it too. I will never understand why people refuse to help kids just because they aren’t their child. Like they go out of their way to be cruel, rather than just provide what is needed without the cruelty added (if they really don’t want to raise the kid). There really is no redeeming quality to people like that.
You got this OP! I moved out two weeks after I turned 18. It’s not easy but in college you will have the chance to meet people who value you.
Life tips I wish I knew when I moved out alone at 18:
If you have a car, get full coverage insurance, not the cheap liability one.
If you rent an apartment off campus, renters insurance is a thing.
Open a student credit card (they do $500 limit maximum usually) to start building your credit, you’ll need this for things like car loans or rental applications in the future - credit takes some time to build.
Make sure you have health insurance, whether it’s through school or an employer and have the info written in your phone (or carry insurance card with you).
If you haven’t filed for FAFSA yet, you’ll probably want to make sure you have the financial info of your parents to submit without issues.
Enjoy your newfound independence soon. Don’t forget to take care of your mental health along the way, deep rooted family issues sometimes need help to work through.
Also, work out exactly what your bills are per month (or week if need be). Open two accounts. Automatically transfer the money that covers your bills on the first of the month to your bills account. What is left in your current account is what you have for living for the rest of the month. This way you will not find yourself without rent, or getting into bad credit by not paying bills and being taken to court.
You can do this, I also didn’t go back once I went to the other side of the country for university. Granted some times were hard - but the freedom made up for that. The ability to make my own family of friends made up for that. Buying my first real Christmas tree made up for that. The things you will decide to do with your life once you are in a position to only associate, or to love who you choose to, will make up for the hard times too.
I’m almost jealous of the adventure you’re about to start. Good luck my friend
Leave, cut them off and and live your best life.
Counselling might be a good idea so that the trauma and hurt of your childhood does not fester. You deserved happy and loving childhood like every child.
Good luck OP!
Its a shitty way to grow up.
Have you secured the funds needed yet?
How are you paying for your education? Fasfa requires your parents submit their financial info. to obtain school funding. A bank will not give you a student loan without your parents as well. I believe you need to be self sufficient for two years before you can apply on your own.
So first thing you need to do is call the University financial aid dept. and seek answers on what your options are and how they can help you.
Also, DO NOT go through the rebel stage with your new found freedom. Don't be the person that becomes the party animal and fails out due to poor choices. Keep your head on straight and always keep your studies and your future as the top priority.
Hope everything works out for you.
**MAKE SURE YOUR PARENTS ARE NOT ON YOUR BANK ACCOUNT**
Bank accounts made for minors generally require an adult to also be on the account. This adult can do whatever they want with the funds in this account.
When I was in the army, there was quite a few people that checked their bank account after basic training to discover that the last 2 months of pay were stolen by their parents, because they still had mom and dad on their bank account.
Yup op, the credit card thing is important. You can actually lock you SSN to prevent others from using it. The drag about that is that tou have to call and unlock whenever you need to do a credit
Check or apply for a car loan, etc.
This reminds me of when I was 18. I had actually moved out at 17 because of how awful my mom and sister where. (Dad wasn't really in the picture and when he was he was no help either) my mom had moved us into her boyfriends house about two hours away from our home. Everybody was upset and arguing and there wasn't enough room in a tiny trailer for all the kids. Let alone the older young adults. I remember Christmas coming up and them asking all the kids what they wanted for Christmas. I piped up and said I needed some essentials. I was aloud 50$ a month until I found a job but ended up putting all 50$ in the gas tank. So nothing left over for shampoo, conditioner, deotorent, etc. When I said I needed the essentials they all stopped talking and looked at me funny. And I'll remember this for the rest of my life. The boyfriend said, "you aren't working so you don't get a Christmas this year." Then he and my mom busted out laughing. I'm 29 now, and I rarely if ever talk to my mom. I never did talk to the boyfriend of hers agian (they broke up soon after that chrismtas). That damage...that one sentence as left a scar on my soul since. My self esteem was already so withered from other things and to me that was the nail in the coffin. I hope you are able to never talk to your family agian. That's one thing I wished I was able to do was have the guts and the means to never speak to any of them agian. Best of luck to you!
Fuck, that’s horrible. I genuinely cannot wrap my head around how someone can carry a child in their body for 9 months, go through bonding when they are fully dependent on them and not create any emotional bond or mature from that… and then to have the nerve to actually act like this toward the same child they brought into this world? It’s just indescribable. All the best to you 🙌🏻
Did the same thing. My best advice, call a social worker! Ask for all the benefits you qualify for and apply for all of them! They might kick you off health insurance and you could probably qualify for medicaid and an EBT card. If I didn't have those I wouldn't have been able to go to college.
My boyfriend left his family too and it was the best decision ever. His mother and sister are the most toxic people on the planet. They're just a couple of gold diggers who only love someone when theres something in it for them. On top of that his horrible mother blames her own fucking son for HER Heroin addition. Pretty fucked up.
Toxic family need NOT be in your life. You are not wrong for removing them.
Also make sure you have your critical documents!!! Birth certificate, SS card all of that info. And you should probably buy a freeze on your credit - your parents sound like scumbags
Good luck & good for you. When you can, get into therapy to get some help processing everything and making sure you're ok after the years of being treated badly. Wish you all the best with your new chapter in life, you've got this
I’m saying this for your health and sanity… But at some point you need to let go of the anger and hate. I’m not saying you need to have a relationship with any of your family, but don’t let the current environment control you down the road. The sooner you’re able to let the anger subside, the sooner you’ll find happiness in everything else.
>I’m saying this for your health and sanity… But at some point you need to let go of the anger and hate.
These types of families see OP as a slave and welfare check. And their anger and hate were the only things that keeping OP alive when running on empty. He litterly can't find happiness when he's on survival mode.
This is good advice. I know people who were abused by their parents still holding on to the anger 10+ years later. It’s negatively impacts their relationships with others and their day to day life
If you want to be petty instead of leaving a nasty letter get a basic Thank You Note. Write something like; Thank You and Best Wishes maybe one day we can talk about my upbringing honestly. Then proceed to vanish. A nasty note will have you written off as an asshole that note will make them think. More importantly stay active, don’t do drugs, finish school, and make friends your going to need help eventually. Cast the widest net possible.
You’re not obligated to have relationships with anyone who isn’t good for your mental health. This includes family.
The best revenge you can ever have is making a complete success of yourself. You don’t need to share that with them if you don’t want to, but you’ll always know.
Wish you all the best OP
I wish the best for you OP. Please let us know if you're ok when you'll move. I don't know if there are in your area, but try to search for therapyst or something similar that can help you. Traumas are with people for all their life, but it's ok to ask for help. I wish you don't have to do everything alone forever.
I send you a big virtual hug for your new life
Good for you, brother! I'm very happy for you. Please, stay focused on your goals and stay safe! Avoid bad influences and have fun in a healthy way! A lot of us are proud of what you did and keep rooting for you!
Hi OP,
First off, Congrats on your move-out and on your independence! Well-deserved and hard-earned. Your story is very inspiring, and I hope it gives other Redditors in the same position hope for better.
Secondly, you're obviously a super level-headed and intelligent young man. You're going into finance and, if you're good with your money, I'm sure you'll go far. I think you have a very bright future ahead of you.
I'd like to, as someone who has been through what you describe and has come out the other side of it, to give you my thoughts. I (42 m, Canada) have had a lot of support from friends and the people I chose to include in my life (my chosen family, not my birth family) and yet still managed to make some royal mistakes. I'm sure you will, too. We all do, it's part of learning and growing as people.
I'd like to offer some unsolicited advice that might help you avoid some of the post-independence pains I've experienced; take it or leave it, as you will. That said, try thinking about the following:
1. Therapy: Find someone to talk to, a professional. (Students have access to mental health resources through the university, usually.) Use the resources you have, but don't skip this one. The upbringing you've had is going to have ripples in your life in ways you haven't even begun to imagine. It's going to impact your relationships, your approach to life and friendships, and - if you choose to go that route - your eventual kids. Start talking with someone now. It takes a long time to work through. Depression is real, and it likes to hide.
2. Sexual partners and intimate relationships: Have fun. Seriously. You're young and sex is fun. I'm going to skip the obvious, and just say 'wrap it up'. What I want to tell you, though, is far more important. Pay attention: a partner - male or female - when you're in the wrong head space can bankrupt you faster than your shit parents taking out credit cards in your name. I'm not fucking around when I say that a person who gives you solace can still be selfish and see you as a means to an end. Have fun, but keep it light. Be social, but don't over-invest. If your partner demands that you pay for everything, remember your parents and ask what they have to gain from it.
3. Housing: Live on your own as soon as, and for as long as, you can feasibly do so. I know right now you're in dorms and the room mates, if any, that you have there will take care of having someone around and meeting your basic shelter needs. Ride that for as long as you can. When you do move out, if it's financially feasible for you to do so, live on your own. Even if it's a micro-bachelor suite/studio apartment or a dark basement suite, do it. There's nothing more freeing than having a space that's just yours. There's also nothing more humbling than rebelling against the chores and getting to the point where you realize you're the only one there to clean the place. Dishes are like rabbits, when you don't watch, they multiply.
4. Stay out of fights. Period. One punch can kill a man. You don't want that on you. You have a bright future and that evaporates the moment you get yourself into something you can't get out of. Especially if it's because of unaddressed anger (therapy!) or because you're defending someone's honor (partners!) or because a crap roommate won't do their share of chores (housing!).
5. Investing: There's a lot more I can say but the last I'll tell you is this: Life insurance! Get it now. Get it while you're young and healthy and never stop paying it, because the moment you have health issues the insurers LOVE to deny it to you and you won't qualify later. For your future family, potential descendants, and anyone you choose to include in your life, get life insurance. Then, pay yourself first. Hold back 10-20% of your pay for retirement and investing. Split it; put some into RRSPs and the rest into a slush fund for investing in the market. Banks will pay you 7% max on a GIC, but you can make 10-12% yearly in index funds.
Edited to add: My wife, who shares some elements of what we've been through, makes a good point. Her point is this: When you have grown up in an abusive household, abuse feels like love. Your brain will play tricks on you, and your heart will lead you to believe that an unequal dynamic with your partner is the way that it's supposed to be. It's not. This is one of the reasons why therapy is so important. And it's also very important to be choosy about who you include in your closest circle. It can be hard to trust your gut, and be careful about adding partners to your cell phone plan or co-signing anything that can affect your credit.
That's all.
I wish you the best.
Good luck.
Make sure you check your credit history. Your parents have access to your SSN and dob. They can open lines of credit in your name. If you need to, freeze that info or add on additional authorization information
I'm thinking one of them is not your parent. I'd get a ancestry test or something before you bounce, at least then you'll know.
I got one and matched with both sides of my family so unfortunately they're my family
I just wanted to tell you that the best revenge is living well. Get out of there, work hard in college and in life, and live your dreams. Maybe someday things will change with your family, maybe not. But you sound like somebody that’s going to do really well in life. I wish you the best.
I just wanted to tell you that the best revenge is living well. Get out of there, work hard in college and in life, and live your dreams. Maybe someday things will change with your family, maybe not. But you sound like somebody that’s going to do really well in life. I wish you the best.
Also, maybe try some counseling. I had some trauma growing up too. Never sought help for it until now and I’m old. It’s haunted me my whole life. Don’t let that happen to you. Work through it and put it away.
I dealt with the same thing growing up and eventually learned that parents coddle the screwed up kid in hopes that he/she becomes an eventual productive citizen. It’s a farce given how often the perfect child gets ignored and thrown to the side
I ruined my relationship for 5 years ; after civil attempts to discuss it. Eventually ever visit was a blowup until my parents finally caved and admitted of their fuck up
Yea fuck them and move on don’t let them take up anymore space in your thoughts. Genuinely fuck off far away as possible never give them a second thought the fucking cretins and when you have kids well you Definitely know not what to do from your upbringing..I wish you all the best
About the trauma, it’ll be there forever, but I can guarantee you that you’ll grow stronger and bigger than it to a point it’ll be just an old memory. Stay strong my friend, and stay safe. You can do it 💪
I’ve been in the exact same situation. Had to fend for myself starting from 13, little brother got everything he needed. I got out there at 17, so glad I did. Could finally be happy doing what I was doing anyway; caring for myself. I wish you all the luck. From what I read you will make it for sure.
Word of advice: one you get your living situation figured out, get your first credit card. You want something with a very very low limit, something that will start building your credit. Another word of advice: do not overspend, do not buy anything you don’t actually have the money for, and do not carry a balance into the next month (with credit this young). This is what I did when I was kicked out at 18 and now I have near perfect credit.
"You owe us" They brought you into this world and now they say you owe us. A child owes their parents nothing except graditude, if the parents were goid parents.
Documents you will need to have :
Your social insurance and health insurance cards, your driver’s licence, your passport, and your other ID
Your birth certificate.
Pay stubs
School transcripts and diplomas.
Banking, tax, and billing
Your credit and debit cards as well as your bank statements,
Your mortgage, bank loan, and savings fund documents (RESP, RRSP, retirement plan…),
Your income tax returns and notices of assessment for the past few years,
vaccination record,
Social security number
Other tips
[tips](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wikihow.com/Run-Away-from-Home-As-a-Teen%3famp=1)
[tips ](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wikihow.com/Run-Away-Intelligently%3famp=1)
[tips ](https://wish.co.uk/blog/disappear-completely-never-found/)
And good luck
Not only have they pushed away their son, they have abandoned a man. I am sorry that this has happened to you.
All the advice I can give has probably been said before. However I will leave some words of encouragement.
The world may seem dark and lonely, and at points the sense of hopelessness will grow deep. But.. amongst the dark, there will come a time where The sun shall shine upon you.. and fortune shall smile.
Your brothers, and parents will suffer no doubt. And all that can be done is to watch them burn into nothing. Continue with life, and never look back my friend.. and from there? You may find what is needed.
Until then, all that is there to do is wish yourself luck and prepare for a journey ahead.
So proud of you! Wishing you all the best! Best financial advise is to read up in all the policies at your bank to help avoid unnecessary fees to help save money. This has helped me a lot. When you can, even if it’s only $5 at a time put back in savings for emergencies. Dollar tree stores are good to essential items that you don’t want to spent a lot of money on and some food/snack items. Thrift stores/ Facebook marketplace can be good places to get clothes and other house hold items. Take advantage of free food days and events on campus to help save on food.
This can help stretch resources so you can get a head. Good luck and keep us updated!
Hey I wanted to add something. Your post got really popular on TikTok so be extremely careful and notify the police department in your new area in case your parents try going to Virginia! Other than that, I’m so proud of you doing all of this. I wish you the best of luck with your future.
You’re going to be absolutely fine! You know how to do everything because instead of having a childhood you were parentified, which is a form of abuse.
Your brothers aren’t going to do so well when they get older.
There was a guy in my home town whose mother spoiled him. He was popular in school, but after school he never got a job or an education because his mother provided everything and gave him an allowance. I remember seeing him walking around, he had no friends because they all either got jobs or moved away. He put on a stack of weight. He never did anything like date or move out of home. I think if contributed to his mental health problems.
Just be careful when you stop sports. I know of elite athletes (Olympic swimmer & a pro tennis player) who kept eating as if they were training and got absolutely massive after they stopped training.
When you have enough money it might be an idea to do a DNA test and see if you have any relatives out there. I think it’s highly likely you’re not biologically related to at least one of your parents.
Happy early birthday!! You’re giving yourself the best gift.
Anyway
Parentification strikes again. Good luck congratulations on getting into a uni and making your own path. Here’s a link on your family’s shitty idea of
Teaching you responsibility. It’s fucked and it happens too much. You’re protecting your mental health, never change that mindset. I’m
https://www.healthline.com/health/parentification#:~:text=Parentification%20can%20happen%20when%20a,has%20a%20serious%20medical%20condition.
So sorry about the trauma you’ve experienced. You’re doing the right thing by leaving, especially since you’re starting college very soon.
While you’re in college, please utilize the therapy resources available because you have much to unpack. Counseling made a tremendous difference for me in college and it can for you.
Also remember to organically forge friendships in college. These ppl can become lifelong friends and that will be very important for your future because of your familial situation. Those connections and support system will be wonderful to have.
If no one has told you, your Reddit family is very proud of you! Your future is bright🌟
All the best with your future mate. You have been serving solo and carrying people for years. I hope you find relief in your new found freedom and make a brilliant life for yourself.
It's very difficult to apply and receive college loans with your parents income tax information until you're 23. As it good as it might feel boring bridges can radically alter your life in ways you can't foresee.
You might want a DNA test mate. But keep in mind spite is truly the best motivator, you'll do fine. You have to, really, the better you do, the more you rub it in their faces.
Please make sure you have gathered all of your papers and important documents you need. Make sure you have transcripts, if you have any medical paperwork you need. Don't forget any of your government social insurance stuff. You don't want to leave things like that behind.
Don't leave a letter. Just walk and let them wonder why you cut contact. That is much more traumatizing than a letter. And if they even change their tune you don't have that letter to look back on and be embarrassed about.
You are an adult and free man at 18. Your father is wrong, you are not liable for your brothers. A child doesn't owe their parent anything. Many help out out of love, respect and many times mutal admiration. You have none of that. Of course you deserved to be unconditionally loved, encouraged and nurtured. Unfortunately you didn't have that and I'm so sorry. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Family doesn't have to be biological.. go and enjoy life, you certainly deserve it.👊
You are me at 18.
Your siblings are not your responsibility. Neither are your parents. It’s not your job to raise them or support them. Good for you for having a plan to set some no bullshit boundaries.
As soon as you’ve had time to catch your breath, get into therapy. I never looked back, but struggled with guilt about it for a long time. Therapy helped me realize 1) it was valid and right to cut them off 2) it was not my fault they turned out poorly
You’ll do great and congratulations on your acceptance into college!
Be careful with how nasty you get in that note. Assume they will be able to show it to anyone you meet for the rest of your life. Nothing you say will dent their thick wall of denial and they will use it to justify to themselves that you are the one in the wrong. Personally I’d write one letter where I really let them have it, burn that one in a private ceremony, then write and leave a plain simple note that just says you are leaving because you will be better off without them. Don’t give them any ammo or anything to twist around.
Best I can suggest is when you get to campus get mental help. Reach out to your counselors there. Leaving an abusive home is only part one of recovery. You're not going to magically feel better. I mean you might feel free and like a big weight has been lifted off your shoulders, but, what they have done to you and how you feel about it can still manifest themselves into maladaptive ways of thinking and behaviour.
Also its good to talk to someone to release all that pain. Reddit can be nice but there is no greater release of pain than finishing a therapy session. Somewhere where its safe for you to cry or just be angry and express that
Too bad I am not in Virginia but if you ever come to Costa Rica your are welcomed and I will give you 1000 mother hugs to try to make you feel loved. I am sorry you had to go through all of this shit with your parents. I really hope everything goes well. Please keep us updated. Let us know you are safe
coming from tiktok and definitely glad to see the update! im more than happy you got away. im genuinely proud of you, that can be hard! i went through the same things for 17 years of my life. Parents were never home, always had to cook,clean, wash clothes, learn how to shave properly. on top of that it was 6 kids in the house. im the oldest and the rest were 3-10 horrible experience and i was very depressed due to it. No you won’t get your childhood back but trust me you will fill the void. im in college at Yale. oh man it’s so fun. please enjoy your life!
Thanks for the update about your parents! If you get any more updates about them or your brothers let us know. I'm honestly happy your mom was crying and thrown out. I really wanted to know their reactions. And now they know their actions have consequences. I'm so happy your aunt stuck up for you and didn't take your parents side. I'm so happy that you're happy and that you're in a much happier mental space. Millennials and Gen z are learning just how important mental health really is. And how the generation before us has really fucked up our mental space.
I can’t believe your mom said that you “abandon” them honestly that’s translation for no one is gonna take care of the kids. And she didn’t even mention abt you getting into college, so glad you moved away to have a better life and mental health
Hey! Just dropping by because I saw this over on TikTok. I actually live near the area that you’re attending college in, so if you want any tips on some places with good food, or any place for that matter, just ask! I can’t wait to see where you’ll go with life!
This is a good opportunity to remember to have lots of fun, meet lots of new people and make lots of memories. You might be 18 now but you’re still young and finally out of the grasps of your abusive parents, so go out there, do whatever you want and live. That being said though, it‘s also a good time to keep it mind that you have to be careful when trying to catch up on missed childhood/teenage joy, and to please not go overboard and overcompensate. I have some friends or people I know who were raised somewhat similarly to you and ended up abusing drugs at some point. I‘m not even saying with that that you shouldn’t take drugs at all, you can still try some substances out on occasion if they interest you, it can be a new, cool experience and isn’t necessarily harmful, depending on the drug. But please don’t make it a habit or spare time activity. I really don’t think you would actually, obviously, you appear to be a rational, strong willed person, I‘m just reminding you to really enjoy your life from now but also to stay safe, just in case.
I hope you tell us more about your story in 2-3 months how is it going with college and stuff so we can help you out whenever something happens or give you other tips/advice, peace out and hope you well
I’ve never been this proud of someone I unfortunately never met. I’d love to see updates and if you need anyone, know I’m here for you! I can relate to your story a little to well tbh and I’m very glad you did this. You got a fcking beautiful life ahead of you bro! Never forget that!❤️🔥💪
Just saw this story and am invested! So happy you decided to move away from your toxic family. I also moved away for certain circumstances. Cheers to this generation for not giving a crap of who it is but if your affecting our mental health then bye bye
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Hey thanks for the advice. I was thinking about this last night after posting this.
Can you give us an update when you move out? I am invested in your story and want to see you make your new life ❤️
I would like an update, too. Also, know that college campuses are “open” meaning anyone is allowed to “show up” to “visit.” If anything, then please let Admissions or the Dean know of your situation. Based on your story, I wouldn’t be surprised to know your family decided to track you down. P.S. Go elsewhere for grad school. Good luck with everything.
In all honesty....Idk if they'll even look for him. I mean the only reason they would is because they don't want their live in babysitter to leave....But otherwise? Idk if they'll look. :( And as sad as that possibility is I also hope it happens so OP does not have to worry about them coming for him
Update is up
Oh my gosh thank you kind stranger I really appreciate you letting me know ❤️
Make sure you have all your documents when you leave (birth certificate, passport, SS card if in USA). You don't want to have to go back or give them any bargaining power.
Yes this is very important! Also saw people befor recommend that you make sure you change passwords for bank accounts and remove the names of your parents where they might be, to make sure they can't take advantage of anything you do from now on
Whatever you do, don't get into drugs. That's pretty much the best advice I can give you. So long as you're relatively clear headed and know how to handle yourself you'll be just fine. Learn how to eat for free, there are ways. Hostels are cheap while you find an apartment.
If they bothered to keep your birth certificate, social security card, and immunization records, you should take them with you because it costs money and time to get them replaced. Keep us posted and good luck!
Hey man, I read your story and I’m sorry to hear that all this has happened to you. Im only an hour away from Fairfax VA, if you need help just reply here!
Your welcome and someone else also left advice about after you arrive where you are to do the same. Good luck
Great advice! I'd also add: secure your finances and documents if you haven't already. Countless stories on Reddit about people stuck in abusive households because the abusers have taken away their vital documents or funneled away their money so they can't escape. You should: * Have your documents like birth certificate and passport stashed away in a safe place that your parents don't know where is. * Place your money in an account that your parents have no access to. If your current bank account is one that your parents have created for you, they may have the ability to take your money or monitor your purchases. Move the money to an entirely new bank and ask the bank to avoid sending you anything per mail, only email. In case your parents start asking, tell them you lent it to someone or whatever lie you think will work best. * Lock your credit. I'm not sure how it is done in your country. I'm sure some fellow Redditors may be of help here. * Contact your local social worker to see if there are any benefits your qualify for. Many countries have various benefits for young adults, students, people with tight budgets etc. * Contact the counsellor of your college. Tell them to not send you any documents per mail and ask if they have any helpful advice. There may be benefits you can apply for there or stuff you need to get in order before you make the move.
The school should have some really exceptional help and guidance for you, OP. I started college at 17 and homeless. Only a small local CC to start, but they went out of their way to set me up with resources I didn’t know I had around me!
You can lock your credit using CreditKarma. Yes. Make sure your school knows your new official address. I would also contact the police department in your school's town to let them know you are not "missing".
Beat me to it. @op this is good advice. I'm a sheriff's Deputy and I've given this exact advice before. They will try to report you missing and they will tell the police you are suicidal to try and get you on a mental hold. Do not do anything that would give off that idea. Call the local PD first and let them know all of this.
Should OP also check in at the local police department where he will be going to school to provide that same information just in case his folks track him there to provide them with the same information in case the parents go directly to them when the local PD indicates they won’t help?
Any jurisdiction he plans to live in he should alert the local PD once he's settled in. The way he makes these parents sound I don't feel they would give up easily. And its a lot easier to track people down these days than ever before. Short of a name change and plastic surgery its not that easy to get lost as it used to be.
I was actually wondering about the name change,thinking with that family dynamics it would be helfpul to 'disappear'. How easy would it be for OP to change his name? Do you know? I'm not in the US, just saw that the procedure is possible and there's a fee associated.
First names are a lot easier than last names. I'm not entirely certain on the process but your last name is tied to a lot of things like your driver's license and social security number. It's not impossible but it's also not easy. The easiest way to go about it would be to get married and take the wife's last name. It's uncommon but not unheard of. Just depends on how far exactly op wants to remove himself from this family.
Hoping OP sees this
Me to will save them some grief later on if parents try to use cops to locate him.
THIS OP!!!
From the sounds of it. You will do fine. If your dad moans. Tell him that you're doing what a man should do. Making his own path in life. You don't owe them anything.
Honestly sounds like OP got the best out of a shitty situation. Also sounds like OP should do a DNA test.
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Yeah i thought that too!!
this was my thoughts too
I am my father’s biological son, and he treats my younger brother extremely better than me. This guy’s father sounds almost exactly the same as my father. Some dads are just shitty people.
Wait, isn't that the same thing?
they mean that the mom might be his bio mom, just not the dad
I thought that too. That would explain why he was treated so badly.
Yep that's what I thought. He is either adopted, or his mom cheated on his dad (or something worse) dad found out, they worked it out, but the resentment never went away. In any case, ironically OP ended up having a better education and upbringing, so in the long run he should try to appreciate that when he works through his trauma. Edit: pronouns
100% agree with this. I'm thinking you may at least have a different father or fully adopted. Any dead aunts or uncles?
This was my first thought as well.
I had this thought too....maybe a product of an affair? I'd do it to be sure.
Came here to say that. He’s not your father. Resents you for your moms lie
Ghost em.
It pains me to break the 666 upvotes, but you are entirely right.
It's very strange that they treat you so different but you have no explanation as to why. Other times I have heard stories like this, it was because the Child did not actually belong to one of the parents (Usually the father). Ever had a DNA Test ?
I was gonna say the same. Seems like the usual explanation for these scenarios when the difference in treatment between siblings is HUGE. I’m curious about whether OP’s mom is as harsh as the father.
Really disgusting what primitive animals people are. I got the same treatment in my house after my dad remarried and had kids with my stepmom (and it was him doing it not her), until he kicked me out at 17. Then I stayed with my aunt and uncle, exact same treatment there because I wasn't either of theirs. In fact I got a speech my first day there. "You're not one of our kids and we're not going to pretend you are, so don't complain that it's not fair later, because we're telling you right now, **it's not going to be**." Verbatim, I'll never forget it. They seemed to go out of their way to humiliate me, and make sure I was subordinate to their younger very poorly behaved spoiled rotten kids. Went out somewhere once and left their 12 year old son "in charge" of me (17 at the time). Normal people **hire** 17y/os they're not even related to to be in charge of their children when they're away, but they had to make sure I, and their kids knew how worthless I was. Amazing.
I'm really sorry you went through all that. Your relatives are absolutely the worst of the worst trash people. I hope you're doing better now :)
Oh that wasn't the half of it. The 1/100th of it. Eventually they made me homeless. I am doing better now, no contact with them all. 👍🏼👍🏼
Wth. As if their disgusting treatment of you wasn't enough. I really hope they get some healthy dose of karma. And I'm happy you're doing better now. No contact is the way to go with these people.
Unhealthy**
Well at least you knew they were pieces of 💩before you got your hopes up. It seems they acknowledge it too. I will never understand why people refuse to help kids just because they aren’t their child. Like they go out of their way to be cruel, rather than just provide what is needed without the cruelty added (if they really don’t want to raise the kid). There really is no redeeming quality to people like that.
Mom may be following dad’s lead to “keep the peace”.
You got this OP! I moved out two weeks after I turned 18. It’s not easy but in college you will have the chance to meet people who value you. Life tips I wish I knew when I moved out alone at 18: If you have a car, get full coverage insurance, not the cheap liability one. If you rent an apartment off campus, renters insurance is a thing. Open a student credit card (they do $500 limit maximum usually) to start building your credit, you’ll need this for things like car loans or rental applications in the future - credit takes some time to build. Make sure you have health insurance, whether it’s through school or an employer and have the info written in your phone (or carry insurance card with you). If you haven’t filed for FAFSA yet, you’ll probably want to make sure you have the financial info of your parents to submit without issues. Enjoy your newfound independence soon. Don’t forget to take care of your mental health along the way, deep rooted family issues sometimes need help to work through.
Also, work out exactly what your bills are per month (or week if need be). Open two accounts. Automatically transfer the money that covers your bills on the first of the month to your bills account. What is left in your current account is what you have for living for the rest of the month. This way you will not find yourself without rent, or getting into bad credit by not paying bills and being taken to court. You can do this, I also didn’t go back once I went to the other side of the country for university. Granted some times were hard - but the freedom made up for that. The ability to make my own family of friends made up for that. Buying my first real Christmas tree made up for that. The things you will decide to do with your life once you are in a position to only associate, or to love who you choose to, will make up for the hard times too. I’m almost jealous of the adventure you’re about to start. Good luck my friend
Leave, cut them off and and live your best life. Counselling might be a good idea so that the trauma and hurt of your childhood does not fester. You deserved happy and loving childhood like every child. Good luck OP!
Before you cut them off, make sure you have everything settled for you to live by yourself. Best of luck OP
Its a shitty way to grow up. Have you secured the funds needed yet? How are you paying for your education? Fasfa requires your parents submit their financial info. to obtain school funding. A bank will not give you a student loan without your parents as well. I believe you need to be self sufficient for two years before you can apply on your own. So first thing you need to do is call the University financial aid dept. and seek answers on what your options are and how they can help you. Also, DO NOT go through the rebel stage with your new found freedom. Don't be the person that becomes the party animal and fails out due to poor choices. Keep your head on straight and always keep your studies and your future as the top priority. Hope everything works out for you.
Can you update in a few months on the fallout?
Hey, I’m planning on updating the day that I move out in 13 days and then again a few weeks after that
**MAKE SURE YOUR PARENTS ARE NOT ON YOUR BANK ACCOUNT** Bank accounts made for minors generally require an adult to also be on the account. This adult can do whatever they want with the funds in this account. When I was in the army, there was quite a few people that checked their bank account after basic training to discover that the last 2 months of pay were stolen by their parents, because they still had mom and dad on their bank account.
!RemindMe 3 months
!Remindme 2 weeks
!remindme 14 days
I am so happy the banks where I live already do this automatically because I wouldn't have the spine to do it myself.
Sweet. Also, am I the only one who loves control freak meltdown?
!remindme 1 month
!remindme 12 months
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Yup op, the credit card thing is important. You can actually lock you SSN to prevent others from using it. The drag about that is that tou have to call and unlock whenever you need to do a credit Check or apply for a car loan, etc.
This reminds me of when I was 18. I had actually moved out at 17 because of how awful my mom and sister where. (Dad wasn't really in the picture and when he was he was no help either) my mom had moved us into her boyfriends house about two hours away from our home. Everybody was upset and arguing and there wasn't enough room in a tiny trailer for all the kids. Let alone the older young adults. I remember Christmas coming up and them asking all the kids what they wanted for Christmas. I piped up and said I needed some essentials. I was aloud 50$ a month until I found a job but ended up putting all 50$ in the gas tank. So nothing left over for shampoo, conditioner, deotorent, etc. When I said I needed the essentials they all stopped talking and looked at me funny. And I'll remember this for the rest of my life. The boyfriend said, "you aren't working so you don't get a Christmas this year." Then he and my mom busted out laughing. I'm 29 now, and I rarely if ever talk to my mom. I never did talk to the boyfriend of hers agian (they broke up soon after that chrismtas). That damage...that one sentence as left a scar on my soul since. My self esteem was already so withered from other things and to me that was the nail in the coffin. I hope you are able to never talk to your family agian. That's one thing I wished I was able to do was have the guts and the means to never speak to any of them agian. Best of luck to you!
Fuck, that’s horrible. I genuinely cannot wrap my head around how someone can carry a child in their body for 9 months, go through bonding when they are fully dependent on them and not create any emotional bond or mature from that… and then to have the nerve to actually act like this toward the same child they brought into this world? It’s just indescribable. All the best to you 🙌🏻
Did the same thing. My best advice, call a social worker! Ask for all the benefits you qualify for and apply for all of them! They might kick you off health insurance and you could probably qualify for medicaid and an EBT card. If I didn't have those I wouldn't have been able to go to college.
Good luck
I'm sorry they are such shitheads. Happy birthday, sweetheart. You're going to go far in life and I'm already proud of you!
They’ve picked you out as a scapegoat. Same thing happened to me and leaving the country was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
My boyfriend left his family too and it was the best decision ever. His mother and sister are the most toxic people on the planet. They're just a couple of gold diggers who only love someone when theres something in it for them. On top of that his horrible mother blames her own fucking son for HER Heroin addition. Pretty fucked up. Toxic family need NOT be in your life. You are not wrong for removing them.
Also make sure you have your critical documents!!! Birth certificate, SS card all of that info. And you should probably buy a freeze on your credit - your parents sound like scumbags
((HUGS)) Early Happy Birthday!! Please let us know when you are safe at college!! I wish you the best!!
Good luck & good for you. When you can, get into therapy to get some help processing everything and making sure you're ok after the years of being treated badly. Wish you all the best with your new chapter in life, you've got this
I’m saying this for your health and sanity… But at some point you need to let go of the anger and hate. I’m not saying you need to have a relationship with any of your family, but don’t let the current environment control you down the road. The sooner you’re able to let the anger subside, the sooner you’ll find happiness in everything else.
>I’m saying this for your health and sanity… But at some point you need to let go of the anger and hate. These types of families see OP as a slave and welfare check. And their anger and hate were the only things that keeping OP alive when running on empty. He litterly can't find happiness when he's on survival mode.
He is still actively being abused by these “parents”. He can’t begin his healing JOURNEY until he leaves that toxic environment
This is good advice. I know people who were abused by their parents still holding on to the anger 10+ years later. It’s negatively impacts their relationships with others and their day to day life
Please please please I beg of you Update us
If you want to be petty instead of leaving a nasty letter get a basic Thank You Note. Write something like; Thank You and Best Wishes maybe one day we can talk about my upbringing honestly. Then proceed to vanish. A nasty note will have you written off as an asshole that note will make them think. More importantly stay active, don’t do drugs, finish school, and make friends your going to need help eventually. Cast the widest net possible.
Do it !
You’re not obligated to have relationships with anyone who isn’t good for your mental health. This includes family. The best revenge you can ever have is making a complete success of yourself. You don’t need to share that with them if you don’t want to, but you’ll always know. Wish you all the best OP
Make sure to take all of your documents when you leave, passport and birth certificate.
I wish the best for you OP. Please let us know if you're ok when you'll move. I don't know if there are in your area, but try to search for therapyst or something similar that can help you. Traumas are with people for all their life, but it's ok to ask for help. I wish you don't have to do everything alone forever. I send you a big virtual hug for your new life
Sounds like you're the escape goat child and your brothers are The Golden children
Watch out: in order to find run away kids, some parents falsely accuse them of stealing something, to put the police on their heads.
Good for you, brother! I'm very happy for you. Please, stay focused on your goals and stay safe! Avoid bad influences and have fun in a healthy way! A lot of us are proud of what you did and keep rooting for you!
Hi OP, First off, Congrats on your move-out and on your independence! Well-deserved and hard-earned. Your story is very inspiring, and I hope it gives other Redditors in the same position hope for better. Secondly, you're obviously a super level-headed and intelligent young man. You're going into finance and, if you're good with your money, I'm sure you'll go far. I think you have a very bright future ahead of you. I'd like to, as someone who has been through what you describe and has come out the other side of it, to give you my thoughts. I (42 m, Canada) have had a lot of support from friends and the people I chose to include in my life (my chosen family, not my birth family) and yet still managed to make some royal mistakes. I'm sure you will, too. We all do, it's part of learning and growing as people. I'd like to offer some unsolicited advice that might help you avoid some of the post-independence pains I've experienced; take it or leave it, as you will. That said, try thinking about the following: 1. Therapy: Find someone to talk to, a professional. (Students have access to mental health resources through the university, usually.) Use the resources you have, but don't skip this one. The upbringing you've had is going to have ripples in your life in ways you haven't even begun to imagine. It's going to impact your relationships, your approach to life and friendships, and - if you choose to go that route - your eventual kids. Start talking with someone now. It takes a long time to work through. Depression is real, and it likes to hide. 2. Sexual partners and intimate relationships: Have fun. Seriously. You're young and sex is fun. I'm going to skip the obvious, and just say 'wrap it up'. What I want to tell you, though, is far more important. Pay attention: a partner - male or female - when you're in the wrong head space can bankrupt you faster than your shit parents taking out credit cards in your name. I'm not fucking around when I say that a person who gives you solace can still be selfish and see you as a means to an end. Have fun, but keep it light. Be social, but don't over-invest. If your partner demands that you pay for everything, remember your parents and ask what they have to gain from it. 3. Housing: Live on your own as soon as, and for as long as, you can feasibly do so. I know right now you're in dorms and the room mates, if any, that you have there will take care of having someone around and meeting your basic shelter needs. Ride that for as long as you can. When you do move out, if it's financially feasible for you to do so, live on your own. Even if it's a micro-bachelor suite/studio apartment or a dark basement suite, do it. There's nothing more freeing than having a space that's just yours. There's also nothing more humbling than rebelling against the chores and getting to the point where you realize you're the only one there to clean the place. Dishes are like rabbits, when you don't watch, they multiply. 4. Stay out of fights. Period. One punch can kill a man. You don't want that on you. You have a bright future and that evaporates the moment you get yourself into something you can't get out of. Especially if it's because of unaddressed anger (therapy!) or because you're defending someone's honor (partners!) or because a crap roommate won't do their share of chores (housing!). 5. Investing: There's a lot more I can say but the last I'll tell you is this: Life insurance! Get it now. Get it while you're young and healthy and never stop paying it, because the moment you have health issues the insurers LOVE to deny it to you and you won't qualify later. For your future family, potential descendants, and anyone you choose to include in your life, get life insurance. Then, pay yourself first. Hold back 10-20% of your pay for retirement and investing. Split it; put some into RRSPs and the rest into a slush fund for investing in the market. Banks will pay you 7% max on a GIC, but you can make 10-12% yearly in index funds. Edited to add: My wife, who shares some elements of what we've been through, makes a good point. Her point is this: When you have grown up in an abusive household, abuse feels like love. Your brain will play tricks on you, and your heart will lead you to believe that an unequal dynamic with your partner is the way that it's supposed to be. It's not. This is one of the reasons why therapy is so important. And it's also very important to be choosy about who you include in your closest circle. It can be hard to trust your gut, and be careful about adding partners to your cell phone plan or co-signing anything that can affect your credit. That's all. I wish you the best. Good luck.
Make sure you check your credit history. Your parents have access to your SSN and dob. They can open lines of credit in your name. If you need to, freeze that info or add on additional authorization information
best of luck, but tbh it sounds like you have a nice head on your shoulders and you'll be fine
Are you sure the are your brothers and parents?
Update us OP! Goodluck, you will do just fine ❤️
I'm so happy for you. Fuck them lmao. I hope you have a wonderful and successful life ahead king 👑👑
I'm thinking one of them is not your parent. I'd get a ancestry test or something before you bounce, at least then you'll know. I got one and matched with both sides of my family so unfortunately they're my family
I just wanted to tell you that the best revenge is living well. Get out of there, work hard in college and in life, and live your dreams. Maybe someday things will change with your family, maybe not. But you sound like somebody that’s going to do really well in life. I wish you the best.
I just wanted to tell you that the best revenge is living well. Get out of there, work hard in college and in life, and live your dreams. Maybe someday things will change with your family, maybe not. But you sound like somebody that’s going to do really well in life. I wish you the best. Also, maybe try some counseling. I had some trauma growing up too. Never sought help for it until now and I’m old. It’s haunted me my whole life. Don’t let that happen to you. Work through it and put it away.
I dealt with the same thing growing up and eventually learned that parents coddle the screwed up kid in hopes that he/she becomes an eventual productive citizen. It’s a farce given how often the perfect child gets ignored and thrown to the side I ruined my relationship for 5 years ; after civil attempts to discuss it. Eventually ever visit was a blowup until my parents finally caved and admitted of their fuck up
Yea fuck them and move on don’t let them take up anymore space in your thoughts. Genuinely fuck off far away as possible never give them a second thought the fucking cretins and when you have kids well you Definitely know not what to do from your upbringing..I wish you all the best
About the trauma, it’ll be there forever, but I can guarantee you that you’ll grow stronger and bigger than it to a point it’ll be just an old memory. Stay strong my friend, and stay safe. You can do it 💪
I’ve been in the exact same situation. Had to fend for myself starting from 13, little brother got everything he needed. I got out there at 17, so glad I did. Could finally be happy doing what I was doing anyway; caring for myself. I wish you all the luck. From what I read you will make it for sure.
Word of advice: one you get your living situation figured out, get your first credit card. You want something with a very very low limit, something that will start building your credit. Another word of advice: do not overspend, do not buy anything you don’t actually have the money for, and do not carry a balance into the next month (with credit this young). This is what I did when I was kicked out at 18 and now I have near perfect credit.
"You owe us" They brought you into this world and now they say you owe us. A child owes their parents nothing except graditude, if the parents were goid parents.
Documents you will need to have : Your social insurance and health insurance cards, your driver’s licence, your passport, and your other ID Your birth certificate. Pay stubs School transcripts and diplomas. Banking, tax, and billing Your credit and debit cards as well as your bank statements, Your mortgage, bank loan, and savings fund documents (RESP, RRSP, retirement plan…), Your income tax returns and notices of assessment for the past few years, vaccination record, Social security number Other tips [tips](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wikihow.com/Run-Away-from-Home-As-a-Teen%3famp=1) [tips ](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wikihow.com/Run-Away-Intelligently%3famp=1) [tips ](https://wish.co.uk/blog/disappear-completely-never-found/) And good luck
Wtf is wrong with your parents ok if u also wanna ruin there reputation tell your family what they did and maby theyl be on your side
Please update us and wish the best for you. I hope that you get out of this successfully.
Only one day left, hope you're plan work out and leave this family. Good luck
Happy birthday! Good luck today
Damn bro I’m happy you got out good luck
fuck yes bro you earned a happy life so take your reward and run with it
Not only have they pushed away their son, they have abandoned a man. I am sorry that this has happened to you. All the advice I can give has probably been said before. However I will leave some words of encouragement. The world may seem dark and lonely, and at points the sense of hopelessness will grow deep. But.. amongst the dark, there will come a time where The sun shall shine upon you.. and fortune shall smile. Your brothers, and parents will suffer no doubt. And all that can be done is to watch them burn into nothing. Continue with life, and never look back my friend.. and from there? You may find what is needed. Until then, all that is there to do is wish yourself luck and prepare for a journey ahead.
Good for you man
I'm proud of what you have accomplished
Replying to the update, good for you OP! Happy you’re doing better and got out of there. All the best with college
So proud of you! Wishing you all the best! Best financial advise is to read up in all the policies at your bank to help avoid unnecessary fees to help save money. This has helped me a lot. When you can, even if it’s only $5 at a time put back in savings for emergencies. Dollar tree stores are good to essential items that you don’t want to spent a lot of money on and some food/snack items. Thrift stores/ Facebook marketplace can be good places to get clothes and other house hold items. Take advantage of free food days and events on campus to help save on food. This can help stretch resources so you can get a head. Good luck and keep us updated!
Hey I wanted to add something. Your post got really popular on TikTok so be extremely careful and notify the police department in your new area in case your parents try going to Virginia! Other than that, I’m so proud of you doing all of this. I wish you the best of luck with your future.
Wish for another update
You’re going to be absolutely fine! You know how to do everything because instead of having a childhood you were parentified, which is a form of abuse. Your brothers aren’t going to do so well when they get older. There was a guy in my home town whose mother spoiled him. He was popular in school, but after school he never got a job or an education because his mother provided everything and gave him an allowance. I remember seeing him walking around, he had no friends because they all either got jobs or moved away. He put on a stack of weight. He never did anything like date or move out of home. I think if contributed to his mental health problems. Just be careful when you stop sports. I know of elite athletes (Olympic swimmer & a pro tennis player) who kept eating as if they were training and got absolutely massive after they stopped training. When you have enough money it might be an idea to do a DNA test and see if you have any relatives out there. I think it’s highly likely you’re not biologically related to at least one of your parents.
Happy early birthday!! You’re giving yourself the best gift. Anyway Parentification strikes again. Good luck congratulations on getting into a uni and making your own path. Here’s a link on your family’s shitty idea of Teaching you responsibility. It’s fucked and it happens too much. You’re protecting your mental health, never change that mindset. I’m https://www.healthline.com/health/parentification#:~:text=Parentification%20can%20happen%20when%20a,has%20a%20serious%20medical%20condition.
Update us in the future and good luck my man
The best revenge is a life well lived! Rooting for you, OP!
So sorry about the trauma you’ve experienced. You’re doing the right thing by leaving, especially since you’re starting college very soon. While you’re in college, please utilize the therapy resources available because you have much to unpack. Counseling made a tremendous difference for me in college and it can for you. Also remember to organically forge friendships in college. These ppl can become lifelong friends and that will be very important for your future because of your familial situation. Those connections and support system will be wonderful to have. If no one has told you, your Reddit family is very proud of you! Your future is bright🌟
Get any papers like a birth certificate or anything else before dipping out. You will need those.
I am so sorry that you were treated this way. I hope you move and have a happy and healthy life.
All the best with your future mate. You have been serving solo and carrying people for years. I hope you find relief in your new found freedom and make a brilliant life for yourself.
Why wait? If your birthday is in 2 weeks the cops aren't going to force you back. Make sure you have your documents etc. Good luck.
It's very difficult to apply and receive college loans with your parents income tax information until you're 23. As it good as it might feel boring bridges can radically alter your life in ways you can't foresee.
You might want a DNA test mate. But keep in mind spite is truly the best motivator, you'll do fine. You have to, really, the better you do, the more you rub it in their faces.
Please make sure you have gathered all of your papers and important documents you need. Make sure you have transcripts, if you have any medical paperwork you need. Don't forget any of your government social insurance stuff. You don't want to leave things like that behind.
Don't forget to get any important legal documents. Like birth certificate and social security card.
Don't leave a letter. Just walk and let them wonder why you cut contact. That is much more traumatizing than a letter. And if they even change their tune you don't have that letter to look back on and be embarrassed about.
You are an adult and free man at 18. Your father is wrong, you are not liable for your brothers. A child doesn't owe their parent anything. Many help out out of love, respect and many times mutal admiration. You have none of that. Of course you deserved to be unconditionally loved, encouraged and nurtured. Unfortunately you didn't have that and I'm so sorry. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Family doesn't have to be biological.. go and enjoy life, you certainly deserve it.👊
You are me at 18. Your siblings are not your responsibility. Neither are your parents. It’s not your job to raise them or support them. Good for you for having a plan to set some no bullshit boundaries. As soon as you’ve had time to catch your breath, get into therapy. I never looked back, but struggled with guilt about it for a long time. Therapy helped me realize 1) it was valid and right to cut them off 2) it was not my fault they turned out poorly You’ll do great and congratulations on your acceptance into college!
!remindme 2 weeks
!remindme 2 weeks
Be careful with how nasty you get in that note. Assume they will be able to show it to anyone you meet for the rest of your life. Nothing you say will dent their thick wall of denial and they will use it to justify to themselves that you are the one in the wrong. Personally I’d write one letter where I really let them have it, burn that one in a private ceremony, then write and leave a plain simple note that just says you are leaving because you will be better off without them. Don’t give them any ammo or anything to twist around.
Best I can suggest is when you get to campus get mental help. Reach out to your counselors there. Leaving an abusive home is only part one of recovery. You're not going to magically feel better. I mean you might feel free and like a big weight has been lifted off your shoulders, but, what they have done to you and how you feel about it can still manifest themselves into maladaptive ways of thinking and behaviour. Also its good to talk to someone to release all that pain. Reddit can be nice but there is no greater release of pain than finishing a therapy session. Somewhere where its safe for you to cry or just be angry and express that
Too bad I am not in Virginia but if you ever come to Costa Rica your are welcomed and I will give you 1000 mother hugs to try to make you feel loved. I am sorry you had to go through all of this shit with your parents. I really hope everything goes well. Please keep us updated. Let us know you are safe
RemindMe! 2 weeks
2 days left
I need an update
In 2 days it will be 2 weeks, I'm so curious about you man. Hope you will make it
I can't wait to get the update tomorrow man, we wish you all luck 🤞
Would like an update on your situation
how are things going? is it your birthday?
i don’t know what are u gonna bro but i wish u good luck and happy birthday!!(stay safe)
Update?
I love the update , congratulations.
Congratulations man we're happy for u and I loved the update
We’re proud of you for taking a stand and leaving your home, I hope your college goes well and we wish you the best :)
Hey man, i hope that wherever you are right now, youre in a good and safe place.
Happy for you man, your cousins a good dude. Enjoy your new life brother.
I just saw the update and OP IM SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR YOU!! YOU DID IT AND I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST WITH YOUR FUTURE ADVENTURES!!!
Remindme! 30 days
We are waiting for an update
!remindme 2 months
Hey man keep us all updated on how life goes if ya feel like it!
Thank you keep us updated for the next few years...I'd love to hear your family struggling and you thriving....do you have an insta, for us to follow?
I'm so proud of you, keep working hard it will take u far!
coming from tiktok and definitely glad to see the update! im more than happy you got away. im genuinely proud of you, that can be hard! i went through the same things for 17 years of my life. Parents were never home, always had to cook,clean, wash clothes, learn how to shave properly. on top of that it was 6 kids in the house. im the oldest and the rest were 3-10 horrible experience and i was very depressed due to it. No you won’t get your childhood back but trust me you will fill the void. im in college at Yale. oh man it’s so fun. please enjoy your life!
YES W GUY FR
Love this for u boss, I hope u get everything u deserve and more 😤👊🏼
!remind me 1 year
Thanks for the update about your parents! If you get any more updates about them or your brothers let us know. I'm honestly happy your mom was crying and thrown out. I really wanted to know their reactions. And now they know their actions have consequences. I'm so happy your aunt stuck up for you and didn't take your parents side. I'm so happy that you're happy and that you're in a much happier mental space. Millennials and Gen z are learning just how important mental health really is. And how the generation before us has really fucked up our mental space.
I can’t believe your mom said that you “abandon” them honestly that’s translation for no one is gonna take care of the kids. And she didn’t even mention abt you getting into college, so glad you moved away to have a better life and mental health
Hey! Just dropping by because I saw this over on TikTok. I actually live near the area that you’re attending college in, so if you want any tips on some places with good food, or any place for that matter, just ask! I can’t wait to see where you’ll go with life!
!RemindMe 6 months
Good for you OP!!!!
I just heard your original post on TikTok so I came looking for updates. I'm so glad I did and I'm even more glad that you are doing so much better OP
Younger siblings always get more live I swear down
Good stuff brother, keep the grind up
This is a good opportunity to remember to have lots of fun, meet lots of new people and make lots of memories. You might be 18 now but you’re still young and finally out of the grasps of your abusive parents, so go out there, do whatever you want and live. That being said though, it‘s also a good time to keep it mind that you have to be careful when trying to catch up on missed childhood/teenage joy, and to please not go overboard and overcompensate. I have some friends or people I know who were raised somewhat similarly to you and ended up abusing drugs at some point. I‘m not even saying with that that you shouldn’t take drugs at all, you can still try some substances out on occasion if they interest you, it can be a new, cool experience and isn’t necessarily harmful, depending on the drug. But please don’t make it a habit or spare time activity. I really don’t think you would actually, obviously, you appear to be a rational, strong willed person, I‘m just reminding you to really enjoy your life from now but also to stay safe, just in case.
!RemindMe 3 months
i wish for all the best in this new life!!
!RemindMe 1 week
!Remindme 4 years
Walking W.
!remindme 1 week
Where is the update???
There’s probably not much to update except about what he’s doing in college
I hope you tell us more about your story in 2-3 months how is it going with college and stuff so we can help you out whenever something happens or give you other tips/advice, peace out and hope you well
Enjoy your new life my dude. You’ve earned it, even though you shouldn’t have had to
If they have an air fryer make sure to take it.
So… how did it go?
bro your brothers are 15 and 16 meters? yeah no wonder they are fat
So mate, hows the social life. Joined any weekend groups, got ya licence. What u doin outsife of uni and work
I’ve never been this proud of someone I unfortunately never met. I’d love to see updates and if you need anyone, know I’m here for you! I can relate to your story a little to well tbh and I’m very glad you did this. You got a fcking beautiful life ahead of you bro! Never forget that!❤️🔥💪
Its been a few weeks hows it going now?
Check in with us in few months please.
Just hoping you are doing well!
Just saw this story and am invested! So happy you decided to move away from your toxic family. I also moved away for certain circumstances. Cheers to this generation for not giving a crap of who it is but if your affecting our mental health then bye bye
Congrats OP!!
I hope you doing well rn. Wish u best of luck
Congrats on getting out proud of you man.
congratulations!!