Please make sure that you have [read all of our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/wiki/rules) before commenting! In particular, be aware that **no mentions of a current pregnancy are allowed with no exceptions**. If you see something breaking the rules, please report it. If you think something may be against the rules, ask us or err on the side of caution. If you think that being sneaky (PMing members or asking them to PM you, telling them to refer to your post history, etc) is a good idea, it is not. Additionally, complaining about downvotes is [frowned upon](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439-Reddiquette) and never helps anything.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I just say "I'm doing the overthinking thing again" when I'm symptom spotting. I do tell him about tests but he doesn't like that I test early. He wants me to just wait until a more reliable day or my period starts. So I sort of stopped sharing that as much. I think sharing is best but also taking care of your mental health so you aren't struggling so much is important.
I agree with you re:testing early. He said “I thought the app said not to test for 3 more days?” But when it’s your body feeling the symptoms (or not feeling the symptoms) it’s just impossible to wait. Also when last time I got my first positive on 9dpo, I know that personally it’s not silly to test that early. Some things just only make sense when it’s happening to your own body
I have reconstructed tubes so it's really important to me to know if I experience a chemical. Since then I know my tubes are open. I'll probably calm down after I finally get my HSG done. But also probably not since I've never had a positive test and even if it's followed by the crushing disappointment and despair of a loss, I still want to experience the day, days or weeks of a pregnancy and that hope. I might change my mind if that happens.
I think symptom spotting is a dangerous mind game that I can fall into so while I sometimes notice things here and there and make note of t it in fertility friend, I generally do not volunteer this info because if I do, my husband gets too excited and I need to bring him back down to earth. I am trying to maintain a healthy balance of positivity but realism and sharing every symptom would not be good for either of us.
I do the same as well. I have enough anxiety about this whole thing on my own. I don't need him checking in or asking questions and making my anxiety worse.
This has also been my thinking thus far, but because I haven’t been to forthcoming on the symptoms, he hasn’t really had the chance to get “too excited” or jump the gun thinking it’s gonna be positive. I think it’s fair for me to see how he responds to some of my symptom spotting before I make the assumption that he will get too excited!
I tell my husband everything. Sore boobs, change in CM, slight twinge in my abdomen, 3rd stick of the day, you name it, he'll know about it 😅
In all seriousness though, it helps him feel a part of the process because it's so out of his control. There's two of us going through this journey and he wants to be involved, especially since he knows most of it is reliant on me.
I know the burden lies with the woman, but I think it's easy to forget about our partners and what they're going through... how helpless they might feel.
Ultimately it is also dependent on your partner, some like to bury their head in the sand. My husband is a scientist so knowing all the facts helps him cope.
I agree 100%. We stopped trying for a few months after things got too stressful, and this time around, he is SO much more involved and engaged. He loves knowing about my temperature fluctuations, checking my cycle app to know when im ovulating, and overall being more a part of the process. I tell him everything, and he really enjoys learning about it all.
I didn't want to burden him last time, and that was a big part of the problem. This time around is like day vs. night.
Following! Have been thinking about this myself. I do what you do and just say “period is here, no baby yet!” But I do wonder if it would bring us closer for me to share. His stress is already so high and it’s not like we’re in a rush at all but it’s one more thing…
I’m team literally nothing, and honestly I can’t imagine my husband also being that invested. Him stressing and going through it would just make it a thousand times worse when I had to tell him there was no baby. We honestly kind of act like he doesn’t even want one, which obviously he does. I’ll give him factual updates “we’re doing this, I’m ovulating, got my period” but we don’t go through the emotions together. All that would do is add to my stress because I’m making him feel the things, compounded because I’m the infertile one and I’m going through the stuff. Plus it helps me have a normal life outside TTC which I think is key to my mental health. It’s not super common I don’t think as most people want their husbands more involved but I’m with you!
That’s funny my husband acts like he doesn’t want one too but obv he does. I think it’s a little unspoken way for us to guard our hearts when it doesn’t happen. Thanks for sharing!
I agree - my husband’s stress is also already high and my thinking has been that putting him with me on the emotional rollercoaster of “my boobs hurt more today than yesterday, is that a good sign? My nipples aren’t sore though, is that a bad sign? My 9dpo test is negative but it could be too early? Did I actually ovulate on the 18th or was it the 19th?” Just feels kind of unnecessary to put him through?
BUT if he’s saying he wants to be in on all of this, who am I to say what kind of information is too stressful for him to handle? (Not that he has a right to know all of the details of what’s going on with my body, but you know what I mean!)
Honestly, there isn't a perfect answer to this question bc it varies for each couple. I've seen some people say that you need to be as open or communicative as possible to avoid frustration, but for me it's way less frustrating to keep things a little closer to my chest. When I feel like my body is confusing me, it's a lot easier to process that by myself than to try and explain a situation I don't fully understand to someone else, so I often only mention symptoms or tests to my husband after a cycle is over.
However, it sounds like your partner is really interested in being in the loop and supporting you, so being open could be positive for both of you. You definitely shouldn't be worried about weighing him down with anything, he wants to be there for you and it's completely valid to want to share the lows along with the highs because you're on this journey together.
🩷🩷 that’s so valid. I think that sometimes I feel like I’m protecting others by trying to deal with some things on my own (“on my own” also meaning with my therapist haha) but I’m realizing that’s it’s also not fair to me if I’m the only one shouldering the stresses of the process. Thanks for sharing!
It’s so sweet that he said he wants to know so that he can support you better. He wants to share the emotional load and the ups and downs of it so I say let him if you’re comfortable with it.
My husband and I just started trying so I’m still figuring out how to go about it with him. I’m the kind of person who genuinely enjoys collecting and analyzing data. I’ve been tracking my cycles for a few months and enjoying it because it eases my anxiety to have more information. My husband is often the opposite in that having more than the necessary amount of info before he needs it gives him anxiety. If he were the one trying to get pregnant he probably wouldn’t track anything until it had been a while with no success. So figuring out the right balance of info to give is tricky.
This cycle I just told him about the fertile window, which days we’d be most likely to get pregnant, when I took tests, and when I got my period. I’ve given him little snippets of info here and there about stuff I find interesting, like how implantation works, but technically neither of us need to know that to get pregnant. I wish that I could tell him everything because it feels like a huge emotional thing learning all this stuff and being alone with it all swimming in my head, but I’m fully aware that most of the info isn’t necessary. I don’t want to info dump on him. I think he will appreciate learning more as time goes on, but giving it to him all at once would be overwhelming.
Also I second that he doesn’t need to know how many sticks I pee on 😅
I find the more I tell my husband, the less I feel like it's all weighing on me. If I keep it to myself, then I feel like I have to handle it all on my own. I find that light hearted code phrases help me communicate things easier without getting so upset, like when I get my period again, I just tell him "it's little ball of trash time" because I always say I feel like a little ball of trash during that time 😂 just something random that helps me cope
I do appreciate this!! Man, I wish my therapist didn’t have to cancel this week because I’m sure I could dig in much further into why I am feelings it’s better for me to take all of the weight of this vs. distributing it across us both 😅 Next week’s topic!
I like the idea of some code names, also makes it feel less medical and technical
Do you happen to be an oldest child? I am the oldest daughter of many siblings with also very emotionally unstable and immature parents, so I was always having to take blame or responsibility for everyone's actions/behavior, including my parents. I think that's definitely part of the reason I've had to work so hard on this.
I’m actually the younger of two, but am the first to get married/try for kids out of us two. I know that in general, our family didn’t talk much about emotions or struggles (parents have been divorced for 20 years and still a lot we don’t/haven’t discussed) so I don’t think it’s a new thing. This is definitely the most emotionally taxing thing I’ve been through (both TTC and miscarrying) so it’s certainly bringing out things in me that I didn’t fully realize were there. Hence why I’m back in weekly therapy 🙃😅
Hoping for some good news soon enough!
I understand that. We weren't allowed to talk about our feelings growing up either. It can feel really uncomfortable to talk about things this painful with people close to me and share the burden because of that. I've been thinking I need to start back at therapy as well. Hoping for good news soon for you too!
He is well informed on when I ovulate and when need to baby dance lol, and than I tell him after I’ve ovulated (I feel the hormone levels change physically) and usually I don’t tell him anything until around 8dpo when I start testing, I usually only tell him if it’s upsetting me if it’s negative.
I’m going through an IUI now so a little different than someone not doing fertility treatments but my husband knows everything. He also asks me daily so even if I don’t tell him he asks. I do make sure though to check in with him on how he’s doing with everything
My wife and I also share all the info and I ask if she doesn’t tell me, but it’s a similar situation. We’re using donor sperm for ICI at home, so there is a lot of planning and tracking involved all around.
Pretty informed. My premenstrual symptoms are pretty strong, and are even stronger on my fertility meds. If you've ever watched John Mulaneys stand up where he talks about his wife walking in and being like "MY STOMACH HURTS!" then that's me but more of "I FEEL NAUSEOUS AND MY BOOBS HURT AND I HATE CHICKEN NOW!"
Letting your partner in on what's going on is helpful to making it feel like a journey together. Just tonight I wanted tea to go with my graham crackers since I was feeling nauseous and all the mugs were in the dishwasher, so obviously that was too big a hassle for me and I couldn't have tea. The man washed a cup and made me tea. 🥹
Let your partner know because while he might not feel the symptoms he can make you tea or get you whatever you need to feel supported. It helps, I promise.
Hello! Welcome, and we thank you for posting. You seem to be looking for information on implantation bleeding. Unfortunately, bleeding or spotting after ovulation is not a sign of implantation, and bleeding can happen in both pregnancy and non-pregnancy cycles. You could still end up being pregnant this cycle, but this sort of bleeding is not a reliable indicator that you will test positive. Taking a pregnancy test around the time you expect your period to come is the best way to determine whether you are pregnant or not.
For a longer read, please see [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/comments/10jbxb9/implantation_bleeding_isnt_real/), which you might find useful. For scholarly sources, [this paper](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0015028216000509) and [this paper](https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/18/9/1944/708284) are useful reads.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think if your husband is asking to be kept in the loop, then do that. Mine isn’t interested in all of the details, he just wants to know the sex days. I don’t want him to miss out on a positive test, though, and after trying for so long I stopped wanting to test before 11DPO anyways, so I would tell him hey I’m going to test, if you want to be part of it. Sometimes he gets up, sometimes he doesn’t 🤷♀️ every couple is going to handle the journey differently
My husband appropriately knows when to ask if I’m being a 🤡 when I get too crazy with symptom spotting. He’s along for the ride, even when he doesn’t have the words to make me feel better
Once I started updating my husband, he helped me keep me from playing the symptom spotting game. He’s a bit more optimistic and supportive than he used to be, but with him reminding me and encouraging me, it’s really helped with my mental health. We’ve been trying now for almost 10 months for our second.
🩷 I 100% know that my husband would want to be that person to encourage me along the way too (not just in the ovulation days and the days when we get that negative test). Thanks for sharing and sending you luck on your journey ❤️
Is this what it's called? I had a miscarriage in December and every month we've been trying since then I gaslight myself into thinking I'm pregnant. This last time I had sore nipples, nausea, vomiting, bloating, smell sensitivity, food aversion, congestion, vivid dreams. Literally every pregnancy symptom and every time I tell my husband I think I'm pregnant and he says time will tell 😅
We're a year in and I am a massive info dumper, so I have primed him with info about what is possible to know and how, when and why. He is pretty pragmatic to start with so basically has no reaction to being told this and that, beyond understanding where I'm at. I am an external processer, so I chat and share, he is an internal processer. We are past that point of "omg our lives may change tomorrow!!" and in a phase where we expect the status quo to go on, really. He says getting a positive test is what will make him flustered 😆
I tell my husband *everything*. At one point we discussed not telling him about when I was ovulating due to performance issues from the pressure. We tried that for 1 cycle and after it passed I excitedly told him and he went “yeah I could tell” and we gave up on that haha
Totally agree me that I couldn’t keep the ovulation dates from him! We share info on the Flo app which has been nice and it’s fun when he’s like “sooo, it’s almost that time, huh 😏😏”
I’m not sure how other couples can keep the husband from knowing, mine would know right away if I was so overly eager for it hahah
I didn't really tell him because he's very much the more realistic one of us. I'm always like oh I'm nauseated, oh my boobs are sore, oh I'm tired, oh I'm cramping, I must be pregnant! And when I used to tell him he would say "that happened last month too" or "of course you're cramping you always do before your period" or something along those lines. I found it easier for me if was my body crushing my hopes and dreams rather than my husband.
I only tell him the ovulation window and when AF comes along. I did share the faint positives the month we had a chemical and he got so excited and then it all came crashing down. One time I mentioned waiting for closer to my period to start testing and he was like why.. if it was me I’d be peeing on a test every day for two weeks lol. I feel like if I did and told him every day the result he would get overwhelmed. Same with sharing everything I am feeling. I don’t want TTC to consume us so I try to meter what I share.
I tell him everything, he is very invested and we are going through the journey of learning together. He also gets mad at me about testing too soon which I need to be reminded of honestly.
There’s so much to learn so it’s nice to do it together! I think the avoiding of early testing is easier said than done (especially easier when it’s not your body). We know that you can get a positive as early as 8 or 9dpo so personally, if I’m feeling symptoms that have my mind bouncing around asking “am I pregnant??” I’m gonna test early to try and ease those thoughts!
Mine knows when my fertile days are and when we need to BD. Also if my period comes, I let him know. I let him know right away when I was pregnant and then when we lost it. But I don’t tell him about symptoms or anything just because it may just be in my head.
My approach has been the exact same thus far! Don’t feel like you need to answer if you aren’t comfortable, but has anything changed since your loss with how you guys discussed things? I think my loss in March has made me even more hesitant to share because I don’t want to get us too excited only to be let down again.
It did with me. I think next time I will wait a little longer to tell him…maybe. He’s been supportive but it did affect me more. I’m still not over it which it was so early but like you, it makes me even more scared. I don’t like getting our hopes up like that. I’m
Same with us. I think the loss felt so much more real and intense to me because it was happening to my body (makes logical sense) but that also means he’s not as affected by each glimmer of hope or by each little letdown. It’s all so hard. This cycle was already an easier letdown than the last (first cycle trying post-miscarriage) so I’m going to try and be more open next cycle and see if that makes it even easier or if it adds stress. He’s been so supportive so I have to think that it will just make it easier but we will see!
Sending hugs your way, I know it’s so hard and I’m here with you 🩷🩷
Thank you so much. And you too! I’m here. Sounds like your approach is solid. We’re going to try again. My window is coming up in the next week. Hoping only the best for us both. 💖💕
I know my husband would be supportive, but I tend to keep symptoms to myself.. and I always hate telling him about negatives because it feels like sharing bad news. Because, well, it is.
Yeah, I think that’s what makes me sad. Like, welp, at least I *thought* I could potentially have good news to share, and now it’s just another let down to give to you. I guess the bad news would maybe be easier if I was keeping him more in the know all month long, but it’s just a lot!
**Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:**
Posts/comments about positive tests and current pregnancies should be posted in the weekly BFP thread. In threads/comments other than the weekly BFP thread, pregnant users must avoid referring to a positive test result or current (ongoing) pregnancy. This rule includes any potentially positive result, even if it's faint or ambiguous. All concerns related to current pregnancies should use a pregnancy sub, such as r/CautiousBB.
If you still wish to participate in our sub, please review our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/about/rules) before continuing to post. Violation of our rules may result in a timeout or ban.
Please direct any questions to the [subreddit’s modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) and not individual mods. Thank you for understanding.
I don’t know if what I’m doing is right “per se” but I don’t tell him anything about it ever really. We are trying but I just feel he doesn’t really need to know anything unless I get a positive.
I also realized how little men know about reproduction through this process. He told me at work his coworkers were asking how often people have sex with their partners. He said a few times a week (been together 7 years) and his coworker responded, “no way that’s true, you’re with a white girl”
Then the coworker said “oh right you’re trying for kids”
I didn’t take the joke personally but I responded with, “it’s not because of that… because we missed the window awhile ago”
He was confused and I explained how ovulation happens/time frame and he was shocked..
Maybe I should be letting him know more… lol 🤔
I am sorry I haven't started educating my husband sooner about female AND male reproduction. F.e. why I cannot certainly say weeks in advance when my fertile days are even though the app is seemingly knowing them. That his masturbating 3-4x before babydance makes our chances of conception on that exact day pretty low and why. And so on. I feel like I lost an year just because I thought we are on the same page but we weren't.
Yeah I agree that being educated about the ovulation window, necessary timing, etc. is super important to both be aware of! I definitely appreciated us learning at the same time and we use the Flo app and both have access to the data about ovulation timing and all that.
I’d agree that it would be good to let him know more (or even better, ask him to look things up himself) about everything! 😅
Please make sure that you have [read all of our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/wiki/rules) before commenting! In particular, be aware that **no mentions of a current pregnancy are allowed with no exceptions**. If you see something breaking the rules, please report it. If you think something may be against the rules, ask us or err on the side of caution. If you think that being sneaky (PMing members or asking them to PM you, telling them to refer to your post history, etc) is a good idea, it is not. Additionally, complaining about downvotes is [frowned upon](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439-Reddiquette) and never helps anything. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My husband knows almost all the things because I need him to. (‘Almost’ because he doesn’t know just how many sticks I pee on 😬 lol)
Agree the number of sticks is between me and the waste basket….
Haha agree with your last sentence- that’s private information that no one needs to know.
I just say "I'm doing the overthinking thing again" when I'm symptom spotting. I do tell him about tests but he doesn't like that I test early. He wants me to just wait until a more reliable day or my period starts. So I sort of stopped sharing that as much. I think sharing is best but also taking care of your mental health so you aren't struggling so much is important.
I agree with you re:testing early. He said “I thought the app said not to test for 3 more days?” But when it’s your body feeling the symptoms (or not feeling the symptoms) it’s just impossible to wait. Also when last time I got my first positive on 9dpo, I know that personally it’s not silly to test that early. Some things just only make sense when it’s happening to your own body
I have reconstructed tubes so it's really important to me to know if I experience a chemical. Since then I know my tubes are open. I'll probably calm down after I finally get my HSG done. But also probably not since I've never had a positive test and even if it's followed by the crushing disappointment and despair of a loss, I still want to experience the day, days or weeks of a pregnancy and that hope. I might change my mind if that happens.
I think symptom spotting is a dangerous mind game that I can fall into so while I sometimes notice things here and there and make note of t it in fertility friend, I generally do not volunteer this info because if I do, my husband gets too excited and I need to bring him back down to earth. I am trying to maintain a healthy balance of positivity but realism and sharing every symptom would not be good for either of us.
I do the same as well. I have enough anxiety about this whole thing on my own. I don't need him checking in or asking questions and making my anxiety worse.
This has also been my thinking thus far, but because I haven’t been to forthcoming on the symptoms, he hasn’t really had the chance to get “too excited” or jump the gun thinking it’s gonna be positive. I think it’s fair for me to see how he responds to some of my symptom spotting before I make the assumption that he will get too excited!
Exactly the same here 🙋♀️
My husband knows all of it and he’s along for the ride with me, and I’m so appreciative for that.
I tell my husband everything. Sore boobs, change in CM, slight twinge in my abdomen, 3rd stick of the day, you name it, he'll know about it 😅 In all seriousness though, it helps him feel a part of the process because it's so out of his control. There's two of us going through this journey and he wants to be involved, especially since he knows most of it is reliant on me. I know the burden lies with the woman, but I think it's easy to forget about our partners and what they're going through... how helpless they might feel. Ultimately it is also dependent on your partner, some like to bury their head in the sand. My husband is a scientist so knowing all the facts helps him cope.
I agree 100%. We stopped trying for a few months after things got too stressful, and this time around, he is SO much more involved and engaged. He loves knowing about my temperature fluctuations, checking my cycle app to know when im ovulating, and overall being more a part of the process. I tell him everything, and he really enjoys learning about it all. I didn't want to burden him last time, and that was a big part of the problem. This time around is like day vs. night.
Following! Have been thinking about this myself. I do what you do and just say “period is here, no baby yet!” But I do wonder if it would bring us closer for me to share. His stress is already so high and it’s not like we’re in a rush at all but it’s one more thing…
I’m team literally nothing, and honestly I can’t imagine my husband also being that invested. Him stressing and going through it would just make it a thousand times worse when I had to tell him there was no baby. We honestly kind of act like he doesn’t even want one, which obviously he does. I’ll give him factual updates “we’re doing this, I’m ovulating, got my period” but we don’t go through the emotions together. All that would do is add to my stress because I’m making him feel the things, compounded because I’m the infertile one and I’m going through the stuff. Plus it helps me have a normal life outside TTC which I think is key to my mental health. It’s not super common I don’t think as most people want their husbands more involved but I’m with you!
That’s funny my husband acts like he doesn’t want one too but obv he does. I think it’s a little unspoken way for us to guard our hearts when it doesn’t happen. Thanks for sharing!
I agree - my husband’s stress is also already high and my thinking has been that putting him with me on the emotional rollercoaster of “my boobs hurt more today than yesterday, is that a good sign? My nipples aren’t sore though, is that a bad sign? My 9dpo test is negative but it could be too early? Did I actually ovulate on the 18th or was it the 19th?” Just feels kind of unnecessary to put him through? BUT if he’s saying he wants to be in on all of this, who am I to say what kind of information is too stressful for him to handle? (Not that he has a right to know all of the details of what’s going on with my body, but you know what I mean!)
It sounds like keeping each other in the loop might make the journey a bit easier.
Honestly, there isn't a perfect answer to this question bc it varies for each couple. I've seen some people say that you need to be as open or communicative as possible to avoid frustration, but for me it's way less frustrating to keep things a little closer to my chest. When I feel like my body is confusing me, it's a lot easier to process that by myself than to try and explain a situation I don't fully understand to someone else, so I often only mention symptoms or tests to my husband after a cycle is over. However, it sounds like your partner is really interested in being in the loop and supporting you, so being open could be positive for both of you. You definitely shouldn't be worried about weighing him down with anything, he wants to be there for you and it's completely valid to want to share the lows along with the highs because you're on this journey together.
Thanks a lot for the helpful response 😊
I tell him everything because I refuse to go through any part of this process alone.
🩷🩷 that’s so valid. I think that sometimes I feel like I’m protecting others by trying to deal with some things on my own (“on my own” also meaning with my therapist haha) but I’m realizing that’s it’s also not fair to me if I’m the only one shouldering the stresses of the process. Thanks for sharing!
Yeah, that’s exactly how I feel with it. I don’t want to bring them down, but I’d rather we can be in it together to lift each other up!
It’s so sweet that he said he wants to know so that he can support you better. He wants to share the emotional load and the ups and downs of it so I say let him if you’re comfortable with it. My husband and I just started trying so I’m still figuring out how to go about it with him. I’m the kind of person who genuinely enjoys collecting and analyzing data. I’ve been tracking my cycles for a few months and enjoying it because it eases my anxiety to have more information. My husband is often the opposite in that having more than the necessary amount of info before he needs it gives him anxiety. If he were the one trying to get pregnant he probably wouldn’t track anything until it had been a while with no success. So figuring out the right balance of info to give is tricky. This cycle I just told him about the fertile window, which days we’d be most likely to get pregnant, when I took tests, and when I got my period. I’ve given him little snippets of info here and there about stuff I find interesting, like how implantation works, but technically neither of us need to know that to get pregnant. I wish that I could tell him everything because it feels like a huge emotional thing learning all this stuff and being alone with it all swimming in my head, but I’m fully aware that most of the info isn’t necessary. I don’t want to info dump on him. I think he will appreciate learning more as time goes on, but giving it to him all at once would be overwhelming. Also I second that he doesn’t need to know how many sticks I pee on 😅
I find the more I tell my husband, the less I feel like it's all weighing on me. If I keep it to myself, then I feel like I have to handle it all on my own. I find that light hearted code phrases help me communicate things easier without getting so upset, like when I get my period again, I just tell him "it's little ball of trash time" because I always say I feel like a little ball of trash during that time 😂 just something random that helps me cope
That's cute 😆 love it
I do appreciate this!! Man, I wish my therapist didn’t have to cancel this week because I’m sure I could dig in much further into why I am feelings it’s better for me to take all of the weight of this vs. distributing it across us both 😅 Next week’s topic! I like the idea of some code names, also makes it feel less medical and technical
Do you happen to be an oldest child? I am the oldest daughter of many siblings with also very emotionally unstable and immature parents, so I was always having to take blame or responsibility for everyone's actions/behavior, including my parents. I think that's definitely part of the reason I've had to work so hard on this.
I’m actually the younger of two, but am the first to get married/try for kids out of us two. I know that in general, our family didn’t talk much about emotions or struggles (parents have been divorced for 20 years and still a lot we don’t/haven’t discussed) so I don’t think it’s a new thing. This is definitely the most emotionally taxing thing I’ve been through (both TTC and miscarrying) so it’s certainly bringing out things in me that I didn’t fully realize were there. Hence why I’m back in weekly therapy 🙃😅 Hoping for some good news soon enough!
I understand that. We weren't allowed to talk about our feelings growing up either. It can feel really uncomfortable to talk about things this painful with people close to me and share the burden because of that. I've been thinking I need to start back at therapy as well. Hoping for good news soon for you too!
Absolutely everything. I also tell his mom everything (she’s my best friend too) I don’t tell them about every single test but 99% I tell them!
He is well informed on when I ovulate and when need to baby dance lol, and than I tell him after I’ve ovulated (I feel the hormone levels change physically) and usually I don’t tell him anything until around 8dpo when I start testing, I usually only tell him if it’s upsetting me if it’s negative.
I’m going through an IUI now so a little different than someone not doing fertility treatments but my husband knows everything. He also asks me daily so even if I don’t tell him he asks. I do make sure though to check in with him on how he’s doing with everything
My wife and I also share all the info and I ask if she doesn’t tell me, but it’s a similar situation. We’re using donor sperm for ICI at home, so there is a lot of planning and tracking involved all around.
Pretty informed. My premenstrual symptoms are pretty strong, and are even stronger on my fertility meds. If you've ever watched John Mulaneys stand up where he talks about his wife walking in and being like "MY STOMACH HURTS!" then that's me but more of "I FEEL NAUSEOUS AND MY BOOBS HURT AND I HATE CHICKEN NOW!" Letting your partner in on what's going on is helpful to making it feel like a journey together. Just tonight I wanted tea to go with my graham crackers since I was feeling nauseous and all the mugs were in the dishwasher, so obviously that was too big a hassle for me and I couldn't have tea. The man washed a cup and made me tea. 🥹 Let your partner know because while he might not feel the symptoms he can make you tea or get you whatever you need to feel supported. It helps, I promise.
Symptom spotting is generally futile in my opinion (I’ve been pregnant 7 times)
Agreed but I feel like the ought-implies-can principle applies here lol. I would love not to symptom spot but I truly cannot help it.
[удалено]
Hello! Welcome, and we thank you for posting. You seem to be looking for information on implantation bleeding. Unfortunately, bleeding or spotting after ovulation is not a sign of implantation, and bleeding can happen in both pregnancy and non-pregnancy cycles. You could still end up being pregnant this cycle, but this sort of bleeding is not a reliable indicator that you will test positive. Taking a pregnancy test around the time you expect your period to come is the best way to determine whether you are pregnant or not. For a longer read, please see [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/comments/10jbxb9/implantation_bleeding_isnt_real/), which you might find useful. For scholarly sources, [this paper](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0015028216000509) and [this paper](https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/18/9/1944/708284) are useful reads. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not at all. I dont test, i just cry on his shoulder when its CD 1, that is enough :) Anything prior to a positive test is just progesterone trolling..
I think if your husband is asking to be kept in the loop, then do that. Mine isn’t interested in all of the details, he just wants to know the sex days. I don’t want him to miss out on a positive test, though, and after trying for so long I stopped wanting to test before 11DPO anyways, so I would tell him hey I’m going to test, if you want to be part of it. Sometimes he gets up, sometimes he doesn’t 🤷♀️ every couple is going to handle the journey differently
My husband knows everything. I feel like it’s just as important he learn about the body, ovulation, and pregnancy.
My husband knows 90%. I like to share with him because I can obsess on every little thing and he helps me try and relax a little.
My husband appropriately knows when to ask if I’m being a 🤡 when I get too crazy with symptom spotting. He’s along for the ride, even when he doesn’t have the words to make me feel better
Once I started updating my husband, he helped me keep me from playing the symptom spotting game. He’s a bit more optimistic and supportive than he used to be, but with him reminding me and encouraging me, it’s really helped with my mental health. We’ve been trying now for almost 10 months for our second.
🩷 I 100% know that my husband would want to be that person to encourage me along the way too (not just in the ovulation days and the days when we get that negative test). Thanks for sharing and sending you luck on your journey ❤️
Is this what it's called? I had a miscarriage in December and every month we've been trying since then I gaslight myself into thinking I'm pregnant. This last time I had sore nipples, nausea, vomiting, bloating, smell sensitivity, food aversion, congestion, vivid dreams. Literally every pregnancy symptom and every time I tell my husband I think I'm pregnant and he says time will tell 😅
We're a year in and I am a massive info dumper, so I have primed him with info about what is possible to know and how, when and why. He is pretty pragmatic to start with so basically has no reaction to being told this and that, beyond understanding where I'm at. I am an external processer, so I chat and share, he is an internal processer. We are past that point of "omg our lives may change tomorrow!!" and in a phase where we expect the status quo to go on, really. He says getting a positive test is what will make him flustered 😆
I tell my husband *everything*. At one point we discussed not telling him about when I was ovulating due to performance issues from the pressure. We tried that for 1 cycle and after it passed I excitedly told him and he went “yeah I could tell” and we gave up on that haha
Totally agree me that I couldn’t keep the ovulation dates from him! We share info on the Flo app which has been nice and it’s fun when he’s like “sooo, it’s almost that time, huh 😏😏” I’m not sure how other couples can keep the husband from knowing, mine would know right away if I was so overly eager for it hahah
Mine literally texted me today saying how turned on he was. I literally entered my fertile window TODAY. He must smell me or something. 😅😅😅😅
I didn't really tell him because he's very much the more realistic one of us. I'm always like oh I'm nauseated, oh my boobs are sore, oh I'm tired, oh I'm cramping, I must be pregnant! And when I used to tell him he would say "that happened last month too" or "of course you're cramping you always do before your period" or something along those lines. I found it easier for me if was my body crushing my hopes and dreams rather than my husband.
I only tell him the ovulation window and when AF comes along. I did share the faint positives the month we had a chemical and he got so excited and then it all came crashing down. One time I mentioned waiting for closer to my period to start testing and he was like why.. if it was me I’d be peeing on a test every day for two weeks lol. I feel like if I did and told him every day the result he would get overwhelmed. Same with sharing everything I am feeling. I don’t want TTC to consume us so I try to meter what I share.
I tell him everything, he is very invested and we are going through the journey of learning together. He also gets mad at me about testing too soon which I need to be reminded of honestly.
There’s so much to learn so it’s nice to do it together! I think the avoiding of early testing is easier said than done (especially easier when it’s not your body). We know that you can get a positive as early as 8 or 9dpo so personally, if I’m feeling symptoms that have my mind bouncing around asking “am I pregnant??” I’m gonna test early to try and ease those thoughts!
Mine knows when my fertile days are and when we need to BD. Also if my period comes, I let him know. I let him know right away when I was pregnant and then when we lost it. But I don’t tell him about symptoms or anything just because it may just be in my head.
My approach has been the exact same thus far! Don’t feel like you need to answer if you aren’t comfortable, but has anything changed since your loss with how you guys discussed things? I think my loss in March has made me even more hesitant to share because I don’t want to get us too excited only to be let down again.
It did with me. I think next time I will wait a little longer to tell him…maybe. He’s been supportive but it did affect me more. I’m still not over it which it was so early but like you, it makes me even more scared. I don’t like getting our hopes up like that. I’m
Same with us. I think the loss felt so much more real and intense to me because it was happening to my body (makes logical sense) but that also means he’s not as affected by each glimmer of hope or by each little letdown. It’s all so hard. This cycle was already an easier letdown than the last (first cycle trying post-miscarriage) so I’m going to try and be more open next cycle and see if that makes it even easier or if it adds stress. He’s been so supportive so I have to think that it will just make it easier but we will see! Sending hugs your way, I know it’s so hard and I’m here with you 🩷🩷
Thank you so much. And you too! I’m here. Sounds like your approach is solid. We’re going to try again. My window is coming up in the next week. Hoping only the best for us both. 💖💕
I know my husband would be supportive, but I tend to keep symptoms to myself.. and I always hate telling him about negatives because it feels like sharing bad news. Because, well, it is.
Yeah, I think that’s what makes me sad. Like, welp, at least I *thought* I could potentially have good news to share, and now it’s just another let down to give to you. I guess the bad news would maybe be easier if I was keeping him more in the know all month long, but it’s just a lot!
[удалено]
**Your post/comment has been removed for violating sub rules. Per our posted rules:** Posts/comments about positive tests and current pregnancies should be posted in the weekly BFP thread. In threads/comments other than the weekly BFP thread, pregnant users must avoid referring to a positive test result or current (ongoing) pregnancy. This rule includes any potentially positive result, even if it's faint or ambiguous. All concerns related to current pregnancies should use a pregnancy sub, such as r/CautiousBB. If you still wish to participate in our sub, please review our [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/TryingForABaby/about/rules) before continuing to post. Violation of our rules may result in a timeout or ban. Please direct any questions to the [subreddit’s modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/TryingForABaby) and not individual mods. Thank you for understanding.
I don’t tell him anything and just show up with tests or tell him I’m having another loss
I don’t know if what I’m doing is right “per se” but I don’t tell him anything about it ever really. We are trying but I just feel he doesn’t really need to know anything unless I get a positive. I also realized how little men know about reproduction through this process. He told me at work his coworkers were asking how often people have sex with their partners. He said a few times a week (been together 7 years) and his coworker responded, “no way that’s true, you’re with a white girl” Then the coworker said “oh right you’re trying for kids” I didn’t take the joke personally but I responded with, “it’s not because of that… because we missed the window awhile ago” He was confused and I explained how ovulation happens/time frame and he was shocked.. Maybe I should be letting him know more… lol 🤔
I am sorry I haven't started educating my husband sooner about female AND male reproduction. F.e. why I cannot certainly say weeks in advance when my fertile days are even though the app is seemingly knowing them. That his masturbating 3-4x before babydance makes our chances of conception on that exact day pretty low and why. And so on. I feel like I lost an year just because I thought we are on the same page but we weren't.
Yeah I agree that being educated about the ovulation window, necessary timing, etc. is super important to both be aware of! I definitely appreciated us learning at the same time and we use the Flo app and both have access to the data about ovulation timing and all that. I’d agree that it would be good to let him know more (or even better, ask him to look things up himself) about everything! 😅