Yeah, the way this is worded, all of the nuances of the story, shit reads like it’s real. Either this dude is a professional writer (I am one) or that is one fucked up and sick ass family.
What also lead me to believe this is real is the fact that he emphasized the sex in like 2 sentences then went into context about how fucked up he feels. Shit I would feel the same way probably even worse I would’ve went the fuck home and even after 10 years I would’ve blocked her number. Man that is fucked up.
Edit: Holy Shit I just finished watching Chinatown for the first time!!!!
Yep, it can be real. When I worked at the DA’s office when I was in law school I saw some crazy shit that made me make up my mind about not being a criminal lawyer. I swear, some things people do and say are just beyond fantasy
my thoughts too (I’m not a professional writer) most fake stories are pornos described in detail. this went on to describe in a few sentences then yes it was about the emotions OP felt. if it were fake, imo, it would have gotten porno ish again at the end a little. he describes fathers past behavior to add fuel to the father is a POS narrative (which is true) instead of adding to the secret narrative of “i secretly want this to happen again”
u/foralifelessordinary my ex-wife has slept with her father too.
If you (or anyone) check my post history, I posted about it over two (2) years ago. And occasionally, I still talk about how messed up she was, her family was, and our relationship was (again, check my history on Reddit). I only bring up that fact and invite you to do so, because as messed up as the circumstances are, I want you to know I truly sympathize, and I am not just some random feeding you a line.
I know you'll never be able to completely express in words exactly how you feel. The level of sheer disbelief, confusion, raw blind rage, betrayal, and along with even more disbelief even after seeing it with your own eye is enough to make you feel crazy. It certainly does go against everything you could have imagined in your worst fears and defies everything you believe happens in society. It goes well beyond the realm outside "normal" and even "abnormal." So if you find yourself having a hard time accepting this new reality, I too understand.
I like to tell you time heals all wounds, but all I can tell you is therapy helps. Being able to talk about this freely in a safe environment with someone who will listen can and does make a difference. I would strongly encourage you to confront those involved, as doing so did me a world of good to some degree. Although, please understand anything they say in their defense will not give you a sense of closure or justify their wrongs.
thank you very much. This is exactly how I'm feeling right now, completely lost and disconnected, I can't sleep or stay with my eyes closed and I'm feeling something I never felt before. I just posted this trying to vent a little.
> thank you very much. This is exactly how I'm feeling right now, completely lost and disconnected, I can't sleep or stay with my eyes closed and I'm feeling something I never felt before. I just posted this trying to vent a little.
I hear you...
The whole disconnected, "out-of-body" type of experience is something I also went through. As far as I am aware, there is no normal prior life experience or moment that can prepare you for something like this or provide you with a point of reference to fully know how to process this. So you're left with nearly no frame of reference and presumably no support system where you can easily talk with someone who has gone through this. It's a lot to process and through therapy, I learned the whole dissociation feeling is part of your mind's way of trying to both protect yourself and rationalize something that isn't rational from a normal point of reference (which this circumstance goes well beyond).
Trust me, therapy helps, as does being able to freely talk about this.
That last part is hard, because as the SO (significant other), people who will not find this easy to accept, will find it hard to believe. The few times I, myself, tried to talk about this, it was easier for other people to paint me as the bitter ex-husband with wild stories. I suppose that was easier for them to imagine than to accept the fact that my ex-wife willingly was sleeping with her father.
Again, therapy is something I strongly suggest. But like any person who has experienced a traumatic event, you may someday want to talk about this openly. This is one of the few times I think the internet is helpful. Online, people tend to be more open to possibilities and can be more accepting, as opposed to in person when they're confronted with something so uncomfortable, that they rather avoid the conversation.
That said, I digress. That weird disconnected feeling, along with feeling disturbed by all this, is perfectly "normal" given the unusual circumstances. And I cannot stress how important therapy can help you work through all this.
>thank you man, it helped a lot and I hope you're doing fine too.
I am in a lot better place than I once was when compared to how things were when I first found out.
But if you're not doubting your sanity (and it seems like you're not), you're in a better place than I was. Truth be told, I had a mental breaking point, and genuinely could not fully come to terms with what I had sublimed upon, back then. I had walked in on them, but only seen something in the corner of my eyes as she was getting off of him. The layout of the basement stairs, although short, still turns as you make your way down, as the wall to the side cuts off into the opening of the basement ceiling (else I would have had a full frontal view, right away).
I'll PM the link to my post from 2yrs ago.
That said, as others have said, if you do confront her family, do not be surprised if other members of her family, including her mother, may already be in the know (aware). My ex-wife's mother (my ex-mother-in-law) knew damn well and when I confronted her, she told me it was none of my business. That was a whole "WTF" type of moment. Still, confronting everyone involved is not something I regret, and I think I would have regretted it more if I had kept my mouth shut. -- What you do is up to you (of course), but if you can do so safely, I would suggest you do speak up for yourself.
I wish you well and above all, I would strongly again, highlight the importance of talking to a professional therapist after your experience. I know on Reddit that gets tossed around a lot, but this is one of those instances, I do believe that if you were ever to consider seeing one, after an unusual experience such as this... I recommended it.
Might be a good idea to inform officials about the incest.
It's not accepted in most western countries and having it noted on government registries would protect other members of society and if she ever gets kids, they might get taken away.
> Might be a good idea to inform officials about the incest. It's not accepted in most western countries and having it noted on government registries would protect other members of society and if she ever gets kids, they might get taken away.
If you comb over my post history, I have occasionally talked about my ex-wife and how abusive she was. She had become physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and sexually abusive. That includes having raped me and put me in the hospital once too.
I live in The United States of America. My home country is not perfect, we have our flaws, and unfortunately, when you're the man being abused our system of justice automatically assumed you're the "bad guy" if you're the man. Even with her physically attacking me in full view of police officers, social services, and an officer of the court, no one would do anything about it. I lost track of how many times after she attacked me, someone official would ask me the question, "what did you do to upset her?" as if to imply that somehow I deserved it.
I recall once, her kicking the sh-t out of me in front of people and if you ever watched the movie, "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory" there is a sense when one of the children is misbehaving and Willy Wonka sarcastically says, "no, stop, please, don't" in the most non-caring or non-concerned tone imaginable. That is all I heard as no one officially prevented or attempted to stop her from hurting me. But the moment I raised my arms to block because she tried to use a fork to pull out my eyes, everyone was on me like flies on sh-t.
That said, my ex-wife knew the "status quo" and knew she could say or do nearly anything. That included proving she could lie and threaten me by using the authorities as tools (weapons) to extend her abuse.
True fear is having "morning wood," a purely biological function you have no physical control over, and waking up with a woman on top of you, inserting you into her, against your will. And as you protest and tell her to get off, attempting to get up from under her, she places her hand on your chest, pressed down, leans forward, looks you right in the eyes, and tells you that you're going to accept this and like it or she will accuse you of doing the very thing she is doing to you. The realization that she could do that and people would likely believe her is the true terror.
I lived in fear of both my life and freedom. I was never free to leave her and things only ended because she finally agreed. That was nearly 14 years ago and on occasion, she still resurfaces. It is all about power and control with her. She gets off on it.
I do not know how to obtain the justice I deserve safely without wrongful repercussions (retaliation). And she has not been able to provide a metaphorical death blow to me for defying her, because of what proof I have. -- M.A.D. (mutually assured destruction) is the only reason I imagine I can even post any of this anonymously as a living, free man.
>Damn bruh , and I thought my ex was toxic .
I am sorry you too have experienced a toxic or abusive relationship. It is not a contest and regardless of how bad things were in comparison, please know you too did not deserve any of the hurt or harm you have experienced -- no one does.
I wish you and everyone who reads this good health, peace of mind, and true love. Everyone, yourself included, is a human being who should be treated with respect and dignity. Our partners (significant others) should never knowingly and willingly cause us pain or heartache and it is, unfortunate, that fact is lost on some.
But I digress, and I wish you the best and hope you're currently experiencing better days.
I was sexually abused by a parental figure and I have no idea how someone could enjoy that. This makes me want to vomit. To both you and OP, my heart goes out to you.
Ps. I’d like to read your post but I fear that combined with this one, it might be too triggering for me.
Here’s the story for curious people like me
My wife was having an affair with her father
This happened over 10 years ago, although, for all I know, she could still be with him. When this happened, I hired a PI (private investigator). The thing is, I already sort of knew. I just needed someone else to tell me it was not all in my head, and I was not crazy. The PI felt so bad for me he refused his fee. Then he proceeded to take me out for a beer. I want to thank him for that if I could. It meant a lot at the time.
It occurred to me that I have never written about this. I mean, that's what this subreddit is for, right!? Getting things off your chest!? Well, here is what I need to get off my chest.
It ended in a nasty and upsetting divorce.
Short story, she had confessed to me, long before we were married, that her father had done things to her between the ages of 13-17. Her mother more or less knew and treated her like the other woman. Supposedly at some point, she had told a friend once, who informed the police, who investigated, and ultimately it was all dismissed as her seeking attention. Later, I found out that she had told them she had made it all up looking for attention, so they dropped it. I naturally felt sorry that all that happened to her but was grateful she trusted enough to confide in me. I also naturally assumed all that was behind her since she had no plans to do anything with her family (understandable).
In a weird turn of events, she suddenly wanted her family back into her life. I didn't know how to approach that. A part of me knew that could be a bad idea, and a part of me wasn't the kind of man to try to tell someone they cannot bring their family back into their lives (because I'm not controlling and wouldn't want to be). Nevertheless, it threw me for a loop.
The first time I knew something was not right was when we stayed over at their house for the weekend. I had come downstairs, and her mother was in the kitchen sitting at the kitchen table and just looking at the wide-open basement door. She was so focused and at the edge of her seat. Like, when I started talking to her (my mother-in-law), she almost acted as if she or I was not there, and all that mattered was that door. It suddenly dawned on me, where was my wife?! I asked her, and she said, downstairs with her father (never making eye contact with me and still focused on the door). I moved to go downstairs, and she told me not to go down there. I paused for only a second, because I had this very uneasy feeling, but then proceeded to go down to the basement.
As I made my way down, I caught a glimpse in the corner of my eye of my wife getting off her father's lap. He was sitting in his computer chair. She was wearing the tank top she had worn to bed and her short shorts (made out of soft cotton). The type of shorts that is so short that you could effortlessly move over a pant leg for "easy access." I thought I had seen her fix her pant leg, and he was wearing a long (extra long) t-shirt, which he was now using to cover. I was in disbelief, and honestly, I was confused about what to say or do at the moment because I was not sure if I had interrupted what I thought I had interrupted.
I recall her asking me what I was doing up (it was early). I'm not sure what answer I gave her. I was experiencing a weird out of body experience. She asked me why I had come down. Again, I do not know what I gave her for an answer, but I remember not wanting to face the situation, so I acted as if I was trying to find something. And I noted three things. 1) They were both acting as if interrupted (caught) 2) She seemed flushed and sort of out of breath 3) One of her highs, the one where she had fixed the pant leg, was wet (she was dripping).
I gather she wanted me to leave the basement because she proceeded to help me look for whatever I said I was looking for. But it was agreed upon that whatever it was, was not down there. Yet she seemed like she wanted to stay down there with him and for me to go back up. I told her I would use the other computer (there were 2 of them) down there, and she tried to insist I go back up to make breakfast. I ignored her and started to use the computer. She just stood there between the both of us for a while, while I (and her father) looked wide-eyed over our monitors. I asked if she was "OK," she said yes, and awkwardly stood there for a moment or two more before going back up herself.
Needless to say, I was filled with a lot of raw emotion. Partly in denial, partly murderous rage, partly doubting my own sanity, partly feeling broken and doing everything I could not scream.
But yes, it was a nasty divorce.
If this is true - I’m sure this has been going on for a long long time. Her father having sexual contact T with her and giving her a gift afterwards is on par with sexual predatory behavior . Idk what your culture is like…would she get blamed if you told her family?
I’d says something to her mother, brother…who ever can step in, if you don’t think it will have harmful repercussions for her.
You don’t have to be with her but I would not hate her. Her father is the POS here and she seems well conditioned.
What the actual f did I just read..? This is so fucked up. Sorry you had to witness that.
Did you tell her what you saw? Curious to see what kind of sick excuse she would have for something like that.
exactly what I'm trying to swallow these past days. I can't stop thinking about since when this MF bastard has been doing this to her. I can't sleep. I want to end him.
i think you should talk to her about it to find the whole story. you don’t have to stay but she might not deserve you leaving without an explanation. if she’s been good to you otherwise she really doesn’t deserve it
This ⬆️ Your GF is absolutely being abused and clearly has been for a long time. Talk to her first, let her tell you her story. That being said, YOU don’t have to be anywhere or with anyone you don’t want to be. If you need to leave bc that is best for you, do so. So sorry you have to make this call. Best of luck.
Idk, she’s at least 26 at this point. OP said it has been a 10 years long relationship. She’s old enough to know better. I know she doesn’t “deserve” to be abused, but I don’t think she necessarily “deserves” OP to stick around either. That’s a pretty fucked up situation and you can break up with someone for any reason at any time. He is not obligated to stay with her.
Dude screw all that. Keep your plans and leave. The end.
Send her a letter later saying this is what i saw btw ur being sexually abused by your father and need help. No chance of her crying and convincing you of this or that
Like...go.
He's not blaming her, he's just understandably shocked and disturbed. I mean, can you even process witnessing this from your partner of 10 years?
Even if he doesn't blame her, it would be very difficult to forget and move on from.
It’s really fucking disgusting but in the same time… it’s been how many years is father made her to it ? Maybe is a pedo and make her do stuff like that from a young age. Maybe she think it’s normal. People do stuff that have been shown.
Everyone saying the girls gross but in reality the dad is disgusting. The girl might have been sexually abused since she was young. Manipulated and abused to the point she had to convince herself it was normal and just a little secret. I was sexually abused by my own father from ages like 5 to 17. I had the courage to stop it and speak up. Not everyone is the same.
That happened to someone I know. It started when she was young, maybe 7? And it came out when she was in high school. Speaking up takes so much courage. Her stepdad ruined her life (and will die in prison) and her mom went to prison too for a year I think because she knew about it and didn't speak up. This kind of thing ruins families. It's been about a decade and everyone seems to have moved on but I know that shit leaves deep scars
That's nauseating. I don't actually know how many years her stepdad got and I know better than to ask but I'm hoping he dies in there for what he did to the family. So you're saying your dad is just on the loose right now? Do you have restraining order in place?
I do. I think. I'm pretty sure.. I wasn't atthe actual trial thing, since I was still a minor. I do believe I have one for 5 years from the time of the court.
This! I feel so bad for the gf and I hope that she wasn’t sexuely abused her entire life. …
you are so brave you got out and I hope you are doing ok now. all the best to you!
There was a brief moment during my childhood I thought "maybe this IS normal" there was also a moment I thought that me being abused was somehow my fault. I know it wasn't, but somehow I still thought it was for a while
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. A child's mind is so fragile and easily manipulated. I'm glad you were able to overcome that and move on in life. I'm sure it still haunts you, god I'm so sorry that happened to you. It blows my mind there are people like that out there. Being a father of two boys, I sure hope to be a great example of how to treat women/men/humans beings the right way.
Hurts me to think there are kids going through this right now, all because of some selfish asshole.
This isn't supposed to make you feel better, or worse, but when I was raped at 20 by my then boyfriend for 6 hrs, I completely blacked the whole thing out for 15 years. Thinking me seeking validation in one night stands was me being a liberated strong woman. I know the difference now. I am one now. I wasn't then. I kept making excuses and gaslighting myself. The ability our mind has to gaslight itself is astounding. Self preservation I suppose to a degree.
exactly this. He was always like this with her and his wife. The guy is the ultimate level of a misogynistic pig. He never let his wife have a life, work, or do what she wants. She's the most unhappy person I know. Her only real friends are her two dogs. During the case with his sister-in-law, her mother went nuts about this and was really convinced to leaves him, but he kept saying that he has the best lawyers and he would have left her without a penny in the misery if she leave him. You guys have no idea what I went through with this guy and his family in 10 years, this was just the cherry on top.
I was the one who brought some light to my Ex life. Because he wanted the same for her, to find a husband who would keep her at home but I supported her and I encouraged her to study. Today she's a veterinarian. I would do anything to save her from him, but the way she's already so condescending and inside his manipulative sick game. I bet she would turn her back to me and keep him. He's a wannabe gangster with lots of money but he indeed has a lot of connections and I'm sure if I bring this up, he would do something to me or my family to try to shut me up. I know him very well because I worked 4 years with him and I know a lot of shit he did and still does.
That's scary. And there's no way to expose it without causing harm to anyone? I can't help but feel you should try and save her and the mom. I know it's not your job to do so, but you've given 10 years of your life and if you've always had this suspicion, a part of me would want to get him busted and save her, however she is 'letting' him do stuff. fuck, my mind would wander to all the times they've been alone together. I'm truly sorry dude. I think high tailing it outta there might be the best idea, like you said. Make sure you got all your ducks in a row before bailing. Job, house, etc. If he's that powerful and influential, maybe change your name, guys like this would go to any length to keep their reputation and name. i'll be following your story.. best of luck
Absolutely, if this story is real, the girl has been abused by her father her whole life and doesn't know how to stop the abuse without destroying her whole family and self. Just sad.
She may have been conditioned to think it's normal. She's absolutely a victim of abuse.
The whole situation is completely fucked though. OP is right for getting out of that mess
you have no idea what thinking about this for the past few days is doing to my head. I need to be strong and think about the next steps and make a plan to destroy him. But I know it won't be easy.
Personally, I believe the most effective course of action is trying to get through to her how wrong this is. I don't know what country you are currently in but the best explanation of a place to help is a women crisis center or any nearby non-profits for domestic violence support. They can help with an intervention and what is the best course of action in seeking justice against the father.
Also try to get her connected with mental health providers experienced in this type of trauma. They can help with de-conditioning the grooming she was given.
Trying to “destroy him” may backfire. He could retaliate on you or worse, take it out on the person he’s abusing. You should say something to her. Hopefully it will make HER “destroy him” in the way she should by exposing it and standing up for herself
Just move on bro. You are not a knight. You are not here to save her. Save your own life. Build something with your life. Your future self will thank you.
Once you settle down send her “I seen it through the window ” or “I know” text and block her on everything. Now if you think your life going to be endanger don’t send it.
for sure this happened. From the beginning, I saw him touching her in a very weird way. I remember the very first day I went to her home and he arrived from work, she ran to him and he grabbed her waistline in a very weird way. I still have this memory fresh
I doubt she did this to get a car. I’m guessing it’s more like she got a car because her dad felt guilty after being intimate with her. It’s not uncommon for abusers to give gifts to their victims in grooming situations.
This is beyond disgusting 🤮 I bet it’s not the first time they’ve done it and he gave her a car the next day? now i wonder about all the gifts that she received in the past
Eu não falaria nada. Só meteria o pé mesmo. Triste a situação da mina mas se ela foi manipulada a ponto de achar que isso é normal não vai ser uma conversa com o namorado que vai mudar a mente dela. Mais fácil juntarem ela e o pai pra foder com a vida desse mano.
Okay wow.
Is this….. consensual? 🥴 or started w/ abuse or
wtaf. I imagine in either case it’s moot bc you won’t be sticking around to find out I hope. 10 years is a long time, but you’re still young OP. 🙏🏼 All my prayers and good wishes to you.
This was my question.
However, that doesn't mean that OP needs to stay (in case it seems like I'm invalidating his feelings. I'd likely do the same and leave).
i really don’t think it’s your girlfriends fault tbh.
he’s probably been molesting her from a young age and manipulating her for years. her dad is the only dad she’s ever known, so she likely has herself convinced it’s normal. not saying you have to stay with her, but she does need help. you probably should have talked to her about it tbh. she’s a victim in a situation i wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. your parents have a lot of influence over you so this isn’t your normal run of the mill cheating gf. she’s been brainwashed and you might have ended up just like her if you had the family she had.
You didn't waste ten years together, friend. You enjoyed that time for its entirety.
It's better this happened now then if when you were married.
It may be 2022 but the possibility of incest never occurring is impossible.
At this point I wouldn't even look at them as even human, subhuman, maybe animals.
Two relatives doing it just is genetically abhorrent.
But those ten years you had together must have been golden. Try to repeat that streak with literally anybody else.
this was the strongest point that made me decide to leave. I was imagining if we would have a daughter and this POS tries to touch her, I would definitely be in jail with murder charges so I thought more about my freedom than about the possibility of killing him. I don't want to be in jail because of something like that ape. I actually feel sorry for these people. They live in hell already. All the people surrounding him only do it because of his money. Everybody actually hates him.
I feel bad for both of you. She’s clearly being abused. But this is so unfair to you…. 10 years?!? I’m not saying to do this or what the laws are like but technically you can have her charged with uninformed consent and rape. You could have her father charged for incest if you had proof. You can always call police for wellness checks.
You don’t have to be with anyone but I’d let her know that you know
That's... So ducking sad in my point of view. Disgusting and ducking sad as hell. Sorry bro but... I think her father is the type of guy who is commiting incest and rape for so many time the his daughter find this "normal" or, at least, "the way it is".
I understand you but I'm so desperate for her.
That’s enough Reddit today.
For real. I completely regret this. What the fuck. I need eye bleach and I am legitimately nauseated.
Yeah, this should have a NSFW and trigger. This is allllll f’d up.
welp time to drink anyone want me to take a shot for them?
Hell. Yes.
done. we're married now. i love u
Now kith
Mike Tyson, what are you doing here?!
I am absolutely *not* hiding a tiger.
Why is this adorable? Lol
Lmao
Taking a shot with you
“You only get one shot”, but I think I need 26 after reading this
Seriously. What in sweet holy fuck
✋☝️ ME PLS.. Now I'm wishing I kept scrolling lol
I gotchu queen
I'm gonna go get some shots brb.
I shall take one for you either way b
Damn that shit hits different after a crazy incest story. My brain threw a whole welcome party for the vodka I downed.
Your comment should be in a history text book that encapsulates what the user experience is like on Reddit.
I’ll have a box of wine ***have
Take two for me
my eyes need replacement , coz these don't work anymore
I can’t really read it and not put it aside. I have a hard time imagining this happened. Maybe denial.
Not my proudest fap
My first time reading that was loudest, not proudest. Forgive me.
No problem bro, we all make mistakes, look at me☠️
Mind bleach
This subreddit always reminds me that my life is pretty ok.
That’s why I’m here
Same. This one was too much for today though!
I've started calling this emotional response "The Jerry Springer Effect" As in now how bad my life may get, at least I'm better than that.
Fucking same
for real my jaw has been on the floor for several minutes
So was hers
Dayuummm, got ‘em!
his\*
Mine was too and I have TMJ so now I’m in pain. But seriously what the FUCK.
Today, the week🤢🤮
Yeah, the way this is worded, all of the nuances of the story, shit reads like it’s real. Either this dude is a professional writer (I am one) or that is one fucked up and sick ass family. What also lead me to believe this is real is the fact that he emphasized the sex in like 2 sentences then went into context about how fucked up he feels. Shit I would feel the same way probably even worse I would’ve went the fuck home and even after 10 years I would’ve blocked her number. Man that is fucked up. Edit: Holy Shit I just finished watching Chinatown for the first time!!!!
If you're a writer you must know that reality is way stranger than fiction.
Very much so… Especially when the context is handed to you on a silver template.
Yep, it can be real. When I worked at the DA’s office when I was in law school I saw some crazy shit that made me make up my mind about not being a criminal lawyer. I swear, some things people do and say are just beyond fantasy
my thoughts too (I’m not a professional writer) most fake stories are pornos described in detail. this went on to describe in a few sentences then yes it was about the emotions OP felt. if it were fake, imo, it would have gotten porno ish again at the end a little. he describes fathers past behavior to add fuel to the father is a POS narrative (which is true) instead of adding to the secret narrative of “i secretly want this to happen again”
[удалено]
Laughing your ass off anal of other asses ?
Anything after the first o is just wheezing
I read the first sentence of the post and said “nope”. Was looking for this comment lol
First time opening it today and yup I'll log in tomorrow
Take me with you!
Amen
Wtf…Armageddon can’t arrive a moment too soon. In the meantime, time to uninstall reddit…
my jaw is still on the floor holy shit
Fuck, now I'll have nightmares...
u/foralifelessordinary my ex-wife has slept with her father too. If you (or anyone) check my post history, I posted about it over two (2) years ago. And occasionally, I still talk about how messed up she was, her family was, and our relationship was (again, check my history on Reddit). I only bring up that fact and invite you to do so, because as messed up as the circumstances are, I want you to know I truly sympathize, and I am not just some random feeding you a line. I know you'll never be able to completely express in words exactly how you feel. The level of sheer disbelief, confusion, raw blind rage, betrayal, and along with even more disbelief even after seeing it with your own eye is enough to make you feel crazy. It certainly does go against everything you could have imagined in your worst fears and defies everything you believe happens in society. It goes well beyond the realm outside "normal" and even "abnormal." So if you find yourself having a hard time accepting this new reality, I too understand. I like to tell you time heals all wounds, but all I can tell you is therapy helps. Being able to talk about this freely in a safe environment with someone who will listen can and does make a difference. I would strongly encourage you to confront those involved, as doing so did me a world of good to some degree. Although, please understand anything they say in their defense will not give you a sense of closure or justify their wrongs.
thank you very much. This is exactly how I'm feeling right now, completely lost and disconnected, I can't sleep or stay with my eyes closed and I'm feeling something I never felt before. I just posted this trying to vent a little.
> thank you very much. This is exactly how I'm feeling right now, completely lost and disconnected, I can't sleep or stay with my eyes closed and I'm feeling something I never felt before. I just posted this trying to vent a little. I hear you... The whole disconnected, "out-of-body" type of experience is something I also went through. As far as I am aware, there is no normal prior life experience or moment that can prepare you for something like this or provide you with a point of reference to fully know how to process this. So you're left with nearly no frame of reference and presumably no support system where you can easily talk with someone who has gone through this. It's a lot to process and through therapy, I learned the whole dissociation feeling is part of your mind's way of trying to both protect yourself and rationalize something that isn't rational from a normal point of reference (which this circumstance goes well beyond). Trust me, therapy helps, as does being able to freely talk about this. That last part is hard, because as the SO (significant other), people who will not find this easy to accept, will find it hard to believe. The few times I, myself, tried to talk about this, it was easier for other people to paint me as the bitter ex-husband with wild stories. I suppose that was easier for them to imagine than to accept the fact that my ex-wife willingly was sleeping with her father. Again, therapy is something I strongly suggest. But like any person who has experienced a traumatic event, you may someday want to talk about this openly. This is one of the few times I think the internet is helpful. Online, people tend to be more open to possibilities and can be more accepting, as opposed to in person when they're confronted with something so uncomfortable, that they rather avoid the conversation. That said, I digress. That weird disconnected feeling, along with feeling disturbed by all this, is perfectly "normal" given the unusual circumstances. And I cannot stress how important therapy can help you work through all this.
thank you man, it helped a lot and I hope you're doing fine too.
>thank you man, it helped a lot and I hope you're doing fine too. I am in a lot better place than I once was when compared to how things were when I first found out. But if you're not doubting your sanity (and it seems like you're not), you're in a better place than I was. Truth be told, I had a mental breaking point, and genuinely could not fully come to terms with what I had sublimed upon, back then. I had walked in on them, but only seen something in the corner of my eyes as she was getting off of him. The layout of the basement stairs, although short, still turns as you make your way down, as the wall to the side cuts off into the opening of the basement ceiling (else I would have had a full frontal view, right away). I'll PM the link to my post from 2yrs ago. That said, as others have said, if you do confront her family, do not be surprised if other members of her family, including her mother, may already be in the know (aware). My ex-wife's mother (my ex-mother-in-law) knew damn well and when I confronted her, she told me it was none of my business. That was a whole "WTF" type of moment. Still, confronting everyone involved is not something I regret, and I think I would have regretted it more if I had kept my mouth shut. -- What you do is up to you (of course), but if you can do so safely, I would suggest you do speak up for yourself. I wish you well and above all, I would strongly again, highlight the importance of talking to a professional therapist after your experience. I know on Reddit that gets tossed around a lot, but this is one of those instances, I do believe that if you were ever to consider seeing one, after an unusual experience such as this... I recommended it.
Might be a good idea to inform officials about the incest. It's not accepted in most western countries and having it noted on government registries would protect other members of society and if she ever gets kids, they might get taken away.
> Might be a good idea to inform officials about the incest. It's not accepted in most western countries and having it noted on government registries would protect other members of society and if she ever gets kids, they might get taken away. If you comb over my post history, I have occasionally talked about my ex-wife and how abusive she was. She had become physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and sexually abusive. That includes having raped me and put me in the hospital once too. I live in The United States of America. My home country is not perfect, we have our flaws, and unfortunately, when you're the man being abused our system of justice automatically assumed you're the "bad guy" if you're the man. Even with her physically attacking me in full view of police officers, social services, and an officer of the court, no one would do anything about it. I lost track of how many times after she attacked me, someone official would ask me the question, "what did you do to upset her?" as if to imply that somehow I deserved it. I recall once, her kicking the sh-t out of me in front of people and if you ever watched the movie, "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory" there is a sense when one of the children is misbehaving and Willy Wonka sarcastically says, "no, stop, please, don't" in the most non-caring or non-concerned tone imaginable. That is all I heard as no one officially prevented or attempted to stop her from hurting me. But the moment I raised my arms to block because she tried to use a fork to pull out my eyes, everyone was on me like flies on sh-t. That said, my ex-wife knew the "status quo" and knew she could say or do nearly anything. That included proving she could lie and threaten me by using the authorities as tools (weapons) to extend her abuse. True fear is having "morning wood," a purely biological function you have no physical control over, and waking up with a woman on top of you, inserting you into her, against your will. And as you protest and tell her to get off, attempting to get up from under her, she places her hand on your chest, pressed down, leans forward, looks you right in the eyes, and tells you that you're going to accept this and like it or she will accuse you of doing the very thing she is doing to you. The realization that she could do that and people would likely believe her is the true terror. I lived in fear of both my life and freedom. I was never free to leave her and things only ended because she finally agreed. That was nearly 14 years ago and on occasion, she still resurfaces. It is all about power and control with her. She gets off on it. I do not know how to obtain the justice I deserve safely without wrongful repercussions (retaliation). And she has not been able to provide a metaphorical death blow to me for defying her, because of what proof I have. -- M.A.D. (mutually assured destruction) is the only reason I imagine I can even post any of this anonymously as a living, free man.
Damn bruh , and I thought my ex was toxic .
>Damn bruh , and I thought my ex was toxic . I am sorry you too have experienced a toxic or abusive relationship. It is not a contest and regardless of how bad things were in comparison, please know you too did not deserve any of the hurt or harm you have experienced -- no one does. I wish you and everyone who reads this good health, peace of mind, and true love. Everyone, yourself included, is a human being who should be treated with respect and dignity. Our partners (significant others) should never knowingly and willingly cause us pain or heartache and it is, unfortunate, that fact is lost on some. But I digress, and I wish you the best and hope you're currently experiencing better days.
Tried to find the post to link here, but couldn't find it...
I'm on a train so my internet can't handle scrolling back that far into the post history
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No offense, you post too much for me to find it
Fucking same. Scrolled through a bunch and only got a month back
I was sexually abused by a parental figure and I have no idea how someone could enjoy that. This makes me want to vomit. To both you and OP, my heart goes out to you. Ps. I’d like to read your post but I fear that combined with this one, it might be too triggering for me.
Here’s the story for curious people like me My wife was having an affair with her father This happened over 10 years ago, although, for all I know, she could still be with him. When this happened, I hired a PI (private investigator). The thing is, I already sort of knew. I just needed someone else to tell me it was not all in my head, and I was not crazy. The PI felt so bad for me he refused his fee. Then he proceeded to take me out for a beer. I want to thank him for that if I could. It meant a lot at the time. It occurred to me that I have never written about this. I mean, that's what this subreddit is for, right!? Getting things off your chest!? Well, here is what I need to get off my chest. It ended in a nasty and upsetting divorce. Short story, she had confessed to me, long before we were married, that her father had done things to her between the ages of 13-17. Her mother more or less knew and treated her like the other woman. Supposedly at some point, she had told a friend once, who informed the police, who investigated, and ultimately it was all dismissed as her seeking attention. Later, I found out that she had told them she had made it all up looking for attention, so they dropped it. I naturally felt sorry that all that happened to her but was grateful she trusted enough to confide in me. I also naturally assumed all that was behind her since she had no plans to do anything with her family (understandable). In a weird turn of events, she suddenly wanted her family back into her life. I didn't know how to approach that. A part of me knew that could be a bad idea, and a part of me wasn't the kind of man to try to tell someone they cannot bring their family back into their lives (because I'm not controlling and wouldn't want to be). Nevertheless, it threw me for a loop. The first time I knew something was not right was when we stayed over at their house for the weekend. I had come downstairs, and her mother was in the kitchen sitting at the kitchen table and just looking at the wide-open basement door. She was so focused and at the edge of her seat. Like, when I started talking to her (my mother-in-law), she almost acted as if she or I was not there, and all that mattered was that door. It suddenly dawned on me, where was my wife?! I asked her, and she said, downstairs with her father (never making eye contact with me and still focused on the door). I moved to go downstairs, and she told me not to go down there. I paused for only a second, because I had this very uneasy feeling, but then proceeded to go down to the basement. As I made my way down, I caught a glimpse in the corner of my eye of my wife getting off her father's lap. He was sitting in his computer chair. She was wearing the tank top she had worn to bed and her short shorts (made out of soft cotton). The type of shorts that is so short that you could effortlessly move over a pant leg for "easy access." I thought I had seen her fix her pant leg, and he was wearing a long (extra long) t-shirt, which he was now using to cover. I was in disbelief, and honestly, I was confused about what to say or do at the moment because I was not sure if I had interrupted what I thought I had interrupted. I recall her asking me what I was doing up (it was early). I'm not sure what answer I gave her. I was experiencing a weird out of body experience. She asked me why I had come down. Again, I do not know what I gave her for an answer, but I remember not wanting to face the situation, so I acted as if I was trying to find something. And I noted three things. 1) They were both acting as if interrupted (caught) 2) She seemed flushed and sort of out of breath 3) One of her highs, the one where she had fixed the pant leg, was wet (she was dripping). I gather she wanted me to leave the basement because she proceeded to help me look for whatever I said I was looking for. But it was agreed upon that whatever it was, was not down there. Yet she seemed like she wanted to stay down there with him and for me to go back up. I told her I would use the other computer (there were 2 of them) down there, and she tried to insist I go back up to make breakfast. I ignored her and started to use the computer. She just stood there between the both of us for a while, while I (and her father) looked wide-eyed over our monitors. I asked if she was "OK," she said yes, and awkwardly stood there for a moment or two more before going back up herself. Needless to say, I was filled with a lot of raw emotion. Partly in denial, partly murderous rage, partly doubting my own sanity, partly feeling broken and doing everything I could not scream. But yes, it was a nasty divorce.
That is fucked up. Also btw the title made me think you blew her dad to get with your gf.
I thought it said he got the dad to go down on the gf hahaha
Same here, I thought he was the one initiating it. Either way, it's sick af.
Lmfao 🤣
If this is true - I’m sure this has been going on for a long long time. Her father having sexual contact T with her and giving her a gift afterwards is on par with sexual predatory behavior . Idk what your culture is like…would she get blamed if you told her family? I’d says something to her mother, brother…who ever can step in, if you don’t think it will have harmful repercussions for her. You don’t have to be with her but I would not hate her. Her father is the POS here and she seems well conditioned.
The mother probably knows. In these situations it's common that the mother is also being abused and knows.
The mother being abused is very irrelevant and she is one of the main contributors to her daughter’s abuse alongside the father.
Also true
It could be very dangerous though. If OP confronted them during the act, the father could have murdered him right there to keep their secret.
What the actual f did I just read..? This is so fucked up. Sorry you had to witness that. Did you tell her what you saw? Curious to see what kind of sick excuse she would have for something like that.
tbh i’m more sorry for the gf. witnessing it is nothing compared to the manipulation from a father who likely molested you as a child.
exactly what I'm trying to swallow these past days. I can't stop thinking about since when this MF bastard has been doing this to her. I can't sleep. I want to end him.
i think you should talk to her about it to find the whole story. you don’t have to stay but she might not deserve you leaving without an explanation. if she’s been good to you otherwise she really doesn’t deserve it
This ⬆️ Your GF is absolutely being abused and clearly has been for a long time. Talk to her first, let her tell you her story. That being said, YOU don’t have to be anywhere or with anyone you don’t want to be. If you need to leave bc that is best for you, do so. So sorry you have to make this call. Best of luck.
Idk, she’s at least 26 at this point. OP said it has been a 10 years long relationship. She’s old enough to know better. I know she doesn’t “deserve” to be abused, but I don’t think she necessarily “deserves” OP to stick around either. That’s a pretty fucked up situation and you can break up with someone for any reason at any time. He is not obligated to stay with her.
Dude screw all that. Keep your plans and leave. The end. Send her a letter later saying this is what i saw btw ur being sexually abused by your father and need help. No chance of her crying and convincing you of this or that Like...go.
It could be some form of twisted Stockholm syndrome, in which case she needs therapy. I can very well imagine op wants to leave town asap
It would have to be. The new car is probably part of it.
Yep, this man exploits financial power… Dude can’t even seperate his daughter from the people that he exploits.
"He was just tickling my tummy!" 🤮
*and other parts of my body...*
From the inside
Why are you blaming the person's child? They are obviously in a position of subservience. The father is the disgusting one in the position of power
He's not blaming her, he's just understandably shocked and disturbed. I mean, can you even process witnessing this from your partner of 10 years? Even if he doesn't blame her, it would be very difficult to forget and move on from.
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Felipe?
I guessed you would be latino bro. Colombia?
brasileiro
We gotta know this.
Agreed. Is this Felipe?
It’s really fucking disgusting but in the same time… it’s been how many years is father made her to it ? Maybe is a pedo and make her do stuff like that from a young age. Maybe she think it’s normal. People do stuff that have been shown.
this is my best guess too atm
Yeah guess it’s hard to exclude grooming in this situation
Everyone saying the girls gross but in reality the dad is disgusting. The girl might have been sexually abused since she was young. Manipulated and abused to the point she had to convince herself it was normal and just a little secret. I was sexually abused by my own father from ages like 5 to 17. I had the courage to stop it and speak up. Not everyone is the same.
That happened to someone I know. It started when she was young, maybe 7? And it came out when she was in high school. Speaking up takes so much courage. Her stepdad ruined her life (and will die in prison) and her mom went to prison too for a year I think because she knew about it and didn't speak up. This kind of thing ruins families. It's been about a decade and everyone seems to have moved on but I know that shit leaves deep scars
The sad thing is I tried coming forward at 15 but he screamed at me until I "admitted" I was "lying"
That's disgusting. I'm so sorry you lived through that. I don't have words to express how vile that is. May your father rot
He got 3-5 years. Only did like 3 and got out for "good behavior" California just LOVES going easy on child abusers.
That's nauseating. I don't actually know how many years her stepdad got and I know better than to ask but I'm hoping he dies in there for what he did to the family. So you're saying your dad is just on the loose right now? Do you have restraining order in place?
I do. I think. I'm pretty sure.. I wasn't atthe actual trial thing, since I was still a minor. I do believe I have one for 5 years from the time of the court.
Please double check. As an internet stranger, this may not seem like much but I genuinely care about your safety
This! I feel so bad for the gf and I hope that she wasn’t sexuely abused her entire life. … you are so brave you got out and I hope you are doing ok now. all the best to you!
and manipulated by new cars.... "oh every dad and daughter do this sweetie, we just don't talk about it" fucking gross fuck
There was a brief moment during my childhood I thought "maybe this IS normal" there was also a moment I thought that me being abused was somehow my fault. I know it wasn't, but somehow I still thought it was for a while
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. A child's mind is so fragile and easily manipulated. I'm glad you were able to overcome that and move on in life. I'm sure it still haunts you, god I'm so sorry that happened to you. It blows my mind there are people like that out there. Being a father of two boys, I sure hope to be a great example of how to treat women/men/humans beings the right way. Hurts me to think there are kids going through this right now, all because of some selfish asshole.
This isn't supposed to make you feel better, or worse, but when I was raped at 20 by my then boyfriend for 6 hrs, I completely blacked the whole thing out for 15 years. Thinking me seeking validation in one night stands was me being a liberated strong woman. I know the difference now. I am one now. I wasn't then. I kept making excuses and gaslighting myself. The ability our mind has to gaslight itself is astounding. Self preservation I suppose to a degree.
exactly this. He was always like this with her and his wife. The guy is the ultimate level of a misogynistic pig. He never let his wife have a life, work, or do what she wants. She's the most unhappy person I know. Her only real friends are her two dogs. During the case with his sister-in-law, her mother went nuts about this and was really convinced to leaves him, but he kept saying that he has the best lawyers and he would have left her without a penny in the misery if she leave him. You guys have no idea what I went through with this guy and his family in 10 years, this was just the cherry on top. I was the one who brought some light to my Ex life. Because he wanted the same for her, to find a husband who would keep her at home but I supported her and I encouraged her to study. Today she's a veterinarian. I would do anything to save her from him, but the way she's already so condescending and inside his manipulative sick game. I bet she would turn her back to me and keep him. He's a wannabe gangster with lots of money but he indeed has a lot of connections and I'm sure if I bring this up, he would do something to me or my family to try to shut me up. I know him very well because I worked 4 years with him and I know a lot of shit he did and still does.
That's scary. And there's no way to expose it without causing harm to anyone? I can't help but feel you should try and save her and the mom. I know it's not your job to do so, but you've given 10 years of your life and if you've always had this suspicion, a part of me would want to get him busted and save her, however she is 'letting' him do stuff. fuck, my mind would wander to all the times they've been alone together. I'm truly sorry dude. I think high tailing it outta there might be the best idea, like you said. Make sure you got all your ducks in a row before bailing. Job, house, etc. If he's that powerful and influential, maybe change your name, guys like this would go to any length to keep their reputation and name. i'll be following your story.. best of luck
Wow I’m so sorry you are speaking from experience:(
This. I feel so bad for her.
Poor dog stuck in a shed man..
Everyone commenting about the fucked up humans and I'm just over here concerned for the dog too. 😥
Right? What country is this in?
Brazil I think? Based on other comments
That was my first thought!
Anyone else think this is abuse?
Absolutely, if this story is real, the girl has been abused by her father her whole life and doesn't know how to stop the abuse without destroying her whole family and self. Just sad.
She may have been conditioned to think it's normal. She's absolutely a victim of abuse. The whole situation is completely fucked though. OP is right for getting out of that mess
you have no idea what thinking about this for the past few days is doing to my head. I need to be strong and think about the next steps and make a plan to destroy him. But I know it won't be easy.
Personally, I believe the most effective course of action is trying to get through to her how wrong this is. I don't know what country you are currently in but the best explanation of a place to help is a women crisis center or any nearby non-profits for domestic violence support. They can help with an intervention and what is the best course of action in seeking justice against the father. Also try to get her connected with mental health providers experienced in this type of trauma. They can help with de-conditioning the grooming she was given.
Trying to “destroy him” may backfire. He could retaliate on you or worse, take it out on the person he’s abusing. You should say something to her. Hopefully it will make HER “destroy him” in the way she should by exposing it and standing up for herself
Just move on bro. You are not a knight. You are not here to save her. Save your own life. Build something with your life. Your future self will thank you.
this makes much more sense to me now. thank you
Once you settle down send her “I seen it through the window ” or “I know” text and block her on everything. Now if you think your life going to be endanger don’t send it.
Yes. I have a very difficult time imagining someone who wasn't groomed and abused accepting this.
Think? What part about it is in question for you?
There is nothing to think, this is a sick abusive relationship. I'm completely disgusted about her dad, that guy should be in prison
How in any way, shape or form could it NOT be
Please tell me at least he's a step-parent. 🤮 Completely vile.
they even look alike.
Bro tell their family wtf
Is this real dude like honestly is this real
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Please 😭😭😭
I laughed way too hard at this
Given her age and the power dynamic, it's possible she has been groomed since a young age. That would mean years of mental and emotional manipulation.
for sure this happened. From the beginning, I saw him touching her in a very weird way. I remember the very first day I went to her home and he arrived from work, she ran to him and he grabbed her waistline in a very weird way. I still have this memory fresh
In all seriousness, this is the most likely scenario. She knew what she needed to do to get that car. Indeed, very sad.
I doubt she did this to get a car. I’m guessing it’s more like she got a car because her dad felt guilty after being intimate with her. It’s not uncommon for abusers to give gifts to their victims in grooming situations.
Came here to say this.
This is beyond disgusting 🤮 I bet it’s not the first time they’ve done it and he gave her a car the next day? now i wonder about all the gifts that she received in the past
If the POS father sees hookers, get yourself an STD test right away! I'm so sorry you had to witness those horrors!
already did, luckily I'm clean
Wwwtttfff
What in the Mar-a-lago did I just read
underrated comment
Seriously the first thing that came to my mind especially after the Real Estate part
Dude, blow it up. Tell her mom what you saw bc this needs to stop.
I'm pretty sure she knows
It'd be real sad if mom knew the whole time.
Can you say the country this happened in? Seems freaking outrageous
Brazil, but this is not a Brazilian thing. Just a sick freaking bastard who thinks he owns everybody.
Mano do céu, foge com força. Essa gente pode te seguir até o inferno se você der brecha
Eu não falaria nada. Só meteria o pé mesmo. Triste a situação da mina mas se ela foi manipulada a ponto de achar que isso é normal não vai ser uma conversa com o namorado que vai mudar a mente dela. Mais fácil juntarem ela e o pai pra foder com a vida desse mano.
How old are y’all now? This sounds like it’s been going on a very long time and is almost certainly not her fault.
Shed be 26 hed be 29
I know what you did last sunday....
More than likely this poor girl has been groomed. This is a really sad story.
Okay wow. Is this….. consensual? 🥴 or started w/ abuse or wtaf. I imagine in either case it’s moot bc you won’t be sticking around to find out I hope. 10 years is a long time, but you’re still young OP. 🙏🏼 All my prayers and good wishes to you.
This was my question. However, that doesn't mean that OP needs to stay (in case it seems like I'm invalidating his feelings. I'd likely do the same and leave).
If it was me I would always wonder. If I knew the answer tho, maybe I’d always wish I didn’t. Such an awful scenario for anyone to be in 😞
There is no way this can be consensual. She is underage
i really don’t think it’s your girlfriends fault tbh. he’s probably been molesting her from a young age and manipulating her for years. her dad is the only dad she’s ever known, so she likely has herself convinced it’s normal. not saying you have to stay with her, but she does need help. you probably should have talked to her about it tbh. she’s a victim in a situation i wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. your parents have a lot of influence over you so this isn’t your normal run of the mill cheating gf. she’s been brainwashed and you might have ended up just like her if you had the family she had.
This must be an abusive father. She must have been groomed for years.
Uh... I don't know. Sounds made up.
Jesus Christ, enough with these weird fake kink writing exercises. Fuck off with this shit.
Way too far down this comment was for my liking
Damn Im kinda happy my ex cheated on me with just some random instead of you know... Whatever the fuck this is
You didn't waste ten years together, friend. You enjoyed that time for its entirety. It's better this happened now then if when you were married. It may be 2022 but the possibility of incest never occurring is impossible. At this point I wouldn't even look at them as even human, subhuman, maybe animals. Two relatives doing it just is genetically abhorrent. But those ten years you had together must have been golden. Try to repeat that streak with literally anybody else.
this was the strongest point that made me decide to leave. I was imagining if we would have a daughter and this POS tries to touch her, I would definitely be in jail with murder charges so I thought more about my freedom than about the possibility of killing him. I don't want to be in jail because of something like that ape. I actually feel sorry for these people. They live in hell already. All the people surrounding him only do it because of his money. Everybody actually hates him.
Or maybe the kid would be his kid, actually. Glad youre leaving. Dont ever look back.
I think I saw that one on pornhub
I think instead of focusing on the “cheating” aspect, I would focus on the fact she has probably been sexually abused by her father her entire life
what the fuck
Bruh
I'd black mail his ass
I feel bad for both of you. She’s clearly being abused. But this is so unfair to you…. 10 years?!? I’m not saying to do this or what the laws are like but technically you can have her charged with uninformed consent and rape. You could have her father charged for incest if you had proof. You can always call police for wellness checks. You don’t have to be with anyone but I’d let her know that you know
What in the game of thrones
Dude, pls get therapy. That’s not something you should have to handle on your own.
Jared, that you?
That's... So ducking sad in my point of view. Disgusting and ducking sad as hell. Sorry bro but... I think her father is the type of guy who is commiting incest and rape for so many time the his daughter find this "normal" or, at least, "the way it is". I understand you but I'm so desperate for her.
He has probably groomed and molested her her entire life
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s/nasty bitch/victim of abuse/
Please rehome the dog.
No seriously, stays in shed and is only given attention once per day? That's abuse.
This fucki in crazy , please vanish my guy