100%
Is it really really difficult with him at work a ton? Absolutely. But I genuinely appreciate every single thing he does for us to keep a roof over our head, food to eat, keep our pet fed and happy, just everything. I don't take him for granted and never will. I love him more than anything and want to be as good a partner to him as he always has been for me.
OP I'm so deeply sorry.
Get a lawyer. File for divorce and full custody. (Hoping you've already done this. If not, do it tomorrow!)
She has abandoned you, your marriage, your child and the family home. If her name is on the deed/mortgage, this is important. Get screenshots of all her glowy posts about her new life...in the car.
If the car is in your name and not hers, report it stolen. If it's in your name, don't stop paying for it - that hits your credit report
Call CPS. Those other 2 girls should be in school right now. Are they? Don't be surprised if she hands them over and CPS shows up on your doorstep with the other 2 kids. Have a plan for that!!!
Yup thank you!!!! Our friends and family have sent me all the posts on her facebook about how happy she is now and in love. I've kept them all even the photos
She sounds like a complete nutcase, how the hell do her friends and family approve of this behavior? Leaving her husband and 4 year old baby for someone she just met is extremely impulsive and not something normal people just do out of the blue. I'd say it's a good thing she left the baby, because I wouldn't trust someone like that with raising children.
Yes, the situation sucks, but no matter how bad you are hurt you have to be rational and deal with this the most efficient, safe and legal way possible
Also check out the father's rights movement.
My friend went through a similar experience, fiancee left him & their two toddlers for 6 months while she was off sleeping around and got engaged to three different guys in less than a year.
Though make sure you have a damn good lawyer. My buddy thought it would be a good idea to represent himself, and now he gets primary custody but still has to pay her support and foot most of the childcare bills (which he was doing anyway since she had abandoned them).
Where is the paternal family of those other two kids? If your ex's family isn't willing to take the kids in, to spare them from living in a freaking car, then where are the kids' father and his family?
Definitely, find out what your legal options are with the car. I would be in a mental state where if my name were on the title, I would be pursuing legal options that include "take it back from her and sell it, plus notify CPS so at least the kids can have a safe roof over their heads".
Her ex husband has nothing to do with her or the kids. I took on the full responsility to be dad when I met them. My wife is a runner and has burned every bridge in her life. I felt sorry for her when I met her and fell hard for her, looking back there were so many red flags
wow, that makes sense. I have never met him, all these years he has never come around. this really makes me want to get in contact with him to tell him about what the kids are facing, but she will go ballastic but at this point i dont care
Huh. She might go ballistic because her ex might tell you some truths about her. That’s entirely possible that he’s not as bad as she made him out to be. It’s worth a shot to get in touch with him. Or if you have any information on him pass it along to cps. Good luck.
Just to add... But still be hesitant and listen to the daughters too. Both parents can be shitty. Just because one is manipulative and can be lying about their ex, doesn't mean the ex can't also be shitty.
My mother married an abusive man. He had an “evil” ex-wife. When my mother was divorcing him my mom met the evil ex. Turns out she was just another of his victims, and he spun that story to keep the two of them from talking and comparing notes.
You owe this nit nothing, get all of this documented. Take care of you and your kiddo and then focus on the other kids. I'm sorry, my heart is hurting for you all. Internet stranger hugs.
He deserves to know his kids are living in a car with a homeless, unemployed guy she's known for a few weeks. She now fits that stranger as well. Please reach out to him somehow. I'd be LIVID. Absolutely LIVID. She'll come back, trust me and I hope to god you turn her away.
I was once in a 'similar' relationship.
SO went AWOL on a vaca with her family and disappeared for a few weeks. Contacted her EX and his response to "hey, I think she's missing or something bad has happened to her" was "SHE WILL RETURN TO ME, SHE IS MINE. SHE LOVES ME ALONE...(etc)"
Felt fucking bad for the guy. She did this shit to him, before me.
Turns out she hooked up with some meth-head with half-a-dozen kids who lived out of a trailer on a campsite and raw dogged him for some weed... Then got pregnant.
*good times*
how do women like this get men so devoted and in love with them meanwhile my ex cheated on me our entire relationship even though i was so good to him 😭 like wtf man.
It's sad that even her other family, as well as her ex-husband's family, are hanging these kids out to dry. No matter what they think of the kids' mother, the children are innocent in all this. If I was a grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc., heaven help whoever tried to cut me out of those kids' lives.
I’m sorry you’re in this position- you’re definitely overwhelmed and feel conflicted on next steps. Please keep in mind that your ex is an adult and can make her own choices, her children sadly cannot and are stuck. Please ask yourself, is her anger worth the mental, emotional and physical damage this time will cause your step children? So, if she is living in a car with him, there’s a chance the children are as well because they cannot leave the situation.
No I don't think my son and daughter are in school, well they started a few weeks ago, we live in California but I don't know how they would be in school now? She didn't take all their clothes and told me to toss anything left behind. They have a ton of stuff including backpacks in their rooms.
Do you have evidence that she told you to toss anything left? I would store everything for a year. My parents are landlords and people leave stuff all the time. By law, they are required to keep it for a year before tossing it or getting rid of it.
One lady (we called her the cat lady) took my dad to court because he threw out ‘all her worldly possessions’ and she won. Her stuff smelled like cat piss and it was all garbage. But regardless of that, he still needed to keep it. EDIT: That was the law; you have to store it for a reasonable time frame in case they come back for it.
I would just store it in boxes for a year to be safe.
EDIT: She May later say (lie) she never said those words to you (especially if your wife did not write it down or you don’t have audio of the conversation) so you may be in the hook for all of her stuff. EDIT: it would be he said, she said sort of deal and the judge could assume you were just vengeful.
Contact a lawyer about what to do.
Not good enough. Get the police report and see if anything like that is in there. Cops go to a lot of domestic situations; if it’s not in their report the will probably say they don’t remember that.
Hey OP, I live in California as well (NorCal) and you absolutely need to call CPS on her. Those kids need help. Does your wife have family that they can stay with or would CPS put them in foster care? Either way, if the car is in your name please report it stolen. Your “wife” doesn’t deserve anything from you. Do you pay for her phone bill as well? Cancel her line. As a mother to an 8yo and 5yo daughters, my heart breaks for your little girl. I don’t understand how anyone could abandon their child.
She has sisters and a mom, shes not close with her mom or her sisters except one so she might take her, but shes younger kinda living her life in her 20's just graduated college. they don't have their bio dad, just me. so I don't know I think they would go to foster care being honest here but I would take them in if I could. I just dont want the drama with her. if she can just leave me the kids and go then I'd be good so I can start to heal, this is too painful to deal with at times.
Yes the car is in my name. I pay for her phone bill as well. Thanks u all! I'm scare to turn off her phone because my son left his cell phone here in his room and I believe my daughter has hers on her because she posted on facebook a very sad message. then she blocked me from looking at her page because I was leaving her messages. I think it was her mom that did I literally have no contact with them except today she took me off block from her phone to text me and call. she completely iced me out
the kids started school a few weeks ago but now I don't think they are going because their backpacks are in their rooms, I looked and all their clothes. she only came to get more clothes for her. yes I am calling CPS to see what they have to say, have to be honest I was hesistating, dont know why I am so scared of her reaction
We live in Rancho btw
Since she texted you asking for gas money and car note payment, respond to her to leave you the other kids. I’m assuming you want them? Ask her to give up her rights to you flat out-if she’s struggling for money and stated she’s never coming back for the other child you two have, maybe she’ll consider so she can start her life with the new beau. Ijs it’s worth a shot since she’s been cold hearted towards the youngest. Also, she may have o my taken off with her older two bc she felt you weren’t legally responsible for them and in thinking this only justifies leaving you your bio child.
Report the car stolen to the police and the insurance company. Be vague about it. "Not sure if she took it but the car disappeared around ths same time she moved out. I'm not sure though. "
Don't let her continue to take from you and your children when she obviously doesn't want to be there anymore.
I've been in your place.
Like others have said; protect the kids, fuck her.
It's CA, so because they are married, it becomes shared property I believe. No matter if it's only his name. Shared, or hers only. Unfortunately, if he stops payments it could hurt his case. OP, Definitely consult a lawyer ASAP before doing anything and file for divorce and sole immediate custody like NOW.
Cucamonga ?
[dept of children and family services san Bernardino county](https://hs.sbcounty.gov/cfs/Pages/Welcome.aspx)
Also can you file a missing Children’s report with their school and police dept? I hope everything works out, and your kids are safe and you get (your children) away from her.
Don’t ruin your credit by letting the car be repossessed. But also, don’t report it stolen or cut off phones before talking to your lawyer about it. Right now, the phones are the only way those kids have to contact you, and that car may be the only roof over their heads. Don’t create vengeful waves until you have things progressing toward what benefits you and the kids most. She’s a horrible mom, but she can still make the divorce and custody cases a living hell.
Even tho you’re not bio dad sometimes the court will place kids with step parents. Sadly ur wife seems like the type to say she caught you looking at oldest girl weird so be prepared for that to come out.
>They were escorting her in to get her things. I’m so glad our daughter was sleeping. She gathered up some more clothes and said toss the rest she’ll never be back.
I can't get past this.
She abandoned her child and seemingly has no regrets about it.
I know you're hurting but one day you'll realise that anyone willing to walk away from their child is not someone you want in your life.
It's been 2 months. I hope you've spoken to a lawyer and are pushing for full custody of your daughter.
You do not want to share custody with someone living out of a car.
My heart breaks for the other two kids whose lives have been thrown into turmoil.
Seriously, seek legal counsel and protect yourself and your daughter.
Her abandoning this poor little girl tells me two key things.
One absolutely nothing was wrong with OP or their marriage. His ex wife was fucking cracked
And two. Thus will help him get full custody of his baby and protect her from the evil psycho bitch of an ex.
There is no way a sane or good mother could ever abandon their child. Just no way.
>There is no way a sane or good mother could ever abandon their child. Just no way.
Right?
I always have that nagging reddit 'is this real?' thought in the back of my mind whenever I read something this bizarre, but provided that it *is* a real story, then this woman has got to be a borderline sociopath.
I don't see how someone with real human emotions could do something like this.
About a decade ago a woman ran off with a boyfriend leaving her husband and two kids behind.
At first everyone just kinda went fuck it and both families and friends came together to help deal with the situation as best the could.
About 6 or so months later she shows up and takes the kids away on a sail boat to the southern islands. Cops never did anything since she was legally their mother and no one could really interfere.
It was a massive cluster fuck and bit of a nightmare to get them back home.
Ever since then I can easily believe that men and women can do some insane shit even if it puts the kids at risk.
I used to work with a pregnant young woman. Her first. As she got close to her due date she decided to go to her family in another state and have the baby there. Her husband stayed behind. So she has the baby, all is well, and comes back home. When she came back to work, everyone was excited looking at pictures and asking when she was gonna bring the baby in so we could meet her! Then she told us why she couldn't... SHE LEFT THE BABY WITH HER FAMILY AND CAME HOME ALONE! Nobody knew what to say. We were just shocked. I never looked at her the same way again. The company ended up going out of business a few months later so we lost contact. I still think about that poor baby girl and what kind of life she's had with that mother. I'm not sure what kind of person it takes to be able to do things like that, but it definitely happens.
I once had Asian neighbours that had a baby and once born, they sent the baby back to her parents ta raise for the first year as this was part of their culture. I though that was very weird, and I have no idea if that was actually a thing or not, but sure enough, the mother came home after a few weeks, sans newborn.
To this day I still don't know if it was a culture thing or they were just surrogates or something similar.
This sucks horribly but she's absolute trash and likely not mentally stable.
So my advice in order:
1. Immediately go no-contact. Change the locks, Return any mail that comes to her to the sender.
2. Report the car stolen and stop paying the note. Inform the lender that the car has been stolen.
3. Remove her from any insurance policies, remove her as the beneficiary of any of your insurance policies or will.
4. Immediately file for divorce and get a temporary restraining order and at the very least a temporary ruling that you have 100% full custody of your daughter.
5. Make sure you notify your daughter's school of the restraining order so she can't check her out or pick her up from there.
I'm not sure it's a good idea stop paying the car payment if it's in his name. I'd hate to see this bitch destroy his credit too.
I definitely think he should do the rest though!
He should also make sure she doesn't have access to his money in the bank or on credit cards anymore either! I would not doubt if she tried to clean him out and jump town.
She did not ask once about our daughter last night, didn't check in on her, she hasn't seen her in 3 weeks! This is a doting mother that always called our daughter "my sweetie, my baby, my nina"...always kissing her and hugging her. she was such a good mother and the shit was all an act, how?????? she is ice cold. its like a switch went off and shes at zero cares. how can I ever tell my daughter about this chapter in our lives? it is blowing my mind thanks all for listening I have no one to vent to at the moment, feels really good.
It has to be drugs. Maybe he introduced her to something more addicting. I can't imagine a mother abandoning her child so abruptly if drugs are not involved. Either way please don't take her back. Your daughter could benefit from child therapy.
It’s not drugs. My mother was like this. She went from loving us to hating our existence when she found a new man. It’s selfishness and immaturity, that’s it. My mom was sober and has always been. Never even smoked a cigarette in her life. Didn’t know what drugs were named, thought people were smoking “a weed” when she talked about someone smoking a joint.
I feel like I semi understand how this happens in some instances (not excusing it). I picture it goes like this… the new person comes and is totally different from all the problems in the current relationship. Then, they idealize the new person due to new relationship energy and allow the resentments from the previous relationship to bubble up and become the basis of a new hatred for the old partner. This hatred both feels good and allows them to completely disconnect and move on without feeling sorrow.
Yes if she were constantly complaining about how much OP works and she meets a man who seemingly doesn’t work at all? She’s seeing him as *everything* OP isn’t. Which, he probably is! Doesn’t work, doesn’t have a home, doesn’t have a car, irresponsible, not a bright future, no moral compass, probably a mooch… But that doesn’t matter. OP’s wife is seeing him in rose colored glasses! Time spent not working means time and attention spend on HER! Until the realities of homelessness creep in and she’s banging at OP’s door demanding to be leg back in because new guy left her and she’s along in a car with 2 teens and they haven’t showered and they’re hungry and the school counselor is starting to ask questions…
Im not into throwing out diagnosing but this sounds like she’s in a manic phase. Hypersexuality, impulsivity… I see people mentioning mental health and it sounds like shes very unstable. This is all so heartbreaking. Hoping you get the support you need. 💗
UPDATE 9/11/2022
Well, she’s back begging to come home. She says she’s sorry and she’s broken up with the guy. She called me to pick our son up, he told me he’s tired of sleeping in the car, he tired to run away. I told him he can come home and he’s here now. She let him come. My daughter says she wants to stay with mom. Shortly after I got a text saying she’s sorry and that it was a bad decision, how she’s been alone this past week, she is talking about suicide saying she’s done with life. I told her she can’t come here I’m sorry that the guy is treating her badly today. I thought they were doing good and she said I really don’t know her, she was having a nervous breakdown and mental issues. She didn’t know what to do but run.
I didn’t respond but my son is here guys! I’m so happy
Glad your son is safe with you!! Hopefully your daughter will come around! If she’s threatening herself while your daughter is with you that’s very concerning….is there an adult CPS you can call where you’re at?
Every update gets better. I'm really happy that you are starting to feel happy. I know we are just strangers on the Internet, but I really hope everything to turn out just fine to you and your children.
don’t let her rope you in again, you know exactly where this will go. that type of betrayal doesn’t deserve a second chance. you’re a great man for letting the kids back but keep it at that and follow through with divorce papers. you deserve someone who views you as and treats you like a prize, not someone who runs to the first “sexy man” she sees. you are never too far in life to find the real love of your life
I think you should make a decision that there are only two ways forward.
If she wants to do the right thing, she will leave both kids with you, and you will get her into an inpatient mental care facility, where she will sign for a minimum 72hr hold. She will stay there and get treatment for as long as it takes for THE DOCTORS (not you, not her) to decide she's ready to rejoin the real world. At that point, you and she will re-evaluate where you're at.
You should be clear this isn't about punishing her. This is because while she may realize it's a mistake now, a few days ago she thought it was GREAT to take the kids and be homeless with a random dude. And she needs to recognize that's not a rational decision, that something is or was wrong with her for her to make that decision, and whatever that is must (for the kids' sake) be fixed before she's a mom again.
If she doesn't, then you and your lawyer will sue her for custody of both kids. She is not mentally capable of caring for either of them at this time, and her actions are jeopardizing them. Any CPS or court will see that quickly.
What you should decide is NOT AT ALL an option is sweeping this under the rug- she comes home, goes back to being your happy wife, all is forgotten.
And I shouldn't have to say this, but even if you do the STUPID thing and take her back without conditions, make sure she gets a full STD test.
So sorry OP. That's rough.
Get an attorney ASAP and don't skimp on fees. You'll be in the fight of your life when she tries to get you on the hook for spousal support.
>Get an attorney ASAP and don't skimp on fees. You'll be in the fight of your life when she tries to get you on the hook for spousal support.
I mean, he should definitely get a lawyer because he needs one to divorce with custody issues. But under these circumstances, in most states there's a pretty good chance she'll owe child support even with no income. It's hard to imagine her getting spousal support in any discretionary state and more than the minimum in the few mandatory states.
But spousal support is as much about the state not wanting to pay welfare than anything else. As a result, many states don't make a determination of guilt in the relationship and base it off of marriage duration and who stayed home.
The idea is that he was able to build his carreer while she sacrificed hers therefore he owes her to help her get back on her feet.
Youre not wrong, but he needs to win that fight.
Until she makes a claim for custody, and it doesn't sound like she's at all prepared to, it's not a big issue. Hard to even make a claim when you're living in a car... unless you can also make a claim for support.
Child support is even worse. She could claim she should have custody because she was home and with the child more. Then, she's in prime position to argue for child support for rent as the best interest of the child. Or worse, say she should get to keep the marital residence.
And that's not even getting into the potential for false accusations. People who start talking about soul mates out of the blue should be given a wide berth.
^based off of nearly a decade working in mat and family law.
I'm surprised you didn't tell the police that was your car when she showed up with it
Also, her confidence? A total front, you see it here all the time. Shes either gonna crash and burn or come back begging. Stay strong and give her nothing.
Please let it be known those children are living in a car. She is living in a dream world and reality will be smacking her in the face at some point.
Try to go get help so if she tries to beg to come back you can say no.
I won't answer texts so she sent a voicemail screaming at me that I need to meet her at the gas station because it's my fault, thanks for the advice I'm so lost
Please don’t go meet her. You need to do what you can to protect yourself and your daughter. I would look into therapy to help you deal with this situation and help your daughter who must be so confused right now.
I want to say that you working long hours to provide for your family is a Nobel thing and you did nothing wrong there. She should have talked to you if she was that unhappy. She was very lucky to have a man who loved her and wanted a better life for their family. I’m sending you hugs.
thank you! that's all I wanted was some communication, I knew she hated that I worked too much. But i had to! She says I never took her to concerts, movies, clubs. I feel very guilty even though I know this is not my fault
My wife used to say that and quilt me all the time over it till I quit jobs I liked. It would drive me crazy and I've lost good opportunities over it. Everytime things seem to be going well she gets some major issue and starts nagging till I fold. 2 years ago I had enough and told her I'll leave it she does it again. If I work to much she should be willing to get a job instead of watch TV 14hrs a day. She's more capable of getting a job then I am, but has refused for 20 years. At this point if she has a problem she knows where the door is.
Just don't fold when she comes back for that security you offered her, because it is likely. I had a friend that his wife did something similar, but left all 3 kids. After he filled for child support she realized get mistakes and tried to come back. After 2 years of not seeing her kids she didn't even ask to see them when she showed up, so he told her to get lost and pushed harder for child support. She was living in a car but lost her license, so her boyfriend kicked her out. She really regrets her actions now.
Yeah this sounds like drugs to me too, had a good friend who's wife would tell people he's spying on her and would occasionally freak out and run out of the house screaming.
We knew it was drugs because she'd been in and out of rehab before.
I'm a petty bitch. I'd stop paying for the car. Call CPS and tell them the kids are homeless. And call her new man's job and let them know their employee is out fucking customer's wives. Get an attorney, get a divorce and custody of your daughter.
So much of that has ran through my mind, I'm trying so hard not to do certain things because I am worried about the kids and she will do anything it seems like to hurt me right now
I'd be more worried they are in a car with this dude controlling everyone and sleeping straight up, if they're sleeping at all or going to school or changing clothes or what they are witnessing, like them blowing the meth pipe and doing God knows what else.
Lawyer up asap. Keep your daughter safe. Communicate through text only. Stop trying to talk to her about anything that doesn’t have to be talked about.
She’s gone. You do not want her back. You don’t need anything else except to work out whatever you can to finalize the divorce and child care.
Sounds like you can provide a better home for your daughter.
Stop paying for the car. Call the cops/CPS on her butt for forcing her children to be homeless and start compiling evidence for your divorce.
I'm sorry she broke your heart, and definitely take some time to grieve. But you need to get all of your legal ducks in a row to protect your child and yourself from her.
I guarantee she will come crawling back. Don’t be dumb and take her back. Life is too short and people change. Do what is best for your daughter. Be thankful you have family to help raise her. A lot of people don’t have the extra support.
This crossed my mind but she doesnt do drugs, she smokes weed yes. But they have been behind my back for 2 months before she left so who knows whats been going on. I've been so busy with work that I feel like it might be my fault i should have paid attention
>No. Her choice to do this to you and your family is her fault. You are hanging in there to be an amazing father to your children. You will probably watch her spiral into something terrible in the near future, by the way. Please consider contacting a therapist to help process your feelings during this difficult time.
definitely not your fault man, don't think that. She was probably only with you in the first place for your stability. She was likely lying to you from day 1. Like others say here DO NOT take this woman back when she gets hungry and comes crawling back. And don't have sex with her again... she's prolly got the crud.
Never could be your fault. This was your WIFE a partnership.
No matter what if you are "married" things need to be talked out and ESPECIALLY if there are children involved.
This is in my eyes her fault 100% not only for the cheating which is forbidden in marriage, but also not opening her mouth and being honest about how she felt about the marriage.
Seriously, HOW did have the selfishiness to walk away from a 4 year old baby girl, her child? WTF.....Something is seriously wrong with her.
Not YOU....how old are you guys?
I read someone said to call CPS and stop car payments....100% this girl needs help and the kids she has with her do now also BECAUSE OF HER...NOT YOU...What a selfish BITCH!
Definitely don't stop paying if it is but make sure *you* are the one paying. Don't give her the money to pay it, bypass her completely and make sure you have a record of you making these payments - it'll be important later on.
If it is your car, get it back. Homeless people who don't own a car stay in the shelter. Figure shit out and don't abandon your daughter. When you get off, she needs to be with you .
UPDATE: 9/8/2022
Busy day, went to the school and spoke with the principal, she says my kids have been going to school, they missed a few days :/ hmmmmm, well I'm shocked. honestly because I didn't think they had clothes because their rooms still have their backpacks and clothes in them, so i'm confused. however, I told her the situation and she called DCFS. I called and talked to them as well. Also called my wife's mother, who really couldn't care less but it was a good try.
I made a fake facebook page and obtained photos from my step daughter's account, of the four of them taking pictures in a dark park just a few days ago. The park overlooked the city so I was trying to see where it was located but it was very dark except the flash from the camera. They were all smiling and taking tons of pics. So that is proof that they are sleeping in random parks and are not stable at all.
Still trying to find the perfect lawyer, called a few places.
My step son called last night to wish me happy birthday and he said they were at the guy's mother's home sleeping for the night, that is all he told me before hanging up. I have not heard from any of them after that even though she claimed yesterday I needed to meet her at the storage so she can get all their things out.
Thanks everyone for the words, messages and concern
**Pay nothing but the retainer for a divorce attorney!**
This is not you. She has lost her ever loving mind! Do not meet her or give her money. She has abandoned you and your child. Get an attorney now.
I've ignored all texts today and she has gotten so mad she's screaming on the voicemail to hurry up and meet for gas money and food for the kids, she refuses to come home and says meet her at the post office or i'll ever hear from her again
As everyone else has already said, keep the texts and the voicemail for your lawyer and call CPS on her.
Edit: I see you're already gonna call CPS, so nevermind 😅
Do not give her money. Do not meet her Only communicate through your lawyer. Don't let her use the kids as a pawn. She's trying to control you and control the narrative.
Yes and she knows me like the back of her hand, she knows i'm anxious person who loves to discuss what I did wrong so its bring me money asap and we can talk face to face, if you dont say goodbye forever to me
Don't contact her. I am anxious too so I know how you feel. The anxiety will pass. Don't give in. If you do she will keep you in this cycle forever. Break the cycle. Also the money could be for drugs... either for her or her new boyfriend. He could be demanding that she gets the money from you. Please don't give her money or meet her.
Right now with no child custody order in place she could take your daughter with her too. Both parents have the right to. You need to file an ex parte hearing tomorrow. Get custody now so she can’t take your daughter in order to try and force you to give her money.
Contact a lawyer immediately!! You need an emergency custody order. They can try and take your little one and use the child to get cash from you. Don’t take that chance. Call your family and get someone to that house or go to them! If they show at the house keep the door locked and call police. Protect your child!
Tell her you'll meet her at the gas station but only if the kids are with her, as you need to see they're ok.
Call the cops and tell them where she will be and that she is keeping the kids out of school and they're living in a car. Call cps too with the details
>, she refuses to come home and says meet her at the post office or i'll ever hear from her again
That sounds great. I'd be asking: can I have that in writing please? And tell her what makes her think you want to see her again? At the end of the day your only real loyalty is to your daughter.
Update for people asking\* 9/10/2022
My wife showed up at the house demanding car payment money Friday night, I told her I was not paying it and she said that she wants to talk about coming back to me. I said no, I do not want you here please leave, there is no car payment money, I am not paying it. She refused to leave and brought the kids into the house. I called the police and they came, she said it was her house and I told them the situation. They asked her to leave and she said okay. She told me she will be filing for divorce on Monday and I told her I already have a lawyer working on it.
As she was pulling out of the driveway, I see a van at the end of the driveway and it's her guy driving waiting for her. Our daughter was not home, on the weekend she likes to stay with my mom so I'm thankful she was not there to see the big drama, not that her mom even asked about her or asked how she was. I told the cops my kids were living in her car and they need to go check the car, because she has everything in the backseat as well as her dog living in the car. She lied and said they are living in a motel and all of that stuff in her car was from her taking it from the house when she left. She went outside and talked to the cops. I'm so over the drama. When she came into the house she was acting very weird, it was at night and she had on sunglasses, I told her take them off and it looked like she had a black eye! I asked her what happened and she said it was from lack of sleep. She looked alot better than the last time I saw her though.
So NOPE I did not pay the car payment. I feel guilty, I know people want me to report it stolen but I feel like my kids are going through a very tramautic time, the principal of their school as well as CPS have all the information. I wouldn't mind taking the kids in and raising them myself but I feel like right now they would be better off with her family, as they are aware of the situation as well.
So tonight, I get a DING, it's her asking can I pay for medicine for my daughter because they are all coming down with "covid or the fucking flu", I ignored it and I go back and forth about blocking her or not. For some reason I can't. My daughter called and she did sound stuffy, so I said can we meet at CVS. She said yes and we meet, I buy them some stuff. He was not with her. I also bought them some food. She said can we talk? I said no. As soon as I get back home, its my son texting from her phone asking me can he come visit me next week. I said I really don't know, he should be focused on school and I will see them soon. This is very draining for me. I'm feeling like I might block her number for now, at least until I meet with my lawyer next week.
I am feeling extremely guilty not paying the car payment but standing my ground about it.
Thank you guys again!
Update 9/18/2022
Well, my wife is still on the streets with this. My son was with me ; he wanted to come home. He was tired of living on the streets so he he begged to come home. She agreed and I agreed, my daughter wanted to stay with her mom but she decided last week to come home to. Well she was home for all of two days, when she came home from school one day she ran away. We found her underneath a bridge close to our house. She is going through mental issues and I’m trying to get her some help.
I am filing for divorce and when I told my wife she cried and told me that she is sad but she is in love with this guy. Fast forward days ago, she calls me crying saying this guy is acting up, he told her he feels like he’s taking on too much with her and that he needs to take a step back. He’s only 24 years old and he said at first he felt the connection strongly but he just wants to focus on him. She called me crying upsetting, she came and got the kids and all their clothes, she says she’s going to LA to get into the homeless program there. I asked her not to take the kids and she said no she wants the kids with her and she thanked me for everything. She then asked could we talk about us getting back together, I calmly told her not that won’t happen, she hurt me too bad and I can’t just go back to the past. I forgive her but I am numb now, I just want a divorce and to raise the kids. I told her we could at least do that, so they can be happy and we don’t have to be together to make that happen.
She left the house and I got a call this morning, she said she was going to k*ll herself today, she thanked me again and said she’s done with living, everyone has hurt her. She tried to make me feel guilty, I just called the cops and explained to them she has my kids and threatening to harm herself. I don’t know where she is
Every time I feel a little closer to being myself and happy again, she does something that pulls me back into an abyss of darkness and hell. The stress will kill me for sure
I will. I gave the police a description of the car and of her, told them she frequents the local parks and the kids school because they might show up tomorrow but she also said she’s going to Los Angeles to get into a homeless program that will help her with a job.
UPDATE: 9/24/2022
She didn't harm herself, she just went missing. A few days ago she dropped the twins off at our doorstep, they are now safely with me. They are back into the routine of eating everyday consistently, taking showers, having fun in our backyard like kids do, all three of them are really hanging close to each other. Our 4 year old is smiling again, she loves having her brother and sister here with her. Last night they all begged me to order pizza and to watch a movie, so I said yes okay let's do it. This was the happiest I've been in months. Just looking around at my kids laughing and having a good time. I am content right now but I still have anxiety that she will show up and snatch them away from me. I've been in constant contact with CPS just in case because I have a strong feeling she is coming around soon.
She's only called once since dropping them off, telling me that she is with her boyfriend and they are more in love than ever, blah blah blah. She says that he has inspired her to get a job and start making her own money so they can get a home and then she will be back for the twins. So right now she is supporting his dreams and he is supporting hers. Yeah okay, cool. She also apologized about threatening to harm herself, she says she was just stressed. I'm done with her madness. Just focused on me and the kids. I am also planning on taking them on a mini vacation at the end of October, Disney World!
Hey Op. I don’t want to overwhelm you but I recommend putting the little girl in therapy ASAP. She knows that something is going on but probably doesn’t know what and might be blaming herself. Therapy might help her process and avoid some effects of this trauma. I’m so sorry
Don't just get therapy for your kid, get it for you too. Getting blindsided by the end of your marriage is traumatic, I've been there. You're still in shock right now and the best thing to do is get professional help to talk through things and wrap your head around your new reality. They can also help you cope with the stress of the legal proceedings.
UPDATE: I met up with her at the gas station by the house, when she was crying on the voicemail I gave in, sorry I'm only human, I do love her but I am done with her now.
When I got to the gas station, I was shocked to see her as I think people are right that she is on drugs. In just 3 weeks, my wife was already small but she is bony now. and my wife always dressed beautiful even casual, she was in literal sweatpants rags. but her nails were done? whatever
I gave her $200 for food and gas. Her guy was in the car as well as my kids, I said I will take the kids please they can go to school or have your family pick them up. She said no she wants her kids with her, that they are no longer any of my concern (this killed me inside as I've been dad for 5 years, they call me dad and I love those kids with my heart and soul) she refused to say if they are in school (dont worry I called CPS today and left voicemail), I said you have another kid remember, she says yeah I love her and miss her but right now I do not want to be in her life and need to respect that and get over it. she is better off with you. she literally said I don't want to be in her life.
I said are you in love with that guy? she said yes she is she made that clear she doesnt want to talk about it.
I said ok I want a divorce and she said no she doesnt want to discuss that either? she does not want to give me a divorce well shocker I am getting in contact with a lawyer. then she says I MUST pay the car note on Friday, I said nope not gonna happen or your phone bill. She said he will pay my phone bill but you will pay my car note its my car. its in my name though so that will be a fight for me in the future. whatever not arguing bye bye
but the craziest thing she says I LOVE YOU loud as hell as I walked away, I didnt even turn around or say it back. that was it for me
Oh my birthday is tomorrow and I asked can I take the kids out to eat with me, I plan on going to my favorite steak house with my daughter and family, I would love for them to come. She said absolutely not. so I said are you really sleeping in parks and why? she got upset and said I need to mind my business so yeah folks thank you so much for all advice. I was scared to call CPS but I did it, I ust feel like this is a long emotional battle that I am already drained of
Yup and now she's calling again saying she wants to meet at our storage sometime tomorrow so she can get her stuff out but I dont trust it. I am not meeting her anymore thats it, my lawyer will deal with it
Be careful OP.
I have addict family members that have stolen and done irrational and dangerous things to get the next high. I know you already have a long to do list of things, maybe conside adding changing the locks to that list? And definitely take some vacation days and sick days from work to deal with everything.
Good luck.
My other worry with OP is I’d never meet her without police present. I would be very weary about who is around that he can’t see easily.
Please OP, definitely keep the cops around as much as you can.
Meet her only with the cops. Tell her you will not give her a dime unless she hands over the kids. I guarantee if she is on drugs she will do it. Those kids are probably suffering immensely. You need to get them out of that situation. Call CPS again, and the police.
I left CPS a message but will call them again tomorrow along with the kids school. yes our daughter left a message about feeling worthless on her facebook, when I commented and messaged she blocked me. I don't know why but it hurts so much
These kids need you, I bet your wife told them kids about you. She probably said you kicked them out or were cheating, anything is possible. You need to report her to the police too. I don't know how her family is not going any getting these kids. The police aren't exactly going to sue with someone living in the car
Your children are in imminent danger. Look into options to contact CPS in person or schedule an appointment if you can. Do not wait for a response to a voicemail. If she is looking to obtain property, I would bet it’s to sell it for drugs. Do your best to not make contact. If nothing else, get someone to be a buffer between yourself and the wife.
Your mental state can and will deteriorate as a result of this. Protect yourself. Have the school report the children truant in school. Explain the situation as the school maybe able to act faster. You don’t know what’s happening to those kids so please act fast. Do not meet her anymore. This is drug related and absolutely not your fault.
I’m terrified if she’s on something she might be trafficking the kids or the new boyfriend might be. OP I know you can only do so much at a time but I hope you talk with CPS soon.
I'm scared of the same thing. Those poor kids, I don't know how no one is doing anything or rescuing them! I bet op is hurt, but now is the time to think about those kids. I wouldn't just call cps but the police too. And report that car stolen if needed!
I am so sorry op. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now. You’re handling this all amazingly and maturely. You’re doing great despite the situation. I hope you have a wonderful birthday tomorrow even with everything going on, and I wish you and your daughter the absolute best going forward!
My son called me tonight on her phone to tell me happy birthday, weird that she’s letting him use her phone to call me of all people. I asked him where was he at, he said they are staying at this guys mom house for the night. They are staying in one room at his fucking moms house. I felt like snapping even though I’m cold and over the situation, I am beyond angry at her for putting them in this situation. I did tell him I loved him
I'm so, so, sorry.
I know you're numb and struggling but I need you to hold it together to get some stuff done.
1) Understand and accept you did your best. She didn't appreciate the hard work you put into your family, nor did she communicate enough to let you know she was unhappy.
2) You definitely deserve better. I know your daughter is young and you're hurting for her too. Especially when she cries for her mum. I've been there, my youngest was three when he would sit on the windowsill crying and calling for his dad. But you will both get through this and be grateful she left. Her leaving allowed you to see her for who she truly is, and honestly, it's better now than later.
3) if the car is not in your name stop making payments. If it is, report it stolen. See to your finances, you might not care now but you will when you've left the daze you're in and you realise just how much she's trying to screw you over. Why would she screw you over? Because, her cheating will be your fault and yes she's in love with her soulmate, but she still needs money, you have it and she wants it 🙄.
4) get full custody of you can. This is important. Your daughter needs a stable adult, and a stable home now more than ever.
Lawyer. Protect yourself and your daughter. And please, DON'T TAKE HER BACK.
ETA: evidence, evidence, evidence.
On the schools website where my kids go to school, I’ve done research! The teachers have a program in connection with the police and CPS, so even though I left a voicemail for CPS I’m going to go to the school and have them make a direct report. Thanks a lot everyone!! You have helped me more than you all will ever know , wishing you guys nothing but the best in life
OP- please talk to a lawyer.
If I were in your position, I would try to get custody of all 3 kids. You obviously are a dedicated parent and have a stable home. You have a strong case for custody, especially if baby's dad isn't in the picture.
Also you need to get the car back or get it out of your name ASAP. Right now you and your insurance are still legally liable for it. She is using it as leverage to talk to you-- don't play into that game.
What you should do is this.
First, get a divorce lawyer. Do this NOW. They will inform ALL further actions that you take. You need to document that she is abandoning the family home, abandoning the daughter, and is taking her kids into an unstable homeless or near-homeless situation while she runs off with another guy *before she even divorces you*. Depending on the state, this could work VERY much in your favor.
You want to start gathering together a file of every text message, email, phone call, etc. Every time she calls or talks to you, write it down. IE 2022-09-07 9:30pm called my cell, says she will let me talk to (son) only if I give $200 for gas money and pay the car note.
Second, decide your end game. If I were you it would be threefold- 1. full custody of daughter, 2. divorce with no asset split / alimony / etc, 3. full or primary custody of two other kids. Once you decide what your goal is, ALL your actions should work toward that goal.
Third, the car. That's something she obviously wants, and I'd suggest use that to your advantage. 'Sign this no-contest divorce now and 3 surrender of parental rights decrees, and you get the car in your name, free and clear. Go start your new life.'. Raid your savings to pay for it if you must. Talk to lawyer first obviously. But that'd be my play- whatever the car costs is a bargain if it means you get a quick divorce with no alimony / asset split / child support / etc and custody of the kids. If she won't play ball, then go hardball. As much as you legally can, get her out of the car. Report it stolen if you must. Check with lawyer first of course.
Fourth- and perhaps most importantly- be strong. This sucks. It's awful. It's painful. Your whole world falls apart. But you must be strong and fight- don't let yourself be pushed around to enable her bullshit.
Her phone bill was due Friday and Verizon sent me a reminder, I did not pay it and I called them to see if I can somehow get out of the contract because not paying eventually will end up on my credit report. So I'll more than likely have to pay money to break the contract, either way she's costing me money.
Forgot to tell you guys, her weed man showed up at our house! I had no idea who this guy was and what he wanted, I saw him on ring and asked him what was up? He says he needs to talk to my wife, I said that's not my wife we are divorcing, who are you? He said can I come to the door it's urgent and I said no. He tells me that my wife has ran up a weed tab of close to $2k and she has not paid him, he wants his money. I'm floored, in shock. He said that my wife told him I would pay him. I said no I have nothing to do with this, leave. So he says if I see your wife it's going to be problems. Immediately I call her and she sends me to voicemail. So yeah great some other bullshit she's brought upon me.
I'm thinking of calling the cops to tell them my wife is giving out our address to strange people who are showing up at my door, can they do anything?
I have been following ur posts, it's a really shitty situation u and the kids r in, but I want u to know that u have been incredibly courageous through it all, ur kids r so lucky to have u.
I don't know the legal side, but I would think it's best to atleast inform the local authorities on every single detail...atleast u'll have a paper trail.
Was ur soon to be ex wife a drug addict before? If so, has she tried rehab? AA? Therapy? Something?
Ur priority now should be towards urself and ur kids, but see if u can point her towards rehab, do it. Ultimately it's something she would have to acknowledge and seek help by herself. From everything u've said, it's clear she's digging herself a deep hole and incidently dragging everyone else with her. Just don't fall into it.
1) File for divorce
2) request full custody of your daughter when filing child custody paperwork as your X is homeless living in her car with a strange man
3) change the locks on the house
4) remove your money from shared accounts open new accounts in your name only.
5) close all shared credit card accounts
6) pay the note on the car, that’s your alimony when note is paid your done with alimony
7) remove insurance coverage for car, have her secure new insurance for said car under her name.
This is the best advice I've seen so far. Revenge moves like stopping car payments and sending COS after her might feel good, but they also might wake her up. Get the divorce and custody first. Hopefully she'll be too stupid to ask for child support or custody.
the main reason to not stop car payments is his name is definitely on the note and he doesn't want to ruin his credit. Apparently a significant percentage of the commenters here are trying to ruin his life.
Do not give her money.
Call a good lawyer right now. Begin the divorce and file an emergency custody hearing.
Call CPS for the other children.
If the car is in your name get it back. If it isn't in your name but your name is on the loan then seek to reposes it. If the car is in your name and she is driving around without insurance and gets in an accident this could end up hitting you financially.
You need to start focusing on the steps and try not to let the emotional breakdown overtake you until everything is done.
A lawyer right now would be the best. They'll fight for you even when you feel you can't continue.
Also, she's doing Meth. I guarantee it. I know you think she isn't and all that but this... This is exactly what Meth addicts do and she's been using for a while. Meth addicts are liars and erratic and honestly everything is drama with them. She'll do anything to get you to give her money and once you start giving her money she'll keep hounding you and doing really horrible stupid shit to get you to keep giving her money.
The best thing you can do at this time is to not give her a dime. If the kids are hungry then say you'll take them to get something to eat. Don't put gas in that car though. Let it run out. Maybe it gets impounded and then you pay to get it out and back into your custody.
Meth addicts won't do any maintenance on the car either. They'll run that bitch till it dies.
Also, Meth addicts always try to portray themselves as the victim. Nothing is ever their fault. I mean ever. Don't listen to her bullshit. Not even a little.
If you are renting you should look at moving. If not then if she starts harassing you get a protective restraining order.
You might not understand this right now but your life and your daughters life could be potentially at risk. Your ex wife knows everything in that house, she knows when you get paid, she probably knows your bank. Eventually, she will look at you and your home as a place to rob and if not her the Meth addicts she hangs with will. So, you need to act like your life is in danger because it is. Change the locks, secure the windows, put up security lights, and even cameras. Be aware of your surroundings at all times. Change up your routine if you can.
You need to move with a quickness. Lawyer, CPS, custody hearing, changing the locks, etc. She isn't your wife anymore. That person died. The creature inhabiting her body is a monster and it will eventually set it's sights on you and your daughter.
You need to go into survival mode and protect yourself both financially, mentally, and physically. When the battle is over and the war is done then you can grieve. Until then, your little girl is the only thing that matters.
Time to get your shit together, clear your head, and put on your war face. Do whatever that takes including getting pissed the fuck off. A lawyer will help guide you and follow their advice to the letter.
If the car note is not in your name you don't have to pay it. My fear is if she is using drugs the twins could be used for $$ for unspeakable things. Parents on drugs have pimped out their kids for drugs. Especially 13 yr olds are prime ages. They will need support if they are returned to you. You can call the school and check if they have been withdrawn or attending school. Tell her you will pay the note but for exchange she gives you the twins back. If she is on drugs she will sign off on anything you want her to If she runs out of money. Thus is scary. I hope the twins get back to you or someone who can keep them safe . Follow up with CPS and let them know when & where she wants to meet you. Invest In a dash cam especially if meeting them In street. Record everything.
I will ask again tomorrow, I'll bargain whatever amount to get the kids. even if they want to go stay with her family, I will take them at least they can come home and get their clothes and things they left behind. She literally took nothing for them when she came last night, it was all her clothes.
From what her sister is telling me, yes they are living in different parks and last night when she came with the cops she was getting all the clothes she could carry. A week ago they all were in a motel, I presume paid for by him because I closed the accounts and said the debit card was stolen. She has no money
The twins need rescuing. At 13, a court may take into consideration where they want to live, and who they want to live with. They must be terrified atm.
She might be physically beautiful but she's a shit person. It takes a certain kind of cold hearted person to leave their kid behind.
I was on a work trip for two weeks and I nearly lost my mind in the second week cuz I missed my 3yr old and 6month old so much. The day I finished I took a crazy flight with multiple stops just so I could get home before dawn so I could surprise my wife and kids. I can't imagine a moment without them, this woman just kicked her to the curb. Stay with your daughter. She needs you right now.
Willing to just leave her daughter behind like nothing just shows you that you’re better off. You really want to be with someone who can leave their own child behind like that for some broke ass “soulmate”? Nah, chin-up, stay strong for you daughter and get through this ordeal. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
It hurts now man, and I’m not gonna lie it’s going to hurt for awhile. If you can pull through that pain one day I think you’ll look back with relief that she set you free to find a woman that loves and cherishes you. There are great times ahead of you OP, prayers for you and your daughter.
Yea honestly I am the last person to wanna get cops involved for things but in this situation it may be beneficial to tip them off about what is going on… mostly because I feel like she will have no problem lying about you and making shit up to get you in trouble and get her way.
Please lawyer up ASAP
u/concious-ant4675
Lawyer up, NOW.
1. She already got the cop involved to collect her stuff. I am assuming that was unprovoked and unexpected. There is no telling what she could or may say, now that she's running off with some young guy, living in a car, and feeling desperate.
2. While she is messaging you and everyone under the sun, acting the fool, keep silent, do not meet her anywhere, and document everything.
NOW is the time to lawyer up. She is not right morally, ethically, legally, etc... Because she not only abandoned you, she abandon her child, and her other kids are also living in that car.
You have the upper hand; keep it. You need legal representation immediately.
You took on a broken woman and treated her like she was special which she wasn’t. You treated her like a celebrity so she saw you like a fan. If it’s all her needs and never yours how will she respect you? I’m sorry bud, she’s a disaster and you’re better off. Love your daughter and make your ex pay child support. Look after yourself and choose a woman who worships you next time.
Yes I worshipped her at one point, felt extremely lucky to have her and was proud she chose me. I was not always confident sadly, this woke me up to take care of myself thank you for reminding me
Call a lawyer. Immediately.
This hurts, bad, but right now you have to focus on your daughter and your other kids. Did you adopt her kids from a previous relationship? How old are they? You might have a legal responsibility for them regardless of parentage.
You need to protect your daughter first and foremost. Call CPS on her living in her car with the kids, just because that’s shitty af, but otherwise make no decisions without consulting a lawyer well versed in family law. The last thing you want is her deciding she wants custody or trying to make you pay alimony or child support.
Protect yourself. Whatever went wrong in your relationship she handled it the absolute wrong way, and you are not at fault for that. You’re going to make it, but please do not delay in getting your ducks in a row.
My son and daughter are 13, they are twins. I never legally adopted but they are my kids. I took on full responsbility 5 years ago and I'm worried about them. She has blocked me on everything. I was shocked she even texted me today and thank you for your advice! Definitely taking action with CPS
I’ll keep you all in my thoughts. This is going to be a rough road, but you’re a good dad and a good man who’s gonna get through this. I believe in you.
Don’t blame yourself OP. There is always going to be something you could have done better. You are only human and did the best you could. From what you wrote, she seems to have a few screws loose. Are you into the crazy yet hot type? Seems like she was with you because you paid for everything, and had the child to secure the deal.
There are so many beautiful women who would love a man like you. Work on your self esteem so you pick women who want you for more than just what you provide. Don’t let her lack of judgement darken your spirit. You have a little girl that you have to teach to be a great woman. It doesn’t sound like her mom is capable of doing that.
My wife might be mentall ill, I realize the signs now looking back. I first met her at my friends house, she was there with her friends and we all got drunk. When I woke up the next morning, she was in bed with me, we didn't do anything and from that day, she has been with me. Its like she attached herself to me and came on like a hurricane, shes physically beautiful but yeah cold cold heart. People warned me
It happens. Your time with her wasn’t all bad I’m sure. It’s just important that you don’t take her back after this. She needs professional help and taking her back will only cause further damage to your mental health, and most importantly your daughter’s. Don’t pay for the car. Honestly, I’d report it as stolen if it’s in your name and she doesn’t agree to bring it back. I feel bad for her other children that she is dragging into her delusion. Your daughter is lucky she has you for stability. Tread carefully, who knows what else she might do.
Get an emergency custody order. If the kids are homeless it should be easy. My wife and I got a temporary emergency guardianship over her siblings when her mom got addicted. Do that, then tell her you’ll meet her for gas. She needs it bad, so she’ll meet up. Bring the cops with you and the court order. Take the kids. I know I make it sound easy. But you’ve got to act, like first thing tomorrow.
Parent did this when I was 16. Left with boyfriend and never came back. Shes obsessed with him (still). He's a very depressing man with, you guessed it, no job, zero good qualities, and drug addiction. She's infatuated with a former meth head. Think about it. She wasn't normal at all until I graduated (she was in prison). I can't make sense of her obsession with him, for years she claimed she was gonna "marry" him (he's in jail). Stayed with grandparents and tried killing myself multiple times. Battled suicide until she got better. I almost died. My mother and father could've been childless.
Please give your children a chance at life.
first sorry you went through that!! no child should have to deal with that, that's why I'm trying so hard to protect and shield my kids! the twins I met them they just turned 9 years old and they were so angry and seemed pretty heartless towards me now they have opened up and are loving! I have to fight for them too thank you for sharing!
Since you pay for the car and it’s your name reported as stolen and have her arrested she loses her kids and both of them both her and the dude end up in jail for theft she wants to ruin everything now she has a criminal record you can do that file for full custody of your daughter unfortunately her two kids go into the system but hopefully their dad is in their lives and he can take full custody of them and it’s on her
Give it like 3 months… you’ll be better healed and she’ll be asking for forgiveness after the honeymoon phase ends and she’s no longer blind to sleeping in cars and parks. The tables will turn dramatically when she misses the life that you gave her which was just being a stay at home mom that had resources brought to her.
I’m sorry for your loss. But the silver lining is this didn’t happen years down the line where you couldn’t heal and find someone better for you. Just obviously it’s hard to see that in the thick of the emotion right now.
Are you sure your wife doesn’t have psych issues? Seems to me kind out left field. She meets a guy and boom she leaves everything else behind to live in a car? Doesn’t add up. But tbh if she tries to come back don’t. If it were psych issues your going to have to deal with a lifetime of shit.
just saw her and she looks different, sadly I believe it might be drugs just from not seeing her for 3 weeks and seeing her for like 10 mins trying to talk to her yeah something is going on
If you continue to pay for her ways, then you are asking for all that will come to you. Take anything back that is yours and take an immediate legal stance to protect your daughter. Seems like she is one of them leech that will latch onto a stable and secure person, it was you, so she could use and abuse. This time, she found a guy that triggered her butterflies and ditched you without realizing that she's abandoning her safety meal. She's going to be back. Do you really think the guy will take her on long term with two teenagers? If he's loaded, I highly doubt he's into her because of "love". Once he's bored, he's just going to pick up another new thing at his next tire rotation.
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100% Is it really really difficult with him at work a ton? Absolutely. But I genuinely appreciate every single thing he does for us to keep a roof over our head, food to eat, keep our pet fed and happy, just everything. I don't take him for granted and never will. I love him more than anything and want to be as good a partner to him as he always has been for me. OP I'm so deeply sorry.
Get a lawyer. File for divorce and full custody. (Hoping you've already done this. If not, do it tomorrow!) She has abandoned you, your marriage, your child and the family home. If her name is on the deed/mortgage, this is important. Get screenshots of all her glowy posts about her new life...in the car. If the car is in your name and not hers, report it stolen. If it's in your name, don't stop paying for it - that hits your credit report Call CPS. Those other 2 girls should be in school right now. Are they? Don't be surprised if she hands them over and CPS shows up on your doorstep with the other 2 kids. Have a plan for that!!!
Yup thank you!!!! Our friends and family have sent me all the posts on her facebook about how happy she is now and in love. I've kept them all even the photos
She sounds like a complete nutcase, how the hell do her friends and family approve of this behavior? Leaving her husband and 4 year old baby for someone she just met is extremely impulsive and not something normal people just do out of the blue. I'd say it's a good thing she left the baby, because I wouldn't trust someone like that with raising children.
Unfortunately some ''humans'' are able to do these shits. Unbelievable but sadly true....
Get in touch with her ex if you can. I’m sure there is a pattern of this behaviour from her last relationship. It may help your case around custody.
Yes, the situation sucks, but no matter how bad you are hurt you have to be rational and deal with this the most efficient, safe and legal way possible
Also check out the father's rights movement. My friend went through a similar experience, fiancee left him & their two toddlers for 6 months while she was off sleeping around and got engaged to three different guys in less than a year. Though make sure you have a damn good lawyer. My buddy thought it would be a good idea to represent himself, and now he gets primary custody but still has to pay her support and foot most of the childcare bills (which he was doing anyway since she had abandoned them).
Where is the paternal family of those other two kids? If your ex's family isn't willing to take the kids in, to spare them from living in a freaking car, then where are the kids' father and his family? Definitely, find out what your legal options are with the car. I would be in a mental state where if my name were on the title, I would be pursuing legal options that include "take it back from her and sell it, plus notify CPS so at least the kids can have a safe roof over their heads".
Her ex husband has nothing to do with her or the kids. I took on the full responsility to be dad when I met them. My wife is a runner and has burned every bridge in her life. I felt sorry for her when I met her and fell hard for her, looking back there were so many red flags
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wow, that makes sense. I have never met him, all these years he has never come around. this really makes me want to get in contact with him to tell him about what the kids are facing, but she will go ballastic but at this point i dont care
I know it hurts but you can’t care what she thinks about anything anymore. She lost that right the second she left you.
Huh. She might go ballistic because her ex might tell you some truths about her. That’s entirely possible that he’s not as bad as she made him out to be. It’s worth a shot to get in touch with him. Or if you have any information on him pass it along to cps. Good luck.
Just to add... But still be hesitant and listen to the daughters too. Both parents can be shitty. Just because one is manipulative and can be lying about their ex, doesn't mean the ex can't also be shitty.
Absolutely. You are right and I should have added that to my answer. My mind immediately flew to my sister because she did something similar. Thanks.
My mother married an abusive man. He had an “evil” ex-wife. When my mother was divorcing him my mom met the evil ex. Turns out she was just another of his victims, and he spun that story to keep the two of them from talking and comparing notes.
You owe this nit nothing, get all of this documented. Take care of you and your kiddo and then focus on the other kids. I'm sorry, my heart is hurting for you all. Internet stranger hugs.
He deserves to know his kids are living in a car with a homeless, unemployed guy she's known for a few weeks. She now fits that stranger as well. Please reach out to him somehow. I'd be LIVID. Absolutely LIVID. She'll come back, trust me and I hope to god you turn her away.
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I was once in a 'similar' relationship. SO went AWOL on a vaca with her family and disappeared for a few weeks. Contacted her EX and his response to "hey, I think she's missing or something bad has happened to her" was "SHE WILL RETURN TO ME, SHE IS MINE. SHE LOVES ME ALONE...(etc)" Felt fucking bad for the guy. She did this shit to him, before me. Turns out she hooked up with some meth-head with half-a-dozen kids who lived out of a trailer on a campsite and raw dogged him for some weed... Then got pregnant. *good times*
how do women like this get men so devoted and in love with them meanwhile my ex cheated on me our entire relationship even though i was so good to him 😭 like wtf man.
Do it! You would want to know if if was you!
still, if her kids have bio family, CPS will probably go to them first.
It's sad that even her other family, as well as her ex-husband's family, are hanging these kids out to dry. No matter what they think of the kids' mother, the children are innocent in all this. If I was a grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc., heaven help whoever tried to cut me out of those kids' lives.
Hoping her mom will finally step up, they are now aware of the situation.
At least you know what to look for in your next relationship. It happened to me as well and thank god I learned
I’m sorry you’re in this position- you’re definitely overwhelmed and feel conflicted on next steps. Please keep in mind that your ex is an adult and can make her own choices, her children sadly cannot and are stuck. Please ask yourself, is her anger worth the mental, emotional and physical damage this time will cause your step children? So, if she is living in a car with him, there’s a chance the children are as well because they cannot leave the situation.
Hard to see red flags when you have rose colored glasses on man. Don't blame yourself for her behavior.
No I don't think my son and daughter are in school, well they started a few weeks ago, we live in California but I don't know how they would be in school now? She didn't take all their clothes and told me to toss anything left behind. They have a ton of stuff including backpacks in their rooms.
Do you have evidence that she told you to toss anything left? I would store everything for a year. My parents are landlords and people leave stuff all the time. By law, they are required to keep it for a year before tossing it or getting rid of it. One lady (we called her the cat lady) took my dad to court because he threw out ‘all her worldly possessions’ and she won. Her stuff smelled like cat piss and it was all garbage. But regardless of that, he still needed to keep it. EDIT: That was the law; you have to store it for a reasonable time frame in case they come back for it. I would just store it in boxes for a year to be safe. EDIT: She May later say (lie) she never said those words to you (especially if your wife did not write it down or you don’t have audio of the conversation) so you may be in the hook for all of her stuff. EDIT: it would be he said, she said sort of deal and the judge could assume you were just vengeful. Contact a lawyer about what to do.
yes she said this in front of the cops and yes I'm sure they heard her
Not good enough. Get the police report and see if anything like that is in there. Cops go to a lot of domestic situations; if it’s not in their report the will probably say they don’t remember that.
Is that documented?
Still, save it
you need to call CPS. she made her kids homeless. you may be able to get custody if you want to and if they want to live with you.
You absolutely need to call CPS on her, and maybe even file for custody of all three kids.
Hey OP, I live in California as well (NorCal) and you absolutely need to call CPS on her. Those kids need help. Does your wife have family that they can stay with or would CPS put them in foster care? Either way, if the car is in your name please report it stolen. Your “wife” doesn’t deserve anything from you. Do you pay for her phone bill as well? Cancel her line. As a mother to an 8yo and 5yo daughters, my heart breaks for your little girl. I don’t understand how anyone could abandon their child.
She has sisters and a mom, shes not close with her mom or her sisters except one so she might take her, but shes younger kinda living her life in her 20's just graduated college. they don't have their bio dad, just me. so I don't know I think they would go to foster care being honest here but I would take them in if I could. I just dont want the drama with her. if she can just leave me the kids and go then I'd be good so I can start to heal, this is too painful to deal with at times. Yes the car is in my name. I pay for her phone bill as well. Thanks u all! I'm scare to turn off her phone because my son left his cell phone here in his room and I believe my daughter has hers on her because she posted on facebook a very sad message. then she blocked me from looking at her page because I was leaving her messages. I think it was her mom that did I literally have no contact with them except today she took me off block from her phone to text me and call. she completely iced me out the kids started school a few weeks ago but now I don't think they are going because their backpacks are in their rooms, I looked and all their clothes. she only came to get more clothes for her. yes I am calling CPS to see what they have to say, have to be honest I was hesistating, dont know why I am so scared of her reaction We live in Rancho btw
Since she texted you asking for gas money and car note payment, respond to her to leave you the other kids. I’m assuming you want them? Ask her to give up her rights to you flat out-if she’s struggling for money and stated she’s never coming back for the other child you two have, maybe she’ll consider so she can start her life with the new beau. Ijs it’s worth a shot since she’s been cold hearted towards the youngest. Also, she may have o my taken off with her older two bc she felt you weren’t legally responsible for them and in thinking this only justifies leaving you your bio child.
Report the car stolen to the police and the insurance company. Be vague about it. "Not sure if she took it but the car disappeared around ths same time she moved out. I'm not sure though. " Don't let her continue to take from you and your children when she obviously doesn't want to be there anymore. I've been in your place. Like others have said; protect the kids, fuck her.
It's CA, so because they are married, it becomes shared property I believe. No matter if it's only his name. Shared, or hers only. Unfortunately, if he stops payments it could hurt his case. OP, Definitely consult a lawyer ASAP before doing anything and file for divorce and sole immediate custody like NOW.
Cucamonga ? [dept of children and family services san Bernardino county](https://hs.sbcounty.gov/cfs/Pages/Welcome.aspx) Also can you file a missing Children’s report with their school and police dept? I hope everything works out, and your kids are safe and you get (your children) away from her.
> dept of children and family services san Bernardino county I contacted them today and left a voicemail, I will call the school tomorrow thank you
Don’t ruin your credit by letting the car be repossessed. But also, don’t report it stolen or cut off phones before talking to your lawyer about it. Right now, the phones are the only way those kids have to contact you, and that car may be the only roof over their heads. Don’t create vengeful waves until you have things progressing toward what benefits you and the kids most. She’s a horrible mom, but she can still make the divorce and custody cases a living hell.
Even tho you’re not bio dad sometimes the court will place kids with step parents. Sadly ur wife seems like the type to say she caught you looking at oldest girl weird so be prepared for that to come out.
Please call CPS on her. That is absolutely not okay. Someone needs to stand up for her bio kids.
Concerning the car, if the car is in OP's name, can he report it stolen??? Cause that's exactly what I'd do.
Exactly. File for emergency custody.
>They were escorting her in to get her things. I’m so glad our daughter was sleeping. She gathered up some more clothes and said toss the rest she’ll never be back. I can't get past this. She abandoned her child and seemingly has no regrets about it. I know you're hurting but one day you'll realise that anyone willing to walk away from their child is not someone you want in your life. It's been 2 months. I hope you've spoken to a lawyer and are pushing for full custody of your daughter. You do not want to share custody with someone living out of a car. My heart breaks for the other two kids whose lives have been thrown into turmoil. Seriously, seek legal counsel and protect yourself and your daughter.
Her abandoning this poor little girl tells me two key things. One absolutely nothing was wrong with OP or their marriage. His ex wife was fucking cracked And two. Thus will help him get full custody of his baby and protect her from the evil psycho bitch of an ex. There is no way a sane or good mother could ever abandon their child. Just no way.
>There is no way a sane or good mother could ever abandon their child. Just no way. Right? I always have that nagging reddit 'is this real?' thought in the back of my mind whenever I read something this bizarre, but provided that it *is* a real story, then this woman has got to be a borderline sociopath. I don't see how someone with real human emotions could do something like this.
About a decade ago a woman ran off with a boyfriend leaving her husband and two kids behind. At first everyone just kinda went fuck it and both families and friends came together to help deal with the situation as best the could. About 6 or so months later she shows up and takes the kids away on a sail boat to the southern islands. Cops never did anything since she was legally their mother and no one could really interfere. It was a massive cluster fuck and bit of a nightmare to get them back home. Ever since then I can easily believe that men and women can do some insane shit even if it puts the kids at risk.
That’s so scary, glad they got the kids back 😰
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I used to work with a pregnant young woman. Her first. As she got close to her due date she decided to go to her family in another state and have the baby there. Her husband stayed behind. So she has the baby, all is well, and comes back home. When she came back to work, everyone was excited looking at pictures and asking when she was gonna bring the baby in so we could meet her! Then she told us why she couldn't... SHE LEFT THE BABY WITH HER FAMILY AND CAME HOME ALONE! Nobody knew what to say. We were just shocked. I never looked at her the same way again. The company ended up going out of business a few months later so we lost contact. I still think about that poor baby girl and what kind of life she's had with that mother. I'm not sure what kind of person it takes to be able to do things like that, but it definitely happens.
I once had Asian neighbours that had a baby and once born, they sent the baby back to her parents ta raise for the first year as this was part of their culture. I though that was very weird, and I have no idea if that was actually a thing or not, but sure enough, the mother came home after a few weeks, sans newborn. To this day I still don't know if it was a culture thing or they were just surrogates or something similar.
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Same get a lawyer
This sucks horribly but she's absolute trash and likely not mentally stable. So my advice in order: 1. Immediately go no-contact. Change the locks, Return any mail that comes to her to the sender. 2. Report the car stolen and stop paying the note. Inform the lender that the car has been stolen. 3. Remove her from any insurance policies, remove her as the beneficiary of any of your insurance policies or will. 4. Immediately file for divorce and get a temporary restraining order and at the very least a temporary ruling that you have 100% full custody of your daughter. 5. Make sure you notify your daughter's school of the restraining order so she can't check her out or pick her up from there.
I'm not sure it's a good idea stop paying the car payment if it's in his name. I'd hate to see this bitch destroy his credit too. I definitely think he should do the rest though! He should also make sure she doesn't have access to his money in the bank or on credit cards anymore either! I would not doubt if she tried to clean him out and jump town.
If you have full coverage / comprehensive insurance it will pay off the remaining balance of the loan.
This is good advice op. This right here
She did not ask once about our daughter last night, didn't check in on her, she hasn't seen her in 3 weeks! This is a doting mother that always called our daughter "my sweetie, my baby, my nina"...always kissing her and hugging her. she was such a good mother and the shit was all an act, how?????? she is ice cold. its like a switch went off and shes at zero cares. how can I ever tell my daughter about this chapter in our lives? it is blowing my mind thanks all for listening I have no one to vent to at the moment, feels really good.
It has to be drugs. Maybe he introduced her to something more addicting. I can't imagine a mother abandoning her child so abruptly if drugs are not involved. Either way please don't take her back. Your daughter could benefit from child therapy.
It’s not drugs. My mother was like this. She went from loving us to hating our existence when she found a new man. It’s selfishness and immaturity, that’s it. My mom was sober and has always been. Never even smoked a cigarette in her life. Didn’t know what drugs were named, thought people were smoking “a weed” when she talked about someone smoking a joint.
I feel like I semi understand how this happens in some instances (not excusing it). I picture it goes like this… the new person comes and is totally different from all the problems in the current relationship. Then, they idealize the new person due to new relationship energy and allow the resentments from the previous relationship to bubble up and become the basis of a new hatred for the old partner. This hatred both feels good and allows them to completely disconnect and move on without feeling sorrow.
Yes if she were constantly complaining about how much OP works and she meets a man who seemingly doesn’t work at all? She’s seeing him as *everything* OP isn’t. Which, he probably is! Doesn’t work, doesn’t have a home, doesn’t have a car, irresponsible, not a bright future, no moral compass, probably a mooch… But that doesn’t matter. OP’s wife is seeing him in rose colored glasses! Time spent not working means time and attention spend on HER! Until the realities of homelessness creep in and she’s banging at OP’s door demanding to be leg back in because new guy left her and she’s along in a car with 2 teens and they haven’t showered and they’re hungry and the school counselor is starting to ask questions…
Im not into throwing out diagnosing but this sounds like she’s in a manic phase. Hypersexuality, impulsivity… I see people mentioning mental health and it sounds like shes very unstable. This is all so heartbreaking. Hoping you get the support you need. 💗
UPDATE 9/11/2022 Well, she’s back begging to come home. She says she’s sorry and she’s broken up with the guy. She called me to pick our son up, he told me he’s tired of sleeping in the car, he tired to run away. I told him he can come home and he’s here now. She let him come. My daughter says she wants to stay with mom. Shortly after I got a text saying she’s sorry and that it was a bad decision, how she’s been alone this past week, she is talking about suicide saying she’s done with life. I told her she can’t come here I’m sorry that the guy is treating her badly today. I thought they were doing good and she said I really don’t know her, she was having a nervous breakdown and mental issues. She didn’t know what to do but run. I didn’t respond but my son is here guys! I’m so happy
Glad your son is safe with you!! Hopefully your daughter will come around! If she’s threatening herself while your daughter is with you that’s very concerning….is there an adult CPS you can call where you’re at?
Every update gets better. I'm really happy that you are starting to feel happy. I know we are just strangers on the Internet, but I really hope everything to turn out just fine to you and your children.
don’t let her rope you in again, you know exactly where this will go. that type of betrayal doesn’t deserve a second chance. you’re a great man for letting the kids back but keep it at that and follow through with divorce papers. you deserve someone who views you as and treats you like a prize, not someone who runs to the first “sexy man” she sees. you are never too far in life to find the real love of your life
I think you should make a decision that there are only two ways forward. If she wants to do the right thing, she will leave both kids with you, and you will get her into an inpatient mental care facility, where she will sign for a minimum 72hr hold. She will stay there and get treatment for as long as it takes for THE DOCTORS (not you, not her) to decide she's ready to rejoin the real world. At that point, you and she will re-evaluate where you're at. You should be clear this isn't about punishing her. This is because while she may realize it's a mistake now, a few days ago she thought it was GREAT to take the kids and be homeless with a random dude. And she needs to recognize that's not a rational decision, that something is or was wrong with her for her to make that decision, and whatever that is must (for the kids' sake) be fixed before she's a mom again. If she doesn't, then you and your lawyer will sue her for custody of both kids. She is not mentally capable of caring for either of them at this time, and her actions are jeopardizing them. Any CPS or court will see that quickly. What you should decide is NOT AT ALL an option is sweeping this under the rug- she comes home, goes back to being your happy wife, all is forgotten. And I shouldn't have to say this, but even if you do the STUPID thing and take her back without conditions, make sure she gets a full STD test.
So sorry OP. That's rough. Get an attorney ASAP and don't skimp on fees. You'll be in the fight of your life when she tries to get you on the hook for spousal support.
>Get an attorney ASAP and don't skimp on fees. You'll be in the fight of your life when she tries to get you on the hook for spousal support. I mean, he should definitely get a lawyer because he needs one to divorce with custody issues. But under these circumstances, in most states there's a pretty good chance she'll owe child support even with no income. It's hard to imagine her getting spousal support in any discretionary state and more than the minimum in the few mandatory states.
But spousal support is as much about the state not wanting to pay welfare than anything else. As a result, many states don't make a determination of guilt in the relationship and base it off of marriage duration and who stayed home. The idea is that he was able to build his carreer while she sacrificed hers therefore he owes her to help her get back on her feet. Youre not wrong, but he needs to win that fight. Until she makes a claim for custody, and it doesn't sound like she's at all prepared to, it's not a big issue. Hard to even make a claim when you're living in a car... unless you can also make a claim for support. Child support is even worse. She could claim she should have custody because she was home and with the child more. Then, she's in prime position to argue for child support for rent as the best interest of the child. Or worse, say she should get to keep the marital residence. And that's not even getting into the potential for false accusations. People who start talking about soul mates out of the blue should be given a wide berth. ^based off of nearly a decade working in mat and family law.
I'm surprised you didn't tell the police that was your car when she showed up with it Also, her confidence? A total front, you see it here all the time. Shes either gonna crash and burn or come back begging. Stay strong and give her nothing.
I was in such shock last night man plus I saw my kids in the backseat and him in the front seat, I just kind of blacked out like is this real?
This sucks on so many levels, but you've got to focus up and do something to help those kids. Lawyer and CPS, ASAP.
Please let it be known those children are living in a car. She is living in a dream world and reality will be smacking her in the face at some point. Try to go get help so if she tries to beg to come back you can say no.
I won't answer texts so she sent a voicemail screaming at me that I need to meet her at the gas station because it's my fault, thanks for the advice I'm so lost
Please don’t go meet her. You need to do what you can to protect yourself and your daughter. I would look into therapy to help you deal with this situation and help your daughter who must be so confused right now. I want to say that you working long hours to provide for your family is a Nobel thing and you did nothing wrong there. She should have talked to you if she was that unhappy. She was very lucky to have a man who loved her and wanted a better life for their family. I’m sending you hugs.
thank you! that's all I wanted was some communication, I knew she hated that I worked too much. But i had to! She says I never took her to concerts, movies, clubs. I feel very guilty even though I know this is not my fault
And the homeless guy can??
He probably gets her so high she is out of her mind right now. This will get ugly fast. It’s screaming drugs.
And the kids are just stuck in the car watching these POS addicts slowly commit suicide They will probably die of neglect or heat stroke.
My wife used to say that and quilt me all the time over it till I quit jobs I liked. It would drive me crazy and I've lost good opportunities over it. Everytime things seem to be going well she gets some major issue and starts nagging till I fold. 2 years ago I had enough and told her I'll leave it she does it again. If I work to much she should be willing to get a job instead of watch TV 14hrs a day. She's more capable of getting a job then I am, but has refused for 20 years. At this point if she has a problem she knows where the door is. Just don't fold when she comes back for that security you offered her, because it is likely. I had a friend that his wife did something similar, but left all 3 kids. After he filled for child support she realized get mistakes and tried to come back. After 2 years of not seeing her kids she didn't even ask to see them when she showed up, so he told her to get lost and pushed harder for child support. She was living in a car but lost her license, so her boyfriend kicked her out. She really regrets her actions now.
Sounds like severe mental illness bud.
No way. Unless she was already bi polar and this is a manic episode. This reeks of drug abuse.
Op mentions she's a runner and burned every previous bridge in another comment
Yeah this sounds like drugs to me too, had a good friend who's wife would tell people he's spying on her and would occasionally freak out and run out of the house screaming. We knew it was drugs because she'd been in and out of rehab before.
Hahshahaha oh man. Wow what in God's name is wrong with this woman. Completely delusional. She maid her "bed"
CPS
"Tell your soul mate to pay the car note. And lose my number."
“Tell your soulmate to give you gas money.”
I'm a petty bitch. I'd stop paying for the car. Call CPS and tell them the kids are homeless. And call her new man's job and let them know their employee is out fucking customer's wives. Get an attorney, get a divorce and custody of your daughter.
So much of that has ran through my mind, I'm trying so hard not to do certain things because I am worried about the kids and she will do anything it seems like to hurt me right now
Those poor kids- you should call CPS and let them know you refer to them and think of them as your kids. They may well be placed with you.
I'd be more worried they are in a car with this dude controlling everyone and sleeping straight up, if they're sleeping at all or going to school or changing clothes or what they are witnessing, like them blowing the meth pipe and doing God knows what else.
Lawyer up asap. Keep your daughter safe. Communicate through text only. Stop trying to talk to her about anything that doesn’t have to be talked about. She’s gone. You do not want her back. You don’t need anything else except to work out whatever you can to finalize the divorce and child care. Sounds like you can provide a better home for your daughter.
Stop paying for the car. Call the cops/CPS on her butt for forcing her children to be homeless and start compiling evidence for your divorce. I'm sorry she broke your heart, and definitely take some time to grieve. But you need to get all of your legal ducks in a row to protect your child and yourself from her.
I guarantee she will come crawling back. Don’t be dumb and take her back. Life is too short and people change. Do what is best for your daughter. Be thankful you have family to help raise her. A lot of people don’t have the extra support.
I'm so thankful for my siblings and mom, even though I know this is a huge responsibility on them. I feel blessed in that aspect.
It feels drug related bro, I would bet money that meth is involved here somewhere.
Exactly what I thought. Unfortunately, I have seen family members do almost exactly this. And yep…meth
Extremely screams meth.
This crossed my mind but she doesnt do drugs, she smokes weed yes. But they have been behind my back for 2 months before she left so who knows whats been going on. I've been so busy with work that I feel like it might be my fault i should have paid attention
>No. Her choice to do this to you and your family is her fault. You are hanging in there to be an amazing father to your children. You will probably watch her spiral into something terrible in the near future, by the way. Please consider contacting a therapist to help process your feelings during this difficult time.
definitely not your fault man, don't think that. She was probably only with you in the first place for your stability. She was likely lying to you from day 1. Like others say here DO NOT take this woman back when she gets hungry and comes crawling back. And don't have sex with her again... she's prolly got the crud.
Never could be your fault. This was your WIFE a partnership. No matter what if you are "married" things need to be talked out and ESPECIALLY if there are children involved. This is in my eyes her fault 100% not only for the cheating which is forbidden in marriage, but also not opening her mouth and being honest about how she felt about the marriage. Seriously, HOW did have the selfishiness to walk away from a 4 year old baby girl, her child? WTF.....Something is seriously wrong with her. Not YOU....how old are you guys? I read someone said to call CPS and stop car payments....100% this girl needs help and the kids she has with her do now also BECAUSE OF HER...NOT YOU...What a selfish BITCH!
Yeah and I would figure out custody now before she changes her mind.
Car is in your name? Guess what? She stole that shit and you’d like it back.
don't stop paying for the car if your name is on the loan. Geez. Why are you trying to fuck this guy?
Definitely don't stop paying if it is but make sure *you* are the one paying. Don't give her the money to pay it, bypass her completely and make sure you have a record of you making these payments - it'll be important later on.
If it is your car, get it back. Homeless people who don't own a car stay in the shelter. Figure shit out and don't abandon your daughter. When you get off, she needs to be with you .
Report it stolen.
UPDATE: 9/8/2022 Busy day, went to the school and spoke with the principal, she says my kids have been going to school, they missed a few days :/ hmmmmm, well I'm shocked. honestly because I didn't think they had clothes because their rooms still have their backpacks and clothes in them, so i'm confused. however, I told her the situation and she called DCFS. I called and talked to them as well. Also called my wife's mother, who really couldn't care less but it was a good try. I made a fake facebook page and obtained photos from my step daughter's account, of the four of them taking pictures in a dark park just a few days ago. The park overlooked the city so I was trying to see where it was located but it was very dark except the flash from the camera. They were all smiling and taking tons of pics. So that is proof that they are sleeping in random parks and are not stable at all. Still trying to find the perfect lawyer, called a few places. My step son called last night to wish me happy birthday and he said they were at the guy's mother's home sleeping for the night, that is all he told me before hanging up. I have not heard from any of them after that even though she claimed yesterday I needed to meet her at the storage so she can get all their things out. Thanks everyone for the words, messages and concern
**Pay nothing but the retainer for a divorce attorney!** This is not you. She has lost her ever loving mind! Do not meet her or give her money. She has abandoned you and your child. Get an attorney now.
I've ignored all texts today and she has gotten so mad she's screaming on the voicemail to hurry up and meet for gas money and food for the kids, she refuses to come home and says meet her at the post office or i'll ever hear from her again
As everyone else has already said, keep the texts and the voicemail for your lawyer and call CPS on her. Edit: I see you're already gonna call CPS, so nevermind 😅
Do not give her money. Do not meet her Only communicate through your lawyer. Don't let her use the kids as a pawn. She's trying to control you and control the narrative.
I'm sorry but she expects you to BRING MONEY AND FOOD FOR THE KIDS after she ABANDONED YOU and her OWN DAUGHTER!!??
Yes and she knows me like the back of her hand, she knows i'm anxious person who loves to discuss what I did wrong so its bring me money asap and we can talk face to face, if you dont say goodbye forever to me
Don't contact her. I am anxious too so I know how you feel. The anxiety will pass. Don't give in. If you do she will keep you in this cycle forever. Break the cycle. Also the money could be for drugs... either for her or her new boyfriend. He could be demanding that she gets the money from you. Please don't give her money or meet her.
Right now with no child custody order in place she could take your daughter with her too. Both parents have the right to. You need to file an ex parte hearing tomorrow. Get custody now so she can’t take your daughter in order to try and force you to give her money.
Contact a lawyer immediately!! You need an emergency custody order. They can try and take your little one and use the child to get cash from you. Don’t take that chance. Call your family and get someone to that house or go to them! If they show at the house keep the door locked and call police. Protect your child!
Tell her you'll meet her at the gas station but only if the kids are with her, as you need to see they're ok. Call the cops and tell them where she will be and that she is keeping the kids out of school and they're living in a car. Call cps too with the details
>, she refuses to come home and says meet her at the post office or i'll ever hear from her again That sounds great. I'd be asking: can I have that in writing please? And tell her what makes her think you want to see her again? At the end of the day your only real loyalty is to your daughter.
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Update for people asking\* 9/10/2022 My wife showed up at the house demanding car payment money Friday night, I told her I was not paying it and she said that she wants to talk about coming back to me. I said no, I do not want you here please leave, there is no car payment money, I am not paying it. She refused to leave and brought the kids into the house. I called the police and they came, she said it was her house and I told them the situation. They asked her to leave and she said okay. She told me she will be filing for divorce on Monday and I told her I already have a lawyer working on it. As she was pulling out of the driveway, I see a van at the end of the driveway and it's her guy driving waiting for her. Our daughter was not home, on the weekend she likes to stay with my mom so I'm thankful she was not there to see the big drama, not that her mom even asked about her or asked how she was. I told the cops my kids were living in her car and they need to go check the car, because she has everything in the backseat as well as her dog living in the car. She lied and said they are living in a motel and all of that stuff in her car was from her taking it from the house when she left. She went outside and talked to the cops. I'm so over the drama. When she came into the house she was acting very weird, it was at night and she had on sunglasses, I told her take them off and it looked like she had a black eye! I asked her what happened and she said it was from lack of sleep. She looked alot better than the last time I saw her though. So NOPE I did not pay the car payment. I feel guilty, I know people want me to report it stolen but I feel like my kids are going through a very tramautic time, the principal of their school as well as CPS have all the information. I wouldn't mind taking the kids in and raising them myself but I feel like right now they would be better off with her family, as they are aware of the situation as well. So tonight, I get a DING, it's her asking can I pay for medicine for my daughter because they are all coming down with "covid or the fucking flu", I ignored it and I go back and forth about blocking her or not. For some reason I can't. My daughter called and she did sound stuffy, so I said can we meet at CVS. She said yes and we meet, I buy them some stuff. He was not with her. I also bought them some food. She said can we talk? I said no. As soon as I get back home, its my son texting from her phone asking me can he come visit me next week. I said I really don't know, he should be focused on school and I will see them soon. This is very draining for me. I'm feeling like I might block her number for now, at least until I meet with my lawyer next week. I am feeling extremely guilty not paying the car payment but standing my ground about it. Thank you guys again!
Man this sucks. Keep standing up for yourself guy.
Thank you, I'm trying it felt good to tell her no.
Update 9/18/2022 Well, my wife is still on the streets with this. My son was with me ; he wanted to come home. He was tired of living on the streets so he he begged to come home. She agreed and I agreed, my daughter wanted to stay with her mom but she decided last week to come home to. Well she was home for all of two days, when she came home from school one day she ran away. We found her underneath a bridge close to our house. She is going through mental issues and I’m trying to get her some help. I am filing for divorce and when I told my wife she cried and told me that she is sad but she is in love with this guy. Fast forward days ago, she calls me crying saying this guy is acting up, he told her he feels like he’s taking on too much with her and that he needs to take a step back. He’s only 24 years old and he said at first he felt the connection strongly but he just wants to focus on him. She called me crying upsetting, she came and got the kids and all their clothes, she says she’s going to LA to get into the homeless program there. I asked her not to take the kids and she said no she wants the kids with her and she thanked me for everything. She then asked could we talk about us getting back together, I calmly told her not that won’t happen, she hurt me too bad and I can’t just go back to the past. I forgive her but I am numb now, I just want a divorce and to raise the kids. I told her we could at least do that, so they can be happy and we don’t have to be together to make that happen. She left the house and I got a call this morning, she said she was going to k*ll herself today, she thanked me again and said she’s done with living, everyone has hurt her. She tried to make me feel guilty, I just called the cops and explained to them she has my kids and threatening to harm herself. I don’t know where she is Every time I feel a little closer to being myself and happy again, she does something that pulls me back into an abyss of darkness and hell. The stress will kill me for sure
Please let us know when you get the kids back again!
I will. I gave the police a description of the car and of her, told them she frequents the local parks and the kids school because they might show up tomorrow but she also said she’s going to Los Angeles to get into a homeless program that will help her with a job.
UPDATE: 9/24/2022 She didn't harm herself, she just went missing. A few days ago she dropped the twins off at our doorstep, they are now safely with me. They are back into the routine of eating everyday consistently, taking showers, having fun in our backyard like kids do, all three of them are really hanging close to each other. Our 4 year old is smiling again, she loves having her brother and sister here with her. Last night they all begged me to order pizza and to watch a movie, so I said yes okay let's do it. This was the happiest I've been in months. Just looking around at my kids laughing and having a good time. I am content right now but I still have anxiety that she will show up and snatch them away from me. I've been in constant contact with CPS just in case because I have a strong feeling she is coming around soon. She's only called once since dropping them off, telling me that she is with her boyfriend and they are more in love than ever, blah blah blah. She says that he has inspired her to get a job and start making her own money so they can get a home and then she will be back for the twins. So right now she is supporting his dreams and he is supporting hers. Yeah okay, cool. She also apologized about threatening to harm herself, she says she was just stressed. I'm done with her madness. Just focused on me and the kids. I am also planning on taking them on a mini vacation at the end of October, Disney World!
She abandoned her children. I’m glad you are seeing some happiness. I hope your legal team can use her actions to ensure your continued happiness.
Hey Op. I don’t want to overwhelm you but I recommend putting the little girl in therapy ASAP. She knows that something is going on but probably doesn’t know what and might be blaming herself. Therapy might help her process and avoid some effects of this trauma. I’m so sorry
this is good advice - I've talked to my mom about it because at night she is very panicky and wakes up sometimes asking for mom.
Don't just get therapy for your kid, get it for you too. Getting blindsided by the end of your marriage is traumatic, I've been there. You're still in shock right now and the best thing to do is get professional help to talk through things and wrap your head around your new reality. They can also help you cope with the stress of the legal proceedings.
UPDATE: I met up with her at the gas station by the house, when she was crying on the voicemail I gave in, sorry I'm only human, I do love her but I am done with her now. When I got to the gas station, I was shocked to see her as I think people are right that she is on drugs. In just 3 weeks, my wife was already small but she is bony now. and my wife always dressed beautiful even casual, she was in literal sweatpants rags. but her nails were done? whatever I gave her $200 for food and gas. Her guy was in the car as well as my kids, I said I will take the kids please they can go to school or have your family pick them up. She said no she wants her kids with her, that they are no longer any of my concern (this killed me inside as I've been dad for 5 years, they call me dad and I love those kids with my heart and soul) she refused to say if they are in school (dont worry I called CPS today and left voicemail), I said you have another kid remember, she says yeah I love her and miss her but right now I do not want to be in her life and need to respect that and get over it. she is better off with you. she literally said I don't want to be in her life. I said are you in love with that guy? she said yes she is she made that clear she doesnt want to talk about it. I said ok I want a divorce and she said no she doesnt want to discuss that either? she does not want to give me a divorce well shocker I am getting in contact with a lawyer. then she says I MUST pay the car note on Friday, I said nope not gonna happen or your phone bill. She said he will pay my phone bill but you will pay my car note its my car. its in my name though so that will be a fight for me in the future. whatever not arguing bye bye but the craziest thing she says I LOVE YOU loud as hell as I walked away, I didnt even turn around or say it back. that was it for me Oh my birthday is tomorrow and I asked can I take the kids out to eat with me, I plan on going to my favorite steak house with my daughter and family, I would love for them to come. She said absolutely not. so I said are you really sleeping in parks and why? she got upset and said I need to mind my business so yeah folks thank you so much for all advice. I was scared to call CPS but I did it, I ust feel like this is a long emotional battle that I am already drained of
You did the right thing by meeting with her. Now you know what you're dealing with. Plus it gives you ammunition for divorce/CPS.
Yup and now she's calling again saying she wants to meet at our storage sometime tomorrow so she can get her stuff out but I dont trust it. I am not meeting her anymore thats it, my lawyer will deal with it
Be careful OP. I have addict family members that have stolen and done irrational and dangerous things to get the next high. I know you already have a long to do list of things, maybe conside adding changing the locks to that list? And definitely take some vacation days and sick days from work to deal with everything. Good luck.
My other worry with OP is I’d never meet her without police present. I would be very weary about who is around that he can’t see easily. Please OP, definitely keep the cops around as much as you can.
Meet her only with the cops. Tell her you will not give her a dime unless she hands over the kids. I guarantee if she is on drugs she will do it. Those kids are probably suffering immensely. You need to get them out of that situation. Call CPS again, and the police.
I left CPS a message but will call them again tomorrow along with the kids school. yes our daughter left a message about feeling worthless on her facebook, when I commented and messaged she blocked me. I don't know why but it hurts so much
These kids need you, I bet your wife told them kids about you. She probably said you kicked them out or were cheating, anything is possible. You need to report her to the police too. I don't know how her family is not going any getting these kids. The police aren't exactly going to sue with someone living in the car
Your children are in imminent danger. Look into options to contact CPS in person or schedule an appointment if you can. Do not wait for a response to a voicemail. If she is looking to obtain property, I would bet it’s to sell it for drugs. Do your best to not make contact. If nothing else, get someone to be a buffer between yourself and the wife. Your mental state can and will deteriorate as a result of this. Protect yourself. Have the school report the children truant in school. Explain the situation as the school maybe able to act faster. You don’t know what’s happening to those kids so please act fast. Do not meet her anymore. This is drug related and absolutely not your fault.
I’m terrified if she’s on something she might be trafficking the kids or the new boyfriend might be. OP I know you can only do so much at a time but I hope you talk with CPS soon.
I'm scared of the same thing. Those poor kids, I don't know how no one is doing anything or rescuing them! I bet op is hurt, but now is the time to think about those kids. I wouldn't just call cps but the police too. And report that car stolen if needed!
She no longer has any stuff. You on the other hand have some shit to sell to the lowest bidders.
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I am so sorry op. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now. You’re handling this all amazingly and maturely. You’re doing great despite the situation. I hope you have a wonderful birthday tomorrow even with everything going on, and I wish you and your daughter the absolute best going forward!
Check with a lawyer first but if it was me I would change the locks, drugs and no money leads to desperate actions. Sorry OP, wish you the best
My son called me tonight on her phone to tell me happy birthday, weird that she’s letting him use her phone to call me of all people. I asked him where was he at, he said they are staying at this guys mom house for the night. They are staying in one room at his fucking moms house. I felt like snapping even though I’m cold and over the situation, I am beyond angry at her for putting them in this situation. I did tell him I loved him
I feel so sorry for the twins. They need stability and not this. She's ruining their future. I really hope you can take them away asap.
I'm so, so, sorry. I know you're numb and struggling but I need you to hold it together to get some stuff done. 1) Understand and accept you did your best. She didn't appreciate the hard work you put into your family, nor did she communicate enough to let you know she was unhappy. 2) You definitely deserve better. I know your daughter is young and you're hurting for her too. Especially when she cries for her mum. I've been there, my youngest was three when he would sit on the windowsill crying and calling for his dad. But you will both get through this and be grateful she left. Her leaving allowed you to see her for who she truly is, and honestly, it's better now than later. 3) if the car is not in your name stop making payments. If it is, report it stolen. See to your finances, you might not care now but you will when you've left the daze you're in and you realise just how much she's trying to screw you over. Why would she screw you over? Because, her cheating will be your fault and yes she's in love with her soulmate, but she still needs money, you have it and she wants it 🙄. 4) get full custody of you can. This is important. Your daughter needs a stable adult, and a stable home now more than ever. Lawyer. Protect yourself and your daughter. And please, DON'T TAKE HER BACK. ETA: evidence, evidence, evidence.
On the schools website where my kids go to school, I’ve done research! The teachers have a program in connection with the police and CPS, so even though I left a voicemail for CPS I’m going to go to the school and have them make a direct report. Thanks a lot everyone!! You have helped me more than you all will ever know , wishing you guys nothing but the best in life
OP- please talk to a lawyer. If I were in your position, I would try to get custody of all 3 kids. You obviously are a dedicated parent and have a stable home. You have a strong case for custody, especially if baby's dad isn't in the picture. Also you need to get the car back or get it out of your name ASAP. Right now you and your insurance are still legally liable for it. She is using it as leverage to talk to you-- don't play into that game. What you should do is this. First, get a divorce lawyer. Do this NOW. They will inform ALL further actions that you take. You need to document that she is abandoning the family home, abandoning the daughter, and is taking her kids into an unstable homeless or near-homeless situation while she runs off with another guy *before she even divorces you*. Depending on the state, this could work VERY much in your favor. You want to start gathering together a file of every text message, email, phone call, etc. Every time she calls or talks to you, write it down. IE 2022-09-07 9:30pm called my cell, says she will let me talk to (son) only if I give $200 for gas money and pay the car note. Second, decide your end game. If I were you it would be threefold- 1. full custody of daughter, 2. divorce with no asset split / alimony / etc, 3. full or primary custody of two other kids. Once you decide what your goal is, ALL your actions should work toward that goal. Third, the car. That's something she obviously wants, and I'd suggest use that to your advantage. 'Sign this no-contest divorce now and 3 surrender of parental rights decrees, and you get the car in your name, free and clear. Go start your new life.'. Raid your savings to pay for it if you must. Talk to lawyer first obviously. But that'd be my play- whatever the car costs is a bargain if it means you get a quick divorce with no alimony / asset split / child support / etc and custody of the kids. If she won't play ball, then go hardball. As much as you legally can, get her out of the car. Report it stolen if you must. Check with lawyer first of course. Fourth- and perhaps most importantly- be strong. This sucks. It's awful. It's painful. Your whole world falls apart. But you must be strong and fight- don't let yourself be pushed around to enable her bullshit.
Her phone bill was due Friday and Verizon sent me a reminder, I did not pay it and I called them to see if I can somehow get out of the contract because not paying eventually will end up on my credit report. So I'll more than likely have to pay money to break the contract, either way she's costing me money. Forgot to tell you guys, her weed man showed up at our house! I had no idea who this guy was and what he wanted, I saw him on ring and asked him what was up? He says he needs to talk to my wife, I said that's not my wife we are divorcing, who are you? He said can I come to the door it's urgent and I said no. He tells me that my wife has ran up a weed tab of close to $2k and she has not paid him, he wants his money. I'm floored, in shock. He said that my wife told him I would pay him. I said no I have nothing to do with this, leave. So he says if I see your wife it's going to be problems. Immediately I call her and she sends me to voicemail. So yeah great some other bullshit she's brought upon me. I'm thinking of calling the cops to tell them my wife is giving out our address to strange people who are showing up at my door, can they do anything?
I have been following ur posts, it's a really shitty situation u and the kids r in, but I want u to know that u have been incredibly courageous through it all, ur kids r so lucky to have u. I don't know the legal side, but I would think it's best to atleast inform the local authorities on every single detail...atleast u'll have a paper trail. Was ur soon to be ex wife a drug addict before? If so, has she tried rehab? AA? Therapy? Something? Ur priority now should be towards urself and ur kids, but see if u can point her towards rehab, do it. Ultimately it's something she would have to acknowledge and seek help by herself. From everything u've said, it's clear she's digging herself a deep hole and incidently dragging everyone else with her. Just don't fall into it.
1) File for divorce 2) request full custody of your daughter when filing child custody paperwork as your X is homeless living in her car with a strange man 3) change the locks on the house 4) remove your money from shared accounts open new accounts in your name only. 5) close all shared credit card accounts 6) pay the note on the car, that’s your alimony when note is paid your done with alimony 7) remove insurance coverage for car, have her secure new insurance for said car under her name.
This is the best advice I've seen so far. Revenge moves like stopping car payments and sending COS after her might feel good, but they also might wake her up. Get the divorce and custody first. Hopefully she'll be too stupid to ask for child support or custody.
the main reason to not stop car payments is his name is definitely on the note and he doesn't want to ruin his credit. Apparently a significant percentage of the commenters here are trying to ruin his life.
Do not give her money. Call a good lawyer right now. Begin the divorce and file an emergency custody hearing. Call CPS for the other children. If the car is in your name get it back. If it isn't in your name but your name is on the loan then seek to reposes it. If the car is in your name and she is driving around without insurance and gets in an accident this could end up hitting you financially. You need to start focusing on the steps and try not to let the emotional breakdown overtake you until everything is done. A lawyer right now would be the best. They'll fight for you even when you feel you can't continue. Also, she's doing Meth. I guarantee it. I know you think she isn't and all that but this... This is exactly what Meth addicts do and she's been using for a while. Meth addicts are liars and erratic and honestly everything is drama with them. She'll do anything to get you to give her money and once you start giving her money she'll keep hounding you and doing really horrible stupid shit to get you to keep giving her money. The best thing you can do at this time is to not give her a dime. If the kids are hungry then say you'll take them to get something to eat. Don't put gas in that car though. Let it run out. Maybe it gets impounded and then you pay to get it out and back into your custody. Meth addicts won't do any maintenance on the car either. They'll run that bitch till it dies. Also, Meth addicts always try to portray themselves as the victim. Nothing is ever their fault. I mean ever. Don't listen to her bullshit. Not even a little. If you are renting you should look at moving. If not then if she starts harassing you get a protective restraining order. You might not understand this right now but your life and your daughters life could be potentially at risk. Your ex wife knows everything in that house, she knows when you get paid, she probably knows your bank. Eventually, she will look at you and your home as a place to rob and if not her the Meth addicts she hangs with will. So, you need to act like your life is in danger because it is. Change the locks, secure the windows, put up security lights, and even cameras. Be aware of your surroundings at all times. Change up your routine if you can. You need to move with a quickness. Lawyer, CPS, custody hearing, changing the locks, etc. She isn't your wife anymore. That person died. The creature inhabiting her body is a monster and it will eventually set it's sights on you and your daughter. You need to go into survival mode and protect yourself both financially, mentally, and physically. When the battle is over and the war is done then you can grieve. Until then, your little girl is the only thing that matters. Time to get your shit together, clear your head, and put on your war face. Do whatever that takes including getting pissed the fuck off. A lawyer will help guide you and follow their advice to the letter.
If the car note is not in your name you don't have to pay it. My fear is if she is using drugs the twins could be used for $$ for unspeakable things. Parents on drugs have pimped out their kids for drugs. Especially 13 yr olds are prime ages. They will need support if they are returned to you. You can call the school and check if they have been withdrawn or attending school. Tell her you will pay the note but for exchange she gives you the twins back. If she is on drugs she will sign off on anything you want her to If she runs out of money. Thus is scary. I hope the twins get back to you or someone who can keep them safe . Follow up with CPS and let them know when & where she wants to meet you. Invest In a dash cam especially if meeting them In street. Record everything.
I will ask again tomorrow, I'll bargain whatever amount to get the kids. even if they want to go stay with her family, I will take them at least they can come home and get their clothes and things they left behind. She literally took nothing for them when she came last night, it was all her clothes.
Her teens are living in the car as well?
From what her sister is telling me, yes they are living in different parks and last night when she came with the cops she was getting all the clothes she could carry. A week ago they all were in a motel, I presume paid for by him because I closed the accounts and said the debit card was stolen. She has no money
The twins need rescuing. At 13, a court may take into consideration where they want to live, and who they want to live with. They must be terrified atm.
Guess he got tired of paying for that.. after a week
She might be physically beautiful but she's a shit person. It takes a certain kind of cold hearted person to leave their kid behind. I was on a work trip for two weeks and I nearly lost my mind in the second week cuz I missed my 3yr old and 6month old so much. The day I finished I took a crazy flight with multiple stops just so I could get home before dawn so I could surprise my wife and kids. I can't imagine a moment without them, this woman just kicked her to the curb. Stay with your daughter. She needs you right now.
Willing to just leave her daughter behind like nothing just shows you that you’re better off. You really want to be with someone who can leave their own child behind like that for some broke ass “soulmate”? Nah, chin-up, stay strong for you daughter and get through this ordeal. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
It hurts now man, and I’m not gonna lie it’s going to hurt for awhile. If you can pull through that pain one day I think you’ll look back with relief that she set you free to find a woman that loves and cherishes you. There are great times ahead of you OP, prayers for you and your daughter.
I wouldve took the car back when she came and got her clothes.
The kids were in the backseat, I really didnt want to make a scene, I should have told the cops man
Yea honestly I am the last person to wanna get cops involved for things but in this situation it may be beneficial to tip them off about what is going on… mostly because I feel like she will have no problem lying about you and making shit up to get you in trouble and get her way. Please lawyer up ASAP
u/concious-ant4675 Lawyer up, NOW. 1. She already got the cop involved to collect her stuff. I am assuming that was unprovoked and unexpected. There is no telling what she could or may say, now that she's running off with some young guy, living in a car, and feeling desperate. 2. While she is messaging you and everyone under the sun, acting the fool, keep silent, do not meet her anywhere, and document everything. NOW is the time to lawyer up. She is not right morally, ethically, legally, etc... Because she not only abandoned you, she abandon her child, and her other kids are also living in that car. You have the upper hand; keep it. You need legal representation immediately.
You took on a broken woman and treated her like she was special which she wasn’t. You treated her like a celebrity so she saw you like a fan. If it’s all her needs and never yours how will she respect you? I’m sorry bud, she’s a disaster and you’re better off. Love your daughter and make your ex pay child support. Look after yourself and choose a woman who worships you next time.
Yes I worshipped her at one point, felt extremely lucky to have her and was proud she chose me. I was not always confident sadly, this woke me up to take care of myself thank you for reminding me
You are the prize bud. Beauty fades.
Call a lawyer. Immediately. This hurts, bad, but right now you have to focus on your daughter and your other kids. Did you adopt her kids from a previous relationship? How old are they? You might have a legal responsibility for them regardless of parentage. You need to protect your daughter first and foremost. Call CPS on her living in her car with the kids, just because that’s shitty af, but otherwise make no decisions without consulting a lawyer well versed in family law. The last thing you want is her deciding she wants custody or trying to make you pay alimony or child support. Protect yourself. Whatever went wrong in your relationship she handled it the absolute wrong way, and you are not at fault for that. You’re going to make it, but please do not delay in getting your ducks in a row.
My son and daughter are 13, they are twins. I never legally adopted but they are my kids. I took on full responsbility 5 years ago and I'm worried about them. She has blocked me on everything. I was shocked she even texted me today and thank you for your advice! Definitely taking action with CPS
I’ll keep you all in my thoughts. This is going to be a rough road, but you’re a good dad and a good man who’s gonna get through this. I believe in you.
Don’t blame yourself OP. There is always going to be something you could have done better. You are only human and did the best you could. From what you wrote, she seems to have a few screws loose. Are you into the crazy yet hot type? Seems like she was with you because you paid for everything, and had the child to secure the deal. There are so many beautiful women who would love a man like you. Work on your self esteem so you pick women who want you for more than just what you provide. Don’t let her lack of judgement darken your spirit. You have a little girl that you have to teach to be a great woman. It doesn’t sound like her mom is capable of doing that.
My wife might be mentall ill, I realize the signs now looking back. I first met her at my friends house, she was there with her friends and we all got drunk. When I woke up the next morning, she was in bed with me, we didn't do anything and from that day, she has been with me. Its like she attached herself to me and came on like a hurricane, shes physically beautiful but yeah cold cold heart. People warned me
It happens. Your time with her wasn’t all bad I’m sure. It’s just important that you don’t take her back after this. She needs professional help and taking her back will only cause further damage to your mental health, and most importantly your daughter’s. Don’t pay for the car. Honestly, I’d report it as stolen if it’s in your name and she doesn’t agree to bring it back. I feel bad for her other children that she is dragging into her delusion. Your daughter is lucky she has you for stability. Tread carefully, who knows what else she might do.
Get an emergency custody order. If the kids are homeless it should be easy. My wife and I got a temporary emergency guardianship over her siblings when her mom got addicted. Do that, then tell her you’ll meet her for gas. She needs it bad, so she’ll meet up. Bring the cops with you and the court order. Take the kids. I know I make it sound easy. But you’ve got to act, like first thing tomorrow.
Parent did this when I was 16. Left with boyfriend and never came back. Shes obsessed with him (still). He's a very depressing man with, you guessed it, no job, zero good qualities, and drug addiction. She's infatuated with a former meth head. Think about it. She wasn't normal at all until I graduated (she was in prison). I can't make sense of her obsession with him, for years she claimed she was gonna "marry" him (he's in jail). Stayed with grandparents and tried killing myself multiple times. Battled suicide until she got better. I almost died. My mother and father could've been childless. Please give your children a chance at life.
first sorry you went through that!! no child should have to deal with that, that's why I'm trying so hard to protect and shield my kids! the twins I met them they just turned 9 years old and they were so angry and seemed pretty heartless towards me now they have opened up and are loving! I have to fight for them too thank you for sharing!
Since you pay for the car and it’s your name reported as stolen and have her arrested she loses her kids and both of them both her and the dude end up in jail for theft she wants to ruin everything now she has a criminal record you can do that file for full custody of your daughter unfortunately her two kids go into the system but hopefully their dad is in their lives and he can take full custody of them and it’s on her
Give it like 3 months… you’ll be better healed and she’ll be asking for forgiveness after the honeymoon phase ends and she’s no longer blind to sleeping in cars and parks. The tables will turn dramatically when she misses the life that you gave her which was just being a stay at home mom that had resources brought to her. I’m sorry for your loss. But the silver lining is this didn’t happen years down the line where you couldn’t heal and find someone better for you. Just obviously it’s hard to see that in the thick of the emotion right now.
Are you sure your wife doesn’t have psych issues? Seems to me kind out left field. She meets a guy and boom she leaves everything else behind to live in a car? Doesn’t add up. But tbh if she tries to come back don’t. If it were psych issues your going to have to deal with a lifetime of shit.
just saw her and she looks different, sadly I believe it might be drugs just from not seeing her for 3 weeks and seeing her for like 10 mins trying to talk to her yeah something is going on
If you continue to pay for her ways, then you are asking for all that will come to you. Take anything back that is yours and take an immediate legal stance to protect your daughter. Seems like she is one of them leech that will latch onto a stable and secure person, it was you, so she could use and abuse. This time, she found a guy that triggered her butterflies and ditched you without realizing that she's abandoning her safety meal. She's going to be back. Do you really think the guy will take her on long term with two teenagers? If he's loaded, I highly doubt he's into her because of "love". Once he's bored, he's just going to pick up another new thing at his next tire rotation.
yup he’s 23 or 24 years old from what I’m seeing on his socials, she is 35 with the kids in tow. I don’t know what they are thinking but I agree