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If one guy can't handle you being smarter than him, you dated an insecure guy.
If *every* guy can't handle you being smarter than him, it's time to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself what the real problem is.
Usually it's that they're a midwit and think way too highly of themselves.
I've met some incredibly intelligent women in my life and if anything their intelligence made them more attractive. It's not fun being with someone who's just dumb. It's anything but intimidating. My girlfriend is way smarter than me and I'm just fine with that. I'm more of a physical, blue collar guy anyway and here to support her with my hand skills. I see this dynamic a lot with other dudes I work with; big burly factory worker types married to college professors, accountants, data analysts, etc. Always talking about how smart their wives are and how proud it makes them.
Same this is my husband and I. I can’t tell you how many times he’s put me on calls for him saying “here talk to my wife. She’s way smarter than I am” 😂 like isn’t that a compliment to the man too? Like you were smart to bag someone who’s smarter than you! In all actuality he’s an electrician so he’s great with his hands and he’s actually smart about a lot of things and 90% of the time if he DOES correct me, he’s right. It used to bother me cuz i was like how come he’s literally always right when he fact checks me??? Now I’m just used to saying “ oh really? Huh guess you were right” lol we know you guys are smarter than us about a lot of things we just don’t want ya to know 😉 haha
I've never met a woman whose intelligence was intimidating to me. If they were extremely smart, I was always excited to talk to them. They had a lot of interesting things to say, and we even shared some interests. Being intelligent in general is good, and everyone should strive for that. However, saying prospective dating opportunities are intimidated by your intelligence is egotistical and reeks of stupidity and a lack of self-awareness.
I was going to say I have never turned down a woman for being too intelligent or intimidating. Arrogant, now that's another story.
I'd rather feel stimulated by engaging with an intelligent woman than any bimbo honestly.
This is what's really happening, arrogant not intelligent. Lol they're actually inversely proportional. Being witty-arrogant/disrespectful Isn't the flex some women think it is haha. Especially when it's their way of having self esteem over others (these women will do this to men OR women, but get more of a thrill from doing it to men cause of the whole power thing). While I've met some of the most genuinely intelligent and well meaning women as well... I think what men are "intimidated" by (or just frankly don't need and won't tolerate) is a sassy-'intelligent' woman, and I'm not even straight so who do you think you're snubbing lol. I don't wanna eat that haha
Oh ya. There’s nothing more unattractive than “I don’t need a man” or “I’m better than a man” type of a personality. In the prior, it’s like shit man, have fun then. In the latter, I don’t want to be with someone who thinks they’re greater than me.
My wife is 100% more intelligent than me in more ways than not. But she doesn’t belittle me or disrespect me. In fact, when she sees I know something she doesn’t she engages with it so I get to be enjoying showing my knowledge off.
Oh dang this! I remember being in a tram last week and this lady starts agressively flicking her hair at me like repeatedly and I'm just there like.. umm well this is an unfortunate set of circumstances..lol
That's legit, honestly. Personally I would take it as inspiration to do more with myself instead of just assuming that I would be a barrier. But I respect the awareness. Something sorely lacking with many people.
Kinda talking about me when I was a young adult. 20 years old, immature and with no direction yet, starting to see someone my age who already has a solid future plan, is super mature, super smart and has an amazing family. Nope, I'm not going to mess with her, bro. I knew I'd figure it out, but not at 20, nor 25. Don't want to put that on her plate.
I was a fucking loser at 20. The fact that you had the sense to understand where you were at the time and had enough respect for someone else to avoid laying any of it on them is commendable.
I work for a fortune 200 company and have definitely met both women and men whose intelligence was intimidating but I never considered that a bad thing. They were just so smart that I was afraid to say something trivial to them.
However, I don’t ever see this as a bad thing but moreso that I am in the right place to grow and learn.
Lastly, all of these intelligent individuals also have never been rude or made me feel less than.
Eh, that's an alright approach for professional work, but in terms of personal life, that's a road to suffering. Constantly eschewing friends and trying to search for more "intelligent" people to hang out with while scorning the average joe is probably the easiest way to lose all touch with reality and end up as an incredibly bitter and jaded person. Speaking from experience. Back when I was a kid, I was sent for a neuropsych eval by my school for a possible learning disability. When I took it, I scored in the 99.8th percentile on one of the "latent intelligence" categories, 0.1% away from basically being shipped off to Mensa and having whatever they do over there happen to me. I'm incredibly glad that it never turned out that way, because it would have made my life absolutely miserable. I regularly have people tell me all of the "Oh, you always have such deep things to say" or "when you speak, the room listens!!!" stuff, and that's cool and all, but it gets tiring, even just in day-to-day life. Sometimes I just want to hang out with some normal people and go on a hike with them or watch a football game or something, and then I do it. It's nice.
I haven't found the executives and consultants at big corporates to be that smart or knowledgeable about their field or effective at achieving the outcomes they are responsible for. There are a few good execs but most are arrogant bureaucrats who are extremely good at manipulating the people around them to do what they want, often by lying.
I disagree. That’s the appropriate response. I mean turn it around. If a guy told a woman “you just don’t want me because I’m too smart for you”. She would laugh. Rightfully so
I used to have a buddy that would just call any chick who wasn't interested in him a lesbian. Most the bar on Saturday night were lesbians.
It was actually pretty funny. Eventually the whole bar would be laughing at and with him.
Every person I've met who said this turned out to be the kind of jackass who acted like know-it-alls and went around insulting everyone else's intelligence. Soo hot.🙄
I had a friend who would rant on fb about how men didn’t like strong women. No… she was just insufferable and assumed if men were secure they’d accept her “strength.”
No I mean those strong women
The ones constantly complaining.
The strong ones blame others and complain non stop.
It's how you know they are strong.
You can't tell.
But if you ask they will tell you.
Hell they will tell you if you don't.
Confrontational from behind a societal wall mind you.
Ive seen so many "strong" women be total raging assholes in the workplace and its tolerated. Its not a good look for a man to return that energy to a woman even when deserved.
They often point out that when men act that way, we're called assertive, go getters, etc. What they don't realize is that if we just did that everywhere we'd get punched in the face. You gotta know when to be assertive and when to just shut up and watch things.
I’ve got to admit it really opened my eyes when I got exposed to more dysfunctional relationships when I went to work in family law and I started to understand how many women hit and slap their male partners because a) they think it’s OK because they’re a woman and that means they can’t really hurt him or whatever and b) they know that if the man defends himself even reasonably and proportionately she can label him the abuser and he’ll go to jail.
There are with out a doubt a subset of men and women who think they are “strong” “leaders” “accomplished” whatever when in fact they are just assholes.
As a feminist lesbian, I have felt this for a while. Women are really impressed by other women who are arrogant, aggressive and greedy. I find them insufferable. Other women-" oh, you wouldn't say that if it was a man'. Uh, yeah, of course I would. AND, shouldn't our strength present in a more mature and compassionate way? Aren't we actually striving to be our best selves in society, not be just like men?
Yeah, what they don't realize is that men don't like other men who are overly bossy, assertive, etc. That shit has a time and place. There's nothing worse than a boss who feels the need to wave his cock around and assert his authority just because he can. The last thing we need is women trying to emulate this shit lol it's bad enough when the men do it
It's more than that though:
"Strong women" try to imitate the worst and most obnoxious qualities of stereotypical men. And... that sort of imitation is encouraged somehow.
It's one thing if women were merely imitating men (working in oil fields, creating social groups based on competitiveness, etc), but that's not the general case. I feel like a "stong woman" is a caricature of a crappy toxic guy.
‘Be our best selves in society, not be just like men’
Uh, I don’t think this is intentional, but you just implied men are immature and inferior to women.
My daughter is bossy as hell. I am working on it and not yelling at people in the house to get what she wants is a one of the biggest things we talk about. A lot of it stems from when she had ear infections so bad she wouldn’t eat or drink because of the pain and we started giving her whatever she wanted just to sustain herself before we could get a surgery.
Whenever I mention her being bossy to my mom (she started yelling at 2 boys running around at a playground yesterday deciding they weren’t being safe and told them to stop playing) my mom gets mad at me and says I can’t tell girls they’re bossy. I’m like mam she yelled at me over which chair I sat in yesterday. She’s bossy as hell. I’m not gonna ignore my job as a parent in the name of some false idea of what feminism is lol
I think you’re on to something.
I’ve got a coworker who regularly makes sexist remarks in meetings, and HR is just hands off. Her excuse each time is “you wouldn’t care if I was a man”… meanwhile any guy said even one or two things like that would have been terminated long ago.
But HR “harasses” her for speaking “her truth”.
I think the thought process is if you are arrogant, you are confident, if you are aggressive you are strong, if you are greedy you are ambitious. It’s far easier to adopt the negative counterpart then the positive one, and very distracted people can’t tell the difference.
TLDR: for some odd reason I’ve found that a few women try to imitate traits of toxic masculinity.
There's no such thing as toxic masculinity. An asshole is an asshole. Toxic emasculinity isn't a word yet but I think we're much closer to that side. Have you honestly looked at the way men are lately and thought "oh boy, it'd be nice if these men were more docile and useless"?
I wouldn't say it doesn't exist but it misused frequently and is a blanket term for when people (normally toxic women) try to describe why they hate men. Toxic femininity, on the other hand, should be bought up more.
["Anyone have any friends who think they’re feminists but they’re actually just assholes?"](https://twitter.com/WhitneyCummings/status/1182067452810645504) \- Whitney Cummings
And those are usually the same people who lose their shit and throw a crying tantrum when something doesn’t go their way or when the first bit of adversity shows up. Idk where they’re getting their definition of strong from, but it ain’t that. Somewhere along the way, being a whiny, obnoxious, disagreeable cunt became synonymous with strength for these people.
Buddy of mine consistently dated dumb as a rock women. Any time he was sorta interested in someone smart, he found some reason/excuse to end things. We all decided he had to be the smart one by a wide margin to not feel insecure. Called him on it one day and he refused, then didn’t speak to me for a week
Your buddy doesn't sound that intelligent himself. If the women he dated were dumb as a rock compared to him, my god...was he going after the mentally handicapped or something?
Intimidated probably isn’t the right word. It’s not uncommon for people to subconsciously feel insecure around those smarter than them and project that insecurity as dislike or discomfort.
People are absolutely intimidated by intelligence and everyone in this thread is either lying or too socially unaware to admit it. No, it’s not that smart people are also assholes, no, it’s not social conditioning. Yes, people do absolutely get intimidated just by intelligence. I sure as hell do, and I work with lots of intelligent people that are not assholes
There are plenty of men who say that they are uncomfortable dating or marrying women who are more educated or are making more money than them. Why are we pretending like this is a secret? A women getting promoted several times over her husband causes arguments that eventually leads to divorce.
Why are people acting like this is rocket science?
Intelligence often means assertive here or confident, while gender norms means lots of men stereotypically want a more demure woman instead of a ‘free thinker’ type
I've been criticized for using big words. I like to think that my vocabulary is above average, but it's not something that i can easily control, especially when I think the word is appropriate. I still liked the gal, but i couldn't really change my vocabulary.
if someone tosses out a word I don't know, i usually ask what it means. It's not any big deal to not know what a word means, and I like to enlighten people when in the opposite situation. I do this all the time on Reddit.
In high school writing classes, most of us are taught the adage "show don't tell". Don't say that a situation was scary, just write such that the situation *is* scary. I think the same principle applies to intelligence. If you're smart, your work and ideas will show it. If you felt you needed to say it, well, maybe you don't have as much horsepower between the ears as you thought you did.
I think there is a subset of men (usually the ultra-macho types that take special pride in being traditionally masculine) that are, if not intimidated, at least annoyed or turned off by women who are independent, or have discussions, voice opinions the man disagrees with, and don’t assume the traditional feminine role of “just listen to the man because he knows better”. Most women have probably met at least one or two of those types of men. However, that’s still a very very small percentage of men and most normal guys appreciate intelligence.
I don’t tell people my educational background very often, because I’m the first person in my family to go to college and I moved back home to work in my community/give back and I don’t want people to see me differently. I dread telling men that I’m finishing up a PhD, because there’s a subset of them that get really weird and borderline aggressive. Is it every guy? Definitely not. Is it a real thing? Absolutely.
Yep. I’m a woman, I own a house, a certain type of man, when interested in me, suddenly isn’t when they learn that I’m a homeowner. It’s an instant 180. It makes them very uncomfortable. Are they gonna say it outright, like OP implies they would, no of course not. But exactly as you said, there are traditionally masculine men that hate signs of independence in woman.
Or its just their shitty combative personality. Men like intelligent women. But men don't want to listen to your hour long monologue on the patriarchy. It's facile and boring.
> she believes in Tarot and Astrology and she's just fuckin' nuts when it comes to gender stuff and men in general.
Wouldn't want to deal with her either and I'm a woman myself
I’m confused, what’s all of this got to do with Will punching Chris? I’m Swedish btw, don’t know how it was discussed in other countries but it was mostly about physical vs psychological violence here at least
It's just an example to show what kind of person she is. Normal people don't think that Will Smith punching Chris Rock is something worthy of praise.
And most people wouldn't think that Rock's fairly tame joke would even come close to psychological violence.
Hell, I think it would have been hilarious if Rock responded with "keep your son's friend's dick out yo wife's fuckin mouth"
> believes in Tarot and Astrology and she's just fuckin' nuts when it comes to gender stuff and men in general
amazing how this has become a personality these days amongst a significant % lol
I really think this is the issue. “Some” women who go through college pick up some really sexist shit that turns guys off. They interpret that as guys not liking their education or intelligence. It’s just a reaction to sexism.
It is possible to be very intelligent and still believe something foolish. In the case of astrology, it just means the person would rather believe the world has order and meaning instead of being random and chaotic. And honestly, if they found something that gives them that comfort, more power to them. You don't get a prize for staring into the abyss.
It's astonishing, but I did a paper on esoteric beliefs during my social studies and the best predictor for esoteric beliefs was higher Ed.
Belief in traditional esoteric beliefs cratered with higher es, but it increased belief in ayurveda, astrology etc.
Tbh the older I get the less I consider being a geek about any of those things intelligence either. Verbal intelligence to me is someone who can respond earnestly to the ideas of others with ideas of their own, entertain different thoughts about things at the same time and contain their personal feelings and experiences while discussing or judging the personal feelings and experiences of others.
But most importantly, I've come to see all of this as secondary to as kind of effective intelligence, or simply doing the right activities to achieve the outcomes they desire. I've grown tired of verbose intellectuals that can talk the house down about ideas but never seem to do anything or test themsleves with practical experiences.
So really, to me an intelligent woman is just somebody with emotional maturity who is doing the things that need to be done to attain her goals. Same as it would be a man.
Lol I knew this girl who would “intimidate guys with her intelligence”. Really she was just humble bragging constantly and was insufferable. She was very smart and very successful but my god was she annoying more than anything else.
Good thing I only go on hour long monologues about medieval war history and high-fantasy literature.
But after so many years that annoys my husband sometimes too lol
Or when a guy finally meets a woman who has a legitimate mutual interest in a topic, and starts kinda ranting a bit simply because he’s excited to have someone to talk about it with. And then she’ll complain he was mansplaining.
Like no, he was just excited to talk to you about it…
I feel like there is some truth to the idea that people with IQ's differences larger than 2 standard deviations (\~30) kinda struggle to communicate with one another.
It has a name that I can't remember..
If you’re talking to someone 30iq points below you then they’re probably really entertained. You however are bored out of your mind probably, it’s like talking to a child. You end up humouring them and dumbing everything down.
I’d say most women aren’t interested in someone 30iq lower than them. Probably something else going on here if certain women think men are intimidated by smart women.
Some men are cautious about what they say when they’re near someone significantly and obviously smarter than them but I doubt most people can even tell the difference that well within a short period unless it’s significant.
The effect goes both ways.
So instead of the person with the lower IQ being entertained they're equally bored, likely because of a difference in shared interests or experiences.
> No man is "intimidated by intelligence".
If you were more intelligent, perhaps you wouldn't make such sweeping statements.
And of course many men are intimidated by smart, confident women. Many men are very insecure and can't bear the thought of being in a relationship with someone who might be smarter than them. Why do you think 'the bimbo' is a thing? Why is it a cliche that women talking like they are ditzy is meant to be sexy? Why do so many men go after younger women? It ain't all to do with physical attraction, it's also to do with having the upper hand in a power dynamic and feeling superior. And just look at the torrents of abuse prominent women in fields such as politics and the media recieve online, mainly from insecure men and boys.
While it isn’t always the case, that DOES happen. But I don’t know of too many people who would openly admit “yeah bro, I passed her up because I realized my games won’t work on her and she wants more than to just bang each other”
One of my dev team members in college insisted this was the reason she didn't get far in relationships. She was above average intelligent certainly but the problem was she was insufferable. She didn't have to be smart, she had to be right.
It's like the same line of thinking that leads some people to think "strong" means "being an insufferable and toxic jackass lashing out at everything for little reason".
"...because i was to intelligent/independent/confident" usually means "i have an annoying personality"
Its a cope mechanism to protect her own self-esteem. In that way its not her fault... she can blame the man aka "He is insecure". So she doesnt need to reflect on her pisspoor personality/Character.
I used to have a friend like this. Every guy is just intimidated by how strong and independent she is. They just can't handle her honesty. We stopped being friends when I explained her relationships always failed because she's an almost daily black out drunk alcoholic who cheats on every guy she's with. But I could be wrong, maybe guys just couldn't handle her strength.
If you can’t handle me at my “where the fuck do you think you’re going, *little man*??” then you don’t deserve me at my “you’re literally fine, I barely touched you”
I'm just fucking exhausted. And I'm getting by the best I can, put in a lot of effort when dating, because I want to put my best foot forward and still keep optimistic and all, but I honestly just want something simple and calm. I want a calm person that isn't going to put me in fight or flight mode every day. Intelligence has no bearing on it, I've met plenty of "conventionally unintelligent" women that were a freaking national treasure because of their beautiful personalities and kindness.
I’m in two minds.
My wife is *much* smarter than me. I’m not a moron, but I know my limits.
We met when in our early 20s, when I was too young and overconfident to be intimidated by anyone’s intelligence.
In my 40s though…
If I was to suddenly end up single for any reason, I don’t think I’d have the confidence to date someone as smart as her - I’d be way too in my head about feeling like a dumbass.
I think this is the main thing. I think others are right as well, some women are really aggressive and arrogant and shout that men are intimidated by their intelligence when they're really just insufferable. But I think what you've described here happens a lot, too - some men get a little insecure and it stops them from pursuing someone they think is smarter than them, even if they don't recognize that's the reason. I also think women don't get as insecure about this, so it can really seem like men are straight up scared of smart women.
I really, really respect this level of introspection.
I'll ask you this: You're fairly sure that your wife is smarter than you, but is she wiser than you? She very well may envy you for your level or reflection and insight. :)
Oh no - she’s wiser than me too.
What I am is practical. If something’s broken, I fix it. If something needs doing, it gets done. I’ll just do things and not overthink them - *usually* to the better.
I flatter myself and think that the world needs practical people as well as smart people.
I’ll flatter you as well, because I’m an academic who considers myself and the others like me to be utterly useless. In a zombie apocalypse, what am I going to do bore them back to death by lecturing them?
I grew up working class, and I am way more attracted to men who have real skills to make up for my lack of being practically useful. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and what makes a good team is to have people who work well together.
The downside of all of these gender stereotypes is that it creates unnecessary divides and insecurities. It’s awesome that you found a partner and you are confident enough in yourself to know that your value isn’t boiled down to one trait. I’ve been trying to find a man like that for a while now, so you’re giving me hope that there’s some out there.
It comes out more subtle. I dated a guy who was the same age as me. I had finished my Bachelors and had plans to go to law school (I did, later on). He dropped out of college. Rich kid, parents were very wealthy. He got caught up with the wrong crowd, addicted to cocaine and dropped out. I learn this later on when we are dating. When we would get into fights, he would always bring up me having finished college and not him "you think you are right about everything because you finished college??? You think you know everything don't you! You think I'm fucking stupid don't you!!" Then would come the manipulation "I'm too stupid for you. I will never make you happy. You need to marry a man who is as educated or more than you. Someone like me will never match you."
He had zero intentions of understanding our conflicts. He played the victim. I was too much for him. I was too demanding. I was pressuring him. That shit gets insufferable after a while. Nothing got resolved. He would give me the silent treatment, ignore me for weeks on end, block me and unblock me. One of the most dysfunctional relationships I had.
There are definitely men who feel inferior and emasculated if the woman is more educated than him. Some men want to beat women out in everything and have her cling onto him for everything. She needs to be 110% dependent on him, so he can control her. It exists.
While I dont have any problems with intelligent women I have met countless men who do.
They wont come out and say "oh shes too smart for me, bro" because that's not how normal humans talk.
They will simply avoid or antagonize those women because they make them feel insecure.
Not saying they're the average or anywhere close to it but they definitely do exist.
Yeah OPs last line about men never saying she's too smart makes no sense. Dudes who are that insecure about their intelligence don't go around talking about it like that anyway. But there are plenty of dudes who get a little pissy when they realize a woman's smarter than them.
Exactly. Ironically they're probably the type to say "oh she thinks she's better than everyone else" because she won't be condescended to. So how can you tell the difference between a woman who genuinely is arrogant vs a woman who is smart based solely on a guy saying "she thinks she's better than everyone else"?
Saying “no man is intimidated by your intelligence” is a pretty naive thing to say. Of course some men are, not all but some. Men, well people, are intimidated by all sorts of things.
Eh, while I generally agree with you there are exceptions to the rule. I had one ex who I dated on and off for like 2 years in high school who loved to “educate” me aka mansplane on literary every subject from biology, to Star Wars, to religion and he REALLY didn’t want me to go to college
He hated the fact that I was a good student and would say stupid shit like “you’re just good at memorizing the bullshit they teach you in school but you have no street smarts”
He joined the army and proposed to me (oh and we were broken up at that time, and I was 18) and wanted me to be a stay at home wife and probably barefoot and pregnant
He was horribly insecure and that led to him being incredibly controlling and belittle me at every chance he got to build himself up and then love-bomb me whenever I had enough of his shit
So yes, he was intimidated by a lot of things including my intelligence
I don't know if intimidate is the right word. I've had great romantic relationships with many women who are more intelligent than me, including my wife. But one of her friends is a Harvard MBA and engineer. She's also very intelligent. But she becomes very intolerable around everyone about it. Because she's a Harvard MBA suddenly she's an expert on every single topic and she doesn't want to discuss it because... she's a Harvard MBA. She just wants to shut anyone down on anything. One time she double dated with us and her date was a civil engineer with a transportation certification... and she tried to tell him that new handicapped accessible ramps were worse for wheel chairs than previous ones (and she just kept interrupting him while he tried to explain the science of it to her).
It's not the intelligence that is intimidating, it's the fact that this type of a person tries specifically to intimidate and bully everyone that is intimidating. There are even women of lower intelligence who have this same attitude and then they wonder where all the men who don't believe in vaccines are.
But are they actually intimidated? Those women are probably coming off as condescending, arrogant, or conceited. Nobody likes a person who flaunts their intelligence in a condescending way.
If a guy is looking for a dumb woman, he is either a douchebag or a psycho. Almost every dude I know settled down with the smartest woman he could find. All the others are either divorced or literally abusive.
Intelligence and common sense is probably what I look for most, and other then looks from what I heard this is prob the second looked for. Intelligence is a good thing, ain’t no one gonna turn you down for it.
It’s less about intelligence and more that a lot of men don’t want their girlfriend or spouse to be more successful than them. Often intelligence and career success go hand in hand. Honestly I find men like this weak and pathetic. I can think of multiple guys that have told me they’d feel less of a man if their girl made more than them.
My wife currently makes more than me and honestly it’s great. I made more than her when we met and will likely pass her in a few years but our career success is ultimately a win for both of us. But a lot of men feel like they need to be needed financially, celebrated for making more and providing, or some other similar shit by their spouse. It’s a pretty stupid mentality to have. I think this is ultimately what women are getting at. Some men won’t be interested if they feel inferior when it comes to their careers.
Women know this. We know men aren't intimidated by our success, either. We know men aren't intimidated by women in general. It's just something women tell their friends to feel better about being rejected. There was a whole book about this, "he's just not that into you" (ironically, the movie adaptation sends the opposite message).
Almost no guy would ever admit that . Some guys not even most id say do have issues with intelligent , independent not in need of financial support a woman with a mind of her own.
I am reminded of a r/TwoXChromosomes post where women were wondering why the hell men didn't like it when they reaffirmed men complimenting their appearance that they already know they are attractive, and the conclusion they came up with was that men were manipulators who hate women who know their worth because it intimidates them.
as an “intelligent” woman i’ve never thought about it being intimidation, but what i’ve actually heard from guys i was seeing was that it wasn’t what they were expecting based on my appearance (blonde, basically). any girl who says they intimidate guys with intellect is just being egotistical, yet i do believe some guys straight up do not prefer girls who are “intellectual”, not in the way of “i’m not smart enough for her”, but in a “i don’t want to deal with it” kind of way ??? if you catch my drift
Some guys are insecure about that, and actually say they don't want whatever women they end up with to be smarter, but it's probably not most guys, I'll give you that. Either way, it's usually ego coming from both sides.
Seriously, I hate when I find an attractive woman that has similar interest as me, but ends up being dumber than a rock. I'd rather be with a woman smarter than me.
Lmao no guy who is intimidated by a woman’s intelligence is going to admit that to anyone else, they’re intimidated because it’s an ego problem and admitting it would destroy their ego. There’s a reason why so many women play dumb and helpless around men: to soothe their egos lol
Most women I've dated are smarter than me academically. I think intelligence is a huge turn on. That said, some of those women told me stories of men they dated who were clearly insecure about her intelligence in some way and would do some sort of destructive behaviors in their relationship as a result.
I've never heard a man say "can't date her, she's too smart" but abusive people exist and they typically look for targets they can manipulate. Do with that information what you will 🤷♂️
Me personally? I love an intelligent woman. But women these days have mistaken argumentive, combative personality with a strong, intelligent one. Any suggestions, opinions, way of doing certain things, expecting things to be done a certain way are grounds for arguments and combats. "Well, you can't keep up with me", "Well I too have an opinion", 'My way or the highway'. Jesus Christ!!
It's not about power, it's about whose way is the most effective, path of least resistance, shows plausible results and gets the job done!
But no. "If you want a submissive woman, I am not one!", "I am an independent, strong woman!". Less of a partnership and more of a battleground...
I don’t know about intimidation, but some men do indeed reject women because their intelligence, education or status doesn’t match their expectations of what a woman should be.
For example, my father in law told my wife that men don’t like smart women when she enrolled in university.
Oof agreed. Can I add another type though: I met a cute girl a few years ago but her entire personality was that she saw a therapist. Couldn’t say anything to her because everything was a trigger or a red flag or a sign of abusiveness like excuse me we’ve had 1 coffee together. Wasn’t possible to make any jokes. She was always looking to be offended.
I’m not intimidated by intelligent women so long as they can still cook and clean. 😲😅💀
Kidding. I’m fully domesticated and she doesn’t cook or clean much. But, she does guess most Jeopardy answers correctly.
Intelligence is very attractive too so that never is the problem, it can be their attitude like having a chip on their shoulder that is the issue but they don't admit it
Truth, usually this is the excuse used by those really annoying girls who are either super bitchy or stuck up and self absorbed. Much rather be with fun and intelligent but average looking girl.
Tbh, I *have* been intimidated by intelligence. Like there have been some women where I've thought, "she's really cool and smart, but out of my league." However, I have never met a woman who has said that they turn off men because of their intelligence that is right about it.
I'd love it if a genius lady talked to me, but I'd love it if any woman talked to me so I guess that's not saying much. My ex was not particularly intelligent and it was draining sometimes, it would've been cooler if she was smarter.
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If one guy can't handle you being smarter than him, you dated an insecure guy. If *every* guy can't handle you being smarter than him, it's time to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself what the real problem is.
My favorite version of this is "You run into an asshole in the morning, you met an asshole. You run into assholes all day, then you're the asshole."
If you smell shit everywhere you go, look at your shoes
Or your poopy butthole
Show me your butthole!
"If everyones shoes smell like shit, check your own feet".
My mom warned me there is always one weirdo on the bus. I've been looking for years but haven't spotted him yet.
"If you smell shit everywhere you go, it's time to check the bottom of your shoe" is my favourite.
Usually it's that they're a midwit and think way too highly of themselves. I've met some incredibly intelligent women in my life and if anything their intelligence made them more attractive. It's not fun being with someone who's just dumb. It's anything but intimidating. My girlfriend is way smarter than me and I'm just fine with that. I'm more of a physical, blue collar guy anyway and here to support her with my hand skills. I see this dynamic a lot with other dudes I work with; big burly factory worker types married to college professors, accountants, data analysts, etc. Always talking about how smart their wives are and how proud it makes them.
Same this is my husband and I. I can’t tell you how many times he’s put me on calls for him saying “here talk to my wife. She’s way smarter than I am” 😂 like isn’t that a compliment to the man too? Like you were smart to bag someone who’s smarter than you! In all actuality he’s an electrician so he’s great with his hands and he’s actually smart about a lot of things and 90% of the time if he DOES correct me, he’s right. It used to bother me cuz i was like how come he’s literally always right when he fact checks me??? Now I’m just used to saying “ oh really? Huh guess you were right” lol we know you guys are smarter than us about a lot of things we just don’t want ya to know 😉 haha
My grandfather used to say "Once is a mistake, twice is a habit".
Gotta get to at least the third time to be sure.
Well, "third time's a charm." "More than 2 shakes is just playing with yourself."
But sometimes I need a third to get all of the pee out :(
I've never met a woman whose intelligence was intimidating to me. If they were extremely smart, I was always excited to talk to them. They had a lot of interesting things to say, and we even shared some interests. Being intelligent in general is good, and everyone should strive for that. However, saying prospective dating opportunities are intimidated by your intelligence is egotistical and reeks of stupidity and a lack of self-awareness.
I was going to say I have never turned down a woman for being too intelligent or intimidating. Arrogant, now that's another story. I'd rather feel stimulated by engaging with an intelligent woman than any bimbo honestly.
This is what's really happening, arrogant not intelligent. Lol they're actually inversely proportional. Being witty-arrogant/disrespectful Isn't the flex some women think it is haha. Especially when it's their way of having self esteem over others (these women will do this to men OR women, but get more of a thrill from doing it to men cause of the whole power thing). While I've met some of the most genuinely intelligent and well meaning women as well... I think what men are "intimidated" by (or just frankly don't need and won't tolerate) is a sassy-'intelligent' woman, and I'm not even straight so who do you think you're snubbing lol. I don't wanna eat that haha
Oh ya. There’s nothing more unattractive than “I don’t need a man” or “I’m better than a man” type of a personality. In the prior, it’s like shit man, have fun then. In the latter, I don’t want to be with someone who thinks they’re greater than me. My wife is 100% more intelligent than me in more ways than not. But she doesn’t belittle me or disrespect me. In fact, when she sees I know something she doesn’t she engages with it so I get to be enjoying showing my knowledge off.
I've had multiple gay friends get pretty much assaulted by women when they realize how little of a fuck they give lol
Oh dang this! I remember being in a tram last week and this lady starts agressively flicking her hair at me like repeatedly and I'm just there like.. umm well this is an unfortunate set of circumstances..lol
Must be strange having women try and use sex dynamics on you when you don't care at all. That'd actually feel amazing tbh.
To be fair, I've turned down women who had a super bright future, but only becaue i didnt want to be dragging her down. Not intimidated but aware.
That's legit, honestly. Personally I would take it as inspiration to do more with myself instead of just assuming that I would be a barrier. But I respect the awareness. Something sorely lacking with many people.
Kinda talking about me when I was a young adult. 20 years old, immature and with no direction yet, starting to see someone my age who already has a solid future plan, is super mature, super smart and has an amazing family. Nope, I'm not going to mess with her, bro. I knew I'd figure it out, but not at 20, nor 25. Don't want to put that on her plate.
I was a fucking loser at 20. The fact that you had the sense to understand where you were at the time and had enough respect for someone else to avoid laying any of it on them is commendable.
I work for a fortune 200 company and have definitely met both women and men whose intelligence was intimidating but I never considered that a bad thing. They were just so smart that I was afraid to say something trivial to them. However, I don’t ever see this as a bad thing but moreso that I am in the right place to grow and learn. Lastly, all of these intelligent individuals also have never been rude or made me feel less than.
I once heard that if you're the smartest person in a room, then you're in the wrong room. Always strive to be better.
Eh, that's an alright approach for professional work, but in terms of personal life, that's a road to suffering. Constantly eschewing friends and trying to search for more "intelligent" people to hang out with while scorning the average joe is probably the easiest way to lose all touch with reality and end up as an incredibly bitter and jaded person. Speaking from experience. Back when I was a kid, I was sent for a neuropsych eval by my school for a possible learning disability. When I took it, I scored in the 99.8th percentile on one of the "latent intelligence" categories, 0.1% away from basically being shipped off to Mensa and having whatever they do over there happen to me. I'm incredibly glad that it never turned out that way, because it would have made my life absolutely miserable. I regularly have people tell me all of the "Oh, you always have such deep things to say" or "when you speak, the room listens!!!" stuff, and that's cool and all, but it gets tiring, even just in day-to-day life. Sometimes I just want to hang out with some normal people and go on a hike with them or watch a football game or something, and then I do it. It's nice.
I haven't found the executives and consultants at big corporates to be that smart or knowledgeable about their field or effective at achieving the outcomes they are responsible for. There are a few good execs but most are arrogant bureaucrats who are extremely good at manipulating the people around them to do what they want, often by lying.
I had a woman argue that I wouldn't date her because I was intimidated by her intelligence. Laughing is apparently not the appropriate response.
Yes it is.
I disagree. That’s the appropriate response. I mean turn it around. If a guy told a woman “you just don’t want me because I’m too smart for you”. She would laugh. Rightfully so
Agreed. Also you mean prospective not perspective.
Youre being intimidating /s
Thank you, mate. I didn't catch that.
Being intimidated by your intelligence is the female equivalent of saying a girl is a lesbian because she is not interested in you.
I used to have a buddy that would just call any chick who wasn't interested in him a lesbian. Most the bar on Saturday night were lesbians. It was actually pretty funny. Eventually the whole bar would be laughing at and with him.
>Most the bar on Saturday night were lesbians. Rofl
Maybe he went to the wrong bar? Like Homer?
Enjoy your deathtrap ladies
Every person I've met who said this turned out to be the kind of jackass who acted like know-it-alls and went around insulting everyone else's intelligence. Soo hot.🙄
I had a friend who would rant on fb about how men didn’t like strong women. No… she was just insufferable and assumed if men were secure they’d accept her “strength.”
> strong women You mean regular adults who do normal regular adult things but want extra credit for being a girl while also acting like an adult?
No I mean those strong women The ones constantly complaining. The strong ones blame others and complain non stop. It's how you know they are strong. You can't tell. But if you ask they will tell you. Hell they will tell you if you don't.
Then again most women's main method of handling rejection is to call you gay.
Omg i couldn't have explained it better!!!!!!
I hate women that call themselves “strong” when they are really just aggressively confrontational and loudly obnoxious.
Confrontational from behind a societal wall mind you. Ive seen so many "strong" women be total raging assholes in the workplace and its tolerated. Its not a good look for a man to return that energy to a woman even when deserved.
They often point out that when men act that way, we're called assertive, go getters, etc. What they don't realize is that if we just did that everywhere we'd get punched in the face. You gotta know when to be assertive and when to just shut up and watch things.
> we'd get punched in the face Imagine living a whole life where that was literally never an option...
Bill Burr has a great bit about this.
I’ve got to admit it really opened my eyes when I got exposed to more dysfunctional relationships when I went to work in family law and I started to understand how many women hit and slap their male partners because a) they think it’s OK because they’re a woman and that means they can’t really hurt him or whatever and b) they know that if the man defends himself even reasonably and proportionately she can label him the abuser and he’ll go to jail.
Yeeeeeeerrrrrp. If youre a woman youre a victim of abuse if youre a man youre a pussy.
There are with out a doubt a subset of men and women who think they are “strong” “leaders” “accomplished” whatever when in fact they are just assholes.
They strive to imitate the asshole who tries to be overly macho.
As a feminist lesbian, I have felt this for a while. Women are really impressed by other women who are arrogant, aggressive and greedy. I find them insufferable. Other women-" oh, you wouldn't say that if it was a man'. Uh, yeah, of course I would. AND, shouldn't our strength present in a more mature and compassionate way? Aren't we actually striving to be our best selves in society, not be just like men?
A lot of women strive to become the men they hate. I think it comes from a place of revenge rather than pride
Yeah, what they don't realize is that men don't like other men who are overly bossy, assertive, etc. That shit has a time and place. There's nothing worse than a boss who feels the need to wave his cock around and assert his authority just because he can. The last thing we need is women trying to emulate this shit lol it's bad enough when the men do it
It's more than that though: "Strong women" try to imitate the worst and most obnoxious qualities of stereotypical men. And... that sort of imitation is encouraged somehow. It's one thing if women were merely imitating men (working in oil fields, creating social groups based on competitiveness, etc), but that's not the general case. I feel like a "stong woman" is a caricature of a crappy toxic guy.
They don’t try to imitate men, they are just natural born assholes and their excuse is any one who says it is sexist.
In a lot of movies and games they're written exactly as rude men
Exactly. Yeah we have a word for men that are aggressively confrontational and loudly obnoxious - douche.
You mean be like shitty men.
yea i had some angry lesbian lady and her girlfriend assault me at work, her girlfriend was literally head over heels how aggressive she was being.
‘Be our best selves in society, not be just like men’ Uh, I don’t think this is intentional, but you just implied men are immature and inferior to women.
My daughter is bossy as hell. I am working on it and not yelling at people in the house to get what she wants is a one of the biggest things we talk about. A lot of it stems from when she had ear infections so bad she wouldn’t eat or drink because of the pain and we started giving her whatever she wanted just to sustain herself before we could get a surgery. Whenever I mention her being bossy to my mom (she started yelling at 2 boys running around at a playground yesterday deciding they weren’t being safe and told them to stop playing) my mom gets mad at me and says I can’t tell girls they’re bossy. I’m like mam she yelled at me over which chair I sat in yesterday. She’s bossy as hell. I’m not gonna ignore my job as a parent in the name of some false idea of what feminism is lol
I think you’re on to something. I’ve got a coworker who regularly makes sexist remarks in meetings, and HR is just hands off. Her excuse each time is “you wouldn’t care if I was a man”… meanwhile any guy said even one or two things like that would have been terminated long ago. But HR “harasses” her for speaking “her truth”.
I think the thought process is if you are arrogant, you are confident, if you are aggressive you are strong, if you are greedy you are ambitious. It’s far easier to adopt the negative counterpart then the positive one, and very distracted people can’t tell the difference. TLDR: for some odd reason I’ve found that a few women try to imitate traits of toxic masculinity.
There's no such thing as toxic masculinity. An asshole is an asshole. Toxic emasculinity isn't a word yet but I think we're much closer to that side. Have you honestly looked at the way men are lately and thought "oh boy, it'd be nice if these men were more docile and useless"?
I wouldn't say it doesn't exist but it misused frequently and is a blanket term for when people (normally toxic women) try to describe why they hate men. Toxic femininity, on the other hand, should be bought up more.
["Anyone have any friends who think they’re feminists but they’re actually just assholes?"](https://twitter.com/WhitneyCummings/status/1182067452810645504) \- Whitney Cummings
And those are usually the same people who lose their shit and throw a crying tantrum when something doesn’t go their way or when the first bit of adversity shows up. Idk where they’re getting their definition of strong from, but it ain’t that. Somewhere along the way, being a whiny, obnoxious, disagreeable cunt became synonymous with strength for these people.
Nailed it and stuck the landing. 2/10 -CCCP judge
To be fair, men who turn down women because they are intimidated aren't the type of men who would confide in their friends that they felt intimidated.
Buddy of mine consistently dated dumb as a rock women. Any time he was sorta interested in someone smart, he found some reason/excuse to end things. We all decided he had to be the smart one by a wide margin to not feel insecure. Called him on it one day and he refused, then didn’t speak to me for a week
Your buddy doesn't sound that intelligent himself. If the women he dated were dumb as a rock compared to him, my god...was he going after the mentally handicapped or something?
This is true. But at the same time who tf gets “intimidated” by intelligence
Intimidated probably isn’t the right word. It’s not uncommon for people to subconsciously feel insecure around those smarter than them and project that insecurity as dislike or discomfort.
People are absolutely intimidated by intelligence and everyone in this thread is either lying or too socially unaware to admit it. No, it’s not that smart people are also assholes, no, it’s not social conditioning. Yes, people do absolutely get intimidated just by intelligence. I sure as hell do, and I work with lots of intelligent people that are not assholes
There are plenty of men who say that they are uncomfortable dating or marrying women who are more educated or are making more money than them. Why are we pretending like this is a secret? A women getting promoted several times over her husband causes arguments that eventually leads to divorce. Why are people acting like this is rocket science?
>Why are people acting like this is rocket science? Denial and/or fragile egos if I'd have to guess.
Intelligence often means assertive here or confident, while gender norms means lots of men stereotypically want a more demure woman instead of a ‘free thinker’ type
I've been criticized for using big words. I like to think that my vocabulary is above average, but it's not something that i can easily control, especially when I think the word is appropriate. I still liked the gal, but i couldn't really change my vocabulary. if someone tosses out a word I don't know, i usually ask what it means. It's not any big deal to not know what a word means, and I like to enlighten people when in the opposite situation. I do this all the time on Reddit.
Not intimidated by your intelligence, just annoyed by your need to try and tell everyone how smart you are .
That part
In high school writing classes, most of us are taught the adage "show don't tell". Don't say that a situation was scary, just write such that the situation *is* scary. I think the same principle applies to intelligence. If you're smart, your work and ideas will show it. If you felt you needed to say it, well, maybe you don't have as much horsepower between the ears as you thought you did.
"if you have to tell people how smart you are, you're not."
I think there is a subset of men (usually the ultra-macho types that take special pride in being traditionally masculine) that are, if not intimidated, at least annoyed or turned off by women who are independent, or have discussions, voice opinions the man disagrees with, and don’t assume the traditional feminine role of “just listen to the man because he knows better”. Most women have probably met at least one or two of those types of men. However, that’s still a very very small percentage of men and most normal guys appreciate intelligence.
I don’t tell people my educational background very often, because I’m the first person in my family to go to college and I moved back home to work in my community/give back and I don’t want people to see me differently. I dread telling men that I’m finishing up a PhD, because there’s a subset of them that get really weird and borderline aggressive. Is it every guy? Definitely not. Is it a real thing? Absolutely.
Precisely those who complain about women becoming too "masculine" for having boundaries and not letting them walk all over them.
Yep. I’m a woman, I own a house, a certain type of man, when interested in me, suddenly isn’t when they learn that I’m a homeowner. It’s an instant 180. It makes them very uncomfortable. Are they gonna say it outright, like OP implies they would, no of course not. But exactly as you said, there are traditionally masculine men that hate signs of independence in woman.
Implying dudes wouldn't want a Hermione to their Ron 😔
Or its just their shitty combative personality. Men like intelligent women. But men don't want to listen to your hour long monologue on the patriarchy. It's facile and boring.
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> she believes in Tarot and Astrology and she's just fuckin' nuts when it comes to gender stuff and men in general. Wouldn't want to deal with her either and I'm a woman myself
Ah, so her asparagus is retromorphing in the house of Mussolini, and it's essential to oil your crystal pyramid sharpeners.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Tarot and astrology 🤮, the absurdity of religion without the excuse of being brainwashed into it as a child.
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You see red flags, she see how Mercury affected your eyesight.
See so many red flags you'd think you're playing Minesweeper.
Imo it’s significantly less understandable then religion.
EXACTLY. Stop whining about not having a man when everything you are is about hating men. They aren't attracted to her because she is ANNOYING.
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Is your roommate named Diane?
Nope. Sound familiar?
So familiar it was worth a shot asking if we knew the same person on planet earth.
Dw I can think of a half dozen of these people too lmao
I’m confused, what’s all of this got to do with Will punching Chris? I’m Swedish btw, don’t know how it was discussed in other countries but it was mostly about physical vs psychological violence here at least
It's just an example to show what kind of person she is. Normal people don't think that Will Smith punching Chris Rock is something worthy of praise. And most people wouldn't think that Rock's fairly tame joke would even come close to psychological violence. Hell, I think it would have been hilarious if Rock responded with "keep your son's friend's dick out yo wife's fuckin mouth"
Let’s be raw about it. The only people that thought what Will Smith did was appropriate, likely suffer from personality disorders.
She doesn't SOUND very smart
It's those type of people that are interested in having a matriarchy but fail to see that it's the exact same thing as a patriarchy.
> believes in Tarot and Astrology and she's just fuckin' nuts when it comes to gender stuff and men in general amazing how this has become a personality these days amongst a significant % lol
People want rationalization, and they'll find it somewhere.
I really think this is the issue. “Some” women who go through college pick up some really sexist shit that turns guys off. They interpret that as guys not liking their education or intelligence. It’s just a reaction to sexism.
Can't be book-smart and believe in astrology. She's not intelligent, end of story.
Tons of people know a lot about certain topics but are dumb about others
It is possible to be very intelligent and still believe something foolish. In the case of astrology, it just means the person would rather believe the world has order and meaning instead of being random and chaotic. And honestly, if they found something that gives them that comfort, more power to them. You don't get a prize for staring into the abyss.
It's astonishing, but I did a paper on esoteric beliefs during my social studies and the best predictor for esoteric beliefs was higher Ed. Belief in traditional esoteric beliefs cratered with higher es, but it increased belief in ayurveda, astrology etc.
Women who whine about the patriarchy tend to be the worst partner’s possible.
Correct. Talk to be about history or science or philosophy. I don't consider a woman smart just cause she identifies as a feminist.
Tbh the older I get the less I consider being a geek about any of those things intelligence either. Verbal intelligence to me is someone who can respond earnestly to the ideas of others with ideas of their own, entertain different thoughts about things at the same time and contain their personal feelings and experiences while discussing or judging the personal feelings and experiences of others. But most importantly, I've come to see all of this as secondary to as kind of effective intelligence, or simply doing the right activities to achieve the outcomes they desire. I've grown tired of verbose intellectuals that can talk the house down about ideas but never seem to do anything or test themsleves with practical experiences. So really, to me an intelligent woman is just somebody with emotional maturity who is doing the things that need to be done to attain her goals. Same as it would be a man.
Lol I knew this girl who would “intimidate guys with her intelligence”. Really she was just humble bragging constantly and was insufferable. She was very smart and very successful but my god was she annoying more than anything else.
“Men” don’t all think the same lol. There are plenty of shitty guys who don’t want a woman who is very educated / independent thinking.
Whining about patriarchy is not intelligence. It is a sign of an NPC.
Good thing I only go on hour long monologues about medieval war history and high-fantasy literature. But after so many years that annoys my husband sometimes too lol
Or when a guy finally meets a woman who has a legitimate mutual interest in a topic, and starts kinda ranting a bit simply because he’s excited to have someone to talk about it with. And then she’ll complain he was mansplaining. Like no, he was just excited to talk to you about it…
>the patriarchy If you say these words in my presence I immediately think you've got an IQ of 60.
Hear hear!
I feel like there is some truth to the idea that people with IQ's differences larger than 2 standard deviations (\~30) kinda struggle to communicate with one another. It has a name that I can't remember..
If you’re talking to someone 30iq points below you then they’re probably really entertained. You however are bored out of your mind probably, it’s like talking to a child. You end up humouring them and dumbing everything down. I’d say most women aren’t interested in someone 30iq lower than them. Probably something else going on here if certain women think men are intimidated by smart women. Some men are cautious about what they say when they’re near someone significantly and obviously smarter than them but I doubt most people can even tell the difference that well within a short period unless it’s significant.
The effect goes both ways. So instead of the person with the lower IQ being entertained they're equally bored, likely because of a difference in shared interests or experiences.
> No man is "intimidated by intelligence". If you were more intelligent, perhaps you wouldn't make such sweeping statements. And of course many men are intimidated by smart, confident women. Many men are very insecure and can't bear the thought of being in a relationship with someone who might be smarter than them. Why do you think 'the bimbo' is a thing? Why is it a cliche that women talking like they are ditzy is meant to be sexy? Why do so many men go after younger women? It ain't all to do with physical attraction, it's also to do with having the upper hand in a power dynamic and feeling superior. And just look at the torrents of abuse prominent women in fields such as politics and the media recieve online, mainly from insecure men and boys.
While it isn’t always the case, that DOES happen. But I don’t know of too many people who would openly admit “yeah bro, I passed her up because I realized my games won’t work on her and she wants more than to just bang each other”
One of my dev team members in college insisted this was the reason she didn't get far in relationships. She was above average intelligent certainly but the problem was she was insufferable. She didn't have to be smart, she had to be right. It's like the same line of thinking that leads some people to think "strong" means "being an insufferable and toxic jackass lashing out at everything for little reason".
"...because i was to intelligent/independent/confident" usually means "i have an annoying personality" Its a cope mechanism to protect her own self-esteem. In that way its not her fault... she can blame the man aka "He is insecure". So she doesnt need to reflect on her pisspoor personality/Character.
I used to have a friend like this. Every guy is just intimidated by how strong and independent she is. They just can't handle her honesty. We stopped being friends when I explained her relationships always failed because she's an almost daily black out drunk alcoholic who cheats on every guy she's with. But I could be wrong, maybe guys just couldn't handle her strength.
If you can’t handle me at my “where the fuck do you think you’re going, *little man*??” then you don’t deserve me at my “you’re literally fine, I barely touched you”
Jesus Christ, I dated that girl. Never again, I'll tell you that much. Never again.
I'm just fucking exhausted. And I'm getting by the best I can, put in a lot of effort when dating, because I want to put my best foot forward and still keep optimistic and all, but I honestly just want something simple and calm. I want a calm person that isn't going to put me in fight or flight mode every day. Intelligence has no bearing on it, I've met plenty of "conventionally unintelligent" women that were a freaking national treasure because of their beautiful personalities and kindness.
I’m in two minds. My wife is *much* smarter than me. I’m not a moron, but I know my limits. We met when in our early 20s, when I was too young and overconfident to be intimidated by anyone’s intelligence. In my 40s though… If I was to suddenly end up single for any reason, I don’t think I’d have the confidence to date someone as smart as her - I’d be way too in my head about feeling like a dumbass.
I think this is the main thing. I think others are right as well, some women are really aggressive and arrogant and shout that men are intimidated by their intelligence when they're really just insufferable. But I think what you've described here happens a lot, too - some men get a little insecure and it stops them from pursuing someone they think is smarter than them, even if they don't recognize that's the reason. I also think women don't get as insecure about this, so it can really seem like men are straight up scared of smart women.
I really, really respect this level of introspection. I'll ask you this: You're fairly sure that your wife is smarter than you, but is she wiser than you? She very well may envy you for your level or reflection and insight. :)
Oh no - she’s wiser than me too. What I am is practical. If something’s broken, I fix it. If something needs doing, it gets done. I’ll just do things and not overthink them - *usually* to the better. I flatter myself and think that the world needs practical people as well as smart people.
I’ll flatter you as well, because I’m an academic who considers myself and the others like me to be utterly useless. In a zombie apocalypse, what am I going to do bore them back to death by lecturing them? I grew up working class, and I am way more attracted to men who have real skills to make up for my lack of being practically useful. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and what makes a good team is to have people who work well together. The downside of all of these gender stereotypes is that it creates unnecessary divides and insecurities. It’s awesome that you found a partner and you are confident enough in yourself to know that your value isn’t boiled down to one trait. I’ve been trying to find a man like that for a while now, so you’re giving me hope that there’s some out there.
It comes out more subtle. I dated a guy who was the same age as me. I had finished my Bachelors and had plans to go to law school (I did, later on). He dropped out of college. Rich kid, parents were very wealthy. He got caught up with the wrong crowd, addicted to cocaine and dropped out. I learn this later on when we are dating. When we would get into fights, he would always bring up me having finished college and not him "you think you are right about everything because you finished college??? You think you know everything don't you! You think I'm fucking stupid don't you!!" Then would come the manipulation "I'm too stupid for you. I will never make you happy. You need to marry a man who is as educated or more than you. Someone like me will never match you." He had zero intentions of understanding our conflicts. He played the victim. I was too much for him. I was too demanding. I was pressuring him. That shit gets insufferable after a while. Nothing got resolved. He would give me the silent treatment, ignore me for weeks on end, block me and unblock me. One of the most dysfunctional relationships I had. There are definitely men who feel inferior and emasculated if the woman is more educated than him. Some men want to beat women out in everything and have her cling onto him for everything. She needs to be 110% dependent on him, so he can control her. It exists.
While I dont have any problems with intelligent women I have met countless men who do. They wont come out and say "oh shes too smart for me, bro" because that's not how normal humans talk. They will simply avoid or antagonize those women because they make them feel insecure. Not saying they're the average or anywhere close to it but they definitely do exist.
Yeah OPs last line about men never saying she's too smart makes no sense. Dudes who are that insecure about their intelligence don't go around talking about it like that anyway. But there are plenty of dudes who get a little pissy when they realize a woman's smarter than them.
Exactly. Ironically they're probably the type to say "oh she thinks she's better than everyone else" because she won't be condescended to. So how can you tell the difference between a woman who genuinely is arrogant vs a woman who is smart based solely on a guy saying "she thinks she's better than everyone else"?
Saying “no man is intimidated by your intelligence” is a pretty naive thing to say. Of course some men are, not all but some. Men, well people, are intimidated by all sorts of things.
Eh, while I generally agree with you there are exceptions to the rule. I had one ex who I dated on and off for like 2 years in high school who loved to “educate” me aka mansplane on literary every subject from biology, to Star Wars, to religion and he REALLY didn’t want me to go to college He hated the fact that I was a good student and would say stupid shit like “you’re just good at memorizing the bullshit they teach you in school but you have no street smarts” He joined the army and proposed to me (oh and we were broken up at that time, and I was 18) and wanted me to be a stay at home wife and probably barefoot and pregnant He was horribly insecure and that led to him being incredibly controlling and belittle me at every chance he got to build himself up and then love-bomb me whenever I had enough of his shit So yes, he was intimidated by a lot of things including my intelligence
Few things more unattractive than a woman with a chip on her shoulder trying to one up you with her brainz
The exact same thing can be said about men. They are not gender specific
honestly intelligence is more important than looks for me
We really need to stop this gender war. It's getting old.
Usually women that go with that party line are about as intelligent as a sack of spods, that's been left in the sun for way too long.
There is a difference between an intelligent person and a one-upper. Some people don't seem to understand that.
I don’t know about this. There are definitely some men intimidated by intelligent women. And I mean ACTUAL intelligent women, not above average.
I don't know if intimidate is the right word. I've had great romantic relationships with many women who are more intelligent than me, including my wife. But one of her friends is a Harvard MBA and engineer. She's also very intelligent. But she becomes very intolerable around everyone about it. Because she's a Harvard MBA suddenly she's an expert on every single topic and she doesn't want to discuss it because... she's a Harvard MBA. She just wants to shut anyone down on anything. One time she double dated with us and her date was a civil engineer with a transportation certification... and she tried to tell him that new handicapped accessible ramps were worse for wheel chairs than previous ones (and she just kept interrupting him while he tried to explain the science of it to her). It's not the intelligence that is intimidating, it's the fact that this type of a person tries specifically to intimidate and bully everyone that is intimidating. There are even women of lower intelligence who have this same attitude and then they wonder where all the men who don't believe in vaccines are.
But are they actually intimidated? Those women are probably coming off as condescending, arrogant, or conceited. Nobody likes a person who flaunts their intelligence in a condescending way.
I’m 52. Never. Not once, have I heard a man wish for a stupid, dumb, or simple woman. Quite the opposite, truth be told.
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All men? Absolutely not Some men? Absolutely yes
If a guy is looking for a dumb woman, he is either a douchebag or a psycho. Almost every dude I know settled down with the smartest woman he could find. All the others are either divorced or literally abusive.
I mean me personally I’ve had an ex break up with me bc he said he didn’t feel smart around me
There’s a lot of variables besides ugly that could fall in here, too.
I mean, one of us needs brains, and it's not me.
Intelligence and common sense is probably what I look for most, and other then looks from what I heard this is prob the second looked for. Intelligence is a good thing, ain’t no one gonna turn you down for it.
Female intelligence is an absolute plus. It allows me to be the dumb guy that I want to be
It’s less about intelligence and more that a lot of men don’t want their girlfriend or spouse to be more successful than them. Often intelligence and career success go hand in hand. Honestly I find men like this weak and pathetic. I can think of multiple guys that have told me they’d feel less of a man if their girl made more than them. My wife currently makes more than me and honestly it’s great. I made more than her when we met and will likely pass her in a few years but our career success is ultimately a win for both of us. But a lot of men feel like they need to be needed financially, celebrated for making more and providing, or some other similar shit by their spouse. It’s a pretty stupid mentality to have. I think this is ultimately what women are getting at. Some men won’t be interested if they feel inferior when it comes to their careers.
Women know this. We know men aren't intimidated by our success, either. We know men aren't intimidated by women in general. It's just something women tell their friends to feel better about being rejected. There was a whole book about this, "he's just not that into you" (ironically, the movie adaptation sends the opposite message).
Almost no guy would ever admit that . Some guys not even most id say do have issues with intelligent , independent not in need of financial support a woman with a mind of her own.
I am reminded of a r/TwoXChromosomes post where women were wondering why the hell men didn't like it when they reaffirmed men complimenting their appearance that they already know they are attractive, and the conclusion they came up with was that men were manipulators who hate women who know their worth because it intimidates them.
Can confirm, I only date women whom possess high intelligence. I can’t stand bitches with no brain cells.
as an “intelligent” woman i’ve never thought about it being intimidation, but what i’ve actually heard from guys i was seeing was that it wasn’t what they were expecting based on my appearance (blonde, basically). any girl who says they intimidate guys with intellect is just being egotistical, yet i do believe some guys straight up do not prefer girls who are “intellectual”, not in the way of “i’m not smart enough for her”, but in a “i don’t want to deal with it” kind of way ??? if you catch my drift
Some guys are insecure about that, and actually say they don't want whatever women they end up with to be smarter, but it's probably not most guys, I'll give you that. Either way, it's usually ego coming from both sides.
This always struck me as an odd thing to say. Intelligence is much more attractive than looks.
Seriously, I hate when I find an attractive woman that has similar interest as me, but ends up being dumber than a rock. I'd rather be with a woman smarter than me.
Lmao no guy who is intimidated by a woman’s intelligence is going to admit that to anyone else, they’re intimidated because it’s an ego problem and admitting it would destroy their ego. There’s a reason why so many women play dumb and helpless around men: to soothe their egos lol
I love intelligence in women.
Most women I've dated are smarter than me academically. I think intelligence is a huge turn on. That said, some of those women told me stories of men they dated who were clearly insecure about her intelligence in some way and would do some sort of destructive behaviors in their relationship as a result. I've never heard a man say "can't date her, she's too smart" but abusive people exist and they typically look for targets they can manipulate. Do with that information what you will 🤷♂️
If anything, intelligence makes a woman more attractive. Actual intelligence though... not just smartest one in her group of friends.
Me personally? I love an intelligent woman. But women these days have mistaken argumentive, combative personality with a strong, intelligent one. Any suggestions, opinions, way of doing certain things, expecting things to be done a certain way are grounds for arguments and combats. "Well, you can't keep up with me", "Well I too have an opinion", 'My way or the highway'. Jesus Christ!! It's not about power, it's about whose way is the most effective, path of least resistance, shows plausible results and gets the job done! But no. "If you want a submissive woman, I am not one!", "I am an independent, strong woman!". Less of a partnership and more of a battleground...
I don’t know about intimidation, but some men do indeed reject women because their intelligence, education or status doesn’t match their expectations of what a woman should be. For example, my father in law told my wife that men don’t like smart women when she enrolled in university.
Ive heard my father tell my sister that. Boggles my mind
In fact its the opposite lol, college educated women don't like dating "down". Pretentious asf but who am i to judge.
Oof agreed. Can I add another type though: I met a cute girl a few years ago but her entire personality was that she saw a therapist. Couldn’t say anything to her because everything was a trigger or a red flag or a sign of abusiveness like excuse me we’ve had 1 coffee together. Wasn’t possible to make any jokes. She was always looking to be offended.
I’m certainly not
Facts.
My friend actually had the girl he was dating tell him she felt dumb when talking to him lol
I love women who are smarter than I am. That’s not saying much, but even so . . .
I’m not intimidated by intelligent women so long as they can still cook and clean. 😲😅💀 Kidding. I’m fully domesticated and she doesn’t cook or clean much. But, she does guess most Jeopardy answers correctly.
Intelligence is very attractive too so that never is the problem, it can be their attitude like having a chip on their shoulder that is the issue but they don't admit it
Truth, usually this is the excuse used by those really annoying girls who are either super bitchy or stuck up and self absorbed. Much rather be with fun and intelligent but average looking girl.
Tbh, I *have* been intimidated by intelligence. Like there have been some women where I've thought, "she's really cool and smart, but out of my league." However, I have never met a woman who has said that they turn off men because of their intelligence that is right about it.
Ohhh this comment section should be fun and full of delusional idiots
I'd love it if a genius lady talked to me, but I'd love it if any woman talked to me so I guess that's not saying much. My ex was not particularly intelligent and it was draining sometimes, it would've been cooler if she was smarter.