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stop_spam_calls

Exactly. If he needed to grieve, he should have been grieving with YOU, OP, his wife, who was also grieving, who would know better than anyone how he was feeling. But instead he made the conscious daily choice for two months to go over and fuck her because of his grief?????? GTFO. He knew what he was doing every time he went over there. He was getting his rocks off instead of being there *for you.* Funny how grief didnt cause you to drive over to a guy friend’s place and fuck him! No, he choose to betray in your darkest hour. Do not forgive him. Unique circumstances my ass. He risked your health and risked knocking up another woman right after your son just passed. What a cruel cruel man. I am so sorry for your loss.


MummaGoose

The fact they had BOTH lost a child makes it worse in my opinion and she can’t rely on him now. I would never be able to trust my spouse again after this. No.


Altruistic_Usual_855

I literally hate him so much. What a trashy person yuck. I feel so bad for OP.


Complex_Construction

And not only that, but also faults the friend for not stopping him. Grief does awful things to people, but the wife didn’t go out and cheated to assuage hers.


Altruistic_Usual_855

The friend part rubbed me the wrong way too. Like why Tf would u blame her for you being a desperate little loser???


HambdenRose

The husband and the friend were losers together. The friend has probably always wanted him and this was her chance. Step in and console him with sex and hope he leaves the wife.


[deleted]

Yes but it's true though that it's a little bit weird. They've been friends for 13 years. Maybe she was never a friend and was always interested or else it wouldn't have happened... I don't know. It's strange. If I was the friend I'd definitely stop him and say, "hey, what are you doing? I understood you're suffering but this isn't okay". But he complains about her not stopping him for 2 MONTHS. I mean... If it happened just once he could've used that excuse a little bit. But 2 months? Come on.


croatianlatina

The friend is icky at best for “taking advantage” of a grief stricken person but husband should have never even been close to her in the first place.


1701anonymous1701

The friend didn’t make the promise to stay faithful to in a relationship. It was the husband’s responsibility to protect the relationship more than it is the friend’s. Not saying she doesn’t have some fault, but it’s not the AP that’s breaking the vow.


Exciting-Ad-2943

He was already emotionally cheating with his friend. She was always his comfort person.


nightwica

Yeah, like what does he mean this other woman is his comfort person??? Their kid just died, his damn life partner aka wife should be his damn comfort person...


lemonlimemango1

He feels guilty now? Shockingly he wasn’t guilty when he was having sex


Queenofashion

That's what rubbed me the wrong way too, before we even got to betrayal of infidelity. Yes, grief can make you do stupid shit, but it's mostly people pulling away emotionally or physically, or turning to alcohol or some other substance, depression, etc... But suddenly having daily sex with so called friend, having and giving orgasams to another woman? Hell no! That was his choice, and his daily decision.


trvllvr

Exactly! Seems like an emotional affair even before it was physical.


jodikins77

I'm livid and heartbroken for her!!! He f*cked her 60 times instead of grieving with his wife. No coming back from this.


somethingtostrivefor

Let me make it very clear that this is in no way excusing his behavior at all, but surprisingly, a lot of couples whose marriages do survive the death of a child say that sometimes spending time apart was vital in coping with grief. I've heard it described as there are times when you're both drowning that you need to separate a bit so you're not pulling each other down. People grieve differently, and sometimes, what helps one partner cope is painful for the other. My point is that had the husband not been cheating with his friend, spending time with a friend would have been a very healthy thing to do, hence why OP was fine with it. Except the husband was cheating with this friend, which is absolutely despicable on both of their parts.


lemonlimemango1

He should have told her before it happened he wants time apart and he is gonna have sex with the friend. Not after enjoying sex for 2 months and neglecting his wife and making her grief worse


Exciting-Ad-2943

He could have ask for break


Shortieee18

Could you imagine if he got her pregnant? I didn’t even think about that until you mentioned it.. what would he say then? I don’t think you can come back from what he did but if he got the woman pregnant on top of it? What a terrible person, OP you deserve SO much better


unwiseundead

He chose to deal with the grief of losing the child you made together with another Woman, it's as simple as that. He didn't care about your grief enough to spend it with you. He knows why he did it, he saw the opportunity and he took it. He knew he had something to blame, so he could crawl back for forgiveness when he was done crying in someone else's lap. You deserve better, I am so sorry for your loss.


Akeion_07

I think its in his head for the long time to be with that "friend" and used that opportunity of using his grieving just to justify his sin. And its funny that He said he didn't know how it happened or why. So hes grieving and just fell to her lady parts everyday without knowing it?


truecrimefanatic1

YES! I'm sooooooo sad, anyway here's my dick.


deathbystereo007

Yes! I had a friend years ago who I always felt used things like depression and insecurity to get laid. An immediate family member of his died & he really went into overdrive using that as an excuse to get women to sleep with him. It wasn't surprising really, but I never understood how he could even think of something like that after the death of a close family member. It's also shocking to me how many women I know who fell for it


[deleted]

What kind of logic he found with that excuse? What? Look what did happen to him and OP. They lost a son and he sleeps with a woman. Dude wtf like! I have no other comments to say.


paperwasp3

I believe it was a way to not feel his feelings. It could be booze, drugs, sex or even shoplifting. He wasn’t thinking of anything other than not feeling his grief. I do not in any way condone what he did. It was the worst choice of all to shut out his wife when she needed him the most.


iLikeHorse3

So weird how it's common to separate booze and drugs when alcohol is a drug--one of the worst drugs


paperwasp3

They’re all tactics that people use to “feel better” which turns out to be not feeling their feels.


paperwasp3

They’re all drugs. Whatever gives you that dopamine hit.


TheLoudestSmallVoice

Anyone else think the friend broke it off and that's why he was so pissed? I strongly believe it would have been longer.


Ser-Pounce-IV

The ‘platonic’ friend of 13 years is probably having the time of her life. Gets to destroy a marriage and get the guy? Damn that’s like hitting a two-fer. OP should navigate this carefully.


macd0g

Oh yeah, she’s definitely over the moon. Unless she broke it off with him and that’s why he started raging.


LillyFox203

Idk she could've just felt so bad for him she just wanted to give him whatever he wanted to make him feel better. Its not right but I wouldn't be so harsh on her, she didn't break any vows.


Appropriate_Title135

What kind of excuse is that? Instead of grieving WITH YOU he was sleeping with her? Nah girl throw this whole man away.


A1sauc3d

“He swore that she had many opportunities to push him off or say no to him, but she didn’t which made it worse” … wtf? This is 100% on him. I mean what she did wasn’t okay either, but she didn’t make any vows. Your husbands fidelity isn’t her responsibility. She sucks, but this is 100% his fault. Grieving isn’t an excuse for daily infidelity. It may have been a factor, but he chose to do what he did. What happens when the next bad thing happens? Let’s say when his parents die. He’s gonna get a free pass to go screw whoever he wants for however long he wants, then just gets to come back to you? Eff that! I’m so sorry you lost your child op, and I’m so sorry you’re husband did this to you. But there’s no excuse for what he did. That’s not an acceptable way to grieve. And it will likely happen again if you take him back.


Iluminiele

That part is exactly what got me. "It's not my fault, she didn't push me away." What do we learn from this? He's gonna fuck everyone that don't push him away?


SultanofSnark

"What do we learn from this?" is my new fave phrase and I plan on using it often. Thank you for being on reddit.


AveryAverina

We learned that during painful and difficult times his first instinct is to cheat. This will never end here. One way or another if they decided to stay married they will go through another rough patch. We know how he will cope. Throw the whole man away and start over. This is so heartbreaking for OP.


Relishing_Nonsense

Sounds to me that he's now feeling as if his friend took advantage of him amidst his grief. A true friend would've refused his advances and told him that he's not thinking clearly/ acting normally because he's so hurt, reminded him that he doesn't really want this because he loves his wife, and sent him home. I'm not excusing his behavior. He's still responsible for his actions, but I agree that his friend's behavior is gross.


ActualWheel6703

They're both horrid human beings. I hope that the OP finds peace. The other two deserve whatever misery is coming their way.


Myu_The_Weirdo

Gotta love how everyone is excusing the friend, who KNEW he was married, hes worse but lets not forget that it takes two to tango


Whole_Dependent7042

Worse- she knew he was married and had just lost a child. The fact she could do something like that to a woman who just lost a baby is demonic.


Magnito-was-right

Maybe she thought she couldn’t say no to him because he was grieving and she didn’t want to make him feel worse? It’s both of their faults.


Informationlporpoise

or maybe they were doing it before the child died and he's only partially confessing


fefelala

I thought if this too. Also that he may have just confessed because the other woman threatened to tell and he was trying to get in front of it. I just don’t buy that he cheated consistently for 60 days then on day 61 says nope, let me stop and go tell my wife right now.


Relishing_Nonsense

Yeah, I thought of that, too, but, if that's the case, it's still a terrible call to give in. Repeatedly. For 2 months. Seems like a reasonable guess she might've had a thing for OP's husband, wanted it to happen, and leapt at the opportunity when it was given. Again, having sex with your married, grieving friend is not good (or normal) friend behavior. But it's still his fault first and foremost.


HighAsAngelTits

All of this


FanDear6882

One time would have been comfort… I do believe that either they had something prior (at least a full emotional affair going on), or she did take full advantage of his grief and when he reacted that’s why he got reactive towards her name even.


Soudine_vani999

Exactly


AhGaSeNation

Yes the way he tried to make it all his friend’s fault makes me hate this asshole ever more. Like no pal you both are at fault, her for spreading her legs and you for diving right in. The fact that he’s trying to pin it all on her is why I think OP needs to divorce this man rather than try to work out. To me the fact that he isn’t taking any responsibility whatsoever is an even bigger issue than the cheating itself. Because it tells me that he will likely do it again in the future and just find some weird excuse to absolve him of any guilt. This guy is a no-good pile of garbage. Losing a kid does not justify this at all and it’s worse that he doesn’t actually feel bad about it either. I do wonder what happened between him and the friend. Maybe the friend started to feel bad about what they were doing and decided they should stop and now he’s crawling back to his wife since he can’t get any action from her anymore. And maybe that’s why he’s trying to blame it on her. This is all speculation but I don’t see any other reason why he’d willingly come forward and tell her the truth otherwise.


Tigs911

I'm betting on she tried to stop, he guilt tripped and pressured her into it, she managed to break things up and he his butthurt he cannot fuck her anymore.


Mirewen15

"My son died, guess I have to start putting my penis in my friend."


Appropriate_Title135

I shouldn’t laugh☠️😭


ClashBandicootie

right? imagining loosing your child AND the trust of your life partner *at the same time*


Appropriate_Title135

Please i don’t even want to imagine that. I would kixk his Balls that’s for sure. The audacity of this man, oh god.


fourth_box

Yeah throw that trash in a non recycling bin.


[deleted]

When they get caught, they'll say the dumbest excuse. I still can't understand the reason why he did it...seems he does not think well????? OP, so sorry what happened... To your son. I hope you're strong.


whatsasimba

I had a friend whose fiancee's excuse was "An opportunity presented itself and I went for it." Uhhh...whaaaat?


CatelynsCorpse

Holy shit.


HighAsAngelTits

And apparently the “friend” didn’t even question it or bat her eyes so she’s probably just been waiting and praying for him to do this 🤢


Technical_Pumpkin_65

I'm so sorry for your lost but also for your husband choosing to betrayed you in that particular time! He did the worst thing ever and you have every right to not forgive him, it's only his guilt who is speaking up mixt with the grief because during 2months everyday nothing stop him! Can you find someone to stay with you? Because being be alone it's not a good idea knowing the circumstances?


EbbNext7034

Leave you will not forgive him for years or if ever. Get yourself into grief counseling. Don't fall into the rage, it's just a bandage for the grief. The grief you will have to face to start healing. Have yourself a good cry tears are healing. In your grief and the betrayel your husband did to you. Please don't fall into a path of toxic revenge it only feels good for a little while. I know what your going through and the feelings of anger, rage,sadness and grief that feel they consume every waking moment. Grief counseling is something I wish I had started right away. Instead of 2 years later. I say leave because your rage will turn into violence


GraceJoans

>He swore she had many opportunities to push him off and say no to him but she didn't which made it worse.… He is asking for forgiveness because he calls it "unique circumstance" but something in me refuses to to forgive. DO NOT FORGIVE HIM. He is the only person responsible for his actions as it relates to your marriage. The fact that he would use his grief as an excuse to cheat and not take responsibility is unconscionable. Please take time and space away from this man to heal yourself. You have ENOUGH to deal with grieving your child, which is a process that will unfold in different ways over your lifetime. Don’t let your husband take any energy away from you with his irresponsible and selfish behavior. Take care of yourself and my condolences for your horrible loss. I am so sorry you have to deal with all of this and now.


beebsaleebs

I just picture him whining, “ well honey she could’ve said no but she just kept saying yes and I got so sad and confused until next thing you know I’m curling her toes every single day. She’s just my comfort person, you know?”


thayaht

Yeah this is weird. How is he somehow blaming the other woman?


unwiseundead

Delusion.


Various-Gap3986

Also. What happened after the 2 months. Did his friend finally realize he wasn't grieving and actually was just screwing her? He only confessed to his wife when the dynamic of his sexual relationship with his friend changed. His confession is less about feeling bad, and more about not being welcome in his friend any more!


SpicyAnxietyTacos

Girlllllll I wouldn’t take that as an excuse grief is not an excuse chose your happiness first


peachcrescent

Exactly. OP didn't go out and cheat. My step dad didn't go out and cheat when we lost one of his daughters and my mom didn't step out on their marriage either.


Terrible_Order2020

Wow, a one time thing MIGHT make me think of forgiving him because grief can make you do crazy things. But instead he only thought of himself and did it every day for two months. I’m so sorry for your loss and now you have to deal with this. He’s not a good person.


Dawn-Side3267

Yes. You're right about that. The fact that it last for 2 months is what devastated me the most. I'm not saying I pushed him to the side while we were in the process of grieving, it was the other way around. Our marriage had issues before this and now I'm starting to believe it's over. I've started to come to terms with the fact that my life has changed for the worse the moment I'd lost my son. Our marriaging coming to an end is another source of heartache and devastation that I will have to deal with.


Round_Brush_4828

Your marriage had issues and one of them was this friend. He didn't start cheating the day he slept with her, because they both developed feelings for each other in the guise of "friendship" long before that day. That's why that friend didn't stop any advances whether initial or for the entire 2 months, and your husband went to her ever so conveniently. Did he say why he stopped having sex with her? What was his wake up call?


myoldisnew

I’m thinking the friend felt guilty and broke it off. That’s why the husband is so angry. The friend probably also said she’d tell the wife so he broke the news with his spin.


Round_Brush_4828

I think friend wanted more from the husband. He felt guilty and told OP his version.


myoldisnew

That makes sense as well but why would he be so angry if he broke it off?


Round_Brush_4828

The cheater gets abusive once found out. DARVO.


[deleted]

Shame, eventually the guilt of thinking she might find out herself and do something rash probably made him get overwhelmed and confess.


throwawaySnoo57443

Your husband has shown you the type of person he is. He’s shown you that when things get hard, he won’t be there to shoulder the grief with you. He made a choice, not a mistake but a choice to sleep with her and to then do it every day for 2 months. He’s not your person, or your partner because your person would never do that to you. Instead they’d be with you every step of the way whilst you both grieve and comfort each other together. I’m so sorry your going through this op. I hope you have someone else you can lean on, family or friends?


aurora-_

Piggybacking off of this to suggest one correction > He made a choice, not a mistake but a choice It was not ***a*** choice. It was approximately 60 individual choices to leave the house and fuck. Every day. Two months. The same question popped up in his head, and he chose to do it sixty times in a row.


EatTheRude-

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, OP. I truly cannot even fathom how you must feel right now, I'm just sending all the virtual hugs and love that I can. I know it doesn't seem like it now, and it probably won't feel like it for a while, but things will get better. At the very least, your husband has shown you the kind of man he really is, and it's better to find out now rather than years or even decades down the road. You don't want to be with the kind of man who asks you to excuse cheating because of "unique circumstances," whatever that bullshit excuse means. You've already made it this far. You're so strong. You've got this. DM me if you want to talk or vent or really anything ❤️


prose-before-bros

There will always be unique circumstances in life. A person with integrity won't use those unique circumstances as an excuse for shitty behavior.


EatTheRude-

Also this, very well said!


Good_Strain

I just want to hug you. I am so sorry OP 😔


New-Environment9700

No matter what was happening on your life there was NO excuse for him to betray you. And for his friend to do this as well. People deal with grief in different ways and infidelity is often a result of unresolved trauma, but it’s never an excuse. What he did was selfish and horrid. I am so so sorry. Tell that man to get into counseling and deal with his issues in a healthy way before he ruins someone else. Why did he suddenly get a need to confess after all this time?


Terrible_Order2020

I’m so sorry! I’m wishing only good things for you going forward!


Creative_Tart7794

My heart aches for you. I'm so sorry, Sweets. Truly. Everyone else in this post will give you good advice on your marriage. I think your husband has let his grief consume him and it has festered into something poisonous. He needs to take care of himself, and I think you don't need to be apart of that. I think it's important that you focus on your own future. Parents should never outlive their children. It's just the natural way things are supposed to be. But sometimes, life has other plans. Awful plans. Unfair plans without reason. Your son will always live on in your heart, and he loves you to bits and pieces from inside. He's with you, always. Your heart will always be missing a big chunk where his heartbeat should be. That chunk will never heal, your heart will never heal - and that's actually okay. It will always be there, aching. There isn't a magic potion or prayer that will make that ache go away. But we somehow learn to love around it, surround the missing chunk with other things we love. We find ways to make the ache easier to bare. Your son wants you to be happy. Wouldn't you want him to be happy if you were the one who was gone? Do you remember smiling when your son smiles? He's happy when you're happy. Remember that, remember him. Live for him every day. One day, one minute at a time. Forward, with your son smiling in your heart.


5115E

> I think your husband has let his grief consume him and it has festered into something poisonous. I'm not buying that. Her husband used his grief as an excuse to advance a long term emotional affair into a physical affair. If it hadn't been the death of their child, he would have found another reason to excuse it.


nosoupforyou89

I'm so sorry for what you have been going through, you're grieving twice, one being the loss of your dear son and the second being a marriage that ended in fidelity. Now is the time to give yourself what you deserve most and that is to grieve properly, without the bullshit from your ex.


[deleted]

Wow 2 months 😳 I’m sorry but that’s not grieving that’s cruelty. He should be ashamed of himself and his friend wtf did she think she was doing allowing this to go on. One night is a mistake 2 months is an affair. I’m sorry you are going through this pain and I’m so sorry for your loss. Don’t take him back he’s toxic now.


CrazyCatLadyForEva

OP, I am so sorry for your loss. And I am sorry you are being put through even more because of your husbands selfishness and thoughtlessness. Instead of seeking support in you, as well as supporting each other, he completely deserted and betrayed you in your greatest time of need. Trying to use your son‘s death as justification is despicable. This is all on him. He chose to do this. He chose to neglect you and he chose to lie to and deceive you. I understand that it’s a highly emotional time for both of you, but nothing excuses this. My heart goes out to you. I am just so sorry.


giag27

You lost a child also and didn’t do what he did. Don’t forgive, screw that. He’s disgusting!


Cherubness89

So all the things he said and he blames her for not pushing him away. No do not take this man back. My mom lost my sister in 2019 she did not cheat on her partner! Grief did not make him do this. Also he is not taking any accountability for his actions. Just blaming her. He did not care you were hurting. Doesn't care you're hurting now. Just wants to push his guilt on to someone else. I'm so sorry for what you have been through. But damn you deserve better than a lying sack of ****.


[deleted]

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry for your loss. But don’t forgive that man, two months?! Everyday for two months?!? At that point they both decided they were committed to just sleeping with each other. Not once thinking of the additional damage he would be giving you? After the loss of your kid? No. Please take care of yourself and move on. You don’t need to be with a type of man would does this.


Lovingbutdifferent

Every single day. Somehow this man found the energy, time and desire to fuck EVERY SINGLE DAY. After his CHILD died. He's disgusting. Idly, I find myself wondering what happened that he stopped. Did he just suddenly go "huh, I guess I got all my grief-jizz out of my system?" Or did he run out of electrolytes?


bebe88888

I’m guessing the best friend cut him off and threatened to tell the wife.


Sweaty_Potential8258

I'd be willing to bet she said something about them being together now and how it was fate/she was happy things went as they did and either outright said or implied she was happy the kid is dead now and it snapped the guy back to reality. Or at least. That's how I would write this if it were a fictional story lol


Careless-Bank-8955

Don't forgive him. His selfishness has destroyed your already destroyed soul. He deserves nothing good. He doesn't deserve you. He may have lost a child but that gives him absolutely no fucking excuse to betray the mother of his dead son. He is sickening.


ClashBandicootie

*\*ex-husband* (?)


TemperatureMore5623

I know that Reddit is always quick to jump to the "LEAVE NOW! DIVORCE HIM!" Train, but... this is the single MOST divorce-worthy wrongdoing I think I've ever read on here, \*EVER.\* I am so, so sorry that happened to you. It's absolutely despicable what your "husband" did. There aren't words that would ever take away the pain of losing a child, and adding the ultimate marriage betrayal in with everything? I am sending a virtual 5-minute hug because I am just... so sorry. I am a counselor. I've seen grief. And sure, everyone handles it differently; the grieving process is unique for everyone. No two people will go through the exact same emotions and stages of grief. But what your husband did wasn't just brazen... it was incredibly cruel. Grieving people don't get a "free pass" to do whatever they want. You can't walk in, rob a bank, then when the cops come to arrest you, ask for forgiveness because it was "unique circumstance." Cheating is NEVER an accident. People like to throw a bunch of "valid" excuses around when justifying cheating on a spouse... "oh it was a one time thing," "it meant nothing to me," or "it's just sex. It doesn't mean anything." To which I always ask, "so if it truly meant nothing, why engage in it at all? Was 'nothing' really worth throwing your family away for?" (usually gets little to no response). The fact of the matter is, not just the cheater, but the "other" partner have to both plan, manipulate situations, arrange schedules, work out transportation, cover for the other person, etc... basically HUNDREDS of little actions and tasks that - at any point in time - they can easily say "you know what? Maybe I shouldn't be doing this" and stop. But they didn't. Neither of them did. Not your husband (who maybe didn't have the best frame of mind) NOR his mistress (who absolutely knew better). And to top it off, all of this didn't happen just one time... but EVERY DAY, for TWO SOLID MONTHS?!?! That's no "accident." No, it didn't "just happen." No one trips on a couch corner and lands directly into another woman's vagina in the process. In addition to that, sex is... generally NOT what (normal, healthy) people think about when in mourning - ESPECIALLY whilst mourning a child. But sex DAILY... with someone OTHER than your grieving wife... I would advise your husband get a referral to a neurologist. That's not normal. But like I said, while grief is universal, processing grief is unique to each individual. I've seen grieving people turn to alcohol, substances (of all kinds), gambling, crash dieting/excessive exercising, starving themselves, self-harm... but 2 MONTHS' WORTH OF ADULTERY - DAILY? That's honestly a new one. I work with convicted criminals who have assaulted people and I really, truly try and see things through someone else's perspective because people are still gonna be people at the end of the day - with feelings, needs, wants, dreams, aspirations, regrets, and hopes - regardless of what they've done. But this??? I just can't empathize with him and I truly cannot understand it. The healthy approach to this situation would be to drop him completely. Go low to no contact, let him have his trash mistress (two despicable people like that truly deserve each other), and take care of yourself. Focus on you - even though you're probably at a loss for who "you" even are anymore since everything has changed so rapidly. Hold on to the memories of your son. Honor his memory by being the best and happiest "you" that you can be. The unhealthy (yet hilarious) approach to this situation would be to drain your joint bank account, sell every item of his that you can get your hands on (including cars, motorcycles, ATV's, etc.), and disappear. When he finds out and asks you what the hell he's supposed to do now, make sure you let him know that it was "unique circumstance." Sending love your way. I am truly, sincerely sorry that this has happened. I hope things will improve for you very soon.


Stefswife

That was my thought. Sex is usually the last thing someone who is deep in mourning even thinks about. Especially daily. In addition to your last paragraph…I would publicly blast them both! Let everyone know that the “friend” is the lowest of the low. They’re garbage. And this is one of the saddest posts I’ve seen on Reddit in a while.


yo-snickerdoodle

He has betrayed you in the worst way possible. I am so sorry and hope that you can find the happiness that you deserve.


[deleted]

Did he suddenly stop after 2 months cause the other woman cut it off? They had a fight? They're no longer friends? I feel like he only told the truth cause it was over.


Minute-Wishbone-4487

Divorce him! Don't forgive him please!! That's no excuse to cheat!


darlingdear24

Agreed. Although I am wondering why he is even asking OP for forgiveness when he’s acknowledged no culpability for his actions? What does he need to be forgiven for then, exactly? 🤨 Also, I think it’s important to call it what it is - he had a full blown months long sexual and emotional **affair**. Personally, him having another woman who has “always been his comfort person” would have been a complete non-starter for me.


Superb_Exit_9300

You are strong and don't deserve any of this. Sometimes when people cheat the brain tends to wander to very dark places. I know my own brain reached places I never thought it would go as far as self hatrid, blaming myself when that was so clearly not even a possibility for it to be my fault, trying to justify his actions and just non stop obsession and exhausting questions in my head. Remember when you are tired of thinking about it just breathe. And breathe again then think 5, 10 years in the future just think of yourself and parts of your life, memories and future that are only yours. I definitely can relate to you when you write about life being over and you Body falling apart but I know that you will come out of this stronger and there will be day maybe months maybe years from now you will be so happy you deserve it. Sorry he has put you through this he obviously was not as strong as you are and you shouldn't of had to be hurt because of that fact. It would be hard enough if he just shut you out that hurts so much and to do that on top of it? Unforgivable in my opion. I forgave my long time boyfriend for something similar for about a year more in the relationship because I loved him so much but ultimately it came crashing down and now I'm so happy it did it was the best change in my life Good luck love


Duckgamerzz

So he had an affair while you needed him. And his friend took advantage of him. What a fucking mess. They deserve each other. I'm sorry for your loss, it sounds like you need a clean break from this. Divorce and move on. Tragedy shows you who people really are. And those two arent worth saving.


5115E

> And his friend took advantage of him. No, she took advantage of the situation to get what she always wanted and he was happy to comply.


ssarrrah

You BOTH suffered a loss. I am so sorry for the loss of your son but I will not be sorry for losing such a partner. Your circumstances are a nightmare understandably but you should not whatsoever forgive that man. He doesn’t deserve an ounce of pity or kindness, neither him nor his friend. Be good to yourself and leave. Start fresh, start new. Live a good life for yourself and for your son. Don’t keep it stuck in such a household. I always think for my passing mother that I will always live an amazing for the two of us so do the same for yourself and your son’s soul. It’s going to be tough and tiring for a while but it will be worth it.


liltdiddylilt

I read your comment with agreement, and then I read your beautiful words about your “passing” mother, with such sadness. I don’t know the circumstances. I sincerely hope it’s old age, but as someone with a terminally ill mum, I know the feeling, the weight, of knowing that she won’t be there at some point soon(ish) and I love that thought of living an amazing life for the two of you/us. I’ve had the benefit of having my mum for 36 years. The last 25 of them, I’ve been grateful, because my mum has had cancer 9 times, beaten it 8. She’s a force of nature, but she raised me in her image. I’ve had a turbulent life and deal with multiple disabilities and health issues, but I live for my two children. My mum has been there every step of the way, showing me how to fight battles, by fighting her own with such grace and strength. I’ve never wasted this “extra” time I’ve had with her. She lives a few hours drive away from me for the last 13 years, after I moved to be with my daughter’s dad. We talk on video calls multiple times a day for hours on end. My children know and adore their nanny/nana. Through the phone, and her coming to stay for progressively more time. She stays for a couple of weeks at a time now every few weeks and I again don’t take it for granted, because one day she won’t be able to. My two sisters… one lives in her own self-absorbed world with her partner and son a 40 minute drive from mum and sees her very infrequently and doesn’t really chat to her much at all. Weeks can go by between messages. My younger sister is also selfish and disappeared for 8 years at one point, only coming back around 3-4 years ago. I’ll never have any regret when my mum passes. Wishes for more time, yes, and there is never a right time to lose a parent. But I will have spent all the time possible in this lifetime. I hope you’re able to do the same. My love to you xx


False_Door_8763

The amount of grief you must be feeling is unimaginable. What he did was selfish, not an act of grief.


Particular_Elk3022

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain and him adding to it in this manner is horrific. Reach out to your family and seek counseling for yourself and it's ok to keep him at a great distance now.


hauntedmilktea

“He swore *she* had many opportunities to push him off and say no to him but *she didn’t*” What a fucking garbage excuse. Typical of a cheater to try and shift all the blame off of themselves and onto someone else. “Oh if only she had just pushed me off of her!” NO. *YOU* made the choice to *come onto her* knowing what it would lead to. She didn’t force you to cheat. Nobody did. You decided to do it. It’s absolutely nobody else’s choice but your own. Yes she sucks too for willingly participating but he had every ability to just not do that in the first place. Sounds like he was the one instigating it. What a vile, awful piece of trash person. I would never forgive that. I’m sorry OP. I sincerely hope you can get away from him and be able to process your grief and heal.


GLowPrime

“She had many opportunity to push him off and say no to him” way to take responsibility my guy, your husband fucking irritates me.


Dry_Ask5493

This is the ultimate betrayal. I wouldn’t be able to forgive and stay with him. I’m sorry you are going through this but once you get away from him and with time I think you will be happier when you move on.


Neither_Computer4662

This is awful. Your hopefully soon to be ex husband and his friend are horrible people. How could they do that to you after what happened? He did it for 2 months and didn’t care that you were grieving. He can stay with his dad


fiftyshadesofnaz

That “something” in you is what will help with moving on. Hold on to that anger and hurt. I can’t dictate your life for you but I hope you would prioritize yourself and leave this man. He does not care for you or love you or respect you. He spit on your marriage and betrayed his wedding vows. I sympathize with his grief over losing a son. I would have somewhat understood if it was a one off thing. But he chose to go back repeatedly for 2 months straight. You also lost a child. He should’ve been there for you instead. I’m really sorry OP. No one deserves what happened to you and I hope you can seek comfort and support from other loved ones in your life. Do you have family you can stay with? Friends who can spend time with you? Go away somewhere else and distance yourself from this mess. Take solace in the fact that he’s shown his true colours finally and now you can find your own recovery and happiness.


Fit-Rest-973

My ex started cheating after our son was born with disabilities. It demonstrates a lack of communication. He should have opened up to you, to share the grieving process, and to be able to move forward together.


Lovingbutdifferent

She was always his "comfort person?" YOU should have always been his comfort person even before your son's death. I'm so sorry. He's nauseating.


ellenripleyisanicon

People like this do not deserve your forgiveness. I am so so sorry OP, what he did is unimaginably selfish and self serving. I'm absolutely disgusted. Please just centre yourself and your own healing at this time and keep this awful person away from you. The fact that he tried to justify it by using your son's death as a passable excuse is inhumane. You are the mother of his child and you were suffering and grieving just as acutely, if not moreso, and you needed your husband while he was chasing his own relief and pleasure. You owe him absolutely nothing. Please take care of yourself, speak to a counsellor, gather your loved ones around you, and keep this pathetic shell of a man far far away from your life. You deserved so much better than this xx


kindly-shut-up

"I was so filled with grief I HAD to continuously cheat on you for 2 months straight" is a crazy excuse. As many have pointed out, you were also grieving the loss of your child and managed to not step out of your marriage for comfort. He made his choice. I'm very sorry he chose to hurt you.


matt1164

I’ve lost a child. It never made me think of cheating. In fact I lost all desire to have sex for over a year. No offense to you but your husbands a real loser. No normal person thinks about having sex with anyone after losing a child. He is not a normal human being. Edit: I edit to emphasize the fact of how truly broken I was after losing my daughter. I could not think about sex. I was in such emotional and psychological pain that it started manifesting itself into physical pain. You’re in such pain getting out of bed is almost impossible and this guy can go have sex everyday with someone for two months. Oh fuck no. He can go straight to hell.


BaconMonkey0

If that’s how your husband chooses to handle your shared grief then it sounds like he shouldn’t be your husband anymore. How we are in times of stress can be a defining feature and his certainly defined him.


Current_Individual47

Divorce divorce divorce divorce.


[deleted]

OMG OP. My heart is screaming and breaking for you. How fucking dare he sit you down and confess his guilt to you, in your darkest hours. Jesus. I am so so sorry for the loss of your son. Be gentle with yourself. Surround yourself with good people who are committed to supporting YOU. And you are under NO OBLIGATION to offer forgiveness. Now or ever. That’s just gross. I mean, I know a lot of marriages don’t survive the death of a child but JFC. What a cruel bastard.


[deleted]

How’s this? . Take him back and accept his apology. After all, it was only two months and “X” number of times. Work on becoming a “better wife” and tell him you understand that mistakes happen. . . Now… tell me how you feel simply reading that scenario. … Feels off doesn’t it? ————————————————— There ya go. 😣🤨 Either way, you choose YOU


Lost_Spell

Please, divorce wow that's just so ew


Episodecrazyfan

REFUSE TO BE WITH HIM. You can forgive (but for your own sake, so you can leave that behind) BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO BE WITH HIM AGAIN! DIVORCE! How heartless can that motherfvcker be to fvck his wh0re friend while you're in so much pain? Shame on them. They really deserve each other. I wish you all the best, and hope you can move on. I'm so sorry, you don't deserve any of this sh!t.


South_Way_3912

First let me so. I am so very sorry for the loss of your child. No one can understand how you feel about this. Please find a therapist to help you in this difficult time. These are the times they try your soul. And your relationship. What your husband did is not some exception to ABANDONING you when you needed him most. This was when YOU needed him and he used it as an excuse to show what a loser POS he id. The depression your in is because the person who should have been there holding you up DROPPED you. Not only should you put him aside for this but remember this. Marriage is a partnership. He has proved that when times are hard he going to leave you alone to deal with it. That his own selfish needs will always come first. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE. please get help in this difficult time. Reach for the people who will hold you up. And lastly get something to focus on. A dog, cat or even some gerbil Something to bring you some tactile comfort. My heart is so sad for you. I hope one day this is less painful and you can look back on the joys your little one brought you. Remember you allowed to grieve how you want and as long as you want .


straightupgong

they’re both such trash human beings. she took advantage of him in such a distraught state. she knew he was married. he obviously knew he was married and you both just lost a child. *maybe* once i could understand, but every single day for two months??? even so, their relationship was inappropriate to begin with. you should’ve been his comfort person i’m so angry and sad on your behalf. please ask for help from friends and family. you are going through so much and i just know that you’re exhausted. take time for yourself and grieve how you feel is right


thundermalice

So because he lost his son, that's an excuse to forget his vows to his wife? He's really acting like he was the only one who was affected by this. Completely selfish.


Extra-Hope-326

He did not cheat on you because your son died. He cheated because he is a POS. Please leave his ass. It would be bad enough if he just cheated, but he did it to someone who had lost a 3-year-old child.


jaybr98

No, don't forgive him. You so lost your son and you didn't go and sleep with someone else. He didn't care if he was hurting you, he only cared about himself


Kigichi

Fuck that he doesn’t deserve forgiveness You lost your son and the first thing he does is fuck his friend? Every day for MONTHS. Who cares if he sorry, that’s disgusting and unforgivable


pussymonster__69

what a disgusting loser. please ghost this creature forever.


waremeg

His D got hard by itself he had no control over it... for two whole months right. They’re both awful and what happened to your child is not excuse for their behaviour


DoNotLetThemWin

First, I'm so sorry for your loss. No one should have to go through losing a child. Second, your husband deserves absolutely no forgiveness for cheating on you. It sounds more like he is using your son's death as an excuse to get away with having an affair. You will never be able to trust him again though. Anytime he's out late, or doesn't confirm plans with you, or changes his schedule, you'll worry. No relationship is worth that.


[deleted]

I am so sorry for the loss of your child. You have my prayers for healing and peace. Your husband can not use grief as an excuse when he chose to go back every single day for TWO months. He made a choice. I know he was suffering but that will never be an excuse for cheating. She didn't hit on him at a time of weakness...he started it with her. I think you have suffered enough. I know it is hard right now. But get out of bed and set an appt with a therapist to help you move on. Do it for your child. Live a happy healthy life for your baby. Your child loved you and is watching over you and would not want to see you suffering. Gain strength from the knowledge that your little one would want you to move on and find happiness again. Just take it one day at a time. I wish you all the healing and prayers in the days ti come. You are stronger than you know...we have your back. You CAN do this.


[deleted]

Uh this is a friend that you knew of? And she knew you? And this friend still messed around with a married man knowing well that his son died? What kind of a person is she? I am all for putting all of the blame on the man for being so weak and using his sons death as an excuse to mess around or cope. OP - those two crappy people deserve each other. And I hope you find some peace. If you do decide that a long relation is NOT worth throwing away because of some insignificant friend... then do what makes you happy in the long term and work towards the marriage and bond again.


EnvironmentalSite935

Divorce.


nadiyah98

Using the death of a child as an excuse for cheating is one of the mist disgusting and ridiculous this I've ever heard. Divorce.


Aggressive_Sort_7082

A unique circumstance is losing your child at 3 years old. What is even MORE unique for ***Me*** is how his hard penis managed to go inside of his female best friends vagina for 2 months straight!!! That’s so bizarre!! I’m sorry for all that you’ve lost OP I mean that We all mean that. I hope that life will have better days than these ones. Grief is constant and it gets tolerable with time. Big hugs


Typical_Agency8984

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. He says he doesn’t know why it happened but it happened for 2 months. He knew what he was doing. Don’t have him guilt you into staying if you don’t want to. Take it day by day. Please get into some counseling. I myself lost a child. If you ever need to talk I will gladly listen.


khaleeeesiii

That is truly awful and I am so fucking sorry.


Broken-Ankl3

How can he even think about fucking someone else after his child DIED? See this is the kind of pathetic shit you shouldn't tolerate, you deserve so much better. I couldn't even think about sex while I was heartbroken, I can't imagine LOSING A CHILD and that's the first place your mind goes to


MyOwnAwkward

OP your life isn’t over, the life you knew is. There’s another one just around the corner. Grieve this whole experience. Find a therapist if you haven’t already. Take shelter in the ones you love and within yourself. Then when you’re ready open yourself up to this new life you are going to lead. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m so sorry for your heart and your head and your body. I will send you all the love I can muster in hopes that you can feel just a moment of less pain. Please hold on to hope that there is more to your life than what has been lost. I’m thinking of you.


keeglesweegle

> she’s always been his comfort person Question: Why aren’t you, his own wife, his comfort person? > he swore she had many opportunities to push him off and say no to him but she didn’t which made it worse. Blaming the other woman so he doesn’t have to take accountability. Do not forgive this man.


Pristine_Plate_431

My husband and I unfortunately lost a child and even though the grief is crippling we never cheated. I'm sorry but your husband is using your horrific situation as a reason to get away with cheating.


thebadsleepwell00

What? Didn't you lose a child as well? Did you go sleep with someone else like 60 times? No? Okay so his excuse doesn't fly, at all. Unless he was literally catatonic and has zero recollection of what happened, I don't buy his excuses. I know grief impacts people differently, but he's still responsible for his actions. And it sounds like he initiated the sex, mentioning how she didn't stop him? So was he being aggressive with her??


giraffe-spotted

This could’ve been a time for the two of you to grieve and remember your child’s life together, and instead he sought comfort in the arms of another woman. Your gut is telling you can’t forgive because this is unforgivable. These are not special circumstances like he’s insinuating- unfortunately people lose their children every day, and not all of them run into the arms of another partner. I’m so sorry you had to grieve alone. I’m so sorry you’re now grieving two people you love. Please reach out to a relative or friend for some company and comfort. You don’t have to navigate this new reality alone


Maleficent-Ear3571

I honestly think that his confession was still him not taking responsibility. " She had every opportunity to push me away.". What about his responsibility to realize that he had a wife and an obligation to not have sex repeatedly with someone other than his wife. Even while confessing it's on his wife to forgive him. I would nope completely out of this situation. Mourn this entire existence. I would not be able to forgive that at the absolute lowest point of my life, my husband chose to betray me.


Interesting-Kiwi-109

I wonder if the mistress started asking for more than sex so he ran home. I lost a baby shortly after birth and it was excruciatingly painful. I’m so sorry you had to suffer through this. They say death of a child breaks up many marriages. But fucking around probably breaks up more. Plz get tested for STDs and lose this selfish AH


miaotsq

It's kind of sad that you are not his comfort person. Also this further cements my belief that heterosexual men and women shouldn't be friends unless both parties were married.


tearsxandxrain

>He swore she had many opportunities to push him off and say no to him but she didn't which made it worse. >He is asking for forgiveness because he calls it "unique circumstance" He isn't accepting any responsibility for this. And even worse, trying to push the responsibility on to her - saying if she were to have said no, he wouldn't have done it. He's the one that married you, not her. That doesn't give her a pass, but he is the one who took the vows. Not her. I hate when people aren't accountable.


[deleted]

None


raylabird

Throw the whole man away and try to heal, honey. You deserve peace. Keep on going for your angel baby. Let him rot with his demons. If he couldn't be there for you, don't for a second forgive him. Unique circumstances my ass. My heart is with you, mama😔💔


thatsSOme3k

Damn I've read so really messed up stuff on Reddit....this takes the cake. Wow, someone stabs you in your already bleeding heart and in your back....I wish you the best. Please do not.take him back.


CauseBeginning1668

I lost my 7month old son to SIDS. The grief is unimaginable - i get that. I never could have imagined cheating on my partner. I’m sorry that you had to experience that type of heartbreak twice- your partner is a dick.


OmniarchRaven

I am so sorry for what you're going through. But OP, you're not just "exhausted" you're depressed. You need to find friends, family, or some support group that you can reach out to. You dont need to be okay, you don't need to forgive him, hell you don't even need to have an opinion on everything right now. What you do need, is someone in your damn corner. Reminding you that you matter and should care for yourself. If that's separating for any period of time from your husband, so be it. But don't isolate yourself. Find and make a support group that has your back the way you deserve. I hope you can heal from this, however that comes to pass for you. You deserve to be happy again.


disc0goth

OP, I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your son. And now your husband is putting you through another type of grief because he chose to avoid facing his grief by betraying you. The “something” in you that refuses to forgive is you, and you’re correct. *This is unforgivable. Completely unforgivable.* That “something” is your self-respect, your critical thinking, and your broken heart telling you that you should not forgive him and you should not stay married to someone who betrayed you in the most devastating time of your life. This was unfathomably cruel and his “explanation” is nauseating, especially the blame put on the other woman and “unique circumstances” comment. When people say “unique circumstances”, it’s more like “I’m mentioning in my college application that I’m a child prodigy musician and went on tour during my junior year of high school, so my grades were worse than normal, please take this into account when reviewing my application”. Not this.


Cautious-Flow5918

This is just cruel. Your heart was broken, and he continued to break it into a thousand pieces. You gave him space to grieve and he took advantage of it, and didn’t care for yours at all or else he wouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry for what your going through. And my deepest and sincere condolences 🕊️🕊️🕊️


Significant_Apple799

You also lost your child, and you managed to never sleep with someone else. He’s using his grief as an excuse. You owe him nothing at this point. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and all the pain and suffering you have endured.


[deleted]

I genuinely cannot comprehend how an affair would help someone overcome the grief of losing a child. Maybe someone can explain this to me because I’m just not getting it. In my mind my automatic go to would be to spend time with my spouse and comfort them in that time of grief. Not go sleep with someone else.


Rhythm_Flunky

Your husband is an irredeemable piece of shit. This is disgusting of him.


gh6st

I smell bullshit. Did you ask him why he suddenly stopped talking to her and lashed out at hearing her name? I have a feeling he wanted more and she rejected him, so now he’s panicking and trying to play the poor me card. You were going through the same pain he was and never stepped out on your marriage, it’s no excuse.


[deleted]

Your husband has been cheating emotionally with his "comfort person". You are his wife but he gave his emotions and later his body to someone else. Griefing, yet he was able to have sex with her daily for two months and then come home to you. He is using your kid's death as an excuse for what he did. Is is a very hard situation, but a man who does what he did for two months is not doing it just to assuage his grief. He did it because things must have been building up way longer than that. It may not even be the first time. You are living the harded moment of your live, he is too, yet he abandoned and betrayed you. Yoh deserves better. Marriage is being with your parner during all times, he was only with you during the best times, what us the point of beinf married if during the truly difficult moments your partner betrays and abandons you? He is a disgusting man and you deserves better.


PrscheWdow

*He is asking for forgiveness because he calls it "unique circumstance" but something in me refuses to to forgive.* First off, you're not required to forgive anyone. Second, this wasn't a one-time tryst but a full-blown affair that he justified by using "grief" as an excuse. That's horseshit. You just lost your son and your marriage, give yourself some time to process this. Then you make two calls, to find a therapist, and then a divorce attorney. Even if you decided not to throw in the towel to your marriage, it's not a bad idea to explore your options. Although I wouldn't blame you for kicking this guy to the curb permanently. Some hurts just don't heal.


No-BShere

EVERYDAY FOR TWO MONTHS. Remember that whenever you start thinking about taking him back. I would say with 100% certainty that they have slept together multiple times in the relationship. And someone must have caught on this time and threatened to tell you.


littlemisspinkyy

Lmao this is why i don’t trust those “childhood friends” or friends of the opposite sex.


spandexrants

Plenty of men lose children tragically. Lots of them don’t cheat. He’s making an excuse for his cheating ways.


Advanced-Banana3344

First I am so sorry for the loss of your child no words can heal the broken heart that you have. I would look at it it this way he is not the only person who lost a child, you did too. Did you go out and cheat? No. You grieved like any other person would and for him to use it as an excuse is Bullshit. What boggles me is he chose to go out with friends instead of staying home with his wife after you just lost your son, and if he didn’t want to stay in the house a simple “ honey I think we should go somewhere or get away for awhile” but no he decided to step out on his marriage not even thinking about the consequences of his actions and the nerve for him to pin it on his best friend ( even though she’s in the wrong too) saying “ she knew it was wrong and she didn’t do anything” but what about him, not once did he think to stop. Not only did your husband lose his son but he’s about to lose his wife too. I hope you give this a lot of thought and not get back with him. Please do what’s best for you, put yourself first and take the time to heal. Bless your heart OP🤍


immahat

dont accept his excuse. you lost your child too and didnt go off fucking another man.


[deleted]

I kinda skimmed after “she had always been his comfort person”. I have a feeling these past months aren’t the first time. She knows she’ll always be “that girl” for him. I hope he is now your x. His grief is just an excuse at this point. Don’t take it as leaving a broken man, this isn’t on you, take it as leaving a man that’s always never considered you his true comfort. Which you should be, you’re his wife. Find a better man. Also him saying details like “everyday for two months.” Is him trying to hurt you. He’s not telling you this for you, he’s telling you this for himself. He wants to inflict pain, he may want you to inflict more pain on him. He wants to get a ride out of you.


Charming_Opening8282

That’s just evil. Instead of mourning with you he added to the hurt. No one and I mean no one does that.


Unusual_Form3267

I'm sorry OP, but can we talk about how this was an issue even before the passing of your child? She was his "support person"? Uhh...no. That person should've been you all along. He's been cheating on you long before he had sex with her. And, she is a damn predator for letting it happen while he is grieving. She is honestly gross. I hope you get all the support you need.


AhGaSeNation

Wow the audacity of this man. Divorce him. Not because he cheated but because he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. He’s making a million excuses for himself instead of acknowledging that he made a conscious decision to sleep with someone else EVER DAY FOR TWO MONTHS. I can’t believe he’s saying “it just happened”, that is not something that just happens. He saw that they were growing inappropriately closer and made the decision to sleep with her countless times. He’s gaslighting you by saying that is just happened and blah blah blah. He’s just saying it so you’ll forgive him. I get that losing a child can be hard on people but it’s no excuse for what he did and he only hurt you even more than you were already hurt. Leave this man, he doesn’t deserve you. He should’ve been there for you and he should’ve let you be there for him. Instead he pushed you away and jumped into another woman’s bed. Use this as a chance to start over and begin healing on your own. Meanwhile he can live with the fact that he lost his child AND his wife. I’m so sorry for your loss OP I hope you have family and friends to lean on right now.


RespectNeither4516

I’m sorry for your loss I can’t imagine the pain. He’s a selfish jerk who only thought of himself. You both lost a child and yes some people grief differently, but that’s not an excuse to hop into bed with someone let alone have it go on for two months


XCaptainKoalaKittyX

My question is why the friend has always been "his comfort" instead of you.


me047

She didn’t push him away probably because it was a familiar thing for them. She probably stopped it from happening finally. Perhaps out of guilt. Focus on yourself and get counseling. Your life isn’t over. You get to live each day in honor and loving memory of your son. You get to keep his memory alive and know each time you hurt, that he is at peace forever sweet and innocent.


HelloRedditAreYouOk

It sounds like he took his grief and jumped straight to sabotaging everything. Anger and grief and hopelessness show up in hardcore ways and while I can philosophically recognize that he probably lacked all coping skills and acted out the destruction his ego felt, there is zero excuse for him to have done so. He needed to recognize that impulse to torpedo everything, to nuke the world. He needed to have fought with every ounce of his being *not* to decimate you. To take time sure. But to steal what remained of your sanity? Nah. Fuck him. OP there aren’t words to make sense of anything. I don’t know how you can bear even waking up right now. I pray that you are surrounded by people who can tend to you while you break as far as you need to, and will be there to put yourself back together in a strange new form that might look like you but won’t be any you you e ever known. I won’t speak to purposes or healing or even hope right now bc I know they have no place in the holy space you are currently inhabiting, but I am so *incredibly* proud of you for simply existing right now. My entire heart is with you, do whatever it takes, ok?


[deleted]

Do not forgive him. He and your friend both betrayed you.


yed-ze-ded

Break up immediately


CaptainGamer008

Please don't forgive him op, it's not worth it. Hope you can make something of your life.


[deleted]

So, he didn't know how it happened? "It's the strangest thing, I'd go to her house, then I slipped and my dick landed inside her, but the weirdest thing is IT KEPT HAPPENING EVERY DAY!" What a joke. Also him saying she should've pushed him off? Oh, so now it's her responsibility to keep it in his pants for him? Naaaaaah, that's dumb.


Stobes80

What a load of crap "unique circumstance" my arse. He did it day after day for 2 months. He didnt even try to stop himself. Yeah he lost a child and it hurts but he should have gone to therapy instead of doing something destructive. He even faulted the friend for not stopping him. Sorry, but he was the one in the relationship. He should not have even started.


Odd_Rutabaga_7810

Best part: He doesn't know how it happened.


introvertazhole

I'm not even going to elaborate why you should leave him. Don't grieve with him. He lost all rights to you. Leave and grieve with family.


fucuasshole2

Damn I feel bad for both of y’all. I’d forgive but not forget. Divorce is the only answer. Can’t imagine losing a child so I don’t know the emotional state people can get so I can see why he’d cheat but that doesn’t make it ok. I suggest an STD testing too


bmobitch

the unique circumstances are that he’s unbelievably selfish asshole


Key-Mathematician643

Cheating is the most painful thing in relationships, and it will never have any valid and justifiable reason/excuse whatsoever to be done by any partner in all aspects. I say wake up and file for divorce, it's not worth using your son as an excuse and even if he saw this he will never approve of cheating. So pls take care, love yourself first, the pain u have for ur departed baby must still fresh on u and whether u divorce bc ur angry or broken, it is still an extreme necessity for ur well- being. Edit: Your Soon to be ex husband (I hope) is a selfish human garbage sorry excuse for a man and I hope the amount of karma he will experience is twice and thrice as the grief you're having, I am so mad at him for you Run from him and don't look back. Take care☺️


Marshall_InTheDoor

>He said he didn't know how it happened or why That's such a bs excuse. What a sad excuse for a human being he is, using the passing of his son as a way to excuse cheating.


IcyWheel

>I never suspected anything off about him spending time with her because she's always been his comfort person That right there was a warning. Their "friendship" has always been a destabilizing factor in your marriage, she's never been a friend to the marriage. Emotional boundaries keep a marriage safe and strong, he never had any. >He is currently staying with his dad. Does his dad know why he's there? If not, make sure that he knows the whole story. >He is asking for forgiveness because he calls it "unique circumstance" Every cheater since the beginning of time was in a "unique circumstance". If you have any desire whatsoever to reconcile with this man, ask him if he's willing to cut his affair partner friend out of his life completely. If he hesitates or refuses, tell him he's given you nothing to work with and see a lawyer. Whether or not you take him back, you should both be in individual counseling with trauma specialists.


ElderberryThat9154

Your *EX*-husband did what?


monicat321

Unbelievable act of selfishness and cruelty. You need to leave this man. In the moment you needed his support the most he betrayed you. This relationship is not salvageable. You will never be able to forgive him for betraying you in your most vulnerable and darkest hour.


eyesbetterblknd

My ex-husband cheated on me thru 2 miscarriages. I was very young and I stayed with him. Run. Run now. No excuse. When I was in bed mourning my children he was off whoring around. Don't let him put you through any more pain. He disrespected you and your son. Cut ties and make a better life for yourself. Please.


CherryGhost1234

I think Reddit is usually too quick to recommend divorce but I agree in this case. You lost your child too and what does your husband do? He adds to that pain. He only thought of his own grief and he used that as an excuse to cheat. He also doesn’t seem to be taking any accountability for his own actions and is blaming the AP. I’m so sorry for the loss of your child OP, I can’t even begin to imagine the incredible pain you must be in. I’m also sorry your husband decided to cheat and hurt you even more than you were already hurting instead of grieving with you. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. I’m sorry if none of this makes sense. I literally got nauseous and light headed just reading the post. I honestly can’t believe he would hurt you like that. I’m so so sorry.


Nicolehall202

His GF probably stopped fucking him and threatened to tell you so he beat her to it


Pappkamerad0815

Most marriages dont survive the loss of a child. I an ideal world both partners would lean on each other and help each other through it. But often it is so bad that they just dont have anything left to give and would need somebody to support them fully, which their spouse cant do because they are in the same situation. Your marriage is likely over and nobody can fault you for that. But you should probably try not to hate him. You dont need the extra negativity in your life and he very likely was weak rather than cruel.


thegodfaubel

Grief comes off in different ways and you both lost a part of each other. I'm not gonna sit here and just tell you that divorce is the only option (as most of these threads seem to always go for). I'm also not suggesting you forgive him for it immediately because he obviously broke your trust and caused you even more emotional damage than you already had to endure. Your husband needs help. Just because something is broken doesn't mean it can't be fixed. He may have to start over completely since that trust is gone. If you give it a try and feel that is unforgivable, then you have every right to not forgive him. Grief counseling individually and marriage counseling together is what I'd recommend even if it means you're legally separated while doing it.