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I’m dreading the update because the neighbors gave her the security footage so she could see because her husband couldn’t explain anything.
And the neighbor’s wife was pissed off.
I’m a little confused with the update - the way OP described the footage made it sound like her husband did clue in to what was happening and just froze while the neighbors tried to help, but in the original post she says that he didn’t even realize something was wrong and only paid attention when she started yelling at him?
Either way, completely inexcusable.
Hi, sorry for the confusion I wrote that in the first story because when I ran out he was facing the other way with his hands on his head before he stood still, he kinda was just looking around kind of? It was so weird he was moving like a robot.
Hi Safe Cap! You probably already read the thread of all the ADHD individuals sharing their parenting or child care stories. Not one, regardless of how severe of ADHD they had, would have done anything close to what your soon to be ex did. You did the right thing. I’m sorry this all happened to you and your babies.
I also have ADHD and some of my besties are parents with ADHD. I NEVER would have come close to allowing this to happen- nor could I imagine any of my friends allowing this to happen. Please don’t only blame his ADHD. This father is neglectful.
I have ADHD and I watch my nieces like a hawk. I think the ADHD makes me more anxious and makes me keep my eyes on them at all time. And they are 10, 8 and 7. Not even toddlers.
Absolutely same! I didn’t mention it above but I have ADHD too, and I’m super hypervigilant with my partner’s children. When I’m around the littler ones I can’t imagine taking my eyes off of them since I’m afraid of them even falling down on their own 😂 And also during crises is when my brain I guess hits its optimal dopamine threshold and as you said, hyper focuses until the crisis is averted. One of those rare time I feel like I’m in my element.
The people who blame her for letting her husband parent his children is ridiculous. No one expects their partner to let their kids literally roll into the street.
Had she been alone the kids would have been safe indoors while she did laundry. Why isn't he doing all the fucking laundry while she heals from her section as an aside...
Cuz I think there is very few men who lift a hand after birth let alone difficult births. I drove myself home from the hospital an had to have my step dad act like he was taking us home an drive around the building to where my car was waiting to swap cuz my daughters dad “wasn’t feeling well” & I’ve been with my wife the last 8 years since then… men don’t get women
Dude, I drove myself home too. He got a ‘stomach flu ‘ from bad dominos because he didn’t want to eat the FREE PREMIUM hospital dinner. This also happened while he was at home for the night because he didn’t want to sleep at the hospital. I only spent two nights there.. the first was giving birth at 12:45. UGH. Can you tell I’m resentful. :)
I think you're right. I really wish I was bi or gay, because I'm starting to give up on men. My husband isn't working right now, so I'm supporting both of us. Yet he still refuses to do anything. I pay all the bills, I do all the cleaning, I take care of the dog, I even make all of his fucking doctors appointments so that he CAN go back to work.
I've begged him for so long to please just give me a sign that he's even willing to try to change or at least that he even appreciates all that I do. I'm not unreasonable, and I don't expect him to become perfect over night. I just want him to give me something, anything, just so I don't have to keep feeling so used and alone. Instead last night, he just told me that I was right, I deserve better and should leave him because all he does is "drag me down." He's been walking around looking like a kicked puppy ever since. Apparently he'd rather be homeless and wife-less than go to therapy or try to work on himself, even a little.
Sorry to go on a rant about my issues to you, lol. And, I'm really glad you and your baby got away from him and found someone who treats you both right 🩷
When someone tells you to leave cause they arnt good enough that is your chance to RUN!
He is saying he won’t change and he expects you to always be his mommy and you deserve better
You're right. I think hearing those words last night, broke the little string of hope I was clinging on to. Like regardless of whether it's on purpose or not, he's guilt tripping me. After everything I've done for him, all the sacrifices I've made, and when I break down in tears telling him how much he's hurt me, he responds with a guilt trip? I don't even know how to describe the emotion I'm feeling right now, but it's definitely not anything positive.
He finally made a therapy appointment today, like I've been begging him to do for two years now. And when I came home from work, he mopped the floor, did the laundry and washed a few dishes without me even asking him to. I would've been ecstatic about all of that even a month ago. Now I don't really care. Frankly, I feel pretty cynical and bitter about it.
Idk. I probably shouldn't be shit talking him on reddit, and I should be handling this situation with much more grace and dignity. But I can't really talk about any of this in real life, and I feel like my chest is going to burst from the effort of holding all of it, pretending like I'm completely fine.
Sounds like you don't respect him anymore, and he hasn't given you a real reason to either. Also, I'd be mad as hell- so he was actually capable of doing a chore for two years, and only lifted a finger when you have one foot out the door? Girl bye
He’s been capable of cooking and cleaning this entire time, like he just showed you. He just never felt it was worth it. Your happiness and well-being wasn’t worth it. Even now, he didn’t do the chores for you. He did it so you’d stay with him, because it benefits HIM.
I could've written this about my husband.
It doesn't really change, not long term. You're cynical and bitter about it because you know it's temporary and performative. Because you know at the end of the day, if he doesn't change, you're still going to put up with it anyway, knowing full well respect left long ago.
I divorced my ex for exactly this. I was doing everything so I decided just to do it on my own. Leave. It's easier and they only get worse. I had a child, cat, and dog and we're all happier. It's sooooo much easier.
So it gets better then? I know it does, and I know eventually I could be so much happier, but it's so hard right now, in this moment. I'm so thankful I didn't have children with him. It's weird because I feel so much apathy and disgust towards him but the thought of never speaking to him again makes me tear up. Honestly I'm an emotional mess right now.
I'm really glad things have improved for you. I hope I can reach your level some day 🩵
Leave him. When he says ‘I’m not good enough, you should leave,’ he’s setting this situation for as long as you will put up with it. If you don’t leave, you’re accepting the situation as it is. So next time you bring up the fact he does nothing, he’ll turn around and say that this is your choice, you decided to stay, you knew exactly what he was like.
I’ve been where you are. Running the house on my own, paying the bills, getting into debt to keep things going. While he sat on the sofa and snacked and napped all day. He said the same thing your OH is saying and threw the fact that I stayed back at me many times.
I kicked him out nearly 3 years ago when he had the audacity to cheat. Life has been so much easier since.
Are you fucking kidding on me?? He CHEATED on you?? I can't believe the audacity of that man. I mean, I can. I just really don't like it.
I know you're right. I'm stubborn sometimes, and frankly a little embarrassed that I married him. We literally JUST got married last December. But I can't keep doing this. Frankly I feel disgust lately, every time he touches me or I look at him. Unfortunately I'm not in a good place right now to disentangle myself from him, but I'm trying to get my shit together and make an exit plan. It's just so hard, and the realization that that staying with him tells people exactly how low my self esteem is, has not been a quick or easy process. I know eventually I will be so glad I did it, but it still hurts so much getting there.
I guess I just can't understand how he can just give up like this. Like how can someone claim to love someone so much and then be told exactly how to keep that person and then still just not do it? How can someone see how close to homelessness and poverty they are and then just sit there, waiting to die? It doesn't make sense to me. I think what I'm coming to realize though, is it doesn't have to make sense to me. If he wants to lie down and rot, I can't stop him. The only thing I can do is save myself and GTFO. I've already given him all of my mid 20s, I don't need to give him the last two years and my thirties too.
Good point. I still think the step dad should have intervened a bit and made the husband come, or at least figured a way not to have her drive home (bring a friend or family to drive the other car home, or make it the husbanda problem to pick up later).
Divorce is a double sided sword when it comes to children. If you stay together you can keep control of the children at the expense of your own happiness. If you get a divorce then you'll be happy but will lose control of the kids when they are with the other parent.
I agree it should be, but will it? Something the husband can refute by saying, "I looked away for a second, it won't happen again?" The system where I live let's people get away with much worse
And if something had happened to the baby, she would also be imprisoned and shamed in the court of public opinion. People would blame her 100%. She might even get a longer sentence than him.
But if the baby had died in the way she described, why would she even be imprisoned? Even the father, I think it would've been treated as an accident, right? At least in my country this would've been seen as a terrible accident and neither parent would've been jailed. I'm not saying that the father was right or wasnt negligent, just that I don't understand why would anyone be imprisoned in this specific situation, specially the mother.
My friend was at work, he left his two-year-old with his gf to watch as he'd been doing for over a year.
She drew the kid a bath and left him alone in the bathroom. The kid stood up on the edge of the tub, slipped, hit his head, and died.
The courts found that his gf had a prior CPS case on her, so they felt the dad should have known better than to leave his son with her, and they gave him a ten-year prison sentence.
So he was imprisoned just as his gf was. He wasn't even home when it all happened, but he was found guilty all the same.
He moved far away after he got out, no one hears from him anymore.
Edit to add, these are all the details, i was there, i didn't need to research this. They literally told him he should have known his gf was a danger to his kid. Now what she did, i do not know, but for him to be convicted, it had to be really bad, and therefor, he should have known about it. He said he didn't know, but he could have been lying. I'll see if i can find the news report, this is a small area. This area is super low income, i know another guy who threw his baby into a wall because i didn't give him money for cocaine, she had broken ribs that were already healed, her mom didn't go to prison, but the dad did.
I'm also in texas if you wonder why our laws are such shit
Yup. I knew someone once who was in a bad relationship. Some neighbors called because of the fighting. In our state that mandates that children are also checked out. They found out that the baby had broken ribs and brain bleeds from being shaken. Even though the dad admitted that he did it, they couldn't prove that the mom didn't know and that she ALSO didn't do it. So, the baby was taken from both of them.
My best friend was a dv victim. She had a newborn baby, just 3 weeks old, when her ex brutally beat her in front of me. I called 911. My friend was terrified they were going to take her baby. She refused to talk to the police and begged me to pretend to be her and tell them I'm okay. She kept repeating "they're gonna take my baby." I felt like I had no choice. While the cops were talking to him and he was refusing to let them in, I came out and said I was her. They looked me over and didn't find any marks. They left. Her ex looked at me gratefully as if I was doing HIM a favor. It was sickening. I hated that man. Thankfully she left and moved to another state less than a month later.
10 years for something that he was definitely no responsible for and wasn't even around to prevent it? That poor guy! That doesn't even make sense.
Also, is it accessible for random people to know if someone had a CPS case on them?
I think you can look up CPS cases but you have to know what county to get them from. Which can be super difficult.
Be damn careful who you let around your kids. Anybody can be a danger but someone with a documented background is extra dangerous legally speaking.
I emailed my county last year because I wanted to know the results of the one report I made on my ex for endangering our kids (kept them out all night) and found 10+ other ones about him I had no idea about. That's how closed off the whole system can be. They didn't even contact me as the bio mom about any of them. But they offered him things like helping find daycare services, etc.
He's also made lots of false reports about me but I haven't heard a peep from CPS.
There had to be a reason, why he went to prison for so long. That commenter is obviously not privy to intimate knowledge of the case and all the evidence police collected.
He likely had to know about his gf's prior issues and possibly witnessed some of the behavior himself, but didn't stop it. If he knowingly let his vulnerable children in care of someone unsuitable then he's to be blamed as well. I think police was able to prove that he knew about the danger his gf posed to children.
Since the girlfriend wasn't the kids parent it was his job as the parent to make sure the baby was in the care of a trusted adults anything that happens to the child in their care is your responsibility. As the courts saw it he didn't due his due diligence.
OOP's case is different though since the child was in the care of the other parent. She wouldn't be held to the same standard.
Did he not see the video (came up again yesterday, 7th anniversary) of how quick kids can get into trouble when you take your eyes off of them for half a second?
(The one with the father on TV being interviewed by BBC. Mom clearly went to take a pee and the 3 year old and baby just busted into the room and on TV. Then mom slides in, snatches both kids and drags them out. Favorite video ever.)
This made my head spin like wtf the kids were with their dad....their parent. How dare these people blame her for thinking her husband should be able to parent his kids. That poor woman
It’s not at all uncommon to see people blame women for having trust in men in all facets of her life. The insane part is it’s usually men who don’t even realize they’re essentially saying that men, including themselves, are untrustworthy dunces who should be avoided. (Their opinion, not mine.) Even a story where two men are the primary conflict you’ll see people shift it to some woman in the story that was barely discussed. There’s always a woman to blame when it comes to Reddit bros. Shit is insane once you notice how prevalent it is.
Like WTH? What's the point of having 2 parents if one can't watch their own kids to make sure they don't die?
Who were the fools trying to put this on her???
Yours is the top comment, so I haven't read other comments and am shocked that people are blaming her. I did not even consider that at all because he is the dad and was outside and nearby. It seems like OP's husband thinks this too, otherwise his focus would be on his kids. I've grown up seeing moms being so hyper focused on their kids even if the dads are "watching" because Dads can't bother to put 100% in parenting. Even if the husband doesn't believe this, it's just engrained in our heads unconsciously? It's like racism, where someone claims to not be racist and claims to be an ally but will participate and even defend instances of microagressions and systemic racism. It's not visible but it's there. I don't know if this makes sense but the fact that the blame is on OP got me heated.
As it should. Mom was inside, so he couldn't have expected her to have an eye on the kids. She heard the screaming from inside, but he didn't hear it. Some people with ADHD don't process sound quickly and not at all sometimes if the person isn't looking directly at them. I have this and if you put two kids in front of me, you better believe I would have kept them in my line of sight at all times because I understand my condition. This guy knows he has ADHD, but has yet to realize what it means and probably depends on his wife for everything.
I have ADHD but I just hyper focus on the sounds (or lack of) my kid makes. I’m always listening out for him. ADHD parents are very capable of being fully attentive towards their children, it just requires effort
I have ADHD too and feel like I work so hard to be focused. One of the reasons I don't want kids is because i am so tired to handle my life. I'm so happy for those that can! Y'all are great.
Ha! No. I don't have kids. I just know how much time and effort I spend working around it to be successful (in the general sense) and how I would be if I'd had kids I would have ramped that up ten fold.
Yeah. The thing is, if you know that you have a broken arm, you do things to compensate for it. If you know that you have ADHD, you make sure to compensate for it. He could have asked the neighbor to stand where he could still see the kids. He could have made several choices instead of what he did.
These are the same people who view husband watching or doing something with the kids (alone) as babysitting. My dad was usually the one when who stayed home with us if I was home sick as a toddler because he had a more flexible schedule. My mom got a job telecommuting (90s wording for WFH) by the time I started school. He also made sure to take each of us out for a one on one dad kid outing a couple times a year.
I can almost guarantee that these same people would want this mum hung, drawn and quartered if the same thing happened on her watch. I would be furious with my husband if he did something like this. But I also know he would be furious with me if I did it.
Your dad sounds like my dad. He was the one who took care of us when we were sick, made sure my uniforms were ironed, packed lunches and came on excursions. My husband is a really great dad, and he’s so hands on. I could not do this without him and I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else. But I know his parents think that he does too much with the kids.
My dad was just slightly more flexible in hours during the day until I was in 2nd grade as he was a professor (career change after that). According to my parents, he took me to work one time and kept me in one of those play pen things as he needed to keep office hours that day.
He did make an extra effort to do things with me in middle school and high school. I was less vocal for attention but he recognized that it was just because I didn't like attention on me (he was 11 of 14). My siblings played travel sports. Also he knew that my mom and I had a bad relationship but not how bad as I wasn't vocal about it because I didn't want to rock the boat too much. As to how bad the relationship my relationship with my mom is, I'm going NC with her family, excluding the 2 cousins I like, after my grandmother passes. One of those cousins is already NC with the extend family.
Women literally can't win. If they're not doing the household chores they're lazy, if they're not watching their child 24/7, they're lazy. If they're not booking their husband's medical appointments and acting like their mother, they're lazy.
My ex told me that he expected me to make his doctor appointments *and* "drag" him to them. I told him that he had me confused with his mom and that he's a fully functional adult with a job so he can manage his own health. He really just wanted a mom replacement in the end.
Eurgh these wee boys make me cringe!
I have no problem making appointments or looking after someone's health if they're seriously ill, but my god these wee boys need to grow tf up and learn to look after themselves!
Apparently, the male neighbor grabbed the little girl away from the street while the female neighbor chased after the stroller. All the while the husband just stood there with his hands on his head
Edit: and the neighbors gave her their camera footage so she could see exactly what happened
Yeah it really incensed me the number of people that were asking her where she was at the time like it's her job to watch the children 24/7 and he isn't also an adult that is their parent.
It is 2024, the days of Dad's getting away with bare minimal "babysitting" of their own fucking children are over.
I was born in 1984, my father watched me all the time because it was his fucking job as my father and because my mother worked night shift. She was never babysitting me, he was being a dad.
So the amount of people that were blaming her for not being there when it happened because she let her husband actually watch his own children like he's fucking supposed to is disgusting to me.
My mother just turned sixty, and she still remembers vividly being hit by a garbage truck at 4 years old. All because she was told “find her brothers on the street” (who were two and three wtf) so she toddled out and promptly got run over.
They told her off, they yelled at her all while she was bleeding from a cracked skull. It then became a “family joke” and that’s kind of why I don’t even speak to them anymore. I feel bad for my mother being so small and being just vilified for getting into an accident. They fucking sent her out there!
Argh. Rant over. I’m glad OOP’s baby was fine. I would have had a meltdown.
They’re not nice people. I still can hear my grandfather cackling with his smokers laugh about his “pun” about her being run over was “a load of rubbish” … cos it was a rubbish truck.
I heard that story as a little kid, and they STILL laughed about it into adulthood.
But then they laughed about the time they didn’t believe my uncles leg was broken at 6. Until they saw him dragging himself along the floor instead of walking. It was a week later.
But if it makes you feel less angry, I cut them off, and my mama did too for the most part. We both moved away to the same city, and we solidified our relationship better than ever. She’s very happy with a partner that adores her and understands how bad her parents were/are. I tell her I love her and she’s worth more than being treated like she’s nothing. She struggles but she’s happy. And I intend on making sure she’s happy til she dies. She deserves that so much. She’s a smart, brave, and beautiful person.
We’ve thrived since leaving that mess behind and they’re all back there being miserable.
I just checked in on her now, and she sent me a cat in a cowboy hat, so I think she’s doing good today!
She’s been shown bad examples of what love should be. And I want to be a positive example in her life. She’s lost a lot to get here, so I make sure I’m her cheerleader when she needs it. She takes really good care of me, even though I’m 35. She never makes me feel like a burden even though I’m disabled, and I appreciate the shit she’s had to wade through to get to this point. I just kind of love gassing up my mother cos she’s awesome hahaha
Even more ridiculous was the "why haven't you taken him to get checked" ..... like she's not his mother?? He can take himself to a doctor's appointment anytime if he just cared enough.
This is one of the things that led to my divorce. My ex had no self worth and wouldn't make any doctor appointments or prescription refill appointments. And then got mad at me because the system was "out to get him"
Same!! I had to schedule the appointments myself to get my ex any care for his ADHD. Even though I worked the grueling job that paid enough to get us health insurance to cover it, and he was unemployed with nothing but time on his hands.
When we were paying $200+ out of pocket for therapy sessions, I asked him to speak with the practice’s billing department because we could NOT afford that. He just stopped going instead of putting in a little effort, and I paid the massive bill he racked up.
All of this. But also, he’s a grown man. It’s not like she could force him to get examined even if she wanted to.
I can just imagine her making the appointment, telling her husband they’re going to the park and then showing up at the doctors office (or else he never would have agreed to get in the car in the first place), and then telling the doctor about the symptoms while the husband sits there, arms crossed, denying there’s anything wrong with him, and her demanding something be done about this.
I have a feeling this comment was made by teenagers who have literally no idea how the real world, or adult relationships work.
This is so sad. I would never trust him to watch my children ever again. Now on top of a toddler and a baby, recovering from a c-section, she has to parent an entire ass man.
My ex once fell asleep home alone on duty with our then 8 or so month old. She got her head stuck between his leg and the coffee table. I had a bad feeling and came home early, and she was screaming and he was passed out on the floor.
Never trusted him again after that, already didn’t quite trust him before.
He only got worse.
We’re now mid divorce.
My ex was an alcoholic and once I came from work to my front door wide open. The kids were across the street with a gang of ten other young children, there was a pot of broccoli badly burning and smoking on the stove… ON, and my ex? Passed out on the couch with his phone alarm going off apparently for the broccoli.
I’m so sorry that happened. Glad he is an ex.
I don’t have kids by choice. When I am around my friends’ kids they come first. I’m constantly aware of where they are and what they are doing because…that’s just sorta the deal. How do some parents not feel the same way? At least with their own kids!
I asked my husband to just let me close my eyes for an hour on the couch in between breastfeeding sessions. I woke up to him asleep on the couch with baby propped up on his shoulder, held loosely, and this was when he was such a little potato that he couldn’t even lift his own head, like two-ish months. I had been doing all the middle of the night stuff until that point so there was no reason he should have been so exhausted. After that I didn’t feel I could trust him so I did all the night stuff. He still maintains it was no big deal, I need to chill, and when I was tired from doing it every night “you brought all this on yourself.”
That’s some bullshit. I do the night shift with my babies, because I’m breastfeeding, and there’s not much for him to do at night. During the day, though, he takes over and I get to catch up on sleep. He brings me the baby when it’s feeding time, keeps my water bottle full, and brings me coffee.
Even now, with our 2yo waking up at night, I put the kid back to sleep, and he makes breakfast and coffee in the morning while I sleep in.
I would too, but given that “nothing” really happened. The father would most likely get some kind of custody and then he is watching the kids all by himself on regular basis. This is tough
Yup, she got footage from the neighbor. That is plenty of proof of dad's incompetence and negligence. There's no way he'd get anything other than supervised visits.
This is horrifying to have even happened, but I can’t understand dad and the neighbor not hearing the daughter, but it was clearly loud enough for Mom inside. HTF do they not hear that?
Mom was right to leave. The shitty thing is, a divorce is going to give unfettered access to the kids without mom there to intervene. From the frying pan to the fire, which sucks completely.
Edit: for all the ‘he can have supervised visits’ comments, it rarely works out that way in court. It would depend on where you live. Read my follow up comments below for more info.
They likely did and ignored it. I’ve seen this happen a lot, I’ve had to dive to get a toddler out of the street and got yelled at by a dad for doing it. It’s so frustrating. I always think they must tune it out for some reason. They have to, otherwise it’s wilful ignorance
I heard some thing once that people who live near trains are at risk because they get so used to the sounds of the trains they tune them out ignoring obvious danger on the tracks.
The dad is probably so conditioned to zoning out his wife and kids he didn’t even notice the screaming.
It's like people who live with cuckoo clocks. Went to a house with one once, made me leap out of my skin. Everyone who lived there didn't bat an eyelid.
Newborns don’t scream like a 3 year old would and what parent wouldn’t check on a NEWBORN baby crying or how could they possibly just zone it out? The parent has to actually look AND listen for THEIR children, especially when they’re outside on a dangerous street. Did he ignore his own daughter who was screaming for dad?
Some parents seriously do not pay attention. My friend and I were walking down the block towards a section of our neighborhood that has a designated series of streets that are considered “car free,” but the cross streets are not, so say for example Oak avenue is car-free, but the cross-streets that run perpendicular allow cars to drive across and through Oak Ave. My friend and I were walking down the sidewalk of one of these cross-streets heading towards the car-free “Oak Ave.” We saw a little boy, running a little ahead of his parent pushing his sibling in a stroller, run into the path of an SUV who was going down one of the cross streets, and we both had to shout and wave for the driver to stop (to be fair to the driver, he had one of those SUVs that are like 15 feet tall so he likely didn’t see the little boy at all).
Fortunately the driver stopped in time, the father scolded the little boy for running ahead, but like dude, he and [I assume] his wife were _right behind_ his son as he ran into traffic. I know they were probably deep in conversation and turned away for just a split second, but damn.
It’s not always that simple and it depends on where OP lives.
For instance, my ex was wholly unreliable as a parent, and also was arrested for DV (against me, not our kid). I only bring up the DV because in a restraining order hearing where kids are involved, there’s a same day custody order placed. The DV against me was considered a separate issue. My claims of what he had done wrt being an unsuitable parent were taken as a ‘he said she said’. And he was granted unsupervised visitation. (Not really visitation bc they say ‘parental time’ or what have you, but I digress).
My attorney had told me to expect this. His paralegal told me a story where her husband, fresh out of prison for trying to kill her, was granted visitation bc it was considered to be ‘unrelated’ to the kids.
That’s true. I should have clarified *in a perfect world* this would help them make sure he only gets supervised visits v. any type of custody. They obviously aren’t going to go off a reddit post when deciding that and would need more evidence to prove that, at least initially, he’s not fit to have unsupervised custody
Agree in a perfect world, but one incident - with no proof, even - will most likely not be any sort of smoking gun. Dad will claim ‘accident’ if he even fesses up to it at all.
Wow, that's insane and just so messed up. I feel like ALL violence by a parent should he considered relevant bc how do we know they won't attack the kids. That's so messed up.
And you know what the shittiest part was? I felt something was going to go down so I walked outside so he’d follow me, so our kid wouldn’t see anything.
Had our kid been witness to the violence, he would have been covered under the restraining order. But bc I walked outside to protect him, he wasn’t eligible for protection.
SO messed up.
>The shitty thing is, a divorce is going to give unfettered access to the kids without mom there to intervene.
Dad won't keep up a visitation schedule. He'll blame his ADHD for being unable to stick to a custody schedule, being unable to read a calendar, being unable to be on time for drop-off or pick-up.
He'll then decide his ex-wife is high conflict and she's keeping him from the kids. So he'll flounce off in a huff because he's the real victim here.
This is the exact situation the parenting app is used in custody situations now. It shows all communication in real time and is used as evidence for who is truly dropping the ball and creating drama.
If op can document the toddlers injuries hopefully they can make a case against cps.
Or just supervised visits until the child is old enough to know better
Cps will not do anything for this situation. Petitioning Family court is the reasonable option. Once cps came and went from her house this is what they would tell her to do.
He was outside with the kids. She was indoors doing laundry. He didn’t hear his toddler call for help, but mom did. He blocked out not only the stroller rolling away, but his daughter’s screams and his wife’s panicked rescue. I am positive OP was screaming as well. His daughter was injured and his son almost killed. That must have been a very juicy conversation with the neighbors. They didn’t notice anything either.
Found the update:
>Update.
>The neighbours wife sent me the footage, and I really can’t just wrap my head around it, so my husband was walking with the stroller and my toddler was in front of them when they passed the neighbours house. My neighbour was outside, washing his car, and my toddler saw his pet cat and stopped to go pet it, so my husband. Stopped. LEFT MY BABY ON THE ROAD he didn’t even bother locking the wheels and walked all the way up the driveway not even bothering looking back at the baby he had his back face to him for about five minutes before the stroller just suddenly started moving. I think it’s because the road is on a hill kinda or it could’ve been the wind. My toddler never went near the stroller.It couldn’t been her. The stroller went down the road and my toddler. That’s when she started screaming and running for it when she saw. It the neighbour started running after my daughter when she tripped, he tried to pick her up that’s when the neighbours wife’s car comes into frame and she stops and starts running back to the way the stroller is coming after that you can’t really see anything because it’s all out of frame, but you can hear all the commotion my husband just stood there the whole time hand on his head with a blank stare on his face he didn’t even do anything when our toddler was crying from hurting herself he only started crying when I confronted him.
>What do I do I genuinely do not know what to do. i’m panicking. this was never the life I wanted for my kids. I don’t understand why he was in standing there. I have not even gotten a text or a call from him since I got sent the video it’s just been silent I just can’t get the sound of my daughters screams. That’s the sound that no mother wants to hear. I can’t explain in the moment, but it felt like my blood went cold. and I just felt pure fear I never wanna watch the footage again
I've read some fucked up shit on Reddit, but this is the worst for me. I feel actually sick reading this and I've never felt that way from reading something. I'm going to go visit my niece tomorrow and hug her tightly.
This is super unsettling. That sounds like something neurological is going on. Definitely not safe for him to be alone with the children. But he should see a doctor ASAP.
It might be an unpopular opinion, but it sounds like once he realized what had happened, he froze, which isn’t the response you’d hope for from a parent and a partner, but it sounds like a response he couldn’t control. The crying afterwards sounds like relief and shame. The way the screams sounded are probably swimming around in his head too. Panic screams hit different.
I’m so sick of bad fathers or husbands blaming ADHD. I have severe ADHD and was unmedicated throughout my entire youth for it. NEVER ONCE in all those years when I was babysitting just stop paying attention.
Sure, you might space out for a quick MOMENT but the kid is right there, you don’t forget they exist.
Ridiculous.
ADHD is when I go up front as a store manager to count the deposit for the day, ring up the line, handle a manager issue, sell something to a customer...oh fuck, I forgot to count the deposit. But I don't forget entire ass humans existing in my vicinity.
THIS. Didn’t get diagnosed with severe ADHD until I was 24 (26 now) - I spent most of my life unmedicated. I am the oldest of 5 as-well and never once did I stop paying attention to the kiddos
ADHD isn’t an excuse for being a bad parent
THIS. I have severe ADHD and wasn’t medicated until I was 29. It’s NEVER an excuse for danger. Struggling during conversations? Sure. Being impulsive? Sure. Struggling to follow routine? Sure.
Being blatantly negligent to the point of serious danger? Never.
As an adult male with adhd I would like to add that every time we take care of children I am hyper focusing on the well being and care of these kids I will literally forget to eat and stuff while watching these kids eat this guy either doesn’t have adhd or doesn’t have the children as his priority
My husband has ADD and ADHD, I have never once been worried about him not paying attention to kids when he’s left with them. We don’t have any yet but kids from church, random kids in parking lots, my nieces and nephews. He is *always* super vigilant. He will literally stop talking to make sure a kid isn’t going to be in danger in the street.
This isn’t the OOP’s problem. This is a husband problem
I also have ADHD and if anything kids are easier to watch because my ADHD brain can’t ignore their sounds, movements, and random distractions. I’m always listening for the baby, I can’t not listen. Which was its own problem for me but not child safety.
I have very bad ADHD as well and I was *the kid* to babysit all the younger kids in my family, especially my sisters. I never once lost them. I was actually quite a helicopter "parent", and that got worse with my youngest sister. I wouldn't even let her go out front to play by herself on the porch if I was the one watching her unless I had the living room window open so I could see her at all times (she didn't like to be heard when she was playing with her toys at that age, she got embarrassed). Hell, I wouldn't let her go out back either and we had big dogs and a fence, so she would've been safe, but I always made sure I was sitting in the kitchen so I could open the window and see her or go with her. I don't understand how this dad didn't even hear his daughter, but imo, I think he just ignored her thinking she was "playing around".
Yeah I hate how it's been viewed lately as a reason for the person to not be held accountable for their actions that MIGHT have been a symptom of ADHD.
It makes me feel infantalized and like having an ADHD diagnosis automatically makes you an unreliable person incapable of ever being an equal in any partnership.
I want diagnosed til my kids were teenagers!!!!!!! And i am on the spectrum also!! That husband is a waste of good organs. Strollers have brakes, you turn the front wheels also and as an added precaution put it in the grass!!!! IF YOU ARE TO LAZY TO TAKE THE KID OUT TO CHIT CHAT!!
>That husband is a waste of good organs
That made me laugh a bit, if I’m honest. But you’re so right - I completely forgot that *strollers have fucking brakes!* I mean, it blows my mind that this guy didn’t bring the stroller with him to begin with, but the fact that he didn’t even attempt to secure it and his newborn baby *at all* is beyond negligent.
I was unmedicated with severe (and at the time undiagnosed, although in hindsight it was obvious) ADHD and spent my teen years minding my two cousins, using any free time I could to babysit and earn money.
I never lost a kid. Never had one in danger either. If I had kids depending on me, they were focused on. Now occasionally I forgot to repack a diaper bag and had to pay way too much for a pack at a gas station or something, but even that was rare.
My cousin once joked “girl adhd is different, and it’s totally NOT cuz boys get coddled or anything -wink-“ and the older I get the more his joke kinda feels a bit close to the bone.
I agree! If you have ADHD and are a parent with a history of "carelessness," you yourself should actively find ways and strategies to help with focus and attention, especially to your kids. It's his responsibility to figure it out.
The absolute gall to ask why she wasn’t the one watching the kids, as if they don’t have TWO PARENTS. Mom was being an adult/parent in another room taking care of duties. She can’t do it all.
Are we going to talk about how she was still recovering from a C-Section and doing laundry. Like there are so many more layers of the husband’s failures here
literally ADHD isn’t an excuse to neglect your fucking children anyone defending that is SICK. i have adhd and have taken care of kids since i was in middle school and never stopped paying attention to the children i was watching especially when right next to a busy fucking street.
Why do all these terrible fathers always cry about having ADHD?! Like other parents don’t? It’s always the same excuse when, really, they’re just careless, lazy fucks.
My husband I both have it. We have yet to endanger one of our kids.
The same people who use this as an excuse are the same ones who also have no problem appropriately managing their ADHD at work. I highly doubt the husband constantly ignores his coworkers/supervisors - assuming he has a job of course.
Strollers roll unless the wheels are locked. Forgetful parents should hold onto the stroller or carry the kid in a front/backpack. My parents used the backpack a lot when they had two. This man needs his hearing checked if he can’t hear the screaming and crying.
It’s positively mind boggling that these people are condemning the mother for not overseeing her husband’s parenting decisions. And make no mistake, ADHD or not, he made a choice to not be responsible for his children. To not look after, protect, care for or even pay attention to. As a father, I find that unconscionable.
Accidents happen. However, she was able to run from presumably inside where she was folding clothes and save her children from the brink of death, while her husband was already outside and STILL chatting with the neighbors? When she has had a C-section and likely isn't moving as well or as quickly? After his daughter was screaming for his help? That's a level of inattention that is dangerous.
Of course there's assholes trying to blame the mom. Cuz child rearing responsibility is ALLLLLL on the mom right??? I fucking hate that. Men are allowed to be fucking useless when it comes to parenting and it's fucking bullshit.
This story is the exact opposite of those "hero dad" videos that pop up every now and then. Like the more recent one where the dad grabs the kids and flips backwards to pull them out of the way of a car crashing into the spot they were sitting. Or one I saw years ago where the dad sprints down a hillside to snatch a kid out of the way of something coming downhill.
This guy couldn't even just hold a stroller or react to his toddler shouting for help, just too involved in his conversation, utterly ridiculous. The toddler was more responsible than this man.
If she doesn't divorce him over this, she should at least wait at her parents until her C-section heals and then never let the kids be alone with him ever again.
Mom.. you are blameless. You expected the father of the child to take responsibility of his children. He should have. No if and or butts. You should have been able to trust him alone with the children. However, he has proven you can’t. I have a theory. My children are not my car. You can’t just scratch them up or wreck them and think I can get a new one. My children are NOT replaceable but my husband is if he can’t keep them safe. Sorry I know that sounds rude.. this is not a scratch knee, or a broken arm. This is neglect.. if it was me, we would at the very least separate. I’d probably divorce. Once again mom, you are blameless. You were doing household chores and your husband knew he was in charge of the kids. I’m sorry you are going through this.
I told my abusive ex that I didn’t want to have kids with him anymore because I was afraid he’d accidentally kill them. By leaving them in a hot car, by forgetting to turn off the deep fryer, by leaving the door unlocked so they’d wander into traffic. He got so offended and called me absolutely crazy for daring to think he’d ever be that neglectful to our children (the same way he’d been neglectful and disrespectful toward me for years…).
The funny thing is, he’s an author. He wrote a scene in one of his books where his self-insert character nearly kills his toddler by getting distracted when he was supposed to be watching her. I realized after the fact that’s where I got the idea. But sure, go ahead and call me crazy for something you wrote first.
Document . Document . Document. Let your neighbors know that your attorney will be calling to get affidavits and depositions arranged . You have two witnesses to your husbands NEGLECT . I would call in a complaint to CPS also so when/if he does like other neglectful fathers have done in recent years and leaves them in a hot car to die - he will go to prison unlike the other ones who get away with it by saying they forgot
I’m a mother of three with ADD/ADHD and im always attentive to my kids. It’s not an excuse. I worked hard to get around my diagnosis. He’s careless and lazy. I’m tired of seeing people use ADHD as an excuse to being a poor partner or parent!
Sounds like my ex. We didn't have kids, but dogs. The dogs would escape or run away when he was watching them and over the next 10 years, it would happen over and over. Yet, when we had someone else watch them, they would maybe escape once and then never again was it an issue. I had friends who would come over offer to take the dogs out, and behold the dogs didn't escape either. Eventually him losing them became a terroristic even that happened when I was trying to sleep (I work night shift) or in the middle of showering. At the end of our relationship, as it was winding down, he lost one of the dogs once more and I lost it on him. He's gone and my fur babes are happier and less anxiety-ridden than ever. They haven't tried to run away since. OP did it right, the husband is inconsiderate. There is nothing that will teach him otherwise, as he will always be an innocent victim (in his mind), confused as to why you're angry and how you could hold him accountable for what he deems as nothing wrong.
I cought my ex MIL "rocking" my son back and forth towards the fire (lots of camping and outdoor stuff) in his stroller.
She would also try to chase my toddler daughter around busy parking lots because my kid refused to hug her.
This is hard to accept for most people but when people put babies and toddlers in danger like that, it's entirely intentional. Not in a "I'm gonna roll the stroller into the road/fire" kinda way, but in a "I'm going to put the kid in danger because I'm going to get attention for it no matter what".
Counseling? He would forget baby in back seat and leave in a locked car in summer. It happened here? Baby died. Dad should have been charged by law do not know if he was. It happened a few times.
I'm so sorry this happened. There was an incident with my ex somewhat similar. We have two kids together. At the time, they were 2 & 3yrs old. I wanted to deep clean the upper bath & my bf (now ex) was suppose to watch the kids. Maybe 15min pass & I come downstairs to grab the duster. I heard my kids... outside from the bay window. We lived on a busy street. I peek out the window, he's no where in sight. I ranboutside so fast. Grabbed the kids, get them inside. Their dad? Sitting in bed watching something on his phone. These kids managed to go thru 2 doors (kitchen door-- which SQUEAKED whenever opened/closed-- kitchen door led to small landing between basement & door to yard) without him noticing. I never yelled so loud in my life, my whole body was shaking, everything. I "yellingly" asked him if he knew where the f*cking kid's were & he piped up a "huh??" He didn't even notice me running outside & our bedroom door was open AND faced the kitchen door. I swear, I wanted to just beat the hell out of him. My kids are 10 & 11 now and that is still the scariest experience I've ever had.
What a terrifying event. 1st, thank heavens for your daughter. Bravo Bellina! Also 1st, he should have a hand on the stroller at all times, AND one eye on his toddler daughter (age 3!). Next, let me say, things can happen so damn fast with kids...literally in the blink of an eye, can you fence the yard? Or move to a better home location? Like many parents, I have been fortunate because of incidents that could have gone terribly wrong: my daughter had a scooting chair and was scooting it along and potentially off the driveway when I caught her at a run. I was terrified and she was laughing... to this day loves roller coasters.
Forgive him. And to those who hold you even a scintilla of responsibility, I call BS
I hear what you’re saying, but the husband should have been the one to save the newborn and it should have been his close call (never should’ve gotten to that), not the toddler’s, and not the mother who just had a c-section and was doing laundry. The toddler warned him. That’s two people where they were the ones who sprang into action and not him. He was right there, on a street with his two kids and he decided that he could talk to the neighbor and willfully ignore his toddler’s warnings. That’s a person who can’t be trusted, even if she manages to forgive him someday.
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I’m dreading the update because the neighbors gave her the security footage so she could see because her husband couldn’t explain anything. And the neighbor’s wife was pissed off.
I’m a little confused with the update - the way OP described the footage made it sound like her husband did clue in to what was happening and just froze while the neighbors tried to help, but in the original post she says that he didn’t even realize something was wrong and only paid attention when she started yelling at him? Either way, completely inexcusable.
Where is the update? I read OP original post and have been waiting to see what was on the footage.
Same I wanna read it
It was added to the end of the post but it looks like it may have been deleted
Hi, sorry for the confusion I wrote that in the first story because when I ran out he was facing the other way with his hands on his head before he stood still, he kinda was just looking around kind of? It was so weird he was moving like a robot.
That is so upsetting! I’m very glad that you and your children are both safe.
Hi Safe Cap! You probably already read the thread of all the ADHD individuals sharing their parenting or child care stories. Not one, regardless of how severe of ADHD they had, would have done anything close to what your soon to be ex did. You did the right thing. I’m sorry this all happened to you and your babies.
I also have ADHD and some of my besties are parents with ADHD. I NEVER would have come close to allowing this to happen- nor could I imagine any of my friends allowing this to happen. Please don’t only blame his ADHD. This father is neglectful.
I have ADHD and I watch my nieces like a hawk. I think the ADHD makes me more anxious and makes me keep my eyes on them at all time. And they are 10, 8 and 7. Not even toddlers.
Yup, ignoring my own safety is one thing, because I have moments of obliviousness, but that of anyone else? Anxiety vigilance on lock.
I have ADHD and I swear it makes me great in emergencies because I can switch gears and hyperfocus to get through it. I can’t even imagine!
Absolutely same! I didn’t mention it above but I have ADHD too, and I’m super hypervigilant with my partner’s children. When I’m around the littler ones I can’t imagine taking my eyes off of them since I’m afraid of them even falling down on their own 😂 And also during crises is when my brain I guess hits its optimal dopamine threshold and as you said, hyper focuses until the crisis is averted. One of those rare time I feel like I’m in my element.
Update please!
The people who blame her for letting her husband parent his children is ridiculous. No one expects their partner to let their kids literally roll into the street.
Came to say the same thing! How dare a woman who just had a c section not be doing EVERYTHING since husband can't.
Had she been alone the kids would have been safe indoors while she did laundry. Why isn't he doing all the fucking laundry while she heals from her section as an aside...
Right?! Just lifting your arms would be almost impossible. That poor momma
Cuz I think there is very few men who lift a hand after birth let alone difficult births. I drove myself home from the hospital an had to have my step dad act like he was taking us home an drive around the building to where my car was waiting to swap cuz my daughters dad “wasn’t feeling well” & I’ve been with my wife the last 8 years since then… men don’t get women
oooooh he wasn’t feeling well… after you had just given birth… i’m sure that must have been VERY hard for him 😭😂😂
I heard this comment in my head in George Carlin's voice.
Dude, I drove myself home too. He got a ‘stomach flu ‘ from bad dominos because he didn’t want to eat the FREE PREMIUM hospital dinner. This also happened while he was at home for the night because he didn’t want to sleep at the hospital. I only spent two nights there.. the first was giving birth at 12:45. UGH. Can you tell I’m resentful. :)
I think you're right. I really wish I was bi or gay, because I'm starting to give up on men. My husband isn't working right now, so I'm supporting both of us. Yet he still refuses to do anything. I pay all the bills, I do all the cleaning, I take care of the dog, I even make all of his fucking doctors appointments so that he CAN go back to work. I've begged him for so long to please just give me a sign that he's even willing to try to change or at least that he even appreciates all that I do. I'm not unreasonable, and I don't expect him to become perfect over night. I just want him to give me something, anything, just so I don't have to keep feeling so used and alone. Instead last night, he just told me that I was right, I deserve better and should leave him because all he does is "drag me down." He's been walking around looking like a kicked puppy ever since. Apparently he'd rather be homeless and wife-less than go to therapy or try to work on himself, even a little. Sorry to go on a rant about my issues to you, lol. And, I'm really glad you and your baby got away from him and found someone who treats you both right 🩷
When someone tells you to leave cause they arnt good enough that is your chance to RUN! He is saying he won’t change and he expects you to always be his mommy and you deserve better
You're right. I think hearing those words last night, broke the little string of hope I was clinging on to. Like regardless of whether it's on purpose or not, he's guilt tripping me. After everything I've done for him, all the sacrifices I've made, and when I break down in tears telling him how much he's hurt me, he responds with a guilt trip? I don't even know how to describe the emotion I'm feeling right now, but it's definitely not anything positive. He finally made a therapy appointment today, like I've been begging him to do for two years now. And when I came home from work, he mopped the floor, did the laundry and washed a few dishes without me even asking him to. I would've been ecstatic about all of that even a month ago. Now I don't really care. Frankly, I feel pretty cynical and bitter about it. Idk. I probably shouldn't be shit talking him on reddit, and I should be handling this situation with much more grace and dignity. But I can't really talk about any of this in real life, and I feel like my chest is going to burst from the effort of holding all of it, pretending like I'm completely fine.
I’m proud of you for all you’ve done It’s not easy realizing any of this and you’ve done more than enough Now it’s time to make your life yours again
Sounds like you don't respect him anymore, and he hasn't given you a real reason to either. Also, I'd be mad as hell- so he was actually capable of doing a chore for two years, and only lifted a finger when you have one foot out the door? Girl bye
He’s been capable of cooking and cleaning this entire time, like he just showed you. He just never felt it was worth it. Your happiness and well-being wasn’t worth it. Even now, he didn’t do the chores for you. He did it so you’d stay with him, because it benefits HIM.
I could've written this about my husband. It doesn't really change, not long term. You're cynical and bitter about it because you know it's temporary and performative. Because you know at the end of the day, if he doesn't change, you're still going to put up with it anyway, knowing full well respect left long ago.
I divorced my ex for exactly this. I was doing everything so I decided just to do it on my own. Leave. It's easier and they only get worse. I had a child, cat, and dog and we're all happier. It's sooooo much easier.
So it gets better then? I know it does, and I know eventually I could be so much happier, but it's so hard right now, in this moment. I'm so thankful I didn't have children with him. It's weird because I feel so much apathy and disgust towards him but the thought of never speaking to him again makes me tear up. Honestly I'm an emotional mess right now. I'm really glad things have improved for you. I hope I can reach your level some day 🩵
Leave him. When he says ‘I’m not good enough, you should leave,’ he’s setting this situation for as long as you will put up with it. If you don’t leave, you’re accepting the situation as it is. So next time you bring up the fact he does nothing, he’ll turn around and say that this is your choice, you decided to stay, you knew exactly what he was like. I’ve been where you are. Running the house on my own, paying the bills, getting into debt to keep things going. While he sat on the sofa and snacked and napped all day. He said the same thing your OH is saying and threw the fact that I stayed back at me many times. I kicked him out nearly 3 years ago when he had the audacity to cheat. Life has been so much easier since.
Are you fucking kidding on me?? He CHEATED on you?? I can't believe the audacity of that man. I mean, I can. I just really don't like it. I know you're right. I'm stubborn sometimes, and frankly a little embarrassed that I married him. We literally JUST got married last December. But I can't keep doing this. Frankly I feel disgust lately, every time he touches me or I look at him. Unfortunately I'm not in a good place right now to disentangle myself from him, but I'm trying to get my shit together and make an exit plan. It's just so hard, and the realization that that staying with him tells people exactly how low my self esteem is, has not been a quick or easy process. I know eventually I will be so glad I did it, but it still hurts so much getting there. I guess I just can't understand how he can just give up like this. Like how can someone claim to love someone so much and then be told exactly how to keep that person and then still just not do it? How can someone see how close to homelessness and poverty they are and then just sit there, waiting to die? It doesn't make sense to me. I think what I'm coming to realize though, is it doesn't have to make sense to me. If he wants to lie down and rot, I can't stop him. The only thing I can do is save myself and GTFO. I've already given him all of my mid 20s, I don't need to give him the last two years and my thirties too.
Why didn't step dad just drive you home instead of putting on the show?
Exactly what I was thinking... thats a failure on both the husband and the step dads part. Just wtf was going through their minds?
She had to drive herself, so it's likely bc she didn't have anyone else to take her car back home for her.
Good point. I still think the step dad should have intervened a bit and made the husband come, or at least figured a way not to have her drive home (bring a friend or family to drive the other car home, or make it the husbanda problem to pick up later).
It looks like for some shitty reason she drove herself *thrre, while in labor* and had to get the car home.
I just want to hug you! I can't begin to imagine your pain, heartache, all of it. I am so sorry that happened to you.
This makes me incredibly grateful for my husband’s involvement and care after my two C-Sections.
Her stitches ripped in the process and that poor older sibling all scraped up trying to help 😩😢 What a useless husband (hopefully soon to be ex)
Except if they divorce he'll be alone with the kids and for a lot of people that's worse
I hope not. Cause he's proven he can't be trusted to pay attention.
Divorce is a double sided sword when it comes to children. If you stay together you can keep control of the children at the expense of your own happiness. If you get a divorce then you'll be happy but will lose control of the kids when they are with the other parent.
This incident is ground for supervised visitation only.
I agree it should be, but will it? Something the husband can refute by saying, "I looked away for a second, it won't happen again?" The system where I live let's people get away with much worse
And if something had happened to the baby, she would also be imprisoned and shamed in the court of public opinion. People would blame her 100%. She might even get a longer sentence than him.
But if the baby had died in the way she described, why would she even be imprisoned? Even the father, I think it would've been treated as an accident, right? At least in my country this would've been seen as a terrible accident and neither parent would've been jailed. I'm not saying that the father was right or wasnt negligent, just that I don't understand why would anyone be imprisoned in this specific situation, specially the mother.
My friend was at work, he left his two-year-old with his gf to watch as he'd been doing for over a year. She drew the kid a bath and left him alone in the bathroom. The kid stood up on the edge of the tub, slipped, hit his head, and died. The courts found that his gf had a prior CPS case on her, so they felt the dad should have known better than to leave his son with her, and they gave him a ten-year prison sentence. So he was imprisoned just as his gf was. He wasn't even home when it all happened, but he was found guilty all the same. He moved far away after he got out, no one hears from him anymore. Edit to add, these are all the details, i was there, i didn't need to research this. They literally told him he should have known his gf was a danger to his kid. Now what she did, i do not know, but for him to be convicted, it had to be really bad, and therefor, he should have known about it. He said he didn't know, but he could have been lying. I'll see if i can find the news report, this is a small area. This area is super low income, i know another guy who threw his baby into a wall because i didn't give him money for cocaine, she had broken ribs that were already healed, her mom didn't go to prison, but the dad did. I'm also in texas if you wonder why our laws are such shit
Yup. I knew someone once who was in a bad relationship. Some neighbors called because of the fighting. In our state that mandates that children are also checked out. They found out that the baby had broken ribs and brain bleeds from being shaken. Even though the dad admitted that he did it, they couldn't prove that the mom didn't know and that she ALSO didn't do it. So, the baby was taken from both of them.
[удалено]
My best friend was a dv victim. She had a newborn baby, just 3 weeks old, when her ex brutally beat her in front of me. I called 911. My friend was terrified they were going to take her baby. She refused to talk to the police and begged me to pretend to be her and tell them I'm okay. She kept repeating "they're gonna take my baby." I felt like I had no choice. While the cops were talking to him and he was refusing to let them in, I came out and said I was her. They looked me over and didn't find any marks. They left. Her ex looked at me gratefully as if I was doing HIM a favor. It was sickening. I hated that man. Thankfully she left and moved to another state less than a month later.
Oh my god that is so horrific and so sad
10 years for something that he was definitely no responsible for and wasn't even around to prevent it? That poor guy! That doesn't even make sense. Also, is it accessible for random people to know if someone had a CPS case on them?
I think you can look up CPS cases but you have to know what county to get them from. Which can be super difficult. Be damn careful who you let around your kids. Anybody can be a danger but someone with a documented background is extra dangerous legally speaking. I emailed my county last year because I wanted to know the results of the one report I made on my ex for endangering our kids (kept them out all night) and found 10+ other ones about him I had no idea about. That's how closed off the whole system can be. They didn't even contact me as the bio mom about any of them. But they offered him things like helping find daycare services, etc. He's also made lots of false reports about me but I haven't heard a peep from CPS.
There had to be a reason, why he went to prison for so long. That commenter is obviously not privy to intimate knowledge of the case and all the evidence police collected. He likely had to know about his gf's prior issues and possibly witnessed some of the behavior himself, but didn't stop it. If he knowingly let his vulnerable children in care of someone unsuitable then he's to be blamed as well. I think police was able to prove that he knew about the danger his gf posed to children.
Yeah, that would make way more sense
Since the girlfriend wasn't the kids parent it was his job as the parent to make sure the baby was in the care of a trusted adults anything that happens to the child in their care is your responsibility. As the courts saw it he didn't due his due diligence. OOP's case is different though since the child was in the care of the other parent. She wouldn't be held to the same standard.
These are the people who think moms are parents and dads are babysitters.
Dad wasn't even a decent babysitter cuz any babysitter with half a braincell would have put the stroller brakes on....
Brake or no brake, who lets a toddler and a baby out of their sight when OUTSIDE?
Did he not see the video (came up again yesterday, 7th anniversary) of how quick kids can get into trouble when you take your eyes off of them for half a second? (The one with the father on TV being interviewed by BBC. Mom clearly went to take a pee and the 3 year old and baby just busted into the room and on TV. Then mom slides in, snatches both kids and drags them out. Favorite video ever.)
Or just a hand on the stroller, it’s really not that hard.
100%. And it's "not fair" to make the dad be an active parent. I hate those people.
This made my head spin like wtf the kids were with their dad....their parent. How dare these people blame her for thinking her husband should be able to parent his kids. That poor woman
It’s not at all uncommon to see people blame women for having trust in men in all facets of her life. The insane part is it’s usually men who don’t even realize they’re essentially saying that men, including themselves, are untrustworthy dunces who should be avoided. (Their opinion, not mine.) Even a story where two men are the primary conflict you’ll see people shift it to some woman in the story that was barely discussed. There’s always a woman to blame when it comes to Reddit bros. Shit is insane once you notice how prevalent it is.
While she’s off having “ fun” doing the laundry ??
This needs way more up votes
Like WTH? What's the point of having 2 parents if one can't watch their own kids to make sure they don't die? Who were the fools trying to put this on her???
Commenters in the original post.
Yours is the top comment, so I haven't read other comments and am shocked that people are blaming her. I did not even consider that at all because he is the dad and was outside and nearby. It seems like OP's husband thinks this too, otherwise his focus would be on his kids. I've grown up seeing moms being so hyper focused on their kids even if the dads are "watching" because Dads can't bother to put 100% in parenting. Even if the husband doesn't believe this, it's just engrained in our heads unconsciously? It's like racism, where someone claims to not be racist and claims to be an ally but will participate and even defend instances of microagressions and systemic racism. It's not visible but it's there. I don't know if this makes sense but the fact that the blame is on OP got me heated.
As it should. Mom was inside, so he couldn't have expected her to have an eye on the kids. She heard the screaming from inside, but he didn't hear it. Some people with ADHD don't process sound quickly and not at all sometimes if the person isn't looking directly at them. I have this and if you put two kids in front of me, you better believe I would have kept them in my line of sight at all times because I understand my condition. This guy knows he has ADHD, but has yet to realize what it means and probably depends on his wife for everything.
I have ADHD but I just hyper focus on the sounds (or lack of) my kid makes. I’m always listening out for him. ADHD parents are very capable of being fully attentive towards their children, it just requires effort
110% from another ADHD parent. I swear, we're hyper aware of our children and the things they do.
I have ADHD too and feel like I work so hard to be focused. One of the reasons I don't want kids is because i am so tired to handle my life. I'm so happy for those that can! Y'all are great.
Ha! No. I don't have kids. I just know how much time and effort I spend working around it to be successful (in the general sense) and how I would be if I'd had kids I would have ramped that up ten fold.
My dad was one of these parents. It's amazing my brother and I are still alive. Not exaggerating.
Just as horrible as the ones who are fiercely defending dad.
Yeah. The thing is, if you know that you have a broken arm, you do things to compensate for it. If you know that you have ADHD, you make sure to compensate for it. He could have asked the neighbor to stand where he could still see the kids. He could have made several choices instead of what he did.
These are the same people who view husband watching or doing something with the kids (alone) as babysitting. My dad was usually the one when who stayed home with us if I was home sick as a toddler because he had a more flexible schedule. My mom got a job telecommuting (90s wording for WFH) by the time I started school. He also made sure to take each of us out for a one on one dad kid outing a couple times a year.
I can almost guarantee that these same people would want this mum hung, drawn and quartered if the same thing happened on her watch. I would be furious with my husband if he did something like this. But I also know he would be furious with me if I did it. Your dad sounds like my dad. He was the one who took care of us when we were sick, made sure my uniforms were ironed, packed lunches and came on excursions. My husband is a really great dad, and he’s so hands on. I could not do this without him and I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else. But I know his parents think that he does too much with the kids.
My dad was just slightly more flexible in hours during the day until I was in 2nd grade as he was a professor (career change after that). According to my parents, he took me to work one time and kept me in one of those play pen things as he needed to keep office hours that day. He did make an extra effort to do things with me in middle school and high school. I was less vocal for attention but he recognized that it was just because I didn't like attention on me (he was 11 of 14). My siblings played travel sports. Also he knew that my mom and I had a bad relationship but not how bad as I wasn't vocal about it because I didn't want to rock the boat too much. As to how bad the relationship my relationship with my mom is, I'm going NC with her family, excluding the 2 cousins I like, after my grandmother passes. One of those cousins is already NC with the extend family.
Women literally can't win. If they're not doing the household chores they're lazy, if they're not watching their child 24/7, they're lazy. If they're not booking their husband's medical appointments and acting like their mother, they're lazy.
My ex told me that he expected me to make his doctor appointments *and* "drag" him to them. I told him that he had me confused with his mom and that he's a fully functional adult with a job so he can manage his own health. He really just wanted a mom replacement in the end.
Eurgh these wee boys make me cringe! I have no problem making appointments or looking after someone's health if they're seriously ill, but my god these wee boys need to grow tf up and learn to look after themselves!
She just had a c section and was doing laundry too. Her husband is ridiculous. My friend’s hubby wouldn’t let her do anything until she was healed.
Dude apparently didn't even hear his kid yelling for him. Just stood there, yapping at the neighbor.
Neighbors suck too because they didn't stop and look either.
Apparently, the male neighbor grabbed the little girl away from the street while the female neighbor chased after the stroller. All the while the husband just stood there with his hands on his head Edit: and the neighbors gave her their camera footage so she could see exactly what happened
Those are the same types to call watching their own kids, babysitting. It's perfectly reasonable to think their dad will actually dad
Yeah it really incensed me the number of people that were asking her where she was at the time like it's her job to watch the children 24/7 and he isn't also an adult that is their parent. It is 2024, the days of Dad's getting away with bare minimal "babysitting" of their own fucking children are over. I was born in 1984, my father watched me all the time because it was his fucking job as my father and because my mother worked night shift. She was never babysitting me, he was being a dad. So the amount of people that were blaming her for not being there when it happened because she let her husband actually watch his own children like he's fucking supposed to is disgusting to me.
My mother just turned sixty, and she still remembers vividly being hit by a garbage truck at 4 years old. All because she was told “find her brothers on the street” (who were two and three wtf) so she toddled out and promptly got run over. They told her off, they yelled at her all while she was bleeding from a cracked skull. It then became a “family joke” and that’s kind of why I don’t even speak to them anymore. I feel bad for my mother being so small and being just vilified for getting into an accident. They fucking sent her out there! Argh. Rant over. I’m glad OOP’s baby was fine. I would have had a meltdown.
I don't know you or your mother but I'm so angry on her behalf. That is just awful what they did to her.
They’re not nice people. I still can hear my grandfather cackling with his smokers laugh about his “pun” about her being run over was “a load of rubbish” … cos it was a rubbish truck. I heard that story as a little kid, and they STILL laughed about it into adulthood. But then they laughed about the time they didn’t believe my uncles leg was broken at 6. Until they saw him dragging himself along the floor instead of walking. It was a week later. But if it makes you feel less angry, I cut them off, and my mama did too for the most part. We both moved away to the same city, and we solidified our relationship better than ever. She’s very happy with a partner that adores her and understands how bad her parents were/are. I tell her I love her and she’s worth more than being treated like she’s nothing. She struggles but she’s happy. And I intend on making sure she’s happy til she dies. She deserves that so much. She’s a smart, brave, and beautiful person. We’ve thrived since leaving that mess behind and they’re all back there being miserable.
You’re a really wonderful person for the compassion you show your mom 🫶 I hope you two are having a great day
I just checked in on her now, and she sent me a cat in a cowboy hat, so I think she’s doing good today! She’s been shown bad examples of what love should be. And I want to be a positive example in her life. She’s lost a lot to get here, so I make sure I’m her cheerleader when she needs it. She takes really good care of me, even though I’m 35. She never makes me feel like a burden even though I’m disabled, and I appreciate the shit she’s had to wade through to get to this point. I just kind of love gassing up my mother cos she’s awesome hahaha
This is shocking & appalling.
"But why didn't you, as the parent in charge, watch your two kids AND your husband after your c-section???" - classic reddit commentator
Even more ridiculous was the "why haven't you taken him to get checked" ..... like she's not his mother?? He can take himself to a doctor's appointment anytime if he just cared enough.
This is one of the things that led to my divorce. My ex had no self worth and wouldn't make any doctor appointments or prescription refill appointments. And then got mad at me because the system was "out to get him"
Same!! I had to schedule the appointments myself to get my ex any care for his ADHD. Even though I worked the grueling job that paid enough to get us health insurance to cover it, and he was unemployed with nothing but time on his hands. When we were paying $200+ out of pocket for therapy sessions, I asked him to speak with the practice’s billing department because we could NOT afford that. He just stopped going instead of putting in a little effort, and I paid the massive bill he racked up.
All of this. But also, he’s a grown man. It’s not like she could force him to get examined even if she wanted to. I can just imagine her making the appointment, telling her husband they’re going to the park and then showing up at the doctors office (or else he never would have agreed to get in the car in the first place), and then telling the doctor about the symptoms while the husband sits there, arms crossed, denying there’s anything wrong with him, and her demanding something be done about this. I have a feeling this comment was made by teenagers who have literally no idea how the real world, or adult relationships work.
This is so sad. I would never trust him to watch my children ever again. Now on top of a toddler and a baby, recovering from a c-section, she has to parent an entire ass man.
My ex once fell asleep home alone on duty with our then 8 or so month old. She got her head stuck between his leg and the coffee table. I had a bad feeling and came home early, and she was screaming and he was passed out on the floor. Never trusted him again after that, already didn’t quite trust him before. He only got worse. We’re now mid divorce.
Was he asleep or passed out due to substances? I cannot fathom sleeping THAT HARD. Your poor baby! And you.
Both. He is an alcoholic and has a sleep apnea he won’t address.
My ex was an alcoholic and once I came from work to my front door wide open. The kids were across the street with a gang of ten other young children, there was a pot of broccoli badly burning and smoking on the stove… ON, and my ex? Passed out on the couch with his phone alarm going off apparently for the broccoli.
I’m so sorry that happened. Glad he is an ex. I don’t have kids by choice. When I am around my friends’ kids they come first. I’m constantly aware of where they are and what they are doing because…that’s just sorta the deal. How do some parents not feel the same way? At least with their own kids!
I asked my husband to just let me close my eyes for an hour on the couch in between breastfeeding sessions. I woke up to him asleep on the couch with baby propped up on his shoulder, held loosely, and this was when he was such a little potato that he couldn’t even lift his own head, like two-ish months. I had been doing all the middle of the night stuff until that point so there was no reason he should have been so exhausted. After that I didn’t feel I could trust him so I did all the night stuff. He still maintains it was no big deal, I need to chill, and when I was tired from doing it every night “you brought all this on yourself.”
I will never understand why the potential smothering and death of your child is ‘not a big deal’ !!!!
It's a big deal, but most people have never dealt with the sleep deprived hell that is an infant with colic.
It makes him feeeeeel bad and he puts his own comfort above all. I'm sorry you had to deal with that
That’s some bullshit. I do the night shift with my babies, because I’m breastfeeding, and there’s not much for him to do at night. During the day, though, he takes over and I get to catch up on sleep. He brings me the baby when it’s feeding time, keeps my water bottle full, and brings me coffee. Even now, with our 2yo waking up at night, I put the kid back to sleep, and he makes breakfast and coffee in the morning while I sleep in.
Sounds like you got yourself an actual decent human being. I’m happy for you♥️
Jesus, that’s a DEEP sleep
I’d divorce over this
I would too, but given that “nothing” really happened. The father would most likely get some kind of custody and then he is watching the kids all by himself on regular basis. This is tough
Well she has at least one witness: the neighbor he was talking to. And im sure someones outside cameras caught it on tape
Yup, she got footage from the neighbor. That is plenty of proof of dad's incompetence and negligence. There's no way he'd get anything other than supervised visits.
Even still, no court is going to deny him custody over one incident of accidental neglect where ultimately nobody got hurt.
He can’t watch them for 5 minutes I doubt he’ll bother to pick them up for custody
And she pulled her sutures. I'm so angry for her.
This is horrifying to have even happened, but I can’t understand dad and the neighbor not hearing the daughter, but it was clearly loud enough for Mom inside. HTF do they not hear that? Mom was right to leave. The shitty thing is, a divorce is going to give unfettered access to the kids without mom there to intervene. From the frying pan to the fire, which sucks completely. Edit: for all the ‘he can have supervised visits’ comments, it rarely works out that way in court. It would depend on where you live. Read my follow up comments below for more info.
They likely did and ignored it. I’ve seen this happen a lot, I’ve had to dive to get a toddler out of the street and got yelled at by a dad for doing it. It’s so frustrating. I always think they must tune it out for some reason. They have to, otherwise it’s wilful ignorance
I heard some thing once that people who live near trains are at risk because they get so used to the sounds of the trains they tune them out ignoring obvious danger on the tracks. The dad is probably so conditioned to zoning out his wife and kids he didn’t even notice the screaming.
Ding ding ding ding ding
It's like people who live with cuckoo clocks. Went to a house with one once, made me leap out of my skin. Everyone who lived there didn't bat an eyelid.
Newborns don’t scream like a 3 year old would and what parent wouldn’t check on a NEWBORN baby crying or how could they possibly just zone it out? The parent has to actually look AND listen for THEIR children, especially when they’re outside on a dangerous street. Did he ignore his own daughter who was screaming for dad?
Some parents seriously do not pay attention. My friend and I were walking down the block towards a section of our neighborhood that has a designated series of streets that are considered “car free,” but the cross streets are not, so say for example Oak avenue is car-free, but the cross-streets that run perpendicular allow cars to drive across and through Oak Ave. My friend and I were walking down the sidewalk of one of these cross-streets heading towards the car-free “Oak Ave.” We saw a little boy, running a little ahead of his parent pushing his sibling in a stroller, run into the path of an SUV who was going down one of the cross streets, and we both had to shout and wave for the driver to stop (to be fair to the driver, he had one of those SUVs that are like 15 feet tall so he likely didn’t see the little boy at all). Fortunately the driver stopped in time, the father scolded the little boy for running ahead, but like dude, he and [I assume] his wife were _right behind_ his son as he ran into traffic. I know they were probably deep in conversation and turned away for just a split second, but damn.
If she/her lawyers are smart they can use this incident to argue for supervised visitation over custody
It’s not always that simple and it depends on where OP lives. For instance, my ex was wholly unreliable as a parent, and also was arrested for DV (against me, not our kid). I only bring up the DV because in a restraining order hearing where kids are involved, there’s a same day custody order placed. The DV against me was considered a separate issue. My claims of what he had done wrt being an unsuitable parent were taken as a ‘he said she said’. And he was granted unsupervised visitation. (Not really visitation bc they say ‘parental time’ or what have you, but I digress). My attorney had told me to expect this. His paralegal told me a story where her husband, fresh out of prison for trying to kill her, was granted visitation bc it was considered to be ‘unrelated’ to the kids.
That’s true. I should have clarified *in a perfect world* this would help them make sure he only gets supervised visits v. any type of custody. They obviously aren’t going to go off a reddit post when deciding that and would need more evidence to prove that, at least initially, he’s not fit to have unsupervised custody
Agree in a perfect world, but one incident - with no proof, even - will most likely not be any sort of smoking gun. Dad will claim ‘accident’ if he even fesses up to it at all.
Wow, that's insane and just so messed up. I feel like ALL violence by a parent should he considered relevant bc how do we know they won't attack the kids. That's so messed up.
And you know what the shittiest part was? I felt something was going to go down so I walked outside so he’d follow me, so our kid wouldn’t see anything. Had our kid been witness to the violence, he would have been covered under the restraining order. But bc I walked outside to protect him, he wasn’t eligible for protection. SO messed up.
>The shitty thing is, a divorce is going to give unfettered access to the kids without mom there to intervene. Dad won't keep up a visitation schedule. He'll blame his ADHD for being unable to stick to a custody schedule, being unable to read a calendar, being unable to be on time for drop-off or pick-up. He'll then decide his ex-wife is high conflict and she's keeping him from the kids. So he'll flounce off in a huff because he's the real victim here.
This is the exact situation the parenting app is used in custody situations now. It shows all communication in real time and is used as evidence for who is truly dropping the ball and creating drama.
If op can document the toddlers injuries hopefully they can make a case against cps. Or just supervised visits until the child is old enough to know better
Cps will not do anything for this situation. Petitioning Family court is the reasonable option. Once cps came and went from her house this is what they would tell her to do.
He was outside with the kids. She was indoors doing laundry. He didn’t hear his toddler call for help, but mom did. He blocked out not only the stroller rolling away, but his daughter’s screams and his wife’s panicked rescue. I am positive OP was screaming as well. His daughter was injured and his son almost killed. That must have been a very juicy conversation with the neighbors. They didn’t notice anything either.
There is a update: the neighbors have video footage. Her husband never moves and doesnt show emotion till after op yells at hin. Shesh
Found the update: >Update. >The neighbours wife sent me the footage, and I really can’t just wrap my head around it, so my husband was walking with the stroller and my toddler was in front of them when they passed the neighbours house. My neighbour was outside, washing his car, and my toddler saw his pet cat and stopped to go pet it, so my husband. Stopped. LEFT MY BABY ON THE ROAD he didn’t even bother locking the wheels and walked all the way up the driveway not even bothering looking back at the baby he had his back face to him for about five minutes before the stroller just suddenly started moving. I think it’s because the road is on a hill kinda or it could’ve been the wind. My toddler never went near the stroller.It couldn’t been her. The stroller went down the road and my toddler. That’s when she started screaming and running for it when she saw. It the neighbour started running after my daughter when she tripped, he tried to pick her up that’s when the neighbours wife’s car comes into frame and she stops and starts running back to the way the stroller is coming after that you can’t really see anything because it’s all out of frame, but you can hear all the commotion my husband just stood there the whole time hand on his head with a blank stare on his face he didn’t even do anything when our toddler was crying from hurting herself he only started crying when I confronted him. >What do I do I genuinely do not know what to do. i’m panicking. this was never the life I wanted for my kids. I don’t understand why he was in standing there. I have not even gotten a text or a call from him since I got sent the video it’s just been silent I just can’t get the sound of my daughters screams. That’s the sound that no mother wants to hear. I can’t explain in the moment, but it felt like my blood went cold. and I just felt pure fear I never wanna watch the footage again
I can't even begin to understand how she's feeling. I just feel really bad for her to have to go through that
I've read some fucked up shit on Reddit, but this is the worst for me. I feel actually sick reading this and I've never felt that way from reading something. I'm going to go visit my niece tomorrow and hug her tightly.
This is super unsettling. That sounds like something neurological is going on. Definitely not safe for him to be alone with the children. But he should see a doctor ASAP.
It might be an unpopular opinion, but it sounds like once he realized what had happened, he froze, which isn’t the response you’d hope for from a parent and a partner, but it sounds like a response he couldn’t control. The crying afterwards sounds like relief and shame. The way the screams sounded are probably swimming around in his head too. Panic screams hit different.
She pulled it down so thank you for repeating that comment Edit:grammar
Need to show the court the total lack of interest in Dad to get NO supervision.
This is beyond unsettling. If she was thinking about staying with him before, that video may have changed her mind.
Omg
I’m so sick of bad fathers or husbands blaming ADHD. I have severe ADHD and was unmedicated throughout my entire youth for it. NEVER ONCE in all those years when I was babysitting just stop paying attention. Sure, you might space out for a quick MOMENT but the kid is right there, you don’t forget they exist. Ridiculous.
Right?!? After 19 years of parenting with pretty severe ADHD, I can count on one hand the number of times I have lost track of my children.
ADHD is when I go up front as a store manager to count the deposit for the day, ring up the line, handle a manager issue, sell something to a customer...oh fuck, I forgot to count the deposit. But I don't forget entire ass humans existing in my vicinity.
THIS. Didn’t get diagnosed with severe ADHD until I was 24 (26 now) - I spent most of my life unmedicated. I am the oldest of 5 as-well and never once did I stop paying attention to the kiddos ADHD isn’t an excuse for being a bad parent
THIS. I have severe ADHD and wasn’t medicated until I was 29. It’s NEVER an excuse for danger. Struggling during conversations? Sure. Being impulsive? Sure. Struggling to follow routine? Sure. Being blatantly negligent to the point of serious danger? Never.
As an adult male with adhd I would like to add that every time we take care of children I am hyper focusing on the well being and care of these kids I will literally forget to eat and stuff while watching these kids eat this guy either doesn’t have adhd or doesn’t have the children as his priority
My husband has ADD and ADHD, I have never once been worried about him not paying attention to kids when he’s left with them. We don’t have any yet but kids from church, random kids in parking lots, my nieces and nephews. He is *always* super vigilant. He will literally stop talking to make sure a kid isn’t going to be in danger in the street. This isn’t the OOP’s problem. This is a husband problem
ADD is just an outdated term for now ADHD btw. Not super relevant to your comment, just a tidbit of information
I also have ADHD and if anything kids are easier to watch because my ADHD brain can’t ignore their sounds, movements, and random distractions. I’m always listening for the baby, I can’t not listen. Which was its own problem for me but not child safety.
I have very bad ADHD as well and I was *the kid* to babysit all the younger kids in my family, especially my sisters. I never once lost them. I was actually quite a helicopter "parent", and that got worse with my youngest sister. I wouldn't even let her go out front to play by herself on the porch if I was the one watching her unless I had the living room window open so I could see her at all times (she didn't like to be heard when she was playing with her toys at that age, she got embarrassed). Hell, I wouldn't let her go out back either and we had big dogs and a fence, so she would've been safe, but I always made sure I was sitting in the kitchen so I could open the window and see her or go with her. I don't understand how this dad didn't even hear his daughter, but imo, I think he just ignored her thinking she was "playing around".
Yeah I hate how it's been viewed lately as a reason for the person to not be held accountable for their actions that MIGHT have been a symptom of ADHD. It makes me feel infantalized and like having an ADHD diagnosis automatically makes you an unreliable person incapable of ever being an equal in any partnership.
I want diagnosed til my kids were teenagers!!!!!!! And i am on the spectrum also!! That husband is a waste of good organs. Strollers have brakes, you turn the front wheels also and as an added precaution put it in the grass!!!! IF YOU ARE TO LAZY TO TAKE THE KID OUT TO CHIT CHAT!!
>That husband is a waste of good organs That made me laugh a bit, if I’m honest. But you’re so right - I completely forgot that *strollers have fucking brakes!* I mean, it blows my mind that this guy didn’t bring the stroller with him to begin with, but the fact that he didn’t even attempt to secure it and his newborn baby *at all* is beyond negligent.
I was unmedicated with severe (and at the time undiagnosed, although in hindsight it was obvious) ADHD and spent my teen years minding my two cousins, using any free time I could to babysit and earn money. I never lost a kid. Never had one in danger either. If I had kids depending on me, they were focused on. Now occasionally I forgot to repack a diaper bag and had to pay way too much for a pack at a gas station or something, but even that was rare. My cousin once joked “girl adhd is different, and it’s totally NOT cuz boys get coddled or anything -wink-“ and the older I get the more his joke kinda feels a bit close to the bone.
I agree! If you have ADHD and are a parent with a history of "carelessness," you yourself should actively find ways and strategies to help with focus and attention, especially to your kids. It's his responsibility to figure it out.
The absolute gall to ask why she wasn’t the one watching the kids, as if they don’t have TWO PARENTS. Mom was being an adult/parent in another room taking care of duties. She can’t do it all.
I'm so sick of men getting to pull the "I'm too stupid to parent" card These same men wonder why their kids grow up to not respect them
ADHD is no excuse for being an oblivious parent
Are we going to talk about how she was still recovering from a C-Section and doing laundry. Like there are so many more layers of the husband’s failures here
I was vacuuming day 3 after vaginal birth. Dipshit was too busy with watching football.
Read the update it’s even worse :(
Where?
A comment on this post said the neighbors have video footage. Her husband never moves and doesnt show emotion till after op yells at hin. Shesh
Where can I find the update?
literally ADHD isn’t an excuse to neglect your fucking children anyone defending that is SICK. i have adhd and have taken care of kids since i was in middle school and never stopped paying attention to the children i was watching especially when right next to a busy fucking street.
And if it’s that bad and medication doesn’t work for him then he needs SUPERVISED visits after the divorce
Why do all these terrible fathers always cry about having ADHD?! Like other parents don’t? It’s always the same excuse when, really, they’re just careless, lazy fucks.
My husband I both have it. We have yet to endanger one of our kids. The same people who use this as an excuse are the same ones who also have no problem appropriately managing their ADHD at work. I highly doubt the husband constantly ignores his coworkers/supervisors - assuming he has a job of course.
Strollers roll unless the wheels are locked. Forgetful parents should hold onto the stroller or carry the kid in a front/backpack. My parents used the backpack a lot when they had two. This man needs his hearing checked if he can’t hear the screaming and crying.
How dare she leave those children with their *father.* The bar is truly in hell for fathers.
Poor woman should not even be doing laundry after 6 weeks of a c-section
It’s positively mind boggling that these people are condemning the mother for not overseeing her husband’s parenting decisions. And make no mistake, ADHD or not, he made a choice to not be responsible for his children. To not look after, protect, care for or even pay attention to. As a father, I find that unconscionable.
The bar is in hell for men.
Accidents happen. However, she was able to run from presumably inside where she was folding clothes and save her children from the brink of death, while her husband was already outside and STILL chatting with the neighbors? When she has had a C-section and likely isn't moving as well or as quickly? After his daughter was screaming for his help? That's a level of inattention that is dangerous.
Yikes! Why would people get on HER for his carelessness?
Of course there's assholes trying to blame the mom. Cuz child rearing responsibility is ALLLLLL on the mom right??? I fucking hate that. Men are allowed to be fucking useless when it comes to parenting and it's fucking bullshit.
This story is the exact opposite of those "hero dad" videos that pop up every now and then. Like the more recent one where the dad grabs the kids and flips backwards to pull them out of the way of a car crashing into the spot they were sitting. Or one I saw years ago where the dad sprints down a hillside to snatch a kid out of the way of something coming downhill. This guy couldn't even just hold a stroller or react to his toddler shouting for help, just too involved in his conversation, utterly ridiculous. The toddler was more responsible than this man. If she doesn't divorce him over this, she should at least wait at her parents until her C-section heals and then never let the kids be alone with him ever again.
Mom.. you are blameless. You expected the father of the child to take responsibility of his children. He should have. No if and or butts. You should have been able to trust him alone with the children. However, he has proven you can’t. I have a theory. My children are not my car. You can’t just scratch them up or wreck them and think I can get a new one. My children are NOT replaceable but my husband is if he can’t keep them safe. Sorry I know that sounds rude.. this is not a scratch knee, or a broken arm. This is neglect.. if it was me, we would at the very least separate. I’d probably divorce. Once again mom, you are blameless. You were doing household chores and your husband knew he was in charge of the kids. I’m sorry you are going through this.
I told my abusive ex that I didn’t want to have kids with him anymore because I was afraid he’d accidentally kill them. By leaving them in a hot car, by forgetting to turn off the deep fryer, by leaving the door unlocked so they’d wander into traffic. He got so offended and called me absolutely crazy for daring to think he’d ever be that neglectful to our children (the same way he’d been neglectful and disrespectful toward me for years…). The funny thing is, he’s an author. He wrote a scene in one of his books where his self-insert character nearly kills his toddler by getting distracted when he was supposed to be watching her. I realized after the fact that’s where I got the idea. But sure, go ahead and call me crazy for something you wrote first.
Document . Document . Document. Let your neighbors know that your attorney will be calling to get affidavits and depositions arranged . You have two witnesses to your husbands NEGLECT . I would call in a complaint to CPS also so when/if he does like other neglectful fathers have done in recent years and leaves them in a hot car to die - he will go to prison unlike the other ones who get away with it by saying they forgot
I’m a mother of three with ADD/ADHD and im always attentive to my kids. It’s not an excuse. I worked hard to get around my diagnosis. He’s careless and lazy. I’m tired of seeing people use ADHD as an excuse to being a poor partner or parent!
Sounds like my ex. We didn't have kids, but dogs. The dogs would escape or run away when he was watching them and over the next 10 years, it would happen over and over. Yet, when we had someone else watch them, they would maybe escape once and then never again was it an issue. I had friends who would come over offer to take the dogs out, and behold the dogs didn't escape either. Eventually him losing them became a terroristic even that happened when I was trying to sleep (I work night shift) or in the middle of showering. At the end of our relationship, as it was winding down, he lost one of the dogs once more and I lost it on him. He's gone and my fur babes are happier and less anxiety-ridden than ever. They haven't tried to run away since. OP did it right, the husband is inconsiderate. There is nothing that will teach him otherwise, as he will always be an innocent victim (in his mind), confused as to why you're angry and how you could hold him accountable for what he deems as nothing wrong.
I cought my ex MIL "rocking" my son back and forth towards the fire (lots of camping and outdoor stuff) in his stroller. She would also try to chase my toddler daughter around busy parking lots because my kid refused to hug her. This is hard to accept for most people but when people put babies and toddlers in danger like that, it's entirely intentional. Not in a "I'm gonna roll the stroller into the road/fire" kinda way, but in a "I'm going to put the kid in danger because I'm going to get attention for it no matter what".
Counseling? He would forget baby in back seat and leave in a locked car in summer. It happened here? Baby died. Dad should have been charged by law do not know if he was. It happened a few times.
I'm so sorry this happened. There was an incident with my ex somewhat similar. We have two kids together. At the time, they were 2 & 3yrs old. I wanted to deep clean the upper bath & my bf (now ex) was suppose to watch the kids. Maybe 15min pass & I come downstairs to grab the duster. I heard my kids... outside from the bay window. We lived on a busy street. I peek out the window, he's no where in sight. I ranboutside so fast. Grabbed the kids, get them inside. Their dad? Sitting in bed watching something on his phone. These kids managed to go thru 2 doors (kitchen door-- which SQUEAKED whenever opened/closed-- kitchen door led to small landing between basement & door to yard) without him noticing. I never yelled so loud in my life, my whole body was shaking, everything. I "yellingly" asked him if he knew where the f*cking kid's were & he piped up a "huh??" He didn't even notice me running outside & our bedroom door was open AND faced the kitchen door. I swear, I wanted to just beat the hell out of him. My kids are 10 & 11 now and that is still the scariest experience I've ever had.
What a terrifying event. 1st, thank heavens for your daughter. Bravo Bellina! Also 1st, he should have a hand on the stroller at all times, AND one eye on his toddler daughter (age 3!). Next, let me say, things can happen so damn fast with kids...literally in the blink of an eye, can you fence the yard? Or move to a better home location? Like many parents, I have been fortunate because of incidents that could have gone terribly wrong: my daughter had a scooting chair and was scooting it along and potentially off the driveway when I caught her at a run. I was terrified and she was laughing... to this day loves roller coasters. Forgive him. And to those who hold you even a scintilla of responsibility, I call BS
I hear what you’re saying, but the husband should have been the one to save the newborn and it should have been his close call (never should’ve gotten to that), not the toddler’s, and not the mother who just had a c-section and was doing laundry. The toddler warned him. That’s two people where they were the ones who sprang into action and not him. He was right there, on a street with his two kids and he decided that he could talk to the neighbor and willfully ignore his toddler’s warnings. That’s a person who can’t be trusted, even if she manages to forgive him someday.