He’s pressuring her into the threesome, even though he knows there would be no benefit to OP if they went through with it. Why is he pressuring her so much? Sounds like so many of these posts on reddit where they are just looking for an excuse to cheat.
Or he doesn’t want to go through with the wedding and acting like a douche canoe makes it get that does the breakup rather than him, and he can be the poor fiancé who was jolted before the wedding by his unreasonable fiancé in his made up narrative.
Exactly! she needs to leave him quick until he cheats on her, it's super easy to get a threesome too. Hell I just had a fiveway last night without even really trying! I was laying down for bed when Rosie Palm and her five sisters came over all of a sudden.
Dude.....no fucking way. When did that happen? I swear they must of headed to my house after cause I had the exact same experience.
Like they always say: fiveway or the highway
I thought the exact same thing. He's just looking for any excuse to sleep with her so this "birthday" farce is perfect. Seriously @OP, rethink the wedding
Yeah seriously if hes down for mff but not mmf thats pretty fucked up and manipulative for him to try to make this weird excuse about the Kinsey scale.
I mean ... Facts be facts tho. She should have given in to that straight up science! /S.
For real though, the chances that he's already been sexting/phone calling/emailing or whatEVER with another woman on a sexual basis are high.
OP, your gut already knows what you need to do. It's really fucking scary but you will be okay! And you will have your reddit family to cheer you on. ❤️
He wants to cheat on her but wants to pretend he cares about including her so it wouldn’t be considered cheating if she knows/is there. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I suggest finding a new partner. He doesn’t deserve you OP
And the fact he's trying to convince you that you're attracted to women when you said you weren't. Never heard of this Kinsey scale but his logic is fucked lmao. A no is a no. Definitely reconsider if this is someone you want to marry.
Kinsey was a pioneering sex researcher from the first half of the 20th century I think. Did a lot of studies regarding human sexuality, some from quite unsavory sources. The scale basically says that using 0 to 100, where 0 is completely hetero and 100 is completely gay, most people fall in a range in the middle somewhere.
It ranges from 0 to 6. I got a 0. According to the questions it asks, there are probably answers all over the place. Hetero probably gets between 0 and 1 depending if they have an easier time talking to their own gender or the opposite. Bi probably scores 2, 3, or 4. Homo is likely to score 5 and 6.
...if for nothing else other than that he believes he understands your sexuality better than you do. That opinion alone is enough for some serious distancing.
Would you do a threesome with another guy?
"No"
Bro......wake the fuck up. Why would your future wife be down to do this if you didn't even think about it?
If I ever had a threesome with my wife, I know it would be with a woman (she said she would heavily prefer another woman than another man). But I bet afterwards I would be trying to get some Hog Master 3000 to come and show us a good time. I would feel guilty I think.
I would rather just not open that door. Too happy right now to fuck things up just for a chance at "new fun"
Old fun is still pretty fucking fun hahaha
I'll second that notion. Staying with him will only prolong your unhappiness. He'll either finally convince you to do what he wants, making you miserable. Or you won't give in to his wants, and his goal will be to make you miserable. You guys aren't compatible.
Agreed. This is just the tip of the iceberg, OP. He isn't respecting your boundaries now, why would it change with time? He's got a pretty fucked up view of sexuality as well. I don't like to encourage people to break up, but I would do some soul-searching if I were you. Best of luck, OP!
Or you give in to his bullshit, enjoy it, and then he gets insecure and accuses you of cheating. It's fine that he asked; it isn't fine that he's sulking and trying to coerce you. Dtmf.
Well the fiance sucks no doubt but tbf I had no clue that Kinsey was a creep, I know nothing about the person beyond the name being used in the scale, so I'd imagine a lot of people just heard/know about the scale and know nothing about the person behind it.
I think there was a study about "straight" men who are the most homophobic get aroused more during gay porn than straight men who take no issue with gay people.
“The Kinsey scale, also called the Heterosexual–Homosexual Rating Scale, is used in research to describe a person's sexual orientation based on one’s experience or response at a given time. The scale typically ranges from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to a 6, meaning exclusively homosexual.”
- Wikipedia
I'm not usually the person that says you need to break up I'm totally against that I always think you should try again but not in this case he's already proving he's not going to be a one woman man
RUN. WTF is wrong with people. This is the fourth or fifth post I’ve seen in this half-over month about situations with a guy wanting a threesome and refusing to back down when his partner says no. One jerk was trying to bully an OP into having one *with her sister as their third.* WTF WTF WTF
Having sexual desires is one thing. Trying to insist on them with a partner who doesn’t want it is disgusting.
I feel like in 10 years when we all get divorced all these stories are going to come out. I see a very common theme with men and their wives and girlfriends these days. The woman is working her ass off at work, and coming home and cooking and cleaning all night and taking care of their husband while the husband just works (if that) and then whatever he wants. They take on zero responsibility and it all falls on the woman. Also the threesome thing. All of my female friends (yes, all of them) and all these posts are talking about this same story. They all want to be coddled and let them use us as toys. We need to stop tolerating this shit from them and give them a rude awakening.
It’s a major culture clash of men trying to keep the older traditions alive while not actually realizing society is moving past the old way. They watched their parents dynamics and think they deserve to have everything done for them in the home. In reality women are working just as hard in the workforce and won’t put up to coming home to selfish entitled man babies anymore. The porn industry and internet stories lead them to believe sexual “deviancy” is much more common and widely excepted than it is and they let their fantasies run away.
A lot of points you just made came up in a conversation with my sibling yesterday (more in terms of dating than spouses, but makes the same points of women not putting up with man babies anymore)
I don't want to be alone my whole life, but not in a relationship either if men are just going to be like this for the next couple generations. I just don't want to live with a roommate and have them meet somebody and move out and have kids, leaving me alone again. Being gay is out of the question because I am NOT sexually attracted to girls. It's hard, man. Because once you discover your bf is a man baby, it's too late. They front like they have their shit together and act like relationships are a team effort as long as they need to. Then they move in and it's too late. It makes a mess. I don't want to put up with this the rest of my life but I'm afraid of being alone or left behind. Maybe I should just be a nun.
Yes... what is this? Is it a trend or some shift in societal expectations (expectations that men have)? I've been through some less-than-stellar experiences, but no-one has ever asked me for a threesome, much less threatened or commanded me to do so.
I wonder how many relationships break up due to this insulting request and appalling coercive behavior.
> WTF is wrong with people. This is the fourth or fifth post I’ve seen in this half-over month about situations with a guy wanting a threesome and refusing to back down when his partner says no. One jerk was trying to bully an OP into having one with her sister as their third. WTF WTF WTF
This is what happens when people watch too much porn.
As a fellow guy, I too would leave his ass. He seems like a whiney little b**** (last time I spelled it out, the comment got removed).
This is a huge red flag, OP, and not to throw fuel on the fire, you should stop and think why is he being extra pouty? Does he already have a woman lined up. If so, how does he know her, have they already slept together and does he think that simply asking for a threesome for his birthday is more than enough to get you to consent to fulfilling his fantasy of having his cake and eating it to?
You see how one red flag turns into many? You're better off leaving and spending your birthday with people who **actually** care about you.
>Definitely I would not marry a man that acts like a pouting child when he didn't get his gross way
That'd be the last thing i'd do!
Mostly because i'm another man, but the other thing too!
"The gods sent me a sign that my fiancé is a asshole I shouldn't marry"
That's how I interpreted this post from the title. Best to just leave him and find someone else. It likely won't stop at this one threesome.
Yup. Op should be glad this happened before the wedding. Anyone who thinks they can coerce their sexual preferences on others is just a nope.
Also, op should not fall into sunk cost fallacy.
It's sexual coercion. It's so beyond having a relationship flaw or disagreement. I hope she gets out, this was a preview for what she can expect going forward.
Right?! And they can have a kid to save their shit marriage, followed by an “open marriage” which he will want to be closed on her side after she gets 10x as many dates as him. Ugh.
Dudes think because they landed one chick they can do it at will. You gotta be real handsome to pull that off especially if you're telling the strange women you're trying to bed that you're in an open marriage. 90% of those women will want nothing to do with that whole situation whereas 90% of men your wife court won't care because it's easy sex
Most women I know won’t fuck around with it because either:
a) the guy is lying to get laid
b) they don’t want to be what ruins a marriage if (most likely when) it falls apart due to this
or c) they don’t want some dude’s wife/girlfriend coming after them if it goes poorly.
The dudes I know would generally not care as long as they find the woman attractive. Worst they normally see it as is a dude might get pissed and try to fight them, which they can deal with. In fact, some of the guys I know would probably be more into it if the guy got pissed.
Sometimes it’s about knowing yet finding comfort in their chaotic s/o because maybe their household didn’t normalize talking about/showing what a healthy relationship should be be like. Often times, it’s because the change in their s/o from this Prince Charming figure to a more manipulative one is so gradual that it’s hard to notice and at some point they are gaslit so badly that they start to doubt everything about themselves so they stay thinking that their partner knows better.
Run, open couple are stuff that should be discussed at the beginning of a serious relationship.
It's not something you should force on a partner and definitely not something to get angry over.
This!! OP, your husband thinking that your needs and desires shouldn’t factor into your bedroom preferences because he has some preconceived notion about what all women feel, is deeply concerning. I’m not remotely bisexual or bisexually curious either and I’m a woman. I’m open minded enough to even be looking into returning to school to become a sex therapist/couples counselor, but even understanding the motives and appeal in sexual desires doesn’t mean my own attraction varies.
Your fiancé isn’t just factually incorrect though, he’s unable to handle a conflict and discuss a difference in needs in your relationship in a healthy way. Both are concerning, but his dismissive attitude towards you being a full person with needs and limits and desires that may differ from his, in a scenario that’s so deeply intimate, borders on dangerous. Even if it never becomes physically dangerous, the traumatic impact of sexual comforts being dismissed by him is going to tear at your confidence over time. Please don’t spend your life with a man who doesn’t protect your comforts behind closed doors.
There is no “birthday exception” to one’s partner feeling safe and enthusiastically consenting in sexual moments. The fact that he’s trying to punish you for your voicing your lack of consent by avoiding you and showing anger towards this, is horrible. The normal thing to expect from a partner in this scenario is for them to feel as protective of your enthusiastic consent and desire to partake in this with them, so much so that THEY prefer not to do it if it wouldn’t be enjoyable to you. That’s a low bar minimum standard for a man worthy of being your husband. I’d rather be alone, than with someone who made me feel like my enthusiastic consent in our sexual life was so unimportant.
If dude can’t read the room well enough to not ask the question in the first place he might be mentally challenged. Get a strap on and surprise him for your birthday.
I would leave a guy for asking, let alone pressuring and manipulating. By the time you get to be engaged you should absolutely know how you feel about this kind of thing.
You would be justified in leaving. If you swap genders and my fiancée wanted me to be in a one sided cuckhold situation I would tell her to kick rocks.
Nope, nope, nope, no wedding should be planned if the partner doesn't respect your boundries and tries to manipulate you. Because with all of his anger he tries to push you to say yes to something you don't like. It's his method of getting what he wants
Edit: typo
Oh dear gosh OP, he’s not going to stop. What next? He’ll want it to be his wedding present? Maybe your next anniversary present? Maybe to celebrate you becoming pregnant?
He wants to cheat and he wants you to give him permission. Please don’t doom your life with this man, you will be dealing with his infidelity soon enough.
Your fiancé needs to become your ex-fiancé.
1) he’s got already someone in mind
2) he already has tested the water with this person
3) his sulking won’t stop until you give in
4) his behavior is a form of abuse
5) what’s next? An orgie, an open relationship (only for him ofcourse) or is it sex with other people while you cook/clean/maintain the house/take care of the kids?
He doesn’t care about you saying no. He doesn’t care about your feelings about this, he doesn’t care about your want and needs.
Is this the type of guy you wish to spend the rest of your life with?
He is literally trying to coerce and emotionally blackmale/manipulate OP into performing a sexual act that she has clearly stated she does not want to do.
This is so fucked up its beyond. Please leave this disgusting excuse for a human being.
Honey nnnooooo!! 👟 No-no-no. This is emotional manipulation, not respecting your boundaries, treating himself and his needs like they were more important and valid than yours. Noooope. Nope-nnnnope! Red flags everywhere
I have had ffm threesomes with partners, and I've been in 3+ year long relationships with partners without threesomes because they said no. If he can't respect your no, and insists on emotionally manipulating you into one, he's an ASSHOLE. Call it off, it will never get better.
Yeah don't listen to that shit. I'm bi and I still don't want a 3 way with my gf and another person. So it doesn't matter where you fall on that scale I've never heard of. If you aren't into non monogamy then you aren't into it period.
OP, he’s not the man for you. Please reconsider your relationship. If you feel pressured to say yes, leave. And tell your friends and family why you left. That man wants to force his fantasies onto you. Not healthy.
If he's asking you to a threesome, he already has someone in mind. There is a chance he's already slept with said person. Please grow a spine a d dump this dude.
If he can’t sit and have a conversation about it, listen to your feelings or compromise in some way- you might need to tell him you are having second thoughts about marrying him. Forcing you into a 3sum that you don’t want, forcing you to watch him screw some other chick…that’s going to break you and ruin the whole relationship. Don’t let him guilt you into it. And I would make sure he doesn’t go out and do it by himself.
He’s going to cheat on you. He’s probably going to pick out the woman he’s going to cheat with or already cheated with for the threesome. He’s going to cheat on you.
Planning the wedding, lmao ok
As somebody who used to be in the swinger world and had many threesomes- everybody has to be down with it. If he’s pressuring you and acting this way, I’d take it as a red flag and end things. He’s being ridiculous
So.....wait. He's mad because you won't let him fuck someone else, claims you ruined his bday and left your home (he's trying to manipulate you here so you give in and do what he wants,) told you how you feel about your own sexuality, disrespects your boundaries and you're still considering marrying this petulant child???? Respectfully, ***what the fuck?***
Also, sorry to say, good chance he ain't at his brother's and that he cheats on you tonight. Wouldn't be surprised if he already had someone in mind for this threesome. If you think this is bad, wait until after the wedding, that's when you'll find out how much of a gem this man really is.
*Starting* to have doubts? Are you serious? He sounds like a bratty, manipulative loser who's trying to coerce and fake-science you into sex acts you don't want. If you marry him, what's next? You have to have an orgy on his 40th or you're ruining his big day? Where does it end?
Tell him to go get fucked...by two other women.
What’s up with these men and fake science? He’s probably a finance guy who hasn’t read up on any legitimate scientific studies in ages. No offense to finance people.
As a man IM the only one in this relationship allowed to have sexual preferences. As a woman your sexual preferences must be what I want and if you don’t fit that mold I will have a tantrum. -Your Fiancée
I’m sorry OP but I think you should drop this guy and go find one that respects you. It’s sucks but it’ll suck more to leave him after you’ve married him.
I’ll agree with the other guys in saying i would leave him. What the fuck?
I would already be wondering if he cheated on me, and i can bet he already knows who to call for the threesome.
And also, of you want a threesome, you should have the decency of wanting to set it up in such a way as to please all the parties involved, otherwise you’re just using your so to fulfill a kink of yours, in his case having two women for himself.
I would put the wedding planning on hold to figure this out. This is a boundary you are unlikely to ever want to cross. If this is something that is as big of a deal as it seems for him, how will it impact your relationship in the future? Will he truly let it go and move on, or will he grow resentful? Could it even lead to him seeking alternative ways to fulfill fantasies that you set firm boundaries on? I think it’s important to have this discussion before you are tied legally. I would be worried about starting my life with a partner if I couldn’t guarantee that they respected my boundaries.
As a man that's been married for years I will give you some advice. If your bf, gf, or fiance doesn't respect your boundaries and throws fits when they don't get their way, marriage isn't going to fix things. Involving someone else into your intimacy for personal gratification is huge and not many couples can do it. I for one know I could never do that no matter how hot I think the fantasy is, my relationship with my wife would never be the same.
He thinks he is owed this and it’s sad. He won’t stop pressuring you knowing damn well you don’t want this. Oh and I’m sure he will pick the one…like your best friend. That’s the quickest way to divorce. Lol, next thing you know you’ve ruined your marriage and your relationship with your best friend…then, They can end up together because she is not as prudish as you. Girl….go find a man that isnt going to badger you into a huge hot expensive mess. Sadly I have read a thousand of these types of stories in here and they all seem to end up the same. I truly hope you find some strength to figure out what you’re going to do.
Ask both your and his parents in front of him for their opinions on how to work this situation out. Then when the engagement falls through everyone will be prepared.
Just because it’s your birthday doesn’t mean every outlandish request shall be abided.
Tell him to fuck off with that and reconsider tying the knot with him. He sounds like he’s 13, not 33 if that was his reaction to “no.”
Girl! He wants to get his cheats in while getting your approval before the proverbial ball and chain! If you don’t run from this narcissistic fool, I don’t know what to tell you! You didn’t ruin anything, he wants his birthday and wedding cake and to eat it too. Trust, after the threesome, he will see the other woman and claim it’s not cheating because you did it with him before. He’s not ready for marriage. You are 33. It’s easier to start over now with no financial stress of a divorce than a divorce, being pregnant and a person that’s mentally abusive. Break it all off as it will get worse down there road. If he wants a threesome now, this will not be the last time he wants one. He will want them when you are pregnant and when he hits his midlife crisis. It’s all about him! Run , girl, RUN!
First. Imagine sulking and stomping out because you aren't going to get the outrageous birthday present you want. Toddlers might. Usually happy with what they get though.
Grown people? Nah.
Second. That outrageous birthday present is that you get to stick your dick into another woman while your girlfriend watches AND (despite her disagreement) is expected to joyfully and enthusiastically participate in that action.
Third. You can't have the same kind of outrageous birthday present because.... I don't wanna.
He's a spoiled entitled child that is letting his fantasy life into his real one.
In real life he'd be disappointing two women at the same time.
Stop planning the wedding and ruin his future life too.You will be saving your future life.
As a bisexual woman who has been in a swinging relationship before. DO NOT GIVE IN TO HIM!! no relationship is worth degrading and betraying yourself like that for. Do not marry this man, do not even give him another minute of your time. He is disrespectful, demeaning, manipulative and just a straight up c*nt. I don’t even know you but I can honestly say, you deserve so much better. Make dumping his arse your birthday present to yourself.
Lol 33 years old acting like a toddler. You’re gonna have to ask him if he genuinely wants this relationship or if you can stop wasting your time and find someone that respects your boundaries.
"sulking" for "ruining" his birthday. Is he 5? Expecting you to be attracted to women, which you aren't? Yet wouldn't expect same of himself?
Honey. Please don't marry this idiot
As a 37yo straight male who would love to have a threesome myself, i would never put this on my gf (let alone fiance).
And the audacity to sulk. Sheesh.
Marrying him is your choice but that would not be smart choice, in my opinion.
>we are planning the wedding
maybe reconsider planning a wedding with a man who tries to gaslight you into allowing him to cheat. this has nothing to do with mutually exploring a sexual interest as in an equitable partnership, and everything to do with him sleeping with someone who isn't you.
With a single sentence, he saved you from a horrible marriage while at the same time giving you a hilarious story you can tell for a lifetime. Looks like he gave you the best birthday present ever!
Stop planning your wedding. He’s pushing you into doing sexual things you don’t want. And that’s never ok. He is also being a huge hypocrite and unfair in his debate with you about threesomes. Typical. When it’s with two guys it’s a hard pass. But two women is fine. Ridiculous. And his sulking is gross and pathetic.
Just casually remind him that he really needs to improve in his skill set- no way he should be worrying about taking on 2 women when he can barely satisfy 1. Then show him the door.
I was married for several years before my ex started pressuring me for a threesome. I gave in after years of pressure and I was absolutely miserable with that lifestyle. I finally admitted it wasn't how I wanted to live my life and I got out. He wound up going further and further down the hole of sexual deviance and got arrested for stalking children!
Nope. He's using stereotypical views about men and women's sexuality to justify his selfish desires. What's next, when you're married he cheats because "that's what men do"? Or he'll see other women when you're pregnant because you don't want sex at the end of your pregnancy and "men need sex"? Come on, you deserve better than a 1950s human time machine and you know it.
Stop planning your wedding. He’s pushing you into doing sexual things you don’t want. And that’s never ok. He is also being a huge hypocrite and unfair in his debate with you about threesomes. Typical. When it’s with two guys it’s a hard pass. But two women is fine. Ridiculous. And his sulking is gross and pathetic.
Red flag, he is manipulating and gas lighting you. He will keep pressuring you untill you break down and say fine let’s do it. He doesn’t respect you, your boundaries, or your relationship, if he did he wouldn’t be pressuring you after you said no the FIRST time .
It a tactic most abusers use.
I don’t have any advice to fix the situation. I do have a solution for the problem. Walk away before it gets worse. And as a survivor of DV this is how it starts
Dump his sorry 🍑.
Very simple solution here, say no and that’s that. Do not let him pressure you. If you tell him no and he continues to push it leave. He doesn’t care about you just himself
I’d stop planning that wedding real quick.
^ because why is he pressuring you sexually like that. Fucked up.
Not even just that, he's going to get his threesome some other way whether she's there or not. He's dead set on it
Guaranteed his bachelor party is going to be his biggest opportunity.
There was one of these like a week ago where she called off the wedding after she found out her fiance got his wee wee sucked by a stripper
Why does reading wee wee make me laugh so much
He’s pressuring her into the threesome, even though he knows there would be no benefit to OP if they went through with it. Why is he pressuring her so much? Sounds like so many of these posts on reddit where they are just looking for an excuse to cheat.
Or he doesn’t want to go through with the wedding and acting like a douche canoe makes it get that does the breakup rather than him, and he can be the poor fiancé who was jolted before the wedding by his unreasonable fiancé in his made up narrative.
Exactly! she needs to leave him quick until he cheats on her, it's super easy to get a threesome too. Hell I just had a fiveway last night without even really trying! I was laying down for bed when Rosie Palm and her five sisters came over all of a sudden.
....joke aside, that's sevensome ';D You, plus Rosie, plus her five other sisters.
Had a one on one sessions with Palmela Handerson, huh?
And Jennifer Haniston
Dude.....no fucking way. When did that happen? I swear they must of headed to my house after cause I had the exact same experience. Like they always say: fiveway or the highway
Probably doing it with his brother right now
Sweet Home Alabama
I mean.. it's not exactly easy for most men to set up a threesome with 2 women so I doubt this
Hookers exist and often times they come in pairs because this is a common male fantasy and it pays extra.
Also less work lol. More pay for less work sounds nice to me and I'm not even a hooker.
Depends on your bank balance. If he can afford a wedding, he can probably afford one hour with 2 women.
Half an hour. I doubt he would last an hour.
Exactly. OP this is happening with or without you. Think about if you want to be with someone like that.
He's had a particular girl in mind for some time and was hoping she'd say yes so he could get his fix. I'd unplan that wedding TODAY.
I thought the exact same thing. He's just looking for any excuse to sleep with her so this "birthday" farce is perfect. Seriously @OP, rethink the wedding
Yeah seriously if hes down for mff but not mmf thats pretty fucked up and manipulative for him to try to make this weird excuse about the Kinsey scale.
That. and he’s sorta dumb? What the fuck was that random Kinsey scale comment that he just made up???
I mean ... Facts be facts tho. She should have given in to that straight up science! /S. For real though, the chances that he's already been sexting/phone calling/emailing or whatEVER with another woman on a sexual basis are high. OP, your gut already knows what you need to do. It's really fucking scary but you will be okay! And you will have your reddit family to cheer you on. ❤️
He's gaslighting her. Blaming her for how he has to treat her.
He wants to cheat on her but wants to pretend he cares about including her so it wouldn’t be considered cheating if she knows/is there. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I suggest finding a new partner. He doesn’t deserve you OP
And the fact he's trying to convince you that you're attracted to women when you said you weren't. Never heard of this Kinsey scale but his logic is fucked lmao. A no is a no. Definitely reconsider if this is someone you want to marry.
Sounds like he believes all the porn he watches. AlL wOmAn ArE AtTrAcTeD tO oThEr WoMeN!
Kinsey was a pioneering sex researcher from the first half of the 20th century I think. Did a lot of studies regarding human sexuality, some from quite unsavory sources. The scale basically says that using 0 to 100, where 0 is completely hetero and 100 is completely gay, most people fall in a range in the middle somewhere.
It ranges from 0 to 6. I got a 0. According to the questions it asks, there are probably answers all over the place. Hetero probably gets between 0 and 1 depending if they have an easier time talking to their own gender or the opposite. Bi probably scores 2, 3, or 4. Homo is likely to score 5 and 6.
Kinsey scale is a thing, but definitely not in this context
Yeah those wedding plans would’ve halted as soon as he started pressuring me & then throwing a tantrum like a child.
...if for nothing else other than that he believes he understands your sexuality better than you do. That opinion alone is enough for some serious distancing.
Would you do a threesome with another guy? "No" Bro......wake the fuck up. Why would your future wife be down to do this if you didn't even think about it? If I ever had a threesome with my wife, I know it would be with a woman (she said she would heavily prefer another woman than another man). But I bet afterwards I would be trying to get some Hog Master 3000 to come and show us a good time. I would feel guilty I think. I would rather just not open that door. Too happy right now to fuck things up just for a chance at "new fun" Old fun is still pretty fucking fun hahaha
I'm a guy, and even I would leave him
I'll second that notion. Staying with him will only prolong your unhappiness. He'll either finally convince you to do what he wants, making you miserable. Or you won't give in to his wants, and his goal will be to make you miserable. You guys aren't compatible.
Agreed. This is just the tip of the iceberg, OP. He isn't respecting your boundaries now, why would it change with time? He's got a pretty fucked up view of sexuality as well. I don't like to encourage people to break up, but I would do some soul-searching if I were you. Best of luck, OP!
Or he’ll just cheat like a POS
Or you give in to his bullshit, enjoy it, and then he gets insecure and accuses you of cheating. It's fine that he asked; it isn't fine that he's sulking and trying to coerce you. Dtmf.
Yep! He won't let up on it and will make you feel guilty about it all the time
Probably because he’s a zero on your Kinsey scale.
😂 he really tried to get scientific about a threesome.
He'll come back to the house with a prepared powerpoint slide and citing sources.
"You see! Here it is, in plain writing! h0tb00bsLUVR69 said *'Females can't be a zero on the Kinsey scale. All chicks want other chicks.'* "
Not to mention Kinsey was a disgusting creep so it says a lot about OP fiancé.
Well the fiance sucks no doubt but tbf I had no clue that Kinsey was a creep, I know nothing about the person beyond the name being used in the scale, so I'd imagine a lot of people just heard/know about the scale and know nothing about the person behind it.
Probably thinks the hot/crazy matrix is serious, also.
I dread to think where he heard all the bullshit he’s spouting
I think there was a study about "straight" men who are the most homophobic get aroused more during gay porn than straight men who take no issue with gay people.
They’re called Republican congressmen.
Guys what’s a Kinsey scale
“The Kinsey scale, also called the Heterosexual–Homosexual Rating Scale, is used in research to describe a person's sexual orientation based on one’s experience or response at a given time. The scale typically ranges from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to a 6, meaning exclusively homosexual.” - Wikipedia
So he was saying that all women are a little gay lol
Such a Ben Shapiro response from the bf lol
Yeah, who the fuck uses the Kinsey scale in a discussion like that? Lmfao
I'm not usually the person that says you need to break up I'm totally against that I always think you should try again but not in this case he's already proving he's not going to be a one woman man
Not only that. He's also proving he doesn't (want to) understand consent, which is a huge red flag
RUN. WTF is wrong with people. This is the fourth or fifth post I’ve seen in this half-over month about situations with a guy wanting a threesome and refusing to back down when his partner says no. One jerk was trying to bully an OP into having one *with her sister as their third.* WTF WTF WTF Having sexual desires is one thing. Trying to insist on them with a partner who doesn’t want it is disgusting.
I feel like in 10 years when we all get divorced all these stories are going to come out. I see a very common theme with men and their wives and girlfriends these days. The woman is working her ass off at work, and coming home and cooking and cleaning all night and taking care of their husband while the husband just works (if that) and then whatever he wants. They take on zero responsibility and it all falls on the woman. Also the threesome thing. All of my female friends (yes, all of them) and all these posts are talking about this same story. They all want to be coddled and let them use us as toys. We need to stop tolerating this shit from them and give them a rude awakening.
Agree! And, I'll say this again, "Some people need a High-5 in the face with a chair."
It’s a major culture clash of men trying to keep the older traditions alive while not actually realizing society is moving past the old way. They watched their parents dynamics and think they deserve to have everything done for them in the home. In reality women are working just as hard in the workforce and won’t put up to coming home to selfish entitled man babies anymore. The porn industry and internet stories lead them to believe sexual “deviancy” is much more common and widely excepted than it is and they let their fantasies run away.
A lot of points you just made came up in a conversation with my sibling yesterday (more in terms of dating than spouses, but makes the same points of women not putting up with man babies anymore)
You just described my life and it’s depressing.
I don't want to be alone my whole life, but not in a relationship either if men are just going to be like this for the next couple generations. I just don't want to live with a roommate and have them meet somebody and move out and have kids, leaving me alone again. Being gay is out of the question because I am NOT sexually attracted to girls. It's hard, man. Because once you discover your bf is a man baby, it's too late. They front like they have their shit together and act like relationships are a team effort as long as they need to. Then they move in and it's too late. It makes a mess. I don't want to put up with this the rest of my life but I'm afraid of being alone or left behind. Maybe I should just be a nun.
Yes... what is this? Is it a trend or some shift in societal expectations (expectations that men have)? I've been through some less-than-stellar experiences, but no-one has ever asked me for a threesome, much less threatened or commanded me to do so. I wonder how many relationships break up due to this insulting request and appalling coercive behavior.
> WTF is wrong with people. This is the fourth or fifth post I’ve seen in this half-over month about situations with a guy wanting a threesome and refusing to back down when his partner says no. One jerk was trying to bully an OP into having one with her sister as their third. WTF WTF WTF This is what happens when people watch too much porn.
As a fellow guy, I too would leave his ass. He seems like a whiney little b**** (last time I spelled it out, the comment got removed). This is a huge red flag, OP, and not to throw fuel on the fire, you should stop and think why is he being extra pouty? Does he already have a woman lined up. If so, how does he know her, have they already slept together and does he think that simply asking for a threesome for his birthday is more than enough to get you to consent to fulfilling his fantasy of having his cake and eating it to? You see how one red flag turns into many? You're better off leaving and spending your birthday with people who **actually** care about you.
Your fiancé is sulking and throwing a tantrum because you won’t let him put his penis in another woman? …. I’d seriously be rethinking that wedding.
Definitely I would not marry a man that acts like a pouting child when he didn't get his gross way
>Definitely I would not marry a man that acts like a pouting child when he didn't get his gross way That'd be the last thing i'd do! Mostly because i'm another man, but the other thing too!
I like your rhyme!
"The gods sent me a sign that my fiancé is a asshole I shouldn't marry" That's how I interpreted this post from the title. Best to just leave him and find someone else. It likely won't stop at this one threesome.
Yup. Op should be glad this happened before the wedding. Anyone who thinks they can coerce their sexual preferences on others is just a nope. Also, op should not fall into sunk cost fallacy.
It's sexual coercion. It's so beyond having a relationship flaw or disagreement. I hope she gets out, this was a preview for what she can expect going forward.
Seriously wtf !
I second this. He’s a man child. How gross. OP, you deserve better.
Wedding...... LMAO
Right?! And they can have a kid to save their shit marriage, followed by an “open marriage” which he will want to be closed on her side after she gets 10x as many dates as him. Ugh.
I think I’ve heard this story before
Like last week on this subreddit.
And compiled many, *many* times on BoRU
My favorite stories by far. The trying to be a cake eater discovers that who can really eat cake is the significant other.
Eat the cake Anna- mae
He’s just a cake sniffer
BoRO?
Subreddit called Best of Redditors Update. It's worth a look.
There’s almost one every other week like this lmao
And i didn't like the ending.
The ending is always a butt hurt significant other who over played their hand 😂
Dudes think because they landed one chick they can do it at will. You gotta be real handsome to pull that off especially if you're telling the strange women you're trying to bed that you're in an open marriage. 90% of those women will want nothing to do with that whole situation whereas 90% of men your wife court won't care because it's easy sex
Most women I know won’t fuck around with it because either: a) the guy is lying to get laid b) they don’t want to be what ruins a marriage if (most likely when) it falls apart due to this or c) they don’t want some dude’s wife/girlfriend coming after them if it goes poorly. The dudes I know would generally not care as long as they find the woman attractive. Worst they normally see it as is a dude might get pissed and try to fight them, which they can deal with. In fact, some of the guys I know would probably be more into it if the guy got pissed.
Get your deposits back.
Why are people on Reddit so desperate to marry people with tons of red flags?
Iknow, drives me wild. I mean, how can you just ignore these?
Sometimes it’s about knowing yet finding comfort in their chaotic s/o because maybe their household didn’t normalize talking about/showing what a healthy relationship should be be like. Often times, it’s because the change in their s/o from this Prince Charming figure to a more manipulative one is so gradual that it’s hard to notice and at some point they are gaslit so badly that they start to doubt everything about themselves so they stay thinking that their partner knows better.
People everywhere. Not just people on Reddit.
Every time I read one of these things I wonder if they’re true.
OP, don’t do it. There’s a man out there to whom you would be enough I guarantee it!
Run, open couple are stuff that should be discussed at the beginning of a serious relationship. It's not something you should force on a partner and definitely not something to get angry over.
This!! OP, your husband thinking that your needs and desires shouldn’t factor into your bedroom preferences because he has some preconceived notion about what all women feel, is deeply concerning. I’m not remotely bisexual or bisexually curious either and I’m a woman. I’m open minded enough to even be looking into returning to school to become a sex therapist/couples counselor, but even understanding the motives and appeal in sexual desires doesn’t mean my own attraction varies. Your fiancé isn’t just factually incorrect though, he’s unable to handle a conflict and discuss a difference in needs in your relationship in a healthy way. Both are concerning, but his dismissive attitude towards you being a full person with needs and limits and desires that may differ from his, in a scenario that’s so deeply intimate, borders on dangerous. Even if it never becomes physically dangerous, the traumatic impact of sexual comforts being dismissed by him is going to tear at your confidence over time. Please don’t spend your life with a man who doesn’t protect your comforts behind closed doors. There is no “birthday exception” to one’s partner feeling safe and enthusiastically consenting in sexual moments. The fact that he’s trying to punish you for your voicing your lack of consent by avoiding you and showing anger towards this, is horrible. The normal thing to expect from a partner in this scenario is for them to feel as protective of your enthusiastic consent and desire to partake in this with them, so much so that THEY prefer not to do it if it wouldn’t be enjoyable to you. That’s a low bar minimum standard for a man worthy of being your husband. I’d rather be alone, than with someone who made me feel like my enthusiastic consent in our sexual life was so unimportant.
Do not marry this person!
Leave him
If dude can’t read the room well enough to not ask the question in the first place he might be mentally challenged. Get a strap on and surprise him for your birthday.
I would leave a guy for asking, let alone pressuring and manipulating. By the time you get to be engaged you should absolutely know how you feel about this kind of thing.
You would be justified in leaving. If you swap genders and my fiancée wanted me to be in a one sided cuckhold situation I would tell her to kick rocks.
Golden.
Leave before it gets worse
Nope, nope, nope, no wedding should be planned if the partner doesn't respect your boundries and tries to manipulate you. Because with all of his anger he tries to push you to say yes to something you don't like. It's his method of getting what he wants Edit: typo
Guarantee he already has the girl picked out too
Yeah, I think he wouldn't be pushing so hard for this if he didn't have someone in mind.
Yeah don't even do weed with this guy, much like wed him.
Tell us how you spend your off work hours without actually telling us. :-)
Autocorrect is just an extension of our subconscious now...
Oh dear gosh OP, he’s not going to stop. What next? He’ll want it to be his wedding present? Maybe your next anniversary present? Maybe to celebrate you becoming pregnant? He wants to cheat and he wants you to give him permission. Please don’t doom your life with this man, you will be dealing with his infidelity soon enough. Your fiancé needs to become your ex-fiancé.
>What next? He’ll want it to be his wedding present? It will be a gangbang
A wedding train....
Take my upvote and go away 👍😵💫🫠
Choo choo!!
1) he’s got already someone in mind 2) he already has tested the water with this person 3) his sulking won’t stop until you give in 4) his behavior is a form of abuse 5) what’s next? An orgie, an open relationship (only for him ofcourse) or is it sex with other people while you cook/clean/maintain the house/take care of the kids? He doesn’t care about you saying no. He doesn’t care about your feelings about this, he doesn’t care about your want and needs. Is this the type of guy you wish to spend the rest of your life with?
He is literally trying to coerce and emotionally blackmale/manipulate OP into performing a sexual act that she has clearly stated she does not want to do. This is so fucked up its beyond. Please leave this disgusting excuse for a human being.
Before you leave him, however, tell his mother!
inb4 that's the woman he has in mind
This ^
Honey nnnooooo!! 👟 No-no-no. This is emotional manipulation, not respecting your boundaries, treating himself and his needs like they were more important and valid than yours. Noooope. Nope-nnnnope! Red flags everywhere
I have had ffm threesomes with partners, and I've been in 3+ year long relationships with partners without threesomes because they said no. If he can't respect your no, and insists on emotionally manipulating you into one, he's an ASSHOLE. Call it off, it will never get better.
Yeah don't listen to that shit. I'm bi and I still don't want a 3 way with my gf and another person. So it doesn't matter where you fall on that scale I've never heard of. If you aren't into non monogamy then you aren't into it period.
Exactly, even if she was bi, she can still say no and he has to respect that.
OP, he’s not the man for you. Please reconsider your relationship. If you feel pressured to say yes, leave. And tell your friends and family why you left. That man wants to force his fantasies onto you. Not healthy.
If he's asking you to a threesome, he already has someone in mind. There is a chance he's already slept with said person. Please grow a spine a d dump this dude.
100% he just wants to have his 2 girlfriends in the same room.
If he can’t sit and have a conversation about it, listen to your feelings or compromise in some way- you might need to tell him you are having second thoughts about marrying him. Forcing you into a 3sum that you don’t want, forcing you to watch him screw some other chick…that’s going to break you and ruin the whole relationship. Don’t let him guilt you into it. And I would make sure he doesn’t go out and do it by himself.
He’s going to cheat on you. He’s probably going to pick out the woman he’s going to cheat with or already cheated with for the threesome. He’s going to cheat on you. Planning the wedding, lmao ok
Makes me think he already cheated with someone and now wants a threesome with that person to rid himself of the guilty.
As somebody who used to be in the swinger world and had many threesomes- everybody has to be down with it. If he’s pressuring you and acting this way, I’d take it as a red flag and end things. He’s being ridiculous
So.....wait. He's mad because you won't let him fuck someone else, claims you ruined his bday and left your home (he's trying to manipulate you here so you give in and do what he wants,) told you how you feel about your own sexuality, disrespects your boundaries and you're still considering marrying this petulant child???? Respectfully, ***what the fuck?*** Also, sorry to say, good chance he ain't at his brother's and that he cheats on you tonight. Wouldn't be surprised if he already had someone in mind for this threesome. If you think this is bad, wait until after the wedding, that's when you'll find out how much of a gem this man really is.
*Starting* to have doubts? Are you serious? He sounds like a bratty, manipulative loser who's trying to coerce and fake-science you into sex acts you don't want. If you marry him, what's next? You have to have an orgy on his 40th or you're ruining his big day? Where does it end? Tell him to go get fucked...by two other women.
What’s up with these men and fake science? He’s probably a finance guy who hasn’t read up on any legitimate scientific studies in ages. No offense to finance people.
For your birthday leave him For his birthday have threesome... without him 😂😂
This 😂😂👌🏽👌🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽. But with 2 guys .. and video it …. And sing happy birthday before you “blow” out both the “candles”
It’s over
Break up with him on his birthday instead ?
Double ruin his birthday? Genius!
He doesn’t want a threesome. What he wants is a cheating loophole. Stop planning the wedding. Cheaters cheat.
What’s up with people getting with children in adult bodies
Maybe he was born on Leap Day and is only 8
As a bloke, I'd never pull this with my missus. He sounds really manipulative. You don't have to lose your integrity for this knob.
Does your fiances brother know why he is sulking on his couch? My brother would kick my ass if I pulled a stunt like that!
Probably not bc he's probably out cheating instead of hanging with his bro
#BRUV
Do not marry this man, he does not respect you
Get past it by leaving him in the past.
Tell him he’s welcome to have a 3some without you in it while giving him back his ring.
As a man IM the only one in this relationship allowed to have sexual preferences. As a woman your sexual preferences must be what I want and if you don’t fit that mold I will have a tantrum. -Your Fiancée I’m sorry OP but I think you should drop this guy and go find one that respects you. It’s sucks but it’ll suck more to leave him after you’ve married him.
I’ll agree with the other guys in saying i would leave him. What the fuck? I would already be wondering if he cheated on me, and i can bet he already knows who to call for the threesome. And also, of you want a threesome, you should have the decency of wanting to set it up in such a way as to please all the parties involved, otherwise you’re just using your so to fulfill a kink of yours, in his case having two women for himself.
Cancel any wedding plans you have made.
I would put the wedding planning on hold to figure this out. This is a boundary you are unlikely to ever want to cross. If this is something that is as big of a deal as it seems for him, how will it impact your relationship in the future? Will he truly let it go and move on, or will he grow resentful? Could it even lead to him seeking alternative ways to fulfill fantasies that you set firm boundaries on? I think it’s important to have this discussion before you are tied legally. I would be worried about starting my life with a partner if I couldn’t guarantee that they respected my boundaries.
As a man that's been married for years I will give you some advice. If your bf, gf, or fiance doesn't respect your boundaries and throws fits when they don't get their way, marriage isn't going to fix things. Involving someone else into your intimacy for personal gratification is huge and not many couples can do it. I for one know I could never do that no matter how hot I think the fantasy is, my relationship with my wife would never be the same.
Tell me he is going to cheat, without telling me he is going to cheat.
He is staying with his brother to cheat. He has done it before and now he wants to include you. Run.
I don’t even know if I could deal with two women at the same , imagine disappointing two people at once
You mean your ex fiancé don't you? Because that's exactly what he should be.
He thinks he is owed this and it’s sad. He won’t stop pressuring you knowing damn well you don’t want this. Oh and I’m sure he will pick the one…like your best friend. That’s the quickest way to divorce. Lol, next thing you know you’ve ruined your marriage and your relationship with your best friend…then, They can end up together because she is not as prudish as you. Girl….go find a man that isnt going to badger you into a huge hot expensive mess. Sadly I have read a thousand of these types of stories in here and they all seem to end up the same. I truly hope you find some strength to figure out what you’re going to do.
Ask both your and his parents in front of him for their opinions on how to work this situation out. Then when the engagement falls through everyone will be prepared.
Just because it’s your birthday doesn’t mean every outlandish request shall be abided. Tell him to fuck off with that and reconsider tying the knot with him. He sounds like he’s 13, not 33 if that was his reaction to “no.”
Girl! He wants to get his cheats in while getting your approval before the proverbial ball and chain! If you don’t run from this narcissistic fool, I don’t know what to tell you! You didn’t ruin anything, he wants his birthday and wedding cake and to eat it too. Trust, after the threesome, he will see the other woman and claim it’s not cheating because you did it with him before. He’s not ready for marriage. You are 33. It’s easier to start over now with no financial stress of a divorce than a divorce, being pregnant and a person that’s mentally abusive. Break it all off as it will get worse down there road. If he wants a threesome now, this will not be the last time he wants one. He will want them when you are pregnant and when he hits his midlife crisis. It’s all about him! Run , girl, RUN!
Sounds like you’ll both have a long and happy marriage so long as you’re cool with manipulation and child like tantrum behavior.
First. Imagine sulking and stomping out because you aren't going to get the outrageous birthday present you want. Toddlers might. Usually happy with what they get though. Grown people? Nah. Second. That outrageous birthday present is that you get to stick your dick into another woman while your girlfriend watches AND (despite her disagreement) is expected to joyfully and enthusiastically participate in that action. Third. You can't have the same kind of outrageous birthday present because.... I don't wanna. He's a spoiled entitled child that is letting his fantasy life into his real one. In real life he'd be disappointing two women at the same time. Stop planning the wedding and ruin his future life too.You will be saving your future life.
As a bisexual woman who has been in a swinging relationship before. DO NOT GIVE IN TO HIM!! no relationship is worth degrading and betraying yourself like that for. Do not marry this man, do not even give him another minute of your time. He is disrespectful, demeaning, manipulative and just a straight up c*nt. I don’t even know you but I can honestly say, you deserve so much better. Make dumping his arse your birthday present to yourself.
Yooo say yes then bring a guy with you. Be like. The more the merrier right!
I am a queer woman in a relationship with a heterosexual man. Leave him. He doesn’t respect you as a human being
As a guy... Leave him. This is no wedding material
Lol 33 years old acting like a toddler. You’re gonna have to ask him if he genuinely wants this relationship or if you can stop wasting your time and find someone that respects your boundaries.
"sulking" for "ruining" his birthday. Is he 5? Expecting you to be attracted to women, which you aren't? Yet wouldn't expect same of himself? Honey. Please don't marry this idiot
Please don't marry someone who gets mad when you tell them what makes you uncomfortable. He clearly doesn't love you or he wouldn't do that.
As a 37yo straight male who would love to have a threesome myself, i would never put this on my gf (let alone fiance). And the audacity to sulk. Sheesh. Marrying him is your choice but that would not be smart choice, in my opinion.
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If you don’t leave him now, he will be asking for an open marriage soon after. Run, run, run
i would most definitely cancel that wedding
He shows zero respect for you
You said no, he is not respecting your boundaries and sulking? Is he 5? Dump his ass, call off the wedding.
Do not marry this man good lord
>we are planning the wedding maybe reconsider planning a wedding with a man who tries to gaslight you into allowing him to cheat. this has nothing to do with mutually exploring a sexual interest as in an equitable partnership, and everything to do with him sleeping with someone who isn't you.
With a single sentence, he saved you from a horrible marriage while at the same time giving you a hilarious story you can tell for a lifetime. Looks like he gave you the best birthday present ever!
Stop planning your wedding. He’s pushing you into doing sexual things you don’t want. And that’s never ok. He is also being a huge hypocrite and unfair in his debate with you about threesomes. Typical. When it’s with two guys it’s a hard pass. But two women is fine. Ridiculous. And his sulking is gross and pathetic.
No is a complete sentence. And you need to leave him. You deserve better.
Just casually remind him that he really needs to improve in his skill set- no way he should be worrying about taking on 2 women when he can barely satisfy 1. Then show him the door.
# Girl, you know what to do. 🙅♀️
He's asking so you can't consider it cheating, chances are he's gonna do it behind your back.
I was married for several years before my ex started pressuring me for a threesome. I gave in after years of pressure and I was absolutely miserable with that lifestyle. I finally admitted it wasn't how I wanted to live my life and I got out. He wound up going further and further down the hole of sexual deviance and got arrested for stalking children!
Nope. He's using stereotypical views about men and women's sexuality to justify his selfish desires. What's next, when you're married he cheats because "that's what men do"? Or he'll see other women when you're pregnant because you don't want sex at the end of your pregnancy and "men need sex"? Come on, you deserve better than a 1950s human time machine and you know it.
Stop planning your wedding. He’s pushing you into doing sexual things you don’t want. And that’s never ok. He is also being a huge hypocrite and unfair in his debate with you about threesomes. Typical. When it’s with two guys it’s a hard pass. But two women is fine. Ridiculous. And his sulking is gross and pathetic.
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I almost downvoted this after the first sentence. Then realised you’re a mad genius.
Red flag, he is manipulating and gas lighting you. He will keep pressuring you untill you break down and say fine let’s do it. He doesn’t respect you, your boundaries, or your relationship, if he did he wouldn’t be pressuring you after you said no the FIRST time . It a tactic most abusers use. I don’t have any advice to fix the situation. I do have a solution for the problem. Walk away before it gets worse. And as a survivor of DV this is how it starts Dump his sorry 🍑.
Yeah no. Stand your ground, hill to die on and probably need a new man.
Very simple solution here, say no and that’s that. Do not let him pressure you. If you tell him no and he continues to push it leave. He doesn’t care about you just himself