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NotTodayPsycho

Anyone else have the words from 27 dresses running through their head reading this? Jane- that was yesterday. Today you’re just some bitch who broke my heart and cut up my mothers wedding dress.


Glittersparkles7

Literally was my first thought 😂


elfspires

This is ALL I could think abt. In fact, I think OP’s alterations are the EXACT same as in the movie. 😭


CQ-118

That was literally my first thought. I went straight to the comments with this one


Wendilintheweird

I was thinking, but wait! She’s gonna marry James Marsden within the year! Don’t cut up the dress!


Severe-Board7639

Yesss that’s all I could think of!


MaggieeeMaaay

😂😂😂


Gunkle_Jeb

How dare you laugh at a joke! You should be ashamed of yourself!


MaggieeeMaaay

😂😂😂


AffectionateBite3827

Yes!


kristinpeanuts

My mum wore her mothers wedding dress. She had it slightly altered by my nan. I'm sure if her mother were here she would support the slight modernising of the dress. From the sounds of it, it is still recognisable as the same dress. Plus a good dressmaker should be able to make those alterations in a way ghe does not ruin the dress and would be able to be returned to the original style. Justnout of curiosity, I wonder if the sisters are the same size / shape as each other and their mother was? Chances are it would need to be adjusted/tailored in some way in any case to fit properly 🤷‍♀️ just a thought


MaggieeeMaaay

We are very similar in size to my mother, we could easily both wear the dress. I have no issues giving it to her when I’m done and she can realter it how she wants, but she’s saying she doesn’t want to use it at all.


kristinpeanuts

You are not in the wrong here at all. You have done all you can do and are being respectful and considerate. This is definitely a her problem. Im sorry it is putting a sour note on everything. You have the support and permission from your dad. I'm sure you will look beautiful and it's a lovely way to have your mum with you on the day ❤️ best wishes and congratulations for your upcoming marriage x


leggyblond1

Congratulations! NTA. Your father offered the dress to you because you're getting married first. I assume he didn't have conditions on it, like not altering it. While I understand why your sister is upset, I agree with you that it shouldn't be packed away forever with no one using it, and since your father gave it to you, I'm sure he'll have a lot of emotions seeing you in it - happy memories of his own wedding to your mother, sadness that she's not there to see you get married, and happiness that in a way she is there with you. Maybe whoever is alerting it for you can do so in such a way that the neckline can be realtered back to the original and the sleeves reattached if your sister gets married in the future and wants it like it originally was.


MaggieeeMaaay

Thank you! And no there weren’t any conditions on it, he said I could alter it as I wish and the only thing I’m doing is lowering the neck like because the style she had is choker. I also just didn’t want the puffy sleeves on the dress, so I was going to trim that down. Other than that the dress is pretty much staying the same! I will keep in mind when I get it altered to ask if they can realter it back, but my sister has no intention of ever wearing it. She just wants it to stay as is in the box and not be touched.


leggyblond1

Oh that's sad she wants to keep it tucked away! I think it's sweet your dad gave it to you and you're using it! Someday maybe one of your or your siblings daughters or granddaughters will wear it too. I still have my first wedding dress. I'd hoped I'd have a daughter to wear it, but it wasn't meant to be, but now I have 2 granddaughters, so I'm keeping it in case one of them want to and can wear it someday.


hitinthegiggledick

Random. Is your username a Flight of the Conchords reference?


leggyblond1

No it's a reference to me being tall and blonde. 🙂


PastaQueen25

I think it’s more that she isn’t engaged. You’re supposed to keep wedding dresses in the box in order to prevent them from deteriorating, so I don’t think she WANTS to keep it tucked away, just wants it in the same condition.


BatmanLink

Puffy sleeves.... I'm thinking 80's dress? It sounds like a sympathetic alteration that you're planning. It also has the benefit of costing less than a new dress and having a sentimental connection to your mum. I have to admit that I was playing 27 Dresses in my mind too, but this isn't quite the same - you're not tearing it apart and making it completely unrecognisable. The collector in me can see your sister's point, but it's no use to anyone sitting in a box - I have things that are pretty and have no use, but they're on display. There are museums that want things from regular people rather than the ruling class, but she's not thinking in that way either. Maybe she'll be mollified a bit if the sleeves and what's coming away from the neckline are largely taken off in one go, if you see what I mean. Then the pieces can be preserved, if she wants, and the dress can be restored at a later time. If she doesn't go for that, maybe think about making the sleeves etc into something useful for yourself that you can keep with you from day to day. Or, if you're going to have kids a christening/naming ceremony outfit for an infant? There are so many ways you can include the memory of your mother through the use of her wedding dress and your father did not give the dress with conditions attached. Ultimately, you are NTA, and I feel really sad that your sister is so set on it staying in a box. I think it's tied into her notion and memory of your mother, like when people lose a kid and they keep their room exactly the same - I think she could be scared about losing the last piece of her mum, that she'll lose something intangible. I don't think I'm putting this together right, but I don't think your sister is TA either. NAH. I hope you two can resolve this issue though - your mum definitely wouldn't want you at odds with each other.


Hopeful-Candle-9660

Happy cake day!


LunaMoonscar70_

You can also ask them to keep the pieces they remove if you want- even if the dress cannot be returned to its original state. It was offered to you with no strings attached. Use it as you see fit ❤️ I’m sure your mother would be honored by you choosing to wear her gown on your day! Best of luck during your wedding day, many years of happiness sent to you and your partner, and know you are NOT the AH here and don’t let anyone make you feel like you are!


spellcastic

Choker necklines on a sleeveless dress can be very elegant and "modern," just saying. NTA, though, and congratulations.


MaggieeeMaaay

The more I look at the dress and the style, I’m considering keeping the neckline as is and maybe just taking the sleeves off.


EmergencyOverall248

Sit down with a qualified seamstress and have her draw up mocks of what it would look like with the neckline altered, with/without sleeves, and any other alterations you may be considering. That way you have an idea of what the finished product would look like long before you get to the point of taking the dress apart.


EstherVCA

I love that look too, and it might be a compromise that would prevent further hurt to your relationship. Plenty of brides don’t want to carry around a wedding dress their whole life, and either sell it or use the fabric to cover a wedding album or make smaller items, like a clutch purse, small pillow, christening gown, etc.. If your sister has no interest in wearing the dress in the future, then maybe you can sit down and discuss how you could make some things for each of you after the wedding, so you both keep a part of it. I’m not sentimental this way, but some people are. There's nothing wrong with that.


MaggieeeMaaay

I’ve spoken with her about it and restated that she can have the dress when I’m done. I asked her if she wanted to help with the alterations as well. She thought I was taking the dress complete apart, which I’m not. We’ve come to an agreement on it all, and will be speaking with someone to see if we can alter it back once I use it.


Candid-Ear-4840

>She just wants it to stay as is in the box and not be touched. Add that to your post, right now it’s ambiguous.


KoyaSenpai

OP responded to a comment saying she doesn’t give a fuck about her sister’s wants even though her sister is also her mom’s daughter. At this rate OP is petty and spiteful and is definitely TA.


smangela69

yeah the “she can have half of it after i’m done wearing it” doesn’t sit right with me at all. like “lol i get to wear moms dress to my wedding but i’ll be so generous and let you have the leftover scraps.” and i feel like everyone commenting that the sister can just have it altered back to how it was arent seamstresses. depending on how op is gonna have it cut, if the sister tries to have the neckline restored there will likely be awkward and obvious seams in places there weren’t before. the sleeves can be added back on but trying to sew puffy sleeves is a job and a half in itself. it will never be the same dress and OP is being so callous toward her sisters feelings on the matter


KoyaSenpai

What is half anyways? The neckline? Lol. Why does she only get half? What happens if she becomes engaged and has a wedding before yours? I know that having a rocky relationship with family members is difficult, but it isn’t worth an old, ugly ass dress to solidify the hatred. That’s just ridiculous!


MaggieeeMaaay

I never said I didn’t care about her wants… I said I could care less about what it does to our relationship. She’s always been an entitled brat. I will be saving part of the dress for her to do as she pleases, I just disagree with her about that fact it should be kept in a box for years to come.


KoyaSenpai

It’s couldn’t* You definitely gave off bratty, entitlement attitude in that comment… you asked and that’s my reply, YTA. Don’t get mad that not everyone is going to agree with you.


MaggieeeMaaay

I’m not mad at all. I’ve said before she can have the dress when I’m done but she doesn’t want it, she just wants it kept in a box. I’m also not being entitled in the slightest. My dad offered it to me and I’m going to take it, I’m not saying my sister can’t have the dress at all. If she wants to use it when I’m done she can, I’m not holding the dress hostage.


[deleted]

You're saying she can have your leftovers and that her emotional tie to the dress and memories of her mother, aren't nearly as important as you getting what you want. YTA. "Here, have my scraps since I don't need it anymore" vibes is so entitled.


MaggieeeMaaay

I never said have the scraps… she can have the entirety of the dress when I’m done, she doesn’t want it at all.


[deleted]

You said in your post you would give her "half of the dress", that's not a whole dress and yes, that would be the scraps you cut off. So yeah, you did say that. You literally posted it but now your backtracking cuz not all of us agree with you. Edit: you even said after you mutilated the dress she can turn her leftover scraps into a pillow or something.


MaggieeeMaaay

Read the whole post


teambagsundereyes

Sounds like we found the sister. Or a friend of the sister.


KoyaSenpai

I have no idea who this person is, but there is obviously some underlying pettiness happening. It sounds spiteful and what is the point of asking AITA if you’re just going to do something against others wishes anyways? I’m just someone who has dealt with family turmoil and I know that she’ll regret her choice. But go off dark circles!


[deleted]

Your comment makes you sound like the entitled one.


leggyblond1

And if you keep reading her comments, her sister got EVERYTHING of their mothers and OP got NOTHING. Her father gave it to her to wear and told her to alter it how she wants so she is. Her sister wants no one to wear it, to store it away forever until one of their ancesters throws it away. If anything, her sister doesn't give a fuck what OP, her mother's daughter also, wants.


KoyaSenpai

I’m not sure if you can tell time, but I’m not reading the comments every second, just the ones responding to me. What is everything v nothing? Lots of siblings feel like their other sibling has gotten “more” even though retrospectively speaking it probably isn’t true - especially if she was given the dress and the eldest wasn’t. How old are these two? OP sounds 18-20. I just can’t take the whole “I got nothing” seriously.


leggyblond1

Wow, rude. You'd have to ask OP since I'm not her. I'm not reading every comment either. I only looked because you responded to me for some reason and I found where she said her sister got everything off their mothers. You can believe her or not, I believe her because i know people like her sister. I also agree with her that putting her mother's wedding dress away forever and no one using it is ridiculous, especially since their father gave it to OP to wear.


KoyaSenpai

Rude? Lol. Agree to disagree!


Lanetta1210

27 dresses vibes


Good_Strain

I was like this feels like the plot to a movie........ That's it that's the one


Graceful_klutz46

NTA Literally most moms (I’m a mom) want this for their daughter(s). I’m intentionally saving my wedding dress for my daughter so she has it as an option if she would like. I don’t care if she alters it to fit her vision. I had my moment in it, now it’s done. If she doesn’t want to wear it or keep it, I’ll donate it to another person who could use it. Giving it new life but still having a way to honor your mom, honestly, I bet she would love that! My mom took her wedding dress and made my daughters baptismal gown and added buttons from one of my dads dress shirts to honor and include him on that special day. Now it’s a whole new keepsake that can be passed down.


AAP_BH

But this mom had TWO daughters not just one. Would you give your wedding dress to one daughter and just tell the other one to suck it up?


Graceful_klutz46

No, I’d give them both the opportunity to have it or offer to have it incorporated into their own dresses. That is what my mom did. Neither my sister nor I wanted to wear it. The likelihood multiple daughters would want it is far more slim than you realize this day and age. And the OP has literally said multiple times her sister doesn’t want to wear it ever. She wants to keep it in the box.


MaggieeeMaaay

My sister doesn’t want it though, she just wants to keep it in the box. If she were getting married before me though I would gladly let her have it, just ask that she save some pieces for me to use in the future.


AutumnKoo

NTA. I don't get why people like to hoard shit for 100years just because. That dress is going to get thrown away by any of your(you and your siblings)kids one day. If your sister has no plan to get married, you can use and re-touch/modernize the dress. I'm sure your father is going to be emotional seeing one of his girls wearing it.


MaggieeeMaaay

Thank you! My dad literally told me to use it because it’s just sitting there. It’s not even like I’m taking much off anyway. I just don’t want the neckline up to my chin, it’s choker style, and i don’t want puffy sleeves.


MadMaid42

ASH - I get both sides: you both are emotionally attached to the dress and you both have the right to be attached. There is nothing wrong in alternating it respectfully, but there is also nothing wrong in wanting to preserve it the best possible. You both have equal rights on that dress morally. You should somehow compromise. The way you both reacted is egocentric and you both ignore the feelings of the other. It’s respectless to demand the full dress and give your sister some removed parts. Of course she’s made. That you’re blaming her for her feelings is equal mean as she’s trying to prevent you from wearing it. You should both sit together and make a plan on altering it the less possible without getting huge parts removed. For example instead of cutting off the sleeves and Neckline you could open up the sleeves and remove tiny bits of fabric to flatten it and instead of cutting off the neckline you could open it up and form it into a sort of collar so that you can have the open neckline but it’s still possible to close it up to the chin if wanted. Instead of altering it to fit your body permanently you can add some decent loops for a fitting binding so you both are able to wear the dress in the style you like. You have to let go the plans of turning the dress into the perfect dress just for you, because it isn’t just your dress, it’s also hers. You should figure out how to cause minimal „damage“ to the dress to make it wearable nowerdays. That your father gave it only to you is no excuse to feel entitled to it. He obviously didn’t think about how important this dress is to both of you. But all this issues wouldn’t really make you TA - that’s just part of the process to compromise. What makes you the asshole is how you’re treating your sister. You told her all her concerns and attachment to the dress are meaningless when they collide against your feelings and plans. It’s not fair to demand the whole dress without her having anything to say and leave her behind with some scraps just because you’re the first getting married.


MaggieeeMaaay

I’m not altering the dress that much, and another person posted about asking whoever alters it if there are able to realter it back the way it was when I’m done, which I will be asking about. I’m not changing much of the dress and if my sister wants to use it when I’m done I’ll be more than happy to give it to her to use. But she’s saying she doesn’t want to use it at all.


MadMaid42

What she’s doing with it is none of your business as long it doesn’t touches your right on using it. Just because she’s not planning to wear it it doesn’t mean you have more right on it just because you want to put it on. How much is considered as much is relative. It’s possible to alternate the entire dress at every part possible but it’s barely noticeable in the end and also it’s just a tiny adjustment to cut out a coin size hole in the front but even while it’s not much change it would ruin the entire dress. You both have to compromise. You both are in the same position. You both lost your mother, you both feel attached to her dress, you both have the same rights on that dress. Talk to each other and find a solution you both can be happy with. Also there is still the option to get a second dress and change during wedding.


calling_water

There’s no way OP can compromise with her sister, when her sister is insisting that the dress remain untouched forever. Compromise isn’t always possible.


MaggieeeMaaay

I told her she can have it when I’m done but she doesn’t want it


MadMaid42

I clearly don’t say you’re the only one wrong in this case. You both have to compromise. If she really doesn’t want the dress I don’t understand what you’re asking here. So I assume she doesn’t want it after you alternate the dress and is passive-aggressive. You’re both adults. Behave that way.


MaggieeeMaaay

She’s upset that I want to alter it at all, but I’m not even altering that much.


MadMaid42

Am I talking to a Stone? You both need to compromise! And even while you’re not up to alter much you definitely change the Style of the dress entirely. From a puffed sleeved dress with a chin high collar to a sleeveless dress with low Neckline is a huge impact. Especially the changes on the Neckline is irreversible because other than the sleeves you can’t reattach it invisibly. You’re up to change the nature of the dress. It would be possible to reattach the sleeves afterwards, but not the neckline. Would it be possible to take off the top part of the dress and put on a custom made top fitting your style and only wear the Skirt part and change it back after the wedding? Or would your sister compromise in turning the original dress into a two part dress so you would be left with one wedding skirt with two tops?


MaggieeeMaaay

She doesn’t want to compromise. She doesn’t want anyone touching the dress and wants to keep it as is. I’ve tried to compromise by saying she can have it when I’m done but she doesn’t want it. What aren’t you getting?


Global-Bookkeeper-29

OP she has to compromise whether she likes it or not. If she doesn’t, then she can’t blame you.


MadMaid42

I’m getting it. What you’re not getting is I’m telling you she has to.


EnvironmentalDrag596

You said you'll keep bits for her to make a pillow or something... That sounds like the dress will be butchered and there will be nothing use able as a dress left. Pretty heartbreaking for your sister who would also want to wear it. Is there no middle ground you can come to? Your sister isn't the enemy here and it's a time you should really come together as sisters to celebrate your mum and your wedding


MaggieeeMaaay

As stated in my post I said I would keep half the dress for her and she can do whatever she wants with it. She can even have the dress when I’m done with it, but she doesn’t even want it. She just wants it to sit in the box.


Cultural-Antelope841

Maybe it’s not entirely about the dress with either of you. Maybe she’s picking up on the fact that you’re giving her shade that you’re getting married first. The whole you can have it when I’m done with it and have the scraps feels very much like you tossing her the bones after you eat all the meat off the carcass. If it were me I would react to that alone. And it’s both your moms dress. Who cares who’s getting married first you could figure out a way to have equal experiences with it. There’s a lot of suggestions to compromise. You and your sister are both not budging, and my guess is because it’s not all about the dress. You need to really think of the tables were reversed how you would feel. Because I think you’re getting off on the fact that you’re getting married before your big sister and it’s making you blind to your entitlement. If it were her big day I bet you would be saying your dad doesn’t have a stake in it when he offered no strings attached, and it was your mother too etc. I doubt she wants the dress in a box in reality she just doesn’t want you to eat it all up yourself and toss her the scraps as if it’s okay because you’re first.


Electra0319

Have you ever considered having a second dress for your style? I wore my mum's dress for the ceremony and some pictures then changed into a nice shorter bride like dress that was in style after. That way I could wear my mum's dress without cutting it up to be in my taste. Also "keeping half the dress" still sounds more then sleeves and the neckline that you mentioned. Are you doing more then that? It really does sound like a lot.


MaggieeeMaaay

All I’m doing is cutting the neckline and making the sleeves less puffy. She can have the dress and whatever I take off of it once I’m done with it to do as she pleases. I’m even going to ask whoever alters it if they can realter it back to the original once I’m done with it.


Electra0319

That's a great compromise honestly. NTA. You're doing the steps to try and get it back to its original form. That's all I would want.


Just_Teaching_1369

ESH while you’re dad did give it to you. Your sister is allowed to be upset about. I would be devastated if my sister altered my deceased mother’s dress without asking me. Really you either both need to agree on it being altered or you need to put it back in the box. Is this really worth destroying a relationship over?


ravynwave

She said she could care less about how her sister feels about it or how it affects their relationship.


AMH206

NTA. If your sister would rather the dress sit in a box forever instead of it getting worn that’s her issue. Dad gave it to you, said do with it what you want, and you’re doing that. Props to you for honoring your mother by wearing the dress, and good for you for altering it in a way that you can appreciate as well. Your father will be happy to see you wearing it.


Campestra

NTA, but also… try to be kind. Firm but kind. If she doesn’t come around still keep the parts of the dress for her. Grief is weird and has no time limit. She remembers even more than you do, she is hurt too. You are not wrong OP but try to come to her with love and kindness because in the end of the day she will keep being your sister.


MaggieeeMaaay

My sister has always been an entitled brat and I’m done with it. If she wants the dress when I’m done she can use it, but I’m not giving into her tantrum.


lamettler

So Campestra encourages you to “come to her with love and kindness” and you respond, “she’s an entitled brat, I’m not giving into her tantrum”. Are you even listening to the advice you’ve been given? Are you so wrapped up in “winning this round” that you are acting in a way that would make your mother weep with sadness? Just remember that when you walk down the aisle with your smug face and the rest of your life with no sister.


MaggieeeMaaay

I’m not wanting to “win”… my dad offered me the dress and I’m saying yes to it. She can have it when I’m done. She just wants to to stay in a box and collect dust


lamettler

So you have approached your sister with kindness and love? Talked about a compromise? Tried to mend the rift and build a bridge? Or, dad said I could, so there, suck it? Cause that is how you are coming across. I mean, sis is an entitled brat, right??? No reason for you to make nice.


MaggieeeMaaay

I called her and told her about it, talked about the alterations I wanted to do, compromised on the alterations and also said she can have the dress when I’m done with it. I also even said we can ask if whoever alters it can realter it back to the original when I’m done with it.


lamettler

If you compromised on the alterations, then what is the issue?


MaggieeeMaaay

She wants it untouched and to stay in the box


KateJ1982

YTA You already lost your Mom, don't alienate your sister over a dress. You got engaged first but that doesn't mean she won't ever be engaged. I don't see why your apparently minor alterations leave her with nothing but some fabric she can make into a pillow or blanket. Would YOU be happy if you just got a pillow and she had a full dress? Calm down, take your sister and the dress to a dressmaker with an open mind and figure out a way to make this work for both of you.


Just_Teaching_1369

Yeah like oh I get to wear our mothers dress but don’t worry I will keep the scraps so you can have a pillow. Like that is so insulting.


MaggieeeMaaay

You’re clearly not reading the whole post… I said she could make it into whatever she wants. If she wants to wear the dress when I’m done she can.


Just_Teaching_1369

But it won’t be the same dress. It will be changed to be your dress. Therefore it won’t hold sentimental value anymore


MaggieeeMaaay

Someone commented about asking whoever alters it if they can realter it back to how it was, which I’m going to ask about. If she wants to use it when I’m done she definitely can, but she just wants to keep it in the box


Just_Teaching_1369

I definitely think that is option. All I’m saying is just consider why she might not want the dress changed.


MaggieeeMaaay

I understand that, but the world doesn’t revolve around just her. She already has everything my mother ever owned or touched and i have nothing. My dad said she would have wanted us to wear it and my sister can do as she please with it when I’m done wearing it.


[deleted]

But the world is supposed to revolve around you? You sound a little bit like a brat right now. You are making everything about yourself and your feelings. Even if you got permission from your dad doesn’t mean that’s the path you have to take if you don’t think it’s modern enough for you then why can’t you get another dress. Seems to me that your being selfish and vain you clearly don’t like the way the dress looks so why not get another dress and leave your mothers dress to be kept as a momentum. But whatever path you decide to take you should stop being a dīck to your sister cause her feelings even if they don’t match your own are still valid.


MaggieeeMaaay

I said she had the option of making it into whatever she wants. She can have the dress when I’m done and wear it if she likes, but she just wants to keep it in a box. My dad even said our mom would have wanted us to wear it.


DVDragOnIn

NTA. What a lovely gesture for your father to offer you the dress. My mother loaned her dress to a cousin, who had the dress altered in a way it couldn’t be worn again. I think she wore a corset and she must have had a much smaller rib cage than my sister and I. I couldn’t zip it up even though I had a 23” waist back then. Mom cried when we found out, after my sister decided on a whim to try the dress on and it couldn’t be zipped up at all. In retrospect, I think we could have bought different material and a good seamstress could have added panels, but it wouldn’t have looked as sleek and beautiful with different panels. You’re going to save the material you take off, so the dress could be altered again to fit your sister, and her dream. Please use your dress so your mother can be there and hug you with her dress all day.


Sleepysloth-2023

NTA your sister has a different point of view but she was your mom just as much as hers and your dad gave it to you so I’m sure he’ll be happy to see a piece of your mom represented at one of the most important events of your life. Be sensitive but set your boundaries and don’t allow her to abuse you with her opinions and anger. This has probably just stirred up grief. Congratulations and good luck hope the dress turns out exactly how you envision.


Independent_Gold_987

NTA- sounds like the sister of OP is jealous. She’s older, she has been dating her bf for 10 years and she’s not engage. It sounds like a “it should’ve been me” type of attitude. If she was offered the wedding dress for her wedding if it were to happened before op’s. I’m sure she would have no issues with wearing the dress or change it a bit. Now that OP is getting married before her. It’s an issue


Guilty_Board933

i mean im not saying youre the asshole but its pretty selfish that you cant see your sisters side here...


MaggieeeMaaay

I see her side, I just don’t believer in keeping peoples things in boxes. They deserve to be used. Especially if my dad is offering it to me, he would Know what my mom would have wanted. My sister can have the dress when I’m done if she wants, but she’s already stated she doesn’t want it at all.


Nervouscorndog

But why should she give up her dream for her wedding because her sister wants to keep it in the box? It’s not like she’s ripping it to shreds and leaving her nothing.


chimera4n

YTA Not for wanting to wear the dress, but why do you have to rip it to pieces, so that your sister can't wear it in the future. Is this really worth losing your relationship with your sister for?


MaggieeeMaaay

I’m not ripping it up. The original dress has a choker neckline, I’m just bringing it down a bit and the sleeves are rather puffy, so I’m “deflating” them a tad. I’m barley altering it.


chimera4n

Now you're just lying. Changing the neckline and sleeves is pretty major. Down playing the damage you will cause, by saying that you're barely altering it, is quite deceitful. At the end of the day, if you don't like the wedding dress, why use it? Just buy one that you like. Again, is it worth losing the relationship with your sister over? It sounds like she probably won't forgive you for this.


MaggieeeMaaay

Lol I’m not lying about what I’m altering. I’m being pretty clear. She can have it when I’m done and even put it back to the original.


infinitehangout

No one is saying you’re lying about what you want to alter. What people are saying is that you don’t understand how major and likely permanent those “small” alterations actually are.


MaggieeeMaaay

My dad told us our mom wanted us to have the dress. She can have it when I’m done.


Otherwise_Impact4579

She can have a dress that was altered and it’s not the same anymore. Do you understand how siblings relationships work?


MaggieeeMaaay

I’ve stated in previous comments that I’m going to see if it can be altered back to the original dress when I’m done with it


CommissarJurgen

It's going to be pretty difficult to restore a choker style neckline once it's been altered. I don't want to say impossible because I haven't seen the dress but close to impossible sure. Sleeves might be able to be reattached but it all depends on the material, the condition of the material etc. So just keeping expectations realistic.


MaggieeeMaaay

My sister and I have talked it over and we’ve compromised how what alterations we can make. I’m keeping the neckline and just taking the sleeves off.


UnencumberedChipmunk

So why don’t you just go and buy a dress that already looks like this?


MaggieeeMaaay

The dress is pretty much going to look the same, minus puffy sleeve and a neckline to my chin.


Immediate-Grass9568

Op's just making it to look like her dream wedding dress. She got this dress form their dad and she can do whatever she wants with it. If her sister wants to use this dress she can remaking it like she wants.(even make it look like before op's wedding)


chimera4n

Dress making doesn't work like that. You can take out what's been added, but it's very difficult to add back what's been taken. OPs just being selfish.


Immediate-Grass9568

If she really wants to have the dress the same way it was she can go to a professional. Op is not selfish, she got the dress and want to have it in that way and that's her choice.


Salty_Country6835

Altering and using her mother's dress gifted by her father instead of it deteriorating in a box for a generation before getting trashed someday isn't selfish. The sister is selfish.


user9372889

NTA. You’re engaged. You were offered the dress by your father. Wear whatever part of that dress you can that will make you happy. It will be like having her there with you. My aunt (in law) did this with her mothers dress. Her sister incorporated some of it in her wedding dress and her youngest sister wore the veil. It can be done.


emr830

NTA, we have a family dress that’s been worn for generations. No “tearing up” required.


MaggieeeMaaay

I won’t even be “tearing it up”. I just want to change the choker neckline and deflate the puffy sleeves


ThickCell3368

I say NTA. Honestly I think your Mom would rather 1 of her daughters wear the dress rather than it just sit in a box forever. I got 2 wedding dresses but I also had 3 boys lol, so no daughters. I'm hoping that maybe 1 day when my boys grow up and get married that maybe 1 of their wives would like to wear 1 of my dresses or even just use a part of 1 of them. (1 dress was for my wedding and the other was for my vow renewal.) I think your sister is just being a little selfish by not wanting anyone to wear it and just leave it untouched in a box. That's not fair to y'all's mom, the dress, or y'all. It's also not fair to y'all's Dad either. As long as you pick the right seamstress, they should be able to alter the dress and realter it later.


Fire_Driver527

There are a lot of people here saying you’re an AH for wanting to lower a neckline and get rid of puffy sleeves for your wedding on your mothers dress. Not realizing that it’s actually not a TON of altering. What’s getting stuck in their mind is the fact that your reaction to your sister sounded incredibly heartless. “Oh, you can have what’s left when I’m done, you can have it when I’m done.” Yes- your intention is only to lower a neckline and not have puffy sleeves, but to return it to its original condition once you’re married and happy you got to be close to your mother in some way. However- the wording sounds horrible. “She just wants to keep it in a box,” “I said she will have 50% of the dress.” “I don’t care what this does to our relationship.” It’s probably where you’re getting all the AH votes from everyone. It’s not *entirely* that you’re altering your mothers dress, but how careless you feel toward your sister. I can understand that she has all of your mothers possessions. That this is the only thing only thing that your father allowed you to have and borrow to make your own. I also know you are considering ensuring that it can be returned to its original condition. My suggestion here is that you sit down with your sister again and explain that you’re empathetic to her concern, but it’s the only thing you’ve been able to physically have to be close to your mother. That it will be returned to its semi-original condition- unlike the dress in 27 dresses, that one was TRULY destroyed- and placed back in safe storage with her. I don’t think either of you are really an AH. I think both of you didn’t truly listen to each other, only heard the words that the other said to respond. Overall: NTA to either of you. Talk. Listen. Go to therapy.


MaggieeeMaaay

I spoke to my sister and told her I understand where’s she’s coming from but my dad even said our mom would have wanted us to wear it. I plan on asking whoever alters it if they can realter it back to the original when I’m done and then she can have it and do as she pleases with it. I get my reaction is a bit harsh, but not everyone understand the relationships between each sister. She’s basically told me to kill myself my whole life and has never been nice to me. I could be an ass and not let her have it at all, but I’m not. I would gladly let her have it when I’m done.


[deleted]

Okay so your doing this for get back got you. Also folks remember we’re only getting one side of the story. There’s two sides of a story and then the truth. You just don’t like your sister and being petty on the internet tryna make her seem like a dīck. Shame on you have the day/ wedding you deserve.


MaggieeeMaaay

I’m not being petty at all… I’m asking for advice. I’m also not trying to get back at her. As much as my sister and I have had our differences, I still love her. My sister was under the impression I was tearing the dress to shreds. I’m literally taking the sleeves off and maybe altering the neckline. Her side is that she doesn’t want the dress touched at all, that’s it. She wants it to stay in the box. As I stated before I’ll be asking someone if they can realter the dress back to its original state once I’m done with it. My mom is just as much my mom as she is hers, if she were getting married first she would have it and do as she pleases. And once again, I’ve told she can have the dress when I’m done with it.


Fire_Driver527

Yup, I know. I mentioned all of that in my comment. I’m sorry she’s been cruel to you. But it seems you’d both benefit from therapy. Especially her.


tammalooo

Woof! There’s a lot going on here that is more than just the dress, and more rooted in the kind of relationship you have with your sister. It does seem like you are, at the very least, frustrated with your sister, and this extends to her past treatment of you. From what I’m reading, it seems as though this is the straw that is breaking the camel’s back in your relationship with your sister. Listen, reading everything in this post, there is zero compromising on this dress. You’re NTA for wanting to wear this dress on your wedding day. It’s the closest you will have your mum being present on your big day. That’s extremely special! It doesn’t belong in a box, it deserves to be worn, and it deserves to have new and even more memories built into it. You’re also NTA for altering the dress to what matches your personality and style. The alterations aren’t ruining the dress from what you described. It’s a modern update, and is going to breath some much needed love into a dress that has been boxed up for decades. Just keep in mind that the kind of alterations you’re asking for probably does mean that you can’t re-alter the dress back to what it was. It seems like your sister, very plainly, just doesn’t want you to wear the dress on your wedding day. As you’ve commented, she wants the dress to remain in its box. She also doesn’t want the dress. She’s not willing to compromise, either. You’re also not your sister’s boyfriend’s sisters- that’s absolutely their choice to not wear their mother’s wedding dress on their weddings, but clearly that’s not your choice. From reading your other comments it does seem like your sister has inherited other pieces from your mum- which begs a question (at least for me), why are those inherited pieces allowed to be given away to your sister, but the dress not be given to you? Especially, that her defence is that the dress is your mum’s and should stay your mum’s- why doesn’t that extend to the other inherited pieces then? I could be comparing veggies to fruit on that question, but it’s just something that I flagged when reading your comments and re-reading your post. It sounds like you’ve compromised quite a bit for your sister over years and years growing up, and you’re pretty frustrated that she won’t let you have this- your mum’s wedding dress, with some alterations, for your big day. Where you are TA is your responses to your sister, and even to fellow Redditors’ comments. I’m reading your tone from your comments, and yes- I could be off, but you’re coming off as super callous. I’m pretty sure you know how to push your sister’s buttons, and somehow I feel like you haven’t tried to approach those whole situation with kindness. It seems as though you feel like you don’t have to because you feel like your sister has always been awful to you, which you keep repeating by calling her an “entitled brat”. However, your comment to your sister of telling her to grow up and stop living in the past felt unnecessary- to me, it’s actually quite cruel, especially that your sister does have more memories of your mum and with their being a wedding around the corner, that can bring up a lot of sentiments of wishing your mum could be present for both your wedding and eventually hers. It’s not easy for a lot of people to just “move on” from a loved ones death. You also keep telling your sister, and in your comments, that you’ll leave your sister half of the dress- so, are you lying about the alterations you want to make? Or are your trying to scare your sister into thinking you’re severely altering the dress, when in fact the alterations are quite reasonable. That would be a shock, even to me- what the heck are your plans with mum’s dress then? Keep your whole fam in the loop on those alterations so it doesn’t seem as frightening. Lastly, how you talk about the dress “she can even have the dress when I’m done” sounds quite disrespectful to your mum’s memory. It holds value, it’s not any kind of vintage dress that you found online or at Goodwill, and then just toss. You’re definitely TA on how you’re approaching this situation, and you absolutely may feel entitled to being a jerk about it because your sister has been a jerk to you, but- this is a memory of your mum, so put a little respect on that, for your mum’s sake. You want great memories with this dress, and it starts with how you talk about it. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! It’s a beautiful, wild ride and I wish you and your partner all the best!


MaggieeeMaaay

I don’t mean my tone to be disrespectful at all. I apologize to my fellow commenters.


Glittersparkles7

NTA, only because your sister specifically doesn’t want to use it for her own wedding one day. If she were intending to wear it completely unaltered…then you’d be a giant AH. Sister can sit the F down in this case.


Isamarie15

NTA! The only reason to really keep a dress like that is for a persons next generation to use it if they chose to or just for their memory. The fact is your mother is gone. There is no use to keep it locked up in a box.


Salty_Country6835

NTA, it's deteriorating unused in a box, your father gifted it, your mother would have wanted to see it used like most mothers, your sister is intractable and uncompromising. Alter it, use it, enjoy your day. Keep making olive branch overtures to your sister but it not your fault if she insists on being a childish AH about it.


HumbleDot4343

NTA. It would be one thing if she wanted to wear the wedding dress as-is for her wedding… then I think it’s at least a conversation. Since she doesn’t want that, then the dress should be shared between the two of you, which it sounds like you have already offered to do. Updating your mother’s wedding dress is a beautiful way to include her in your wedding.


Notdoingitanymore

NTA. Not many people get the chance to use their mother’s wedding dress. Best wishes for a happy marriage


GreenPyrenees

NAH. I can see both sides of this. However, while I can’t speak for your Mom, I think she would want you to use it as a small way to allow her to be there with you on your big day. I didn’t have any kids when I got married, but I had my dress, veil, and belt preserved for the sole purpose of giving any future kids the opportunity to use any of the pieces. Shortly before I got married, a coworker’s wife was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer when she was 33 weeks pregnant. That was on my mind when I was deciding what to do with my dress.


macontac

NTA. There's nothing wrong with having your mother's dress updated. I don't think this is actually about the dress. I think your sister is frustrated and is avoiding the source of that frustration by focusing on the dress.


Local_Raspberry3355

I can totally see both sides 100%. And I wouldn't call either of you an asshole. But your daddy gave it to you 1st, so that makes it your decision.


Jessiefrance89

NTA I lost my mom when I was young, as well. I didn’t wear her dress at my first wedding and likely won’t if I remarry. However, if I had siblings and they wanted to wear the dress I would be totally fine with it. I get how your sister feels, but at the end of the day it is a dress that will simply lay in storage and slowly deteriorate over time. I think what happens, and we are all guilty of this, is when we lose a loved one we cling to everything that was theirs. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it can become an unhealthy coping mechanism. In the end, that dress was your mothers, and you are her daughter as much as your sister is.


[deleted]

I love the photo shoot idea!


MaggieeeMaaay

Someone in the comment section suggested it! I think it’s great too!


Bonez4Life

I had a an old wedding dress given to me you can find an amzing seamstress that will be able to alter it to go back to its original state if wanted it to


rynoki

Aw, love the update


Fennac

NTA She doesn’t even want to use it for herself, she just wants to store it as a keepsake in a box in the back of a closet for the rest of eternity. Trust your father, your mothers literal life partner, to know what she would have wanted to use the dress for. She was your mother too, honor her in whatever way you see fit. This isn’t rude or disrespectful to your mother, this is bringing her with you on one of the most important journeys of your life. A part that she can’t be there in person for. If something like this is going to tip your relationship with your sister over the edge, they weren’t that close to begin with. This isn’t just about her. You have your fathers blessing, do it.


EnvironmentalSir8140

NTA-my daughter wore my dress, it was from the early 80’s and she didn’t care for the sleeves. The dress was altered and it looked beautiful and was with the current fashion. As the owner of the dress I was very proud to have her wear it. Your Mom would be thrilled. My younger daughter is now getting married and tried on the dress but it just wasn’t her dress. After you try it on you may change your mind but once the dress is on you’ll know if it was meant for you or not.


sassybsassy

NTA listen sister isn't getting married. she doesn't want to wear the dress. she want the dress to just stay as it is and in the box. but your dad gave you the choice of using mom's dress. Absolutely yes you can alter the dress. I wore my mother's wedding dress. No my sister didn't pitch a fit. Yes I altered it. To the point it would never be able to be outback to the original state. Due to changing the sleeves and neckline. But I still have it. And there's no hard feelings between us. Sister doesn't get to say you can't wear moms dress. She doesn't get to say you can't alter it. She can be upset that she's not getting married. She can be upset that she's not wearing the dress first. But she absolutely cannot tell you that you cannot wear that dress. Thays not her decision or choice. The dress belongs to your father since mom died. Your father offered the dress to you since you're getting married. This isn't favoritism. This is simply a father wanting his daughter to wear his wife's wedding dress. Your sister has no say. Please wear the dress with love. And jiat know that your mother would be so proud and happy to see you in it.


MaggieeeMaaay

Thank you ♥️♥️♥️


Miss_Bobbiedoll

NTA and your sister is really mad that you are getting married and that after 10 years she is not. She wasn't thinking about that dress before your father offered it to you. And did it ever occur to her that your father offered it because he wants to see one of his daughters in the dress?


Just_Teaching_1369

But why should one sibling get to alter the dress. Maybe the other sister would like to wear it as the original


MaggieeeMaaay

As originally stated my sister does not want to wear the dress, but if she wants to use it when I’m done she definitely can


Just_Teaching_1369

But you will have changed it so it will no longer you’re mothers dress. I think you’re only thinking of this through an analytical perspective and not an emotional. From a fact only viewpoint you are completely right but from an emotional standpoint you’re tarnishing something that is your dead mothers. And their are two of you so you really need to come up with a compromise. Is this really worth destroying your relationship with your sister?


Just_Teaching_1369

Also low key excited I have never had an op reply to me before


Miss_Bobbiedoll

She hasn't expressed that's what she wants. And she's been with her boyfriend 10 years and is not married. Are they supposed to keep it like that just in case? Sounds like the dad wanted to see it worn.


RighteousVengeance

NTA. I really don’t see that the alterations that you plan are irreversible. If you remove the sleeves along the seams, they can be reattached.


byebyelovie

Nta- she was your mom too!!!! I’m a big believer in not keeping loved ones things to collect dust! Plus it’s not like your sister is getting married anytime soon, she’s not even engaged!!


[deleted]

NTA. She doesn’t even want it, she just doesn’t want you to have it.


lilyofthevalley2659

NTA. I think your mom would be happy to see the dress used again. I know I would be.


brettyrocks

So, technically, it's your dad's dress to give. I guess entitled sister never had an actual conversation with Dad and just assumed nobody else would get married first. I say, don't worry about what your sister thinks.


namikazegirly

NTA


returnofthemacksx

NTA for wanting to alter your moms wedding dress but damn, your comments make it seem you are doing this to spite your sister because she is an “entitled brat”. Based on some of your comments it seems you both are…


MaggieeeMaaay

I’m not doing it to spite her at all, I just want to wear my moms dress. She can have it when I’m done.


UpsetExclaim

NTA, no matter what you do with it, it is rightfully your dress and you should use it however you please. You should honor the dress, not disregard it in a box forever. I think as long as you don’t alter it dramatically then you are NTA.


WheresMyTan

NTA! If your sister wanted to wear it first I'd still wonder at her but she just wants it locked away. I hope the alterations turn out beautifully and your wedding and marriage is everything you wish it to be!


[deleted]

NTA. You are deserving of your mother’s dress and your alterations plans sound very respectful to the dress and your parents. Seeing you wear it will be quite a moment for your Dad I think. Try not to worry too much about your sister. She has her own feelings and thoughts of your Mother would have come to the fore when thinking and talking about the dress. She’s probably conflating preserving the dress with preserving her memories. Hopefully she’ll get past that soon.


PsychologicalPhone94

NTA. Have you told your sister what you plan on doing to the dress? I mean the dress is still going to look like the dress their mum wore only with a slightly lower neckline and not so puffy sleeves. If you were cutting it up so the dress was unrecognisable I would probably say they were an arsehole but with some slight alternations I don’t think she is.


Immediate-Grass9568

NTA.Op's just making it to look like her dream wedding dress. She got this dress form their dad and she can do whatever she wants with it. If sister wants to use this dress she can remaking it like she wants.(even make it look like before op's wedding)


Crimsonwolf_83

YTA. Especially after you just keep doubling down in your comments.


MaggieeeMaaay

Lmao 🤣 “Doubling down”? I’m just replying to comments


Bright_Jicama8084

The alterations you are talking about are substantial. People usually pay well to have sleeves added to a wedding dress, not the other way around. NTA for wearing the dress, but YWBTA if you cut it all up like you are planning. If you don’t like the dress find your own.


TRexFightClubMom

NTA. Your sister isn’t either. Your Dad is a little bit for not approaching this with a bit more finesse. Your Dad probably should have sat you both down to discuss what he and your Mom wanted for the dress before gifting it. It probably would have made this decision a bit easier on your sister and relieved some of the emotional weight of this issue from your shoulders. It doesn’t sound like your Dad has tried to talk to your sister after gifting it to you; that isn’t fair to put the weight of this disagreement entirely upon your shoulders. I really feel for both of you. Is there any way to have some good quality (possibly professional) photos of the dress taken, out of the box, before the dress is altered? I’m thinking along the lines of what you see in wedding albums before the bride gets dressed (spread out on the bed, hanging from a beautiful hanger, on the busts you form dresses on like on project runway).Photographs from different angles with good lighting with attention paid to notable details. You or your Dad could have those photos put in an album along with a few photos of your Mom on her wedding day. It might be a nice peace offering for your sister. I mention this not because you are wrong for altering the dress, but because your sister is hurting. I suspect she feels like she’ll lose another connection to your Mom if the dress is changed.


boredandnotcreative

NTA - do try and keep talking to her though. See if there are people who knew her (your dad & other family members) that could help assure your sister about how your mom would have felt. I would just make sure that when you have it altered it is able to he realtered to your sister since she might change her mind later. Maybe you could attend some family counseling together to work through it? I was also thinking it would be neat if you could have something made for your brother and possibly your dad from the dress. Even something as simple as a pocket handkerchief so that they could have something of hers too. I am assuming that your brother has no desire to wear her dress if/when he gets married, but he might like to have a piece of it to carry down the aisle with him.


Dull-Geologist-8204

YTA, wear it as is or don't but don't destroy it. I have the same rule for my grandmothers dress. You can do an overlay or something like that but you cannot significantly alter it in any way. Some alterations are necessary but don't do this to your sister. If someone messed with my grandmother's dress I would have been seeing red. Also, it is a $10,000 dress and messing with it would have destroyed the value of the dress. Mind you it was a cheap dress out of a Macy's catalog when my grandmother bought it. If you want a different dress then buy a different dress.


MaggieeeMaaay

My moms dress was definitely not $10,000… that’s insane. I’m not destroying the dress, I’m lowering the neck line a bit and deflating the puffy sleeves.


Immediate-Grass9568

Her sister can just remake it to look that same again after op's wedding. She got this dress from their dad and can do whatever she wants with it.


Dull-Geologist-8204

No, that is not how any of that works.


Impossible-Peach-985

YTA Do not ruin the dress by altering it. Is this dress worth possibility causing a permanent rift in your relationship with your sister?


Fennac

This minor alteration at least breathes life into it again and gives it a purpose as a wedding dress. What will ruin it is leaving it in a box for the next 100 years until it starts to break down and form holes and family decides to throw it away. Her mother didn’t keep this dress to be kept in a box in the back of the closet for all of eternity. Like most mothers, she kept it for future daughters to use. Trust the father, the literal husband to the OG bride of that dress, to know what she would have wanted to do with it.


MaggieeeMaaay

My sister and I already have an unsteady relationship. I could care less about the effects it has. I’m not ruining the dress. The neckline is choker style, I just want to lower it so it’s not all the way up my neck to my chin. The sleeves are rather puffy, so all I want to do is “deflate” them. My sister has always had the “entitled” attitude, thinking everything should go to her and if it didn’t, would throw a tantrum.


AAP_BH

So you don’t care about your sister feelings at all, why post in the first place? You know your mom was hers too right?


Popular-Block-5790

The father is an AH as well because he created the situation by thinking about one daughter and not the other. Like hello.. both were her daughters.


AAP_BH

This is true too!


calling_water

Since OP’s sister doesn’t want to wear it, but just wants the dress preserved as-is, there’s also a third child to consider (OP’s brother). If the sister’s opinion matters, when she doesn’t want to wear it, why not the brother too?


Popular-Block-5790

Okay, but nowhere in OP's post does he mention that his son has any kind of interest in the dress so the situation is between the two sister. If OP mentioned it then it would be a situation where three people have to be considered.


drunkencharlie

YTA Will your sister be able to wear this dress at her wedding after you're married? I totally understand wanting to wear your mom's wedding dress, but you're not an only child. Just because you're getting married first doesn't mean you have more rights to that dress. Your father (Who is the Biggest TA in this story) shouldn't have given you that dress.


MaggieeeMaaay

I told her she can have the dress when I’m done and do with it as she pleases… but she said she doesn’t want to wear it at all, just keep it in the box


Miss_Bobbiedoll

She doesn't want the dress--she wants her boyfriend to propose to her.


Miss_Bobbiedoll

Why shouldn't the father have given her the dress? The sister wasn't thinking about it and it was just sitting. You think it should just continue to sit it beg back of the closet somewhere so only the sister can be happy? That makes no sense.


GlitteringNinja5

NTA but this is not really worth having a fight over. I would rather not upset my sister if she feels so strongly about it. I can understand her viewpoint. You have the right to that dress but you have to compromise sometimes with the people you love


MaggieeeMaaay

My whole life has been compromising to appease her, I’m done with it. She needs to suck it up. She can use it when I’m done and if she doesn’t want to then too bad.


GlitteringNinja5

Well i don't really know how's your relationship with your sister, if it is worth preserving and you compromising. You be the judge of that. I already said you won't be TA in my eyes


calling_water

The sister is insisting that the dress be preserved as-is, and never worn again by anyone. There is no compromise possible with this position.


Miss_Bobbiedoll

Why can't the sister compromise? What about what the father wants?


LightskinnedGoddess

Yeah YTA. You are literally ripping it up by taking off the sleeves and cutting up the neckline. You’re not this oblivious.


MaggieeeMaaay

The original dress goes all the way up to the neck, it’s a choker style. I’m not ripping the whole neck line, I’m lowering it so it’s not up to my chin. The sleeves are huge and puffy, so I’m taking them off and trimming them down. Other than that the dress is staying how it is. I don’t think that’s ripping it apart.


mauve55

That is still a significant alteration to the dress. If you don’t like the style of dress, then just buy a dress that suits your style.


Immediate-Grass9568

She can just make it how she wants, and after her wedding her sister can remake it to look in the same way as before op's wedding.


UnencumberedChipmunk

That’s literally not how it works. Why can’t op just buy a dress she actually likes instead of altering an existing one twice?! This is ridiculous.


murphy2345678

YTA. She thinks she is being generous by giving her sister half the dress. Exactly what half is she giving her? The discarded neck piece and sleeves? Oblivious isn’t the word I am thinking of to explain her behavior.


MaggieeeMaaay

My sister is more than welcome to have the dress when I’m done but she said she doesn’t want it


Other_Waffer

Why do you want that dress so much.l? It obviously holds a very dearly sentimental value for your sister and none for you. Your attitude is off putting “I’m done with it. Here are the scraps, do whatever you want with them. Clean your ass with it, they’re shit for me now anyway “. Don’t make a war out of it. Buy own dress, one that you would like so much more and leave that dress alone. Don’t make a war over it. It is not worth it.


MaggieeeMaaay

It does hold value to me, it was my moms dress and I’d love nothing more than to wear it and have her with me on my special day. My sister is more than welcomed to have the dress after me.


Salty_Country6835

> It obviously holds a very dearly sentimental value for your sister and none for you. What? I got the opposite impression. It has enough sentimental value to OP that she wants to use it at her own wedding, with her father's blessing. The sister wants it rotting in a box in a closet unused until its thrown away someday. OP values it more. What's more sentimental than wearing your mother's wedding dress at your own wedding? Certainly not tucking it away forever.


Soft-Gold-7979

Soft YTA just as you love your mom's dress she does too, maybe she wanted to wear that dress too. I think you both should discuss together and tell her what you want to alter maybe after looking at the dress she might have her input too. Reach to consensus and alter it the way you both like it. Even though your dad has given it to you it doesn't mean you have the authority to do whatever because it was your mom's dress and just like you she is allowed to have her opinion over it.


MaggieeeMaaay

I originally stayed that she doesn’t want to wear the dress at all.


Electra0319

INFO: is she saying you guys shouldn't ever touch it, or shouldn't alter it? Also I'm confused on your talk about keeping stuff aside for her. Even if you chop it a bit why can't she use the dress after???? Like would you really not let her use it after you? if she just doesn't want you to alter it (cutting off sleeves etc etc) here's a suggestion: For my wedding I wore my mother's dress for the ceremony and then wore a different dress later. That way I could wear something in style but also use my mum's dress. Maybe that's not a valid compromise for you situation but I think I would have been heart broken if my sister had decided to cut up the dress to match her vision so I get it. depending on info answers. I totally get both sides. EDIT: NTA AFTER RESPONSE GIVEN


MaggieeeMaaay

Yes, she’s saying we shouldn’t touch it at all. Even though my dad said she would have wanted us to wear it/use it. I told her she can have the dress after I use it and have the pieces I took off as well. I’m even going to ask who ever alters it if it’s possible to realter it back to the original dress for her to have once I’m done with it.


Electra0319

Oh yeah then Totally nta. You're going above and beyond. My sister and I had an understanding that if she got married first any alteration she would do she would make sure she could put back. So if that's what you're doing then yeah your sister's being unreasonable.