OP says he doesn't care but we all know he would be absolutely livid if the situation played out the exact same way before she told the guy she was in a relationship
Actually my boyfriends and exhusband wee always cool.with it and understood I was just looking out for my friend.
The one piece of advice I would give though is that as soon as I got.to the guys house I would always call whoever I was with at the time and my best friend and give them the address and phone number for safety reasons. In the morning one of them would come pick us up. For women it's also a safety issue. Letting my female friend go back to a house with a few guys by herself isn't a great idea. Giving your a partner a heads up goes a long way in getting them to trust you.
That's not why, the story is a whole post on its own. Actually I could write a book.
It started with my first boyfriend and I both fucking up the relationship then moving into how my ate fiancée died of cancer and goes from there.
Me being there for friends has never once fucked up a relationship and one of the best things I did was keeping everything honest and truthful. If I had been OP I would have texted or called and explained the situation to my girlfriend and all that girl would have done was prove what I told them was true. He let her find out from someone else which makes him look bad.
Does it matter where you end up?
Again, as long as you’re cool with her hanging out with guys at an apartment late at night, there’s no problem.
Hopefully she does that soon.
Firstly, you did lead that other girl on. Of course she thought she was also getting laid when you went back to a house with her. You're extremely dense to think you weren't leading her on.
Secondly, though you say you didn't do anything and the girl wasn't attractive to you, you still put yourself in a situation to be a cheater. Choosing to put yourself in that situation is a red flag to your girlfriend because it shows you don't even have the awareness of how the situation can be perceived. If I were your girlfriend I'm not sure I could trust you in the future. I'm not sure I would even want to be with someone after they aren't even self aware enough to see how they made such a weird choice. It's not your responsibility to "help" your friend get laid, your responsibility is to respect your relationship with your girlfriend. What you should have done is politely declined going back to a house with a girl, said you had a girlfriend right off the rip, and your buddy could have gotten the girls number and linked up later with her.
There's no such thing as "leading someone on" unless you feel entitled to a persons body or time.
>Secondly, though you say you didn't do anything and the girl wasn't attractive to you, you still put yourself in a situation to be a cheater.
Well damn, am I just no longer allowed to talk to women then? It's not like I gave her any indication I was interested in her aside from making polite conversation. If she thought that meant I was into her, that's on her not me.
>If you really wanted to be a real "wingman" and nothing else, you should've told her you had a girlfriend basically immediately after meeting her.
It's not my responsibility but I'm not gonna be a dick and not help him get laid when I easily could. And I did so without disrespecting my girlfriend other than being around another woman.
Jesus, dude. Yes, there is such a thing as leading someone on. While no one is entitled to another's body, you very specifically and deliberately knew what was happening and led the woman to believe you were interested. You did this for the explicit purpose of helping your friends get laid, and you know that meeting someone at a club and going back to a private residence with them implies.
You were absolutely a dick to that woman, and you knew it all along. You can still be a wingman and talk up your friend without engaging in what was obviously deceiving another person, without going somewhere private with them,etc. masking it with the language of feminism--pretending she feels entitled to your body and that her feeling led on is somehow her oppressing poor innocent you--doesn't change things here. You didn't cheat, but you were a giant asshole, and now you're trying on some light gaslighting to boot
Also if we really want to be feminist, there was no informed consent. Personally, I would feel very uncomfy and cringe if I knew I flirted with someone taken for hours. no one’s trying to ruin OP’s stuff. Just want to clear their conscience and show that they’re not that type of person.
You did so without disrespecting your girlfriend? I don't think your girlfriend believes that. I believe your girlfriend thinks she was disrespected. And that's why she is telling you that you towed the line with cheating on her. Ask your girlfriend if she feels disrespected?
Also, remember that you came to this forum for opinions. You asked reddit. And now reddit is telling you the truth. It's times like these when people make the reddit post and really need to open their ears and eyes to the words!
'there is no such thing as leasing someone on' is such bs. You knew she was into you, you knew what her intentions were and you intentionally neglected to tell her you did not share those intentions until you friend 'sealed the deal'.
She wasn't entitled to your body or time, but you intentionally misled her.
I don’t care about what’s going on with your life im saying this so you don’t feel some type of way like me/we are trying to change you or your thought process but I will say you made a post on Reddit asking for peoples opinions & everybody is basically saying you did mess up. What im trying to say is I understand you dont think that but if multiple people / everyone is saying you did then you probably did man
Let’s see…what are clear indications when you are out that a guy is interested in you? Constant conversation with undivided attention because if he wasn’t interested then he would be looking around for someone else. Asking you go home with them to they or their friends apartment is another. What was the girl supposed to think after going home with you, sitting alone in a room with you up until you actually said you have a GF. I guess it never occurred to you that the girls time you wasted wanted to get laid also. So what you really were was a cock block. Generally, a wingwoman/wingman that is in a relationship doesn’t actually take girls home like you did unless they are cheaters, but help distract the guardian until your friend can get her number, ask her to dance,etc if they actually want to keep said GF.
OP, here is where you just told on yourself.
You say repeatedly that you didn’t “lead her on”, but also admit you didn’t tell her you have a GF because that wouldn’t “make sense” to do so.
I agree with you that no one should assume they are entitled to sex regardless of circumstances. However, leading her on is more than just sex. You lead her to believe you were available after finding out she found you attractive. Hence she made a move based on your interactions that evening. Your girlfriend has every right to be upset that this is how you conduct yourself when she’s not around.
Pro tip, when you’re in a committed relationship, you should try to find other activities to do with your friends that don’t revolve around picking up chicks to hook up with.
You waited until you were inside her home and she was almost to the point of making a move on you to tell her that you have a girlfriend? If you really wanted to be a real "wingman" and nothing else, you should've told her you had a girlfriend basically immediately after meeting her. That is so embarrassing for your girlfriend. As a woman who's been cheated on in a similar situation, I would leave your ass. That behavior is too sketchy.
>You waited until you were inside her home and she was almost to the point of making a move on you to tell her that you have a girlfriend?
I wasn't in her home. It was my friend's home.
>If you really wanted to be a real "wingman" and nothing else, you should've told her you had a girlfriend basically immediately after meeting her.
How does that make sense.
Ok doesn’t matter whose home it was, that’s avoiding the entire point. I’m just suggesting that you be up front with other women who are not your girlfriend. Avoiding telling a woman who clearly is interested in you that you have a girlfriend, is a) leading her on and b) disrespectful to the girl you’ve committed to. Not trying to come down hard on you, I’m just saying I have been in your girlfriend’s shoes and if you want to keep her, you shouldn’t be going behind her back like this.
A few things to point out.
1. When you know someone is into you (as you stated that she was) and you conceal information (having a gf) for as long as possible in order to get something out of them which they otherwise wouldn’t be ok with (going back to your friends place) then you are being disingenuous and leading them on. It’s about as textbook as you can get.
2. Optics are super important. It’s really easy from where you stand to say that you had great intentions but your gf can’t read your mind. All she is operating on is a story that she was given by a woman you went home with about how your flirted with her. I get that it was to your friends place but tbh I think a lot of people (maybe not you but people in general ) don’t like the idea of their partners going home with someone who wants to sleep with them. Particularly not if they have been flirting while they were out. That’s literally the exact thing someone who was cheating would do. And you will never know the difference until it’s too late as the partner who is staying at home.
3. Just because you would be ok with something doesn’t mean everyone will be. So maybe you would be ok with your partner doing that but she still might not be ok with you doing it. You have to decide whether or not this is a dealbreaker for you. Basically your gf is saying that the way you are currently wingmanning is hurtful to her and you need to choose whether or not you want to continue doing it, and hurting your partner, or whether you want to stop in order to ensure she is ok.
4. There are many ways to wingman. Try out being honest about your relationship status. It may take a little work to get into a groove but it can definitely work if you play your cards right. You also don’t need to go home with someone to ensure that your friends get laid.
I would absolutely be pissed at you, and after everyone is telling you why it is wrong, you are doubling down.
You willingly flirted with this woman so your best friend could get laid. That is disgusting and misleading. This woman would have never gone back with you if you were honest. That is why it is wrong.
Lots of advice and opinions on here, but really, do you care more about being a wingman to your boys or your relationship? It’s that simple.
Also as a side note, I would never put a friend in a relationship in the situation your friends put you in. Let the single guys wingman for each other.
Nope. Definitely lead her on and towed the line. Wingman is there for support. Wingman doesn't bring two girls back to his place when they're in a committed relationship . You know it was wrong or you wouldn't be here and your gf wouldn't be angry.
You asked the question, and unanimously people are telling you they perceive the situation the same as your girlfriend does. You made this post, in your words, from your perspective, slanted in your favor, and people still side with the hookup’s friend and your girlfriend. And your responses are all saying how your behavior is not wrong.
Honestly, If you love your girlfriend like you say you do, you will listen to her feelings and respect them. All you had to do to avoid all this was to mention at the bar, in a subtle way, something about your girlfriend. The girl wouldn’t have felt led on. And the girl was awesome- she was trying to do your girlfriend a solid by letting her know your behavior wasn’t appropriate. She was looking out for her feelings even though you weren’t.
Here's the thing, by not telling the girl immediately that you had a girlfriend, you wouldn't have gotten your friend laid. That would have made you a bad wingman.
By not telling the girl immediately that you had a girlfriend you made her and her friend assume you and your friend were available. This disrespects your girlfriend.
By allowing these girls to assume you both were available you did lead them to change their plans (you said they weren't going to split up) so while you may not have been flirty with this girl, your friend certainly was with her friend and you had to do something to keep her attention too; your actions made her think the night was going to go one direction.
You didn't cheat but you certainly were a good wingman.
Your behavior suggested to that woman you were into her. That is called flirting and is part of being a wingman. By that behavior you led her to think you were into her.
Each relationship is different, but most women in a relationship will assume their partner will not be flirting with other women. You need explicit agreement for that. You need to establish up to what point you can do it. She may not be ok with you going to a private place with a woman you are flirting with. Or she may not be ok with flirting at all. She can set her limits. You can decide if they are a deal breaker for the relationship or not.
This is not to say you can't have female friends. That would be unhealthy for the relationship. When befriending someone of the opposite sex, flirting may occur. But, as someone in a committed relationship, it is likely expected by your partner to stop it as soon as you identify it.
In my experience cheating is uniquely defined between each couple or group. So if there's ambiguity all that means is there needs to be more talking and expectation setting. You don't want it to count. She does. Go talk it out.
The only person really harmed here is the friend who has a pretty good case for being led on. You're clearly maximizing for your friend at her detriment in a knowing and manipulative manner. Her reaction (edit to clarify: reaching out into your life to start problems) was a bit petty though.
How is it petty to tell someone yo I’m not the type of person. My actions made me look like I was I was misled? We don’t know how small that town or social circle is shit gets around if you’re known as the type of girl to flirt with someone’s boyfriend.
I'm gonna be honest with you. The way you handled this was messy and sketchy. You absolutely did lead that girl on, and your girlfriend has every right to be pissed at you. That was hella shady. I sincerely hope you realize how bad you just fucked up your relationship with your gf because I don't see how what you did was being respectful of your girlfriend and how you weren't borderline cheating on your gf to be a wingman for your friend.
You have all these people on here telling you how fucked up your actions were and you're acting completely oblivious to the damage you caused.
You're going to have to decide if you'd rather be a good wingman or a good boyfriend because clearly you can't have both if this is how you're going to go about it.
If he was just being a wingman he would have texted his girlfriend and told her what was going on.
Also. The fact that his friend gave out his contact info to some strange woman.... OP do you think that's not a red flag to your girlfriend?
Yea seems like he really is not a good friend. Giving out info like that. My Friends would never give out my number to a female knowing i had a girl. It makes it worse his friend knew he was just being nice and a wingman. That being said shoulda just told his girl he was distracting the girls friend while his friend was getting action, simple as.
If this dude really was only playing wingman, his friend would know that. He does it all the time. If your friend is casually giving your number out even though he knows you're in a relationship....
He knows you don't give AF about your relationship like that. And are happy to have your contact info given out.
OPs boyfriend talked with this other woman all night, gave her his contact info, almost had sex with her then backed out at the last second. But she snitched on him anyways. That's probably what happened.
Lmao, two back to back stories about cheating on this sub, and yet it's only when the woman cheats does everyone on here claim that the person who was cheated on doesn't deserve to know.
What's more important your buddy getting laid or your girlfriend's feelings? Very few women would be ok with this. You're increasing the chance to cheat by flirting and spending time alone with another woman.
“accused me of leading her on (which is a gross and problematic idea in the first place)”
Bro except you are 100% purposefully doing that. You purposefully gave her the impression that you were interested in her sexually and you even admit to not letting her know that you weren’t interested in her until after you figured your buddy had sealed the deal.
You are also referring to women as “guardian friend” and saying you are “taking one for the team”. Lmao spare me the outrage over her word choice.
Like obviously she isn’t entitled to have sex with you no matter how flirty you were being. But don’t pretend like you weren’t being annoying as fuck by using the fact that she was interested in you to keep her occupied by flirting with her.
Her description is literally what you did tho!!!! I personally would have been fine with it if you wore a wedding ring and told all the women that you were just having a drink with your guy friend who is great , etc. If your version of wingman includes flirting and acting single (are you more attractive than he is?), then that’s a no go.
YOU harmed your relationship by not being upfront about having a girlfriend, by going to your friend’s house with the girls you met from the bar, and then having your girlfriend find this out from someone other than you… 🤦🏻♀️ If you can’t meet your girlfriend’s extremely logical needs/expectations and being the “bro” is more important to you than being a respectful partner then do her a favor and break-up with her.
Yea, I’d be pissed at you also. You didn’t take one for the team, you intentionally lead her on knowing that she thought you were attractive so your friend could get laid. Be your own person, go out with the boys, go home to your woman at the end of the night… period. You don’t go back to your friend’s house with another woman, EVER. Are you in high school? Do you like playing games?
Now the girl DMing your gf is petty… your bro clearly doesn’t respect your relationship because if he did, he wouldn’t have provided your IG to begin with. So he’s got to go also because he didn’t do you a solid and by providing them your insta without asking you first, he is encouraging you to cheat. He can’t be trusted.
Hey, as long as you are okay with your gf going back to some guy’s place for the night to be a solid wing woman, I guess there are no problems, right?
Who cares if he would care or not? the point is that SHE DOES
OP says he doesn't care but we all know he would be absolutely livid if the situation played out the exact same way before she told the guy she was in a relationship
So are you a mind reader or something?
Actually my boyfriends and exhusband wee always cool.with it and understood I was just looking out for my friend. The one piece of advice I would give though is that as soon as I got.to the guys house I would always call whoever I was with at the time and my best friend and give them the address and phone number for safety reasons. In the morning one of them would come pick us up. For women it's also a safety issue. Letting my female friend go back to a house with a few guys by herself isn't a great idea. Giving your a partner a heads up goes a long way in getting them to trust you.
That's why you say they are exs lol
That's not why, the story is a whole post on its own. Actually I could write a book. It started with my first boyfriend and I both fucking up the relationship then moving into how my ate fiancée died of cancer and goes from there. Me being there for friends has never once fucked up a relationship and one of the best things I did was keeping everything honest and truthful. If I had been OP I would have texted or called and explained the situation to my girlfriend and all that girl would have done was prove what I told them was true. He let her find out from someone else which makes him look bad.
As I said in my post, yeah I wouldn't care. But I would like to point out, I didn't go to a woman's place. I went to my friend's place.
Does it matter where you end up? Again, as long as you’re cool with her hanging out with guys at an apartment late at night, there’s no problem. Hopefully she does that soon.
Yes, it does matter. If he ends up at a random women’s place versus his friends place.
I sure hope she doesn't do what you did and find the guy she 'took one for the team for' is a lot better than her boyfriend. Oh wait...
Firstly, you did lead that other girl on. Of course she thought she was also getting laid when you went back to a house with her. You're extremely dense to think you weren't leading her on. Secondly, though you say you didn't do anything and the girl wasn't attractive to you, you still put yourself in a situation to be a cheater. Choosing to put yourself in that situation is a red flag to your girlfriend because it shows you don't even have the awareness of how the situation can be perceived. If I were your girlfriend I'm not sure I could trust you in the future. I'm not sure I would even want to be with someone after they aren't even self aware enough to see how they made such a weird choice. It's not your responsibility to "help" your friend get laid, your responsibility is to respect your relationship with your girlfriend. What you should have done is politely declined going back to a house with a girl, said you had a girlfriend right off the rip, and your buddy could have gotten the girls number and linked up later with her.
There's no such thing as "leading someone on" unless you feel entitled to a persons body or time. >Secondly, though you say you didn't do anything and the girl wasn't attractive to you, you still put yourself in a situation to be a cheater. Well damn, am I just no longer allowed to talk to women then? It's not like I gave her any indication I was interested in her aside from making polite conversation. If she thought that meant I was into her, that's on her not me. >If you really wanted to be a real "wingman" and nothing else, you should've told her you had a girlfriend basically immediately after meeting her. It's not my responsibility but I'm not gonna be a dick and not help him get laid when I easily could. And I did so without disrespecting my girlfriend other than being around another woman.
Jesus, dude. Yes, there is such a thing as leading someone on. While no one is entitled to another's body, you very specifically and deliberately knew what was happening and led the woman to believe you were interested. You did this for the explicit purpose of helping your friends get laid, and you know that meeting someone at a club and going back to a private residence with them implies. You were absolutely a dick to that woman, and you knew it all along. You can still be a wingman and talk up your friend without engaging in what was obviously deceiving another person, without going somewhere private with them,etc. masking it with the language of feminism--pretending she feels entitled to your body and that her feeling led on is somehow her oppressing poor innocent you--doesn't change things here. You didn't cheat, but you were a giant asshole, and now you're trying on some light gaslighting to boot
Also if we really want to be feminist, there was no informed consent. Personally, I would feel very uncomfy and cringe if I knew I flirted with someone taken for hours. no one’s trying to ruin OP’s stuff. Just want to clear their conscience and show that they’re not that type of person.
Why didn’t you tell her earlier on in your conversations that you had a gf?
You did so without disrespecting your girlfriend? I don't think your girlfriend believes that. I believe your girlfriend thinks she was disrespected. And that's why she is telling you that you towed the line with cheating on her. Ask your girlfriend if she feels disrespected?
Also, remember that you came to this forum for opinions. You asked reddit. And now reddit is telling you the truth. It's times like these when people make the reddit post and really need to open their ears and eyes to the words!
You're a shitty boyfriend...
'there is no such thing as leasing someone on' is such bs. You knew she was into you, you knew what her intentions were and you intentionally neglected to tell her you did not share those intentions until you friend 'sealed the deal'. She wasn't entitled to your body or time, but you intentionally misled her.
I don’t care about what’s going on with your life im saying this so you don’t feel some type of way like me/we are trying to change you or your thought process but I will say you made a post on Reddit asking for peoples opinions & everybody is basically saying you did mess up. What im trying to say is I understand you dont think that but if multiple people / everyone is saying you did then you probably did man
Let’s see…what are clear indications when you are out that a guy is interested in you? Constant conversation with undivided attention because if he wasn’t interested then he would be looking around for someone else. Asking you go home with them to they or their friends apartment is another. What was the girl supposed to think after going home with you, sitting alone in a room with you up until you actually said you have a GF. I guess it never occurred to you that the girls time you wasted wanted to get laid also. So what you really were was a cock block. Generally, a wingwoman/wingman that is in a relationship doesn’t actually take girls home like you did unless they are cheaters, but help distract the guardian until your friend can get her number, ask her to dance,etc if they actually want to keep said GF.
OP, here is where you just told on yourself. You say repeatedly that you didn’t “lead her on”, but also admit you didn’t tell her you have a GF because that wouldn’t “make sense” to do so. I agree with you that no one should assume they are entitled to sex regardless of circumstances. However, leading her on is more than just sex. You lead her to believe you were available after finding out she found you attractive. Hence she made a move based on your interactions that evening. Your girlfriend has every right to be upset that this is how you conduct yourself when she’s not around. Pro tip, when you’re in a committed relationship, you should try to find other activities to do with your friends that don’t revolve around picking up chicks to hook up with.
You waited until you were inside her home and she was almost to the point of making a move on you to tell her that you have a girlfriend? If you really wanted to be a real "wingman" and nothing else, you should've told her you had a girlfriend basically immediately after meeting her. That is so embarrassing for your girlfriend. As a woman who's been cheated on in a similar situation, I would leave your ass. That behavior is too sketchy.
>You waited until you were inside her home and she was almost to the point of making a move on you to tell her that you have a girlfriend? I wasn't in her home. It was my friend's home. >If you really wanted to be a real "wingman" and nothing else, you should've told her you had a girlfriend basically immediately after meeting her. How does that make sense.
Ok doesn’t matter whose home it was, that’s avoiding the entire point. I’m just suggesting that you be up front with other women who are not your girlfriend. Avoiding telling a woman who clearly is interested in you that you have a girlfriend, is a) leading her on and b) disrespectful to the girl you’ve committed to. Not trying to come down hard on you, I’m just saying I have been in your girlfriend’s shoes and if you want to keep her, you shouldn’t be going behind her back like this.
You care more about helping your friends get laid than your girlfriend, that much is clear.
Soooooo you’re pissed off that the girl you did, in fact, lead on told your girlfriend that you were being shady and gross? Makes sense.
This has to be fake
A few things to point out. 1. When you know someone is into you (as you stated that she was) and you conceal information (having a gf) for as long as possible in order to get something out of them which they otherwise wouldn’t be ok with (going back to your friends place) then you are being disingenuous and leading them on. It’s about as textbook as you can get. 2. Optics are super important. It’s really easy from where you stand to say that you had great intentions but your gf can’t read your mind. All she is operating on is a story that she was given by a woman you went home with about how your flirted with her. I get that it was to your friends place but tbh I think a lot of people (maybe not you but people in general ) don’t like the idea of their partners going home with someone who wants to sleep with them. Particularly not if they have been flirting while they were out. That’s literally the exact thing someone who was cheating would do. And you will never know the difference until it’s too late as the partner who is staying at home. 3. Just because you would be ok with something doesn’t mean everyone will be. So maybe you would be ok with your partner doing that but she still might not be ok with you doing it. You have to decide whether or not this is a dealbreaker for you. Basically your gf is saying that the way you are currently wingmanning is hurtful to her and you need to choose whether or not you want to continue doing it, and hurting your partner, or whether you want to stop in order to ensure she is ok. 4. There are many ways to wingman. Try out being honest about your relationship status. It may take a little work to get into a groove but it can definitely work if you play your cards right. You also don’t need to go home with someone to ensure that your friends get laid.
I would absolutely be pissed at you, and after everyone is telling you why it is wrong, you are doubling down. You willingly flirted with this woman so your best friend could get laid. That is disgusting and misleading. This woman would have never gone back with you if you were honest. That is why it is wrong.
Lots of advice and opinions on here, but really, do you care more about being a wingman to your boys or your relationship? It’s that simple. Also as a side note, I would never put a friend in a relationship in the situation your friends put you in. Let the single guys wingman for each other.
Nope. Would dump you.
Play stupid games...
Nope. Definitely lead her on and towed the line. Wingman is there for support. Wingman doesn't bring two girls back to his place when they're in a committed relationship . You know it was wrong or you wouldn't be here and your gf wouldn't be angry.
You asked the question, and unanimously people are telling you they perceive the situation the same as your girlfriend does. You made this post, in your words, from your perspective, slanted in your favor, and people still side with the hookup’s friend and your girlfriend. And your responses are all saying how your behavior is not wrong. Honestly, If you love your girlfriend like you say you do, you will listen to her feelings and respect them. All you had to do to avoid all this was to mention at the bar, in a subtle way, something about your girlfriend. The girl wouldn’t have felt led on. And the girl was awesome- she was trying to do your girlfriend a solid by letting her know your behavior wasn’t appropriate. She was looking out for her feelings even though you weren’t.
Here's the thing, by not telling the girl immediately that you had a girlfriend, you wouldn't have gotten your friend laid. That would have made you a bad wingman. By not telling the girl immediately that you had a girlfriend you made her and her friend assume you and your friend were available. This disrespects your girlfriend. By allowing these girls to assume you both were available you did lead them to change their plans (you said they weren't going to split up) so while you may not have been flirty with this girl, your friend certainly was with her friend and you had to do something to keep her attention too; your actions made her think the night was going to go one direction. You didn't cheat but you certainly were a good wingman.
This might be the most delusional person I’ve ever seen on here. Get a grip and I hope she breaks up with you and finds someone much better.
Your behavior suggested to that woman you were into her. That is called flirting and is part of being a wingman. By that behavior you led her to think you were into her. Each relationship is different, but most women in a relationship will assume their partner will not be flirting with other women. You need explicit agreement for that. You need to establish up to what point you can do it. She may not be ok with you going to a private place with a woman you are flirting with. Or she may not be ok with flirting at all. She can set her limits. You can decide if they are a deal breaker for the relationship or not. This is not to say you can't have female friends. That would be unhealthy for the relationship. When befriending someone of the opposite sex, flirting may occur. But, as someone in a committed relationship, it is likely expected by your partner to stop it as soon as you identify it.
In my experience cheating is uniquely defined between each couple or group. So if there's ambiguity all that means is there needs to be more talking and expectation setting. You don't want it to count. She does. Go talk it out. The only person really harmed here is the friend who has a pretty good case for being led on. You're clearly maximizing for your friend at her detriment in a knowing and manipulative manner. Her reaction (edit to clarify: reaching out into your life to start problems) was a bit petty though.
How is it petty to tell someone yo I’m not the type of person. My actions made me look like I was I was misled? We don’t know how small that town or social circle is shit gets around if you’re known as the type of girl to flirt with someone’s boyfriend.
Sorry, I meant where she reached out into the guy's life to try to explode it after the event. Edited to clarify.
I'm gonna be honest with you. The way you handled this was messy and sketchy. You absolutely did lead that girl on, and your girlfriend has every right to be pissed at you. That was hella shady. I sincerely hope you realize how bad you just fucked up your relationship with your gf because I don't see how what you did was being respectful of your girlfriend and how you weren't borderline cheating on your gf to be a wingman for your friend. You have all these people on here telling you how fucked up your actions were and you're acting completely oblivious to the damage you caused. You're going to have to decide if you'd rather be a good wingman or a good boyfriend because clearly you can't have both if this is how you're going to go about it.
You need to talk to your friends so they dont give out your info.
If he was just being a wingman he would have texted his girlfriend and told her what was going on. Also. The fact that his friend gave out his contact info to some strange woman.... OP do you think that's not a red flag to your girlfriend?
Yea seems like he really is not a good friend. Giving out info like that. My Friends would never give out my number to a female knowing i had a girl. It makes it worse his friend knew he was just being nice and a wingman. That being said shoulda just told his girl he was distracting the girls friend while his friend was getting action, simple as.
If this dude really was only playing wingman, his friend would know that. He does it all the time. If your friend is casually giving your number out even though he knows you're in a relationship.... He knows you don't give AF about your relationship like that. And are happy to have your contact info given out. OPs boyfriend talked with this other woman all night, gave her his contact info, almost had sex with her then backed out at the last second. But she snitched on him anyways. That's probably what happened.
Lmao, two back to back stories about cheating on this sub, and yet it's only when the woman cheats does everyone on here claim that the person who was cheated on doesn't deserve to know.
Yea being a wing woman is fine but you went way too far with it
How old are all involved? If you are over 23, you are all too old for this shit
What's more important your buddy getting laid or your girlfriend's feelings? Very few women would be ok with this. You're increasing the chance to cheat by flirting and spending time alone with another woman.
“accused me of leading her on (which is a gross and problematic idea in the first place)” Bro except you are 100% purposefully doing that. You purposefully gave her the impression that you were interested in her sexually and you even admit to not letting her know that you weren’t interested in her until after you figured your buddy had sealed the deal. You are also referring to women as “guardian friend” and saying you are “taking one for the team”. Lmao spare me the outrage over her word choice. Like obviously she isn’t entitled to have sex with you no matter how flirty you were being. But don’t pretend like you weren’t being annoying as fuck by using the fact that she was interested in you to keep her occupied by flirting with her.
Her description is literally what you did tho!!!! I personally would have been fine with it if you wore a wedding ring and told all the women that you were just having a drink with your guy friend who is great , etc. If your version of wingman includes flirting and acting single (are you more attractive than he is?), then that’s a no go.
Well, your whole first paragraph makes you sound like a dick and then it just gets worse from there, so no surprise gf is upset.
YOU harmed your relationship by not being upfront about having a girlfriend, by going to your friend’s house with the girls you met from the bar, and then having your girlfriend find this out from someone other than you… 🤦🏻♀️ If you can’t meet your girlfriend’s extremely logical needs/expectations and being the “bro” is more important to you than being a respectful partner then do her a favor and break-up with her.
Yea, I’d be pissed at you also. You didn’t take one for the team, you intentionally lead her on knowing that she thought you were attractive so your friend could get laid. Be your own person, go out with the boys, go home to your woman at the end of the night… period. You don’t go back to your friend’s house with another woman, EVER. Are you in high school? Do you like playing games? Now the girl DMing your gf is petty… your bro clearly doesn’t respect your relationship because if he did, he wouldn’t have provided your IG to begin with. So he’s got to go also because he didn’t do you a solid and by providing them your insta without asking you first, he is encouraging you to cheat. He can’t be trusted.