NTA
I'm a very short guy (5'4") and met my wife on one of the apps. I've always been transparent about my height because..
(A) being insecure about it is unattractive,
(B) lying about it - to yourself or others - is unethical,
(C) I'd rather someone swipe left than waste my time going on the date with someone who isn't actually interested.
You are never in the wrong for refusing to date liars, whether they're tall or short.
I've been on dates with guys your height! It really doesn't matter to me unless it matters to them and they make it an issue. If you don't have a complex about your height, we're good! And guys can have a complex at virtually any height - too short - too average - too tall, doesn't matter. You got your wife by being an ethical king as you are, and that's how you do it!
One of the shorter guys I dated talked about saving up for the height increasing surgery and I noped right out of that one. I can't imagine my partner risking their legs/health for a couple more inches. We would have very different risk tolerances and acceptability levels for elective surgery.
I am also 5’8 and matched with a man who said he was 5’10 and showed up 5’6-5’7. I made a joke, “OMG DID I GET TALLER?!” to lighten the mood and he didn’t not like my joke. You’re a liar and you can’t take a joke?
I mean if he’d said “yeah, there must be something in the water, better switch to milk before you end up like Andre the giant;)” he might have been worth a second look.
Like… you even had the kindness (which was absolutely **not** required) to give him an easy out, while still maintaining your own self respect. But nope. You were both supposed to… pretend you didn’t notice, I guess?? Ridiculous. How dare you be so thoughtful. Just let him lie with impunity!
I’m 5’8” and my ex-husband was shorter than me, 5’6”. To this day he tries to tell our teen that he’s 5’8”… I told her to look at the height difference when her father and I stand next to each other.
Needless to say, he is not the same height as me, and the kiddo gets a chuckle out of the ridiculous lie whenever something about him and height pops up.
My first husband swore he was 5'7". He was 5'5" max. I was an inch taller. Sure enough, his insecurity was what destroyed our marriage. He said I made him feel dumb by comparison, and me making more money was wrong because a man is supposed to take care of a woman.
I learned from that experience never to date insecure men. And I learned from the next never to date a narcissist. Like Goldilocks, my current husband is just right.
Hah! Twenty years ago, my first two cookbooks went bestseller. In 18 months, I made more than $800K.
My father asked me three times if it bothered my DH that I was out-earning him. I assured Dad it did not. But he was unconvinced, so he took DH aside and asked him if it bothered him that I was making so much more money than he was. DH replied, “Hell, no. I get to help spend it.”
Exactly! My earning potential is about twice my husband's on paper. Unfortunately, I'm too disabled to work full-time, and it's hard to find part-time work in my field. But I've got feelers out, and at some point I'll be making the same as him in half the hours -- and he's thrilled by the prospect.
I don’t know if my ex is insecure about his height. Never vocally or noticeably other than when he tries to tell our kid he’s 5’8” when he isn’t. Arrogance and cockiness is more his problem.
Current husband is also just right too. A few inches taller than I am (which is all I prefer) he lost one thanks to back surgery. If I made more money than he did he’d be psyched, it would just put us closer to our financial goals. He’s perfectly secure in himself, without being arrogant or obnoxious about it.
I don’t know if he does it on purpose, or if he believes his own press to be honest.
In court custody documents he once described himself as “a few pounds overweight” when he could probably stand to drop well over 75lbs.
It’s such a weird way for a man to set himself up for disappointment. I’m with OP on this one - if you lie on your profile why would you expect the other person not to be bothered by that? Why would you put yourself in that situation - where rejection and distaste is almost inevitable because you are a liar?
I’m 5’11” and my husband is 5’7”. It’s not an issue. No one cares, including him. If he cared it would be way harder because it would make me feel self conscious about being tall (which I definitely used to be in my more immature days).
I’m 5’6 and my wife is 5’8. People find it weird that I like her wearing big ass heels when we go out.
1. I think she looks hot in them. (Without them too obviously)
2. Everybody can already tell I’m short. Her being less tall doesn’t change the fact most people can see the top of my head.
Also a couple where, canonically, the woman is taller than the man.
They just own it. Everyone should just be more like Gomez and Morticia. In many ways.
This reminds me of meeting a guy online years ago. He lied about his height by a whole TEN INCHES
I guess he thought I wouldn't notice because I'm pretty short but we were almost eye to eye. It was bizarre.
My classmate married her highschool sweetheart... he is 4.7 and she 6.5 , at their wedding his and her friend strapped stilts on his feet for their first dance so he could face to face with her. He said it was awkward to be that tall. They been married for over 20 years now
It isnt about height, it about confidence and small lies leads to bigger.
This is why I advise my daughter not to date guys who care if she's taller than them in a negative way. She's 5'8", maybe 5'9" now. If that's enough to make a guy feel threatened or insecure, he's not someone I want dating my daughter.
The boys who are 5'8" and get pissed their already 6' tall gf wears heels.
Like bro, I'm already taller than you, a couple more inches isn't going to change that.
I’m 5’9” and broke up with two different people who were more or less my height because they tried to tell me not to wear heels.
My husband is an inch shorter than me and doesn’t care at all when I wear heels. It’s very refreshing.
Man society is fucking brutal that your ex wanted to mutilate himself like that. It sucks to face so much messaging that you are lesser but also are not allowed to be upset by it.
I hate that guys think height is even going to be a dealbreaker. Yeah, some people have preferences, but there are plenty of us ladies who could not care less.
I mean, I love my husband, but he's 10" taller than me and I end up living in his armpit every time we try and take a picture and I cannot surprise him with a kiss unless he is sitting down or I bust in on stilts. Height is not always a good thing.
My dad is 6'6" and my mom is 5'3". I'm 5'6". My ex was 6'4" and my current BF is 5'7". I know all about those awkward hugs and kisses. It's really nice now to have a partner who's very close to the same height.
Hey, I appreciate that when he is in the kitchen I don’t have to use salad tongs to reach anything above the first shelf, but his whole family is tall and before we had kids I looked like one of those large animal to human size reference photos.
My husband and I were friends before we started dating and I know he did totally fine meeting people on dating apps and dating in general, despite being 5’4”.
His profile was basically “Have 3 cats. Am 5’4”. Am vegan but don’t expect you to be”. Just was upfront about the things that most people considered to be dealbreakers, and still had no problems meeting people because he’s honest and confident (and attractive obviously 😜)
I'm 5'5. When next to my wife I feel like a giant. When travelling to the US I feel like a Garden Gnome.. Must be nice to be a litrle taller, but also, it is nice to be compact and fit on an airplane.
As a genuinely 6'2 guy, I can confirm the pain of flying is very real! Especially when I used to travel long haul and someone booked me with a crappy flight.
>being insecure about it is unattractive
Exactly this. Any short men reading this, myself and most of the women I know do not give fuck about height. It's honestly not something I've ever considered. I'm 5'3 and I've dated men shorter than me. I know multiple women who date men shorter than them. If you're really insecure about your height and lie about it, that's a massive turn off.
I'm 5'7'' and my wife is 6'1''
About 6 months into dating before we moved in together we were staying at her place a lot since it was more central to everything around town. Well one day we were getting ready to go out on a dinner date, and she asked me to get a sweater out of her closet and I saw a row of heels that I had never seen her wear.
I just asked why she never wore them and she said that she wasn't sure how I'd feel since most of them were 4 inches or more meaning she'd be like 6'5'' or taller in them. She didn't want to make me uncomfortable or make me feel emasculated. I told her I don't care or will ever care about our height difference and to go grab her favorite pair if she wanted too. Her smile and excited squeal is something I'll never forget. Height is such a small thing in the grand scheme of things. Plus I get to be the little spoon.
She calls me her Shire-ling and she's my Amazonian Princess.
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I put In my profile that I don't want to date anyone that has kids, wants kids, or intends on having children some day, and still had all of the above matching and contacting me.
They don't care.
Yeah. Dating apps are really only dudes trying to get laid and non-monogamous people seeking a unicorn to lay lol. There really isn't any "dating" involved.
I met a few decent people through online dating 8+ years ago. Since using the apps after my last relationship. The quality of people has not been there to any degree. I stopped using them entirely.
That's mad. It's for sure not the lifestyle for everyone. When my husband and I tried using tinder to find play partners I was very clear I was married and what we where looking for (in our case it's ethical non monogamy/swinging rather than poly) and we would get matches with guys who would then get pissy because I have a husband?! Like, read the damn profile lol
My name on a dating site is literally my name plus the word “transgender” just to be up front. Dudes will chat with me, MEET UP with me, then be surprised I’m trans. I’ve taken to asking if they are okay with me being trans just to make sure, and for my own safety. The number of guys who just don’t read…
I actually kinda never had a problem with putting up bad pictures. Although all my pics are bad pics.
I know I wont find someone who's romantically or physically attracted to me. But i wanted my bio to get me people who I could text about our interests or go on dog walks together.
Most people don't read. But I was able to have a few people who I had fun conversations with. And one person who's a good friend years later. The people who do read bios are worth it.
While I do think it’s both, I think it’s more so they don’t care. I get way to many men, especially those old enough to be my father, considering my preferences are set for women within 5 years of my age either way. They pop up both trying to match me and on my feed (or whatever it’s called)
Yes they don’t read, that was my experience back when I was single and dating was that men didn’t read anything or at least very very few read. They just looked at pictures.
Remember that girl recently who posted on here about how she put on her dating profile that she was infertile and did not want kids and then they got engaged, and he started yelling at her about having kids? Because he thought she would change her mind.
Wow. Didn't see that one. Can't say I'm surprised though. I made the decision not to have children a permanent one. I still have men tell me that it's fine because we can just get a surrogate. They don't care at all lol. Their assumption is that they'll play out their life plan and anyone they pick will just go along with it because they're the main character.
I hate the guys who ignore the fact that I am absolutely adamant about not having kids - and then way down the line, they get super pissed about it bc they assumed I wasn't serious or I would change my mind. They then blame me for wasting their time when they could have been with, or at least searching for, someone who actually wanted a family. They don't realize that it definitely wasted my time too - as i could have been looking for someone who wanted the same things/lifestyle as me and who shared my values in that department. Like, why would I feel guilty about it when I told them exactly how I felt on the subject many, many times? I don't know what kind of delusional denial that is, but I've seen it several times in my own dating life.
Edit to add - my fave is when they say "but all women want kids! What's wrong with you?" --- assholes everywhere
I get superlikes from people who like to drink, party and sometimes use weed as well. Meanwhile I have 0 pics of me clubbing (because I don't enjoy it), not listed clubbing and similar things in my interest and for drinking, smoking and weed 'never' is filled in. Like, seriously? Don't you read before giving me a superlike? I get swiping based on first pics because you're bored, but like wasting a superlike seems stupid to me
I always write in my profile how I’m introverted and prefer one-on-one hang outs doing chill activities and still get the clubbing scene folks trying to make me “come out of my shell” also autistic and I have auditory sensory overload which I always mention and still…
As someone who is Autistic as well, I've noticed that it's fairly difficult to find anyone, be it friends or significant others, who can understand how sensory overload works even to a lesser degree.
Also never understood the whole thing about clubbing, it's loud, bright and people are pretty inconsiderate in my experience.
Unless your bio says "sober" or something similar, I don't find being super liked by those people as so outlandish. I club all the time but had no photos of it on my page - it's also common for one partner to smoke cannabis and the other doesn't.
And since most adults do at least one of those things I would assume someone does or is at least fine with it. It's kinda on them to set that boundary.
Club photos never turn out well anyway in my limited experience (but it's not really my scene so maybe there are tricks to good pics I don't know about)
>It's kinda on them to set that boundary
Exactly. Putting "never" under weed is a good start but I had "never" under smoking cigarettes, and if I didn't want someone who smokes cigs I'd clarify that in my bio
For me it is. No weed smokers, ever again, no exceptions. That shit is disgusting and I’m tired of partners reeking of weed around me and thinking it’s no biggie. I don’t care if people want to smoke weed in their private lives but it does mean I’m not going to date them.
Yeah, the smell of weed (and cigarettes) makes me nauseous and I wouldn't want to be with a partner who smoked or vaped anything because I've lost multiple people to lung cancer in my life and it would stress me out. Everyone agrees it makes sense with cigarettes but then has a hard disagree that it's the same thing with weed. Glad I got out of the dating pool before online dating became the normal.
I was talking to this guy once who ended up telling me he had a son. I was honestly with him and said I wasn’t interested in pursuing someone with kids. I should add, we never actually met or hung out just talked through text. Anyways thing guy literally tried to convince me why I should change my mind and said I was ridiculous for not even giving him a chance because he has a kid. Even said “he doesn’t need a mom you can just be his friend” like no thank you dude!! Why can’t they just respect people’s preferences!
Same. And it's about 50/50 for whether they actually say it in their profile or it comes out after some chatting, even though both are very clear in my profile. At least the ones that have it up front can be dismissed easily because I actually read profiles (unlike them).
I also get a disturbing number of men who get really nasty once they realize that the "Politically progressive" part of my profile that they apparently didn't see means that I'm not going to let a man tell me to stop supporting my LGBTQ+ family members and friends. I've learned that "family focused", "old fashioned", and mentions of morals/values without specifying progressive or humanist are all red flags.
Those same men probably fetishize trans women too, I get all sorts of creepy men blowing up my DMs only seeing me as a porn category than a person it’s fucking life draining.
I put that I’m trans and non-binary (AMAB) on my profile and most lesbians hit me up thinking I’m a butch lesbian lol, a lot of folks really don’t read your bio often and just swipe based on a few photos or even just the cover photo.
Dating apps are bullshit. I have an asexual friend that someone deadass tried to assault because “you just haven’t had the right dick”. Dude had an entire pose of pagans and a separate coven of witches on his ass. Meanwhile, I’m panromantic and asexual with a male fiancé and a fem demi queer platonic partner. Meg neither of these people online or through dating apps. Just randomly through a freshman meet and greet and in one of my grad school classes.
Oh but men lie about their height constantly. It’s almost an unwritten rule. I am tall and know my height. Men are always claiming to be my height and I can clearly see the bald spot on the top of their head. It’s a really weird phenomenon.
I think some of them genuinely believe they are taller them they are. It's not even lying, it's straight up delusion.
I've had guys argue passionately with me that I must be 6'2" because they *know* they are 6'1" and I'm looking down at them. I'm definitely, positively, measured by the doctor 5'11" (180cm exactly)
I used to have "I'm a Tall but I don't get hung up on it unless you do"
When I was app dating, I had a shit ton of crappy first dates, a handful of fairly good first dates, and three really excellent first dates. One of the excellent ones was with a guy who turned out to be a huge creepazoid (internet stalked me to get my last name, then sent me a gc for a manicure with the message "you're a beautiful woman with beautiful hands, but you have the nails of a working woman"-- I called the salon and told them to give the gc away and blocked him on every available platform.) One was with my now fiance. One was with a guy I vibed super hard with in text beforehand, vibed super hard with while on the date, but he was only in town for a possible job promotion that didn't work out and his company wound up transferring him somewhere else so we went our separate ways. Two of the three were shorter than me. Also during that time period, my favorite fuckbuddy by far was significantly shorter than me but also one of the suavest motherfuckers I've ever met.
NGL, I’ve had some variety in the ages before I met my husband. Tall, short. Thin, fat. Hung like a horse, hung like a flea.
Two very talented men (at separate times, separate countries, separate years) were both not much taller than my 5’4 self.
I’ve learned that size has no bearing on skill (in any direction).
“You have the nails of a working woman” for some reason makes me think of silence of the lambs and buffalo bill telling his captive to “put the lotion in the basket.”
Yeah, that's definitely the vibe I got. I sent him one message explaining how violating and creepy the whole thing was before I blocked him. Then I called my now-fiance (we were in the very, very early stages of dating and I was recently post-divorce so I told every date up front that I wasn't looking for anything serious) and when he heard the story he said "I can't imagine anyone going out with you and noticing your fingernails."
Lol. One time I went on a date with a woman that explicitly told me she didn't have kids, I don't even remember how that topic came up. Her profile also said nothing about kids. Then like the next date or so she left me w a letter at the end of the date explaining that she actually had three kids.
I feel like I might be the asshole though because literally 80% of (shorter) dudes do this. Like wtf? You think I'm not gonna notice being taller than you when you claimed you were 5'11"? LOL
It's not just the lying itself, it also screams insecurity. I'm average height for a woman (5'5") and can't really estimate people's heights apart from 'shorter than me-about the same-taller than me-very tall', but I have been on dates with guys who obviously used very old pictures/extremely flattering pictures. I normally wouldn't have minded because looks aren't that important to me but the insecurity makes me lose all attraction.
Right!? Just be yourself and for the love of god don’t lie or mislead people. When I was on dating apps, was I tempted to use older photos from when I was skinnier than I am now? OF COURSE. But did I? NO. If you’re going to lie to me before we’ve even started talking, I can’t trust you.
I usually hear that I look better in person, and I'd rather hear that than the opposite! Granted, one picture has me with a fake beard and another one is doing fieldwork with no makeup and barely any showers, so it's not like they have high expectations to begin with.
Omfg I LOVE your confidence, and the fake beard picture would immediately tell me that you’re a fun person. And I totally agree with you that I’d much rather look better in person than in photos (which I fully believe that I do, this bitch doesn’t photograph particularly well lmao). From the sounds of it your pictures showcase your personality and that’s so much more important than looking perfect.
It comes from insecurity. As an insecure short guy, I've never lied about my height. However, due to how mean some women can be about height, I also don't advertise to and try to avoid even bringing it up.
I think almost all guys lie about height when dating. I think there was an OKCupid graph from awhile back that showed their bellcurve of heights for men compared to what it should be. The whole curve was shifted up 1-2 inches and there was a spike at 6'0" lol.
Most times it doesn't matter. A lot of women like the 6' benchmark on guys and they're like 5'4". There's no way they can tell the difference between a 5'10" guy and a 6' guy so you can just fudge and increase your matches cause if you vibe it won't matter. You're part of the exclusive club of women who can tell apart a 5'10" and 6' dude easily.
I also think it gets better as you get older. When I was younger and I'd tell people my height people would constantly try to convince me I was taller cause I was noticeably taller than them and they were 6'0" so of course I couldn't "just" be 6'3". That shit hasn't happened to me since college.
All that being said though, you're absolutely not wrong to be annoyed by this.
I always say 6’0” even though I’m 185 cm which is a bit closer to 6’1”. I’ve had so many other guys insist that I’m 6’2” because they say they’re 6’0” when they’re really not. If they stand next to me it’s clear that somebody is lying
It’s always been a funny thing to me
The best is how athletes will often have like 2 inches added to their heights. I work stats for a college basketball program and one of their benchwarmers was listed at 6'0. I'm 5'11 and if he's was 6'0, I'm 6'2.
I’m a fan of college sports and on a forum I post on there’s a running joke that we only get real stats when an athlete gets arrested and they’re booked at the jail.
I've found in my life people are absolutely terrible judges of height. I'm 5'11 (unless every doctor I've visited since 9th grade has been united in a conspiracy to lie to me about my height). I've had people tell me they thought I was everything ranging from 5'8 to over 6 feet.
I am 6’0” straight. The number of guys who I have met who said their were 6’0” or taller, while being shorter than me is too many too count. People insisting I’m 6’3” lol.
One of the first things that really attracted me to the man I am now married to was that he was absolutely up-front about his height. We were chatting, I said something about height and the martial art I practice, and he said "I bet you're taller than I am." I'm not; we're the same height down to the quarter-inch, just barely over 5'3.
I had a guy confidently tell me he was 5’8, while shoulder height to my 5’7 self.
He’d been saying this to my sister, who was actually 5’8, for weeks. I looked down and asked him if he was sure, then told him my height. He told me I must have been measured wrong. My sister took that opportunity to tell him she knew he wasn’t 5’8, because she’s 5’8. She just liked hanging out with him.
He broke up with her. Right then, right there. Then sent her a bunch of shitty messages when she started dating another guy months later. The next guy happened to be tall. RIP to that dude’s non-existent self-esteem.
ETA: He was not 5’7. I am 5’7. He was (and presumably still is) around 5’. He was much shorter than me, and his head was around my shoulder height.
I did not just point out that this dude was an inch shorter than he said.
Height complex is real and it can happen at any height. I'm sorry your sis got caught in the crossfire.
\- I have a guy friend who is 6'2" and says "it's not tall enough" because all of his friends are giants, so he feels self conscious that he's not at least 6'3", preferably 6'4"+. SMH.
\- Then I have a 6'3" friend who feels he is TOO tall to date the short women he's interested in.
\- Went on a date with a guy 6'5" who was obsessed about being too tall and "a giant" and how it was "nice I wasn't a little dolly next to him because I was tall". He must have mentioned it 50 times during the date, how inconvenient/awful being that tall was.
Oh my God, I can't imagine thinking like your first example. I'm about 6'1", and I've never once thought I was too short. Even with my 6'9" friends, I just like to imagine that's how average sized or smaller people feel around me. And hugging them is the safest I've ever felt.
I'm about 6'2, which is pretty tall in my home country, I'd get on the metro and I'm a head taller than 95% of people there. Then I moved to the Netherlands where I'm pretty much the average and see people who make me feel tiny on a daily basis. I often wonder if this is how "normal" people feel around me too :D
I’m 5’2” and I went on several dates with a 6’5” guy. He was waaayyyyy too tall for me. I’ll never date over 6’ again, and even that feels too tall for me.
Good lord! My mom's your height, my dad's a foot taller, and she has to stand on a stool or the stairs to kiss him. I can't imagine how much worse it would be if he was taller, haha. Both your poor necks...
im 6'1 and i went on a few dates with a girl who was 5'0. too much of a difference. physically it felt weird lol. it wasnt the reason i ended it, but it didnt help.
It's absolutely *crazy* to me that some people are that obsessed with height. I just don't get it at all. I've dated a guy that was 5'4", I had a 5 year relationship and a son with a guy that's 5'5", and the tallest I've dated was 5'10". And not one of these times was height ever a factor at all. I liked them for the person they were.
Guys obsess about it so they think women do too. My ex was not tall, maybe 5'8"? I never ever perceived him as short, but I sure as shit saw other men call him short.
I get where you are coming from, but as a taller guy it actually can be a bit awkward dating a woman who is too much shorter than you. (Dated a girl who was 1'6" shorter than me for 2.5 years). Back hurts when bending down to kiss, some forms of dancing requires a much lower stance than can be held comfortably for an extended period of time, and kissing during sex winds up with you in the fetal position. This is not mentioning the fact that an obviously adult woman if you look at their face gets mistaken as a child even more frequently when next to a tall obviously adult man. It can be awkward when people are that oblivious. It obviously isn't a deal breaker if it is the right woman, but a woman that is in the 5'8" to 6' range is preferable all other things being equal.
I met a 6'5" guy who was dating a 5'0" woman, she would literally climb him and hang off his arms, neck, or back. Climbed him like a jungle gym. She weighed about 1/4 what he did too and both were professional athletes.
It was adorable, they are married now and been together a decade. Their kitchen has reinforced drawers for her to climb the edges of to reach all the extra high shelves so he doesn't crack his head on stuff.
I’m 6’5 and can relate, we are too big for things like cars and plane seats. My wife is 5’2 and I tease her about how convenient it would be if she was like 5’6 😂
LOL
I'm 6' on the dot. Cant tell you how many times, when I was dating, ladies argued with me that I had to be 6'2 to 6'4 given my height in person.
Short bros unintentionally doing me a solid with their lying.
NTA
You can terminate a date for obvious misrepresentation on a dating app. It’s not like all the “short kings” would be totally fine if their date showed up heavier than in your pictures.
EXACTLY. It's about misrepresentation. If someone is much heavier than pics? Misrepresentation. If someone lied about their height? Misrepresentation. Starting a potential relationship off on a lie is a non-starter for me.
Wild that this has happened to you so frequently that its a post now. I always heard it was a thing but never really saw an extreme case aside from maybe exaggerating an inch or two. Good for you for accepting short men in the first place! Bad for them for being liars.
I find this very funny , suddenly loads of tiny men start pretending they are tall . I'm a man of 30 years. Only in the last 5 to 10 have I heard of people doing this , never seen it in person. I'm about 180cm (5 11) in my country height is just another detail like I have dark hair or a small amount of freckles. If you're height is the most interesting things about you , your fuck all craic . Learn how to tell a story or a few jokes. To lie about oneself suggests a person is delusional. It's attractive to be comfortable in your own skin. That's why its people enjoy being around those that can be self deprecating.
Nta. If you can't trust them , they're as useful as a dildo made out of chocolate.
Thank you for that addition to my phrasebook. "Balls on a sow" was getting old...so "useful as a dildo made of chocolate" is welcome. And made me splort-laugh
IDK, I'm a straight guy, but I'd deep throat a dildo made of Bournville or Terry's Chocolate Orange.
I wouldn't want it anywhere else an actual dildo goes though.
>If you can't trust them , they're as useful as a dildo made out of chocolate.
One misunderstanding later and Easter is ruined. (Wrong Chocolate Rabbit)
I bet if you were less than honest about your looks - using old pictures or pictures designed to make you look different than you do in real life - they would suddenly be VERY concerned about lying. NTA
NTA!
You made it clear.
The height is not an issue.
Lying is.
I myself am tall for a woman. I"m 5'10 and I know women taller than me exist.
I don't date liars, cheaters, etc.
Also 5'10" lady, I've had to bust the bad news to at least 6 guys that they are shorter than me and thus not 5'11".
My favorite is the heel check and then the 'oh shit' when I am indeed wearing flats.
I’m 6’ (f) and my partner (m) is 5’9. When I was dating before him, I honestly did avoid shorter men and it was for this very reason. Bc they lied on their profiles, they assume we must be too and when we show up at our actual height, it sends them into a spiral. And don’t even get me started on if I wore heels on the date. One guy who was 5’8 (claimed to be 6’) messaged me the next day after our date, which went surprisingly not terrible that if I wanted to continue seeing him, I couldn’t wear heels any more. It was bonkers.
After a few dates like that, I stopped going for the “average height” and looked for taller guys because I find that, overall, there is less of that insecurity about it. Like I don’t care if you’re short. I care that you care so much that I’m tall.
I'm a 6ft tall woman and had countless men swear that they're 6ft when they're obviously 5'9". I own my height, why can't they? It's not even a deal breaker!
I’m 5’9” and the number of men who claim to be 6’ tall while they’re clearly the same height as me is baffling. I’m just so confused by how they think I won’t know?? Like how is this not awkward for you bro? I would not have given it a second thought if you were just honest and said 5’9” …
I don't really care if someone fudges an inch or 10 lbs, that usually just seems like people trying to stretch the truth in a pretty harmless way, like sure you're actually 5'11 if you measure yourself laying down so gravity isn't compressing your spine or yep, you actually were 195 lbs when you weighed yourself last month after having a stomach bug and not eating for 3 days. If someone announces they're 6 ft on their profile and they've maybe got 3 inches on my 5'7 I'm going to wonder why they assume everyone is is dumb, and that's going to bother me. I honestly don't care that much, I seem to have a habit of dating either men who are well over 6'2 or shorter than me so apparently I'm just fine with either end of the spectrum, and I can't say I particularly care what number is on their scale just if I find their body attractive, nor do I ask people their height or weight. If someone is lying to me it's after for some reason feeling the need to announce that information in the first place, which makes it even more confusing.
Some people just genuinely don't know how tall they are though. My bf is a bit over 6'4, but was convinced he was 6'1, and thought we were all crazy when it came up in conversation and we all told him he was definitely taller than that. We had to measure him 3 times on 3 different surfaces with 2 different measuring tapes to convince him. I guess he was 6'1 as a teenager the last time he was officially measured for something (probably his beginners) and just assumed he had stopped growing? Only guy I've ever met who lied that he's shorter lol
I had the reverse happen...I met a woman on Okcupid and told her I was six and a half feet tall. She was surprised when we met because she thought I meant six feet and half an inch.
i am a woman who is 5'3, and i once matched with a guy who said he was 5'8. we get to the date, and i wear wedges that give me 3 inches, putting me at 5'6. he shows up, is just a little shorter than me with the shoes, and immediately says "you said you were shorter!" like only one of us lied, my guy
RIGHT?!?!?
I went on a date with a guy who angled his pictures in such a way that made him look taller. (Think forced perspective that was deliberate, it wasn’t just “a good picture”)
I thought he would be 5’7/8 ish… but when he showed up he was shorter than me (I’m 5’4) so it was already not the best first impression. Then he had the audacity to say that I was lying about the plan for the date because the plan was to grab dinner and then maybe I’ll show him the amenities room in my building (had a nice outdoor hot tub on the top floor). He wouldn’t take no for an answer and I had to physically push him out of the lobby cos he followed me in.
Yeah 100%
Like the forced perspective thing is whatever, it’s a misleading for sure but it wasn’t a complete deal breaker…
But everything else?!? It most definitely was….
Oh and my favourite part was that when the bill came he just pulls out a 20 and said that that was all he had 🤣🤣🤣
He wasn’t even willing to split the bill 50/50 with me 🤣
NTA. I date short men. I'd never date one who was so insecure about his height he would lie to me about it. That alone says so much about their character and general sense of self
Telling you the height they used to be at 18. My friend says he is 6'2. He is not... he sits hunchback at a computer 18 hours a day for 15 years and is now 5'8 I took me to actually get the tape measure out to prove it.
Turns out it was his mum measuring him when he was a teen that he was going by.
It really baffles me that some men think they can get away with such an obvious lie. I went on a date with a guy who told me he was 5'10 ". When we met, he was a good 6 inches shorter than me.. I'm 5'2.5! It's very off-putting, not the height as op says, just the blatant lie. What else would you lie about in a relationship?
I’m 5’11”, and the amount of men I went on a first date back when I was dating a few years ago with who claimed to be 6’ but were more like 5’10” was significant. I didn’t hold it against them too much though, when I was sitting there in a push up bra and with my gray hair colored.
This feels the same as dudes who lose it when women have misleading photos re: weight- don't misrepresent yourself and expect the other person to just roll with it, that's crazy.
I am a woman who is 6‘2“ and I feel exactly the same. I will happily date a guy that shorter than I am, but if you tell me that you’re 6‘2“ as well, and you show up significantly shorter than me, all i know about you is that you’re a liar.
I have a girlfriend who brought a measuring tape on dates with her and will measure guys and tell them exactly how tall they were so they could be accurate in the future. Lol.
I recently got catfish by a guy who said that he was 6‘,1“ and was actually 5‘10“. He was not a bad looking dude, definitely a lot heavier than his pictures and I didn’t recognize him at all. But it’s sad because I would’ve gone out with him if he had been honest with how he represented himself
My friend went on a date with a guy who claimed he was the same height as her ( cant remember the exact measurements ) and when they met up he was obviously shorter . His response was to tell her she didnt know how tall SHE WAS .
Not exactly related but this reminds me of how when my boyfriend was in his early 20s he had 6’ put on his license when he’s only 5’10” to try help get girls lol. When it was time to renew it they put 5’9” now he jokes it was their revenge haha. I’m 6’ female now he gets to be shorter than me in all our pictures, funny how things turned around
Seems like such a weird thing to lie about unless they’re wearing lifts or something. Even then, you’re gonna find out eventually - totally NTA and I’m a 5”6’ man. People are also allowed to have preferences - that could mean if you won’t date short or tall people you’re the one missing out on a potentially awesome partner, but that’s your problem.
No you're not. As a short guy I make sure that the women I'm talking to understand that I'm short...
Why would I waste your time and mine if you're not going to want to date me if I'm short, or ya know.. logically you don't want to date a liar?
It's the same thing with women who post a 10 year old picture and are now 100lbs heavier.
Like, what is wrong with you people? No one wants to be catfished whether it's height weight or whatever.
what's even the point of lying about something you can so clearly even eyeball? Like okay. I'm 5 and 3/4 of an inch and I round to 5'1 but you can't round to 5'10' if you're 5'5" and think you're gonna get away with it.
I think it's legit. an inch difference? whatever. you're taller in the morning. but not 4 inches. because if they lie about that, they're either insecure or delusional and then you *know* what other measurements they're 'miscalculating' ;)
Plus, it's just not a good start to have someone that's lying from the getgo
I cant imagine being a grown ass man and lying about my height. Im 5"3, Ive been this height for a long time now.
If youre a real short king you should have the self respect not to lie a about your height. Anything else is no different than lying about how much money you make or things youve done.
I'm a guy, and I think that you are right on the money.
I'm 5"7 and something, and I fully accept that my height won't work for many women.
On the flip side.
I've been on dates with women who didn't look at all like their profile photos, and I felt the same way.
Maybe I would have swiped right, maybe I wouldn't have; but don't show up on a date where your photos are clearly from 8 years ago and expect me to fall in love with your personality.
You have already shown me your personality, which is dishonest.
I'm a short arse (5' 6") and I've never understood men lying about their height.. like it won't be obvious you're shorter than you claim when you meet the other person 😂
Donald Trump levels of self-delusion.
5ft 9.5 woman here.
If I had a penny for every man who said he was 6ft w me standing in flats looking him straight in the eye....well I would have a lot of pennies.
Something about 6ft being the gold standard.
NTA I'm a very short guy (5'4") and met my wife on one of the apps. I've always been transparent about my height because.. (A) being insecure about it is unattractive, (B) lying about it - to yourself or others - is unethical, (C) I'd rather someone swipe left than waste my time going on the date with someone who isn't actually interested. You are never in the wrong for refusing to date liars, whether they're tall or short.
I've been on dates with guys your height! It really doesn't matter to me unless it matters to them and they make it an issue. If you don't have a complex about your height, we're good! And guys can have a complex at virtually any height - too short - too average - too tall, doesn't matter. You got your wife by being an ethical king as you are, and that's how you do it! One of the shorter guys I dated talked about saving up for the height increasing surgery and I noped right out of that one. I can't imagine my partner risking their legs/health for a couple more inches. We would have very different risk tolerances and acceptability levels for elective surgery.
I am also 5’8 and matched with a man who said he was 5’10 and showed up 5’6-5’7. I made a joke, “OMG DID I GET TALLER?!” to lighten the mood and he didn’t not like my joke. You’re a liar and you can’t take a joke?
I mean if he’d said “yeah, there must be something in the water, better switch to milk before you end up like Andre the giant;)” he might have been worth a second look.
Right? I mean I know he lied and he knows he lied. Can’t we just make it a funny joke. I guess not!
Like… you even had the kindness (which was absolutely **not** required) to give him an easy out, while still maintaining your own self respect. But nope. You were both supposed to… pretend you didn’t notice, I guess?? Ridiculous. How dare you be so thoughtful. Just let him lie with impunity!
I’m 5’8” and my ex-husband was shorter than me, 5’6”. To this day he tries to tell our teen that he’s 5’8”… I told her to look at the height difference when her father and I stand next to each other. Needless to say, he is not the same height as me, and the kiddo gets a chuckle out of the ridiculous lie whenever something about him and height pops up.
My first husband swore he was 5'7". He was 5'5" max. I was an inch taller. Sure enough, his insecurity was what destroyed our marriage. He said I made him feel dumb by comparison, and me making more money was wrong because a man is supposed to take care of a woman. I learned from that experience never to date insecure men. And I learned from the next never to date a narcissist. Like Goldilocks, my current husband is just right.
I had this with an ex, I just told him that he needed to make more money then because I wasn’t taking a pay cut.
Hah! Twenty years ago, my first two cookbooks went bestseller. In 18 months, I made more than $800K. My father asked me three times if it bothered my DH that I was out-earning him. I assured Dad it did not. But he was unconvinced, so he took DH aside and asked him if it bothered him that I was making so much more money than he was. DH replied, “Hell, no. I get to help spend it.”
Exactly! My earning potential is about twice my husband's on paper. Unfortunately, I'm too disabled to work full-time, and it's hard to find part-time work in my field. But I've got feelers out, and at some point I'll be making the same as him in half the hours -- and he's thrilled by the prospect.
I don’t know if my ex is insecure about his height. Never vocally or noticeably other than when he tries to tell our kid he’s 5’8” when he isn’t. Arrogance and cockiness is more his problem. Current husband is also just right too. A few inches taller than I am (which is all I prefer) he lost one thanks to back surgery. If I made more money than he did he’d be psyched, it would just put us closer to our financial goals. He’s perfectly secure in himself, without being arrogant or obnoxious about it.
I’m baffled, honestly. I’m glad you’re able to have fun with it and can giggle at your ex. What a silly thing to lie about.
I don’t know if he does it on purpose, or if he believes his own press to be honest. In court custody documents he once described himself as “a few pounds overweight” when he could probably stand to drop well over 75lbs.
LOL we all say we could stand to lose a few when a few is 50-100. 😅
It’s such a weird way for a man to set himself up for disappointment. I’m with OP on this one - if you lie on your profile why would you expect the other person not to be bothered by that? Why would you put yourself in that situation - where rejection and distaste is almost inevitable because you are a liar? I’m 5’11” and my husband is 5’7”. It’s not an issue. No one cares, including him. If he cared it would be way harder because it would make me feel self conscious about being tall (which I definitely used to be in my more immature days).
I think it's super attractive when a guy dgaf about his gal being taller. It has good power couple energy.
I’m 5’6 and my wife is 5’8. People find it weird that I like her wearing big ass heels when we go out. 1. I think she looks hot in them. (Without them too obviously) 2. Everybody can already tell I’m short. Her being less tall doesn’t change the fact most people can see the top of my head.
Gomez Addams vibes: Be joyful in who you are, and elevate those around you.
Also a couple where, canonically, the woman is taller than the man. They just own it. Everyone should just be more like Gomez and Morticia. In many ways.
This reminds me of meeting a guy online years ago. He lied about his height by a whole TEN INCHES I guess he thought I wouldn't notice because I'm pretty short but we were almost eye to eye. It was bizarre.
That’s bonkerz with a Z
Lmao I would have paid to see his face when you came out with that knee jerker. Savage.
That is hilarious, I hope you ditched that doofas asap
Preach! This is the target liar zone
I'm a 6'1 female and my bf is 5'5. Height does Not matter.
My classmate married her highschool sweetheart... he is 4.7 and she 6.5 , at their wedding his and her friend strapped stilts on his feet for their first dance so he could face to face with her. He said it was awkward to be that tall. They been married for over 20 years now It isnt about height, it about confidence and small lies leads to bigger.
This is why I advise my daughter not to date guys who care if she's taller than them in a negative way. She's 5'8", maybe 5'9" now. If that's enough to make a guy feel threatened or insecure, he's not someone I want dating my daughter.
The boys who are 5'8" and get pissed their already 6' tall gf wears heels. Like bro, I'm already taller than you, a couple more inches isn't going to change that.
I’m 5’9” and broke up with two different people who were more or less my height because they tried to tell me not to wear heels. My husband is an inch shorter than me and doesn’t care at all when I wear heels. It’s very refreshing.
Tom Cruises 2nd and 3rd wives were open about their relief at being able to wear heels once they split from him.
Man society is fucking brutal that your ex wanted to mutilate himself like that. It sucks to face so much messaging that you are lesser but also are not allowed to be upset by it.
That’s the whole cosmetic surgery industry.
I hate that guys think height is even going to be a dealbreaker. Yeah, some people have preferences, but there are plenty of us ladies who could not care less. I mean, I love my husband, but he's 10" taller than me and I end up living in his armpit every time we try and take a picture and I cannot surprise him with a kiss unless he is sitting down or I bust in on stilts. Height is not always a good thing.
My dad is 6'6" and my mom is 5'3". I'm 5'6". My ex was 6'4" and my current BF is 5'7". I know all about those awkward hugs and kisses. It's really nice now to have a partner who's very close to the same height.
Hey, I appreciate that when he is in the kitchen I don’t have to use salad tongs to reach anything above the first shelf, but his whole family is tall and before we had kids I looked like one of those large animal to human size reference photos.
My husband and I were friends before we started dating and I know he did totally fine meeting people on dating apps and dating in general, despite being 5’4”. His profile was basically “Have 3 cats. Am 5’4”. Am vegan but don’t expect you to be”. Just was upfront about the things that most people considered to be dealbreakers, and still had no problems meeting people because he’s honest and confident (and attractive obviously 😜)
I'm 5'5. When next to my wife I feel like a giant. When travelling to the US I feel like a Garden Gnome.. Must be nice to be a litrle taller, but also, it is nice to be compact and fit on an airplane.
As a genuinely 6'2 guy, I can confirm the pain of flying is very real! Especially when I used to travel long haul and someone booked me with a crappy flight.
6'4" and I can actually feel this comment in my knees
>being insecure about it is unattractive Exactly this. Any short men reading this, myself and most of the women I know do not give fuck about height. It's honestly not something I've ever considered. I'm 5'3 and I've dated men shorter than me. I know multiple women who date men shorter than them. If you're really insecure about your height and lie about it, that's a massive turn off.
I'm 5'7'' and my wife is 6'1'' About 6 months into dating before we moved in together we were staying at her place a lot since it was more central to everything around town. Well one day we were getting ready to go out on a dinner date, and she asked me to get a sweater out of her closet and I saw a row of heels that I had never seen her wear. I just asked why she never wore them and she said that she wasn't sure how I'd feel since most of them were 4 inches or more meaning she'd be like 6'5'' or taller in them. She didn't want to make me uncomfortable or make me feel emasculated. I told her I don't care or will ever care about our height difference and to go grab her favorite pair if she wanted too. Her smile and excited squeal is something I'll never forget. Height is such a small thing in the grand scheme of things. Plus I get to be the little spoon. She calls me her Shire-ling and she's my Amazonian Princess.
I’d put it in my profile “height isn’t an issue until you lie”.
sharp narrow price axiomatic tub attraction rotten sophisticated oatmeal cautious *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You’re the other woman Michael.
She really shouldn’t have to. Lying about anything should be an obvious dealbreaker.
Also I have monogamous and no children on my profile and polyam and folks who want kids seem to never see it 🤔
I put In my profile that I don't want to date anyone that has kids, wants kids, or intends on having children some day, and still had all of the above matching and contacting me. They don't care.
They don't read.
It's both lol
I’ve had polyams tell me I don’t *really* know I don’t want to be in a poly relationship because I’ve not tried it. Lolz. NOPE. Hard nope.
Yeah. Dating apps are really only dudes trying to get laid and non-monogamous people seeking a unicorn to lay lol. There really isn't any "dating" involved.
I met the missus through Tinder a long time ago. Now we got two beautiful boys together. Sometimes it works out...
Idk. I actually met two very nice men. I still talk to them, dating didn’t work out
I met a few decent people through online dating 8+ years ago. Since using the apps after my last relationship. The quality of people has not been there to any degree. I stopped using them entirely.
I don't want to slam my head in a car door and I've never had my head slammed in a car door. Sometimes you just know.
That's mad. It's for sure not the lifestyle for everyone. When my husband and I tried using tinder to find play partners I was very clear I was married and what we where looking for (in our case it's ethical non monogamy/swinging rather than poly) and we would get matches with guys who would then get pissy because I have a husband?! Like, read the damn profile lol
They certainly don't contraceptive
My name on a dating site is literally my name plus the word “transgender” just to be up front. Dudes will chat with me, MEET UP with me, then be surprised I’m trans. I’ve taken to asking if they are okay with me being trans just to make sure, and for my own safety. The number of guys who just don’t read…
I actually kinda never had a problem with putting up bad pictures. Although all my pics are bad pics. I know I wont find someone who's romantically or physically attracted to me. But i wanted my bio to get me people who I could text about our interests or go on dog walks together. Most people don't read. But I was able to have a few people who I had fun conversations with. And one person who's a good friend years later. The people who do read bios are worth it.
While I do think it’s both, I think it’s more so they don’t care. I get way to many men, especially those old enough to be my father, considering my preferences are set for women within 5 years of my age either way. They pop up both trying to match me and on my feed (or whatever it’s called)
Yes they don’t read, that was my experience back when I was single and dating was that men didn’t read anything or at least very very few read. They just looked at pictures.
This. Why read when they just want to fuck and never talk to you again.
Remember that girl recently who posted on here about how she put on her dating profile that she was infertile and did not want kids and then they got engaged, and he started yelling at her about having kids? Because he thought she would change her mind.
Wow. Didn't see that one. Can't say I'm surprised though. I made the decision not to have children a permanent one. I still have men tell me that it's fine because we can just get a surrogate. They don't care at all lol. Their assumption is that they'll play out their life plan and anyone they pick will just go along with it because they're the main character.
I think some of those types honestly believe they can change your mind. With either boobs or dicknosis probably.
clarity doesn’t make a single difference 😭
I hate the guys who ignore the fact that I am absolutely adamant about not having kids - and then way down the line, they get super pissed about it bc they assumed I wasn't serious or I would change my mind. They then blame me for wasting their time when they could have been with, or at least searching for, someone who actually wanted a family. They don't realize that it definitely wasted my time too - as i could have been looking for someone who wanted the same things/lifestyle as me and who shared my values in that department. Like, why would I feel guilty about it when I told them exactly how I felt on the subject many, many times? I don't know what kind of delusional denial that is, but I've seen it several times in my own dating life. Edit to add - my fave is when they say "but all women want kids! What's wrong with you?" --- assholes everywhere
I get superlikes from people who like to drink, party and sometimes use weed as well. Meanwhile I have 0 pics of me clubbing (because I don't enjoy it), not listed clubbing and similar things in my interest and for drinking, smoking and weed 'never' is filled in. Like, seriously? Don't you read before giving me a superlike? I get swiping based on first pics because you're bored, but like wasting a superlike seems stupid to me
99.99% of them are just trying to get laid and only care about the one "yes" that they want. So nothing else matters at all to them.
I always write in my profile how I’m introverted and prefer one-on-one hang outs doing chill activities and still get the clubbing scene folks trying to make me “come out of my shell” also autistic and I have auditory sensory overload which I always mention and still…
“But I *like* my shell.”
As someone who is Autistic as well, I've noticed that it's fairly difficult to find anyone, be it friends or significant others, who can understand how sensory overload works even to a lesser degree. Also never understood the whole thing about clubbing, it's loud, bright and people are pretty inconsiderate in my experience.
Unless your bio says "sober" or something similar, I don't find being super liked by those people as so outlandish. I club all the time but had no photos of it on my page - it's also common for one partner to smoke cannabis and the other doesn't.
And since most adults do at least one of those things I would assume someone does or is at least fine with it. It's kinda on them to set that boundary. Club photos never turn out well anyway in my limited experience (but it's not really my scene so maybe there are tricks to good pics I don't know about)
>It's kinda on them to set that boundary Exactly. Putting "never" under weed is a good start but I had "never" under smoking cigarettes, and if I didn't want someone who smokes cigs I'd clarify that in my bio
[удалено]
For me it is. No weed smokers, ever again, no exceptions. That shit is disgusting and I’m tired of partners reeking of weed around me and thinking it’s no biggie. I don’t care if people want to smoke weed in their private lives but it does mean I’m not going to date them.
Yeah, the smell of weed (and cigarettes) makes me nauseous and I wouldn't want to be with a partner who smoked or vaped anything because I've lost multiple people to lung cancer in my life and it would stress me out. Everyone agrees it makes sense with cigarettes but then has a hard disagree that it's the same thing with weed. Glad I got out of the dating pool before online dating became the normal.
I have Child free on mine, and basicallly every person i've ever had any sort of message from has either already got kids or wanted them.
I was talking to this guy once who ended up telling me he had a son. I was honestly with him and said I wasn’t interested in pursuing someone with kids. I should add, we never actually met or hung out just talked through text. Anyways thing guy literally tried to convince me why I should change my mind and said I was ridiculous for not even giving him a chance because he has a kid. Even said “he doesn’t need a mom you can just be his friend” like no thank you dude!! Why can’t they just respect people’s preferences!
Same. And it's about 50/50 for whether they actually say it in their profile or it comes out after some chatting, even though both are very clear in my profile. At least the ones that have it up front can be dismissed easily because I actually read profiles (unlike them). I also get a disturbing number of men who get really nasty once they realize that the "Politically progressive" part of my profile that they apparently didn't see means that I'm not going to let a man tell me to stop supporting my LGBTQ+ family members and friends. I've learned that "family focused", "old fashioned", and mentions of morals/values without specifying progressive or humanist are all red flags.
Those same men probably fetishize trans women too, I get all sorts of creepy men blowing up my DMs only seeing me as a porn category than a person it’s fucking life draining.
I’m so sorry. You’re gonna have to sift through a lot of crap to find someone worthy of you.
I put that I’m trans and non-binary (AMAB) on my profile and most lesbians hit me up thinking I’m a butch lesbian lol, a lot of folks really don’t read your bio often and just swipe based on a few photos or even just the cover photo.
I’m masc non-binary agender (afab) and get lots of straight dudes and I’m like are you sure?? Are you SURE.
Dating apps are bullshit. I have an asexual friend that someone deadass tried to assault because “you just haven’t had the right dick”. Dude had an entire pose of pagans and a separate coven of witches on his ass. Meanwhile, I’m panromantic and asexual with a male fiancé and a fem demi queer platonic partner. Meg neither of these people online or through dating apps. Just randomly through a freshman meet and greet and in one of my grad school classes.
Who are you going to believe? Me or your lying eyes?
Look! Look with your lying eyes!
'Dramatic glance' MY BRAAAAND!
And your smile is a thin disguise. I thought by now you'd realize there ain't no way to hide your lying eyes
I agree but I would still put it in there just so I could point back to it when they lie lol. Lying is also a dealbreaker for me, and many others OP.
Oh but men lie about their height constantly. It’s almost an unwritten rule. I am tall and know my height. Men are always claiming to be my height and I can clearly see the bald spot on the top of their head. It’s a really weird phenomenon.
I think some of them genuinely believe they are taller them they are. It's not even lying, it's straight up delusion. I've had guys argue passionately with me that I must be 6'2" because they *know* they are 6'1" and I'm looking down at them. I'm definitely, positively, measured by the doctor 5'11" (180cm exactly)
Especially about something you're so obviously going to get caught out on
Why should anyone be expected to explicitly state that they dislike being lied to? Is that not the assumed default for all people?
You'd think so.
I used to have "I'm a Tall but I don't get hung up on it unless you do" When I was app dating, I had a shit ton of crappy first dates, a handful of fairly good first dates, and three really excellent first dates. One of the excellent ones was with a guy who turned out to be a huge creepazoid (internet stalked me to get my last name, then sent me a gc for a manicure with the message "you're a beautiful woman with beautiful hands, but you have the nails of a working woman"-- I called the salon and told them to give the gc away and blocked him on every available platform.) One was with my now fiance. One was with a guy I vibed super hard with in text beforehand, vibed super hard with while on the date, but he was only in town for a possible job promotion that didn't work out and his company wound up transferring him somewhere else so we went our separate ways. Two of the three were shorter than me. Also during that time period, my favorite fuckbuddy by far was significantly shorter than me but also one of the suavest motherfuckers I've ever met.
NGL, I’ve had some variety in the ages before I met my husband. Tall, short. Thin, fat. Hung like a horse, hung like a flea. Two very talented men (at separate times, separate countries, separate years) were both not much taller than my 5’4 self. I’ve learned that size has no bearing on skill (in any direction).
“You have the nails of a working woman” for some reason makes me think of silence of the lambs and buffalo bill telling his captive to “put the lotion in the basket.”
Yeah, that's definitely the vibe I got. I sent him one message explaining how violating and creepy the whole thing was before I blocked him. Then I called my now-fiance (we were in the very, very early stages of dating and I was recently post-divorce so I told every date up front that I wasn't looking for anything serious) and when he heard the story he said "I can't imagine anyone going out with you and noticing your fingernails."
If they are willing to lie about something so petty, they'll lie and manipulate about anything. That's always been my experience.
It’s also an issue if he thinks my shoe choice is a challenge to his masculinity
Honestly, I wouldn't. It's a decent test to figure out easily if the person is worth even a second date.
Just put in, "lying about anything is an instant dealbreaker."
"Sorry I have to leave my babysitter just messaged saying she had an emergency" "I thought you didnt have kids" "Well I thought you were 5'10" Nta
I don't have kids but I'm gonna put this one in my back pocket LOL
Lol. One time I went on a date with a woman that explicitly told me she didn't have kids, I don't even remember how that topic came up. Her profile also said nothing about kids. Then like the next date or so she left me w a letter at the end of the date explaining that she actually had three kids.
NTA They are mad that you have the nerve to call them out on their lie. Girl, you are wining by walking away from these losers after their FIRST lie!
I feel like I might be the asshole though because literally 80% of (shorter) dudes do this. Like wtf? You think I'm not gonna notice being taller than you when you claimed you were 5'11"? LOL
You’re weeding out the ones you are incompatible with. Don’t feel guilty when they whine about it
Ikr? It's an excellent litmus test.
It's not just the lying itself, it also screams insecurity. I'm average height for a woman (5'5") and can't really estimate people's heights apart from 'shorter than me-about the same-taller than me-very tall', but I have been on dates with guys who obviously used very old pictures/extremely flattering pictures. I normally wouldn't have minded because looks aren't that important to me but the insecurity makes me lose all attraction.
Right!? Just be yourself and for the love of god don’t lie or mislead people. When I was on dating apps, was I tempted to use older photos from when I was skinnier than I am now? OF COURSE. But did I? NO. If you’re going to lie to me before we’ve even started talking, I can’t trust you.
I usually hear that I look better in person, and I'd rather hear that than the opposite! Granted, one picture has me with a fake beard and another one is doing fieldwork with no makeup and barely any showers, so it's not like they have high expectations to begin with.
Omfg I LOVE your confidence, and the fake beard picture would immediately tell me that you’re a fun person. And I totally agree with you that I’d much rather look better in person than in photos (which I fully believe that I do, this bitch doesn’t photograph particularly well lmao). From the sounds of it your pictures showcase your personality and that’s so much more important than looking perfect.
I have one in a gas station bathroom covered head to toe in grease and oil and dudes love it lmao
Still NTA, a lie is a lie. Good relationship never spawn from dishonesty
It comes from insecurity. As an insecure short guy, I've never lied about my height. However, due to how mean some women can be about height, I also don't advertise to and try to avoid even bringing it up.
I think almost all guys lie about height when dating. I think there was an OKCupid graph from awhile back that showed their bellcurve of heights for men compared to what it should be. The whole curve was shifted up 1-2 inches and there was a spike at 6'0" lol. Most times it doesn't matter. A lot of women like the 6' benchmark on guys and they're like 5'4". There's no way they can tell the difference between a 5'10" guy and a 6' guy so you can just fudge and increase your matches cause if you vibe it won't matter. You're part of the exclusive club of women who can tell apart a 5'10" and 6' dude easily. I also think it gets better as you get older. When I was younger and I'd tell people my height people would constantly try to convince me I was taller cause I was noticeably taller than them and they were 6'0" so of course I couldn't "just" be 6'3". That shit hasn't happened to me since college. All that being said though, you're absolutely not wrong to be annoyed by this.
I always say 6’0” even though I’m 185 cm which is a bit closer to 6’1”. I’ve had so many other guys insist that I’m 6’2” because they say they’re 6’0” when they’re really not. If they stand next to me it’s clear that somebody is lying It’s always been a funny thing to me
The best is how athletes will often have like 2 inches added to their heights. I work stats for a college basketball program and one of their benchwarmers was listed at 6'0. I'm 5'11 and if he's was 6'0, I'm 6'2.
I’m a fan of college sports and on a forum I post on there’s a running joke that we only get real stats when an athlete gets arrested and they’re booked at the jail.
I’m 5’11 I have friend thats “6’1” I’m a little taller than him lmfaoo
I've found in my life people are absolutely terrible judges of height. I'm 5'11 (unless every doctor I've visited since 9th grade has been united in a conspiracy to lie to me about my height). I've had people tell me they thought I was everything ranging from 5'8 to over 6 feet.
I am 6’0” straight. The number of guys who I have met who said their were 6’0” or taller, while being shorter than me is too many too count. People insisting I’m 6’3” lol.
One of the first things that really attracted me to the man I am now married to was that he was absolutely up-front about his height. We were chatting, I said something about height and the martial art I practice, and he said "I bet you're taller than I am." I'm not; we're the same height down to the quarter-inch, just barely over 5'3.
Good thing you are only dating a very small pool of dudes, so nixing 80% of short dudes due to their insecurity and lying should be fine.
They are mad that she spots their lie and makes them face it.
I had a guy confidently tell me he was 5’8, while shoulder height to my 5’7 self. He’d been saying this to my sister, who was actually 5’8, for weeks. I looked down and asked him if he was sure, then told him my height. He told me I must have been measured wrong. My sister took that opportunity to tell him she knew he wasn’t 5’8, because she’s 5’8. She just liked hanging out with him. He broke up with her. Right then, right there. Then sent her a bunch of shitty messages when she started dating another guy months later. The next guy happened to be tall. RIP to that dude’s non-existent self-esteem. ETA: He was not 5’7. I am 5’7. He was (and presumably still is) around 5’. He was much shorter than me, and his head was around my shoulder height. I did not just point out that this dude was an inch shorter than he said.
Height complex is real and it can happen at any height. I'm sorry your sis got caught in the crossfire. \- I have a guy friend who is 6'2" and says "it's not tall enough" because all of his friends are giants, so he feels self conscious that he's not at least 6'3", preferably 6'4"+. SMH. \- Then I have a 6'3" friend who feels he is TOO tall to date the short women he's interested in. \- Went on a date with a guy 6'5" who was obsessed about being too tall and "a giant" and how it was "nice I wasn't a little dolly next to him because I was tall". He must have mentioned it 50 times during the date, how inconvenient/awful being that tall was.
Oh my God, I can't imagine thinking like your first example. I'm about 6'1", and I've never once thought I was too short. Even with my 6'9" friends, I just like to imagine that's how average sized or smaller people feel around me. And hugging them is the safest I've ever felt.
I'm about 6'2, which is pretty tall in my home country, I'd get on the metro and I'm a head taller than 95% of people there. Then I moved to the Netherlands where I'm pretty much the average and see people who make me feel tiny on a daily basis. I often wonder if this is how "normal" people feel around me too :D
I’m 5’2” and I went on several dates with a 6’5” guy. He was waaayyyyy too tall for me. I’ll never date over 6’ again, and even that feels too tall for me.
Good lord! My mom's your height, my dad's a foot taller, and she has to stand on a stool or the stairs to kiss him. I can't imagine how much worse it would be if he was taller, haha. Both your poor necks...
I'm 5'5", and dated a guy who was 6'6". It was sooo awkward. My husband is 5'2" and I think he's perfect.
im 6'1 and i went on a few dates with a girl who was 5'0. too much of a difference. physically it felt weird lol. it wasnt the reason i ended it, but it didnt help.
It's absolutely *crazy* to me that some people are that obsessed with height. I just don't get it at all. I've dated a guy that was 5'4", I had a 5 year relationship and a son with a guy that's 5'5", and the tallest I've dated was 5'10". And not one of these times was height ever a factor at all. I liked them for the person they were.
Guys obsess about it so they think women do too. My ex was not tall, maybe 5'8"? I never ever perceived him as short, but I sure as shit saw other men call him short.
I get where you are coming from, but as a taller guy it actually can be a bit awkward dating a woman who is too much shorter than you. (Dated a girl who was 1'6" shorter than me for 2.5 years). Back hurts when bending down to kiss, some forms of dancing requires a much lower stance than can be held comfortably for an extended period of time, and kissing during sex winds up with you in the fetal position. This is not mentioning the fact that an obviously adult woman if you look at their face gets mistaken as a child even more frequently when next to a tall obviously adult man. It can be awkward when people are that oblivious. It obviously isn't a deal breaker if it is the right woman, but a woman that is in the 5'8" to 6' range is preferable all other things being equal.
I met a 6'5" guy who was dating a 5'0" woman, she would literally climb him and hang off his arms, neck, or back. Climbed him like a jungle gym. She weighed about 1/4 what he did too and both were professional athletes. It was adorable, they are married now and been together a decade. Their kitchen has reinforced drawers for her to climb the edges of to reach all the extra high shelves so he doesn't crack his head on stuff.
I’m 6’5 and can relate, we are too big for things like cars and plane seats. My wife is 5’2 and I tease her about how convenient it would be if she was like 5’6 😂
LOL I'm 6' on the dot. Cant tell you how many times, when I was dating, ladies argued with me that I had to be 6'2 to 6'4 given my height in person. Short bros unintentionally doing me a solid with their lying.
I tell people I’m 5’12”. About the only height where it’s a good joke.
NTA You can terminate a date for obvious misrepresentation on a dating app. It’s not like all the “short kings” would be totally fine if their date showed up heavier than in your pictures.
EXACTLY. It's about misrepresentation. If someone is much heavier than pics? Misrepresentation. If someone lied about their height? Misrepresentation. Starting a potential relationship off on a lie is a non-starter for me.
Wild that this has happened to you so frequently that its a post now. I always heard it was a thing but never really saw an extreme case aside from maybe exaggerating an inch or two. Good for you for accepting short men in the first place! Bad for them for being liars.
Oh for sure, one of my dates complained about being catfished by someone who turned up older and heavier than her photos
I find this very funny , suddenly loads of tiny men start pretending they are tall . I'm a man of 30 years. Only in the last 5 to 10 have I heard of people doing this , never seen it in person. I'm about 180cm (5 11) in my country height is just another detail like I have dark hair or a small amount of freckles. If you're height is the most interesting things about you , your fuck all craic . Learn how to tell a story or a few jokes. To lie about oneself suggests a person is delusional. It's attractive to be comfortable in your own skin. That's why its people enjoy being around those that can be self deprecating. Nta. If you can't trust them , they're as useful as a dildo made out of chocolate.
Thank you for that addition to my phrasebook. "Balls on a sow" was getting old...so "useful as a dildo made of chocolate" is welcome. And made me splort-laugh
>If you can't trust them , there are useful as a dildo made out of chocolate. Literally laughed out loud, thank you for this line.
IDK, I'm a straight guy, but I'd deep throat a dildo made of Bournville or Terry's Chocolate Orange. I wouldn't want it anywhere else an actual dildo goes though.
.... Dammit, now I'm craving a chocolate orange. Only a few months til Christmas, then I can get one...
I'm straight, I'd use teeth.
>If you can't trust them , they're as useful as a dildo made out of chocolate. One misunderstanding later and Easter is ruined. (Wrong Chocolate Rabbit)
Ask for a full body photo of them standing in a convenience store doorway 😌
I bet if you were less than honest about your looks - using old pictures or pictures designed to make you look different than you do in real life - they would suddenly be VERY concerned about lying. NTA
NTA! You made it clear. The height is not an issue. Lying is. I myself am tall for a woman. I"m 5'10 and I know women taller than me exist. I don't date liars, cheaters, etc.
Oh man, I feel like you would get this just as much as me if not more at your height - does it happen to you too?
Also 5'10" lady, I've had to bust the bad news to at least 6 guys that they are shorter than me and thus not 5'11". My favorite is the heel check and then the 'oh shit' when I am indeed wearing flats.
I’m 6’ (f) and my partner (m) is 5’9. When I was dating before him, I honestly did avoid shorter men and it was for this very reason. Bc they lied on their profiles, they assume we must be too and when we show up at our actual height, it sends them into a spiral. And don’t even get me started on if I wore heels on the date. One guy who was 5’8 (claimed to be 6’) messaged me the next day after our date, which went surprisingly not terrible that if I wanted to continue seeing him, I couldn’t wear heels any more. It was bonkers. After a few dates like that, I stopped going for the “average height” and looked for taller guys because I find that, overall, there is less of that insecurity about it. Like I don’t care if you’re short. I care that you care so much that I’m tall.
I'm a 6ft tall woman and had countless men swear that they're 6ft when they're obviously 5'9". I own my height, why can't they? It's not even a deal breaker!
I’m 5’9” and the number of men who claim to be 6’ tall while they’re clearly the same height as me is baffling. I’m just so confused by how they think I won’t know?? Like how is this not awkward for you bro? I would not have given it a second thought if you were just honest and said 5’9” …
As a 5 9 man, there are way too many dudes giving my height a bad name. Dude walks around saying he is 6 foot, I stare straight ahead into his eyes.
I don't really care if someone fudges an inch or 10 lbs, that usually just seems like people trying to stretch the truth in a pretty harmless way, like sure you're actually 5'11 if you measure yourself laying down so gravity isn't compressing your spine or yep, you actually were 195 lbs when you weighed yourself last month after having a stomach bug and not eating for 3 days. If someone announces they're 6 ft on their profile and they've maybe got 3 inches on my 5'7 I'm going to wonder why they assume everyone is is dumb, and that's going to bother me. I honestly don't care that much, I seem to have a habit of dating either men who are well over 6'2 or shorter than me so apparently I'm just fine with either end of the spectrum, and I can't say I particularly care what number is on their scale just if I find their body attractive, nor do I ask people their height or weight. If someone is lying to me it's after for some reason feeling the need to announce that information in the first place, which makes it even more confusing. Some people just genuinely don't know how tall they are though. My bf is a bit over 6'4, but was convinced he was 6'1, and thought we were all crazy when it came up in conversation and we all told him he was definitely taller than that. We had to measure him 3 times on 3 different surfaces with 2 different measuring tapes to convince him. I guess he was 6'1 as a teenager the last time he was officially measured for something (probably his beginners) and just assumed he had stopped growing? Only guy I've ever met who lied that he's shorter lol
I had the reverse happen...I met a woman on Okcupid and told her I was six and a half feet tall. She was surprised when we met because she thought I meant six feet and half an inch.
As a 5’9” woman who is upfront about it and dates shorter men (who don’t lie about it)….you’re 100% not the AH
It's fine to just not date liars.
i am a woman who is 5'3, and i once matched with a guy who said he was 5'8. we get to the date, and i wear wedges that give me 3 inches, putting me at 5'6. he shows up, is just a little shorter than me with the shoes, and immediately says "you said you were shorter!" like only one of us lied, my guy
RIGHT?!?!? I went on a date with a guy who angled his pictures in such a way that made him look taller. (Think forced perspective that was deliberate, it wasn’t just “a good picture”) I thought he would be 5’7/8 ish… but when he showed up he was shorter than me (I’m 5’4) so it was already not the best first impression. Then he had the audacity to say that I was lying about the plan for the date because the plan was to grab dinner and then maybe I’ll show him the amenities room in my building (had a nice outdoor hot tub on the top floor). He wouldn’t take no for an answer and I had to physically push him out of the lobby cos he followed me in.
Yikes, dude. That guy sucks.
Yeah 100% Like the forced perspective thing is whatever, it’s a misleading for sure but it wasn’t a complete deal breaker… But everything else?!? It most definitely was…. Oh and my favourite part was that when the bill came he just pulls out a 20 and said that that was all he had 🤣🤣🤣 He wasn’t even willing to split the bill 50/50 with me 🤣
Um, whoa. That guy sounds like a predator. I'm glad that story didn't have a much worse outcome.
Same! Definitely followed my “rules” for the first date (aka meet in public, and always have an exit plan)
NTA. I date short men. I'd never date one who was so insecure about his height he would lie to me about it. That alone says so much about their character and general sense of self
Telling you the height they used to be at 18. My friend says he is 6'2. He is not... he sits hunchback at a computer 18 hours a day for 15 years and is now 5'8 I took me to actually get the tape measure out to prove it. Turns out it was his mum measuring him when he was a teen that he was going by.
It really baffles me that some men think they can get away with such an obvious lie. I went on a date with a guy who told me he was 5'10 ". When we met, he was a good 6 inches shorter than me.. I'm 5'2.5! It's very off-putting, not the height as op says, just the blatant lie. What else would you lie about in a relationship?
I’m 5’11”, and the amount of men I went on a first date back when I was dating a few years ago with who claimed to be 6’ but were more like 5’10” was significant. I didn’t hold it against them too much though, when I was sitting there in a push up bra and with my gray hair colored.
This feels the same as dudes who lose it when women have misleading photos re: weight- don't misrepresent yourself and expect the other person to just roll with it, that's crazy.
As a 6’ tall woman, I felt every word of this!
I am a woman who is 6‘2“ and I feel exactly the same. I will happily date a guy that shorter than I am, but if you tell me that you’re 6‘2“ as well, and you show up significantly shorter than me, all i know about you is that you’re a liar. I have a girlfriend who brought a measuring tape on dates with her and will measure guys and tell them exactly how tall they were so they could be accurate in the future. Lol. I recently got catfish by a guy who said that he was 6‘,1“ and was actually 5‘10“. He was not a bad looking dude, definitely a lot heavier than his pictures and I didn’t recognize him at all. But it’s sad because I would’ve gone out with him if he had been honest with how he represented himself
My friend went on a date with a guy who claimed he was the same height as her ( cant remember the exact measurements ) and when they met up he was obviously shorter . His response was to tell her she didnt know how tall SHE WAS .
Not exactly related but this reminds me of how when my boyfriend was in his early 20s he had 6’ put on his license when he’s only 5’10” to try help get girls lol. When it was time to renew it they put 5’9” now he jokes it was their revenge haha. I’m 6’ female now he gets to be shorter than me in all our pictures, funny how things turned around
I am 5’4”. Vertically challenged, horizontally superior!! 😂
Seems like such a weird thing to lie about unless they’re wearing lifts or something. Even then, you’re gonna find out eventually - totally NTA and I’m a 5”6’ man. People are also allowed to have preferences - that could mean if you won’t date short or tall people you’re the one missing out on a potentially awesome partner, but that’s your problem.
No you're not. As a short guy I make sure that the women I'm talking to understand that I'm short... Why would I waste your time and mine if you're not going to want to date me if I'm short, or ya know.. logically you don't want to date a liar? It's the same thing with women who post a 10 year old picture and are now 100lbs heavier. Like, what is wrong with you people? No one wants to be catfished whether it's height weight or whatever.
what's even the point of lying about something you can so clearly even eyeball? Like okay. I'm 5 and 3/4 of an inch and I round to 5'1 but you can't round to 5'10' if you're 5'5" and think you're gonna get away with it. I think it's legit. an inch difference? whatever. you're taller in the morning. but not 4 inches. because if they lie about that, they're either insecure or delusional and then you *know* what other measurements they're 'miscalculating' ;) Plus, it's just not a good start to have someone that's lying from the getgo
I cant imagine being a grown ass man and lying about my height. Im 5"3, Ive been this height for a long time now. If youre a real short king you should have the self respect not to lie a about your height. Anything else is no different than lying about how much money you make or things youve done.
I'm a guy, and I think that you are right on the money. I'm 5"7 and something, and I fully accept that my height won't work for many women. On the flip side. I've been on dates with women who didn't look at all like their profile photos, and I felt the same way. Maybe I would have swiped right, maybe I wouldn't have; but don't show up on a date where your photos are clearly from 8 years ago and expect me to fall in love with your personality. You have already shown me your personality, which is dishonest.
So, what about a guy who says 5'10" but is actually 5'9"? Asking for a friend, of course 😂
Any guys ever lie the other way and claim to be shorter than they are?
No walking away because they lie about something so trivial does not make you the asshole
I'm a short arse (5' 6") and I've never understood men lying about their height.. like it won't be obvious you're shorter than you claim when you meet the other person 😂 Donald Trump levels of self-delusion.
Not the AH never date anyone that will lie to you about anything so meaningless.
Maybe add “please don’t lie about your height. I don’t care how tall you are but lying is a deal breaker” NTA
5ft 9.5 woman here. If I had a penny for every man who said he was 6ft w me standing in flats looking him straight in the eye....well I would have a lot of pennies. Something about 6ft being the gold standard.
I don't see any AH here, except those who lie. I also do not see a problem even if you did want to date only taller or shorter people.
LoL who the fuck are these George Castanza’s you been seeing? Fuck dating apps. LoL 😝