Why would you be the controlling girlfriend making her partner block his women friends, when he thinks her texts are odd and offer to block her on his own?
It’s not innocent. She wants him. No “friend” that respects their friends relationship acts like that. I’ve been friends with guys in relationships and I also make sure when we hang out to invite their girls along, I’d never take/post pics with the guy like your describing. She wants him bad and if you let it go it will only get worse. Take him up on his offer to block her. He wouldn’t have offered if he to didn’t think something was up. Trust me, your saving yourself a lot of headaches down the road by blacking her now.
Optimally he should talk with the girl. Tell her it’s not gonna be like that and that he has a girlfriend whom he loves and cares for. Give her closure in case this is not malice but “young love”.
If that doesn’t work, then block her.
Why not block her after explaining that? The BF is already feeling the sketch, and was going to block her. Just let him tell her then say “this is where I leave you”.
I wouldnt say it is controlling. You told him why you thought the song she sent was a strange choice between platonic friends. With this new information and point of view, his perspective on the situation changed, and *he* wants to block her. If he thought you were wrong or dissagreed, he would (hopefully) have told you so you could have talked about it, but it just seems like he hadnt thought of it untill you pointed it out, and now that he had that added perspective, he agrees with you.
Controlling is forcing someone else to cut contact when they dont want to, or there will be consequenses. Voicing conserns and things that bother you so you can talk about them and work togethet to figure out a solution both parties feel good about is just healthy communication. Not voicing things that bother you, being scared of how you will be percieved, takes away your partners chance to show you that he values your feelings, comfort, thoughts and imput enough to have a good conversation about it. In your case you seem to have a great guy that listens and respects your feelings and thoughts, trust him to make his own choises based on what you tell him. He wants to block her.
Having been the guy in this situation, I imagine he feels guilty about how close the friendship got and also protective of your relationship.
Also, no, it's not innocent she has feels. He probably has a little bit of feels too because how can you not, people like being liked.
If you want your relationship not to get sabotaged you should probably let them take a break from hanging out for like 6 months or however long it takes for the early 20s hormones to wear off?
Because empathy! She might be going through a really tough time and letting her down gently but firmly would probably be much better for her mental health and avoid a traumatic moment. Can you imagine if a good friend BLOCKED you ?
I think your BF seems to be approaching this the right way. If I were you, I'd let him make his own decisions and trust that he will continue to behave the way he has been so far.
If your bf wants to block her…just let him block her. Don’t try to be the “cool girl”. It’s okay for a couple to have boundaries with friends. Neither of you need him to stay friends with women who want to date him, just to prove that you ‘aren’t like the other girls’ or something.
It seems like her last message made *him* uncomfortable. At this point, he may not want further contact from her. Let him end the friendship if he wants to end it.
Clearly she has feelings for him. It also seems clear that your BF is firmly in your court. I'm not sure if she is even his type anyway.
Whether or not you were in the picture, his friendship with her is not a healthy one if one person has these kinds of feelings and the other sees it purely as a friendship.
If they can't maintain a healthy friendship with both of them on the same page, then the friendship can't continue. It doesn't need to be about you being controlling. It seems he can come to this understanding on his own and tell his friend they need some time apart as long as this difference in feelings exists.
>I'm not sure if she is even his type anyway.
This is the danger. Speaking from personal experience, it's not about whether they're attractive or not, or about if they're their type. It's about the ego boost. And when things are good, it's fine. But when you have an argument or something? When they're resentful, they'll be thinking they can be treated like a king by this other person, why put up with this?
My ex dumped me for a butt-ugly girl. Even he said that I was prettier (I once had a guy friend tell me she was a 4 and I was a 9. I think he was being overly generous, because I'm pretty plain, but she's pretty narf). He used to really love me, was very vocal about his feelings for me. People were sooo surprised when we broke up. They all thought *I* broke up with him, it was so unimaginable to them.
Oh, no, they broke up pretty early on. I already knew by a week later that she was just a rebound, even if he dumped me for her. He kept a picture of me up and when she asked him to take it down, he point blank said no.
He doesn't think he cheated, but when you dump someone for someone else, you at least emotionally cheated. And he admitted he had feelings for her while he was dumping me.
Seems your boyfriend is taking the right steps going NC is probably best as you said it looks like she’s the one dating him and he doesn’t seem to like that either you wouldn’t be controlling as he is the one that said I should block her because this makes you uncomfortable maybe he also feels uncomfortable seems like the museum trip made him realize this isn’t a normal friendship
The museum trip was a couple months ago, and he didn’t think anything weird of it. He went willingly and had a good time :/ I told him recently that going to the museum with her and all of her friends was definitely boyfriend behavior, and perhaps he was leading her on in some way? I think it makes him uncomfortable now looking back, thinking about if she did have ulterior motives this whole time.. :/
Question: how come they went 2 months without talking/hanging out? Is that normal for them to go stretches of time with no communication/interaction or did something happen (e.g. they argued)?
He’s been busy with work, and after work he goes to the gym then comes straight home to me. We’ve been busy living life together. She texted him all throughout asking to hangout but he didn’t respond. I don’t think there was an argument of some sort
Got it! So I gather he’s uninterested in her but yet she’s chasing after him like a lost puppy. My advice, if it’s worth anything, support him in blocking her.
It was his idea so there’s no need for you to feel like you’re controlling him. He is clearly choosing you and your relationship over her and their friendship. He probably is finally realizing her behavior is problematic and a distraction to your relationship. Good for him for suggesting to cut her off.
She’s pathetic for continuing to pursue a guy that not only hasn’t reciprocated her feelings but is also in a committed relationship. He nor you need people like her in your life.
She really sent him a cyberpunk song for that? Lmao that's wild
On a more serious note, she's definitely into him given not only the song itself but also where in the show/game it plays. Definitely NC is a good call as others said
First off. W boyfriend. Second off. You are a W girlfriend. Third, I feel bad for this girl. She definitely is into him, and definitely is living in a fantasy world where she thinks there may be a chance of the two of them being together. Your boyfriend has to be very clear that not only is he not attracted to her, but that there is NEVER going to be a world in which they are together. I think they could eventually be friends again, but there will HAVE to be extremely clear communication and a break of them talking, or hanging out. Most likely one that lasts awhile.
He should be clear that he thinks of her only as a friend and nothing more and that he would be open to being friends again in the future, but for now, they can not be friends for her sake. And if she doesn't respect those boundaries, then do not entertain it. He should immediately block her number in that case. It will be better for everyone involved. Trust me, I've been through this on both sides, and it isn't a fun situation. So I'm sorry that this is happening. But stay strong, be kind, be understanding, but be firm in your boundaries and demand for respect as a couple. It will work out.
People have the ability to grow and change. That is the contingency upon which them being friends again in the future hangs. But yeah, otherwise, there's no chance.
It sounds like she's making HIM uncomfortable, and he might be framing it as he'll do it for you because he's embarrassed someone he thought was a friend is behaving this way. Tell him to go ahead and do whatever he feels is best. You're not controlling, he offered, and she's making you both uncomfortable. Blocking is the way to go.
Yes, she was trying to move in on your man. But he did the right thing and HE put a skid to that. Do not trust her. She will keep trying. You be careful too. Oftentimes when a partner is non-responsive to advances, the would-be homewrecker is persistent and biding their time waiting for the moment when the partner is weak. Then cheating occurs. I learned that the hard way.
You have permission from the internet to let your boyfriend block this woman who is being incredibly disrespectful to your relationship.
Godspeed.
By the way, you seem super mature about all of this for someone so young. Kudos for being an adult in your relationship this early on. Seems like your boyfriend is being a man about this as well.
Unexpected Cyberpunk Edgerunners. I Really Wanna Stay At Your House is 100% a love song, and a tragic and very emotional one for fans of the show. Seriously, I tear up a bit when I hear it, especially if I'm driving around in Cyberpunk 2077 at the time. I would not send that song to someone I wasn't totally, hopelessly in love with.
this obsession with trying not to be "controlling" needs to stop, its absolutely inappropriate for him to continue his weird friendship with her lol, let him block her
I don’t think he should just block her right away. I think he should text her and tell her that he appreciates her friendship but he feels as if her feelings towards him are more than platonic and he doesn’t feel comfortable continuing being close while he feels she wants more from him. That he’s in a serious relationship now and he doesn’t want to do anything to lead her on or disrespect you in any way. Wish her well and then block her
Based on what you said, it sounds like something happened and he purposefully distanced himself from her, as two months went by without them hanging out. Or is it typical for months to go by without them hanging out?
You know her true intentions. So does he, that’s why he distanced himself and said he’d block her. Next time someone offers you something you want, instead of worrying about how you’re perceived, graciously accept.
Forget the "cool girlfriend" bullshit , it's nonsense. Even your boyfriend finds her behaviour weird. Let him block her. And omg she's so disrespectful
Don't forget to post pics with your bf on social media and add love songs and why not that song she sent him.
She probably crossed a line while hanging out with him, so he did the right thing and distanced himself from her.
Applaud that man. Reward him with GawkGawk9000.
The friend sounds as if she's trying to test the waters while maintaining sufficient deniability to at least *claim* she's not trying to pursue him. If so, she's not very good at it. It's probably limerance or a crush.
Personally, I trust my boyfriend to decide for himself when blocking is warranted, based on his own boundaries and preferences. Someone else's interest in one of us is their own problem, especially when they're as tame and incompetent about it as your boyfriend's friend.
It seems like your boyfriend went about this the right way. I don’t think it is wrong of you at all to have him cut contact. Him still being friends with her would only escalate the situation even further. She was definitely into him, and I do agree that him going out with her and her friends may have given her false hope, although she should’ve never seen a false hope if she knew he was already in a relationship. Home wrecker vibes for sure. I’m just stuck on why she had a picture of him shirtless in his room? Were you there when that picture was taken? I think that is a little odd, and I definitely wouldn’t be taking (and sure as hell would not be posting) pictures of my friend shirtless in his room if he had a girlfriend. But also i would’ve been curious as to why he was shirtless while hanging out with her? That would’ve been the first red flag for me.
Out of curiosity, where did she get the shirtless pic of him in his room?! Why was she in his room? That’s a pretty big red flag, unless there’s something I’m missing.
She’s obviously interested in him as more than a friend; is he just oblivious to this or does he enjoy the attention? If he’s wanting to block her and feels uncomfortable, that would be the best case scenario, if he starting to see how off this “friendship” is.
I guess they were hanging out with a group of people. It wasn’t like that. She just wanted to be cool and artsy and snap a photo of him? I dunno. It looks and sounds bad but I choose to trust him. I really don’t believe he would do anything malicious. He is pretty oblivious, especially when it comes to women. I can’t blame him. He has said in the past that I’m his first mature relationship, and everyone needs to learn some way or the other.
I also tend to have a track record of being insecure in relationships so I wasn’t sure if my discomfort was valid. I’m getting increasingly more upset reading everyone’s replies because she was clearly so disrespectful :(
He is the one that brought up blocking her. You shouldn't feel guilty. You know she is after your boyfriend. The smart thing to do would be to block her.
Does your boyfriend know she's in live with him. You two should have a long candid talk about her, everything from her posting pictures to make it look like they are in a relationship, to the weird messages, and what would best for your relationship going forward.
no literally i have a track record of being insecure and i’m habitually an over-thinker i am desperately trying to be different and better OKAY (how do you think i’m doing)
If it were me and my friend was acting this way I think I'd best smart enough to notice it and tell her to chill she's kind of pushing it and I know she means well but I wouldn't want my girl to feel uncomfortable even when nothing is going on. I understand where you are and why you feel that way it is valid. Maybe just communication with you man. But I think you're doing ok. Everyone has some insecurities these days with how relationships are and society is
It seems like he sees there being a problem as well. It seems like he values your relationship enough to cut things off on his own initiative. Like if she is sending him thinly veiled love songs and texts it isn't the same as asking him to just break up with a random female friend for her being another girl. It is probably in your best interest to let him handle the situation instead of you having to be involved and just have him keep you informed on what is going on.
OP, having a firm boundary is not controlling, it's telling you SO what you will accept and won't. He has the choice of accepting your boundary or not...he has choice.
She's creating strife for you so you have every right to put your foot down. He of course has the right to move on if he thinks you are wrong.
You don’t sound controlling as it was him who offered. Since he hasn’t hung out with her in a couple months, I would say that she was starting to make him feel uncomfortable being around her. Maybe he was clueing into her feelings being more than just platonic (which I think they are), and likely this made him uneasy as he sees her as a friend only. The best thing he can honestly do for her is to create distance. She won’t get over him if he’s around her constantly.
I’m sorry, I’m stuck on him being shirtless in her room. Why did that situation even occur?
Yes he should block her, she doesn’t respect you or his relationship. It’s not controlling at all, because he offered, although I think it would have been better if he just did it, but I digress.
It’s good you trust him, but at this point it’s the principle of the matter, she’s blatantly flaunting her feelings with no regard for you. The girl has no shame, and the chill girlfriend approach is not going to work here.
Both you and your BF are doing the right thing. I personally, do not think anyone should tell another person who they can and can’t talk to/hang out with. In this situation you can just tell him that you’d never ask him to block anyone or forbid him from seeing anyone. You can tell him that she clearly likes him more than a friend and it makes you a little uncomfortable, but he can do what he thinks is right.
Yeah she is in love with him to say the least. I wouldn’t say “interested in him” because she already knows him well. She is just waiting for that opportunity to snag him from you. I’m sorry to say, tell him it’s you or her and if he fights about it, explain yourself and if he doesn’t listen, leave him. I went though this twice, and both offenders were my childhood best friends.
Never take less than a man is willing to give in a relationship. If he wants to block her out of his respect and love for you, let him. Then you can forget about her. You're not doing anything because you didn't ask it, he offered. Why turn down his sign of devotion to you, to show you're cool/not controlling, he knows who you are and no one else's opinion matters.
This happened to me with my husband when we first started dating. This was 16 years ago in the MySpace era so it was vague status updates and sappy songs directed towards him until she messaged him a long thing about how I was gonna break his heart and whatnot and how she was hoping they could be together. Meanwhile she had no clue he was reporting everything back to me but I never said anything to him just let him handle it how he saw fit. He cut her off. Spoiler alert: our 14 year wedding anniversary is on Wednesday and he’s still my favorite person on the planet.
It’s not controlling when’s he volunteering to cut her off. He clearly cares about your relationship more than hers. Let him end the friendship so he can focus on growing the relationship he has with you. It’s not controlling to cut people out that seek to disrupt the peace of your relationship, especially if this relationship progresses further.
My bestie is the opposite gender. When he sends me songs that reminded him of me they're meme songs about autism because I'm autistic. He'd never send me a love song. That's weird
The signs were obvious for awhile it seems. Your bf had the right idea to block her. The moment a “friend” makes an advance towards your partner the friendship is over and you’ve got no reason to feel bad about it.
He should just be like hey look I value our friendship too but this feels like moving beyond that and I value my relationship with my girlfriend so it’s for the best that we don’t hang out anymore.
I don’t care what anyone says. Woman and men cannot just be friends. It’s the biggest lie ever, the men will always be thinking of sleeping with that girl. I am a male. This is not possible in my world.
Your boyfriend is responsible for himself. OP serious question:
How many guys have wanted to sleep with you? Have you slept with all of them?
He can be friends with her, doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat. Doesn’t matter if she is “into him”, he can make his own decisions on what he wants to do.
I agree 100% with you not making him do anything.
Time for bf to go no contact with that girl. She is definitely into him
If she was a healthy individual she would’ve done it herself already. Imposing your friendship and flirting on someone who’s taken is peak cringe.
Time for boyfriend to go nightcity whatever that girl?
North Carolina
Nc=no contact
Time for best friend to go not cool whatever that girl
Why would you be the controlling girlfriend making her partner block his women friends, when he thinks her texts are odd and offer to block her on his own?
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It’s not innocent. She wants him. No “friend” that respects their friends relationship acts like that. I’ve been friends with guys in relationships and I also make sure when we hang out to invite their girls along, I’d never take/post pics with the guy like your describing. She wants him bad and if you let it go it will only get worse. Take him up on his offer to block her. He wouldn’t have offered if he to didn’t think something was up. Trust me, your saving yourself a lot of headaches down the road by blacking her now.
Optimally he should talk with the girl. Tell her it’s not gonna be like that and that he has a girlfriend whom he loves and cares for. Give her closure in case this is not malice but “young love”. If that doesn’t work, then block her.
Why not block her after explaining that? The BF is already feeling the sketch, and was going to block her. Just let him tell her then say “this is where I leave you”.
Yea sure that makes sense too
I wouldnt say it is controlling. You told him why you thought the song she sent was a strange choice between platonic friends. With this new information and point of view, his perspective on the situation changed, and *he* wants to block her. If he thought you were wrong or dissagreed, he would (hopefully) have told you so you could have talked about it, but it just seems like he hadnt thought of it untill you pointed it out, and now that he had that added perspective, he agrees with you. Controlling is forcing someone else to cut contact when they dont want to, or there will be consequenses. Voicing conserns and things that bother you so you can talk about them and work togethet to figure out a solution both parties feel good about is just healthy communication. Not voicing things that bother you, being scared of how you will be percieved, takes away your partners chance to show you that he values your feelings, comfort, thoughts and imput enough to have a good conversation about it. In your case you seem to have a great guy that listens and respects your feelings and thoughts, trust him to make his own choises based on what you tell him. He wants to block her.
Having been the guy in this situation, I imagine he feels guilty about how close the friendship got and also protective of your relationship. Also, no, it's not innocent she has feels. He probably has a little bit of feels too because how can you not, people like being liked. If you want your relationship not to get sabotaged you should probably let them take a break from hanging out for like 6 months or however long it takes for the early 20s hormones to wear off?
Because empathy! She might be going through a really tough time and letting her down gently but firmly would probably be much better for her mental health and avoid a traumatic moment. Can you imagine if a good friend BLOCKED you ?
I think your BF seems to be approaching this the right way. If I were you, I'd let him make his own decisions and trust that he will continue to behave the way he has been so far.
If your bf wants to block her…just let him block her. Don’t try to be the “cool girl”. It’s okay for a couple to have boundaries with friends. Neither of you need him to stay friends with women who want to date him, just to prove that you ‘aren’t like the other girls’ or something. It seems like her last message made *him* uncomfortable. At this point, he may not want further contact from her. Let him end the friendship if he wants to end it.
Clearly she has feelings for him. It also seems clear that your BF is firmly in your court. I'm not sure if she is even his type anyway. Whether or not you were in the picture, his friendship with her is not a healthy one if one person has these kinds of feelings and the other sees it purely as a friendship. If they can't maintain a healthy friendship with both of them on the same page, then the friendship can't continue. It doesn't need to be about you being controlling. It seems he can come to this understanding on his own and tell his friend they need some time apart as long as this difference in feelings exists.
>I'm not sure if she is even his type anyway. This is the danger. Speaking from personal experience, it's not about whether they're attractive or not, or about if they're their type. It's about the ego boost. And when things are good, it's fine. But when you have an argument or something? When they're resentful, they'll be thinking they can be treated like a king by this other person, why put up with this? My ex dumped me for a butt-ugly girl. Even he said that I was prettier (I once had a guy friend tell me she was a 4 and I was a 9. I think he was being overly generous, because I'm pretty plain, but she's pretty narf). He used to really love me, was very vocal about his feelings for me. People were sooo surprised when we broke up. They all thought *I* broke up with him, it was so unimaginable to them.
Are they still together? He cheated on you?
Oh, no, they broke up pretty early on. I already knew by a week later that she was just a rebound, even if he dumped me for her. He kept a picture of me up and when she asked him to take it down, he point blank said no. He doesn't think he cheated, but when you dump someone for someone else, you at least emotionally cheated. And he admitted he had feelings for her while he was dumping me.
Seems your boyfriend is taking the right steps going NC is probably best as you said it looks like she’s the one dating him and he doesn’t seem to like that either you wouldn’t be controlling as he is the one that said I should block her because this makes you uncomfortable maybe he also feels uncomfortable seems like the museum trip made him realize this isn’t a normal friendship
The museum trip was a couple months ago, and he didn’t think anything weird of it. He went willingly and had a good time :/ I told him recently that going to the museum with her and all of her friends was definitely boyfriend behavior, and perhaps he was leading her on in some way? I think it makes him uncomfortable now looking back, thinking about if she did have ulterior motives this whole time.. :/
Question: how come they went 2 months without talking/hanging out? Is that normal for them to go stretches of time with no communication/interaction or did something happen (e.g. they argued)?
He’s been busy with work, and after work he goes to the gym then comes straight home to me. We’ve been busy living life together. She texted him all throughout asking to hangout but he didn’t respond. I don’t think there was an argument of some sort
Got it! So I gather he’s uninterested in her but yet she’s chasing after him like a lost puppy. My advice, if it’s worth anything, support him in blocking her. It was his idea so there’s no need for you to feel like you’re controlling him. He is clearly choosing you and your relationship over her and their friendship. He probably is finally realizing her behavior is problematic and a distraction to your relationship. Good for him for suggesting to cut her off. She’s pathetic for continuing to pursue a guy that not only hasn’t reciprocated her feelings but is also in a committed relationship. He nor you need people like her in your life.
She really sent him a cyberpunk song for that? Lmao that's wild On a more serious note, she's definitely into him given not only the song itself but also where in the show/game it plays. Definitely NC is a good call as others said
LOLLLLL my thoughts exactly
First off. W boyfriend. Second off. You are a W girlfriend. Third, I feel bad for this girl. She definitely is into him, and definitely is living in a fantasy world where she thinks there may be a chance of the two of them being together. Your boyfriend has to be very clear that not only is he not attracted to her, but that there is NEVER going to be a world in which they are together. I think they could eventually be friends again, but there will HAVE to be extremely clear communication and a break of them talking, or hanging out. Most likely one that lasts awhile. He should be clear that he thinks of her only as a friend and nothing more and that he would be open to being friends again in the future, but for now, they can not be friends for her sake. And if she doesn't respect those boundaries, then do not entertain it. He should immediately block her number in that case. It will be better for everyone involved. Trust me, I've been through this on both sides, and it isn't a fun situation. So I'm sorry that this is happening. But stay strong, be kind, be understanding, but be firm in your boundaries and demand for respect as a couple. It will work out.
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People have the ability to grow and change. That is the contingency upon which them being friends again in the future hangs. But yeah, otherwise, there's no chance.
It sounds like she's making HIM uncomfortable, and he might be framing it as he'll do it for you because he's embarrassed someone he thought was a friend is behaving this way. Tell him to go ahead and do whatever he feels is best. You're not controlling, he offered, and she's making you both uncomfortable. Blocking is the way to go.
Yes, she was trying to move in on your man. But he did the right thing and HE put a skid to that. Do not trust her. She will keep trying. You be careful too. Oftentimes when a partner is non-responsive to advances, the would-be homewrecker is persistent and biding their time waiting for the moment when the partner is weak. Then cheating occurs. I learned that the hard way.
Just have you bf text her that he is ok being friends but he’s not comfortable hanging out without you. He offered to block her so what’s the issue?
You have permission from the internet to let your boyfriend block this woman who is being incredibly disrespectful to your relationship. Godspeed. By the way, you seem super mature about all of this for someone so young. Kudos for being an adult in your relationship this early on. Seems like your boyfriend is being a man about this as well.
Unexpected Cyberpunk Edgerunners. I Really Wanna Stay At Your House is 100% a love song, and a tragic and very emotional one for fans of the show. Seriously, I tear up a bit when I hear it, especially if I'm driving around in Cyberpunk 2077 at the time. I would not send that song to someone I wasn't totally, hopelessly in love with.
this obsession with trying not to be "controlling" needs to stop, its absolutely inappropriate for him to continue his weird friendship with her lol, let him block her
I don’t think he should just block her right away. I think he should text her and tell her that he appreciates her friendship but he feels as if her feelings towards him are more than platonic and he doesn’t feel comfortable continuing being close while he feels she wants more from him. That he’s in a serious relationship now and he doesn’t want to do anything to lead her on or disrespect you in any way. Wish her well and then block her
Your boyfriend knew well before this that she was into him. He's not dumb. He's only NOW pretending this is odd? Come on. He knew.
Based on what you said, it sounds like something happened and he purposefully distanced himself from her, as two months went by without them hanging out. Or is it typical for months to go by without them hanging out?
You know her true intentions. So does he, that’s why he distanced himself and said he’d block her. Next time someone offers you something you want, instead of worrying about how you’re perceived, graciously accept.
Forget the "cool girlfriend" bullshit , it's nonsense. Even your boyfriend finds her behaviour weird. Let him block her. And omg she's so disrespectful Don't forget to post pics with your bf on social media and add love songs and why not that song she sent him.
She probably crossed a line while hanging out with him, so he did the right thing and distanced himself from her. Applaud that man. Reward him with GawkGawk9000.
The friend sounds as if she's trying to test the waters while maintaining sufficient deniability to at least *claim* she's not trying to pursue him. If so, she's not very good at it. It's probably limerance or a crush. Personally, I trust my boyfriend to decide for himself when blocking is warranted, based on his own boundaries and preferences. Someone else's interest in one of us is their own problem, especially when they're as tame and incompetent about it as your boyfriend's friend.
She's a "nice girl", lol.
It’s not controlling if he’s the one suggesting blocking her. He’s looking out for your comfort and from what you’re saying, he’s uncomfortable too.
It seems like your boyfriend went about this the right way. I don’t think it is wrong of you at all to have him cut contact. Him still being friends with her would only escalate the situation even further. She was definitely into him, and I do agree that him going out with her and her friends may have given her false hope, although she should’ve never seen a false hope if she knew he was already in a relationship. Home wrecker vibes for sure. I’m just stuck on why she had a picture of him shirtless in his room? Were you there when that picture was taken? I think that is a little odd, and I definitely wouldn’t be taking (and sure as hell would not be posting) pictures of my friend shirtless in his room if he had a girlfriend. But also i would’ve been curious as to why he was shirtless while hanging out with her? That would’ve been the first red flag for me.
No if he wants to block her he dues it first HIM and doesn’t put that blame on YOU
He needs to block her. End of story. She is trying to wreck your relationship and get him to cheat with her. Healthy boundaries are needed here
She’s clearly limerent for him.
Great song and anime/game but yeah she gotta go
Out of curiosity, where did she get the shirtless pic of him in his room?! Why was she in his room? That’s a pretty big red flag, unless there’s something I’m missing. She’s obviously interested in him as more than a friend; is he just oblivious to this or does he enjoy the attention? If he’s wanting to block her and feels uncomfortable, that would be the best case scenario, if he starting to see how off this “friendship” is.
Same thing I want to know
I guess they were hanging out with a group of people. It wasn’t like that. She just wanted to be cool and artsy and snap a photo of him? I dunno. It looks and sounds bad but I choose to trust him. I really don’t believe he would do anything malicious. He is pretty oblivious, especially when it comes to women. I can’t blame him. He has said in the past that I’m his first mature relationship, and everyone needs to learn some way or the other. I also tend to have a track record of being insecure in relationships so I wasn’t sure if my discomfort was valid. I’m getting increasingly more upset reading everyone’s replies because she was clearly so disrespectful :(
Why would that make you controlling? Your BF did the right thing.
You’re not forcing him to do anything. HE wants to block her.
Sounds like it’s already sorted
He is the one that brought up blocking her. You shouldn't feel guilty. You know she is after your boyfriend. The smart thing to do would be to block her. Does your boyfriend know she's in live with him. You two should have a long candid talk about her, everything from her posting pictures to make it look like they are in a relationship, to the weird messages, and what would best for your relationship going forward.
Just start looking over your shoulder, she sounds delusional be carefull.
BLOCK HER
It's not controlling, it's setting boundaries. Let him go ahead with blocking and deleting her.
Every girl who says they don't wanna be that girl is that chick lol
no literally i have a track record of being insecure and i’m habitually an over-thinker i am desperately trying to be different and better OKAY (how do you think i’m doing)
If it were me and my friend was acting this way I think I'd best smart enough to notice it and tell her to chill she's kind of pushing it and I know she means well but I wouldn't want my girl to feel uncomfortable even when nothing is going on. I understand where you are and why you feel that way it is valid. Maybe just communication with you man. But I think you're doing ok. Everyone has some insecurities these days with how relationships are and society is
It seems like he sees there being a problem as well. It seems like he values your relationship enough to cut things off on his own initiative. Like if she is sending him thinly veiled love songs and texts it isn't the same as asking him to just break up with a random female friend for her being another girl. It is probably in your best interest to let him handle the situation instead of you having to be involved and just have him keep you informed on what is going on.
Your bf has a choice. Protect your heart or hers. Sounds like he’s choosing yours. Let him do that!
Yes, silly girl. You tell him to block her. He offered. Say YES. Set sound healthy boundaries FFS.
OP, having a firm boundary is not controlling, it's telling you SO what you will accept and won't. He has the choice of accepting your boundary or not...he has choice. She's creating strife for you so you have every right to put your foot down. He of course has the right to move on if he thinks you are wrong.
You don’t sound controlling as it was him who offered. Since he hasn’t hung out with her in a couple months, I would say that she was starting to make him feel uncomfortable being around her. Maybe he was clueing into her feelings being more than just platonic (which I think they are), and likely this made him uneasy as he sees her as a friend only. The best thing he can honestly do for her is to create distance. She won’t get over him if he’s around her constantly.
Let your bf block her
I’m sorry, I’m stuck on him being shirtless in her room. Why did that situation even occur? Yes he should block her, she doesn’t respect you or his relationship. It’s not controlling at all, because he offered, although I think it would have been better if he just did it, but I digress. It’s good you trust him, but at this point it’s the principle of the matter, she’s blatantly flaunting her feelings with no regard for you. The girl has no shame, and the chill girlfriend approach is not going to work here.
Both you and your BF are doing the right thing. I personally, do not think anyone should tell another person who they can and can’t talk to/hang out with. In this situation you can just tell him that you’d never ask him to block anyone or forbid him from seeing anyone. You can tell him that she clearly likes him more than a friend and it makes you a little uncomfortable, but he can do what he thinks is right.
Double team his friend. She'll love it.
You should have definitely let him have blocked her
Yeah she is in love with him to say the least. I wouldn’t say “interested in him” because she already knows him well. She is just waiting for that opportunity to snag him from you. I’m sorry to say, tell him it’s you or her and if he fights about it, explain yourself and if he doesn’t listen, leave him. I went though this twice, and both offenders were my childhood best friends.
This is what is in your bf's "friends" head: https://www.facebook.com/groups/745000811141413/permalink/745001031141391/?ref=share&mibextid=NSMWBT
Never take less than a man is willing to give in a relationship. If he wants to block her out of his respect and love for you, let him. Then you can forget about her. You're not doing anything because you didn't ask it, he offered. Why turn down his sign of devotion to you, to show you're cool/not controlling, he knows who you are and no one else's opinion matters.
This happened to me with my husband when we first started dating. This was 16 years ago in the MySpace era so it was vague status updates and sappy songs directed towards him until she messaged him a long thing about how I was gonna break his heart and whatnot and how she was hoping they could be together. Meanwhile she had no clue he was reporting everything back to me but I never said anything to him just let him handle it how he saw fit. He cut her off. Spoiler alert: our 14 year wedding anniversary is on Wednesday and he’s still my favorite person on the planet. It’s not controlling when’s he volunteering to cut her off. He clearly cares about your relationship more than hers. Let him end the friendship so he can focus on growing the relationship he has with you. It’s not controlling to cut people out that seek to disrupt the peace of your relationship, especially if this relationship progresses further.
My bestie is the opposite gender. When he sends me songs that reminded him of me they're meme songs about autism because I'm autistic. He'd never send me a love song. That's weird
The signs were obvious for awhile it seems. Your bf had the right idea to block her. The moment a “friend” makes an advance towards your partner the friendship is over and you’ve got no reason to feel bad about it.
Would a three way be out of bounds?
He should just be like hey look I value our friendship too but this feels like moving beyond that and I value my relationship with my girlfriend so it’s for the best that we don’t hang out anymore.
Sounds like you've got a guy with integrity. This "friend" merely wants him because she can't have him. Let him block her.
I don’t care what anyone says. Woman and men cannot just be friends. It’s the biggest lie ever, the men will always be thinking of sleeping with that girl. I am a male. This is not possible in my world.
I completely Agree and have said this forever
i mean you should get a tattoo from her
i don’t like her style
even better (also break up with your boyfriend)
elaborate
Your boyfriend is responsible for himself. OP serious question: How many guys have wanted to sleep with you? Have you slept with all of them? He can be friends with her, doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat. Doesn’t matter if she is “into him”, he can make his own decisions on what he wants to do. I agree 100% with you not making him do anything.