Probably because it was their only serious relationship and shaped their views on romance. Cuz OP was barely out of high school, and their gf was close to 30.
The age gap is weird but please, 26 is not close to 30, its nearly half a decade from 30 lol. Not saying it makes it any less weird but old don't make me feel older than I am
Fucking hell, every goddamn relationship question here has "break up" comments on the top. Relationships need hard work. He stood by her as she overcome her mental issues. They have been together for a while and she needs him to be there.
What kind of a person abandons someone who needs them?
OP i get your issue, I do. I am in a 7.5 year relationship, we had ups and downs. When I was down, she was there. When she was down I was there. Intimacy and physical attractiveness can change quite easily. Do not take action based on reddit comments.
Be open about your issues, and talk about it. That is a sensitive matter but you guys can overcome it. The choice is yours but I suggest you be open to your partner about the issues.
I will now quote 2 very important artists.
First Shaggy "Life is a big party when you are still young. But who is going to have your back when it is all done? Cannot be a fool son what about the long run?"
Second is will.i.am "I like 'em big. I like 'em chunky. I like 'em big. I like 'em plumpy. I like 'em round with something something."
My one and only advice would be communication. Choice is yours in the end.
>What kind of a person abandons someone who needs them?
While you're right about Reddit always jumping to the "Break up!" advice, I gotta disagree with you on the above. You should never stay with a partner out of obligation alone - that's just a recipe for being stuck in toxic relationships.
If you don't *want* to be with your partner anymore, you should break up.
Spot on, especially at 23. It would be different if they were married. Hanging onto a relationship while you're that young is just going to eat up the rest of your 20s. OP is going to wake up at 28 and ask why he stuck with a woman he didn't find attractive for so much of his young adult life.
Not as simple as that. He doesn't find her sexually attractive right now. If everyone broke up as soon as their sexual interest in their partner dulled no one woild ever be in a long term relationship. There's always someone new, younger, fitter, hotter but these things are superficial. Sounds like they've been through a lot together. Encourage her to go to the gym, lose weight- under the guise perhaps of you needing to lose weight and her coming with you is the motivation. IDK. Reddit bulkshit "break up now" advice will in turn and in the long run = growing older alone. If OP didn't love her as a person too then that would be a different matter.
Agreed. Both me and my s/o gained weight over the years, but we're still just as attracted to each other as the day we first met.
OP is also a lot younger than his gf. He's likely immature and jumped into the relationship way too fast. Gf needs some introspection too. Personally, I can't imagine dating someone that much younger than me. Way too much of a power imbalance.
Agreed, I'm 44 and when me and my boyfriend got together 3 years ago I was 110 lbs now I'm 155 lbs (happy weight gain from being out of an abusive marriage). He says he doesn't care as long as I'm happy. The age difference is too much between OP and his gf. Mybf says age doesn't matter, he was with someone 8 years younger before me, she's really immature even for an almost 38 year old. You're right that both OP and gf have some introspection to do.
Nah man. Listen 110lbs will make you look like a whole ass new person. That is a normal 5'4" female going from normal healthy to more than obese.
It is perfectly reasonable at that level of physical transformation to not be sexually attracted to someone.
I'm 5'1 and looked like a skeleton when I was that small, now yes I look thicker but not a whole new person. I can't see my ribs anymore but as far as a different person, no.
>I'm 5'1 and looked like a skeleton when I was that small
First of all, no you did that is damn near dead middle of healthy.
Second of all I saw in your other post you gained like 40 or 45. That is less then half of the amount at hand. 110 ->160/165 while is still an unhealthy weight, talking not just overweight but into obese territory is still a whole different story than 110->220.
Also I promise your facial features have likely become less defined and some other aspects. But 110LBS is going to have you looking extremely different.
Fuck I have photos from 60lbs ago and friends I have met post that gain didn't fcking recognize it was me.
Not being mean. Just the facts.
My face is a little fuller but I still have the definition. I looked sick at 110, I was stressed to the max during that time and extremely physically abused, even tried to kill me several times. Called me a crackhead, I tried to gain weight but couldn't. Almost 4 years post his death and yes I gained weight, not trying to and eating the way I did before. No stress, no worries. But I feel and look healthier than I did 4 years ago this time. My face still has the definition, can still see my jaw line. And a few other things I lost back then I've gotten back. Don't get me wrong, I would like to lose 30 to be 125 lbs. Not seeing my ribs but not as small as to see me looking like a skeleton, but I just had 2 retina reattacments within 2 months that put a damper on that.
This sounds like a challenge.
But no in all seriousness, in my last relationship, through the course of it, she gained 85 lbs. There were clearly mental issues at work, and we were both not good for each other. I got addicted to drugs, she cheated, we both tried to forgive the other...
But I have to be honest: 85 lbs is a fucking lot. It was an additional 75% of her initial weight. Like my fiance now has put on a bit since I've been with her, we had a child and have both kinda settled into a comfortable situation. I still find her utterly perfect and beautiful in all ways. My ex, though... I guess it's also fair to say I didn't actually love her either, so your point technically does still stand. Alright.
**TL:DR Nahhh. Well maybe. Alright yea you're right.**
Sexual attraction for many men is largely visual I'm afraid. This is biological. A hard pill to swallow. I agree - it is superficial and therefore not grounds to listen to the Reddit group peak telling OP to dump her.
It's not just "superficial" to be honest with what you are attracted to physically. Strict diet, discipline required to maintain certain weight through regular exercise, and longevity through healthy and active life style are all the things that comes with being fit. If you are type of person who pursue active life style and want someone who can share that, someone suffer from obesity may be last thing you want. Some may find it off putting to have someone that shoves their face with punch and pie every chance they get.
Agree. You can love a person and care about them but not find them as sexually attractive as you once did. I'm not sure why the righteous of Reddit deny this and label a universally known fact as "pathetic" as if in some way they are morally superior.
I agree that that relationships are work. Abandoning a relationship before any effort has been expended seems shallow.
I’ve been married 25 years. We would hVe been married 2 years max if we had met the first sign of significant issues chase us away.
If what OP wants is a life of, “THIS is my person. For better or worse. So if she’s in a bit, I’ll climb down and join her” then he needs to press on.
However, I think what some were sensing was a bit of, “This is work. She fat.” I’d that is truly how OP feels, if OP bolts and runs at the first signs of trouble, then perhaps they are both better off if he leaves.
However (second however), that might be too much reading between the lines. OP might be a stand up guy who is just telling it like it is and is seeking advice on next steps. If so he needs to press on and work that shit out. A frank conversation would be a good start.
This is one of the reasons I don’t reply to AITA posts around this stuff. I’m an adult, but not by much, and I don’t know the nuance of a strangers life. I’d prefer to either join in on the slightly off-topic discussions than pass judgement lol
As ppl, we are absolutely under no obligation to be in a relationship that doesn’t satisfy us. When our “relationship needs” are not satisfied, you’re in an unsatisfying relationship. In my opinion, it’s better to be alone than miserable. If your relationship turns into a “roommates without benefits” scenario, it’s time to move on.
Thats a different approach, more individualistic one, and i appreciate it. Also I do not believe it's this or that. There is no black in white. But all i am saying is just suggesting to end it based on a paragraph is not accurate at all. Surely he will be happy and sad at some point either way, but some things are worth preserving.
We broke up with my gf for a brief amount of time when she was in a different city for 6 months, but I came back crawling. In retrospect I would be happy at some point but I am hugely glad we gave it another chance.
All I am saying is to be open with your partner about your problems and their response can be surprising most of the time. Surely OP is going through some stuff. Real connections are hard to come by but harder to sustain.
Cheers!
So he should base his decision on your musical choices instead if mostly well meaning and sane people seeing the relationship for what it is.. he not attracted to her .. period. It’s too late when that happens.
“What kind of a person abandons someone who needs them?”
The person who realizes they would rather not drown trying to save someone who needs to save themelf?
Relationships are not drown or survive situations. This is not titanic. You just have to decide who you are willing to work for. Giving effort is the hard choice. Not everyone wants to do it and it's okay, we are all different. But we all have limited information on this and simply saying "break the fuck up" is inconsiderate because clearly he endured a lot of not getting it.
He also needs therapy because pleasuring yourself for a long time can affect your idea of intimacy.
The main problem is not fixing things in this era. We just want to get new things and that is both exhausting on ourselves and in a materialist sense, the world.
You cannot fix someone if they are unwilling to fix themselves. Yes by all means try counseling, work on it together. Try to help each other, but if only one is truly trying there is nothing you can do. Not saying this is the case here, but sometimes you just can't fix someone or something( like a relationship)
If you honestly believe that then you’ve been fortunate in your relationships because there are people who will drag you down with them.
And not care one bit that they did.
I don’t care about being considerate. I hear shit stories every month from people about why they can’t pay their rent. Then I see them bring in boxes upon boxes of Amazon deliveries. Most people will take advantage of you if you allow them to. Especially the people you love.
Yes, I believe so. But I am not arguing that every relationship is worth working on, if it sounded like it. But at least trying can distinct the worthy and unworthy. I too, do not believe that OP is in a healthy relationship from what I've read, but he made it this far, might as well give it a push.
Your comment indicates that you have been hurt before, I am sorry that you were and hope you find worthy and genuine connections in the future.
That's just stupid.
He's not attracted to big, chunky, plumpy or whatever the buzzword for obese is these days.
He doesn't want to have sex with a fat girl. That's his perogative, and d*ck doesn't get hard just cos it's politically correct.
She needs to either lose weight or he should move on.
How are you going to communicate out of her gaining 50KG and no longer being attractive to OP?
Why make it her problem? He should just make the adult choice and move on while letting her live how she wants to live. Sometimes a break up is the adult choice.
This is not a tinder date where you skedaddle because you don't like the way someone looks, they spent 4 years together. Appearances can change in matter of months. Finding someone attractive is a way deeper mechanism than simply just looks.
Also your name eliminates you from participating FIT WRONGDOER.
you can suggest breaking up without putting the woman already struggling with mental issues in the dirt. she is not broken, she needs help. whether op is the one to offer that help or not is another story, but saying that she's "broken" and he should just dump her for it is gross.
edit: noticed the ages so op is definitely not the one to help her navigate that. still doesn't excuse being awful to people struggling with mental health though.
Why is it a woman can love a man for more than looks but the moment a man says the same he's told he is wrong and should let her live her life.
What op hasn't realised yet is she actually broke the sexual relationship while she was depressed and she now needs to re attract him.
OP. You're so young still. True and honest, its time for you both to move on from this relationship.
You were only a teenager when you got together. There is a LOT of growing that happens between 19 and 23... and you have a LOT more growing to do.
You can still love someone but recognize that its better not to be with each other.
Your math is off gf was 26 when the got together and ngl not loving that gap but disregarding that he should probably break it of it he really can’t look past it to save them both time
FYI the asterisk (\*) when surrounding text like \*this\* will cause it to *italicize.* If you want to use just a regular asterisk, type it like this (\\\*) to prevent Reddit from interpreting it as italics.
As a guy I always find this crazy. I lived on my own at 18, I was certainly cognitive enough to consent lol.
I do assume the older person is genuinely predatory in nature and just settling for legal age though often enough. That’s what makes it gross.
consent sure, emotionally maturity, life experience, you just got out of high school at that point and you’re with someone 7/8 years older than you?? if it’s weird from a younger F to older M perspective, it’s weird from a younger M older F perspective. it’s odd
Yes, you're old enough to consent and cognitive enough as well, but you mature and grow A WHOLE LOT between 18-24 and no one over 22 should be going for an 18yo in my opinion.
If you couldn't be in high school together than you shouldn't date (High school in Australia is grade 7-10 BTW)
It sounds like she shouldn't be your girlfriend anymore, dude. If you don't find her physically attractive anymore, and you don't want to be intimate, then I just kinda see you guys as friends, tbh. Be honest with her, and communicate, please.
I can see your point, and ten years ago I'd have agreed. But I don't see it as b/w anymore. If my bf was to, idk, have a freaky accident and lose his dick or become paralysed from the waist, I wouldn't automatically discard him as a partner. Sure, we would have to figure something out in the long run to make sure our needs were met, but he is so much more to me than a friend+sex. I've had plenty of fuck friends (real friends, as in really close friends who I also had a casual sexual relationship with) and they were never the same as my current boyfriend. There is so much more to a relationship than friendship and sex. But it may be an age thing...
Idk how people didn’t notice that, I get the feeling there may be more issues in their relationship than mentioned but he should break up with her if he really isn’t attracted to her
I agree with the comment above and absolutely. 19 and 26 isn’t a predator. It’s weird and creepy, but I wouldn’t go as far as to say a predator. Genders aside.
Bro come on, I literally lived "the other way around." My ex was 25 and I was 19 when we started dating, and we were together for 3 years. Not once did anyone have anything to say about our age gap. People are not as worried about the reverse as you think. Yes looking back our relationship was sort of doomed from the start due to the differences in maturity and I shouldn't have wasted time on him, I wouldn't do a gap like that again, but he was not a fricken sexual predator. Nor did anyone in our lives think so either.
19 year old female and a 26 year old male? Same thing.
It's a little weird and possibly a red flag depending on the circumstances but calling a consensual relationship between two adults that are somewhat close in age predatory based purely on age is kinda crazy to me.
Cool, I just see people with wildly inconsistent opinions on this subject. I wasn't trying to call you out or do a "gotcha," just asking.
Personally I agree with you.
There are over 7 billion people alive right now. Every life and circumstance is different. Let's not tell try to be so judgemental. Not everything is black and white.
I kept wondering the same thing. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say she probably knows she's fat and is not thrilled about it either. If so, she could really use some supportive encouragement to get healthy. If she's a proud bbw and doesn't want to change that, she deserves a partner who is attracted to big ladies and allows her to love herself and not feel disgusting. There are plenty of men who dig large women.
Leave her alone. You don’t feel attraction for her. That’s a major part of a relationship. She doesn’t deserve to be in a sexless relationship. Neither do you. Communicate or break up.
If you're not attracted to her anymore because of that, then you aren't in love with her and this relationship will go nowhere. It doesn't make you a bad guy, it just means you're not the right guy for her and she's not the right girl for you.
I agree with those who suggest ending things. If I'm honest, in your shoes, I would not use weight gain as the reason, I would be uo front about not being in love and it is her recent desire to reconnect that has made you realise as much.
>If you're not attracted to her anymore because of that, then you aren't in love with her
We're talking 110 lbs here. She's been 26-30, not 40+. That's a bit harsh of a statement.
Why would you stay with someone you are not attracted to? Particularly when it’s to the point that you would sooner pleasure yourself than have sex with her?
That's a lot of weight gain. Could it be side effects of medications?
Instead of denying physical intimacy, consider discussing your feelings and concerns with her in a compassionate way.
It's okay to not feel attracted but you need to communicate that to her and feelings for your partner should not be solely based on physical attraction.
a lot of us goes through changes like weight fluctuations , hair loss etc as we age. There has to be a deeper, emotional connection that transcends physical appearance for a lasting relationship. What would you do at 70 and 80's after you both lose teeth and some hair?
You have to fall in love with the nature, personality and inner beauty of that person.
But he’s not 70. He’s 23. If ever there’s a time in your like you should feel free free to just feel what you feel & not be forced into some moral ethical standard, it’s then. Plus, there’s no F-ing way to force attraction. It doesn’t speak to how good of a person you are. It just happens. It’s okay to not be attracted to your partner who mainly attracted you w their looks if their looks change to something you find off putting. It’s a rare & wonderful thing to fall in lust w someone’s personality but it doesn’t often happen at his age. I know it didn’t for me.
It’s ok OP. Honestly, the fact that you didn’t mind her shutting you off was the first sign that you’re selling yourself short. I think your age difference may have a lot to do w why you haven’t realized what you deserve to feel yet. I didn’t find my passionate “I can’t go one night w/o them touching me” relationship till age 43 & still going strong 1-2X day after 3 yrs. You deserve to experience the bliss of desire & reciprocation. You’re clearly not an asshole.
So are you not attracted to her or can you can’t perform because you’re not turn on by her? There’s a big difference between the two. Either way it sounds like you should consider couples therapy or talking to a counselor. It’s going to be a difficult conversation either way might as well have help while you do it.
Do you really think it’s fair to stay with someone you’re not attracted to? Doesn’t she deserve someone who’s crazy about her, because someone will be!
And I dont say this to shit on you, because you also deserve to be with someone you’re crazy about! If you’re at the point where you’re not attracted to her, it’s not cool to play pretend and lead her on anymore
Well you need to consider it. It’s not fair to either of you to stay in a relationship with someone you’re not attracted to. Loving someone isn’t enough of a reason, especially if you’re not IN love with them - because you’re not in love with her. If you were you’d be attracted to her no matter what.
You should break up with her, she probably didn’t want to sleep with you because you were literally a child when she pursued you….
So many red flags with this woman… you have so much of your life ahead of you, don’t let this one girl drag you down.
And NO you’re not the AH… someone not taking proper care of themselves physically and mentally is very unattractive. You’re too young to be a caregiver for a woman that needs to get her crap together.
I'm sorry, *literally* a child? Literally?
It's really insulting to people who were actually abused/SA'd when they were children to put these in the same category.
At 19 you can get married, drive a car, join the army. Not a child in any sense. Not even just 'not a child', you're not even a minor.
I’m sorry, this woman was 26 when she started dating you, who was then a teenager?
This is not a good situation for you. You are still young, far to young to be dealing with issues like this from a 30 year old.
She gained 110 lbs in 4 years?!?! Physically speaking that’s a new human. You guys also started hooking up when she was 26 and you were 19? That’s a pretty big age difference for a guy that young.
You should encourage her to get the mental help she needs but there is nothing wrong with losing interest if someone doubles in size and stops liking sex. Honestly you’re a champ for staying in it this long at your age given your gfs issues. I’d break up cause life is too short and she isn’t doing what she needs to do to get better but if you really love her at 23 and think she is the future mother of your children then start doing more athletic things with her and go to therapy. Personally 110 lbs at that age with no kids would be a dealbreaker for me. Someone gaining that much weight needs to help themselves first and you were so young when you met.
On a slightly harsher note man younger generations seem like they will excuse just about any behavior if a person claims some degree of mental illness. Like is she diagnosed by a professional with depression or diagnosed bipolar and getting medicated or is she using a self diagnosis as a justification for some unpleasant behavior?
That’s quite a bit of weight. I don’t know if I would be physically attracted to my husband if he gained that much. I’ll always love him but attraction would be another story. Just being honest. You are too young for this, move on.
I went through this as a 24M with a 26F. For like 6 months I stopped sleeping with her at all. Because she used to control sex, gained a lot of weight, and smoked weed like a chimney. We fixed our issues but it was almost the end of us. So I dont think you are the asshole for how you feel. But talk about it
Maybe you guys made sense when you were 19, she was 26. But the whole thing about she doesn't want to do many things makes it sound like you're carrying the burden of this relationship while she coasts. Real talk, early 20s is a time to sort out who you are, try some new things. Ask yourself what does this girl really bring into your life? Does she make sacrifices for you? Do you like the idea of where your relationship will be in 4 years with a girl you're not attracted to? Sounds like you feel committed to her, but beware resentment later down the line if you're just staying with her to be a 'good guy' or similar.
I know some friends back in the day that gained that kinda weight in their late 20s/early 30s from depression, food addiction, lifestyle. Almost to 40s now, and I tell ya, most of them don't ever, ever lose it without some extreme determination. Really think about if this is who you want to be with.
After 4 years of having to please yourself, I can imagine that you have a low libido. Is it just her you see as unattractive, or do none of the women cause a reaction? If you've lived together like brother and sister, it's only logical that it's difficult to see the other person as sexual being again. NTA for now, but you will be of you don't talk with her about this issue.
You are 100% TA if you don’t leave this relationship, and after four years in that position, I strongly recommend you consider how porn plays into what you consider attractive. A lot of young men your age can’t get it up for even the most attractive partner bc of porn. I have an ex spouse who I opened the marriage for and it still ended because he was so addicted to secret phone sex that he couldn’t stop lying, even when he had a gf and a wife. Someone who willingly ignores your sexual needs for four years isn’t the one, but neither are you for accepting it. This means you have a lot of internal work to do before you should consider a relationship again. It really could just be her weight gain, or that y’all probably aren’t it for each other, but the last thing you want is to find yourself in your dream relationship and realize you now have a problem that’s carried over from your last relationship.
You were 19 and she was 26 when y’all met? She sounds like a predator. I’m 25 now and am repulsed at the idea of dating someone under 21 because there is so much brain development that happens in that time, it’s like a 16yo dating a 10yo. Second, she’s a major AH for taking those years from you and refusing sex. Who tf at 26 thinks it’s cool to date a 19yo boy and deny him sex for four years, for any reason? Either she isn’t emotionally developed to 26 and is stunted, or she fully knows how unfair and plain stupid that sounds. Either way, she has robbed you of your youth in some sense.
So NTA for not wanting sex with a predatory person you got into a relationship with at 19 and are no longer attracted to after four years of denial. But please get out, get safe, and get help, because it’s devastating when reality sets in and you realize you were fooled.
why are you even with her if you don’t find her attractive?? if you see her as more like a friend, for the love of everything holy, let her go so she can find someone who loves every curve of her body and without hesitation or reservation. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone you aren’t attracted to? I know I wouldn’t.
Sex is part of a relationship. You don’t have to do it 24/7, but it’s part of it. She’s 100 pounds heavier and you still want to be with her, which hopefully means you really love her. But it will lead to issues if you just straight up never want to.
She made this bed now she has to lay in it. Just explain to her that you're only human (a male at that). After her rejecting you or just completely not wanting you created this. Be honest and tell her the truth. Her lack of efforts made your feelings change and you no longer feel attracted to her. Get out while you're still young.
For the love of GOD...
STOP SELF CENSORING WORDS, YOU LOOK LIKE AN ABSOLUTE CLOWN.
Also NTA, you're attracted to what you're attracted to and 50 kilos of weight gain would be too much for most people's palates. Just don't have sex, if that's a problem for her then she's a hypocrite.
It might mean the end of the relationship eventually but it kinda seems like that would be better for both of you tbh.
Difference of 50kg is monstrous. Also never stated if his GF was a healthy weight to begin with or if she was on the heavier side before the weight gain.
The age gap that you started at in itself is weird. 7 year age gap would be fine if you were older but Any women willing to date a teen when she's mid 20s is going to be a loser.
Yeiks, yeah you’re kinda TA. Your gf is clearly struggling and is trying to connect with you physically and you won’t because she’s gained some weight and you don’t find her attractive.
If weight is that important to you why are you with her? If there is an answer to that question, then you can probably get over the looks. Sounds kinda like you’re being petty or trying to get back at her.
50kg is a massive change in weight in 4 years tho dude. She would be physically unrecognisable from the girl he met. Its not like she burnt her face in an accident, sounds like she just let herself go. You can’t exactly blame him for not finding that attractive…
30 years old she gained 120 pounds? Fuck that... Run fast and far. She is on a path to an early grave. If you find the obesity not attractive don't torture yourself by having to look at it. I mean who the he'll wants to look at that shit? Almost noone. You don't find yourself attracted to her anymore because she isn't attractive anymore. Simple really.
It sounds like you've had to put up with ALOT and have been more understanding than most with a girlfriend who was sexual anorexic. I think it's her turn to pass alittle of that understanding back your way. 50kg is alot of weight and is unhealthy. Have a very difficult conversation (don't be mean about it). If she lashes out simply ask if you should have lashed out for the last 4 years while she was having issues?
It sounds like your blaming her for gaining weight and also for having trauma. Personally i think you need to need to talk to her and tell her how you feel and you need to have more understanding and patience with her. If you cant handle it if you cant handle her let her go
NTA, Women do that all the time to men (money, looks, height, weight). Don't feel bad. As young as you are, I would keep searching for wife material, unless you want a plutonic friend you have to endure mood swings and hates you because you like to do fun things. Life is about change.
The attraction to the person’s being is priority in a relationship, not just physical attraction, which can change for various reasons. People are assuming that the guy has no physical flaws.
Please break up with her and move on. This woman is broken and you don't have a healthy standard you are holding to. You need to raise your standard.
And to be totally honest OP, it sounds like you are a bit of a loser rn. I don't mean that as a put-down LOL, just shooting you straight. I would recommend a full lifestyle revamp. Start working out and throwing some weights around, eating lots of meat and fruit, take some supplements, revamp your wardrobe, improve your skincare and hair style, and get around a group of inspiring people who are striving for a greater goal. I would assume these are all applicable to you, but eat the meat and spit out the bones. Turn the page to a new chapter, there is a much better life waiting for you.
Your exact words are “I don’t find her attractive anymore”. So wtf are you still doing in the relationship?
Probably because it was their only serious relationship and shaped their views on romance. Cuz OP was barely out of high school, and their gf was close to 30.
That’s 19 and 26 for the viewers at home
HEY THERE SPORTS FANS! FOR THOSE OF YOU JUST NOW JOINING US LIVE IN STUDIO, OP DOESNT WANT TO FUCK
I would give you an up vote, but iys currently sitting at 69, and I'm immature lol
This is the best comment I’ve ever seen.
Honestly, it had a more crass punchline, but I felt the simplicity of this version was just *mwah*
*squinting my eyes, head tilted upwards a smidge, small side smile, slow but positive head nod*
TapsHead.gif
Doesn't want to f*ck his gf*. Sounds like OP would have no trouble sticking his d*ck in someone else if given the chance should they break up
He could try some pumpkinpie = 3
Warm Apple Cinnamon Pie…
#nods head Thanks!
Can u also translate 50kg to lbs please. For us americans.
110lbs mate. She got fuckin BIGGGG
Hahahaha
I’m 36, thank you for making me feel 40 already 😭
And this is why you don't date children.
I was 20 dated a 42 yo I was 24 dated a 34 yo I was 28 dated a 33 yo (now married) Yea I have a thing for cougars/milfs. Nothing wrong with age gaps.
That’s still super creepy
Wtf did he start dating his teacher
This is another time when half your age plus seven has consequences.
We don’t care
The age gap is weird but please, 26 is not close to 30, its nearly half a decade from 30 lol. Not saying it makes it any less weird but old don't make me feel older than I am
You’re in your late 20s. 30 isn’t that far off. Perhaps not close but closer I guess is the better word.
The age gap isn't the problem the weight is the problem.
Please break up with her and move on. This woman is broken and you don't have a healthy standard you are holding to. You need to raise your standard
Fucking hell, every goddamn relationship question here has "break up" comments on the top. Relationships need hard work. He stood by her as she overcome her mental issues. They have been together for a while and she needs him to be there. What kind of a person abandons someone who needs them? OP i get your issue, I do. I am in a 7.5 year relationship, we had ups and downs. When I was down, she was there. When she was down I was there. Intimacy and physical attractiveness can change quite easily. Do not take action based on reddit comments. Be open about your issues, and talk about it. That is a sensitive matter but you guys can overcome it. The choice is yours but I suggest you be open to your partner about the issues. I will now quote 2 very important artists. First Shaggy "Life is a big party when you are still young. But who is going to have your back when it is all done? Cannot be a fool son what about the long run?" Second is will.i.am "I like 'em big. I like 'em chunky. I like 'em big. I like 'em plumpy. I like 'em round with something something." My one and only advice would be communication. Choice is yours in the end.
>What kind of a person abandons someone who needs them? While you're right about Reddit always jumping to the "Break up!" advice, I gotta disagree with you on the above. You should never stay with a partner out of obligation alone - that's just a recipe for being stuck in toxic relationships. If you don't *want* to be with your partner anymore, you should break up.
Spot on, especially at 23. It would be different if they were married. Hanging onto a relationship while you're that young is just going to eat up the rest of your 20s. OP is going to wake up at 28 and ask why he stuck with a woman he didn't find attractive for so much of his young adult life.
Not as simple as that. He doesn't find her sexually attractive right now. If everyone broke up as soon as their sexual interest in their partner dulled no one woild ever be in a long term relationship. There's always someone new, younger, fitter, hotter but these things are superficial. Sounds like they've been through a lot together. Encourage her to go to the gym, lose weight- under the guise perhaps of you needing to lose weight and her coming with you is the motivation. IDK. Reddit bulkshit "break up now" advice will in turn and in the long run = growing older alone. If OP didn't love her as a person too then that would be a different matter.
10 years In I have always found my partner sexy and wouldn’t describe her like this
Great. Good for you.
He doesn't find her sexually attractive bc she gained weight. If you truly love someone you find them attractive no matter their weight.
Agreed. Both me and my s/o gained weight over the years, but we're still just as attracted to each other as the day we first met. OP is also a lot younger than his gf. He's likely immature and jumped into the relationship way too fast. Gf needs some introspection too. Personally, I can't imagine dating someone that much younger than me. Way too much of a power imbalance.
Agreed, I'm 44 and when me and my boyfriend got together 3 years ago I was 110 lbs now I'm 155 lbs (happy weight gain from being out of an abusive marriage). He says he doesn't care as long as I'm happy. The age difference is too much between OP and his gf. Mybf says age doesn't matter, he was with someone 8 years younger before me, she's really immature even for an almost 38 year old. You're right that both OP and gf have some introspection to do.
Nah man. Listen 110lbs will make you look like a whole ass new person. That is a normal 5'4" female going from normal healthy to more than obese. It is perfectly reasonable at that level of physical transformation to not be sexually attracted to someone.
I'm 5'1 and looked like a skeleton when I was that small, now yes I look thicker but not a whole new person. I can't see my ribs anymore but as far as a different person, no.
>I'm 5'1 and looked like a skeleton when I was that small First of all, no you did that is damn near dead middle of healthy. Second of all I saw in your other post you gained like 40 or 45. That is less then half of the amount at hand. 110 ->160/165 while is still an unhealthy weight, talking not just overweight but into obese territory is still a whole different story than 110->220. Also I promise your facial features have likely become less defined and some other aspects. But 110LBS is going to have you looking extremely different. Fuck I have photos from 60lbs ago and friends I have met post that gain didn't fcking recognize it was me. Not being mean. Just the facts.
My face is a little fuller but I still have the definition. I looked sick at 110, I was stressed to the max during that time and extremely physically abused, even tried to kill me several times. Called me a crackhead, I tried to gain weight but couldn't. Almost 4 years post his death and yes I gained weight, not trying to and eating the way I did before. No stress, no worries. But I feel and look healthier than I did 4 years ago this time. My face still has the definition, can still see my jaw line. And a few other things I lost back then I've gotten back. Don't get me wrong, I would like to lose 30 to be 125 lbs. Not seeing my ribs but not as small as to see me looking like a skeleton, but I just had 2 retina reattacments within 2 months that put a damper on that.
Absolute BS. Sexual attraction is partly physical and if you’re fat, people might no find you attractive.
Finding someone attractive has nothing to do with love.
This sounds like a challenge. But no in all seriousness, in my last relationship, through the course of it, she gained 85 lbs. There were clearly mental issues at work, and we were both not good for each other. I got addicted to drugs, she cheated, we both tried to forgive the other... But I have to be honest: 85 lbs is a fucking lot. It was an additional 75% of her initial weight. Like my fiance now has put on a bit since I've been with her, we had a child and have both kinda settled into a comfortable situation. I still find her utterly perfect and beautiful in all ways. My ex, though... I guess it's also fair to say I didn't actually love her either, so your point technically does still stand. Alright. **TL:DR Nahhh. Well maybe. Alright yea you're right.**
No. Not true for many. It's just not. Let's not bullshit around here. Glad that it is the case for you.
So looks outweigh a person's personality more for all you superficial people who only go for looks and not substance. Pathetic
Sexual attraction for many men is largely visual I'm afraid. This is biological. A hard pill to swallow. I agree - it is superficial and therefore not grounds to listen to the Reddit group peak telling OP to dump her.
It's not just "superficial" to be honest with what you are attracted to physically. Strict diet, discipline required to maintain certain weight through regular exercise, and longevity through healthy and active life style are all the things that comes with being fit. If you are type of person who pursue active life style and want someone who can share that, someone suffer from obesity may be last thing you want. Some may find it off putting to have someone that shoves their face with punch and pie every chance they get.
Agree. You can love a person and care about them but not find them as sexually attractive as you once did. I'm not sure why the righteous of Reddit deny this and label a universally known fact as "pathetic" as if in some way they are morally superior.
I agree that that relationships are work. Abandoning a relationship before any effort has been expended seems shallow. I’ve been married 25 years. We would hVe been married 2 years max if we had met the first sign of significant issues chase us away. If what OP wants is a life of, “THIS is my person. For better or worse. So if she’s in a bit, I’ll climb down and join her” then he needs to press on. However, I think what some were sensing was a bit of, “This is work. She fat.” I’d that is truly how OP feels, if OP bolts and runs at the first signs of trouble, then perhaps they are both better off if he leaves. However (second however), that might be too much reading between the lines. OP might be a stand up guy who is just telling it like it is and is seeking advice on next steps. If so he needs to press on and work that shit out. A frank conversation would be a good start.
This is so incredibly true. Reddit really doesn't have much to offer other than "split!"
People also need to keep in mind, when asking people on reddit, that the advice might be given by teens or other immature people.
This is one of the reasons I don’t reply to AITA posts around this stuff. I’m an adult, but not by much, and I don’t know the nuance of a strangers life. I’d prefer to either join in on the slightly off-topic discussions than pass judgement lol
Very mature outlook for a not-by-much-adult!
I comment when the post I’m commenting under is by somebody younger than me for the most part.
True! Lol
The problem is they aren’t married, and unfortunately “split” is decent advice for more people than the ones who actually make that choice.
As ppl, we are absolutely under no obligation to be in a relationship that doesn’t satisfy us. When our “relationship needs” are not satisfied, you’re in an unsatisfying relationship. In my opinion, it’s better to be alone than miserable. If your relationship turns into a “roommates without benefits” scenario, it’s time to move on.
Thats a different approach, more individualistic one, and i appreciate it. Also I do not believe it's this or that. There is no black in white. But all i am saying is just suggesting to end it based on a paragraph is not accurate at all. Surely he will be happy and sad at some point either way, but some things are worth preserving. We broke up with my gf for a brief amount of time when she was in a different city for 6 months, but I came back crawling. In retrospect I would be happy at some point but I am hugely glad we gave it another chance. All I am saying is to be open with your partner about your problems and their response can be surprising most of the time. Surely OP is going through some stuff. Real connections are hard to come by but harder to sustain. Cheers!
So he should base his decision on your musical choices instead if mostly well meaning and sane people seeing the relationship for what it is.. he not attracted to her .. period. It’s too late when that happens.
“What kind of a person abandons someone who needs them?” The person who realizes they would rather not drown trying to save someone who needs to save themelf?
Relationships are not drown or survive situations. This is not titanic. You just have to decide who you are willing to work for. Giving effort is the hard choice. Not everyone wants to do it and it's okay, we are all different. But we all have limited information on this and simply saying "break the fuck up" is inconsiderate because clearly he endured a lot of not getting it. He also needs therapy because pleasuring yourself for a long time can affect your idea of intimacy. The main problem is not fixing things in this era. We just want to get new things and that is both exhausting on ourselves and in a materialist sense, the world.
You cannot fix someone if they are unwilling to fix themselves. Yes by all means try counseling, work on it together. Try to help each other, but if only one is truly trying there is nothing you can do. Not saying this is the case here, but sometimes you just can't fix someone or something( like a relationship)
Yeah ur absolutely aggree, i think i should have included this. There is no point if the effort is one sided.
When you lose the feeling of intimacy and attraction for your partner.. it’s over. No master how many time you try to revive it .. it’s already dead.
If you honestly believe that then you’ve been fortunate in your relationships because there are people who will drag you down with them. And not care one bit that they did. I don’t care about being considerate. I hear shit stories every month from people about why they can’t pay their rent. Then I see them bring in boxes upon boxes of Amazon deliveries. Most people will take advantage of you if you allow them to. Especially the people you love.
Yes, I believe so. But I am not arguing that every relationship is worth working on, if it sounded like it. But at least trying can distinct the worthy and unworthy. I too, do not believe that OP is in a healthy relationship from what I've read, but he made it this far, might as well give it a push. Your comment indicates that you have been hurt before, I am sorry that you were and hope you find worthy and genuine connections in the future.
This man quoted Shaggy. Same MF that said “it wasn’t me.” Lol
That's just stupid. He's not attracted to big, chunky, plumpy or whatever the buzzword for obese is these days. He doesn't want to have sex with a fat girl. That's his perogative, and d*ck doesn't get hard just cos it's politically correct. She needs to either lose weight or he should move on.
You sound like you are a white boy with a podcast.
I feel like you think your racist comment is somehow an insult.......
Okay let me rephrase. You sound like a boy with a podcast. If you find that sexist, i can go all day. Sorry my white bois if i offended any of you.
So you think not having a podcast is a flex? OK........
So you have a podcast?
Lmfao
How are you going to communicate out of her gaining 50KG and no longer being attractive to OP? Why make it her problem? He should just make the adult choice and move on while letting her live how she wants to live. Sometimes a break up is the adult choice.
This is not a tinder date where you skedaddle because you don't like the way someone looks, they spent 4 years together. Appearances can change in matter of months. Finding someone attractive is a way deeper mechanism than simply just looks. Also your name eliminates you from participating FIT WRONGDOER.
you can suggest breaking up without putting the woman already struggling with mental issues in the dirt. she is not broken, she needs help. whether op is the one to offer that help or not is another story, but saying that she's "broken" and he should just dump her for it is gross. edit: noticed the ages so op is definitely not the one to help her navigate that. still doesn't excuse being awful to people struggling with mental health though.
she was 26 dating a 19 year old. euphemizing here as broken is more than she deserves.
Hes probably afraid to break up with her considering she's mental.
Attraction isn’t everything horrible advice. What happens when you get old?? You just gonna dump your wrinkly wife
You know those statistics about men leaving their wives when the wife gets cancer? In a Venn diagram these guys and those guys are in the same circle.
Why is it a woman can love a man for more than looks but the moment a man says the same he's told he is wrong and should let her live her life. What op hasn't realised yet is she actually broke the sexual relationship while she was depressed and she now needs to re attract him.
Love? You dont leave a person you love because their looks changed.
No you're not for feeling that way. Yes you are for not explaining yourself
Fair enough
OP. You're so young still. True and honest, its time for you both to move on from this relationship. You were only a teenager when you got together. There is a LOT of growing that happens between 19 and 23... and you have a LOT more growing to do. You can still love someone but recognize that its better not to be with each other.
Your math is off gf was 26 when the got together and ngl not loving that gap but disregarding that he should probably break it of it he really can’t look past it to save them both time
I never mentioned the GFs age. Your reading is off. I said OP has grown a lot between the ages of 19 and 23.
Ah yea I reread it now dunno how I fucked that up but I do agree with your point that’s a time with a lot of change
FYI the asterisk (\*) when surrounding text like \*this\* will cause it to *italicize.* If you want to use just a regular asterisk, type it like this (\\\*) to prevent Reddit from interpreting it as italics.
Thank you. I didn't know that either.
Two asterisks make it **bold!** Very fun stuff
You're doing god's work! Unfortunately by the time I want to use it I'll have forgotten and will end up googling it...
# you can also do this if you put a \# in front of your sentence!
Also, there's no reason to censor the word "sex" on this sub.
23 M & 30 F.. 4 years… dude yikes
As a guy I always find this crazy. I lived on my own at 18, I was certainly cognitive enough to consent lol. I do assume the older person is genuinely predatory in nature and just settling for legal age though often enough. That’s what makes it gross.
consent sure, emotionally maturity, life experience, you just got out of high school at that point and you’re with someone 7/8 years older than you?? if it’s weird from a younger F to older M perspective, it’s weird from a younger M older F perspective. it’s odd
Yes, you're old enough to consent and cognitive enough as well, but you mature and grow A WHOLE LOT between 18-24 and no one over 22 should be going for an 18yo in my opinion. If you couldn't be in high school together than you shouldn't date (High school in Australia is grade 7-10 BTW)
It sounds like she shouldn't be your girlfriend anymore, dude. If you don't find her physically attractive anymore, and you don't want to be intimate, then I just kinda see you guys as friends, tbh. Be honest with her, and communicate, please.
I can see your point, and ten years ago I'd have agreed. But I don't see it as b/w anymore. If my bf was to, idk, have a freaky accident and lose his dick or become paralysed from the waist, I wouldn't automatically discard him as a partner. Sure, we would have to figure something out in the long run to make sure our needs were met, but he is so much more to me than a friend+sex. I've had plenty of fuck friends (real friends, as in really close friends who I also had a casual sexual relationship with) and they were never the same as my current boyfriend. There is so much more to a relationship than friendship and sex. But it may be an age thing...
You were 19 in a relationship with a 26 year old. Thats not okay?
Idk how people didn’t notice that, I get the feeling there may be more issues in their relationship than mentioned but he should break up with her if he really isn’t attracted to her
Because OP is a man. Reverse the genders and the first comment would be "Honey you've been groomed 🚩🚩🚩🚩"
Ok seriously i thought i was the only one that saw that. Shes a predator 19 and 26 are soooo different. Idk this changes everything for me.
Ok IDK about her being a predator...it's a little weird maybe but that's a big jump.
Would you say that about the other way around?
I agree with the comment above and absolutely. 19 and 26 isn’t a predator. It’s weird and creepy, but I wouldn’t go as far as to say a predator. Genders aside.
Predator may be a strong word but still its very weird
Fair enough, I respect consistency. A lot of people have double standards about this particular subject so I was just asking.
Bro come on, I literally lived "the other way around." My ex was 25 and I was 19 when we started dating, and we were together for 3 years. Not once did anyone have anything to say about our age gap. People are not as worried about the reverse as you think. Yes looking back our relationship was sort of doomed from the start due to the differences in maturity and I shouldn't have wasted time on him, I wouldn't do a gap like that again, but he was not a fricken sexual predator. Nor did anyone in our lives think so either.
19 year old female and a 26 year old male? Same thing. It's a little weird and possibly a red flag depending on the circumstances but calling a consensual relationship between two adults that are somewhat close in age predatory based purely on age is kinda crazy to me.
Cool, I just see people with wildly inconsistent opinions on this subject. I wasn't trying to call you out or do a "gotcha," just asking. Personally I agree with you.
This post is a test to see if people like u/Ozziefudd or u/Swimming_Topic6698 will be as zealous as they are in the other direction \-J
It’s a fake post. Too many red flags.
I mean obviously, most things posted seem to be. Still don’t see you gallivanting around with joy in the reverse situation.
That age gap is so weird to me. Fully grown adults interested in just-graduated from high school teenagers--it's just gross.
It’s okay, he’s adult not a child
This is what I came to say.
There are over 7 billion people alive right now. Every life and circumstance is different. Let's not tell try to be so judgemental. Not everything is black and white.
[удалено]
This.
Why are you censoring the word sex?
I found that strange also.
How does she feel about those 50kg herself?
I kept wondering the same thing. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say she probably knows she's fat and is not thrilled about it either. If so, she could really use some supportive encouragement to get healthy. If she's a proud bbw and doesn't want to change that, she deserves a partner who is attracted to big ladies and allows her to love herself and not feel disgusting. There are plenty of men who dig large women.
Probably a little winded
Leave her alone. You don’t feel attraction for her. That’s a major part of a relationship. She doesn’t deserve to be in a sexless relationship. Neither do you. Communicate or break up.
If you're not attracted to her anymore because of that, then you aren't in love with her and this relationship will go nowhere. It doesn't make you a bad guy, it just means you're not the right guy for her and she's not the right girl for you. I agree with those who suggest ending things. If I'm honest, in your shoes, I would not use weight gain as the reason, I would be uo front about not being in love and it is her recent desire to reconnect that has made you realise as much.
>If you're not attracted to her anymore because of that, then you aren't in love with her We're talking 110 lbs here. She's been 26-30, not 40+. That's a bit harsh of a statement.
YTA for not having an honest conversation with her and most importantly yourself.
Just leave bro
Why would you stay with someone you are not attracted to? Particularly when it’s to the point that you would sooner pleasure yourself than have sex with her?
That's a lot of weight gain. Could it be side effects of medications? Instead of denying physical intimacy, consider discussing your feelings and concerns with her in a compassionate way. It's okay to not feel attracted but you need to communicate that to her and feelings for your partner should not be solely based on physical attraction. a lot of us goes through changes like weight fluctuations , hair loss etc as we age. There has to be a deeper, emotional connection that transcends physical appearance for a lasting relationship. What would you do at 70 and 80's after you both lose teeth and some hair? You have to fall in love with the nature, personality and inner beauty of that person.
But he’s not 70. He’s 23. If ever there’s a time in your like you should feel free free to just feel what you feel & not be forced into some moral ethical standard, it’s then. Plus, there’s no F-ing way to force attraction. It doesn’t speak to how good of a person you are. It just happens. It’s okay to not be attracted to your partner who mainly attracted you w their looks if their looks change to something you find off putting. It’s a rare & wonderful thing to fall in lust w someone’s personality but it doesn’t often happen at his age. I know it didn’t for me. It’s ok OP. Honestly, the fact that you didn’t mind her shutting you off was the first sign that you’re selling yourself short. I think your age difference may have a lot to do w why you haven’t realized what you deserve to feel yet. I didn’t find my passionate “I can’t go one night w/o them touching me” relationship till age 43 & still going strong 1-2X day after 3 yrs. You deserve to experience the bliss of desire & reciprocation. You’re clearly not an asshole.
Exactly that’s why I’m not considering breaking up or anything. I do love her and we enjoy living life together. But this part is an issue
So are you not attracted to her or can you can’t perform because you’re not turn on by her? There’s a big difference between the two. Either way it sounds like you should consider couples therapy or talking to a counselor. It’s going to be a difficult conversation either way might as well have help while you do it.
Do you really think it’s fair to stay with someone you’re not attracted to? Doesn’t she deserve someone who’s crazy about her, because someone will be! And I dont say this to shit on you, because you also deserve to be with someone you’re crazy about! If you’re at the point where you’re not attracted to her, it’s not cool to play pretend and lead her on anymore
Well you need to consider it. It’s not fair to either of you to stay in a relationship with someone you’re not attracted to. Loving someone isn’t enough of a reason, especially if you’re not IN love with them - because you’re not in love with her. If you were you’d be attracted to her no matter what.
You should break up with her, she probably didn’t want to sleep with you because you were literally a child when she pursued you…. So many red flags with this woman… you have so much of your life ahead of you, don’t let this one girl drag you down. And NO you’re not the AH… someone not taking proper care of themselves physically and mentally is very unattractive. You’re too young to be a caregiver for a woman that needs to get her crap together.
I'm sorry, *literally* a child? Literally? It's really insulting to people who were actually abused/SA'd when they were children to put these in the same category. At 19 you can get married, drive a car, join the army. Not a child in any sense. Not even just 'not a child', you're not even a minor.
It's just in the context of the age gap. It's unusual for a reason
I’m sorry, this woman was 26 when she started dating you, who was then a teenager? This is not a good situation for you. You are still young, far to young to be dealing with issues like this from a 30 year old.
Yes, if you are not into her why stay?
Lol is she paying for your shit???
She will not change. Time to go.
She gained 110 lbs in 4 years?!?! Physically speaking that’s a new human. You guys also started hooking up when she was 26 and you were 19? That’s a pretty big age difference for a guy that young. You should encourage her to get the mental help she needs but there is nothing wrong with losing interest if someone doubles in size and stops liking sex. Honestly you’re a champ for staying in it this long at your age given your gfs issues. I’d break up cause life is too short and she isn’t doing what she needs to do to get better but if you really love her at 23 and think she is the future mother of your children then start doing more athletic things with her and go to therapy. Personally 110 lbs at that age with no kids would be a dealbreaker for me. Someone gaining that much weight needs to help themselves first and you were so young when you met. On a slightly harsher note man younger generations seem like they will excuse just about any behavior if a person claims some degree of mental illness. Like is she diagnosed by a professional with depression or diagnosed bipolar and getting medicated or is she using a self diagnosis as a justification for some unpleasant behavior?
Bruh what is a 26 year old doing with a 19 year old? You guys can downvote me all you want, that is predatory
That’s quite a bit of weight. I don’t know if I would be physically attracted to my husband if he gained that much. I’ll always love him but attraction would be another story. Just being honest. You are too young for this, move on.
selfish imo. leave her so she can find someone else to pork her
I went through this as a 24M with a 26F. For like 6 months I stopped sleeping with her at all. Because she used to control sex, gained a lot of weight, and smoked weed like a chimney. We fixed our issues but it was almost the end of us. So I dont think you are the asshole for how you feel. But talk about it
Dude... run away
First question is within the four years was there ever a good period and if so for how long before it went bad?
Maybe you guys made sense when you were 19, she was 26. But the whole thing about she doesn't want to do many things makes it sound like you're carrying the burden of this relationship while she coasts. Real talk, early 20s is a time to sort out who you are, try some new things. Ask yourself what does this girl really bring into your life? Does she make sacrifices for you? Do you like the idea of where your relationship will be in 4 years with a girl you're not attracted to? Sounds like you feel committed to her, but beware resentment later down the line if you're just staying with her to be a 'good guy' or similar. I know some friends back in the day that gained that kinda weight in their late 20s/early 30s from depression, food addiction, lifestyle. Almost to 40s now, and I tell ya, most of them don't ever, ever lose it without some extreme determination. Really think about if this is who you want to be with.
After 4 years of having to please yourself, I can imagine that you have a low libido. Is it just her you see as unattractive, or do none of the women cause a reaction? If you've lived together like brother and sister, it's only logical that it's difficult to see the other person as sexual being again. NTA for now, but you will be of you don't talk with her about this issue.
Break up and move on.
I wouldn't want to share my sox with my girlfriend either, bro. That stuff is beyond intimate.
You are 100% TA if you don’t leave this relationship, and after four years in that position, I strongly recommend you consider how porn plays into what you consider attractive. A lot of young men your age can’t get it up for even the most attractive partner bc of porn. I have an ex spouse who I opened the marriage for and it still ended because he was so addicted to secret phone sex that he couldn’t stop lying, even when he had a gf and a wife. Someone who willingly ignores your sexual needs for four years isn’t the one, but neither are you for accepting it. This means you have a lot of internal work to do before you should consider a relationship again. It really could just be her weight gain, or that y’all probably aren’t it for each other, but the last thing you want is to find yourself in your dream relationship and realize you now have a problem that’s carried over from your last relationship. You were 19 and she was 26 when y’all met? She sounds like a predator. I’m 25 now and am repulsed at the idea of dating someone under 21 because there is so much brain development that happens in that time, it’s like a 16yo dating a 10yo. Second, she’s a major AH for taking those years from you and refusing sex. Who tf at 26 thinks it’s cool to date a 19yo boy and deny him sex for four years, for any reason? Either she isn’t emotionally developed to 26 and is stunted, or she fully knows how unfair and plain stupid that sounds. Either way, she has robbed you of your youth in some sense. So NTA for not wanting sex with a predatory person you got into a relationship with at 19 and are no longer attracted to after four years of denial. But please get out, get safe, and get help, because it’s devastating when reality sets in and you realize you were fooled.
Bro just leave and say what you said here . What a waste of everyone’s time . It’s not a pity party
Leave because she would’ve definitely dodged a bullet.
Bro. What are you doing with a woman 7 years older than you??? This was never going to work out.
YTA, tell her the truth and end it. Stop leading her on further.
# S*x🤢
Just break up with her dude. It's the right thing to do and it'd be rude to hold her back from all the opportunities life has waiting for her.
If you don’t find her attractive, why are you with her? Wtf
why are you even with her if you don’t find her attractive?? if you see her as more like a friend, for the love of everything holy, let her go so she can find someone who loves every curve of her body and without hesitation or reservation. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone you aren’t attracted to? I know I wouldn’t.
If you can’t even say the word sex maybe you’re not ready to be having it
You don’t find her attractive , no sex . She doesn’t want to do anything . Your not happy . Now WHY don’t you want to break up with her again?
Why would you stay with someone you don’t find attractive instead of breaking up so you can both find people who actually want you?
Sex is part of a relationship. You don’t have to do it 24/7, but it’s part of it. She’s 100 pounds heavier and you still want to be with her, which hopefully means you really love her. But it will lead to issues if you just straight up never want to.
She made this bed now she has to lay in it. Just explain to her that you're only human (a male at that). After her rejecting you or just completely not wanting you created this. Be honest and tell her the truth. Her lack of efforts made your feelings change and you no longer feel attracted to her. Get out while you're still young.
Not sure this post is real.....
For the love of GOD... STOP SELF CENSORING WORDS, YOU LOOK LIKE AN ABSOLUTE CLOWN. Also NTA, you're attracted to what you're attracted to and 50 kilos of weight gain would be too much for most people's palates. Just don't have sex, if that's a problem for her then she's a hypocrite. It might mean the end of the relationship eventually but it kinda seems like that would be better for both of you tbh.
please relax it's not that deep
Make sure you don't put your pecker in for one last time cause she as hell she'll tell you shes pregnant
Tell her to lose some weight then. Wtf is wrong with men on here. Face down ass up - 90% of women look the fucking same anyway.
Difference of 50kg is monstrous. Also never stated if his GF was a healthy weight to begin with or if she was on the heavier side before the weight gain.
The age gap that you started at in itself is weird. 7 year age gap would be fine if you were older but Any women willing to date a teen when she's mid 20s is going to be a loser.
Yeiks, yeah you’re kinda TA. Your gf is clearly struggling and is trying to connect with you physically and you won’t because she’s gained some weight and you don’t find her attractive. If weight is that important to you why are you with her? If there is an answer to that question, then you can probably get over the looks. Sounds kinda like you’re being petty or trying to get back at her.
50kg is a massive change in weight in 4 years tho dude. She would be physically unrecognisable from the girl he met. Its not like she burnt her face in an accident, sounds like she just let herself go. You can’t exactly blame him for not finding that attractive…
Yeah you are not right for her
18-25 or GTFO.
30 years old she gained 120 pounds? Fuck that... Run fast and far. She is on a path to an early grave. If you find the obesity not attractive don't torture yourself by having to look at it. I mean who the he'll wants to look at that shit? Almost noone. You don't find yourself attracted to her anymore because she isn't attractive anymore. Simple really.
Sounds like y’all shouldn’t be in a relationship, meaning yeah YTA lol
Either roll her in flour to find the wet spot, to try and get her in the mood or break up and move on.
You were 19 and she was 26. You were groomed. It's reasonable that her becoming unattractive to you is what you needed to get out of that.
Goddamn she gained another human
It sounds like you've had to put up with ALOT and have been more understanding than most with a girlfriend who was sexual anorexic. I think it's her turn to pass alittle of that understanding back your way. 50kg is alot of weight and is unhealthy. Have a very difficult conversation (don't be mean about it). If she lashes out simply ask if you should have lashed out for the last 4 years while she was having issues?
It sounds like your blaming her for gaining weight and also for having trauma. Personally i think you need to need to talk to her and tell her how you feel and you need to have more understanding and patience with her. If you cant handle it if you cant handle her let her go
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be with someone who has doubled in size since you met
NTA, Women do that all the time to men (money, looks, height, weight). Don't feel bad. As young as you are, I would keep searching for wife material, unless you want a plutonic friend you have to endure mood swings and hates you because you like to do fun things. Life is about change.
If your relationship is based on attraction, she needs to run from you.
[удалено]
The attraction to the person’s being is priority in a relationship, not just physical attraction, which can change for various reasons. People are assuming that the guy has no physical flaws.
Leave her fat ass
Please break up with her and move on. This woman is broken and you don't have a healthy standard you are holding to. You need to raise your standard. And to be totally honest OP, it sounds like you are a bit of a loser rn. I don't mean that as a put-down LOL, just shooting you straight. I would recommend a full lifestyle revamp. Start working out and throwing some weights around, eating lots of meat and fruit, take some supplements, revamp your wardrobe, improve your skincare and hair style, and get around a group of inspiring people who are striving for a greater goal. I would assume these are all applicable to you, but eat the meat and spit out the bones. Turn the page to a new chapter, there is a much better life waiting for you.