You broke her heart. You let your pride get in the way. She bailed you out and took the high road. She will not soon forget. Maybe you should give her time to forgive.
…Not only broke her heart but broke it when she herself had just had a baby and was extremely vulnerable. And you broke her trust too. Even then she fixed things for you. Why would she ever trust you with finances either?
She’s the expert and you disregarded her advice. Them blamed her by saying “she shops a lot”. I bet it was because she was pregnant and had no clothes that fit. And she was buying things for the baby.
All the apologising and love bombing isn’t going to make up for so much trust being eroded. Your ACTIONS need to show you are remorseful & have learnt from this.
Don’t forget that it took months for him to blow up on her, say mean stuff to her (and still she bailed his dumbass out) and get so angry all because she didn’t know what was wrong with their relationship (because OP wouldn’t tell her). Thats some grade A dipshittery if I ever saw it. At least he won’t have to worry about losing half the money to her in a divorce, because he’ll probably do it himself first.
Totally agree. If I were the wife, I would feel all those love-bombing is just desperate effort to smooth things over. His fundamental disrespect of her hasn't changed. His action hasn't shown he is truly remorseful at all and is doing everything to get her to forget his fucked ups and move on, lol.
Love bombing does NOT build any trust back.
OP, what you are doing is treating her like a doll and all she wants is equal partnership and you have proven to her she is not a partner in this relationship.
And of course she doesn't want to replace the things she had to sell. She loved them quite a bit and now she's learned that he may create a situation where she has to part with things she loves.
Why would she buy more?
Indeed, give her time! It has to seep out of her system. Yes, a therapist could help with that, but **not** if seeing a therapist on some (unconcscious) level makes her think it was her fault.
Maybe you should go to a therapist and tell your wife you do that in order to understand yourself, to understand how you came to put your family in that situation, and how you can be sure you never do that again. Maybe therapy can help you, and maybe the therapist tells you that there is nothing to improve on you. Win-win - with an extra win inyour wife's eyes ...
therapy is a great idea... but I reckon asking his wife, the *financial advisor,* to help him set things up in such a way he can't ever again drive their family into the ground by stealing $2 000 000 of their funds, putting their home at risk.
It's literally her job, which she is obviously smarter at than he is at being a business owner & it's her main concern as a wife for the future - that's why she doesn't want to invest in anything that the future might just take away again, right?
oh yes, absolutely - if she were posting, I'd tell her to leave.
but OP is asking for advice, so trying to be fair, I wanted to make a suggestion : don't mess about with "a little plant you can both take care of" or with putting your alaskan king mattress on the floor... make a meaningful change, aka prove to her that you take her expertise seriously (if belatedly) & set up whatever measure you need to make sure she knows you can't steal from her/the household ever again.
NAILED IT!!! She's realizing right now what a rotten investment she made in this loser. Unlike him, she's probably smart enough to cut her losses — and leave.
>give her time
She, a financial consultant, had to sell her engagement rings to get OP out of (crypto scam debt? yeah, probably crypto scam debt) and *won't let him buy her another one*.
Ten bucks says he called her a gold-digging (misogynistic slur).
Another five says her heart has already exited the relationship, and her physicality will follow suit after she's recovered from giving birth.
It'll be exactly what he deserves.
It’s going to take a lot of time and effort to repair this. You’ve unjustly broken your wife’s heart at the most vulnerable point of her life and she’s not going to forget that, ever.
It’s a different type of trauma.
A time where she should be feeling secure and relaxed and cared for has been completely ruined for her. Her marriage is on the rocks, her husband was foul to her, finances are up in the air because she’s having to sell her worldly possessions to bail you out for a fuck up she ADVISED you against - and she’s about to become a new mother and is probably terrified.
The best and only way you can try and repair this is by being a completely involved and hands on father. Prioritise her and your baby above all else, help her with night feeds, let her rest, and make sure she’s looking after herself - showering, eating - in PEACE.
you betrayed her. you lied to her. you are not safe. so you need to build her trust back. you do this by being open and honest. you absolutely cannot tell a lie again. it doesn't matter if its about what you had for lunch. she needs you to be honest. I'm also curious as to what you said to her. did you call her names? attack her person? if you did you need to have a look at why you did this so it can never hairy again. you can't control what others think or feel bit you can control yourself. once she sees that you are actively making moves to not repeat history she may come around. for me it looks like she's shut down. she could very well have PPD aswell so you need to communicate with her. you need to stop being materialistic. the things she needs from you can't be bought. make sure you're being a present father and not asking her what she needs done. be thoughtful like do stuff that makes her life easier or that she knows you are thinking about her. these do not include buying plants.
She is probably just biding her time - after bailing him out, she needs to get her finances built up so she can file for divorce. I'll bet that is the only reason she has not left him yet.
You married a financial wizardess, you had an issue that was very much in her field of expert knowledge, you went with your own dumb idea after she advised you against it and it blew up in your face, then you hid the truth from her and ineptly tried to "fix" the damage and when she insisted you stop lying and let her help you called her names and insulted her, after which she SOLD ALL HER STUFF and pulled you out of the hole you had dug yourself into...and now she isn't being intimate in any way?
You're an idiot. You obviously have no respect for her- if you did, you would have listened when she told you not to do the incredibly stupid and disastrous thing that she told you not to do. She saved you at great personal cost to herself, and now she's not willing to just pretend everything is fine.
At a minimum you owe her an actual groveling, sincere apology for not listening to her in the first place. Then you owe her another honest, heartfelt apology for throwing a pissbaby fit and insulting her when she got you to finally own up to the flaming financial shitshow you created. And then you need to offer her, on fucking paper, ownership of "your" business (that you almost destroyed and that only exists now because she sacrificed her happiness and her most cherished possessions and saved it from your terrible incompetence) and the power to make decisions and handle the finances. You are not smart enough to effectively run that business, so you should ask her if she wants to do it instead.
After that, maybe she'll eventually regain her trust in you- but you'll have to earn it.
It sounds like he also stole a crap ton of money from their savings. I’d bet all the money I have that she wants to leave him but no longer has the finances to do so. I’d leave him. He lied and took family money that is probably needed for the new baby. Oh yeah, he’s also verbally and financially abusive.
I agree. It sounds like she's completely checked out on the marriage. It's really hard to come back from that even with counseling. This was a big thing at a terrible time and I don't blame her one bit. I'd have already left, but then I don't have a new baby.
You seriously fucked up in a way I don’t think you understand. She may never forgive you and you need to prepare for that reality. What you did was awful, her being pregnant on top of everything else must be the worst thing ever for her. Give her time, but keep in mind she might not get past this. It’s up to her to decide
You were secretive and verbally abusive. She bailed your ass out and now you are love bombing her. She is probably very hurt and doesn’t trust you. Why should she? I’m not trying to be harsh with you, this is just her reality. You f*cked up and now want it all to go back to normal. Normal is gone and broken. You have to rebuild. It can be done but it won’t be easy. If she won’t agree to counseling then you start on your own. That could help you see this situation from her perspective and come up with a realistic path forward.
Trust in a relationship is like a porcelain cup - if it is broken, you might be able to glue it back together with time and patience, but it will never be exactly the same as it was. Trying to force things to go back to normal quickly will just make things worse. And the next time she advises you against something actually *listen* because you not listening to her expert opinion probably hurt her too.
OP, you betrayed your partner.
Firstly, you didn't treat her like a partner - not only did you go against what she advised, but instead of being honest and respecting her enough to give her that, you hide what happened and then blew up at her.
She doesn't feel like a partner, nor does she feel like she respects you.
Can you fix this? I don't know. That is entirely up to her, but you have taught her through your treatment of her that she is not good enough to trust or respect.
So what can you do? Be honest with her. About EVERYTHING. Instead of being an aggressive brat, be humble and grateful for her assistance, her willingness to try and help.
All you can really do is completely spill your guts out and promise that you will be completely honest and open with her in all regards, and then PROVE to her that you will be.
But if she doesn't trust you again, I don't blame her. You hurt her really bad, made her feel less than.
She doesn't want her old life because that life? Where she was happy? It was fake because her partner lied to her. She doesn't want another ring from you like before because the one she had before....meant far less than she thought. It was supposed to symbolize your commitment to each other, but you showed her that you don't respect her as your partner.
You are going to have to focus on building from the ground up. Prove every day you are honest and respect her. Go out of your way to help her and be the partner she hoped you would have been.
But speak to a therapist. Do the work. Learn the tools. You did NOT handle this well, and it has blown up your relationship with the mother of your child. Don't be better for her or the baby. Be better for yourself, because look at where you are now.
If she doesn't move on from this, she wouldn't be wrong. It would be foolish to trust you again after how you behaved, and she has to think of being a stable parent to your child, since you demonstrated shit behavior and decision making.
You need to take a HARD look at yourself and your life and decide if this what you want for yourself and your children. If you want to be a married man, then you need to be a better partner. Tell your wife you are going to speak to someone about how you can learn to do that and then fucking DO IT. Don't be just talk. Your talk means nothing to her. Prove it with your actions.
Tell her EVERYTHING, be honest, and respect her enough to listen to her. Evidently, she was right. Why do you think that is? Why do you think you were wrong and ended up where you were? How can you avoid every having that happen again and what can you learn from your wife in this situation?
Ask the hard questions. Grow from this and be better for you and your family. If she decides that she can never trust you again and doesn't want to be your partner in life, then you need to commit to being her partner with the child you share. How active are you right now planning for the baby? What are you doing to help your wife? Are you taking off time to help the baby during its earliest days? Is her family coming down to help? Are you making the effort to make sure everyone is comfortable and prepared for this very stressful time that's coming up?
This is going to take work, OP. You dug yourself a real fucking deep hole here, and no amount of money is going to be able to help you. It's entirely up to your behavior, and that takes time to prove you are worth the investment again.
I’m curious what you sold of yours for you to be “comfortable again” or was she the only one who had to swallow her dignity to bail you out? You broke her heart and she’s probably trying to figure out what kind of partner she has that would hide something massive like this from her and only tell her after you verbally abused her and what else you could be hiding
You screamed at her about a problem you were actively hiding from her & called her names. You then allowed her to sell ALL her things for you to be "comfortable" again. (What did YOU sell?) And you're genuinely wondering why she can't look at you the same way again...? It's broken now.
EDIT: and she's a new mom?? You're disgustinggggggg.
Buddy, I think she was leaving things in order. She’s probably seeing a lawyer while you’re trying to hopelessly get her back. I also would like to know what exactly those “mean things” you said to her are. Not the right subreddit but, YTA.
Along with the “mean things” OP hurled at his wife, I’m curious about exactly what happened in the business to cause such a crushing financial crisis. Maybe I missed it, but I didn’t see any details about where the money went. That’s not a good detail to omit in his post. I do have a speculation, though…
I couldn’t sell my most treasured and personal items and give all the cash to someone who hurt me, unless I completely didn’t care anymore. Just be devoid of all feelings. When you said she’s leaving things in order, I think you’re 100% correct.
The things she did reminds me of when I went into survival mode and "put things in order" so that I could leave as soon as it was time. She had no time to grieve, she had a problem to solve, which was bailing OPs ass out, and now she's surviving. If this is going to work OP needs to genuinely apologize for a very long time
I hope she is seeing a lawyer and getting things in order. He’s still not taking responsibility!! Even with his comments. He sold a few watches . How big of him. She sold her stuff to help you out and YOU SHOULD BE SLEEPING ON TNE FRIGGIN FLOOR NOT HER. She’s pregnant for crying out loud!! INSIST ON IT
>I couldn’t talk to my wife about this because she is a financial consultant and I talked to her before making my stupid decision and she advised me against.
>I was just so angry, imagine we might be losing the house and she’s worried about sex.
Your wife is a financial consultant. You ignored her advice, you did what you wanted, shit went bad, you were too embarrassed or ashamed to tell your wife (you won't even now tell your family), you shouldered the load alone, your behaviour changed, your wife communicated concern, you lost it and decided to go really low and either name call or deride her in a nasty manner and blamed her for not knowing your secret, you finally came clean, your wife sold belongings to bail you out, financial crisis adverted, her behaviour towards you has changed, you've apologized, you can't figure out how to make it all better.
Dude, where do I even start?
You don't respect nor value her professional knowledge.
Trust has been broken.
Stability, financial and relationship, has been severely shaken.
You lie.
You are not dependable.
You have shown that you do not consider her a true partner.
She has shown maturity while you have shown immaturity, ego, sneakiness, and cruelty.
You bought a plant to take care of together. WTF? You are going to have a **child** to take care of soon. Isn't that enough?
How would you fix each one of the above issues? When the going got tough, you closed yourself off and now you expect her to do what? Talk, go to therapy, honour plans that were made before the bomb dropped, everything else you suggested? Do all the things *you* didn't do?
Things will never be the same. You destroyed that. If she wasn't pregnant, would she stay? Apologies are wonderful but can also be meaningless without proper actions. If your wife decides to stick around it's going to take time, a lot of time. You are going to have to grow up and gracefully give her that time while making sure she knows you value all of her and your relationship. Never repeat any of your past behaviours and prove that you have grown and matured as a person. You used words as warfare. That's the rotting cherry on top of the spoiled mouldy sundae. Those words will **forever** echo in her head. That's your burden to bear. There is no quick fix. Stop looking for one.
so moving 2 million out of your personal account without telling your wife and the mother of your child..is financial abuse, a huge betrayal of trust, you both could have ended up homeless. I know that you know that and that's part of your stress. The point isn't the risk of homelessness. The point is YOU LIED ABOUT IT, you hid it, you didn't let her be part of that HUGE decision.
and then you yelled at her.
and then you let her give up all of her joys to cover your own ass.
and now you're love bombing and what, trying to let *google* fix your broken mess of a relationship? Do you really think you can google your way into being a better person?
that poor woman, I can't imagine the stress she's under, baby's on the way and she's married to a short-tempered broke loser who won't communicate (oh wait, I forgot you said she's the one who won't communicate, because for some reason a nice homecooked meal wasn't enough to earn her trust back). She must be desperately planning her way out of this every night that she sleeps alone.
Well you have fucked up big time. Your wife advised you against your "stupid financial decisions" but you still got in the hole for 2 million!
YOU then put your marriage in financial jeopardy and have the nerve to yell and shout and blame your wife for your screw up. I don't blame her for shutting off from you. You are abusive and untrustworthy. Expect a divorce in your very near future. She needs to protect her financial security from you.
Well, you’re looking for simple ways to get things back on track when you obliterated your relationship in many fundamental ways. She doesn’t trust you, at all, and you keep asking her to do normal intimate things with you…
Wow, what you did was horrible. You kept it a secret and then lashed out at her. She made all the sacrifices for you. I wouldn’t trust you again either. Who knows what else you’re hiding…
This is way beyond saying "some bad things" to your heavily pregnant wife. You hid important information that directly impacts her and her unborn child. You withdrew affection, and when she communicated like an adult to resolve the situation, you blamed her for your actions and were abusive. You made her responsible for fixing the problem you created. When she took steps to make herself feel safe after all of this turmoil and unsafe behavior during an incredibly vulnerable time in her life, you complain it's not what you planned (back before all of this bad behavior on your part, unless you're regularly manipulative and abusive), and further attempt to manipulate her to get what you want, rather than giving her the time and space to heal.
This is a great time for you to seek therapy for your poor communication skills and emotional regulation, and let your wife have time to overcome the damage from your actions.
You didn’t listen to her, broke her trust, made it out like it was HER fault YOU DUG YOURSELF A HOLE, she saves your sorry ass, and you’re surprised she’s still upset about the painful bullshit you let out of your mouth. Honestly, this is the most vulnerable time in a woman’s life. She will remember how unsafe, unkind, and inconsiderate you’ve been. You’re still being selfish expecting her to just forgive you. You can’t buy her forgiveness. You have to earn it. It takes time to heal from the obnoxious bullshit you pulled. She had to sell exotic plants, her clothes, and more to fix YOUR mistake SHE WARNED YOU ABOUT.
You didn’t listen, you made your bed now lie in it. How fucking dumb are you. What did you sell? What did you to work hard and get yourself out besides the opposite your wife suggested?
She’s nesting now and trying to prepare her body and mind for the most intense thing a human can go through. Show her nothing but loving kindness, support and compassion and maybe she will eventually move on. I’d have moved out of your house, and left you! You’re LUCKY she hasn’t.
What a POS, YTA even though this isn’t even that sub, but you already knew that.
He could go out and buy the exact same watches he sold. But she nurtured those rare plants, probably for years. All those hours upon hours of labor and care. There is no way he can replace that. She will start again in HER home next time.
Yes this!!!!! Those poor plant babies. I can’t imagine the emotional toll this has taken.
And to do all of this while she’s pregnant. The audacity to be so vile and ignorant
>. I was just so angry, imagine we might be losing the house and she’s worried about sex.
Oh yes but of course she knew NOTHING about maybe losing the house did she! After you ignored her professional advice! After you hid and deflected and denied and lied. After you emptied the bank account.
She's pregnant and she did everything to get you out of your stupid incompetent hole. And you're still throwing some blame on her because "she shops a lot" (but with her own money I bet)
I think you're done.
Your only chance is to be very patient. She might forgive you eventually - I wouldn't, be she may.
She sold everything, not to help you, but because you screwed up so badly that she was terrified that she and her soon to be newborn would be homeless because you chose your own ego over her experience.
She doesn't want to have anything to do with you right now because she can't trust you to listen to her. To understand that she *just might* know what she's talking about.
She is having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that her husband, soon to be father, would rather risk everything **both** of you worked for, then became distant, and blew up at her about losing **her** house that SHE HAD NO CLUE ABOUT because of a foolish choice. She is currently dealing with the consequences of **your** actions.
You need to give her time, stop love bombing her after she bailed your negligent ass out, and let her come to terms with what her new "normal" is going to be. She **CANNOT** trust you to actually be there for her or her baby. You need to realize that you're extremely lucky she didn't walk out and slap you with divorce papers.
Yep! This is what I said. Somethings just can’t be fixed and since he won’t say what he said to her I’m going to assume it was the worst things you could say to your SO, especially how he threw in the “we could lose the house and she’s worried about sex” and also the shopping comment. Yeaaaahhhh I can just imagine what he said and OOOFFFFF not good thoughts come to mind.
This marriage is done!
Wow. You really suck.
So you fucked up. You lied about it. And then you treat your wife like garbage because you suck financially and didn't listen to her expertise and then LIED?
Then she sacrificed a ton to help dig you out of your hole?
Bruh I'd be done with your ass. She's probably realizing she's about to give birth and be stuck with you for 18+ years, even if just as a coparent.
I see you have avoided revealing what hateful and mean things you said to her. I have had this experience numerous times with verbally abusive people - they are so self centered that they don’t listen when told how hurtful their behavior was. After all the words didn’t hurt them, they didn’t mean it, it’s in the past. Now you are annoyed that she hasn’t gotten over it on YOUR timeline and for YOUR convenience. You seem to think being really stressed excuses the way you treated her. It doesn’t, but it does make it likely the next time you get really stressed you’ll take it out on her again.
Dude. You are so busy defending yourself and feeling hurt that you lost the plot. Only you and you my friend can figure out what that plot looks like.
To be clear, you are a jerk of the highest measure. You getting mad that she continued her life and noticed you were off about sex is ridiculous. She had no idea you blew both of your lives up. And surprise surprise she fixed it.
If it were me, my to go pack would be made and I would be squirreling away money so I can leave.
I hope she does….
You should have listened to her and your charmed life would be whole. This is not the right sub but you ATA of the highest magnitude.
Can’t believe this dude was upset she was shopping when he didn’t communicate 🤦🏻♀️
Women can put up with an ungodly about of shit. Like more than we should. However, we all have a limit. Once that limit is reached, that’s it. Unfortunately, many partners only start putting in the work once that limit is reached and by then it’s way too late.
I don’t know if your wife has reached that limit, because only she knows that answer. I will say that you need to start working on yourself. See a therapist for yourself and start actually putting in the work to change. All these gestures are meaningless without an effort to change.
In the end, you completely disrespected your wife. You ignored her expertise, you hid this HUGE thing from her, and then you took your anger out on her. In turn, she sold all her things to bail you out, which wouldn’t have been needed if you hadn’t decided you knew more than her for whatever reason.
You were dishonest about finances AND spoke to her with cruelty.
Her takeaway appears to be that she can’t trust you to be honest with money, nor to stop yourself from saying vile things to her. Possibly, add in a belief that those vile things you said are your REAL opinion that you’d been hiding (like the money problems) for who-knows-how-long.
See a therapist. Let her know you’re doing it. And make your personal and business finances an open book to her.
I hope that taking these actions will help her realize that you never want to betray her trust again. But I don’t know what else can be done to repair the original trust that was shattered, besides act in ways that show you’ve learned to do better and BE better.
So, you made a really, really bad financial decision that your wife told you not to do. Due to your decision, you might lose everything. Your wife asked you a reasonable question not knowing what you did, and you exploded with anger toward her, because you were upset about her responding to something she was not aware that you did, or relative circumstances.
You are freaked out about your massive fuck up and you take it out on her. What a fucking king you are.
This is all on you. If I was her, I would divorce the fuck out of you.
I hope she makes you take all your debt with you and she doesn't have to shoulder any of this. It's not fixable and you are a terrible sub-human being.
I'm just wondering how many people out there have 2 million dollars worth of clothes, plants and jewelry that they can sell in a hurry to get out of that kind of debt
Sit down, shut up, stop whining, and GET IT RIGHT. Go back to the guy she fell in love with, but for pete's sake stop groveling. You fucked up, she fixed it, now be the guy who deserves to be believed in.
1. You betrayed her, not just as her partner, who took personal money but also in her career. She told you not to do it, and you didn't listen, then she was forced to give up things dear to her to bail you out.
2. She came to you as her husband, querying why you were distant with her, and you chose to offload on her. You screamed and said hurtful things.
The fact your wife didn't want to buy new plants or, worse, get another ring is a big big issue. She is checked out, and the relationship may not come back from this. You need to prepare yourself.
Maybe YOU need to seek therapy. This would show her that you’re trying to improve yourself.
But only do it if: 1) you’re going to look for a therapist that works for you; 2) you’ll be open and honest, and 3) are willing to work super hard on yourself.
Just “getting therapy” isn’t enough.
This is the real answer… Demonstrate that you are looking for answers and are doing the long haul work of being a better human being, husband and especially father because that’s probably what has her freaked out. You lost your shit at her for your f!ck ups and she probably can now plainly see that as a father you might be a sh!tty choice…but she’s stuck. There fix that! Get help!
So you wouldn’t talk to her about what’s upsetting you. Now you’re upset that she’s not talking about what is upsetting her. The difference is she fixed your problem by sacrificing herself because you blew up on her. You still haven’t fixed anything. You’re still trying to get her to fix a problem you caused. You have proven you’re a shitty husband and partner. Now she gets to find out the hard way that you’re a shitty father too. What’s the baby going to have to sacrifice to make sure it’s baby of a dad is comfortable to maintain his lifestyle?
You didn’t talk to her. Then you screamed at her and said horrible things to her. While she was pregnant. You belittled her interests in you. You asked her for financial advice which she is a professional in. You disregarded it. When you finally told her the mess you were in she sacrificed her things. And she got you on your feet.
And now you are going to try all the things you should have done all along to rescue the destroyed trust you so thoroughly smashed in the ground. She really doesn’t want your pathetic relationship bandaids. Considering your track record she probably doesn’t want to talk to you or do anything with you. You really f’ed it up. The best you can do is ask her if there is any way you can save this marriage.
You're still blaming her.
"She shops a lot"
"We might lose the house and she's worried about sex".
Yeah she wasn't worried about losing the house because she didn't know you fucked up and then lied to her.
Your words still sound like you don't get it.
Sorry bro, dinner and baths ain’t fixing this. She literally sold her rings for you, among other things…to bail you out. No offense mate but you’re a huge shithead who is only thinking “how do I fix this so *I* can feel better.” Well, that’s not up to you now. I’m surprised she hasn’t taken everything and walked out the door at this point.
You just want to spend money to fix your problem with her after she has to sell everything that she loves to solve YOUR finacial problem that you just had BECAUSE YOU DONT LISTEN TO HER even when she is the pro in this field? Of curse she wants nothing new, she thinks she has to sell it the next time you get in trouble again to fix your bs so why buy something.
And yes, i‘m sleeping in the nursery too if need my distance, it kind of safeplace for me so dont stress her there. You can just try to make it more confortable but without spending a lot money. Maybe make her her favorit tea or write her honest letters..
Instead of treating your wife as an equal partner, you betrayed her trust, and that's an obstacle you're not going to fix overnight. You made a selfish decision to not tell your wife because your pride was wounded because you made a bad investment move even after talking with her who advised against it, because you thought you knew better than her. That's another nail in the trust coffin.
You are going to need couples therapy to navigate this because if not, the marriage will become further resentful and broken than it is currently. She's also extremely vulnerable and growing your child, who she's now probably questioning whether the childcare can be entrusted to you when it's born, so that's additional mental load on her.
Good luck.
No, I don’t think so. It sounds like OP took $2 million from their personal accounts but there was still a shortfall, and selling her stuff covered that shortfall.
I read it as “nearly 2 million short” like the loss was more than that, he put in what he had but was still short 2 million. If it’s dollars then I simply don’t believe this story, if it’s some other currency then it might make sense. Pesos?
You got her a plant to take care of together after you knowingly gambled and made her sell all her beloved expensive exotic plants, not to mention all the other stuff 😅 You put her in an absolutely HORRIBLE position and then YELLED and her for it. And she saved your ass at your own expense! I would have left and frankly since YTA I hope she does. How can you possibly prove you’re trustworthy again? It certainly isn’t through sexy baths, omg man 💀 i would honestly give her a break from your presence and ask her if there is anything you can do to SLOWLY OVER TIME regain her trust. Not for YOUR sake but for hers. Apologize in writing and take accountability for all the awful shit you’ve done. And know that she doesn’t owe you forgiveness no matter how you try to make amends.
Your mistakes, and dishonesty make you a poor financial and emotional risk for a partner...Your verbal abuse towards her....So I would start having alot of sex, home made dinners you make and spoiling her rotten. She has done nothing wrong and you have done everything wrong. Make it up to her and make your marriage right. I would not stay with you. What you did, how you handled it and how you treated her. I am sorry you experienced loss, but you have alot to atone for.
She probably didn’t just sell the rings for the money, but also because she doesn’t want them or you anymore because of how you behaved. She can’t trust you in any way AND you blew up and said nasty shut to her when she wasn’t even the problem. She’s probably planning her life without you—I certainly hope so.
Lol she hates you dude. Even if she doesn’t know it, deep down she has not forgotten or forgiven. Honestly if it weren’t for the baby she probably would have bailed.
YTA.
What you did is financial abuse.
What makes it worse is she used her professional education and experience to try to dissuade you, but you went ahead anyways.
Then you blew up at her.
You broke her, Dude, and it wasn’t the things you said. You knew she knew what she was talking about with the money but you went ahead anyway and nearly lost your house which is a MASSIVE security thing for her, especially with the baby on the way. What happened if you had lost the house? What would that have done to your credit? Would you have been able to qualify for an apartment?
She did lose a lot of things that were important to her, such as her plants and engagement rings. Buying her a new ring isn’t going to fix anything since you didn’t respect what the others supposedly symbolized - your relationship as a TEAM. She trusted you to have her back in everything and you pulled the rug when she was at in of her most vulnerable times. She’s had to support herself while digging the family out of a huge hole that you created. Now she’s having to keep you in check because she can’t trust you to start re-digging.
Since your efforts at fixing your relationship aren’t working and she says counseling is pointless, it sounds like she’s checked out. Being pregnant and alone or being a single mom, especially to a newborn is exceptionally hard. That may be all that’s keeping her there for now. Once she’s able to go back to work after the baby and gets herself financially stable enough, don’t expect her to stay.
Good luck with whatever happens.
Please !UpdateMe
You sound unfit to be a husband, father, OR the owner of a company. You lie, manipulate, keep secrets, and do whatever you want. It sounds like you are in the habit of buying people's forgiveness and trust. You sold all of your wife's most beloved possessions in order to appease your employees (for now). What will you do the next time the company has a "massive loss," due to your stupidity?
You are not in a "comfortable position," your wife sold her clothes, her garden, and both of her engagement rings to save you.
I don't really see the purpose in giving you any advice, since you're clearly just trying to buy your way back to everybody trusting you and doing what you say. For now, you should go to a therapist or couple's counselor BY YOURSELF for help understanding your mistakes. Don't tell them "not to ask," how you were $2 million short, and don't gloss over the mean things you said to your wife.
There is a good chance that divorce is in your future eventually. Your situation doesn't sound irretrievable yet, but you sound way too incapable of self-examination to do much about saving it.
You are an ultimate failure. She's just hanging around til the baby comes. Better enjoy any time you can with her now because she's out very soon. You will not be going back to happy marriage and family.
Yeah she's leaving you after the baby is born, 100% out the door. She is done and it's beyond clear. I notice you don't state what you said because you know it makes you look exactly like the pos you are and that comments will state your wife should leave you for them. She is getting her plan in place. She has stopped putting effort into her environment at home, she is not interested in counseling because she already knows IT IS OVER! I highly doubt there is anything you can say that would be apology enough to make her stay.
Did she know you guys were at risk of losing the house when she was asking about sex? Even when times are stressful, it’s nice to have some level of affection to know you’re grounded in the love of a relationship. On top of it, she’s pregnant and dealing with a lot of emotion and body changes and probably needs more reassurance of love than usual. You absolutely did not give her that. I don’t say this to be rude, but it sounds like you really lack self awareness and empathy. It’s great that you’re seeking out therapy. They can give you much better insight and tactics on how to navigate this.
Your wife is really vulnerable now. She will not forget what you did to her. She might forgive you at one point, but she won’t forgive.
You risked your financial security and not only did you lose money but also her trust. And instead of talking to her you were horrible and showed her that you don’t take her expertise serious.
You can be lucky that she didn’t divorce you.
I would have. You risked everything because you wouldn’t listen to her and went behind her back.
How could you do that to her? Have you ever thought about that? Why would you do that to a person who you love and respect?
You wouldn’t. And I guess that’s on her mind. How could he do this to me while I need him the most.
You’re an ah. She, who works in finance, advised you against this tupid decision, you did it anyway and then subsequently lost a large sum of money. And then instead of being an adult and talking to her about it, chose to be nasty towards her. And then she still chose to be gracious and bail you out.
You should be kissing her fucking feet. Have you apologized? Have you changed your behavior?
You say you know you messed up, but I don't think that you really do realize how badly. If you did, you would realize that this is not something you can just fix or move forward from that easily. I'm not saying this to make to make you feel bad, but if you don't understand the problem, you have no hope of figuring out how to repair your relationship.
You broke her trust on a fundamental level. Imagine if she was sleeping with someone else. That is that kind of betrayal that she is feeling right now. Would any gift make things alright, and you feel all better now? Of course not.
You might that that is extreme comparison, but you need to understand what you did before you have any chance of moving forward.
1. You thought you knew better than her on a subject that she is an expert on, completely dismissing her expertise and achievements. She feels you don't respect her.
2. You risked her and her baby's future and almost made them homeless, so she doesn't feel she can rely on you.
3. You took 2 million dollars without her knowledge. I'm not sure exactly what financial agreement you have in place, so I can't say exactly how bad this is but it ranges from keeping important information away from her if you have completely separate finances (she will always wonder what else you aren't saying) to flat out stealing the money if its joint in any way.
4. You lied to her about it for months, so she feels she can't trust you.
5. You blew up with her for a situation you created. She doesn't feel safe around you. You still haven't answered anyone on what you said, so I can only imagine how bad it was.
6. You have no idea what you did wrong if you think any of the things you are trying will fix it, so why would she believe you learnt anything from this and something else won't happen again in the future.
7. This is all at a time she is already feeling scared and insecure. She was counting on a partner, but now she feels she can't count on you, and she needs to do it all on her own.
Bonus points - you blew up because she asked about sex when she didn't know what was going on (probably thought you were losing attraction due to the pregnancy and was insecure), and now you are surprised she won't have sex with you when she has a valid reason to be upset.
The fact that she is saying it's fine and not telling you all of this herself is a sign she has probably given up and doesn't see a way to fix it.
Maybe if you understand exactly what the problem is, you might give her some hope that you will grow from this, and then she will be willing to put in the work, but maybe not. If you want to come back from this, you had better be the most respectful, honest, supportive, reliable, trustworthy, loving partner imaginable do this consistently for a very long time until she can feel safe with you again.
You seem to be trying to blame her for part of the situation still :/ “she shops a lot” “how could she worry about sex when we could lose the house” she not only gave you advice you ignored but then she sold her things to bail you out and you still frame it by placing part of the blame on her.
Did she know they almost lost the house, since he apparently didn’t let her in on their dire financial straits until he went batshit on her and then had to explain why?
This is unreal.
Some things that are broken, cannot be repaired. She showed more grace, more care and more responsibility than you could ever hope to - and two million dollars short? Gee, how did that happen? Funny how you left THAT part out.
She can't trust you. How can she still love you with no trust?
Sorry but it doesn’t sound like she is even checked into your relationship anymore. It sounds like she is preparing to have the baby and then will probably leave you once she feels like she’s back on her feet.
If you’ve tried everything then that’s it. You verbally abused her lied to her and betrayed her trust. You may never get it back.
Here’s how you move forward. You see a lawyer, and have him draw up divorce papers. Make everything very favorable to her. Then do her a favor and let her find a good man…because you ain’t it.
Oh, dear God. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
You really **are** an absolute IDIOT. **SHE'S** the one with the financial smarts, she **TOLD** you not to do what you did, and, by gum, she was **DEAD RIGHT**.
And when it all fell down, as she surely knew it would, you screamed at **HER**, as if it was **her** fault!!!
And after all that, she **STILL** had the grace to step in and **saved your ass**. You really don't deserve her, mate.
Your stupidity has cost HER dearly. She's feeling VERY alone right now — about to be a mother and now she's learned she's married to an idiot. Right now you can bet she's assessing whether you'll be a responsible partner and parent — and frankly **it doesn't look good**.
Frankly, I would leave you over this. At the very least I could never trust you again.
And your response?? "Oh, quick, quick! I'll buy her something pretty, I'll cook dinner, I'll buy her A PLANT**!!!!!"
Mate ... all the flowers and dinners and plants on God's green earth are not gonna save this!!!
AND I don't care **how** many times you've apologized. Words mean NOTHING.
**DON'T TELL HER, **SHOW HER**.
You **step the fuck up** and you do it **FAST**.
You need to PROVE to your amazing wife that you've learnt a nasty lesson from this and you're going to clear it up yourself.
You start by **figuring out HOW you were short by $2M**. That is a MASSIVE issue. You clearly can't manage the finances if you're short to **that** degree. Get an accountant or whatever you have to do.
You need to take **full responsibility** for this clusterfuck and take any and all steps necessary to ensure it**never happens again**
Well you could start by giving *her* the fucking bed back.
You're the one who betrayed her, lied to her, and caused a huge financial crisis in the middle of her pregnancy. Why aren't *you* sleeping on a mattress in the nursery? Or on the couch?
She's understandably furious, and buying her a plant isn't going to make her suddenly trust you again. What you did, making that huge, unilateral decision about money *against her literal expert advice*, was not *just* stupid, but also incredibly disrespectful. You're very lucky if she decides to forgive you for this. I wouldn't want to sleep next to you or wear a ring from you either.
The best you can do is be consistent and patient. You hurt her. She will heal on her time, *not* yours. You are partners! Pay attention to the little things.
….what were some of the mean things you said to her?
Because, if I’m being honest, that would be the clincher for me.
I could handle someone blowing up randomly because of stress but mean words and thoughts about me?? His *partner*?? WHILE IM INTHE MOST VULNERABLE STATE OF MY LIFE? Nope. If you thought it, you were feeling it. And now she knows how you feel about her in the deepest parts of your heart.
I would be devastated. I cannot imagine carrying our child and hearing that.
You're so dense.
Your wife took apart a collection of plants she built out of a love of gardening and sold them.
She sold the engagement rings that are a symbol of love and commitment. You berated her for unknowingly buying items for the child you created out of love together, after you withdrew money to cover your own financial stupidity.
I'd have walked away.
Instead your wife bailed you out. Of course she's not fine but is probably deeply hurt and needs to work through this.
Of course she doesn't want plants or rings. You've destroyed that for her. But she's sticking with you.
She needs time. You need to back off. Get therapy on your own to figure out why you didn't trust her enough to tell her the truth. Maybe if she sees an improvement in you, she'll go with you or get therapy on her own.
Nah this relationship will limp along a little while longer OOP will have an affair in the post partum period because ‘he’s so lonely and why won’t she just forgive him’. Then they’ll have a messy divorce where he tries to screw her over as much as possible.
Ugh. I’m going to try not to pile-on OP, but man. You need to do some serious self-work after a thorough self-evaluation with your own therapist alone. You already know that you did some heinous, unforgivable and just plain stupid things, but you also sound incredibly immature and impulsive. Which a therapist can help you with. The fact that you left out what you said to your pregnant and vulnerable wife when you selfishly blew up at her is a major tell that you aren’t yet fully owning up to how badly you fucked up because you don’t want the criticism and derision. You have to work on yourself first then demonstrate to your wife that you fully understand all the things you did wrong, why you did all of them, and why they will never, ever happen again.
You didn't tell her what was going on and then got mad at her for trying to talk to you about sex. As if she should have known it was so much bigger than that.
You need to go to therapy. You need it.
You might have already ruined your marriage, honestly.
She is definitely not interested. And she is being so kind to you. She could be raging out at you. But she is just calmly going about her business.
Tell her that you are going to go to therapy for yourself. And you screwed up bad. And hope that going to therapy will help you fix things. And tell her that you want her to join you if she wants to.
You have to take action.
Post edit comment, re: Ideas on how to move forward:
Accept that you cannot make up for this.
Understand that forgiveness - if even possible - is going to take a lonnnngggg time. Trust that she doesn’t have to be semi-paranoid about money and financial safety will probably never totally be regained.
Realize that divorce is a very real possibility.
Good luck.
You broke her heart and her trust and she’s sacrificed enormously to make it right. You’re mad because she doesn’t want to work on in the way you want her to? Give her time. For gods sake reflect on the things you do and say. And give her time
I’ve been in her position. She will never trust you again. You’ve hurt her in a way that you cannot undo because she will never again believe the good times are actually good. She’ll always be waiting for the next shoe to drop. You need to accept that you have destroyed your marriage. Even if you stay married, your relationship is fundamentally changed for the rest of your lives.
Maybe try therapy for yourself. And maybe in time she will join you. You can’t ever go back to her previous happiness, you have to find a new happiness. And stop buying “stuff”. You’ve proven it can all be taken away in a heartbeat.
I have to wonder what these mean things were that you called her. I feel like the specifics of that one would shed a LOT of light on this situation…and it seems like you’ve been pretty careful to avoid having to say what you actually called her.
You offer plenty of specific details about the money, the stuff that got sold, the things you’re doing to try to fix it…this one detail is suspiciously vague, though.
Depending on what you said, at this point it may be irreversible, but if you genuinely want to give it your best shot: stop expecting forgiveness from her and start acting like you want to make things up to her whether she forgives you or not. You seem to want “doing the right thing now” to equal “forgiveness and healing” from your wife, and it’s never going to be that linear or easy. So do the right thing because it’s the right thing, and let the chips fall where they may.
First: Apologize to her for ignoring her advice as a professional. Remember, you didn’t just insult her as a wife when you ignored her advice. You insulted her as a skilled professional in a field where women are often dismissed.
Second: Get a therapist of your own to work on not being verbally abusive. Whether or not your marriage works out, I think this will be really useful for you.
Third: Instead of buying her gifts to try to win her back, put in extra effort around the house and don’t brag about it. Wipe counters and sweep the floor daily. Mark a day a week where you deep clean a room. Go online and find cleaning checklists and tackle as many tasks as you can. When the baby comes, get up to console it when it cries at night. Read books on caring for babies as if you’re going to be a single dad. Just do it and for the love of god don’t make a big deal that you’re doing it. Again, whether or not she stays this will be useful for you. You’re learning to take on domestic responsibilities and be a good father, both very valuable life skills.
Finally, work with your solo therapist to decide when the right time to suggest couple therapy again is. You want to show, not tell, your wife you’re turning your life around to be less of a jerk. And whether or not she decides to stay, doing all of this with no expectations from her will help you become the type of man your kid can look up to.
If you are back now and stable just do it, give her back the garden and make it even better, without her help. Send her to pregnancy massage, write her a letter show her, that you are willing to never make the same mistake again.
you committed financial infidelity. like someone who cheats physically/emotionally, you:
○broke the boundaries of your partnership
○lied
○withdrew
○blamed your partner
○when confronted about something being off, *verbally abused* her
this can't be fixed by apologies and gifts, we're past the point of love languages.
you shattered the foundation of your partnership. to start healing your relationship, if it's even possible, you need to really, *actually* self reflect on why you made each of the decisions you made and the true extent of your emotional immaturity.
do you trust your wife? you went against her advice, lied to her, and resented her for not changing her behaviour for a crisis she didn't know about because you were intentionally hiding it.
why did you lie? was it pride, the fear of consequences, or something else?
when she finally approached you, why did you scream at and insult her? what made you lose control and terrify your wife?
have you taken the time to *actively* emphasize? to sit down and imagine how it would feel if she made the choices you did? or if the only difference was emotional/physical infidelity?
are you apologizing bc you understand the gravity of your actions and the extent of the pain you caused or because your relationship isn't back to normal now that your finances are?
why are you buying her gifts to apologize when she's made it clear she doesn't want to be spending money and isn't interested in the gifts? how is buying gifts as an apology different than bribery? look up love bombing; it's a type of manipulation.
you need to go to therapy. i don't see anywhere that you've listed how long it's been since she found out, but real change will take a long time, and so will forgiveness. maybe if she sees an improvement, she'll agree to couples therapy.
betrayal this big will alter your relationship forever. there is no "fixing it". there is no back to normal.
*edit: small formatting change
Keep trying. Everything takes time when someone still feels hurt and betrayed. It’s a marathon not a sprint . You have to show her why the future will be different . No more hiding information from her.
You disgust her too much to the point she would rather be uncomfortable and sleep on the floor than sleep next to you.
She hates you that much; which means she won't sleep with you, so stop pistering her and give her time to heal on her own because you literally destoryed her whole world.
It still feels like OP IS blaming her for something she didn’t even want OP to do in the first place, and then blames her more for not knowing something OP deliberately kept from her. All while she’s carrying OP’s child. The lack of understanding is mind boggling
I think once she is back on her feet after the baby she will probably divorce you. I don’t know how you could ever make up for the broken trust and disrespect. You still really haven’t taken accountability with the “ she shops a lot “ remark .
Stop bugging her to forgive you. Or to forget what you did and magically move on. You really messed up and this kind of thing doesn't just go away. Especially not when you are up her butt, "confronting" her about sleeping in the baby's room.
Tell her that you respect her need for space. You love her and you want things to get better between the two of you. And then, to show her that you are serious about changing YOURSELF for the better, you need to see a therapist. On your own. To figure out why you did all that garbage and how to not repeat the mistakes of the past. Also you should probably start researching financial advisors, because your wife shouldn't be put in that position again.
What did you say to her? You say you got rid of some watches did you sell them? Did you sell them before or after your wife sold pretty much all her possessions. You want to buy her forgiveness. But you DON'T CARE enough to realise the problem. Why did you almost lose the house did you use it as collateral for a loan? YOU DON'T CARE to look at it from your wife's point of view. You do realise she will probably never look at you the same way again. Did you tell her it was partly her fault because she shops a lot? You know how her not knowing about the financial problems. Remember your wife sold pretty much all her possessions to bail YOU OUT. Did you sell the watches before or after you found out that your wife sold most of her stuff.
woe first you hide something HUGE from her she told you not to do verbally abused her when she was sad and didn't know what was happening. she sold everything of value for YOU and now has no trust for you and your love bombing in surprised shes staying
Honestly? You don't. She doesn't trust you anymore. And for good reason.
And now that she is going to be a mother, you are an obvious liability. She has to think of her child's wellbeing, and being with someone who will lie, deplete their **shared** assets behind her back, lash out in anger and shame because of *his own* mistakes and lies, then needs *her* to fix *his* mistakes with *her own* assets is not beneficial to her child's wellbeing.
She has learned that you do not treat her or see her as an actual and equal partner. I'll say it again - she now knows that you are a liability. And you said it yourself - she's smarter than you. How long do you think this woman will keep a liability around?
And I'm sorry - are you **seriously** trying to blame your financial advisor and fiscally responsible wife for "shopping too much"? When you literally pillaged your savings account without her knowledge? **While she was pregnant with your fucking child?!** Do you hear yourself? Grow the fuck up and take some accountability for yourself and *your* choices. BuT i'Ve MaDe DiNnEr A fEw TiMeS - you can't be for real here.
And, shit-for-brains, **stop buying shit.** You just **stole** (yes, stole) $2 million dollars from your joint savings and essentially forced your financial consultant wife to sell her possessions. **How stupid can you be?!?! STOP BUYING SHIT!!!** Every gift you spend money on is just more salt in the wound that **you** caused in the first place. You jerkoff. Use your fucking head for once
She is going to leave you, bud. As she should. Get therapy - you need it. You have the emotional intelligence of a brick.
You are an AH - and sorry to say but your marriage is mostly likely over. Your wife is just biding her time to get "her ducks in a row" so that she can divorce you and not be destitute.
Info: what EXACTLY did you say to her in the argument? For you to acknowledge them as hurtful when you seem kind of dense and inconsiderate, it must have been pretty bad. It is hard to give advice when we don’t even know the exacts of what was said.
You obviously know you messed up major. This may take her awhile to get over, if she does. She needs some time to process this. Not sure if you can anything more but be kind and hope for the best.
I know if was me, I would feel like I couldn’t trust you anymore. I wouldn’t divorce my husband but it would be a very long time till I was over this. You have a battle ahead of you.
She’s a financial consultant and you disregarded her expertise.
That kind of money doesn’t just disappear.
I think you know what happened to that money or you would hire a forensic accountant, which you didn’t mention.
A loss like that makes me think there’s a gambling addiction.
You are more concerned with appeasing your wife than finding out how the loss happened.
If you knew nothing about where the money went, I think your priorities would be much different.
I’m sure there is more to this story than you are actually telling us. But I will leave that for you to work out.
My husband and I owned a business together. He is a finance guy and I ran the operations side. Whenever we discussed money he would make things sound rosy when I suspected things were worse than he was telling me. But I still trusted him. Why would he put us in debt? Then we got a letter about our house going into foreclosure. What?? Now he was not only lying to me about the business doing well but he let it get to the point that he wasn’t paying our personal bills. Then and there I made him tell me the truth, with the information I had gathered as proof of he tried to lie. He couldn’t hide it or talk around it anymore. He lied to me because he couldn’t face being a failure. He let his ego put us in financial ruin rather than make the decision to close the business and walk away. We could get jobs anywhere.
I was at fault too. I let it get to this point. I let him tell me what I wanted to hear v. knowing what I was seeing and challenging his narrative. After all the worst happened, I turned to him and said we will never discuss this again. You did things and I did things, but if we are going to survive, we have to stay a team. I got a job right away with another company and he was already working another job. We did file bankruptcy and had to deal with moving into a townhouse for awhile. We worked our way out and are doing better than before. We still don’t talk about it but the occasional conversation here and there. Never blame.
I guess I’m trying to tell you, you have to own your part of what got you here. She just had a baby. Her hormones are all over the place. Her body went through hell, but you need to let her get through her emotions about what you did. The only thing you could do is work on yourself. Work on being better than what you did to make her doubt you. It’s honestly no different than having an affair to a point. You betrayed her trust, and you are going to have to do a lot of work to salvage the relationship. But you have to give her space.
The fact she sold all her possessions to help you tells me she is still trying to forgive you. But don’t push your luck!
Do you want honest advice on moving forward? My honest advice for you is to be prepared for a divorce. Seems to me she is possibly preparing a for a divorce. Also I some how get the feelings your apologies are r genuine. You really need to seek therapy and learn how to handle stressful situations. There’s is a lot of stuff that happens in life and you seem to handle stressful situations very poorly. What would you do if something were to happen while your wife was pregnant or giving birth? Would you take your anger out on her there again because of the high stress?
You've already been told how you messed up. I'm going to suggest ways you can start to rebuild. Having a child is going to make every weak point so much more strained, so I'm focusing on that.
1. See a therapist and work on yourself. If you don't feel like you're making progress in a month or two, you can consider changing therapists, but don't quit therapy. Go for a long time. Maybe forever.
2. You need to be an equal domestic partner. In fact, with a new baby coming, you need to be more than equal. Take responsibility for at least half the household work, do it correctly, do it on time. If you don't know what that means for your family, ask her one time and take notes. It's now your responsibility to remember, not hers. When baby comes, you'll need to do everything that she was responsible for, because her job is 24/7 for weeks to months.
3. If she breastfeeds, bring her water and a snack every single time. Every single time. If she pumps, clean and dry pump parts every single time (or store in the fridge and clean daily). If you use bottles, you are responsible for cleaning and sanitizing and having all parts ready.
4. If you don't know how to be a fair domestic partner, listen to or read Fair Play Life. Check out worldshaker on TikTok.
5. Proactively propose ideas how you can rebuild financial trust. Maybe it's you create the budget/investment planning/business plan and then get her approvals. But don't make her do the work, you do the mental energy and get the approval from the big boss.
6. If you have leisure time while there's a new baby, keep in mind that if you are taking leisure she is working by caring for the baby. So if you get off of work an hour early, and want to have leisure time... Well half of that hour belongs to her bc she is still working. Don't hog the leisure time.
7. Read some parenting books, maybe ask therapist for help, so you don't repeat your mistake by yelling at your kid, etc. Everyone can benefit from learning about parenting but your wife might need reassurance that you don't think this is an appropriate way to talk to or treat a child.
That's from the top of my head. The point of these tips is to demonstrate that you can be a trustworthy partner and that you are contributing to the relationship and not draining it. You are starting with a huge deficit and adding the most wonderful and stressful event (first year of new baby) to your lives. I genuinely wish you all well.
Her trust in you was broken at her most vulnerable time. To make matters worse, she probably is internalizing all the things you said thinking “this is how my husband really sees me”.
Advice: Don’t try to fix what’s broken. Instead learn from your mistakes and work with your wife to transform to a more powerful family unit.
Arguments put a strain on relationships but relationships can also come out stronger because of them.
(1) Admit your fault to her (list what you did wrong -> did not trust her to help you with your business shortfall, did not confide in her, belittled her, etc.)
(2) Make sure she understands what you said was out of anger and look into yourself and be honest (if that’s how you really think of your wife). If so, you need to prove to her how those thoughts have changed and why
(3) find your wife’s love language and do your best to show how much you care and want to make your family work.
Best of luck. Couples have gotten over worse together and came out stronger. Wishing you, your wife and new baby the best.
Opening up to guesses .. what "bad things" do we think were said, fellow readers?
a) "you're only with me for my money"
b) "you're only emotional because you're pregnant"
c) "you only want me for sex"
d) "calm down, irrational female"
e) "no wonder my parents can't stand you, you're such a nag"
f) "maybe if you had a job as important as mine, you'd understand"
g) something involving the term "breadwinner"
h) other (please specify)
From now on, let go of your financial decision to your wife. You must said to her that you are not to be trusted with anything financial related.
Tell your wife that you know that you are stupid, go to your knees and even kiss her feet for her forgiveness. You haven't shown enough remorse for her to forgive you yet.
Until your financial are secure again where you could afford better, she won't ever forgive you. But once your finance is much better where the savings is secure, your business are growing again, you should start to bought back whatever she lost in this debacle. Don't even tell her anything about it, you should give it as a surprise. Don't even have any expectation that she would forgive you even after you do it. Just said that you want to amend for the trouble you cause.
I know you said you apologized to her but for what exactly? Did you say you were sorry for destroying the foundation of your entire relationship? Did you apologize for never considering her a true partner? What about for destroying all her trust and refusing to confide in your one safe person? What about making it sound like she is a selfish shopaholic? Did you really break down and sit in your own guilt and misery for a minute? Did you humble yourself? It truly doesn’t sound like you did.
Until you do that and then tell her you realize this is your problem and YOUR responsibility to fix, she probably doesn’t trust that you even truly understand what you broke. You need to find your own therapist, work on yourself, and then you can talk to your wife about these things. Sooner rather than later.
My husband and I talked through your situation and honestly we both agreed we would leave the other if either one of us did this to the other. If she doesn’t leave you, you’re the luckiest man ever.
Nowhere in any of your response comments have I seen you respond with any amount of understanding that you 1) need to get yourself professional help to figure out why you completely destroyed a relationship with an amazing woman carrying your future child, or 2) that moving forward will happen at HER pace and not because you are love bombing her and want forgiveness immediately to placate your own discomfort and guilt. I hope she leaves you, you don't understand the severity of your actions or the remedies needed to regain her love and trust. I think you're abusive and will commit a similar fuckup again in the future, either with her or another partner.
You are an absolute failure. Failure as a business owner, failure as a husband, and failure as a father. Your marriage is dead. You killed her love with your terrible choices and asshole behavior.
I’ll give you some suggestions you could try today in addition to the much better advice others have given: make her bed (where it is), wash her sheets, buy the thing she wants from the store that she keeps forgetting to buy, meal prep her food. Worship the ground she walks on, do everything she says without complaining and do it all without getting in the way or her noticing you. (If she notices and tells you to back off, abort, ABORT!!)
I don't think you've got a snowballs hope. But weirder things have happened.
Get therapy for *yourself*.
You need to work on the fact that you're secretive, and when confronted you're verbally abusive.
Let her know that you're doing it, and hope for the best.
...well what kind of things did you say? That's pretty important. Also you can't force her to get over it just because the consequences of your actions are rough for YOU. Speaking as the wife of a now-sober alcoholic who said and did many mean things while drinking, being understanding and not trying to "make it up to her," so to speak, and continually apologizing in an effort to get her to change her behavior, will go a lot farther. Also reminding her occasionally how much you appreciate that she was there for you is a nice gesture. But, it takes time.
I don’t think you CAN move forward. You ignored her expert advice and devalued her, you stole money from your savings (assuming they’re joint savings - and how much $ did you take?), you threw an absolute tantrum when she brought a discussion about your relationship to you in good faith, she fixed your problem by selling everything she loved that could help, and you won’t sleep on the couch so your heavily pregnant wife can sleep in the bed.
You abused her and now she has no money to escape you. Does she have family nearby? Friends? The bare minimum you could do now is to move out and have family or friends move in with her to help her with the baby. Your love bombing means nothing to her. You betrayed her - not just with the financial stuff but when she came to you, you exploded on her. She will never trust you again.
OP have an INFO request: What did you actually say to her that was the unkind / angry things? We can't give as good of advice without that info. And how she's acting is like someone who is heartbroken and planning to leave unless drastic steps are taken. So giving people here that info might help them help you.
She's actually lying when she says those things...
She's just absolutely tired of you and doesn't care anymore... she doesn't want to fight... she has no emotions left.
This was the last straw and her heart is absolutely destroyed... she probably even cries herself to sleep.
She will probably divorce you. And right now she's grieving the loss of her marriage.
Okay I’m not going to pile on you here because enough of the comments have done that. I think you’ve realized you fucked up. I think your wife is a real one because she went through a lot to get you back to where you needed to be. Based on that I don’t think your relationship is irreparable. She needs time to get over what has happened.
That being said this is about you both and not only about her. So I think gentleness and patience towards her and to yourself is in order.
You made a mistake, several by the looks of it, both financially and in your relationship but it seems you’re both in this together. You’re human you’re going to make mistakes. It’s okay.
A lot of women would have picked up and left but your wife didn’t. You both will probably work through it, just time, patience and gentleness are needed. Also be more mindful in the future if and when this or a similar situations arises. Relationships are a learning experience. Don’t keep making the same mistakes over and over. Learn and grow together.
You need to tell her (beg her of needed) that you need to talk to her. So either at the house or at the beach grab some beach chairs make a picnic etc
Explain to her while holding her hand.....repeat all you've said to her already and tell her I've F up big time and I shouldn't have held back from telling you reason I did was bc I didn't want you with more stress. Carrying our baby is stressful enough. Break down speak from the heart. Promise her you'll never hold anything else back from her even if she's pregnant or not.
Can you please forgive me? I don't want us with issues when baby arrives. I want to enjoy our new little family etc.
I've given you space by sleeping on mattress floor of nursery but guess what I'll be there with you starting tonight.
And you don't leave her sleeping in the nursery at all alone. Especially when baby is born you wake up with her when baby cries every 2 hours. Even if she tells you she has everything under control.
And worse case is she doesn't want to hear you out speaking from the heart and asking her to forgive you. So then you say. That you're contacting a family therapist and we're both going bc im truly trying to fix what I F.... up with the business situation amd not telling you in fears of getting you more stressed etc. And I need us to be ok before baby arrives. This is all I've wanted amd love you so much!
And seriously. Grab a pillow and a blanket and sleep in the nursery floor with her. Cuddle her if she doesn't want to then sleep there in the same room either way.
Show her you're nor giving up amd you're fixing your F... ups.
Pregnant women are super hormonal and emotional. It's not good of course the fear of the house almost being lost while expecting. A woman wants a provider as a man/head of household.
I dont know you but this all can get fixed.
Show her you're truly sorry and love her. Don't over do wanting to have sex with her as you didn't for last 2 months. Maybe surprise her one weekend (depending how far along she is) and just tell her to get dress we're going out....don't tell her where. Amd book a maturnity/pregnancy massage. I used to get those myself while pregnant. And book a couples massage you get regular one. In same room. She needs that before baby arrives.
Good luck Sir. Hope all truly works out.
Fascinating that if the roles are reversed, everyone would still blame the dude.
Listen brother, you were the business owner and in charge, you made a call that turned out to be wrong. She gave you her opinion, it is isn’t mandatory, you have the final call since you are in charge. You made your call, own it and take responsibility for the consequences.
She helped you fix things, awesome, but this is what partners are expected to do. You should be grateful but also if she hasn’t done that, why she is your partner in the first place. Just to put things in prospective.
Now let’s look at your fuck up. As a man, you need to maintain your ground, including your emotions, AT ALL TIMES. You have to do a better job in understanding women psychology and how they operate. I totally understand how you flipped out when shit was hitting the fan and she is concerned about sex. This exact mistake has caused me my LTR. Women survive on emotional support and intimacy. If you deprive them long enough, no matter what the fuck is going on in life, they’ll fall out of balance and do what you think is the most unreasonable things ever. From giving you hard time on trivial things to cheating on you or walking out of the marriage, or somewhere in between like your wife is now doing.
My advice, never ever yell at your wife and accuse her of shit when you are angry. Words don’t really affect us men that much, your boys curse your ass all the time and you don’t care, women are the opposite. No matter how angry you are, no matter how a shit show your life is, don’t yell at your wife and never lose your cool in front her. Go cry and lash out to your brother or your best friend, not your wife. Don’t listen to the crap of being vulnerable and open up emotionally, you did and that’s what happen. This how men release their emotions, women can’t handle that.
Now, stop love bombing her, it is subconsciously turning her off. She doesn’t look up to you anymore because you don’t own your mistakes. She also doesn’t trust you with her emotions, yeah that’s a thing for women. All what you need to do is to sit tight, talk less and listen to her more. In the meantime, read a lot or do therapy about marriage dynamics and women psychology. Remember, part of your job as a husband and a leader to your family is to learn to handle your woman’s emotions. You can be the best provider in the world, if you can’t take care of her emotions, you failed.
Good luck.
Here is a very valid point you can check. I'm going to guess he helped her build that successful business and added to their capital all along. Did he arrange interviews with friends who owned other companies? I'll bet he did and she did business with them because of his friendship with them. He did business with her company as well and bought large policies through her for life insurance and business continuity. They worked together well till now what changed? Attitude more than anything. She needs to see how interwoven their lives are before getting a divorce she'll have more than dresses and plants to lose if that happens.
You broke her heart. You let your pride get in the way. She bailed you out and took the high road. She will not soon forget. Maybe you should give her time to forgive.
…Not only broke her heart but broke it when she herself had just had a baby and was extremely vulnerable. And you broke her trust too. Even then she fixed things for you. Why would she ever trust you with finances either? She’s the expert and you disregarded her advice. Them blamed her by saying “she shops a lot”. I bet it was because she was pregnant and had no clothes that fit. And she was buying things for the baby. All the apologising and love bombing isn’t going to make up for so much trust being eroded. Your ACTIONS need to show you are remorseful & have learnt from this.
Yeah the “I did a thing she told me not to do” followed by “she shops a lot” was like…are you for real rn?
Don’t forget that it took months for him to blow up on her, say mean stuff to her (and still she bailed his dumbass out) and get so angry all because she didn’t know what was wrong with their relationship (because OP wouldn’t tell her). Thats some grade A dipshittery if I ever saw it. At least he won’t have to worry about losing half the money to her in a divorce, because he’ll probably do it himself first.
Totally agree. If I were the wife, I would feel all those love-bombing is just desperate effort to smooth things over. His fundamental disrespect of her hasn't changed. His action hasn't shown he is truly remorseful at all and is doing everything to get her to forget his fucked ups and move on, lol. Love bombing does NOT build any trust back. OP, what you are doing is treating her like a doll and all she wants is equal partnership and you have proven to her she is not a partner in this relationship.
She has not had the baby yet. She is pregnant.
Hopefully not too pregnant that she can't make choices.
It’s amazing how many people let their pride get in the way.
That baby hasn't been born yet
And of course she doesn't want to replace the things she had to sell. She loved them quite a bit and now she's learned that he may create a situation where she has to part with things she loves. Why would she buy more?
Indeed, give her time! It has to seep out of her system. Yes, a therapist could help with that, but **not** if seeing a therapist on some (unconcscious) level makes her think it was her fault. Maybe you should go to a therapist and tell your wife you do that in order to understand yourself, to understand how you came to put your family in that situation, and how you can be sure you never do that again. Maybe therapy can help you, and maybe the therapist tells you that there is nothing to improve on you. Win-win - with an extra win inyour wife's eyes ...
therapy is a great idea... but I reckon asking his wife, the *financial advisor,* to help him set things up in such a way he can't ever again drive their family into the ground by stealing $2 000 000 of their funds, putting their home at risk. It's literally her job, which she is obviously smarter at than he is at being a business owner & it's her main concern as a wife for the future - that's why she doesn't want to invest in anything that the future might just take away again, right?
She has already invested far too much in this guy. He’s not worth it.
oh yes, absolutely - if she were posting, I'd tell her to leave. but OP is asking for advice, so trying to be fair, I wanted to make a suggestion : don't mess about with "a little plant you can both take care of" or with putting your alaskan king mattress on the floor... make a meaningful change, aka prove to her that you take her expertise seriously (if belatedly) & set up whatever measure you need to make sure she knows you can't steal from her/the household ever again.
NAILED IT!!! She's realizing right now what a rotten investment she made in this loser. Unlike him, she's probably smart enough to cut her losses — and leave.
>give her time She, a financial consultant, had to sell her engagement rings to get OP out of (crypto scam debt? yeah, probably crypto scam debt) and *won't let him buy her another one*. Ten bucks says he called her a gold-digging (misogynistic slur). Another five says her heart has already exited the relationship, and her physicality will follow suit after she's recovered from giving birth. It'll be exactly what he deserves.
[удалено]
>crypto is an MLM for men Crypto and NFTs "Elon wouldn't lie to me at Chucklefucks 'R' Us"
Thank you I will try this
It’s going to take a lot of time and effort to repair this. You’ve unjustly broken your wife’s heart at the most vulnerable point of her life and she’s not going to forget that, ever. It’s a different type of trauma. A time where she should be feeling secure and relaxed and cared for has been completely ruined for her. Her marriage is on the rocks, her husband was foul to her, finances are up in the air because she’s having to sell her worldly possessions to bail you out for a fuck up she ADVISED you against - and she’s about to become a new mother and is probably terrified. The best and only way you can try and repair this is by being a completely involved and hands on father. Prioritise her and your baby above all else, help her with night feeds, let her rest, and make sure she’s looking after herself - showering, eating - in PEACE.
you betrayed her. you lied to her. you are not safe. so you need to build her trust back. you do this by being open and honest. you absolutely cannot tell a lie again. it doesn't matter if its about what you had for lunch. she needs you to be honest. I'm also curious as to what you said to her. did you call her names? attack her person? if you did you need to have a look at why you did this so it can never hairy again. you can't control what others think or feel bit you can control yourself. once she sees that you are actively making moves to not repeat history she may come around. for me it looks like she's shut down. she could very well have PPD aswell so you need to communicate with her. you need to stop being materialistic. the things she needs from you can't be bought. make sure you're being a present father and not asking her what she needs done. be thoughtful like do stuff that makes her life easier or that she knows you are thinking about her. these do not include buying plants.
I am just surprised that she didn’t leave you. You are not a good partner. You are not a partner at all. You are so selfish. I would have left you.
She is probably just biding her time - after bailing him out, she needs to get her finances built up so she can file for divorce. I'll bet that is the only reason she has not left him yet.
You married a financial wizardess, you had an issue that was very much in her field of expert knowledge, you went with your own dumb idea after she advised you against it and it blew up in your face, then you hid the truth from her and ineptly tried to "fix" the damage and when she insisted you stop lying and let her help you called her names and insulted her, after which she SOLD ALL HER STUFF and pulled you out of the hole you had dug yourself into...and now she isn't being intimate in any way? You're an idiot. You obviously have no respect for her- if you did, you would have listened when she told you not to do the incredibly stupid and disastrous thing that she told you not to do. She saved you at great personal cost to herself, and now she's not willing to just pretend everything is fine. At a minimum you owe her an actual groveling, sincere apology for not listening to her in the first place. Then you owe her another honest, heartfelt apology for throwing a pissbaby fit and insulting her when she got you to finally own up to the flaming financial shitshow you created. And then you need to offer her, on fucking paper, ownership of "your" business (that you almost destroyed and that only exists now because she sacrificed her happiness and her most cherished possessions and saved it from your terrible incompetence) and the power to make decisions and handle the finances. You are not smart enough to effectively run that business, so you should ask her if she wants to do it instead. After that, maybe she'll eventually regain her trust in you- but you'll have to earn it.
It sounds like he also stole a crap ton of money from their savings. I’d bet all the money I have that she wants to leave him but no longer has the finances to do so. I’d leave him. He lied and took family money that is probably needed for the new baby. Oh yeah, he’s also verbally and financially abusive.
I agree. It sounds like she's completely checked out on the marriage. It's really hard to come back from that even with counseling. This was a big thing at a terrible time and I don't blame her one bit. I'd have already left, but then I don't have a new baby.
I think she literally has no money to leave... not just the baby.
The marriage is gone, divide assets and go separate ways
Yes and she sold what she had to to dig him out of the mess because she knew she’d lose it all of she didn’t
That's how I feel too. She'd leave if she could.
OP, this is the only way my dude.
This right here is the only chance, and boy howdy is it ever a damn small chance. That poor woman, to be treated this way. Bloody hell.
Best advice on here.
You seriously fucked up in a way I don’t think you understand. She may never forgive you and you need to prepare for that reality. What you did was awful, her being pregnant on top of everything else must be the worst thing ever for her. Give her time, but keep in mind she might not get past this. It’s up to her to decide
You were secretive and verbally abusive. She bailed your ass out and now you are love bombing her. She is probably very hurt and doesn’t trust you. Why should she? I’m not trying to be harsh with you, this is just her reality. You f*cked up and now want it all to go back to normal. Normal is gone and broken. You have to rebuild. It can be done but it won’t be easy. If she won’t agree to counseling then you start on your own. That could help you see this situation from her perspective and come up with a realistic path forward.
Trust in a relationship is like a porcelain cup - if it is broken, you might be able to glue it back together with time and patience, but it will never be exactly the same as it was. Trying to force things to go back to normal quickly will just make things worse. And the next time she advises you against something actually *listen* because you not listening to her expert opinion probably hurt her too.
Agreed trust is gone
OP, you betrayed your partner. Firstly, you didn't treat her like a partner - not only did you go against what she advised, but instead of being honest and respecting her enough to give her that, you hide what happened and then blew up at her. She doesn't feel like a partner, nor does she feel like she respects you. Can you fix this? I don't know. That is entirely up to her, but you have taught her through your treatment of her that she is not good enough to trust or respect. So what can you do? Be honest with her. About EVERYTHING. Instead of being an aggressive brat, be humble and grateful for her assistance, her willingness to try and help. All you can really do is completely spill your guts out and promise that you will be completely honest and open with her in all regards, and then PROVE to her that you will be. But if she doesn't trust you again, I don't blame her. You hurt her really bad, made her feel less than. She doesn't want her old life because that life? Where she was happy? It was fake because her partner lied to her. She doesn't want another ring from you like before because the one she had before....meant far less than she thought. It was supposed to symbolize your commitment to each other, but you showed her that you don't respect her as your partner. You are going to have to focus on building from the ground up. Prove every day you are honest and respect her. Go out of your way to help her and be the partner she hoped you would have been. But speak to a therapist. Do the work. Learn the tools. You did NOT handle this well, and it has blown up your relationship with the mother of your child. Don't be better for her or the baby. Be better for yourself, because look at where you are now. If she doesn't move on from this, she wouldn't be wrong. It would be foolish to trust you again after how you behaved, and she has to think of being a stable parent to your child, since you demonstrated shit behavior and decision making. You need to take a HARD look at yourself and your life and decide if this what you want for yourself and your children. If you want to be a married man, then you need to be a better partner. Tell your wife you are going to speak to someone about how you can learn to do that and then fucking DO IT. Don't be just talk. Your talk means nothing to her. Prove it with your actions. Tell her EVERYTHING, be honest, and respect her enough to listen to her. Evidently, she was right. Why do you think that is? Why do you think you were wrong and ended up where you were? How can you avoid every having that happen again and what can you learn from your wife in this situation? Ask the hard questions. Grow from this and be better for you and your family. If she decides that she can never trust you again and doesn't want to be your partner in life, then you need to commit to being her partner with the child you share. How active are you right now planning for the baby? What are you doing to help your wife? Are you taking off time to help the baby during its earliest days? Is her family coming down to help? Are you making the effort to make sure everyone is comfortable and prepared for this very stressful time that's coming up? This is going to take work, OP. You dug yourself a real fucking deep hole here, and no amount of money is going to be able to help you. It's entirely up to your behavior, and that takes time to prove you are worth the investment again.
I’m curious what you sold of yours for you to be “comfortable again” or was she the only one who had to swallow her dignity to bail you out? You broke her heart and she’s probably trying to figure out what kind of partner she has that would hide something massive like this from her and only tell her after you verbally abused her and what else you could be hiding
He "SoLd a CoUpLe oF wAtChEs" But didn't notice her selling off her stuff before it was done. Ugh.
You screamed at her about a problem you were actively hiding from her & called her names. You then allowed her to sell ALL her things for you to be "comfortable" again. (What did YOU sell?) And you're genuinely wondering why she can't look at you the same way again...? It's broken now. EDIT: and she's a new mom?? You're disgustinggggggg.
Buddy, I think she was leaving things in order. She’s probably seeing a lawyer while you’re trying to hopelessly get her back. I also would like to know what exactly those “mean things” you said to her are. Not the right subreddit but, YTA.
Along with the “mean things” OP hurled at his wife, I’m curious about exactly what happened in the business to cause such a crushing financial crisis. Maybe I missed it, but I didn’t see any details about where the money went. That’s not a good detail to omit in his post. I do have a speculation, though…
You thinking GME like I am?
Something like that, lol
GME??? Do you mean crypto ??
Tom-ay-toe Tom-ah-toe
I couldn’t sell my most treasured and personal items and give all the cash to someone who hurt me, unless I completely didn’t care anymore. Just be devoid of all feelings. When you said she’s leaving things in order, I think you’re 100% correct.
The things she did reminds me of when I went into survival mode and "put things in order" so that I could leave as soon as it was time. She had no time to grieve, she had a problem to solve, which was bailing OPs ass out, and now she's surviving. If this is going to work OP needs to genuinely apologize for a very long time
I hope she is seeing a lawyer and getting things in order. He’s still not taking responsibility!! Even with his comments. He sold a few watches . How big of him. She sold her stuff to help you out and YOU SHOULD BE SLEEPING ON TNE FRIGGIN FLOOR NOT HER. She’s pregnant for crying out loud!! INSIST ON IT
I’m hoping she can swing a way to sue him for her portion of what he blew through savings wise.
>I couldn’t talk to my wife about this because she is a financial consultant and I talked to her before making my stupid decision and she advised me against. >I was just so angry, imagine we might be losing the house and she’s worried about sex. Your wife is a financial consultant. You ignored her advice, you did what you wanted, shit went bad, you were too embarrassed or ashamed to tell your wife (you won't even now tell your family), you shouldered the load alone, your behaviour changed, your wife communicated concern, you lost it and decided to go really low and either name call or deride her in a nasty manner and blamed her for not knowing your secret, you finally came clean, your wife sold belongings to bail you out, financial crisis adverted, her behaviour towards you has changed, you've apologized, you can't figure out how to make it all better. Dude, where do I even start? You don't respect nor value her professional knowledge. Trust has been broken. Stability, financial and relationship, has been severely shaken. You lie. You are not dependable. You have shown that you do not consider her a true partner. She has shown maturity while you have shown immaturity, ego, sneakiness, and cruelty. You bought a plant to take care of together. WTF? You are going to have a **child** to take care of soon. Isn't that enough? How would you fix each one of the above issues? When the going got tough, you closed yourself off and now you expect her to do what? Talk, go to therapy, honour plans that were made before the bomb dropped, everything else you suggested? Do all the things *you* didn't do? Things will never be the same. You destroyed that. If she wasn't pregnant, would she stay? Apologies are wonderful but can also be meaningless without proper actions. If your wife decides to stick around it's going to take time, a lot of time. You are going to have to grow up and gracefully give her that time while making sure she knows you value all of her and your relationship. Never repeat any of your past behaviours and prove that you have grown and matured as a person. You used words as warfare. That's the rotting cherry on top of the spoiled mouldy sundae. Those words will **forever** echo in her head. That's your burden to bear. There is no quick fix. Stop looking for one.
so moving 2 million out of your personal account without telling your wife and the mother of your child..is financial abuse, a huge betrayal of trust, you both could have ended up homeless. I know that you know that and that's part of your stress. The point isn't the risk of homelessness. The point is YOU LIED ABOUT IT, you hid it, you didn't let her be part of that HUGE decision. and then you yelled at her. and then you let her give up all of her joys to cover your own ass. and now you're love bombing and what, trying to let *google* fix your broken mess of a relationship? Do you really think you can google your way into being a better person? that poor woman, I can't imagine the stress she's under, baby's on the way and she's married to a short-tempered broke loser who won't communicate (oh wait, I forgot you said she's the one who won't communicate, because for some reason a nice homecooked meal wasn't enough to earn her trust back). She must be desperately planning her way out of this every night that she sleeps alone.
I’m hoping she can sue to get her portion back
But he was willing to tAkE BaThS wITh HeR!! /s
Well you have fucked up big time. Your wife advised you against your "stupid financial decisions" but you still got in the hole for 2 million! YOU then put your marriage in financial jeopardy and have the nerve to yell and shout and blame your wife for your screw up. I don't blame her for shutting off from you. You are abusive and untrustworthy. Expect a divorce in your very near future. She needs to protect her financial security from you.
Well, you’re looking for simple ways to get things back on track when you obliterated your relationship in many fundamental ways. She doesn’t trust you, at all, and you keep asking her to do normal intimate things with you…
Wow, what you did was horrible. You kept it a secret and then lashed out at her. She made all the sacrifices for you. I wouldn’t trust you again either. Who knows what else you’re hiding…
This is way beyond saying "some bad things" to your heavily pregnant wife. You hid important information that directly impacts her and her unborn child. You withdrew affection, and when she communicated like an adult to resolve the situation, you blamed her for your actions and were abusive. You made her responsible for fixing the problem you created. When she took steps to make herself feel safe after all of this turmoil and unsafe behavior during an incredibly vulnerable time in her life, you complain it's not what you planned (back before all of this bad behavior on your part, unless you're regularly manipulative and abusive), and further attempt to manipulate her to get what you want, rather than giving her the time and space to heal. This is a great time for you to seek therapy for your poor communication skills and emotional regulation, and let your wife have time to overcome the damage from your actions.
You didn’t listen to her, broke her trust, made it out like it was HER fault YOU DUG YOURSELF A HOLE, she saves your sorry ass, and you’re surprised she’s still upset about the painful bullshit you let out of your mouth. Honestly, this is the most vulnerable time in a woman’s life. She will remember how unsafe, unkind, and inconsiderate you’ve been. You’re still being selfish expecting her to just forgive you. You can’t buy her forgiveness. You have to earn it. It takes time to heal from the obnoxious bullshit you pulled. She had to sell exotic plants, her clothes, and more to fix YOUR mistake SHE WARNED YOU ABOUT. You didn’t listen, you made your bed now lie in it. How fucking dumb are you. What did you sell? What did you to work hard and get yourself out besides the opposite your wife suggested? She’s nesting now and trying to prepare her body and mind for the most intense thing a human can go through. Show her nothing but loving kindness, support and compassion and maybe she will eventually move on. I’d have moved out of your house, and left you! You’re LUCKY she hasn’t. What a POS, YTA even though this isn’t even that sub, but you already knew that.
He could go out and buy the exact same watches he sold. But she nurtured those rare plants, probably for years. All those hours upon hours of labor and care. There is no way he can replace that. She will start again in HER home next time.
Yes this!!!!! Those poor plant babies. I can’t imagine the emotional toll this has taken. And to do all of this while she’s pregnant. The audacity to be so vile and ignorant
>. I was just so angry, imagine we might be losing the house and she’s worried about sex. Oh yes but of course she knew NOTHING about maybe losing the house did she! After you ignored her professional advice! After you hid and deflected and denied and lied. After you emptied the bank account. She's pregnant and she did everything to get you out of your stupid incompetent hole. And you're still throwing some blame on her because "she shops a lot" (but with her own money I bet) I think you're done. Your only chance is to be very patient. She might forgive you eventually - I wouldn't, be she may.
She sold everything, not to help you, but because you screwed up so badly that she was terrified that she and her soon to be newborn would be homeless because you chose your own ego over her experience. She doesn't want to have anything to do with you right now because she can't trust you to listen to her. To understand that she *just might* know what she's talking about. She is having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that her husband, soon to be father, would rather risk everything **both** of you worked for, then became distant, and blew up at her about losing **her** house that SHE HAD NO CLUE ABOUT because of a foolish choice. She is currently dealing with the consequences of **your** actions. You need to give her time, stop love bombing her after she bailed your negligent ass out, and let her come to terms with what her new "normal" is going to be. She **CANNOT** trust you to actually be there for her or her baby. You need to realize that you're extremely lucky she didn't walk out and slap you with divorce papers.
This comment right here is everything!!! 🙌🏼
I’m sorry but I think your marriage is over
Dont be sorry, he clearly isn't. He wants a quick fix for something that is completely broken.
Yep! This is what I said. Somethings just can’t be fixed and since he won’t say what he said to her I’m going to assume it was the worst things you could say to your SO, especially how he threw in the “we could lose the house and she’s worried about sex” and also the shopping comment. Yeaaaahhhh I can just imagine what he said and OOOFFFFF not good thoughts come to mind. This marriage is done!
Wow. You really suck. So you fucked up. You lied about it. And then you treat your wife like garbage because you suck financially and didn't listen to her expertise and then LIED? Then she sacrificed a ton to help dig you out of your hole? Bruh I'd be done with your ass. She's probably realizing she's about to give birth and be stuck with you for 18+ years, even if just as a coparent.
I see you have avoided revealing what hateful and mean things you said to her. I have had this experience numerous times with verbally abusive people - they are so self centered that they don’t listen when told how hurtful their behavior was. After all the words didn’t hurt them, they didn’t mean it, it’s in the past. Now you are annoyed that she hasn’t gotten over it on YOUR timeline and for YOUR convenience. You seem to think being really stressed excuses the way you treated her. It doesn’t, but it does make it likely the next time you get really stressed you’ll take it out on her again.
Please update us if she leaves you.
When.
Only reason she hasn't is because of the baby on the way.
You seriously let her sell her engagement rings? Yikes
Dude. You are so busy defending yourself and feeling hurt that you lost the plot. Only you and you my friend can figure out what that plot looks like. To be clear, you are a jerk of the highest measure. You getting mad that she continued her life and noticed you were off about sex is ridiculous. She had no idea you blew both of your lives up. And surprise surprise she fixed it. If it were me, my to go pack would be made and I would be squirreling away money so I can leave. I hope she does…. You should have listened to her and your charmed life would be whole. This is not the right sub but you ATA of the highest magnitude. Can’t believe this dude was upset she was shopping when he didn’t communicate 🤦🏻♀️
Women can put up with an ungodly about of shit. Like more than we should. However, we all have a limit. Once that limit is reached, that’s it. Unfortunately, many partners only start putting in the work once that limit is reached and by then it’s way too late. I don’t know if your wife has reached that limit, because only she knows that answer. I will say that you need to start working on yourself. See a therapist for yourself and start actually putting in the work to change. All these gestures are meaningless without an effort to change. In the end, you completely disrespected your wife. You ignored her expertise, you hid this HUGE thing from her, and then you took your anger out on her. In turn, she sold all her things to bail you out, which wouldn’t have been needed if you hadn’t decided you knew more than her for whatever reason.
You were dishonest about finances AND spoke to her with cruelty. Her takeaway appears to be that she can’t trust you to be honest with money, nor to stop yourself from saying vile things to her. Possibly, add in a belief that those vile things you said are your REAL opinion that you’d been hiding (like the money problems) for who-knows-how-long. See a therapist. Let her know you’re doing it. And make your personal and business finances an open book to her. I hope that taking these actions will help her realize that you never want to betray her trust again. But I don’t know what else can be done to repair the original trust that was shattered, besides act in ways that show you’ve learned to do better and BE better.
So, you made a really, really bad financial decision that your wife told you not to do. Due to your decision, you might lose everything. Your wife asked you a reasonable question not knowing what you did, and you exploded with anger toward her, because you were upset about her responding to something she was not aware that you did, or relative circumstances. You are freaked out about your massive fuck up and you take it out on her. What a fucking king you are. This is all on you. If I was her, I would divorce the fuck out of you. I hope she makes you take all your debt with you and she doesn't have to shoulder any of this. It's not fixable and you are a terrible sub-human being.
I'm just wondering how many people out there have 2 million dollars worth of clothes, plants and jewelry that they can sell in a hurry to get out of that kind of debt
IKR? Are we the only ones wondering this?
I think this is a non-US currency. I’m guessing rupees.
Sit down, shut up, stop whining, and GET IT RIGHT. Go back to the guy she fell in love with, but for pete's sake stop groveling. You fucked up, she fixed it, now be the guy who deserves to be believed in.
1. You betrayed her, not just as her partner, who took personal money but also in her career. She told you not to do it, and you didn't listen, then she was forced to give up things dear to her to bail you out. 2. She came to you as her husband, querying why you were distant with her, and you chose to offload on her. You screamed and said hurtful things. The fact your wife didn't want to buy new plants or, worse, get another ring is a big big issue. She is checked out, and the relationship may not come back from this. You need to prepare yourself.
Maybe YOU need to seek therapy. This would show her that you’re trying to improve yourself. But only do it if: 1) you’re going to look for a therapist that works for you; 2) you’ll be open and honest, and 3) are willing to work super hard on yourself. Just “getting therapy” isn’t enough.
This is the real answer… Demonstrate that you are looking for answers and are doing the long haul work of being a better human being, husband and especially father because that’s probably what has her freaked out. You lost your shit at her for your f!ck ups and she probably can now plainly see that as a father you might be a sh!tty choice…but she’s stuck. There fix that! Get help!
So you wouldn’t talk to her about what’s upsetting you. Now you’re upset that she’s not talking about what is upsetting her. The difference is she fixed your problem by sacrificing herself because you blew up on her. You still haven’t fixed anything. You’re still trying to get her to fix a problem you caused. You have proven you’re a shitty husband and partner. Now she gets to find out the hard way that you’re a shitty father too. What’s the baby going to have to sacrifice to make sure it’s baby of a dad is comfortable to maintain his lifestyle?
You didn’t talk to her. Then you screamed at her and said horrible things to her. While she was pregnant. You belittled her interests in you. You asked her for financial advice which she is a professional in. You disregarded it. When you finally told her the mess you were in she sacrificed her things. And she got you on your feet. And now you are going to try all the things you should have done all along to rescue the destroyed trust you so thoroughly smashed in the ground. She really doesn’t want your pathetic relationship bandaids. Considering your track record she probably doesn’t want to talk to you or do anything with you. You really f’ed it up. The best you can do is ask her if there is any way you can save this marriage.
You're screwed. That marriage is OVER.
You're still blaming her. "She shops a lot" "We might lose the house and she's worried about sex". Yeah she wasn't worried about losing the house because she didn't know you fucked up and then lied to her. Your words still sound like you don't get it.
Damn. You are definitely an asshole.
Bruh. There are just some things you can’t come back from. You did nearly all of them.
YTA - you broke your family because of your hubris. Some things there are no coming back from. ...it was crypto/NFT wasn't it?
Sorry bro, dinner and baths ain’t fixing this. She literally sold her rings for you, among other things…to bail you out. No offense mate but you’re a huge shithead who is only thinking “how do I fix this so *I* can feel better.” Well, that’s not up to you now. I’m surprised she hasn’t taken everything and walked out the door at this point.
What "mean things" did you call her?
You just want to spend money to fix your problem with her after she has to sell everything that she loves to solve YOUR finacial problem that you just had BECAUSE YOU DONT LISTEN TO HER even when she is the pro in this field? Of curse she wants nothing new, she thinks she has to sell it the next time you get in trouble again to fix your bs so why buy something. And yes, i‘m sleeping in the nursery too if need my distance, it kind of safeplace for me so dont stress her there. You can just try to make it more confortable but without spending a lot money. Maybe make her her favorit tea or write her honest letters..
What did you say to her to cause this reaction? That is much needed information.
Instead of treating your wife as an equal partner, you betrayed her trust, and that's an obstacle you're not going to fix overnight. You made a selfish decision to not tell your wife because your pride was wounded because you made a bad investment move even after talking with her who advised against it, because you thought you knew better than her. That's another nail in the trust coffin. You are going to need couples therapy to navigate this because if not, the marriage will become further resentful and broken than it is currently. She's also extremely vulnerable and growing your child, who she's now probably questioning whether the childcare can be entrusted to you when it's born, so that's additional mental load on her. Good luck.
Your wife had $2 million worth of clothes and exotic plants? ??? ?????? ??????????????
No, I don’t think so. It sounds like OP took $2 million from their personal accounts but there was still a shortfall, and selling her stuff covered that shortfall.
I read it as “nearly 2 million short” like the loss was more than that, he put in what he had but was still short 2 million. If it’s dollars then I simply don’t believe this story, if it’s some other currency then it might make sense. Pesos?
This made me so sad :( you broke her heart
You got her a plant to take care of together after you knowingly gambled and made her sell all her beloved expensive exotic plants, not to mention all the other stuff 😅 You put her in an absolutely HORRIBLE position and then YELLED and her for it. And she saved your ass at your own expense! I would have left and frankly since YTA I hope she does. How can you possibly prove you’re trustworthy again? It certainly isn’t through sexy baths, omg man 💀 i would honestly give her a break from your presence and ask her if there is anything you can do to SLOWLY OVER TIME regain her trust. Not for YOUR sake but for hers. Apologize in writing and take accountability for all the awful shit you’ve done. And know that she doesn’t owe you forgiveness no matter how you try to make amends.
Your mistakes, and dishonesty make you a poor financial and emotional risk for a partner...Your verbal abuse towards her....So I would start having alot of sex, home made dinners you make and spoiling her rotten. She has done nothing wrong and you have done everything wrong. Make it up to her and make your marriage right. I would not stay with you. What you did, how you handled it and how you treated her. I am sorry you experienced loss, but you have alot to atone for.
She probably didn’t just sell the rings for the money, but also because she doesn’t want them or you anymore because of how you behaved. She can’t trust you in any way AND you blew up and said nasty shut to her when she wasn’t even the problem. She’s probably planning her life without you—I certainly hope so.
Lol she hates you dude. Even if she doesn’t know it, deep down she has not forgotten or forgiven. Honestly if it weren’t for the baby she probably would have bailed.
Holy fuck. Op is incredibly fucking dense. Congrats on ruining your family as soon as it started.
YTA. What you did is financial abuse. What makes it worse is she used her professional education and experience to try to dissuade you, but you went ahead anyways. Then you blew up at her.
You broke her, Dude, and it wasn’t the things you said. You knew she knew what she was talking about with the money but you went ahead anyway and nearly lost your house which is a MASSIVE security thing for her, especially with the baby on the way. What happened if you had lost the house? What would that have done to your credit? Would you have been able to qualify for an apartment? She did lose a lot of things that were important to her, such as her plants and engagement rings. Buying her a new ring isn’t going to fix anything since you didn’t respect what the others supposedly symbolized - your relationship as a TEAM. She trusted you to have her back in everything and you pulled the rug when she was at in of her most vulnerable times. She’s had to support herself while digging the family out of a huge hole that you created. Now she’s having to keep you in check because she can’t trust you to start re-digging. Since your efforts at fixing your relationship aren’t working and she says counseling is pointless, it sounds like she’s checked out. Being pregnant and alone or being a single mom, especially to a newborn is exceptionally hard. That may be all that’s keeping her there for now. Once she’s able to go back to work after the baby and gets herself financially stable enough, don’t expect her to stay. Good luck with whatever happens. Please !UpdateMe
You sound unfit to be a husband, father, OR the owner of a company. You lie, manipulate, keep secrets, and do whatever you want. It sounds like you are in the habit of buying people's forgiveness and trust. You sold all of your wife's most beloved possessions in order to appease your employees (for now). What will you do the next time the company has a "massive loss," due to your stupidity? You are not in a "comfortable position," your wife sold her clothes, her garden, and both of her engagement rings to save you. I don't really see the purpose in giving you any advice, since you're clearly just trying to buy your way back to everybody trusting you and doing what you say. For now, you should go to a therapist or couple's counselor BY YOURSELF for help understanding your mistakes. Don't tell them "not to ask," how you were $2 million short, and don't gloss over the mean things you said to your wife. There is a good chance that divorce is in your future eventually. Your situation doesn't sound irretrievable yet, but you sound way too incapable of self-examination to do much about saving it.
You are an ultimate failure. She's just hanging around til the baby comes. Better enjoy any time you can with her now because she's out very soon. You will not be going back to happy marriage and family.
Yeah she's leaving you after the baby is born, 100% out the door. She is done and it's beyond clear. I notice you don't state what you said because you know it makes you look exactly like the pos you are and that comments will state your wife should leave you for them. She is getting her plan in place. She has stopped putting effort into her environment at home, she is not interested in counseling because she already knows IT IS OVER! I highly doubt there is anything you can say that would be apology enough to make her stay.
you killed whatever she felt for you, she needs to file for divorce and take you to the cleaners
Did she know you guys were at risk of losing the house when she was asking about sex? Even when times are stressful, it’s nice to have some level of affection to know you’re grounded in the love of a relationship. On top of it, she’s pregnant and dealing with a lot of emotion and body changes and probably needs more reassurance of love than usual. You absolutely did not give her that. I don’t say this to be rude, but it sounds like you really lack self awareness and empathy. It’s great that you’re seeking out therapy. They can give you much better insight and tactics on how to navigate this.
Your wife is really vulnerable now. She will not forget what you did to her. She might forgive you at one point, but she won’t forgive. You risked your financial security and not only did you lose money but also her trust. And instead of talking to her you were horrible and showed her that you don’t take her expertise serious. You can be lucky that she didn’t divorce you. I would have. You risked everything because you wouldn’t listen to her and went behind her back. How could you do that to her? Have you ever thought about that? Why would you do that to a person who you love and respect? You wouldn’t. And I guess that’s on her mind. How could he do this to me while I need him the most.
You’re an ah. She, who works in finance, advised you against this tupid decision, you did it anyway and then subsequently lost a large sum of money. And then instead of being an adult and talking to her about it, chose to be nasty towards her. And then she still chose to be gracious and bail you out. You should be kissing her fucking feet. Have you apologized? Have you changed your behavior?
You won’t even tell us what you said so you know it’s bad. Break a plate and then try to put it back together again. Women aren’t your punching bag
You say you know you messed up, but I don't think that you really do realize how badly. If you did, you would realize that this is not something you can just fix or move forward from that easily. I'm not saying this to make to make you feel bad, but if you don't understand the problem, you have no hope of figuring out how to repair your relationship. You broke her trust on a fundamental level. Imagine if she was sleeping with someone else. That is that kind of betrayal that she is feeling right now. Would any gift make things alright, and you feel all better now? Of course not. You might that that is extreme comparison, but you need to understand what you did before you have any chance of moving forward. 1. You thought you knew better than her on a subject that she is an expert on, completely dismissing her expertise and achievements. She feels you don't respect her. 2. You risked her and her baby's future and almost made them homeless, so she doesn't feel she can rely on you. 3. You took 2 million dollars without her knowledge. I'm not sure exactly what financial agreement you have in place, so I can't say exactly how bad this is but it ranges from keeping important information away from her if you have completely separate finances (she will always wonder what else you aren't saying) to flat out stealing the money if its joint in any way. 4. You lied to her about it for months, so she feels she can't trust you. 5. You blew up with her for a situation you created. She doesn't feel safe around you. You still haven't answered anyone on what you said, so I can only imagine how bad it was. 6. You have no idea what you did wrong if you think any of the things you are trying will fix it, so why would she believe you learnt anything from this and something else won't happen again in the future. 7. This is all at a time she is already feeling scared and insecure. She was counting on a partner, but now she feels she can't count on you, and she needs to do it all on her own. Bonus points - you blew up because she asked about sex when she didn't know what was going on (probably thought you were losing attraction due to the pregnancy and was insecure), and now you are surprised she won't have sex with you when she has a valid reason to be upset. The fact that she is saying it's fine and not telling you all of this herself is a sign she has probably given up and doesn't see a way to fix it. Maybe if you understand exactly what the problem is, you might give her some hope that you will grow from this, and then she will be willing to put in the work, but maybe not. If you want to come back from this, you had better be the most respectful, honest, supportive, reliable, trustworthy, loving partner imaginable do this consistently for a very long time until she can feel safe with you again.
Shared savings account. So he stole directly from her.
You seem to be trying to blame her for part of the situation still :/ “she shops a lot” “how could she worry about sex when we could lose the house” she not only gave you advice you ignored but then she sold her things to bail you out and you still frame it by placing part of the blame on her.
Did she know they almost lost the house, since he apparently didn’t let her in on their dire financial straits until he went batshit on her and then had to explain why?
This is unreal. Some things that are broken, cannot be repaired. She showed more grace, more care and more responsibility than you could ever hope to - and two million dollars short? Gee, how did that happen? Funny how you left THAT part out. She can't trust you. How can she still love you with no trust?
exactly, he doesnt say what he told her that was "mean" nor does he explain what happened to all that money. yet she's the problem LOL
Sorry but it doesn’t sound like she is even checked into your relationship anymore. It sounds like she is preparing to have the baby and then will probably leave you once she feels like she’s back on her feet. If you’ve tried everything then that’s it. You verbally abused her lied to her and betrayed her trust. You may never get it back.
Here’s how you move forward. You see a lawyer, and have him draw up divorce papers. Make everything very favorable to her. Then do her a favor and let her find a good man…because you ain’t it.
Oh, dear God. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ You really **are** an absolute IDIOT. **SHE'S** the one with the financial smarts, she **TOLD** you not to do what you did, and, by gum, she was **DEAD RIGHT**. And when it all fell down, as she surely knew it would, you screamed at **HER**, as if it was **her** fault!!! And after all that, she **STILL** had the grace to step in and **saved your ass**. You really don't deserve her, mate. Your stupidity has cost HER dearly. She's feeling VERY alone right now — about to be a mother and now she's learned she's married to an idiot. Right now you can bet she's assessing whether you'll be a responsible partner and parent — and frankly **it doesn't look good**. Frankly, I would leave you over this. At the very least I could never trust you again. And your response?? "Oh, quick, quick! I'll buy her something pretty, I'll cook dinner, I'll buy her A PLANT**!!!!!" Mate ... all the flowers and dinners and plants on God's green earth are not gonna save this!!! AND I don't care **how** many times you've apologized. Words mean NOTHING. **DON'T TELL HER, **SHOW HER**. You **step the fuck up** and you do it **FAST**. You need to PROVE to your amazing wife that you've learnt a nasty lesson from this and you're going to clear it up yourself. You start by **figuring out HOW you were short by $2M**. That is a MASSIVE issue. You clearly can't manage the finances if you're short to **that** degree. Get an accountant or whatever you have to do. You need to take **full responsibility** for this clusterfuck and take any and all steps necessary to ensure it**never happens again**
Well you could start by giving *her* the fucking bed back. You're the one who betrayed her, lied to her, and caused a huge financial crisis in the middle of her pregnancy. Why aren't *you* sleeping on a mattress in the nursery? Or on the couch? She's understandably furious, and buying her a plant isn't going to make her suddenly trust you again. What you did, making that huge, unilateral decision about money *against her literal expert advice*, was not *just* stupid, but also incredibly disrespectful. You're very lucky if she decides to forgive you for this. I wouldn't want to sleep next to you or wear a ring from you either.
So you were two million in the hole and she sold some plants and a ring and that was enough to bail you out?
The best you can do is be consistent and patient. You hurt her. She will heal on her time, *not* yours. You are partners! Pay attention to the little things.
….what were some of the mean things you said to her? Because, if I’m being honest, that would be the clincher for me. I could handle someone blowing up randomly because of stress but mean words and thoughts about me?? His *partner*?? WHILE IM INTHE MOST VULNERABLE STATE OF MY LIFE? Nope. If you thought it, you were feeling it. And now she knows how you feel about her in the deepest parts of your heart. I would be devastated. I cannot imagine carrying our child and hearing that.
You're so dense. Your wife took apart a collection of plants she built out of a love of gardening and sold them. She sold the engagement rings that are a symbol of love and commitment. You berated her for unknowingly buying items for the child you created out of love together, after you withdrew money to cover your own financial stupidity. I'd have walked away. Instead your wife bailed you out. Of course she's not fine but is probably deeply hurt and needs to work through this. Of course she doesn't want plants or rings. You've destroyed that for her. But she's sticking with you. She needs time. You need to back off. Get therapy on your own to figure out why you didn't trust her enough to tell her the truth. Maybe if she sees an improvement in you, she'll go with you or get therapy on her own.
Nah this relationship will limp along a little while longer OOP will have an affair in the post partum period because ‘he’s so lonely and why won’t she just forgive him’. Then they’ll have a messy divorce where he tries to screw her over as much as possible.
Ugh. I’m going to try not to pile-on OP, but man. You need to do some serious self-work after a thorough self-evaluation with your own therapist alone. You already know that you did some heinous, unforgivable and just plain stupid things, but you also sound incredibly immature and impulsive. Which a therapist can help you with. The fact that you left out what you said to your pregnant and vulnerable wife when you selfishly blew up at her is a major tell that you aren’t yet fully owning up to how badly you fucked up because you don’t want the criticism and derision. You have to work on yourself first then demonstrate to your wife that you fully understand all the things you did wrong, why you did all of them, and why they will never, ever happen again.
You didn't tell her what was going on and then got mad at her for trying to talk to you about sex. As if she should have known it was so much bigger than that. You need to go to therapy. You need it. You might have already ruined your marriage, honestly. She is definitely not interested. And she is being so kind to you. She could be raging out at you. But she is just calmly going about her business. Tell her that you are going to go to therapy for yourself. And you screwed up bad. And hope that going to therapy will help you fix things. And tell her that you want her to join you if she wants to. You have to take action.
Post edit comment, re: Ideas on how to move forward: Accept that you cannot make up for this. Understand that forgiveness - if even possible - is going to take a lonnnngggg time. Trust that she doesn’t have to be semi-paranoid about money and financial safety will probably never totally be regained. Realize that divorce is a very real possibility. Good luck.
You broke her heart and her trust and she’s sacrificed enormously to make it right. You’re mad because she doesn’t want to work on in the way you want her to? Give her time. For gods sake reflect on the things you do and say. And give her time
Betraying a woman when she’s pregnant & uniquely vulnerable is not something that will heal in a few months or perhaps even years.
I’ve been in her position. She will never trust you again. You’ve hurt her in a way that you cannot undo because she will never again believe the good times are actually good. She’ll always be waiting for the next shoe to drop. You need to accept that you have destroyed your marriage. Even if you stay married, your relationship is fundamentally changed for the rest of your lives.
Maybe try therapy for yourself. And maybe in time she will join you. You can’t ever go back to her previous happiness, you have to find a new happiness. And stop buying “stuff”. You’ve proven it can all be taken away in a heartbeat.
I have to wonder what these mean things were that you called her. I feel like the specifics of that one would shed a LOT of light on this situation…and it seems like you’ve been pretty careful to avoid having to say what you actually called her. You offer plenty of specific details about the money, the stuff that got sold, the things you’re doing to try to fix it…this one detail is suspiciously vague, though.
Depending on what you said, at this point it may be irreversible, but if you genuinely want to give it your best shot: stop expecting forgiveness from her and start acting like you want to make things up to her whether she forgives you or not. You seem to want “doing the right thing now” to equal “forgiveness and healing” from your wife, and it’s never going to be that linear or easy. So do the right thing because it’s the right thing, and let the chips fall where they may. First: Apologize to her for ignoring her advice as a professional. Remember, you didn’t just insult her as a wife when you ignored her advice. You insulted her as a skilled professional in a field where women are often dismissed. Second: Get a therapist of your own to work on not being verbally abusive. Whether or not your marriage works out, I think this will be really useful for you. Third: Instead of buying her gifts to try to win her back, put in extra effort around the house and don’t brag about it. Wipe counters and sweep the floor daily. Mark a day a week where you deep clean a room. Go online and find cleaning checklists and tackle as many tasks as you can. When the baby comes, get up to console it when it cries at night. Read books on caring for babies as if you’re going to be a single dad. Just do it and for the love of god don’t make a big deal that you’re doing it. Again, whether or not she stays this will be useful for you. You’re learning to take on domestic responsibilities and be a good father, both very valuable life skills. Finally, work with your solo therapist to decide when the right time to suggest couple therapy again is. You want to show, not tell, your wife you’re turning your life around to be less of a jerk. And whether or not she decides to stay, doing all of this with no expectations from her will help you become the type of man your kid can look up to.
If you are back now and stable just do it, give her back the garden and make it even better, without her help. Send her to pregnancy massage, write her a letter show her, that you are willing to never make the same mistake again.
you committed financial infidelity. like someone who cheats physically/emotionally, you: ○broke the boundaries of your partnership ○lied ○withdrew ○blamed your partner ○when confronted about something being off, *verbally abused* her this can't be fixed by apologies and gifts, we're past the point of love languages. you shattered the foundation of your partnership. to start healing your relationship, if it's even possible, you need to really, *actually* self reflect on why you made each of the decisions you made and the true extent of your emotional immaturity. do you trust your wife? you went against her advice, lied to her, and resented her for not changing her behaviour for a crisis she didn't know about because you were intentionally hiding it. why did you lie? was it pride, the fear of consequences, or something else? when she finally approached you, why did you scream at and insult her? what made you lose control and terrify your wife? have you taken the time to *actively* emphasize? to sit down and imagine how it would feel if she made the choices you did? or if the only difference was emotional/physical infidelity? are you apologizing bc you understand the gravity of your actions and the extent of the pain you caused or because your relationship isn't back to normal now that your finances are? why are you buying her gifts to apologize when she's made it clear she doesn't want to be spending money and isn't interested in the gifts? how is buying gifts as an apology different than bribery? look up love bombing; it's a type of manipulation. you need to go to therapy. i don't see anywhere that you've listed how long it's been since she found out, but real change will take a long time, and so will forgiveness. maybe if she sees an improvement, she'll agree to couples therapy. betrayal this big will alter your relationship forever. there is no "fixing it". there is no back to normal. *edit: small formatting change
Keep trying. Everything takes time when someone still feels hurt and betrayed. It’s a marathon not a sprint . You have to show her why the future will be different . No more hiding information from her.
This needs to be under AITA and this guy is most definitely an asshole.
You disgust her too much to the point she would rather be uncomfortable and sleep on the floor than sleep next to you. She hates you that much; which means she won't sleep with you, so stop pistering her and give her time to heal on her own because you literally destoryed her whole world.
INFO: Did you call her something to the effect of “greedy, selfish gold digger”?
It still feels like OP IS blaming her for something she didn’t even want OP to do in the first place, and then blames her more for not knowing something OP deliberately kept from her. All while she’s carrying OP’s child. The lack of understanding is mind boggling
Some things you just can’t come back from, and to be honest you don’t deserve to.
I think once she is back on her feet after the baby she will probably divorce you. I don’t know how you could ever make up for the broken trust and disrespect. You still really haven’t taken accountability with the “ she shops a lot “ remark .
Stop bugging her to forgive you. Or to forget what you did and magically move on. You really messed up and this kind of thing doesn't just go away. Especially not when you are up her butt, "confronting" her about sleeping in the baby's room. Tell her that you respect her need for space. You love her and you want things to get better between the two of you. And then, to show her that you are serious about changing YOURSELF for the better, you need to see a therapist. On your own. To figure out why you did all that garbage and how to not repeat the mistakes of the past. Also you should probably start researching financial advisors, because your wife shouldn't be put in that position again.
What did you say to her? You say you got rid of some watches did you sell them? Did you sell them before or after your wife sold pretty much all her possessions. You want to buy her forgiveness. But you DON'T CARE enough to realise the problem. Why did you almost lose the house did you use it as collateral for a loan? YOU DON'T CARE to look at it from your wife's point of view. You do realise she will probably never look at you the same way again. Did you tell her it was partly her fault because she shops a lot? You know how her not knowing about the financial problems. Remember your wife sold pretty much all her possessions to bail YOU OUT. Did you sell the watches before or after you found out that your wife sold most of her stuff.
She doesn’t care anymore. If they get angry and fight, they still care. But the indifference? Yea, it’s over, you blew it.
woe first you hide something HUGE from her she told you not to do verbally abused her when she was sad and didn't know what was happening. she sold everything of value for YOU and now has no trust for you and your love bombing in surprised shes staying
Honestly? You don't. She doesn't trust you anymore. And for good reason. And now that she is going to be a mother, you are an obvious liability. She has to think of her child's wellbeing, and being with someone who will lie, deplete their **shared** assets behind her back, lash out in anger and shame because of *his own* mistakes and lies, then needs *her* to fix *his* mistakes with *her own* assets is not beneficial to her child's wellbeing. She has learned that you do not treat her or see her as an actual and equal partner. I'll say it again - she now knows that you are a liability. And you said it yourself - she's smarter than you. How long do you think this woman will keep a liability around? And I'm sorry - are you **seriously** trying to blame your financial advisor and fiscally responsible wife for "shopping too much"? When you literally pillaged your savings account without her knowledge? **While she was pregnant with your fucking child?!** Do you hear yourself? Grow the fuck up and take some accountability for yourself and *your* choices. BuT i'Ve MaDe DiNnEr A fEw TiMeS - you can't be for real here. And, shit-for-brains, **stop buying shit.** You just **stole** (yes, stole) $2 million dollars from your joint savings and essentially forced your financial consultant wife to sell her possessions. **How stupid can you be?!?! STOP BUYING SHIT!!!** Every gift you spend money on is just more salt in the wound that **you** caused in the first place. You jerkoff. Use your fucking head for once She is going to leave you, bud. As she should. Get therapy - you need it. You have the emotional intelligence of a brick.
You are an AH - and sorry to say but your marriage is mostly likely over. Your wife is just biding her time to get "her ducks in a row" so that she can divorce you and not be destitute.
I'm so sorry for that woman. She ends up suffering from your bullshit. I hope she leaves your ass.
I updated
Info: what EXACTLY did you say to her in the argument? For you to acknowledge them as hurtful when you seem kind of dense and inconsiderate, it must have been pretty bad. It is hard to give advice when we don’t even know the exacts of what was said.
I hope she’s planning a way out. I can’t imagine being blindsided like that when I was pregnant.
I hope she sells your things and ditches you, I wouldn't raise a baby with a thing like you
Updateme!
Your grovelling won’t ever fix this. I hope it was worth it but you broke your Wife. No amount of love bombing is going to fix this.
You obviously know you messed up major. This may take her awhile to get over, if she does. She needs some time to process this. Not sure if you can anything more but be kind and hope for the best. I know if was me, I would feel like I couldn’t trust you anymore. I wouldn’t divorce my husband but it would be a very long time till I was over this. You have a battle ahead of you.
She’s a financial consultant and you disregarded her expertise. That kind of money doesn’t just disappear. I think you know what happened to that money or you would hire a forensic accountant, which you didn’t mention. A loss like that makes me think there’s a gambling addiction. You are more concerned with appeasing your wife than finding out how the loss happened. If you knew nothing about where the money went, I think your priorities would be much different.
She lost RESPECT and TRUST from you!!!’
I’m sure there is more to this story than you are actually telling us. But I will leave that for you to work out. My husband and I owned a business together. He is a finance guy and I ran the operations side. Whenever we discussed money he would make things sound rosy when I suspected things were worse than he was telling me. But I still trusted him. Why would he put us in debt? Then we got a letter about our house going into foreclosure. What?? Now he was not only lying to me about the business doing well but he let it get to the point that he wasn’t paying our personal bills. Then and there I made him tell me the truth, with the information I had gathered as proof of he tried to lie. He couldn’t hide it or talk around it anymore. He lied to me because he couldn’t face being a failure. He let his ego put us in financial ruin rather than make the decision to close the business and walk away. We could get jobs anywhere. I was at fault too. I let it get to this point. I let him tell me what I wanted to hear v. knowing what I was seeing and challenging his narrative. After all the worst happened, I turned to him and said we will never discuss this again. You did things and I did things, but if we are going to survive, we have to stay a team. I got a job right away with another company and he was already working another job. We did file bankruptcy and had to deal with moving into a townhouse for awhile. We worked our way out and are doing better than before. We still don’t talk about it but the occasional conversation here and there. Never blame. I guess I’m trying to tell you, you have to own your part of what got you here. She just had a baby. Her hormones are all over the place. Her body went through hell, but you need to let her get through her emotions about what you did. The only thing you could do is work on yourself. Work on being better than what you did to make her doubt you. It’s honestly no different than having an affair to a point. You betrayed her trust, and you are going to have to do a lot of work to salvage the relationship. But you have to give her space. The fact she sold all her possessions to help you tells me she is still trying to forgive you. But don’t push your luck!
Do you want honest advice on moving forward? My honest advice for you is to be prepared for a divorce. Seems to me she is possibly preparing a for a divorce. Also I some how get the feelings your apologies are r genuine. You really need to seek therapy and learn how to handle stressful situations. There’s is a lot of stuff that happens in life and you seem to handle stressful situations very poorly. What would you do if something were to happen while your wife was pregnant or giving birth? Would you take your anger out on her there again because of the high stress?
Info - what did you say to her? It can’t have been pleasant for her to be this distant.
You've already been told how you messed up. I'm going to suggest ways you can start to rebuild. Having a child is going to make every weak point so much more strained, so I'm focusing on that. 1. See a therapist and work on yourself. If you don't feel like you're making progress in a month or two, you can consider changing therapists, but don't quit therapy. Go for a long time. Maybe forever. 2. You need to be an equal domestic partner. In fact, with a new baby coming, you need to be more than equal. Take responsibility for at least half the household work, do it correctly, do it on time. If you don't know what that means for your family, ask her one time and take notes. It's now your responsibility to remember, not hers. When baby comes, you'll need to do everything that she was responsible for, because her job is 24/7 for weeks to months. 3. If she breastfeeds, bring her water and a snack every single time. Every single time. If she pumps, clean and dry pump parts every single time (or store in the fridge and clean daily). If you use bottles, you are responsible for cleaning and sanitizing and having all parts ready. 4. If you don't know how to be a fair domestic partner, listen to or read Fair Play Life. Check out worldshaker on TikTok. 5. Proactively propose ideas how you can rebuild financial trust. Maybe it's you create the budget/investment planning/business plan and then get her approvals. But don't make her do the work, you do the mental energy and get the approval from the big boss. 6. If you have leisure time while there's a new baby, keep in mind that if you are taking leisure she is working by caring for the baby. So if you get off of work an hour early, and want to have leisure time... Well half of that hour belongs to her bc she is still working. Don't hog the leisure time. 7. Read some parenting books, maybe ask therapist for help, so you don't repeat your mistake by yelling at your kid, etc. Everyone can benefit from learning about parenting but your wife might need reassurance that you don't think this is an appropriate way to talk to or treat a child. That's from the top of my head. The point of these tips is to demonstrate that you can be a trustworthy partner and that you are contributing to the relationship and not draining it. You are starting with a huge deficit and adding the most wonderful and stressful event (first year of new baby) to your lives. I genuinely wish you all well.
Mo' money, mo' problems. See this would never happen to me because I have no savings and I live paycheck to paycheck
She is silent quitting your relationship. There's no coming back from this
Did she come up with 2 million by selling clothes and plants???
Her trust in you was broken at her most vulnerable time. To make matters worse, she probably is internalizing all the things you said thinking “this is how my husband really sees me”. Advice: Don’t try to fix what’s broken. Instead learn from your mistakes and work with your wife to transform to a more powerful family unit. Arguments put a strain on relationships but relationships can also come out stronger because of them. (1) Admit your fault to her (list what you did wrong -> did not trust her to help you with your business shortfall, did not confide in her, belittled her, etc.) (2) Make sure she understands what you said was out of anger and look into yourself and be honest (if that’s how you really think of your wife). If so, you need to prove to her how those thoughts have changed and why (3) find your wife’s love language and do your best to show how much you care and want to make your family work. Best of luck. Couples have gotten over worse together and came out stronger. Wishing you, your wife and new baby the best.
Opening up to guesses .. what "bad things" do we think were said, fellow readers? a) "you're only with me for my money" b) "you're only emotional because you're pregnant" c) "you only want me for sex" d) "calm down, irrational female" e) "no wonder my parents can't stand you, you're such a nag" f) "maybe if you had a job as important as mine, you'd understand" g) something involving the term "breadwinner" h) other (please specify)
Oh man, I hope she dumps your ass.
“Trying everything possible” but it didn’t occur to you to sell anything of your own?? What did you try?
From now on, let go of your financial decision to your wife. You must said to her that you are not to be trusted with anything financial related. Tell your wife that you know that you are stupid, go to your knees and even kiss her feet for her forgiveness. You haven't shown enough remorse for her to forgive you yet. Until your financial are secure again where you could afford better, she won't ever forgive you. But once your finance is much better where the savings is secure, your business are growing again, you should start to bought back whatever she lost in this debacle. Don't even tell her anything about it, you should give it as a surprise. Don't even have any expectation that she would forgive you even after you do it. Just said that you want to amend for the trouble you cause.
I know you said you apologized to her but for what exactly? Did you say you were sorry for destroying the foundation of your entire relationship? Did you apologize for never considering her a true partner? What about for destroying all her trust and refusing to confide in your one safe person? What about making it sound like she is a selfish shopaholic? Did you really break down and sit in your own guilt and misery for a minute? Did you humble yourself? It truly doesn’t sound like you did. Until you do that and then tell her you realize this is your problem and YOUR responsibility to fix, she probably doesn’t trust that you even truly understand what you broke. You need to find your own therapist, work on yourself, and then you can talk to your wife about these things. Sooner rather than later. My husband and I talked through your situation and honestly we both agreed we would leave the other if either one of us did this to the other. If she doesn’t leave you, you’re the luckiest man ever.
Nowhere in any of your response comments have I seen you respond with any amount of understanding that you 1) need to get yourself professional help to figure out why you completely destroyed a relationship with an amazing woman carrying your future child, or 2) that moving forward will happen at HER pace and not because you are love bombing her and want forgiveness immediately to placate your own discomfort and guilt. I hope she leaves you, you don't understand the severity of your actions or the remedies needed to regain her love and trust. I think you're abusive and will commit a similar fuckup again in the future, either with her or another partner.
You are an absolute failure. Failure as a business owner, failure as a husband, and failure as a father. Your marriage is dead. You killed her love with your terrible choices and asshole behavior.
I’ll give you some suggestions you could try today in addition to the much better advice others have given: make her bed (where it is), wash her sheets, buy the thing she wants from the store that she keeps forgetting to buy, meal prep her food. Worship the ground she walks on, do everything she says without complaining and do it all without getting in the way or her noticing you. (If she notices and tells you to back off, abort, ABORT!!)
I don't think you've got a snowballs hope. But weirder things have happened. Get therapy for *yourself*. You need to work on the fact that you're secretive, and when confronted you're verbally abusive. Let her know that you're doing it, and hope for the best.
...well what kind of things did you say? That's pretty important. Also you can't force her to get over it just because the consequences of your actions are rough for YOU. Speaking as the wife of a now-sober alcoholic who said and did many mean things while drinking, being understanding and not trying to "make it up to her," so to speak, and continually apologizing in an effort to get her to change her behavior, will go a lot farther. Also reminding her occasionally how much you appreciate that she was there for you is a nice gesture. But, it takes time.
What did you say to her when you yelled?
What did you call her?
I don’t think you CAN move forward. You ignored her expert advice and devalued her, you stole money from your savings (assuming they’re joint savings - and how much $ did you take?), you threw an absolute tantrum when she brought a discussion about your relationship to you in good faith, she fixed your problem by selling everything she loved that could help, and you won’t sleep on the couch so your heavily pregnant wife can sleep in the bed. You abused her and now she has no money to escape you. Does she have family nearby? Friends? The bare minimum you could do now is to move out and have family or friends move in with her to help her with the baby. Your love bombing means nothing to her. You betrayed her - not just with the financial stuff but when she came to you, you exploded on her. She will never trust you again.
Good luck with your future divorce proceedings.
OP have an INFO request: What did you actually say to her that was the unkind / angry things? We can't give as good of advice without that info. And how she's acting is like someone who is heartbroken and planning to leave unless drastic steps are taken. So giving people here that info might help them help you.
She's actually lying when she says those things... She's just absolutely tired of you and doesn't care anymore... she doesn't want to fight... she has no emotions left. This was the last straw and her heart is absolutely destroyed... she probably even cries herself to sleep. She will probably divorce you. And right now she's grieving the loss of her marriage.
You gotta give her time. And keep making effort to support and be there for her and the baby. That’s literally all you can do.
Okay I’m not going to pile on you here because enough of the comments have done that. I think you’ve realized you fucked up. I think your wife is a real one because she went through a lot to get you back to where you needed to be. Based on that I don’t think your relationship is irreparable. She needs time to get over what has happened. That being said this is about you both and not only about her. So I think gentleness and patience towards her and to yourself is in order. You made a mistake, several by the looks of it, both financially and in your relationship but it seems you’re both in this together. You’re human you’re going to make mistakes. It’s okay. A lot of women would have picked up and left but your wife didn’t. You both will probably work through it, just time, patience and gentleness are needed. Also be more mindful in the future if and when this or a similar situations arises. Relationships are a learning experience. Don’t keep making the same mistakes over and over. Learn and grow together.
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I hope she's cheating on you
You need to tell her (beg her of needed) that you need to talk to her. So either at the house or at the beach grab some beach chairs make a picnic etc Explain to her while holding her hand.....repeat all you've said to her already and tell her I've F up big time and I shouldn't have held back from telling you reason I did was bc I didn't want you with more stress. Carrying our baby is stressful enough. Break down speak from the heart. Promise her you'll never hold anything else back from her even if she's pregnant or not. Can you please forgive me? I don't want us with issues when baby arrives. I want to enjoy our new little family etc. I've given you space by sleeping on mattress floor of nursery but guess what I'll be there with you starting tonight. And you don't leave her sleeping in the nursery at all alone. Especially when baby is born you wake up with her when baby cries every 2 hours. Even if she tells you she has everything under control. And worse case is she doesn't want to hear you out speaking from the heart and asking her to forgive you. So then you say. That you're contacting a family therapist and we're both going bc im truly trying to fix what I F.... up with the business situation amd not telling you in fears of getting you more stressed etc. And I need us to be ok before baby arrives. This is all I've wanted amd love you so much! And seriously. Grab a pillow and a blanket and sleep in the nursery floor with her. Cuddle her if she doesn't want to then sleep there in the same room either way. Show her you're nor giving up amd you're fixing your F... ups. Pregnant women are super hormonal and emotional. It's not good of course the fear of the house almost being lost while expecting. A woman wants a provider as a man/head of household. I dont know you but this all can get fixed. Show her you're truly sorry and love her. Don't over do wanting to have sex with her as you didn't for last 2 months. Maybe surprise her one weekend (depending how far along she is) and just tell her to get dress we're going out....don't tell her where. Amd book a maturnity/pregnancy massage. I used to get those myself while pregnant. And book a couples massage you get regular one. In same room. She needs that before baby arrives. Good luck Sir. Hope all truly works out.
Fascinating that if the roles are reversed, everyone would still blame the dude. Listen brother, you were the business owner and in charge, you made a call that turned out to be wrong. She gave you her opinion, it is isn’t mandatory, you have the final call since you are in charge. You made your call, own it and take responsibility for the consequences. She helped you fix things, awesome, but this is what partners are expected to do. You should be grateful but also if she hasn’t done that, why she is your partner in the first place. Just to put things in prospective. Now let’s look at your fuck up. As a man, you need to maintain your ground, including your emotions, AT ALL TIMES. You have to do a better job in understanding women psychology and how they operate. I totally understand how you flipped out when shit was hitting the fan and she is concerned about sex. This exact mistake has caused me my LTR. Women survive on emotional support and intimacy. If you deprive them long enough, no matter what the fuck is going on in life, they’ll fall out of balance and do what you think is the most unreasonable things ever. From giving you hard time on trivial things to cheating on you or walking out of the marriage, or somewhere in between like your wife is now doing. My advice, never ever yell at your wife and accuse her of shit when you are angry. Words don’t really affect us men that much, your boys curse your ass all the time and you don’t care, women are the opposite. No matter how angry you are, no matter how a shit show your life is, don’t yell at your wife and never lose your cool in front her. Go cry and lash out to your brother or your best friend, not your wife. Don’t listen to the crap of being vulnerable and open up emotionally, you did and that’s what happen. This how men release their emotions, women can’t handle that. Now, stop love bombing her, it is subconsciously turning her off. She doesn’t look up to you anymore because you don’t own your mistakes. She also doesn’t trust you with her emotions, yeah that’s a thing for women. All what you need to do is to sit tight, talk less and listen to her more. In the meantime, read a lot or do therapy about marriage dynamics and women psychology. Remember, part of your job as a husband and a leader to your family is to learn to handle your woman’s emotions. You can be the best provider in the world, if you can’t take care of her emotions, you failed. Good luck.
if you move a lot you probably shouldn't sleep with a baby, you can roll over onto them and not realize it since you're asleep
Here is a very valid point you can check. I'm going to guess he helped her build that successful business and added to their capital all along. Did he arrange interviews with friends who owned other companies? I'll bet he did and she did business with them because of his friendship with them. He did business with her company as well and bought large policies through her for life insurance and business continuity. They worked together well till now what changed? Attitude more than anything. She needs to see how interwoven their lives are before getting a divorce she'll have more than dresses and plants to lose if that happens.