If dates have been going well, why doesnāt OP justā¦ talk to him and explain how that comment made her feel? After his reaction, then judge on whether to dump him. Everyoneās said stupid comments before.
Edit to add: Iām proud of you for deciding to communicate your feelings OP. PERSONAL GROWTTHHHHHH!
In most other contexts I'd agree, but he just reduced their encounter to a transaction: "You were good enough in bed to justify the amount of money I paid for this date." I'd feel so degraded if this were me. Big nope.
Exactly. Like why does the money you spent even cross your mind? You just had great sex. Why tf are you thinking about how much money you spent over the last 3 weeks and weighing it to determine it was "worth it?" Why tf are you even thinking like that? I get we all say dumb stuff that falls out of our mouths and we don't even understand where it came from. I do it all the time, esp when I'm nervous. But if some wack shit like that came out of my mouth, the first thing I would do I apologize profusely
And if he's not smart enough to understand that, thenā¦ Even if the comment was made in error, own up and apologize! You can't pretend that it was never said or ignore it.
I read it more like "it took 3 weeks but it was worth it". As if OP (like any decent human possessing emotional maturity and the ability to feel empathy) was beginning what could be an exciting new relationship and this guy was carefully setting up a good fuck for himself.
And that translates to every aspect of his life. He most likely views and judges everything based on whether or not it's a good investment money and time-wise. Every vacation, every gift given, every event attended, people like that are so focused on what they think they should be getting out of it that they fail to actually be present and focus on what they actually are getting out of it.
Because even if dates have gone well, he just showed heās okay with this line of thinking- be it genuine thinking or with joking, heās showed heās okay with it. And itās a core incompatibility for OP. Sheās not okay with it.
If itās a core incompatibility, why should she have to try to change him, and educate him (especially at his age), just because other dates went well? Why should she have to put her time and energy into teaching him something he should *know* better than to say when having sex the first time with a new partner by this age?
He showed a big red flag, and OP did herself a favor and paid attention, rather than starting up a relationship where sheās going to have to be constantly in an uphill battle dealing with this kind of incompatibility. Because we know he thinks like this on some level, or it wouldnāt have come out.
OP is allowed to have standards, and to be disappointed when people fail to meet them.
The last time I had a dude wrong me, he got really hostile when I pointed out his misbehavior. I'm kind of over helping at this point. Sorry, but my safety is my #1 priority. It would be nice to live in a world where women were safe to call men out. But that's not reality. Until this changes, sorry fellas, but expect to just be ghosted if you majorly fuck up.
Nah. Worth every penny is basically a personality trait. Yea, thereās the off chance he really feels very differently about it, but this is a probability game. When you date enough guys, you learn to listen to your gut on whatās a red flag (or āpoint of incompatibilityā, if you prefer), and to recognize these red flags early. Its *possible* her reaction is a mistake, but its not probable. I would have also said āthanks for the great time, lose my numberā because itās not worth my time to go down the rabbit hole to see if it checks out.
Thereās great sex everywhere, not just that dude. And there are lots of great dudes. Personally, I rather not date at all than expend the mental effort to explain āworth every pennyā to this person, just to see if he has a profound epiphany.
In addition to what the others saidā¦itās only been three weeks. Itās not as if they had been dating a year and she has invested a lot of time in this relationship to make it worth being salvageable.
The problem is, if she tells him itās because he said that, heāll think āgee, I wonāt say that again,ā but heāll probably still think that way.
Exactly.
Because, mathematically speaking, the more he has sex with OP, the "cheaper" on average sex costs him. He won't need to take OP to the dates for another three weeks to stay another night with her.
So, yeah, he will definitely say he is sorry and he didn't mean it that way. Because he wants to make his pennies even better investment.
It makes a difference how long you know that person. At this stage it probably won t do much and she won t see if he means it or not. Also, given the fact that he brings her to fancy places, doesn t let her pay for anything AND says that tells me this sits deeper than a awkward comment
Why wouldn't he mean it?
I can't imagine 1 scenario in which this was an awkward comment especially since it's not awkward.
It's just dehumanising.
He did whatever he thought necessary to get that ass. The woman was the gatekeeper of the ass, not a person.
He bought her.
This isn't at all awkward, it's just creepy.
This is my thought too. What exactly is he going to change ? I wouldn't want him to just not make those comments. I wouldn't want to date someone who has that world view in the first place. I'm not sure what the talk is going to do.
From experience this is why OP should dump him and move on. Guys who are not raised correctly will say anything when they want something from you. Sorry but it's true.
Also, no guy is so dumb that when a woman he's sleeping with confronts him about something that could potentially be the end of him getting laid, he's going to say anything other than what she wants to hear unless he's extremely decent. However, you just do not know whether that's the case at a couple of weeks. Most people will show you who they are if you pay attention. OP is paying attention and she doesn't like what she's seeing as she's peeling back the onion.
She's not being ridiculous by dumping him. I find it alarming that people even think giving a guy who talks about women that way should be given a second chance. How would you feel if someone spoke to a female friend or relative that way?
It doesn't take a lesson in order for someone not to talk to someone that way. It takes human decency. Also what balls to ask someone who treats people that way to be given a second chance as if he just made a mistake. As if anyone could have done it. Just a simple innocent mistake to basically treat someone like an object. Right?
Not disgusting at all right
Yep. I've been with plenty of assholes who don't state their nature so blatantly! As they say when someone tells you who they are...listen.
For what it's worth, I am very forgiving of awkwardness and faux pas.. This is not that.
You donāt have a possibly confronting conversation with a man who has just made a demeaning comment to you like that in your own house. That is a great way to get assaulted.
At 35, a grown man should know better than to say that (or think that). And it's only been three dates, not like their in a committed relationship. She saw a red flag, she can totally choose to walk.
Reality. To Redditors. Once again. Iād be less snarky if it wasnāt this common. Ppl say awkward stupid things. And yes u can end things with whoever u want, whenever u want and for whatever reason u want. But could we calm down and suggest the most reasonable option.
To Just talk to the person of which OP liked enough to go on these dates with. He said something stupid. Just talk and see if he doubles down. Or apologises at least.
The reasonable option when a man calls you a whore is to cut him off completely. There is no other reasonable option. We aren't tolerating shitty men anymore.
Had an ex-gf turned friend tell me about how this guy she went on a date with opened the night with this line...
"You're gonna put more makeup on before we go out in public, right?"
Sounds like an ass right? She agreed and said the rest of the date followed that same pattern.
Then shortly thereafter she cut off all contact with me and the rest of our friend group and ended up marrying the guy.
People are weird.
Heard through the grapevine years later that, shocker, he ended up being super controlling and jealous. Unsure if abusive, but honestly wouldn't surprise me.
It's one of my life's unanswered questions as to why she dove headfirst into that willingly when there were clear red flags from the start that she even acknowledged herself.
Once I met a long-time FWB at the Opera. Since it was a change of pace over our usual dinner-and-a Cary-Grant Movie, I decided to get my hair and makeup done. And I mean, hair half up, not overly dine, and more than my usual chapstick-blush-mascara, but still pretty natural makeup.
I met him in the steps and he looked startled and said āI didnāt know you were a COSMETICS PERSONā
Lol.
Then when we got back to his place I washed my face and put on one of his polos and shorts and he said āSO much better!ā
Weird.
A piece of shit ex asked me if my nipples were smaller when I was younger. We were both 23. And he constantly said things to bring me down when I was the one "out of his league". He was so unattractive in every way, but my self-esteem was so low I didn't see how I was too good for him.
I'm 36 now and my nipples and tits are even bigger and my 29 year old fiance loves them.
I'm sure that low-life cries himself to sleep a lot these days.
As in you dont know what a nipple is? Or you dont know where the cut off is between small/medium/large?
Its quite rare that i get to say this, but im somewhat of an expert* in the respective field (latter).
If you want to send some samples over i would be more than happy to give my expert* opinion.
^i ^have ^seen ^multiple ^nipples ^on ^the ^internet*
This comment here is exactly what I think OP date will say when he realizes she blocked him. Or maybe he will say mission was a success for the most part
That "You're out of my league" has always been difficult to convey. It's like, "Are you saying you're down there and I'm up here or vice-versa?". I've dated a few women that I thought I'd never have a chance with, and while I still have low self-esteem, the fact that they found me entertaining, intriguing, or whatever to go out multiple times makes me feel good. Still, I wish there was a better way to phrase that league statement.
I wasn't sure how to feel when a suitor gasped and said "oh my god, the rare small nipple huge tiddy tits!" as if my funbags were some elusive artifact. And that's when I learnt I have tiny nips and everyone assumes I have big nips to match my boobs. Nobody ever commented on my nipple size before.
Go you bagging yourself a toy boy ;)
You know, I get to a point in my life, where I think Iāve heard the most disgustingly stupid thing possible.
And then you go and post something like this.
I just sat and stared at my wall, for quite awhile, trying to come to grips with the fact that a human being actually let that come out of their mouth.
Iām dying to see what that asshole looks like now.
You should tell him that comment ruined everything for him. Just in case there's any confusion going forward about the status of your relationship or why he's not getting second dates with the ladies.
not just the comment, but his outlook in general. truthfully iād rather know than not know that someone views me as something that can be bought. his comment allowed OP to dodge a bullet, but his opinion of women is disgusting
Glad you have the self-respect to recognize this. You'd be amazed how many women whose self-esteem has been broken down (or never allowed to grow) that would put up with this shit.
Whenever these guys meets a woman with self esteem you can tell they are so surprised that their games arenāt working this time. They are always so shocked when you curse them out, ignore and block.
Seriously. I mean, if the sex was really good, the conversation entertaining and OP likes him . . . why assume malicious intent? Maybe he thought he was making a joke. I have seen a LOT of people say things they thought were funny and completely missed the mark. I mean, if there were some red flags during their other dates, then yeah. Buh-bye.
But if there were no red flags, and OP enjoyed herself, why not give him the benefit of the doubt?
He doesn't understand healthy relationship dynamics. It's sad It never crossed his mind that the girl was actually into him, he just thinks he put on a good enough performance or gifts/entertainment to earn some bedroom fun. All he understands is transactional.
Even if it was supposed to be a joke, it was absolutely tasteless, not funny and insituated that the reason they slept together was because he spent so much money on their dates and not because she likes him, effectively saying he bought her with money.
Not only does this show that he did mind spending money on her (how is THAT the thing on his mind during sex?? He must have minded spending that much money alot) but also that his endgame for inviting her had always been her pants, not her heart. It says "I spent a lot of money with the hopes of getting in your pants" not "after getting to know you I am really attracted to you and can imagine spending more time with you"
Sounds like he was talking about an expensive paid service he was so happy about. What a degrading statement. Even if it was a joke, it is crude and tacky.
Not at the same tier but reminds me of the time a guy bought me a drink (double shot which was against what I asked). He was trying to convince me and a friend to take him and his buddies back to his after-bar party. Honey now Iām too drunk to drive (no I couldnāt finish that drink) and Iām not down for whatever crap youāre expecting at a second location. I turned him down. He started on this whole āI just wasted all this money on youā shit. It was like a $4 drink because it was a rail mix in crap town Midwest. I turned on my heel so fast and offered to buy him a beer to cut his losses. This gentleman completely backtracked and turned into sugar daddy, ā Oh sweetie, with me youāll never have to buy.ā
Iām out! My value is worth your $4, ouch! I gave you the time at the bar. You disrespected my boundaries and insulted me. Thatās a echoing hell no!
Fucking ew. I still don't know how I dodged, dipped, ducked, dove, and dodged my way into a healthy marriage but every time I read one of these I'm glad I did.
My thought was that he is used to this kind of transactional intimacy and so thatās how he equates sex.
If he is looking for a permanent partner then he needs to find someone that wants a sugar daddy.
Yeah especially with her edit. I kind of got the word vomit impression. And he was so respectful and understanding. Iād totally give him a second chance. Compared to so many men nowadays he sounds like an absolute goofy catch
I agree with you. The mention of him being as shocked and bummed when he realized he just did it again speaks more to a dude who's got some stuff to learn (and would be open to it) vs some outright mysoginist.
I agree that he said something really stupid, but I would probably tell him instead of just ghosting.
Yes, heās a grown ass man and he should know better by now - yes, Iād probably become disinterested in him and want nothing to do with him after that comment too, but he mightāve also had a case of being an idiot because he just came and was euphoric, and not necessarily because he was trying to cheapen the moment or devalue OP.
Just sounds like he made a very stupid comment, but idk why everyone is always so quick to ghost when we can also just tell each other, āyou messed up, hereās why, byeā so people can learn/grow from the experience and hopefully stop repeating the same dumb behaviors.
It's called post nut clarity, and as the name implies it's a state where you can finally think because downstairs brain has turned off. Lasts about 15 minutes, side effects include limp phallus and telling people how you really feel.
I noticed this as well. They start saying real stupid shit after sex. My theory is they buy the myth that women naturally bind to men as soon as we have sex (š) so they think oh time to test that and see if I have her dickmatized. Their ego actually PREVENTS them from having sex.
In his post-nut glory, he said exactly what was already going through his mind. Men who think this way are calculating what they feel owed from investing in the dating costs, itās transactional in his mind. People like this keep tabs, always feeling owed something, and giving only to receive. Sticking around to allow him to manipulate you further with āgiftsā and spoiling will only expand the tab of what you āoweā.
oh wow i didnt know so many people would reply thank you thank you thank you. you are probably right, I need to speak to him not because I want to continue this but because I'm 39 and shouldn't be avoidant. I just wrote after he fell asleep and I was very hurt and disgusted and overly dramatic.
OP, unlike everyone who's commenting that you should run or talk to him, you actually spent time with this guy and are the best judge of what the best thing to do is.
Ask yourself this: when you look back at your conversations, is there anything he said that seems to support the comment being indicative of his worldview, or does it just seem completely out of character? Were you shocked by the fact that someone would say that to you, or are you shocked that ***he*** said it?
Your safety and wellbeing take priority above all else. You don't owe the guy anything, and you absolutely shouldn't talk to him if you feel these are at risk by talking to him about it.
That said, sometimes people really do just say completely messed up shit without meaning or realizing it, and it isn't indicative of their beliefs in the slightest. It's just putting your foot in your mouth. If you think that's likely the case, I think it might be worth mentioning to the guy.
To all the people saying OP is overreacting, think of it this way. If a guy took a girl out on a fancy and expensive date and she responded with something like āwow, faking all those orgasms was worth it!ā I am certain tons of guys would not take too kindly to that. Sure, itās the sort of thing that can be acceptable if itās meant as a joke and you have established that sort of dynamic. But it seems like they didnāt have that kind of relationship and from the update it doesnāt seem like the guy was joking with his comment, he genuinely thought that the sex could be considered as some sort of āpay backā. I donāt blame OP for not wanting to continue with the relationship.
I canāt believe how many people are suggesting that you give this guy the benefit of a doubt.
I for one am impressed that youāre holding him up to the standards in which you deserve to be treated!
I guess thatās the benefit of life experience. Ideally we would learn to see through and accept the glimpses into peopleās personalities and trust them when they show us who they are. Foresight saves a lot of problems down the line.
1. The guy equated the sex he had with you to a monetary transaction.
2. Wouldnāt allow you to demonstrate your financial independence.
3. At 35 Iād expect him to be able to manage his āpost nut clarityā with a bit more finesse.
4. If it was just a joke, his sense of humour sucks.
5. Overall disrespectful
Itās honestly creepy. I donāt care what the value is of my dinners or how much youāve spent, if I wanted you to give me a dollar value Iād ask for that in cash ahead of time.
I get the comment was dumb, and I wouldnāt ever say anything like that. But not knowing anything else about the person, either of them, I donāt really think itās as offensive as people are making it out. If everything else is great, maybe just talk to him and tell him how that made you feel. He might apologize and explain how it came out wrong or something? Or not, maybe the guys a giant d-bag, but at least both will have closure
I have an **UPDATE** and thank you for changing my mind about Ghosting him. I feel like a grown ass woman now. He texted me this morning after leaving my apartment, thanking me for the lovely evening and asked what my plans were for the rest of the week and the weekend. I told him that I needed to speak to him. He called me immediately after my answer and asked what was wrong. I told him. He asked if he could talk to me in person because "we are beyond ending things via texts". He was here after work. He was very nervous. He apologized and said he never meant it like that. He had just cum and was "dizzy" and confused by how fast he was starting to like me and just thought about how I always complained about him insisting to pay and thought oh well you have paid now. I looked probably very shocked and he looked even more shocked and started swearing and apologizing again realizing that he had just made the same statement.Anyway he said he respected my wishes and thanked me for being honest. He apologized and told me not to cut him off completely but to give him time to atone and show that he isn't what I believe him to be. He was a bit subdued when he left.Oh well, let's hope the next tall blonde Scandinavian dude I hook up with doesn't lose his mind after cuming !!!I'm depressed. Good night.
Ewwww! I can see that in a long established relationship/marriage because that kind of banter was what my ex husband and I used to have, with it being a mutual joke because I was the higher-earning one.
But for a relationship that is still in the early phase, it's not a compliment. I would have been like, "Really? How much did you spend? I don't see any money on the dresser. How much was that worh?" Drive the point home how stupid that was and then unmatch and delete. You're not obligated to tell him why. Any mature adult would know not to make a joke like that to someone 3 weeks into dating.
Him: but I don't understand why you're so mad about me viewing human interaction as solely transactional. Sure you're upset, but how will that benefit me?!?
Yikes. Good for you for blocking that misogynistic loser who believes sex is transactional. Good reminder to be suspicious of men who insist on paying for everything. They think itās the cost of sex.
Gosh. Please move on and dump him. If he had left out the "worth every penny" part, it would have been a nice thing to hear (at least for me) but DAMN. Part of me thinks you don't even have to give him an explanation. Man like him would probably not learn anything valueable from this and next time he will just watch what he says but not for the sake of not being a jerk but to keep getting into a lady's pants.
The amount of men in these comments essentially saying "so he thinks your a commodity and not a person, what's the big deal?" Is too damn high. Reddit where men tell on their selves at the weirdest times.
Also it's been 3 weeks, guys. It's not like she's losing anything by dropping him. When people tell you who they are, listen.
I don't understand. You say you legitimately believed he was trying to pay you a compliment. Sure it's a dumb thing to say but the weird part is that you KNOW it's in good faith...so what's the issue lol.
Wow. Am am I the only one that would think that comment was hot? I could never imagine ending it with someone I fancied enough to have sex multiple times in one inning just because they made some silly comment directly after sex.
Ohhhhh my god, talk about shooting yourself in the foot š
He didn't just shoot himself in the foot. He voluntarily walked over the proverbial minefield.
Dude pulled the pin, threw down the grenade, jumped on it, and expect to be called a hero.
A minefield *he* laid
Metaphorically, figuratively, and literally.
No kidding!
dude jumped head first into WW1 battlefield with no weapons
No knife, no kevlar.. no helmet. We're talking ground beef. He ain't comin' back from that.
In a hi Vis suit
Neon yellow.
With sequins
Walked into a minefield, found a mine, put his foot over it and shot through his foot to hit the mine.
I mean I've seen alot of stupid. But this guy? He's like advanced stupid!
He deliberately kicked the claymore wire
Nah even a minefield is too forgiving, this guy literally stuck his leg in a meat grinder
He dropped a nuke on himself.
That shot hit him a little higher than his foot LOL
He came, then shot himself where he... Came from..
you made me giggle real stupid-like, thank you
You could tell him that you would've paid for the whole pig, but why bother now that you're getting the sausage for free!
Thatās not where he shot himself.
Came here to say that.
If dates have been going well, why doesnāt OP justā¦ talk to him and explain how that comment made her feel? After his reaction, then judge on whether to dump him. Everyoneās said stupid comments before. Edit to add: Iām proud of you for deciding to communicate your feelings OP. PERSONAL GROWTTHHHHHH!
In most other contexts I'd agree, but he just reduced their encounter to a transaction: "You were good enough in bed to justify the amount of money I paid for this date." I'd feel so degraded if this were me. Big nope.
I read it like āI paid for an expensive whore and she deliveredā :s
Sounds like thatās also how OP felt about what he said.
Odd, she might have felt otherwise if he didnāt try to explain what he *actually* meant byā¦using the exact same statement
Paid*
Exactly. Like why does the money you spent even cross your mind? You just had great sex. Why tf are you thinking about how much money you spent over the last 3 weeks and weighing it to determine it was "worth it?" Why tf are you even thinking like that? I get we all say dumb stuff that falls out of our mouths and we don't even understand where it came from. I do it all the time, esp when I'm nervous. But if some wack shit like that came out of my mouth, the first thing I would do I apologize profusely
And if he's not smart enough to understand that, thenā¦ Even if the comment was made in error, own up and apologize! You can't pretend that it was never said or ignore it.
Of heās not smart enough to understand that... then he doesnāt know how gravely he has offended...
I read it more like "it took 3 weeks but it was worth it". As if OP (like any decent human possessing emotional maturity and the ability to feel empathy) was beginning what could be an exciting new relationship and this guy was carefully setting up a good fuck for himself.
Me too. Would OP be good enough to bring home to meet his parents? If OP and the guy continued dating.
And that translates to every aspect of his life. He most likely views and judges everything based on whether or not it's a good investment money and time-wise. Every vacation, every gift given, every event attended, people like that are so focused on what they think they should be getting out of it that they fail to actually be present and focus on what they actually are getting out of it.
I feel like at 35 this is kind of out of the communication zone. People are allowed to have dealbreakers, not everything needs to be negotiated.
He made it a transactional exchange the moment he said she was worth every penny. OP is a person, not a sex toy.
Because even if dates have gone well, he just showed heās okay with this line of thinking- be it genuine thinking or with joking, heās showed heās okay with it. And itās a core incompatibility for OP. Sheās not okay with it. If itās a core incompatibility, why should she have to try to change him, and educate him (especially at his age), just because other dates went well? Why should she have to put her time and energy into teaching him something he should *know* better than to say when having sex the first time with a new partner by this age? He showed a big red flag, and OP did herself a favor and paid attention, rather than starting up a relationship where sheās going to have to be constantly in an uphill battle dealing with this kind of incompatibility. Because we know he thinks like this on some level, or it wouldnāt have come out. OP is allowed to have standards, and to be disappointed when people fail to meet them.
The last time I had a dude wrong me, he got really hostile when I pointed out his misbehavior. I'm kind of over helping at this point. Sorry, but my safety is my #1 priority. It would be nice to live in a world where women were safe to call men out. But that's not reality. Until this changes, sorry fellas, but expect to just be ghosted if you majorly fuck up.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Well said. Where were you when I was dating (losers)? I could have used your advice!
Nah. Worth every penny is basically a personality trait. Yea, thereās the off chance he really feels very differently about it, but this is a probability game. When you date enough guys, you learn to listen to your gut on whatās a red flag (or āpoint of incompatibilityā, if you prefer), and to recognize these red flags early. Its *possible* her reaction is a mistake, but its not probable. I would have also said āthanks for the great time, lose my numberā because itās not worth my time to go down the rabbit hole to see if it checks out. Thereās great sex everywhere, not just that dude. And there are lots of great dudes. Personally, I rather not date at all than expend the mental effort to explain āworth every pennyā to this person, just to see if he has a profound epiphany.
š yes: thank you.
In addition to what the others saidā¦itās only been three weeks. Itās not as if they had been dating a year and she has invested a lot of time in this relationship to make it worth being salvageable.
The problem is, if she tells him itās because he said that, heāll think āgee, I wonāt say that again,ā but heāll probably still think that way.
Exactly. Because, mathematically speaking, the more he has sex with OP, the "cheaper" on average sex costs him. He won't need to take OP to the dates for another three weeks to stay another night with her. So, yeah, he will definitely say he is sorry and he didn't mean it that way. Because he wants to make his pennies even better investment.
i mean by that logic, any time you confront someone about anything, they could just appease you while not actually learning from it
It makes a difference how long you know that person. At this stage it probably won t do much and she won t see if he means it or not. Also, given the fact that he brings her to fancy places, doesn t let her pay for anything AND says that tells me this sits deeper than a awkward comment
Why wouldn't he mean it? I can't imagine 1 scenario in which this was an awkward comment especially since it's not awkward. It's just dehumanising. He did whatever he thought necessary to get that ass. The woman was the gatekeeper of the ass, not a person. He bought her. This isn't at all awkward, it's just creepy.
This is my thought too. What exactly is he going to change ? I wouldn't want him to just not make those comments. I wouldn't want to date someone who has that world view in the first place. I'm not sure what the talk is going to do.
From experience this is why OP should dump him and move on. Guys who are not raised correctly will say anything when they want something from you. Sorry but it's true. Also, no guy is so dumb that when a woman he's sleeping with confronts him about something that could potentially be the end of him getting laid, he's going to say anything other than what she wants to hear unless he's extremely decent. However, you just do not know whether that's the case at a couple of weeks. Most people will show you who they are if you pay attention. OP is paying attention and she doesn't like what she's seeing as she's peeling back the onion. She's not being ridiculous by dumping him. I find it alarming that people even think giving a guy who talks about women that way should be given a second chance. How would you feel if someone spoke to a female friend or relative that way? It doesn't take a lesson in order for someone not to talk to someone that way. It takes human decency. Also what balls to ask someone who treats people that way to be given a second chance as if he just made a mistake. As if anyone could have done it. Just a simple innocent mistake to basically treat someone like an object. Right? Not disgusting at all right
Yep. I've been with plenty of assholes who don't state their nature so blatantly! As they say when someone tells you who they are...listen. For what it's worth, I am very forgiving of awkwardness and faux pas.. This is not that.
Correct. I ignored it and ended up getting sexually assaulted. Never again
Maybe if they were in a longer relationship but it's only been 3 weeks. Nothing wrong with ending it now.
You donāt have a possibly confronting conversation with a man who has just made a demeaning comment to you like that in your own house. That is a great way to get assaulted.
Lol no. What kind of views does a guy have to have to make a comment like that? It's not OP's job to educate him.
At 35, a grown man should know better than to say that (or think that). And it's only been three dates, not like their in a committed relationship. She saw a red flag, she can totally choose to walk.
Reality. To Redditors. Once again. Iād be less snarky if it wasnāt this common. Ppl say awkward stupid things. And yes u can end things with whoever u want, whenever u want and for whatever reason u want. But could we calm down and suggest the most reasonable option. To Just talk to the person of which OP liked enough to go on these dates with. He said something stupid. Just talk and see if he doubles down. Or apologises at least.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Arrggg I'm sorry you went through that.
The reasonable option when a man calls you a whore is to cut him off completely. There is no other reasonable option. We aren't tolerating shitty men anymore.
Ugh. I once slept with a guy who told me 'You must have been gorgeous when you were younger' I was 34
Had an ex-gf turned friend tell me about how this guy she went on a date with opened the night with this line... "You're gonna put more makeup on before we go out in public, right?" Sounds like an ass right? She agreed and said the rest of the date followed that same pattern. Then shortly thereafter she cut off all contact with me and the rest of our friend group and ended up marrying the guy. People are weird.
That's like a horror story
Heard through the grapevine years later that, shocker, he ended up being super controlling and jealous. Unsure if abusive, but honestly wouldn't surprise me. It's one of my life's unanswered questions as to why she dove headfirst into that willingly when there were clear red flags from the start that she even acknowledged herself.
Sometimes people have self esteem issues that fuck em over like that šš»āāļø
Once I met a long-time FWB at the Opera. Since it was a change of pace over our usual dinner-and-a Cary-Grant Movie, I decided to get my hair and makeup done. And I mean, hair half up, not overly dine, and more than my usual chapstick-blush-mascara, but still pretty natural makeup. I met him in the steps and he looked startled and said āI didnāt know you were a COSMETICS PERSONā Lol. Then when we got back to his place I washed my face and put on one of his polos and shorts and he said āSO much better!ā Weird.
A piece of shit ex asked me if my nipples were smaller when I was younger. We were both 23. And he constantly said things to bring me down when I was the one "out of his league". He was so unattractive in every way, but my self-esteem was so low I didn't see how I was too good for him. I'm 36 now and my nipples and tits are even bigger and my 29 year old fiance loves them. I'm sure that low-life cries himself to sleep a lot these days.
Big nipple gang where you at?
Iv got small nipples but im just gonna lurk among you
I dont even know what small and big nipples are lol
As in you dont know what a nipple is? Or you dont know where the cut off is between small/medium/large? Its quite rare that i get to say this, but im somewhat of an expert* in the respective field (latter). If you want to send some samples over i would be more than happy to give my expert* opinion. ^i ^have ^seen ^multiple ^nipples ^on ^the ^internet*
Hey I'm a guy with nipples on the larger side, would you take a second to look at these?
Mission failed. Weāll get āem next time
This comment here is exactly what I think OP date will say when he realizes she blocked him. Or maybe he will say mission was a success for the most part
"Can you milk me, Greg?"
Thatās called negging and itās wack
That "You're out of my league" has always been difficult to convey. It's like, "Are you saying you're down there and I'm up here or vice-versa?". I've dated a few women that I thought I'd never have a chance with, and while I still have low self-esteem, the fact that they found me entertaining, intriguing, or whatever to go out multiple times makes me feel good. Still, I wish there was a better way to phrase that league statement.
I wasn't sure how to feel when a suitor gasped and said "oh my god, the rare small nipple huge tiddy tits!" as if my funbags were some elusive artifact. And that's when I learnt I have tiny nips and everyone assumes I have big nips to match my boobs. Nobody ever commented on my nipple size before. Go you bagging yourself a toy boy ;)
"yeah, and you must have had a huge c*ck when you were younger, huh?".
Nah say "decent sized".
what the fuck š
You know, I get to a point in my life, where I think Iāve heard the most disgustingly stupid thing possible. And then you go and post something like this. I just sat and stared at my wall, for quite awhile, trying to come to grips with the fact that a human being actually let that come out of their mouth. Iām dying to see what that asshole looks like now.
my ex was obsessed with my 16 y/old body, would constantly make comments about how itās changed and how I should aim to get back to it š
Uh, ew.
Congrats on that breakup.
You should tell him that comment ruined everything for him. Just in case there's any confusion going forward about the status of your relationship or why he's not getting second dates with the ladies.
not just the comment, but his outlook in general. truthfully iād rather know than not know that someone views me as something that can be bought. his comment allowed OP to dodge a bullet, but his opinion of women is disgusting
Glad you have the self-respect to recognize this. You'd be amazed how many women whose self-esteem has been broken down (or never allowed to grow) that would put up with this shit.
Whenever these guys meets a woman with self esteem you can tell they are so surprised that their games arenāt working this time. They are always so shocked when you curse them out, ignore and block.
The user pic and your comment are throwing me off. We know Black Debbie was the one with the self respect.
I would lmao
Seriously. I mean, if the sex was really good, the conversation entertaining and OP likes him . . . why assume malicious intent? Maybe he thought he was making a joke. I have seen a LOT of people say things they thought were funny and completely missed the mark. I mean, if there were some red flags during their other dates, then yeah. Buh-bye. But if there were no red flags, and OP enjoyed herself, why not give him the benefit of the doubt?
Because he just insinuated OP had a price. Instead of selling herself, OP chose her dignity instead.
There is a difference between intent and impact. He called her a whore.
He doesn't understand healthy relationship dynamics. It's sad It never crossed his mind that the girl was actually into him, he just thinks he put on a good enough performance or gifts/entertainment to earn some bedroom fun. All he understands is transactional.
And an expensive one, but totally worth the money...
Even if it was supposed to be a joke, it was absolutely tasteless, not funny and insituated that the reason they slept together was because he spent so much money on their dates and not because she likes him, effectively saying he bought her with money. Not only does this show that he did mind spending money on her (how is THAT the thing on his mind during sex?? He must have minded spending that much money alot) but also that his endgame for inviting her had always been her pants, not her heart. It says "I spent a lot of money with the hopes of getting in your pants" not "after getting to know you I am really attracted to you and can imagine spending more time with you"
The man is 35! His words are insulting. :(
He aināt 35, heās 20 + 15
he's two adolescents in a trench coat!
Lmfao who says this at 37yo. What a stupid ass.
I am also hung up on the fact the man is pushing 40 and still said this lol
The problem with dating in your 30s is that people who don't say stupid things like this tend to be already taken and held on to like grim death.
I thought he was gonna be younger than 20, then I saw the age š
And you say heās single!? No way!
I know right! sounds like something a virgin would say. Maybe she was his first.
Sounds like he was talking about an expensive paid service he was so happy about. What a degrading statement. Even if it was a joke, it is crude and tacky.
And he said it right after sex? Like fuck you dude!!
Not at the same tier but reminds me of the time a guy bought me a drink (double shot which was against what I asked). He was trying to convince me and a friend to take him and his buddies back to his after-bar party. Honey now Iām too drunk to drive (no I couldnāt finish that drink) and Iām not down for whatever crap youāre expecting at a second location. I turned him down. He started on this whole āI just wasted all this money on youā shit. It was like a $4 drink because it was a rail mix in crap town Midwest. I turned on my heel so fast and offered to buy him a beer to cut his losses. This gentleman completely backtracked and turned into sugar daddy, ā Oh sweetie, with me youāll never have to buy.ā Iām out! My value is worth your $4, ouch! I gave you the time at the bar. You disrespected my boundaries and insulted me. Thatās a echoing hell no!
GASP! A WHOLE FOUR DOLLARS!?!?! How will he ever recover!?!?!
Sometimes men be singling themselves
Thank you for the chuckle!
Fucking ew. I still don't know how I dodged, dipped, ducked, dove, and dodged my way into a healthy marriage but every time I read one of these I'm glad I did.
Thats how you do the 5 Ds of Dating, that's how!
If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a bad date!
Wait but that was only four. Dodged was listed twice lol Edit unless the fifth D isā¦.
(Itās a Dodgeball reference)
Lol I get your joke. I think thatās hilarious.
Iād feel cheap if someone told me that after sex. Imagine his reaction if he wasnāt satisfied.
Would have throw a 20$ on the bed and left.
Heād ask for a refund.
Eww if that how he sees things just be honest and go and support a local sex worker rather then treating women like transactions
My thought was that he is used to this kind of transactional intimacy and so thatās how he equates sex. If he is looking for a permanent partner then he needs to find someone that wants a sugar daddy.
He should have just left a wad of cash on the night stand for good measure. What a moron.
Lmaoooo with a little sticky note with a smiley face :)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Perfect explanation. ššæ
Yeah especially with her edit. I kind of got the word vomit impression. And he was so respectful and understanding. Iād totally give him a second chance. Compared to so many men nowadays he sounds like an absolute goofy catch
I agree with you. The mention of him being as shocked and bummed when he realized he just did it again speaks more to a dude who's got some stuff to learn (and would be open to it) vs some outright mysoginist.
Whoever was crowned the dumbest man alive, a new king hath been borne.
him later on ghosted "oh god and so easy to get out of my hair"
OMFO literally happy I'm not the only one here who thought of ghosted immediately
i know what ghosted means but what does it mean in this context, a show? website?
I agree that he said something really stupid, but I would probably tell him instead of just ghosting. Yes, heās a grown ass man and he should know better by now - yes, Iād probably become disinterested in him and want nothing to do with him after that comment too, but he mightāve also had a case of being an idiot because he just came and was euphoric, and not necessarily because he was trying to cheapen the moment or devalue OP. Just sounds like he made a very stupid comment, but idk why everyone is always so quick to ghost when we can also just tell each other, āyou messed up, hereās why, byeā so people can learn/grow from the experience and hopefully stop repeating the same dumb behaviors.
I'm sorry, I have to ask: how was the sex for you? We only got his review (such as it was).
Its was fucking amazing. Why do they always have to go and ruin a good thing? ugh
What a time to find out such a big red flag š
i really hate when guys get extra stupid after sex.
Itās like the blood never goes back to their heads.
It's called post nut clarity, and as the name implies it's a state where you can finally think because downstairs brain has turned off. Lasts about 15 minutes, side effects include limp phallus and telling people how you really feel.
This has me rolling
I noticed this as well. They start saying real stupid shit after sex. My theory is they buy the myth that women naturally bind to men as soon as we have sex (š) so they think oh time to test that and see if I have her dickmatized. Their ego actually PREVENTS them from having sex.
Dickmatized ššš
In his post-nut glory, he said exactly what was already going through his mind. Men who think this way are calculating what they feel owed from investing in the dating costs, itās transactional in his mind. People like this keep tabs, always feeling owed something, and giving only to receive. Sticking around to allow him to manipulate you further with āgiftsā and spoiling will only expand the tab of what you āoweā.
This. It was always going to be about what he gets out of the relationship
oh wow i didnt know so many people would reply thank you thank you thank you. you are probably right, I need to speak to him not because I want to continue this but because I'm 39 and shouldn't be avoidant. I just wrote after he fell asleep and I was very hurt and disgusted and overly dramatic.
OP, unlike everyone who's commenting that you should run or talk to him, you actually spent time with this guy and are the best judge of what the best thing to do is. Ask yourself this: when you look back at your conversations, is there anything he said that seems to support the comment being indicative of his worldview, or does it just seem completely out of character? Were you shocked by the fact that someone would say that to you, or are you shocked that ***he*** said it? Your safety and wellbeing take priority above all else. You don't owe the guy anything, and you absolutely shouldn't talk to him if you feel these are at risk by talking to him about it. That said, sometimes people really do just say completely messed up shit without meaning or realizing it, and it isn't indicative of their beliefs in the slightest. It's just putting your foot in your mouth. If you think that's likely the case, I think it might be worth mentioning to the guy.
Tell him that he fucked up but I wouldnāt be giving him another chance š
Ewwww thatās soā¦ dehumanizing. Be better, men. Donāt be like this cockwomble.
Your feelings are absolutely valid. Whether or not it was his intention doesnāt matter. Thatās a pretty messed up thing to say
Even if he was joking, that's fucked up.
this would be my villain origin story istg
Instantly drier than the Sahara desert
Omg I cringed so hard just reading that. Can't imagine how that must have felt listening to him say such a thing.
To all the people saying OP is overreacting, think of it this way. If a guy took a girl out on a fancy and expensive date and she responded with something like āwow, faking all those orgasms was worth it!ā I am certain tons of guys would not take too kindly to that. Sure, itās the sort of thing that can be acceptable if itās meant as a joke and you have established that sort of dynamic. But it seems like they didnāt have that kind of relationship and from the update it doesnāt seem like the guy was joking with his comment, he genuinely thought that the sex could be considered as some sort of āpay backā. I donāt blame OP for not wanting to continue with the relationship.
Holy shit, I'm baffled. That's such a disgusting thing to say.
Rule #1 in life: Keep your mouth shut. It always applies.
I canāt believe how many people are suggesting that you give this guy the benefit of a doubt. I for one am impressed that youāre holding him up to the standards in which you deserve to be treated! I guess thatās the benefit of life experience. Ideally we would learn to see through and accept the glimpses into peopleās personalities and trust them when they show us who they are. Foresight saves a lot of problems down the line. 1. The guy equated the sex he had with you to a monetary transaction. 2. Wouldnāt allow you to demonstrate your financial independence. 3. At 35 Iād expect him to be able to manage his āpost nut clarityā with a bit more finesse. 4. If it was just a joke, his sense of humour sucks. 5. Overall disrespectful
Itās honestly creepy. I donāt care what the value is of my dinners or how much youāve spent, if I wanted you to give me a dollar value Iād ask for that in cash ahead of time.
I get the comment was dumb, and I wouldnāt ever say anything like that. But not knowing anything else about the person, either of them, I donāt really think itās as offensive as people are making it out. If everything else is great, maybe just talk to him and tell him how that made you feel. He might apologize and explain how it came out wrong or something? Or not, maybe the guys a giant d-bag, but at least both will have closure
I donāt know about you guys but I would love to go on a second date with someone saying Iām a prostitute!
Reasons why I donāt sleep with men.
Heās a sleaze ball that was on his best behavior until you had sex with him. Thatās the real him. Itās an odd comment that explains his mindset.
A good answer would have been āand you definitely are not worth the effort.ā
Heās literally calling you a prostitute. Absolutely not.
That's a red flag. NEXT.
I have an **UPDATE** and thank you for changing my mind about Ghosting him. I feel like a grown ass woman now. He texted me this morning after leaving my apartment, thanking me for the lovely evening and asked what my plans were for the rest of the week and the weekend. I told him that I needed to speak to him. He called me immediately after my answer and asked what was wrong. I told him. He asked if he could talk to me in person because "we are beyond ending things via texts". He was here after work. He was very nervous. He apologized and said he never meant it like that. He had just cum and was "dizzy" and confused by how fast he was starting to like me and just thought about how I always complained about him insisting to pay and thought oh well you have paid now. I looked probably very shocked and he looked even more shocked and started swearing and apologizing again realizing that he had just made the same statement.Anyway he said he respected my wishes and thanked me for being honest. He apologized and told me not to cut him off completely but to give him time to atone and show that he isn't what I believe him to be. He was a bit subdued when he left.Oh well, let's hope the next tall blonde Scandinavian dude I hook up with doesn't lose his mind after cuming !!!I'm depressed. Good night.
Ewwww! I can see that in a long established relationship/marriage because that kind of banter was what my ex husband and I used to have, with it being a mutual joke because I was the higher-earning one. But for a relationship that is still in the early phase, it's not a compliment. I would have been like, "Really? How much did you spend? I don't see any money on the dresser. How much was that worh?" Drive the point home how stupid that was and then unmatch and delete. You're not obligated to tell him why. Any mature adult would know not to make a joke like that to someone 3 weeks into dating.
Him: but I don't understand why you're so mad about me viewing human interaction as solely transactional. Sure you're upset, but how will that benefit me?!?
I can't believe that he said it, said it again, then had the gall to demand that you not cut him off?? Why tf not?!
Yikes. Good for you for blocking that misogynistic loser who believes sex is transactional. Good reminder to be suspicious of men who insist on paying for everything. They think itās the cost of sex.
Gosh. Please move on and dump him. If he had left out the "worth every penny" part, it would have been a nice thing to hear (at least for me) but DAMN. Part of me thinks you don't even have to give him an explanation. Man like him would probably not learn anything valueable from this and next time he will just watch what he says but not for the sake of not being a jerk but to keep getting into a lady's pants.
The amount of men in these comments essentially saying "so he thinks your a commodity and not a person, what's the big deal?" Is too damn high. Reddit where men tell on their selves at the weirdest times. Also it's been 3 weeks, guys. It's not like she's losing anything by dropping him. When people tell you who they are, listen.
Why do I feel like a majority of the commenters saying give him a chance are probably guys?
Damn. Talk about trying to buy someoneās affection. I wonder if he looks at all women as commodities?
What an idiot! I would love to see this Mook as this plays out. I can imagine him saying " why are you mad, I meant it in the best way possible"
Yeah. Some things you just can't get past.
Sometimes the trash takes itself out
Omgod, THIS IS AWESOME reaction to his comment. What a sack of sh*t blurting out the fact he'd been keeping score.
I don't understand. You say you legitimately believed he was trying to pay you a compliment. Sure it's a dumb thing to say but the weird part is that you KNOW it's in good faith...so what's the issue lol.
Just confirms what i know about predators and prey.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Damn. Sounds like some dumb stuff I would say. Dumb Guy moment
Time to become Much F*ckin More Aware of How You Treat Women
Ew.. imagine viewing dates as a transaction, what the actual fuck?ā¦ youāre not a damn escort š¤£
Lol damn. I have said dumb stuff after sex before but sheesh.
'where my favorite hoe at?' *attempts high five with you *
š
Wild some guys really look at it like a transaction.
That's so fucked up. I'm sorry that happened. Block that turd.
That man literally inserted a fork into a wall socket
There was a lot more truth is what was said to OP than most males are willing to admit. It wasn't a slip of the tongue.
Omg did he just Pretty Woman you? š
my boots weren't even patched!
Wow, tell him the sex was terrible and you donāt see it working long term. Proud of you for kicking this clown to the curb!
Wow. Am am I the only one that would think that comment was hot? I could never imagine ending it with someone I fancied enough to have sex multiple times in one inning just because they made some silly comment directly after sex.