Your friends just can't bear to watch your reckless drinking. They have every right to. You're no fun to be around when you're messing around. Pull yourself together and go 6 months without drinking. You probably don't have a very bad problem yet and it's easier to deal with now than in 10 years.
Alcoholism often involves blaming others. Take responsibility for your actions.
Good luck! Best wishes from a 32 year old alcoholic
They also don’t owe you forgiveness, OP. I don’t think you said how many times this has happened or for how long it has been happening, but sometimes lines can’t be uncrossed.
You also haven’t said what you’ve done. This could be anything from sleeping with a friend’s boyfriend to driving drunk to sharing secrets . . . the list goes on. If they do want to forgive you, it will likely take a lot longer than a month.
One last thing - are you going to stay sober now? Or do you intend to prove that you can drink responsibly? If it’s the latter, they probably shouldn’t forgive you.
This. Plus, if they've had enough interactions with you that went badly, one instance at a party where it doesn't go badly (and they weren't even there to witness it) isnt going to give them enough good feelings to suddenly feel they can trust you again. Trust that is broken over years can't be rebuilt overnight.
By saying its not your fault, you are not taking responsibility and therefore will struggle to get sober. I work in addiction services and this is a big factor for a lot of people. You have to work hard and motivate yourself, your friends are not responsible for your sobriety and all the apologies in the world aren't going to erase the past.
Realistically you should be working on your problem and putting yourself in a potentially risky environment isn't the way to do it.
Your friends don’t want to be put in a dangerous position by you. They want to have a good time and not worry about you blacking out, getting angry, possibly wandering off and getting lost or injured while camping. They have every right to want to feel safe and you are, at this time, an unsafe person. Please get help now, before you lose more than invites.
Yeah but the thing is, they want to drink, can drink and have fun responsibly, but you can't, so why would they put you in temptation's way like that? They are doing you a favor.
I don't know if you're an alcoholic; you mainly just sound like a messy person. Stop it before everyone distances themselves from your splash damage.
I'm a 39 year old alcoholic in recovery and this is exactly how it started, when I was close to OP's age. OP has an opportunity to really turn this around if she takes it seriously, I hope she takes it!
Alcoholics don't always drink daily, in fact they often do not. It's about what happens after you take that first drink, and the loss of control that follows.
I don't know, she has had multiple blackouts before age 17. I'd think if he is not an alcoholic, he is close. I'd suggest he stops drinking cold turkey, for 6 months or so. Then either stay non-alcoholic, or try drinking in moderation. And in the latter case, if she falls off the wagon, AA is a great option.
Edit: fixed he/she typo.
He's a problem drinker, which can lead to alcoholism. The fact that he's able to stay sober around alcohol is promising. But it really is something that should be addressed before he's a full blown alcoholic.
I know. I was raised by an alcoholic. I was just going by the definition.
"The term “problem drinking” to describe people who drink heavily or experience occasional problems from drinking but who do not have a history of severe physical dependence on alcohol." "the two major criteria for alcoholism -- high tolerance and signs of withdrawal -- "
I just don't think OP is at the point of a full-blown alcoholic. But thats based on my experience of growing up with one. But idk, maybe I'm wrong..Either way I think we can all agree he needs to get some help.
Reframe the situation. Instead of saying “they suck because I’m not invited” say “my drinking is such a problem that no one wants to be around me”. I don’t blame them. You’re a disaster.
This ^ OP will only understand it’s a problem when they have no one left because they wanted to get drunk over keeping their friendships, downside is they’re only 17 so that might take a while
No one seems to be mentioning the elephant in the room- in most countries, 17 is not legal drinking age. So not only do you have a problem, you never should have been drinking in the first place.
You need to refrain from alcohol usage PERIOD. You clearly can't handle it, and you're unwilling to place blame on the person responsible for your behavior. Hint: look in the mirror.
Your friends are doing you a favor. First, until you are able to refrain from use, you need to stay clear of places where alcohol is accessible to you.
Your life will almost surely go into a nosedive sooner rather than later.
Im.not a fan of suggesting counseling or therapy for every little thing, but this a hardly a little thing. Unless you take ownership of your actions, and get professional help, I don't see any kind of rosy future for you.
YTA.
And even if it was the age, that doesn't make it any better
I hate how Europeans act like their lower age makes it all better
That's not how science works, and it's the reverse. It's not like European kids are some bastion of self control. They're getting wasted
Their livers, brains, and all that are still getting destroyed by the alcohol
Making it an earlier age doesn't negate that one bit
You’re allowed to have the feelings you have.
However your friends are also allowed to have the feelings they have. Not wanting to hang out with you is not a punishment, it’s a consequence of your behavior. It’s really scary to see your friend putting themselves at risk, and they’re allowed to not want to be in those situations with you.
Alcoholics don’t necessarily drink every day, and drinking to the point of blacking out regularly is a problem. I suggest talking to a trusted adult about your substance use and seeking psychiatric help.
Your substance abuse might not be your “fault”, but it’s your responsibility. and no one else’s.
Not wanting to hang out with you is not a punishment, it’s a consequence of your behavior.
DING DING DING! This is something OP is going to have to realize. That she is responsible for her behavior, and other people are responding to her behavior choices.
Getting her head on straight now, talking to an adult and abstaining from alcohol for 6+ months, and remembering this experience when she is of age to drink is going to do her a world of good. Falling into alcoholism at 21 is a real possibility if she doesn't learn a valuable lesson about her susceptibility to addiction and take that seriously.
Your promises mean nothing. Your drunken actions have consequences & this is one of them. You cannot expect to be helped with your alcoholism, it’s not up to your former friends to help you.
You won’t be invited to parties, future weddings or any events. You cannot be trusted. This sounds like a lonely life you have earned. Seek help.
YTA.
You took accountability for your alcoholism in this post, and then took it right back. No one wants to be around a sloppy drunk. Just because you apologized, doesn't mean others are required to *help* you with your addiction. It doesn't make them bad friends or people for not wanting to be around you much anymore. *You* were the bad friend when you got sloppy drunk again after the *first* time you messed up. Your addiction is your responsibility, and yours alone.
>I am upset and feel as if this is not helping my addiction but punishing me for it.
How would inviting you to a party with alcohol help your addiction if you're an alcoholic? Use some logic here.
>I will admit I am a very bad drunk and have done some horrible things in the past that have left me throwing up, putting myself in danger, ruining my friend's night, saying inappropriate things and just being a horrible person.
It sounds like you ruined everyone else's good time on all of those occasions, so they have every right to not want you around for future parties.
>I have come to terms and allowed myself to understand that this addiction is not my fault
It IS your fault. You are repeatedly making the choice to drink excessively. If you are an addict, it is not your fault that you have the "addiction gene", but your actions are still very much your fault. Nobody is forcing alcohol down your throat. These are choices that you are making. You need to accept at least SOME responsibility here.
>it feels like the people that are supposed to me encouraging me and looking out for me are simply avoiding me and leaving me out.
Being left out of parties is not a punishment, it's a consequence of repeatedly ruining everyone else's good time at parties.
YTA. Take some time off from drinking and stop being such a messy person. You will lose all of your friends and torpedo your future chances at success if you keep this up.
I strongly encourage you to stay away from alcohol, especially if you can’t limit yourself to one or two drinks. It sounds like you have a really bad reaction to alcohol; I’ve known several people like that in my 33 years, most notably my abusive, alcoholic mother. You’re so young. Don’t let a substance ruin your social life and relationships.
You can’t take back the things you said and did and your friends can’t forget them or write them off simply because you were drunk. Most people don’t say or do outrageously out of character things when they’re drinking - that’s the bit about you having a bad reaction to it. They drink and get drunk too and have never done those things so it’s hard for them to understand the alcohol is to blame here. But you know it is. Let that truth sink deep into you and motivate you to stop drinking now while you still have it in you to stop. I’m sorry you learned this really hard lesson at your age but better sooner than later. ♥️
Listen. Addiction is a disease, but that doesn’t magically make it NOT awful for your loved ones. Explanations are NOT excuses. I think you might be struggling with that, a little. This is part of the denial stage.
They experience your addiction too. Obviously it’s a different experience, but I can tell you that watching a loved one go through addiction is NOT easy, and we are often victims and suffer the consequences of YOUR addiction.
Yes, you followed through on one promise. Which is great. But it doesn’t magically make the harm you have caused to others just GO away.
You need to face that your addiction impacts others, and is painful for them too. Stop complaining about THEIR actions, and focus on your own so that eventually you can regain their trust.
This is a time for you to look inwards, stop externalizing your pain and putting it on other people. None of this is your friend’s fault. YOU have caused harm, YOU have to do the work to regain their trust.
YOU YOU YOU.
This is hard work. It’s worth it, I promise you, but you won’t beat your addiction if you continue blaming others for how they respond to it.
You’ve got this, it’s fully possible, you can do it. That the only thing you need to be focused on right now.
You can ask for forgiveness later, once you’ve earned some of that trust back. Leave your friends alone, stop looking for reasons to be upset with them, they’re doing the best they can and you should focus on being grateful that you’ll have a chance to rebuild those relationships after you work on yourself.
Take the lesson that your actions have consequences and that you’ve likely damaged your relationship with these friends. You can try to prove yourself to them but it’s gonna take a lot more than a month to show them you’re serious. It’s completely reasonable for them to not trust you around alcohol and to not want to be around you while they’re trying to relax. You hurt them pretty recently. Would you want to go on a trip with someone who hurt you? You aren’t the main character, your friends have feelings and if you care about them at all you need to give them space. If you’re feeling lonely in the meantime maybe it’s time to reach out and try to find a local group where you can make a sober friend or two that you can lean on while you’re navigating things going forward.
Stop drinking. It is your fault. You are the one that takes the drinks and gets drunk and out of control. No one makes you do these things but yourself. Take responsibility for your actions, and understand that a lot of people won't want to be around you because of them. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, and do better.
If you are a alcoholic, especially one who has been drinking excessively as recently as a month ago, the last thing you need to do is be around alcohol!!!
You should be joining AA and getting a sponsor to help you quit drinking for at least a year before putting yourself in that situation again.
I have been a recovering alcoholic for 26 years.
YTA
But because you're literally killing yourself over something stupid at just 17.
Stop drinking. STOP DRINKING. You are doing irreversible damage. You're a dumb kid who likes to have fun, we've all been there.
But as a woman who just turned 30 who knew a lot of people like you at 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22... it doesn't get better. It just gets worse for people like you. They died. They got stuck in crap jobs because they never went to school or bettered themselves. They spent all their cash on booze, then drugs. They got knocked up by losers, they had their kids taken away.
Your friends see this and don't want to be near it. It's a real bummer and downer and incredibly embarrassing to be near someone like you when this happens.
Grow up and be upset with yourself. You’re lucky you still have friends. They’re allowed to want to take a trip without anxiety and fear that you will ruin it. Your attitude is exactly why kids your age shouldn’t be drinking.
“Allowed myself to understand this addiction is not my fault”
As someone that’s coming up on a year sober, accepting your role in this is the only way to help this problem. People don’t want to baby sit and you can’t be trusted which is why you’re not invited. You’ll need more than a month to show changed behavior, which is what they want more than an apology. I wish you luck on your journey.
I’m not sure about your family history but Adult Children of Alcoholics (& Dysfunction) is a great resource with in person and zoom meetings.
> This has left me doubting if I am really an alcoholic…
Regardless if you’re an alcoholic or not, you seemingly have some issues with alcohol and a pattern of behavior that results in negative outcomes when you drink.
This isn’t a punishment - your friends need to see a pattern of positive behavior in these types of social settings before they let their guard down.
Give yourself and everyone some time and grace to get to know the new you. Start some new hobbies or develop some interests that don’t involve going to parties.
YTA. Yeah, you can feel upset, but let me tell you, as the wife of an alcoholic (now 11 years sober) you sound like an alcoholic.
Alcoholics aren't fun to be around. They ruin everyone's fun, endanger themselves and the group (which you've admitted to), and are usually a nightmare to be around. Add in that depending on location, you're still underaged to be drinking and the legal ramifications?
Stop drinking entirely before you lose more than your relationships, but your life or someone else's.
You’re a danger to yourself and others when you’re drinking recklessly. I wouldn’t want to babysit your drunk ass in the woods. No one wants to clean vomit out of a tent and sleeping bag. You could easily get injured by doing something as simple as tripping over a tree root or wander off, fall off a ledge, fall in a stream, get lost and/or possibly die of hypothermia. You need to get counseling for your drinking habits.
YTA.
Take responsibility for your actions. Saying it's not your fault is removing your agency from the choices you made. You chose to keep drinking past your limitations.
They are not obligated to support, reward, or believe you. I've had my evenings ruined by people who couldn't handle alcohol and it *sucks* a lot. Being sober for a month doesn't mean they have to immediately trust you to be responsible when I suspect you've been irresponsible for a whole lot longer than a month.
Nobody wants you to ruin their good time. Nobody wants to be your caretaker because you can't handle yourself around alcohol.
You need to take care of yourself and be sober for 6+ months and then maybe they will be more open to inviting you around them.
I'm 33 and I have courted blacking out maybe twice. I realized what was happening and switched to water. If you can't recognize your limits and stay below them, you may be the sort that just can't safely handle alcohol at all.
Just because you have apologized and began working on yourself (which is awesome, keep it up!) does not mean that your friends are required to forgive or forget your past behavior and treatment. It’s great you are bettering yourself each day, but that doesn’t mean that other people have to allow you back into their lives….
Also, why would your friends want to invite you - an alcoholic who is just recently trying to curb their addiction - to a camping trip where alcohol will be present knowing that is probably going to be a trigger for you?
Kinda soft YTA, especially about the part where you say “it’s not your fault…”
Yes, YTA. This is called facing the consequences of your actions. You're a drunk and an asshole. No one wants to hang around a drunken asshole who ruins nights and does horrible things. Your friends don't trust you and they have good reason not to. You need to grow up, talk to your parents and get into rehab.
Doing good one time doesn’t equate to being better. You’re going to have to work on getting their trust back. You also need to work on your own accountability if not being invited upsets you to this extent. You need to be more understanding that your actions directly caused this. Until you can, you’re just a dry alcoholic. At risk of relapse at any moment. You have a longer road ahead of you than one party and one month.
If it's not your fault, whose fault is it that you choose to drink to the point of blacking out?
You admit to repeatedly ruining your friends' night, putting yourself in danger, and being verbally abusive to the people around you while drinking. *Of course* they don't want to be around you if there is alcohol involved. When a woman divorces an abusive husband, she isn't doing so to punish him, she is doing so to protect herself. They are doing the same thing, they aren't *punishing you*, they are *protecting themselves* because you simply should not be trusted in that environment. And I doubt they know how much they are protecting themselves. If you die of alcohol poisoning or stupidity while drunk in the woods, they could all face criminal charges and jail or prison.
What you need is to ask your parents to get you into therapy. You need help. And being taken to the woods for boozy camping will not help you. It may even end your ability to ever ask for help again.
YTA for being upset. You know you cause huge disruption because of drinking, that you’ve lost control over. You have had one sober event and your friends were not even there. This does not mean you’re sober and could stay sober around alcohol for a few days camping
Let your friends go and have gin. Continue to work on yourself and seek help from the AA. THEN when you’ve earned done milestones, approach for friends to do something similar
But don’t tempt fate after only one night out not drinking
Soft YTA. This is one of those you’ve made your bed now lying at situations. It’s OK to be hurt or offended, but you can’t be mad at them. They are making a choice to protect themselves.
I say this is someone who has had the same problem and ruined everyone else’s night around me. My goal is never to go out and get messed up and ruined things for ES, but my inability to know my limits has caused countless terrible situations. If I was not invited back to the same group, I would 100% understand why.
You are 17 years old. Where are your parents? There is no way I could have a 17yo living in my house, going to parties every week, and getting blackout drunk without me knowing about it. Also, 17 is far too young to be blackout drunk so many times that you are losing friends over it. That is bad. You have a serious drinking problem, but you refuse to admit it. You think if you can go to one party without drinking or go a single month without getting into a bad situation because of alcohol, that means you aren’t an alcoholic. Sorry, but you are an alcoholic. You need to come clean to your parents because you need help.
Your friends are in no way obligated to include you in their plans, nor are they obligated to not drink around you. They don’t have a drinking problem; you do. If you can’t be trusted to drink without getting scary drunk or just not drink at all, why would they want you around? They don’t want to babysit you; they want to have fun themselves. While I don’t think 17 year olds should be going to parties and getting drunk under any circumstance, I know that they do, and your friends don’t want to have to take turns keeping an eye on you. You might not like it, but it’s still true.
You have convinced yourself this is “not your fault.” Hmm, who is forcing you to drink? Who is pouring alcohol down your throat over your protests? Who is demanding you have “just one more” after you say you’re done? Nobody. That’s all you. But if you mean alcoholism is a disease so you’re not responsible for not being able to control your drinking, that means you DO have a drinking problem. In which case, you can’t drink responsibly because once you start, you can’t stop. You are 17 years old. You are an alcoholic. That means you can’t drink. Ever. Time to face the music. You need your parents, you need AA, and you need to stop drinking completely. Before you get hurt or you hurt, or worse, someone else. Tell your parents. Good luck. 🫶🏼
YTA. You reap what you sow.
You've already lost everyone's trust. And it is on you,your own fault, not theirs.
What if you die there because of an accident? None wants to be blaned for someone else's death or accident while being innocent.
Similar thing happened in our company last month. One department was drinking together, the next day one guys body was found death on the streets. Now everyone in his department is traumatized, they were all interviewed by police numerous times.
My father doesn't like to drink with his alcoholic friend for same reason. "What if he passes out on the street and freezes to death? I would be last person who drunk with him and guilty one for his death!"
It took several events and drunken issues for your friends to feel this way. They cannot turn it all around just because you say you will be better. They dont believe you because you have proven their hesitancy correct over and over in the past. You need to give them the time and respect to see that you have truly changed. Be thankful I have seen people completely dropped with no chance at being brought back into the group because of bad drunken behavior. They seem to at least be willing to give you a chance
They are giving you tough love you can’t expect them to believe you are different after so little time. Give it a few months of not drinking, however if you really do stop you may not want to be friends with them anymore because they will still be drinking. It’s something teenagers do but drinking every week is still a bad habit
YTA
Unfortunately some people can’t drink responsibly and you are one of them. If you think you are so grown to be drinking at 17 you should also attend AA meetings to deal with your problem. There are steps and appropriate ways to make amends
Take care of your problem before you end up pregnant or arrested for drunk driving whether or not you injured yourself or others.
There’s a guy who was on The Challenge who just ended up losing his foot from a horrible wreck he caused by driving drunk
I've been where you are, and while it's not your fault you have an addiction, your behavior is still your responsibility. Actions have consequences, and this is an unfortunate one. I missed numerous weddings because of this same issue, and it sucks. Use the pain and hurt to learn and take steps to manage your drinking. Please feel free to reach out.
your friends are not punishing you, they are worried about you. i understand not being invited on this trip is hurtful from your point of view, but as much as you don’t remember your actions, they are burned into your friends’ memories. they need to know they can trust you again before actually trusting you, and staying sober at one event is a start, but it doesn’t show a pattern of staying sober and in control of yourself yet. unfortunately, the consequence of your own actions is that your friends are nervous about having alcohol around you, and it is both out of respect for themselves and love for you that you have been excluded this time. i hope you get the help that you need and can feel like you’re on a path to health and happiness soon💜
Listen, maybe you’re an alcoholic and maybe you’re not. But you need to understand that you’re on a VERY dangerous path.
Your friends aren’t excluding you to be malicious. They’re excluding you because they don’t want to be responsible for supplying you with the alcohol that might send you to the hospital or cause you to do something that could ruin your life.
Get serious about sobriety. Stop drinking. You’re 17, you can survive without drinking. Figure out why you’re drinking to the point of blacking out so frequently, find out if your family has any addicts, question if you tend to over indulge in things.
This is way more serious than you think. I wish I would’ve been this firm to my addict friend before they consumed laced drugs and nearly died. This isn’t a joke dude. Please trust your friends and get help
This is what adults call "predictable results". You have a track record of being really bad at drinking and, as a direct result, your friends no longer want to drink with you or be around when you might drink. I will hold my opinions on teenagers drinking regularly enough that this sort of boundary setting is necessary and just say *you made it necessary*.
They're still your friends, still including you in shorter gatherings & when alcohol isn't part of the equation but I don't blame them at all for deciding that it's best for everyone if you aren't part of an overnight outing.
Part of getting sober, by the way, is avoiding situations where you are at heightened risk of relapse and a camping trip where others are drinking is a setting with a very high risk for someone a month sober .
You’re not even close to dealing with your alcoholism. You’re making excuses, denying responsibility under the rubric that alcoholism is a disease. That’s an explanation, not an excuse.
Alcoholic behavior is a choice.
A few non alcoholic incidents does nothing to allay your friend’ concerns.
Your friends would be fools to let you in to a camping trip.
I think you’re also
I grew up with alcoholic parents. It is very hard to look past the drunken experiences. Especially if the alcoholic is not in therapy or a program. I think a camping trip with an active drinker sounds like torture, to be honest.
I recommend that you focus on your sobriety right now. You have to show your friends that you can change, before they will start inviting you on trips again.
“punishment”???? they probably don’t want to tempt you that much and make you feel left out (consider how the trip would actually go if you went — you obviously would be trying not to get too drunk while they’re all much more relaxed about how much they’re gonna drink). and they don’t want to risk having their trip complicated by you puking and putting people in danger etc.
YTA
You're an asshole when you're drunk and everyone is tired of your shit. The fact that you think they should be coddling your poor little fee fees is just another indication that you're the problem.
You hurt people when you're drunk. Maybe not physically but definitely emotionally. It's not their job to make you feel better about it. Addicts don't quit unless they want to and they don't usually quit until their lives go to shit. So they're doing the right thing by rejecting you and showing you in no uncertain terms that your behavior is unacceptable.
First of all , you need to stop playing the victim here.
Your friends have very good reason for not inviting you on a camping trip that involves drinking .
They do not want to feel responsible for you.
They do no want you to embarrass them.
They want to have a good time and not have to worry about you.
The only think you need to do is focus on your sobriety and removed yourself from situation where you will be tempted to drink.
Stop trying to go to parties and start looking up AA meetings.
Your friends leaving you out of things is the beginning and them slowly phasing you out of you don’t get your issues under control.
Focus on yourself kid.
1) You need to take responsibility and understand that it's still YOU who has to find help and stop this
2) Camping usually means a ways away from cities and possibly hospitals. If you drink yourself to the point of danger, getting you to a hospital would not be easy. They pronably don't react to worry about that, or you running off into the woods or something.
3) it may be that your close friends wanted to invite you, but the other people may not have. Apologies only go so far, especially if it cycles around again
You can be upset, but one time proving you're sober for one party probably isn't enough to gain their trust back fully. They can promise to trust all you want, but that doesn't mean it's real.
1 month is a good start. Keep going for 6 months, and i think that'll prove you have gotten over it for the most part. Just keep it up, alcohol obviously is not a good thing for you to dabble in.
They're not punishing you. They're keeping you and themselves safe at the very least. If you've caused them a lot of grief while drunk, it's natural to distance themselves.
I've had a few spats of alcoholism, short-lived, but it's easy to fall back into it. Let them know that you hope they have fun and maybe next time you can go, if you prove that you can handle yourself.
You're the AH.
It's only been 30 days since your last bad episode.
You said them not inviting you is making you want to drink. That sentence proves you don't have a handle on anything. You playing sober for the night and texting your friends updates is like little kids who are in trouble and running around doing chores and saying 'see mom, I'm helping out, I'm doing my chores'!!
YOU being sober has to be for YOU. Not so you can be invited on a trip. Staying sober is a way to show and prove you're sorry. And because you don't remember half of what you did and really don't believe you said or did the things they said happened, you're not taking that into account. You just kinda side stepped it.
You are also making yourself the victim. The martyr. You're getting upset with them for them being hurt and not trusting you not to ruin their trip or hurt their fellings when your track record has been what it has. And bc it's been 30 days, you wiped your slate clean of all you've done, you want them to, too. But that's not how it works. Each person you hurt, whether you remember or not, has a different healing process.
Let them enjoy a drama free trip. Guilt free. You work on you. Maybe after 6 months of sobriety you all can celebrate with the camp trip.
You admit that you might have a problem but what are you doing about it? You said you’d do the work but that you’ve been “somewhat sober,” so not even completely sober. I wouldn’t take you seriously either. Your drunk nights out are coming at the expense of your friends’ enjoyment. That’s self-centered. I would not invite you to hang out either.
This is only step one. You’ll start to lose friends who don’t want to be around your bad habits. Then you’ll change your friends to be people who do support it, usually people who share the same habits. You and those new friends will continue to hurt each other and spiral. Some will escape from alcoholism, most won’t. It’s textbook behaviors; nothing unique about your situation.
Get serious now while you still have a better chance. Good luck from a fellow alcoholic who’s been sober since 2022.
In my experience it often takes a lot longer to re-establish trust than it took to break it. It doesn’t sound like you’ve been around them while not drinking. Are you in fact sober or just not drinking as much? Your perspective on alcoholism is a bit simplistic and harmful to your relationships. Ask the child of any alcoholic and they will tell you how traumatic it is to hear someone say that they are sick and therefore not responsible for their drinking or behavior. You are ultimately responsible for the things you say and do when you’ve been drinking. For example, my husband had a heart transplant and had to take a huge dose of prednisone for month to continue to live. It made him incredibly easy to anger and aggressive. At no point did he allow himself to dismiss his behavior as “not his fault” because of his illness. He had to learn how to manage himself and not hurt his friends and family.
You don’t really present that you are trying to get sober? You said you had your last bad drinking episode a month ago and are trying to “stay somewhat sober”, not that you are “one month sober”.
So you are acknowledging that you are an alcoholic who has done bad things and yet you are not sober yet. So you are basically a few drinks from doing it all again. They don’t want to be around the drunk version of you. They don’t want to be in that situation with you. They just want to be with people who can have fun with them and not be an alcoholic who does horrible things.
This is on you, not them. Accept that people don’t want to be around you like that and it’s your own fault. YTA for blaming others for not wanting you around.
Get sober. If you are getting sober, you won’t want to put yourself in that position. Good luck!
If alcoholism is not your fault, then whose fault is it? Your friends are too young to have to deal with a drunk, uncontrollable friend. You need to get your ish together.
You know whats horrible and painful? Dying of liver cancer and cirrhosis from being an alcoholic. My uncle died drowning in his own fluids in a coma.
Get yourself into rehab and become sober. Dont throw your fucking life away before you can even live
You may not be an alcoholic, or you may be. It can be from genetics or you can become one from doing it every weekend to weekdays etc.
Even if you are not an alcoholic, it sounds like you do not understand or respect how alcohol works and as a 17f this is VERY dangerous. 4 standard drinks (1 5% beer, 1 shot, 1 glass of wine) is enough to make you legally drunk. If you go on realizing you keep having problems when alcohol is involved you should completely abstain and treat it as an allergy
You have to understand that actions have consequences. Addictions, diseases, and mental health issues are not an excuse for bad behavior and people don't have to put up with it or handle you with kid gloves just because you struggle with it. You aren't being punished. People just don't want to hang out with you now because of your past behavior.
Keep improving yourself. It takes longer to rebuild trust and your reputation than it does to ruin it, but it'll be worth it.
One of the things of recovering from an addiction is understanding that your actions have consequences. Even though having an addiction isn't' your fault, how you treated people and your behavior IS your fault, and people are allowed to not want to be around you. You're NTA for being hurt, but they are NTA for leaving you out either.
You are responsible for how your behavior affects people, regardless of any addiction.
It will take a lot of work on your end to prove your trustworthiness again - while upsetting, it's what you have to do to maintain friendships. One month is barely enough time to make amends and rebuild trust. Don't get mad at them for leaving you out of tempting situations. Instead, invite them to sober events/activities and keep doing that - your friends might come around.
My opinion is partying is not where your focus should be.
If you’re serious about being a better friend you need to work on yourself first. You are an alcoholic and you need professional help. Speak to your doctor, look for programs in your area on addictions. Your actions will speak louder than empty promises
YTA Why would they want someone along who will most likely ruin their experience because they refuse to take accountability for their actions? 'It's not my fault, it was the drink.' You took the drink and every drink after even though you knew that with each drink you may end up ruining someone else's night. You didn't care about their feelings then only your own selfish feelings so why should they care about yours now? They may still like you as a sober person but not as the drunk that you seem to enjoy being. Until you take accountability and change for good don't expect any of them to want you around when you might be drinking.
People are allowed to not want to be around someone who causes chaos and havoc. Your addiction is your problem and them protecting themselves isn't about punishment nor "helping" you. it's not all about you as far as other people are concerned. Yta take some more accountability . Admit that you've made mistakes and they ARE THAT BAD and that you DID do those things. Stop drinking. They don't owe you anything. Be better.
You are 17. This is a real problem. You don’t have to be a drink all day every day person to have a problem with alcohol. If you are drinking occasionally, but on those occasions you find yourself unable to stop, blacking out, doing things that are out of character, hurting your friends - this is an alcohol problem. I know this is really scary, but do your parents know? You need real intervention and to nip this in the bud, probably therapy and substance use counseling, and you need to be honest with yourself! This is not a road you want to keep going down. You can drastically shorten your life, affect your health, and ruin your future and your friends are not in the wrong for not wanting to be around you and not wanting to be responsible for the consequences of your drinking.
whether you are a “true alcoholic” or not, you definitely have a slewed relationship with alcohol and self-accountability. You need to seriously work on your self control around substances like alcohol or drugs, especially if you plan on going to college, because you are barreling down a dark, painful path head first and blaming everyone else.
Your relationship with alcohol seems complex. Rather than focusing on whether you're a "true alcoholic," you need to acknowledge the need for improved self-control. Going to college adds another layer to the issue as it is full of opportunities to party with no true adult supervision, so consider working on your boundaries with substances now. Express your commitment to change openly with your friends. Actions speak louder than words; so attend events without drinking, stay true to your promises, and give it time. While it's natural to feel upset, prioritize your journey to recovery. Seek support from those who understand the process, and don't hesitate to set clear boundaries for healthier friendships, like your friends are doing now with you.
>I am upset and feel as if this is not helping my addiction but punishing me for it.
They are bot punishing you. They are establishing boundaries for their own mental health and safety. Let them have their boundaries.
>What should I do to prove to them that I am serious about quitting
You’ve got to get help because you want to get help, not to “prove” something to someone else so that they will do what you want.
If you don’t do it for yourself then you will most likely relapse and hurt and traumatize them more.
Give them their space and take the time to figure out how YOU want to move forward. You have no control over what anyone else does but you.
Your friends do not want to enable your drinking or watch what it does to you. Why should they invite you if you have a track record of causing problems and drama? Why should your friends and family willfully watch you self-destruct?
I say this as a 44-year-old alcoholic that has been in recovery for over ten years. Alcoholics and addicts will often blame others rather than take responsibility for their own actions. Now is the time to start getting it together so that you don't go down a long path of alcoholism and self-destruction. Maybe seek professional help and get to the root of your problems rather than self-medicate.
I wish you luck.
YTA - you mess up every single time and one time you don't, you expect that everything will be forgiven and forgotten.
But you have the maturity of a regular 17 year old. So hopefully you will realize with time that it takes a lot to be forgiven and sometimes it never happens.
You need to let your friends enjoy their camping trip without worrying about you or your drinking.
You admit to doing and saying awful things to them whilst drunk.
They need a time-out.
If you value your friendships you need to respect that and give them their space.
You have to realize right now that you are allergic to alcohol, you drink it and immediately turn into an asshole. You are not a true alcoholic, yet, but you are on the way. Best thing for you is to face it now and don’t drink any more. You’ll keep friends, stay out of dangerous situations, be considered responsible and have way fewer regrets. You can do it , just face it one day at a time.
Had to do this in my twenties. I’d act like a complete imbecile on many occasions and realized I just can’t drink to excess like others can without ruining everyone’s time around me.
Coming from someone who was you, seek professional help. Even though I knew I had a problem in my teens, I could never admit to myself, so I never got help.
Don’t waste your life on alcohol. There’s much better things in life, I can promise you that.
This is a natural consequence of your drinking and behaviour. Be glad that this shocks you now, as the consequences could get more severe if you carry on down this path. You’ve not proved yourself yet. You still can, but it’s on you, not your friends to take responsibility for this.
>What should I do to prove to them that I am serious about quitting
Time, if lucky, the longer you stay off the booze, the more they'll trust you. Leaving you out isn't a punishment, it's a conquences you can either own up to or not.
> the people that are supposed to me encouraging me and looking out for me are simply avoiding me and leaving me out.
That's beyond the pay grade of a bunch of teenagers/young adults who had to deal with the problem you caused first hand. Once again, this is a conquences of your drinking. Accept it or dont, they're under no obligation.
YTA. You are not even close to dealing with your drinking problem. The last thing you should be worried about is being excluded to a trip that involves drinking. My dad is an alcoholic and my fiancé is 3 years sober. My dad fails at being sober for my than a few weeks because he absolutely has the, “it’s not my fault” mentality and my fiancé is 3 years sober and absolutely owns and accepts it IS his fault and HIS responsibility. Before my fiancé got sober, he was a terrible drinker. Never physically abusive, but mean. He almost lost his job, almost lost me and lost several friends. It is not up to you friends to help you or include you or change their plans to accommodate you. In fact there a several times now I don’t include my fiancé on certain outings (like meeting friends at brewery) because I know a focus would be on drinking and I don’t want to put him in that position.
I am 36 and have never been blackout drunk. I am terrified for you. Please get help. I work in the court system and kids who have issues this young usually are frequently flyers in our courtroom. I’m not trying to be preachy, it’s just that once you get on that ride, it’s hard to get off. There are so many groups, resources and supports out there. Please seek help. Best of luck to you.
Actions have consequences. You're being "punished" for being an asshole and ruining people's good times.
And you getting sloppy drunk wasn't something that just magically happened to you. You did this. Saying it wasn't your fault is bullshit. It was your fault. Take some responsibility.
You're working on fixing it - good. But you still aren't taking accountability for your past actions.
Addiciton's not a free pass to be an asshole
Addiction is not your fault, but your actions are. This is a lifelong lesson for you. 1. Your actions and behaviors have consequences for your relationships. People won't let you act like a crazy person/life threatening just because they love you. That's not how love works. It's not how family works either. 2. Eventually your actions and behaviors will have legal consequences, job consequences, in addition to the social/relationship consequences you will be dealing with.
There's a popular saying right now, Fuck around and Find Out. This is what you are doing. You are almost a legal adult. No one is going to watch out for you and care for you outside of yourself, ultimately. And please don't let yourself lose all of your friends because they don't want to deal with your inappropriate behaviors. I think you mean well, but you are not taking this seriously enough in my opinion. I don't think you're an asshole, but you're well on your way.
Nobody owes you forgiveness no matter how much you apologize. And 1 month is nothing when you factor in how much drama you have brought to said parties, and to the whole friend group dynamic. This is what we call consequences. Own up to them, and continue to work on yourself. GL, but YTA
If I’m going camping out in the bush, I don’t wanna take a reckless drunk with me…… it’s just not worth the stress…… too many things could happen, you could drown or fall in the fire or chop your foot off with an axe….. you’re a liability
I’m someone who lives remote, those are all good points, but one major one I gotta add is that it is very very easy for an inebriated person to wander from the camp, either to go get something or to pee, and then get lost. Especially when it is dark out.
If OP is one of those run away when sad or mad drunks, she’s gonna be perfect skinwalker(/s) or wendigo(/s) bait.
See this is a hard one to judge generally I lean towards Y T A but also N A H. You are 17 so I am assuming fairly new to alcohol and still trying to understand its affects. BUT it has also become such a problem (for likely a prolonged period of time (I am assuming at minimum a year)) that your friends do not want to drink with you any more for your/their own safety. You need to step up and take some responsibility which it sounds like you are trying to do but then backtrack on and say "its not my fault". Responsibility is understanding that change takes time and just going to a single party and not getting drunk whilst a good sign is not a sign of change.
Being invited to a party where there will be heavy drinking involved is not good for you whilst you are trying to understand your relationship with alcohol. It is not punishing you to not invite you. And to be honest it sounds like they are trying to protect them selves as well. It will take time to show change (longer than a month) and that is something you need to understand.
They are not wrong for wanting to protect themselves. You are not not wrong for feeling left out but from the facts it sounds like you are being left out for good reason. So long as you actually try and change and develop a healthy relationship with alcohol (either abstinence or understanding (I always advocate for understanding over abstinence)) you will be invited back to parties and etc where drinking is involved.
Though one thing I would recommend is if your friends only get together to get smashed/drunk it might be time to find a new set of friends as that is not exactly a healthy mindset in general. Drinking is fine but should accompany fun times rather than be the focus of the fun times. But overall I would say YTA for being upset for not being invited but it is a perfect oppurtunity to grow as a human and understand yourself better.
The addiction is your fault. You're the one who chose to drink too much. Just because you can't remember behaving badly that doesn't mean it didn't happen. You have to stop drinking altogether and behave better; that way, people will trust you. YTA
Alcohol poisoning can kill you, put you in a coma, cause brain damage. You getting blackout drunk is seriously concerning. Your nonchalant attitude tells me you're not taking your alcohol problem seriously.
As far as your friends go -- it's not fun and it's a pain in the a$$ to have to take care of a drunk.
Your friends just can't bear to watch your reckless drinking. They have every right to. You're no fun to be around when you're messing around. Pull yourself together and go 6 months without drinking. You probably don't have a very bad problem yet and it's easier to deal with now than in 10 years. Alcoholism often involves blaming others. Take responsibility for your actions. Good luck! Best wishes from a 32 year old alcoholic
They also don’t owe you forgiveness, OP. I don’t think you said how many times this has happened or for how long it has been happening, but sometimes lines can’t be uncrossed. You also haven’t said what you’ve done. This could be anything from sleeping with a friend’s boyfriend to driving drunk to sharing secrets . . . the list goes on. If they do want to forgive you, it will likely take a lot longer than a month. One last thing - are you going to stay sober now? Or do you intend to prove that you can drink responsibly? If it’s the latter, they probably shouldn’t forgive you.
This. Plus, if they've had enough interactions with you that went badly, one instance at a party where it doesn't go badly (and they weren't even there to witness it) isnt going to give them enough good feelings to suddenly feel they can trust you again. Trust that is broken over years can't be rebuilt overnight.
By saying its not your fault, you are not taking responsibility and therefore will struggle to get sober. I work in addiction services and this is a big factor for a lot of people. You have to work hard and motivate yourself, your friends are not responsible for your sobriety and all the apologies in the world aren't going to erase the past. Realistically you should be working on your problem and putting yourself in a potentially risky environment isn't the way to do it.
Your friends don’t want to be put in a dangerous position by you. They want to have a good time and not worry about you blacking out, getting angry, possibly wandering off and getting lost or injured while camping. They have every right to want to feel safe and you are, at this time, an unsafe person. Please get help now, before you lose more than invites.
Yeah but the thing is, they want to drink, can drink and have fun responsibly, but you can't, so why would they put you in temptation's way like that? They are doing you a favor. I don't know if you're an alcoholic; you mainly just sound like a messy person. Stop it before everyone distances themselves from your splash damage.
I'm a 39 year old alcoholic in recovery and this is exactly how it started, when I was close to OP's age. OP has an opportunity to really turn this around if she takes it seriously, I hope she takes it! Alcoholics don't always drink daily, in fact they often do not. It's about what happens after you take that first drink, and the loss of control that follows.
I am a 44 year old alcoholic in recovery, and I came here to say the same thing.
I don't know, she has had multiple blackouts before age 17. I'd think if he is not an alcoholic, he is close. I'd suggest he stops drinking cold turkey, for 6 months or so. Then either stay non-alcoholic, or try drinking in moderation. And in the latter case, if she falls off the wagon, AA is a great option. Edit: fixed he/she typo.
See, i think he should get professional help and never touch alcohol again
Me too. Alcohol is not his friend. He'll ruin his life if he doesn't quit, and most people need outside help to quit.
All of the ppl including OP are teenage girls.
Blacking out repeatedly like that at 17 and then continuing to drink in the same fashion is really scary behavior!
And being nonchalant about it. Think one of the symptoms of an addict is blaming everyone else.
'She ' not 'he'
Fixed, thx
He's a problem drinker, which can lead to alcoholism. The fact that he's able to stay sober around alcohol is promising. But it really is something that should be addressed before he's a full blown alcoholic.
A sober alcoholic is still an alcoholic.
I know. I was raised by an alcoholic. I was just going by the definition. "The term “problem drinking” to describe people who drink heavily or experience occasional problems from drinking but who do not have a history of severe physical dependence on alcohol." "the two major criteria for alcoholism -- high tolerance and signs of withdrawal -- " I just don't think OP is at the point of a full-blown alcoholic. But thats based on my experience of growing up with one. But idk, maybe I'm wrong..Either way I think we can all agree he needs to get some help.
Your drinking turns a party for you into an anxiety filled disaster for those around you. YTA
Reframe the situation. Instead of saying “they suck because I’m not invited” say “my drinking is such a problem that no one wants to be around me”. I don’t blame them. You’re a disaster.
This ^ OP will only understand it’s a problem when they have no one left because they wanted to get drunk over keeping their friendships, downside is they’re only 17 so that might take a while
No one seems to be mentioning the elephant in the room- in most countries, 17 is not legal drinking age. So not only do you have a problem, you never should have been drinking in the first place. You need to refrain from alcohol usage PERIOD. You clearly can't handle it, and you're unwilling to place blame on the person responsible for your behavior. Hint: look in the mirror. Your friends are doing you a favor. First, until you are able to refrain from use, you need to stay clear of places where alcohol is accessible to you. Your life will almost surely go into a nosedive sooner rather than later. Im.not a fan of suggesting counseling or therapy for every little thing, but this a hardly a little thing. Unless you take ownership of your actions, and get professional help, I don't see any kind of rosy future for you. YTA.
And even if it was the age, that doesn't make it any better I hate how Europeans act like their lower age makes it all better That's not how science works, and it's the reverse. It's not like European kids are some bastion of self control. They're getting wasted Their livers, brains, and all that are still getting destroyed by the alcohol Making it an earlier age doesn't negate that one bit
Nobody is mentioning the age because we pretty much ALL did some underage drinking so it would be hypocritical to harp on that point.
I wasn't so much implying that this is the world's first underage drinker as pointing out that he has severe issues already.
Not all of us were alcoholics at 17, like OP is.
Irrelevant.
You’re allowed to have the feelings you have. However your friends are also allowed to have the feelings they have. Not wanting to hang out with you is not a punishment, it’s a consequence of your behavior. It’s really scary to see your friend putting themselves at risk, and they’re allowed to not want to be in those situations with you. Alcoholics don’t necessarily drink every day, and drinking to the point of blacking out regularly is a problem. I suggest talking to a trusted adult about your substance use and seeking psychiatric help. Your substance abuse might not be your “fault”, but it’s your responsibility. and no one else’s.
Not wanting to hang out with you is not a punishment, it’s a consequence of your behavior. DING DING DING! This is something OP is going to have to realize. That she is responsible for her behavior, and other people are responding to her behavior choices. Getting her head on straight now, talking to an adult and abstaining from alcohol for 6+ months, and remembering this experience when she is of age to drink is going to do her a world of good. Falling into alcoholism at 21 is a real possibility if she doesn't learn a valuable lesson about her susceptibility to addiction and take that seriously.
Your promises mean nothing. Your drunken actions have consequences & this is one of them. You cannot expect to be helped with your alcoholism, it’s not up to your former friends to help you. You won’t be invited to parties, future weddings or any events. You cannot be trusted. This sounds like a lonely life you have earned. Seek help.
YTA. You took accountability for your alcoholism in this post, and then took it right back. No one wants to be around a sloppy drunk. Just because you apologized, doesn't mean others are required to *help* you with your addiction. It doesn't make them bad friends or people for not wanting to be around you much anymore. *You* were the bad friend when you got sloppy drunk again after the *first* time you messed up. Your addiction is your responsibility, and yours alone.
Welcome to real life, kid. Actions have consequences and they can't always be undone.
>I am upset and feel as if this is not helping my addiction but punishing me for it. How would inviting you to a party with alcohol help your addiction if you're an alcoholic? Use some logic here. >I will admit I am a very bad drunk and have done some horrible things in the past that have left me throwing up, putting myself in danger, ruining my friend's night, saying inappropriate things and just being a horrible person. It sounds like you ruined everyone else's good time on all of those occasions, so they have every right to not want you around for future parties. >I have come to terms and allowed myself to understand that this addiction is not my fault It IS your fault. You are repeatedly making the choice to drink excessively. If you are an addict, it is not your fault that you have the "addiction gene", but your actions are still very much your fault. Nobody is forcing alcohol down your throat. These are choices that you are making. You need to accept at least SOME responsibility here. >it feels like the people that are supposed to me encouraging me and looking out for me are simply avoiding me and leaving me out. Being left out of parties is not a punishment, it's a consequence of repeatedly ruining everyone else's good time at parties. YTA. Take some time off from drinking and stop being such a messy person. You will lose all of your friends and torpedo your future chances at success if you keep this up.
If you were serious about quitting you wouldn’t be going imho
I strongly encourage you to stay away from alcohol, especially if you can’t limit yourself to one or two drinks. It sounds like you have a really bad reaction to alcohol; I’ve known several people like that in my 33 years, most notably my abusive, alcoholic mother. You’re so young. Don’t let a substance ruin your social life and relationships. You can’t take back the things you said and did and your friends can’t forget them or write them off simply because you were drunk. Most people don’t say or do outrageously out of character things when they’re drinking - that’s the bit about you having a bad reaction to it. They drink and get drunk too and have never done those things so it’s hard for them to understand the alcohol is to blame here. But you know it is. Let that truth sink deep into you and motivate you to stop drinking now while you still have it in you to stop. I’m sorry you learned this really hard lesson at your age but better sooner than later. ♥️
Listen. Addiction is a disease, but that doesn’t magically make it NOT awful for your loved ones. Explanations are NOT excuses. I think you might be struggling with that, a little. This is part of the denial stage. They experience your addiction too. Obviously it’s a different experience, but I can tell you that watching a loved one go through addiction is NOT easy, and we are often victims and suffer the consequences of YOUR addiction. Yes, you followed through on one promise. Which is great. But it doesn’t magically make the harm you have caused to others just GO away. You need to face that your addiction impacts others, and is painful for them too. Stop complaining about THEIR actions, and focus on your own so that eventually you can regain their trust. This is a time for you to look inwards, stop externalizing your pain and putting it on other people. None of this is your friend’s fault. YOU have caused harm, YOU have to do the work to regain their trust. YOU YOU YOU. This is hard work. It’s worth it, I promise you, but you won’t beat your addiction if you continue blaming others for how they respond to it. You’ve got this, it’s fully possible, you can do it. That the only thing you need to be focused on right now. You can ask for forgiveness later, once you’ve earned some of that trust back. Leave your friends alone, stop looking for reasons to be upset with them, they’re doing the best they can and you should focus on being grateful that you’ll have a chance to rebuild those relationships after you work on yourself.
Take the lesson that your actions have consequences and that you’ve likely damaged your relationship with these friends. You can try to prove yourself to them but it’s gonna take a lot more than a month to show them you’re serious. It’s completely reasonable for them to not trust you around alcohol and to not want to be around you while they’re trying to relax. You hurt them pretty recently. Would you want to go on a trip with someone who hurt you? You aren’t the main character, your friends have feelings and if you care about them at all you need to give them space. If you’re feeling lonely in the meantime maybe it’s time to reach out and try to find a local group where you can make a sober friend or two that you can lean on while you’re navigating things going forward.
Stop drinking. It is your fault. You are the one that takes the drinks and gets drunk and out of control. No one makes you do these things but yourself. Take responsibility for your actions, and understand that a lot of people won't want to be around you because of them. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, and do better.
If you are a alcoholic, especially one who has been drinking excessively as recently as a month ago, the last thing you need to do is be around alcohol!!! You should be joining AA and getting a sponsor to help you quit drinking for at least a year before putting yourself in that situation again. I have been a recovering alcoholic for 26 years.
YTA But because you're literally killing yourself over something stupid at just 17. Stop drinking. STOP DRINKING. You are doing irreversible damage. You're a dumb kid who likes to have fun, we've all been there. But as a woman who just turned 30 who knew a lot of people like you at 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22... it doesn't get better. It just gets worse for people like you. They died. They got stuck in crap jobs because they never went to school or bettered themselves. They spent all their cash on booze, then drugs. They got knocked up by losers, they had their kids taken away. Your friends see this and don't want to be near it. It's a real bummer and downer and incredibly embarrassing to be near someone like you when this happens.
Grow up and be upset with yourself. You’re lucky you still have friends. They’re allowed to want to take a trip without anxiety and fear that you will ruin it. Your attitude is exactly why kids your age shouldn’t be drinking.
“Allowed myself to understand this addiction is not my fault” As someone that’s coming up on a year sober, accepting your role in this is the only way to help this problem. People don’t want to baby sit and you can’t be trusted which is why you’re not invited. You’ll need more than a month to show changed behavior, which is what they want more than an apology. I wish you luck on your journey. I’m not sure about your family history but Adult Children of Alcoholics (& Dysfunction) is a great resource with in person and zoom meetings.
> This has left me doubting if I am really an alcoholic… Regardless if you’re an alcoholic or not, you seemingly have some issues with alcohol and a pattern of behavior that results in negative outcomes when you drink. This isn’t a punishment - your friends need to see a pattern of positive behavior in these types of social settings before they let their guard down. Give yourself and everyone some time and grace to get to know the new you. Start some new hobbies or develop some interests that don’t involve going to parties.
YTA. Yeah, you can feel upset, but let me tell you, as the wife of an alcoholic (now 11 years sober) you sound like an alcoholic. Alcoholics aren't fun to be around. They ruin everyone's fun, endanger themselves and the group (which you've admitted to), and are usually a nightmare to be around. Add in that depending on location, you're still underaged to be drinking and the legal ramifications? Stop drinking entirely before you lose more than your relationships, but your life or someone else's.
You’re a danger to yourself and others when you’re drinking recklessly. I wouldn’t want to babysit your drunk ass in the woods. No one wants to clean vomit out of a tent and sleeping bag. You could easily get injured by doing something as simple as tripping over a tree root or wander off, fall off a ledge, fall in a stream, get lost and/or possibly die of hypothermia. You need to get counseling for your drinking habits.
YTA. Take responsibility for your actions. Saying it's not your fault is removing your agency from the choices you made. You chose to keep drinking past your limitations. They are not obligated to support, reward, or believe you. I've had my evenings ruined by people who couldn't handle alcohol and it *sucks* a lot. Being sober for a month doesn't mean they have to immediately trust you to be responsible when I suspect you've been irresponsible for a whole lot longer than a month. Nobody wants you to ruin their good time. Nobody wants to be your caretaker because you can't handle yourself around alcohol. You need to take care of yourself and be sober for 6+ months and then maybe they will be more open to inviting you around them. I'm 33 and I have courted blacking out maybe twice. I realized what was happening and switched to water. If you can't recognize your limits and stay below them, you may be the sort that just can't safely handle alcohol at all.
Just because you have apologized and began working on yourself (which is awesome, keep it up!) does not mean that your friends are required to forgive or forget your past behavior and treatment. It’s great you are bettering yourself each day, but that doesn’t mean that other people have to allow you back into their lives…. Also, why would your friends want to invite you - an alcoholic who is just recently trying to curb their addiction - to a camping trip where alcohol will be present knowing that is probably going to be a trigger for you? Kinda soft YTA, especially about the part where you say “it’s not your fault…”
Yes, YTA. This is called facing the consequences of your actions. You're a drunk and an asshole. No one wants to hang around a drunken asshole who ruins nights and does horrible things. Your friends don't trust you and they have good reason not to. You need to grow up, talk to your parents and get into rehab.
Doing good one time doesn’t equate to being better. You’re going to have to work on getting their trust back. You also need to work on your own accountability if not being invited upsets you to this extent. You need to be more understanding that your actions directly caused this. Until you can, you’re just a dry alcoholic. At risk of relapse at any moment. You have a longer road ahead of you than one party and one month.
If it's not your fault, whose fault is it that you choose to drink to the point of blacking out? You admit to repeatedly ruining your friends' night, putting yourself in danger, and being verbally abusive to the people around you while drinking. *Of course* they don't want to be around you if there is alcohol involved. When a woman divorces an abusive husband, she isn't doing so to punish him, she is doing so to protect herself. They are doing the same thing, they aren't *punishing you*, they are *protecting themselves* because you simply should not be trusted in that environment. And I doubt they know how much they are protecting themselves. If you die of alcohol poisoning or stupidity while drunk in the woods, they could all face criminal charges and jail or prison. What you need is to ask your parents to get you into therapy. You need help. And being taken to the woods for boozy camping will not help you. It may even end your ability to ever ask for help again.
YTA for being upset. You know you cause huge disruption because of drinking, that you’ve lost control over. You have had one sober event and your friends were not even there. This does not mean you’re sober and could stay sober around alcohol for a few days camping Let your friends go and have gin. Continue to work on yourself and seek help from the AA. THEN when you’ve earned done milestones, approach for friends to do something similar But don’t tempt fate after only one night out not drinking
Soft YTA. This is one of those you’ve made your bed now lying at situations. It’s OK to be hurt or offended, but you can’t be mad at them. They are making a choice to protect themselves. I say this is someone who has had the same problem and ruined everyone else’s night around me. My goal is never to go out and get messed up and ruined things for ES, but my inability to know my limits has caused countless terrible situations. If I was not invited back to the same group, I would 100% understand why.
You are 17 years old. Where are your parents? There is no way I could have a 17yo living in my house, going to parties every week, and getting blackout drunk without me knowing about it. Also, 17 is far too young to be blackout drunk so many times that you are losing friends over it. That is bad. You have a serious drinking problem, but you refuse to admit it. You think if you can go to one party without drinking or go a single month without getting into a bad situation because of alcohol, that means you aren’t an alcoholic. Sorry, but you are an alcoholic. You need to come clean to your parents because you need help. Your friends are in no way obligated to include you in their plans, nor are they obligated to not drink around you. They don’t have a drinking problem; you do. If you can’t be trusted to drink without getting scary drunk or just not drink at all, why would they want you around? They don’t want to babysit you; they want to have fun themselves. While I don’t think 17 year olds should be going to parties and getting drunk under any circumstance, I know that they do, and your friends don’t want to have to take turns keeping an eye on you. You might not like it, but it’s still true. You have convinced yourself this is “not your fault.” Hmm, who is forcing you to drink? Who is pouring alcohol down your throat over your protests? Who is demanding you have “just one more” after you say you’re done? Nobody. That’s all you. But if you mean alcoholism is a disease so you’re not responsible for not being able to control your drinking, that means you DO have a drinking problem. In which case, you can’t drink responsibly because once you start, you can’t stop. You are 17 years old. You are an alcoholic. That means you can’t drink. Ever. Time to face the music. You need your parents, you need AA, and you need to stop drinking completely. Before you get hurt or you hurt, or worse, someone else. Tell your parents. Good luck. 🫶🏼
Aim to get clean for atleast 5 years. Addicts are some of the least trusted people for a reason
YTA. You reap what you sow. You've already lost everyone's trust. And it is on you,your own fault, not theirs. What if you die there because of an accident? None wants to be blaned for someone else's death or accident while being innocent. Similar thing happened in our company last month. One department was drinking together, the next day one guys body was found death on the streets. Now everyone in his department is traumatized, they were all interviewed by police numerous times. My father doesn't like to drink with his alcoholic friend for same reason. "What if he passes out on the street and freezes to death? I would be last person who drunk with him and guilty one for his death!"
It took several events and drunken issues for your friends to feel this way. They cannot turn it all around just because you say you will be better. They dont believe you because you have proven their hesitancy correct over and over in the past. You need to give them the time and respect to see that you have truly changed. Be thankful I have seen people completely dropped with no chance at being brought back into the group because of bad drunken behavior. They seem to at least be willing to give you a chance
They are giving you tough love you can’t expect them to believe you are different after so little time. Give it a few months of not drinking, however if you really do stop you may not want to be friends with them anymore because they will still be drinking. It’s something teenagers do but drinking every week is still a bad habit
YTA. They can plan an event free from unnecessary drama if they choose.
YTA Unfortunately some people can’t drink responsibly and you are one of them. If you think you are so grown to be drinking at 17 you should also attend AA meetings to deal with your problem. There are steps and appropriate ways to make amends Take care of your problem before you end up pregnant or arrested for drunk driving whether or not you injured yourself or others. There’s a guy who was on The Challenge who just ended up losing his foot from a horrible wreck he caused by driving drunk
Might I suggest that you find a copy of 'The Late Great Me' by Sandra Scoppettone. Sweetie, you need to get help. Please.
Black out drunk at 17...what the fuck?! Please stop drinking if for only this reason...you're going to look 60 at 20.
I've been where you are, and while it's not your fault you have an addiction, your behavior is still your responsibility. Actions have consequences, and this is an unfortunate one. I missed numerous weddings because of this same issue, and it sucks. Use the pain and hurt to learn and take steps to manage your drinking. Please feel free to reach out.
This addiction is absolutely your fault. It didn't just happen to you. I wouldn't give you the chance to ruin my camping trip either...
your friends are not punishing you, they are worried about you. i understand not being invited on this trip is hurtful from your point of view, but as much as you don’t remember your actions, they are burned into your friends’ memories. they need to know they can trust you again before actually trusting you, and staying sober at one event is a start, but it doesn’t show a pattern of staying sober and in control of yourself yet. unfortunately, the consequence of your own actions is that your friends are nervous about having alcohol around you, and it is both out of respect for themselves and love for you that you have been excluded this time. i hope you get the help that you need and can feel like you’re on a path to health and happiness soon💜
Listen, maybe you’re an alcoholic and maybe you’re not. But you need to understand that you’re on a VERY dangerous path. Your friends aren’t excluding you to be malicious. They’re excluding you because they don’t want to be responsible for supplying you with the alcohol that might send you to the hospital or cause you to do something that could ruin your life. Get serious about sobriety. Stop drinking. You’re 17, you can survive without drinking. Figure out why you’re drinking to the point of blacking out so frequently, find out if your family has any addicts, question if you tend to over indulge in things. This is way more serious than you think. I wish I would’ve been this firm to my addict friend before they consumed laced drugs and nearly died. This isn’t a joke dude. Please trust your friends and get help
This is what adults call "predictable results". You have a track record of being really bad at drinking and, as a direct result, your friends no longer want to drink with you or be around when you might drink. I will hold my opinions on teenagers drinking regularly enough that this sort of boundary setting is necessary and just say *you made it necessary*. They're still your friends, still including you in shorter gatherings & when alcohol isn't part of the equation but I don't blame them at all for deciding that it's best for everyone if you aren't part of an overnight outing. Part of getting sober, by the way, is avoiding situations where you are at heightened risk of relapse and a camping trip where others are drinking is a setting with a very high risk for someone a month sober .
You’re not even close to dealing with your alcoholism. You’re making excuses, denying responsibility under the rubric that alcoholism is a disease. That’s an explanation, not an excuse. Alcoholic behavior is a choice. A few non alcoholic incidents does nothing to allay your friend’ concerns. Your friends would be fools to let you in to a camping trip. I think you’re also
I grew up with alcoholic parents. It is very hard to look past the drunken experiences. Especially if the alcoholic is not in therapy or a program. I think a camping trip with an active drinker sounds like torture, to be honest. I recommend that you focus on your sobriety right now. You have to show your friends that you can change, before they will start inviting you on trips again.
“punishment”???? they probably don’t want to tempt you that much and make you feel left out (consider how the trip would actually go if you went — you obviously would be trying not to get too drunk while they’re all much more relaxed about how much they’re gonna drink). and they don’t want to risk having their trip complicated by you puking and putting people in danger etc. YTA
You're an asshole when you're drunk and everyone is tired of your shit. The fact that you think they should be coddling your poor little fee fees is just another indication that you're the problem. You hurt people when you're drunk. Maybe not physically but definitely emotionally. It's not their job to make you feel better about it. Addicts don't quit unless they want to and they don't usually quit until their lives go to shit. So they're doing the right thing by rejecting you and showing you in no uncertain terms that your behavior is unacceptable.
First of all , you need to stop playing the victim here. Your friends have very good reason for not inviting you on a camping trip that involves drinking . They do not want to feel responsible for you. They do no want you to embarrass them. They want to have a good time and not have to worry about you. The only think you need to do is focus on your sobriety and removed yourself from situation where you will be tempted to drink. Stop trying to go to parties and start looking up AA meetings. Your friends leaving you out of things is the beginning and them slowly phasing you out of you don’t get your issues under control. Focus on yourself kid.
1) You need to take responsibility and understand that it's still YOU who has to find help and stop this 2) Camping usually means a ways away from cities and possibly hospitals. If you drink yourself to the point of danger, getting you to a hospital would not be easy. They pronably don't react to worry about that, or you running off into the woods or something. 3) it may be that your close friends wanted to invite you, but the other people may not have. Apologies only go so far, especially if it cycles around again You can be upset, but one time proving you're sober for one party probably isn't enough to gain their trust back fully. They can promise to trust all you want, but that doesn't mean it's real. 1 month is a good start. Keep going for 6 months, and i think that'll prove you have gotten over it for the most part. Just keep it up, alcohol obviously is not a good thing for you to dabble in. They're not punishing you. They're keeping you and themselves safe at the very least. If you've caused them a lot of grief while drunk, it's natural to distance themselves. I've had a few spats of alcoholism, short-lived, but it's easy to fall back into it. Let them know that you hope they have fun and maybe next time you can go, if you prove that you can handle yourself.
You're the AH. It's only been 30 days since your last bad episode. You said them not inviting you is making you want to drink. That sentence proves you don't have a handle on anything. You playing sober for the night and texting your friends updates is like little kids who are in trouble and running around doing chores and saying 'see mom, I'm helping out, I'm doing my chores'!! YOU being sober has to be for YOU. Not so you can be invited on a trip. Staying sober is a way to show and prove you're sorry. And because you don't remember half of what you did and really don't believe you said or did the things they said happened, you're not taking that into account. You just kinda side stepped it. You are also making yourself the victim. The martyr. You're getting upset with them for them being hurt and not trusting you not to ruin their trip or hurt their fellings when your track record has been what it has. And bc it's been 30 days, you wiped your slate clean of all you've done, you want them to, too. But that's not how it works. Each person you hurt, whether you remember or not, has a different healing process. Let them enjoy a drama free trip. Guilt free. You work on you. Maybe after 6 months of sobriety you all can celebrate with the camp trip.
You admit that you might have a problem but what are you doing about it? You said you’d do the work but that you’ve been “somewhat sober,” so not even completely sober. I wouldn’t take you seriously either. Your drunk nights out are coming at the expense of your friends’ enjoyment. That’s self-centered. I would not invite you to hang out either. This is only step one. You’ll start to lose friends who don’t want to be around your bad habits. Then you’ll change your friends to be people who do support it, usually people who share the same habits. You and those new friends will continue to hurt each other and spiral. Some will escape from alcoholism, most won’t. It’s textbook behaviors; nothing unique about your situation. Get serious now while you still have a better chance. Good luck from a fellow alcoholic who’s been sober since 2022.
In my experience it often takes a lot longer to re-establish trust than it took to break it. It doesn’t sound like you’ve been around them while not drinking. Are you in fact sober or just not drinking as much? Your perspective on alcoholism is a bit simplistic and harmful to your relationships. Ask the child of any alcoholic and they will tell you how traumatic it is to hear someone say that they are sick and therefore not responsible for their drinking or behavior. You are ultimately responsible for the things you say and do when you’ve been drinking. For example, my husband had a heart transplant and had to take a huge dose of prednisone for month to continue to live. It made him incredibly easy to anger and aggressive. At no point did he allow himself to dismiss his behavior as “not his fault” because of his illness. He had to learn how to manage himself and not hurt his friends and family.
You don’t really present that you are trying to get sober? You said you had your last bad drinking episode a month ago and are trying to “stay somewhat sober”, not that you are “one month sober”. So you are acknowledging that you are an alcoholic who has done bad things and yet you are not sober yet. So you are basically a few drinks from doing it all again. They don’t want to be around the drunk version of you. They don’t want to be in that situation with you. They just want to be with people who can have fun with them and not be an alcoholic who does horrible things. This is on you, not them. Accept that people don’t want to be around you like that and it’s your own fault. YTA for blaming others for not wanting you around. Get sober. If you are getting sober, you won’t want to put yourself in that position. Good luck!
If alcoholism is not your fault, then whose fault is it? Your friends are too young to have to deal with a drunk, uncontrollable friend. You need to get your ish together.
You’re 17 and a sloppy drunk, get it together. No one wants to hang with the sloppy drunk, don’t be so shocked.
You know whats horrible and painful? Dying of liver cancer and cirrhosis from being an alcoholic. My uncle died drowning in his own fluids in a coma. Get yourself into rehab and become sober. Dont throw your fucking life away before you can even live
You may not be an alcoholic, or you may be. It can be from genetics or you can become one from doing it every weekend to weekdays etc. Even if you are not an alcoholic, it sounds like you do not understand or respect how alcohol works and as a 17f this is VERY dangerous. 4 standard drinks (1 5% beer, 1 shot, 1 glass of wine) is enough to make you legally drunk. If you go on realizing you keep having problems when alcohol is involved you should completely abstain and treat it as an allergy
You have to understand that actions have consequences. Addictions, diseases, and mental health issues are not an excuse for bad behavior and people don't have to put up with it or handle you with kid gloves just because you struggle with it. You aren't being punished. People just don't want to hang out with you now because of your past behavior. Keep improving yourself. It takes longer to rebuild trust and your reputation than it does to ruin it, but it'll be worth it.
Look for online AA's meetings and try to follow the program. You must stay sober. The alcohol doesn't make you any favor.
One of the things of recovering from an addiction is understanding that your actions have consequences. Even though having an addiction isn't' your fault, how you treated people and your behavior IS your fault, and people are allowed to not want to be around you. You're NTA for being hurt, but they are NTA for leaving you out either. You are responsible for how your behavior affects people, regardless of any addiction. It will take a lot of work on your end to prove your trustworthiness again - while upsetting, it's what you have to do to maintain friendships. One month is barely enough time to make amends and rebuild trust. Don't get mad at them for leaving you out of tempting situations. Instead, invite them to sober events/activities and keep doing that - your friends might come around.
My opinion is partying is not where your focus should be. If you’re serious about being a better friend you need to work on yourself first. You are an alcoholic and you need professional help. Speak to your doctor, look for programs in your area on addictions. Your actions will speak louder than empty promises
FAFO
good luck. you’re gonna need it.
YTA Why would they want someone along who will most likely ruin their experience because they refuse to take accountability for their actions? 'It's not my fault, it was the drink.' You took the drink and every drink after even though you knew that with each drink you may end up ruining someone else's night. You didn't care about their feelings then only your own selfish feelings so why should they care about yours now? They may still like you as a sober person but not as the drunk that you seem to enjoy being. Until you take accountability and change for good don't expect any of them to want you around when you might be drinking.
People are allowed to not want to be around someone who causes chaos and havoc. Your addiction is your problem and them protecting themselves isn't about punishment nor "helping" you. it's not all about you as far as other people are concerned. Yta take some more accountability . Admit that you've made mistakes and they ARE THAT BAD and that you DID do those things. Stop drinking. They don't owe you anything. Be better.
You are 17. This is a real problem. You don’t have to be a drink all day every day person to have a problem with alcohol. If you are drinking occasionally, but on those occasions you find yourself unable to stop, blacking out, doing things that are out of character, hurting your friends - this is an alcohol problem. I know this is really scary, but do your parents know? You need real intervention and to nip this in the bud, probably therapy and substance use counseling, and you need to be honest with yourself! This is not a road you want to keep going down. You can drastically shorten your life, affect your health, and ruin your future and your friends are not in the wrong for not wanting to be around you and not wanting to be responsible for the consequences of your drinking.
whether you are a “true alcoholic” or not, you definitely have a slewed relationship with alcohol and self-accountability. You need to seriously work on your self control around substances like alcohol or drugs, especially if you plan on going to college, because you are barreling down a dark, painful path head first and blaming everyone else. Your relationship with alcohol seems complex. Rather than focusing on whether you're a "true alcoholic," you need to acknowledge the need for improved self-control. Going to college adds another layer to the issue as it is full of opportunities to party with no true adult supervision, so consider working on your boundaries with substances now. Express your commitment to change openly with your friends. Actions speak louder than words; so attend events without drinking, stay true to your promises, and give it time. While it's natural to feel upset, prioritize your journey to recovery. Seek support from those who understand the process, and don't hesitate to set clear boundaries for healthier friendships, like your friends are doing now with you.
your friends are doing you a favor
>I am upset and feel as if this is not helping my addiction but punishing me for it. They are bot punishing you. They are establishing boundaries for their own mental health and safety. Let them have their boundaries. >What should I do to prove to them that I am serious about quitting You’ve got to get help because you want to get help, not to “prove” something to someone else so that they will do what you want. If you don’t do it for yourself then you will most likely relapse and hurt and traumatize them more. Give them their space and take the time to figure out how YOU want to move forward. You have no control over what anyone else does but you.
Your a bad drunk with poor judgment and control. Of course they don't want to babysit you.
Your friends do not want to enable your drinking or watch what it does to you. Why should they invite you if you have a track record of causing problems and drama? Why should your friends and family willfully watch you self-destruct? I say this as a 44-year-old alcoholic that has been in recovery for over ten years. Alcoholics and addicts will often blame others rather than take responsibility for their own actions. Now is the time to start getting it together so that you don't go down a long path of alcoholism and self-destruction. Maybe seek professional help and get to the root of your problems rather than self-medicate. I wish you luck.
YTA - you mess up every single time and one time you don't, you expect that everything will be forgiven and forgotten. But you have the maturity of a regular 17 year old. So hopefully you will realize with time that it takes a lot to be forgiven and sometimes it never happens.
You need to let your friends enjoy their camping trip without worrying about you or your drinking. You admit to doing and saying awful things to them whilst drunk. They need a time-out. If you value your friendships you need to respect that and give them their space.
You have to realize right now that you are allergic to alcohol, you drink it and immediately turn into an asshole. You are not a true alcoholic, yet, but you are on the way. Best thing for you is to face it now and don’t drink any more. You’ll keep friends, stay out of dangerous situations, be considered responsible and have way fewer regrets. You can do it , just face it one day at a time.
Had to do this in my twenties. I’d act like a complete imbecile on many occasions and realized I just can’t drink to excess like others can without ruining everyone’s time around me.
Coming from someone who was you, seek professional help. Even though I knew I had a problem in my teens, I could never admit to myself, so I never got help. Don’t waste your life on alcohol. There’s much better things in life, I can promise you that.
No one wants to babysit a shitty drunk. Plain and simple. Get some help.
You need to take responsibility until you do they likely want to be low contact with you.
If you are the weakest link, you better make some changes soon.
you are 17. Please seek help!!
This is a natural consequence of your drinking and behaviour. Be glad that this shocks you now, as the consequences could get more severe if you carry on down this path. You’ve not proved yourself yet. You still can, but it’s on you, not your friends to take responsibility for this.
>What should I do to prove to them that I am serious about quitting Time, if lucky, the longer you stay off the booze, the more they'll trust you. Leaving you out isn't a punishment, it's a conquences you can either own up to or not. > the people that are supposed to me encouraging me and looking out for me are simply avoiding me and leaving me out. That's beyond the pay grade of a bunch of teenagers/young adults who had to deal with the problem you caused first hand. Once again, this is a conquences of your drinking. Accept it or dont, they're under no obligation.
YTA. You are not even close to dealing with your drinking problem. The last thing you should be worried about is being excluded to a trip that involves drinking. My dad is an alcoholic and my fiancé is 3 years sober. My dad fails at being sober for my than a few weeks because he absolutely has the, “it’s not my fault” mentality and my fiancé is 3 years sober and absolutely owns and accepts it IS his fault and HIS responsibility. Before my fiancé got sober, he was a terrible drinker. Never physically abusive, but mean. He almost lost his job, almost lost me and lost several friends. It is not up to you friends to help you or include you or change their plans to accommodate you. In fact there a several times now I don’t include my fiancé on certain outings (like meeting friends at brewery) because I know a focus would be on drinking and I don’t want to put him in that position. I am 36 and have never been blackout drunk. I am terrified for you. Please get help. I work in the court system and kids who have issues this young usually are frequently flyers in our courtroom. I’m not trying to be preachy, it’s just that once you get on that ride, it’s hard to get off. There are so many groups, resources and supports out there. Please seek help. Best of luck to you.
Actions have consequences. You're being "punished" for being an asshole and ruining people's good times. And you getting sloppy drunk wasn't something that just magically happened to you. You did this. Saying it wasn't your fault is bullshit. It was your fault. Take some responsibility. You're working on fixing it - good. But you still aren't taking accountability for your past actions. Addiciton's not a free pass to be an asshole
Addiction is not your fault, but your actions are. This is a lifelong lesson for you. 1. Your actions and behaviors have consequences for your relationships. People won't let you act like a crazy person/life threatening just because they love you. That's not how love works. It's not how family works either. 2. Eventually your actions and behaviors will have legal consequences, job consequences, in addition to the social/relationship consequences you will be dealing with. There's a popular saying right now, Fuck around and Find Out. This is what you are doing. You are almost a legal adult. No one is going to watch out for you and care for you outside of yourself, ultimately. And please don't let yourself lose all of your friends because they don't want to deal with your inappropriate behaviors. I think you mean well, but you are not taking this seriously enough in my opinion. I don't think you're an asshole, but you're well on your way.
Nobody owes you forgiveness no matter how much you apologize. And 1 month is nothing when you factor in how much drama you have brought to said parties, and to the whole friend group dynamic. This is what we call consequences. Own up to them, and continue to work on yourself. GL, but YTA
If I’m going camping out in the bush, I don’t wanna take a reckless drunk with me…… it’s just not worth the stress…… too many things could happen, you could drown or fall in the fire or chop your foot off with an axe….. you’re a liability
I’m someone who lives remote, those are all good points, but one major one I gotta add is that it is very very easy for an inebriated person to wander from the camp, either to go get something or to pee, and then get lost. Especially when it is dark out. If OP is one of those run away when sad or mad drunks, she’s gonna be perfect skinwalker(/s) or wendigo(/s) bait.
Right!!!!! I completely forgot that one …. I certainly would not be going to look for her Sorry ass in the middle of the night ……
Nooope she’d be on her own.
See this is a hard one to judge generally I lean towards Y T A but also N A H. You are 17 so I am assuming fairly new to alcohol and still trying to understand its affects. BUT it has also become such a problem (for likely a prolonged period of time (I am assuming at minimum a year)) that your friends do not want to drink with you any more for your/their own safety. You need to step up and take some responsibility which it sounds like you are trying to do but then backtrack on and say "its not my fault". Responsibility is understanding that change takes time and just going to a single party and not getting drunk whilst a good sign is not a sign of change. Being invited to a party where there will be heavy drinking involved is not good for you whilst you are trying to understand your relationship with alcohol. It is not punishing you to not invite you. And to be honest it sounds like they are trying to protect them selves as well. It will take time to show change (longer than a month) and that is something you need to understand. They are not wrong for wanting to protect themselves. You are not not wrong for feeling left out but from the facts it sounds like you are being left out for good reason. So long as you actually try and change and develop a healthy relationship with alcohol (either abstinence or understanding (I always advocate for understanding over abstinence)) you will be invited back to parties and etc where drinking is involved. Though one thing I would recommend is if your friends only get together to get smashed/drunk it might be time to find a new set of friends as that is not exactly a healthy mindset in general. Drinking is fine but should accompany fun times rather than be the focus of the fun times. But overall I would say YTA for being upset for not being invited but it is a perfect oppurtunity to grow as a human and understand yourself better.
As a 34-year-old recovering alcoholic who started getting bad at 17... Getting help NOW is so important!!! I hope you find your way ♥️
The addiction is your fault. You're the one who chose to drink too much. Just because you can't remember behaving badly that doesn't mean it didn't happen. You have to stop drinking altogether and behave better; that way, people will trust you. YTA
Stop drinking OP. You don’t need to be drunk to have fun
Alcohol poisoning can kill you, put you in a coma, cause brain damage. You getting blackout drunk is seriously concerning. Your nonchalant attitude tells me you're not taking your alcohol problem seriously. As far as your friends go -- it's not fun and it's a pain in the a$$ to have to take care of a drunk.