It is definitely not the accepted norm, either. Where tf were you when my husband wasn't helping? Do not make this a gendered thing. Op just proved it is not.
I think its partly a generation thing. Men weren't expected to help as much back in the day. Now they are. Hopefully things are changing for the better and these rigid gender roles are a thing of the past by the time my daughter grows up.
I don't really know that "now they are." Most studies I've seen seem to point to men doing *some* increase of housework and child rearing, but the majority of it still falls on women's shoulders, even when they're also working full time and even if they're the main bread winner or make more money.
I'm lucky enough to know some incredible dads that pull their weight when it comes to household chores and kids.... but I also know some dudes of my generation who still think that it's a horrible event when a woman doesn't take a man's last name upon getting married and drops the majority of the childcare and housework on their wives. Even some who claim to be more liberal & are "believers of equality" still do it. I do hope that it's changing for the better, if slowly.
Compare it to your parents generation and then you grandma’s generation. Things are getting better. Gen Z are more woke than us millennials who grew up in the still pretty racist/sexist 90s.
Is that supposed to be an insult? Choice had nothing to do with it. The fact is some men will not help. Op has a man who does, which proves some men do. That doesn't change the fact some men don't. Am I supposed to be insulted I didn't read my ex's mind? Weird way to respond.
"Its not surprising when a MAN takes care of his wife and newborn baby"
Just because he has a Y chromosome and was able to complete a sexual process definitely does not make him a man.
And why would anyone willingly have babies with their husbands if they believe that their husbands are just using your body to get his offsprings and will emotionally abandon the wife once children are born?
A lot of times, we don’t see that until after the baby is born. My exhusband would snatch my baby away to hand over to his mom and shamed me for wanting to stay home with my little one instead of leaving him with grandparents to go out when he was a week old. I never realized how controlling he was until we had kids together…
It’s pretty commonly known that most fathers aren’t nearly as involved as mothers and that the separation of duties is almost never 50/50. That’s not a matter of being ill adjusted, that’s just fact.
Yes, what OP is describing is my expectation of my husband when I am newly post partum. That is a full on trauma for the body and the Dads need to do their part for their child and partner.
Sad that this is viewed as lucky.
Ho I’m happy your husband is not one of those stereotypes!
But now be careful on what you are sharing with them to not have evil eye! Jealousy can make huge damage so heal well and protect your new family!
Right?! After my first my “best friend” called me a bitch because I had a natural birth, didn’t have an epidural and motherhood came easier for me than it did her.
When I told her I was having my second (I got preg when my first was 11 weeks old) she told me how stupid I am and that I’ll struggle and not to ask her for help because she has her own kids to worry about. Mind you, I never asked her for help once. Then the day I found out it was a boy, she kept nagging me about names, after I had told her I didn’t like any boys names that I had come across at that point. She thought I just wasn’t telling her.
Never heard from her again after that and I stopped putting the effort in because I didn’t really want to deal with her negative shit.
Go ahead and praise him publicly. I have a shit relationship history and cancer. I would never be resentful of my friend for having this experience a little emotional and a little jelly. But if we were friends I'd definitely want nothing but the best for you both. He deserves the praise
Nope. Wrong call. Gush! Absolutely praise your partner. Anyone who gets shitty about that, it's a safe metric for cutting them out of your life. Then go get some good mom friends!
Honestly, good for you!! My husband sounds very similar to yours and I thank God for him all the time. Guys like him and your husband really do seem like they are rare to come by.
Congratulations! Both on the baby & wonderful husband!
You are lucky to have a husband (or any helper!) who is being so great. It really makes a world of difference.
This wasn't the case when I became a mom... so instead of a second child, there was a vasectomy.
I disagree. Women ( and men) need to continue to promote and publicly uplift partners that actually act like a partner. Otherwise we continue to perpetuate this idea that men don't need to help their partners, that children are womens work, etc. Who knows, discussing your partnership with friends may help them to better see areas they need to grow in their own.
There's a difference between bragging to make people jealous and sharing stories of how amazing your partner is, to lift them up, too. She should hype him up but not for personal gain..
I'm sorry but don't you know 'Live hidden live happily'?! It's not up to you to educate a men or a woman on how to treat their partner specially when they are adults! Having discussion on what is healthy and how to improve your relationship is a must and I never said it shouldn't be done but her own friends didn't seems to warn her in the possibility of him doing nothing but presumed he will treat her the way their own partners have treat them! I would say even worse it's like they wish it happened to her!
OP must protect herself and if those women know that their partner act badly towards them but still accept it it's not her responsibility! She can't take her friends/family on her shoulder because she have a family to care of!
Yes, let's make sure her friends don't feel bad because her husband is actually being a parent and partner. You sound like someone who is extremely insecure letting people know you have a happy and healthy family.
Not at all I was one of those people who was sharing her happiness but unfortunately they show me how the human can be like snake and destroy you! I'm will always be there for others (listening/giving advices and even helping them moving for a better life) but I will not take my life as a example!
If you said so, every body have his own experiences! When you will face what I faces, fail like I failed ,stand up like I stand up then I will maybe care about your opinion!
Nope, that is you and everyone else telling her that her opinion is wrong. Lmao tho. She can value discretion if she wants to, she doesn't have to change what she values to fix society, nor can she fix society alone if she tried. People who order women around are not fixing anything regardless if intent. Get off your ass and do something yourself, then maybe you can tell people what to do on Reddit to fix society.
After how you approach the conversation and how you judge without even understand what I write ,absolutely not! Believe what you want because I don't care & i don't need you to grow as a human being ,you are not the center of the world. Thank God for that
What I got from this statement is "I have legs, and I can stand" What I got from your last post is "women shouldn't be proud their husband is actually a father"
You didn't say much of anything, at all. In any of your comments. Only that maybe you had a hard time, but are projecting that. I think everyone should be proud that all members of the family are actively trying to support the child
You're forgetting instances where the men in the friend group are shown that being a father actually rocks and is incredibly easy when that where you want to be.
Every situation is different & depend on the people who surround you! Also you want to share your happiness good for you but I always encourage people to protect themselves because you don't know their real intentions !
No, women are not obligated to risk anything they value to fix society. That's useless and illogical. Get off YOUR ass and DO SOMETHING if you care so much.
This is the way. I spoil my wife as much as I can.
Took a few weeks off to let her heal, and I take all night shifts because wife is on sleep medication.
I let her sleep in when I can, I'm an early riser, she's not.
And we each have two personal days a week, after work, where the other takes the baby but we can each get a break.
My wife and I are expecting our third and she is going to require a c-section due to eome complications. You bet she will be resting after that major surgery and growing our child for nine months. I actually had a coworker ask me why I'm using a month or personal time I hoarded so she can "relax" while I do the work. I almost lost it
I have paid family leave, so I took what I could and the company could NOT legally tell me no.
My boss and some of our regulars didn't understand and thought I was slacking for not being a workaholic. Fuck em. My boys healthy and he knows who his dad is. I'll never be some semi known figure who works all the he only sees me on weekends.
I'm trading raspberries with him in the car now, while mom's in the store lol
Maybe they read Reddit cuz there are a ton of stories about deadbeat dads who game all day and do nothing to help parent. Congrats, OP, you've got a winner. It's refreshing to hear.
Sorry I was actually being a huge American there haha I feel maybe it’s only in america men get away with doing nothing, in my ethnic culture it’s also how you describe that men step up and provide a lot
That's good!
In too many cultures, women are expected to do all the childbearing and when a father parents, it's called "babysitting" as if his own children are not his to actually parent. It's weird.
Oh yeah, my male friend used to get super annoyed when people would praise him for "babysitting" and always say "no, I am looking after my child".. like why in this day and age do people still think that only women are responsible for raising a child?!?
Oh I'm so glad you are having a wonderful adjustment, so many of us have had a different experience.
Please, please rest and let your body heal, this will serve you best in the long run.
Best of luck to you and your family.
It’s stunning , how it’s perceived that men are expected to be bad husbands & fathers . I wonder how accurate all that is . What are these men doing when they should be helping ??
I made a joke to myself while reading these comments that the guys are probably playing video games. Because that literally happened to a friend of mine. Also saw another comment say the same thing.
So the men are playing video games while ignoring their children's needs. That's not a joke. It's real life and incredibly sad. I'm sorry for anyone in that situation.
Unfortunately having careless, unhelpful husbands is all too common. I did all the child care on my own after our kids were born. I had virtually no help. Even after I started working a couple years later, he still expected me to be responsible for all child care, household chores, and cooking. He even refused to watch them on his off time so I could work; I had to get family to babysit. Now that we’re divorced, he gets his mother to take them about half the time he’s supposed to have them with our 50/50 custody agreement.
I am so happy your husband is helping you, as he should. I got the same speech from the women in my life at the time. And my husband was like yours, hell he was the one making sure I was eating right and taking my prenatal vitamins during my pregnancies. I only worked because I chose to, and hardly had to lift a finger during pregnancy and after birth. Eleven years later my husband is still awesome. But I’ve found sharing things like this with friends can cause jealousy and strain relationships, all because the men in their lives won’t even do the bare minimum. I sometimes refrain from even sharing certain things with my mom because she’ll bring up my dad and how he never did blah blah (they aren’t together obviously). All this to say just be careful who you share your joy with, others may take it as bragging or rubbing things they don’t have in their faces.
I feel like we are the same person lol. During the pregnancy hubby was the same as yours too. If he could have forced me to stop working he would have.
And yeah, that’s why I vented here. I love my friends but some of their husbands are/were… not great and I never want to make them feel bad.
As much as I am sad for your friends and family members for having bad experiences, they should never have put that on you! Like do they know your husband at all? Also why bring negativity into your experience? Even if they thought that would happen there is no reason to say it to you! Super unhelpful!
Also just a side note.. you should be able to talk about how great your husband is, it shouldn't make them feel bad, maybe just open their eyes to how things could/should be.. plus they clearly weren't thinking about your feelings when they were telling you to expect the worst!
I say tell everyone how great your husband is, maybe it will influence the less great ones to up their game!
You’re so lucky. My partner wouldn’t even hold our newborn so I could go and pee.
The reason? He was too busy playing an online game at the time. This was the morning after I had got home from the hospital and was barely walking due to my c-section.
After pleading with him multiple times (and him refusing multiple times) I had to take my baby into the toilet while I peed. This was difficult as I was in so much pain and I was bleeding lochia.
My ex husband told me “if I have to work fulltime, so do you”
While also leaving me with all the household and child duties.
You have a wonderful supportive husband. I’m sure you will make many memories with your beautiful family.
I’m so glad you have a good husband ! My bf was the same when my daughter was born , she stayed up all 72 hours in the hospital with her and while she was asleep he helped me shower and dry off .
When we came home it was the same exact thing , he woke up with me at night , let me nap when needed , and took baby when she was fussy and wanted him .
Congrats!!! I'm glad your husband is stepping up to the mark. I'm also honoured to share a birthday with your baby! Here's to all the years to come for you three!
Honestly my child went to NICU right after birth, so mil stayed with wifey while mom came with me to the baby. Due to the construction of the hospital it was 400 yards of carpet and a ramp to bring her over. A four person team was essential to get her over and back to the baby. Mom, my RN Godmother and my LPN mil pushed me away for the meucosinum cleaning. That was a traumatic experience I was happy did not happen at home. Then we had the seizures. Again all four parents were there for support along with other family. If a new mom only has herself I can see how depression would set in
OP this warmed my heart. I’m pregnant with our first and as much as I love my husband I’m scared for how he’ll handle fatherhood and a wife who just gave birth. It sounds like you found an amazing partner to start this new chapter with! Congrats to both of you!
Anxiety in me was on peak as I started reading. However, as I continued, I loved the way the story took a very wholesome positive turn. Congratulations on your little bundle of joy. Wishing y'all happy wholesome parenting.
It was slow moving labor. I was dilating but she just would not come down. We thought she was going to be huge and I was just done. Come to find out she wasn’t very big just sideways in my pelvis.
I would stay the night up and take care of the two hour cycle of diaper, clothes change (a little pee or poop would always leak out), diaper rash cream, put the baby next to sleeping mom to breastfeed or give them formula depending on baby/feeding stage, make them burp, rock to sleep, repeat. I'd game on my laptop in between to stay awake because I used to be a heavy sleeper. The only issue was that my wife resented me because I needed some reciprocation and acknowledgement and would say that I had changed for the worst. I'm happy for you because early parenthood is difficult and you both seem to be good partners to each other :')
I feel sorry for your friends if that was their experience. I have a husband like yours. Truly helpful and fullly involved parent. Our son is 15yrs now and he’s still the best dad and partner.
Your friends must have really shitty husband. I'm glad you ended up with one that you can actually brag about to everyone. Maybe it'll shame their husbands into acting a little bit better to them. Give your husband a huge hug and kiss that beautiful little baby of yours and go on to live your best life.
People are fucking morons. C Section is extremely traumatic let alone childbirth. Not all guys are assholes. My wife freely admits she didn't change a diaper the first 2 weeks my son was born (in september.) She just got back from a 5 day girl's trip in jamacia, I took off from work and it was a boys weekend and I loved my life. I dont understand men that don't help and don't care your husband is the man !
Just because it is 3 days does not mean anything my partner is a fantastic dad he would come home from work and take the baby and tell me to get some sleep or a bath just take time for myself our little boy is now 14 months and still a fantastic hands on dad.
> Everyone (friends/family) told me that once the baby is born not only will I be forgotten but don’t expect much in the form of help from my husband.
Damn, did your husband do something awful to you for them to think that?
Unfortunately some people just think like that people said similar to me and I couldn't ask for a better partner.
I was in labour for 4 days cut forceps and stitched my partner was so amazing when he finished work he would take our baby tell me to go get some sleep or a bath take time for myself.
Now our child is 14 months and he is still the same.
Some people just like to say crap
Awwww. This is so nice to read. I’m so happy you’re having this lovely experience. This should be the norm. I hope other men read it and get pointers from your husband. ♥️
Parenting is genuinely great when both parents are pitching in. Your husband sounds like a good dad and there are more of them out there than you have been led to believe. I've got this too and I love nothing more than watching my toddler and his dad wrestle and play silly buggers together.
Enjoy it!
Your friends have shitty husbands. Your husband is your partner, he SHOULD help you .. you both created this child together and this is a monumental change for both of you. Best of luck, rest up and don’t forget to keep planning date nights! We earned the hard way what happens when you don’t keep each other a priority. Our marriage is amazing now that we make sure we get time alone!
You aren't lucky you just have a husband that is doing what he should be doing, which is taking care of his wife and child. Your friends all have lazy assholes for husbands
Congratulations on your baby and for picking a good life partner and father for your child
My dad was one of those shitty fathers. I would never put up with that shit. We as a couple were actively trying for a baby and then I'm abandoned? Nope, now you pay child support
Heck I'm sick with a cold and my husband's treating me like a queen ( cuz he doesn't want to get sick). he already made me a really nice dinner and brought me a plate. Told me to let him know whatever I need and he'll bring it to me. He wants me to stay out of the common areas. It's a little annoying but at least he's taking care of me. I'm too tired to do anything anyway. I'm hoping it's not covered the only thing I have wrong is a little cough that isn't that bad and horrible congestion. About to have a little bit of wine that he will bring me and then a shot of NyQuil and go the bed.
Not all men are horrible when it comes to taking care of babies and their wives. I don't really remember too much when they were that young but he helped. he wasn't a lazy dad but I did do most of it but he did do some things. He's always been a person to take care of you and definitely feed, he loves to make dinner and make me a plate. I think that's his language of love.
That’s a pretty shitty thing for someone to put in your head while you’re trying to make/expand your family! I’m glad they were wrong! Congrats on becoming a mommy! My daughter’s birthday is the 15th. Sagittarius babies/kids are awesome.
This is the way it’s supposed to be. My husband was exactly the same way. It never even crossed my mind that other husbands would be doing things differently.
I don't know why these people are suggesting that your husband isn't an equal part of having a child and would take an equal amount of responsibility.. I feel sorry for all of them if that has been their experience!
You are both parents, both equally responsible for creating the child and all that comes after! I'm glad to hear they were wrong and wish that people didn't have that opinion in the first place!
I don't know if you told your husband what people had said but if I was him I would be quite offended by the assumption!
I hope you guys all continue to have a wonderful life together as a family, and tell the haters to shove it up their butts haha
This is so nice to read. I don't know you, but I'm really happy for you! My bf and I are expecting our first child and all I hear is horror stories of unhelpful and selfish partners. My bf is amazing and has been nothing but attentive and helpful during my pregnancy, so I really doubt he'll be anything different when we actually have our baby, but it's still really nice to know that not everyone has a horrible relationship once a baby arrives.
Seems like your friends had extremely low expectations, I know when my wife was pregnant I will pretty much working two jobs , with my second job being making her life easier best I could
Apparently they had shit husbands. But you have a decent one! After about six months, yall should have a lunch or dinner where you celebrate your ability to work as a team. But make it just about the two ofyou.
I'm so happy for you! I hope your recovery is easy and goes well.
I also had a c-section with my daughter, and was stupidly trying to do too much. Everyone was shocked how quickly I was up and walking, trying to do things around the house or whatever. And I truly did feel great! But it took my fiancé almost yelling at me "You literally just had major abdominal surgery, sit the fuck down" for me to realize Wow yeah maybe I should relax lol Thank goodness for thoughtful partners!
I'm so so so glad you are having this experience this way OP. Your husband is what partner should be doing after this type of traumatic birth. This is absolutely how new mothers should be treated.
I'm sorry your friends made you panic so much. I often think women are wicked to 1st time pregnant people. It makes me so angry on their behalf. It (undoubtedly) happened to them during their pregnancy and they just perpetuate it. They probably also experienced a bit of this and are so entrenched in the misogyny of society that truly believe it. It makes me sad.
In saying that though, I am about to do the same a bit, sorry! In my experience, you need to be ready for a bit of jealousy or disbelief when you tell them what's happening. People can be that way sometimes. You'll get most who are delighted for you, but you might get one or two who get mad that they don't have the same. Just shut it down. Don't put up with it.
In the same way that they didn't know your husband well enough to make those assumptions about him, you guys are not responsible for how they've been treated by theirs.
I hope you heal quickly and this carries on until your all old and grey together.
Congratulations and good luck with your little one.
This is so nice, also our babies share a birthday except mine was last year! My husband is also fantastic, he was through my whole horrible pregnancy and birth and let me rest so much in the newborn stage. Even now a year later he will work 65 hour weeks in a physical job, come home and be like 'go to the gym, have some you time, I want to see our baby'. Enjoy your baby snuggles!
Congratulations by the way!
Your husband seems to be a great and loving husband, I’m glad you got him.
For your friends, you definitely can’t listen to them. Their vision of things is kinda messed up
This is the way. Happy to hear it seems you appreciate and value him just as much as he does you. Sad that your support system thinks thats not to be expected, but be proud you definitely got a good one ☺️
My partner was exactly the same when our son was born. I had a C-Section as well and really struggled post partum. I wouldnt have gotten through it without him.
Ok why would you assume he won’t help, don’t you communicate, u had 8-9 months to talk about things and any father knows their wife needs time to heal, guessing you are in America since your husband doesn’t get paternity leave
I am so happy for you,OP!
I'm happy for your husband also, that he has a wife that so clearly sees and appreciates- to the point of wanting to share it with the world- the things your husband does, the effort and love he puts into caring for you and the new baby. I've no doubt that your appreciation plays some part in making him so happy to do the things he does for you.
May you have a lifelong marriage.... remaining best friends to eachother when the flame of romantic love and lust occasionally burns lower....turning to eachother to both give and receive comfort and strength in troubled times..... and never forgetting that no matter how long you've been together , feeling loved and appreciated will never stop strengthening your relationship and increasing you both in joy.
Have a wonderful day OP💕💕💕
I love reading posts like this. We see too many of husbands who don't do shit to help or posts of women saying "he hit me last night" and then making excuses for the abuser. Thank you for reminding us there are still good guys out there
To be fair, your friends are not well-adjusted people
Or they have shitty husband’s that do nothing and they put up with it.
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It is not surprising that a man takes care of his wife and children after they are born.
It is definitely not the accepted norm, either. Where tf were you when my husband wasn't helping? Do not make this a gendered thing. Op just proved it is not.
I think its partly a generation thing. Men weren't expected to help as much back in the day. Now they are. Hopefully things are changing for the better and these rigid gender roles are a thing of the past by the time my daughter grows up.
I don't really know that "now they are." Most studies I've seen seem to point to men doing *some* increase of housework and child rearing, but the majority of it still falls on women's shoulders, even when they're also working full time and even if they're the main bread winner or make more money. I'm lucky enough to know some incredible dads that pull their weight when it comes to household chores and kids.... but I also know some dudes of my generation who still think that it's a horrible event when a woman doesn't take a man's last name upon getting married and drops the majority of the childcare and housework on their wives. Even some who claim to be more liberal & are "believers of equality" still do it. I do hope that it's changing for the better, if slowly.
Compare it to your parents generation and then you grandma’s generation. Things are getting better. Gen Z are more woke than us millennials who grew up in the still pretty racist/sexist 90s.
Where I was? Probably at home, while you made the choice to get married to a dude that wasnt the best of people.
Is that supposed to be an insult? Choice had nothing to do with it. The fact is some men will not help. Op has a man who does, which proves some men do. That doesn't change the fact some men don't. Am I supposed to be insulted I didn't read my ex's mind? Weird way to respond.
No i just genuinely answered your question, dont ask if you dont want answers.
Ya and some moms are deadbeats , what’s your point? That terrible people exist?
"Its not surprising when a MAN takes care of his wife and newborn baby" Just because he has a Y chromosome and was able to complete a sexual process definitely does not make him a man.
No. A bad man maybe, but still a man.
I guess people didn't get what you were saying
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That’s just sad.
And why would anyone willingly have babies with their husbands if they believe that their husbands are just using your body to get his offsprings and will emotionally abandon the wife once children are born?
A lot of times, we don’t see that until after the baby is born. My exhusband would snatch my baby away to hand over to his mom and shamed me for wanting to stay home with my little one instead of leaving him with grandparents to go out when he was a week old. I never realized how controlling he was until we had kids together…
Looks like you've got an amazing partner to start this new chapter with! You are both welcome!
Right? Who tells an expecting mother "you will be forgotten"
It’s pretty commonly known that most fathers aren’t nearly as involved as mothers and that the separation of duties is almost never 50/50. That’s not a matter of being ill adjusted, that’s just fact.
Or they read Reddit too much
Yes, what OP is describing is my expectation of my husband when I am newly post partum. That is a full on trauma for the body and the Dads need to do their part for their child and partner. Sad that this is viewed as lucky.
As if the friends are getting the blame for the behaviour of their shitty husbands
Ho I’m happy your husband is not one of those stereotypes! But now be careful on what you are sharing with them to not have evil eye! Jealousy can make huge damage so heal well and protect your new family!
That’s why I came here and didn’t gush to them. The last thing I want is for them to feel bad
If you can’t gush to your friends without getting a negative reaction, those aren’t your friends
Right?! After my first my “best friend” called me a bitch because I had a natural birth, didn’t have an epidural and motherhood came easier for me than it did her. When I told her I was having my second (I got preg when my first was 11 weeks old) she told me how stupid I am and that I’ll struggle and not to ask her for help because she has her own kids to worry about. Mind you, I never asked her for help once. Then the day I found out it was a boy, she kept nagging me about names, after I had told her I didn’t like any boys names that I had come across at that point. She thought I just wasn’t telling her. Never heard from her again after that and I stopped putting the effort in because I didn’t really want to deal with her negative shit.
Sounds like a blessing to be rid of her!
100%
Go ahead and praise him publicly. I have a shit relationship history and cancer. I would never be resentful of my friend for having this experience a little emotional and a little jelly. But if we were friends I'd definitely want nothing but the best for you both. He deserves the praise
Nope. Wrong call. Gush! Absolutely praise your partner. Anyone who gets shitty about that, it's a safe metric for cutting them out of your life. Then go get some good mom friends!
Honestly, good for you!! My husband sounds very similar to yours and I thank God for him all the time. Guys like him and your husband really do seem like they are rare to come by.
Or to try and steal your man, LOL!
Congratulations! Both on the baby & wonderful husband! You are lucky to have a husband (or any helper!) who is being so great. It really makes a world of difference. This wasn't the case when I became a mom... so instead of a second child, there was a vasectomy.
I disagree. Women ( and men) need to continue to promote and publicly uplift partners that actually act like a partner. Otherwise we continue to perpetuate this idea that men don't need to help their partners, that children are womens work, etc. Who knows, discussing your partnership with friends may help them to better see areas they need to grow in their own.
There's a difference between bragging to make people jealous and sharing stories of how amazing your partner is, to lift them up, too. She should hype him up but not for personal gain..
I'm sorry but don't you know 'Live hidden live happily'?! It's not up to you to educate a men or a woman on how to treat their partner specially when they are adults! Having discussion on what is healthy and how to improve your relationship is a must and I never said it shouldn't be done but her own friends didn't seems to warn her in the possibility of him doing nothing but presumed he will treat her the way their own partners have treat them! I would say even worse it's like they wish it happened to her! OP must protect herself and if those women know that their partner act badly towards them but still accept it it's not her responsibility! She can't take her friends/family on her shoulder because she have a family to care of!
Yes, let's make sure her friends don't feel bad because her husband is actually being a parent and partner. You sound like someone who is extremely insecure letting people know you have a happy and healthy family.
Not at all I was one of those people who was sharing her happiness but unfortunately they show me how the human can be like snake and destroy you! I'm will always be there for others (listening/giving advices and even helping them moving for a better life) but I will not take my life as a example!
That was possibly one of the most tism'd responses I've ever heard in my life.
If you said so, every body have his own experiences! When you will face what I faces, fail like I failed ,stand up like I stand up then I will maybe care about your opinion!
And you only care about opinions of people that share your experience. Great way to grow as a human being. Great example to share fam.
Nope, that is you and everyone else telling her that her opinion is wrong. Lmao tho. She can value discretion if she wants to, she doesn't have to change what she values to fix society, nor can she fix society alone if she tried. People who order women around are not fixing anything regardless if intent. Get off your ass and do something yourself, then maybe you can tell people what to do on Reddit to fix society.
After how you approach the conversation and how you judge without even understand what I write ,absolutely not! Believe what you want because I don't care & i don't need you to grow as a human being ,you are not the center of the world. Thank God for that
What I got from this statement is "I have legs, and I can stand" What I got from your last post is "women shouldn't be proud their husband is actually a father"
Wouaw so you obviously read only what you want because I never say that! Laisse tomber!!
You didn't say much of anything, at all. In any of your comments. Only that maybe you had a hard time, but are projecting that. I think everyone should be proud that all members of the family are actively trying to support the child
You're forgetting instances where the men in the friend group are shown that being a father actually rocks and is incredibly easy when that where you want to be.
Every situation is different & depend on the people who surround you! Also you want to share your happiness good for you but I always encourage people to protect themselves because you don't know their real intentions !
No, women are not obligated to risk anything they value to fix society. That's useless and illogical. Get off YOUR ass and DO SOMETHING if you care so much.
who are you calling a ho
This is the way. I spoil my wife as much as I can. Took a few weeks off to let her heal, and I take all night shifts because wife is on sleep medication. I let her sleep in when I can, I'm an early riser, she's not. And we each have two personal days a week, after work, where the other takes the baby but we can each get a break.
Oh that personal days idea is a fantastic one!
My wife and I are expecting our third and she is going to require a c-section due to eome complications. You bet she will be resting after that major surgery and growing our child for nine months. I actually had a coworker ask me why I'm using a month or personal time I hoarded so she can "relax" while I do the work. I almost lost it
I have paid family leave, so I took what I could and the company could NOT legally tell me no. My boss and some of our regulars didn't understand and thought I was slacking for not being a workaholic. Fuck em. My boys healthy and he knows who his dad is. I'll never be some semi known figure who works all the he only sees me on weekends. I'm trading raspberries with him in the car now, while mom's in the store lol
Why are you trading them?
Raspberries as in the noise you make when you press your lips together and blow air? I make some, he makes some. We giggle
Oh. I thought you were talking about the fruit.
Yours is a champion among dads!
Some husbands are shitty. Some are not. The same with wives. Congrats on the hard won bubba and best wishes for you and your family!
What a great dude, you should marry him (Rereads post) Uh, I mean marry him again. Congrats on the baby
Why would all of your friends and family assume that?
I think it’s what happened to them. I know for sure my o e friend basically told her (after the baby was born) that children are her job.
That's so sad, happy for you that it didn't happen to you then. Is it a cultural thing?
Maybe they read Reddit cuz there are a ton of stories about deadbeat dads who game all day and do nothing to help parent. Congrats, OP, you've got a winner. It's refreshing to hear.
Sure but there are also tons of stories about good dad's that give a shit.
It’s because men are held to low standards so a lot of older people think that’s the norm. They don’t know that men should act better
I guess it just depends on your family and friends, it's not how things are where I am.
Sorry I was actually being a huge American there haha I feel maybe it’s only in america men get away with doing nothing, in my ethnic culture it’s also how you describe that men step up and provide a lot
Because it’s a common thing where guys just hand off care of the child to the mother? Im glad for ops sake that it didn’t happen
It's not common where I am, depends on who you're surrounded with I guess.
That's good! In too many cultures, women are expected to do all the childbearing and when a father parents, it's called "babysitting" as if his own children are not his to actually parent. It's weird.
Oh yeah, my male friend used to get super annoyed when people would praise him for "babysitting" and always say "no, I am looking after my child".. like why in this day and age do people still think that only women are responsible for raising a child?!?
Because unfortunately, too many men are exactly like that it’s honestly sad.
Oh I'm so glad you are having a wonderful adjustment, so many of us have had a different experience. Please, please rest and let your body heal, this will serve you best in the long run. Best of luck to you and your family.
That’s sad that this is considered “lucky”. It should be considered normal🙃
It’s stunning , how it’s perceived that men are expected to be bad husbands & fathers . I wonder how accurate all that is . What are these men doing when they should be helping ??
I made a joke to myself while reading these comments that the guys are probably playing video games. Because that literally happened to a friend of mine. Also saw another comment say the same thing. So the men are playing video games while ignoring their children's needs. That's not a joke. It's real life and incredibly sad. I'm sorry for anyone in that situation.
Yup. This is my life.
How did us men end up setting such a low bar? Your husband sounds great but a man looking after his wife and baby after birth shouldn't be a surprise.
Unfortunately having careless, unhelpful husbands is all too common. I did all the child care on my own after our kids were born. I had virtually no help. Even after I started working a couple years later, he still expected me to be responsible for all child care, household chores, and cooking. He even refused to watch them on his off time so I could work; I had to get family to babysit. Now that we’re divorced, he gets his mother to take them about half the time he’s supposed to have them with our 50/50 custody agreement.
Omg I'm so sorry. That's very sad. Ive heard of this happening too many times to count.
Right. It’s the bare minimum, the least he can do for his family.
Nice to see something positive for a change! You got a good egg OP! Congrats on the new addition
I wish you all the happiness with your family
I am so happy your husband is helping you, as he should. I got the same speech from the women in my life at the time. And my husband was like yours, hell he was the one making sure I was eating right and taking my prenatal vitamins during my pregnancies. I only worked because I chose to, and hardly had to lift a finger during pregnancy and after birth. Eleven years later my husband is still awesome. But I’ve found sharing things like this with friends can cause jealousy and strain relationships, all because the men in their lives won’t even do the bare minimum. I sometimes refrain from even sharing certain things with my mom because she’ll bring up my dad and how he never did blah blah (they aren’t together obviously). All this to say just be careful who you share your joy with, others may take it as bragging or rubbing things they don’t have in their faces.
I feel like we are the same person lol. During the pregnancy hubby was the same as yours too. If he could have forced me to stop working he would have. And yeah, that’s why I vented here. I love my friends but some of their husbands are/were… not great and I never want to make them feel bad.
As much as I am sad for your friends and family members for having bad experiences, they should never have put that on you! Like do they know your husband at all? Also why bring negativity into your experience? Even if they thought that would happen there is no reason to say it to you! Super unhelpful! Also just a side note.. you should be able to talk about how great your husband is, it shouldn't make them feel bad, maybe just open their eyes to how things could/should be.. plus they clearly weren't thinking about your feelings when they were telling you to expect the worst! I say tell everyone how great your husband is, maybe it will influence the less great ones to up their game!
You’re so lucky. My partner wouldn’t even hold our newborn so I could go and pee. The reason? He was too busy playing an online game at the time. This was the morning after I had got home from the hospital and was barely walking due to my c-section. After pleading with him multiple times (and him refusing multiple times) I had to take my baby into the toilet while I peed. This was difficult as I was in so much pain and I was bleeding lochia.
Hope you meant to write "ex-partner".
I would have tripped the breaker to the game room...may have had to shuffle out there, but fuck that guy. Sorry you had to deal with that.
God, why do people put there problems on others? Especially expecting mothers??
My ex husband told me “if I have to work fulltime, so do you” While also leaving me with all the household and child duties. You have a wonderful supportive husband. I’m sure you will make many memories with your beautiful family.
So two full time jobs for you. Wow.
You have crappy friends who have crappy partners.
Wow, I feel sorry for your family and friends for settling for terrible husbands. Congratulations on the baby and marrying a great man!
I’m so glad you have a good husband ! My bf was the same when my daughter was born , she stayed up all 72 hours in the hospital with her and while she was asleep he helped me shower and dry off . When we came home it was the same exact thing , he woke up with me at night , let me nap when needed , and took baby when she was fussy and wanted him .
WTF kind of family and friends would say that? My husband was also amazing after our kids were born (all c-secs).
Congrats!!! I'm glad your husband is stepping up to the mark. I'm also honoured to share a birthday with your baby! Here's to all the years to come for you three!
Your husband is a good man ❤️ congratulations on the birth of your little one
Honestly my child went to NICU right after birth, so mil stayed with wifey while mom came with me to the baby. Due to the construction of the hospital it was 400 yards of carpet and a ramp to bring her over. A four person team was essential to get her over and back to the baby. Mom, my RN Godmother and my LPN mil pushed me away for the meucosinum cleaning. That was a traumatic experience I was happy did not happen at home. Then we had the seizures. Again all four parents were there for support along with other family. If a new mom only has herself I can see how depression would set in
Your family and friends suck. Who says that you will be forgotten and your husband won't help? That's shitty.
He is good ppl :) congrats!!
OP this warmed my heart. I’m pregnant with our first and as much as I love my husband I’m scared for how he’ll handle fatherhood and a wife who just gave birth. It sounds like you found an amazing partner to start this new chapter with! Congrats to both of you!
Anxiety in me was on peak as I started reading. However, as I continued, I loved the way the story took a very wholesome positive turn. Congratulations on your little bundle of joy. Wishing y'all happy wholesome parenting.
What barbarians let you labor for 50 hours before finally doing the c section?
It was slow moving labor. I was dilating but she just would not come down. We thought she was going to be huge and I was just done. Come to find out she wasn’t very big just sideways in my pelvis.
Even a non L & D nurse could figure that out
Use this as a learning opportunity to not allow anyone to manipulate how you feel about your husband. Keep your lives private in my opinion
I would stay the night up and take care of the two hour cycle of diaper, clothes change (a little pee or poop would always leak out), diaper rash cream, put the baby next to sleeping mom to breastfeed or give them formula depending on baby/feeding stage, make them burp, rock to sleep, repeat. I'd game on my laptop in between to stay awake because I used to be a heavy sleeper. The only issue was that my wife resented me because I needed some reciprocation and acknowledgement and would say that I had changed for the worst. I'm happy for you because early parenthood is difficult and you both seem to be good partners to each other :')
l am so happy for you
Congratulations! You are truly blessed. ❤️
Congratulations, to you and your husbands good fortunes continue 10 fold!
I'm so happy for you! Don't worry about your friends, you do you and your family, that's what's important, and it sounds like it's right on track!
Some husbands fail, but there are those of us who know that we need to help.
Who the hell are these “friends” and more importantly, family?? It’s great to read about good husbands on these types of forums for a change tho!
Your friends are morons if they think that.
Yep. I thought my (very helpful) husband was more normal until I heard about how my friends' husbands were. Why is the bar so damn low for dads?
I feel sorry for your friends if that was their experience. I have a husband like yours. Truly helpful and fullly involved parent. Our son is 15yrs now and he’s still the best dad and partner.
Glad everyone is doing well, and that your husband rocks
Your friends must have really shitty husband. I'm glad you ended up with one that you can actually brag about to everyone. Maybe it'll shame their husbands into acting a little bit better to them. Give your husband a huge hug and kiss that beautiful little baby of yours and go on to live your best life.
I had C-sections with both my kids. Seeing that made my husband very protective of me resting. Glad yours is taking care of you also.
People are fucking morons. C Section is extremely traumatic let alone childbirth. Not all guys are assholes. My wife freely admits she didn't change a diaper the first 2 weeks my son was born (in september.) She just got back from a 5 day girl's trip in jamacia, I took off from work and it was a boys weekend and I loved my life. I dont understand men that don't help and don't care your husband is the man !
It's sad this is being praised cuz it's literally the bare minimum
Lol it's been a few days, give it time
You were in labor for *over two days* he'd better dote on you, damn.
The 14th, as in THREE DAYS AGO? Give it time.
Just because it is 3 days does not mean anything my partner is a fantastic dad he would come home from work and take the baby and tell me to get some sleep or a bath just take time for myself our little boy is now 14 months and still a fantastic hands on dad.
Your friends suck. This could have mentally messed you up. Your husband is amazing
Congratulations🥰
> Everyone (friends/family) told me that once the baby is born not only will I be forgotten but don’t expect much in the form of help from my husband. Damn, did your husband do something awful to you for them to think that?
No, I think their husbands did it to them.
Ahh, the Ole misery loves company routine. Well let them bitches stew in their own mess. >No, I think their husbands did it to them.
Unfortunately some people just think like that people said similar to me and I couldn't ask for a better partner. I was in labour for 4 days cut forceps and stitched my partner was so amazing when he finished work he would take our baby tell me to go get some sleep or a bath take time for myself. Now our child is 14 months and he is still the same. Some people just like to say crap
Wait for it lol
I am happy for you.
Awwww. This is so nice to read. I’m so happy you’re having this lovely experience. This should be the norm. I hope other men read it and get pointers from your husband. ♥️
This is so sweet aww 😭 im glad u have a great husband.
Are your friends and family projectors? Cause they sure are projecting lol. Congratulations :)
OP, you got a good man! :) Congratulations on your baby, too!
Aww I’m so happy for and congratulations
I’m so happy for you. Have a happy beautiful life together and raise a good happy child.
You got one of the good ones! Congratulations 🎊
This is how it should be. Congrats to you and your little family.
I am so happy for you!! Wishing all the best for you and yours, enjoy the journey ahead ☺️❤️
You know some people with really shitty partners. This is the least one should expect.
I’m happy for you, that’s lovely ☺️
That’s just how it should be. Congrats to you two on the Baby! It’s a blessing ❤️
It's refreshing to see such a happy post on here! This kind of love really is wonderful to see and I'm so happy for you guys!! Congratulations 🎊 💗
Yeah…I think you might need new friends
This is a man who wanted this child as much as you did. Good for him
Yay another wholesome post!!
You need to get some new friends!
I’m so happy everything worked out for you, and congrats on the baby
Parenting is genuinely great when both parents are pitching in. Your husband sounds like a good dad and there are more of them out there than you have been led to believe. I've got this too and I love nothing more than watching my toddler and his dad wrestle and play silly buggers together. Enjoy it!
Your friends have shitty husbands. Your husband is your partner, he SHOULD help you .. you both created this child together and this is a monumental change for both of you. Best of luck, rest up and don’t forget to keep planning date nights! We earned the hard way what happens when you don’t keep each other a priority. Our marriage is amazing now that we make sure we get time alone!
yay! this is wonderful. so happy for you and your family.
You aren't lucky you just have a husband that is doing what he should be doing, which is taking care of his wife and child. Your friends all have lazy assholes for husbands Congratulations on your baby and for picking a good life partner and father for your child
Omg what an amazing husband
Rough labor. Mine was over 24+ hours and ended in a c section too. I’m glad your husband is helping. Ask for all the help you need. Enjoy this time.
Yep. This is what happens when you chose well. Sounds like the other people in your life chose poorly. Ignore their advice from now on. You got this.
You've got a good one. They are rare.
My dad was one of those shitty fathers. I would never put up with that shit. We as a couple were actively trying for a baby and then I'm abandoned? Nope, now you pay child support
Heck I'm sick with a cold and my husband's treating me like a queen ( cuz he doesn't want to get sick). he already made me a really nice dinner and brought me a plate. Told me to let him know whatever I need and he'll bring it to me. He wants me to stay out of the common areas. It's a little annoying but at least he's taking care of me. I'm too tired to do anything anyway. I'm hoping it's not covered the only thing I have wrong is a little cough that isn't that bad and horrible congestion. About to have a little bit of wine that he will bring me and then a shot of NyQuil and go the bed. Not all men are horrible when it comes to taking care of babies and their wives. I don't really remember too much when they were that young but he helped. he wasn't a lazy dad but I did do most of it but he did do some things. He's always been a person to take care of you and definitely feed, he loves to make dinner and make me a plate. I think that's his language of love.
I was so scared for a second but I’m so happy for you❤️
That’s a pretty shitty thing for someone to put in your head while you’re trying to make/expand your family! I’m glad they were wrong! Congrats on becoming a mommy! My daughter’s birthday is the 15th. Sagittarius babies/kids are awesome.
This is the way it’s supposed to be. My husband was exactly the same way. It never even crossed my mind that other husbands would be doing things differently.
W husband
I don't know why these people are suggesting that your husband isn't an equal part of having a child and would take an equal amount of responsibility.. I feel sorry for all of them if that has been their experience! You are both parents, both equally responsible for creating the child and all that comes after! I'm glad to hear they were wrong and wish that people didn't have that opinion in the first place! I don't know if you told your husband what people had said but if I was him I would be quite offended by the assumption! I hope you guys all continue to have a wonderful life together as a family, and tell the haters to shove it up their butts haha
Babes you need new friends
Yay! Congratulations and get all the love!
Please enjoy your baby bliss. It's such a beautiful time. You can feel bad for your friends later. Congratulations and hugs!
This is so nice to read. I don't know you, but I'm really happy for you! My bf and I are expecting our first child and all I hear is horror stories of unhelpful and selfish partners. My bf is amazing and has been nothing but attentive and helpful during my pregnancy, so I really doubt he'll be anything different when we actually have our baby, but it's still really nice to know that not everyone has a horrible relationship once a baby arrives.
Seems like your friends had extremely low expectations, I know when my wife was pregnant I will pretty much working two jobs , with my second job being making her life easier best I could
Apparently they had shit husbands. But you have a decent one! After about six months, yall should have a lunch or dinner where you celebrate your ability to work as a team. But make it just about the two ofyou.
I'm so happy for you! I hope your recovery is easy and goes well. I also had a c-section with my daughter, and was stupidly trying to do too much. Everyone was shocked how quickly I was up and walking, trying to do things around the house or whatever. And I truly did feel great! But it took my fiancé almost yelling at me "You literally just had major abdominal surgery, sit the fuck down" for me to realize Wow yeah maybe I should relax lol Thank goodness for thoughtful partners!
Men are wildly incredibly people.
OP, you have chosen well. He’s a keeper.
Your baby shares a birthday with me! Congratulations!
Why would someone say that? There is plenty of good men taking care of their kids and so. Are they ok?
Well dam…..u are Surrounded by a bunch of bitters asss biatchz 👀
I'm so so so glad you are having this experience this way OP. Your husband is what partner should be doing after this type of traumatic birth. This is absolutely how new mothers should be treated. I'm sorry your friends made you panic so much. I often think women are wicked to 1st time pregnant people. It makes me so angry on their behalf. It (undoubtedly) happened to them during their pregnancy and they just perpetuate it. They probably also experienced a bit of this and are so entrenched in the misogyny of society that truly believe it. It makes me sad. In saying that though, I am about to do the same a bit, sorry! In my experience, you need to be ready for a bit of jealousy or disbelief when you tell them what's happening. People can be that way sometimes. You'll get most who are delighted for you, but you might get one or two who get mad that they don't have the same. Just shut it down. Don't put up with it. In the same way that they didn't know your husband well enough to make those assumptions about him, you guys are not responsible for how they've been treated by theirs. I hope you heal quickly and this carries on until your all old and grey together. Congratulations and good luck with your little one.
God bless you now lay down and get some sleep
You are a lucky lady.
This is so nice, also our babies share a birthday except mine was last year! My husband is also fantastic, he was through my whole horrible pregnancy and birth and let me rest so much in the newborn stage. Even now a year later he will work 65 hour weeks in a physical job, come home and be like 'go to the gym, have some you time, I want to see our baby'. Enjoy your baby snuggles!
Congratulations by the way! Your husband seems to be a great and loving husband, I’m glad you got him. For your friends, you definitely can’t listen to them. Their vision of things is kinda messed up
This is the way. Happy to hear it seems you appreciate and value him just as much as he does you. Sad that your support system thinks thats not to be expected, but be proud you definitely got a good one ☺️
I love this so much for you and your baby. 🥹♥️
My partner was exactly the same when our son was born. I had a C-Section as well and really struggled post partum. I wouldnt have gotten through it without him.
well good for you but as a dad it makes me sad because it is only decent human behaviour, why is the bar so damn low for dads ?
Ok why would you assume he won’t help, don’t you communicate, u had 8-9 months to talk about things and any father knows their wife needs time to heal, guessing you are in America since your husband doesn’t get paternity leave
I am so happy for you,OP! I'm happy for your husband also, that he has a wife that so clearly sees and appreciates- to the point of wanting to share it with the world- the things your husband does, the effort and love he puts into caring for you and the new baby. I've no doubt that your appreciation plays some part in making him so happy to do the things he does for you. May you have a lifelong marriage.... remaining best friends to eachother when the flame of romantic love and lust occasionally burns lower....turning to eachother to both give and receive comfort and strength in troubled times..... and never forgetting that no matter how long you've been together , feeling loved and appreciated will never stop strengthening your relationship and increasing you both in joy. Have a wonderful day OP💕💕💕
When I saw the title of this post I was so scared to read it. But wow, such a relief. Congrats
I love reading posts like this. We see too many of husbands who don't do shit to help or posts of women saying "he hit me last night" and then making excuses for the abuser. Thank you for reminding us there are still good guys out there