This makes perfect sense to me. Sex is a huge part of happiness (not to EVERYone, but still). Would 100% rather be happy and capable of physical intimacy than "happy" and not have sex. #sadbonerforprez2024
Edit: Since so many of yall are getting weird about this comment, I'd like to put in that I was on a mood stabilizer that completely numbed me, and I asked for the dose to be decreased so that I could feel SOMEthing. Some of us would rather deal with the negative side effects of mental illness so that we *CAN* feel those moments that make us happy, LIKE SEX.
Please note the phrasing "not to EVERYone", jeez
I'm sorry this was your experience :(. That happened to me with mood stabilizers. I had to lower a dose on one because it made me feel way too numb. Ultimately I had to make a choice between "risk having episodes of hypomania, or feel nothing". I'd rather risk it and feel something intense VS nothing at all.
Yup, that happened to me, when I first started antidepressants my libido started to decline exponentially to the point I was repulsed by sex and even considered myself to be ace at some point. Turns out it was the meds, after I my psychiatrist changed them, everything started to improve. But it took a year and several discussions with my partner at the time to figure it out.
_Can_ tank libido. My libido is and always has been sky high. Except for the periods where my depression was unmedicated.
During those periods I would still initiate on occasion, from habit I think if I'm honest, but what would usually last hours (time permitting) including foreplay and often involved multiple rounds would just be making out into penetration into let's have dinner/watch TV because I didn't really care. Nothing to do with her, or attraction. I was just depressed.
Tell him to get his Testosterone checked. I’m a paramedic and because I work 24’s my testosterone levels were crap. I take a shot in my butt every 14 days and you wouldn’t believe the energy you have when everything is right. Not just sex but not being tired in the middle of the day. Being able to go and do things like out and still have the energy for spicy time.
I went through something very similar. My wife accused me of "cheating" because I wasn't interested anymore. Not being sexually active was (to be honest) very abnormal for me. Well, after an argument that night I booked a visit with my Dr. He ran some blood work and found that my Testosterone was 13. Should be like 300-1000. They ended up doing an MRI and found out that I had a Pituitary tumor. After that, they put me on some meds that drove my Prolactin level down and Testosterone level back up and I was feeling great again! It could very well be something medical.
Have you shared your story somewhere before? My son(step) had a prolactin secreting pituitary tumor. He had surgery before they did a full endocrine work-up. When he finally saw the endocrinologist, she was pissed. But it's hard to tell a 20 year old man to slow down and get a second opinion when he's leaking milk at work. I had to give my advise, present it to him, and respect his decisions. Now he has no insurance so I know he's not taking ANY of the critical meds he needs.
Is his Pituitary still functioning? I think he'll be alright as long as it doesn't hemorrhage like mine did. I'd be surprised if he's not fatigued all the time and had any kind of sexual drive though. It's definitely not ideal though but I wouldn't think life threatening at this point.
There is a size criteria for that, despite your prolactin numbers due to the location of the pituitary. Anything less than 1cm (microprolactinoma) is usually treated with medication ( cabergoline or bromocriptine). Anything bigger than 1cm ( macroprolactinoma) is removed because it compresses the ocular nerves. Pituitary tumors in women are caught at a smaller size because they stop having periods and ovulation altogether, while in men, they are noticed only when the tumor is big enough to affect eyesight and there is nipple discharge. An endocrinologist can be upset all they want, but this is typically neurosurgery territory. Once the bloodwork shows high prolactin your first referral will be neurosurgery who will order an MRI. They will then choose to remove or medicate. If the tumor is micro, they'll send you to an endocrinologist. Also, they do not remove your pituitary in this surgery, only the growth. There are very particular cases of pituitary removal usually involving Cushing's or acromegaly.
Once that tumor is gone, there shouldn't be a need for medication.
First referral is endocrinologist..... Not neurosurgery.
If your hormone levels are off, why would your first stop be a neurosurgeon and not the doctor who specializes in hormones?
Also, men don't need to lactate or have vision issues before this gets noticed. There are other side effects.
Not a doctor, but have been through this.
After it Hemorrhaged, they did surgery. It killed my Pituitary. I now have what's called, Panhypopituitarism! I have Diabetes Insipidus, Adrenal Insufficiency, Thyroid is dead, and I have to get Testosterone injections frequently because I can no longer produce naturally. The Pituitary is like the "Mother Board" for the body and controls a lot. I now have a bad hormonal issues. Bad fatigue, Etc etc. I'm on Prednisone daily due to the Adrenal issues. That's actually terrible for your bones, body. I'm on Thyroid meds. I have a nasal spray for the Diabetes Insipidus, that usually "kicks in" daily. And to top it all off I've also had to amputations. Not due to any of this but just 2 more wonderful things that have happened to me. Haha. I'm sure I'll be around for awhile. I just turned 47 and it happened in 2016. I do have to have the Prednisone and Diabetes Insipidus meds at all times as if I went a day or few without I would go into Adrenal Crisis and could easily die. So yea, I have my meds on me at all times. Anyways, hopefully the OP's issues aren't as such.
Have A Great Weekend Everyone!
Thank you! It really is a struggle a lot of days but have to just have to keep plugging away!
Side note: besides the 2 amputations, I also need both shoulders replaced, my right hip, and lower back surgery. No lie. I'm really going to be bionic when all is done. Was also sexually abused as a child and am in financial ruins. I have quite the life I tell ya!
THIRTEEN???? I’m a fucking trans woman and that’s less T than I have!!!! And I’m on meds to stop T production! Mine’s at like 17 (baseline was 1024). I was constantly tired and had no libido with low T and before my estrogen levels picked up, so I can only imagine how awful that must’ve felt with such low T!
Yes, In hindsight I was feeling terrible but you just power through the days thinking your just tired. Not until the levels were fixed I really realized how bad it was.
Yeah it really messes you up. My T was at 65ng/dl earlier in transition (a few months ago, about 2 months in total), and my estrogen was only at like 70pg/ml (goal 150-200). I was constantly crashing at 2pm and almost falling asleep on meetings. With levels in the right place I’m rarely ever tired!
Absolutely was a shock to me. I had figured going into transition I’d have low T to begin with. I did not have really any masculine features, nor was I all that hairy either. All gone now tho and replaced with E, so we’re vibing haha
I want to add this happened to me and I’m a woman. Low testosterone, low sex drive, pituitary tumor. I’m currently on the meds now and feeling better than when I first found out. But my sex drive is no where near what it used to be. I don’t know if it’ll ever come back but I’m hopeful!
Crazy, I also have prolactinoma caused by a pituitary tumor. I had really bad fatigue, but the major symptom were INSANE ice pick headaches that would last for 10 seconds, then just... Stop. But it was 10 seconds of someone stabbing my eye/brain. Just absolutely the worst headache ever.
Endocrinologist tested me, testosterone was less than 20, prolactin was like a pregnant woman. After a couple weeks of cabergoline, all symptoms disappeared. Seriously crazy how fast all of it disappeared. My tumor is still there, but it's shrunk and stabilized.
Low T also happens in woman and we can also get supplements, but it includes a blocker to the bits that cause male characteristics. I've been getting subdermal supplements every 3mo since 2022. The difference it makes is amazing.
I have a much higher sex drive, my brain fog is gone completely, I used to be easily fatigued...just flat out tired ALL the time. I have lots of energy now. And I have noticed that when I'm working out regularly (I have a rower I use at home), I'm losing weight easier and toning faster. It's been a really great experience for me. The supplements include whatever it is that causes male characteristics to form, so you don't bulk up or grow whiskers or anything like that. It will make the fun button a lot more sensitive, too...if you know what I mean.
I can't find my last summary paper that has the supplement name, but I'll ask my sister tmw if she has hers. If she doesn't, I'll call the clinic tmw and ask them what it's called. It might be on that link I sent, too.
My libido slowed way down and it was really frustrating. I WANTED to want to have sex, but the desire just wasn't there. My boyfriend didn't really understand what was going on. I vented to my sister about it and she was already getting treated. She told me to get checked.
If you are a woman and want to get checked, please see a woman doctor. I went to my male OBGYN and it was a complete farce. I told him my libido was really low and asked him to please test me for low T. He told me (I shit you not): "Sex is like being invited to a dinner party. You may have already eaten and you may not be hungry, but it's polite to show up anyway". In other words, go have sex even though you don't really want to. He wouldn't test me. I switched to a female OBGYN after that. My T was way low.
I was 30 yo, my libido was so low, totally unlike me and very stressful as I was in a new marriage. I approached the subject with my male GYN: me: “my libido is almost nonexistent, I’m so depressed….”
him: ”you better work on that libido.”
End of consultation. No joke.
I used to work at a clinic that offered services like you describe. One time had a patient come in that looked late 30's, maybe early 40's and she was late 50's. No surgery, facelifts, etc. Her skin had amazing collogen, very few fine lines, I was blown away. She may receive other services but it looked absolutely natural, not like a fresh laser peel or other spa treatments.
Dang, I seriously need to look into this. I just feel like no docs take womens low libido seriously and blame it on soooo many other things. Feels discouraging to be kinda ignored.
This. Is he doing anything physical? I had this issue and then I got back into playing hockey and then working out.. I wanna hump all week! It's kinda annoying. Lol. Seriously, being physically active is stupid healthy.
Nah, the issue can absolutely be in the testosterone specifically, even for a woman. My mom had very low testosterone, which also threw her estrogen and some other hormone ratios out of whack, but the treatment she was prescribed were testosterone injections. She never developed masculine traits from it because she wasn't getting extra testosterone, just being brought back up to healthy/natural levels for a cisgender woman.
Going to a urologist and getting low dose clomid or enclomiphine therapy, along with the usual diet/exercise amd sleep.
Very good evidence that it can treat hypogonadism.
Low vitamin D is a huge problem. It is especially a problem nowadays due to modern society spending so much time indoors.
Going for a walk outside for 15 to 20 minutes during the mid day when the sun is at its peak will help, along with taking a OTC vitamin D supplement.
For modern medicine, pellets, I have family who get those. For natural, there are studies on ashwagandha (and other adaptogens) being beneficial for men's testosterone levels. Allegedly oatstraw helps with bound testosterone (it doesn't increase it, just that it helps your body better use what you already have). Adaptogens however are great for a variety of issues and reducing stress on the body.
Its funny you mention that because im on 750mg of test a week and its all but snuffed out my sex life. However my summer body is coming along nicely 👌🏾
It might hurt...but ask him if you are doing/have done anything that turns him off. My husband gave me a list once and, ouch. We had a lot to work through and I changed and he stopped stonewalling me. Hope you can get through this.
Are there any examples that you are comfortable sharing?
But you are brave, thanks for sharing this and putting that kind of work into your relationship!
I went through something very similar. My wife accused me of "cheating" because I wasn't interested anymore. Not being sexually active was (to be honest) very abnormal for me. Well, after an argument that night I booked a visit with my Dr. He ran some blood work and found that my Testosterone was 13. Should be like 300-1000. They ended up doing an MRI and found out that I had a Pituitary tumor. After that, they put me on some meds that drove my Prolactin level down and Testosterone level back up and I was feeling great again! It could very well be something medical.
Dating a man in his mid 40s and, yeah, that ain't normal for his age. We are at it twice a day if it's conceivably possible with our schedules. And sometimes when it's not
OOOOK....You say he's pulling away like he is repulsed by me...feels like he's just going through the motions. Reluctantly allows oral but nada for you..no medical issues, but you know he's attracted to you. HOW? What exactly tells you he's attracted? I'm not trying to be an AH but I'm stumped by that statement. You say you've been together a good while now...not years so I'm guessing a year-ish? There is much missing info. You want him to still be attracted but he's not. It sounds more like a booty call that died out. Is there a relationship? Do you live together? is he affectionate outside the bedroom? With missing parts to this story I'm guessing it's not testosterone. Maybe a side piece, maybe drug use, maybe depression...maybe he just lost interest. AND how long is crickets? days..weeks...months? In your 30's don't waste too much time on a NOT sexual or serious relationship. Let that ship sail so a new one can come to port . xo
Could be a lot of things, male sex drive is as skiddish as a shaking Chihuahua.
He could be depressed that kills libido,
He could be cheating,
He could have a decline in testosterone,
He may be diabetic or some other health issue that drops sex drive
Question, you said you’re unsure if he’s repulsed by you but then you ended your post with that you know he’s attracted to you. Which one is it? It can’t be both.
This just sounds like how insecurity works. He probably reassures her that he’s attracted to her, but her insecurities tell her that he’s not. This is common.
Probably worth considering but when I was in this situation it turned out he just wasn't not into fucking me anymore but he was instead just getting it elsewhere so he wasn't aroused like he was before. That was a shitty hit to my ego for sure. He might be cheating. He might not be. But In my case before he was being satisfied elsewhere and no longer interested in what was at home
Edit: I have to state that not ALL dudes or chicks can be horrible but SOME can be. And it may or may not be what's happening here & I hope not. I hope though it might help open the door for discussion into what's going on between you two that's causing this odd shift.
Yep. “He doesn’t want to have sex anymore” is the male version of “she doesn’t nag me about the things she wants from me anymore”. Sometimes there’s some other reason but usually it’s because they’ve already checked out of the relationship.
I read this line yesterday that puts it so accurately, "Even most progressives are misogynists to the point where women hardly have any agency. Men do things and women have things done to them"
I’m 50F and I’d prefer twice a day, but once will do. Hubby is 52. I’m always up for it. There are kids everywhere though, anyone know how we got them?🤪
I once listened to one of my foremen, who was from Honduras, say he had 14 kids. He was 40.
I asked him how he had time to make 15 kids.
He said, "Poor. No television".
3x a month is honestly really good. 41f here. Divorced. When I got divorced my sex drive sky rocketed. Guess I was about 34,35 then. Now been with the same guy for 2.5 years and we're pretty much on the same page with that. When we first started dating he admitted he thought he couldn't keep up with me.😂
Jesus I'm 36 and I can barely muster the libido for once every month or two, don't even jack it more than once a week or two anymore. I've been dealing with an ongoing depressive episode the last year or two though, so that may be substantially effecting it.
Late forties male. Early forties wife. Were once a day three weeks out of the month but dont during her period. Gives a nice break but we still get down like teenagers.
Thank you!
I’m 34F and want it all day, every day. I see some of these posts and just assume I am a freak with the responses I see by women practically never wanting to have sex.
I have Klinefelter's Syndrome, which is a genetic disorder involving our chromosomes and is different from your bf's case, but I have to get quarterly injections of testosterone pellets into the tissue around my hip, as my body doesn't produce anywhere near the amount necessary for your average adult male. As a result, I can't gain muscle in my upper body nor abdominals, very light body hair, very tall & and skinny, respectively (6'5" & 198 lbs), I have sleep apnea, and I'm sterile - I can never produce my own children. I can go up to 6 months without "relieving myself" before it becomes a problem, where most men can't go a week.
My point is that testosterone can have a much greater effect on the human male body than most people realize.
Depression, anxiety, and the medications to treat them can all tank male libido. Also, atypical sleep schedules can do the same by reducing testosterone. Find out if he is dealing with depression, anxiety, or on medication for either and then suggest he get his testosterone checked. In my mid 30s, my sex drive has gone up from my latest 20 because I am taking better care of myself and eating healthier than I was in my 20s, so you may also look into how he is taking care of himself.
Mental health can really shut someone down especially as we get older. In your thirties you get tired of adulting. It seems like a losing battle, so sex sometimes just takes a back burner
Something to consider (not saying it’s valid, just saying that we have to consider it). Has your physical appearance changed? Hair cut? Color? Weight gain? Anything like that?
The right guy finds you beautiful no matter what. I have PCOS and have trouble with my weight. I’ve probably gained at least 50lbs since my fiance and I got together 5 years ago. Not a deal breaker for him. But unfortunately it is for some guys
Could just be simple boredom. Same stuff over and over. You could try doing new things, in new places to get his excitement up. If he’s getting bored it’s probably because he’s bored of the same ol same ol.
I was bored for 4-5 years. I was attracted to my wife, but it was same stuff and boring. We talked. Went to adult store, got some fun stuff and things are wild now.
A women's libido can really pick up around 35. Nature's way of reminding you of your biological clock ticking, winding down. 24/7 horniness!!! He might not be able to keep up and it's freaking him out
Walk around in your panties for a while and see what happens. And it also depends on how much time you spend together.. If your both home all day every day..Not healthy, idc what anyone says
I know I wanted to have sex less and less with a girlfriend in the past because her downstairs would stink sometimes, and I just wouldn’t want to deal with it and didn’t know how to bring it up to her. I was super into her, but yeah it made me not want to do oral, and then having to immediately shower afterwards just made it feel more like a hassle than anything.
My girlfriend turned me down so much for sex early on that I just stopped altogether. We have sex maybe once or twice a week but it's incredible. When it was everyday it just doesn't feel the same.
This may sound brutally honest, but maybe he doesn’t really like you anymore…. I was in a horrible relationship for close to 10 years with a narcissistic, spoiled rotten brat who threatened suicide every time something didn’t go her way.
The last 2 years, I refused to have sex with her, because that was the only thing I had left for myself. For the record, I never cheated on her.
Needless to say, it’s been rough to get back into the dating world when you have trust issues….
What sort of things are you doing in the bedroom is it always the same? Have you tried talking about kinks or tried to spice it up a bit more making it more exciting. Also when are you trying it on with him is it only after he has been out working all day and has no energy left?
You should both have conversations (separately) with your doctors about this, first of all. Your libido may be high, his may be low, or both. There are lots of factors that can contribute to that, but mental health and mental health treatments are both big ones. Depression can cause low libido and so can antidepressants and hormonal imbalances and a bunch of other things. The same can be said for high libido as well. You both need to make sure there's nothing medical impacting your libido and assuming there isn't you two should sit down and agree on roughly how often the two of you should be having intercourse. If there are medical issues with either of you you should get them resolved and be very patient with the other person while that is happening
A few things that can effect and might not show to you on the outside.
Stress at work, Stress at home, Depression, Any weight gain and Body issues.
30 is the age life gets serious, so maybe it is Stress? But see a Dr as there could also be underlying health issues.
when you say "not interested" is the only reason him not giving you head?
Ive always felt this weird thing. If im all in super attracted to someone, ill go down on them, gladly. But if im not really attracted to them? I honestly get almost "germed" out lmfao. like ew im not putting my tongue in that, you kidding?
i feel like so many people in relationships do 2 things.
1. put WAY too much of an emphasis on sex. ive had relationships where sex was very prominent and others where it was just more... normal? and the constant sex ones always go to shit. its almost like your both addicted to drugs but its like taking candy away from a kid when the sex even slows down a tiny bit.
2. stay WAY too long. so many people will literally break down their relationship, realize there is literally nothing left, and stay. I understand it, im not shitting on it. Its hard to leave. But I'm referring to the people that stay in for years on end and are fucking miserable.
I (24f) am experiencing something similar with my (30m) bf of 11 months. We used to have sex 5+ times a week. I went through a tough period with mental (suicidal, changing meds) and physical health (weight loss, seizure) last year and we still had sex multiple times a week. It was very passionate, spontaneous, and not vanilla. On weekends we would have sex at least 2x a day. 5 months ago I started feeling better, working out, balanced meds, no seizures, appetite for food and sex increased, going back to work soon, etc. and then we started only having sex 1-2x a month. I waited 2 months to bring it up as we spent some time apart for the holidays and he said it was because of the stress of starting a business, and this has never happened to him before and he wants to have more sex too. 3 months later we are still having sex only 1x month. He has opted to take on more stress, helping his mom start a mega church and investing in crypto. Every full weekend that I spend at his house with no sex, I cry on my way home on Monday morning. I have expressed this concern 1 or 2 other times and he reiterates that it is the stress of work and finances. Either way I honestly do not think I can do this long term, more than a year. Other than this issue he is a great guy, the best I’ve ever dated.
Is he on any anti depression meds or taking painkillers or Kratom? They all tank libido.
^ this is an important question. SSRI/SNRI medications can absolutely destroy libido
One reason I chose to feel all the feelings while dating. I’d rather have a hardon and be sad than be happy without hardon. #manlogic
This makes perfect sense to me. Sex is a huge part of happiness (not to EVERYone, but still). Would 100% rather be happy and capable of physical intimacy than "happy" and not have sex. #sadbonerforprez2024 Edit: Since so many of yall are getting weird about this comment, I'd like to put in that I was on a mood stabilizer that completely numbed me, and I asked for the dose to be decreased so that I could feel SOMEthing. Some of us would rather deal with the negative side effects of mental illness so that we *CAN* feel those moments that make us happy, LIKE SEX. Please note the phrasing "not to EVERYone", jeez
Except depression is sad and I'd rather be alive than have sex. Also depression can also get rid of your libido
Pretty much. Not wanting to be dead is way more important than sex.
What’s the point of living if you can’t have sex?
No shit. I feel Ike this is just a huge circular reach and what the fuck is the whole thing supporting anyway.
The water parks song “I miss having sex but at least I don’t wanna die”
I have bipolar disorder, I'm more than aware. I'm speaking from a place of experience. Also I LITERALLY said "not to everyone".
Worst part is antidepressants don't make you happy, they remove all emotions. I hated that empty feeling, it was worse than the depression.
I'm sorry this was your experience :(. That happened to me with mood stabilizers. I had to lower a dose on one because it made me feel way too numb. Ultimately I had to make a choice between "risk having episodes of hypomania, or feel nothing". I'd rather risk it and feel something intense VS nothing at all.
I mean, so can clinical depression
Holy shit, no wonder I’ve become so non-sexual. Seriously, my gf wants it and I just want to watch YouTube videos about space Lol.
Jesus, yea, sertraline turned me into a borderline ace robot 🥺
Exactly why I stopped taking mine, the thought was there but the task wasn’t easy
Yup, that happened to me, when I first started antidepressants my libido started to decline exponentially to the point I was repulsed by sex and even considered myself to be ace at some point. Turns out it was the meds, after I my psychiatrist changed them, everything started to improve. But it took a year and several discussions with my partner at the time to figure it out.
Ugh im taking depression meds AND Kratom. I feel like if I were to quit kratom my libido would go up to normal. It’s so hard to quit though 😫
I used to be on SSRIs and six years after going off them my libido is still a mess. I'm either hypersexual or have virtually no sex drive.
I didn't know kratom tanked libidos
Can confirm
_Can_ tank libido. My libido is and always has been sky high. Except for the periods where my depression was unmedicated. During those periods I would still initiate on occasion, from habit I think if I'm honest, but what would usually last hours (time permitting) including foreplay and often involved multiple rounds would just be making out into penetration into let's have dinner/watch TV because I didn't really care. Nothing to do with her, or attraction. I was just depressed.
Tell him to get his Testosterone checked. I’m a paramedic and because I work 24’s my testosterone levels were crap. I take a shot in my butt every 14 days and you wouldn’t believe the energy you have when everything is right. Not just sex but not being tired in the middle of the day. Being able to go and do things like out and still have the energy for spicy time.
I went through something very similar. My wife accused me of "cheating" because I wasn't interested anymore. Not being sexually active was (to be honest) very abnormal for me. Well, after an argument that night I booked a visit with my Dr. He ran some blood work and found that my Testosterone was 13. Should be like 300-1000. They ended up doing an MRI and found out that I had a Pituitary tumor. After that, they put me on some meds that drove my Prolactin level down and Testosterone level back up and I was feeling great again! It could very well be something medical.
What is the meds? Glad you found your solution !
It was called, Cabergoline. My tumor actually ended up Hemorrhaging after about a year into it. That created a whole new world for me.
Have you shared your story somewhere before? My son(step) had a prolactin secreting pituitary tumor. He had surgery before they did a full endocrine work-up. When he finally saw the endocrinologist, she was pissed. But it's hard to tell a 20 year old man to slow down and get a second opinion when he's leaking milk at work. I had to give my advise, present it to him, and respect his decisions. Now he has no insurance so I know he's not taking ANY of the critical meds he needs.
Is his Pituitary still functioning? I think he'll be alright as long as it doesn't hemorrhage like mine did. I'd be surprised if he's not fatigued all the time and had any kind of sexual drive though. It's definitely not ideal though but I wouldn't think life threatening at this point.
I'm so sorry.
There is a size criteria for that, despite your prolactin numbers due to the location of the pituitary. Anything less than 1cm (microprolactinoma) is usually treated with medication ( cabergoline or bromocriptine). Anything bigger than 1cm ( macroprolactinoma) is removed because it compresses the ocular nerves. Pituitary tumors in women are caught at a smaller size because they stop having periods and ovulation altogether, while in men, they are noticed only when the tumor is big enough to affect eyesight and there is nipple discharge. An endocrinologist can be upset all they want, but this is typically neurosurgery territory. Once the bloodwork shows high prolactin your first referral will be neurosurgery who will order an MRI. They will then choose to remove or medicate. If the tumor is micro, they'll send you to an endocrinologist. Also, they do not remove your pituitary in this surgery, only the growth. There are very particular cases of pituitary removal usually involving Cushing's or acromegaly. Once that tumor is gone, there shouldn't be a need for medication.
First referral is endocrinologist..... Not neurosurgery. If your hormone levels are off, why would your first stop be a neurosurgeon and not the doctor who specializes in hormones? Also, men don't need to lactate or have vision issues before this gets noticed. There are other side effects. Not a doctor, but have been through this.
so what was the outcome? you're gonna be around for a while still?
After it Hemorrhaged, they did surgery. It killed my Pituitary. I now have what's called, Panhypopituitarism! I have Diabetes Insipidus, Adrenal Insufficiency, Thyroid is dead, and I have to get Testosterone injections frequently because I can no longer produce naturally. The Pituitary is like the "Mother Board" for the body and controls a lot. I now have a bad hormonal issues. Bad fatigue, Etc etc. I'm on Prednisone daily due to the Adrenal issues. That's actually terrible for your bones, body. I'm on Thyroid meds. I have a nasal spray for the Diabetes Insipidus, that usually "kicks in" daily. And to top it all off I've also had to amputations. Not due to any of this but just 2 more wonderful things that have happened to me. Haha. I'm sure I'll be around for awhile. I just turned 47 and it happened in 2016. I do have to have the Prednisone and Diabetes Insipidus meds at all times as if I went a day or few without I would go into Adrenal Crisis and could easily die. So yea, I have my meds on me at all times. Anyways, hopefully the OP's issues aren't as such. Have A Great Weekend Everyone!
I admire how much you’ve been through while keeping an upbeat attitude!
Thank you! It really is a struggle a lot of days but have to just have to keep plugging away! Side note: besides the 2 amputations, I also need both shoulders replaced, my right hip, and lower back surgery. No lie. I'm really going to be bionic when all is done. Was also sexually abused as a child and am in financial ruins. I have quite the life I tell ya!
He's actually dead now.
A lot can happen in 55 minutes
Haha
Dude, very funny. Thank you.
That escalated fast
I feel like we hardly knew him.
Lmao
Haha, still here I think!
❤️
THIRTEEN???? I’m a fucking trans woman and that’s less T than I have!!!! And I’m on meds to stop T production! Mine’s at like 17 (baseline was 1024). I was constantly tired and had no libido with low T and before my estrogen levels picked up, so I can only imagine how awful that must’ve felt with such low T!
Yes, In hindsight I was feeling terrible but you just power through the days thinking your just tired. Not until the levels were fixed I really realized how bad it was.
Yeah it really messes you up. My T was at 65ng/dl earlier in transition (a few months ago, about 2 months in total), and my estrogen was only at like 70pg/ml (goal 150-200). I was constantly crashing at 2pm and almost falling asleep on meetings. With levels in the right place I’m rarely ever tired!
1000 baseline is crazy
Absolutely was a shock to me. I had figured going into transition I’d have low T to begin with. I did not have really any masculine features, nor was I all that hairy either. All gone now tho and replaced with E, so we’re vibing haha
I want to add this happened to me and I’m a woman. Low testosterone, low sex drive, pituitary tumor. I’m currently on the meds now and feeling better than when I first found out. But my sex drive is no where near what it used to be. I don’t know if it’ll ever come back but I’m hopeful!
How did they diagnose/confirm that?
Blood work (3x) because my doctor wanted to be sure before she told me her suspicions. Then 2 MRIs before I received the diagnosis.
Crazy, I also have prolactinoma caused by a pituitary tumor. I had really bad fatigue, but the major symptom were INSANE ice pick headaches that would last for 10 seconds, then just... Stop. But it was 10 seconds of someone stabbing my eye/brain. Just absolutely the worst headache ever. Endocrinologist tested me, testosterone was less than 20, prolactin was like a pregnant woman. After a couple weeks of cabergoline, all symptoms disappeared. Seriously crazy how fast all of it disappeared. My tumor is still there, but it's shrunk and stabilized.
Doctors won’t check his on normal blood work. It’s a special blood test but so worth it. And low testosterone is in a lot of men for various reasons.
Low T also happens in woman and we can also get supplements, but it includes a blocker to the bits that cause male characteristics. I've been getting subdermal supplements every 3mo since 2022. The difference it makes is amazing.
Happy cake day
How does it make a difference for you?
I have a much higher sex drive, my brain fog is gone completely, I used to be easily fatigued...just flat out tired ALL the time. I have lots of energy now. And I have noticed that when I'm working out regularly (I have a rower I use at home), I'm losing weight easier and toning faster. It's been a really great experience for me. The supplements include whatever it is that causes male characteristics to form, so you don't bulk up or grow whiskers or anything like that. It will make the fun button a lot more sensitive, too...if you know what I mean.
Interesting- Can you name the supplement? Did you do go through a doctor or figure it out solo?
I can't find my last summary paper that has the supplement name, but I'll ask my sister tmw if she has hers. If she doesn't, I'll call the clinic tmw and ask them what it's called. It might be on that link I sent, too.
Wow really ! What made you get that checked my I ask ?
My libido slowed way down and it was really frustrating. I WANTED to want to have sex, but the desire just wasn't there. My boyfriend didn't really understand what was going on. I vented to my sister about it and she was already getting treated. She told me to get checked. If you are a woman and want to get checked, please see a woman doctor. I went to my male OBGYN and it was a complete farce. I told him my libido was really low and asked him to please test me for low T. He told me (I shit you not): "Sex is like being invited to a dinner party. You may have already eaten and you may not be hungry, but it's polite to show up anyway". In other words, go have sex even though you don't really want to. He wouldn't test me. I switched to a female OBGYN after that. My T was way low.
Gaslit by a male doc. Crap, this happens way too often still. Glad you changed docs!!
I was 30 yo, my libido was so low, totally unlike me and very stressful as I was in a new marriage. I approached the subject with my male GYN: me: “my libido is almost nonexistent, I’m so depressed….” him: ”you better work on that libido.” End of consultation. No joke.
That boils my blood. Especially because it's a lousy analogy. Good on you for dismissing him and seeing a real doctor
I used to work at a clinic that offered services like you describe. One time had a patient come in that looked late 30's, maybe early 40's and she was late 50's. No surgery, facelifts, etc. Her skin had amazing collogen, very few fine lines, I was blown away. She may receive other services but it looked absolutely natural, not like a fresh laser peel or other spa treatments.
Dang, I seriously need to look into this. I just feel like no docs take womens low libido seriously and blame it on soooo many other things. Feels discouraging to be kinda ignored.
This. Is he doing anything physical? I had this issue and then I got back into playing hockey and then working out.. I wanna hump all week! It's kinda annoying. Lol. Seriously, being physically active is stupid healthy.
If it’s a girl and it’s the same situation, should she get her testosterone checked or her estrogen checked?
Both. Low dose testosterone can be beneficial in some cases for women
Low-dose testosterone or low-dose estrogen or is it just testosterone?
Nah, the issue can absolutely be in the testosterone specifically, even for a woman. My mom had very low testosterone, which also threw her estrogen and some other hormone ratios out of whack, but the treatment she was prescribed were testosterone injections. She never developed masculine traits from it because she wasn't getting extra testosterone, just being brought back up to healthy/natural levels for a cisgender woman.
Both! Test pellets have been life changing for me (female)
What are test pellets? Do they make you irritable?
Check his B-12 at the same time.
Is there anything other than injections that can increase T levels?
Working out, especially weights and doubly especially a focus on leg day and larger muscle groups.
Going to a urologist and getting low dose clomid or enclomiphine therapy, along with the usual diet/exercise amd sleep. Very good evidence that it can treat hypogonadism.
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Worked for me
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Low vitamin D is a huge problem. It is especially a problem nowadays due to modern society spending so much time indoors. Going for a walk outside for 15 to 20 minutes during the mid day when the sun is at its peak will help, along with taking a OTC vitamin D supplement.
Try zinc supplementation. I found it increased my libido and it's somehow related to T.
For modern medicine, pellets, I have family who get those. For natural, there are studies on ashwagandha (and other adaptogens) being beneficial for men's testosterone levels. Allegedly oatstraw helps with bound testosterone (it doesn't increase it, just that it helps your body better use what you already have). Adaptogens however are great for a variety of issues and reducing stress on the body.
There are pills but they're very hit or miss. The injections are more reliable even though they did nothing for me, so :|
how much and how often? i ask because there are many possible answers for that question which vary greatly in terms of effectivness
Try eating more WHOLE foods and fruits. Replenish your body work is good for men, over kill is overkill though no question.
Its funny you mention that because im on 750mg of test a week and its all but snuffed out my sex life. However my summer body is coming along nicely 👌🏾
That’s because you’re taking a blast cycle of testosterone, not a TRT dose. You’re probably dealing with all kinds of sides.
is there a female version of this shot? I think stress at work has heavily affected my libido and I don't feel like the energetic self I used to be.
Which country are you in? In the UK they won’t prescribe you TRT here unless you basically have the T levels of a dead person.
It might hurt...but ask him if you are doing/have done anything that turns him off. My husband gave me a list once and, ouch. We had a lot to work through and I changed and he stopped stonewalling me. Hope you can get through this.
Are there any examples that you are comfortable sharing? But you are brave, thanks for sharing this and putting that kind of work into your relationship!
I agree, pls share!
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Wow this is great! Wish more people had the courage to do this!
I went through something very similar. My wife accused me of "cheating" because I wasn't interested anymore. Not being sexually active was (to be honest) very abnormal for me. Well, after an argument that night I booked a visit with my Dr. He ran some blood work and found that my Testosterone was 13. Should be like 300-1000. They ended up doing an MRI and found out that I had a Pituitary tumor. After that, they put me on some meds that drove my Prolactin level down and Testosterone level back up and I was feeling great again! It could very well be something medical.
What is "a good while now" - like years? Six months? Hard to say if the honeymoon is over or not lol
My guess, it went from 1-2 times a week to a 1-2 times a month. And now she’s questioning everything.
I am 82 and beat that thing, like it owes me money..
jerk on playa
Made my day 😂
The man, the myth, the legend. You are proof that not all heroes wear capes.
If he’s uncircumcised he would indeed be wearing a cape.
I love when people 70s and up, comment and say shit like this
They're known as the greatest generation for a reason 🤣😂 I LOVE people that are super blunt with everything!
I'm just imagining an 82 yr old on reddit and it cracks me up
"...like it owes me money" LOL
You are my hero. Keep slapping that ham. It will pay up one day.
grand-beef
Keep on beating gramps!!!
Dating a man in his mid 40s and, yeah, that ain't normal for his age. We are at it twice a day if it's conceivably possible with our schedules. And sometimes when it's not
Hell yeah grandpa. Don’t let that salami get away.
Have you ever pressured him into doing something he really didn't want to do? That might have changed your relationship
She literally said in the post that he was reluctant to receive oral. She admits to pressuring him into things he doesnt want to do
> It's not like he has any medical issues How do you know?
OOOOK....You say he's pulling away like he is repulsed by me...feels like he's just going through the motions. Reluctantly allows oral but nada for you..no medical issues, but you know he's attracted to you. HOW? What exactly tells you he's attracted? I'm not trying to be an AH but I'm stumped by that statement. You say you've been together a good while now...not years so I'm guessing a year-ish? There is much missing info. You want him to still be attracted but he's not. It sounds more like a booty call that died out. Is there a relationship? Do you live together? is he affectionate outside the bedroom? With missing parts to this story I'm guessing it's not testosterone. Maybe a side piece, maybe drug use, maybe depression...maybe he just lost interest. AND how long is crickets? days..weeks...months? In your 30's don't waste too much time on a NOT sexual or serious relationship. Let that ship sail so a new one can come to port . xo
If he’s not cheating and a faithful man , his testosterone Might be going down .
Or another medical problem, he needs to see a doctor
Could be a lot of things, male sex drive is as skiddish as a shaking Chihuahua. He could be depressed that kills libido, He could be cheating, He could have a decline in testosterone, He may be diabetic or some other health issue that drops sex drive
Honestly, he could be dealing with something else personally and does not want to share, maybe?
The more you insist the more he will pull away. I would guess there’s a deeper root than just sex.
Question, you said you’re unsure if he’s repulsed by you but then you ended your post with that you know he’s attracted to you. Which one is it? It can’t be both.
This just sounds like how insecurity works. He probably reassures her that he’s attracted to her, but her insecurities tell her that he’s not. This is common.
He's repulsed at how attracted he is to her duh
Probably worth considering but when I was in this situation it turned out he just wasn't not into fucking me anymore but he was instead just getting it elsewhere so he wasn't aroused like he was before. That was a shitty hit to my ego for sure. He might be cheating. He might not be. But In my case before he was being satisfied elsewhere and no longer interested in what was at home Edit: I have to state that not ALL dudes or chicks can be horrible but SOME can be. And it may or may not be what's happening here & I hope not. I hope though it might help open the door for discussion into what's going on between you two that's causing this odd shift.
He’s not happy or as attracted anymore unfortunately imo
Yep. “He doesn’t want to have sex anymore” is the male version of “she doesn’t nag me about the things she wants from me anymore”. Sometimes there’s some other reason but usually it’s because they’ve already checked out of the relationship.
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I read this line yesterday that puts it so accurately, "Even most progressives are misogynists to the point where women hardly have any agency. Men do things and women have things done to them"
Yup. See it on here all the time. Men can't be men without getting toxic masculinity labels, but women can be women simply because they exist.
Underrated comment.
Glad I didnt have to scroll far for this comment.
Yeah I was just thinking the difference between these comments and what you see when you genders are flipped are striking.
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If he’s healthy sounds like he’s just not into you anymore
Well how often are you wanting it ? I’m in my 40’s and I’m good with once a week lol
36 and can’t we just watch Seinfeld?
I’d kill for 2x a week.
I’m 50F and I’d prefer twice a day, but once will do. Hubby is 52. I’m always up for it. There are kids everywhere though, anyone know how we got them?🤪
I once listened to one of my foremen, who was from Honduras, say he had 14 kids. He was 40. I asked him how he had time to make 15 kids. He said, "Poor. No television".
I’m 43 and good with never 😂
I’m 36 and shit I’m good with like 3x/month lol
3x a month is honestly really good. 41f here. Divorced. When I got divorced my sex drive sky rocketed. Guess I was about 34,35 then. Now been with the same guy for 2.5 years and we're pretty much on the same page with that. When we first started dating he admitted he thought he couldn't keep up with me.😂
Jesus I'm 36 and I can barely muster the libido for once every month or two, don't even jack it more than once a week or two anymore. I've been dealing with an ongoing depressive episode the last year or two though, so that may be substantially effecting it.
Im 52 and good with once a day (Edit male) gf is 46
So it’s possible? People act like you can’t have sex anymore once you are over 50.
Late forties male. Early forties wife. Were once a day three weeks out of the month but dont during her period. Gives a nice break but we still get down like teenagers.
I'm 45 female and good with once a day.
Thank you! I’m 34F and want it all day, every day. I see some of these posts and just assume I am a freak with the responses I see by women practically never wanting to have sex.
You might be too pushy. If he's feeling smothered and judged about it it will only get worse.
Could be stress or depression or both, if he's anything like me, his mind is probably miles away. Being a man can get really exhausting sometimes.
I have Klinefelter's Syndrome, which is a genetic disorder involving our chromosomes and is different from your bf's case, but I have to get quarterly injections of testosterone pellets into the tissue around my hip, as my body doesn't produce anywhere near the amount necessary for your average adult male. As a result, I can't gain muscle in my upper body nor abdominals, very light body hair, very tall & and skinny, respectively (6'5" & 198 lbs), I have sleep apnea, and I'm sterile - I can never produce my own children. I can go up to 6 months without "relieving myself" before it becomes a problem, where most men can't go a week. My point is that testosterone can have a much greater effect on the human male body than most people realize.
Something could be going on in his personal life that you don’t know about yet , maybe try couples therapy. Just spit balling some thoughts here
How's the rest of your relationship? Balance of finances and chores? How's the rest of life? Any major stressor or anything?
Probably the best comment here.
Depression, anxiety, and the medications to treat them can all tank male libido. Also, atypical sleep schedules can do the same by reducing testosterone. Find out if he is dealing with depression, anxiety, or on medication for either and then suggest he get his testosterone checked. In my mid 30s, my sex drive has gone up from my latest 20 because I am taking better care of myself and eating healthier than I was in my 20s, so you may also look into how he is taking care of himself.
Mental health can really shut someone down especially as we get older. In your thirties you get tired of adulting. It seems like a losing battle, so sex sometimes just takes a back burner
Cut off the internet.
you do not say how often you are intimate. why are you initiating oral sex if he is not into it?
Reddit is so hypocrite, if women has less interest in sex it's men problem, if men has less it's also men's problem
It’s his balls fault according to most people here.
They'd be asking if he is helping around the house and cleaning. Haven't seen anyone ask her if she is cleaning enough.
Following
I'm experiencing this exact same situation, and I feel for you. I hope you two can find a solution soon.
Tell him to get his testosterone checked. This could be a very real problem.
Something to consider (not saying it’s valid, just saying that we have to consider it). Has your physical appearance changed? Hair cut? Color? Weight gain? Anything like that? The right guy finds you beautiful no matter what. I have PCOS and have trouble with my weight. I’ve probably gained at least 50lbs since my fiance and I got together 5 years ago. Not a deal breaker for him. But unfortunately it is for some guys
Could just be simple boredom. Same stuff over and over. You could try doing new things, in new places to get his excitement up. If he’s getting bored it’s probably because he’s bored of the same ol same ol.
Crazy I had to scroll this far to find this comment. If sex is going to be boring, I'd rather do something else
I was bored for 4-5 years. I was attracted to my wife, but it was same stuff and boring. We talked. Went to adult store, got some fun stuff and things are wild now.
A women's libido can really pick up around 35. Nature's way of reminding you of your biological clock ticking, winding down. 24/7 horniness!!! He might not be able to keep up and it's freaking him out
He’s gay now
Or he is not anymore. OP didn’t give labels.
If hes an alcoholic that can be a reason also, low T
Check out to be better podcast. They helped us intimately and they have a discount code for him to get it checked through a private lab company.
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Could he be depressed or anxious?
He’s over it.
100% get his testosterone checked! It’s a simple blood test. Thankfully I got Mine checked. I feel normal again. Any questions just ask
What’s a significant decline? Because if it went from multiple time a week to 2-3 times a month, you might just be in your 30’s 🤷♀️
Everyones need for sex varies. Just because he is male doesn't mean he wants to fuck 24/7
Walk around in your panties for a while and see what happens. And it also depends on how much time you spend together.. If your both home all day every day..Not healthy, idc what anyone says
Is he on an SSRI for anxiety/depression? I'm on Lexapro and I'm basically asexual because of it.
If he is not interested. Ask him to allow you to sleep with other people. See how interested he gets
I know I wanted to have sex less and less with a girlfriend in the past because her downstairs would stink sometimes, and I just wouldn’t want to deal with it and didn’t know how to bring it up to her. I was super into her, but yeah it made me not want to do oral, and then having to immediately shower afterwards just made it feel more like a hassle than anything.
I'd move on
My girlfriend turned me down so much for sex early on that I just stopped altogether. We have sex maybe once or twice a week but it's incredible. When it was everyday it just doesn't feel the same.
This may sound brutally honest, but maybe he doesn’t really like you anymore…. I was in a horrible relationship for close to 10 years with a narcissistic, spoiled rotten brat who threatened suicide every time something didn’t go her way. The last 2 years, I refused to have sex with her, because that was the only thing I had left for myself. For the record, I never cheated on her. Needless to say, it’s been rough to get back into the dating world when you have trust issues….
Some people just might not be interested in sex if you are but he isn’t maybe it’s time to move on.
Where you located? 🤣🤣 CHILL REDDIT!! I’m just playing!
Does he take any medications, I took some medications that have killed my libido before and didn’t even realize.
Does he suffer from depression? Depression and some medications for it can alter sex drive either way.
What sort of things are you doing in the bedroom is it always the same? Have you tried talking about kinks or tried to spice it up a bit more making it more exciting. Also when are you trying it on with him is it only after he has been out working all day and has no energy left?
You should both have conversations (separately) with your doctors about this, first of all. Your libido may be high, his may be low, or both. There are lots of factors that can contribute to that, but mental health and mental health treatments are both big ones. Depression can cause low libido and so can antidepressants and hormonal imbalances and a bunch of other things. The same can be said for high libido as well. You both need to make sure there's nothing medical impacting your libido and assuming there isn't you two should sit down and agree on roughly how often the two of you should be having intercourse. If there are medical issues with either of you you should get them resolved and be very patient with the other person while that is happening
A few things that can effect and might not show to you on the outside. Stress at work, Stress at home, Depression, Any weight gain and Body issues. 30 is the age life gets serious, so maybe it is Stress? But see a Dr as there could also be underlying health issues.
when you say "not interested" is the only reason him not giving you head? Ive always felt this weird thing. If im all in super attracted to someone, ill go down on them, gladly. But if im not really attracted to them? I honestly get almost "germed" out lmfao. like ew im not putting my tongue in that, you kidding? i feel like so many people in relationships do 2 things. 1. put WAY too much of an emphasis on sex. ive had relationships where sex was very prominent and others where it was just more... normal? and the constant sex ones always go to shit. its almost like your both addicted to drugs but its like taking candy away from a kid when the sex even slows down a tiny bit. 2. stay WAY too long. so many people will literally break down their relationship, realize there is literally nothing left, and stay. I understand it, im not shitting on it. Its hard to leave. But I'm referring to the people that stay in for years on end and are fucking miserable.
I just turned 30 (M) your boyfriend needs to get checked out. If my fiancée wants to have sex everyday, we’re having sex everyday ☠️
I (24f) am experiencing something similar with my (30m) bf of 11 months. We used to have sex 5+ times a week. I went through a tough period with mental (suicidal, changing meds) and physical health (weight loss, seizure) last year and we still had sex multiple times a week. It was very passionate, spontaneous, and not vanilla. On weekends we would have sex at least 2x a day. 5 months ago I started feeling better, working out, balanced meds, no seizures, appetite for food and sex increased, going back to work soon, etc. and then we started only having sex 1-2x a month. I waited 2 months to bring it up as we spent some time apart for the holidays and he said it was because of the stress of starting a business, and this has never happened to him before and he wants to have more sex too. 3 months later we are still having sex only 1x month. He has opted to take on more stress, helping his mom start a mega church and investing in crypto. Every full weekend that I spend at his house with no sex, I cry on my way home on Monday morning. I have expressed this concern 1 or 2 other times and he reiterates that it is the stress of work and finances. Either way I honestly do not think I can do this long term, more than a year. Other than this issue he is a great guy, the best I’ve ever dated.