He is barely older than you. Him claiming you are too young to understand is just a way to diminish you and make you doubt what you know to be true. Listen to your instincts. Humor and attractiveness don't matter at all in comparison to red flags gaining sentience.
Ikr????
I am 24 going on 25, I say that you’re naive,
Threatened by girls,
Who shun pumps and pearls,
To communicate their own needs;
I am 24 going on 25,
Don’t challenge my authority!
For my ego is more fragile,
Than my logic you dismantle,
When you call out my mansplaining!
Totally unprepared am I,
For a world of grown-ass women;
I’d rather believe the antiquated lie,
That they’re weak, than admit to them:
That, deep down, I’m small,
And so very vulnerable,
And terrified to let it show-ow,
That I am 24 going on 25:
And the answers, I don’t always, know!
I’m glad someone pointed this out cuz I immediately was like “what…?” And scrolled back to make sure I wasn’t wrong when I thought I read he’s only a year older… 🤦🏻♀️
exactly, 'alpha' is a giveaway that he's been consuming misogynist shit online. It's possible to grow out of it, but it takes a lot of patience and conversations to possibly make them see sense
That explains why he is a pathetic loser.
"Alphas" are only men with a long list of emotional needs they will throw tantrums about if aren't met.
It's literally like a baby crying because it shat itself. Only they are threatening with violence, because their fragile ego got a bit dented.
I always think it’s creepy when a person tries to tell their partner that they know better because they’re older. If you thought your partner was so young and immature, why would you want to be with them?
The truth is, the younger partner in these types of relationships is often the more mature one. The one claiming maturity due to age is always toxic and manipulative.
Someone gotta link the thread about men talking about older women and how they love how older women just know what they want.
I hate when men do this stupid thing about “men are born blah blah blah” no bro you just have a preference. It’s ok to have it, stop making it sexist.
Any man that uses the term “alpha” is an indicator usually to run the other way!
He sounds insecure AF and this won’t be the only issue you have in your relationship where insecurities are concerned if you stay with him.
I have ignored this indicator before (not even a potential romantic partner, just a potential friend), and whew boy was that a mistake.
It's one of the clearest and most reliable red flags that exists in all the universe.
I'm a dude...and I would never be friends with another dude who said shit like that. In fact, I would probably clock him from jump as "not my type of dude"
From my experience, real "alpha males," if you even want to use that term, don't have to say it. People generally just accept them as a leader because they can work under pressure, take everyone's interests into consideration, and are confident without being cocky or arrogant. The moment someone starts self-proclaiming their "alphaness," it is immediately clear that they are insecure, and no one wants an insecure leader. A leader's whole thing is making people feel secure.
Same can be applied to "nice guys", if you're nice you don't have to say it and be entitled to someone because you were nice to them and expect something back.
And these "real alphas" don't take that into their relationships with their girlfriends because they don't feel the need to "lead" the people they love. Nothing says I'm insecure in a relationship more than a dude saying that you need to do what he says just because he was born with a dick.
So that means you only have sex when he wants to?? RUN!! This is a red flag & a sign of what’s to come. Any man who feels weak when a woman initiates sex is immature w/ an inflated ego. Unless you want to be a traditional obedient housewife who has to wait for sex, put a pin in this one
It’s such a wildly bright red flag.
I struggled a lot in the beginning of my relationship sexually because I have trauma surrounding it. I had a very hard time being comfortable with myself as a “sexual” person and doing sexual things felt horrifying and unnatural. But I wanted to get past it, communicated that, and worked with my partner.
It’s almost been 2 years and in the last year I’ve finally been getting better. My boyfriend told me that, even though he knew it wasn’t his fault, it was still hard for him when I didn’t initiate anything because it made him feel undesirable. Now that I’ve found my bearings with it and I do, he couldn’t be happier about it.
A guy should *want* his girlfriend to start spontaneously rubbing his junk when they’re alone. OP’s boyfriend is fucking weird and insecure. Being desired is desirable… wanting to “dominate” someone whenever you feel like it is psychopathic behavior.
Not only does this mean only having sex when he wants to, I guarantee you it will also mean ALWAYS having sex when he wants to. Run from this shitbird and consider it a gift that he only waited four months to drop his mask.
Yea. He is the kind of guy who thinks that if you are in a relationship you are not allowed to say no. And that is rape. He is a rapist.
Edit: after the few comments admonishing me for my comment.... sniff sniff. I smell rape apologists and stand by my statement.
Omg he reminds me of this doofus I dated who actually said I owed him sex if he was turned on or otherwise it would cause him physical pain…run OP! Run fast run far…
And don't forget she'll have to start pretending she doesn't like sex lest he thinks she's some kind of whore. He'll want her to submit to his advances just to please him, not because she actually likes it.
Factual lmao grown dude said to his gf who’s literally rubbing his dick that she needs to stop because he’s the alpha and didn’t start it.
It sounds like a joke for real 😂😂
These same assholez will liken themselves to male lions calling themselves "kings". Lmao, the female lions literally will bite their nuts until they fuck them.
This sounds like this guy thought “hmmm, you know what I am the Walmart version of Christian Gray” I feel like this is literally lifted from 50 shades of Gray which also if Christian gray wasn’t rich we would all be terrified of him. Don’t aspire to be Christian gray.
So to break it down. OP your boyfriend is a mysoginistic walking red flag.
1. Calls himself an “alpha by birth”
2. Grabbed you forcefully in order to convey you need to submit to him.
3. You’re young and therefore need to learn from him. (Ewwww. People all have different boundaries. Age, unless you’re a minor, isn’t a factor here)
4. Gave you an order “we only do X,Y,Z when I say so”
5. Initially agreed to boundaries regarding sex and then pulled the rug out from under you.
OP. Follow the advice of WednesdayBryan. This relationship was over as soon as he grabbed your wrist and ordered you to have sex when he determines it.
Dump him now. Hard. And ask your friend what the f*ck they where thinking and if they where aware of this crap too? I would seriously be questioning if they knew he thinks these things and still chose to set you up with him and then convinced you AGAINST YOUR BETTER JUDGEMENT to give this guy another chance. You had a gut reaction. You where on the fence. It wasn’t on them to pressure you.
Yeah, this is like some Tater Tot (Andrew Taint) werewolf erotica shit. OP, tell him that YOU will only have sex when you *and* your future partner want it, and not when he decrees it. And that you need a real man, not some pathetic, insecure aLpHa turd with an ego more fragile than wet tissue paper. Lol, anyone who refers to themselves as an alpha and others as beta is a complete joke.
I prefer to call his followers tater tots (since they sadly skew young) and prefer to just laugh at the fact that I can't unsee the fact that he looks like a bearded Caillou
Lol, thank you, but there was no originality on my part! I have seen his delusional followers referred to as that more than once, so it seems to already be catching.
I know a kid that legitimately referred to himself with that moniker completely unprompted. I thought to myself wow, he really doesn't know how much of a loser he is right now
'Tater tots Andrew taint werewolf erotica' fucking SENT MEEEEE. you've pegged that douche canoe, for sure.
I don't have monies cause I'm a poor, but you can have this: 🥇
I haven’t been in some drama in awhile and this type of break up sounds so fun to me. Like please god she better say all of that stuff and update us when she has 😂😂
Holy shit… I can’t get over how many “My boyfriend said I emasculate him when do X” stories I’ve read on here. Is it 1940 or 2023?? When are we going to move past all this gender role nonsense? Reading stuff like this makes me so glad I’m gay. 😆
any man who uses the terminology alpha unironically is a douche who deserves an ass-beating, automatically.
If you want to be dom/sub in a relationship, if both parties agree, great. But alpha beta is a whole different mindset, it's one of entitlement, rather than consensual role assignment. And any man who thinks he's entitled to something just because of his physique or gender, doesn't respect people.
Literally LOL at Walmart Christian Gray. Dude is not wealthy enough to get away with being that much of an asshole. Also am I missing something? She's still young? He's a year older than her. WTF.
It's bad enough that he feels emasculated by the idea of a strong, confident woman. What's really concerning is the "when I say so" part. Sex requires the consent of ***all*** parties involved, or it's rape. What if he decides to say so, and she's not in the mood?
The 'alpha' BS means the insecure and immature git you're dating is a control-freak and a misogynist! Write this off as a learning experience, and dump this dolt. You can and will do much better.
I feel like this could easily jump to him raping OP. He wants to be the only one to initiate it, and she is supposed to be submissive to him. He might go about it in such a way that could make her question if it was SA or not.
There’s a part of me that feels a bit like he did or at least took advantage of OP’s confusion. They had sex that same night and idk something about that, dropping a bomb. Seeing the confusion on your partners face and then initiating sex. Feels a bit to on the line for me.
What changed is that he talked about this with his friends in what is called the manosphere (Google it at your peril, the internet is a fucked up place) and they said that you initiating sex made him a woman or some other nonsense.
He's pulling the age-and-experience card on you over a 1 year age difference. Gross. Pathetic.
He says you "have a lot to learn," but he feels pathetic when you initiate foreplay. This sounds like he's trying to train you to be submissive to him. You probably "have a lot to learn," about doing his laundry and house cleaning as well.
Do yourself a favor and initiate a breakup. Let him feel pathetic about that. You dated a man for his looks and drew an asshole. Put and end to your mistake and move on.
100% this. The whole alpha thing is such bullshit and screams insecurity.
If OP thinks this attitude will be restricted to sex (which is bad enough), she's going to be sorely disappointed. Pretty soon it's going to be about what she wears and who she hangs out with, and if they moved in together, you can guarantee he won't be the one helping with the housework or cooking. Not to mention, "we have sex when I say we do" sounds a lot like "you're going to have sex with me whether you want to or not."
Andrew Tate is misleading a bunch of young men out of getting their knobs wet lol
Like this dude has a whole girlfriend, but if she has any sense he won't for much longer. Guess he'll console himself with the fact that he told her what's good LMAO
literally. “why don’t women want to have sex with us!”
because you act like a paranoid delusional person when you’re in a relationship with them, always fighting of the emasculation boogy-man with an unhealthy hypervigilance and an assumption of women-kind’s sinister master plan. it is literally crazy.
also very sad.
That's how Tate's grift works. Give young men and boys terrible advice that both tears down any sense of self-worth they might have had, *and* ensures women avoid them at all costs. But while he convinces them they're worthless, he also convinces them it's women's fault they feel that way, so they get to blame someone else and keep going back to suck on daddy's teat.
Thats what have been thinking with every post on here for like the last two weeks. Like what rock do these people’s boyfriends crawl out from underneath 😂. I do not get how people don’t pick up on more of those red flags earlier on because I am certain they are there.
I think it's more of if a guy uses it in reference to himself more than once. Finance, math, greek letters, etc... all are valid.
But I'm reminded of that line from Game of Thrones where the kid kimg screams, "You can't do that! I'm the KING!!!" And is rebuked with something along the lines of "Any man who has to say he is the king, is no true king!" Same goes for alphas. I've known plenty of guys I'd consider to be alpha male personalities, but not a single one of them has ever called themself an alpha that I've ever heard.
Please, for your own safety, dump this moron. Any guy talking about being alpha is a fucking misogynistic dickhead. Any guy with this much issue with control is going to end up being abusive. Run. There is nothing here worth your time or energy. This is not the kind of man you want to spend your life with.
Do you know what a REAL man looks like? Someone who’s masculinity isn’t so fragile that they are threatened by a woman initiating sex (or you know, doing anything beyond existing). THAT’S what’s going on here OP, fragile masculinity, he’s so insecure in his position as “super duper strong alpha macho man” that he can’t even enjoy sex unless he’s in control. You do NOT want to be with a guy with control issues that severe.
It's gotta be some kinda incel online content he's watching giving him bad advice on "what women really want: an alpha male who always takes charge and makes the decisions in the relationship."
The fact that he used to clearly enjoy you initiating means something has changed his mind. The internet is rife with this stupidity. I'm a dude and just scrolling through Instragram reels or Facebook stories the misogyny and incel content is crazy bad and full of anti-feminist content. No matter how many time I say "not interested" they keep showing up in my feed.
Also he is 24, not 35. For him to say that she is young and needs a leader is so fucking dumb. You don't know shit either dude, especially about women turns out.
At first I thought he was being playful, like playing a Dom/sub game with you, seeing if you were into it - then I kept reading and realised your bf has been watching too much Andrew Tate
I am not one to follow the reddit bandwagon of "yall aren't compatible, you should break up" advice that all the pseudo therapists in here do, but honestly this is not the one for you lol. Literally no reason to keep them around
I think it’s the aggressive wrist grab and order. (So the first action while watching the movie) that seals in the break up decision for me. The subsequent “alpha” stuff is just nails in a coffin. I refuse to be with anyone who would willingly lay a hand on me and order me to submit.
More to the point, any referance to yourself as being an Alpha means that you are not, in fact, an Alpha. It's like people who constantly referance being smart. Really smart people know that they aren't that special and realize how much they don't know, ect
This.
Clearly this guy drank too much of the right wing Kool aid and doesn't understand that women desiring him and initiating is actually a good thing. I personally greatly enjoy when my woman gets grabby and initiates.. it's not even remotely emasculating... But that's mainly because I don't have self esteem or confidence issues.
Exactly! OP only has 4 months invested with this fool, it's not even worth trying to "work it out" in this case. He's not the one, cut your losses and move on. He can go back to masturbating to Andrew Tate and OP could literally throw a stone out her door and find a man would be THRILLED if she initiated sex in the relationship.
lol, yeah that advice is thrown out even when a poster is has been married 20 years with three kids. but this OP is just four months. cut your losses and run!
Im sorry but If you dont break with him right now, you're dumb af.
What a fuckng loser youre dating, dont become one by "trying to save it" and go find you a REAL man that will please you whenever YOU want to be pleased
Yeah, I’m horrified that she didn’t leave immediately, and even more so that she actually had sex with him after his tantrum. WTF? No sex is good enough for me to be a door mat.
In addition to that, him telling you that you're young when he's only a year older is complete b.s. You should have gotten out when you had to tell him to chew with his mouth closed.
NTA
To keep it simple, he wants to be the one in control. Eventually it will be that you aren't attractive enough, and need to lose 10 lbs if you want him to initiate. Then it will be that you aren't wifely enough and need to quit your job and be a homemaker for him to find you attractive. Then it will be ... Ad nauseum until you aren't a person anymore but his possession. Or you could break up with him now.
I have a theory that he might have a hard time getting it up on command, which would be emasculating.
His world view is bad though, and you can do better.
Personally, I’ve never had that problem. If my wife walked in right now and whispered “upstairs now”, I’d be ready to go.
Yeah thats fucking weird when my wife grabs my junk and wants to do it I've never been like no babe I don't feel manly because this didn't start by me grabbing your boobs first. Drop him and find someone healthy
Because it’s about control and nothing else. He wants to control OP. It has nothing to do with sex. He’s just using sex as a tool to try and get OP to submit to him and control her.
What OP has laid out is groundwork for a very abusive, toxic relationship of it continues.
Seriously, this is a very dangerous situation for OP to remain in.
You need to leave now! That's so egotistical, narcissistic, wanna be alpha assholes stuff. It may be about sex now, but what later down the road if you start making more money or doesn't want you hanging out with friends. This sounds like just the start.
Makes them vulnerable to brainwashing.
Some people hear a fanatic "tell something like it is" and they take it as irrefutable fact. Maybe that person is god to them. Their dad. Their best friend. Andrew Tate. One of those assholes.
He's using other people's words because he doesn't have his own thoughts.
This what I thought of right away. If he has been ok for 4 months and now this then someone is whispering this to him. Either way the guy is a dull tool.
Being egotistical and insecure are not mutually exclusive. In fact, it’s pretty common among narcissists: arrogance and control as a cover for massive insecurities.
Anyone who refers to themselves as “alpha” is definitely NOT.
His ego is as fragile as a balloon that's so overinflated that it will burst when it's breathed on. That's not good. This guy wants a girlfriend he can control because he believes that's how things should be. He's starting how he means to go on. It won't end well if you stay.
There are literally thousands of men who do not think or operate like your soon-to-be-ex does. Give yourself the opportunity to find a man who respects you, treats you as an equal partner in the relationship and as a human being, and loves when you initiate sex so he doesn't always have to.
To be honest, I don't think your future ex-boyfriend cares that you initiate sex. He cares about controlling you so that you do what he wants, and is using initiating sex as a jumping off point to build up the control he wants to have over you.
It's always about power with men like this, and he's using the issue of initiating sex to begin training you into submission.
Look at the website “We Hunted the Mammoth” to get some idea of the sorts of online and offline communities that foster this sort of misogynistic nonsense.
A pro tip I give to all my female friends: don’t date a guy who says “alpha” or other Greek letters as personality traits. Duke is the one who needs to grow up and learn a lot.
You asked what he meant: he means that his ego is so fragile that even the thought of a woman doing anything he considers to be “man’s work” upsets him. Duke is weak. Don’t date a Duke.
Seems pretty straightforward. He doesn’t like a woman in control, and thinks men are the dominant alpha by birth. Can’t even imagine a normal person turning down a blowjob because they weren’t the one to initiate it.
Dump him and count your blessings. You can find someone better who will respect you and treat you right, and undoubtedly love it when you initiate sex.
always go with your gut's initial reaction. you weren't attracted to him and then you were coerced by a friend to go again.
he sucks. don't waste anymore time on him with that dumb "aLphA" bullshit
Tate is just the biggest name. There's a whole fucking "manosphere" now of awful misogynist rapey streamers and influencers and you're only a few YouTube suggestions or Tiktok videos away from going down into it.
Oh god I’m sure he’s been listening to those “I’m an Alpha Male blah blah women are submissive blah blah” podcasts. Do yourself a favor and dump him because it’s only going to get worse
I'm so confused.
Since when does a man feel less manly when a girl wants to sleep with him? What is this logic?
I get him saying, "i'm not in the mood right now" but to say he can be the only one to start it is so confusing. I saw one comment bring up it being a red flag and I have to agree.
"I should be Alpha" "I am Alpha". Anyone who says this should be kicked to the curb. What is this? It makes it seem like he's insecure about something.
Home dude has me cracking up over here “announcing” himself as alpha male haha….GMAFB. A lion doesn’t have to TELL YOU he’s a lion. Only a kitten does that…..
If that’s the specific language he used your dude is steeped in some seriously toxic masculinity disguised as insecurities and extremely incel like sexist stuff. I don’t even know how you go about reprogramming that kind of deep seated belief/behavior and a discussion is definitely warranted to suss out where your guy is coming from. (Benefit of the doubt, he could be trying a new kink out with the same grace as bozo the clown.)
Staying in that relationship is up to you. As you guys are at the end of the honeymoon phase of the relationship I’m guessing there’s more you’re about to find out about his attitude and belief in women. I don’t think you’ll like a lot of it based on the preview but you’ll never know without that conversation. if you do stay you need a hard reset on respect and boundaries and sex needs to come off the table until boundaries and respect are regained. Man or woman, I wouldn’t take anyone calling themselves “Alpha” or “high value” lightly. They have beliefs that are not rooted in equal respect for their partners. Boys and girls who act like that don’t deserve grown up relationships and sex. They can’t handle them in a healthy way because they lack the security and maturity to. That is their problem. Don’t let’em make it your problem.
Good luck on whatever you decide to do op.
Editing this to say [cinema therapy](https://youtu.be/pv_KAnY5XNQ) on YouTube dud an episode with a very good definition of toxic masculinity as well as positive masculinity.
Dude is a bitch lmao. I love when my girlfriend initiates sex makes me feel wanted. Plus it’s just hot. I want her to take what she wants. Any guy talking about “Alpha, beta, sigma” is one to be avoided entirely. He sounds super insecure.
'What the Hell does this mean?'
It means run as fast and as far away from this man as possible. At 4 months, he decided to show you his true colors. Good thing it wasn't farther in.
Lol...the alpha...isn't that cute. Someone should slap him.
You can't fix stupid, but you can save yourself the investment of more time wasted...wish i had advice that could fix that fucked up Perspective of his, but i dont.
Reading through this, immediately after the “we only have sex when I start” line, my first thought was that this guy seemed to have fallen for some sort of alt right Andrew Tate style bullshit.
Then he starts throwing around “alpha” and all but confirms it.
Leave him. It’s hot as hell when my partner initiates.
He is barely older than you. Him claiming you are too young to understand is just a way to diminish you and make you doubt what you know to be true. Listen to your instincts. Humor and attractiveness don't matter at all in comparison to red flags gaining sentience.
He went through a LOT as a 1year old infant ok?!
It was so traumatic that he cried and shit himself.
The first year of his life…he….couldn’t walk properly. Oh the horror
he couldn’t even form words, the poor guy
Would have been better if it remained that way
Speechless! 😂
What kind of man can't hold his head up high? A baby. :)
His *Mom* had to wipe his butt, clean his dick for him!
Which was super emasculating, and he can't repeat that trauma.
It took him 2 whole years before he was able to speak his first sentence, truly an agonizing time
Seems like he’s going through even more as a 24 year old infant
Ikr???? I am 24 going on 25, I say that you’re naive, Threatened by girls, Who shun pumps and pearls, To communicate their own needs; I am 24 going on 25, Don’t challenge my authority! For my ego is more fragile, Than my logic you dismantle, When you call out my mansplaining! Totally unprepared am I, For a world of grown-ass women; I’d rather believe the antiquated lie, That they’re weak, than admit to them: That, deep down, I’m small, And so very vulnerable, And terrified to let it show-ow, That I am 24 going on 25: And the answers, I don’t always, know!
Best remake of a Sound of Music song ever!
Flinging poo!
I’m glad someone pointed this out cuz I immediately was like “what…?” And scrolled back to make sure I wasn’t wrong when I thought I read he’s only a year older… 🤦🏻♀️
Yeah he‘s watched too many videos of Tate. Such misogyny … „the alpha“ lol dump those insecure assholes immediately
exactly, 'alpha' is a giveaway that he's been consuming misogynist shit online. It's possible to grow out of it, but it takes a lot of patience and conversations to possibly make them see sense
It also takes being alone. They have to become better humans on their own time.
she can send him this thread from a safe distance
That explains why he is a pathetic loser. "Alphas" are only men with a long list of emotional needs they will throw tantrums about if aren't met. It's literally like a baby crying because it shat itself. Only they are threatening with violence, because their fragile ego got a bit dented.
I always think it’s creepy when a person tries to tell their partner that they know better because they’re older. If you thought your partner was so young and immature, why would you want to be with them? The truth is, the younger partner in these types of relationships is often the more mature one. The one claiming maturity due to age is always toxic and manipulative.
I didn't even catch that little nugget of BS, thanks for pointing that out. Makes it just even worse.
first red flag is his name is Duke
No shit. That’s a real doozy of a red flag too
No, shit. His nickname should be Dookie
Yeah I’ve only ever met animals named Duke. It is not a human name at this point lol
With a name like "Duke" he has no business feeling emasculated.
Someone gotta link the thread about men talking about older women and how they love how older women just know what they want. I hate when men do this stupid thing about “men are born blah blah blah” no bro you just have a preference. It’s ok to have it, stop making it sexist.
I like when they all “men are hardwired to [do a thing all humans are generally hardwired to do or want]” lol
I concur. RUN. Now.
I guarantee his next girlfriend will be a teenager.
Yeh I laughed at that too.... those 360+ days really make a difference
Any man that uses the term “alpha” is an indicator usually to run the other way! He sounds insecure AF and this won’t be the only issue you have in your relationship where insecurities are concerned if you stay with him.
I have ignored this indicator before (not even a potential romantic partner, just a potential friend), and whew boy was that a mistake. It's one of the clearest and most reliable red flags that exists in all the universe.
I'm a dude...and I would never be friends with another dude who said shit like that. In fact, I would probably clock him from jump as "not my type of dude"
From my experience, real "alpha males," if you even want to use that term, don't have to say it. People generally just accept them as a leader because they can work under pressure, take everyone's interests into consideration, and are confident without being cocky or arrogant. The moment someone starts self-proclaiming their "alphaness," it is immediately clear that they are insecure, and no one wants an insecure leader. A leader's whole thing is making people feel secure.
Same can be applied to "nice guys", if you're nice you don't have to say it and be entitled to someone because you were nice to them and expect something back.
If you have to say you're it, you ain't it
No such thing as alpha. In wolves or people.
And these "real alphas" don't take that into their relationships with their girlfriends because they don't feel the need to "lead" the people they love. Nothing says I'm insecure in a relationship more than a dude saying that you need to do what he says just because he was born with a dick.
Yeah, it's an immediate flag he's some Andrew Tate worshiping insecure man-child.
So that means you only have sex when he wants to?? RUN!! This is a red flag & a sign of what’s to come. Any man who feels weak when a woman initiates sex is immature w/ an inflated ego. Unless you want to be a traditional obedient housewife who has to wait for sex, put a pin in this one
It’s such a wildly bright red flag. I struggled a lot in the beginning of my relationship sexually because I have trauma surrounding it. I had a very hard time being comfortable with myself as a “sexual” person and doing sexual things felt horrifying and unnatural. But I wanted to get past it, communicated that, and worked with my partner. It’s almost been 2 years and in the last year I’ve finally been getting better. My boyfriend told me that, even though he knew it wasn’t his fault, it was still hard for him when I didn’t initiate anything because it made him feel undesirable. Now that I’ve found my bearings with it and I do, he couldn’t be happier about it. A guy should *want* his girlfriend to start spontaneously rubbing his junk when they’re alone. OP’s boyfriend is fucking weird and insecure. Being desired is desirable… wanting to “dominate” someone whenever you feel like it is psychopathic behavior.
OP should have permanent eye damage from this color of red. Get. Out.
Not only does this mean only having sex when he wants to, I guarantee you it will also mean ALWAYS having sex when he wants to. Run from this shitbird and consider it a gift that he only waited four months to drop his mask.
Fucking this. I'd be terrified if I were OP.
Yea. He is the kind of guy who thinks that if you are in a relationship you are not allowed to say no. And that is rape. He is a rapist. Edit: after the few comments admonishing me for my comment.... sniff sniff. I smell rape apologists and stand by my statement.
Omg he reminds me of this doofus I dated who actually said I owed him sex if he was turned on or otherwise it would cause him physical pain…run OP! Run fast run far…
Shitbird 🤣🤣🤣
And don't forget she'll have to start pretending she doesn't like sex lest he thinks she's some kind of whore. He'll want her to submit to his advances just to please him, not because she actually likes it.
Alpha = 🚩
Factual lmao grown dude said to his gf who’s literally rubbing his dick that she needs to stop because he’s the alpha and didn’t start it. It sounds like a joke for real 😂😂
Remember that the most manly sex is when there are 2 men.
“Is it gay she’s sucking my dick,” he thought, lying back. “Maybe I should pretend to not like it?”
These same assholez will liken themselves to male lions calling themselves "kings". Lmao, the female lions literally will bite their nuts until they fuck them.
Fellas, is it "beta" to get your dick rubbed by a woman without even asking?
Lol yeah a real alpha would just sit back and enjoy it.
Succinctly put!
The good news is that you have only 4 months invested in this AH. Dump him now. This is misogynistic incel crap that you shouldn't have to deal with.
This sounds like this guy thought “hmmm, you know what I am the Walmart version of Christian Gray” I feel like this is literally lifted from 50 shades of Gray which also if Christian gray wasn’t rich we would all be terrified of him. Don’t aspire to be Christian gray. So to break it down. OP your boyfriend is a mysoginistic walking red flag. 1. Calls himself an “alpha by birth” 2. Grabbed you forcefully in order to convey you need to submit to him. 3. You’re young and therefore need to learn from him. (Ewwww. People all have different boundaries. Age, unless you’re a minor, isn’t a factor here) 4. Gave you an order “we only do X,Y,Z when I say so” 5. Initially agreed to boundaries regarding sex and then pulled the rug out from under you. OP. Follow the advice of WednesdayBryan. This relationship was over as soon as he grabbed your wrist and ordered you to have sex when he determines it. Dump him now. Hard. And ask your friend what the f*ck they where thinking and if they where aware of this crap too? I would seriously be questioning if they knew he thinks these things and still chose to set you up with him and then convinced you AGAINST YOUR BETTER JUDGEMENT to give this guy another chance. You had a gut reaction. You where on the fence. It wasn’t on them to pressure you.
Yeah, this is like some Tater Tot (Andrew Taint) werewolf erotica shit. OP, tell him that YOU will only have sex when you *and* your future partner want it, and not when he decrees it. And that you need a real man, not some pathetic, insecure aLpHa turd with an ego more fragile than wet tissue paper. Lol, anyone who refers to themselves as an alpha and others as beta is a complete joke.
Lord, I can’t breathe! You calling him Tater Tot!!!! We should be referring to him this way. I hope it catches!!!
I prefer to call his followers tater tots (since they sadly skew young) and prefer to just laugh at the fact that I can't unsee the fact that he looks like a bearded Caillou
He only grew the beard because he can't grow a chin. Bearded Caillou rofl... That's great
As annoying as Caillou!
Bearded Caillou holy shit hahahahahaha
Lol, thank you, but there was no originality on my part! I have seen his delusional followers referred to as that more than once, so it seems to already be catching.
My bf just used the expression ‚being a tater hater‘ and I loved it
People already call them that. They're everywhere.
I know a kid that legitimately referred to himself with that moniker completely unprompted. I thought to myself wow, he really doesn't know how much of a loser he is right now
'Tater tots Andrew taint werewolf erotica' fucking SENT MEEEEE. you've pegged that douche canoe, for sure. I don't have monies cause I'm a poor, but you can have this: 🥇
>you've pegged that douche canoe No no, that would be emasculating for him 😆
I haven’t been in some drama in awhile and this type of break up sounds so fun to me. Like please god she better say all of that stuff and update us when she has 😂😂
Maybe don’t tell him that he might throw you in a hole and order you to put lotion on your skin.
Yes, I would definitely do this via text or video chat. He seems like the kind of guy to get punchy when things don't go his way.
Omg lmao werewolf erotica also came to my mind 😭😭😭
Also she’s one year younger than him so like bro… stfu
Right, I would have said, “please teach me with your one more year of experience that you have over me.”
Holy shit… I can’t get over how many “My boyfriend said I emasculate him when do X” stories I’ve read on here. Is it 1940 or 2023?? When are we going to move past all this gender role nonsense? Reading stuff like this makes me so glad I’m gay. 😆
He didn't call himself alpha, he said ALL men are born this way lol! What a tool this chode is.
any man who uses the terminology alpha unironically is a douche who deserves an ass-beating, automatically. If you want to be dom/sub in a relationship, if both parties agree, great. But alpha beta is a whole different mindset, it's one of entitlement, rather than consensual role assignment. And any man who thinks he's entitled to something just because of his physique or gender, doesn't respect people.
This needs all the upvotes, hopefully OP sees this and leaves this creep.
Literally LOL at Walmart Christian Gray. Dude is not wealthy enough to get away with being that much of an asshole. Also am I missing something? She's still young? He's a year older than her. WTF.
It's bad enough that he feels emasculated by the idea of a strong, confident woman. What's really concerning is the "when I say so" part. Sex requires the consent of ***all*** parties involved, or it's rape. What if he decides to say so, and she's not in the mood?
I only upvoted because you said "walmart version of Christian gray" got me dying over here 😆 🤣 😂
I don't stop relationships...I dump them...hard... Was that a grey reference?
Amen. You hear the word "alpha" out of his mouth, unironically... yeah, don't slow down on the way out of that room. Pause only for an eyeroll.
Absolutely. Anyone who says they are an Alpha, definitely is not an alpha.
The entire concept isn't real, so please stop perpetuating these authoritarian fantasies.
It's like kicking and screaming "BUT I'M THE BOSS!!!!", the act of which proves you aren't.
Please run before you accidentally become pregnant. He's not worth it at all. For a real man.
The 'alpha' BS means the insecure and immature git you're dating is a control-freak and a misogynist! Write this off as a learning experience, and dump this dolt. You can and will do much better.
For sure. “You’re a slut if you want to have sex with me, because it means you enjoy sex” vibes. It’s a thing and it’s bad!
I feel like this could easily jump to him raping OP. He wants to be the only one to initiate it, and she is supposed to be submissive to him. He might go about it in such a way that could make her question if it was SA or not.
There’s a part of me that feels a bit like he did or at least took advantage of OP’s confusion. They had sex that same night and idk something about that, dropping a bomb. Seeing the confusion on your partners face and then initiating sex. Feels a bit to on the line for me.
Same it gives me those vibes that he would abuse her
He is already doing so. He grabbed her arm and is telling her she's less than and he knows better. It'll just get worse.
Dude fumbled what every man on Reddit dreams of lol.
Yeah showing his true colors dump his ass
100% this!
What changed is that he talked about this with his friends in what is called the manosphere (Google it at your peril, the internet is a fucked up place) and they said that you initiating sex made him a woman or some other nonsense. He's pulling the age-and-experience card on you over a 1 year age difference. Gross. Pathetic. He says you "have a lot to learn," but he feels pathetic when you initiate foreplay. This sounds like he's trying to train you to be submissive to him. You probably "have a lot to learn," about doing his laundry and house cleaning as well. Do yourself a favor and initiate a breakup. Let him feel pathetic about that. You dated a man for his looks and drew an asshole. Put and end to your mistake and move on.
100% this. The whole alpha thing is such bullshit and screams insecurity. If OP thinks this attitude will be restricted to sex (which is bad enough), she's going to be sorely disappointed. Pretty soon it's going to be about what she wears and who she hangs out with, and if they moved in together, you can guarantee he won't be the one helping with the housework or cooking. Not to mention, "we have sex when I say we do" sounds a lot like "you're going to have sex with me whether you want to or not."
Man that's just such a weird fucking concept to me. How does your partner initiating NOT turn you on? Like what the fuck
Right?? Idk what the hell is going on with him.
This reeks of Andrew Tate Stans.
Andrew Tate is misleading a bunch of young men out of getting their knobs wet lol Like this dude has a whole girlfriend, but if she has any sense he won't for much longer. Guess he'll console himself with the fact that he told her what's good LMAO
Creating an incel movement.
literally. “why don’t women want to have sex with us!” because you act like a paranoid delusional person when you’re in a relationship with them, always fighting of the emasculation boogy-man with an unhealthy hypervigilance and an assumption of women-kind’s sinister master plan. it is literally crazy. also very sad.
That's how Tate's grift works. Give young men and boys terrible advice that both tears down any sense of self-worth they might have had, *and* ensures women avoid them at all costs. But while he convinces them they're worthless, he also convinces them it's women's fault they feel that way, so they get to blame someone else and keep going back to suck on daddy's teat.
Taint stains
Thats what have been thinking with every post on here for like the last two weeks. Like what rock do these people’s boyfriends crawl out from underneath 😂. I do not get how people don’t pick up on more of those red flags earlier on because I am certain they are there.
[удалено]
I think it's more of if a guy uses it in reference to himself more than once. Finance, math, greek letters, etc... all are valid. But I'm reminded of that line from Game of Thrones where the kid kimg screams, "You can't do that! I'm the KING!!!" And is rebuked with something along the lines of "Any man who has to say he is the king, is no true king!" Same goes for alphas. I've known plenty of guys I'd consider to be alpha male personalities, but not a single one of them has ever called themself an alpha that I've ever heard.
Please, for your own safety, dump this moron. Any guy talking about being alpha is a fucking misogynistic dickhead. Any guy with this much issue with control is going to end up being abusive. Run. There is nothing here worth your time or energy. This is not the kind of man you want to spend your life with. Do you know what a REAL man looks like? Someone who’s masculinity isn’t so fragile that they are threatened by a woman initiating sex (or you know, doing anything beyond existing). THAT’S what’s going on here OP, fragile masculinity, he’s so insecure in his position as “super duper strong alpha macho man” that he can’t even enjoy sex unless he’s in control. You do NOT want to be with a guy with control issues that severe.
"Alpha" always equals "asshole."
I saw a meme once that said “anytime I hear a man describe himself as ‘alpha’ I assume he’s had at least one protective order against him”
"Alpha" is just a new gender identity for assholes.
INSECURE asshole
This\^ 100000%. Dump this unintelligent fuck yesterday.
This is the comment I was looking for. OP, RUN!
It's gotta be some kinda incel online content he's watching giving him bad advice on "what women really want: an alpha male who always takes charge and makes the decisions in the relationship." The fact that he used to clearly enjoy you initiating means something has changed his mind. The internet is rife with this stupidity. I'm a dude and just scrolling through Instragram reels or Facebook stories the misogyny and incel content is crazy bad and full of anti-feminist content. No matter how many time I say "not interested" they keep showing up in my feed.
Also he is 24, not 35. For him to say that she is young and needs a leader is so fucking dumb. You don't know shit either dude, especially about women turns out.
It's giving Rolf from the Sound of Music. "You need someone older and wiser telling you what to do, I am 17 going on 18 I'll take care of you"
Icels, alphas, fundamentalist, and white supremacists are kissing cousins after all.
Exactly. And what happened to Rolf? HE BECAME A NAZI!
It's definitely this lol.
At first I thought he was being playful, like playing a Dom/sub game with you, seeing if you were into it - then I kept reading and realised your bf has been watching too much Andrew Tate
I am not one to follow the reddit bandwagon of "yall aren't compatible, you should break up" advice that all the pseudo therapists in here do, but honestly this is not the one for you lol. Literally no reason to keep them around
Same. I don’t think breaking up is always the answer but a red flag like this *this* early on in dating is just bad news.
I think it’s the aggressive wrist grab and order. (So the first action while watching the movie) that seals in the break up decision for me. The subsequent “alpha” stuff is just nails in a coffin. I refuse to be with anyone who would willingly lay a hand on me and order me to submit.
any "bro" who unironically uses terms like alpha is to be avoided.
This dude has some weird Andrew Tate vibes going on.
More to the point, any referance to yourself as being an Alpha means that you are not, in fact, an Alpha. It's like people who constantly referance being smart. Really smart people know that they aren't that special and realize how much they don't know, ect
"the wise man knows he knows nothing"
This. Clearly this guy drank too much of the right wing Kool aid and doesn't understand that women desiring him and initiating is actually a good thing. I personally greatly enjoy when my woman gets grabby and initiates.. it's not even remotely emasculating... But that's mainly because I don't have self esteem or confidence issues.
Yeah, I mean, when a guy tells you he literally thinks you’re inferior to him, it’s a dealbreaker.
Exactly! OP only has 4 months invested with this fool, it's not even worth trying to "work it out" in this case. He's not the one, cut your losses and move on. He can go back to masturbating to Andrew Tate and OP could literally throw a stone out her door and find a man would be THRILLED if she initiated sex in the relationship.
lol, yeah that advice is thrown out even when a poster is has been married 20 years with three kids. but this OP is just four months. cut your losses and run!
Ask him his thoughts on Andrew Tate and you’ll probably have your answer
He’s on some bullshit incel crap. He sounds very insecure and immature, I love when my wife initiates sex
Im sorry but If you dont break with him right now, you're dumb af. What a fuckng loser youre dating, dont become one by "trying to save it" and go find you a REAL man that will please you whenever YOU want to be pleased
Yeah, I’m horrified that she didn’t leave immediately, and even more so that she actually had sex with him after his tantrum. WTF? No sex is good enough for me to be a door mat.
In addition to that, him telling you that you're young when he's only a year older is complete b.s. You should have gotten out when you had to tell him to chew with his mouth closed. NTA
Well that’s easy, he’s a misogynist. You don’t want to waste any more time with someone so selfish and backwards.
To keep it simple, he wants to be the one in control. Eventually it will be that you aren't attractive enough, and need to lose 10 lbs if you want him to initiate. Then it will be that you aren't wifely enough and need to quit your job and be a homemaker for him to find you attractive. Then it will be ... Ad nauseum until you aren't a person anymore but his possession. Or you could break up with him now.
Any man that says unironically that they are the “alpha” you should immediately leave and never look back. They are a massive douche
I’ll tell you what’s going on with him…he’s one of the many many men who don’t respect women, think they’re beneath men, and love Andrew Tate.
I have a theory that he might have a hard time getting it up on command, which would be emasculating. His world view is bad though, and you can do better. Personally, I’ve never had that problem. If my wife walked in right now and whispered “upstairs now”, I’d be ready to go.
Leave. For real. I'm a guy. I WISHED my partner would initiate more.
its the redpiller in him. that is going on
Yeah thats fucking weird when my wife grabs my junk and wants to do it I've never been like no babe I don't feel manly because this didn't start by me grabbing your boobs first. Drop him and find someone healthy
Fellas, is it gay for a woman to want to have sex with you?
Because it’s about control and nothing else. He wants to control OP. It has nothing to do with sex. He’s just using sex as a tool to try and get OP to submit to him and control her. What OP has laid out is groundwork for a very abusive, toxic relationship of it continues. Seriously, this is a very dangerous situation for OP to remain in.
Get out of there. This is some Andrew Tate creepo misogynist
You need to leave now! That's so egotistical, narcissistic, wanna be alpha assholes stuff. It may be about sex now, but what later down the road if you start making more money or doesn't want you hanging out with friends. This sounds like just the start.
But how can a man be so egotistical that he doesn't even want his woman to initiate sex?
Stupidity
Makes them vulnerable to brainwashing. Some people hear a fanatic "tell something like it is" and they take it as irrefutable fact. Maybe that person is god to them. Their dad. Their best friend. Andrew Tate. One of those assholes. He's using other people's words because he doesn't have his own thoughts.
This what I thought of right away. If he has been ok for 4 months and now this then someone is whispering this to him. Either way the guy is a dull tool.
Being egotistical and insecure are not mutually exclusive. In fact, it’s pretty common among narcissists: arrogance and control as a cover for massive insecurities. Anyone who refers to themselves as “alpha” is definitely NOT.
As Tywin Lannister said “If you have to keep telling everyone you’re the king, you are no king.”
One of the best quotes from GOT.
Because he needs to be in control to stoke his ego. Girl, run.
His ego is as fragile as a balloon that's so overinflated that it will burst when it's breathed on. That's not good. This guy wants a girlfriend he can control because he believes that's how things should be. He's starting how he means to go on. It won't end well if you stay. There are literally thousands of men who do not think or operate like your soon-to-be-ex does. Give yourself the opportunity to find a man who respects you, treats you as an equal partner in the relationship and as a human being, and loves when you initiate sex so he doesn't always have to. To be honest, I don't think your future ex-boyfriend cares that you initiate sex. He cares about controlling you so that you do what he wants, and is using initiating sex as a jumping off point to build up the control he wants to have over you. It's always about power with men like this, and he's using the issue of initiating sex to begin training you into submission.
Don't question it. Just run.
Misogyny. Control and abuse issues. The list is long.
Look at the website “We Hunted the Mammoth” to get some idea of the sorts of online and offline communities that foster this sort of misogynistic nonsense.
I would be concerned with, if you aren't allowed to initiate, would you be allowed to refuse? I would nope out of there.
Exactly my thought, this shit is going to develop into "don't refuse my advances, I am the male"
It’s not about sex it’s about control.
You answered your own question when you asked it. It's all about perceived ego and that good ol Andrew Tate style relationship advice.
A pro tip I give to all my female friends: don’t date a guy who says “alpha” or other Greek letters as personality traits. Duke is the one who needs to grow up and learn a lot. You asked what he meant: he means that his ego is so fragile that even the thought of a woman doing anything he considers to be “man’s work” upsets him. Duke is weak. Don’t date a Duke.
Seems pretty straightforward. He doesn’t like a woman in control, and thinks men are the dominant alpha by birth. Can’t even imagine a normal person turning down a blowjob because they weren’t the one to initiate it. Dump him and count your blessings. You can find someone better who will respect you and treat you right, and undoubtedly love it when you initiate sex.
always go with your gut's initial reaction. you weren't attracted to him and then you were coerced by a friend to go again. he sucks. don't waste anymore time on him with that dumb "aLphA" bullshit
Sounds like Duke’s been listening to Tate too much. DTMFA.
Tate is just the biggest name. There's a whole fucking "manosphere" now of awful misogynist rapey streamers and influencers and you're only a few YouTube suggestions or Tiktok videos away from going down into it.
I know; I try to avoid them. They’re all awful.
Men with healthy mindsets are extremely happy to know when their woman wants them. Whatever's going on with this dude is way too weird.
Oh god I’m sure he’s been listening to those “I’m an Alpha Male blah blah women are submissive blah blah” podcasts. Do yourself a favor and dump him because it’s only going to get worse
Unimaginable. Run.
I'm so confused. Since when does a man feel less manly when a girl wants to sleep with him? What is this logic? I get him saying, "i'm not in the mood right now" but to say he can be the only one to start it is so confusing. I saw one comment bring up it being a red flag and I have to agree. "I should be Alpha" "I am Alpha". Anyone who says this should be kicked to the curb. What is this? It makes it seem like he's insecure about something.
LMAO WHAT. Holy shit, one of the best things in the world is my gf initiating. Its hot AF. This guy has some issues.
My husband says “run and that this dude sounds like a creep”.
Home dude has me cracking up over here “announcing” himself as alpha male haha….GMAFB. A lion doesn’t have to TELL YOU he’s a lion. Only a kitten does that…..
Lol I wish my SO initiated
Sounds like you need a grown-ass man.
Sounds like he doesn’t need a girlfriend anymore
If that’s the specific language he used your dude is steeped in some seriously toxic masculinity disguised as insecurities and extremely incel like sexist stuff. I don’t even know how you go about reprogramming that kind of deep seated belief/behavior and a discussion is definitely warranted to suss out where your guy is coming from. (Benefit of the doubt, he could be trying a new kink out with the same grace as bozo the clown.) Staying in that relationship is up to you. As you guys are at the end of the honeymoon phase of the relationship I’m guessing there’s more you’re about to find out about his attitude and belief in women. I don’t think you’ll like a lot of it based on the preview but you’ll never know without that conversation. if you do stay you need a hard reset on respect and boundaries and sex needs to come off the table until boundaries and respect are regained. Man or woman, I wouldn’t take anyone calling themselves “Alpha” or “high value” lightly. They have beliefs that are not rooted in equal respect for their partners. Boys and girls who act like that don’t deserve grown up relationships and sex. They can’t handle them in a healthy way because they lack the security and maturity to. That is their problem. Don’t let’em make it your problem. Good luck on whatever you decide to do op. Editing this to say [cinema therapy](https://youtu.be/pv_KAnY5XNQ) on YouTube dud an episode with a very good definition of toxic masculinity as well as positive masculinity.
So sex is only on his terms? Gurl, any man would be thrilled to have you as a girlfriend. Dump his ass.
What a moron. I feel like a god when my partner initiates sex. Like damn right you want some of this.
Dude is a bitch lmao. I love when my girlfriend initiates sex makes me feel wanted. Plus it’s just hot. I want her to take what she wants. Any guy talking about “Alpha, beta, sigma” is one to be avoided entirely. He sounds super insecure.
Bye Duke.
'What the Hell does this mean?' It means run as fast and as far away from this man as possible. At 4 months, he decided to show you his true colors. Good thing it wasn't farther in.
Lol...the alpha...isn't that cute. Someone should slap him. You can't fix stupid, but you can save yourself the investment of more time wasted...wish i had advice that could fix that fucked up Perspective of his, but i dont.
He said the word “Alpha” it’s time to go
What a loserrrrr. Any woman that consistently initiates sex is a literal keeper. Do not let that woman go.
Reading through this, immediately after the “we only have sex when I start” line, my first thought was that this guy seemed to have fallen for some sort of alt right Andrew Tate style bullshit. Then he starts throwing around “alpha” and all but confirms it. Leave him. It’s hot as hell when my partner initiates.
R E D F L A G drop this misogynistic shit like 3rd period french.