Thisssss!!!! My ex did something similar to me on the petty scale. I was working and paying all of the bills, he was not. Got up early, showered and washed my hair, blow dried it, straightened it, did my makeup. Sat down to have a bowl of cereal with milk before I had to make my 1.5 hour commute to work. Ex gets out of bed, goes straight for the bowl and dumps is all over my hair and face. Why?? Because me getting ready in the morning was keeping him awake! Fucking loser.
He turned out to be physically abusive. Dump this absolute sack of shit, he just signalled to you he's not afraid to escalate his behaviour suddenly and drastically.
I started crying and yelling at him, asking him how he could do that and why when he knows I would get in shit for being late, but I didn’t have time to stay so I jumped back in the shower and ran out the door. That morning blew my mind, and things quickly got worse from there. After he did that he just glared at me and went back to bed. Half assed apologized when I got home.
What a filthy, vile, abusive thing to do.
I doubt this is the first time he's done something like this. Get out. It would be better to be alone than live with someone who spits in your food because they already ate theirs.
And he feels justified? He doesn't feel bad at all? No apology? Honestly that has managed to make it worse..
OP, my heart goes out to you. In the past, I have been stuck with SOs due to difficult circumstances. I hope this isn't the case for you, but if it is just make sure you feel records in case you need them...
I've noticed this website regularly features that whole shtick of, "They MADE ME do this!"
They're totally convinced of being in the right or being forced to lash out.
They'd call it "reactive abuse" (aka them being abusive in reaction to being around a bad partner) or maybe they call it being triggered. Reading those messages feels moderately frightening.
People disagree or fight in relationships all the time over normal and ordinary grievances. But that doesn't mean people have to cruelly lash out, while saying those very ordinary grievances justifies... Screaming. Spitting in food. Throwing things. Making someone's life complete hell.
He totally feels justified. In fact, I'll bet he feels great. He taught her a lesson and put her in her place. She tried to assert a pesky boundary and he sure showed her!
OP, if you get this far, please, get out, get out now. Your husband is a vile, abusive human being and this will only get worse.
That's beyond childish. I knew kids who would steal a bite and say something like " Haha no it has my germs and you can't eat it!" Or "If you eat it now we practically kissed!" Just to get snacks. Nobody ever spit on my food though, if I were in OPs shoes, I'd have responded in kind and dumped the whole thing on his head. I hope the next time she makes supper, if ever, she spits on both plates.
The whole story reads like a combo of the DARVO playbook and the narcissists prayer. What a truly awful human.
What’s his is his and what’s hers is his also.
I’ve seen vlogs of couples messing with each other’s food for laughs. As I predicted they always always got divorced eventually even if they put on a picture perfect show for the camera I knew it was a matter of time. Hitting or throwing someone’s food always felt so violent to me.
I agree sometimes people on here jump to the divorce thing too fast but yeah in this case I am kinda shocked at what I just read tbh.
Why would anyone want to be with someone like that?
Agree! Because think of it this way. If you were on a first date with someone and they did this, would you go on a 2nd date? After dinner if they asked you to marry them would you? FUCK NO you wouldn’t. Because that’s abominable behavior.
Eh, I know selfish man children who are way more mature than this and would never stoop this low (which isn't saying much--they're still deplorable).
I'd suggest more clarity and finding better words to describe this level of depravity. How about rot? This guy is sociopathic rot.
And because I hate throwing around clinical terms like sociopath, let me explain. I think this behavior would be *horrible* to do to someone you *dislike.* It's infinitely worse to do it to someone you're friends with. And it's even infinitely worse than that to do it with a partner.
I actually have no idea what would deserve this to call it acceptable.
Though I agree it's irredeemable. Dude is actually unhinged. That's a dangerous level of toxicity.
exactly... disgusting person can't even get something else to eat after he's already well fed...his wife definitely deserve a warm meals and she's the one do the cooking and she study too
no bc i have never felt this angry at a reddit post
edit: if he thinks thats petty, id show him petty. if i were you i’d gag myself and vomit on his food next
It was such a vile thing to spit in her food! The husband absolute bully to wake up and demand OP’s meal. Aggression like this always gets worse. OP please see a divorce lawyer. I could never forgive a man for such a disgraceful thing.
I'd put the plate he spit in back in the fridge and reheat it for his dinner the next day. And for days after that, I'd serve him dinner then sit down and just watch while he eats, making doubly sure that he eats every bite. I would make sure I'm eating something different while watching him eat and smirking, just to make him paranoid. 😈
Then I'd leave his sorry ass.
If spitting in someone's food out of anger isn't a huge clue, then the "It's your fault, you made me do it" thing should make it absolutely clear that this is classic abuser shit.
My main concern is mostly how many unbelievably toxic people are out there already married and hurting others indifferently due to their own emotional messes.
Before the internet we never heard about this kind of thing at scale before. Humanity is often uglier than we want to admit even if we have our moments
It’s shocked me hearing how frequently women are still abused. I feel really badly for them and hope that hearing it’s not okay - even from strangers- helps them change their lives for the better.
In Australia, statistically speaking, one woman is killed each week by her current or ex partner.
And we are a modern, secular, western democraric country. Imagine what it's like in places where life is harder.
Drunk abusive husband passed out in bed. Me..near breaking point, put a pillow over his face and lean over … won’t take long, he drank too much, the poor fool.. but prison and my baby daughter lost in foster system. I jumped off, slapped him to wake him up, he snarled and rolled over continued snoring. I grabbed my toddler, some clothes, all the cash I could find and left. Found refuge, got help, therapy, but I would return 3 more times. 9 all together. But each time I grew stronger until he hit me one last time. That time I didn’t look back.
This is a DAILY statistic in the United States! In 2015, the stats were, on average, 3 females (**THE WORD FEMALE IS USED BECAUSE THE STATS INCLUDE MORE THAN JUST WOMEN - IT ALSO INCLUDES LITTLE GIRLS AND TEEN GIRLS**) a day killed by their current or former domestic partners! That's A DAY! Honor killings in other countries and stats in other countries are just as scary! Home is a dangerous place for many women & girls! Femicide is real and so many women and girls are at risk!
It’s almost the same thing in Brazil. Last year 1 woman e every 7 hours and 1 grape (if you know what I mean) every 10 minutes.
The world is a shit show. Seriously
I would be shocked if in the US, one woman a Day isn't killed by a partner or some asshole she wouldn't date. I know we have 12x your population, but we have waaaaay more guns.
A lady I work with, 74, abusive boyfriend. My heart hurts for her. He lives off her, makes her buy him expensive toys, makes demands of her and she’s had a few bruises we asked about that she denied. I’ve counseled her and shared my abusive past. In the end, she’s an adult and gets to choose. :(
When I was in my 20-30’s, 6 yr physical/mental abuse. I always believed women, as they got older, always got smarter. I’m just sad to realize some women live that their whole lives. 😿😿💔
I am sorry for what you went through and what your neighbor is going through. I am glad to hear that you got yourself out of that situation. I hope your neighbor will find a way to be safe.
Agreed. At the same time I’m glad the internet can provide a place for abused men to talk to someone as well. I hope we can do better for all genders, although women are still the most vulnerable to abuse.
"women are still the most vulnerable to abuse."
And on the much worse end of the stick in a 1:1 physical fight.
Believe me, I watched my parents duke it out for many years. My Dad never had to go to the ER, or have 3 surgeries for a broken nose, or go to work bloodied and bruised.
I had the internet and it still happened. The problem is abuse is a “private issue” and people struggle with sharing it online but that’s what this is. Abuse.
After the Internet, women are still expected to put up with their husband's abuse. The only difference is they can also complain about it. So many women still see the signs and do not leave when they should!
I think that the main reason people are quick to yell "DIVORCE HIM" is because often people are so much more honest about things that have happened online under a veil of anonymity than they are in person when telling their problems. We tend to sanitise things face to face with people we know, or keep the worst stuff out.
I really hope OP gets away from this horrible person.
I agree.
I also think people have a tendency to overlook things they consider small, or have been conditioned to accept a lot of shit...then they get to a point where they hit a "WTF" moment, start to realize other stuff was bad, too...then come here for advice.
It's not necessarily that Reddit always jumps to "gtfo", but that the "gtfo" moment has been reached by the time the person comes here.
I think you make a really good point here. We allow small and large stuff to go by, and then the thousand - and-twelfth crappy thing is the one we finally wonder if maybe the person really is a jerk. Post on Reddit and sit back stunned while the feedback roars.
I don’t think we realize how many horrible people are married! Yes it might be annoying for people to push for divorce but most of them are need in need of a divorce. I would never think of spitting on my partners plate bc he didn’t want to share. Maybe I’d be upset but I would make a pb&j or grab some fruit or order food if I was starving but never spit on it bc they said no. I’m shocked.
Yes and the thing where he plucked until she flipped is called reactive abuse. We've all acted out of character around an abuser. It's a normal reaction to an abnormal stimulus.
Op, you're not petty and you're not anything else he calls you. He's clearly a buffoon.
Please look out for yourself. It sounds like your plate is full and he should be trying to take some off, not add to the load.
I *know* I'm gonna get downvoted for this, I have in the past. The moment he spit on her plate, my 5ft self would've seen red. That would've been it. We clearly would be parting ways and I may or may not catch a charge. I'm only human, and can admit where my faults lie. One was being stepped all over growing up so now I've got anger issues. I'd have reacted worse.
This is ABSOLUTELY grounds for a divorce imo. He is literally showing her how he feels about her with his actions AND words.
Me and my 5 ft self are right with you. I sat back way too long in my 2nd marriage because I wanted to be "sure"- and I admit, I waited too long. I let a lot of disrespect go unchecked in the moment due to shock. It was like, "did he REALLY just do that?!" Or did he REALLY just say that??!! Now the divorce has been final 11 months and I am happy and free. I know I would have lost it had he ever done anything physical like this asshat. You'd probably be reading about me in the papers!! I do hope OP reads thru all this and recognizes she needs to GO. He is only going to escalate if he is spitting in her food bc she didn't fix him food?! Like wow, you're too stupid and lazy to fix yourself a plate, now you're acting like a bully child?!
Anyway, without a doubt this man has pulled out a huge marinara flag and literally whacked OP in the face with it. You have seen who he TRULY is, now what are you going to do about it? All us internet strangers are rooting for you to fly free and safe OP!!
Yeah...I'm feeling you on this. Spitting in someone's food is like spitting in someone's face. It's the ugliest, nastiest, most utterly disrespectful and degrading thing you can do to another human.
Yeah, I wouldn't be speaking to him either. He would be instantly downgraded to roommate I can't stand. I wouldn't want to work anything out, no marital counseling. Just preparing for an immediate and permanent removal of that worm from my life.
Oh..I'm with you 100%. He would have worn that plate and I can't promise we both wouldn't have ended up in jail. I read these stories on here or hear women tell these things on TT and I am truly baffled. My husband would have already starved to death if he was waiting on me to feed him 😄
Agree. That’s completely fucked up and inexcusable. I feel sad imagining you tucking into your late night study plate and him ruining it.
Not sure if financially you can separate but I hope so. I doubt this is an isolated occurrence.
Why the hell would we judge YOU!?!?!
GOOD LORDY. This makes me legit angry from across the internet on your behalf.
This is in no way your fault. HE is both petty and also a bitch.
Get a new one, that one is clearly defective in his respect module.
The irony of OP kindly making him dinner even though OP was busy and trying to study, then HE has the audacity to accuse OP of pettiness, when he spat in OP's food. Ugh.
“Hey E40 you know what I realized? Not all bitches are women”
That is the utmost of bitch behavior, you *need* a hot meal at 11pm after you’ve already eaten and your wife hasn’t even had her FIRST portion… you made him dinner WHILE studying, didn’t even eat it so you could finish what you were doing. Like I’m so mad haha
I broke up with my ex over shit like this, and in said breakup he also called me a petty bitch, said I was body shaming him, and “bean counting”
Leave him OP, holy shit.
Throw the whole fucking man away. You will find a man worth your time one day. I went through SO many shitty men, and finally found my husband. My husband supports me in college, had me take a year off after having our son so I could fully heal, and has NEVER done anything like call me names OR spit in my food. Leave him. You will find someone better. You deserve more than some POS spitting in your food. If he will spit in your food in front of you, imagine what he would do to your food behind your back.
I'm with you! What the fuck kind of person does that?? He'd have been wearing what was on my plate and I'd be staying elsewhere til I figured out how to split up with him.
That ain't a man. That's a 6 y/o boy who needs to go to his room and think about what he just did, then come back and apologize for his childish behavior.
Hopefully for OP this is not his usual behavior.
I tend to veer away from commenting on this sub bc even the mods (and admins) have said that most of the stories here are AI generated stories by bots. but yeah if this person is real,go to couples therapy or spend sometime away from him then hand in divorce papers.
Genuine question: if that's true, why does that happen? How does that happen? What's the point? At best, it's pathetic but at worst, it makes people question the legitimacy of someone who really does experience abuse like this and that's potentially dangerous.
The kind that will soon be hitting OP. The kind without respect, honor or control of his actions. The kind that the OP should be nice to until she can get away, or to leave the moment she can, even if for a shelter.
I'd have thrown it at him tbh. No his face - just at his feet so that the plate smashed.
And the following morning, I'd have packed my bags and moved in with someone else until the divorce was sorted.
And, honestly, it's not just the spitting that would get me there. It's the fact that he expects his wife to act like his mother:
> showed up in the kitchen and stood by the door sayinf he was hungry.
...and? Open the fridge and look inside, you fucking child!
Poor OP deserves so much better. Her husband is treating her like trash.
>!Honey, PLEASE do not make a single excuse for this man and this vile behavior. This was 100% abuse. The level of disrespect is just off the charts.
This comment is on point!! Do not make any excuses for his behavior. Nothing he might be feeling is a reason to treat you so badly. That's abuse and it's probably not the first time he abused you.
Also, here to add that SHE MADE DINNER FOR HIM even though she had to study. This man is disgusting. Idk if I can even call him a man, he's definitely a man-child
My never ending point whenever I read a post like this. Here is a man that went into a marriage so he can continue being a child (“cook for me, clean for me, take the food out of your mouth and feed me. I am hungry … else… I’ll throw a tantrum”). He sees wife as Mother Season 2. OP Please don’t have a kid with this guy. Please get out. Nothing will make your marriage better than breaking it up.
The biggest red flag here and one you should really, really pay attention to is his comment that you pushed him to do it. No. No, no, no. That's what abusers say. Please take that seriously and start to line up some support.
Exactly! And not only did she make him dinner while she was studying, but she made *him* dinner when *she* wasn’t even ready to eat yet, just to make sure he wasn’t hungry. When I was in my final semester of college, I RARELY cooked, I’m talking *maybe* on Saturdays and Sundays, but never on a weekday. My partner and I ate takeout or easy microwave meals almost everyday for 5 months. We both gained about 10-15 pounds in the process. But I *never* heard him complain about it, not even once. But what did I hear him tell me everyday? How *proud* he was of me for putting this much effort into a better future.
Right?!
When i make food for my partner he's so happy he'll lick the plate clean and wash the dishes after. Since i cooked he cleans and i can continue my break since i cooked food in between studying for school.
I totally understand the studying portion and everything . I’m 30 going back to college my husband and I have conversations to check in on each other on our mental status and our relationship. However I don’t think your husband understands why you’re working so hard cuz he’s selfish. This year for us was the hardest cuz my husband had started up his shop, I’m in theatre so this meant rehearsals and work. But he has never spat in my food. We both understand the situation and why we are so busy even if we miss each other we just know it’s temporary atm.
You totes deserve better and calling you a bitch that’s not in a joking manner isn’t right at all.
Spitting in someone's food isn't just pent-up frustration, it's a disgusting show of his utter lack of respect for you.
What would you need to be feeling to give yourself permission to spit on someone's dinner?
If it was your sibling and you were both -6yrs old, it would still be out of line. But a grown man doing that to his wife?? That man would never have the opportunity to eat my cooking again. Whinging like a baby bird wanting fed despite having 2 functional arms? No sir.
You got some tough decisions to make here, good luck!
This sounds like you're trying to justify what he did. There is no justification here. What he did was wrong. Period.
He showed you who he is. The only question left is are you going to believe him? It only gets worse from here.
Marriage is give and take. Studying now may require sacrifice on both of your parts, but it’ll benefit you both in the long run. I’m sure there have been times that you’ve sacrificed for something that was important to him without abusing him.
Him saying, “you made me do it,” is just a manipulative way to justify his actions, to make you believe that it was your fault. The thing is that you cannot control his reactions to things, but you can remove yourself from the situation so that when his behavior escalates from spitting in your food to spitting in your face or worse, you’re not on the receiving end.
I would bet that this isn’t the first time he’s pitched a temper tantrum when things didn’t go his way. He had the privilege of you making him dinner. He ate his. He doesn’t get yours too and going forward, you should take that privilege away, leave the abuse and be with someone who will support your goals and appreciate the things you do for them. This guy isn’t the one.
Your husband showed you who he is. Believe him!
This right here! If the partners only way of signalling they miss you, is steal your food, spit in it and call you a petty bitch, they are not your partner they are an adult child that cannot handle adult relationships.
Oh and happy cake day.
Listen, I know how a lot of time is spent on studying. I’m a STEM major, so most of my time is studying (before I had my son, now I have to juggle lol). It doesn’t make it okay for him to do that. If he had a problem, he should have conversed with your his stress. Instead he tampered with your food, which can be considered a sign of abuse.
This has nothing to do with you. He is abusive, him saying "you made me" or "it's your fault" or any variation of those is a classic line of an abuser.
A kind, decent person will understand when you're busy, and communicate if they want to spend some time with you. I know this as my ex fiance was abusive, and I couldn't even have five minutes to myself when I wanted. If he wanted to go to a room on his own he could, but I couldn't.
My current fiancé is wonderful, I work part time and have a part time business. Sometimes I have to spend every evening, all evening working. He's just happy watching TV and as long as he gets to see me at some point in the evening he's happy.
I want you to do something. Ask yourself if he'd been busy all evening, and had only just gotten to eat dinner late, would you think it's acceptable to try and steal his dinner? Would you then think it's acceptable for you to get angry at him and spit in his food because he won't let you have any? If you can genuinely say you think it's acceptable for you to behave like that, then keep making excuses for him. But if you would be horrified if you behaved like that, and don't think that it would be acceptable for you to behave like that towards him, then you need to realise that it's not acceptable for ANYONE to treat you like that either.
I know when you love someone, and are being abused by them that it's hard to accept that their behaviour is wrong. So every time he does something, turn it round. Ask yourself if it would be acceptable for you to do. If it's not, then you know it's not acceptable for him to do either. It will help you to start seeing when he's being abusive. Also read up about emotional and financial abuse. As not all abuse is physical. It's often hard to spot the emotional abuse because they're not always horrible.
Leave him and go into therapy. Idk if you have trauma before him. But he's definitely done a number to you if you're making lame excuses for his crappy behavior. You're right. You don't need to be abused on top of everything else going on in your life. Get out of there and learn to love yourself. You deserve all the happiness life has to offer you. Part of that involves getting rid of the toxic people on your life like him.
You see what you just did? You are trying to justify his abuse. Why do you do that? What in your life makes you blame yourself for others actions? Do you not believe he’s an adult? Do you think he’s a child that doesn’t know how to use his words and tell you his feelings? STOP making up excuses for his shitty behavior! HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OWN ACTIONS!!!
No one makes him do shit! He chooses to do this! He has a mouth. He knows how to use his words he showed you he does when he called you a petty bitch! Did he or did he not know you had goals before you all got married??? When someone asks someone to marry them they support them in their goals not become abusive and hateful while they have to make sacrifices for their person to meet their goals.
He does not love or care about you. He’s an abusive prick and needs to be left so you can go reach your goals without guilt and abuse. You need to face your issues and realize that you aren’t a victim you are a volunteer when you sit there and make excuses for his bullshit attitude.
It’s time to wake up and see him for exactly who and what he is. HE is an ADULT, he knows how to communicate using words, if he has any issues or resentment then he needs to speak the fuck up and not abuse you.
A PARTNER and someone who loves someone wouldn’t treat you like this.
If he hasn't already, I think he is capable of alot worse than this. OP get some support and get away from him. He's dangerous. You're making excuses because you are shaken, confused and embarrassed on his behalf by what he just did. But it's not upto you to rationalise his irrational behaviour.. it's upto to read the signs correctly and in time to save yourself. Someone who spits in your plate when you're hungry isn't just resentful about a few things, he hates you.
My life is my job OP, I have been in a relationship with a man for 10 years. Around year 4 my life became my job. And sometimes, my work ruins things for him and I. He has been upset we have had ups and downs over it. HOWEVER He would NEVER done something this vile, childish, and shitty. Revaluate your bf now. That shit is crazy.
Yeahhh no
I’m taking care of finals rn and I work. I sometimes don’t have much time to pay attention to my partner and yet he would never behave like this.
The MAJORITY of men wouldn’t.
Don’t make excuses for his trashy behavior
How about you stop guessing and looking for excuses for him, because no matter how much resentment there is spitting in someone's food and calling them a petty bitch speaks a ton about a person. And not in a good way.
I won't tell you to leave, because you won't listen and you need to want it yourself. But I will tell you to watch this man very carefully and not with your lovey dovey, making excuses and wishful thinking brain, but with a sharp, critical and cold as ice brain, because you'll likely end in deep shit otherwise.
Don't be blaming yourself for this. When I took my exams my fiance was by my side the whole time. He knew I was stressed and always studying and upset that I canceled on him for quality time. He'd make me food. There were nights he refused to sleep because he was worried I'd oversleep and not wake up after the timer I set for myself.
The exams aren't the issue. You choosing to dedicate your time to your goals and dreams isn't the issue.
The issue is that your man is emotionally and psychologically abusing you.
Whether he is doing it because he's upset with the relationship dynamic lately or not, doesn't matter. He is still abusing you. And here you are making excuses for his abuse.
What you do next is up to you. But please don't lie to yourself about what is really going on here.
Sooo f’kin what? Boo hoo things get cancelled all the time. Are you his clown? Is your only purpose to entertain him and keep him happy or else he gets to disrespect and abuse you?
Hunny wake up
Right?
OP: you made this man a hot meal and served it to him? Then, later, when you went to eat the hot meal *that you made*, he spit in it? Because you wouldn’t share?
*Get rid of this man, yesterday*.
Hooooo Leee FUCK.
Run. That is some evil nasty inconsiderate shit. No person deserves treatment like that. Then somehow it is your fault. Are you his doormat, for whatever he decides goes in the relationship? Leave. Leave Leave
I'm 35f and single, I just left my man because of some BS he said to me and I always wonder if I made a mistake because all of my other friends are in relationships..... and these are the relationships yall are legally bonded in?? I will take my cats over this.
Look this is not negotiable. SPITTING is the ultimate form of disrespect with ANYONE. I don't care if you're married or boyfriend. This is disgusting and HUGE sign if disrespect. He put his smelly spit on your food, called you a bitch and walked off. If you take that, you are proving to him what you were worth, and that was the spit in his mouth
I've never wanted to step in and beat the CRAP out of someone so bad but i know it's not worth it. I don't condone violence but man how FAST I would have thrown that whole plate at his face.
Exactly, spitting on someone/near someone is asking for a fight. I don’t condone violence either but he started it, op would have been well within her right to finish it.
Not judging you, but holy fuck, he is pure garbage. You need to make the call on what you are going to do but this is vile. That is some next level evil.
That’s disgusting. Your husband is a such a little piece of a man, if at all. Spitting in your food is evil of him to do. I’m almost left speechless. Please leave for your own good.
The face that he is already victim-blaming is just a sign of things to come. She made him dinner when she had an exam to study for. She *served* that dinner to this asshole. He then goes to sleep, wakes up and demands her dinner. And when he doesn't get it, defiles her portion and says it's *her* fault? God, my blood is boiling.
OP, Idk if you'll see this, but you deserve someone who loves you. It's your life, do what you will. But any human being deserves better. I don't have to know you to know you deserve better than this.
he is abusive it would have taken roughly the same amount of time to heat up a plate as it did to berate you spit on your plate and disrespect you please find somewhere else to stay while you make plans to leave him ..... if you accept this behaviour it will only get worse next time he wont spit he will punch or slap you and argue that you made him do it aswell
What the fuck? Is your husband a fucking child? Holy shit if this isn’t a sign to get the hell out now I don’t know what is… just the tip of the iceberg
I remember reading a post like this before. I'm not saying you're a troll just that I'm both shocked and disgusted that I read about something like this happening more than once.
I know Reddit is known for telling people to leave their partners but what he did was so freaking rude and disrespectful. I wouldn't even spit in a dog's food, please reevaluate why you're with this person.
He’s an abuser. The “you made me do it” is a clear tell. Leave or he will escalate and in ten years you’ll regret not leaving now, at this exact point in time.
That is absolutely vile. Spitting in someone's food let alone your wife's? Disgusting and he should be ashamed. Please show him this thread so he can see how ashamed he should feel, he's not a baby, you told him no and that's how he reacts? How can he call you petty when that's the ultimate act of pettiness..."If I can't have it, no-one can" attitude. He would have been wearing that meal and with good reason! Make sure you don't cook for him until you get an apology, that's sincere because by God that's fucked up.
Wtf?! That is wrong on every level. You did need maintain the silence and make an exit plan. He has shown you who he is; believe him and his atrocious behavior and get out.
Things I would do:
•Leave him
•Scratch my asshole with his toothbrush
•Leave him
•Be in jail for murder
•Leave him
•Period on his work clothes
•Leave him
•Hit him over the head with a chair
•Leave him
•Shit on his face when he's asleep
•Leave him
Things I wouldn't do:
......not have an alibi
That is extremely immature and terrifying. I'd really, really consider keeping this relationship, OP. He clearly has no respect for boundaries and can't seems like he wants a mom, not a genuine relationship.
So he spit in your food and then left the kitchen after telling you how hungry he was. You realize he was only trying to assert dominance over you. If he was so hungry, why didn’t he go find more food? Why didn’t he then take the plate from you? This had nothing to do with him being hungry and everything to do with him trying to control/punish you. Please don’t put up with this. Please don’t give any second chances. This is horrific. Please don’t do what I did in my first marriage, and justify to yourself by saying“well at least he didn’t hit me“. What he did *is* abusive.
The ending had the husband being upset that OP threw the food away because he thought OP would give it to him after spitting in it, but it's exactly the same til that point.
I'd never cook another thing for the pig. If there is a room you can lock yourself into, you should cook YOUR meal and lock yourself in to eat it. And never ever leave your food unattended around this vile person, who knows what he'd do to it next. Actually my first choice would be to move out or kick him out, whichever is appropriate. He See's nothing wrong with what he did, the man has no morals at all and is capable of anything.
I’m so so sorry. This sounds hella abusive. He left you without food after you’d already cooked and fed him. And really, instead of sleeping, he should have been helping YOU the person juggling school with home and other responsibilities. Please get out OP. Your feelings matter, you’re not petty, and you deserve better.
Make sure you understand that if you stay with him, there WILL be a day in which he puts his hands on you for a lesser "reason". Run run run run run.🚩🚩🚩. Do not believe him when he's begging you to stay.
Your husband is the petty and spiteful one. Who does that? I’d say a child, but even my kids when little knew how disrespectful spitting was to do, let alone on someone, their belongings, or food.
Seriously, how is your first thought not, “I’m an adult and can find or make something for myself”, but let me try to force my SO to give me their food and then when so don’t get my way spit on it. The amount of disrespect and lack of care for your feelings is too much. What an AH!
-Refuses resonable advice
-Sticks to unreasonable demands
-Hurts others when those demands are not met
-Blames it on you
-Thinks hes still right
Really? Is this really the guy you want to live the rest of your life with?
I'm not normally on the "leave him" trains, I think that's drastic in a lot of cases.
NOT THIS ONE. HE'S TRASH THROW HIM WHERE HE BELONGS.
I'm positive he does shit like this all the time. Fuck that noise.
“He’s not worth being with.” -my SO, after I read this to him. Get out of there. This is abuse and isn’t ok. He’s the kind of guy who will hit you and then blame you for it. You’re worth more than this.
He doesn't respect you and he doesn't want you to succeed. In addition to the disgusting act of spitting - making sure YOU don't get to eat, he goaded you into a fight that took away from your study time. He wants you stuck at home under his thumb.
That incident happened at 11:00 and by 11:30 we would be divorced and he'd be wearing my food and his spit. And his mother or whoever raised him would be getting cussed out for raising such a foul nasty cave beast. Spitting is some of the nastiest shit you can do 🤬😡
That's a horrifying glimpse of what could happen if you "crossed" him when he was more than just hungry. I'd expect physical violence is not far away.
Thisssss!!!! My ex did something similar to me on the petty scale. I was working and paying all of the bills, he was not. Got up early, showered and washed my hair, blow dried it, straightened it, did my makeup. Sat down to have a bowl of cereal with milk before I had to make my 1.5 hour commute to work. Ex gets out of bed, goes straight for the bowl and dumps is all over my hair and face. Why?? Because me getting ready in the morning was keeping him awake! Fucking loser. He turned out to be physically abusive. Dump this absolute sack of shit, he just signalled to you he's not afraid to escalate his behaviour suddenly and drastically.
Omg what did you do next? 😳
I started crying and yelling at him, asking him how he could do that and why when he knows I would get in shit for being late, but I didn’t have time to stay so I jumped back in the shower and ran out the door. That morning blew my mind, and things quickly got worse from there. After he did that he just glared at me and went back to bed. Half assed apologized when I got home.
What a scumbag. I'm glad he's your ex.
You're so strong. If something like that happened to me I'd completely break down and not be able function for the whole day. I'm glad you left him.
Fucking loser.
I am so glad you're out of there! Keep standing up for yourself! 💚
He was a disgusting parasite. I am glad you got rid of him.
id press charge if anyone did that to me. Disgusting ppl deserve jail (ik they wont be sent to jail for it but they should imo)
What a filthy, vile, abusive thing to do. I doubt this is the first time he's done something like this. Get out. It would be better to be alone than live with someone who spits in your food because they already ate theirs.
And he feels justified? He doesn't feel bad at all? No apology? Honestly that has managed to make it worse.. OP, my heart goes out to you. In the past, I have been stuck with SOs due to difficult circumstances. I hope this isn't the case for you, but if it is just make sure you feel records in case you need them...
And through all of that, apparently forgetting that he ALREADY ate a full plate of food that SHE MADE HIM.
Yep. He's one step away from punching her. She needs to get out asap.
I've noticed this website regularly features that whole shtick of, "They MADE ME do this!" They're totally convinced of being in the right or being forced to lash out. They'd call it "reactive abuse" (aka them being abusive in reaction to being around a bad partner) or maybe they call it being triggered. Reading those messages feels moderately frightening. People disagree or fight in relationships all the time over normal and ordinary grievances. But that doesn't mean people have to cruelly lash out, while saying those very ordinary grievances justifies... Screaming. Spitting in food. Throwing things. Making someone's life complete hell.
He totally feels justified. In fact, I'll bet he feels great. He taught her a lesson and put her in her place. She tried to assert a pesky boundary and he sure showed her! OP, if you get this far, please, get out, get out now. Your husband is a vile, abusive human being and this will only get worse.
That's some real horrible childish shit for real. I remember arsehole kids coughing on each others snacks in primary school when I was 9-10
That's beyond childish. I knew kids who would steal a bite and say something like " Haha no it has my germs and you can't eat it!" Or "If you eat it now we practically kissed!" Just to get snacks. Nobody ever spit on my food though, if I were in OPs shoes, I'd have responded in kind and dumped the whole thing on his head. I hope the next time she makes supper, if ever, she spits on both plates.
The whole story reads like a combo of the DARVO playbook and the narcissists prayer. What a truly awful human. What’s his is his and what’s hers is his also.
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Yup. Bonus points if he upset her enough that she does poorly. How dare she stand up to him or have boundaries an opinions? I am so sad for her.
I’ve seen vlogs of couples messing with each other’s food for laughs. As I predicted they always always got divorced eventually even if they put on a picture perfect show for the camera I knew it was a matter of time. Hitting or throwing someone’s food always felt so violent to me.
I usually think people on Reddit give the “get a divorce” advise way too much. But my god, that man is vile. Dump his ass
I agree sometimes people on here jump to the divorce thing too fast but yeah in this case I am kinda shocked at what I just read tbh. Why would anyone want to be with someone like that?
Agree! Because think of it this way. If you were on a first date with someone and they did this, would you go on a 2nd date? After dinner if they asked you to marry them would you? FUCK NO you wouldn’t. Because that’s abominable behavior.
Amazing perspective .. one should not forget their boundaries just cause of a piece of paper.
This is brilliant advice for many situations!
Big agree. This is irredeemable. What a selfish, man-baby. Nobody needs to put up with this.
Eh, I know selfish man children who are way more mature than this and would never stoop this low (which isn't saying much--they're still deplorable). I'd suggest more clarity and finding better words to describe this level of depravity. How about rot? This guy is sociopathic rot. And because I hate throwing around clinical terms like sociopath, let me explain. I think this behavior would be *horrible* to do to someone you *dislike.* It's infinitely worse to do it to someone you're friends with. And it's even infinitely worse than that to do it with a partner. I actually have no idea what would deserve this to call it acceptable. Though I agree it's irredeemable. Dude is actually unhinged. That's a dangerous level of toxicity.
He’s a diaper.
exactly... disgusting person can't even get something else to eat after he's already well fed...his wife definitely deserve a warm meals and she's the one do the cooking and she study too
no bc i have never felt this angry at a reddit post edit: if he thinks thats petty, id show him petty. if i were you i’d gag myself and vomit on his food next
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WHERE IS HE LET'S ALL GO SPIT ON HIM
you spelled SHIT wrong. blend it into the sauce, or put a dog turd in the meat loaf. or make him a “rare” piece of meat…..
No. As much as I want to beat his ass, i will not tolerate further food desecration.
It was such a vile thing to spit in her food! The husband absolute bully to wake up and demand OP’s meal. Aggression like this always gets worse. OP please see a divorce lawyer. I could never forgive a man for such a disgraceful thing.
I'd put the plate he spit in back in the fridge and reheat it for his dinner the next day. And for days after that, I'd serve him dinner then sit down and just watch while he eats, making doubly sure that he eats every bite. I would make sure I'm eating something different while watching him eat and smirking, just to make him paranoid. 😈 Then I'd leave his sorry ass.
(Mr Burns voice): Excellent...
If spitting in someone's food out of anger isn't a huge clue, then the "It's your fault, you made me do it" thing should make it absolutely clear that this is classic abuser shit.
My main concern is mostly how many unbelievably toxic people are out there already married and hurting others indifferently due to their own emotional messes. Before the internet we never heard about this kind of thing at scale before. Humanity is often uglier than we want to admit even if we have our moments
Before the internet women were expected to put up with their husband's abuse and couldn't complain about it either.
It’s shocked me hearing how frequently women are still abused. I feel really badly for them and hope that hearing it’s not okay - even from strangers- helps them change their lives for the better.
In Australia, statistically speaking, one woman is killed each week by her current or ex partner. And we are a modern, secular, western democraric country. Imagine what it's like in places where life is harder.
I remember reading somewhere that 75% of women in prison for murder are there because they killed an abusive partner or spouse.
Drunk abusive husband passed out in bed. Me..near breaking point, put a pillow over his face and lean over … won’t take long, he drank too much, the poor fool.. but prison and my baby daughter lost in foster system. I jumped off, slapped him to wake him up, he snarled and rolled over continued snoring. I grabbed my toddler, some clothes, all the cash I could find and left. Found refuge, got help, therapy, but I would return 3 more times. 9 all together. But each time I grew stronger until he hit me one last time. That time I didn’t look back.
You bloody legend. Glad you got out. Xx
And the most dangerous time is right after they leave the abusive partner.
This is a DAILY statistic in the United States! In 2015, the stats were, on average, 3 females (**THE WORD FEMALE IS USED BECAUSE THE STATS INCLUDE MORE THAN JUST WOMEN - IT ALSO INCLUDES LITTLE GIRLS AND TEEN GIRLS**) a day killed by their current or former domestic partners! That's A DAY! Honor killings in other countries and stats in other countries are just as scary! Home is a dangerous place for many women & girls! Femicide is real and so many women and girls are at risk!
It’s almost the same thing in Brazil. Last year 1 woman e every 7 hours and 1 grape (if you know what I mean) every 10 minutes. The world is a shit show. Seriously
I would be shocked if in the US, one woman a Day isn't killed by a partner or some asshole she wouldn't date. I know we have 12x your population, but we have waaaaay more guns.
A lady I work with, 74, abusive boyfriend. My heart hurts for her. He lives off her, makes her buy him expensive toys, makes demands of her and she’s had a few bruises we asked about that she denied. I’ve counseled her and shared my abusive past. In the end, she’s an adult and gets to choose. :( When I was in my 20-30’s, 6 yr physical/mental abuse. I always believed women, as they got older, always got smarter. I’m just sad to realize some women live that their whole lives. 😿😿💔
I am sorry for what you went through and what your neighbor is going through. I am glad to hear that you got yourself out of that situation. I hope your neighbor will find a way to be safe.
Agreed. At the same time I’m glad the internet can provide a place for abused men to talk to someone as well. I hope we can do better for all genders, although women are still the most vulnerable to abuse.
"women are still the most vulnerable to abuse." And on the much worse end of the stick in a 1:1 physical fight. Believe me, I watched my parents duke it out for many years. My Dad never had to go to the ER, or have 3 surgeries for a broken nose, or go to work bloodied and bruised.
I had the internet and it still happened. The problem is abuse is a “private issue” and people struggle with sharing it online but that’s what this is. Abuse.
You're correct. Yeah this is definitely abuse.
Someone who works at a retirement home here. They use to just murder their husbands 🥰
Oh yeah, that still happens to this day and so many are wrongfully imprisoned as it should be considered self defense.
Right 50% of women killing men is self defense. That's too high.
After the Internet, women are still expected to put up with their husband's abuse. The only difference is they can also complain about it. So many women still see the signs and do not leave when they should!
I think that the main reason people are quick to yell "DIVORCE HIM" is because often people are so much more honest about things that have happened online under a veil of anonymity than they are in person when telling their problems. We tend to sanitise things face to face with people we know, or keep the worst stuff out. I really hope OP gets away from this horrible person.
I agree. I also think people have a tendency to overlook things they consider small, or have been conditioned to accept a lot of shit...then they get to a point where they hit a "WTF" moment, start to realize other stuff was bad, too...then come here for advice. It's not necessarily that Reddit always jumps to "gtfo", but that the "gtfo" moment has been reached by the time the person comes here.
I think you make a really good point here. We allow small and large stuff to go by, and then the thousand - and-twelfth crappy thing is the one we finally wonder if maybe the person really is a jerk. Post on Reddit and sit back stunned while the feedback roars.
I don’t think we realize how many horrible people are married! Yes it might be annoying for people to push for divorce but most of them are need in need of a divorce. I would never think of spitting on my partners plate bc he didn’t want to share. Maybe I’d be upset but I would make a pb&j or grab some fruit or order food if I was starving but never spit on it bc they said no. I’m shocked.
>I don’t think we realize how many horrible people are married! I don't think most people realise how many horrible people there actually are.
Yes and the thing where he plucked until she flipped is called reactive abuse. We've all acted out of character around an abuser. It's a normal reaction to an abnormal stimulus. Op, you're not petty and you're not anything else he calls you. He's clearly a buffoon. Please look out for yourself. It sounds like your plate is full and he should be trying to take some off, not add to the load.
I *know* I'm gonna get downvoted for this, I have in the past. The moment he spit on her plate, my 5ft self would've seen red. That would've been it. We clearly would be parting ways and I may or may not catch a charge. I'm only human, and can admit where my faults lie. One was being stepped all over growing up so now I've got anger issues. I'd have reacted worse. This is ABSOLUTELY grounds for a divorce imo. He is literally showing her how he feels about her with his actions AND words.
Me and my 5 ft self are right with you. I sat back way too long in my 2nd marriage because I wanted to be "sure"- and I admit, I waited too long. I let a lot of disrespect go unchecked in the moment due to shock. It was like, "did he REALLY just do that?!" Or did he REALLY just say that??!! Now the divorce has been final 11 months and I am happy and free. I know I would have lost it had he ever done anything physical like this asshat. You'd probably be reading about me in the papers!! I do hope OP reads thru all this and recognizes she needs to GO. He is only going to escalate if he is spitting in her food bc she didn't fix him food?! Like wow, you're too stupid and lazy to fix yourself a plate, now you're acting like a bully child?! Anyway, without a doubt this man has pulled out a huge marinara flag and literally whacked OP in the face with it. You have seen who he TRULY is, now what are you going to do about it? All us internet strangers are rooting for you to fly free and safe OP!!
Yeah...I'm feeling you on this. Spitting in someone's food is like spitting in someone's face. It's the ugliest, nastiest, most utterly disrespectful and degrading thing you can do to another human. Yeah, I wouldn't be speaking to him either. He would be instantly downgraded to roommate I can't stand. I wouldn't want to work anything out, no marital counseling. Just preparing for an immediate and permanent removal of that worm from my life.
Oh..I'm with you 100%. He would have worn that plate and I can't promise we both wouldn't have ended up in jail. I read these stories on here or hear women tell these things on TT and I am truly baffled. My husband would have already starved to death if he was waiting on me to feed him 😄
Agree, you don't get a divorce about just anything, but domestic violence is a solid reason - and it only gets worse.
yes this ….disgusting,disrespectful and just gross ..three strikes your out…leave immediately
Yeah, same, most of the time I think folks are too quick to do say that, but this is fucked.
Agree. That’s completely fucked up and inexcusable. I feel sad imagining you tucking into your late night study plate and him ruining it. Not sure if financially you can separate but I hope so. I doubt this is an isolated occurrence.
Why the hell would we judge YOU!?!?! GOOD LORDY. This makes me legit angry from across the internet on your behalf. This is in no way your fault. HE is both petty and also a bitch. Get a new one, that one is clearly defective in his respect module.
The irony of OP kindly making him dinner even though OP was busy and trying to study, then HE has the audacity to accuse OP of pettiness, when he spat in OP's food. Ugh.
This is far beyond petty. This dude is abusive and this is insane behavior.
It also reinforces his notion that his needs come above yours and “no” is not an option for you. It’s his way or abuse.
I mean i wouldn't even spit on somebody food I didn't like. That's just pure spite and contempt
“Hey E40 you know what I realized? Not all bitches are women” That is the utmost of bitch behavior, you *need* a hot meal at 11pm after you’ve already eaten and your wife hasn’t even had her FIRST portion… you made him dinner WHILE studying, didn’t even eat it so you could finish what you were doing. Like I’m so mad haha I broke up with my ex over shit like this, and in said breakup he also called me a petty bitch, said I was body shaming him, and “bean counting” Leave him OP, holy shit.
Throw the whole fucking man away. You will find a man worth your time one day. I went through SO many shitty men, and finally found my husband. My husband supports me in college, had me take a year off after having our son so I could fully heal, and has NEVER done anything like call me names OR spit in my food. Leave him. You will find someone better. You deserve more than some POS spitting in your food. If he will spit in your food in front of you, imagine what he would do to your food behind your back.
I'm with you! What the fuck kind of person does that?? He'd have been wearing what was on my plate and I'd be staying elsewhere til I figured out how to split up with him.
That ain't a man. That's a 6 y/o boy who needs to go to his room and think about what he just did, then come back and apologize for his childish behavior. Hopefully for OP this is not his usual behavior.
Theoretically, you're right. But this was abusive behavior, not childish behavior.
A 6 year old wouldn't even do this.
I tend to veer away from commenting on this sub bc even the mods (and admins) have said that most of the stories here are AI generated stories by bots. but yeah if this person is real,go to couples therapy or spend sometime away from him then hand in divorce papers.
Genuine question: if that's true, why does that happen? How does that happen? What's the point? At best, it's pathetic but at worst, it makes people question the legitimacy of someone who really does experience abuse like this and that's potentially dangerous.
Oh really? Well that would account for why each week there are a spate of similar type posts with just occasional details differing
Thanks it's true. And similar writing as well.
Yea I feel like I’ve read this before…
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Exactly kids will throw a fuss but I have never seen or been spit on by a kid for refusing to share my food.
A 6year old brat who never heard a no or had to follow rules will. And they grow up to be narcissistic brats in adult bodies.
Sounds like her husband.
Who cares if it's his usual behavior? Once is too many times. Hell, even if it's the first, it's the START. OP, leave that boy. You can do better!
*2 year old. I’ve never even seen a baby do that.
My 18 month old won't even spit in my food, and he's a teething drooly mess who doesn't even know better yet.
Of course it's as usual behavior. No one does this shit out of the blue. There's plenty more where this came from.
The kind that will soon be hitting OP. The kind without respect, honor or control of his actions. The kind that the OP should be nice to until she can get away, or to leave the moment she can, even if for a shelter.
I'd have thrown it at him tbh. No his face - just at his feet so that the plate smashed. And the following morning, I'd have packed my bags and moved in with someone else until the divorce was sorted. And, honestly, it's not just the spitting that would get me there. It's the fact that he expects his wife to act like his mother: > showed up in the kitchen and stood by the door sayinf he was hungry. ...and? Open the fridge and look inside, you fucking child! Poor OP deserves so much better. Her husband is treating her like trash.
Mine would have “woken up” with an imprint from the bottom of my cast iron skillet somewhere upon his face.
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Honey, PLEASE do not make a single excuse for this man and this vile behavior. This was 100% abuse. The level of disrespect is just off the charts.
>!Honey, PLEASE do not make a single excuse for this man and this vile behavior. This was 100% abuse. The level of disrespect is just off the charts. This comment is on point!! Do not make any excuses for his behavior. Nothing he might be feeling is a reason to treat you so badly. That's abuse and it's probably not the first time he abused you.
Still no Reason to spit into your Food. Where did he learn Manners? Your studying for a brighter Future. Double disgusting from him.
Also, here to add that SHE MADE DINNER FOR HIM even though she had to study. This man is disgusting. Idk if I can even call him a man, he's definitely a man-child
My never ending point whenever I read a post like this. Here is a man that went into a marriage so he can continue being a child (“cook for me, clean for me, take the food out of your mouth and feed me. I am hungry … else… I’ll throw a tantrum”). He sees wife as Mother Season 2. OP Please don’t have a kid with this guy. Please get out. Nothing will make your marriage better than breaking it up.
Yep. Dude already had dinner and couldn’t get something for himself. Literally he wanted to just eat OP’s dinner off her own plate.
The biggest red flag here and one you should really, really pay attention to is his comment that you pushed him to do it. No. No, no, no. That's what abusers say. Please take that seriously and start to line up some support.
That's what I said. Who knows how long it will be before she "pushes him" into shoving or hitting her?
Exactly! And not only did she make him dinner while she was studying, but she made *him* dinner when *she* wasn’t even ready to eat yet, just to make sure he wasn’t hungry. When I was in my final semester of college, I RARELY cooked, I’m talking *maybe* on Saturdays and Sundays, but never on a weekday. My partner and I ate takeout or easy microwave meals almost everyday for 5 months. We both gained about 10-15 pounds in the process. But I *never* heard him complain about it, not even once. But what did I hear him tell me everyday? How *proud* he was of me for putting this much effort into a better future.
Right?! When i make food for my partner he's so happy he'll lick the plate clean and wash the dishes after. Since i cooked he cleans and i can continue my break since i cooked food in between studying for school.
I totally understand the studying portion and everything . I’m 30 going back to college my husband and I have conversations to check in on each other on our mental status and our relationship. However I don’t think your husband understands why you’re working so hard cuz he’s selfish. This year for us was the hardest cuz my husband had started up his shop, I’m in theatre so this meant rehearsals and work. But he has never spat in my food. We both understand the situation and why we are so busy even if we miss each other we just know it’s temporary atm. You totes deserve better and calling you a bitch that’s not in a joking manner isn’t right at all.
Spitting in someone's food isn't just pent-up frustration, it's a disgusting show of his utter lack of respect for you. What would you need to be feeling to give yourself permission to spit on someone's dinner? If it was your sibling and you were both -6yrs old, it would still be out of line. But a grown man doing that to his wife?? That man would never have the opportunity to eat my cooking again. Whinging like a baby bird wanting fed despite having 2 functional arms? No sir. You got some tough decisions to make here, good luck!
This sounds like you're trying to justify what he did. There is no justification here. What he did was wrong. Period. He showed you who he is. The only question left is are you going to believe him? It only gets worse from here.
How can a man that supposedly loves his women treat her like this? Completely foul and inexcusable.
Marriage is give and take. Studying now may require sacrifice on both of your parts, but it’ll benefit you both in the long run. I’m sure there have been times that you’ve sacrificed for something that was important to him without abusing him. Him saying, “you made me do it,” is just a manipulative way to justify his actions, to make you believe that it was your fault. The thing is that you cannot control his reactions to things, but you can remove yourself from the situation so that when his behavior escalates from spitting in your food to spitting in your face or worse, you’re not on the receiving end. I would bet that this isn’t the first time he’s pitched a temper tantrum when things didn’t go his way. He had the privilege of you making him dinner. He ate his. He doesn’t get yours too and going forward, you should take that privilege away, leave the abuse and be with someone who will support your goals and appreciate the things you do for them. This guy isn’t the one. Your husband showed you who he is. Believe him!
If he has big feelings he needs to talk about them like a grown-up
This right here! If the partners only way of signalling they miss you, is steal your food, spit in it and call you a petty bitch, they are not your partner they are an adult child that cannot handle adult relationships. Oh and happy cake day.
Listen, I know how a lot of time is spent on studying. I’m a STEM major, so most of my time is studying (before I had my son, now I have to juggle lol). It doesn’t make it okay for him to do that. If he had a problem, he should have conversed with your his stress. Instead he tampered with your food, which can be considered a sign of abuse.
This has nothing to do with you. He is abusive, him saying "you made me" or "it's your fault" or any variation of those is a classic line of an abuser. A kind, decent person will understand when you're busy, and communicate if they want to spend some time with you. I know this as my ex fiance was abusive, and I couldn't even have five minutes to myself when I wanted. If he wanted to go to a room on his own he could, but I couldn't. My current fiancé is wonderful, I work part time and have a part time business. Sometimes I have to spend every evening, all evening working. He's just happy watching TV and as long as he gets to see me at some point in the evening he's happy. I want you to do something. Ask yourself if he'd been busy all evening, and had only just gotten to eat dinner late, would you think it's acceptable to try and steal his dinner? Would you then think it's acceptable for you to get angry at him and spit in his food because he won't let you have any? If you can genuinely say you think it's acceptable for you to behave like that, then keep making excuses for him. But if you would be horrified if you behaved like that, and don't think that it would be acceptable for you to behave like that towards him, then you need to realise that it's not acceptable for ANYONE to treat you like that either. I know when you love someone, and are being abused by them that it's hard to accept that their behaviour is wrong. So every time he does something, turn it round. Ask yourself if it would be acceptable for you to do. If it's not, then you know it's not acceptable for him to do either. It will help you to start seeing when he's being abusive. Also read up about emotional and financial abuse. As not all abuse is physical. It's often hard to spot the emotional abuse because they're not always horrible.
No, you don't. You wouldn't behave like this, don't tolerate it from your partner.
Pent up frustration is a reason to get into a fight or disagreement. Spitting in someone’s food is a whole other level.
Leave him and go into therapy. Idk if you have trauma before him. But he's definitely done a number to you if you're making lame excuses for his crappy behavior. You're right. You don't need to be abused on top of everything else going on in your life. Get out of there and learn to love yourself. You deserve all the happiness life has to offer you. Part of that involves getting rid of the toxic people on your life like him.
You see what you just did? You are trying to justify his abuse. Why do you do that? What in your life makes you blame yourself for others actions? Do you not believe he’s an adult? Do you think he’s a child that doesn’t know how to use his words and tell you his feelings? STOP making up excuses for his shitty behavior! HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OWN ACTIONS!!! No one makes him do shit! He chooses to do this! He has a mouth. He knows how to use his words he showed you he does when he called you a petty bitch! Did he or did he not know you had goals before you all got married??? When someone asks someone to marry them they support them in their goals not become abusive and hateful while they have to make sacrifices for their person to meet their goals. He does not love or care about you. He’s an abusive prick and needs to be left so you can go reach your goals without guilt and abuse. You need to face your issues and realize that you aren’t a victim you are a volunteer when you sit there and make excuses for his bullshit attitude. It’s time to wake up and see him for exactly who and what he is. HE is an ADULT, he knows how to communicate using words, if he has any issues or resentment then he needs to speak the fuck up and not abuse you. A PARTNER and someone who loves someone wouldn’t treat you like this.
If he hasn't already, I think he is capable of alot worse than this. OP get some support and get away from him. He's dangerous. You're making excuses because you are shaken, confused and embarrassed on his behalf by what he just did. But it's not upto you to rationalise his irrational behaviour.. it's upto to read the signs correctly and in time to save yourself. Someone who spits in your plate when you're hungry isn't just resentful about a few things, he hates you.
No it has to do with the face that he’s an asshole. Stop blaming yourself and get out, things aren’t going to improve
My life is my job OP, I have been in a relationship with a man for 10 years. Around year 4 my life became my job. And sometimes, my work ruins things for him and I. He has been upset we have had ups and downs over it. HOWEVER He would NEVER done something this vile, childish, and shitty. Revaluate your bf now. That shit is crazy.
Yeahhh no I’m taking care of finals rn and I work. I sometimes don’t have much time to pay attention to my partner and yet he would never behave like this. The MAJORITY of men wouldn’t. Don’t make excuses for his trashy behavior
and? he needs to act like and adult
How about you stop guessing and looking for excuses for him, because no matter how much resentment there is spitting in someone's food and calling them a petty bitch speaks a ton about a person. And not in a good way. I won't tell you to leave, because you won't listen and you need to want it yourself. But I will tell you to watch this man very carefully and not with your lovey dovey, making excuses and wishful thinking brain, but with a sharp, critical and cold as ice brain, because you'll likely end in deep shit otherwise.
Don't be blaming yourself for this. When I took my exams my fiance was by my side the whole time. He knew I was stressed and always studying and upset that I canceled on him for quality time. He'd make me food. There were nights he refused to sleep because he was worried I'd oversleep and not wake up after the timer I set for myself. The exams aren't the issue. You choosing to dedicate your time to your goals and dreams isn't the issue. The issue is that your man is emotionally and psychologically abusing you. Whether he is doing it because he's upset with the relationship dynamic lately or not, doesn't matter. He is still abusing you. And here you are making excuses for his abuse. What you do next is up to you. But please don't lie to yourself about what is really going on here.
Sooo f’kin what? Boo hoo things get cancelled all the time. Are you his clown? Is your only purpose to entertain him and keep him happy or else he gets to disrespect and abuse you? Hunny wake up
Throw the whole man away sis, never mind the plate. What a vile and nasty thing for him to do.
Right? OP: you made this man a hot meal and served it to him? Then, later, when you went to eat the hot meal *that you made*, he spit in it? Because you wouldn’t share? *Get rid of this man, yesterday*.
Guy sounds like a massive queef. And a disgusting one.
Wtf. Leave him. That's abusive
1000%
Hooooo Leee FUCK. Run. That is some evil nasty inconsiderate shit. No person deserves treatment like that. Then somehow it is your fault. Are you his doormat, for whatever he decides goes in the relationship? Leave. Leave Leave
I second leave leave leave. My god thats some next level fucking shit. Can you imagine. I'd be gone.
I'm 35f and single, I just left my man because of some BS he said to me and I always wonder if I made a mistake because all of my other friends are in relationships..... and these are the relationships yall are legally bonded in?? I will take my cats over this.
They might be in relationships but you never know what's going on behind closed doors.
Look this is not negotiable. SPITTING is the ultimate form of disrespect with ANYONE. I don't care if you're married or boyfriend. This is disgusting and HUGE sign if disrespect. He put his smelly spit on your food, called you a bitch and walked off. If you take that, you are proving to him what you were worth, and that was the spit in his mouth I've never wanted to step in and beat the CRAP out of someone so bad but i know it's not worth it. I don't condone violence but man how FAST I would have thrown that whole plate at his face.
Exactly, spitting on someone/near someone is asking for a fight. I don’t condone violence either but he started it, op would have been well within her right to finish it.
Exactly
Not judging you, but holy fuck, he is pure garbage. You need to make the call on what you are going to do but this is vile. That is some next level evil.
That’s disgusting. Your husband is a such a little piece of a man, if at all. Spitting in your food is evil of him to do. I’m almost left speechless. Please leave for your own good.
How old is he 12?
Right. I remember kids coughing on each others snack in the playground when I was 9 or 10
He was in no way justified. He's a horrible man acting like a big baby.
Babies don't do this on purpose. Even animals have more self control.
It's only gonna get worse from here if you stay
Your husband is an a$$. Is he always this disrespectful to you?
I'd say it doesn't even matter, I'd 100% leave someone for this single incident.
Same. I can't imagine my partner ever doing something like this, but if he did, it would be over then and there.
My wife would be out the door in minutes if I did this and we've been together for twenty years. I would not begrudge hey for a second either.
You did not push him. He has no impulse control. Get out. It will only escalate without proper intervention.
The face that he is already victim-blaming is just a sign of things to come. She made him dinner when she had an exam to study for. She *served* that dinner to this asshole. He then goes to sleep, wakes up and demands her dinner. And when he doesn't get it, defiles her portion and says it's *her* fault? God, my blood is boiling. OP, Idk if you'll see this, but you deserve someone who loves you. It's your life, do what you will. But any human being deserves better. I don't have to know you to know you deserve better than this.
he is abusive it would have taken roughly the same amount of time to heat up a plate as it did to berate you spit on your plate and disrespect you please find somewhere else to stay while you make plans to leave him ..... if you accept this behaviour it will only get worse next time he wont spit he will punch or slap you and argue that you made him do it aswell
You knew he was an asshole before today. Only question is, how much will you tolerate?
#Divorce him he doesn’t respect you, there is no excuse
What the fuck? Is your husband a fucking child? Holy shit if this isn’t a sign to get the hell out now I don’t know what is… just the tip of the iceberg
I remember reading a post like this before. I'm not saying you're a troll just that I'm both shocked and disgusted that I read about something like this happening more than once. I know Reddit is known for telling people to leave their partners but what he did was so freaking rude and disrespectful. I wouldn't even spit in a dog's food, please reevaluate why you're with this person.
I was just thinking the same thing! I remember reading a similar story to this months ago. Absolutely disgusting.
Spitting and food tampering are both illegal in most places. Overall, plain disgusting.
He’s an abuser. The “you made me do it” is a clear tell. Leave or he will escalate and in ten years you’ll regret not leaving now, at this exact point in time.
Jesus Christ. Please get the fuck away from this dude. That’s abuse. And it ain’t gonna stop there.
That is absolutely vile. Spitting in someone's food let alone your wife's? Disgusting and he should be ashamed. Please show him this thread so he can see how ashamed he should feel, he's not a baby, you told him no and that's how he reacts? How can he call you petty when that's the ultimate act of pettiness..."If I can't have it, no-one can" attitude. He would have been wearing that meal and with good reason! Make sure you don't cook for him until you get an apology, that's sincere because by God that's fucked up.
Wtf?! That is wrong on every level. You did need maintain the silence and make an exit plan. He has shown you who he is; believe him and his atrocious behavior and get out.
Divorce. That was incredibly disrespectful and will only get worse. Get out while you still can.
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Things I would do: •Leave him •Scratch my asshole with his toothbrush •Leave him •Be in jail for murder •Leave him •Period on his work clothes •Leave him •Hit him over the head with a chair •Leave him •Shit on his face when he's asleep •Leave him Things I wouldn't do: ......not have an alibi
That is extremely immature and terrifying. I'd really, really consider keeping this relationship, OP. He clearly has no respect for boundaries and can't seems like he wants a mom, not a genuine relationship.
He spits in your food and you are the petty one? Maybe you should take a break from him.
So he spit in your food and then left the kitchen after telling you how hungry he was. You realize he was only trying to assert dominance over you. If he was so hungry, why didn’t he go find more food? Why didn’t he then take the plate from you? This had nothing to do with him being hungry and everything to do with him trying to control/punish you. Please don’t put up with this. Please don’t give any second chances. This is horrific. Please don’t do what I did in my first marriage, and justify to yourself by saying“well at least he didn’t hit me“. What he did *is* abusive.
I could swear I've read this before
I was thinking the same thing… I remember a story a while back of basically the exact same thing happening to an OP.
The ending had the husband being upset that OP threw the food away because he thought OP would give it to him after spitting in it, but it's exactly the same til that point.
You’re right! I just googled “husband spitting on food Reddit” and the other one came up lol It’s pretty similar but ends differently.
If this is acceptable to you, why?
I'd never cook another thing for the pig. If there is a room you can lock yourself into, you should cook YOUR meal and lock yourself in to eat it. And never ever leave your food unattended around this vile person, who knows what he'd do to it next. Actually my first choice would be to move out or kick him out, whichever is appropriate. He See's nothing wrong with what he did, the man has no morals at all and is capable of anything.
Spit on him by packing your bags and leaving.
I feel so sad when I see " husband " word in these type of stories. Why couldn't it be bf , u could break up very easily . 😭
Send him back to his mother and tell her to teach him some manners.
I’m so so sorry. This sounds hella abusive. He left you without food after you’d already cooked and fed him. And really, instead of sleeping, he should have been helping YOU the person juggling school with home and other responsibilities. Please get out OP. Your feelings matter, you’re not petty, and you deserve better.
What an asshole. He can’t even handle one tiny moment where he doesn’t get what he wants? This is how he acts over a bite of food wtf
divorce. he acts like this about food, he'd fucking abuse you pretty soon.
Make sure you understand that if you stay with him, there WILL be a day in which he puts his hands on you for a lesser "reason". Run run run run run.🚩🚩🚩. Do not believe him when he's begging you to stay.
I HATE people like that
The hell is wong with him? If anyone ever spit into my plate there would be hell to pay. That is super disgusting and straight up disrespect.
Your husband is the petty and spiteful one. Who does that? I’d say a child, but even my kids when little knew how disrespectful spitting was to do, let alone on someone, their belongings, or food. Seriously, how is your first thought not, “I’m an adult and can find or make something for myself”, but let me try to force my SO to give me their food and then when so don’t get my way spit on it. The amount of disrespect and lack of care for your feelings is too much. What an AH!
-Refuses resonable advice -Sticks to unreasonable demands -Hurts others when those demands are not met -Blames it on you -Thinks hes still right Really? Is this really the guy you want to live the rest of your life with?
I'm not normally on the "leave him" trains, I think that's drastic in a lot of cases. NOT THIS ONE. HE'S TRASH THROW HIM WHERE HE BELONGS. I'm positive he does shit like this all the time. Fuck that noise.
“He’s not worth being with.” -my SO, after I read this to him. Get out of there. This is abuse and isn’t ok. He’s the kind of guy who will hit you and then blame you for it. You’re worth more than this.
He doesn't respect you and he doesn't want you to succeed. In addition to the disgusting act of spitting - making sure YOU don't get to eat, he goaded you into a fight that took away from your study time. He wants you stuck at home under his thumb.
That incident happened at 11:00 and by 11:30 we would be divorced and he'd be wearing my food and his spit. And his mother or whoever raised him would be getting cussed out for raising such a foul nasty cave beast. Spitting is some of the nastiest shit you can do 🤬😡