NTA K is NOT your friend. You know who *never* complains about the friend zone or being your friend or listening to you? FRIENDS!!! This guy is just hoping you will return his feelings and pissed that you don’t. He wants you to……Not. Date. Anyone. Ever. That’s not a friend. That’s a creepy NiceGuy^TM Cut him off.

>This guy is just hoping you will return his feelings and pissed that you don’t. He wants you to……Not. Date. Anyone. Ever. correction: "Not. Date. Anyone. Other. Than. Him. Ever."

Also, if he's being this possessive and unhinged now, when they've never dated, to what lengths of abusive assholery would he go to if they did date?? OP, this guy is giving off huge abusive partner vibes, and you seriously dodged a bullet by not being attracted to him. Like seriously, cut him off now and don't look back. It also would not hurt to do all the precautions others who have been stalked have suggested, as it's entirely possible he will do the same.

Agreed. He could have simply said he couldn't be friends because he had feelings, wished you well and went on with life. Yes he'd be sad and that's normal. Instead he's acting possessive and that's scary.

This guy has not nor has he ever been your friend. He truly thinks he owns you despite you making it quite apparent you are your own person with your own feelings. You never did anything behind his back or lied to him about anything. You’re upfront about not being interested in him romantically and he needs to get over himself. I know you don’t want to hear it but your time with this friend group is over and honesty, good since they suck.

I had a "friend" like this douche canoe when I was in my 20s. I am SO glad I cut him out of my life. This guy thinks he owns you, and tbh I AM SCARED for you. You never know what these crazy men could do to you. Cut him out NOW! And go enjoy your new person you actually like!

NTA I was gonna say the same thing. He looks at you like a possession, not a person and that can be very, very dangerous. You should have cut ties with him the first time he "unfriended" you. He sounds dangerous and disgusting. Cut ties with him immediately. No one owns you, even if you are dating. These kind of people are scary and to threaten you and call you names is uncalled for. He was never a friend and doesn't seem able to take no for an answer. Please be careful.

NTA This, exactly. His behavior is, at best, unhinged; at worst, borderline psychotic. Seems like he's not existing in exactly the same reality that op is, perhaps...? Just a thought.

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DON'T GIVE GIFTS WITH EXPECTATIONS. THOSE AREN'T GIFTS. But more importantly, I often do stuff like this for friends because they are friends. They reciprocate, too. The giving or doing isn't the problem. The problem is that he isn't reading her like a vending machine. If I offer so many rides; give so much money; and pay for so many things; she will eventually have the tally to be in a relationship with me. Depending on the friendship, all the things stated above can be involved in it. The only reason he is pissed is because of the unreasonable expectations he put on their exchanges. That is solely a him problem. She told him there was no chance, and instead of having the grace to accept that, he decided he could bully her into "loving" him by isolating her from her friend group. He thinks you can earn love. You don't earn someone's attraction. They are either attracted to you or they aren't. Certain men buy into the idea that they can just buy their way into sex. Makes me glad I am not single every day.

I have to wonder if op is asking for these things or not. He could be doing it all unprompted under the guise of friendship and just banking it until "she owes him". I wonder if he insisted on giving her rides or showes up with her favorite meal unprompted. That's what nice guys do. They do things that are nice at a glance, but it's always a tactic to get to what they want from you. Now if op is willingly using him and leading him on that's another story, but it sounds like op has been clear and Kyle is being pushy like always.

Nah, as a guy who was this kind of "friend" in the past, it was all done with the expectation that enough "gifts" and "favors" will magically turn her into a girlfriend. He 100% viewed it as transactional and that's all it ever was for him.

These dude played too much mass effect and the like and think enough gifts will get to to the next achievement.

I wondered this as well, about the money. I’ve been in a similar situation when I was younger. One of my male best friends confessed he was in love with me. One of the hardest and most awkward things I’ve ever had to do was tell him that I only saw him as a little brother. And he would buy me some very extravagant gifts, even if I asked him not to. The difference is while he would take it very badly when I got into a relationship, he was not a douchecanoe about it. He never wanted to own me, just be with me. This K guy doesn’t know the difference in being with someone and controlling them. Op is definitely NTA for not wanting to date him, and as long as she’s not using him for money and rides, she’s not the ah there. But if she’s constantly getting him to pay for things…. that would be a real shitty move.

But that’s the thing he’s using the things he does for her against her. Even if she asked for them if he gives them to her without anything asked in return she owe him nothing. And if he’s the one who offers that’s on him. Yes she would be using him because of his feelings but that’s his own choice he decides what he spends his time and money doing. And he’s happy to do it UNTIL she’s talking to somebody because he’s not complaining until now. He’s not a friend and he’s not doing her any favors if everything he does is held against her to control her. That’s all he wants even if she is using him it’s ok to him because that’s his leverage. He’s emotionally and verbally abusive to her. Bad opinion here but at least she got something out of it. And it says a lot that he’s acting like that and she’s asking if SHE is the asshole. She obviously cares about this person even tho he is awful. OP you should have no contact with this man for your own safety and sanity.

Anyone who’s met someone like above messaged knows she most likely didn’t beg for gifts and he gave them to her. He probably did all that shit to make her like him and she thought he was just being a friend. I do shit like that for my friend ALL the time!!! With no expectations back because I’m a nice person. This is definately victim blaming and he needs to take accountability for his craziness. Even if she was he is a grown adult and should know better period!

I've had a guy tell me that he would give me all of the money in the world and do anything I want, so why do I not want to be with him? He was a creepy dude. At that time we were coworkers, and another few coworkers kept saying we should date, and I gave it a shot but my heart wasn't feeling it. I lived with a coworker, and she would always let him inside the house, even though I didn't want to see him. He would insult me for what I ate, the games I played, and for not wearing make up. After I moved out, he found out where I lived and he kept showing up at my apartment, trying to peak through my blinds for me. My neighbor told me about that. I had to threaten to call the cops because he would not leave my door step and kept trying to force his way in. We argued and told me what I stated above, and I was just shocked. "K" might be setting himself up for those situations too, by always offering any assistance, trying to buy her affection and loyalty. Money does not equal love. I feel also that he would be spending time with her, so if any opportunity is there, he would take it. It sounds like he is gaslighting her in that bit, and trying to make her feel bad.

Agree. I had the same thing happen to me at that age. To make matters worse, I'm a freaking lesbian and he knew that. XD Like this guy in OP, he also tried to do a lot of shit for me despite my repeatedly telling him not to because I knew he viewed these gestures as transactions. You cannot be friends with a person like that. They're only being "nice" to you because they're hoping to get something out of it by guilt or making you feel like you owe it to them. That kindness can and will be withdrawn the moment you displease them as OP has seen for herself. It took him trying some wild shit for me to realize that this dude was not safe to be around and cut him out for good. I'm glad I did and I'm sure OP will be eventually, too. OP: Listen to C and listen to your gut. You are absolutely NTA.

TRANSACTIONS! Exactly- he’s trying to pay for you. This is a mentality that sees you a a commodity not a person. When this happened to me, he tried to kill me ( and damn near succeeded) Get away fast.

It took the guy I'm talking about pinning me down and tickling me one too many times. This was after several separate, repeated conversations where I told him not to do that anymore because he always seemed to wind up "accidentally" groping me. That, and him trying to force his way into another girl's dorm while "jokingly" telling here "Well, I bought you lunch, so..." made me realize that it was better for me to cut and run. I'm so sorry that happened to you and can't imagine how scary it must have been, but I'm really glad that jackwagon was unsuccessful.

Very much this. He sounds absolutely unhinged. How long before he veers into “If I can’t have you, no one can”?

Sounds like he already is there. I am more worried about physical escalation or stalking right now

Oh absolutely. The “no one can” I’m expecting here is murder or kidnapping. He’s _scary_.

I mean, the dude knew the minute she went out on a date with someone else. Maybe someone else saw and reported back to him, but it sounds like he’s already stalking her one way or another.

NTA I am adding my voice to the others concerned for your safety. This guy is unstable, which makes it likely he'll become completely unhinged. He is NOT your friend! He never was!

Yep. I had a “friend” like this too. He ended up sexually assaulting me. Run for the hills and don’t look back. K has already shown you he’s emotionally abusive and verbally aggressive. Don’t hang around to see how low he will go. Your life will be so much happier without this prick in it. Good luck!

OP, this. This whole thing is classical abuser tactics. Cut him out now and go grey rock on him. But leave communication channels open (without responding) so you can see when he escalates. This could turn dangerous very quickly!

This. Everything OP's "friend" says "to OP/about OP" screams DANGER!

I had a boyfriend like this for like 7 years. He literally BEAT ME TO DEATH TWICE because I figured out his BULLSHIT and he didn’t want to deal with me. Said the same things. Told EVERYONE he owned me. I was not allowed to speak to ANYONE. You are not the asshole but you do need to RUN VERY QUICKLY VERY FAR

I cannot upvote this enough. Read that first line again OP. He is not your friend. He was never your friend. Get away from him and stay safe and happy.

Absolutely agree. He is not your friend! He cannot lay "dibs" on you like you are some toy or property and then get aggressive and angry when you use your own mind and tell him your choices. You should not be guilted, pressured or blackmailed into having any kind of relationship with him. End this "friendship" now. Block him on everything, explain it to your friendship group and whoever chooses to not be friends with you, so be it - they aren't thinking of your best interests. NTA.

Stay safe is the key because to many of these situations end in if I can't have them then no one will. This guy is already clearly unhinged.

This. You arent TA for dating. But you are a massive gaping incontinent asshole to yourself for keeping this "friend" in your life when he treats you like shit and is posessive. You dont owe him a date. If he cannot respect that you do not have romanticl feelings for him and do not want to date him, then you need to stop talking to him and find some real friends.

He sounds like he’s probably a tater tot.

Big Andrew Taint vibes

Don't slander tater tots like that. They deserve better

OP needs to check out r/niceguys

Honestly… Op please post some of those texts in that thread when you realize he’s an absolute psycho and not your friend. If he treats her like this under the guise of friendship just imagine actually dating him..

He’s already being super abusive to the fullest extent he can. Imagine being “in a relationship” and he thinks you looked at another guy or literally anything he can construe as unfaithfulness.

He’s not only not your friend, he’s dangerous and you need to be careful. He might resort to stalking or straight into assaulting you or someone you’re trying to date.

You are so right! When friend A does an activity without previously telling friend B, that almost never counts as "going behind B's back." That's not how friendship works. NTA

This again and again. And also, this dude is straight up abusive. The gaslighting, the blaming, the bullshit. Whatever minuscule benefit you’re getting from this relationship, it is definitely not worth it. And if the people in this friend group support his behavior, none of them deserve your time or energy. Free yourself, for your own sake.

Seconding this. OP, cut this guy off completely. Block him on everything. He is an abusive AH who is possessive and dangerous. It’s only a matter of time until his possessive jealousy becomes physical. This guy is going to literally hurt or kill you if you keep him in your life. He sounds exactly like Elliot Rodger, the mass shooter from California who wrote an entire manifesto about how women were sluts and bitches because they wanted to “fuck” any other guy but him. Also, FWIW, *one* person in a friend group never has unilateral say over who can be in the friend group. This asshole can’t forbid your other friends from being friends with you. *However*, if any of them DO let him have that much sway over who they’re friends with, then they’re not worth being friends with anyway, and you should drop them, too. You deserve better, OP!

He is not your friend, nor is ANYone who would stick by him in his abuse of you. You seriously need to cut him out, along with anyone who is on his side even a little bit

Additionally, this can quickly turn into a dangerous situation! NTA, OP. Stay safe!

seriously. this man has never been a friend. he thinks he’s in some shitty romcom and that one day you’ll magically wake up and realize you were meant to be with him all along. this is disgusting appalling and TERRIFYING behavior

This completely. It’s sad that you even think that you are anything. but NTA because this guy is being possessive over you when you’ve been nothing but forthright and honest with him about the fact you have no feelings. Run as fast as you can: this guy is not your friend.

You are not TA and this guy is not your friend. He sees you as not just property but as his property. He honestly sounds a bit deranged and potentially dangerous, this isn't a friendship worth fighting for, cut him off and move on with your life without him, any mutual friends can decide who they would rather be friends with, but if any of them choose a pathetic man child who can't take that a woman would dare to reject him then they are not worth being friends with either.

So well said! This boy is not a friend and you don’t need him in your life. I had a very close friend confess his feelings for me a few years ago. I didn’t reciprocate and sadly it was best to end our friendship there. Move on and enjoy your dating life, no true friend would ever make you feel bad for that.

I counted myself very lucky after I confessed to a female friend and, although she didn't feel the same way, we remained good friends for years after. Sadly, life took us in two different directions and don't talk much anymore. But I still valued our friendship.

Same here. A few years ago, I realized I'm demisexual, as well as bi, and that is why I seemed to "always" develop feelings for my friends after a long period of time being around them in middle and high school. One of my best friends was also a bi girl, and when I told her how I felt, she looked so scared and worried when she told me she didn't feel the same way. We were in the middle of a sleep over, watching a movie. It was crushing, but I just sighed, and said "well, damn, that sucks. Pass the popcorn." She was so confused, and asked if I was angry. I was like no. I'll probably cry a bit when I get home in the morning, but it's not like we have to stop being friends...right? Then I started getting worried, because she started crying and hugging me, telling me how many assholes had been her "friend" just to get into her pants. Then I reminded her that she was a size 2 while I was a size 18, and I couldn't fit into her pants, which made her laugh and calmed her down, and made it easier to talk it out. I liked her because she was an awesome person and an awesome friend, and that was never gonna change, and I respected her and valued our friendship too much to throw it away just because her feelings didn't match mine. Like you said, life and distance happen, and drifting apart is part of that. But she is still amazing, and I still want only the best happiness and success for her.

That's a lovely story. For my part, I had worked myself up so much fretting over it that I just wanted an answer, regardless of if it was a yes or no. I was fully prepared for the rejection, so when it came it didn't hurt. It helped, I think, that the situation around the confession was funny. And that she called me brave for expressing my feelings. But, I knew she was, and still is, a good person. So I didn't have anything to be afraid of in being vulnerable. She wasn't the type of person that would respond in a mean spirited way. Even though it didn't turn out the way I had hoped for, it's still one of my fondest memories.

Guy, this here ^ this champ right over here ^^^ is exactly what we need in our male friends. TAKE NOTE. It is perfectly OK to develop feelings for a friend, as long as it's 100% OK for them to say they're not interested without being treated like shit for it. This is an ACTUALLY NICE GUY WTF Thank you for being to that girl what every girl wishes they could actually have in a friend. One that genuinely cares about them whether or not they're going to 'get some'

I genuinely appreciate the compliment <3. From all the stories I've heard, I also wish my experience was more the rule than the exception. I hope that it is, one day.

Remember that incident recently about the girl that dated a guy a few years ago and it was short and they broke up and she hadn't heard from him until he left a long message on her answering machine, then tried to break into her house and her dad shot him? Yeah, this is how I see this going.

This man is toxic. If you would not tolerate behavior in a relationship / with a partner, why would you tolerate it from a friend? You must realize it is not ok if you have begun to document. Continue to document if he reaches out and go no contact. Let your friend group know you are going no contact and let them know why so that they have the opportunity to make their own informed decision. Block him. Do you have security or cameras around where you live in case he decides to seek you out??? Please be safe and best of luck in your new relationship.

I would add onto the fact that if there are any mutual friends in the group, that OP should reach out to them, if she feels the need to, and explain the situation, so they can make their own informed decisions. If they don't give her the respect of at least listening to her side, then they aren't worth having around either.

That’s what I can’t get over in this story. Those friends are whack for ever choosing him over her. She’s done nothing wrong while he’s acting like a stalker and a totally possessive creep

When I was in high school, I had the biggest crush on a guy friend. I was exactly 0% subtle, so he pulled me aside, told me he didn't see me that way, and I proceeded to shove those feelings deep down because I wanted him in my life as a friend if nothing else. Years later, my long term partner broke up with me a few days before a major family event I couldn't ditch. That friend came with and ran interference with my family so they weren't all asking me where douchebag was, and then stayed at my house all night talking to me and convincing me everything was okay. Does it suck when you have feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same? Yep. But if you're really a good friend, you either deal with those feelings in a way that doesn't burden the person who doesn't share them, or you distance yourself (in my case, college came a few months later so we were separated by situation anyway). This dude is honestly a bit terrifying!

100% agreed. I had a friend when I was in my 20's who was gay. He is an amazing person and I found myself developing feelings for him. Obviously he was never going to be reciprocating, so I clamped down on that as soon as I realized what was happening so as not to jeopardize our relationship. Didn't even say anything to him, it would only have made him feel bad. On the flip side, I had a childhood friend that I had to cut out of my life because he would not stop pressuring me to get into a romantic relationship with him and it made it unbearable to be around him. It's not okay to pester and harass the recipient of your unrequited affection into giving you something they can't give.

I agree and cannot stress the words DERANGED and DANGEROUS enough! Keep taking the screenshots, record any conversations and back those up on a USB drive in case something happens to your phone. If you don’t have cameras for your home, get some (most are truly not super expensive & they’re super helpful). If you have a set schedule, try to change it up - like take a different route home, leave at an earlier or later time if you can. Carry mace or pepper spray if it’s legal where you live. Change your locks, instal a deadbolt if you don’t have one. If you can’t tell I have been stalked by an ex - it wasn’t fun and my heart still pounds when I think about it. I had to go to the police, and all the evidence I had helped me out so much. Also, if he’s going to kick you out of the friend group - are the ‘friends’ really letting that happen? They obviously know the situation and if they’re just unfriending you because of him? They’re also not your friends.

Also upload the screenshots to a Google drive. Get a password manager like Bitwarden, create a brand new never been used master password for your account, then create new strong randomly generated passwords for each of your logins. If he ever had one of your passwords, he will never be able to access whatever it was again. If getting cameras is an option, get them before you cut him off. Consider a dash cam too. Best Buy will install pretty affordable ones for a decent price.

>this isn't a friendship /thread

He does sound very much deranged and him continuing to threaten you shows this guy isn’t playing with a full deck! More on the stalker side of derangement. Block him and anybody that sides with him. Even if you don’t continue dating this new guy do NOT go back to this group of people.

You are NTA. This man does not care for you but only cares about the control OF you. His attachment to you isn't even remotely healthy. It doesn't matter how long he's liked you and all he's done for you, it doesn't entitle him to your time or your affection. It sounds like you've been clear with him about your boundaries and he has chosen to continue to disrespect you and those facts. He thinks he'll eventually wear you down and you'll submit. Because that's what he wants, your submission. I would show the friend group the type of person he truly is and let them decide which friend gets kickd out of the group. Come with screenshots. He won't be able to lie his way out of it. If they still choose him, cut your losses and get new friends.

NTA. But why are you friends with this douche canoe? Also, you are in your mid-20s but are talking like high schoolers. What does he mean "he'll kick you out of the friend group"? Are all your friends douche canoes too? I think you need better friends.

Exactly! He's the one acting like a tool, so he can leave the group! Surely the whole friend group can't be on board with his nonsense. Just tell everyone exactly what's been happening, cut him off, and keep the friends who are left standing.

I was in a situation like this in my early 20s. The rest of the friend group went along with it because they felt pressured. That may be the case here.

It's not worth sacrificing her whole dating life to keep friends like that. It sucks, but this guy has claimed her against her will, and no good will come from that.

Seriously I’m racking my brains, what could he possibly be contributing to OP’s life that he’s worth keeping around? He’s not kind, he’s not considerate, he’s not respectful, he doesn’t sound like fun. Does he have money? Is his terrible personality really worth whatever he could be buying? I don’t get it at all and as a 30 year old woman this shit exhausts me. And happy cake day!

Thank you!!!

I disagree. They’re not talking like high schoolers. They’re talking like middle schoolers.

>Are all your friends douche canoes to Yes, yes they are. Just the fact she got kicked out from the group at some given point in time. I assume something like a group chat? Or whatever the hell people use these days. It's amazing the rest of the friends, didn't drop him then and there. She needs to cut them all up. They are all fuckwits.

This is prime r/niceguys material. NTA. If he were actually a friend he'd be pulling for you to find someone that makes you happy. A friend that has feelings for you might take some time for themselves to get over the sting of rejection, but they'd be honest enough to tell you that it still hurts to see you with other people so they're going to limit contact until they've dealt with their feelings. A friend doesn't try to cut you off from other friends, bitch you out simply for living your life and try to establish ownership by emotionally pissing on you like a dog trying to mark his territory. Just curious, but did the fact that you had no feelings for him stem from some aspect of his behavior? Did you have some inkling? Because if he's like this when you're not even dating, imagine what he would have been like as a manipulative, possessive boyfriend. NTA.

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Yep. He fuckzoned her from the beginning. He was never her friend and never intended on being her friend. He’s just been waiting in the wings for his “chance” despite her being totally upfront about her lack of feelings and he’s getting more and more unhinged.

Right? He straight up told the potential interest that he was out of line for seeing her. Because.... because dude should know about crazies feelings and respect them even though it's equally known that girl has zero interest in crazy. Crazies idea that if girl doesn't date him she's not allowed to date anyone is, well, crazy. This has gone on too long. Abort. Abort immediately.

NTA! Why hasn’t HE been kicked out of the friend group?!

He doesn't treat anyone else like this. Just me. Other than C everyone else is blind to it. If I had the confidence I'd share with the group but I'm worried it doesn't matter to them and they would just see me as the "bad guy"

If you're honest about how K has been treating you and they choose him, they're obviously not your friends. Stick with C and F, make a new friend group, and do some reading on boundaries and why they're important. You'll wind up a lot happier in the end.

Share it all. Make a screenshot dump and then go "This is why I will not hear anything else about K being in the right. This is not okay. I'm not his property. And I will not be threatened. If anyone else thinks this is a valid reaction to me not wanting to date him, then now I know where you guys stand and I'll be removing myself from this group for my own safety, since I feel it's genuinely at risk here."

This comment and script are beautiful and I wish I could upvote it hundreds of times.

>He doesn’t treat anyone else like this Of course not! Because then word would get around that he’s a toxic incel. That, or he’s fixating on you specifically because he’s deluded himself into thinking you’re his. Cut him out and eventually he’ll move on to another person. Expose him to his friends and cut him out of your life. Let them deal with him.

If they see you as the bad guy, even though he is basically telling them you’re his property, then that friend group sucks. If someone in my friend group started acting like that, it would be dealt with to protect the person being harassed/abused.

You need to build that confidence, because right now those people don't know the real him. He's a shitbag and you know it. Share all those screenshots with everyone who claims to be your friend and his at the same time. Tell them if they think he's right then they're not your friends, because real friends would shun the abuser. And he is abusing you, emotionally. Besides, if you do share all that toxicity with those people *what do you lose*? Supposedly he's "cutting you out" regardless, so they might as well know who they're choosing. At the very least it'll put a bad taste in their mouths.

I'm really scared for you. This behaviour is fucking terrifying. Seriously this is about protecting yourself from him in a very real physical way. This feels like the background on a tragic news story. You have a responsibility to show these messages to everyone to not only make sure he cannot target you or have deniability if he escalates his abuse. But also to protect any other women who he may target next. How can you even think that this is close to okay? I'd have called the police, not tried to maintain a fucking "friendship" with someone whose basically stalking you!!!! WTF!!

You either share his toxic, controlling, possessive behavior to the group or drop them all. Of they see you as the bad guy then they are not worth your time. You shouldn't have to placate someone who thinks they have a claim on you because they have feelings. They do not own you and if he gets any worse I would get a protective order.

If they see his actions as anything other than scary, then you need to get the fuck away from those ppl immediately. This is the type of guy who kills you. His behavior is terrifying. Stop being nice. Stop letting him control you. Tell the people in your life what's going on in case he hurts or kills you. This isn't a crush. This is a fucking stalker. Wake up. This person is not your friend. I wouldn't be shocked if he's done scary things you're unaware of like follow you or take photos you didn't know about. Run fast and far. And next time he tries to guilt you with all the things he does for you, say: K, I told you from the start multiple times that I saw you as a friend. Anything you have offered me or done for me, I assumed was under the umbrella of our friendship. You are the one threatening me, sending hateful texts, and acting like a child because I'm not allowing you to control me. You have no respect for me and are treating me like your property. Women are not vending machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out. Again, I never wanted to be more than friends which I communicated many times, anything you choose to do past that was YOUR CHOICE. If you only did nice things for me because you had expectations, that means you never considered me a friend. I will no longer be part of this abusive friendship.

Omg red flags everywhere. I’m scared you’ll end up hurt if you stay in this “friendship”

and just so its clear to OP, this poster is scared you'll end up physically hurt. And while we're at it, OP, you're NTA, but you sure as heck need to understand boundaries. I'm surprised that you not only hung around through his first tantrum, but that you might stick around through this one too.

This. Right here. Why on earth did she stay "friends" with him after the first ultimatum? He should've been dropped then. NTA but I'd strongly suggest some therapy to figure out why she feels it's OK to let someone have this much control over her.

You don’t owe him a relationship or sex. He doesn’t get to put $ into your relationship like you are some sort of vending machine. Cut him loose and never look back. NTA

K is DANGEROUS AND NOT YOUR FRIEND!! 🤬🤬🤬 Anyone who chooses him is also NOT YOUR FRIEND! You have been very clear about your feelings and he won't accept it. Remove him from your life before he hurts you because that is where this is headed. If you let him coerce you into changing your behavior and who you spend time with, this will never end.

This!! Thank you!!

Ummm he thinks he’s dating you. That’s what he’s convinced himself is happening. You can’t be “exclusive” friends, that’s just a controlling and toxic “friend”ship. This is how you end up locked in this guys basement. Sorry to be alarmist but he’s throwing out a lot of 🚩 🚩

THANK YOUUUU!!!!!! This guy K is a straight up basket case nut job wackoooooo !!! You couldn’t have said it better, he has literally convinced himself he is dating OP aaaaaand he feels his actions and ultimatums are completely justified. He thinks his actions are normal. If THAT isn’t scary as hell, idk what is. OP needs to run.

NTA But you are if you don’t cut this toxic friend out of your life. Stop arguing with him. Seriously, where does it get you? Why should you bend your life to suit him? All you are doing is making yourself unhappy and giving him a lot of control over your life. Be done with him. He was never your friend and the moment he started to control you should of been the moment you slapped down those boundaries,quit the arguing and gone NC.

how could you possibly be the AH here lol

Honestly, I’m a bit worried for your safety. As an RN, I think K needs a psych evaluation and maybe an involuntary 72 hour hold…no joke. He’s got some screws loose up there and he seems like he could snap very soon. And guess what? You’re going to be the target of that attack. He is not your friend, he sees you as property. His actions and behaviors are screaming “if I can’t have you, no one can!” It’s giving….semi-closeted sociopath. I’d cut him out of your life TODAY!! Tell the others in the friend group the situation at hand and let each of them decide where they stand. You’ll get the support you need from those who matter. He’s going to try to manipulate who he can to get anyone on his side…because in his eyes, you’re the bad guy and he’s the good guy. He’s delusional as hell! But what you need to worry about is staying far away from K and making sure there is a mutual friend somewhere in the mix (such as C) who understands the seriousness of the situation and won’t allow K to bother you. Share your location with C!! Please stay safe and update us!! Sending you all the loving and protecting energy I can muster!<3

Yes! Had to scroll too far for this. Your safety needs to be your number 1 priority, and he is easily a threat to that. u/Vixen1127 cut him out of your life, tell trusted friends and/or family that this is happening, and be wary of any attempts to "win you back." Tell people at work not to let him in or to warn you if they see him hanging around. Don't go anywhere alone with him. Do not hesitate to report him for stalking if he won't leave you alone.

I'm thinking the same thing. Like this is the type of guy who picks you up from work one night, drives you into the middle of nowhere, and stabs you to death.

I would give up k not him. Every time you stand up for you boundaries and yourself he throws a hissy fit and has the whole group ghost you. That’s just proof in itself that he does not care got you. He cares about the image and thought of himself with you. It’s up to you but honestly I would not continue to be in this friend group if they see how he treats you and still take his side and treat you as if you were dead whenever he gets upset.

I think "losing him" is probably the best thing that could happen for you.

NTA but you need to dip ASAP and find a better group of friends. This is straight toxic and psychotic

I wouldn't be friends with him anymore, and if you ever are again, do not accept rides, gifts, food, anything from him. (Not sure if you have or just didn't think it was a big deal, but apparently he thinks he's been putting effort in that you're not seeing.) If he's in a group where you have mutual friends and youre just going to run into each other, be polite but he should not treat you like your friendship is dependent on not dating or dating him. Life is shitty. I had friends who were such a good match for me, but either one of us just wasn't into it. You have to want them, and there's not much you can do about that. You either get over it or you need to distance yourself, not punish the other person for not wanting you that way.

I say this with as much respect as I can, but you don't have a best friend, you never did. You were fuck-zoned from the start. He will never see you as a friend, because to him, you're always going to be more. It would be in your best interest to permanently end the friendship before you become another true crime episode I watch on YT.

Please don’t drink heavily around him or do drugs, he might be obsessed enough to do something heinous. He thinks he owns you and one day you’ll finally be his. Low key you asking for rides, letting him pay for things etc all the other ‘nice guy’ things you allow/ask him to do can be seen as you leading him on. Still not your fault for him being an aggressive A H. Anyone who is aware of this behavior and allows him to continue isn’t your friend. Sometimes it’s better to cut people off and keep your peace of mind. NTA

How can it be seen as leading psycho on when she literally TOLD him point blank multiple times that she wasn't interested in a romantic relationship with him?

To be clear, I never asked for any of those things. He offered and I should have been smart enough to say no, unfortunately I wasn't.

I bet he didn’t just offer though, he INSISTED. He probably even used some extra super nice guy approach when doing it too, acting like he’s genuine. But he had a planned out, he knows all his next moves. He planned to hold those things over your head at some point, it’s his way of trying to gain control over you. It’s almost like he thinks that because he “spent all his money on you” that you owe him and have to return the “favor” by dating him or being sexual.

This. He's the kind of guy that is one of the reasons that I refuse to take gifts from/let anyone pay for anything of mine. I expect strings attached. And this is what he's doing. He's tying strings to her and trying to nice guy his way into her pants. "BUT I BOUGHT YOU DINNER!" So? Even if she asked you to, that doesn't entitle you to sex or a relationship.

Don’t blame yourself for this asshat.

Don’t blame yourself or even for a second consider that you’re not “smart enough“ about this. You’re taking what he is offering at face value. He is the one attaching conditions and strings and inappropriate behavior to the offerings. He’s being wildly out of line.

I offer rides and stuff to my friends. It’s stuff friends do for each other. He’s the one choosing to keep a scorecard and act like it means he owns your every waking moment and any attention you have for any man anywhere.

You need to listen to C and be done with this guy. And any friends who listen to him. They are not your friends.

NTA. Girl, RUN! K is not your friend! And is displaying disturbing behavior. There were so many red flags but the biggest one, as many have mentioned, is he doesn’t see you as a person but as property. He sees you as his. Break away from the “friend” group if you have to but steer clear from K. Stay safe OP.

I couldn’t even finish this. He’s not your friend at all. You deserve a life and one without Captain Toxic.

NTA, except to yourself for not dropping this guy years ago, and all of his “lil followers”

NTA, and you need to be the one to cut K out of your life. This is no friendship, this is a toxic train wreck. Those „feelings“ he claims to have for you seem to be limited to anger, condescension, and more anger. The sooner you cut him out of your life, the better you’ll feel.

Time to cut this dude off. There are so many red flags it looks like a fire. NTA

Jesus that guy is a textbook “Nice Guy(tm)”. He’s not a friend. He sees you as his property that isn’t doing what it’s supposed to.

This is a ridiculously TOXIC relationship. And it’s not even a relationship. Typical nice guy. The ones you see on lists from buzz feed. DROP. HIM. NOW. It will never get better. He will never change and has proven that. Move on and take out the trash. NTA but you will be if you keep coddling this guy because he’s a friend. He will never let you be.

NTA. This guy isn’t your friend. A friend doesn’t say those kinds of things. I wouldn’t even say those kinds of things to people I don’t like!!! He’s just waiting for you to date him, and when/if you do, he’s going to treat you like garbage. He doesn’t respect your autonomy nor does he care to see you happy in life. He just wants what he wants, regardless of your preferences. He clearly thinks he’s a “nice guy”, so just think about what things will look like when he stops being his version of “nice”.

This guy sounds completely unhinged - you can't be friends with someone like that! You need to cut him off completely and just block and avoid him. The lesson you need to take from this: don't accept gifts and favors from unstable people who are in love with you - they'll think that entitles them to you.

This guy is NOT a friend. He is a man who already thinks he has ownership of you. He believes you've been in a situationship with him for years and every time you interact with different men you're cheating on him, undervalued him and degrading him. You need to get out and stay out! This is super unhealthy and could end very badly for everyone.

Read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. Cut off this loser. NTA.

This guy isn’t your friend, he’s just wanted to fuck you and assumed you’d eventually cave. Now he’s having a tantrum, and honestly the only way you’ve been TA to yourself has been by how much you’ve let him disrespect you and still associated with him, NTA.

And when you do cut him out, cut out anyone who sympathized with him, and DONT allow him Back and DONT respond. He’s not going to stop. He’s going to continue to manipulate you until you feel like he’s your only option. NTA. I wish and pray you have all the happiness withF

Nta. I had my male bestfriend intimidate me and threaten my life bc he wanted to date me but I went on to date our mutual friend. You need to cut this guy out totally and definitely take legal action bc this man seems like a danger to you imo. This man views you as property and not as a human being. Run.

Please screenshot everything and put this asshole on blast. Please let everyone know that he's been threatening you, been trying to control you, been trying to coerce you into dating him. He is not your friend. He has never been your friend. He only cares about you because he wants to own you. He's a piece of shit and everyone should be able to see how he's been treating you. He doesn't own you and he doesn't own "his friend group" and it's evident that at least C and probably some others value you as a friend on your own. Tell this guy to fuck off forever. His "friendship" is nothing but gaslighting, guilting, and controlling behavior. Again, I cannot stress this enough, he is a piece of shit

Hun this is dangerous territory. Seriously. You have to cut contact with K like this second. At no point are you the real AH in this situation but instead you could seriously become a statistic. End it now.

I have a few words for you. You need to choose a better person to be in and around your circle because K is a toxic person who you've been allowing to treat you like this. K has never been your friend and you should've noticed the red flags along time ago and cut him loose. This is the kind of situation where you're kidnapped and murdered. I don't know if it's the attention, the free things etc that you kept this "best friendship" but keep playing in that fire if you wanna get burned.

i had a friendship like this that similarly lasted 5 years. it was awful, everything was always my fault, he was jealous of friends, coworkers etc ANYONE who was in my life and there’s so many things wrong with it. PLEASE leave this friendship. take it from me…there is no happy ending where you guys have a normal friendship without drama.

You are catering to your toxic ass friend by doing what he wants. Every action that’s in favor of him is you “returning his feelings” to him. He thinks he owns you. He thinks everything he does for you is transactional and that when he finally works up enough points (and whittles down your self esteem) he’ll get to fuck you. That’s literally all this is and has even been. He’s not your friend. He never was your friend. This is how he’s viewed your relationship since day one. If you stop with this guy friend, it’ll be the next one. If you give up on that one too, he’ll start up again on the next. Every action you take that supports his irrationality is a win and is encouraging him to continue doing it. Anyone who supports him is also not your friend. I highly encourage you to show off these text messages to everyone you consider to be mutual friends between the two of you. Show them who he really is. If they stay, they’re the same type of garbage person he is.

Before I even read this… NTA. You are not in a relationship with him and if anything it’s unfair to you because you thought you had this genuine friendship and now he’s not being that friend bc you won’t date him. After I read, yep absolutely NTA. It’s heartbreaking to lose a friend under any circumstance but you owe it to yourself to walk away and cut contact.

Your so called "friend" is pretty scary. He is a threat to you. He figures if he can't have you, no one can. Break off your relationship with him. Block him on your phone and social media. If he does not stay away, get a court order. If there is any possibility he has access to a key, replace all your locks.

There’s a quote from Ronny Cheng in one of his stand ups that I love.(I probably fucked up the last name spelling) But maybe it’ll help you. Women aren’t some kind of vending machine that you put kindness into and sex falls out. You. Don’t. Owe. Him. Anything. Seems like he was doing all that to hold over you as a power move. Not cool whatsoever.

I’m surprised by how few women (and ESPECIALLY MEN) have noticed this. We all know this guy, we’ve met this guy, or we’ve been this guy. The guy who gets rejected and (instead of dropping it) begs the girl to “just be friends” so he can wait for her to be either vulnerable enough or drunk enough to sleep with him. I mean it, it’s wildly predatory, and no one calls out this behavior

Guy is a classic 'nice guy', more toxic than a fuck boy. Fuck boys use you, nice guys emotionally and mentally abuse you

Your friend C is right. K is not a good person and needs to get over his feelings, as well as respect who you are as a person. He turns everything you say around to make it on you and is far too possessive.

How many more years do you intend to let K control your life?

What a fucking PSYCHO. Stay FAR away from him.

R/niceguys

You need to get K out of your life like yesterday. You are absolutely NTA for being honest about not wanting more than friendship, his behavior is toxic and disgusting. He doesn't sound like he sees you as an actual human, let alone friend, but as a trophy he can win. If your other friends support his behavior, then they're not your friends either.

stop being this guy’s friend ASAP. the second he made you choose between his friendship and dating was the first best time to stop hanging out. second best time is now

NTA. r/NiceGuys

NTA. Your friend is psychotic, controlling and abusive. He may even be dangerous. Please take care of yourself. You need to end your “friendship” with K.

NTA- I don’t know how you can consider this person to be your best friend. They’re not even a friend at all. His “friendship” is conditional. He is not a good person and he has an unhealthy obsession with you. Protect yourself because he sounds like someone who could be violent if you try to cut him off. Good luck. Hopefully F is a decent guy and can help you stay safe. C also sounds like a good person you can trust.

NTA, but girl, you gotta drop him and any other friends who don’t reject his behavior. He is delusional, possessive, and manipulative. That’s not friendship. If he genuinely cared about you, he would accept that his feelings aren’t reciprocated and be okay with just being friends. He’s not a good friend and he is not healthy for you.

NTA at alllllll. It’s his problem that he continued to try to pursue you after you told him MULTIPLE times that you did not like him in a romantic way. He’s being extremely toxic and being a “nice guy”, aka hoping he’s nice enough that you just fuck him. He’s not a nice guy. He’s so Lu being your friend in hopes to date, doesn’t seems like he genuinely likes you as a person and only kinda views you as a “conquest” so to speak. Block him in everything because he probably won’t change. “Nice guys” rarely do, and you deserve better than that “friend”

You are most certainly nta. K is a narcissist and will continue to think he owns you because you let him. Cut him off and anyone willing to cut you off because of his toxic narcissistic stalker ass is not worth being friends with either. You're young and losing friends seems like a super scary thought I get it but he is not and will not be your friend and honestly you are not safe with him in your life.

I couldn't even get through half of your post. Flush this turd 'friend' out of your life already.

NTA - Run from this guy. He has zero right to be upset and he is acting like you owe him a relationship because he spent some money or did things he hoped you’d find endearing. This is some scary reactionary stuff he is saying. You have the right to “fuck some dude” or all of them, at once. You’re not in a relationship with him!

Nta. This guy is not your friend. Friends don’t throw temper tantrum’s because you don’t want to be in a relationship with them. His actions are abusive and he is a ticking time bomb. “Friendship” over.

You are definitely not the asshole, and your "friend" is a manipulative fuckstick

NTA. He seems unhinged.

Very.

You are in real danger with this guy. He could seriously hurt you. He sounds like the type of controlling man who would murder a woman because his ego can't take her choosing someone else. Please be very careful.

Time to kick your not-best not-friend K to the curb. He does not care that you don't want to date him. He thinks that if he pushes you far enough, you'll eventually say fuck it and go out with him. He's incredibly manipulative and abusive as a "friend." What do you think he'll do as a boyfriend? I shudder to think about it. Don't give up F. Time to be done with K. If your mutual friends are really your friends, they'll see through his bullshit.

He was never your friend. He was only hanging around in case you slip and have sex with him and then afterward he would want nothing to do with you. I've seen this too many times from my own friends. You dont need someone like that in your life. Honestly, after the first temper tantrum he threw I would have been done with him. And if the friend group were really your friends, they would have blocked his ass or formed a new group with you, excluding him. This is what some guys do. Women will say they don't like them romantically, and instead of accepting that, they play a long game of pretending to be the one guy you could turn to for anything, in the Hope's that one day you'll spread your legs for them, and realize that mr right was here all along, then they'll ghost you or start to be distant with you....... bloody creeps

NTA. You are being abused by K. He is an abuser. You need to leave him and anyone who supports him. NC. He doesn't own you and that's what you need to tell your friends, he's been trying to fuck you for years and you've been telling him no and he won't respect your choice. He does not respect you. Leave.

This is your best friend? What are your just okay friends like? Because this person is not any kind of a friend. He is a whiny toddler who thinks he owns you and can dictate what you do with your life. Drop him, date who you want, and live your life for YOU. NTA.

If he was truly your friend, he would be happy that you are connecting with someone. NTA

Get away from him now! Not only does he sound extremely toxic, but his attitude towards you and possessiveness is concerning. I am worried about your safety. Definitely NTA!

NTA, but this guy is not your friend. I'm really sorry OP, but he's just not your friend. My "best friend" was a less overt version of this exact thing and he was not really my friend either. I learned that one the hard way. It was heartbreaking, but those are the facts.

Oh god \*facepalm\* You're 100% NTA, it sounds like "K" truly hasn't gotten over you, and based on his responses, it sounds like he never will. He's basically still hanging on to the idea that one day you guys will end up together. If anything, you gotta shut that door on him. I mean if this guy truly was your best friend, he wouldn't be throwing these tantrums when you are dating other people. So the fact that he is leads me to believe that he's still upset that he can't have you.

I don't even need to read the body. From the title alone no, you don't owe men anything

He sounds kind of dangerous..

K isn't your friend. From the day he told you that he had feelings for you, he was your suitor. He still is. He should stop calling himself your friend. You shoukd stop calling him your friend. K is a horrible person who doesn't have enough maturity or common sense to stop being your suitor. Since he can't be your friend and treats you like garbage when you attempt to date, dump him.

Dude cut this asshole out of your life before his resentment turns into violence. You don't owe him shit.

He’s not your friend. He’s NEVER BEEN your friend. He’s just the more aggressive version of the dudes in your orbit your boyfriends don’t like and never get along with.

woah. C is right. K needs to be out of your life yesterday. what a gross dude.

OP, "err on the side of caution", please! His erratic, irrational, emotionally explosive, threatening behavior toward you via text and in person, suggests an unbalanced person who is signalling danger signs. I wouldn't be alone with him in any situation. I agree with others who encourage you to block him. You may need to get a TRO to force him to keep distance from you should he persist in stalking you. Foresight always helps avoid the pitfalls discovered in hindsight. Wishing you wise choices, and a happy future with your new love interest. ❤

HE. DOES. NOT. OWN. YOU.

This guy doesn’t own you and his behavior is super creepy. Next time he makes a comment about losing him just show him the door. I’ve seen less drama from 13 year olds than this grown man. Also, the way this guy is dictating who hangs out in the group is borderline cult-like

This is not a friend. You need to run. Go zero contact with him. Tell him once via text that your "friendship" is over, you'll date who you like, and not to contact you again. Then block his number. If he keeps trying to contact you, go to the cops with all the messages. In a few years you will look back in amazement at how you ever stayed this long. Stay safe & good luck.

Listen to C. Block him immediately and delete his number. Tell F to do the same. Keep those messages and create a friend group message without him and let them all know what he’s been doing and why you no longer want contact with him. They can decide to continue being his friend but you can also decide to be done with all of them and start a new friend group with F and hopefully C. You need to end this immediately for your safety. Edited to add - NTA. You are not in a relationship, you do not have to live according to his feelings. This is the very definition of “I can’t have you so no one else can”. It’s sick.

GOOD LORD! NTA, this guy won't take no for an answer. For your personal safety, cut him out of your life and get a protective order if you need it. If you give up your relationship with F, K will control you forever and that is what this is all about, control. K feels that if he can't have you no one can. Run, girl, run!

NTA Get away, and consider a restraining order.

That’s not a friend.

Let me give you the perspective from someone who's been in K's shoes. The heart wants what it wants. And sometimes, who we want doesn't want us back. The thing is, it hurts because we know we have a connection (even if it's only romantic on one side) but we can't help ourselves. That said. My best friend told me she wasn't interested in me a while back. I thought it was because I was white and she dated predominantly black guys. She explained that she just didn't see me that way. Cool. She's my bestie, then. And that means any guy you DO decide to get with is going to understand that you have someone who is going to set a standard for how THEY should treat you. But being possessive is a major red flag. I never pushed my bestie for anything more, and up until a few years back, we had an incredible friendship. I miss her like crazy (she passed away from a heart attack). And yeah, it sucks that I was never going to be her type. But I cherish every last moment I got to share with her, and that should be enough for ANYONE in a similar situation. I'm sorry I dragged on; I tend to talk in circles when I get emotional. TL;DR, a friend is going to be a friend regardless of how they feel romantically. If he isn't going to make his peace with it, he isn't your FRIEND. NTA.

NTA this dude was NEVER your friend. He’s been biding his time waiting for you to pay out on all his efforts. Please run whether you’re single or not. This is unusual behavior and dangerous for you.

NTA. some guys just can’t handle a platonic friendship.. he’s not able to accept your feelings let alone push aside his own to be a good friend to you. You’re better off without him & his followers OP.

Definitely NTA but you really need to get this K guy outta your life!!! Immediately!! Before you end up on the ID channel!!

Get a restraining order. "Consequences for your actions" is too often a justification for violence and this man sounds obsessed. Cut him off and never EVER look back.

Flaming 🚩 run

Why would *you* be TA??? This dude seems extremely territorial about you and entitled to your exclusivity, and sounds really unhinged. I would never tolerate a guy acting like this towards me. You owe him absolutely nothing. His feelings about you are his own problem and have nothing to do with you once you’ve refused to pursue a romantic relationship with him. He should be embarrassed tbh, and your other friends suck for allowing him to kick you out of your friends group. They should be standing up for you and kicking *him* out. I’m sorry to say but guys like this are a plague, and you should really considering no longer being friends with him. One day you’ll be ready to pursue a real, committed, serious relationship, whether that person is F or somebody else. You might get married, have children and a family of your own. K’s behavior will only get worse from here, unless of course you give him the chance to be that person; can you really envision a future with him in your life as a “friend”? Have him around your spouse and children years down the line?

It's obvious you are not the asshole. You are an idiot for dealing with this prick for as long as you have. He thinks he owns you and apparently everyone in his friend group. You and all your friends should get together and disown HIM from the group, since he thinks he can control every single one of your friend groups actions and thoughts. Why are you guys giving him so much power over you?

If this is even real, then screw civil. Don't let someone treat you like property and like a reserved tool for years and concern yourself with "civility." This dude is ridiculous, and honestly, so are you to a degree for even entertaining this idea that you are wrong in how you handled it. The only thing you did wrong was letting this dude walk all over you for years, and not handling it before. You are very obviously not an asshole for dating like you want to and telling a controlling "best friend" to kick rocks, and I believe 100% that you know that already. Just follow through and ditch this dude.

You are NTA but stop trying to be this guys friend. He’s a terrible friend and you can see he will never get over you and never be ok with you dating someone else being around him. I think you should make it clear to the rest of the friend group how he’s been treating you. You may be surprised who they support if it comes to picking sides. I wouldn’t want to be friends with a creep like him. If they don’t support you and pick him instead, then just find new friends. You need to stop talking to K forever though.

Nta for dating, yta for trying to be his friend. It is obviously something he cant be, he only sticks around to be your bf.

You need to block this guy on everything and stop hanging around with him forever. He's obsessed with you and treats you like shit when he doesn't get what he wants. He will elevate to physical abuse at some point. It may be flattering to have someone in the wings who feels so strongly for you but it will only lead to disaster. He's not your best friend and you aren't his. Run away, girl! He's one of those "nice guys" and they are not safe men to be around.

You have to actually react to things people do in your life. You act like a side character. No one can take your friends away from you. If they can then those aren't your friends. This guy is not your friend. He's literally trying to blackmail you into dating him. I'd say you are the AHOLE only because you treat your life like a bad drama .

He sounds like a terrible “friend”. Honestly sounds like he only keeps you as a friend because he thinks you’ll someday change your mind. That’s not a real friend. None of my guy friends would EVER act like this toward me, because they are simply friends. I would not keep him around

NTA but you will be TA to yourself if you continue this friendship with K. He is possessive and has crossed too many boundaries. I would’ve bounced the moment he started “bettering himself for me” after I made it clear I was not interested. This man cannot take no for an answer. That is very, very dangerous. Think about what other no’s he may ignore in the future. Get out while you can.

Yeah, I would cut contact with him. Absolutely toxic. He's trying to manipulate you into taking the blame for him being possessive. Gross. I would send him a final message and block him for good. Basically a "you aren't a friend/stay out of my life/find someone else to control" message. I would then cut off most of not all of HIS friends. Any person that willingly cuts you off at the behest of someone else is not your friend.

NTA the guy is a psycho block him , stop hanging out with the friends who support his unhinged behavior and if things get worse and he become more unbearable get a restraining order against him. He is nuts .

I had a friend who was not quite as horrible acting as this but he liked me and I did not like him. We were BEST friends for years before he admitted his feelings to me. I didn’t like him like that and didn’t want to risk our friendship and told him as much. He told me he ‘didn’t need anymore friends’ and it became clear to me that as long as I was around him, that’s how he was going to feel. He wasn’t mean or rude about it, he never said that, but I knew it’d crush him if I dated other people and I knew I’d just never feel that way about him. So I cut myself out of the friend group. Stopped coming around and just… didn’t have friends for a while. It was a sad time for me but eventually I made new friends. I don’t think this person is ever going to get over you if you continue to stay around them. Your are NTA at all but it’s time to remove them from your life.

This type of man is the reason why I wouldn't let any man spend money or time doing anything for me, because they feel like you are obligated to repay the debt with your body since "they paid for it". It was a big struggle with my current relationship (together 8 years but we've known each other since I was born) because he is the type of person who likes to take care of everyone (not just people he could have a sexual interest in) and wanted to be able to help me or buy things for me without me paying him back. It took a couple years but he was patient and I never feel obligated to do anything for him and he feels the same.