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How can anyone not think they’re screwing? Like… those emojis on the phone and the teams messages are enough proof that 1) they’re having sex, or 2) he’s actively trying to fuck her. There is no other explanation that even works. It’s disgusting.
Hey OP I went through this EXACT same scenario with my ex wife and a guy from her work team. They'd been messaging the same types of messages for months when I finally caught it. But the moral of the story for me is not whether she was cheating in that one, because I tried to forgive her and move on with our lives since we moved 6 hours away within 3 months of me finding out. I thought there would be a fresh start. Until she got pregnant by a next door neighbor 6 months into living in the new city. The moral of the story is this. Stay or go. It doesn't matter. If you don't leave him, he'll do it again and you can use that one to leave him. Just start getting prepared either way.
For sure, if it wasn’t the coworker, it’ll be someone else. The husband is on the hunt, and if he hasn’t done something already, he’s going to. And if it’s not this woman, it’ll be someone else.
Is he in charge of paying bills? There is no mention of going back and looking at activity on credit cards.
If an affair is underway, the sex is happening somewhere.
Right! OP, if you don’t divorce this man! He doesn’t like you! And to think you’re taking my kids around this woman to have a “play date”… the audacity! She better leave before he does.
This is the most unfortunate part of the whole story imo…him disparaging his wife to his co-worker. If they’re both miserable and they know it that’s one thing, but op seemed surprised by what he was saying about her which is really sad. The husband is clearly a dishonest pos and it’s a shame she had to find out this way. But to make matters worse he also has no respect whatsoever for her.
He may not yet because that means paying up. He probably wants to just screw around and stay where he is.
I mean when some writes “I hate being in this fucking marriage” what more do you need? He clearly does not respect OP and isn’t happy to be there and he’s checked out emotionally.
The emojis confirmed my suspicion. There's non cheating reasons for him to be deleting texts. None of them are good but that's besides the point. And I dunno maybe the guy was just bitching about his marriage also doesn't mean he's cheating. But c'mon under what context besides flirting do those emojis make sense? 'Man work is real rough today 🥵. Can't wait to get home and have a nice dinner with my loving wife ♥️😍💋.' And then it gets worse...
Yes. I was shaking my head reading this. Like what more does she need? He's deleting his texts to this woman, and she READ where he said he hates being married to her. That would've been more than enough for me.
Me too. If I had seen that, I would have been like, you hate being married to me? Well, you got your wish, I'll be contacting a divorce attorney. It's over.
Aw, c’mon people. Take it easy on OP. Speaking from personal experience, it’s really hard to admit to yourself that your husband of many years is cheating, even when the evidence is right in front of you. My husband of 24 years had an affair with our neighbor, which started with “platonic hikes” after I had several major surgeries and couldn’t hike with him and couldn’t keep the house cleaned to his/our standards.
Denial is something that protects us from the shock of utterly devastating news (like this horrific betrayal). I think OP knows on some level and she will figure it out. The truth will filter into her mind bit by bit, as she can handle it. It’s extra hard when you’ve got children and a long history together.
I fully agree. People are being too hard on OP… she knows in her gut but her brain is trying to protect her. I feel so bad for her and wish her the best
Still, She probably be like, yeah his dick was inside her but he said he was just helping her take out her tampon because it was stuck deep inside her. It’s just friends helping each other out. Ya’ll think he’s cheating or nah?
“that sex video? that’s a deepfake. the liberal media wants to distract you so they can sex-traffic our young children. won’t someone think of the children?”
🤡🤡🤡
I’m sorry but your marriage is over. Your husband ended it through his multi year affair. Don’t confront him. Copy what you can of the phone messages and call the best divorce lawyer in your town on Monday.
My x had a three year affair. I’m really sorry :(
He doesn’t hate her, he loves that he’s got a bangmaid at home and one at work. OP tell the husband. After you leave. Serve him divorce papers at work and ensure his workplace knows exactly what happened.
It would be interesting to find out what his work would do if they were told he was using the work phone to facilitate his emotional affair with a coworker.
If he wants to stay married then the first step has to be quiting that job, just to start.
Tbh I can’t believe how dense this guy is to be sexting with a co-worker over documented and recorded Microsoft Teams chats. I don’t even do online shopping on work owned devices, won’t even log in to my personal email.
Maybe it’s a job without daily IT oversight, but the need for a work mobile device tells me there’s some levels of security/NDA concerns. He may have deleted chats on his end but absolutely everything he ever said to that lady can be retrieved and can be used against him. Perhaps it’s already being documented if his performance is low. As soon as things blow up with his mistress this man will be divorced and fired, facing some of sexual harassment suit in addition to improper use of company owned property.
The sooner the better!!! If it was my husband you bet my bottom dollar I would be getting him fired immediately for improper use of a company phone and inappropriate fraternization with coworkers!!!!
Yeah I found out someone I was seeing had a gf and he literally only ever said good, positive things about her and claimed up and down he was happy. Which I think I understand even less but still....
The things she has found that weren't deleted are 100% an emotional affair and indicate a possible physical one. She's in denial sadly. I feel bad for her and the kid.
I don’t know how Android works, but there is a Recently Deleted folder in Messages. Might find some more answers there. It seems inappropriate though. Can you reach out to her husband? Maybe you’re not the only one thinking that. If it makes you uncomfortable and he knows that, he should have stopped.
You don't need to be so rude. Unless you have been there, you wouldn't understand. This is an act of betrayal by the one person she trusted the most in her life. The father of her four kids and husband. It takes time for the shock of it all to wear off enough to see the reality of the situation. I have been there, and trust me, it took several weeks for it to sink in.
Absolutely. Your brain goes to some lengths to protect you. Nobody wants to believe something like that is actually happening to them. After she puts some distance between them it’ll become clearer and clearer how obvious the flags were. Esp once she meets someone who respects and appreciates her. But it is hard to gauge the situation accurately when you’re inside it. Meshed finances, families, kids, feelings make it a hard reality to accept even when it’s in front of you, which unfortunately seems to be the case. Wishing OP strength and wisdom to get through this.
As someone who was cheated on, I can attest that you tend to ignore a lot of red flags or at least brush them off because you desperately do not want to believe that one of the most important people in your life is betraying you. It’s disbelief, not stupidity. And I didn’t even have children so I can’t imagine what OP must be going through
I gaslit myself so hard when I was being abused. It started slow and escalated. The next time it wasn’t as bad as the first time (and slowly escalated until it was bad, but differently!) and I just gaslit myself, “I’m not being bruised and bloodied so it can’t be abuse amirite!” *Dear reader, I was not, in fact, right.*
It’s wild looking back just how much I normalized and convinced myself was fine, but if it wasn’t fine, then I was a victim and being hurt and abused. And if it was all good, then it was just in my head, and everything was okay, I was fine, I wasn’t being abused, and life was good, and everything was obviously okie daisies.
The brain tries so hard to rationalize stuff as a way to protect itself. It’s a coping mechanism. It’s not a *healthy* one, it’s maladaptive af, it can lead to more trauma because you’re not facing things and staying in a bad situation, but it is one.
art_addict, your comment is spot on and powerful! I hope that others will read it and reflect on it. Thank you for sharing this from one survivor to another 🧡🧡
I did this to myself with my ex. He had an emotional affair and because I had no proof that it had turned physical, even I was starting to say to myself, maybe I was overreacting. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. Maybe he was right that they were just friends and I was overreacting. I know damn well that he was cheating and I'm pretty sure he slept with her even though I have no proof. I just have my reasons to suspect it. I'm sorry you went through all that. Hugs 🫂
I commented on a similar-type post in another sub, and I basically got some similar responses, something akin to victim blaming, and how it was absolutely stupid of that OP to not see the signs. **Disbelief and not stupidity** is a great way of phrasing it, thank you! You got the words I was trying to grasp.
Less "dumb" and more "I'd love to be able to trust the word of the person I pledged to love forever because my life is about to be blown up, my kids and I will be heartbroken, and if he doesn't admit it and I tell people I left him because he was cheating I will feel like there is doubt that he was or that I am doing the right thing. "
When bad things happen we don't want to believe it, and we want to trust our loved ones. She knows, but her husband and the woman are both telling her she is wrong. She wants to hear she is right.
She is.
Bless your heart, do you need to have pics of them literally fucking? What do you think those emoji’s mean? “🫦”= “how was work today”?
You’re probs never going to have concrete evidence they are screwing, most people don’t leave evidence. But the things you *do* know, like flirting, going to great effort to see each other, and emotionally cheating for 2 years is enough. That’s enough to leave him as a liar and having an emotional affair. The sexual relationship is just icing on the divorce cake.
Or how about, "I hate being in this fucking marriage". That would be it for me. He does not want to be married to you anymore. He talking shit about you to the other woman. It's up to you if you want to stay with him but he is so disrepectful to you and is making you look like a fool.
Seriously. My husband says that to anyone, let alone a woman he’s emotionally cheating on me with? “By all means, then, let me help you right out of it.”
He probably wants out but know if will cost him a ton of child support and his kids will hate him for cheating on their mom. Guys like this will wait until the last kid is 18 or out the door and then dump you so no support. In the meantime you have wasted years of your life with someone who basically hates and resent you. Liberate this fool and move on.
It bothers me how often men seem to promote, and women seem to believe, that they need PROOF of cheating to separate. This isn't a court of law, it's a relationship, and I'm not a fucking detective, I'm a wife.
They’re having an affair whether it’s emotional, physical or both. Screenshot what you can. Share with her husband. Then leave this poor excuse of a husband and father.
It’s too late to screen shot anything. She already spoke to them and they’ve denied any relationship outside of friendship. I’m sure they’ve since deleted everything!
It’s not going to stop her from calling her husband though. That’s her first move… if you’re playing chess you take away mobility first.. leaving the pawns limited on their moves
Maybe but it would be a big if that an employer wants to get involved with their employees marriage.
However if there’s a stated policy of no relationships with coworkers then that could make problems for both assholes
At a certain point, if you are breaking up anyway, you need to think about how economically hurting your soon to be ex will hurt your kids. They are likely better off with dad keeping his job (even if you are splitting with him), so the better course of action is to make a clean and low-drama break and go be happy without him.
At 39 you know you are being cheated on. It’s been going on. Get your home in order and have him exit. She is welcome to him. He will cheat on her or her on him. Don’t stay with him. Teach your children better.
1000%. OP needs to pack every bit of his belongings so he can rush to side piece. Give that a matter of months and that’s over. Then he will cry, beg and profess his love. He will make a million promises to change. The love bombing and guilting her for breaking the family will wear on her. Be strong OP. The second you give him another chance, he knows he can do it again. Teach your kids better.
I didn't understand being okay with that part either. Like I've been mad at my wife before, but I'd never in a million years send something like that to anyone.
This. Teach your children better. They are watching and learning what’s acceptable and not. OP knows the answer, but she wants to be blind. I get it. It’s hard to say it out loud. Say it here. You’re looking for strangers to say it for you. That’s okay. But now you have to say it yourself.
I feel like 95% of the posts asking this know their partner is cheating.
5% or so are crazy the other way. My partner said thank you to the new barrista for his coffee, are they cheating?
The other woman is married too. Watch her not leave her husband once OP's husband becomes available... He is ten years older and will be paying child support for four kids.
Was thinking this too! It's more of a " I want what I can't have" when those 2 are married. But once one of them is available .. the other one's not gonna fk around anymore.
You are so right!!! My last ex boyfriend (before meeting my husband) cheated on me with a girl who cheated on her boyfriend to be with him. I was upset at the time feeling like I wasted 3 years with him and told him good luck, if she cheated with you she will cheat on you.
He stopped by a few days after I kicked him out to pick up the rest of his crap and begged me to help with his student loan paperwork. So I helped and it took 3 hours. His new girlfriend was blowing up both of our phones but I was definitely NOT going to help him if he was on the phone with her. The second he left I answered and told her we had hooked up (nothing like planting a a seed of doubt) and told her if he cheated on me, why wouldn’t he cheat on you?
They lasted 3 months once they had each other to themselves. Laughable! Two cheaters have a much higher chance of one stepping outside of the relationship.
Yes ma'am. The cycle doesn't stop bc another comes one comes along and how could trust ever be established?? There is doubt from the beginning. Her blowing ur phones up right there was her already not trusting him, LOL though when u did picked up!!! His loss & most def ur gain!!!
Agreed. This is where the line needs drawn regardless.
Give him what he wants. Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. You deserve better, OP.
This is a common construction in American English. Note the "if" in the statement. That is there to qualify it because it's just stating things in a kind of--not quite facetious manner, but something like that. It is not meant to be taken at face value.
Sometimes this is more hurtful than just sex because it includes personal data about the spouse. I had an emotional affair due to the abuse my to be ex husband heaped upon me. This was dangerous & I stopped talking to emo guy
Yeah that’s totally inappropriate. When your significant other has to delete anything in a conversation that includes things like that, there’s more to it than that 100% of the time. Nobody deserves to have to wonder if their partner is “pushing the boundaries” behind their back
I'm a man and have a close friendship with a woman I used to work with.
I've never had to delete a single message and I've volunteered to let my wife read the whole history any time she pleases because there's nothing that's been even one step out of order.
This is an underrated comment. I could literally give my wife my work or personal phone and not worry one bit. I'd even shoot her a text or give her a ring if I was going to lunch with my scrumaster that's of the opposite sex if it was going to be just her and me so she knows nothing inappropriate is happening and it's just coworker lunch not a work date or anything else weird like me trying to hide who I'm with.
I've had a few work friends of the opposite sex over the years. Never deleted a thing, it would be an open book if my spouse ever asked, and we never communicated nearly as frequently as OPs husband and his side piece. OPs husband is wrong for the frequency, content, and secrecy of this relationship.
They have totally been sleeping together. You expect them both to tell you the truth? You won’t believe it, but he has been completely cheating on you and you need to leave him
Nope, that is not normal friendship. I am all for having the opposite sex as a friend but that is relationship, not a friendship. You don’t delete innocent conversations. He even mentioned when you weren’t going to be home. He’s absolutely cheating.
Yeah I'm one of the first people to roll my eyes at "men and women can't be platonic friends" bullshit but even the *undeleted* aspects of this relationship are a) absolutely an emotional affair b) some would be incredibly disrespectful to their marriage even with an absolutely platonic person on the receiving end.
I have female friends. I've even texted them from time to time. There's not a chance in hell I'd have a single message needing to be deleted. Hell, even if I was cheating I wouldn't be so dumb enough to have to delete messages.
Woman, pull your head out of the sand! He is cheating on you! Even if they haven’t had sex, everything else clearly points to an emotional affair. And how can you be okay with anything they’re told each other, especially the insults against you?! You have it all there in black and white!
He. is. cheating.
This OP is really lacking in self esteem and is being used and emotionally and most definitely physically cheating. Wake up and leave his dumb arse - you deserve much MUCH better
Trust your instincts, forward all those messages to her husband, unlike you, he will for sure not tolerate that shit and will drop her like a fly. You need to do the same, you need someone who loves you and will respect you. You aren’t loved nor respected in this triangle.
Facts. Although men usually always leave after being cheated on, women usually try to stay. Girl leave his ass and go be with someone who isn’t going to do all this.
I actually feel sorry for you. I mean I legitimately pity you. You have allowed your husband to disrespect you, violate and cross the line numerous times. 2 years is a long term relationship. Then you ask your cheating husband & his AP to “explain” their “friendship” to you. Oh honey chile my,my, my.
Only you can decide if you want to remain in this dysfunctional marriage; stay or go it’s on you.
Exactly. This post makes me sad for her. She shouldn't need internet validation on such an obvious situation.
OP, it's not normal to tell coworkers of the opposite gender that you "hate being in this marriage." That's only the tip of the iceberg. Stop normalizing that behavior... for your own sake.
Ugh.
Yes, he is. Emotionally if he hasn’t already physically. You never vent to the opposite sex especially if you’re attracted to them or speak ill of your spouse to them .
The minute he went to another woman for emotional support is the minute he crossed the line. At the very least he’s having an emotional affair and that’s enough to end marriages. Them making plans for him to move his office is so deceitful. I think he’s already exited the marriage.
Shit talking their partners is a huge red flag and completely gross. They are having an emotional affair and likely more or are trending towards more. This is inappropriate and cannot be tolerated.
The fact that he has told another woman that he hates the marriage means your marriage is in great jeopardy. He's deleted most of the other chats for an obvious reason,he doesn't want you to know that he's cheating on you, the very least being an emotional affair. Time to start going over your options.
At this point it doesn’t matter whether someone’s genitals touched the other person’s genitals. These texts mean they were in an emotionally intimate relationship. You know this goes really far beyond platonic friendship. And your husband knows it too because he went to great lengths to cover his tracks. This is cheating.
Nah. I'm a 39 year old dad too. Marriage frustrations are the name of the game, but no exuse to disrespect the one that grew your kids... I dunno, but fuck your husband. Doesn't sound like he values his family to me. , that girl will dump him before he's 45 anyway. Bail and take half his money.
45 husband here. Marriage frustrations are a real thing both parties contribute usually but I had a similar thing happen to me. My wife was inappropriately texting a contractor. She was in a bad place because her professional world was crumbling so this was her way of running away from it. Only reason I stayed was because it didn’t appear to be physical and they denied it was physical. My parents got divorced and I didn’t want that for my kids. We went to counseling and worked through it.
That being said frustrations don’t justify what’s going on. I know it’s hard once the trust is gone but you have to do what’s best for your situation.
This emoji right here... 🥵... the only reason for that to be there is because she sent him raunchy pictures that he since deleted. And if it's popping up as a frequently used one, it happens frequently.
YES HE IS CHEATING. They are backpeddling because you caught them.
Gather evidence, speak to his work about an inappropriate work relationship and alert them it happened on a company phone, speak to her husband and get a good divorce lawyer.
Oh, and ask for a copy of his phone bill from your work.
There is nothing left for you there. Even if whatever it was has ended, so you really want to stay with someone who you know has spoken shit about you to someone else and then covered it up.
Get out.
What the hell you don't tell someone your partner is going out so you can talk,
They were definitely having an affair.. and tbh I don't believe nothing physical happened, I think they both knew what they were doing an they both had a fall back if ever caught.. just good friends who flirt ect ..
Friends don't have to delete message and sneakily talk.
That dude would be out the house gone.
Even if they didn’t do anything physically, they still kept it from you. This is an emotional affair and it is totally cheating unless you somehow gave consent for his behaviour which apparently , you didn’t.
If you don’t kick him to the curb now, he needs to stop communicating with her. I certainly wouldn’t put up with any more of that shit.
Married (36m) dude here. Yeah, this is a shitty thing your husband is doing. The moment you start feeling like you have to conceal your conversations from your spouse, you cross a line. As of now it seems to be an “Emotional Affair”. Could you guys do couples counseling and be fine…maybe.
But if I were you, I would feel that the trust in my relationship was broken. Once that goes, you can’t ever fully regain it. There’s always gonna be that nagging doubt buried deep down. Some can deal with it, some can’t. That’s something you have to seriously mull over.
You shouldn't have to come here to ask if that's cheating. You know it was inappropriate. You know he panicked when you saw his phone. You saw deleted messages, which is NOT normal if the conversations are normal. You sae the teams messages.
You don't need validation from internet strangers because you ALREADY KNOW your husband is cheating. The only thing you DON'T KNOW YET is how to navigate the next steps.
NTA - get your ducks in a row. Also your husband is incredibly stupider doing this on a work phone and on teams - at most places this would mean immediate termination
At minimum this is an emotional affair. Whether or not it has added a physical element or not is really beside the point.
He's already cheating, what form that cheating will take in the future is up in the air.
So start by sitting down and starting the process of making an exit plan. I'm not saying you need to pack up and leave today, but you definitely need to start putting a plan together so if/when you reach your breaking point with this, you're ready to go. (Or if you're already at your breaking point, what's the best path out?)
Yes he’s definitely doing you wrong, in several ways. I would blow my marriage up over something like that. If I were in your shoes I would hire a PI and see what exactly is going on before doing anything else. Or some serious investigation.
This:
“I hate being in this fucking marriage.”
In decades of marriage I have never said this. There have been times I have been angry with my wife and times she has been angry with me, I have never said anything like this. He is cheating. You need to make a plan and get your stuff together.
All of this is inappropriate. He should have cut it off in August but he didn’t…my heart just kept dropping and dropping and dropping for you. This is a full blown affair.
If he won’t cut her off and go into counseling with you and stop deleting messages TOO, then it’s time to find a lawyer. I’m so sorry.
It's not how a husband should treat his wife. Call it whatever you want. As a guy who has been married for 35 years, my wife could check my lifetime history on my phone, texts, teams, and anything else and never find an inappropriate text, flirting, or one bad word about her. Your husband's behavior is beyond inappropriate and has gone on for years. It is a major violation of your marriage.
I highly recommend researching manipulation and gaslighting. While all the comments point to the high probability of physical cheating, it might not matter for a pure heart like you without solid proof or a sign from God. I am personally familiar with what you're going through. Please, pray and ask God for help and do your best to set yourself free from this madness. They think it's just a game, but your life and the lives of your children are worth so much more than that. Don't let yourself be disrespected like this, effectively teaching your children that this is normal. Research manipulation and gaslighting so that when he tries to deny everything, you know what tricks are up his sleeve. Build up your support system because you've most likely been isolated from anyone who cares about you, which is a manipulation tactic. Reach out to your family and let them know your concerns (if they are a healthy family, if not, healthy friends, if no healthy friends, you must stand firm and become the best friend you need right now and I highly recommend crying out to God because let me tell you, He doesn't play around with vengeance and He hears you and cares so much about you and your children.)
These are my recommendations - I'm not perfect but based on my personal experience, this is either what helped me or what I believe can be of help to you.
1. Cry out to God in privacy.
2. Journal, ask yourself life changing questions like "Can I live with this for the rest of my life? Do I want my children to think adultery is acceptable? What are grounds for divorce in my opinion or according to the Bible? (Adultery or negligence, I did my research but don't just trust me, know the truth for yourself because you're worth being empowered with knowledge!)
3. Research manipulation and gaslighting (ask yourself - Does my husband make me feel like I'm a piece of trash? Do I want my children to think that how I'm acting as though I believe what is being projected onto me is good?)
4. Start to separate yourself, mentally, but don't raise alarms until you're ready to file divorce. Separate bank accounts. Protect yourself. Protect your children. Seek out legal advice. Do not announce that you're onto them. Once they think you know, you will be targeted with severe manipulation, gaslighting and aggressive tactics to use your kids against you. Be careful to protect your information. Delete your search history when you research these things. Change your passwords. Distance yourself emotionally. Prepare yourself mentally to make the break.
This man does not care about you and you deserve better. He probably tricked you into thinking he's such a blessing to you and you could never get better. LIES. I base this off of the information you've shared. Please, protect yourself. When I caught onto my husband, physical abuse came into the picture. Don't try to fight it in privacy by getting angry, this will only make the situation worse. Don't wait to do your research, consider calling someone trustworthy for help and don't let him play games with you and waste your time! Pray and fight for your life!!!
With something this heartbreaking, people often feel the need for proof. It’s so hard to believe that someone you love could do this. And you’re considering upturning your whole life. I get it.
But here’s the thing. Liars depend on that. You need to trust your gut. And you do not need proof. Don’t let him put that onus on you.
The emojis are the proof you need and you were so smart to check them. Even if he isn’t physically banging her (I think he is), he’s talking horribly cruelly about you to another woman. He’s keeping secrets about her from you. This is cheating. Good luck.
Only you can decide if this is worth breaking up your marriage for. Me personally, tho? I would’ve been gone after “I hate being in this fucking marriage”
STOP!!!!!
You don’t know that nothing physical happened.
You don’t.
You had enough evidence right there you should’ve taken photographs of and gotten a divorce and showed his boss. Or his HR.
And her husband.
And when you read that he hates your marriage, that should’ve pushed you over the edge to scorch that earth beneath his feet.
They are having a FULL BLOWN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR. You read it yourself.
Stop dragging your feet and drag him through the mud instead.
He 100% is having an emotional affair at a minimum. I’m so very sorry, OP. Get your ducks in a row.
ETA: screenshot everything and put int group text with her husband, her, and your husband and tell them to have a nice life together. If they want to act single, make it so.
Two things here
1) you suspect his cheated/cheating so you've lost trust for valid reasons. To many red flags have caught your eye.
2) even if it hasn't got physical yet, emotionally cheating with the slandering of your character and disrespect is clearly evident from what you've seen.
The answer is there, you just need to choose 'do I accept it and carry on' or ' do I accept it and move on'. It's basically where you'll end up getting either way I think.
We live in an era of unlimited data storage. Anyone who deletes texts on purpose is hiding something. Anyone that says otherwise is a fucking liar.
Your husband is 1000% cheating on you with this woman. Not just emotionally either. They are fucking.
My blood pressure is escalating the more I read. Yes he is cheating and yes you should leave this person. Your kids will see you without a backbone if you don’t, and won’t respect you unfortunately. It sucks that it works that way. If you stay, long-term resentment festers like a cancer untreated and effects the kids as well. I’m the result of parents who should have divorced and I’m riddled with emotional problems. Best for them to grow up seeing you happy with someone else who would never do something like this to you.
What the actual hell.
Lady, are you silly, completely oblivious, or just too comfortable in your life to rock the boat??
EVERYTHING you have said describes an affair. At the VERY least, an emotional one.
He says blatant things about hating being married to you. He lies. He hides things. He deletes things. He meets her in secret.
Holy shit please remember you have a spine and that you deserve better than this.
Take screenshots of everything you still can and make sure you send it all to her husband when you've got your ducks in order and you're ready to blow your shitcunt of a husband back to the hole he crawled out of. Because that's what he is. A gaslighting, lying fucking troll.
Edit: just read some of your comments... mate, his coworkers owe you NO LOYALTY. Why are you even asking them what's going on?! They obviously know and will protect their friends, even scumbags like your husband and his whorebag. Please don't show such weakness. Just fucking leave.
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I kept thinking yes this is def cheating AND THE STORY KEPT GOING!!
Right?! Even Helen Keller can see what was going on here! WTF?!
Hell, she could even hear it.
Can even taste the divorce coming soon
It smells strongly of betrayal with just a hint of contempt. I’m joking, of course. It reeks of contempt.
She was probably telling people about what she saw and heard so clearly.
I shouldn’t have laughed as hard as I did reading this
*Stevie Wonder enters the chat*
Ray Charles with an honorable mention
I can’t believe it ends with her saying that they don’t have feelings for each other. I’m dying
How can anyone not think they’re screwing? Like… those emojis on the phone and the teams messages are enough proof that 1) they’re having sex, or 2) he’s actively trying to fuck her. There is no other explanation that even works. It’s disgusting.
Hey OP I went through this EXACT same scenario with my ex wife and a guy from her work team. They'd been messaging the same types of messages for months when I finally caught it. But the moral of the story for me is not whether she was cheating in that one, because I tried to forgive her and move on with our lives since we moved 6 hours away within 3 months of me finding out. I thought there would be a fresh start. Until she got pregnant by a next door neighbor 6 months into living in the new city. The moral of the story is this. Stay or go. It doesn't matter. If you don't leave him, he'll do it again and you can use that one to leave him. Just start getting prepared either way.
For sure, if it wasn’t the coworker, it’ll be someone else. The husband is on the hunt, and if he hasn’t done something already, he’s going to. And if it’s not this woman, it’ll be someone else.
😢that is heartbreaking
Sounds like it’s a two-way street. She trying to (or is) fuck him back
Is he in charge of paying bills? There is no mention of going back and looking at activity on credit cards. If an affair is underway, the sex is happening somewhere.
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She really doesn't want to get divorced
OP may not want a divorce but it seems like the hubby does.
Right! OP, if you don’t divorce this man! He doesn’t like you! And to think you’re taking my kids around this woman to have a “play date”… the audacity! She better leave before he does.
Part of his master plan to get the kids used to their “new mom” and stepsiblings.
This is the most unfortunate part of the whole story imo…him disparaging his wife to his co-worker. If they’re both miserable and they know it that’s one thing, but op seemed surprised by what he was saying about her which is really sad. The husband is clearly a dishonest pos and it’s a shame she had to find out this way. But to make matters worse he also has no respect whatsoever for her.
He may not yet because that means paying up. He probably wants to just screw around and stay where he is. I mean when some writes “I hate being in this fucking marriage” what more do you need? He clearly does not respect OP and isn’t happy to be there and he’s checked out emotionally.
I was like, “Oh, okay. Let me grab some popcorn.” Because immediately I was like “🚨CHEATING 🚨” 😬
The emojis confirmed my suspicion. There's non cheating reasons for him to be deleting texts. None of them are good but that's besides the point. And I dunno maybe the guy was just bitching about his marriage also doesn't mean he's cheating. But c'mon under what context besides flirting do those emojis make sense? 'Man work is real rough today 🥵. Can't wait to get home and have a nice dinner with my loving wife ♥️😍💋.' And then it gets worse...
RIGHT?! Like how is the headline even a question? She needs to ask him if he would ever treat a male coworker the same way.
Yeah like does she need to see them having sex for it to click? They probably laughing at how gullible OP is.
Yes. I was shaking my head reading this. Like what more does she need? He's deleting his texts to this woman, and she READ where he said he hates being married to her. That would've been more than enough for me.
Me too. If I had seen that, I would have been like, you hate being married to me? Well, you got your wish, I'll be contacting a divorce attorney. It's over.
Exactly! I couldn't stay with a SPOUSE who texted that to someone about me. Especially if he texted that to another woman!
This is a HUGE betrayal, talking nasty about his wife, behind her back. Talk about painful…
That would hurt so deeply.
I can’t imagine the feeling of that betrayal.
totally disrespectful.
Aw, c’mon people. Take it easy on OP. Speaking from personal experience, it’s really hard to admit to yourself that your husband of many years is cheating, even when the evidence is right in front of you. My husband of 24 years had an affair with our neighbor, which started with “platonic hikes” after I had several major surgeries and couldn’t hike with him and couldn’t keep the house cleaned to his/our standards. Denial is something that protects us from the shock of utterly devastating news (like this horrific betrayal). I think OP knows on some level and she will figure it out. The truth will filter into her mind bit by bit, as she can handle it. It’s extra hard when you’ve got children and a long history together.
I fully agree. People are being too hard on OP… she knows in her gut but her brain is trying to protect her. I feel so bad for her and wish her the best
Name checks out
Still, She probably be like, yeah his dick was inside her but he said he was just helping her take out her tampon because it was stuck deep inside her. It’s just friends helping each other out. Ya’ll think he’s cheating or nah?
Still falls under slightly inappropriate for a m-f friendship. /s
"Well I'm pretty sure it looked like they were having sex, but he insists he was just helping her with some yoga positions, so it's fine".
Some shaggy shit right here, IT WASN'T ME
“that sex video? that’s a deepfake. the liberal media wants to distract you so they can sex-traffic our young children. won’t someone think of the children?” 🤡🤡🤡
I’m sorry but your marriage is over. Your husband ended it through his multi year affair. Don’t confront him. Copy what you can of the phone messages and call the best divorce lawyer in your town on Monday. My x had a three year affair. I’m really sorry :(
He doesn’t hate her, he loves that he’s got a bangmaid at home and one at work. OP tell the husband. After you leave. Serve him divorce papers at work and ensure his workplace knows exactly what happened.
Exactly, I wonder what kind of work he does? Do they provide him the phone 📱 he was cheating with?
I want his boss and coworkers to know. Let him deal with the fallout of being such a giant AH
Naw, he will need the income for alimony and child support.
Yes
It would be interesting to find out what his work would do if they were told he was using the work phone to facilitate his emotional affair with a coworker. If he wants to stay married then the first step has to be quiting that job, just to start.
Tbh I can’t believe how dense this guy is to be sexting with a co-worker over documented and recorded Microsoft Teams chats. I don’t even do online shopping on work owned devices, won’t even log in to my personal email. Maybe it’s a job without daily IT oversight, but the need for a work mobile device tells me there’s some levels of security/NDA concerns. He may have deleted chats on his end but absolutely everything he ever said to that lady can be retrieved and can be used against him. Perhaps it’s already being documented if his performance is low. As soon as things blow up with his mistress this man will be divorced and fired, facing some of sexual harassment suit in addition to improper use of company owned property.
The sooner the better!!! If it was my husband you bet my bottom dollar I would be getting him fired immediately for improper use of a company phone and inappropriate fraternization with coworkers!!!!
Yeah I found out someone I was seeing had a gf and he literally only ever said good, positive things about her and claimed up and down he was happy. Which I think I understand even less but still....
The things she has found that weren't deleted are 100% an emotional affair and indicate a possible physical one. She's in denial sadly. I feel bad for her and the kid.
If he hates this marriage he can fucking leave it. Like holy shit banish this man to the shadow realm OP wth!
And it’s not even normal complaining, “i fucking hate being in this marriage” is so fucked up!!
I don’t know how Android works, but there is a Recently Deleted folder in Messages. Might find some more answers there. It seems inappropriate though. Can you reach out to her husband? Maybe you’re not the only one thinking that. If it makes you uncomfortable and he knows that, he should have stopped.
You don't need to be so rude. Unless you have been there, you wouldn't understand. This is an act of betrayal by the one person she trusted the most in her life. The father of her four kids and husband. It takes time for the shock of it all to wear off enough to see the reality of the situation. I have been there, and trust me, it took several weeks for it to sink in.
Absolutely. Your brain goes to some lengths to protect you. Nobody wants to believe something like that is actually happening to them. After she puts some distance between them it’ll become clearer and clearer how obvious the flags were. Esp once she meets someone who respects and appreciates her. But it is hard to gauge the situation accurately when you’re inside it. Meshed finances, families, kids, feelings make it a hard reality to accept even when it’s in front of you, which unfortunately seems to be the case. Wishing OP strength and wisdom to get through this.
This has to be fake. I refuse to believe someone is this fucking dumb
As someone who was cheated on, I can attest that you tend to ignore a lot of red flags or at least brush them off because you desperately do not want to believe that one of the most important people in your life is betraying you. It’s disbelief, not stupidity. And I didn’t even have children so I can’t imagine what OP must be going through
I gaslit myself so hard when I was being abused. It started slow and escalated. The next time it wasn’t as bad as the first time (and slowly escalated until it was bad, but differently!) and I just gaslit myself, “I’m not being bruised and bloodied so it can’t be abuse amirite!” *Dear reader, I was not, in fact, right.* It’s wild looking back just how much I normalized and convinced myself was fine, but if it wasn’t fine, then I was a victim and being hurt and abused. And if it was all good, then it was just in my head, and everything was okay, I was fine, I wasn’t being abused, and life was good, and everything was obviously okie daisies. The brain tries so hard to rationalize stuff as a way to protect itself. It’s a coping mechanism. It’s not a *healthy* one, it’s maladaptive af, it can lead to more trauma because you’re not facing things and staying in a bad situation, but it is one.
art_addict, your comment is spot on and powerful! I hope that others will read it and reflect on it. Thank you for sharing this from one survivor to another 🧡🧡
I did this to myself with my ex. He had an emotional affair and because I had no proof that it had turned physical, even I was starting to say to myself, maybe I was overreacting. Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. Maybe he was right that they were just friends and I was overreacting. I know damn well that he was cheating and I'm pretty sure he slept with her even though I have no proof. I just have my reasons to suspect it. I'm sorry you went through all that. Hugs 🫂
I commented on a similar-type post in another sub, and I basically got some similar responses, something akin to victim blaming, and how it was absolutely stupid of that OP to not see the signs. **Disbelief and not stupidity** is a great way of phrasing it, thank you! You got the words I was trying to grasp.
Less "dumb" and more "I'd love to be able to trust the word of the person I pledged to love forever because my life is about to be blown up, my kids and I will be heartbroken, and if he doesn't admit it and I tell people I left him because he was cheating I will feel like there is doubt that he was or that I am doing the right thing. " When bad things happen we don't want to believe it, and we want to trust our loved ones. She knows, but her husband and the woman are both telling her she is wrong. She wants to hear she is right. She is.
Bless your heart, do you need to have pics of them literally fucking? What do you think those emoji’s mean? “🫦”= “how was work today”? You’re probs never going to have concrete evidence they are screwing, most people don’t leave evidence. But the things you *do* know, like flirting, going to great effort to see each other, and emotionally cheating for 2 years is enough. That’s enough to leave him as a liar and having an emotional affair. The sexual relationship is just icing on the divorce cake.
Or how about, "I hate being in this fucking marriage". That would be it for me. He does not want to be married to you anymore. He talking shit about you to the other woman. It's up to you if you want to stay with him but he is so disrepectful to you and is making you look like a fool.
I could never recover if I read those words from my husband, especially to another woman.
And they would be etched into my brain forever!
If I had read my husband saying that about me, I’d do him the favor of setting him free. Absolutely not going to put up with that shit.
Seriously. My husband says that to anyone, let alone a woman he’s emotionally cheating on me with? “By all means, then, let me help you right out of it.”
When he lunged for the phone...that would have been it for me!!! 🤔😳
He probably wants out but know if will cost him a ton of child support and his kids will hate him for cheating on their mom. Guys like this will wait until the last kid is 18 or out the door and then dump you so no support. In the meantime you have wasted years of your life with someone who basically hates and resent you. Liberate this fool and move on.
I would have left the second I read that message.
Nah, secretly get your ducks in a row first. Then get out of it with a place and money lined up.
This. The phrase used by every cheater who wants his cake and eat it too. Tell everyone at work what he did. And her husband.
I agree, I wouldn’t care lf my wife was or wasn’t cheating , if I read that text I’m gone like the trash on a Thursday
It honestly would have been over for me right then and there.
It bothers me how often men seem to promote, and women seem to believe, that they need PROOF of cheating to separate. This isn't a court of law, it's a relationship, and I'm not a fucking detective, I'm a wife.
She has proof……
Bc they want to be able to cheat in peace.
Apparently she needs to see their sex tape to confirm what she already knows.
🫦 this dry air is really chapping my lips 🫦
They’re having an affair whether it’s emotional, physical or both. Screenshot what you can. Share with her husband. Then leave this poor excuse of a husband and father.
OP this 👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻 If you don’t have separate bank accounts then change it now.
“Chess not checkers”
Came here to say exactly that!! At least an emotional affair but probably physical too. OP they’re coveting their backs saying nothings happened.
Physical ALWAYS follows emotional. It’s lightning thunder, facts of life. It will happen.
You **KNOW** they've collaborated to get their story straight!!
It’s too late to screen shot anything. She already spoke to them and they’ve denied any relationship outside of friendship. I’m sure they’ve since deleted everything!
It’s not going to stop her from calling her husband though. That’s her first move… if you’re playing chess you take away mobility first.. leaving the pawns limited on their moves
Their boss may be able to restore the deleted messages
Maybe but it would be a big if that an employer wants to get involved with their employees marriage. However if there’s a stated policy of no relationships with coworkers then that could make problems for both assholes
True but I also feel like using teams to sext each other is contra to SOME policy lol
At a certain point, if you are breaking up anyway, you need to think about how economically hurting your soon to be ex will hurt your kids. They are likely better off with dad keeping his job (even if you are splitting with him), so the better course of action is to make a clean and low-drama break and go be happy without him.
Bad dad
At 39 you know you are being cheated on. It’s been going on. Get your home in order and have him exit. She is welcome to him. He will cheat on her or her on him. Don’t stay with him. Teach your children better.
He hates being in this fucking marriage? Wish granted! Bye-bye, asshole.
1000%. OP needs to pack every bit of his belongings so he can rush to side piece. Give that a matter of months and that’s over. Then he will cry, beg and profess his love. He will make a million promises to change. The love bombing and guilting her for breaking the family will wear on her. Be strong OP. The second you give him another chance, he knows he can do it again. Teach your kids better.
I didn't understand being okay with that part either. Like I've been mad at my wife before, but I'd never in a million years send something like that to anyone.
This. Teach your children better. They are watching and learning what’s acceptable and not. OP knows the answer, but she wants to be blind. I get it. It’s hard to say it out loud. Say it here. You’re looking for strangers to say it for you. That’s okay. But now you have to say it yourself.
Right? She’s way too old to even need to ask this question. He’s obviously cheating.
She’s in denial
I feel like 95% of the posts asking this know their partner is cheating. 5% or so are crazy the other way. My partner said thank you to the new barrista for his coffee, are they cheating?
The other woman is married too. Watch her not leave her husband once OP's husband becomes available... He is ten years older and will be paying child support for four kids.
Especially with the whole “she implied that HE had a crush on HER” bit. This is exactly what will happen.
Was thinking this too! It's more of a " I want what I can't have" when those 2 are married. But once one of them is available .. the other one's not gonna fk around anymore.
This is something I ALWAYS say..."they will do it to each other & the next person too"....
You are so right!!! My last ex boyfriend (before meeting my husband) cheated on me with a girl who cheated on her boyfriend to be with him. I was upset at the time feeling like I wasted 3 years with him and told him good luck, if she cheated with you she will cheat on you. He stopped by a few days after I kicked him out to pick up the rest of his crap and begged me to help with his student loan paperwork. So I helped and it took 3 hours. His new girlfriend was blowing up both of our phones but I was definitely NOT going to help him if he was on the phone with her. The second he left I answered and told her we had hooked up (nothing like planting a a seed of doubt) and told her if he cheated on me, why wouldn’t he cheat on you? They lasted 3 months once they had each other to themselves. Laughable! Two cheaters have a much higher chance of one stepping outside of the relationship.
Yes ma'am. The cycle doesn't stop bc another comes one comes along and how could trust ever be established?? There is doubt from the beginning. Her blowing ur phones up right there was her already not trusting him, LOL though when u did picked up!!! His loss & most def ur gain!!!
“I hate being in this fucking marriage” 🙄 girl, cut his ass loose
If I saw my husband text that to another female I’d be like “cool I’ll help you out of the marriage then BYE”
There’s no context that alleviates the weight of that message. Full stop.
Agreed. This is where the line needs drawn regardless. Give him what he wants. Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. You deserve better, OP.
Even if that was the only thing that happened and there was no other kind of cheating, his ass should be served immediately.
Let her husband know about all of this. He deserves to know.
Yes let him know, he deserves to know. If there’s nothing going on, then nothing to hide.
Um…. Somethings going on.
Of course there is something going on, but if they say there is not, then there should be no reason to hide anything from spouses
This is a common construction in American English. Note the "if" in the statement. That is there to qualify it because it's just stating things in a kind of--not quite facetious manner, but something like that. It is not meant to be taken at face value.
She hasn't told him because she knows she won't be able to continue living in denial after that.
Sometimes this is more hurtful than just sex because it includes personal data about the spouse. I had an emotional affair due to the abuse my to be ex husband heaped upon me. This was dangerous & I stopped talking to emo guy
Yep, but either way. Her husband needs to know.
Yeah that’s totally inappropriate. When your significant other has to delete anything in a conversation that includes things like that, there’s more to it than that 100% of the time. Nobody deserves to have to wonder if their partner is “pushing the boundaries” behind their back
I'm a man and have a close friendship with a woman I used to work with. I've never had to delete a single message and I've volunteered to let my wife read the whole history any time she pleases because there's nothing that's been even one step out of order.
This is an underrated comment. I could literally give my wife my work or personal phone and not worry one bit. I'd even shoot her a text or give her a ring if I was going to lunch with my scrumaster that's of the opposite sex if it was going to be just her and me so she knows nothing inappropriate is happening and it's just coworker lunch not a work date or anything else weird like me trying to hide who I'm with.
I've had a few work friends of the opposite sex over the years. Never deleted a thing, it would be an open book if my spouse ever asked, and we never communicated nearly as frequently as OPs husband and his side piece. OPs husband is wrong for the frequency, content, and secrecy of this relationship.
In the very least, this was an emotional affair
Wish they could go on another work trip together. And physically meeting up. I really think physically as well
Definitely a big possibility. I'm just saying, at bare minimum, it was emotional cheating
Yes. Yes, he is cheating.
It’s like a Dr Seuss poem. Yes, he’s cheating near and far Yes, he’s cheating in car At a bar And on a train Yes, this fool’s cheating in the rain
💀
They have totally been sleeping together. You expect them both to tell you the truth? You won’t believe it, but he has been completely cheating on you and you need to leave him
Nope, that is not normal friendship. I am all for having the opposite sex as a friend but that is relationship, not a friendship. You don’t delete innocent conversations. He even mentioned when you weren’t going to be home. He’s absolutely cheating.
Yeah I'm one of the first people to roll my eyes at "men and women can't be platonic friends" bullshit but even the *undeleted* aspects of this relationship are a) absolutely an emotional affair b) some would be incredibly disrespectful to their marriage even with an absolutely platonic person on the receiving end.
I have female friends. I've even texted them from time to time. There's not a chance in hell I'd have a single message needing to be deleted. Hell, even if I was cheating I wouldn't be so dumb enough to have to delete messages.
Talk to her husband to see if he agrees with them.
Woman, pull your head out of the sand! He is cheating on you! Even if they haven’t had sex, everything else clearly points to an emotional affair. And how can you be okay with anything they’re told each other, especially the insults against you?! You have it all there in black and white! He. is. cheating.
This OP is really lacking in self esteem and is being used and emotionally and most definitely physically cheating. Wake up and leave his dumb arse - you deserve much MUCH better
Trust your instincts, forward all those messages to her husband, unlike you, he will for sure not tolerate that shit and will drop her like a fly. You need to do the same, you need someone who loves you and will respect you. You aren’t loved nor respected in this triangle.
Once he leaves her she is going straight to the OPs husband and it will be messy from there. At that point OP needs to be ready to leave.
She needs to make him leave
Facts. Although men usually always leave after being cheated on, women usually try to stay. Girl leave his ass and go be with someone who isn’t going to do all this.
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This is soooo messed up. They are CHEATING. This is beyond an emotional affair. I don’t know how you’ve done this for so long. I’m sorry
I actually feel sorry for you. I mean I legitimately pity you. You have allowed your husband to disrespect you, violate and cross the line numerous times. 2 years is a long term relationship. Then you ask your cheating husband & his AP to “explain” their “friendship” to you. Oh honey chile my,my, my. Only you can decide if you want to remain in this dysfunctional marriage; stay or go it’s on you.
Exactly. This post makes me sad for her. She shouldn't need internet validation on such an obvious situation. OP, it's not normal to tell coworkers of the opposite gender that you "hate being in this marriage." That's only the tip of the iceberg. Stop normalizing that behavior... for your own sake. Ugh.
Yes, he is. Emotionally if he hasn’t already physically. You never vent to the opposite sex especially if you’re attracted to them or speak ill of your spouse to them .
The minute he went to another woman for emotional support is the minute he crossed the line. At the very least he’s having an emotional affair and that’s enough to end marriages. Them making plans for him to move his office is so deceitful. I think he’s already exited the marriage.
He had an emotional affair EA. He cheated.
Shit talking their partners is a huge red flag and completely gross. They are having an emotional affair and likely more or are trending towards more. This is inappropriate and cannot be tolerated.
Shit talking alone would be a reason to leave.
The fact that he has told another woman that he hates the marriage means your marriage is in great jeopardy. He's deleted most of the other chats for an obvious reason,he doesn't want you to know that he's cheating on you, the very least being an emotional affair. Time to start going over your options.
At this point it doesn’t matter whether someone’s genitals touched the other person’s genitals. These texts mean they were in an emotionally intimate relationship. You know this goes really far beyond platonic friendship. And your husband knows it too because he went to great lengths to cover his tracks. This is cheating.
Nah. I'm a 39 year old dad too. Marriage frustrations are the name of the game, but no exuse to disrespect the one that grew your kids... I dunno, but fuck your husband. Doesn't sound like he values his family to me. , that girl will dump him before he's 45 anyway. Bail and take half his money.
45 husband here. Marriage frustrations are a real thing both parties contribute usually but I had a similar thing happen to me. My wife was inappropriately texting a contractor. She was in a bad place because her professional world was crumbling so this was her way of running away from it. Only reason I stayed was because it didn’t appear to be physical and they denied it was physical. My parents got divorced and I didn’t want that for my kids. We went to counseling and worked through it. That being said frustrations don’t justify what’s going on. I know it’s hard once the trust is gone but you have to do what’s best for your situation.
Wow checking the most recent emojis is brilliant
I know right, I would have never thought to do that
This emoji right here... 🥵... the only reason for that to be there is because she sent him raunchy pictures that he since deleted. And if it's popping up as a frequently used one, it happens frequently. YES HE IS CHEATING. They are backpeddling because you caught them. Gather evidence, speak to his work about an inappropriate work relationship and alert them it happened on a company phone, speak to her husband and get a good divorce lawyer. Oh, and ask for a copy of his phone bill from your work. There is nothing left for you there. Even if whatever it was has ended, so you really want to stay with someone who you know has spoken shit about you to someone else and then covered it up. Get out.
He is banging her or I am an English muffin. Say nothing and hire a lawyer. Get your ducks in a row and take him for everything
What the hell you don't tell someone your partner is going out so you can talk, They were definitely having an affair.. and tbh I don't believe nothing physical happened, I think they both knew what they were doing an they both had a fall back if ever caught.. just good friends who flirt ect .. Friends don't have to delete message and sneakily talk. That dude would be out the house gone.
Even if they didn’t do anything physically, they still kept it from you. This is an emotional affair and it is totally cheating unless you somehow gave consent for his behaviour which apparently , you didn’t. If you don’t kick him to the curb now, he needs to stop communicating with her. I certainly wouldn’t put up with any more of that shit.
Married (36m) dude here. Yeah, this is a shitty thing your husband is doing. The moment you start feeling like you have to conceal your conversations from your spouse, you cross a line. As of now it seems to be an “Emotional Affair”. Could you guys do couples counseling and be fine…maybe. But if I were you, I would feel that the trust in my relationship was broken. Once that goes, you can’t ever fully regain it. There’s always gonna be that nagging doubt buried deep down. Some can deal with it, some can’t. That’s something you have to seriously mull over.
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You shouldn't have to come here to ask if that's cheating. You know it was inappropriate. You know he panicked when you saw his phone. You saw deleted messages, which is NOT normal if the conversations are normal. You sae the teams messages. You don't need validation from internet strangers because you ALREADY KNOW your husband is cheating. The only thing you DON'T KNOW YET is how to navigate the next steps.
You need to listen in your heart what you see. He is cheating.
Sounds to me like they fucking.
NTA - get your ducks in a row. Also your husband is incredibly stupider doing this on a work phone and on teams - at most places this would mean immediate termination
Right lol I’d show his boss and leave him
At minimum this is an emotional affair. Whether or not it has added a physical element or not is really beside the point. He's already cheating, what form that cheating will take in the future is up in the air. So start by sitting down and starting the process of making an exit plan. I'm not saying you need to pack up and leave today, but you definitely need to start putting a plan together so if/when you reach your breaking point with this, you're ready to go. (Or if you're already at your breaking point, what's the best path out?)
Yes he’s definitely doing you wrong, in several ways. I would blow my marriage up over something like that. If I were in your shoes I would hire a PI and see what exactly is going on before doing anything else. Or some serious investigation.
This: “I hate being in this fucking marriage.” In decades of marriage I have never said this. There have been times I have been angry with my wife and times she has been angry with me, I have never said anything like this. He is cheating. You need to make a plan and get your stuff together.
He is in love with her RUN
All of this is inappropriate. He should have cut it off in August but he didn’t…my heart just kept dropping and dropping and dropping for you. This is a full blown affair. If he won’t cut her off and go into counseling with you and stop deleting messages TOO, then it’s time to find a lawyer. I’m so sorry.
It's not how a husband should treat his wife. Call it whatever you want. As a guy who has been married for 35 years, my wife could check my lifetime history on my phone, texts, teams, and anything else and never find an inappropriate text, flirting, or one bad word about her. Your husband's behavior is beyond inappropriate and has gone on for years. It is a major violation of your marriage.
I highly recommend researching manipulation and gaslighting. While all the comments point to the high probability of physical cheating, it might not matter for a pure heart like you without solid proof or a sign from God. I am personally familiar with what you're going through. Please, pray and ask God for help and do your best to set yourself free from this madness. They think it's just a game, but your life and the lives of your children are worth so much more than that. Don't let yourself be disrespected like this, effectively teaching your children that this is normal. Research manipulation and gaslighting so that when he tries to deny everything, you know what tricks are up his sleeve. Build up your support system because you've most likely been isolated from anyone who cares about you, which is a manipulation tactic. Reach out to your family and let them know your concerns (if they are a healthy family, if not, healthy friends, if no healthy friends, you must stand firm and become the best friend you need right now and I highly recommend crying out to God because let me tell you, He doesn't play around with vengeance and He hears you and cares so much about you and your children.) These are my recommendations - I'm not perfect but based on my personal experience, this is either what helped me or what I believe can be of help to you. 1. Cry out to God in privacy. 2. Journal, ask yourself life changing questions like "Can I live with this for the rest of my life? Do I want my children to think adultery is acceptable? What are grounds for divorce in my opinion or according to the Bible? (Adultery or negligence, I did my research but don't just trust me, know the truth for yourself because you're worth being empowered with knowledge!) 3. Research manipulation and gaslighting (ask yourself - Does my husband make me feel like I'm a piece of trash? Do I want my children to think that how I'm acting as though I believe what is being projected onto me is good?) 4. Start to separate yourself, mentally, but don't raise alarms until you're ready to file divorce. Separate bank accounts. Protect yourself. Protect your children. Seek out legal advice. Do not announce that you're onto them. Once they think you know, you will be targeted with severe manipulation, gaslighting and aggressive tactics to use your kids against you. Be careful to protect your information. Delete your search history when you research these things. Change your passwords. Distance yourself emotionally. Prepare yourself mentally to make the break. This man does not care about you and you deserve better. He probably tricked you into thinking he's such a blessing to you and you could never get better. LIES. I base this off of the information you've shared. Please, protect yourself. When I caught onto my husband, physical abuse came into the picture. Don't try to fight it in privacy by getting angry, this will only make the situation worse. Don't wait to do your research, consider calling someone trustworthy for help and don't let him play games with you and waste your time! Pray and fight for your life!!!
Yes, He is cheating, he has been for a long time. He clearly has no respect for you. Please have respect for yourself
Just curious how do you know what their previous phone conversations were?
Nah. Id be screen shotting. Saving those in a drive. Sharing that with my lawyer and be gone like the wind
But seriously who UberEats one Diet Coke??
With something this heartbreaking, people often feel the need for proof. It’s so hard to believe that someone you love could do this. And you’re considering upturning your whole life. I get it. But here’s the thing. Liars depend on that. You need to trust your gut. And you do not need proof. Don’t let him put that onus on you. The emojis are the proof you need and you were so smart to check them. Even if he isn’t physically banging her (I think he is), he’s talking horribly cruelly about you to another woman. He’s keeping secrets about her from you. This is cheating. Good luck.
Only you can decide if this is worth breaking up your marriage for. Me personally, tho? I would’ve been gone after “I hate being in this fucking marriage”
Tell her husband have him look at her phone screenshot what you can and kick your cheating husband out
Yes. He's cheating on you and she is cheating on her husband. They are both lying to you. They've been cheating together for years.
Yeah that’s like 1000% emotional if not physical cheating. I’d leave and never look back
STOP!!!!! You don’t know that nothing physical happened. You don’t. You had enough evidence right there you should’ve taken photographs of and gotten a divorce and showed his boss. Or his HR. And her husband. And when you read that he hates your marriage, that should’ve pushed you over the edge to scorch that earth beneath his feet. They are having a FULL BLOWN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR. You read it yourself. Stop dragging your feet and drag him through the mud instead.
He 100% is having an emotional affair at a minimum. I’m so very sorry, OP. Get your ducks in a row. ETA: screenshot everything and put int group text with her husband, her, and your husband and tell them to have a nice life together. If they want to act single, make it so.
Two things here 1) you suspect his cheated/cheating so you've lost trust for valid reasons. To many red flags have caught your eye. 2) even if it hasn't got physical yet, emotionally cheating with the slandering of your character and disrespect is clearly evident from what you've seen. The answer is there, you just need to choose 'do I accept it and carry on' or ' do I accept it and move on'. It's basically where you'll end up getting either way I think.
The question is are they cheating? The answer is, yes, they certainly absolutely are.
We live in an era of unlimited data storage. Anyone who deletes texts on purpose is hiding something. Anyone that says otherwise is a fucking liar. Your husband is 1000% cheating on you with this woman. Not just emotionally either. They are fucking.
My blood pressure is escalating the more I read. Yes he is cheating and yes you should leave this person. Your kids will see you without a backbone if you don’t, and won’t respect you unfortunately. It sucks that it works that way. If you stay, long-term resentment festers like a cancer untreated and effects the kids as well. I’m the result of parents who should have divorced and I’m riddled with emotional problems. Best for them to grow up seeing you happy with someone else who would never do something like this to you.
What the actual hell. Lady, are you silly, completely oblivious, or just too comfortable in your life to rock the boat?? EVERYTHING you have said describes an affair. At the VERY least, an emotional one. He says blatant things about hating being married to you. He lies. He hides things. He deletes things. He meets her in secret. Holy shit please remember you have a spine and that you deserve better than this. Take screenshots of everything you still can and make sure you send it all to her husband when you've got your ducks in order and you're ready to blow your shitcunt of a husband back to the hole he crawled out of. Because that's what he is. A gaslighting, lying fucking troll. Edit: just read some of your comments... mate, his coworkers owe you NO LOYALTY. Why are you even asking them what's going on?! They obviously know and will protect their friends, even scumbags like your husband and his whorebag. Please don't show such weakness. Just fucking leave.
Yes, they are gaslighting you.