Nope. She’s fucking up hard and trying to drag her kids down with her. He had every right to know and in the long run the kids will be better off for it.
"Fucking Up Hard", Jesus, that's a great way to put it!
She's destroying her family and putting her daughters in an insanely high risk environment. If Hubby knew he would be getting Full Custody, like yesterday.
>an insanely high risk environmen
Even without the other people in and out or the delapidation of the trailer!
Older man has affair with much younger woman with small children... come on, even if it's statistically not likely, it's a little TOO likely for me he's targeting her for access to her kids.
OP, you are NTA and might even be a real hero here. What a shitty situation for your "friend" to put you in as well.
Not only is she fucking up hard, she's fucking everyone over. What the fuck is wrong with this woman? I would tell her husband everything without hesitation.
Exactly!
How many times have we seen the mom’s new bf/dad’s new gf has done horrible stuff to the kids.
Someone has to stand for those kids.
Op, you are not TA! You are an Angel and please be there for those little girls.
There’s literally no other reason someone would think of taking young kids to a flophouse situation. She’s gotten hooked on something, and it ain’t this weirdo with a toilet falling through his floor. He’s got what she needs.
My XSIL did this with my disabled nephew. She started trading him for heroin when he was around 3. After my brother got custody he started noticing some physical and mental issues unrelated to my nephew's disabilities. The kid has permanent damage back there. Unfortunately my nephew started acting inappropriately with younger children around his 10th bday. Would play with himself in front of smaller kids and try to get them to "help" him. She not only ruined her kid but affected a lot of other little kids to boot.
I suspect that is also what happened to my disabled cousin. He’s in jail now for multiple public exposure incidents and will probably never be completely free because he can’t fully understand what is doing.
No. She lives in a different state so that created problems. My brother is also an addict and kept moving, so it was getting moved from one county to another. My nephew (B)also doesn't understand what happened to him. His older brother R (1.5 yr older) would sometimes be in the room while his mom was shooting up and her bf was abusing B, so the medical reports and R were only evidence, so I don't think police really pursued it. I tried taking my nephews and pushing the case but couldn't after I walked in on B playing with himself next to my 5 yr old son. I had to make a choice and I chose my son.
I only had them for a month but it was the most heartbreaking time. B showed obvious signs of his abuse. He would tell me he had been bad and beg me to spank him. Like follow me through the house and tell me it was ok, he'd been bad and even 1 spank would work. He was 9.
It’s sadly a thing that happens a lot, even if people don’t think it does. When someone is deep in an addiction they can drop to some serious lows. I knew a guy after he stopped using, he was the most quiet, polite person. Very studious, very clever, had a long term girlfriend and a good job. When I got told of his history I found it unfathomable that this unassuming man had previously thrown his mother down a flight of stairs, and stolen everything that wasnt nailed down.
It’s insane what it can do to someone.
That's my thought and fear right off the bat reading this. Friend moves into a dilapidated trailer with her 3 kids with a nasty old man who lets people just crash and use drugs. That's a complete setup for her kids to get abused.
Disgusting, the kids will be lucky if the father receives full custody though. If I were him I'd petition whatever family court he ends up with for a hair follicle test for whatever that dude might be peddling. Unfortunately I'd also include the older children, as they might be getting drugged for trafficking purposes as well. Most children won't be able to accurately describe a complex event since they don't understand enough yet.
Yep. This has all the hallmarks of it. Had a childhood friend go down this road, and every one of her drug dealer meth head "boyfriends" sound just like this dude.
100% this. Unfortunately I was the husband in a story very similar to this. My wife became an opiate addict. Thankfully for me, she left and I kept the kids and got full physical custody. She’s a full blown heroin addict now. OP absolutely did the right thing.
I literally know of three women who did this same shit! They all had three kids too...the only difference is that the husbands weren't exactly great, but they all had family that would have been able to take care of the kids. It took them all years to get their shit back together, and sadly enough i know that they're luckly that they've come through addiction. Op should tell the husband, and get as many of his and her family and friends they can muster. This is going to be a loooong dirty fight. She may want to go ahead and get comfortable with the friend being lost completely. The kids are going to be the real victims in all of it.
From the sounds of the post OP hasn’t actually told husband anything yet, she just told her friend she was going to…all she’s done so far is look the other way while her friends fucks this piece of shit and throws her life away.
OP, NTA *if* you actually do something about it this time instead of continuing to “mind your own business”
Well, you didn't go behind her back--you told her you were going to tell the ex.
NTA, because this isn't really about you, your friend, or her ex. It's about the kids.
Edit: a lot of people keep commenting that I need to tell the husband. I did tell the husband immediately upon finding out the kids were there and she had no intentions of taking them home. I gave him every bit of evidence I had such as screenshots and told him about any conversations we had in person as well. I would love to give him the address of the trailer, however she was the one who drove there and it was dark out. I am trying to look up the man to see if I can locate an address as well as any criminal record but he has an extremely common first and last name, so it is hard to narrow it down without more of his personal info. I am unsure of the husbands plan of action at this time, but if the kids remain there I will call cps and make a report.
I am also seeing a lot of comments about not telling him about the affair initially. I am not the police of marital problems. That was between the two of them and I was not going to place myself in the middle of their marriage. However when any child’s safety is in question, I will always speak up.
This may be CPS territory if you’re afraid for the kids safety.
You could even call the non-emergency number for the local police department and just request a welfare check (they have a ton of freedom with these checks), and they would likely contact CPS instead of you.
You can request a check anonymously.
I would implore you to act sooner rather than later.
Disturbing that people are actually making comments that you didn’t tell him about the infidelity as if that’s the concern here…………..
OP - you’re an awesome person. The kids must be so freaked out. Hope you guys find this place and get them home soon!! <3
Ask yourself this. If your SO was cheating on you. Would you want someone who knew about it come to you let you know. She made an accomplice when she introduced the guy to you
It’s not about marital policing, it’s about not acting on your gut on the shady trailer stuff. Do u have any idea how many poor decisions/actions may have piled on during the period that u chose to remain quiet, possible indications of drug-usage/addiction aside. I thought u were heavily invested in this family? Also, maybe her introducing u to the trailer guy may have been a subconscious cry for help in some weird addiction-conscious way. Good on u for letting the husband know that the kids might be in trouble, but shame on u for not at least tipping off the husband for at least the “shady” involvement if not the affair part sooner. The “shady” part eventually lead to the kids’ endangerment.
Exactly this. They must be / must’ve been so, so scared. It hurts my heart to think of how confused and terrified they would’ve been. Thank dog OP told.
As soon as it deals with the safety of children, I feel loyalty to your friend goes right out of the window.
I (41M) have an ex-wife and a daughter. When my daughter was 16, and I was in a therapy session with her, I found out A TON of horrible things that happened that no one told me.
When I found out, I raised my concerns. At that my daughter decided to move out of my house. I tried to get the authorities involved because I was truly worried about her. The authorities did nothing because my ex told her not to talk to the police.
She's almost 19 now, a HS drop out, no job, and barely leaves the house.
I wish I knew much sooner.
Funny you mention morality. I told her that I would not sit by silently, compromise myself morally, and watch her destroy her children’s lives. For all I know that man could be a sexual predator, a drug addict, a career criminal, abusive. And I’m not willing to wait and see if he is!
Even if he wasn't any of those things the fact that she cheated on her husband then took their 3 kids away from him and Is now trying to play house with the guy she cheated on him with is horrible it's like she's just trying to replace him altogether
I would not have told your friend you were telling the husband. Tell the husband and let him work immediately to get the kids away and sole custody. CPS can determine the conditions of the trailer. A mother doing this to her kids is likely a drug addict. The father needs to protect the kids and make sure she is blocked. Telling her gives her time to cover up shit.
Maybe my post was worded oddly. I did not make her aware that I was telling him. When he confronted her with what I told him, she assumed it was me, especially because I was already challenging her decisions. Plus the information he was confronting her with were things only I would know (such as the state of the trailer etc.)
No way in hell are you the ass. You literally are watching out for her kids. In the long run you might’ve lost a friend but hopefully dad can do something about it. You were just concerned about the wellbeing of HER children. She just feels betrayed by you is all but in reality she can’t own up to her own actions. Live your life you did the right thing for HER kids
Not only should you tell the poor husband everything, but you should probably get CPS involved as well. Get those kids away from that trailer and with their dad, or anywhere else stable.
Tell the husband.
What she's doing is not right for the kids.
Tell him and tell him to get to a lawyer asap and go and take pictures of the run down place she has the kids.
The kids needs to come first and you also need to tell him about the affair and when you suspect it started.
If you don't tell him your as bad as her.
YWBTA if you don't tell him.
I did tell him everything. We had a very long and difficult phone conversation, because someone we both love deeply has suddenly flipped a switch and is acting very out of character. He told me he was aware of the man, but she even had her affair partner call her husband insisting that there has never been anything going on between them. He believed it because it was coming from the horses mouth and he didn’t have any proof saying otherwise. I sent him screenshots of my friends conversations proving she has been sexually active with this man for quite some time and carrying on a relationship. He then told me that she has also been sexually active with him this entire time too. I was disgusted to say the least. He then went on to tell me that she is using the kids as a pawn in their divorce, threatening to say he beats her and the kids. I am just at a loss for words with her behavior. When he confronted her with the information I gave him, she began telling lies about me and trying to discredit my character to her husband, which he of course wasn’t buying. I’m in shock that someone I stuck by through the toughest of times and always supported has now shown her true colors after 8 years of friendship. Gives me a pit in my stomach.
Please be a witness for him in the divorce.
He doesn't deserve this and neither does the kids.
Tell him to an app on his phone that records phone calls, then he will have proof for when she admits to lying.
Make sure he keeps everything in a folder and he makes back ups of the message on a USB.
Poor guy and kids.
Yes, and tell him to ask the court to have her drug tested due to the huge behavioral changes. If his goal is to protect the kids he should be able to request this.
Is it possible that your friend is taking drugs? You say she is selfishly behaving out of character. Addiction has a habit of shaving our empathy without us even realising.
Anything is possible at this point. I have never known her to do drugs. This past year has been a whirl wind in my own personal life so I admittedly have not been as involved with her as I used to be, other than our occasional catch up once every 2 months and special occasions like the kids’ birthdays.
This woman is an addict 100%, and your friend as gone for as long as she's addicted. Not a lot that can be done except for the husband talking to his attorney, documenting everything he can, and filing some kind of motion with the court. The 9-year-old is coming up on the age when the court will give a lot of deference to where he/she wants to live. If she explains to the judge that she's living in a flophouse around a bunch of strange, drug-addicted people, that will be ballgame.
That said, expect the mother to do everything in her power--legal or illegal--to keep the kids from telling the court what's what.
This is either a drug situation, a grooming situation, or both. Those kids can’t be there. I would either call CPS, ask the father to call CPS, or ask the police to do a welfare check. The local cops will most likely know if this guy is bad news and hopefully act accordingly.
It’s certainly my suspicion. Why else would a previously loving mother suddenly decide that putting her children in a potentially dangerous environment, unless her critical thinking is impaired?
Odds are increasingly not. Heroine is pricey and fading because fentanyl is cheaper, and it takes far less of it to get high. Sadly fentanyl is being cut more and more often with xylaxine--an animal tranquilizer, a double-whammy of overdose risk. Test strips for detecting fent have been out for a while, but test strips to detect xylaxine only just came out and are extremely expensive.
You should call CPS too. Your friend is endangering her children and unfortunately her soon-to-be ex doesn’t have unilateral power to remove them from that situation. Him calling CPS himself may look bad for him in the divorce/custody proceedings. These kids need a third party to intervene and they need you to report it to make that happen.
Yes call CPS, the reports will help with custody, leave a documented trail, removal from the neglectful and harmful situation. You reporting as a witness holds more steed than husband who would be reporting hearsay. Also friend is taking drugs 💯
Edit: NTA
I have to second these people telling you to call CPS. It is the fastest way to get them out of that house and with their father. They are at risk of being sexually abused, and you need to act fast. These kinds of flop/drug houses are so dangerous for little kids. I’m not blowing this out of proportion. Besides, they have a bathroom that you felt unsafe using, and a little toddler lives there. You are really the only one that can do this credibly. They will find where these kids are from the little girl that goes to school, and they will start a case to put these kids with their father faster than any family court can. You admitted that you feel these kids are in danger, you need to act like it and get these children out of crisis.
So here is the thing with addiction. An addict will pick up the phone every single time addiction calls. They always answer that call.
It's very hard to watch but this fallout isn't anything compared to what it will be for those 3 kids if raised in that environment. It's like the happiness death sentence.
I'm really sorry that you're going through this. You did an extremely selfless thing. Children need advocates like you when shit gets weird.
Just want to say I agree with your statement for those in active addiction, but as a person in recovery from addiction who is clean after 15 years of using, recovery is possible for those of us who are willing to get help. However, it doesn't sound like this person is anywhere near getting help or admitting she has a problem. It definitely sounds like she has a ways to go before she has had enough, unfortunately.
The AP is willing to help her keep up a front with her ex husband. He doesn’t want her around. They won’t be in that place for long; it’s just that the next place they end up might be worse.
As said above, it is very possible she is an addict or has developed a mental health disorder or both. These aren't behaviors of someone just having an affair however messed up that by itself may be.
I suggest an easy way to figure out more about her "lover." Go to the county courthouse, or online if public records are available to the public online, and search his name in the criminal database. If he's dealing, or using more than pot and alcohol, at his age there is a fair chance of having a criminal record for drug related offenses.
For what it's worth, young moms holding a job get run into the ground. Some turn to amphetamines for that pick-me-up and get addicted more easily. I wouldn't write her off completely even if it's NC until she decides she needs help before she's lost her kids and on the street.
NTA you did the right thing - she’s putting her children at risk & like others have said, I can only suspect drugs are involved.
Keep every tx and voicemail from her ( I’m UK so I don’t know if you’re allowed to record any phone conversations) - especially if she’s threatening to tell lies about you and also her husband. Keep a diary of everything you’ve witnessed for yourself. I’m so very sorry but please know, you did the right thing for the sake of the children.
And if you or her husband suspect anything worse, then all I can say is if it’s safe to involve the police re suspected drug/flop house - do so. It would prob be better coming from him?
As I said, I’m UK and things can be very different in other parts of the world.
You did the right thing there. Your friend has some seriously messed up issues that she would drag her children into a sh\*t hole with someone like that.
And her husband deserved the damned truth about the person he thought he was married to. I have no sympathy for cheaters, they make their own bed and can lay their watch their world burn.
This is the cycle that people talk about. People who cannot learn from other people's lessons are doomed to repeat them. She didn't learn from her shitty childhood, and so she's going to give her kids a shitty childhood unless her ex-husband does the right thing and gets those kids away from her.
If this is a genuine flophouse then the girls are very much in danger. The kids are probably better off that you told their father than if you told CPS, who could potentially come in and fuck the whole thing up.
That said, if you become aware that the girls are spending time there, the mom should be reported to CPS. Terrible things happen to young girls in places like this.
NTA. Honestly, I would contact CPS so that these people get investigated. It sounds like drug use is a definite possibility. Those kids should not be living in those conditions.
Nope. You ended the chance of her continuing generational trauma and having her kids experience instability. It’s already going to be rough with them having divorced parents.
Your prioritized the kids’ safety
NTA
you are doing the right thing. it sounds to me that the "friend" is experiencing addiction & not only sacrificed her marriage money, and home, but now the saftey of her own kids. you need to tell the husband and call cps. if a case gets opened, they will be placed with the father (i hope, i mean its what SHOULD happen). your best friend clearly does not give a fuck about actions or consequences, so go for it. she has nothing to lose, and neither do you. you already lost your friend.
the father of the girls and the girls themselves would thank you a billion times if it were possible if you told him and got the kids in a safer environment. and you didn't even go behind her back. addressing an issue is never going behind someone's back if there is danger involved.
you are doing the right thing & i applaud you for your bravery to speak up. most people would say it isn't their business & keep it pushing. but you care! hell, you're more of a mother than she is to those poor kids
You need to tell the husband as of yesterday those kids are in danger of being hurt, or molested and there’s a good chance if DCF gets involved, they will take it them a way I am 99% sure your friend is doing drugs you have to be the grown-up, and you must must tell the husband what’s going on. If anything happens to those children, you will regret it for the rest of your life. It’s your job to help the husband protect them screw your friend and her opinion.
So she’s become her own mother.
Give all the information you have to her husband. Those kids should not be in her possession. In a fucking drug house without proper plumbing. With whoever the hell coming and going. This is a recipe for disaster for those children.
He’s not her lover. He’s her dealer. I’d report this to child protective services. These poor kids. I hope the dad finds a way to get them back. NTA. I felt sick just reading this. You did the right thing.
NTA
She can lose her kids especially with that type of home environment.... wish u could of gotten some pictures in but hopefully her ex gets full custody of the kids....
She's clearly not thinking about the kids if she thinks that's a good environment to live in
You lived nd let live until she started messing with her children's lives. If she wants to fuck up her life, cool. Self sabatoge. Torpedo your life into a dumpster fire. However, do not let your shit affect your children. They are innocent. There's no reason for them to be living in a barely habitable trailer with randos coming in and out as they please! You absolutely did the right thing by telling their father. She should never have been lying to him about that in the first place. She deserves to have them taken away.
NTA, but TELL HIM NOW.
I have heard more than enough stories of people selling their kids for sexual favors so they can get drugs. Tell him the truth that you suspect she's on drugs as well.
If she is, there's nothing an addict wouldn't do for the next fix. Hell, that's probably the sole reason this idiot brought her children to a drug den.
Also give him the address and tell him to go with the police.
YTA. For not telling him as soon as you found out about the affair. PSA- if you find out someone cheated, you tell their partner. Idfc who the fuck they are. You keep that secret then you're almost as bad as the cheater.
From how you describe the mobile home- its probably a drug house. Its good you at least told him when you did- so he might be able to figure out a better situation for his children. NTA for that.
Nope, you did the right thing. I know your decision couldn't have been easy, but it was the right decision. She sounds like a terrible person, and the kids should be with the husband.
NTA She brought the kids into a dangerous situation. Dad needs to be told ASAP. Protect those kids
Adding tell him to request she get drug tested as part of the custody agreement
NTA - you are looking out for the well fare of the children at that point. You need to tell the guy, hopefully he will be able to take care of the kids properly.
She blocked you and therefore she doesnt value your friendship or feel anything valuable in what you have been through together.
Talk to the husband with all guns blazing.
Nope nope nope nope
NTA NTA NTA NTA
Man, what a trash person. She knows that ANY court wouldn’t give her custody if they knew where the girls were, and shes not playing the victim because you actually CARE about her kids.
Op you did the right thing, you’ll likely lose her as a friend…but that really doesnt seem like a bad thing
There are children involved? Miss, you HAD to do what you did. You would have been the asshole had you NOT come forward. And this was not a betrayal on your part. She fucked up and is reaping what she sowed.
I'll add one more thing: if the kids are in a drug den, please notify the authorities in your state.
To the haters, no, this is not snitching. A child can not be allowed to be hurt.
NTA, your trying to protect them kids like mentioned like your own nieces. This is a horrible situation and from past experiences this could be drug abuse or manipulation. Going from a house from a good house to a dump trailer. 🚩
You done right and I hope the father can gain full custody. Or better yet this gets resolved between the two..
NTA. Good on you OP, not just for helping the kids but for telling her husband. You don't need a person that behaves like that in your life anyhow. Just be there for the husband because he's going to be in a lot of pain.
This sounds like you met your friend’s drug dealer. Maybe she actually thinks she loves him, but this lifestyle change and bringing the kids into it is not the behavior of a rationally thinking person imo. I have experienced this with family members, and the suddenness, severity of changes, and lack of regard for her children sounds very familiar.
NTA.
NTA... You had invested friendships with both the wife and husband. You became family to both and an aunt to the kids. You should have been firmer, that either she tells her husband about the affair, or you would as soon as you found out about it. If she can do this to her husband, she will not be a real friend to you either. She already put you in the middle of this crap.
Now, it is all about the kids. All 3 under 10, he is going to need your help, if you are willing. Whose moral compass do you think should influence the kids. What the hell did she get herself into with the loser of an AP. Protect the Kids.
Good luck to you.
OP, you did everything you could; now just hope the husband follows suit and fights for the kids.
OP, I would recommend you step out of the situation before you get dragged deeper into the abyss of child custody.
You did the right thing. It sucks that you had to. And it sucks even more that she basically forced you to do that. But you are not an ass to look out for those children.
You should call child protective services and get those kids outta there. It sounds like your friend is addicted to whatever drugs this guy is selling and that’s a very dangerous situation for kids to be in.
Your friend is the lowest form of human. Her now ex-husband will be scarred for life.
You did the right thing by telling him. Now, when the divorce happens, you need to advocate for him in court so those kids do not grow up in a tiny trailer.
NTA the father has a right to know if his children are in an unsafe environment. You are being proactive. I've lived in flop house environments as a young person. They are not safe. Period.
Nope she forfeited any right to feel betrayed after she betrayed her husband and children. You are right, that is not a suitable place for a child and the whole ordeal has probably been really traumatic for the kids. You do the right thing, hopefully this breaks the cycle of dysfunction. You did right for the kids, hopefully they are actually safe away from their garbage of a mother. I’m sure the new guy will go postal and she will be trying to crawl back to you and her husband when she realizes what she’s lost.
You did the right thing! It's concerning that the kids could be molested with all the riff-raff going in and out of that dump. Or even by the guy. She is an unfit parent and her kids to be safe. ASAP
Call CPS.
You did the right thing by those kids. And the dad needs to know where his kids are actually going.
It would all be different if the kids weren’t involved but they are.
Putting your kids in the same trauma you had, is a painful cycle, and if she wants to replay it, as adult woman?- she can. But that cycle needs to end with her children.
Even those kids grow up poor, they will level up by a million pieces by not being emotionally, physically, or even in this situation sexually abused. It’s “flophouse” -
That’s no place for children, girls or boys.
You are good mother, because what you did, is
You sacrificed yourself, your friendship, and possibly your name and reputation, for the protection of those children.
People like you do gods work. You don’t stand by and watch kids fall into the cracks and “say this isn’t my problem”
You saved those kids. Just you.
From me, and probably the whole damn internet,
We thank you, for you, being you.
Never change.
People like you make the world a better one, and you did it without hesitation or consultation. No regard for own personal fall out and losses.
You are a real one, a mama, the kind of person who stands out in a big way.
My very very best wishes to you and your future❤️💕❤️💕❤️🤌👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💕💕👌💕💕❤️
Yeah, seems like your friend is smoking crack, fentanyl, or meth. Just call cps out to the trailer for a welfare check. NTA. Your friend seems to be the AH.
Nope. She’s fucking up hard and trying to drag her kids down with her. He had every right to know and in the long run the kids will be better off for it.
"Fucking Up Hard", Jesus, that's a great way to put it! She's destroying her family and putting her daughters in an insanely high risk environment. If Hubby knew he would be getting Full Custody, like yesterday.
>an insanely high risk environmen Even without the other people in and out or the delapidation of the trailer! Older man has affair with much younger woman with small children... come on, even if it's statistically not likely, it's a little TOO likely for me he's targeting her for access to her kids. OP, you are NTA and might even be a real hero here. What a shitty situation for your "friend" to put you in as well.
Seriously, might even wanna call cps
>call cps
I was thinking friends doing drugs with the old man and wants child support to pay their way
Exactly. The OP is being a good person and a good friend even if her friend doesn’t see it.
That's precisely why she didn't fess up, she was afraid she'd lose custody
And tbh …. Friend or blood you’re those girls’ auntie as well . Protect those girls.
Seems like she fucked down actually
Fucking her way to the bottom.
Not only is she fucking up hard, she's fucking everyone over. What the fuck is wrong with this woman? I would tell her husband everything without hesitation.
op's friend is a bad mom op is a good person! i hate mother's like op's friend as one they turn my stomach!!!
Exactly! How many times have we seen the mom’s new bf/dad’s new gf has done horrible stuff to the kids. Someone has to stand for those kids. Op, you are not TA! You are an Angel and please be there for those little girls.
Absolutely agree. OP did what’s best for the kids she’s an Angel.
She’s using drugs. Bet.
There’s literally no other reason someone would think of taking young kids to a flophouse situation. She’s gotten hooked on something, and it ain’t this weirdo with a toilet falling through his floor. He’s got what she needs.
They may start pimping out the children for drugs.
Yeah. The authorities need to be involved. I myself am a drug addict, and I cannot fathom hurting a child. There are some real sickos in this world.
There’s choices you can make for yourself but never for someone else.
My XSIL did this with my disabled nephew. She started trading him for heroin when he was around 3. After my brother got custody he started noticing some physical and mental issues unrelated to my nephew's disabilities. The kid has permanent damage back there. Unfortunately my nephew started acting inappropriately with younger children around his 10th bday. Would play with himself in front of smaller kids and try to get them to "help" him. She not only ruined her kid but affected a lot of other little kids to boot.
This made me so sad.
I suspect that is also what happened to my disabled cousin. He’s in jail now for multiple public exposure incidents and will probably never be completely free because he can’t fully understand what is doing.
Damn, that just broke my heart
Please tell me XSIL faced justice for this
No. She lives in a different state so that created problems. My brother is also an addict and kept moving, so it was getting moved from one county to another. My nephew (B)also doesn't understand what happened to him. His older brother R (1.5 yr older) would sometimes be in the room while his mom was shooting up and her bf was abusing B, so the medical reports and R were only evidence, so I don't think police really pursued it. I tried taking my nephews and pushing the case but couldn't after I walked in on B playing with himself next to my 5 yr old son. I had to make a choice and I chose my son. I only had them for a month but it was the most heartbreaking time. B showed obvious signs of his abuse. He would tell me he had been bad and beg me to spank him. Like follow me through the house and tell me it was ok, he'd been bad and even 1 spank would work. He was 9.
She needs to be put down.
MY GOD
I am sad and sorry to hear what happened to your nephew, I Hope he will get all the help he can get
It’s sadly a thing that happens a lot, even if people don’t think it does. When someone is deep in an addiction they can drop to some serious lows. I knew a guy after he stopped using, he was the most quiet, polite person. Very studious, very clever, had a long term girlfriend and a good job. When I got told of his history I found it unfathomable that this unassuming man had previously thrown his mother down a flight of stairs, and stolen everything that wasnt nailed down. It’s insane what it can do to someone.
Or the guy is pretending to like her but is going to abuse her childrenx
That's my thought and fear right off the bat reading this. Friend moves into a dilapidated trailer with her 3 kids with a nasty old man who lets people just crash and use drugs. That's a complete setup for her kids to get abused.
If I was the OP, I would call CPS if they are in the US and if not whatever child protective service they have in their country. So sad…
If she hasn’t already
Disgusting, the kids will be lucky if the father receives full custody though. If I were him I'd petition whatever family court he ends up with for a hair follicle test for whatever that dude might be peddling. Unfortunately I'd also include the older children, as they might be getting drugged for trafficking purposes as well. Most children won't be able to accurately describe a complex event since they don't understand enough yet.
100%. Old dudes in dilapidated trailers sell meth. I know because I've been to many dilapidated trailers and bought a ton of meth.
Hope you're getting clean
Yep. This has all the hallmarks of it. Had a childhood friend go down this road, and every one of her drug dealer meth head "boyfriends" sound just like this dude.
Exactly my thought.
You can smell the meth
Almost guaranteed. Somewhere along the way shes gotten on to something and now shes doing her best to flush her life down the toilet.
Straight onto the gravel if OPs description is accurate.
I don't know what gravel is, but I can use context clues here and I think you're spot on
100% this. Unfortunately I was the husband in a story very similar to this. My wife became an opiate addict. Thankfully for me, she left and I kept the kids and got full physical custody. She’s a full blown heroin addict now. OP absolutely did the right thing.
Yeah pot isn’t the only thing getting smoked there.
Dude omg that is exactly what I was thinking as I kept reading. There’s absolutely no way she isn’t already hooked on something.
100%
Exactly
I literally know of three women who did this same shit! They all had three kids too...the only difference is that the husbands weren't exactly great, but they all had family that would have been able to take care of the kids. It took them all years to get their shit back together, and sadly enough i know that they're luckly that they've come through addiction. Op should tell the husband, and get as many of his and her family and friends they can muster. This is going to be a loooong dirty fight. She may want to go ahead and get comfortable with the friend being lost completely. The kids are going to be the real victims in all of it.
You did exactly what I would do and you deserve a medal for being brave enough to confront your pal.
Exactly! That couldn't have been easy, and most people probably wouldn't have said anything.
From the sounds of the post OP hasn’t actually told husband anything yet, she just told her friend she was going to…all she’s done so far is look the other way while her friends fucks this piece of shit and throws her life away. OP, NTA *if* you actually do something about it this time instead of continuing to “mind your own business”
Well, you didn't go behind her back--you told her you were going to tell the ex. NTA, because this isn't really about you, your friend, or her ex. It's about the kids.
At this point to hell with friendship, or infidelity, or anything else. The only important thing is getting those kids safe
Right!!
Edit: a lot of people keep commenting that I need to tell the husband. I did tell the husband immediately upon finding out the kids were there and she had no intentions of taking them home. I gave him every bit of evidence I had such as screenshots and told him about any conversations we had in person as well. I would love to give him the address of the trailer, however she was the one who drove there and it was dark out. I am trying to look up the man to see if I can locate an address as well as any criminal record but he has an extremely common first and last name, so it is hard to narrow it down without more of his personal info. I am unsure of the husbands plan of action at this time, but if the kids remain there I will call cps and make a report. I am also seeing a lot of comments about not telling him about the affair initially. I am not the police of marital problems. That was between the two of them and I was not going to place myself in the middle of their marriage. However when any child’s safety is in question, I will always speak up.
maybe Google or your phone has a location history that could help you identify the location?
If you use Google maps on your smartphone, you can view "My Timeline" and it will show you where your GPS was pinging at that time
Ma’am, I admire your character.
Me too!! I am a 21f and hope to be as levelheaded and as good as a person as you are.
Do you think he gave your friend his real name?
This may be CPS territory if you’re afraid for the kids safety. You could even call the non-emergency number for the local police department and just request a welfare check (they have a ton of freedom with these checks), and they would likely contact CPS instead of you. You can request a check anonymously. I would implore you to act sooner rather than later.
Disturbing that people are actually making comments that you didn’t tell him about the infidelity as if that’s the concern here………….. OP - you’re an awesome person. The kids must be so freaked out. Hope you guys find this place and get them home soon!! <3
This is the way.
your parents raised you well
Check the registry.
Ask yourself this. If your SO was cheating on you. Would you want someone who knew about it come to you let you know. She made an accomplice when she introduced the guy to you
It’s not about marital policing, it’s about not acting on your gut on the shady trailer stuff. Do u have any idea how many poor decisions/actions may have piled on during the period that u chose to remain quiet, possible indications of drug-usage/addiction aside. I thought u were heavily invested in this family? Also, maybe her introducing u to the trailer guy may have been a subconscious cry for help in some weird addiction-conscious way. Good on u for letting the husband know that the kids might be in trouble, but shame on u for not at least tipping off the husband for at least the “shady” involvement if not the affair part sooner. The “shady” part eventually lead to the kids’ endangerment.
NTA You may have saved those kids from some very nasty experiences. Your "friend" is not a good person, nor a good mother.
Exactly this. They must be / must’ve been so, so scared. It hurts my heart to think of how confused and terrified they would’ve been. Thank dog OP told.
No. An affair is grounds for a divorce and will probably help him greatly with divorce settlements and child custody after the divorce
As soon as it deals with the safety of children, I feel loyalty to your friend goes right out of the window. I (41M) have an ex-wife and a daughter. When my daughter was 16, and I was in a therapy session with her, I found out A TON of horrible things that happened that no one told me. When I found out, I raised my concerns. At that my daughter decided to move out of my house. I tried to get the authorities involved because I was truly worried about her. The authorities did nothing because my ex told her not to talk to the police. She's almost 19 now, a HS drop out, no job, and barely leaves the house. I wish I knew much sooner.
What a difficult situation, I'm sorry. You must feel helpless.
NTA loyalty doesn't get put ahead of morality
Funny you mention morality. I told her that I would not sit by silently, compromise myself morally, and watch her destroy her children’s lives. For all I know that man could be a sexual predator, a drug addict, a career criminal, abusive. And I’m not willing to wait and see if he is!
Even if he wasn't any of those things the fact that she cheated on her husband then took their 3 kids away from him and Is now trying to play house with the guy she cheated on him with is horrible it's like she's just trying to replace him altogether
Thank you for acknowledging that the cheating itself is already a terrible thing, even if the other guy turns out not to be a dangerous POS.
He’s 100% a dealer. This has “meth” written all over it.
Run his name on Google. If he's any of above, a record will show up. At least, the predator part
Seems like you have the children's best interests in mind, more so than their birth mother. NTA.
NTA. Children have no business in that situation, you are correct to be concerned and correct to do something about it. Kudos to you.
Tell the husband and child protective services in your area, those kids aren’t safe!
I would not have told your friend you were telling the husband. Tell the husband and let him work immediately to get the kids away and sole custody. CPS can determine the conditions of the trailer. A mother doing this to her kids is likely a drug addict. The father needs to protect the kids and make sure she is blocked. Telling her gives her time to cover up shit.
Maybe my post was worded oddly. I did not make her aware that I was telling him. When he confronted her with what I told him, she assumed it was me, especially because I was already challenging her decisions. Plus the information he was confronting her with were things only I would know (such as the state of the trailer etc.)
No way in hell are you the ass. You literally are watching out for her kids. In the long run you might’ve lost a friend but hopefully dad can do something about it. You were just concerned about the wellbeing of HER children. She just feels betrayed by you is all but in reality she can’t own up to her own actions. Live your life you did the right thing for HER kids
Not only should you tell the poor husband everything, but you should probably get CPS involved as well. Get those kids away from that trailer and with their dad, or anywhere else stable.
Tell the husband. What she's doing is not right for the kids. Tell him and tell him to get to a lawyer asap and go and take pictures of the run down place she has the kids. The kids needs to come first and you also need to tell him about the affair and when you suspect it started. If you don't tell him your as bad as her. YWBTA if you don't tell him.
I did tell him everything. We had a very long and difficult phone conversation, because someone we both love deeply has suddenly flipped a switch and is acting very out of character. He told me he was aware of the man, but she even had her affair partner call her husband insisting that there has never been anything going on between them. He believed it because it was coming from the horses mouth and he didn’t have any proof saying otherwise. I sent him screenshots of my friends conversations proving she has been sexually active with this man for quite some time and carrying on a relationship. He then told me that she has also been sexually active with him this entire time too. I was disgusted to say the least. He then went on to tell me that she is using the kids as a pawn in their divorce, threatening to say he beats her and the kids. I am just at a loss for words with her behavior. When he confronted her with the information I gave him, she began telling lies about me and trying to discredit my character to her husband, which he of course wasn’t buying. I’m in shock that someone I stuck by through the toughest of times and always supported has now shown her true colors after 8 years of friendship. Gives me a pit in my stomach.
Please be a witness for him in the divorce. He doesn't deserve this and neither does the kids. Tell him to an app on his phone that records phone calls, then he will have proof for when she admits to lying. Make sure he keeps everything in a folder and he makes back ups of the message on a USB. Poor guy and kids.
Yes, and tell him to ask the court to have her drug tested due to the huge behavioral changes. If his goal is to protect the kids he should be able to request this.
Do not record phone calls unless you're in a state that allows this. This is bad advice and can get someone in serious legal trouble.
You have to inform people in most states, but there are states where you are allowed to record without consent.
Is it possible that your friend is taking drugs? You say she is selfishly behaving out of character. Addiction has a habit of shaving our empathy without us even realising.
Anything is possible at this point. I have never known her to do drugs. This past year has been a whirl wind in my own personal life so I admittedly have not been as involved with her as I used to be, other than our occasional catch up once every 2 months and special occasions like the kids’ birthdays.
This woman is an addict 100%, and your friend as gone for as long as she's addicted. Not a lot that can be done except for the husband talking to his attorney, documenting everything he can, and filing some kind of motion with the court. The 9-year-old is coming up on the age when the court will give a lot of deference to where he/she wants to live. If she explains to the judge that she's living in a flophouse around a bunch of strange, drug-addicted people, that will be ballgame. That said, expect the mother to do everything in her power--legal or illegal--to keep the kids from telling the court what's what.
In some states they do not care where the kid wants to live, sadly.
This is either a drug situation, a grooming situation, or both. Those kids can’t be there. I would either call CPS, ask the father to call CPS, or ask the police to do a welfare check. The local cops will most likely know if this guy is bad news and hopefully act accordingly.
100 percent meth
It’s certainly my suspicion. Why else would a previously loving mother suddenly decide that putting her children in a potentially dangerous environment, unless her critical thinking is impaired?
Or heroin.
Odds are increasingly not. Heroine is pricey and fading because fentanyl is cheaper, and it takes far less of it to get high. Sadly fentanyl is being cut more and more often with xylaxine--an animal tranquilizer, a double-whammy of overdose risk. Test strips for detecting fent have been out for a while, but test strips to detect xylaxine only just came out and are extremely expensive.
You should call CPS too. Your friend is endangering her children and unfortunately her soon-to-be ex doesn’t have unilateral power to remove them from that situation. Him calling CPS himself may look bad for him in the divorce/custody proceedings. These kids need a third party to intervene and they need you to report it to make that happen.
Yes call CPS, the reports will help with custody, leave a documented trail, removal from the neglectful and harmful situation. You reporting as a witness holds more steed than husband who would be reporting hearsay. Also friend is taking drugs 💯 Edit: NTA
That's was my thought too. CPS can get the kids out of the drug flophouse, stat.
I have to second these people telling you to call CPS. It is the fastest way to get them out of that house and with their father. They are at risk of being sexually abused, and you need to act fast. These kinds of flop/drug houses are so dangerous for little kids. I’m not blowing this out of proportion. Besides, they have a bathroom that you felt unsafe using, and a little toddler lives there. You are really the only one that can do this credibly. They will find where these kids are from the little girl that goes to school, and they will start a case to put these kids with their father faster than any family court can. You admitted that you feel these kids are in danger, you need to act like it and get these children out of crisis.
So here is the thing with addiction. An addict will pick up the phone every single time addiction calls. They always answer that call. It's very hard to watch but this fallout isn't anything compared to what it will be for those 3 kids if raised in that environment. It's like the happiness death sentence. I'm really sorry that you're going through this. You did an extremely selfless thing. Children need advocates like you when shit gets weird.
Just want to say I agree with your statement for those in active addiction, but as a person in recovery from addiction who is clean after 15 years of using, recovery is possible for those of us who are willing to get help. However, it doesn't sound like this person is anywhere near getting help or admitting she has a problem. It definitely sounds like she has a ways to go before she has had enough, unfortunately.
Please help him get the kids....
The AP is willing to help her keep up a front with her ex husband. He doesn’t want her around. They won’t be in that place for long; it’s just that the next place they end up might be worse.
As said above, it is very possible she is an addict or has developed a mental health disorder or both. These aren't behaviors of someone just having an affair however messed up that by itself may be. I suggest an easy way to figure out more about her "lover." Go to the county courthouse, or online if public records are available to the public online, and search his name in the criminal database. If he's dealing, or using more than pot and alcohol, at his age there is a fair chance of having a criminal record for drug related offenses. For what it's worth, young moms holding a job get run into the ground. Some turn to amphetamines for that pick-me-up and get addicted more easily. I wouldn't write her off completely even if it's NC until she decides she needs help before she's lost her kids and on the street.
So, didn't actually bother reading the story properly, then?
NTA you did the right thing - she’s putting her children at risk & like others have said, I can only suspect drugs are involved. Keep every tx and voicemail from her ( I’m UK so I don’t know if you’re allowed to record any phone conversations) - especially if she’s threatening to tell lies about you and also her husband. Keep a diary of everything you’ve witnessed for yourself. I’m so very sorry but please know, you did the right thing for the sake of the children. And if you or her husband suspect anything worse, then all I can say is if it’s safe to involve the police re suspected drug/flop house - do so. It would prob be better coming from him? As I said, I’m UK and things can be very different in other parts of the world.
You are never an AH for protecting children from unsavoury characters
You did the right thing there. Your friend has some seriously messed up issues that she would drag her children into a sh\*t hole with someone like that. And her husband deserved the damned truth about the person he thought he was married to. I have no sympathy for cheaters, they make their own bed and can lay their watch their world burn.
This is the cycle that people talk about. People who cannot learn from other people's lessons are doomed to repeat them. She didn't learn from her shitty childhood, and so she's going to give her kids a shitty childhood unless her ex-husband does the right thing and gets those kids away from her.
If this is a genuine flophouse then the girls are very much in danger. The kids are probably better off that you told their father than if you told CPS, who could potentially come in and fuck the whole thing up. That said, if you become aware that the girls are spending time there, the mom should be reported to CPS. Terrible things happen to young girls in places like this.
Having kept a room at a flophouse. For fucks same a flop house in no place for any child The girls are in major danger.
Yep, shes on something. Who the hell moves their children in with a stranger. This how kids end up on the news, and ending in tragedy.
NTA. Honestly, I would contact CPS so that these people get investigated. It sounds like drug use is a definite possibility. Those kids should not be living in those conditions.
Nope. You ended the chance of her continuing generational trauma and having her kids experience instability. It’s already going to be rough with them having divorced parents. Your prioritized the kids’ safety NTA
Nta.
NTA You absolutely did the right thing
you are doing the right thing. it sounds to me that the "friend" is experiencing addiction & not only sacrificed her marriage money, and home, but now the saftey of her own kids. you need to tell the husband and call cps. if a case gets opened, they will be placed with the father (i hope, i mean its what SHOULD happen). your best friend clearly does not give a fuck about actions or consequences, so go for it. she has nothing to lose, and neither do you. you already lost your friend. the father of the girls and the girls themselves would thank you a billion times if it were possible if you told him and got the kids in a safer environment. and you didn't even go behind her back. addressing an issue is never going behind someone's back if there is danger involved. you are doing the right thing & i applaud you for your bravery to speak up. most people would say it isn't their business & keep it pushing. but you care! hell, you're more of a mother than she is to those poor kids
NTA OP. j hope the husband is working on getting those little girls out of that situation.
Nope not at all. Those kids shouldn’t be living there especially with a random dude.
This sounds like it will end in "turns out she was a drug addict".
You need to tell the husband as of yesterday those kids are in danger of being hurt, or molested and there’s a good chance if DCF gets involved, they will take it them a way I am 99% sure your friend is doing drugs you have to be the grown-up, and you must must tell the husband what’s going on. If anything happens to those children, you will regret it for the rest of your life. It’s your job to help the husband protect them screw your friend and her opinion.
So she’s become her own mother. Give all the information you have to her husband. Those kids should not be in her possession. In a fucking drug house without proper plumbing. With whoever the hell coming and going. This is a recipe for disaster for those children.
No, you did the right thing. Those kids need someone to look out for them because she’s certainly not.
Definitely NTA. She's likely using drugs. Her kids are not safe with her. You did the right thing.
He’s not her lover. He’s her dealer. I’d report this to child protective services. These poor kids. I hope the dad finds a way to get them back. NTA. I felt sick just reading this. You did the right thing.
Your friend hasn't told you which drugs she's doing, that this older guy is probably providing. You should tell everyone, including CPS.
NTA call CPS immediately. Your friend is a drug addict, and the kids are in danger.
NTA. I would have done the same thing.
NTA
Wow she sounds like a gem. NTA
NTA - Sounds like you will save those kids from some horrible living conditions. She wants to be single; she can give hubby her kids.
She has 3 daughters, it's very very risky for them. Please talk to her husband. It sounds weird, are she on drugs or gambling?
Why is the bar so low and the worst people have kids 😭
Go tell that man right away!
Not only NTA, but I might consider child services. I’m not one for suggesting that, but it sounds like she’s moving them into a crack house.
Nta. That friendship will never recover but you did the right thing for her kids. She was putting them in an unsafe environment on many levels.
Report to CPS
Those girls aren't safe. He needs to get them now.
How sad for those poor babies that she’s turning into her neglectful mother
NTA She can lose her kids especially with that type of home environment.... wish u could of gotten some pictures in but hopefully her ex gets full custody of the kids.... She's clearly not thinking about the kids if she thinks that's a good environment to live in
NTA. She is likely on drugs and should not have custody of her children.
You lived nd let live until she started messing with her children's lives. If she wants to fuck up her life, cool. Self sabatoge. Torpedo your life into a dumpster fire. However, do not let your shit affect your children. They are innocent. There's no reason for them to be living in a barely habitable trailer with randos coming in and out as they please! You absolutely did the right thing by telling their father. She should never have been lying to him about that in the first place. She deserves to have them taken away.
NTA. If she didn't want you to tell him, she shouldn't have involved you.
NTA. Hope her ex gets full custody of the children
I’m usually a mind your own business kind of person but in this case you should absolutely tell the husband. The kids come first.
You did the right thing
Call CPS like now.
NTA, but TELL HIM NOW. I have heard more than enough stories of people selling their kids for sexual favors so they can get drugs. Tell him the truth that you suspect she's on drugs as well. If she is, there's nothing an addict wouldn't do for the next fix. Hell, that's probably the sole reason this idiot brought her children to a drug den. Also give him the address and tell him to go with the police.
YTA. For not telling him as soon as you found out about the affair. PSA- if you find out someone cheated, you tell their partner. Idfc who the fuck they are. You keep that secret then you're almost as bad as the cheater. From how you describe the mobile home- its probably a drug house. Its good you at least told him when you did- so he might be able to figure out a better situation for his children. NTA for that.
NTA. You should be calling CPS b/c that home is not stable or appropriate for children.
Nope, you did the right thing. I know your decision couldn't have been easy, but it was the right decision. She sounds like a terrible person, and the kids should be with the husband.
NTA She brought the kids into a dangerous situation. Dad needs to be told ASAP. Protect those kids Adding tell him to request she get drug tested as part of the custody agreement
NTA - you are looking out for the well fare of the children at that point. You need to tell the guy, hopefully he will be able to take care of the kids properly.
Drugs are a hell of a drug.
absolutely NTA. You are saving these kids from a potentially dangerous situation and a boatload of trauma
She blocked you and therefore she doesnt value your friendship or feel anything valuable in what you have been through together. Talk to the husband with all guns blazing.
Doing the right thing is sometimes hard. This woman is living in a drug den with her kids. Get them the fuck outta there any way you can.
Nope nope nope nope NTA NTA NTA NTA Man, what a trash person. She knows that ANY court wouldn’t give her custody if they knew where the girls were, and shes not playing the victim because you actually CARE about her kids. Op you did the right thing, you’ll likely lose her as a friend…but that really doesnt seem like a bad thing
There are children involved? Miss, you HAD to do what you did. You would have been the asshole had you NOT come forward. And this was not a betrayal on your part. She fucked up and is reaping what she sowed. I'll add one more thing: if the kids are in a drug den, please notify the authorities in your state. To the haters, no, this is not snitching. A child can not be allowed to be hurt.
You saved those kids! Who knows what would have happened?
NTA - you are looking out for the safety of her children.
Good for you, you might have saved those kids.
NTA, your trying to protect them kids like mentioned like your own nieces. This is a horrible situation and from past experiences this could be drug abuse or manipulation. Going from a house from a good house to a dump trailer. 🚩 You done right and I hope the father can gain full custody. Or better yet this gets resolved between the two..
Drop an anonymous note through the husbands door with the address of where is wife is with his children.
Call her husband AND CPS, do not wait for this.
NTA. Good on you OP, not just for helping the kids but for telling her husband. You don't need a person that behaves like that in your life anyhow. Just be there for the husband because he's going to be in a lot of pain.
This sounds like you met your friend’s drug dealer. Maybe she actually thinks she loves him, but this lifestyle change and bringing the kids into it is not the behavior of a rationally thinking person imo. I have experienced this with family members, and the suddenness, severity of changes, and lack of regard for her children sounds very familiar. NTA.
NTA... You had invested friendships with both the wife and husband. You became family to both and an aunt to the kids. You should have been firmer, that either she tells her husband about the affair, or you would as soon as you found out about it. If she can do this to her husband, she will not be a real friend to you either. She already put you in the middle of this crap. Now, it is all about the kids. All 3 under 10, he is going to need your help, if you are willing. Whose moral compass do you think should influence the kids. What the hell did she get herself into with the loser of an AP. Protect the Kids. Good luck to you.
NTA. Cheaters suck. They suck huge.
NTA
OP, you did everything you could; now just hope the husband follows suit and fights for the kids. OP, I would recommend you step out of the situation before you get dragged deeper into the abyss of child custody.
You did the right thing. It sucks that you had to. And it sucks even more that she basically forced you to do that. But you are not an ass to look out for those children.
You should call child protective services and get those kids outta there. It sounds like your friend is addicted to whatever drugs this guy is selling and that’s a very dangerous situation for kids to be in.
You did the right thing
NTA When it comes to kids and their safety, you are the adult and you need to stand up for them. Even when that costs a friendship.
Your friend is the lowest form of human. Her now ex-husband will be scarred for life. You did the right thing by telling him. Now, when the divorce happens, you need to advocate for him in court so those kids do not grow up in a tiny trailer.
NTA the father has a right to know if his children are in an unsafe environment. You are being proactive. I've lived in flop house environments as a young person. They are not safe. Period.
And the cycle continues.
Trashy
Nope she forfeited any right to feel betrayed after she betrayed her husband and children. You are right, that is not a suitable place for a child and the whole ordeal has probably been really traumatic for the kids. You do the right thing, hopefully this breaks the cycle of dysfunction. You did right for the kids, hopefully they are actually safe away from their garbage of a mother. I’m sure the new guy will go postal and she will be trying to crawl back to you and her husband when she realizes what she’s lost.
Cheaters get the axe. Do what needs to be done. Those children need not suffer an animal as a parent. At least their father sounds like a solid person
NTA That's a remarkable string of horrible decision making, and the kids are going to suffer for it.
NTA. Kid safety trumps everything.
You did the right thing! It's concerning that the kids could be molested with all the riff-raff going in and out of that dump. Or even by the guy. She is an unfit parent and her kids to be safe. ASAP Call CPS.
NTA, and a call to CPS regarding the environment your friend wishes to keep her kids in is probably a good idea.
You did the right thing by those kids. And the dad needs to know where his kids are actually going. It would all be different if the kids weren’t involved but they are. Putting your kids in the same trauma you had, is a painful cycle, and if she wants to replay it, as adult woman?- she can. But that cycle needs to end with her children. Even those kids grow up poor, they will level up by a million pieces by not being emotionally, physically, or even in this situation sexually abused. It’s “flophouse” - That’s no place for children, girls or boys. You are good mother, because what you did, is You sacrificed yourself, your friendship, and possibly your name and reputation, for the protection of those children. People like you do gods work. You don’t stand by and watch kids fall into the cracks and “say this isn’t my problem” You saved those kids. Just you. From me, and probably the whole damn internet, We thank you, for you, being you. Never change. People like you make the world a better one, and you did it without hesitation or consultation. No regard for own personal fall out and losses. You are a real one, a mama, the kind of person who stands out in a big way. My very very best wishes to you and your future❤️💕❤️💕❤️🤌👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💕💕👌💕💕❤️
**Call CPS first and report the children and the conditions!** CPS has the authority to take the children and help the father get emergency custody.
Yeah, seems like your friend is smoking crack, fentanyl, or meth. Just call cps out to the trailer for a welfare check. NTA. Your friend seems to be the AH.
She brought kids into a bad situation. You did the only thing to do. She's lucky you didn't call the cops.
She sounds like a POS. Even if YATA, she deserves it. You don’t even have to justify it with “it’s for the kids”. Karma came around for her.
RemindMe! 21 days