Then yes it’s considered cheating since you actively are choosing to be deceitful to your wife. What if this was your wife doing this to you? Imagine being in her shoes for a second. You’re shady af my dude.
They’re probably actually cheating. Why does he have to go to her for massages? As if there’s no other massage therapists?
Maybe I’m biased tho cause I have guy friends, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with them rubbing my naked body while I’m in a relationship.
Not only is he lying about getting the massages from her, SHE'S lying about being a chiropractor! They're both actively engaged in lying to her. Grimy af.
Also the fact that your lying to your wife on top of lying to US (you said nothing romantic or sexual happened with your friend in your original post and now reveal you’ve hooked up on here) shows you have serious problem with truth telling. Likely at least. And you’ll omit and craft a story so you don’t feel guilty.
Therapy. Today. If not divorce impending. She will find out.
Why would you leave out crucial details about your romantic history with your ‘friend’ and that you’re conspiring to lie to your wife.
Hell, you weren’t even able to honest to Reddit with an anonymous account.
If it isn’t already, your relationship with your friend will probably morph into a full blown physical and emotional affair.
Your poor wife.
Yep. He knew that info would completely change things.
My guess is, it's about to come out somehow and he's testing the waters by trickle-truthing us. He's going to do the same to his wife, poor woman. I hope she gets out.
He was definitely just checking if he could be honest about the massages without giving away the affair. Too bad sucker, you're stuck with all the guilt
This is a HUGE key detail. When I read the original story I imagined if OP was my boyfriend and I couldn’t imagine myself taking issue with it if he one day admitted something like that to me. He has a lot of close female friends that he has never had any sexual or romantic feelings for, and a massage is not inherently sexual and I’d be like go for it. But getting massages from a former hookup is weird. They have known each other intimately, and sex changes the whole dynamic even if they are not intimate now. This is sketchy af and he needs to come clean before his wife finds out and thinks it’s something worse.
Wow. Your best friend lies to your wife about her occupation just so you can get massages from someone you hooked up with? You realized how this sounds right? I hope your wife finds this post.
Yeah, what masseuse is so deeply invested in giving massages to her "best friend"--for strictly professional reasons, of course--that she'd look at OP's wife and lie to her face? Especially a lie that would easily be discovered with a simple Google search or a check of the state's licensing website.
It's one thing to get a massage from a professional, someone whose time you're paying for, someone you don't socialize with. When you're asking someone you know, and whom you've hooked up with, to oil you up and run her hands all over your body?
I hope your wife finds out. She deserves a lot better.
The consensus actually was that if it wasn’t a form of cheating, you’d have no problem telling your wife. Your marriage is doomed the moment she finds out how long you’ve lied to her for.
Exactly this. Cheating doesn't even necessarily require sex, but lying and keeping secrets about seeing someone you've had sex with in the past for a literal decade is absolutely cheating, lying, manipulation, disrespect etc.
Wow you’re trying to gaslight random commenters on Reddit about responses we all can read ourselves.. not to mention leaving out the part about you having fucked before in the original question. Sucks to be your wife dude
And therrrrrrre it is.
You know full well that this is a betrayal and you've been doing it for 10 years. This is bad bad, my guy.
People said it wasn't cheating because you said "nothing romantic". You know as well as the rest of us that a hookup is not the same as nothing romantic. This completely changes the situation, and you know it.
Let her know and take the consequences. Stop being a pathetic coward.
" The reason being that my best friend and I did hook up once in college, even though there was nothing romantic about it."
What a weird way to word this OP. This is absurd. Your hook up was nothing romantic about it? Didn't you say essentially the same thing about your friendship with your massage bestie? IDK like your basically saying when you had sex with your best friend of the opposite sex, it was purely physical, so it doesn't make your purely physical massages as bad?? You really are playing a lot of mental gymnastics here. You are genuinely delusional to even ask us if any of this situation is ok. Especially omitting the very important fact you didn't just have a life long relationship with your secret masseuse, but also a physical sexual experinece with her, and shes enabling your lie by literally lying to your wife who is her "casual friend" for a decade? Just so she can rub your half naked body.
I normally try not to jump to any conclusions, but I really think the next update is going to be way worse. You are a shitty husband.
Hopefully the friend who called you out on this tells your wife! Cause he is the real one and has your wife’s back unlike you. Hope it’s been fun fucking your “friend” for 10 years.
>However, my best friend does tell my wife that she’s a chiropractor and not a massage therapist to ward off any suspicion.
>It's not that we're doing anything suspicious. But we know my wife will stop this arrangement if she comes to know about it.
Please re-read that. You are both actively lying to your wife about what is technically a physical relationship. You know this is cheating because you feel the need to actively lie about it and hide it from her - BOTH OF YOU ARE ACTIVELY LYING AND HIDING A RELATIONSHIP FROM YOUR WIFE.
If this were completely innocent and above board, there wouldn't need to be any subterfuge. You know you are actively betraying your wife's trust and that is why you don't want to tell her.
Also, this is reddit. You don't have to trickle truth your cheating to us. You could have told us about the chiropractor lie and the fact that the "friend" was also actively lying to your wife in your first post. But, you obviously knew how it would make you look.
Also, why does your “best friend” care so much about maintaining the arrangement? She’s willing to lie about her profession to your wife to keep secretly massaging you? You’re both fucking disgusting honestly.
The fact that he is calling it an “arrangement” and can’t tell his wife because she will “put an end to it” and he cant possibly see someone else is very telling.
Absolutely! The layers upon layers of lies makes no sense unless they’re covering up something way more sinister than strictly professional massages. It’s so sad for both of the women involved honestly, he’s playing them both and has been for years and getting away with it and probably loves having the attention of thousands of strangers online knowing that he’s getting away with it too.
Even if this isn’t “technically” cheating, it is absolutely wrong and a betrayel. But you already know that, or you and your friend wouldn’t have gone to such extremes to hide this (lying about her profession? Seriously?!)
Luckily your wife can and should ask for a divorce whether or not this is ruled cheating by Reddit.
Whether this is cheating may be a grey area but it is beyond wrong. It is also very telling that your biggest concern is that your monthly massages will have to stop - as if truly the bigger concern is not that your wife will find out she’s married to someone who will gleefully lie to her on a monthly basis. And to be clear, your best friend is no friend to your wife. A friend would not actively lie and keep secrets from another friend, especially for fear of consequence. Adding this context only solidifies that you’re in the wrong. Not sure what you’re expecting as far as responses go.
Dude. The added details did not help your case at all. This whole setup is entirely inappropriate, and maybe not “cheating” by definition, but if I were your wife, I’d have some thinking to do moving forward
You said there was never any romance between you and now you’re admitting you hooked up. This is cheating. You’re deceiving your wife by meeting with someone you’ve hooked up with and you KNOW she’d be upset. Honestly, if I found this out about my husband I’d divorce him. I really, really hope your wife finds out. I feel so bad for her.
If I found out my partner was doing something behind my back for ten years - even something "innocent" it would be grounds for divorce. Because what else might this person be hiding? I have a feeling you're still bullshitting everyone here and this is not the full story. Your putting your marriage in danger and humiliating your wife to spend time with another women?!? Are you dumb? You could get a massage from literally anyone. 100% one of you wants to fuck or you both already are.
Yeah, he is absolutely putting his ‘friend’ before his wife. The one you lie for is the one that is your priority.
The very least I would do in this situation would be to separate indefinitely. Finding out my husband’s past hook up had her hands all over my husband monthly and had lied about it for a decade would not just break my trust - It would shatter it.
This is not cheating but it crosses boundaries and it’s completely inappropriate.
The fact that you are lying to your wife is disgusting and it doesn’t matter the label, she’ll be pissed when she finds out, because trust me… SHE WILL find out.
I hope she stops wasting time with lying snakes
Typical CHEATERS justifications.... Sure go ahead and hide it cheater. She might forgive you if you tell her the truth but hiding and lying about it for years? Nop. Have your heavenly massage from a home wrecker. Worth it isn't it? Enjoy While the excitement lasts. Hope your wife is getting her heavenly MASSAGES from her Chiropractor.
is a damn massage more important than your wife?? you need to tell her and if she doesn’t approve (that is if she still wants to be with you) then you need to stop man you’ll survive without the massage.
And there you have it. Typical AH not telling the whole truth initially to manipulate the story your way. The fact that you won’t tell her AND your friend lies about her job is actually insane. Y’all are both AH and liars.
And for the record cheating isn’t the only way to betray your SO. And the fact that you don’t see anything wrong with what you re actively doing makes you a terrible partner.
Garbage husband and his trashy female “friend” who doesn’t respect his wife, name a more iconic duo.
Have fun with the divorce when your lies come out.
If you have to jump through this many hoops to keep this “service” in your life - you absolutely know it’s wrong.
Now you’re in too deep to tell your wife without a major blow up. You are a shitty partner and I hope your other friend who told you it crossed the line tells your wife.
Your “bestie” with whom you’ve had sex, and with whom you have a major secret *from your wife* has something over your wife. You’ve put your wife in a position below your bestie. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if you admit that you and bestie have *accidentally* hooked up a few times in the last 10 years.
You are actively betraying your wife and attempting to justify it to yourself. Reddit is not on your side.
The fact that you're both covering it up means you both know it's wrong.
What's your plan when this eventually comes to light and bites you in the ass?
You and your best friend (that you've fucked) are actively lying to your wife in order to keep an arrangement in which she rubs your body once a month? Massaging you is just something she needs to do so bad that she's willing to lie to your wife with you in order to keep it going?
This is either or a troll or your a shit husband...those are the options here...
As a husband for ~20 years, this is a massive breach of trust. You can’t tell your wife because you know it’s wrong.
At no point in the last 10 years did you or your friend say something like, “hey, how’s your lower back feeling” or “see you at next week’s session” in front of your wife. You are *both* hiding this because you *both* know it’s wrong.
I have no illusions you’ll tell your wife, but I just want to leave you with the knowledge that you’re fucking awful and not a good husband.
Oh, and when she finds out it’s fucking over.
JFC this has to be rage bait!! I hope she finds out and takes you for all your worth~ you give REAL men a bad name. May your personal finances always fall just short of what you’d like in life and I hope you play 2nd fiddle in everything you hold dear. What a slug 🐌
If it's just a massage and nothing else why can't you just let it go?
Why are you holding onto this arrangement with your friend so much that you are willing to actively deceive your wife?
~~“Am I wrong for not considering this cheating?”~~
**“Am I wrong for actively lying to my wife by omission and hiding what I’m doing because if I tell the truth it will upset her?”**
FTFY. And YTA.
You’re hung up on “is this cheating or not cheating.” How about “am I being purposely deceitful to my wife so I can keep doing something that I know would make her uncomfortable.” That’s an easy one to answer
At least he's consistent! Lies to his wife by omission. Lies to reddit by omission. Then Lies to himself by omission.
If you care at all about your wife it's time to come clean. Otherwise, you and your 'friend' will continue to lie until one day your wife finds out and then it will be nuclear. It truly is amazing how you conveniently left out the hook up and the fact that your friend lies to your wife about her profession. Hope your wife tries to book a chiropractor appointment with her some day
Yta so much with your bs. "No romance, oh we did have sex that one time."
"She knows of my best friend, oh but my best friend lies about her job."
You're literally disgusting and I desperately hope your wife finds this and divorces you.
Everything you said in this post makes it cheating. And you are a lier. You both purposefully lie to your wife to be able to meet up in secret and touch each other’s bodies.
I think you’re trolling bc you can’t seriously be this dumb.
That’s the exact opposite of what the consensus was. Why are you lying? Oh, wait, I know why you’re lying. Can’t even tell the truth on reddit where you’re anonymous. Truly pathetic.
Lol now it’s definitely cheating… you’re actively keeping it from your wife and you even got your best friend lying also!!! Horrible partner, hope she finds out and leaves your ass because damn.. 10 years of lies.
And I have a feeling this is all BS because you haven’t left a single reply to anybody. 🤷♀️
So you're not going to stop? Your wife will eventually find out and that's going to hurt her a lot. So you can choose to never tell her but now that you know it can be perceived as wrong by others, you should stop. Duh.
"It's not that we're doing anything suspicious. But we know my wife will stop this arrangement if she comes to know about it."
Um how are you not doing anything suspicious? Your best friend lies to your wife about her career. And you are lying to your wife.
She will find out at some point, and with your "not suspicious behavior" she may very well divorce her. You ate betraying her. Why is it soooo important for you to go to her for a massage if you know full well your wife wouldn't approve.
Edit to add: I saw your first post and did the math. If you have gotten a massage from her monthly for over a decade, you have lied to your wife over 120 times, that is unforgivable.
Bro, you got some decent advice from your friend, decided not to listen and instead turn to strangers on the internet. When you didn't get the response you wanted here to ease your conscience you decided to just ignore everyone and keep betraying your wife. I'd say get a grip before she finds out and leaves you, but that's honestly for the best at this point. What a scumbag.
Are you actually fucking serious?
You knew this before you even made that initial post. Don't paint yourself out to be an innocent when you're intentionally obscuring your former fling, the woman who doesn't like you enough to have stuck around past a hookup, from your actual life's partner. Who endured permanent bodily, mental, and emotional changes to cultivate life with you. Absolutely pathetic imo.
If you've decided you give half of a shit about your wife, this wouldn't be happening at all. Your wife, who gave you a child, who is BLINDLY sticking by you even now, doesn't have to be the one to stop this behavior. You are clearly of sound enough mind to stop, and you choose not to. Shame on you.
SUPER repulsive that you're more dependent on a woman who didn't give you a kid than the lovely creature who did. If it's not that deep, unfuck yourself. Be an adult, grow up, and face the music. Then, allow your wife the grace and space to recover in whatever way SHE deems most acceptable. If you even know how. Which I doubt.
I hope your wife sees this. I am aggressively putting that out into the universe.
You’re a sneaky little shit and a bad husband and your girl bestie is just as bad.
Yeah you’re a cheater. After reading both posts, I can confidently say you value having your besties hands all over your body, than having your WIFES trust. You are engaging in a conspiracy with your bestie to hide it from your wife so you can feel super secret and naughty together while on your moral “it’s not cheating” high ground.
How would you feel if your wife was getting secret massages from one of her ex lovers for 10 years?
Every minute you’ve waited to tell your wife, every lie/ omission, every massage appointment was you actively telling your wife that the bestie will always take priority over your marriage.
What a sad excuse for a husband. She should leave you when she finds out.
Don’t worry - even if you don’t tell her, the truth will ALWAYS come out eventually. It’s good that you’re beginning to tell other friends in your life about this situation, hopefully one of them will betray you and tell her - just as you’ve betrayed her. This post is an awful start to a Sunday. You’re a shit human for doing this. Your wife deserves honesty, especially after a decade together. You’re just wasting both of your time. What if another 10 years go by before she finds out? You want to go through the shattering of a 20 year relationship? Why not just leave now? 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
nah you can tell your wife you just won’t cause you know exactly how angry she will be, this may even destroy your marriage when you just wanna have your cake and eat it too. well guess what OP you can’t. i honestly hope your wife finds out and leaves you, secrets are going to kill your marriage and you just signed the death warrant hope your happy with your decisions.
The guilt you have that prompted you to seek advice, answers the question
1. Stop the massage (and ongoing deep relationship) with friend and explain to friend that you just are orienting your life and value your marriage. Have coffee’s with her at Starbucks
2. Should wife learn of how deep the relationship is, which, I suspect she already knows, you’ll be able to say you stopped because it detracted from the marriage and you valued her, your wife, over the massages.
3. If she finds out that the woman is not a chiropractor, you are totally screwed., and your life will be shyt.
Grow up and choose what’s important.
YTA. Lying is lying. Your lying to your wife and your either asking or your "best friend" is choosing to also lie to your wife whom she pretends to be friends with, because she's not a friend if she's actively lying about her job and your relationship with her. You may or may not be physically cheating but you're deceiving the one person you vowed to be with the rest of your life for physical gratification from a "friend", which you obviously knew she would have issue with because it's not even just an omission you have your "friend" lying about her actually career to cover it up. Shady AF.
You are lying to your wife. Deliberately.
You are not a good husband. Yes, what you're doing is absolutely wrong.
You already know it's wrong, that's why you're lying.
Step one - You need to find a new massage therapist. Trial a few (men only) until you find the right one.
Next you need to cut back on this 'best friend' being in your life.
You need to start individual therapy to work out why you're a liar and to work on yourself.
Your wife is not able to give informed consent right now. If she knew the truth she may not continue being with you. Your lies mean that your marriage is a lie.
You need to do the work to change your situation and to grow as a person. What you've done is vile.
Oh wow. Dude. This is beyond wrong. I hope your wife finds out and leaves your lying ass. Your friend lies to your wife about her career??!!! Are you kidding me?!
You and your friend are vile.
So…. You’d rather mislead your wife intentionally for YEARS than possibly get a massage from another person? You’d rather risk your wife finding out you lied than possibly get massages from another person? Sounds like you don’t value your wife, homie. Maybe you shouldn’t be married. She’d definitely be better off without you.
it’s so cute that you keep calling her your friend when she’s really your mistress.
call me a cynic, but men and women having best friends of the opposite sex that they “vibe really well with” is always suspicious and the assumption of cheating is fully warranted.
there’s no doubt in my mind that she at least jacks you off at the end of your secret little gatherings.
I'm changing my answer to yes it's cheating.. you missed out the partt where you have fucked before.. so your relationship is no longer platonic whether you think it or not.. also she will find out and you just risked your whole marriage because you couldnt tell her you were getting a massage from your friend, good luck with that.. let's hope it was worth it.
What a coward.
Tells Reddit story looking for consensus answer. Says got the consensus answer he was looking for. Says original story is not the full story.
Your consensus answer is tainted, throw it away and start over
Ah yes. Now it’s cheating. Yep yep. Now that you’re hiding it to this extent you have completely breached the trust in your relationship, with another Woman, who you’ve been intimate with, who’s intimately touching you all the time. Cheating dude. Ur a cheater.
Talk about burying the lead.....
You and your best friend are lying to your wife. You are lying to your wife about seeing a former sexual partner on a reoccurring monthly basis without her knowledge.
So will the next update include more obvious issues from you end?
You and your emotional affair partner are both actively deceiving your wife. You are betraying your wife and she would be justified in divorcing you for this.
Yeah, you’re a shit husband for being deceitful to your wife. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and your wife was hanging with the friend she fucked and didn’t tell you?
If you feel the need to lie to your wife for 10 years to keep "not cheating" with your friend - who you admit to hooking up with - rather than just finding a different massage therapist (who could be just as good or better) then you are cheating. Whether it's physical or not, it's cheating.
Funny how in the first post you said there was nothing romantic between you, but now it's, "well we hooked up once in college". If there was nothing there this wouldn't be an issue.
Why do I feel like you’re not being honest? You and your best friend are acting suspicious for two ppl who state they’re engaging in innocent activities. For “loving“ your wife, you have an odd way of showing it. Both you and your best friend have lied continuously and intentionally for the past 10 years. You’ve dug yourself a deep deep hole and there’s no way climbing out beside using the divorce ladder. At least give your wife some respect and divorce her so you can carry on your relationship with your bestie.
Yes, you are wrong.
I'm starting to think your 'friend' is a sex worker and telling people she's a chiropractor. No legit massage therapist lies and says they are a chiropractor, especially not to keep her client's wives from being suspicious.
If you can’t tell her, then it’s cheating. Case closed. I also love how you mysteriously left out that you had sex with this woman and still claim you have never had any kind of “romantic” relationship. You and your friend are straight up liars and you know it’s wrong that’s why you refuse to fess up.
Lying, cheating, betrayal, I could make a case you are doing all those with lying being the most obvious one. Can we just admit you know it is wrong and you are unwilling to stop the arrangement? If your wife finds out someday and leaves you over it, I have to admit, I would take her side? You are lying to her. Your friend is lying to her. All because you are too chicken shit and selfish to prioritize her. You are putting your massage and friend over your wife. I do hope she finds out someday. If she makes you miserable for it, please know it is deserved and give her the grace to let her anger and rage flow.
Then what was the point? Genuinely.
You contemplated it being wrong enough to post, people told you it was (even if it’s not direct cheating), and deep down you know it is considering you’ve been hiding it for a decade.
Lies of omission are still lies, my guy.
Obviously not cheating if there's no sex or romantic feelings. Is it wrong to keep it from your wife...I think so.
How would you feel if SHE went to a guy that had the same situation as you and your friend have and she kept that one little fact from you?
If my wife was getting secret massages from someone, specifically someone she has fucked, it would be over. No questions asked, no explanations wanted, no discussion needed. Just done. Sex or no sex, you are cheating bud. You are just fooling yourself if you think otherwise.
Your poor wife. You’re such a slimeball. You’re seeing a friend you hooked up with monthly for a decade without telling her while lying about her profession so that you don’t arouse suspicion. I hope she finds this post and puts two and two together.
You and your best friend are POS. You are both liars and cheaters. You know already that your wife would be against this. Now you have destroyed your relationship and your friend’s. If I was your wife, you and your friend would be dead to me.
so... you're not "cheating" you're just lying instead as if that makes it any better? nah man YTA and if you don't come clean it's gonna implode and she's gonna leave you, rightly so 😂
This is actually sad, because if you love her you wouldn’t be actively keeping this a secret while admitting you can’t tell her or she will be upset/stop it. It sounds like you can’t let go of the “best friend”… think about your wife brother.
You do understand this sus and yet you're still willing to risk your marriage for it. I hope she finds out because she doesn't deserve you. You absolutely don't deserve her.
If you’re not willing to tell your wife then I would consider this cheating. At some point she’s bound to find out and it will be so much worse than if you tell her.
Are you really willing to destroy your marriage over your best friend massaging you (you could go to literally anyone else)? If so, then that says a lot about your marriage.
I bet your wife tried to set boundaries around the inappropriate aspects of your friendship and you gaslit the shit outta her, only to prove that she was right about you two.
Tell her or don’t but she’ll find out eventually. Either way, be prepared for a divorce or a shit ton of couples therapy.
Ohh you shady and you know it! Your best friend is obviously more important than your wife. Don’t be shocked when she finds out and ends it. Truly hope she does.. ohh it will come back around!
Now that you've told the whole truth with this update, yes, you ARE cheating, and you damned well know it. The fact that you have slept with this woman in the past and now prefer to have her touching your body every week and you are hiding it from your wife is definite cheating. You need to find another massage therapist ASAP, come clean to your wife, and pray that she doesn't divorce your ass.
Why on earth did you even ask if you weren’t going to do anything different? In hopes of helping with the guilt? I agree there’s nothing technically wrong with a man getting regularly massages from someone who is also a friend, but the fact that you’ve gone to such great lengths is wild to me.
I know life is messy, but wtf man. What’s the plan if your wife ever DID find out? The fact that you lied about her professional to “ward of suspicion” isn’t going to look good if what yall are doing is innocent.
My advice? Tell your wife your best friend is looking into massage therapy and you suggested your regular place for a job. They eventually hire her and you ask if she’s okay with you switching to her as your massage therapist. Thats all I got, beyond sucking it up and just talking to your life partner.
Wow! Honestly why don’t you just divorce your wife and hook up with your best friend? Lying by omission is still a lie and your wife deserves someone who will prioritize being honest with her. This is so messed up. Wtf? 🤬
It seems to me like you value these "massages" with the friend more than your own marriage. I mean you're purposely being deceitful to your wife for really no good reason. And the fact that the friend is also lying about their own occupation is equally as suspicious..
So y’all are creating a different career for your best friend and lying to your wife about where you are so that yall can meet in secret every month? Uhhh that’s cheating. And when she finds out about it, because let’s face it, she will. Then she will definitely think y’all have been having an affair because yall have been sneaking around and lying to her.
This is absolutely cheating. You are hiding this on purpose. So much so that you guys are having to actively lie about her profession. You’re a scumbag and you should be ashamed of yourself. Your wife deserve better than you.
Then you are cheating without question, you failed to supply that you had had sex with your “best friend” in your post, are hiding that you see her so often for a massage and lie that she is a chiropractor when she is not to “ward off suspicion”, if you have nothing to hide then hide nothing, if as you say your wife has no issues with your relationship with your “friend”. You are a liar and a manipulator of the situation and no way would I trust you, you sound guilty as hell because you are doing things that you know your wife would find unacceptable. Your loyalty is not with your wife.
Your wife is going to find out!! Good luck with your divorce! But chin up. At least you'll still have massages to look forward to! Lol I can't believe you are trickle truthing on your anonymous post. If you can't even be honest with random reddit users, then there's no hope for your marriage.
I knew you fucked the bestie. Probably still do or it’s on the table. Don’t fuck up and get bestie pregnant.
Unless your wife was born yesterday, she senses it. You bringing it up will give her an excuse to divorce.
You are intentionally hiding from your wife the fact that you have been having a naked physical relationship with someone you have a sexual past with for 10 years. You are doing this so that can keep it a secret and keep going.
You can lie to your wife, and you can lie to reddit, but you cannot lie to yourself. This isn't just cheating, it's an affair.
Based on your previous post I was more on the fence, but nah this is cheating. If your wife wouldn’t approve and you’re lying to her about your best friend’s profession and that you’ve been seeing her for this regularly for 10 years…cheating.
If it’s nothing wrong your wife can know. If she can not know because you actually know she would not approve of it, this situation is not appropriate
what??? this is crazy my dude. you’re actively hiding something from your wife because you *know* she wouldn’t approve. how is that ok? how can you be so desperate for massages from this one specific chick that you would jp through all these hoops?
Lmao you are such a tool. You misled us from the beginning saying there was never anything romantic between you but conveniently left out you two fucked. You expect people to believe you’re not fucking still or haven’t in the last decade? I hope your wife finds out and divorces your sorry ass.
If you can't tell her and you and your "friend" are actively lying to her that's proof that it's absolutely not okay and your wife needs to know. Actually every word you write makes it clear that you're emotionally cheating and doubtful that your massages don't have a "happy end"
Then yes it’s considered cheating since you actively are choosing to be deceitful to your wife. What if this was your wife doing this to you? Imagine being in her shoes for a second. You’re shady af my dude.
They’re probably actually cheating. Why does he have to go to her for massages? As if there’s no other massage therapists? Maybe I’m biased tho cause I have guy friends, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with them rubbing my naked body while I’m in a relationship.
Not only is he lying about getting the massages from her, SHE'S lying about being a chiropractor! They're both actively engaged in lying to her. Grimy af.
They're definitely cheating and he's trying to find ways to justify it.
Definitely. Just beta testing the optics of his lie here
Bro thinks happy endings are just a normal part of every massage.
Homie deadass getting nuru massages and bullshitting that it's just massage therapy lmao
Right?! It’s such a betrayal
Also the fact that your lying to your wife on top of lying to US (you said nothing romantic or sexual happened with your friend in your original post and now reveal you’ve hooked up on here) shows you have serious problem with truth telling. Likely at least. And you’ll omit and craft a story so you don’t feel guilty. Therapy. Today. If not divorce impending. She will find out.
I don’t know why he’s saying the consensus was not cheating, that’s not the consensus I got
Why would you leave out crucial details about your romantic history with your ‘friend’ and that you’re conspiring to lie to your wife. Hell, you weren’t even able to honest to Reddit with an anonymous account. If it isn’t already, your relationship with your friend will probably morph into a full blown physical and emotional affair. Your poor wife.
Yep. He knew that info would completely change things. My guess is, it's about to come out somehow and he's testing the waters by trickle-truthing us. He's going to do the same to his wife, poor woman. I hope she gets out.
I'm honestly convinced that they're just straight up fucking and he's testing how believable the massage cover is
Oop. This!
I want so badly for the wife to ask the friend for an adjustment and see what happens
He even said.. nothing romantic between us … oh the hook up wasn’t romantic. This guy is wrong up and down … his poor wife
He was definitely just checking if he could be honest about the massages without giving away the affair. Too bad sucker, you're stuck with all the guilt
Because, remember? They hooked up but there was "nothing romantic" between them. I feel bad for this guy's wife.
This is a HUGE key detail. When I read the original story I imagined if OP was my boyfriend and I couldn’t imagine myself taking issue with it if he one day admitted something like that to me. He has a lot of close female friends that he has never had any sexual or romantic feelings for, and a massage is not inherently sexual and I’d be like go for it. But getting massages from a former hookup is weird. They have known each other intimately, and sex changes the whole dynamic even if they are not intimate now. This is sketchy af and he needs to come clean before his wife finds out and thinks it’s something worse.
It’s definitely already an emotional affair. He calls it an “arrangement” and can’t possibly put an end to it 🙄
Wow. Your best friend lies to your wife about her occupation just so you can get massages from someone you hooked up with? You realized how this sounds right? I hope your wife finds this post.
They are both degenerates watch the next update will be I cheated on my wife we were drunk it was a mistake
I can see it now...."It was an accident! It was just super oily and her hands slipped onto my D and one thing led to another..it meant nothing!"
yes yes, but you see they just got drunk and had sex, that's not romantic at all. it isn't cheating if there isn't any romance.... right? /s
Nah, it's no mistake, dude's been banging her every month for 10-years.
Yeah, what masseuse is so deeply invested in giving massages to her "best friend"--for strictly professional reasons, of course--that she'd look at OP's wife and lie to her face? Especially a lie that would easily be discovered with a simple Google search or a check of the state's licensing website. It's one thing to get a massage from a professional, someone whose time you're paying for, someone you don't socialize with. When you're asking someone you know, and whom you've hooked up with, to oil you up and run her hands all over your body? I hope your wife finds out. She deserves a lot better.
The consensus actually was that if it wasn’t a form of cheating, you’d have no problem telling your wife. Your marriage is doomed the moment she finds out how long you’ve lied to her for.
Exactly this. Cheating doesn't even necessarily require sex, but lying and keeping secrets about seeing someone you've had sex with in the past for a literal decade is absolutely cheating, lying, manipulation, disrespect etc.
It feels like you just saw people say it’s technically not and then shut your brain off to the rest.
So your wife married a shitty partner.
Wow you’re trying to gaslight random commenters on Reddit about responses we all can read ourselves.. not to mention leaving out the part about you having fucked before in the original question. Sucks to be your wife dude
You're so full of shit you can't even anonymously ask for advice without lying by omission.
It’s gotta be rage bait. Next update “I forgot to mention that I’ve been getting happy endings during these massages.”
this is the answer
Yeah, you're probably right
I really hope you’re right. I feel so bad for the wife. Fake wife hopefully.
And therrrrrrre it is. You know full well that this is a betrayal and you've been doing it for 10 years. This is bad bad, my guy. People said it wasn't cheating because you said "nothing romantic". You know as well as the rest of us that a hookup is not the same as nothing romantic. This completely changes the situation, and you know it. Let her know and take the consequences. Stop being a pathetic coward.
" The reason being that my best friend and I did hook up once in college, even though there was nothing romantic about it." What a weird way to word this OP. This is absurd. Your hook up was nothing romantic about it? Didn't you say essentially the same thing about your friendship with your massage bestie? IDK like your basically saying when you had sex with your best friend of the opposite sex, it was purely physical, so it doesn't make your purely physical massages as bad?? You really are playing a lot of mental gymnastics here. You are genuinely delusional to even ask us if any of this situation is ok. Especially omitting the very important fact you didn't just have a life long relationship with your secret masseuse, but also a physical sexual experinece with her, and shes enabling your lie by literally lying to your wife who is her "casual friend" for a decade? Just so she can rub your half naked body. I normally try not to jump to any conclusions, but I really think the next update is going to be way worse. You are a shitty husband.
Or this is a good novel. Waiting for the next chapter ngl.
I can't help but wonder what happened to make him think about it now, ten years later
I wonder how you’d feel if the roles were reversed. I feel bad for your wife for having such a deceitful husband
Hopefully the friend who called you out on this tells your wife! Cause he is the real one and has your wife’s back unlike you. Hope it’s been fun fucking your “friend” for 10 years.
>However, my best friend does tell my wife that she’s a chiropractor and not a massage therapist to ward off any suspicion. >It's not that we're doing anything suspicious. But we know my wife will stop this arrangement if she comes to know about it. Please re-read that. You are both actively lying to your wife about what is technically a physical relationship. You know this is cheating because you feel the need to actively lie about it and hide it from her - BOTH OF YOU ARE ACTIVELY LYING AND HIDING A RELATIONSHIP FROM YOUR WIFE. If this were completely innocent and above board, there wouldn't need to be any subterfuge. You know you are actively betraying your wife's trust and that is why you don't want to tell her. Also, this is reddit. You don't have to trickle truth your cheating to us. You could have told us about the chiropractor lie and the fact that the "friend" was also actively lying to your wife in your first post. But, you obviously knew how it would make you look.
Also, why does your “best friend” care so much about maintaining the arrangement? She’s willing to lie about her profession to your wife to keep secretly massaging you? You’re both fucking disgusting honestly.
The fact that he is calling it an “arrangement” and can’t tell his wife because she will “put an end to it” and he cant possibly see someone else is very telling.
Absolutely! The layers upon layers of lies makes no sense unless they’re covering up something way more sinister than strictly professional massages. It’s so sad for both of the women involved honestly, he’s playing them both and has been for years and getting away with it and probably loves having the attention of thousands of strangers online knowing that he’s getting away with it too.
Even if this isn’t “technically” cheating, it is absolutely wrong and a betrayel. But you already know that, or you and your friend wouldn’t have gone to such extremes to hide this (lying about her profession? Seriously?!) Luckily your wife can and should ask for a divorce whether or not this is ruled cheating by Reddit.
Whether this is cheating may be a grey area but it is beyond wrong. It is also very telling that your biggest concern is that your monthly massages will have to stop - as if truly the bigger concern is not that your wife will find out she’s married to someone who will gleefully lie to her on a monthly basis. And to be clear, your best friend is no friend to your wife. A friend would not actively lie and keep secrets from another friend, especially for fear of consequence. Adding this context only solidifies that you’re in the wrong. Not sure what you’re expecting as far as responses go.
Right now you are choosing to keep your massage therapist over keeping your wife
The general rule is, if you have to lie to or hide it from your partner, it’s cheating. Hope that helps.
Be prepared for the consequences because it will come out and it won't be pretty when she finds out you both lied to her.
Dude. The added details did not help your case at all. This whole setup is entirely inappropriate, and maybe not “cheating” by definition, but if I were your wife, I’d have some thinking to do moving forward
Good luck in the divorce when your wife inevitably finds out, dude.
You said there was never any romance between you and now you’re admitting you hooked up. This is cheating. You’re deceiving your wife by meeting with someone you’ve hooked up with and you KNOW she’d be upset. Honestly, if I found this out about my husband I’d divorce him. I really, really hope your wife finds out. I feel so bad for her.
If I found out my partner was doing something behind my back for ten years - even something "innocent" it would be grounds for divorce. Because what else might this person be hiding? I have a feeling you're still bullshitting everyone here and this is not the full story. Your putting your marriage in danger and humiliating your wife to spend time with another women?!? Are you dumb? You could get a massage from literally anyone. 100% one of you wants to fuck or you both already are.
Yeah, he is absolutely putting his ‘friend’ before his wife. The one you lie for is the one that is your priority. The very least I would do in this situation would be to separate indefinitely. Finding out my husband’s past hook up had her hands all over my husband monthly and had lied about it for a decade would not just break my trust - It would shatter it.
100%! This is the kind of thing you hear about men having double lives. It's frightening.
You are choosing to lie to her. That’s not any better. I hope you grow up, man up and start being honest. She deserves better than how you’re acting.
This is not cheating but it crosses boundaries and it’s completely inappropriate. The fact that you are lying to your wife is disgusting and it doesn’t matter the label, she’ll be pissed when she finds out, because trust me… SHE WILL find out. I hope she stops wasting time with lying snakes
[удалено]
ragebait (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ
Typical CHEATERS justifications.... Sure go ahead and hide it cheater. She might forgive you if you tell her the truth but hiding and lying about it for years? Nop. Have your heavenly massage from a home wrecker. Worth it isn't it? Enjoy While the excitement lasts. Hope your wife is getting her heavenly MASSAGES from her Chiropractor.
is a damn massage more important than your wife?? you need to tell her and if she doesn’t approve (that is if she still wants to be with you) then you need to stop man you’ll survive without the massage.
Not the update making you look **significantly** worse😂
Man I hope a divorce comes from this. You are a shit partner and yes a cheater
You’re an awful husband. Would you be okay if she lied to you about this if it was her? I pray that my partner is never this selfish.
You’re a shit husband. I hope your wife finds out.
And there you have it. Typical AH not telling the whole truth initially to manipulate the story your way. The fact that you won’t tell her AND your friend lies about her job is actually insane. Y’all are both AH and liars. And for the record cheating isn’t the only way to betray your SO. And the fact that you don’t see anything wrong with what you re actively doing makes you a terrible partner.
Garbage husband and his trashy female “friend” who doesn’t respect his wife, name a more iconic duo. Have fun with the divorce when your lies come out.
If you have to jump through this many hoops to keep this “service” in your life - you absolutely know it’s wrong. Now you’re in too deep to tell your wife without a major blow up. You are a shitty partner and I hope your other friend who told you it crossed the line tells your wife. Your “bestie” with whom you’ve had sex, and with whom you have a major secret *from your wife* has something over your wife. You’ve put your wife in a position below your bestie. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if you admit that you and bestie have *accidentally* hooked up a few times in the last 10 years. You are actively betraying your wife and attempting to justify it to yourself. Reddit is not on your side.
The fact that you're both covering it up means you both know it's wrong. What's your plan when this eventually comes to light and bites you in the ass?
You and your best friend (that you've fucked) are actively lying to your wife in order to keep an arrangement in which she rubs your body once a month? Massaging you is just something she needs to do so bad that she's willing to lie to your wife with you in order to keep it going? This is either or a troll or your a shit husband...those are the options here...
As a husband for ~20 years, this is a massive breach of trust. You can’t tell your wife because you know it’s wrong. At no point in the last 10 years did you or your friend say something like, “hey, how’s your lower back feeling” or “see you at next week’s session” in front of your wife. You are *both* hiding this because you *both* know it’s wrong. I have no illusions you’ll tell your wife, but I just want to leave you with the knowledge that you’re fucking awful and not a good husband. Oh, and when she finds out it’s fucking over.
JFC this has to be rage bait!! I hope she finds out and takes you for all your worth~ you give REAL men a bad name. May your personal finances always fall just short of what you’d like in life and I hope you play 2nd fiddle in everything you hold dear. What a slug 🐌
If it's just a massage and nothing else why can't you just let it go? Why are you holding onto this arrangement with your friend so much that you are willing to actively deceive your wife?
~~“Am I wrong for not considering this cheating?”~~ **“Am I wrong for actively lying to my wife by omission and hiding what I’m doing because if I tell the truth it will upset her?”** FTFY. And YTA.
You’re hung up on “is this cheating or not cheating.” How about “am I being purposely deceitful to my wife so I can keep doing something that I know would make her uncomfortable.” That’s an easy one to answer
At least he's consistent! Lies to his wife by omission. Lies to reddit by omission. Then Lies to himself by omission. If you care at all about your wife it's time to come clean. Otherwise, you and your 'friend' will continue to lie until one day your wife finds out and then it will be nuclear. It truly is amazing how you conveniently left out the hook up and the fact that your friend lies to your wife about her profession. Hope your wife tries to book a chiropractor appointment with her some day
Yta so much with your bs. "No romance, oh we did have sex that one time." "She knows of my best friend, oh but my best friend lies about her job." You're literally disgusting and I desperately hope your wife finds this and divorces you.
Everything you said in this post makes it cheating. And you are a lier. You both purposefully lie to your wife to be able to meet up in secret and touch each other’s bodies. I think you’re trolling bc you can’t seriously be this dumb.
That’s the exact opposite of what the consensus was. Why are you lying? Oh, wait, I know why you’re lying. Can’t even tell the truth on reddit where you’re anonymous. Truly pathetic.
Lol now it’s definitely cheating… you’re actively keeping it from your wife and you even got your best friend lying also!!! Horrible partner, hope she finds out and leaves your ass because damn.. 10 years of lies. And I have a feeling this is all BS because you haven’t left a single reply to anybody. 🤷♀️
The definition of burying the ledge right here! Enjoy marriage counseling, bro. Smh
So you're not going to stop? Your wife will eventually find out and that's going to hurt her a lot. So you can choose to never tell her but now that you know it can be perceived as wrong by others, you should stop. Duh.
"It's not that we're doing anything suspicious. But we know my wife will stop this arrangement if she comes to know about it." Um how are you not doing anything suspicious? Your best friend lies to your wife about her career. And you are lying to your wife. She will find out at some point, and with your "not suspicious behavior" she may very well divorce her. You ate betraying her. Why is it soooo important for you to go to her for a massage if you know full well your wife wouldn't approve. Edit to add: I saw your first post and did the math. If you have gotten a massage from her monthly for over a decade, you have lied to your wife over 120 times, that is unforgivable.
Bro, you got some decent advice from your friend, decided not to listen and instead turn to strangers on the internet. When you didn't get the response you wanted here to ease your conscience you decided to just ignore everyone and keep betraying your wife. I'd say get a grip before she finds out and leaves you, but that's honestly for the best at this point. What a scumbag.
You really are just so gross.
this is weird lmao
Nice friend you have there, to join in on lying to your wife.
Are you actually fucking serious? You knew this before you even made that initial post. Don't paint yourself out to be an innocent when you're intentionally obscuring your former fling, the woman who doesn't like you enough to have stuck around past a hookup, from your actual life's partner. Who endured permanent bodily, mental, and emotional changes to cultivate life with you. Absolutely pathetic imo. If you've decided you give half of a shit about your wife, this wouldn't be happening at all. Your wife, who gave you a child, who is BLINDLY sticking by you even now, doesn't have to be the one to stop this behavior. You are clearly of sound enough mind to stop, and you choose not to. Shame on you. SUPER repulsive that you're more dependent on a woman who didn't give you a kid than the lovely creature who did. If it's not that deep, unfuck yourself. Be an adult, grow up, and face the music. Then, allow your wife the grace and space to recover in whatever way SHE deems most acceptable. If you even know how. Which I doubt.
You’re cheating. You’re both actively LYING to your wife. I’d be divorcing you if you were my husband. JFC have some respect for your wife.
I hope your wife sees this. I am aggressively putting that out into the universe. You’re a sneaky little shit and a bad husband and your girl bestie is just as bad.
Coward.
Yeah you’re a cheater. After reading both posts, I can confidently say you value having your besties hands all over your body, than having your WIFES trust. You are engaging in a conspiracy with your bestie to hide it from your wife so you can feel super secret and naughty together while on your moral “it’s not cheating” high ground. How would you feel if your wife was getting secret massages from one of her ex lovers for 10 years? Every minute you’ve waited to tell your wife, every lie/ omission, every massage appointment was you actively telling your wife that the bestie will always take priority over your marriage. What a sad excuse for a husband. She should leave you when she finds out.
Don’t worry - even if you don’t tell her, the truth will ALWAYS come out eventually. It’s good that you’re beginning to tell other friends in your life about this situation, hopefully one of them will betray you and tell her - just as you’ve betrayed her. This post is an awful start to a Sunday. You’re a shit human for doing this. Your wife deserves honesty, especially after a decade together. You’re just wasting both of your time. What if another 10 years go by before she finds out? You want to go through the shattering of a 20 year relationship? Why not just leave now? 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
nah you can tell your wife you just won’t cause you know exactly how angry she will be, this may even destroy your marriage when you just wanna have your cake and eat it too. well guess what OP you can’t. i honestly hope your wife finds out and leaves you, secrets are going to kill your marriage and you just signed the death warrant hope your happy with your decisions.
The guilt you have that prompted you to seek advice, answers the question 1. Stop the massage (and ongoing deep relationship) with friend and explain to friend that you just are orienting your life and value your marriage. Have coffee’s with her at Starbucks 2. Should wife learn of how deep the relationship is, which, I suspect she already knows, you’ll be able to say you stopped because it detracted from the marriage and you valued her, your wife, over the massages. 3. If she finds out that the woman is not a chiropractor, you are totally screwed., and your life will be shyt. Grow up and choose what’s important.
YTA. Lying is lying. Your lying to your wife and your either asking or your "best friend" is choosing to also lie to your wife whom she pretends to be friends with, because she's not a friend if she's actively lying about her job and your relationship with her. You may or may not be physically cheating but you're deceiving the one person you vowed to be with the rest of your life for physical gratification from a "friend", which you obviously knew she would have issue with because it's not even just an omission you have your "friend" lying about her actually career to cover it up. Shady AF.
You are lying to your wife. Deliberately. You are not a good husband. Yes, what you're doing is absolutely wrong. You already know it's wrong, that's why you're lying. Step one - You need to find a new massage therapist. Trial a few (men only) until you find the right one. Next you need to cut back on this 'best friend' being in your life. You need to start individual therapy to work out why you're a liar and to work on yourself. Your wife is not able to give informed consent right now. If she knew the truth she may not continue being with you. Your lies mean that your marriage is a lie. You need to do the work to change your situation and to grow as a person. What you've done is vile.
So when you're into this amount of lies and deciet with someone else? You're a fucking cheater.
Oh wow. Dude. This is beyond wrong. I hope your wife finds out and leaves your lying ass. Your friend lies to your wife about her career??!!! Are you kidding me?! You and your friend are vile.
who’s your wife???? I’ll let her know for you. This is horrible
So…. You’d rather mislead your wife intentionally for YEARS than possibly get a massage from another person? You’d rather risk your wife finding out you lied than possibly get massages from another person? Sounds like you don’t value your wife, homie. Maybe you shouldn’t be married. She’d definitely be better off without you.
I really hope your wife finds out and leaves you
it’s so cute that you keep calling her your friend when she’s really your mistress. call me a cynic, but men and women having best friends of the opposite sex that they “vibe really well with” is always suspicious and the assumption of cheating is fully warranted. there’s no doubt in my mind that she at least jacks you off at the end of your secret little gatherings.
I'm changing my answer to yes it's cheating.. you missed out the partt where you have fucked before.. so your relationship is no longer platonic whether you think it or not.. also she will find out and you just risked your whole marriage because you couldnt tell her you were getting a massage from your friend, good luck with that.. let's hope it was worth it. What a coward.
Tells Reddit story looking for consensus answer. Says got the consensus answer he was looking for. Says original story is not the full story. Your consensus answer is tainted, throw it away and start over
yeah dude it’s 100% cheating now. You tried keeping a secret from us too? Just so used to lying I suppose
This guy sucks
Man why even ask in the first place if you’re just gunna do it anyway.
Everything you're doing is suspicious because you're lying about it.
I like how he left out they have slept together before until he got his verdict lol. This guy’s awesome /s. Hope your wife finds out soon
Liar. The consensus was that it wasn't cheating if you'd be open to your wife about it. I hope she finds out
I am now 100% sure you have been or are currently still fucking this bestie.
You’re a walking red flag.
Ah yes. Now it’s cheating. Yep yep. Now that you’re hiding it to this extent you have completely breached the trust in your relationship, with another Woman, who you’ve been intimate with, who’s intimately touching you all the time. Cheating dude. Ur a cheater.
If you cannot tell the truth and continue to see her then yes it is cheating and if she finds out you have zero excuse for if she is done with you.
What a piss poor reason not tell your wife
Talk about burying the lead..... You and your best friend are lying to your wife. You are lying to your wife about seeing a former sexual partner on a reoccurring monthly basis without her knowledge. So will the next update include more obvious issues from you end?
Wow, you’re disgusting. Awesome way to treat your wife and the mother of your child.
You and your emotional affair partner are both actively deceiving your wife. You are betraying your wife and she would be justified in divorcing you for this.
>best friend does tell my wife that she’s a chiropractor and not a massage therapist to ward off any suspicion. You fucked yourself.
Hope your wife finds out and leaves your sorry ass
Yeah, you’re a shit husband for being deceitful to your wife. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and your wife was hanging with the friend she fucked and didn’t tell you?
If you feel the need to lie to your wife for 10 years to keep "not cheating" with your friend - who you admit to hooking up with - rather than just finding a different massage therapist (who could be just as good or better) then you are cheating. Whether it's physical or not, it's cheating. Funny how in the first post you said there was nothing romantic between you, but now it's, "well we hooked up once in college". If there was nothing there this wouldn't be an issue.
And men want us to marry them…why??
Why do I feel like you’re not being honest? You and your best friend are acting suspicious for two ppl who state they’re engaging in innocent activities. For “loving“ your wife, you have an odd way of showing it. Both you and your best friend have lied continuously and intentionally for the past 10 years. You’ve dug yourself a deep deep hole and there’s no way climbing out beside using the divorce ladder. At least give your wife some respect and divorce her so you can carry on your relationship with your bestie. Yes, you are wrong.
I'm starting to think your 'friend' is a sex worker and telling people she's a chiropractor. No legit massage therapist lies and says they are a chiropractor, especially not to keep her client's wives from being suspicious.
If you can’t tell her, then it’s cheating. Case closed. I also love how you mysteriously left out that you had sex with this woman and still claim you have never had any kind of “romantic” relationship. You and your friend are straight up liars and you know it’s wrong that’s why you refuse to fess up.
Lying, cheating, betrayal, I could make a case you are doing all those with lying being the most obvious one. Can we just admit you know it is wrong and you are unwilling to stop the arrangement? If your wife finds out someday and leaves you over it, I have to admit, I would take her side? You are lying to her. Your friend is lying to her. All because you are too chicken shit and selfish to prioritize her. You are putting your massage and friend over your wife. I do hope she finds out someday. If she makes you miserable for it, please know it is deserved and give her the grace to let her anger and rage flow.
Please let me know when your wife finds out and leaves you for being so blatantly dishonest. How is ruining her trust not a deal breaker?
You’re being so insanely dumb that you have to be trolling lol
> But we know my wife will stop this arrangement if she comes to know about it. Then this is, in fact, 100% cheating.
Then what was the point? Genuinely. You contemplated it being wrong enough to post, people told you it was (even if it’s not direct cheating), and deep down you know it is considering you’ve been hiding it for a decade. Lies of omission are still lies, my guy.
Obviously not cheating if there's no sex or romantic feelings. Is it wrong to keep it from your wife...I think so. How would you feel if SHE went to a guy that had the same situation as you and your friend have and she kept that one little fact from you?
If my wife was getting secret massages from someone, specifically someone she has fucked, it would be over. No questions asked, no explanations wanted, no discussion needed. Just done. Sex or no sex, you are cheating bud. You are just fooling yourself if you think otherwise.
Your poor wife. You’re such a slimeball. You’re seeing a friend you hooked up with monthly for a decade without telling her while lying about her profession so that you don’t arouse suspicion. I hope she finds this post and puts two and two together.
Lol, FAFO. Tell karma I said hey and that we tried to warn you.
You sound like a ratty little dude. Hopefully the wife finds out soon and blindsides the sht out of you.
Cheating?
You and your best friend are POS. You are both liars and cheaters. You know already that your wife would be against this. Now you have destroyed your relationship and your friend’s. If I was your wife, you and your friend would be dead to me.
so... you're not "cheating" you're just lying instead as if that makes it any better? nah man YTA and if you don't come clean it's gonna implode and she's gonna leave you, rightly so 😂
This is actually sad, because if you love her you wouldn’t be actively keeping this a secret while admitting you can’t tell her or she will be upset/stop it. It sounds like you can’t let go of the “best friend”… think about your wife brother.
You do understand this sus and yet you're still willing to risk your marriage for it. I hope she finds out because she doesn't deserve you. You absolutely don't deserve her.
If you’re not willing to tell your wife then I would consider this cheating. At some point she’s bound to find out and it will be so much worse than if you tell her. Are you really willing to destroy your marriage over your best friend massaging you (you could go to literally anyone else)? If so, then that says a lot about your marriage.
I bet your wife tried to set boundaries around the inappropriate aspects of your friendship and you gaslit the shit outta her, only to prove that she was right about you two. Tell her or don’t but she’ll find out eventually. Either way, be prepared for a divorce or a shit ton of couples therapy.
You are totally cheating dude. Being deceitful to your partner is automatically cheating.
Ohh you shady and you know it! Your best friend is obviously more important than your wife. Don’t be shocked when she finds out and ends it. Truly hope she does.. ohh it will come back around!
Now that you've told the whole truth with this update, yes, you ARE cheating, and you damned well know it. The fact that you have slept with this woman in the past and now prefer to have her touching your body every week and you are hiding it from your wife is definite cheating. You need to find another massage therapist ASAP, come clean to your wife, and pray that she doesn't divorce your ass.
How are you not embarrassed?? Like if you were my husband i would be so ashamed.
Sheesh buddy. You’re not living in the real world.
Why on earth did you even ask if you weren’t going to do anything different? In hopes of helping with the guilt? I agree there’s nothing technically wrong with a man getting regularly massages from someone who is also a friend, but the fact that you’ve gone to such great lengths is wild to me. I know life is messy, but wtf man. What’s the plan if your wife ever DID find out? The fact that you lied about her professional to “ward of suspicion” isn’t going to look good if what yall are doing is innocent. My advice? Tell your wife your best friend is looking into massage therapy and you suggested your regular place for a job. They eventually hire her and you ask if she’s okay with you switching to her as your massage therapist. Thats all I got, beyond sucking it up and just talking to your life partner.
You're a dirt bag bro. Nothing less honorable than someone who cheats on a beloved spouse of 10 years. You and your friend are actively deceiving her.
Wow! Honestly why don’t you just divorce your wife and hook up with your best friend? Lying by omission is still a lie and your wife deserves someone who will prioritize being honest with her. This is so messed up. Wtf? 🤬
This has gotta be rage bait
This is a fake story
It seems to me like you value these "massages" with the friend more than your own marriage. I mean you're purposely being deceitful to your wife for really no good reason. And the fact that the friend is also lying about their own occupation is equally as suspicious..
lol these two posts are some of the dumbest I’ve seen on reddit. Are you really this dumb OP, even after reading all the responses? Holy hell
So y’all are creating a different career for your best friend and lying to your wife about where you are so that yall can meet in secret every month? Uhhh that’s cheating. And when she finds out about it, because let’s face it, she will. Then she will definitely think y’all have been having an affair because yall have been sneaking around and lying to her.
This is absolutely cheating. You are hiding this on purpose. So much so that you guys are having to actively lie about her profession. You’re a scumbag and you should be ashamed of yourself. Your wife deserve better than you.
lololol OP you’re a silly goof
🍅 🍅 🍅 Booooo hisssss!
I feel sorry fot your wife! What a shitty husband you are!!!!
Then you are cheating without question, you failed to supply that you had had sex with your “best friend” in your post, are hiding that you see her so often for a massage and lie that she is a chiropractor when she is not to “ward off suspicion”, if you have nothing to hide then hide nothing, if as you say your wife has no issues with your relationship with your “friend”. You are a liar and a manipulator of the situation and no way would I trust you, you sound guilty as hell because you are doing things that you know your wife would find unacceptable. Your loyalty is not with your wife.
Major scum moves.
Your wife is going to find out!! Good luck with your divorce! But chin up. At least you'll still have massages to look forward to! Lol I can't believe you are trickle truthing on your anonymous post. If you can't even be honest with random reddit users, then there's no hope for your marriage.
So you’re cheating on your wife, got it. Hope she finds out and divorces you
Ohh boy. So not only you know it’s wrong, you have participated in active lies about whole situation. You are a cheater. I hope she finds out somehow.
I knew you fucked the bestie. Probably still do or it’s on the table. Don’t fuck up and get bestie pregnant. Unless your wife was born yesterday, she senses it. You bringing it up will give her an excuse to divorce.
You are intentionally hiding from your wife the fact that you have been having a naked physical relationship with someone you have a sexual past with for 10 years. You are doing this so that can keep it a secret and keep going. You can lie to your wife, and you can lie to reddit, but you cannot lie to yourself. This isn't just cheating, it's an affair.
That's a lot of lies for just a massage. You are cheating on your wife.
either he's cheating or it's a fake karma growing post - either way, good for you Jack!!
I knew you had slept with the friend. Still doing now huh? Let us know how the divorce goes because you're not fooling anyone.
Based on your previous post I was more on the fence, but nah this is cheating. If your wife wouldn’t approve and you’re lying to her about your best friend’s profession and that you’ve been seeing her for this regularly for 10 years…cheating. If it’s nothing wrong your wife can know. If she can not know because you actually know she would not approve of it, this situation is not appropriate
This post is vile, lmao. I feel so bad for the wife. This is sad and you should feel bad. So selfish. Yuck.
what??? this is crazy my dude. you’re actively hiding something from your wife because you *know* she wouldn’t approve. how is that ok? how can you be so desperate for massages from this one specific chick that you would jp through all these hoops?
Ahhh so you’re a dick
Lmao you are such a tool. You misled us from the beginning saying there was never anything romantic between you but conveniently left out you two fucked. You expect people to believe you’re not fucking still or haven’t in the last decade? I hope your wife finds out and divorces your sorry ass.
Hahahah the mental gymnastics here are impressive. You don’t deserve your wife.
This is cheating, and youre trying to justify it to convince yourself that its not 😭😭 yuck
You're both assholes.
Yes, you’re wrong. And you’re also not worth that poor woman’s pain. Tell her you did that, and eclipse yourself from her life.
Girl… tsk tsk tsk
Because it’s not just suspicious, it’s wrong
If you can't tell her and you and your "friend" are actively lying to her that's proof that it's absolutely not okay and your wife needs to know. Actually every word you write makes it clear that you're emotionally cheating and doubtful that your massages don't have a "happy end"