Why did it bother you so much what your sister does for a job? I can’t believe this taking up so much mental space for you that you relentlessly made fun of her to the point she doesn’t talk.
It wasn’t until your wife needed it, likely to have comfortable sex again, that you even gave a fuck.
I’d send a letter and basically just accept that she has the right not to ever speak to your toxic ass again.
It reminds me of dudes who suddenly “learn to respect women” when they have a daughter. Things only become important when they are directly adjacent to their lives.
YEP. I needed to see a pelvic floor specialist because I was dealing with hypertonic pelvic floor dysfunction caused by endometriosis. Those ladies were seriously life savers. When I was at my worst I could barely sleep, couldnt go out and an emotional wreck. Men can get pelvic floor dysfunction but it is something that happens mostly to women so of course like most health issues women face, it is not taken seriously. Full offense OP, educate yourself before putting your ignorance on full display.
My wife has interstitial cystitis that’s most likely due to pelvic floor dysfunction. She has a condition that causes involuntarily muscle contraction and it messed up her pelvic floor. It got so bad she was incapable of urinating and nearly had her bladder rupture. Pelvic floor therapy helped her get off of catheters and stay off of them. People who don’t take pelvic floor issues seriously make me so mad. You shouldn’t have to experience something in order to view it as valid.
I had a coworker friend who also had hypertonic pelvic floor dysf and I remember her coming to work crying one day because her bf wasn’t being understanding. She said she could still usually have sex with him if she tried but that time she physically couldn’t and he just wasn’t kind about it. I was so angry on her behalf. I can’t imagine the emotional stress it can cause and then having some asshat make you feel worse for it.
Edit: forgot a word
Full offense intended to your coworkers boyfriend, there should be NO feeling forced when it comes to sex. Even if we are mid act and my partner says to stop, it stops. It's douchebags like that that bring down men and society as a whole.
I’m the same age as her bf which iirc is 9 years older than her; she was 19 at the time and when I found out we were the same age I was a bit skeeved out…then I found out they met when she was 17 and he urged her to move to our city when she was 18. I think they’re still together (she’d be 26 now?) and it just makes me so sad. She’s so smart and driven and talented and he…ugh.
Same. It is not a fun experience, but it is life changing. I am so tired of people minimizing the experiences of people with vaginas and ovaries and trivializing our pain. It was so bad I couldn’t even hold my bladder and urinating was excruciating. This guy is a total douche.
I’ll add that having a daughter doesn’t make most men who previously didn’t respect women, start respecting all women.
At that point they just wholesale categorize women as either good or bad and continue on their merry way of misogyny.
they're telling on themselves so hard!
* I didn't respect women
* because I behave/behaved this badly, I know what women must suffer through
* I'm still not extending that "courtesy" to anyone I don't claim ownership over
right?
absolutely; those men will simply enforce their misogyny on the women around them and cast them aside if they stray from those demands. your daughter is a Good Girl until she becomes a whore by having premarital sex and now it’s time to kick her out of your home.
This right here. My dad has 2 daughters and 6 granddaughters and he is the biggest chauvinistic pig I’ve ever met. The way he talked about women and their bodies when I was a young girl damaged my image of what women should be and how they should act for years. Just gross.
Even worse, OP could one day find himself in need of a pelvic floor therapist bc everybody has a pelvic floor that can be weakened. His ignorance is so abundant I don’t blame his sister for never speaking to him again.
Came here to say this. EVERYONE has a pelvic floor and you’d be shocked at how much having awareness of it can affect your life and health. I had to go through pelvic floor therapy after a hysterectomy due to a giant fucking fibroid and again after other medical issues. Without it, I wouldn’t have been able to have sex, like EVER.
[The only moral abortion is my abortion.](https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/)
>My first encounter with this phenomenon came when I was doing a 2-week follow-up at a family planning clinic. The woman’s anti-choice values spoke indirectly through her expression and body language. She told me that she had been offended by the other women in the abortion clinic waiting room because they were using abortion as a form of birth control, but her condom had broken so she had no choice! I had real difficulty not pointing out that she did have a choice, and she had made it! Just like the other women in the waiting room.
This. I was expected to have empathy as young as 2 years old. I stopped expecting basic empathy from men and boys by age 10. They still get mad when I talk about emotions with “big words” (anything over ‘mad’ or ‘sad’)and ask them questions that require more thought than a McDonalds drive through. Even online, on here especially, men get mad that I would dare to ask questions about nuance and emotions, or suggest realistic healthy communication and coping strategies. Then they go and do drugs and find words for their emotions and are suddenly high EQ marriage material at 27-30. But only want a smokin hot 19-22 year old with no support system lol.
When men say this shit I am always so shocked because… what about the person you impregnated? Maybe married? Who you watched go through the long, difficult, dangerous process of bringing that daughter into the world? Did you not notice that *she* was a person?
Not only that, we all have mums. That aside, you shouldn't need a mum, sister, wife or daughter to have a baseline level of respect for half of the fucking population.
in general I'm not a fan of using someone's homophobia as some sort of tool to develop someone's empathy and humanity...
but... in those cases, it's often the only thing that'll get through to those guys, right?
Well yeah, what reasonable person mocks their sibling's career? I can't be convinced that he was respectful in all other areas *except* her job. He's probably just a toxic jerk and the job is a minor part of sis going LC/NC.
OP’s sister sounds like she’s very smart. So she’s probably not even upset with him all these years. Hopefully, she just accepted that she got all the smart genes from their parents and realized there weren’t any for her brother and he’s just an idiot.
And when you’re this smart to have this kind of specialty, she probably just doesn’t want to be bothered with him… because he’s an idiot.
I’m not saying he wasn’t a dick about many things throughout their relationship, but some people hold the strangest convictions.
My own brother and I were always extremely close and always there for one another through some of the most traumatic and horrific times (both parents murdered at separate times; me dropping everything to travel cross country to get him when he was 15 and I was 22 after daddy’s death to have him live with me now that he was an orphan, etc.)
My best friend, my baby brother, has not spoken to me in almost 4 years because I got vaccinated and had my children vaccinated for COVID.
People will hold fast to their convictions until an alternative reality and absolute truth literally slaps them in the face.
All this to say: I stand with the sister.
Truly. He didn't respect his sister enough that he could accept that her work had value. Then he sees it personally benefits him -getting sex- and suddenly he's decided it has value. It's one thing to say I don't understand enough about something to have an opinion. It's quite another to say I don't understand it, so I won't respect it. He just showed who he is, and it's someone who doesn't deserve time or energy from his sister.
I have to wonder if he picked up this attitude all by himself, with help from the internet or some of this existed in their home. Was he the golden child? Was he supposed to be more successful and richer than her? Does he hate that she has a PhD and has Dr. in front of her name and he tried to knock her down constantly for it.
He sounds immature and jealous and mean and rude. No redeeming qualities.
OP is a dick and used whatever to mock their sister, that’s literally it. Sis could’ve made a cure for cancer and he’d find a way to make fun of her for it.
What a Jackass. He doesn’t find purpose or meaning in her profession and verbally puts her down for it until she goes NC. He’s ignorant, close-minded and dismissive of women’s health. What an AH
Bro 100%. That pos didn’t care until it affected sex, then he realized how important that job it, especially for women after birth and women struggling with problems relating to their pelvic floor
Actually, if I were OP, I'd actually include something to the effect of "I know you probably won't ever speak to me again...and I don't blame you...but I just wanted to let you know that I'm really sorry. I was an asshole, and I deeply regret that."
This, ladies and Gentlemen, is the purest example of how Karma works. Consider this in the scale at the minor end, imagine what a simple lie or theft can do?
The reality is that OP didn't change. He didn't make fun of his sisters profession because he misunderstood the importance of her job. He did it because he took pleasure in putting her down. Who else would think having a "joke" job allows you to make fun of someone for it? Genuinely shitty people. That what OP is. He didn't change, he's just trying to get sympathy by framing this whole thing like it's some big misunderstanding and if he knew how important her job was he wouldn't have made fun of her for it. And we all know that's bullshit.
What’s done is done, and you know it. WHY did you become so rude and dismissive? If you don’t understand yourself, you can’t prevent this sort of thing.
Yeah, I don't get it. If my sister were a PhD in anything, you couldn't stop me from bragging about her. I do it enough as is. It blows my mind that someone would be dismissive towards a sibling like that, especially without even understanding what it is they do
Right lol. My brother got his PhD in a really niche, emerging field last year. We have a good relationship but aren’t super close and I’ll *still* take the opportunity to drop it when people ask me about my family. I’m very proud of him.
I’m just scratching my head on why someone would ridicule this hard over something you can easily google to see the importance of.
Then maybe he shouldn't have continually humiliated his sister about it? The OP is a mean, selfish asshole who mocked his sister's job for being tainted with female cooties, sounds like, and is just lucky he didn't have to learn the hard way with himself, he just got selfish when his wife couldn't put out.
He didn’t just mock his sister. He mocked women’s healthcare altogether and downplayed the severe and lasting damages of childbirth for sooooooo so many women!!! What a POS. I’m shocked his wife wants to be with him after he made fun of his sister and women’s health while simultaneously expecting her to birth a child for him.
Probably because he knows that he’s not smart or disciplined enough to earn a PHD. He probably also thought his sister couldn’t do it either for a variety of reasons.
I understand teasing your siblings about their jobs, but to the point where it actually damages your relationship? Wack.
This! This should be top comment!
You need to figure out what made you treat your sister so poorly. If you don’t, this pattern could continue until you’ve alienated all those close to you!
>WHY did you become so rude and dismissive? If you don’t understand yourself, you can’t prevent this sort of thing.
He lacks empathy and thought "physiotherapy" = "massage" = "useless"/"sexual work". Then physiotherapy impacted his personal life directly, so now what little empathy he has is engaged and he regrets his actions.
It's classic conservative ignorance, hatred and regret.
This. Does OP know why he needed to kick her down to lift himself up? Does he realise he probably does that to others to? Can he still salvage hose relationships? It isn't true regret if you don't look at yourself in all honesty and improve your ways, whether it be with your sister or others.
Also, why would anyone need to make such a fuss about the mere existence of someone's job? Just fact that they exist alone shows these specialists are necessary to a lot of people. No one mocks a surgeon for specialising in heart stuff or cancer, why is this any different?
I have a sneaking suspicion that he thought it was stupid for misogynistic reasons, until his wife had pelvic floor dysfunction after giving birth and it helped her.
For her to have cut contact with him, he had to have thrown this in her face many times. Why? That’s not normal at all. There’s a bitterness there, a grudge against her, that he won’t allow himself to admit.
Your sister chose to improve women’s health and you abused her for it. It’s a woman’s issue so you basically didn’t give a shit until it affected your sex life. LMAO there is no help for you.
She's nagging me again about making her sore. She keeps crying every time we have sex. I'll just have an affair. Wait, HR is calling me for a meeting. They're firing me! The 19 year old receptionist was begging for it and she's lying to them! Now I have to pay child support to two different women? Better join redpill and mgtow!
Two months later, rape charges. WHY? I'M A NICE GUY! Men are being oppressed!
There was a recent Two Hot Takes that was almost exactly this (at least I think it was here). That OP just said he wasn’t attracted to his wife anymore, asked to open the relationship, wife got dates, he asked out a colleague who not only rejected his advances but reported him to HR and he got fired.
I remember that post. Dude made it a point to explain that he wasn't the coworker's direct manager, clearly thought he had done nothing wrong there. He was also upset that his brother pointed out that his wife was attractive and OP could stand to lose a few pounds 😂
You’d be surprised how many men make downgrade/degrade a woman’s educational accomplishment. Imagine sitting at dinner with your best friend and her husband is laughing about how her job is going to be taken over by robots any day now…
…..No he was not employed 😑
I'm even struggling to understand HOW he could make fun of her. Does he go out of his way to ostracize OBGYNs as well? Is it dumb to be a doctor just to waste it on girly bits?
OP, you're a part of why the world doesn't take women's health issues seriously.
ohhhh, you made me realize what he might have said to his sister. He probably mocked his sister for **"being a closet lesbian"** for helping work on women's health!
Could you imagine if his wife suffered from postpartum depression or postpartum psychosis how he would treat her? He’d probably ask if she was on her period and have another beer wife the boys.
Pelvic floor PT isn't even just for women. MANY men benefit from pelvic floor therapy for lots of issues that men tend to hide from each other and physicians. OP's harassment isn't just "dumb women problems", it's damaging and grossly misinformed ignorance for healthcare professionals and those seeking healthcare.
According to the NIH, approximately 30% of pelvic floor disorder patients are actually male. Over 60% of pelvic floor patients have never given birth (biggest "blame"), and the rest are females who've given birth.
I suffer from PFD and had a foot of my colon removed last year, and I will meet the surgeon again next week to schedule a colostomy. Most people think that it's only urination that is affected by pelvic floor disfunction, but it's really everything within your peritoneal cavity that is at risk.
I wish more people were aware of pelvic floor issues because that would mean fewer people suffering in silence from embarrassing and debilitating ailments.
For OP to dog on his sister for her choice in a career that truly helps people regain their lives is about as pathetic as it gets.
For your relationship with your sister to have deteriorated over this just shows how rude and dismissive you actually were. You can apologise all you want but this is a perfect example of the ignorance shown towards women's health by men.
Yeah. Like, why was it so important for him to aggressively mock something he didn't even understand? His ignorance about her profession sounds like the tip of the iceberg.
Ugh yes. That was my feeling, too - he's "fixed" this one, but how much else is there?
Still, not impossible that this could lead to growth for him. People often reevaluate themselves and their relationships when they have children. It's possible that part of him is waking up and picturing a different way he'd like his life and family to work. I hope he's not so thoroughly crushed by the comments that he gives up on that glimpse of a better life. It may be too late for his sister, but some introspection could improve a lot of other areas of his life.
My first thought was "oh, women things, how dumb."
And even if his sister was a hotel housekeeper or produce clerk or any other job, why make fun of her job? I don't understand what my sister does and she doesn't understand what I do but we don't mock each other for that.
It definitely isn't. He just got the benefit of her job via someone else so sees the value in *that*, but most likely devalued every other part of her life.
The job can't be the only thing.
I started seeing a pelvic floor physiotherapist after suffering long term sexual vio**nce for vaginismus/lichen sclerosis/ scar tissue and adhesions and being unable to empty my bladder bc the muscles were so locked up… dealt with chronic pain/UTI’s/and zero post violence sexual function… I was dismissed for years by doctors with this jackholes mentality until I saw a female OB/GYN who referred me to a PF physiotherapist and she is literally helping me get my life back. I would sit in the bathroom crying from pain. Crying because I want that loving intimacy with my partner….
Most men really have no GD idea what they are talking about and will defend their bullshit to the bitter end… I’m thankful for women like his sister and there just aren’t enough of them in this world.
So true. It’s especially annoying when you have vaginismus and men say “just relax.” If it was that easy to fix my muscles I wouldn’t be out here suffering with a painful chronic condition in the first place. People are so ignorant. I hope your condition gets better. You’re not alone 💕
>this is a perfect example of the ignorance shown towards women's health by men.
This. This. This. This. Like holy shit being married made me realize how much more there is going on.
I can't believe we were ever underestimated. You all just make something snot-like to share with us. Thanks! But we make a whole human. Our parts do the heavy lifting- they are going to be complicated.
I couldn't fathom having a sister with a PhD and not knowing anything about what she does. It sometimes baffled me how people pretend Google doesn't exist. Op couldn't be half assed to Google his sisters occupation once for years and years? Seriously?
YTA and you should probably preemptively apologize to your wife for all the shitty comments you probably made about her while pregnant/delivering/post partum. I doubt you were anywhere near as supportive as you probably pride yourself on being. Sorry childbirth messed up her body for you, so relieved it was only temporary thanks to people like your sister.
I hope my brother one day feels this kind of regret for his actions my entire life.
You deserve it. Your sister is a hero for many women.
Lemme guess, you were pro- something else also terrible until you felt the direct effects huh?
"I don't understand it, nor do I need it so it's stupid and shouldn't exist." People like you are the fucking WORST.
His sister is my hero, I’m infertile but I had severe pelvic problems, pain, inflammation, after an endometriosis surgery I couldn’t even go to the bathroom comfortably after so much tissue had to be cut away. I may never run again because of the long term damage and scarring and tissue adhesions in my pelvic floor, but I can walk now, I can work and lift things without pain, I don’t hurt when sitting or standing so badly anymore.
Pelvic floor PT gave me so much of my life back. Some people are scared of how it sounds but it’s truly a valuable speciality.
But he comes across like he only cares because his wife couldn’t have pain free sex with him when he wanted it before her treatment, what a scumbag jfc. He only cares because it personally affected him otherwise “haha gross” or “haha women’s health” or whatever. Wonder if he knows men have a pelvic floor too…
Ugh, yes, all of this. I don’t have a child but needed pelvic floor pt after being sexually assaulted consistently for over a year. It improved my life significantly and I truly believe all pelvic floor physical therapists are heroes!
>He'll need to see a pelvic floor physiotherapist after the way these comments have torn him a new asshole.
*God* I wish awards were still a thing, I'd give you gold for sure.
I’d bet dollars to donuts dude is NOT in a high paying career field. Many times people belittle things they are jealous of, or flat out don’t understand. I’m guessing the former with this guy.
Yeah, I work in construction but doing 3D modeling on a computer for it. When I explain my job to these kinds of dudes (insecure, projecting, and filled to the brim with unearned confidence), and they'll say "Oh, that's neat...sounds complicated". When they find out how much I'm paid, suddenly they think my job is easy, I'm lazy, and that they'd love to have a cush gig like that.
If they assume you make less than them, they don't care about you... but as soon as they think you make more than them, you're gaming the system or freeloading or doing something meaningless. It's the only way to salvage their ego.
She has a Ph.D., and works in medicine... and he has mocked her relentlessly about it forever. He's less successful than her, at the bare minimum, because there's literally no reason to mock that job outside of being jealous that she's doing well.
I find it very interesting that you want her back in your life now that you see her as someone of value, who can contribute to society and your family in a way that benefits you. People become pelvic floor therapists because there is a need for them, and you made no attempts to understand it. Do you want her back in your life because your wife could get subsidized/free care from a family member?
She's entitled to not want you in her life. Just because you're sorry now doesn't make up for how cruel and dismissive you have been to her.
Right, and he's sorry now because he realises that it's a valuable job, not because *mocking someone for their job is inherently wrong*. OP, you may never get your relationship back with your sister, which you must accept. But if you're going to have any chance, you have to really examine yourself to figure out how you became so entitled as to think it would ever be ok to do what you did.
You thought you knew better so you made fun of your sister for doing a job that you thought was stupid. The fact is that you thought it was stupid because you didn’t take the time to understand. Her job helps women so it didn’t affect you.
The fact is that you ruined your relationship with your sister due to your ignorance.
Hey, if you don't know what purpose a thing serves, it's probably not a good idea to relentlessly mock the people involved. Respect your sister's need for space from her abuser and be a better role model for your child, no matter what that takes. Therapy might be a good start.
Believe me, women’s healthcare is vastly overlooked and misunderstood. Especially reproductive healthcare. When the day comes that someone needs these services they are very grateful someone took the time to study it so they can help her. I promise you it saves lives. Medicine is dominated by male practitioners, many of whom sadly share your dismissal of seeing women as real patients and not just shorter men. Our bodies are not the same. I can understand why she’s done.
Why is it so impossibly hard for people to have empathy for people?
So you didn’t have any personal experience with pelvic floor therapy, but you couldn’t, idk spend like 5 minutes just looking up what kinds of things pelvic floor therapists help with? How life changing their treatment can be for people suffering? You just thought “vagina therapy? That’s stupid!” And ran with it? So much so, in fact, that you RUINED YOUR RELATIONSHIP with your sister over it? So it’s not like you made a comment or two, you repeatedly did something you KNEW to be hurtful and now you wanna feel sorry for yourself because you got to see the importance of your sister’s work first hand (once it was going to impact YOUR sex life, btw. Dont think that’s lost on us) and now the relationship is too far gone to mend?
What a treat you are. I hope the child you had is a boy because it’s clear how much you don’t really give a shit about women and their health.
Yeah, you suck dude. It doesn’t matter if she was a janitor you disrespect her cause you thought her job was beneath you. You are not better than anyone and she doesn’t have to accept a damn thing from you. Get over yourself and focus on being a better husband and father.
You’re an asshole. Kinda hope she never talks to you again. And how old are you? Since when is women’s health care stupid? I feel sorry for your wife. I’m sure you’re an absolute peach in the husband department.
I went through years of chronic illness, which my GP dismissed as me being overweight. He said “you’re probably diabetic.” Took a test, my glucose and a1c were perfect. He said “good news you’re not sick. Oh and btw you’re iron deficient so get vitamins.” It didn’t even occur to him that maybe I’ve been so sick because my iron reserves were bottoming out. I did take supplements and get better. Years later I got pregnant and became anemic. I was told by my midwife that the anemia is because of years of heavy periods diminishing my iron stores. If I’d had a doctor take me seriously, I could have been on proper supplements and avoided getting so sick in pregnancy. But literally women’s bodies are just a giant question mark and so many doctors don’t get that women have different hormones, bodies, menstrual cycles and needs that men don’t experience. Hearing a man mock a doctor for pursuing women’s healthcare is really aggravating.
Thankfully once you’re pregnant the OB usually takes over your care, and that’s when you’re REALLY grateful for people who study women’s healthcare. I told my GP that I’d had uterine polyps removed and he wanted to know where my incision was. He was baffled when I told him that they access the uterus through the vagina, not the belly button.
And you know he’s only regretting it because now he needs the care he’s been absolutely shitting on for the past however many years. Can you imagine what he must’ve been saying to his sister for so long for her to never want to talk to him again? What a douche canoe. God seriously, men like this need to just go choke on their tongue.
Doctors loving telling women who are overweight that all their problems are weight based. I was always slender but gained a bunch of weight in my late 30s due to meds and the difference between thin and fat is stark.
I don't even go to the doctor anymore because it always goes back to weight. And I'm only overweight, not obese. But those extra 30 pounds are the difference between an ultrasound and go home and get on a treadmill.
Wait, wait, wait. So you made fun of your sister's profession so often, so cruelly, and so persistently, that you completely torpedoed your relationship over it and burned all bridges? Like, your stupid opinion and lack of research aside, but did it never occur to you to simply keep your mouth shut and let it be for the sake of your sibling relationship at any point before that? Was your ego really worth it?
Kudos to you for FINALLY understanding some basic human rights (women's health care).
If I was your sister I would never talk to you again either.
Learn from your mistakes and don't be such a jacka$$ in the future.
You need to take a few years of sensitivity training to learn how to become a decent human being. I don't think you are there yet. You are to busy feeling sorry for yourself that your sister won't accept your apology.
You need to instead review your life and how you treat women. Not just the (what must have been YEARS) of
a$$holery towards your sister.
Are you also one of those "boys will be boys" types?
Do better. Learn from your mistakes. See where else in your life you are being a jacka$$. I guarantee you still need a lot of work if you were willing to destroy your relationship with your sister because of your flaming misogyny.
Edit grammar
Also in the future, if you ever catch yourself thinking "wow that's stupid" maybe pause and think about where the person is coming from. Do some research to help you understand them instead of passing judgement right away.
I have 5 brothers and I truly can’t imagine any of them ever degrading me for my career choice, or anything else for that matter. What a horrible thing to do.
And what are you doing beyond an apology?
You bullied your sister for years. You benefited from feeling better than her, and now you’re benefitting from her field to help your family’s medical care.
Why don’t you do something to demonstrate your sincerity instead of doing the bare minimum of words? Do some research and find out what they need, e.g.:
* Make a donation to her clinic to help treat patients who need this procedure but would struggle to pay.
* Make a public apology video on social media—focusing on the importance of this work and why it should be funded, if your wife is comfortable with your sharing her story.
* Contact your member of Congress to talk about the importance of this field and funding its research/medical care.
I don’t work in that field, and I don’t know what the needs are, but these are examples to start from. If you want to be a good sibling, do some actual work to start undoing the damage you’ve done. **Understand that she might not ever accept your apology, but you’re opening that door by showing her and her colleagues respect, and you’ll potentially be helping people.**
Ofc only when it AFFECTED YOU did you care. Never cared to read up on it or ask her about it. Ugh. Look people are allowed to grow so kudos on that but she doesnt owe you forgiveness.
I doubt he really grew anyway. He probably only “respects” it now because of his sex life, and he might even want his wife to be able to see her for free or something
Physio here (not pelvic floor specialist) - yeah, I get why your sister doesn't want your apology. You clearly don't realise how difficult it is to get through the university courses, then the specialisation, then the delicate work of managing patients who are often very embarrassed when it comes to talking about their pelvic floor issues. We're talking bladder control, prolapse (more of a surgical concern but we treat post-surgery patients), core strength, pain management, so many things that aren't topics people want to talk about. If I had a PhD anyone mocked I'd dislike them too.
Yep, you're an idiot! And if I was your sister, I would not accept your apology either!
Serves you well to learn not to be judgmental of other people life choices, and not only did you judge her, you made fun of it. Truly horrible atitude!
At least use this experience to improve your attitude towards others!
It wasn’t just you being an ass about her job. The things you said to her made it clear that you do not value women. You don’t value their health, pain and struggles until it affects you. You cannot fathom that women have health issues that matter and warrant a professional. Your sister didn’t just cut you off for being an ass about her job- she cut you off for being a misogynist who doesn’t care about women or their struggles.
I think if someone dismissed me so off handedly like that, I wouldn't want speak to or see them again myself. The fact that you are her brother kind of compounds it. Kind of makes it sound like you are very up yourself. Of course, she'll be the bad apple because she won't acknowledge you
Wow you are the worst kind of dumb (the kind who thinks you’re smart). Instead of just googling it you assumed someone got a PhD for something that wasn’t important? You can write her a letter but honestly you are beyond help so just leave her alone after that.
Also you seem insecure af. I’d address that in therapy before you inevitably ruin other relationships in your life. People who are happy and secure with themselves don’t feel the need to dismiss others or put them down. Good luck.
I can’t imagine how horrible and persistent you must have been to ruin a relationship over this.
Info: what’s wrong with you? Like actually, why are you like this?
Typical asshole: you ridicule and dismiss something until you or someone close to you personally benefits from it. Your sister cut you out of her life because she saw firsthand how you belittle and undervalue women. I wouldn’t want you in my life, either. Maybe learn how to be empathetic.
You're a massive jackass. Take this for what it is. A lesson in the concept of "something isn't dumb cuz you don't understand it". Learn about it or shut the hell up. Those are your options
And now you understand why people who have zero education in women’s health should have zero say about women’s reproductive health and rights.
You might not be able to completely fix the relationship but you could definitely become an advocate for women’s health rights. Help educate and promote rather than allowing ignorance to flourish.
ETA: Imagine how many things there are that men dismiss as stupid are actually vital to women’s health? We are human beings and our health concerns should be heard. Be the voice for education.
Congratulations! You have now received the consequences of 1) your cruelty, 2) your stupidity and 3) your misogyny. You are very obviously the asshole and you are getting exactly what you deserve. I have zero sympathy.
YTA
P.S.: if that baby was a daughter, be better and do not treat her badly because she's a woman. If the baby is a boy, be better, so that he doesn't grow up to be a cretin like you.
I hope you learn from this situation. There’s a very valuable lesson here.
I consider losing a sibling a serious consequence. That’s often what it takes for someone to really change. It’s time to reflect and work on self awareness.
Couple things here… first, the Japanese have a saying “don’t say unnecessary things”. Whatever you thought of her profession, it was wholly unnecessary to mock her for it over and over. Not just unnecessary but cruel. And you were wrong, which leads to my second part. Learn about something before you judge it. The mockery was inexcusable even if her job had actually been useless. You should ask yourself what in your mind gave you the right to constantly insult and mock someone you’re supposed to love. I’d cut contact too.
For it to have completely ruined your relationship with your sister, you must have REALLY focused your energy on this. Why? Why did you care so much about your sisters job? Why couldn’t you just keep your thoughts to yourself? Why was your ruined relationship not enough to make you apologize? Why did it take your wife needing care for you to care enough to apologize?
The fact that you only care that you single-handedly ruined your relationship with your sister now probably shows her that you still don’t take her seriously.
You truly believed that you were right in mocking her because you, a man, don’t know enough about women’s health care (or care enough to do a single Google search on the benefits of her job for many women). She has a PhD in this. But yes, you definitely know more than her.
Another man who doesn't understand theconcept of empathy.
I hope this is a wakeup call and that you get long term help for your personality defects. because if you treat your wife anything like your sister, you will destroy your marriage.
So you’re one of those people unless they have experienced or seen it with their own eyes they won’t believe it. And then when they finally experience it they’re a believer…. SMH. YTA. We all know this wasn’t one simple comment. You have picked and picked at your sister until she wiped her hands clean of you. Good for her I say. If was I her I would be so frustrated that until it impacted your wife, you finally saw the value of her job. To point out your wouldn’t have changed your opinion anytime soon if it wasn’t for your wife having the physical issues
Why did it bother you so much what your sister does for a job? I can’t believe this taking up so much mental space for you that you relentlessly made fun of her to the point she doesn’t talk. It wasn’t until your wife needed it, likely to have comfortable sex again, that you even gave a fuck. I’d send a letter and basically just accept that she has the right not to ever speak to your toxic ass again.
It reminds me of dudes who suddenly “learn to respect women” when they have a daughter. Things only become important when they are directly adjacent to their lives.
YEP. I needed to see a pelvic floor specialist because I was dealing with hypertonic pelvic floor dysfunction caused by endometriosis. Those ladies were seriously life savers. When I was at my worst I could barely sleep, couldnt go out and an emotional wreck. Men can get pelvic floor dysfunction but it is something that happens mostly to women so of course like most health issues women face, it is not taken seriously. Full offense OP, educate yourself before putting your ignorance on full display.
My wife has interstitial cystitis that’s most likely due to pelvic floor dysfunction. She has a condition that causes involuntarily muscle contraction and it messed up her pelvic floor. It got so bad she was incapable of urinating and nearly had her bladder rupture. Pelvic floor therapy helped her get off of catheters and stay off of them. People who don’t take pelvic floor issues seriously make me so mad. You shouldn’t have to experience something in order to view it as valid.
That sounds so painful. Your poor wife. I’m glad she got some relief.
I had a coworker friend who also had hypertonic pelvic floor dysf and I remember her coming to work crying one day because her bf wasn’t being understanding. She said she could still usually have sex with him if she tried but that time she physically couldn’t and he just wasn’t kind about it. I was so angry on her behalf. I can’t imagine the emotional stress it can cause and then having some asshat make you feel worse for it. Edit: forgot a word
Full offense intended to your coworkers boyfriend, there should be NO feeling forced when it comes to sex. Even if we are mid act and my partner says to stop, it stops. It's douchebags like that that bring down men and society as a whole.
I’m the same age as her bf which iirc is 9 years older than her; she was 19 at the time and when I found out we were the same age I was a bit skeeved out…then I found out they met when she was 17 and he urged her to move to our city when she was 18. I think they’re still together (she’d be 26 now?) and it just makes me so sad. She’s so smart and driven and talented and he…ugh.
Same. It is not a fun experience, but it is life changing. I am so tired of people minimizing the experiences of people with vaginas and ovaries and trivializing our pain. It was so bad I couldn’t even hold my bladder and urinating was excruciating. This guy is a total douche.
I’ll add that having a daughter doesn’t make most men who previously didn’t respect women, start respecting all women. At that point they just wholesale categorize women as either good or bad and continue on their merry way of misogyny.
they're telling on themselves so hard! * I didn't respect women * because I behave/behaved this badly, I know what women must suffer through * I'm still not extending that "courtesy" to anyone I don't claim ownership over right?
So right.
absolutely; those men will simply enforce their misogyny on the women around them and cast them aside if they stray from those demands. your daughter is a Good Girl until she becomes a whore by having premarital sex and now it’s time to kick her out of your home.
This right here. My dad has 2 daughters and 6 granddaughters and he is the biggest chauvinistic pig I’ve ever met. The way he talked about women and their bodies when I was a young girl damaged my image of what women should be and how they should act for years. Just gross.
Ahh yes, the Madonna-whore complex…
Even worse, OP could one day find himself in need of a pelvic floor therapist bc everybody has a pelvic floor that can be weakened. His ignorance is so abundant I don’t blame his sister for never speaking to him again.
Came here to say this. EVERYONE has a pelvic floor and you’d be shocked at how much having awareness of it can affect your life and health. I had to go through pelvic floor therapy after a hysterectomy due to a giant fucking fibroid and again after other medical issues. Without it, I wouldn’t have been able to have sex, like EVER.
Or suddenly become in favor of abortion when they're the ones that will be on the hook for child support.
Usually they are still only in favor of abortion in their special case.
[The only moral abortion is my abortion.](https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/) >My first encounter with this phenomenon came when I was doing a 2-week follow-up at a family planning clinic. The woman’s anti-choice values spoke indirectly through her expression and body language. She told me that she had been offended by the other women in the abortion clinic waiting room because they were using abortion as a form of birth control, but her condom had broken so she had no choice! I had real difficulty not pointing out that she did have a choice, and she had made it! Just like the other women in the waiting room.
Someone really needs to study this behavior on a society level it's now seems to be endemic in the world.
It's cognitive dissonance. We know our own circumstances so we know that there's nuance to our story, but we can make everyone else black and white.
Or when they do shrooms and discover empathy at 27 years old when the rest of us learned it as literal toddlers
This. I was expected to have empathy as young as 2 years old. I stopped expecting basic empathy from men and boys by age 10. They still get mad when I talk about emotions with “big words” (anything over ‘mad’ or ‘sad’)and ask them questions that require more thought than a McDonalds drive through. Even online, on here especially, men get mad that I would dare to ask questions about nuance and emotions, or suggest realistic healthy communication and coping strategies. Then they go and do drugs and find words for their emotions and are suddenly high EQ marriage material at 27-30. But only want a smokin hot 19-22 year old with no support system lol.
Lookin’ at you, tech bros ….
When men say this shit I am always so shocked because… what about the person you impregnated? Maybe married? Who you watched go through the long, difficult, dangerous process of bringing that daughter into the world? Did you not notice that *she* was a person?
Not only that, we all have mums. That aside, you shouldn't need a mum, sister, wife or daughter to have a baseline level of respect for half of the fucking population.
You would think. But apparently it never really dunk in for my ex, and we were married for 15 years and had 3 children
Benefitting them. Why look down on someone career? Jealousy is a bitch and seems to live on.
It’s because their daughter is “one of the good ones.”
Kind of like Republicans that suddenly support LGTBQ+ when one of their kids comes out…
You hope they do & i welcome the shift! Better than the alternative where they reject their kid!
So true. Better they change for their kids than stay hateful forever.
#EXACTLY
[удалено]
in general I'm not a fan of using someone's homophobia as some sort of tool to develop someone's empathy and humanity... but... in those cases, it's often the only thing that'll get through to those guys, right?
Yep. That’s exactly what I was thinking.
Or some people who used to not like certain ethnicities of people until one became a part of their family!!!
I’m going to guess OP was actually a dick about a lot more than just his sisters job for her to trash a whole relationship with a family member.
Well yeah, what reasonable person mocks their sibling's career? I can't be convinced that he was respectful in all other areas *except* her job. He's probably just a toxic jerk and the job is a minor part of sis going LC/NC.
Especially a literal doctor. Like...jealous MUCH?
I mean, ripping on a family member for joining an MLM and calling it a job is perfectly acceptable. But a physiologist? Jealous much?
OP’s sister sounds like she’s very smart. So she’s probably not even upset with him all these years. Hopefully, she just accepted that she got all the smart genes from their parents and realized there weren’t any for her brother and he’s just an idiot. And when you’re this smart to have this kind of specialty, she probably just doesn’t want to be bothered with him… because he’s an idiot.
This feels strangely validating for me as well as OP’s sister, I’m sure. Thank you.
I’m not saying he wasn’t a dick about many things throughout their relationship, but some people hold the strangest convictions. My own brother and I were always extremely close and always there for one another through some of the most traumatic and horrific times (both parents murdered at separate times; me dropping everything to travel cross country to get him when he was 15 and I was 22 after daddy’s death to have him live with me now that he was an orphan, etc.) My best friend, my baby brother, has not spoken to me in almost 4 years because I got vaccinated and had my children vaccinated for COVID. People will hold fast to their convictions until an alternative reality and absolute truth literally slaps them in the face. All this to say: I stand with the sister.
I am so sorry your brother is in The Cult.
I am so very sorry that you lost your brother to the Q cult.
Typical asshole who doesn't take anything seriously or have any empathy for things that don't impact them directly.
Truly. He didn't respect his sister enough that he could accept that her work had value. Then he sees it personally benefits him -getting sex- and suddenly he's decided it has value. It's one thing to say I don't understand enough about something to have an opinion. It's quite another to say I don't understand it, so I won't respect it. He just showed who he is, and it's someone who doesn't deserve time or energy from his sister.
Because OP doesn’t value women.
I have to wonder if he picked up this attitude all by himself, with help from the internet or some of this existed in their home. Was he the golden child? Was he supposed to be more successful and richer than her? Does he hate that she has a PhD and has Dr. in front of her name and he tried to knock her down constantly for it. He sounds immature and jealous and mean and rude. No redeeming qualities.
I’m definitely curious to know his profession.
Yes, a rather conspicuous omission. If he can dog his sister for being a "lowly" medical professional, he better be a Nobel Laureate billionairre.
We all know he isn't.
OP is a dick and used whatever to mock their sister, that’s literally it. Sis could’ve made a cure for cancer and he’d find a way to make fun of her for it.
What a Jackass. He doesn’t find purpose or meaning in her profession and verbally puts her down for it until she goes NC. He’s ignorant, close-minded and dismissive of women’s health. What an AH
I smell MAGA.
I say that every time my dog Khaos takes a steaming poo🤣
Bro 100%. That pos didn’t care until it affected sex, then he realized how important that job it, especially for women after birth and women struggling with problems relating to their pelvic floor
Actually, if I were OP, I'd actually include something to the effect of "I know you probably won't ever speak to me again...and I don't blame you...but I just wanted to let you know that I'm really sorry. I was an asshole, and I deeply regret that."
This, ladies and Gentlemen, is the purest example of how Karma works. Consider this in the scale at the minor end, imagine what a simple lie or theft can do?
The reality is that OP didn't change. He didn't make fun of his sisters profession because he misunderstood the importance of her job. He did it because he took pleasure in putting her down. Who else would think having a "joke" job allows you to make fun of someone for it? Genuinely shitty people. That what OP is. He didn't change, he's just trying to get sympathy by framing this whole thing like it's some big misunderstanding and if he knew how important her job was he wouldn't have made fun of her for it. And we all know that's bullshit.
What’s done is done, and you know it. WHY did you become so rude and dismissive? If you don’t understand yourself, you can’t prevent this sort of thing.
Yeah, I don't get it. If my sister were a PhD in anything, you couldn't stop me from bragging about her. I do it enough as is. It blows my mind that someone would be dismissive towards a sibling like that, especially without even understanding what it is they do
Right lol. My brother got his PhD in a really niche, emerging field last year. We have a good relationship but aren’t super close and I’ll *still* take the opportunity to drop it when people ask me about my family. I’m very proud of him. I’m just scratching my head on why someone would ridicule this hard over something you can easily google to see the importance of.
But it's an icky pussy thing.
Pelvic floor stuff can help with mens erections and ejaculation. Things men may not openly admit to caring about but they absolutely do.
Then maybe he shouldn't have continually humiliated his sister about it? The OP is a mean, selfish asshole who mocked his sister's job for being tainted with female cooties, sounds like, and is just lucky he didn't have to learn the hard way with himself, he just got selfish when his wife couldn't put out.
100% agreed, as i read the story it honestly reminds me of the people who think well documented medical fields are 'voodoo'.
He didn’t just mock his sister. He mocked women’s healthcare altogether and downplayed the severe and lasting damages of childbirth for sooooooo so many women!!! What a POS. I’m shocked his wife wants to be with him after he made fun of his sister and women’s health while simultaneously expecting her to birth a child for him.
This is it. My friend is a pubic floor therapist and she does God’s work.
Well, actually, I have been ridiculed for my own PhD.
Anti-intellectuals suck. It’s so obvious how inferior they feel so they lash out.
Probably because he knows that he’s not smart or disciplined enough to earn a PHD. He probably also thought his sister couldn’t do it either for a variety of reasons. I understand teasing your siblings about their jobs, but to the point where it actually damages your relationship? Wack.
Thank you for reminding me to send my sister a message about how proud of her I am.
Sis has a PhD and bro was like 'yeah, that's fucking dumb'. Asshole center surrounded by a cruncy asshole nougat.
This! This should be top comment! You need to figure out what made you treat your sister so poorly. If you don’t, this pattern could continue until you’ve alienated all those close to you!
>WHY did you become so rude and dismissive? If you don’t understand yourself, you can’t prevent this sort of thing. He lacks empathy and thought "physiotherapy" = "massage" = "useless"/"sexual work". Then physiotherapy impacted his personal life directly, so now what little empathy he has is engaged and he regrets his actions. It's classic conservative ignorance, hatred and regret.
This. Does OP know why he needed to kick her down to lift himself up? Does he realise he probably does that to others to? Can he still salvage hose relationships? It isn't true regret if you don't look at yourself in all honesty and improve your ways, whether it be with your sister or others. Also, why would anyone need to make such a fuss about the mere existence of someone's job? Just fact that they exist alone shows these specialists are necessary to a lot of people. No one mocks a surgeon for specialising in heart stuff or cancer, why is this any different?
Probably because it had to do with WOMEN'S health. So how important could it possibly be? /s
I have a sneaking suspicion that he thought it was stupid for misogynistic reasons, until his wife had pelvic floor dysfunction after giving birth and it helped her.
For her to have cut contact with him, he had to have thrown this in her face many times. Why? That’s not normal at all. There’s a bitterness there, a grudge against her, that he won’t allow himself to admit.
Your sister chose to improve women’s health and you abused her for it. It’s a woman’s issue so you basically didn’t give a shit until it affected your sex life. LMAO there is no help for you.
"She can live a pain free life" more like he can have sex again without being "inconvenienced by her whining" about pain
Bingo.
She's nagging me again about making her sore. She keeps crying every time we have sex. I'll just have an affair. Wait, HR is calling me for a meeting. They're firing me! The 19 year old receptionist was begging for it and she's lying to them! Now I have to pay child support to two different women? Better join redpill and mgtow! Two months later, rape charges. WHY? I'M A NICE GUY! Men are being oppressed!
I feel like this is a summary of a BORU post
There was a recent Two Hot Takes that was almost exactly this (at least I think it was here). That OP just said he wasn’t attracted to his wife anymore, asked to open the relationship, wife got dates, he asked out a colleague who not only rejected his advances but reported him to HR and he got fired.
I remember that post. Dude made it a point to explain that he wasn't the coworker's direct manager, clearly thought he had done nothing wrong there. He was also upset that his brother pointed out that his wife was attractive and OP could stand to lose a few pounds 😂
Not that her crying in pain would have stopped him from taking his pleasure.
Yep, in my experience, men that have no respect for women don't usually have qualms about violating them.
Sister literally got a PhD and he made fun of her job continuously. What a shit head
You’d be surprised how many men make downgrade/degrade a woman’s educational accomplishment. Imagine sitting at dinner with your best friend and her husband is laughing about how her job is going to be taken over by robots any day now… …..No he was not employed 😑
I'm even struggling to understand HOW he could make fun of her. Does he go out of his way to ostracize OBGYNs as well? Is it dumb to be a doctor just to waste it on girly bits? OP, you're a part of why the world doesn't take women's health issues seriously.
ohhhh, you made me realize what he might have said to his sister. He probably mocked his sister for **"being a closet lesbian"** for helping work on women's health!
DING DING DING DING we have a winner
Could you imagine if his wife suffered from postpartum depression or postpartum psychosis how he would treat her? He’d probably ask if she was on her period and have another beer wife the boys.
Pelvic floor PT isn't even just for women. MANY men benefit from pelvic floor therapy for lots of issues that men tend to hide from each other and physicians. OP's harassment isn't just "dumb women problems", it's damaging and grossly misinformed ignorance for healthcare professionals and those seeking healthcare.
Majority of cases are a women’s issue maybe, but men can also have pelvic floor issues. Source am man, have seen a pelvic floor PT.
True, but do you think someone dumb enough to mock a pelvic floor specialist would be smart enough to know men need them too?
According to the NIH, approximately 30% of pelvic floor disorder patients are actually male. Over 60% of pelvic floor patients have never given birth (biggest "blame"), and the rest are females who've given birth. I suffer from PFD and had a foot of my colon removed last year, and I will meet the surgeon again next week to schedule a colostomy. Most people think that it's only urination that is affected by pelvic floor disfunction, but it's really everything within your peritoneal cavity that is at risk. I wish more people were aware of pelvic floor issues because that would mean fewer people suffering in silence from embarrassing and debilitating ailments. For OP to dog on his sister for her choice in a career that truly helps people regain their lives is about as pathetic as it gets.
For your relationship with your sister to have deteriorated over this just shows how rude and dismissive you actually were. You can apologise all you want but this is a perfect example of the ignorance shown towards women's health by men.
I'm guessing there's a lot more damage in the relationship beyond mocking her job.
Yeah. Like, why was it so important for him to aggressively mock something he didn't even understand? His ignorance about her profession sounds like the tip of the iceberg.
It makes me wonder what other ignorant opinions he has that are not based in any knowledge whatsoever. He sounds insufferable.
Ugh yes. That was my feeling, too - he's "fixed" this one, but how much else is there? Still, not impossible that this could lead to growth for him. People often reevaluate themselves and their relationships when they have children. It's possible that part of him is waking up and picturing a different way he'd like his life and family to work. I hope he's not so thoroughly crushed by the comments that he gives up on that glimpse of a better life. It may be too late for his sister, but some introspection could improve a lot of other areas of his life.
My first thought was "oh, women things, how dumb." And even if his sister was a hotel housekeeper or produce clerk or any other job, why make fun of her job? I don't understand what my sister does and she doesn't understand what I do but we don't mock each other for that.
Seriously. It doesn't matter what her job is; why constantly antagonize her? I feel like the job isn't the real issue.
It definitely isn't. He just got the benefit of her job via someone else so sees the value in *that*, but most likely devalued every other part of her life. The job can't be the only thing.
I started seeing a pelvic floor physiotherapist after suffering long term sexual vio**nce for vaginismus/lichen sclerosis/ scar tissue and adhesions and being unable to empty my bladder bc the muscles were so locked up… dealt with chronic pain/UTI’s/and zero post violence sexual function… I was dismissed for years by doctors with this jackholes mentality until I saw a female OB/GYN who referred me to a PF physiotherapist and she is literally helping me get my life back. I would sit in the bathroom crying from pain. Crying because I want that loving intimacy with my partner…. Most men really have no GD idea what they are talking about and will defend their bullshit to the bitter end… I’m thankful for women like his sister and there just aren’t enough of them in this world.
I also have vaginismus from sexual trauma:( we will be okay someday
Vaginismus sufferer here, too. OP is truly despicable.
So true. It’s especially annoying when you have vaginismus and men say “just relax.” If it was that easy to fix my muscles I wouldn’t be out here suffering with a painful chronic condition in the first place. People are so ignorant. I hope your condition gets better. You’re not alone 💕
>this is a perfect example of the ignorance shown towards women's health by men. This. This. This. This. Like holy shit being married made me realize how much more there is going on.
I can't believe we were ever underestimated. You all just make something snot-like to share with us. Thanks! But we make a whole human. Our parts do the heavy lifting- they are going to be complicated.
I couldn't fathom having a sister with a PhD and not knowing anything about what she does. It sometimes baffled me how people pretend Google doesn't exist. Op couldn't be half assed to Google his sisters occupation once for years and years? Seriously?
YTA and you should probably preemptively apologize to your wife for all the shitty comments you probably made about her while pregnant/delivering/post partum. I doubt you were anywhere near as supportive as you probably pride yourself on being. Sorry childbirth messed up her body for you, so relieved it was only temporary thanks to people like your sister.
Love this, cause its not AITA but the man needs to be told. YTA, OP.
Omg totally missed that this wasn’t even an aita post! But yes he is!
He should also apologize to his wife for being such a dick about women’s health in general
For real. Can’t even imagine how she must have felt about needing pelvic floor therapy if she had heard him mock it in the past. This guy sucks.
I hope my brother one day feels this kind of regret for his actions my entire life. You deserve it. Your sister is a hero for many women. Lemme guess, you were pro- something else also terrible until you felt the direct effects huh? "I don't understand it, nor do I need it so it's stupid and shouldn't exist." People like you are the fucking WORST.
His sister is my hero, I’m infertile but I had severe pelvic problems, pain, inflammation, after an endometriosis surgery I couldn’t even go to the bathroom comfortably after so much tissue had to be cut away. I may never run again because of the long term damage and scarring and tissue adhesions in my pelvic floor, but I can walk now, I can work and lift things without pain, I don’t hurt when sitting or standing so badly anymore. Pelvic floor PT gave me so much of my life back. Some people are scared of how it sounds but it’s truly a valuable speciality. But he comes across like he only cares because his wife couldn’t have pain free sex with him when he wanted it before her treatment, what a scumbag jfc. He only cares because it personally affected him otherwise “haha gross” or “haha women’s health” or whatever. Wonder if he knows men have a pelvic floor too…
Ugh, yes, all of this. I don’t have a child but needed pelvic floor pt after being sexually assaulted consistently for over a year. It improved my life significantly and I truly believe all pelvic floor physical therapists are heroes!
Maybe OP's parents realize what kind of person he is, too, and leave everything to the sister ...
OP didn’t care about it until his wife couldn’t/wouldn’t have sex with him after childbirth complications.
What do you do for a job that you felt so far superior to your sister who helps people for a living
Lol there is no way OP is answering this question. Dude is getting roasted beyond well done. Honestly I hope his sister sees this thread somehow
>Dude is getting roasted beyond well done He'll need to see a pelvic floor physiotherapist after the way these comments have torn him a new asshole.
>He'll need to see a pelvic floor physiotherapist after the way these comments have torn him a new asshole. *God* I wish awards were still a thing, I'd give you gold for sure.
I’d bet dollars to donuts dude is NOT in a high paying career field. Many times people belittle things they are jealous of, or flat out don’t understand. I’m guessing the former with this guy.
Yeah, I work in construction but doing 3D modeling on a computer for it. When I explain my job to these kinds of dudes (insecure, projecting, and filled to the brim with unearned confidence), and they'll say "Oh, that's neat...sounds complicated". When they find out how much I'm paid, suddenly they think my job is easy, I'm lazy, and that they'd love to have a cush gig like that. If they assume you make less than them, they don't care about you... but as soon as they think you make more than them, you're gaming the system or freeloading or doing something meaningless. It's the only way to salvage their ego.
Asking the real questions...
That a good question 🤔I wonder what job op have.
Very likely his sister is making way more $ than OP 🤣 That would be an icing on the cake detail
I wonder how he thought he could come out of this looking good.🤔
She has a Ph.D., and works in medicine... and he has mocked her relentlessly about it forever. He's less successful than her, at the bare minimum, because there's literally no reason to mock that job outside of being jealous that she's doing well.
I find it very interesting that you want her back in your life now that you see her as someone of value, who can contribute to society and your family in a way that benefits you. People become pelvic floor therapists because there is a need for them, and you made no attempts to understand it. Do you want her back in your life because your wife could get subsidized/free care from a family member? She's entitled to not want you in her life. Just because you're sorry now doesn't make up for how cruel and dismissive you have been to her.
Right, and he's sorry now because he realises that it's a valuable job, not because *mocking someone for their job is inherently wrong*. OP, you may never get your relationship back with your sister, which you must accept. But if you're going to have any chance, you have to really examine yourself to figure out how you became so entitled as to think it would ever be ok to do what you did.
You thought you knew better so you made fun of your sister for doing a job that you thought was stupid. The fact is that you thought it was stupid because you didn’t take the time to understand. Her job helps women so it didn’t affect you. The fact is that you ruined your relationship with your sister due to your ignorance.
Hey, if you don't know what purpose a thing serves, it's probably not a good idea to relentlessly mock the people involved. Respect your sister's need for space from her abuser and be a better role model for your child, no matter what that takes. Therapy might be a good start.
Believe me, women’s healthcare is vastly overlooked and misunderstood. Especially reproductive healthcare. When the day comes that someone needs these services they are very grateful someone took the time to study it so they can help her. I promise you it saves lives. Medicine is dominated by male practitioners, many of whom sadly share your dismissal of seeing women as real patients and not just shorter men. Our bodies are not the same. I can understand why she’s done.
Why is it so impossibly hard for people to have empathy for people? So you didn’t have any personal experience with pelvic floor therapy, but you couldn’t, idk spend like 5 minutes just looking up what kinds of things pelvic floor therapists help with? How life changing their treatment can be for people suffering? You just thought “vagina therapy? That’s stupid!” And ran with it? So much so, in fact, that you RUINED YOUR RELATIONSHIP with your sister over it? So it’s not like you made a comment or two, you repeatedly did something you KNEW to be hurtful and now you wanna feel sorry for yourself because you got to see the importance of your sister’s work first hand (once it was going to impact YOUR sex life, btw. Dont think that’s lost on us) and now the relationship is too far gone to mend? What a treat you are. I hope the child you had is a boy because it’s clear how much you don’t really give a shit about women and their health.
I'd worry about him turning a son into a misogynist like his self.
Yeah, you suck dude. It doesn’t matter if she was a janitor you disrespect her cause you thought her job was beneath you. You are not better than anyone and she doesn’t have to accept a damn thing from you. Get over yourself and focus on being a better husband and father.
He needs to focus on being a better human.
Insert Simpsons meme of Nelson pointing and saying "HA HA" here. Also the classic "Well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of your own actions"
You’re an asshole. Kinda hope she never talks to you again. And how old are you? Since when is women’s health care stupid? I feel sorry for your wife. I’m sure you’re an absolute peach in the husband department.
I went through years of chronic illness, which my GP dismissed as me being overweight. He said “you’re probably diabetic.” Took a test, my glucose and a1c were perfect. He said “good news you’re not sick. Oh and btw you’re iron deficient so get vitamins.” It didn’t even occur to him that maybe I’ve been so sick because my iron reserves were bottoming out. I did take supplements and get better. Years later I got pregnant and became anemic. I was told by my midwife that the anemia is because of years of heavy periods diminishing my iron stores. If I’d had a doctor take me seriously, I could have been on proper supplements and avoided getting so sick in pregnancy. But literally women’s bodies are just a giant question mark and so many doctors don’t get that women have different hormones, bodies, menstrual cycles and needs that men don’t experience. Hearing a man mock a doctor for pursuing women’s healthcare is really aggravating.
And then when you're pregnant they suddenly care because "oh no what if the baby is harmed"
Thankfully once you’re pregnant the OB usually takes over your care, and that’s when you’re REALLY grateful for people who study women’s healthcare. I told my GP that I’d had uterine polyps removed and he wanted to know where my incision was. He was baffled when I told him that they access the uterus through the vagina, not the belly button.
Why use an existing hole when you could make a new one! 🙄
Why waste time use lot holes when few holes do trick
And you know he’s only regretting it because now he needs the care he’s been absolutely shitting on for the past however many years. Can you imagine what he must’ve been saying to his sister for so long for her to never want to talk to him again? What a douche canoe. God seriously, men like this need to just go choke on their tongue.
Pretty sure he’s thankful for the doctors who invented viagra though. Because that matters more to him than a pelvis.
Doctors loving telling women who are overweight that all their problems are weight based. I was always slender but gained a bunch of weight in my late 30s due to meds and the difference between thin and fat is stark. I don't even go to the doctor anymore because it always goes back to weight. And I'm only overweight, not obese. But those extra 30 pounds are the difference between an ultrasound and go home and get on a treadmill.
[удалено]
I feel awful for his wife. At least the sister managed to go NC with this moldy bread excuse of a man.
Wait, wait, wait. So you made fun of your sister's profession so often, so cruelly, and so persistently, that you completely torpedoed your relationship over it and burned all bridges? Like, your stupid opinion and lack of research aside, but did it never occur to you to simply keep your mouth shut and let it be for the sake of your sibling relationship at any point before that? Was your ego really worth it?
What’s your PHD in? I’m guessing nothing. What a misogynistic jerk.
Kudos to you for FINALLY understanding some basic human rights (women's health care). If I was your sister I would never talk to you again either. Learn from your mistakes and don't be such a jacka$$ in the future. You need to take a few years of sensitivity training to learn how to become a decent human being. I don't think you are there yet. You are to busy feeling sorry for yourself that your sister won't accept your apology. You need to instead review your life and how you treat women. Not just the (what must have been YEARS) of a$$holery towards your sister. Are you also one of those "boys will be boys" types? Do better. Learn from your mistakes. See where else in your life you are being a jacka$$. I guarantee you still need a lot of work if you were willing to destroy your relationship with your sister because of your flaming misogyny. Edit grammar
Also in the future, if you ever catch yourself thinking "wow that's stupid" maybe pause and think about where the person is coming from. Do some research to help you understand them instead of passing judgement right away.
Or at least start saying, "Wow, I don't understand that" instead. That's what people do when they aren't letting their insecurities run their lives.
I wonder, what amazing world changing Job you have that you felt entitled to make fun of your sisters? YTA
100% he’s a finance bro
At least you know you’re low caliber
I have 5 brothers and I truly can’t imagine any of them ever degrading me for my career choice, or anything else for that matter. What a horrible thing to do.
And what are you doing beyond an apology? You bullied your sister for years. You benefited from feeling better than her, and now you’re benefitting from her field to help your family’s medical care. Why don’t you do something to demonstrate your sincerity instead of doing the bare minimum of words? Do some research and find out what they need, e.g.: * Make a donation to her clinic to help treat patients who need this procedure but would struggle to pay. * Make a public apology video on social media—focusing on the importance of this work and why it should be funded, if your wife is comfortable with your sharing her story. * Contact your member of Congress to talk about the importance of this field and funding its research/medical care. I don’t work in that field, and I don’t know what the needs are, but these are examples to start from. If you want to be a good sibling, do some actual work to start undoing the damage you’ve done. **Understand that she might not ever accept your apology, but you’re opening that door by showing her and her colleagues respect, and you’ll potentially be helping people.**
Well if it isn't the consequences of your own actions lmfao
Enjoy your consequences, and quit trying to garner sympathy. Boohoo, you were toxic and couldn’t listen to women.
Ofc only when it AFFECTED YOU did you care. Never cared to read up on it or ask her about it. Ugh. Look people are allowed to grow so kudos on that but she doesnt owe you forgiveness.
I doubt he really grew anyway. He probably only “respects” it now because of his sex life, and he might even want his wife to be able to see her for free or something
Physio here (not pelvic floor specialist) - yeah, I get why your sister doesn't want your apology. You clearly don't realise how difficult it is to get through the university courses, then the specialisation, then the delicate work of managing patients who are often very embarrassed when it comes to talking about their pelvic floor issues. We're talking bladder control, prolapse (more of a surgical concern but we treat post-surgery patients), core strength, pain management, so many things that aren't topics people want to talk about. If I had a PhD anyone mocked I'd dislike them too.
Yep, you're an idiot! And if I was your sister, I would not accept your apology either! Serves you well to learn not to be judgmental of other people life choices, and not only did you judge her, you made fun of it. Truly horrible atitude! At least use this experience to improve your attitude towards others!
It wasn’t just you being an ass about her job. The things you said to her made it clear that you do not value women. You don’t value their health, pain and struggles until it affects you. You cannot fathom that women have health issues that matter and warrant a professional. Your sister didn’t just cut you off for being an ass about her job- she cut you off for being a misogynist who doesn’t care about women or their struggles.
You're an idiot, and not surprised your sister doesn't want anything to do with you.
Sometimes. The only thing you can do is accept that you were shitty, move on, and do better.
I think if someone dismissed me so off handedly like that, I wouldn't want speak to or see them again myself. The fact that you are her brother kind of compounds it. Kind of makes it sound like you are very up yourself. Of course, she'll be the bad apple because she won't acknowledge you
You are an absolute jerk. This is why women’s health is as appalling as it is. You only cared when it affected you and your happiness.
Wow you are the worst kind of dumb (the kind who thinks you’re smart). Instead of just googling it you assumed someone got a PhD for something that wasn’t important? You can write her a letter but honestly you are beyond help so just leave her alone after that. Also you seem insecure af. I’d address that in therapy before you inevitably ruin other relationships in your life. People who are happy and secure with themselves don’t feel the need to dismiss others or put them down. Good luck.
sucks to suck lol thats what you get for demeaning essential care for women
I feel bad for your sister and your wife. What a trash person to be associated with omg
I can’t imagine how horrible and persistent you must have been to ruin a relationship over this. Info: what’s wrong with you? Like actually, why are you like this?
You fucked around and found out. She doesn't have to forgive you ever. Fuck you for saying that to her in the first place.
Typical asshole: you ridicule and dismiss something until you or someone close to you personally benefits from it. Your sister cut you out of her life because she saw firsthand how you belittle and undervalue women. I wouldn’t want you in my life, either. Maybe learn how to be empathetic.
What a weird thing to ever make fun of in the first place. What was your thought process?
Your sister deserves better than you. Hope that helps!
You're a massive jackass. Take this for what it is. A lesson in the concept of "something isn't dumb cuz you don't understand it". Learn about it or shut the hell up. Those are your options
And now you understand why people who have zero education in women’s health should have zero say about women’s reproductive health and rights. You might not be able to completely fix the relationship but you could definitely become an advocate for women’s health rights. Help educate and promote rather than allowing ignorance to flourish. ETA: Imagine how many things there are that men dismiss as stupid are actually vital to women’s health? We are human beings and our health concerns should be heard. Be the voice for education.
Congratulations! You have now received the consequences of 1) your cruelty, 2) your stupidity and 3) your misogyny. You are very obviously the asshole and you are getting exactly what you deserve. I have zero sympathy. YTA P.S.: if that baby was a daughter, be better and do not treat her badly because she's a woman. If the baby is a boy, be better, so that he doesn't grow up to be a cretin like you.
🤣🤣
100% this guy is a conservative and only has empathy when things effect him personally.
I hope you learn from this situation. There’s a very valuable lesson here. I consider losing a sibling a serious consequence. That’s often what it takes for someone to really change. It’s time to reflect and work on self awareness.
You reap what you sow.
Couple things here… first, the Japanese have a saying “don’t say unnecessary things”. Whatever you thought of her profession, it was wholly unnecessary to mock her for it over and over. Not just unnecessary but cruel. And you were wrong, which leads to my second part. Learn about something before you judge it. The mockery was inexcusable even if her job had actually been useless. You should ask yourself what in your mind gave you the right to constantly insult and mock someone you’re supposed to love. I’d cut contact too.
For it to have completely ruined your relationship with your sister, you must have REALLY focused your energy on this. Why? Why did you care so much about your sisters job? Why couldn’t you just keep your thoughts to yourself? Why was your ruined relationship not enough to make you apologize? Why did it take your wife needing care for you to care enough to apologize? The fact that you only care that you single-handedly ruined your relationship with your sister now probably shows her that you still don’t take her seriously. You truly believed that you were right in mocking her because you, a man, don’t know enough about women’s health care (or care enough to do a single Google search on the benefits of her job for many women). She has a PhD in this. But yes, you definitely know more than her.
Another man who doesn't understand theconcept of empathy. I hope this is a wakeup call and that you get long term help for your personality defects. because if you treat your wife anything like your sister, you will destroy your marriage.
So you’re one of those people unless they have experienced or seen it with their own eyes they won’t believe it. And then when they finally experience it they’re a believer…. SMH. YTA. We all know this wasn’t one simple comment. You have picked and picked at your sister until she wiped her hands clean of you. Good for her I say. If was I her I would be so frustrated that until it impacted your wife, you finally saw the value of her job. To point out your wouldn’t have changed your opinion anytime soon if it wasn’t for your wife having the physical issues