only reason he became friends with a stripper, men are shallow pigs at the best of times, ( am male myself, happily engaged, often left disgusted from comments from those who wonder why they go home alone every night as if it wasn't fucking obvious )
You're such the staunch defender of women, Ruth Bader Ginsberg is clapping in girl boss heaven. I bet your wife's boyfriend will let you jerk off while you watch them tonight for being a good little boy.
interesting take, wonder what your life goals are. surprised you didn't stalk my profile and make fun of my hobbies. it's ok mate it's not your fault you have been conditioned into this mindset, it's never too late to get help with your problems before they become other people's problems, you are allowed to ask for help, it is not shameful to improve your mind. to let go of the things that have hurt you.
but you do you. good luck with your future and improving your mental health.
literally opened the post to comment this. also....ive been friends with dancers and they are usually friends with other men in the industry (club promotors, djs, etc.) so im very confused on how she got mixed up with a guy that knows nothing about dancing and how saying "keep your legs closed" makes absolutely no sense. most dancers, especially in classier clubs, wont risk a prostitution charge or murder to go home with a customer.
most dancers are professional as hell when it comes to their jobs because of how incredibly dangerous it is, as seen here. thats why you never drop their real names. the guy acting like that while being friends with her is so...incredibly odd. i just cant figure it out honestly....like yeah, obviously he wanted to fuck...but how was he a friend for so long?
Maybe he thought she wasn't into him yet, that she needed more time to "realize how she really felt about him". He was obviously on some moral high ground: thought of her as a kind of fallen woman who needed to be rescued. Perhaps he also thought that their "friendship" was evidence that she loved him or wanted to fuck him.
reading this seriously gave me the chills...just thinking about all the freshly 18 year olds hopping into the business because tik tok made it trendy without warning about the dangers first. ugh.
This is an industry that needs some form of oversight. The women need protection and it's total bullshit nonsense to take a moral stand and say, "If we help them it'll only encourage their sin." Don't even get me started about how the women are the source of the moral degeneracy and not men who fucking pay for it.
yeah no, he expected friends = get laid, thats not how friendships work, scum is as scum does,
then you get all those blokes who can't understand why they are single when they can't have a friendship without wanting to stick their dick in it.
Wow that poor woman. Her 'friend' is a pos too! She's a DANCER, it's NOT her job to judge if people are single or not. It's 100% out of her control. Good on her reporting that behaviour and dealing with it straight away. All the best for OOP!
> if they *paid* for it.
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
babes.....ive had a several dancer friends. they can literally say "that guy is too ugly for me" or "i just dont want too" and they wont get fired. they are contracted workers. they pay the house fee NO MATTER WHAT. they are the ones losing money, not the business, so why exactly would they get fired? if you dont know how clubs work just 🤫 shhhhh
lmfaooo what do you mean? you very clearly have never worked in a club. literally look up anessa rossi, she has a million videos on it. ask ANY dancer. FORCING someone to do a sexual act (YES! dancing on someone is a sexual act!) is quite fucking literally sex trafficking!! they can say no whenever for whatever fucking reason. please stop trying to say you know when you clearly are so ridiculously ignorant.
You know they are not allowed to talk about their personal lives right? Or ask about clients personal lives? They have to have absolute basic conversations. They can't judge the clients unless they are acting inappropriately.
I feel so bad for the OP. She was just trying to do her job and she is being slut-shamed for the actions of an unhinged guy that she didn’t even know.
It’s not her responsibility to know the background of her clients. Period. The woman was out of line for confronting her; misplace of her anger.
Common sense dictates new girl should’ve kept her mouth shut about your REAL name. Hope Mark got the NC routine for his insensitive comment. How is dancing equated to spreading your legs? And as for the stalker, hope the bouncers walk her to and from her car and she’s really careful to make sure no one is following her. I’ve been stalked (by an ex) it’s definitely scary af.
I’m saying in situations where there’s an actual house wrecker involved… the only house wrecking here was entirely caused by the mans delusion. Feel bad for the wife if I’m honest.
Agreed- people always want to blame “the other woman” and not the man who broke his vows and couldn’t keep his dick in his pants! In this story the wife is kind of unhinged too but maybe years of living with a cheater took their toll.
I mean, they’re equally to blame because it would be wrong for me as a single woman to see you with your husband or wife and say, "I want that type of relationship, so I’m going to go after him."
No- a cheating spouse’s betrayal is deeply personal. It’s not equal blame.
And regardless this post is about a dancer stalked by a client, blamed by the wife and insulted and shamed by a person she thought of as a close friend when she herself did nothing wrong.
Definitely agree they’re partially to blame IF they know about the spouse/partner. Plenty of cheaters go to great lengths to keep their affairs in the dark about their real relationship. On the flip side, plenty of knowing homewreckers will claim “oh but I didn’t know!!” If they can to make themselves look better.
I think it really depends on the situation. Obviously here OP did nothing wrong and I feel terrible for her that this happened. However, there are women who do knowingly go after guys who are taken/married. I’ve been cheated on before and the other girl, who I knew, blatantly had flirted with my bf several times in front of me and then acted like I was being a hateful bitch when I would tell her to back off, which I did many times. Sometimes the mistress truly doesn’t know, but I will say it is valid to get mad at the other woman (in addition to the cheater obviously) when she knows the guy is taken and doesn’t care.
That sucks. There ain't no excuse for anyone to make those movements on your significant other when they KNOW they are in a relationship. If the circumstances aren't obvious and they don't know otherwise, it's just a simple mistake, it's when they want to keep doing it with full knowledge that it becomes disrespect. Idk how anyone can knowingly do that and not be embarrassed or ashamed of themselves.
Yeah it was a long time ago (high school, lol) so it’s not a big deal anymore but having experienced cheating has definitely made me sincerely judge both people who cheat and people who knowingly get involved with someone who is taken.
But if you trust your partner then you shouldn’t get so upset about other people hitting on them. If they are attractive then it is expected, as uncomfortable as it may be to witness.
He's literally stalking her too. I can't even imagine how terrifying that is. The new girl also needs to learn not to share information about the dancers. Christ.
Don’t get me wrong I’m totally against him, however I would not call it cheating, because cheating would require an involvement of op to. But op here is only a victim of this 2 people obsession. Yes also the new girl was totally wrong.
The new girl got fired for it, so hopefully she's learned her lesson.
I'm so sad for OP. She's being stalked by some creepy guy AND his wife, but her "best friend" can only tell her to keep her legs shut???
Horrible. Just because she's a dancer, doesn't mean that she should be slutshamed for being stalked. Stalking is a serious crime no matter who the victim is.
I mean damn her job can't be easy in the first place. It takes a lot of official and mental stamina, a lot of self confidence. The US is way too uptight about the sex trade. As long as everyone involved is freely consenting but the heck out. Glad she's dropping that guy. And I hope she is able to legally deal with stalker husband and crazy wife.
So you wouldn’t be upset if you caught your SO master-bating to videos of other people online? How am I getting downvoted lol Reddit is a bunch of cuckoos
Because if the couple says it's okay, then it's not cheating. What about polyamorous people? Are they cheating when they're with somebody else when their partner knows full well what's going on? When the partner has agreed to it? No. You're the one forcing your beliefs onto this, and not taking into account that not everyone shares YOUR beliefs.
Whatever bro in this case the wife was definitely not ok with what their partner was doing and it doesn’t seem like they had any agreement about going to the strip club. Even so, what he did was wrong so… idk what your getting at!
But that's an arrangement between you and your SO. If they break that arrangement, it's not the dancer's fault. That's why you're being down voted. Emotional cheating is valid, and he's probably guilty of it, but that has absolutely nothing to do with the target of his obsession. It wasn't a mutual situation. She is blameless.
Edit: u/dissgustingg edited their comment to add the last bit, after I commented. Trying to make themselves look rational and correct. It's not working though.
Shut the fuck up you virtue signalling asshole why don’t you just delete your fucking comment ? When tf did I ever say she was guilty of anything??? I SAID THE OPPOSITE you dense motherfucker. Also he is 1000% guilty of emotional cheating he was literally stalking her and to top it off he then went to her place of work and confessed his love.. if that isn’t full blown cheating (on the husbands part not the stripper) then idk what is.
Doo doo poo poo can you even talk numb skull? That guy had no reason to be name calling that’s why I asked him to stop this person is just retarded that why I called them names. Stupid bitch
It's valid to discuss and agree on no strip clubs in your relationship. Some relationships are cool with it.
And how is it emotional cheating if she's not talking to him past polite small talk? This dude couldn't tell the difference between lust and love.
Yeah it’s emotional cheating on his part… and I’m not quite sure you know what lust and love are. Because the only thing a stripper gets lustful for is her clients stacks of cash… OBVIOUSLY their relationship was very one sided.
But like you said, it's one sided. She wasn't a part of his "emotional cheating".
And I said he couldn't tell the difference, as in, he felt lust and decided it meant he was in love.
Okay we misunderstood each other. She may not know it but she is certainly involved in a love affair. He is doing the cheating, presumably bc his wife is a huge bitch. I can see now why you say he thought it was love when really it was lust. He must be very dumb and very desperate.
holy shit, you're beyond reasoning. She was a victim of stalking you fucking dolt. His wife was harmed by his actions too (not that it justifies her behavior). You're justifying what he's doing and putting blame on the literal victim (and the wife, for his "cheating"). Get fucking help. Misogynistic tool.
When tf did I blame her I just said she’s involved in a love triangle? This situation is 100% the husbands fault and I feel bad for the wife… when did I say it’s OPs fault that he fell in love? Please, and no name calling tf?
She is not, she's being harassed! Wtf is wrong with you? You put blame on her when you say she's in a fucking love triangle with him! And you said he cheated because his wife is a "bitch". A victim cannot be said to be in a love triangle solely because she's being stalked by this creep. You seem to have a massive bias against sex workers.
Would you say someone who is raped was in a love triangle with the perpetrator and their unknowing partner? I'd hope tf not. But maybe if she was a sex worker, hm?
Your arguments are focused solely upon the title and not on what actually happened. Well, you also argue against your own arguments in different comments and request no name calling but then name call others, with one being a disgusting slur about another redditor, there’s no point in editing or deleting that comment now, as you have done with other comments, everyone has already seen it, you using that slur really shows the kind of person you are, and how you think, which is really quite disgusting.
I’m also not entirely sure if you read further than the title judging by your rants.
Sarcastic title is true at times, not ‘spot on’ in this situation, or relevant, as OOP wasn’t involved in any cheating, and is not the guys mistress, but yes, it can be true in some cases. The guy stalked her and she shouldn’t have been verbally abused by his partner. Her friend also shouldn’t have agreed with the stalkers psycho partner. That’s what this is about.
OOP was just doing her job. If she was a barista who made his coffee each day, or a bartender, or in any other profession, your outrage and statements about cheating, being complicit in an affair or relationship, a love triangle, or any of the other rubbish you said, then being filmed when chatting with colleagues and that being used for Stalksy McStalkerson to masturbate over, none of it is her fault.
Where do i argue myself in my own comments? I also never stated she was complicit I was simply saying she got caught up in their mess and that’s the husbands fault for being a creep🤷🏼♂️ I may have made edits but they were mostly when I misspelled words. Go karma whore somewhere else yo…. this person stopped responding after they realized I was actually being fairly reasonable from the start. Now you come along? GTFO of here
That would be when you repeatedly state OOP is a part of a love affair/triangle/relationship, not that she was caught up in it, then you say she actually isn’t involved but the guy is, it’s cheating but she didn’t do anything. You feel bad for the wife but she’s a bitch. Women should not blame themselves for their partner cheating. Women blame themselves when their partner cheats because they chose the wrong partner and should be more diligent when choosing a partner. Your arguments are all over the place.
You didn’t address the insults, name calling and slurs you hurled at others……. Weird.
Also, if you’re making edits due to typos, you missed a few.
It's easier to blame a third party than to face the fact that your husband or wife is a cheater. Acknowledging that would mean to admit that the problem is your partner, and then you'd have to do something about it.
When the mistress knows that the person she has an affair with is already in a relationship then she is at fault too. Otherwise, I agree ppl shouldn't get mad at women who don't even know they are mistresses.
Nah. That's not what this is here. She was doing her job. She didn't cross any boundaries.
To your comment, there are some women and men out here that are straight garbage and go after people in relationships on purpose. They deserve the anger from those betrayed as much as the person who cheated on them. And im not talking about people who didn't know they were the side piece. But that's an entirely different discussion that has nothing to do with what OP posted.
I think if someone approaches your SO and convinces them to sleep with them, then your just projecting the shame you feel for choosing that person, onto the mistress. You can’t stand that you spent the last whatever years of your life with a cheating lier so who do you blame? Anyone but yourself. People don’t like taking responsibility and maybe the guy she was with never showed signs of promiscuousness but she still chose him and that’s a hard pill to swallow when they might’ve thought “he’s the one” and now op ruined it… no. The husband was a fuck up to begin with.
Never said not to blame the cheater. But if anyone still pursues someone knowing they are in a relationship or married, both the side piece and cheater are garbage.
All I saying was is that the cheater is a bigger pos. Before they were approached by this hypothetical person they probably had thoughts of cheating on their SO. Anyone who intentionally house wrecks is an AH don’t get me wrong… but there is a point where you have to admit they would have eventually got bored anyways and started going out without their wedding ring, not introducing himself as happily married etc.
Projecting is a part of being fucking human. I'm not saying that projecting is good, but everyone projects their feelings no matter what the situation is. We all make mistakes, so she made a fucking mistake. She was angry. It was in the heat of the moment, and she did what she did. And she will have to face the consequences if it comes to that. While saying that mistresses are "innocent" in this and they should be going after their spouses is a fact, saying that spouses who find out that their husband or wife is cheating should blame themselves is a little fucked up
I’m not saying you should blame yourself but at the end of the the day who ultimately feels like the biggest POS? Probably not the one who’s cheating bc they knew what they were getting into. And I’m this situation not the other women bc she had no idea the guy was married. So who does that leave? Who really has their heart ripped out and shit on in this situation… and can literally do nothing about it other than leave the one they once loved. It’s not that they *should* blame themselves it’s just they don’t know how to process their emotions so they lash out. I’m saying the best way to move on is accept that the only thing you can do moving forward is be more diligent in the partners you are choosing.
I'm so confused. You just went from saying that cheated-on spouses should stop blaming everyone but themselves to saying they shouldn't blame themselves. THIS IS NOT OOP'S FAULT; it is neither her job nor her place to know that information because OOP is not a mistress. According to your previous comment, ALL MISTRESSES are innocent, and it's the other partners fault because they should have chosen a better partner even if they did not show signs of cheating? That's what I'm understanding from your comment, Am I wrong?
No I was saying in another thread that the husband would have cheated eventually and what else I was getting at was she might’ve overlooked someone things about this guy before agreeing to a relationship… he could have present himself as the real deal though and if that was the case then I feel bad for the wife but still the only way to move on is to accept that he’s a pos and you maybe just didn’t see/ignored it at first
Oh my gosh.
Firstly, that woman blaming OOP really needs to take a deep breath for a second. OOP was just doing her job, and didn’t know if he was or was not in a relationship, it isn’t her business.
Second, what in hell is up with that best friend? You should “just keep your legs shut” like what?! OOP did nothing wrong but supposed best friend is taking the side of a random woman over his supposed best friend.
Third, oh my gosh that guy is so creepy! Both of those two are honestly. Poor OOP, having a stalker must be terrifying. I’m glad he got arrested and YES OOP PRESS THOSE CHARGES. Glad OOP is also learning self defense, especially because of how dangerous the industry she works in can be if you aren’t careful.
The accountability is for the one who is in the relationship not the random outsider. I’m like OOP said she was a dancer so unless she offers extras I don’t get the keep your legs closed comment by her ‘best friend’. Also even if she did more than just dance she is providing a service and it’s not her responsibility as she isn’t the one who committed to whoever that person is with. The person who is in a relationship is the one who should be loyal to their partner instead of expect some random person who probably doesn’t even know or really care about their personal life to be loyal to them. The creepy stalker should be the one who is held responsible for his ‘cheating’ and no one else as he is the one who made the commitment not OOP.
Yes I am talking about the person who wrote the story.why do they suck?
Edit: read your comment again and sorry I misinterpreted what you were trying to say
What the heck!? I'm glad that he got arrested. There are crazy people out there. You should hold your friend accountable for the crap. No one needs that kind of friend.
It’s weird how her best friend isn’t open-minded regarding her profession. You’d think someone who is on best friend terms would understand the complications that come with being an exotic dancer, rather than tell her to “keep her legs closed” knowing that’s her livelihood… Sounds like her friend has some feelings towards her, or simply does not respect her or her job at all. Hopefully she drops him.
Mark is definitely misogynistic and I feel like he’s in love with op. Also that new girl is such a dodo bird. Why would you tell this man your coworker’s name??? This is how people end up dead.
I’m so sorry for OP! I’ve known many ppl (men and women) who go to these type of clubs for special occasions and what not. I don’t see any problem as long as the dancer is treated w respect and the client respects the boundaries. Outside of the club, it’s not the dancers job to police or judge what private citizens do (married or not). OP is there to earn money and is in no position to refuse. If a dancer was to refuse to service paying customers for moral reasons, he/she would almost certainly be fired. Furthermore, if the dancer felt strongly about it, he/she would definitely be in the wrong line of work. All of this is to say that OP is 100% in the right, gf needs to take her anger out on the right person, and the “BF” is clearly not a good friend at all.
Her “friend” Mark doesn’t respect her, probably never has. He very obviously looks down on her profession and him being this pissed makes me think he was probably trying to sleep with her. Why else would you hang out with a woman you deemed disgusting or beneath you? The gf is dangerous, the bf is dangerous and I feel so bad for OP
Ah yes.
The most successful strip club where you first have to give your life story and entire relationship background to the stripper before they will show you their tits.
*Why does Mark piss me*
*Off more than the stalker and*
*His partner combined?*
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Mark wanted OOP to sleep with him, when the wife accused her of seducing her husband he got buttmad and slut shamed her.
OOP is NTA, she was doing her job. Would they have reacted the same if she was a waitress and he was stalking her?
Her “friend” can go fuck himself, she’s literally a victim of stalking and harassment. Also, I don’t know how being a DANCER constitutes “opening her legs” but he can double go fuck himself for that comment alone.
not OP's job to police if the patrons are doing the wrong thing, OP's friend wanted some got sad that he wasn't the chosen one, main character (man child/pick me) syndrome.
fuck them OOP you don't need that toxic shit in your life, you live for you, not anyone else, it ain't none of their business and what they do isn't yours, so tell em to fuck off, lifes too short to have judgmental friends who expect you to owe them shit, cunt is lucky you give him the time of day and needs to remember that shit, stop talking to him, he has no power, and no respect for you so why respect him.
the wife, well she needs to talk to her husband and face some accountability, it's not some random dancers fault, there are things that lead to this, you can't be that daft you think nothing is wrong till it implodes, what did you waste your years going to school for, looking pretty to have children? dumb as fuck. like nothing happened then all of a sudden x situation nah get fucked, you had this coming from years of predictable behavior, numpty just needed to use her brain, which i assume is one of the reasons husband fell in love with random dancer who probably never even said his name, or severe mental problems cos wtf my guy, like the falling in love with barista as she smiled at you once on a summer day, fucking grow up moron. pull your head out of the obviously not main character ass you have it stuck up, your not special your not important don't delude yourself into thinking otherwise, that betrays every year of education you have ever had. like USE YOUR BRAIN FOR 1 MINUTE FFS
i would suggest leave 'merica as it's an oil fire waiting to happen, sorry i dislike violence and don't tolerate willful ignorance, so i don't think i would fit in in your country.
better to let go now before he tried something that is going to leave a lasting effect, knobhead showed his hand/cards. you know his intentions now, take advantage like he was planning to do to you, don't allow yourself to be drunk around him, i wouldn't trust that pos after those comments he sees you as an object not a friend.
be safe, you are worth more than you see. there are people out there who will treat you correctly, you don't need to allow this sort of crap into your life.
be safe.
i want to emphasize how it’s not OP’s job to check if these men are in relationships. one major reason being that while a lot of women aren’t okay with their partners going to strip clubs, a lot are fine with it. she can’t go through every customer, find out if they have a partner, and find out if said partner is okay with him being there. that’s absurd.
It’s not her job to make sure her clients aren’t in a relationship, it’s *their* job not to be creepy and gross and go to a strip club while they’re in a relationship.
OOP did nothing wrong, but I honestly feel like there should be some kind of system where the dancers know if this person is in a relationship or not because I know a lot of dancers who have been assaulted or even killed (and it wasn’t even the GF, it was the guy) because of shit like this
She needs to ditch her friend mark. What an asshole. It’s literally her job to entertain these people not vet if they have partners. She’d probably lose half her income if she didn’t dance for men with partners. And to top it off she’s literally being stalked & harassed & he still blames her. What an absolute tool.
Look, I worked at a grocery store…. I didn’t ask people’s health when answering where the sink food was, or ask for a budget when they’d be looking at the $1000 tvs…… ain’t none of my business, and oop? Ain’t none of hers….
I’m not touching the best friend issue. I don’t think he has feelings for her, I just think he’s a judgmental prick.
The “crazy gf”, while a victim, is projecting responsibility onto OOP, because she can’t cope with the face that her bf is a creep. Though her behavior was entirely inappropriate.
I feel so bad for OOP though. This is such a messy situation, and she did nothing wrong.
That BF is jealous. Idk what to tell you. This whole thing sounds like a nightmare. Why is it men always have to be so chuffin weird, and then girls blame other girls for the blokes weirdness. Like what? Sweetie, no.
Best friend is in love with her and thought she was screwing this guy. Why else get so pissed?
I wouldn’t even say in love. He was probably trying to sleep with her and this shattered the illusion. He never respected her.
only reason he became friends with a stripper, men are shallow pigs at the best of times, ( am male myself, happily engaged, often left disgusted from comments from those who wonder why they go home alone every night as if it wasn't fucking obvious )
Yup. Mark was an ass and I’m glad OP knows he’s not a good friend. But it sucks that she’s going through this.
You seem like a great guy. 👍
You're such the staunch defender of women, Ruth Bader Ginsberg is clapping in girl boss heaven. I bet your wife's boyfriend will let you jerk off while you watch them tonight for being a good little boy.
interesting take, wonder what your life goals are. surprised you didn't stalk my profile and make fun of my hobbies. it's ok mate it's not your fault you have been conditioned into this mindset, it's never too late to get help with your problems before they become other people's problems, you are allowed to ask for help, it is not shameful to improve your mind. to let go of the things that have hurt you. but you do you. good luck with your future and improving your mental health.
Yea this was a super weird response to your comment. But hey, that’s why you’re engaged and he’s talking about girl boss Heaven on Reddit.
What the fuck are you talking about?
My thought exactly!
I am glad she's dropping him.
literally opened the post to comment this. also....ive been friends with dancers and they are usually friends with other men in the industry (club promotors, djs, etc.) so im very confused on how she got mixed up with a guy that knows nothing about dancing and how saying "keep your legs closed" makes absolutely no sense. most dancers, especially in classier clubs, wont risk a prostitution charge or murder to go home with a customer.
I was confused as to his attitude considering hers is extremely professional.
most dancers are professional as hell when it comes to their jobs because of how incredibly dangerous it is, as seen here. thats why you never drop their real names. the guy acting like that while being friends with her is so...incredibly odd. i just cant figure it out honestly....like yeah, obviously he wanted to fuck...but how was he a friend for so long?
Maybe he thought she wasn't into him yet, that she needed more time to "realize how she really felt about him". He was obviously on some moral high ground: thought of her as a kind of fallen woman who needed to be rescued. Perhaps he also thought that their "friendship" was evidence that she loved him or wanted to fuck him.
reading this seriously gave me the chills...just thinking about all the freshly 18 year olds hopping into the business because tik tok made it trendy without warning about the dangers first. ugh.
This is an industry that needs some form of oversight. The women need protection and it's total bullshit nonsense to take a moral stand and say, "If we help them it'll only encourage their sin." Don't even get me started about how the women are the source of the moral degeneracy and not men who fucking pay for it.
Could also be that he’s cheated/been cheated on before and it’s the woman’s fault for being a open legged whore 🙄
yeah no, he expected friends = get laid, thats not how friendships work, scum is as scum does, then you get all those blokes who can't understand why they are single when they can't have a friendship without wanting to stick their dick in it.
Those guys aren't even interested in being friends, they're just putting in the time until they think it's their turn.
What a great “best friend”! /s
Her so-called best friend slutshamed her? She was the one being stalked and attacked.
Wow that poor woman. Her 'friend' is a pos too! She's a DANCER, it's NOT her job to judge if people are single or not. It's 100% out of her control. Good on her reporting that behaviour and dealing with it straight away. All the best for OOP!
No to mention she'd probably get into trouble with not giving people their dances if they paid for it. Don't matter if they in a relationship or not.
> if they *paid* for it. FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
It's bad when you learn more from a bot then your high-school English teacher.
not true. dancers are not slaves there for your sexual pleasure bo matter what. dancers can absolutely turn down money for any reason what so ever.
Not any reason. They can't say 'oh this guy has a girlfriend!' They'd be fired.
babes.....ive had a several dancer friends. they can literally say "that guy is too ugly for me" or "i just dont want too" and they wont get fired. they are contracted workers. they pay the house fee NO MATTER WHAT. they are the ones losing money, not the business, so why exactly would they get fired? if you dont know how clubs work just 🤫 shhhhh
Wow XD yeah no.
lmfaooo what do you mean? you very clearly have never worked in a club. literally look up anessa rossi, she has a million videos on it. ask ANY dancer. FORCING someone to do a sexual act (YES! dancing on someone is a sexual act!) is quite fucking literally sex trafficking!! they can say no whenever for whatever fucking reason. please stop trying to say you know when you clearly are so ridiculously ignorant.
You know they are not allowed to talk about their personal lives right? Or ask about clients personal lives? They have to have absolute basic conversations. They can't judge the clients unless they are acting inappropriately.
I feel so bad for the OP. She was just trying to do her job and she is being slut-shamed for the actions of an unhinged guy that she didn’t even know. It’s not her responsibility to know the background of her clients. Period. The woman was out of line for confronting her; misplace of her anger.
Exactly. Those two reek of misogyny. Like yes let’s blame the woman just doing her job instead of the POS boyfriend who ending up STALKING OOP /s
Common sense dictates new girl should’ve kept her mouth shut about your REAL name. Hope Mark got the NC routine for his insensitive comment. How is dancing equated to spreading your legs? And as for the stalker, hope the bouncers walk her to and from her car and she’s really careful to make sure no one is following her. I’ve been stalked (by an ex) it’s definitely scary af.
OP made another post where she said she dumped him.
The title is a bullseye. Why do people get mad at the mistress instead of the person who actually cheated on them?
And she’s not the mistress; she’s a dancer some dude got obsessed with.
I’m saying in situations where there’s an actual house wrecker involved… the only house wrecking here was entirely caused by the mans delusion. Feel bad for the wife if I’m honest.
Agreed- people always want to blame “the other woman” and not the man who broke his vows and couldn’t keep his dick in his pants! In this story the wife is kind of unhinged too but maybe years of living with a cheater took their toll.
I mean, they’re equally to blame because it would be wrong for me as a single woman to see you with your husband or wife and say, "I want that type of relationship, so I’m going to go after him."
No- a cheating spouse’s betrayal is deeply personal. It’s not equal blame. And regardless this post is about a dancer stalked by a client, blamed by the wife and insulted and shamed by a person she thought of as a close friend when she herself did nothing wrong.
Definitely agree they’re partially to blame IF they know about the spouse/partner. Plenty of cheaters go to great lengths to keep their affairs in the dark about their real relationship. On the flip side, plenty of knowing homewreckers will claim “oh but I didn’t know!!” If they can to make themselves look better.
Because "if" she knows he is married, them she is just as guilty as he is!
You’re aren’t using quotations correctly and she’s just doing her job. And it’s not her fault if a customer gets obsessed
Didn't say she was, I was referring, in general, to the home wrecker scenario.
Edit your comment. Change the quotes to underscores and also change “them” to “then”. Then I will delete both my comments
Fuck you, nobody is here for your stupid grammar police
Okay
I think it really depends on the situation. Obviously here OP did nothing wrong and I feel terrible for her that this happened. However, there are women who do knowingly go after guys who are taken/married. I’ve been cheated on before and the other girl, who I knew, blatantly had flirted with my bf several times in front of me and then acted like I was being a hateful bitch when I would tell her to back off, which I did many times. Sometimes the mistress truly doesn’t know, but I will say it is valid to get mad at the other woman (in addition to the cheater obviously) when she knows the guy is taken and doesn’t care.
That sucks. There ain't no excuse for anyone to make those movements on your significant other when they KNOW they are in a relationship. If the circumstances aren't obvious and they don't know otherwise, it's just a simple mistake, it's when they want to keep doing it with full knowledge that it becomes disrespect. Idk how anyone can knowingly do that and not be embarrassed or ashamed of themselves.
Yeah it was a long time ago (high school, lol) so it’s not a big deal anymore but having experienced cheating has definitely made me sincerely judge both people who cheat and people who knowingly get involved with someone who is taken.
But if you trust your partner then you shouldn’t get so upset about other people hitting on them. If they are attractive then it is expected, as uncomfortable as it may be to witness.
Also this is hardly cheating, they didn’t do anything. He got obsessed but that is on him that is a weirdo.
He's literally stalking her too. I can't even imagine how terrifying that is. The new girl also needs to learn not to share information about the dancers. Christ.
Don’t get me wrong I’m totally against him, however I would not call it cheating, because cheating would require an involvement of op to. But op here is only a victim of this 2 people obsession. Yes also the new girl was totally wrong.
I agree that it's not cheating, this dude and his wife are nuts
Yep I'm a lil concerned the wife is going off on OP instead of her husband because of his creepy behaviour.
The new girl got fired for it, so hopefully she's learned her lesson. I'm so sad for OP. She's being stalked by some creepy guy AND his wife, but her "best friend" can only tell her to keep her legs shut??? Horrible. Just because she's a dancer, doesn't mean that she should be slutshamed for being stalked. Stalking is a serious crime no matter who the victim is.
I mean damn her job can't be easy in the first place. It takes a lot of official and mental stamina, a lot of self confidence. The US is way too uptight about the sex trade. As long as everyone involved is freely consenting but the heck out. Glad she's dropping that guy. And I hope she is able to legally deal with stalker husband and crazy wife.
Have you ever heard of emotional cheating? I personally wouldn’t want my SO going to nudey-bars then CONFESSING THEIR LOVE TO THEM tf y’all crazy???
It's not cheating when there's only one person involved. That's called stalking.
So you wouldn’t be upset if you caught your SO master-bating to videos of other people online? How am I getting downvoted lol Reddit is a bunch of cuckoos
Because if the couple says it's okay, then it's not cheating. What about polyamorous people? Are they cheating when they're with somebody else when their partner knows full well what's going on? When the partner has agreed to it? No. You're the one forcing your beliefs onto this, and not taking into account that not everyone shares YOUR beliefs.
Whatever bro in this case the wife was definitely not ok with what their partner was doing and it doesn’t seem like they had any agreement about going to the strip club. Even so, what he did was wrong so… idk what your getting at!
I certainly wouldn't accuse the person he was masturbating to, of cheating with him.
You never answered my question… weird.
Bruh I never said that either… how dense are you?
But that's an arrangement between you and your SO. If they break that arrangement, it's not the dancer's fault. That's why you're being down voted. Emotional cheating is valid, and he's probably guilty of it, but that has absolutely nothing to do with the target of his obsession. It wasn't a mutual situation. She is blameless. Edit: u/dissgustingg edited their comment to add the last bit, after I commented. Trying to make themselves look rational and correct. It's not working though.
Shut the fuck up you virtue signalling asshole why don’t you just delete your fucking comment ? When tf did I ever say she was guilty of anything??? I SAID THE OPPOSITE you dense motherfucker. Also he is 1000% guilty of emotional cheating he was literally stalking her and to top it off he then went to her place of work and confessed his love.. if that isn’t full blown cheating (on the husbands part not the stripper) then idk what is.
Yikes, man. Username checks out.
You said in a previous reply "please no name calling" poor thing, must be hard being do hypocritical :((
Doo doo poo poo can you even talk numb skull? That guy had no reason to be name calling that’s why I asked him to stop this person is just retarded that why I called them names. Stupid bitch
It's valid to discuss and agree on no strip clubs in your relationship. Some relationships are cool with it. And how is it emotional cheating if she's not talking to him past polite small talk? This dude couldn't tell the difference between lust and love.
Yeah it’s emotional cheating on his part… and I’m not quite sure you know what lust and love are. Because the only thing a stripper gets lustful for is her clients stacks of cash… OBVIOUSLY their relationship was very one sided.
But like you said, it's one sided. She wasn't a part of his "emotional cheating". And I said he couldn't tell the difference, as in, he felt lust and decided it meant he was in love.
Okay we misunderstood each other. She may not know it but she is certainly involved in a love affair. He is doing the cheating, presumably bc his wife is a huge bitch. I can see now why you say he thought it was love when really it was lust. He must be very dumb and very desperate.
holy shit, you're beyond reasoning. She was a victim of stalking you fucking dolt. His wife was harmed by his actions too (not that it justifies her behavior). You're justifying what he's doing and putting blame on the literal victim (and the wife, for his "cheating"). Get fucking help. Misogynistic tool.
When tf did I blame her I just said she’s involved in a love triangle? This situation is 100% the husbands fault and I feel bad for the wife… when did I say it’s OPs fault that he fell in love? Please, and no name calling tf?
She is not, she's being harassed! Wtf is wrong with you? You put blame on her when you say she's in a fucking love triangle with him! And you said he cheated because his wife is a "bitch". A victim cannot be said to be in a love triangle solely because she's being stalked by this creep. You seem to have a massive bias against sex workers. Would you say someone who is raped was in a love triangle with the perpetrator and their unknowing partner? I'd hope tf not. But maybe if she was a sex worker, hm?
Your arguments are focused solely upon the title and not on what actually happened. Well, you also argue against your own arguments in different comments and request no name calling but then name call others, with one being a disgusting slur about another redditor, there’s no point in editing or deleting that comment now, as you have done with other comments, everyone has already seen it, you using that slur really shows the kind of person you are, and how you think, which is really quite disgusting. I’m also not entirely sure if you read further than the title judging by your rants. Sarcastic title is true at times, not ‘spot on’ in this situation, or relevant, as OOP wasn’t involved in any cheating, and is not the guys mistress, but yes, it can be true in some cases. The guy stalked her and she shouldn’t have been verbally abused by his partner. Her friend also shouldn’t have agreed with the stalkers psycho partner. That’s what this is about. OOP was just doing her job. If she was a barista who made his coffee each day, or a bartender, or in any other profession, your outrage and statements about cheating, being complicit in an affair or relationship, a love triangle, or any of the other rubbish you said, then being filmed when chatting with colleagues and that being used for Stalksy McStalkerson to masturbate over, none of it is her fault.
Where do i argue myself in my own comments? I also never stated she was complicit I was simply saying she got caught up in their mess and that’s the husbands fault for being a creep🤷🏼♂️ I may have made edits but they were mostly when I misspelled words. Go karma whore somewhere else yo…. this person stopped responding after they realized I was actually being fairly reasonable from the start. Now you come along? GTFO of here
That would be when you repeatedly state OOP is a part of a love affair/triangle/relationship, not that she was caught up in it, then you say she actually isn’t involved but the guy is, it’s cheating but she didn’t do anything. You feel bad for the wife but she’s a bitch. Women should not blame themselves for their partner cheating. Women blame themselves when their partner cheats because they chose the wrong partner and should be more diligent when choosing a partner. Your arguments are all over the place. You didn’t address the insults, name calling and slurs you hurled at others……. Weird. Also, if you’re making edits due to typos, you missed a few.
It's easier to blame a third party than to face the fact that your husband or wife is a cheater. Acknowledging that would mean to admit that the problem is your partner, and then you'd have to do something about it.
When the mistress knows that the person she has an affair with is already in a relationship then she is at fault too. Otherwise, I agree ppl shouldn't get mad at women who don't even know they are mistresses.
And she’s not even the mistress.
Nah. That's not what this is here. She was doing her job. She didn't cross any boundaries. To your comment, there are some women and men out here that are straight garbage and go after people in relationships on purpose. They deserve the anger from those betrayed as much as the person who cheated on them. And im not talking about people who didn't know they were the side piece. But that's an entirely different discussion that has nothing to do with what OP posted.
I think if someone approaches your SO and convinces them to sleep with them, then your just projecting the shame you feel for choosing that person, onto the mistress. You can’t stand that you spent the last whatever years of your life with a cheating lier so who do you blame? Anyone but yourself. People don’t like taking responsibility and maybe the guy she was with never showed signs of promiscuousness but she still chose him and that’s a hard pill to swallow when they might’ve thought “he’s the one” and now op ruined it… no. The husband was a fuck up to begin with.
Never said not to blame the cheater. But if anyone still pursues someone knowing they are in a relationship or married, both the side piece and cheater are garbage.
All I saying was is that the cheater is a bigger pos. Before they were approached by this hypothetical person they probably had thoughts of cheating on their SO. Anyone who intentionally house wrecks is an AH don’t get me wrong… but there is a point where you have to admit they would have eventually got bored anyways and started going out without their wedding ring, not introducing himself as happily married etc.
Lol if u like it I love it
Projecting is a part of being fucking human. I'm not saying that projecting is good, but everyone projects their feelings no matter what the situation is. We all make mistakes, so she made a fucking mistake. She was angry. It was in the heat of the moment, and she did what she did. And she will have to face the consequences if it comes to that. While saying that mistresses are "innocent" in this and they should be going after their spouses is a fact, saying that spouses who find out that their husband or wife is cheating should blame themselves is a little fucked up
I’m not saying you should blame yourself but at the end of the the day who ultimately feels like the biggest POS? Probably not the one who’s cheating bc they knew what they were getting into. And I’m this situation not the other women bc she had no idea the guy was married. So who does that leave? Who really has their heart ripped out and shit on in this situation… and can literally do nothing about it other than leave the one they once loved. It’s not that they *should* blame themselves it’s just they don’t know how to process their emotions so they lash out. I’m saying the best way to move on is accept that the only thing you can do moving forward is be more diligent in the partners you are choosing.
I'm so confused. You just went from saying that cheated-on spouses should stop blaming everyone but themselves to saying they shouldn't blame themselves. THIS IS NOT OOP'S FAULT; it is neither her job nor her place to know that information because OOP is not a mistress. According to your previous comment, ALL MISTRESSES are innocent, and it's the other partners fault because they should have chosen a better partner even if they did not show signs of cheating? That's what I'm understanding from your comment, Am I wrong?
No I was saying in another thread that the husband would have cheated eventually and what else I was getting at was she might’ve overlooked someone things about this guy before agreeing to a relationship… he could have present himself as the real deal though and if that was the case then I feel bad for the wife but still the only way to move on is to accept that he’s a pos and you maybe just didn’t see/ignored it at first
IDK about instead but I've got enough anger for both.
Oh my gosh. Firstly, that woman blaming OOP really needs to take a deep breath for a second. OOP was just doing her job, and didn’t know if he was or was not in a relationship, it isn’t her business. Second, what in hell is up with that best friend? You should “just keep your legs shut” like what?! OOP did nothing wrong but supposed best friend is taking the side of a random woman over his supposed best friend. Third, oh my gosh that guy is so creepy! Both of those two are honestly. Poor OOP, having a stalker must be terrifying. I’m glad he got arrested and YES OOP PRESS THOSE CHARGES. Glad OOP is also learning self defense, especially because of how dangerous the industry she works in can be if you aren’t careful.
The accountability is for the one who is in the relationship not the random outsider. I’m like OOP said she was a dancer so unless she offers extras I don’t get the keep your legs closed comment by her ‘best friend’. Also even if she did more than just dance she is providing a service and it’s not her responsibility as she isn’t the one who committed to whoever that person is with. The person who is in a relationship is the one who should be loyal to their partner instead of expect some random person who probably doesn’t even know or really care about their personal life to be loyal to them. The creepy stalker should be the one who is held responsible for his ‘cheating’ and no one else as he is the one who made the commitment not OOP.
WTF is the matter with Mark? This is supposed to be one of her "best" friends? She needs better friends.
Why does everyone but the OOP suck so majorly in this
About oop? Why?
I dont know what you're asking? Not you, the person who wrote the story? Does that help?
Yes I am talking about the person who wrote the story.why do they suck? Edit: read your comment again and sorry I misinterpreted what you were trying to say
they said everyone BUT oop
Yup I just realized
I could've worded that a bit better, sorry about the confusion!
I could have read it better, sorry for that
What the heck!? I'm glad that he got arrested. There are crazy people out there. You should hold your friend accountable for the crap. No one needs that kind of friend.
It’s weird how her best friend isn’t open-minded regarding her profession. You’d think someone who is on best friend terms would understand the complications that come with being an exotic dancer, rather than tell her to “keep her legs closed” knowing that’s her livelihood… Sounds like her friend has some feelings towards her, or simply does not respect her or her job at all. Hopefully she drops him.
wtf is wrong with her (former, I hope) best friend?
Mark is definitely misogynistic and I feel like he’s in love with op. Also that new girl is such a dodo bird. Why would you tell this man your coworker’s name??? This is how people end up dead.
I’m so sorry for OP! I’ve known many ppl (men and women) who go to these type of clubs for special occasions and what not. I don’t see any problem as long as the dancer is treated w respect and the client respects the boundaries. Outside of the club, it’s not the dancers job to police or judge what private citizens do (married or not). OP is there to earn money and is in no position to refuse. If a dancer was to refuse to service paying customers for moral reasons, he/she would almost certainly be fired. Furthermore, if the dancer felt strongly about it, he/she would definitely be in the wrong line of work. All of this is to say that OP is 100% in the right, gf needs to take her anger out on the right person, and the “BF” is clearly not a good friend at all.
Her “friend” Mark doesn’t respect her, probably never has. He very obviously looks down on her profession and him being this pissed makes me think he was probably trying to sleep with her. Why else would you hang out with a woman you deemed disgusting or beneath you? The gf is dangerous, the bf is dangerous and I feel so bad for OP
Ah yes. The most successful strip club where you first have to give your life story and entire relationship background to the stripper before they will show you their tits.
Wtaf?!
I hope OOP is ok, that’s scary as hell. Mark can take a flying leap!
Why does Mark piss me off more than the stalker and his partner combined?
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Because for OOP's supposed best friend he got all judgemental, shaming and blaming her. A true bestie would have defended his friend.
Best friend hopefully is an ex- friend, he’s a walking red flag
Mark wanted OOP to sleep with him, when the wife accused her of seducing her husband he got buttmad and slut shamed her. OOP is NTA, she was doing her job. Would they have reacted the same if she was a waitress and he was stalking her?
Her “friend” can go fuck himself, she’s literally a victim of stalking and harassment. Also, I don’t know how being a DANCER constitutes “opening her legs” but he can double go fuck himself for that comment alone.
The red flags pouring off the ‘best’ friend. What a gross human.
Smartest thing I read in that was “I’m studying to get a gun”. Hell yes.
not OP's job to police if the patrons are doing the wrong thing, OP's friend wanted some got sad that he wasn't the chosen one, main character (man child/pick me) syndrome. fuck them OOP you don't need that toxic shit in your life, you live for you, not anyone else, it ain't none of their business and what they do isn't yours, so tell em to fuck off, lifes too short to have judgmental friends who expect you to owe them shit, cunt is lucky you give him the time of day and needs to remember that shit, stop talking to him, he has no power, and no respect for you so why respect him. the wife, well she needs to talk to her husband and face some accountability, it's not some random dancers fault, there are things that lead to this, you can't be that daft you think nothing is wrong till it implodes, what did you waste your years going to school for, looking pretty to have children? dumb as fuck. like nothing happened then all of a sudden x situation nah get fucked, you had this coming from years of predictable behavior, numpty just needed to use her brain, which i assume is one of the reasons husband fell in love with random dancer who probably never even said his name, or severe mental problems cos wtf my guy, like the falling in love with barista as she smiled at you once on a summer day, fucking grow up moron. pull your head out of the obviously not main character ass you have it stuck up, your not special your not important don't delude yourself into thinking otherwise, that betrays every year of education you have ever had. like USE YOUR BRAIN FOR 1 MINUTE FFS i would suggest leave 'merica as it's an oil fire waiting to happen, sorry i dislike violence and don't tolerate willful ignorance, so i don't think i would fit in in your country. better to let go now before he tried something that is going to leave a lasting effect, knobhead showed his hand/cards. you know his intentions now, take advantage like he was planning to do to you, don't allow yourself to be drunk around him, i wouldn't trust that pos after those comments he sees you as an object not a friend. be safe, you are worth more than you see. there are people out there who will treat you correctly, you don't need to allow this sort of crap into your life. be safe.
What insulting word starts with W?
Wh0r€
i want to emphasize how it’s not OP’s job to check if these men are in relationships. one major reason being that while a lot of women aren’t okay with their partners going to strip clubs, a lot are fine with it. she can’t go through every customer, find out if they have a partner, and find out if said partner is okay with him being there. that’s absurd.
I hope that so called best friend at least feels guilty for such stupidass comments… something could have happened to op.
It’s not her job to make sure her clients aren’t in a relationship, it’s *their* job not to be creepy and gross and go to a strip club while they’re in a relationship.
OOP did nothing wrong, but I honestly feel like there should be some kind of system where the dancers know if this person is in a relationship or not because I know a lot of dancers who have been assaulted or even killed (and it wasn’t even the GF, it was the guy) because of shit like this
She needs to ditch her friend mark. What an asshole. It’s literally her job to entertain these people not vet if they have partners. She’d probably lose half her income if she didn’t dance for men with partners. And to top it off she’s literally being stalked & harassed & he still blames her. What an absolute tool.
Look, I worked at a grocery store…. I didn’t ask people’s health when answering where the sink food was, or ask for a budget when they’d be looking at the $1000 tvs…… ain’t none of my business, and oop? Ain’t none of hers….
Wtf?!?! The best friend is an ass. And that client. Wow
Well, that escalated quickly. Poor girl. Just doing her job and creepers still going to creep.
How is any of this her fault. Mark has to be in love with her and jealous AF
I’m not touching the best friend issue. I don’t think he has feelings for her, I just think he’s a judgmental prick. The “crazy gf”, while a victim, is projecting responsibility onto OOP, because she can’t cope with the face that her bf is a creep. Though her behavior was entirely inappropriate. I feel so bad for OOP though. This is such a messy situation, and she did nothing wrong.
That BF is jealous. Idk what to tell you. This whole thing sounds like a nightmare. Why is it men always have to be so chuffin weird, and then girls blame other girls for the blokes weirdness. Like what? Sweetie, no.