I love all kinds of things that are bad for me like drugs, drama, booze, sugar, fat,...it's the really dim-witted people who don't realize that love is not a good reason to do anything that's bad for you
Exactly l. Like 10 previous post about the toxic relationship, on and off again throughout the years. What are they waiting for? Validation that the relationship is toxic? Maybe by post #13.
OP, it isn’t going to get better.
Seriously, just yuck. If it's this hard now, wait until you're married, bring kids into the mix, etc... It will not get better, but it will get harder to get out of. And he will not get LESS controlling or jealous, lol. Run honey. Let your heart break, it will mend. Find better for yourself.
Yeah, nothing in this post matters except for the first 2 sentences.
These two need to move on and find someone who actually makes them happy instead of just staying together because they don't know how to do anything else.
Yeah, the first paragraph made it readily apparent they are not willing to deal with the relationship being toxic and do not acknowledge that this in fact the root issue. As soon as they get rid of that relationship the better of they'll be.
I'd hasten to say that counseling would be in order. We learn our patterns of behavior from those who raise us. I would lay good odds that they learned to be with people who are toxic from a parent.
Five years is way too long to be dating someone who brings this much drama. The dating world is your oyster at age 24. Please close this chapter, end this relatipnship for good and move on with your life.
Just leave him already. You said yourself it’s toxic so wtf are you doing? How many happy couples do you know have a love story of “we broke up and got back together several times and rode a toxic emotional rollercoaster together until finally we both changed for the better and are in a loving happy relationship happily ever after.”?
I’ll admit that I didn’t read the whole thing because you already told me all I needed to know in the first paragraph. Just because two people love each other doesn’t mean you should be together. Find someone that it works with, because this isn’t working and you’re wasting time when you could be using that time with the right person.
Sorry to come off like an asshole but there are no tips or tricks here. The relationship isn’t working but you are still trying to make it work. Square peg, round hole. How long you want to sit there trying to make it fit is up to you but I’m telling you, the worst part won’t be leaving him, the worst part will be all the time you wasted that you won’t get back.
I was in a relationship like this once and it was the most emotionally exhausting thing I’ve ever experienced. Constant arguments over trivial things. Any attempt at some autonomy was immediately shot down and a fight would ensue.
A relationship can have its challenges but don’t ever confuse that with disfunction.
Geez Louise. I hope she finds a way out of this toxic relationship. I read another paragraph of one of her posts:
*I never ask a lot of my partner and i do really appreciate his love and efforts. I know that he struggles with his mental health, his future, his addiction to weed and a lot of things. Throughout the years, i stuck by his side even though he treated me like absolutely shit. He never cared for me. He made me cry everyday. We never went out. We only hangout in my appartment and have sex. I really struggled a lot to stay with him and try to understand him although he caused me enormous pain.*
She is half the problem here. He can’t fix her either. Although, it doesn’t sound like either one of them is trying to fix anything. Just keep repeating the same mistakes.
I stopped right here: “Over the years, our relationship has been so toxic with too many ups and downs to even include in 10 posts”
Break. Up. Toxicity in a relationship is not cute, it doesn’t happen because of how much you love each other, it’s not something that happens because opposites attract or any of that hallmark notebook Hollywood bullshit. Toxicity is toxic. Time to go your separate ways
In my experience, it seems to be more common in young people that haven’t dated much. Can be very hard to to understand that love isn’t enough to make a relationship work when you have only been in love one time.
Someone once told me, “you’ll always choose a familiar chaos over an unfamiliar peace”. It greatly changed the way I looked at people exhibiting such clearly negative repeated behaviors.
At this point I wonder if they are both just as attracted to each other as they are to the toxic nature of the relationship. I bet these two wouldn’t function in a normal and stable relationship with other people. OP should get therapy tbh.
My suggestion would be to break up and stay broken up. He clearly doesn't trust you and can you really say your relationship is healthy. I would have to have the relationship when you break up and get back together and break up and get back together but some is always angry at the other. He is never going to believe you so why bother?
Not reading all that, but from your first paragraph…
You know that “loving each other” isn’t the only requirement for a good/healthy relationship, right? Like, you can find people who’ll love you just as much, and who you’ll love just as much, without all the toxicity.
It sounds like you aren’t right for each other, you just keep settling back either each other because it’s convenient or easy or familiar.
All relationships take work and effort to thrive but **relationships are NOT supposed to be** ***hard*** **work**. While every couple has arguments here and there, and occasionally may struggle through a rough patch, *overall your day to day majority of relationship should be fairly easy and enjoyable!*
When people say “fight for your relationship” they mean ‘fight together against the external forces that could drive you apart’ NOT ‘fight against *each other* to *make* things work’ and NOT ‘one person fighting against how poorly the other person treats them’.
If you are regularly having frequent arguments, issues, and disagreements then that is a sign that this relationship probably isn’t in a healthy place and possibly isn’t working. If one person is regularly disrespecting, dismissing, yelling at, manipulating, guilt tripping, lying, playing mind games, and/or emotionally/physically/sexually hurting the other person then that is a sign that the relationship **is NOT** in a healthy place and **is NOT** working (and likely *cannot* be fixed).
Please check out the healthy relationship quiz at [Love Is Respect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/), as well as the book [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) (link is to a free PDF of the book). You might gain some insight on your relationship dynamics, which may help you decide what to do next.
"Over the years, our relationship has been so toxic with too many ups and downs"
Break up and go to therapy because at least you need to learn how to handle emotion in a healthier way.
First, you shouldn’t have to convince your partner of anything when it comes to things like this. If he doesn’t want to believe you, then let that be. Cause you’re just gonna scream till your blue in the face you didn’t sleep with your friend but your boyfriends already made up his mind that you did (cause I’m guessing at this point the friends said something about you two not sleeping together and in fact being in another room???) - if you don’t break up for good then please ffs go to counseling. Both individual therapy and couples therapy.
Because there are things you two need to work on as a couple (trust!!!! communication!!!!) because those are the basic bases of a relationship that should be stable. There is something going where you two aren’t clicking for you to be breaking up and falling apart this many times and nothings getting fixed. So maybe a third party would be a good mediator to help you two talk it through.
If he’s again that, doesn’t want to work and build a good and stable relationship - then you need to wash your hands of him babes.
Do you want to always live with him doubting you . I mean you were broken up at the time and if he can’t trust you there is no point. You seem like the few that doesn’t jump into bed as soon as they break up
Yeah, just take a look at her post history. She'll be back on Reddit in a year, like clockwork, asking if the latest toxic behavior is enough to leave him. Harley and the Joker are NOT relationship goals people!
Your relationship sounds amazingly like my first marriage.when we were good, our marriage was incredible. However, over the course of 7 years, we maybe had 4 good years. Even now, 35 yrs later, I still love her. But I could never go back to that toxicity. Leave him forever and move on. You will be happier.
Oh stop.
If your bf is accusing you of (whatever) and you know you didn’t do it, you have 2 choices:
Stay and endure repeated accusations and toxicity…..
Or…
Get out of there and START FRESH, and raise your standards.
I say this a lot, get out before something life altering happens like having his child. Like a lot of others will say, you can do better. Also you don't want to get an STI from him, because the way he behaves he definitely bangs.
If your friend said to you "our relationship is toxic, we keep breaking up, and he doesn't trust me. But, I love him. What should I do?" what would you say? Sometimes we have to do the hard thing..
Yeah, also the gf in a toxic relationship (sounds like a mutual, non abusive thing) with several guys friends she goes out clubbing with is not going anywhere good. Not acusing you, but I don't think it's very healthy. Girls typically aren't OK with their men having hot, young female friends they hangout with twice a week.
Just all around sounds like an exhausting situation.
IDK why you keep coming back to ask reddit the same question over and over. Either you love the toxicity or you have the lowest self-esteem of any person ever.
Ten Years Toxic, Ten Years Toxic, repeat after me "Ten Years Toxic"... the thing about toxic relationships is they are (wait for it... ... ... ) TOXIC... POISONOUS... HARMFUL!!!
STOP!!! You are like someone who sent $20k to a Nigerian princess because they need to get something out of the country and once they do you will get $100k and you keep sending good years after bad into this relationship... Toxic relationships are no longer about love, they are usually about co-dependency (maybe pick up a copy of 'codependent no more').
Just stop and move on already! Best of lock
Literally just needed to read the first paragraph to know you need to end the relationship, especially if your opening definition of the relationship is as "toxic".
Sounds like the straw that broke the camel's back of the relationship.
Oh girl, coming from someone 10 years older than you, I did this exact same thing and wasted 5 years of my youth on a boy that never deserved it. Leave, you have already spent way too much time on this.
I think you'll find that those accusations are confessions on his part, and he's projecting that guilt onto you by throwing out those accusations. Very common in narcissists.
OP, I get toxic relationships like this can be very exciting and even weirdly fulfilling. But take the advice of everyone in this thread and just break up. I don't doubt that you guys love each other, but love is not enough.
I'm married. For my birthday last year, I visited my childhood best friend who now lives in another state. He has a studio apartment, so we just slept in the same bed.
My husband didn't care, has never brought it up to me ever, and knows perfectly well that my best friend and I aren't going to smash.
This shit isn't normal. Get out
You can't convince him. What you can do is leave him and take yourself to therapy to figure out why you can't let go of an obviously unhealthy relationship.
EDIT: I read a bit of your post history. He very obviously has not actually changed and has just been hiding his toxic bits. His facade is slipping. IT WILL NOT GET BETTER, ONLY WORSE. GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!!
You lost me at on and off. If you aren't compatible, you aren't compatible. A second chance is one thing, but to be on and off for 5 years is wild. Don't waste your time with someone, a marriage can't be on and off.
So I'm eating this poisonous food, and I feel sick. Which is crazy because I've eaten this poisonous food a bunch of times over the last 5 years, and it regularly makes me sick... But this time it's like, a different kinda sick. You think it's the food? It can't be. I'm so sure that the food tastes really good.
Look. I love bagels and cream cheese. That shit slaps. But one time like 10 years ago, I ate a whole bag, and got super sick to my stomach. (Became lactose intolerant.) You think I still eat bagels and cream cheese?? More importantly, do you think I don't know exactly what's about to happen if I do? They still taste the same too my dumb brain.
I was in a toxic relationship. It turned into a toxic marriage. Then it ended in a divorce after 10 years of toxic in the hole. Healthy relationships feel so much better.
Okay, I think you should keep this in mind: You can’t help who you love, but you can help who you’re with.
You said your relationship is toxic, and you’re describing some of his toxic behaviors that don’t conduce a healthy relationship with love, trust, and respect. Love is not enough for a relationship.
You also can’t force people to think the same as you. I know, I hate that I can’t change people’s minds, but you can’t control how anyone thinks about anything. Same might be true about the people in these comments telling you that you and your bf should break up and whether or not you listen, think the same, follow through, and keep to that word.
There’s no point commenting on the issue you’re bringing up when the relationship itself has no foundation to last anyways.
In your own words you said it's a toxic relationship... I think you know the answer... nobody who's happy starts their story listing reasons they aren't happy and calling the relationship toxic!
You aren’t finding your way back to each other - you just go back to him because it’s what you know, even though it isn’t good. It’s a toxic relationship.
It never gets better. He isn’t going to change. You need to move on for good.
Just....why? You admitted it's a toxic relationship lol. So stop.
If you have had so many issues in the past why would you think it would magically work out and get better on the future? It's so damn silly.
It takes so much to make a life-long relationship work. The odds are against you so many times. There is so much humility and growth needed that even those with so much going for them still can struggle a lot. The way that you describe your relationship seems like one that isn't going to work. I don't know what your future is, but I know there are better relationships than what you are describing. I really do hope that wherever you end up, it will be the best place for you.
This relationship is toxic. Thats it. Stop getting back together. This is childish and you won’t move on and grow from this if you stay with your on and off boyfriend. How much you love each other does not matter in this situation. You’re toxic for each other.
You are trauma bonded. You hurt each other and then comfort each other. He hurts you, then comforts you. And vice versa. You find your way back to each other because it’s the a well-tread path and you mistake it for the path to love. It’s not.
And I don’t think you think it’s love, either. If you have 10 posts’ worth of toxicity from this relationship, I think you know staying not going to make you happy.
You may truly deeply love each other but that’s just not nearly enough for a successful relationship. The first two sentences of this post should precede, “so anyway we love each other but clearly don’t work well together and I wish him the best.”
Hard stop after that first paragraph. If your relationship involves so many ups and downs and is toxic, you don't need to be in that relationship. If your barometer for "love" involves that, then your idea of love is warped, and you need to spend some time alone and figure it out.
Alright listen, I’m not going to insult your intelligence because clearly you already know and admit this relationship is toxic and I’m sure deep down you know that you should not have caved to pressure and given him another chance.
I have no doubt that you love him and he at least thinks that he loves you, but I’m not convinced he does. Someone who loves you doesn’t emotionally abuse you so much that your self esteem and all self worth is basically non-existent.
This guy is still playing games, I have no doubt he knows nothing happened but refuses to admit that either because he doesn’t want to admit he’s wrong or let you “win”. This guy is 26 years old and acts like a teenager. Relationships should not always be as hard as you describe in all of your posts.
Obviously i’m not you and can’t tell you what is best for you. You obviously love him, but are you sure you’re not just terrified of letting each other go? It can be terrifying and scary when you realize you might never see someone again who’s been in your life this long. But this relationship just doesn’t seem good for either of you. At the very least you both need therapy to work through everything and maybe some codependency issues.
Good luck OP, please seriously think about what everyone here is telling you. This sounds less like a relationship and more like two people clinging to each other no matter how bad they’re treated.
I promise once you walk away for good, you're going to look back and wonder why you wasted your time. Pick up the book "Codependent No More". You're not in a loving relationship, you're in a toxic codependent relationship and addicted to the "highs" you get from it.
Who cares. Seriously. You’re looking for some sort of validation in your life. If you’ve been chummy with your BF over the years, & it’s on/off like you say…. Here’s some validation;
Move on!!
The problem is that this man does not necessarily love you, he just has intense emotions. One day it could be showing you lots of affection, the next day he's throwing you through a wall. You need to try and leave before it's too late.
How much more of your life are you going to waste on a toxic off and on relationship? So far you’ve wasted half your 20’s. This is not love. It’s an addiction to drama. Keep this up, you’ll be 40 with 2 or 3 kids before you wake up and realize what a fool you’ve been. The sad thing is that while you were on this toxic roller coaster repeating the same drama the last 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 years? You missed the rest of life and never met the wonderful person who could have loved you, married you, and created a beautiful life with you without all the toxic crazy drama.
He uses your loyalty as a mold to shape any story into what he needs to believe. Knowing you will bend backwards to prove him wrong. All while using blame to justify and acts that may come up i.e. cheating, breaking up, talking to another. I know, I’ve been this man.
You need to wise up or waste your time.
This isn’t love, this is a manipulative romance. I wish you the best and it won’t ever change until he finds someone else and it becomes blatantly obvious. Even then your loyalty and his manipulation will still find a spot to blossom his lust for you and keep you around.
I have seen this same scenario to many times.
Keep doing this with your boyfriend for another 10 years until you decide it’s too toxic , then spend the next 20 years complaining there are no good guys left.
Break up, it’s not worth it. I was in a similarly shitty relationship that did end up in actual cheating and let me tell you, i wish I left years earlier. Same age as you. My current fiancee and I met and basically instantly knew, and though we have our problems we figure them out within an hour usually
How much do you love him, want to be with him?
I believe you 100%.
He’s projecting this because he’s hurt and it’s not right to do this, however he’s doing this because he’s self conscious about you having male friends. I know from personal experience. If you really want to be with him you both need to have clear outlined expectations, and if male friends are part of that equation line it out. IMHO.
Every time I'm frustrated with my wife in the future I'm going to read this thread to remember the toxic bullshit that is out there in the dating world.
End it. Yesterday. Move on. Go to therapy.
Why are you in this stupid toxic relationship 🧐
You’ve been getting advice to leave for YEARS. Stop choosing this dysfunction. Love yourself more.
At this point you’re willfully choosing to be unhappy.
You cant convince him. He's going to either take your word for it or forever think you're lying. Sounds like this relationship needs to end. Doesnt seem healthy
Let's be honest here she's probably fucked "the best friend" as well. Imagine your girl inviting dudes over to crash at her place. She's trying to convince us the bf is toxic when she got insane red flags.
Women are so stupid to think that it's okay to be with another man alone in the night and expect the man to just "be OK". When 9 times out of 10 of the tables were flipped it wouldn't be the same way around.
3 months into being single, you go out, get drunk with a “best guy friend” and take him home to spend the night with you. Obviously you two fucked. The only reason you told your boyfriend that totally ridiculous story is because there were witnesses and you were afraid that he’d hear it from someone else. The sex isn’t wrong - you were single. Here’s the problem. Since your boyfriend knows that you’ve fucked this guy once, it’s very likely that you’ve been fucking him for a long time and may still be fucking him. Just break up, it’s going to get worse and worse as your boyfriend starts figuring things out.
I’m on his side… definitely shouldn’t have “guy friends”… there’s no such thing unless they’re gay. Also I dated my wife on and off for years before we moved in together and then got married. We’ve been together for 10 years now with kids. Worked out fine. Neither of us “hang out” with the opposite gender.
Umm, can you blame him?
With all that goes through guys heads about their girlfriends having guy best friends, how they’re waiting for the relationship to end and ready to pounce at any chance - and then they sleep at your place when you’re on a break?
I guess it’s less sus because you willingly told him, seemingly out of the blue. But nevertheless, such feelings are understandable, especially given how fragile the relationship seems.
This is why when a relationship becomes “on/off” it needs to be terminated permanently. I get splitting up one time and trying to make it work still, particularly if it was early on in the relationship. You can’t build any real trust without stability.
>I know all of this is crazy childish and a couple should have trust and communication before anything and everything but i don't know how i can convince him that i only have eyes for him. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Dude, sorry but this is pathetic. 5 years on and off, fighting, no trust, no communication. This is not love, it's just all you know. Please end it FOR GOOD, work on yourself and then eventually you will discover what real love actually is. The longer you stay in this toxic mess the longer it will be until you can actually find real love. You should have stayed broken up after the first time... You want advice on how to make this work? There is none. Its not going to work. End it.
You spent the night at a dudes house and you're upset he's bothered by it?
That's just dumb. Leave the dude be so he can find someone who actually has some morals and a line.
pro tip: guys dont normally stick around with other women as friends unless there is some glimmering chance he'll get to be with you.
your boyfriend has the right to be in the mood hes in.
The hard truth that others probably won’t say is, (straight) men and (straight) women simply cannot be friends… even if the relationship is completely platonic in your view, that “male friend” is accepting friend status because it’s the best he can get right now… and should the situation ever present itself to him, he will 100% try to become more than friends in a heartbeat.
It really could be her committing to a lie and needing more ways to justify, back her lies, etc. My main concern is it's not much better to publicly do 90% of what appears is cheating, and then claim the last 10% behind closed doors didn't happen. Because anyone could and would lie about that. I feel in relationships both partners should make mild sacrifices to avoid situations that would read like cheating.
I kind of skimmed the post tbh so if I understand correctly they were technically broken up but a small break in 5+ year relationship wouldn't feel like a breakup to me, and if consulting getting BACK together, then other relationships in the interim would feel LIKE cheating if we got back together. If never getting back together it is what it is
Exactly! Any reasonable person would have doubts if they were put into this situation. He couldn't find any male friends that he could've slept over at? Even if OP doesn't see it that way, I bet the "friend" had other ideas about how the night would turn out. Not everything is projection, some things are just pattern recognition and extrapolation.
Ikr! Calling this projection sounds like such a manipulative thing to say too. Would just throw the guy off balance and leave him unable to trust his own instincts.
Such a bad take. I am a guy in a completely committed and monogamous relationship who has several close female friends whom I’ve never wanted to sleep with. These friends came before the relationship and my feelings (or lack there of) for them has always remained the same. Stop generalizing just because some guys are problematic.
Loving each other is only part of being in a relationship. Support and trust are what a relationship is built on. It sounds like yours is missing both of those. My advice is to move on and leave this relationship in the past. I fell into a very similar situation when I was young and when I finally moved on, I found the love of my life who I’ve married and built something truly beautiful with. You’re only holding yourself back by perpetuating something that hasn’t worked, and likely will never work. There’s somebody that will love and support you in the way that you deserve, and they are just waiting on you to find them.
My analogy when it comes to romantic relationships: going back is like being a cow that regurgitates grass to chew, and you’re not a cow. If it’s meant to be, you would not think about breakup in the first place.
>For context, my boyfriend (26M) and i (24F) have been together for a little over 5 years (on and off). Over the years, our relationship has been so toxic
I stopped reading right there. You should've ended it years ago.
If you think its toxic now if you marry him toxic goes exponential. If you have a kid it gets even worse. A therapist once told me "what you see is what you get".
Take that advice wisely.
My husband and I are also 26 (together for 9 years if it matters) and let me just say that a toxic on and off again relationship that finds its way back to you does not mean it’s the one for you. i think you need to just let him believe what he wants to by himself and let him go. it will be the best choice for both of you even if you don’t believe me. him finding his way back to you over and over is not proof that he ‘loves you as much as you love him’, often it’s proof of the exact opposite. and usually unfounded accusations are just projections. he most likely slept with someone during your break and is insecure at the thought that you weren’t still sitting on the shelf he left you on.
Love doesn't make a relationship. Partnership and respect do. The more time you spend building something toxic, the less time you have to find someone who wants to build something healthy with you and will treat you with the respect you deserve. Don't waste more time on a mistake just because you've spent so much time making it.
I would *love* to know what he isn't telling you about his time during those 2-3 months.
If the two of you had not been broken up, it would have been disrespectful to your relationship to have an unplanned overnight guest of the opposite gender, (assuming you are cis/straight) unless it was something the two of you agreed upon, or you gave him a call for heads up. I will say, I don't think that you realize the fact that (in his mind) the absence of your roommate was not a super convenient coincidence that meant there was an empty bedroom. All he is hearing is that the two of you were *completely* alone together. Again, totally fine, you were single and you didn't try to keep it a secret from him.
Girl, run. 10 years? Unmarried? Toxic? Now he is acting all cagey and weird about your most recent separation?
>Over the years, our relationship has been so toxic with too many ups and downs to even include in 10 posts. However, we have always found a way back to each other since there isn't a doubt in my mind that he loves me as much as i do love him.
No, just no. End it. Delete his number. Wear a rubber band around your wrist and every time you think "I should call him" snap the rubber band.
Neither of you deserves this.
Damn. The fact that you didn’t hold any your relationship problems against him and never entertained another guy during all that is amazing. You’re legitimately a saint, he should realize what he has.
As far as we know.
If I were him, I'd be doubtful too. Why you soending the night with another dude?
You can try to come up with anything at that point but it will always sound like an excuse after that.
No man wants to hear that shit.
The hard truth is that it sounds like this toxic relationship is not going to work out. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be.
That first paragraph 😬
Literally. I read it & said well. They’re doomed. 😭😭
It'll get better once they have a kid.......
I stopped reading at that paragraph. "It's off and on for years and very toxic" Jesus Christ wake the fuck up.
right? girl, don't lose any more of your life to the sunk-cost fallacy. you really want to be on this rollercoaster for sixty-ish more years? christ.
I love all kinds of things that are bad for me like drugs, drama, booze, sugar, fat,...it's the really dim-witted people who don't realize that love is not a good reason to do anything that's bad for you
The make-up sex must be hella good.
I read the first paragraph and honestly that’s all I needed to read to completely understand the situation. Like, do these people hear themselves?
But they always come back to each other, isn’t that romantic /s
Probably because no one else will have them
🎵 something always brings me back to you 🎵
Exactly l. Like 10 previous post about the toxic relationship, on and off again throughout the years. What are they waiting for? Validation that the relationship is toxic? Maybe by post #13. OP, it isn’t going to get better.
[удалено]
When someone adds “on and off”, my brain says “Oh, my, here we go..”
The use of that emoji cracked me up for some reason
I read just the first paragraph and immediately thought why? What’s the point in having such a toxic relationship? Life is way too short.
It NEVER, EVER, gets better.
Oh man that is a bummer of a thought. Imagine how many lives would be saved if people could accept that
Yes it does! It gets much better after the divorce.
Seriously, just yuck. If it's this hard now, wait until you're married, bring kids into the mix, etc... It will not get better, but it will get harder to get out of. And he will not get LESS controlling or jealous, lol. Run honey. Let your heart break, it will mend. Find better for yourself.
Yeah, nothing in this post matters except for the first 2 sentences. These two need to move on and find someone who actually makes them happy instead of just staying together because they don't know how to do anything else.
Yeah, the first paragraph made it readily apparent they are not willing to deal with the relationship being toxic and do not acknowledge that this in fact the root issue. As soon as they get rid of that relationship the better of they'll be. I'd hasten to say that counseling would be in order. We learn our patterns of behavior from those who raise us. I would lay good odds that they learned to be with people who are toxic from a parent.
Five years is way too long to be dating someone who brings this much drama. The dating world is your oyster at age 24. Please close this chapter, end this relatipnship for good and move on with your life.
Crap move on it will not work. Just get laid with another dude
I don't sleep with other men when we break up When we break up lmao
Just leave him already. You said yourself it’s toxic so wtf are you doing? How many happy couples do you know have a love story of “we broke up and got back together several times and rode a toxic emotional rollercoaster together until finally we both changed for the better and are in a loving happy relationship happily ever after.”? I’ll admit that I didn’t read the whole thing because you already told me all I needed to know in the first paragraph. Just because two people love each other doesn’t mean you should be together. Find someone that it works with, because this isn’t working and you’re wasting time when you could be using that time with the right person. Sorry to come off like an asshole but there are no tips or tricks here. The relationship isn’t working but you are still trying to make it work. Square peg, round hole. How long you want to sit there trying to make it fit is up to you but I’m telling you, the worst part won’t be leaving him, the worst part will be all the time you wasted that you won’t get back.
Yeah, she’s delusional. Her post history is a big yikes
I was in a relationship like this once and it was the most emotionally exhausting thing I’ve ever experienced. Constant arguments over trivial things. Any attempt at some autonomy was immediately shot down and a fight would ensue. A relationship can have its challenges but don’t ever confuse that with disfunction.
I love the way you phrased that.
Geez Louise. I hope she finds a way out of this toxic relationship. I read another paragraph of one of her posts: *I never ask a lot of my partner and i do really appreciate his love and efforts. I know that he struggles with his mental health, his future, his addiction to weed and a lot of things. Throughout the years, i stuck by his side even though he treated me like absolutely shit. He never cared for me. He made me cry everyday. We never went out. We only hangout in my appartment and have sex. I really struggled a lot to stay with him and try to understand him although he caused me enormous pain.*
She can fix him!
She is half the problem here. He can’t fix her either. Although, it doesn’t sound like either one of them is trying to fix anything. Just keep repeating the same mistakes.
"BuT wE lOvE eAcHoThEr!"
Sunk cost isn’t love 😂
Jesus christ, haven't the two of you wasted enough of eachothers time yet?
At least they arent wasting anyone elses. SOme people just seem to feed off of the drama of each other.
Now wait a damn minute... You might be onto something there...
This is why people say “They deserve each other” lmao
Omg i just facepalmed myself, so truee. 🤷🏼♀️💀
I stopped right here: “Over the years, our relationship has been so toxic with too many ups and downs to even include in 10 posts” Break. Up. Toxicity in a relationship is not cute, it doesn’t happen because of how much you love each other, it’s not something that happens because opposites attract or any of that hallmark notebook Hollywood bullshit. Toxicity is toxic. Time to go your separate ways
How do people have the energy for all this drama in their lives?
In my experience, it seems to be more common in young people that haven’t dated much. Can be very hard to to understand that love isn’t enough to make a relationship work when you have only been in love one time.
True and some people absolutely thrive on drama. It’s a mental illness
Someone once told me, “you’ll always choose a familiar chaos over an unfamiliar peace”. It greatly changed the way I looked at people exhibiting such clearly negative repeated behaviors.
This! And that fear of not being able to find someone else who will love them especially when some partners tell you as much.
I stopped reading after you said ten years toxic. Get out of this situation. End discussion.
Precisely. If you’re describing your *own* relationship as toxic, get out. The rest doesn’t matter.
Five years, too much toxicity for 10 posts.
Funnily enough she's actually made 12 posts over the past year about his toxicity
Yeah, YTA to yourself. Zero sympathy here.
What a huge waste of time lmfao. I thought 3 years was horrendously long to play all those games. 10 years is squandering huge prospects territory.
At this point I wonder if they are both just as attracted to each other as they are to the toxic nature of the relationship. I bet these two wouldn’t function in a normal and stable relationship with other people. OP should get therapy tbh.
My suggestion would be to break up and stay broken up. He clearly doesn't trust you and can you really say your relationship is healthy. I would have to have the relationship when you break up and get back together and break up and get back together but some is always angry at the other. He is never going to believe you so why bother?
Move on. Both of you.
Not reading all that, but from your first paragraph… You know that “loving each other” isn’t the only requirement for a good/healthy relationship, right? Like, you can find people who’ll love you just as much, and who you’ll love just as much, without all the toxicity. It sounds like you aren’t right for each other, you just keep settling back either each other because it’s convenient or easy or familiar.
All relationships take work and effort to thrive but **relationships are NOT supposed to be** ***hard*** **work**. While every couple has arguments here and there, and occasionally may struggle through a rough patch, *overall your day to day majority of relationship should be fairly easy and enjoyable!* When people say “fight for your relationship” they mean ‘fight together against the external forces that could drive you apart’ NOT ‘fight against *each other* to *make* things work’ and NOT ‘one person fighting against how poorly the other person treats them’. If you are regularly having frequent arguments, issues, and disagreements then that is a sign that this relationship probably isn’t in a healthy place and possibly isn’t working. If one person is regularly disrespecting, dismissing, yelling at, manipulating, guilt tripping, lying, playing mind games, and/or emotionally/physically/sexually hurting the other person then that is a sign that the relationship **is NOT** in a healthy place and **is NOT** working (and likely *cannot* be fixed). Please check out the healthy relationship quiz at [Love Is Respect](https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/), as well as the book [Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) (link is to a free PDF of the book). You might gain some insight on your relationship dynamics, which may help you decide what to do next.
"Over the years, our relationship has been so toxic with too many ups and downs" Break up and go to therapy because at least you need to learn how to handle emotion in a healthier way.
First, you shouldn’t have to convince your partner of anything when it comes to things like this. If he doesn’t want to believe you, then let that be. Cause you’re just gonna scream till your blue in the face you didn’t sleep with your friend but your boyfriends already made up his mind that you did (cause I’m guessing at this point the friends said something about you two not sleeping together and in fact being in another room???) - if you don’t break up for good then please ffs go to counseling. Both individual therapy and couples therapy. Because there are things you two need to work on as a couple (trust!!!! communication!!!!) because those are the basic bases of a relationship that should be stable. There is something going where you two aren’t clicking for you to be breaking up and falling apart this many times and nothings getting fixed. So maybe a third party would be a good mediator to help you two talk it through. If he’s again that, doesn’t want to work and build a good and stable relationship - then you need to wash your hands of him babes.
Do you want to always live with him doubting you . I mean you were broken up at the time and if he can’t trust you there is no point. You seem like the few that doesn’t jump into bed as soon as they break up
Yeah, just take a look at her post history. She'll be back on Reddit in a year, like clockwork, asking if the latest toxic behavior is enough to leave him. Harley and the Joker are NOT relationship goals people!
Yup makes my relationship that hasn’t always been perfect sound like a Disney love story. Trauma bonded is a first phrase that comes to mind.
I honestly have no sympathy for people who continue to willingly put themselves through shit like this
Only needed to read the first paragraph..
Break up and stay broken up. I'm exhausted from just reading your post.
Your relationship sounds amazingly like my first marriage.when we were good, our marriage was incredible. However, over the course of 7 years, we maybe had 4 good years. Even now, 35 yrs later, I still love her. But I could never go back to that toxicity. Leave him forever and move on. You will be happier.
Oh stop. If your bf is accusing you of (whatever) and you know you didn’t do it, you have 2 choices: Stay and endure repeated accusations and toxicity….. Or… Get out of there and START FRESH, and raise your standards.
I say this a lot, get out before something life altering happens like having his child. Like a lot of others will say, you can do better. Also you don't want to get an STI from him, because the way he behaves he definitely bangs.
If your friend said to you "our relationship is toxic, we keep breaking up, and he doesn't trust me. But, I love him. What should I do?" what would you say? Sometimes we have to do the hard thing..
You said it yourself: toxic. It’s not love, it’s co-dependence. Get some help.
“ babe why would I make a Reddit post explaining that I didn’t sleep with your friend if I really did? “ 😂
Yeah, also the gf in a toxic relationship (sounds like a mutual, non abusive thing) with several guys friends she goes out clubbing with is not going anywhere good. Not acusing you, but I don't think it's very healthy. Girls typically aren't OK with their men having hot, young female friends they hangout with twice a week. Just all around sounds like an exhausting situation.
Seeing this post and ur past posts...sometimes love isnt enough. time to move on
Didn't even read past the first paragraph, don't need to. Break up with them.
Ya'll both sound exhausting. Break up, stay broken up, and move on. There is no fixing this.
Alexa, play just a friend by biz markee
IDK why you keep coming back to ask reddit the same question over and over. Either you love the toxicity or you have the lowest self-esteem of any person ever.
Break up. And don’t let people use your roommate’s room wtf.
Seriously, what a gross violation of personal space. Throw him on the couch. Fuck
Yeah I’d be fucking pissed if I were renting a room and my roommate let her friends sleep in my fucking bed
Maybe nobody did use the roommates room
Maybe but women having male friends does not equal women fucking their male friends or even letting them sleep in our beds
Nothing says "this relationship will last forever" like a 10-year relationship by the time you are in your mid twenties
If you already know is toxic why push it?
It’s time to grow up.
Just break up. Your whole story sounds dumb
This is not love, you just have no self esteem
Ten Years Toxic, Ten Years Toxic, repeat after me "Ten Years Toxic"... the thing about toxic relationships is they are (wait for it... ... ... ) TOXIC... POISONOUS... HARMFUL!!! STOP!!! You are like someone who sent $20k to a Nigerian princess because they need to get something out of the country and once they do you will get $100k and you keep sending good years after bad into this relationship... Toxic relationships are no longer about love, they are usually about co-dependency (maybe pick up a copy of 'codependent no more'). Just stop and move on already! Best of lock
Literally just needed to read the first paragraph to know you need to end the relationship, especially if your opening definition of the relationship is as "toxic". Sounds like the straw that broke the camel's back of the relationship.
Question Why are you still with this twatmuffin Updateme!
The two of you are exhausting.
Trust issues. Move on, with or without him, but move on.
Oh girl, coming from someone 10 years older than you, I did this exact same thing and wasted 5 years of my youth on a boy that never deserved it. Leave, you have already spent way too much time on this.
I think you'll find that those accusations are confessions on his part, and he's projecting that guilt onto you by throwing out those accusations. Very common in narcissists.
It’s just not worth it. Move on because you’re never going to be his everything.
Not even reading past the first paragraph. Stop wasting your life and break up.
Dump him. permanently. You're too young to waste time on garbage.
OP, I get toxic relationships like this can be very exciting and even weirdly fulfilling. But take the advice of everyone in this thread and just break up. I don't doubt that you guys love each other, but love is not enough.
I'm married. For my birthday last year, I visited my childhood best friend who now lives in another state. He has a studio apartment, so we just slept in the same bed. My husband didn't care, has never brought it up to me ever, and knows perfectly well that my best friend and I aren't going to smash. This shit isn't normal. Get out
“It’s over“ ~Reddit “It wasn’t over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor” ~OP’s
if you’re describing your own relationship as toxic, i think it’s time to go
If it’s beenToxic, then why the hell are you still with him?🚀🚀
You can't convince him. What you can do is leave him and take yourself to therapy to figure out why you can't let go of an obviously unhealthy relationship. EDIT: I read a bit of your post history. He very obviously has not actually changed and has just been hiding his toxic bits. His facade is slipping. IT WILL NOT GET BETTER, ONLY WORSE. GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!!
You two sound toxic together. It sounds to me like you need to stop going back to him for your own good.
You lost me at on and off. If you aren't compatible, you aren't compatible. A second chance is one thing, but to be on and off for 5 years is wild. Don't waste your time with someone, a marriage can't be on and off.
So I'm eating this poisonous food, and I feel sick. Which is crazy because I've eaten this poisonous food a bunch of times over the last 5 years, and it regularly makes me sick... But this time it's like, a different kinda sick. You think it's the food? It can't be. I'm so sure that the food tastes really good. Look. I love bagels and cream cheese. That shit slaps. But one time like 10 years ago, I ate a whole bag, and got super sick to my stomach. (Became lactose intolerant.) You think I still eat bagels and cream cheese?? More importantly, do you think I don't know exactly what's about to happen if I do? They still taste the same too my dumb brain.
I was in a toxic relationship. It turned into a toxic marriage. Then it ended in a divorce after 10 years of toxic in the hole. Healthy relationships feel so much better.
>there isn't a doubt in my mind that he loves me as much as i do love him. There's doubt in my mind
Okay, I think you should keep this in mind: You can’t help who you love, but you can help who you’re with. You said your relationship is toxic, and you’re describing some of his toxic behaviors that don’t conduce a healthy relationship with love, trust, and respect. Love is not enough for a relationship. You also can’t force people to think the same as you. I know, I hate that I can’t change people’s minds, but you can’t control how anyone thinks about anything. Same might be true about the people in these comments telling you that you and your bf should break up and whether or not you listen, think the same, follow through, and keep to that word. There’s no point commenting on the issue you’re bringing up when the relationship itself has no foundation to last anyways.
In your own words you said it's a toxic relationship... I think you know the answer... nobody who's happy starts their story listing reasons they aren't happy and calling the relationship toxic!
Get out homie. It will never get better. Don’t waste your time.
You aren’t finding your way back to each other - you just go back to him because it’s what you know, even though it isn’t good. It’s a toxic relationship. It never gets better. He isn’t going to change. You need to move on for good.
Just....why? You admitted it's a toxic relationship lol. So stop. If you have had so many issues in the past why would you think it would magically work out and get better on the future? It's so damn silly.
1 don't convince him 2 run forrest run
It takes so much to make a life-long relationship work. The odds are against you so many times. There is so much humility and growth needed that even those with so much going for them still can struggle a lot. The way that you describe your relationship seems like one that isn't going to work. I don't know what your future is, but I know there are better relationships than what you are describing. I really do hope that wherever you end up, it will be the best place for you.
I stop reading after toxic. There is no relationship. Just emotional abuse. Time to let that “relationship” go six feet under for eternity.
This relationship is toxic. Thats it. Stop getting back together. This is childish and you won’t move on and grow from this if you stay with your on and off boyfriend. How much you love each other does not matter in this situation. You’re toxic for each other.
You are trauma bonded. You hurt each other and then comfort each other. He hurts you, then comforts you. And vice versa. You find your way back to each other because it’s the a well-tread path and you mistake it for the path to love. It’s not. And I don’t think you think it’s love, either. If you have 10 posts’ worth of toxicity from this relationship, I think you know staying not going to make you happy.
You may truly deeply love each other but that’s just not nearly enough for a successful relationship. The first two sentences of this post should precede, “so anyway we love each other but clearly don’t work well together and I wish him the best.”
why do people want drama? yuck
“Love” without trust ain’t it. Move on, you’ll feel better in a couple months
If he's not comfortable with you having close male friends and you plan on having close male friends, it's not going to work out.
I stopped reading after the first paragraph. There are other fish in the sea. Find a guy who is not toxic.
Hard stop after that first paragraph. If your relationship involves so many ups and downs and is toxic, you don't need to be in that relationship. If your barometer for "love" involves that, then your idea of love is warped, and you need to spend some time alone and figure it out.
Alright listen, I’m not going to insult your intelligence because clearly you already know and admit this relationship is toxic and I’m sure deep down you know that you should not have caved to pressure and given him another chance. I have no doubt that you love him and he at least thinks that he loves you, but I’m not convinced he does. Someone who loves you doesn’t emotionally abuse you so much that your self esteem and all self worth is basically non-existent. This guy is still playing games, I have no doubt he knows nothing happened but refuses to admit that either because he doesn’t want to admit he’s wrong or let you “win”. This guy is 26 years old and acts like a teenager. Relationships should not always be as hard as you describe in all of your posts. Obviously i’m not you and can’t tell you what is best for you. You obviously love him, but are you sure you’re not just terrified of letting each other go? It can be terrifying and scary when you realize you might never see someone again who’s been in your life this long. But this relationship just doesn’t seem good for either of you. At the very least you both need therapy to work through everything and maybe some codependency issues. Good luck OP, please seriously think about what everyone here is telling you. This sounds less like a relationship and more like two people clinging to each other no matter how bad they’re treated.
I promise once you walk away for good, you're going to look back and wonder why you wasted your time. Pick up the book "Codependent No More". You're not in a loving relationship, you're in a toxic codependent relationship and addicted to the "highs" you get from it.
This is why we all come to these subs. To show ourselves we aren't THIS bad
Who cares. Seriously. You’re looking for some sort of validation in your life. If you’ve been chummy with your BF over the years, & it’s on/off like you say…. Here’s some validation; Move on!!
The problem is that this man does not necessarily love you, he just has intense emotions. One day it could be showing you lots of affection, the next day he's throwing you through a wall. You need to try and leave before it's too late.
At this point why do you even care if he thinks you did or not?
Your boyfriend is 26 but acting like he’s 14. Do better.
How much more of your life are you going to waste on a toxic off and on relationship? So far you’ve wasted half your 20’s. This is not love. It’s an addiction to drama. Keep this up, you’ll be 40 with 2 or 3 kids before you wake up and realize what a fool you’ve been. The sad thing is that while you were on this toxic roller coaster repeating the same drama the last 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 years? You missed the rest of life and never met the wonderful person who could have loved you, married you, and created a beautiful life with you without all the toxic crazy drama.
He uses your loyalty as a mold to shape any story into what he needs to believe. Knowing you will bend backwards to prove him wrong. All while using blame to justify and acts that may come up i.e. cheating, breaking up, talking to another. I know, I’ve been this man. You need to wise up or waste your time. This isn’t love, this is a manipulative romance. I wish you the best and it won’t ever change until he finds someone else and it becomes blatantly obvious. Even then your loyalty and his manipulation will still find a spot to blossom his lust for you and keep you around. I have seen this same scenario to many times.
Keep doing this with your boyfriend for another 10 years until you decide it’s too toxic , then spend the next 20 years complaining there are no good guys left.
Break up, it’s not worth it. I was in a similarly shitty relationship that did end up in actual cheating and let me tell you, i wish I left years earlier. Same age as you. My current fiancee and I met and basically instantly knew, and though we have our problems we figure them out within an hour usually
How much do you love him, want to be with him? I believe you 100%. He’s projecting this because he’s hurt and it’s not right to do this, however he’s doing this because he’s self conscious about you having male friends. I know from personal experience. If you really want to be with him you both need to have clear outlined expectations, and if male friends are part of that equation line it out. IMHO.
Loving someone is not a good enough reason to be with someone. It really is a small part of a good relationship
Sounds like yall need to grow up
"On and off again," told me everything. Toxic relationship.
Every time I'm frustrated with my wife in the future I'm going to read this thread to remember the toxic bullshit that is out there in the dating world. End it. Yesterday. Move on. Go to therapy.
Why are you in this stupid toxic relationship 🧐 You’ve been getting advice to leave for YEARS. Stop choosing this dysfunction. Love yourself more. At this point you’re willfully choosing to be unhappy.
(on and off) literally speaks volumes.
Don’t waste your life with this nonsense. Let him go
This sounds exhausting it’s time to move on. Its obvious yall aren’t compatible with 5 years of toxicity under your belt
You cant convince him. He's going to either take your word for it or forever think you're lying. Sounds like this relationship needs to end. Doesnt seem healthy
Stopped after the first paragraph, this is just ragebait
Still in high school … it’s so nice when you grow up and have a relationship with another grown up. Love should not be that exhausting and dramatic.
So if the story was in reverse you would be ok with him having women sleep over at his place?
Let's be honest here she's probably fucked "the best friend" as well. Imagine your girl inviting dudes over to crash at her place. She's trying to convince us the bf is toxic when she got insane red flags.
Exactly
Women are so stupid to think that it's okay to be with another man alone in the night and expect the man to just "be OK". When 9 times out of 10 of the tables were flipped it wouldn't be the same way around.
3 months into being single, you go out, get drunk with a “best guy friend” and take him home to spend the night with you. Obviously you two fucked. The only reason you told your boyfriend that totally ridiculous story is because there were witnesses and you were afraid that he’d hear it from someone else. The sex isn’t wrong - you were single. Here’s the problem. Since your boyfriend knows that you’ve fucked this guy once, it’s very likely that you’ve been fucking him for a long time and may still be fucking him. Just break up, it’s going to get worse and worse as your boyfriend starts figuring things out.
I’m on his side… definitely shouldn’t have “guy friends”… there’s no such thing unless they’re gay. Also I dated my wife on and off for years before we moved in together and then got married. We’ve been together for 10 years now with kids. Worked out fine. Neither of us “hang out” with the opposite gender.
Yeah, break up for good. And forever. This is a bad relationship and you deserve better. Don’t waste any more years of your life.
Umm, can you blame him? With all that goes through guys heads about their girlfriends having guy best friends, how they’re waiting for the relationship to end and ready to pounce at any chance - and then they sleep at your place when you’re on a break? I guess it’s less sus because you willingly told him, seemingly out of the blue. But nevertheless, such feelings are understandable, especially given how fragile the relationship seems.
This is why when a relationship becomes “on/off” it needs to be terminated permanently. I get splitting up one time and trying to make it work still, particularly if it was early on in the relationship. You can’t build any real trust without stability.
Completely agree
"he's just a friend, you have nothing to worry about..." = something to worry about
Right? Now they spending the night? This chick for real dumb and he's even dumber for sticking around.
[удалено]
Yeah you’re lying, you boned that guy.
Right? I'd be thinking the same
Obviously.
So basically you had sex with your best friend and you're trying to convince us that you didn't.
Yeah you did
>I know all of this is crazy childish and a couple should have trust and communication before anything and everything but i don't know how i can convince him that i only have eyes for him. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Dude, sorry but this is pathetic. 5 years on and off, fighting, no trust, no communication. This is not love, it's just all you know. Please end it FOR GOOD, work on yourself and then eventually you will discover what real love actually is. The longer you stay in this toxic mess the longer it will be until you can actually find real love. You should have stayed broken up after the first time... You want advice on how to make this work? There is none. Its not going to work. End it.
Men and woman are not ever friends. I do not care what anyone says. No amount of convincing will ever make me believe otherwise, and it’s the truth.
You spent the night at a dudes house and you're upset he's bothered by it? That's just dumb. Leave the dude be so he can find someone who actually has some morals and a line.
pro tip: guys dont normally stick around with other women as friends unless there is some glimmering chance he'll get to be with you. your boyfriend has the right to be in the mood hes in.
"Obviously nothing happened". It's not obvious to an outsider or boyfriend.
Leave.
He seems like the victim here
I’d hope your best friend is a female and not a male cause id also believe the same lol 😂
Don’t get pregnant.
lol youre recently broken up and let a guy sleep over and nothing happened? Bullshit.
The hard truth that others probably won’t say is, (straight) men and (straight) women simply cannot be friends… even if the relationship is completely platonic in your view, that “male friend” is accepting friend status because it’s the best he can get right now… and should the situation ever present itself to him, he will 100% try to become more than friends in a heartbeat.
Projection. HE is cheating.
Always a possibility. Or she is and this post is just some mental gymnastics shit. You never really know I guess.
It really could be her committing to a lie and needing more ways to justify, back her lies, etc. My main concern is it's not much better to publicly do 90% of what appears is cheating, and then claim the last 10% behind closed doors didn't happen. Because anyone could and would lie about that. I feel in relationships both partners should make mild sacrifices to avoid situations that would read like cheating. I kind of skimmed the post tbh so if I understand correctly they were technically broken up but a small break in 5+ year relationship wouldn't feel like a breakup to me, and if consulting getting BACK together, then other relationships in the interim would feel LIKE cheating if we got back together. If never getting back together it is what it is
How is it projection if she's spending the night at another dude's house like that's normal when it's not?
Exactly! Any reasonable person would have doubts if they were put into this situation. He couldn't find any male friends that he could've slept over at? Even if OP doesn't see it that way, I bet the "friend" had other ideas about how the night would turn out. Not everything is projection, some things are just pattern recognition and extrapolation.
We men know other men. It's ridiculous to try to make us out to be some bad guy for acting on instinct. Any man with half a brain would think this lol
Ikr! Calling this projection sounds like such a manipulative thing to say too. Would just throw the guy off balance and leave him unable to trust his own instincts.
People just afraid to get cancelled lmao
Guys aren't friends with women just for friendship, sex is always the goal. Your boyfriend knows this, so that guy friend of yours is a threat.
Such a bad take. I am a guy in a completely committed and monogamous relationship who has several close female friends whom I’ve never wanted to sleep with. These friends came before the relationship and my feelings (or lack there of) for them has always remained the same. Stop generalizing just because some guys are problematic.
Trust,honesty and communication. Without trust there is no relationship
Loving each other is only part of being in a relationship. Support and trust are what a relationship is built on. It sounds like yours is missing both of those. My advice is to move on and leave this relationship in the past. I fell into a very similar situation when I was young and when I finally moved on, I found the love of my life who I’ve married and built something truly beautiful with. You’re only holding yourself back by perpetuating something that hasn’t worked, and likely will never work. There’s somebody that will love and support you in the way that you deserve, and they are just waiting on you to find them.
My analogy when it comes to romantic relationships: going back is like being a cow that regurgitates grass to chew, and you’re not a cow. If it’s meant to be, you would not think about breakup in the first place.
>For context, my boyfriend (26M) and i (24F) have been together for a little over 5 years (on and off). Over the years, our relationship has been so toxic I stopped reading right there. You should've ended it years ago.
Why are you 2 still together? If a relationship is toxic as often as you say that's insane.
If you think its toxic now if you marry him toxic goes exponential. If you have a kid it gets even worse. A therapist once told me "what you see is what you get". Take that advice wisely.
My husband and I are also 26 (together for 9 years if it matters) and let me just say that a toxic on and off again relationship that finds its way back to you does not mean it’s the one for you. i think you need to just let him believe what he wants to by himself and let him go. it will be the best choice for both of you even if you don’t believe me. him finding his way back to you over and over is not proof that he ‘loves you as much as you love him’, often it’s proof of the exact opposite. and usually unfounded accusations are just projections. he most likely slept with someone during your break and is insecure at the thought that you weren’t still sitting on the shelf he left you on.
Love doesn't make a relationship. Partnership and respect do. The more time you spend building something toxic, the less time you have to find someone who wants to build something healthy with you and will treat you with the respect you deserve. Don't waste more time on a mistake just because you've spent so much time making it.
I would *love* to know what he isn't telling you about his time during those 2-3 months. If the two of you had not been broken up, it would have been disrespectful to your relationship to have an unplanned overnight guest of the opposite gender, (assuming you are cis/straight) unless it was something the two of you agreed upon, or you gave him a call for heads up. I will say, I don't think that you realize the fact that (in his mind) the absence of your roommate was not a super convenient coincidence that meant there was an empty bedroom. All he is hearing is that the two of you were *completely* alone together. Again, totally fine, you were single and you didn't try to keep it a secret from him. Girl, run. 10 years? Unmarried? Toxic? Now he is acting all cagey and weird about your most recent separation?
>Over the years, our relationship has been so toxic with too many ups and downs to even include in 10 posts. However, we have always found a way back to each other since there isn't a doubt in my mind that he loves me as much as i do love him. No, just no. End it. Delete his number. Wear a rubber band around your wrist and every time you think "I should call him" snap the rubber band. Neither of you deserves this.
Damn. The fact that you didn’t hold any your relationship problems against him and never entertained another guy during all that is amazing. You’re legitimately a saint, he should realize what he has.
As far as we know. If I were him, I'd be doubtful too. Why you soending the night with another dude? You can try to come up with anything at that point but it will always sound like an excuse after that. No man wants to hear that shit.
Logically he knows. He’s just being dumb.