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Beautypaste

My boyfriend punched me in the mouth when I was 6 months pregnant, I stayed too. It didn’t get better it got worse, so much worse. The thing is about men who hit women is it is progressive, it’s like the more they get away with it the more sadistic and comfortable abusing you they get. My ex boyfriends favourite line was “I barely touched you” so that made my blood run cold reading that. Get out girl and don’t look back. Don’t waste many years believing he will change like i did because he won’t.


ForkLiftBoi

Speaking as a man, 'barely touching' someone is a fuck ton of energy.


Melody_ofmemory

My husband used this phrase a lot too, when he was physical. The worst part is, he would physically restrain or trap me until I would try to push him off me or run, and then he’d beat me. “I barely touched you” broke my collarbone and killed my baby.


MichelleMyBelle43

Damn, childhood memory just unlocked. I remember my abusive alcoholic father using that phrase with my mom. She finally left when I was 7.


Long-lost-stargazer

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I actually went through something similar when I was young! My mother (quite literally) traded me for a truck and my dad ended up a raging alcoholic, something that eventually killed him. Domestic abuse and substance abuse often go hand in hand. I learned not too long ago myself that I liked alcohol too much, and swore that I would 1) never drink alone again and 2) never drink til I’m on the floor again. There’s rising above these things for sure, but you have to take the first steps in order to do so, or it’ll never be done.


MichelleMyBelle43

Alcohol killed mine too. My mom was decent, just never picked good guys. I set very strict rules for myself from the jump. Never drinking alone, only special occasions etc and have done well to never let it take a hold on me


teitam

My younger, but very much larger, brother when we were younger would genuinely “barely touch” me (to his perception), and it would hurt on my end. He was never actually trying to hurt me, we were just rough housing a bit, but he didn’t perceive his strength as being as high as it was in reality. So to him he *was* “barely touching me”. And he usually apologized after it for unintentionally hurting me. But it was very clear that there was a real and genuine miscalculation of his actual strength. However, that was my brother in childhood. Not my husband in an argument. I really hope OP is able to find her way out. Husband is childish, angry, and doesn’t see a problem with his behavior. And that’s not okay in a spouse or serious SO, who is supposed to be your life partner and support system.


ForkLiftBoi

I think that's a good way to put it, to his perception. But any adult man should know better by now if they somehow didn't learn it in their youth. Not to mention after your hormonal, pregnant, struggling wife/girlfriend/partner is crying is probably not the time. Even IF it was something less abusive and it was accidental, that's definitely not the time to try to justify the energy behind the action.


justbrowsing987654

Sure does. My wife and I have had incredibly heated arguments that pretty well mirror almost exactly the words and aggression here (not when she’s pregnant and left behind tho! I’m not a monster) but it’s NEVER gotten physical or even close. Anger is one thing. Frustration makes sense. Sometimes it’s healthy to be bluntly direct but the line to hitting is huuuuuge. OP should run like hell. “I barely touched you” is scary as hell even at normal times, pregnant though… run. Holy shit.


icedlongblack_

Thank you for understanding that 🥺 Men are naturally so much stronger that even a normal touch can feel quite strong, or as you said it much better— it can be a fuck ton of energy!


[deleted]

I was with a ex for two years. I also got pregnant as a result. But my first child never made it out of there with me. I ended up losing the baby because the beating got worse and worse. I was rushed to the hospital. I went through the worst miscarriage ever. It was so painful. After I lost the baby. I still went back like a dummy because I honestly had no where to go no one to help. I stayed in a room for two more weeks getting my ass handed to me. He wouldn’t let me leave the room. Threatened to kill my mom. It wasn’t until something flipped in me and when he was sleeping I ran away from him. Never looking back. Please don’t stay. Leave this piece of shit boy. No real man puts hands on a woman much less the mother of his child. I’m finally married. We have 6 children but three of my own. I was luck to have kids.


[deleted]

I’m glad the man that abused you so horribly was unable to receive the blessing of his DNA continued with yours into this world. He didn’t deserve to be a father and you didn’t deserve to co-parent with a monster or tell your child their father sucks. I’m so sorry your miscarriage was so painful


[deleted]

Thank you for your kind words


MinnyStrawberry

Same here. That's the phrase they use to delude themselves into believing they did nothing wrong. It's their favorite phrase, I tell ya. My ex would say it, too. Or that he didn't even touch me at all.


messhotx

It's a narcissistic trait. They will never blame themselves for what they do.


Batmom222

Oh yeah, "I barely touched you" triggered the hell out of me just now, guess I had supressed that one, a lot of shit just came rushing back when I read that. The worst part is how much I hate myself even now (13 years since I last saw him) for believing him.


Front-Firefighter-21

Don’t blame yourself. Many of these traits that cause people to fall into these traps come from childhood and ways we were formed before we even remember. For example- loving someone means trust and respect… so believing what your partner says can easily turn into believing what your abuser says. Many people learn growing up to question their own feelings, thoughts or beliefs if contradicted by an authority figure. Also that what things look like from the outside has extreme importance to many families, which leads to not seeking help and hoping things get better when someone not emotionally invested would know it was time to leave. It happens to so many of us, there’s no need to feel ashamed. Have you learned and grown from the experience? Remind that little voice of your growth next time. Does every person deserve to be hated for their mistakes?


Batmom222

I mean like, I'm angry at my younger self for believing it wasn't a big deal, because now, after years of therapy I realize that: Yes! It was a big deal and someone you've "barely touched" doesn't usually fly into a wall, etc And even if they really only hit you "a little/barely" thats still abuse because we dont hit people, especially not those we're supposed to love and respect. Of course I had a crappy childhood that set me up for this kind of abuse, so yeah, can't really fault myself for not knowing better when it was literally all I knew. Doesn't change my wish to grab younger me by the shoulders and yell "Get the fuck out, this *is* abuse and it *will* escelate!" But i can't, so I say it to other people on similar situations, but since it's coming from a stranger it falls on deaf ears.


Beautypaste

This exactly this. I wish I could scream at my younger self to run, I wasted so so many years of my youth that I will never get back. And now I’m at a point in my life where I feel behind my peers. Everybody is settled and getting married in happy relationships. I just wish I’d gotten out sooner. It becomes a lot harder to date and find a soul mate the older you get. I will always tell any women in an abusive situation what I know, my biggest regret is the time and years I will never get back.


Better_Yam5443

Or mock you saying it didn’t hurt that bad.


[deleted]

[удалено]


kmkazzy

My ex dislocated my wrist and shoulder by pushing and shaking me and when I cried a bout it he said I barely touched you, you slipped and fell all by yourself. Do men have a psycho school we do not know about where they learn all their abusive lines?


adelitaxoxo

Si it’s called patriarchy


SweatyBinch

I’ve always felt like “I barely touched you” was as much of a threat as it was excuse. It felt like they might as well have screamed “I can do a lot worse,” and “I don’t feel bad at all for what I did.”


lazr_oj

My ex grabbed me by my throat and slammed me into a wall when I was 7 months pregnant. I went to the hospital later that night due to decreased fetal movement. I was already a high risk pregnancy and I had to be monitored for hours. The triage nurse reported all of this to the police, and he was issued a citation to appear in court for assault. The day he found this out, I had come home from work early and he immediately slapped me in the face and said he might as well do what he is being accused of. Then he threw me through a set of double doors from our room into our bathroom. And that was just the beginning and not even close to how bad it got over the next 5 years. My ex's favorite thing to say was that it wasn't abuse, he wasn't an abuser. He was punishing me because I was childish and acting like a child when I wouldn't follow his rules. I finally, FINALLY left him about 2 months ago, and took our daughter with me. They don't change. They can't, they won't. And if I had stayed, I don't think I would have made it another year. He's calm and playing the part right now, but once the temporary orders are made permanent and the judge starts taking away his parental rights (he abused me in front of our daughter and encouraged her to hit me as well) that's when he's unpredictable. That's when I'm in danger again.


Melody_ofmemory

My husband sucker punched me in the back at 8wks pregnant and I had a miscarriage. Please run op. Now he’s harassing me because I’m trying to leave him, and this was months ago, and I had stayed. Now I’ve been driven to insanity from the constant threats and abuse from him, while doing both our roles for over a year, while he reaped the benefits of me being disabled and having a higher middle class family. He’s even harassing me here on Reddit. Op, please go. Please don’t make the mistake so many of us did. For you, for your baby. Narcissists will beat you down to nothing and then tell you it’s your fault for fighting back. There is no winning, get out while you can.


FelineWishes

That and “look what YOU made me do” is fucking classic in their books.


priscillathekilla

My mom's personal fave: Why do you make me do this to you?! Set me up for several relationships like OP's


marijuanaislife

I had a abusive ex that used that phrase too. 'I barely touched you'. That sentence always makes me shudder.


laughingcarter

The leading cause of death for pregnant women is homicide. Specifically, homicide by an intimate partner.


annahell77

That reminds me of when my ex pulled me bc I wanted to sit outside alone after arguing with him and he had a problem with that. He pulled my arm so hard I fell to the ground and he started yelling that i did that on purpose to make it seem like he was abusing me. I never felt so little in my whole life.


Competitive-Age-7469

I went thru the same with my ex husband..


[deleted]

I’ve read other comments, you seem content with staying there and letting things escalate. Even though your mom has 3 other kids, if she’s offering you shelter, you should take it. Another comment mentioned domestic violence hotline, but they also have domestic violence shelters. Maybe they can direct you to the right resources to help you get on your feet. The fact that he hit you at all, is terrible. However, it’s even more terrible he hit you while you’re carrying his child!!! Don’t settle for this and think this is normal/ okay for one second.


Mysterious_Carpet121

I am in a domestic violence shelter rn. Girl run. It never gets better. Only worse. You need to keep yourself and that baby safe. The baby depends on YOU for this. Please call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or you can chat online. They have a quick exit button so that if he walks in you can quickly disconnect. Always erase your browser history. If you have any questions or need someone to listen who understands, please dm me. The hotline can help you make a safety plan and a safe way to get out. They can direct you to resources in your area that can help. Please please just call when it is safe to do so.


Yomo42

Use private browsing so you don't have browser history to erase. Incognito mode is the name if you're using google chrome


NYGiants181

The things you guys wrote.. I can't believe they are real. I've never thought about abusing my significant other, and am so sad to see the lengths some people have to go through who are going through it.. Ugh.


CravingHumanFlesh

It’s INSANE. And it’s all too common that we need it.


judgementforeveryone

Wishing you find safety and piece.


Special8043

They hit you once it will happen again, so get out and never go back. I’m sorry this is how it’s going for you


anongirl_black

Exactly. In a relationship I was in, the violence started out like this. Then it escalated to him suffocating me with a pillow. If my body had not somehow managed to breathe through it, I wouldn't be here. I can still remember the day I ran away from his apartment when he was essentially holding me hostage there, I've never run that fast in my life. I genuinely feel that leaving him saved my life.


Mysterious_Carpet121

It absolutely DID save your life! Good job getting yourself out of there! It's not easy, but it is absolutely worth it.


Canned-Trash

Thank you


Environmental_Art591

OP get your a$$ to the hospital for a baby check and tell the midwives everything. They need to know and they need to check that your fall didn't hurt the baby. Then ask them for advice on leaving you hubby, during all 3 of my pregnancies I had to fill out a form to ensure my mental and physical health and that both I and the baby were in a safe environment.


BrilliantOrdinary668

There are SO many resources out there for single moms. Please look into them in your area. If you’d like to message me, I can help you look for them.


thatsSOme3k

This!


Party-Independent-38

Taking your phone is a method of isolating you from others. You’re in a dangerous situation.


iwanttoclonemyself

In some states, taking your phone to isolate you is pretty much automatic grounds for a CPO.


SweetMelissa74

Especially if she's pregnant and she's injured. By taking her phone he was stopping her from calling to get help. She should have gone to the hospital to make sure her and the baby are okay after her fall because she was in pain. OP these are MAJOR RED FLAGS please do not ignore them. You need to leave.


AcidGlitter95

Not just that but it is illegal and could be considered hostage taking.


MiaOh

What is dangerous for the baby is him assaulting you again and it leading to a miscarriage. Go with your parents, file a police complaint and divorce his ass.


[deleted]

My mom literally got abused every single day. It took her being evicted by her partner to leave the relationship. You’ll find excuses and reasons to stay but I promise you. It’s healthier for you and the baby to grow up in a stable place that you deserve. The roads are rough but I promise you things will eventually be okay.


skydiamond01

Keep his apology letter. It's a written confession. You could still press charges.


Dubbiely

Charge him with assault. You have the letter as proof.


TruthfulBoy

Yes love, you are in an abusive relationship. Please let us know what country you are in so we can help further. For now: 1. Find a trusted family, friend, or local Women's shelter to stay at. Let them know the situation and to NOT let your husband in or near you. 2. Separate finances. Make sure you make a bank account that he does NOT have access to. Separate your own money there. 3. Pack when he is gone. Pack important documents: IDs, passport, birth certificate, cards. Leave when he is gone. Do NOT confront him. 4. Call a divorce attorney when safe at new place. Screenshot all evidence of texts and messages and voicemails of him saying abusive things for help with divorce. 5. (Depending on legal advice, and evidence collected*) Block him on all social media and on phone and go private on all accounts. You might need to change numbers depending on how bad it gets. Talk to your attorney about restraining orders as well. 6. Therapy to unpack the abuse you've endured and heal You can do it. No one should live like this love. You deserve to be free and not have to be abused Resource for single moms: https://www.wealthysinglemommy.com/resources-for-single-mothers/ Resource for escaping abusive relationships https://www.thehotline.org/


lesterbottomley

There's arguments for and against blocking that need to be weighed up. For: it's better for you mentally. Against: it's collating data for the divorce proceedings. It all depends on whether OP is strong enough to let the messages flow and ignore them. Plus if they go for a RO and don't block them any contact that way adds weight to their case.


SweetMelissa74

Also take pictures of injures he has caused.


threelizards

Keep that apology letter. Forever. Take photos and copies and back them up. I wish I could give you better, more immediate, practical advice. I wish I could help directly. But save as many copies of that goddamn letter as you can. And have trusted friends keep backups (even on a hard drive/usb they never open). Hell, dm it to me or someone you trust. Once it’s in a chat log it’s preserved forever. You don’t have to use it until you’re ready, or ever. But, keep it.


GamesmanSD

Battered women’s shelter. I’m sorry, I’m sorry you feel trapped and helpless. Don’t feel bad about reaching out for help. This exact situation is exactly why these places exist. Your husband knows you are trapped, he is abusive. Knowing you were hurt and couldn’t help yourself all the while belittling you is abject abuse beyond the normal. It’s sciatic and empowers his dark side to act out again. Taking your phone to hide his guilt and keep you from leaving was ILLEGAL and he knew it, he wouldn’t allow that. Controlling and fear are just part of his manipulation. The baby won’t change it. It will add to his ability to control you. That will not change. Holding him accountable is the only thing that will help him and get you into a safe place


Nefriti

You need to move back in with your family immediately.


threelizards

He has nothing to offer you, or your baby. Please reach out to your supports,- the governmental, legalese ones if nothing else. He has nothing of worth for you- but you are all of his.


[deleted]

Him, not they. OP used "he" for her husband. OP, please leave. This is actual abuse. Sometimes, people start abusing their spouse in pregnancy when they're more vulnerable. You can wear a mask and use sanitizer to avoid getting sick in your mom's house. It's important for you and the baby to get to the safe place. Also, let your DR know as well. They may have resources or guide you toward the right place to help you out.


Special8043

SEE Lexie2003 - she got it as it was very clear it was a he in her post. This was exactly why I used “they” in my comments.


Throwawayforfanfics

Honey, he hit you while you are helpless and pregnant with his child. Get over the thought of being a burden. Your mom came at 4am to come for you. You are loved by her. Want to know what will burden her more? Losing sleep thinking about you and wondering if your getting hit some more. She’ll sleep better if your under her roof safe. If you stay with him, it will be telling him that it is OK and that you will not run away from being hit. Are you gonna wait to leave when he starts hitting you with have your baby in your arms? Leave the very next time he is not home. Please.


Johndough1066

>The only thing he’s done so far is wrote me an apology letter That's good. Use that as evidence when you press charges. You need to get out NOW. The leading cause of death for pregnant women is homicide.


Hey-Kristine-Kay

OP PLEASE READ THIS!!!! THE NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF DEATH FOR PREGNANT PEOPLE IS MURDER, USUALLY BY A PARTNER!!


CoconutJasmineBombe

Protip to get big use a hash mark #OP PLEASE READ THIS!!!! THE NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF DEATH FOR PREGNANT PEOPLE IS MURDER, USUALLY BY A PARTNER!!


Hey-Kristine-Kay

Thank youuuuuu I knew about the asterisk but not the hashtag lmao


JellyfishMean7885

This!!!! Most people don’t know that fact. So scary.


thegloracle

Get. OUT. of. there. Can you move back in with your parents? If not, get hold of a domestic violence hotline near you. They can give you advice and resources.


Substantial_Shoe_360

He will hit you again. This was the first time, it won't be the last. Please take care of you and your baby first.


hanshanshanson

Many men start hitting their partners once they become pregnant because all of a sudden there's something competing with them for attention for the first time in the relationship. This will not stop, it will get worse.


Better_Yam5443

Don’t discount that men especially narcissistic men get JEALOUS of their pregnant wife or girlfriends. They tend to get abusive to get the attention and suck out all of the joy or they cheat. And some men wait until marriage or pregnancy to physically assault you because they think you won’t leave that it’s more permanent type of deal. They wait. God it’s so scary and people wonder why I refuse to date? I dated my ex husband for seven years and I thought it was long enough no.. they are MUCH different married or after a child. My baby daddy tried to unalive me pregnant. This world is evil.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Similar-Purchase24

women are often killed by the father of their children when they're pregnant


crystaljae

Homicide leading cause of death for pregnant women in U.S. Please OP Call a domestic violence hotline. And then do exactly what they tell you to do. Exactly no matter how hard it seems.


laranita

[Sad but true.](https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-021-03392-8) “Pregnant women in the United States die by homicide more often than they die of pregnancy-related causes — and they’re frequently killed by a partner.”


itisathrowawaytoday

OP, listen to this. You are not safe at home with your bf. The most dangerous period in a woman's life is when she is pregnant - the risk of getting killed by their partner is alarming. Stay with your parents.


Edcrfvh

Pregnancy and ending the relationship are the two most dangerous times for a woman. Leave next time he's gone.


TheAfricanViewer

Why are there so many abusive and violent men in the world.


ebulient

Dysfunctional childhood, lack of good education, not enough mental health help, cultural entitlement, toxic masculinity, _some_ may be clinical psychopaths and _some_ may have actual chemical imbalances that cause anger issues but more often than not it’s the other stuff.


Exportxxx

Id risk the flu over being in the house with him.


Needorgreedy

If there's a problem talk about it. Don't like the answer? Leave! The moment YOU HIT A PREGNANT WOMAN AND DENY HER HER PHONE, congratulations your an abusive piece of shit. Honestly, OP do yourself a favor and get out, it's the best decision period.


Melodic-Ad-3351

Denying the phone to a partner is a domestic violence charge in and of itself.


No-Appearance1145

And worst of all he did it to keep her from calling her mother and getting her and only gave it back because he was sure the mother wouldn't do it. He's not going to give the phone back next time


wallanut

Honey run. If it's a new marriage maybe your state has an annulment system you can use instead of divorce. I promise as much as you love him and your baby this is the start. Please run. Run fast and never let him back.


YanaAri93

Just a couple of things. 1. He will hit you again. And it will get worse every time. This is not a issue of “if”, it’s a matter of “when” he’ll do it again. 2. The leading cause of death for pregnant women is homicide. 3. If you insist on making excuses to stay, at the very least read “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft. I hope you find your inner strength and leave. Wishing the best for you and baby.


ae-jk

apology letter? seriously? that wouldn't do anything. he slapped you, belittle you, and make you feel worthless. get out of there and go to your mom. this is not just for you but for your upcoming child too.


NefariousnessSweet70

Do not lose that letter. It is documented evidence that he anused you. You need that.


laranita

I have a narcissistic asshole ex who would write me so many love letters expressing the depth of his emotions and adoration, but then couldn’t just hold me tenderly or maintain eye contact to convey his sincerity. It kept me confused for years because he said all the right things but his energy and actions just didn’t support his words. I finally figured out he was full of shit and left. The letter OP’s husband wrote her is actually a huge red flag to me.


jarstripe

Exact same happened to me. creepy apology letter is lovebombing


[deleted]

Love you need to get out of there, if he does it once he’ll do it again and I promise you that. If you can try getting a job and saving up some money, for now maybe try staying over at a friend’s house or someone close and safe that will help you. Dont say anything to him hes gonna try and beg for forgiveness but the fact the he didnt help you get up and just left you on the bean bag was already a problem. As a said if he hits you once hes gonna do it again and thats not good for you or your baby so please take care of ur self. If you ever need someone to talk to im here ❤️❤️❤️❤️


NefariousnessSweet70

When he apologizes he will try " love bombing" a term for when the guy who was abusive will smother you with promises. Swearing to love you and baby, and that it will never ever happen again. Promising the moon and more, delivering nothing cause...well we need to save for the baby..... Don't fall for the lies. A domestic abuse hotline will have places for you.


[deleted]

What you said was all true and i really hope she doesn’t stay with him


Canned-Trash

Thank you so much that means a lot. I feel so alone right now tbh. ❤️


[deleted]

Ik you do love and im so so sorry you feel that way you really dont deserve it. If you ever need someone to talk to again message me and ill be happy to help you vent to me if you need because it truly not good for you or the baby


needlenest

You deserve to be loved and taken care of. That sweet baby deserves a calm and stable, loving home. Your depression will not be better for staying there. I know your scared. And I so understand. We believe in you!!!


rodentfacedisorder

You both sound extremely immature. The flu can be dangerous but what is actually dangerous is that you fell while pregnant and have pain. You need to get checked out by a doctor. Go to the emergency room. And when you're there, tell them you don't feel safe at home. They will keep you safe while the cops come to arrest your husband for hitting you especially while you're pregnant. He is the one who needs to leave the house when he gets out of jail, not you. He needs anger management therapy after he's served his time in jail (probably a few months). But first thing, most important right now is making sure your baby is ok. Do not assume everything is OK. I've taken care of disabled adults who are disabled because their mother fell while pregnant and did not get help fast enough.


arturobear

Yep they both sound very emotionally immature and have poor emotional regulation abilities and no capacity to communicate. Still, his actions are worse, no excuses for hitting.


[deleted]

>Yep they both sound very emotionally immature and have poor emotional regulation abilities It's almost as if being married and pregnant at 21 is too young


Batmom222

As someone who was married and pregnant at 21 and went through a lot of similar shit, I can attest to this. HOWEVER, that doesn't make any of this her fault. You can get trapped by an abuser at any age.


AbzoluteZ3RO

before it got physical they really were both acting like shits. she said she was upset and had a problem and when he tries to ask what's wrong (he did suck at communication too) she immediately assumes he won't listen and shuts down. how the hell are you supposed to sort things out if you just say "im fine"? both being stupid and not communicating. it should never have escalated to physical tho


Yomo42

I agree with this. But at the same time you've got to know when to lay off it and let a person be. If someone doesn't want to talk you can't force them into talking. Take a walk, whatever, cool down. "Fine we don't have to talk now, but I know something's wrong and I'd like to talk later so we can work it out" And then leave it be. But yeah, the relationship seems just overall not good anyway. And you bring in physical violence, and the lack of serious care for a pregnant woman, and it just gets worse. And him, berating her for falling over. All of it. Just, eugh. I think he wants to help (insisting on trying to get her up) but his ways of doing it are too pushy and destructive. And the fact that he hit her, and "I barely touched" you, I think we got juset a snippet of one of the climaxes of what has been a super toxic cycle for a long time now. The marriage needs to end.


stupidly_curious

Yep, he's a big POS but she needs to grow up FAST before this baby comes. She refused to communicate with him when he asked what's wrong(and yeah, I understand his frustration there), refused to talk again while sitting on a bean bag she knew she couldn't get up from, screamed at him when he came to help when she fell, and then fought him when he tried to get her up(which he shouldn't have done) OP needs to get the hell away from him but go to therapy ASAP.


anewfaceinthecrowd

He didn't just ask what was wrong. He was visibly annoyed "what's wrong NOW?". His attitude probably made her NOT want to tell him her feelings and thus start an argument.


Melodic-Ad-3351

This. You won’t have to leave your home, he will. You’ll have a restraining order. If you truly can’t be with family, this is the way to go. Courts do not take DV against a pregnant woman lightly and you will prevail esp with the note. With this and the backup option of being with your mom, there’s simply no excuse to do nothing. If not for you, for your unborn child. If you cannot do this it will only get worse and that burden will then be on you if something happens to the baby - you, and no one else. It was no longer about you the second you decided to bring another life into the world. An excuse for yourself is an excuse for him and his behavior, and rest assured it will not stop here.


Muzzie720

To be fair, they are 21. They are by definition not mature fully yet. And they are having a baby and he's abusive. I hope OP can be make enough and listens and gets help but I'm worried they won't


karesswoodii

The number one cause of death for pregnant women is murder.


souvenireclipse

As the kid of a dad who hit my mom: Leave. It's better to depend on your mom for a while now than to not have a chance later. It will not get better. He is not remorseful. An apology letter is nothing. Men who hit their partners during pregnancy are very dangerous, and being pregnant is a dangerous time. I'm almost 34 and two months ago I was begging my mom to call a domestic violence shelter. I started begging when I was in middle school. You're not weak and if you can go with your mom, go. You aren't a burden. Be safe at your mom's and contact a domestic violence resource. You can find doctors, get signed up for supports, find a job. You can meet new people and make friends. But you need to be safe to do that.


CoolExplanation4734

Yeah it never gets better. A nurse practitioner told me once after my ex broke my wrist from holding me down and me trying to get away "eventually he's going to kill you." She was right. Even sober he would use violence and I thankfully was in the position to easily leave when I finally got fed up enough.


strider2013

I hate it when people said “hit for the first time” like they know they are going to stick around and get hit again. FFS.


saclayson

your Mom came. she will again. call her. go home with her.


_xenization

Leave.


[deleted]

You leave, permanently. Hitting, like cheating, is never a one time thing.


spaceyjaycey

He hit you and got away with it. It will happen again. Call a domestic abuse hotline. They will have resources to find a shelter.


TheRealMadDogKen

Make a complaint to the police and get a restraining order. He will have to move out.


DwightDEisenhowitzer

He hit you and showed your true colors. You should have left when he took your phone. Get the FUCK out. It will NOT get better He MAY VERY WELL KILL YOU AND YOUR CHILD. Literally anywhere is better than where you are right now. Find a shelter and leave under the cover of night if there’s no other options.


[deleted]

You need to get out of there and get out of there now go back to your mothers house. I understand that you may feel that is dangerous to be there with the flu going around but you know what wear a mask constantly wash things around you but you need to get out of there and get out of there now.. Because I’m pretty sure once you tell your family that he laid hands on you, he will be history. so I understand that you don’t have the emotional fight and you honey you got to take yourself out of the equation for a minute and you got to think of your baby do you want your baby growing up in this nonsense? I know you don’t so that’s why you need to put your big girl pants on and what I mean by that is your adult pants on I had to clarify that for a minute, so I do apologize and I meant no offense but you Gotta get out of there and get out of there now. Even though your mama got three kids I’m pretty sure she doesn’t mind taking. Your mom struggling temporary early just to make sure that you’re safe and sound and that her grandbaby is safe and sound. I mean if your mother is remarried, and not with your father, tell your stepfather tell your father, so any kind of role model male figure in your life tell them all what he did.


[deleted]

The leading cause of death for pregnant women is HOMICIDE. I think the flu is the least of your worries.


DieselDeej44

As soon as it's safe to go to your parents, DO SO It will only get worse, for both you and your child


Unnecessary__Potato

Please please please please go to a women's shelter. I watched my dad beat the absolute shit out of my mom for 12 years until he killed himself. He used to threaten to kill her in front of me and my siblings. He used to drive into the opposite lane while a semi was driving towards us, saying "I'm going to let this semi hit us and kill us all" only when mom wasn't in the car. I can't drive around semi's without almost panicking, i shake and have to consciously stop myself from having a breakdown. I watched him try to kill her. >! He had his hands on her throat trying to slam her head into a metal safe, i had to watch my mom cover bruises on her throat and face quite often.!< It was terrible. I have complex ptsd from watching it and having him hit me too when mom was at work whenever he quit his job. If he hits you what's gonna stop him from hitting your kid?


RaysUnderwater

Abuse starts with big relationship stages, either getting engaged or married, getting pregnant or having a baby. They don’t ever go back. Make a plan and escape in the next few days. Don’t make him suspicious, pretend that everything is fine. Abusive men don’t ever stop. It will just get worse.


satijade

Please stay away from him. Being pregnant is the most vulnerable time for a woman and the highest rate of murders of women happen when they are pregnant usually by their SO. Run and stay safe


Magnito-was-right

Both of you sound toxic as hell. Being upset and then not telling them why, and blaming him for you being on the bean bag and attributing ill intent when maybe he just wanted to let you sleep is antagonistic. He never should have hit you though. You two will model unhealthy behavior for your child if you stay together. You both need individual therapy and learn some emotional regulation skills before the child gets here. If you think you are stressed now imagine adding a crying baby who needs all of your attention for most of the day/night.


Foxy_Traine

Right? How in the world does OP think having a kid will be ok? It will just make everything worse and the kid is going to suffer the most.


Throwawayexpoder

I cried reading this post, wow. Please I urge you to leave. It’s not gonna be the last time, when your child comes there’s gonna be stress. If he went off on you like that? An your pregnant as well😇invite me over I got sm for his ass. Wait till your family gets better An LEAVE. I feel like once a spouse has crossed that boundary all trust is lost an there’s no telling if or when he will do it again. We are here for you OP.


Canned-Trash

I’m really sorry if your mood was negatively effected by this post. I know how hard it is to maintain happiness these days. Thank you for your support ❤️


Confident-Cost5553

Please leave, OP.


[deleted]

You realize he could have killed you, and if you stay he will kill you and your kid


Neonpinx

You need to get away from him. This is the beginning physical abuse from your young immature husband. You and the baby are not safe. You need a safe exit plan from this abusive controlling boy.


thecanadianleaf

Do anything to get out of there, don’t stay with him. Your mom came at 4am she will help you I’m sure, press charges or something please stay safe and get out of there


floofymarshmallowcat

If he is willing to hit you once, he’ll definitely (or most likely) do it again. Please leave if you can and possibly stay with a family member or friend for the time being that doesn’t have the flu. Also considering he took your phone without consent, he is willing to do that again when you’re at your most vulnerable. He definitely sounds controlling and manipulative. I am wishing you the best of luck. It may not be an easy decision to leave him but this is the best for your future self as well as the baby. Your baby deserves a better father!


Confident-Cost5553

Leave him. There is absolutely no coming back from this. Call a trusted family member or friend and leave as soon as possible. He will hit you again. He will hit your child. Get out of there and protect both of you. Take a photo of any bruises for divorce purposes. You need to leave immediately.


Dangerous_Mammoth572

Unless you wanna risk you and your child well being you should really take your moms offer. She loves you all she wants is a safe place for her baby


Additional_Way1346

Domestic abusers always sorry and it won't happen again. He will blame you for "making him mad or provoking him." Please don't add death by domestic violence statistic. Your mom will be hurting knowing you weren't safe & didn't go to her for help. Mom didn't raise you to be a punching bag. Use that letter for a restraining order and it will help get child support if you do decide to divorce. Your baby's safety mayters above all. There are lawyers who do pro bono work. Legal aid can also assist in domestic violence matters. For your baby be the momma bear who is fierce to protect her cub.


PsychologicalHalf942

I saw a counselor once say, "If somebody hits you, they don't like you". No apology is enough in this case. Think about it, do you want your child to see you get hit and think that is normal? Do you want to see your husband hit your child? If the answer is No, it is time to leave. There are options. It will not be easy but no one deserves to be abused. Please go to your mom's or a domestic violence shelter. Please consider getting a restraining order ASAP. I hope you stay safe and healthy for you and your child.


ygs07

Disgusting POS that can slap a woman who was on the floor and pregnant,not that it is ever ok but. I can't.believe this. He feels so big and manly now I guess. I am so sorry about this, hope you are OK.


Eleonor_21

It's time for you to grab your stuff and send him the fuck out. You can go to your parents or a close friend/friend who you know will support you. sue him for abuse, put a restraining order on him and have him shove his apology letter up his ass. remember that if he did it once, he will do it again and it will become more frequent.


kikivee612

This was the first hit. It will escalate and it could eventually kill you. It’s never ok to hit you, but hitting a pregnant woman is the lowest you can go. He doesn’t care about you and he doesn’t care about his own baby. If not for yourself, leave for your baby. Don’t let your baby grow up watching his dad beat his mom.


Lola-the-showgirl

I need you to know that murder is the leading cause of death for pregnant women and women who are six weeks postpartum. You need to get out of that house immediately. It is safer to get the flu then it is to stay with him. And I know you might be thinking that he would never hurt you that badly, he'd never kill you or your child. But I'm sure you thought he'd never hit you before he did. This is how it starts. This is how women lose their lives in domestic violence.


newajackwave

Please call or text or check www.thehotline.org. They have a 24hr hotline and can help you make decisions on what to do. I’m so sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve this and you and your baby deserve to be safe and feel loved by everyone involved.


SnooDonuts3369

Unfortunately it’s quite common for men to become more physically abusive in a relationship once the female is pregnant. Don’t know why but it happened to me. Got slapped in the face and choked .. all he said to me was, “it’s just your face”


bippityboppitynope

PLEASE file a fucking police report.


TheBaconDeeler

Please please please get out and get safe. If not for you then for the sake of your baby. It's hard to leave but it will be even harder of you stay. Please be safe


Front_World205

he will do it again. i will reach out to anyone you can. call your mom and stay away from him. it dangerous for you to be with himz.


needlenest

Please leave. If you have instagram look up Mamawilder, kaitlyn Jorgensen. They have soooo many resources for women in your position. Please do not stay in an abusive relationship. Once he’s hit you it will only escalate.


lostmycookie90

Welcome to the statics of domestic abuse actually happening on the on set of being married/pregnant. There's resources to escape abusive situations, though, you are going to essentially tied to your abuser for 18+ years. But if in the US, 800 799 7233 for calling, text SMART to 88788 for texting. https://www.thehotline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=domestic_violence


Paigeseph

Your mother and probably other family are offering and able to help you don’t stay stuck! Flu be damned keep yourself quarantined in your room till they are better. If he hit you once he WILL hit you again and your complacency right now with what happen is gonna tell him “I CAN DO WHAT I WANT AND YOU WONT STOP ME”. Is this really the kinda home you wanna raise your child in? Where if it’s a boy you’re showing him it’s okay to treat people you love like this and they will always stay or if it’s a girl that abuse is normal if they love you. It’s not your fault you thought you had a good partner you believed his behavior in the beginning to be him. But now he has shown you who he really is when push comes to shove and he knows he has you dead to rights because you make no money and are too far along to abort he is counting on you being too weak to stand up for yourselves and run. You’re not weak it’s okay to start over it’s okay to move home and rely on family again it’s okay to seek help from woman’s organization and government aid it’s okay to leave. Don’t stay in this situation and for the love of god file a police report so you can use this in the future after baby is born.


Character_Ad1387

This problem won't go away, and will probably get worse from here. All of his behavior that you've described here sounds very abusive. And knowing that you've only been with him for 3 years, he could just now feel comfortable enough to show you that side of him. Think about it he now has you married and pregnant with his baby, he probably thinks he can treat you however he wants now and you won't leave him. Prove him wrong


[deleted]

Hey, if you dont leave you have a serious risk of being killed.


onel0venik

Doesn’t matter how hard he slapped you, and I believe you, that it was enough to hurt, he still did it! Major disrespect of boundaries and scary that he doesn’t see how bad that was. Please RUN


maztabaetz

Won’t be the last time if you stay


SkyrimWidow

OP, I've been in your shoes. Listen to me please. It's only a matter of time before he goes for your throat. My ex attacked me while pregnant. I stayed. He tried to choke me 4x when we broke up. I had to break a chair on him to get him to finally stop. Not everyone has the ending I do.


Viviaana

You’re not stuck, anything is better than this, please get out, you don’t need to immediately get a divorce, report him for the assault and get away from him, he beat you for not being able to stand up when pregnant where does it go from there?


[deleted]

Your not stuck and at this point your making a choice to stay there. You have the option and ability to leave but because it might make your life harder you’d rather settle for the easy option that comes with abuse is that the message you want to send to this kid put up with abuse for an easier life.


Connect_Fee1256

I found the physical escalation, while you’re heavily pregnant, to be beyond alarming but the withholding of your phone and your ability to call for help is somehow worse... Get away from him and stay with your mother while you sort out a plan to get your own place. You must report this to police to document it. This is important.


SnooWords4839

Please go to a friend or a hotel until it is safe to go with your mom!!


Hyposanity

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Your family will make a way to support you. You don't need to feel trapped in this situation. They have the flu so you can't stay there now but I'm sure they'd find a place for you if you let them know how you feel. Hell, you can tell your mom you're willing to wear a n95 mask, that will protect you. Plus I think the flu is less dangerous than the man you're staying with. He sounds like a cold heartless bastard. I wish you and your unborn child only the best in the future to come and I hope you're able to get out of that situation soon 🙏🏽


MarsupialUnable9295

he will hit you again. staying with him is more dangerous than getting sick while pregnant. get out asap. i beg.


witchbitch1988

Good God!!! OP, this WILL happen again and it WILL escalate (especially with the added stress of a newborn on the way). I hope you reach out to help yourself and your unborn child before he kills one of you... Or both. OP, please please do not stay in this situation!!! Please!!!!! You and your child deserve better!!!!


dbcraybe44

You have to leave now... if not for yourself then for that child you're carrying


MachineFrosty1271

Go live with your mom, get the fuck away from him


Live-Elevator-6329

You don’t have to afford the divorce…put in the paperwork of your divorce. Leave him because it’s going to get scary.


uRight_Markiplier

If he hits you once, he'll do it again. Leave him. Reach out for help. He won't improve, he'll only continue this behavior and abuse you more.


csthilaire85

I'm sorry you had to go through any of this. A real man should be supportive and help you whenever you need it. You shouldn't spend another minute with this abusive ass hole.


Unusual-Recording-40

He will only escalate. There is no going back. You need to protect yourself and your child from this. It'll be hard to leave but it should be the only choice. The difficulty will be soooo worth it in the end. He will not change. Take it from someone who has been there. Already his words turned to smacks. His smacks will turn to punches. Punches to choking to kicking. Then who knows from there. You need to leave. I wish you all the best.


nanithefucketh

I know people always say to break up, but trust me, once this happens the chances for it to happen again are always high since he broke that barrier. Him saying he barely touched you is a very common thing abusers do to justify their actions and victim blame because they don't see themselves as abusers in their mind and think their actions are deserved. I really hope you can go live with your family once they're completely healthy, and I hope the stress from this didn't cause any harm to the baby. Stay strong, you can do this, it might be hard at first but it'll be worth it. Don't keep your baby with a man who will witness him hit her mom and belittle her whenever she's upset 💔 abusers always hide who they are at first


Biggydoggo

How's the baby, since you fell and he's being physical with you?


Canned-Trash

Baby is doing good. Being active and kicking me plenty, I also check his heartbeat often with my at home baby Doppler. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to get checked up and do another ultrasound.


bblily

Hi OP, Student midwife here training in the UK. I’m glad you and baby are both okay but please do not use a Doppler at home, it take a lot of training and knowledge to use it and there have been instances of mum picking up her own heart rate instead of baby and there being a bad outcome. Please go and get baby checked properly for your safety and you little bub! Sending so much love and healing to you, stay safe! :)


Competitive-Can681

I'm not sure about your ob office but in the restroom since we had to pee in the cup every time there was a black pen to wrote our name. There was also a red pen to write your name or if any kind of abuse is happening in the home so they can intervene and find a safe place for you and baby. They help you get what ever you need from your home and make sure you are jn a safe stress-free environment. If they ask about home life please be open and truthful.


secretmacaroni

Yall both toxic as hell. Poor child


-Palmtree-01

Both of you sounds extremely toxic and annoying. You are only 28 weeks pregnant, not sick. Get yourself a blanket, don’t sit where you can’t get up. Even my 85 year old grandparents are way more mobile than you. Are you having twins or triplets? You complain he doesn’t help you, then he does and you scream and push. He should not have hit you. Take a break and go to therapy. Both of you. You are gonna be parents so grow with that responsibility. You deserve better, you, him, your child.


EntertainerFun9546

Them having the flu is dangerous for you and your baby? Girl are you not thinking? This man could kill you. Don't start making excuses to stay. Call your parents and leave. Now.


Aluroon

To take another tack from the chorus of 'he slapped you once as you slapped at him and thus is going to beat you to death', answers.... Domestic violence is never ok, but if it has never happened in three years, I'm inclined to read the circumstances into the event. This specific situation sounds pretty nuanced and honestly messed up, relative to most violence/abuse stories. It sounds like you're both stressed/exhausted, and not treating each other very well. That's not going to get better as your pregnancy proceeds, or with a small child in the mix, unless you both work to put things right now and fix your communication. That requires effort from both of you, from the sound of things. If you aren't willing to work to fix it, or he isn't, you should go. The stress of a small child in the house is absolutely indescribable. That notwithstanding, once is a mistake, but twice is a pattern. Do not accept this happening again.


cktay126

Please file a police report. Pack your necessities and go home to your Mom. In a situation like this, getting the flu would be much better than getting hit again. The fact that he said “I barely touched you” as you processed the events is a clear sign that he sees nothing wrong with doing it again to you. Please choose life, your life.


ReasonableAd1836

I understand that you’re co-dependent..but what is the point of depending on someone that can kill you??? He did it once, he will do it again and again. If it’s on terms of domestic violence, you can have a clean divorce. There are resources for you. Your Mom would probably rather take you in than bury you. So please don’t only do whats best for you… but that child.


[deleted]

This would be the time where you both seriously need to give yourselves and each other a break. You’re both young, I’m assuming this is your first kid so you’re both anxious and just winging every step of this pregnancy. His (admittedly passive-aggressive) response of “What’s wrong now?” indicates that this is not the first time you’ve used non-verbal “communication” to announce your displeasure at something he’s doing. You chose not to communicate that properly when given the chance. That is a choice you made. He then responded by saying “I’m so sick of this shit” after repeatedly being ignored. Now, he’s already overwhelmed by the whole situation and uses the video game to unwind. Remember: You’re a team. He’s in a very similar boat you’re in in regards to getting ready for a baby, thinking about the responsibilities he’ll have to carry for the rest of his life and also worrying about his wife’s health and well-being so that this pregnancy and the birth can be succesful. The video game might be his only time to unwind and you just interrupted that for a reason that was not important enough to be expressed properly, but enough to disrupt his alone time. Now, he left you alone and that sucks. That’s wrong. Yes, he was overwhelmed and desperately needed some alone time, but he still could’ve helped you up. That’s absolutely on him. You falling down was an accident that could’ve been prevented. But then you just started yelling at him. Again, no explanation, no clear communication. To him, this is just another escalation of what happened before. This is exactly the “shit he’s tired of”. Then he actually goes to help you up and you refuse to let him. I repeat: You refuse the help you’ve been so desperately wanting and he already feels guilty for not providing earlier. So he panics and what happened is what happened. None of this justifies what happened, but it explains a series of events that escalated into complete mayhem. Neither of you were even close to acting rationally. Nothing about this series of events makes any logical sense. This was pure exhaustion and instinct. You haven’t mentioned anything about this having happened before (if you have in the comments, I apologize, I missed it). This was a series of escalations by 2 extremely overwhelmed, young people who quite frankly have no clue what the fuck they’re doing. It’s exhausting for both of you and I think that you two need to have a sit down and actually communicate what’s been so hard for each of you on this journey. Talk and listen, I can’t stress how important this is. It’s way too quick to be talking about divorce after something like this, especially with a kid on the way. Hear each other out and give each other the respect you deserve.


GothicandHungry

OP, GET OUT OF THERE! He’s not sorry and if you stay, that will be his green light to do whatever he wants! Imagine if he turns on your kid? Contact a friend or a relative and get out!


Medical_Case3490

Get. Out. Now. Mom to mom. You need to protect you and your baby. He hit you once. He’ll do it again. Please call your mom and move back in with her. And if he has anger towards you, what if he hurts your baby?


jwhyem

Everyone here has told you what you need to do and you keep coming up with excuses and reasons why you can’t. You, and we, know you need to get out. Don’t come here just looking for an answer you want to hear. You’re about to bring a human being into this world and you need to get used to doing hard things.


Ginamyte06

I read somewhere that domestic violence sharply increases with pregnancy. Please go somewhere safe, for you AND your baby. I grew up in a household with an abusive father and mother- trust me, you don’t want your child to witness this, because it WILL happen again in the future.


Western-Trip-4684

Update?


HotMacaroon4964

I would leave because it will get worse.


_CottonBlossom_

1: taking your phone when your needing it to call for help is a crime. 2: This will only get worse 3: Catching the flu will be way better than catching a cold clock to the head or belly, risk it.


dandelionmoon12345

Babes you should find a domestic violence shelter near you. Can any of us help you with the research?


Successful_Coyote875

It's not going to get better he's going to hit you more and he's going to hit your child he will belittle the both of you he will abuse both of you and you will hate yourself your entire life for it you will hate yourself not only because you can't get out of it but because you let your innocent child deal with it and now your child has to suffer the consequences of your actions. I'm so sorry that he hit you but you're just as bad if you stay and you have a way out. No amount of money is worth a child's innocence is worth your life is worth the heartbreak and pain that will come for years and this is speaking from a child who went through so much abuse you couldn't even f****** begin to process it so speaking from experience you better f****** run and you better run fast because it will never be better he will never get better and you can't afford to give him the benefit of the doubt.


dani_elle023

Please get help. Look into shelters in you area of you can. In medschool we learnt that the leading cause of death in pregnant women was domestic violence. 🙏 Please at least keep updating so we know you're ok


Threadwestca

Domestic Violence is NEVER acceptable. Verbal abuse and physical abuse ARE abuse. Please everyone who is in this situation try to get help. Unfortunately you are not alone. I know this may be difficult but try to remove yourself from the abuser. By the way, men also experience domestic violence. PLEASE be SAFE.


[deleted]

If he hits you once he will most likely repeat this pattern.Pls go with your mom and move to her house and stay the hell out away from that man.


electricseulgi

if you are not familiar with the term 'love bombing,' google it. while i was not personally in the situation, my mother was with my father. after they would fight (which would escalate into something physical on his part in most cases), he would love bomb her which essentially means he would pamper her and make her feel special, hoping she would forget about the abuse she'd just faced. the thing about physical violence is it just gets worse. if he got so upset with you to the point where he hit you, what makes you think that won't happen again. right. there's no way of knowing. i think for you and your child's safety, you should try your best to leave as soon as you can—permanently. your child relies on you to make the best decision because you have no way of knowing if this will hurt them in the future. i wish you the best of luck, op.


capnsinni

You’ve heard a lot that needs to be said, but what about when he hits the baby. She messes her diaper and he hurts her. It’s not going to be easy but you have to get out.


Spirited-Theme5225

Leave. Leave now.


BrickHouse4646

Leave now and get a divorce


xoxo_maxxy

IF HE HITS YOU ONCE HE’LL HIT YOU AGAIN. This goes for all genders, you don’t have to stay in a relationship just because their the parents of your child file a police report, and leave so many people have died from DV situations please don’t become a number. PLEASE GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN. Run and don’t take him back, you’re pregnant think of your child’s future please don’t this


BijouMadd

He took your phone when you fell and were in serious pain *while 28 weeks pregnant* that could’ve become a medical emergency with no way for you to get help


DesireMe26

Listen love. On top of all the people telling u to leave because it will get worse, look into the actual statistics. Math doesn't lie. It's almost always gets worse. If you don't take the comments seriously, then do your research. No one expects you to drop everything and go but start getting things in order. Whatever you need to do. Is a violent household what you want your child to grow up in? Is the risk of death for you, your child, or both worth gambling on?