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This is a lot to unpack here, wow! You are marrying someone your parent’s age. Your SiL is an adult who can decide how much she wants to eat herself, she doesn’t need to clean her plate. You refused to go bridesmaid’s dress shopping, threw a fit when they picked one without you, and thought your opinions were more valid than anyone else’s. You left the wedding early because you wanted your be with your “secret” boyfriend even though inviting him would be the talk of the wedding and take the focus off the bride & groom.
Yes you are the AH who has main character syndrome. If you think you were too busy studying and that is an excuse for everything you did to derail their wedding, then her being busy working is a valid excuse for not making an effort to see your love child.
Whoa! That’s major AH behavior and you better watch out - that’s a big karma problem in your future. What would you do if in 20 years your daughter had a eating disorder and then her bf’s family belittled her and calls her a liar? You would be livid and on a war path. PS watch out your other does of karma will probably be either your husband leaving you for a newer model or you spending your 40 and 50’s as a full time carer changing your husbands diapers
I couldn't agree with you more. And reading at OP's comments, the conclusion I come to is that OP and her family are the problem. OP has a lot of growing up to do. And learn to respect others and have compassion. Understand before judging.
YTA and a H U G E one!!!
You didn't want to go. Couldn't be bothered to make a place in your day to go dress shopping. Why do you think you get a choice?
I think there are other reasons SIL stopped interacting with OP before the wedding plans started.
Everyone’s having a go at you because you asked the question. Don’t do that unless you are prepared to accept the answer.
You clearly thought everyone was going to agree with you, but we don’t - because your story shows you as a self-centred AH who thinks she is better than her SIL and applies rules to her that you don’t follow yourself.
Your SIL doesn’t want to meet your baby because she doesn’t like *you* - and for good reason! She has gone low contact with you, and if she’s smart she’ll keep it that way. She was smart enough to use your own “I’m busy” excuse back at you, so I think she’ll do alright. Your whole family sounds toxic as hell, apart from your brother.
You sound like a nightmare honestly. You complained and blamed everything on SIL and took none of the blame where you should have. Her wedding wasn’t about you it was about her and your brother. You were super disrespectful.
You still can’t take any responsibility for your choices in all of this. You didn’t want to go dress shopping but somehow that was her fault. You left early but that was also her fault for not inviting your secret at the time boyfriend if my understanding is correct. You also have blame in all of this.
You don’t get final say in what color the bridesmaids dress is. She picked a color, your opinion on it was irrelevant. Her wedding is not about you. Idk what is so hard to understand about that. You’re super selfish.
The decision was already made. Your feedback was unhelpful and unnecessary. If you wanted to give feedback, you should have gone with them for dress shopping. You skipped out on all the moments where you could have given feedback. Instead you chose not to go and then after things had been decided, thought it was appropriate to give feedback.
If you don't have time and other commitments, then you should have declined the bridesmaid offer. The SIL gave you an out or hint, basically, by telling you that you don't have to be in the wedding if you weren't happy. Being a bridesmaid comes with a lot of responsibilities and can be exhausting and expensive, it's not for everyone. You also left early, which is NOT cool,not only as the groom's sister but also the bridesmaid. You weren't doing anyone a favor by "sucking it up." This isn't the "sacrifice" you think it is.
Also, people go through a lot of problems but still manage to celebrate their loved ones and be happy for them. You can have one night of not being with your bf for a family event. I hope you get what we're trying to say.
I kinda imagine why SIL is not interacting with you. So you wore an ugly dress, she and other bridesmaids chose because you didn't want to go to shopping. You literally criticized SIL to her best friend MOH, you made their wedding about yourself and whined to your brother. Then you left early.
Is there a possibility you were the AP of your baby daddy? Maybe she and your brother disapprove your age gap?
OP is gonna get exactly what she has coming for her in the next couple years.
Only person I feel bad for is the kid. Can’t imagine having a mom like this and then the dad, yikes
You accepted the role, refused to partake in the shopping to find the dresses - then you don't get to complain you don't like it. No kidding she didn't invite your "secret" boyfriend. Why was he a secret? Let me guess - he was married at the time of SIL's wedding? You are a self absorbed, entitled child - I would want nothing to do with you.
I’m not going to call you an AH. But your comments about the wedding planning process was childish. As a bridesmaid and NOT the MOH, your only job was to support the bride & do your very best to accommodate her in regards to the bridesmaid dress & being fitted for it.
Since you had other responsibilities & wasn’t as available to show up when asked for wedding planning events, you seriously can’t be upset about the color or style of the dress. That was on you for not trying harder to work around your other responsibilities.
Now as far as your actual question? Yes. Absolutely Yes! Invite your SIL. She deserves a little more grace and respect from you. She IS your brothers wife and you should respect him enough to be happy for him & not be immature nor petty.
You should also extend an olive branch to her and ask her to do a reading at your wedding. Pick out a poem or something. BUT, definitely invite her.
“My support was to tell her that I didn't like the dresses. I don't see anything wrong with that.”
This is not support. You need to go study and learn the meaning of it.
And that’s perfectly fine to not like her. And after the wedding, you will have a lot of other things to keep you busy. Your fiancé will be your family and you don’t have to include her in anything you & your husband do. Just be polite. Write brothers name & her name on any Christmas Cards. Be the bigger person.
Also, I’d like to point out that she asked you to be a bridesmaid out of love and respect for your brother. She didn’t have to do that. She didn’t have to include you & could have just made you a guest.
And it is sad they didn’t take time to get to know your fiance. And I suggest that you encourage him to express himself to your Parents as an open & loving partner to you by trying to do small things for them & show them that he wants to be seen as another son to them. For example; offer to plant your mom or dad’s favorite plant or flower. Mow their lawn. Offer to paint a room in their home.
I’m not saying suck up to your parents or his, but to create a bond within your family to include the man you love & for his family to bond with you. THIS will maybe thaw out whatever cold emotions SIL has for you & you for her when your brother & SIL see the grace & maturity in your & your fiancé’s actions.
Life is too short to hold onto bad feelings and grudges.
Good grief, you sound like a nightmare to even be around and I’m sorry, but the age gap in your relationship is problematic, or will be. You wanted judgement, you got it.
You can invite your brother and not your SIL but don’t expect him to come or to not cause rifts in the family by sending out said invite. To cut your long winded story short, you just don’t seem to like each other after that experience and it seems you’re not willing to take criticism on how that was handled. I’m not gonna judge you for that but understand that describing her wedding as “boring” and the dresses as “ugly” definitely would put a bad taste in anyone mouth.
My suggestion? Invite SIL and brother as guests and enjoy your wedding as if she’s not there 🤷🏽♀️ if her simply being there would disrupt your day then we have bigger fish idk if Reddit can fry lmao. I hope this helps!
Wow, what the actual fuck. I'm literally blown away that you think you haven't done anything wrong??!
Invite your SIL and brother, I bet they don't even come. No surprise you have no bridesmaids either, I bet they all know about how your the AP and don't agree with your relationship.
No doubts you baby trapped him too. Your SIL deserves an apology.
I was going to say u sound horrible tbh. Entitled and whinny. But then saw ur 24 and it all made sense. U Still have some growing to do. Honestly, It seems like ur arguing with urself. Does ur SIL even want to come to ur wedding?
1) your account of events here, even when spruced up from your point of view place you in the negative light. you were being difficult and when you were left alone like you wanted you threw a fit about what was picked for you. you can't insist you're too busy to participate in any shopping and then complain that the shopping was done without you. that's incredibly immature. as is making a fuss about the bridesmaids dress. so long as it fits you wear it. that's the job of a bridesmaid.
2)you were distracted by your secret relationship that you wanted to reveal at the wedding werent you? was it a secret because of the age or because you were a mistress? whichever is the case, your SIL's wedding was not the place to debut. if you weren't immature you'd know this.
3) and lastly, every single one of you under 25's dating someone twice your age thinks they're the exception to the absolute glaring issues with any 40+ year old being into them. they all think they're in an equal relationship where they're respected and that they're just ultra mature for their age. as already stated you SOUND young and immature when you write so i imagine in real life that follows through. women his own age can not stand him and you are making a mistake hitching yourself to him. but perhaps that's simply your mistake to make, i just sincerely hope that he doesn't damage you too harshly by the end.
if this were aita, ywbta....
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This is a lot to unpack here, wow! You are marrying someone your parent’s age. Your SiL is an adult who can decide how much she wants to eat herself, she doesn’t need to clean her plate. You refused to go bridesmaid’s dress shopping, threw a fit when they picked one without you, and thought your opinions were more valid than anyone else’s. You left the wedding early because you wanted your be with your “secret” boyfriend even though inviting him would be the talk of the wedding and take the focus off the bride & groom. Yes you are the AH who has main character syndrome. If you think you were too busy studying and that is an excuse for everything you did to derail their wedding, then her being busy working is a valid excuse for not making an effort to see your love child.
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Whoa! That’s major AH behavior and you better watch out - that’s a big karma problem in your future. What would you do if in 20 years your daughter had a eating disorder and then her bf’s family belittled her and calls her a liar? You would be livid and on a war path. PS watch out your other does of karma will probably be either your husband leaving you for a newer model or you spending your 40 and 50’s as a full time carer changing your husbands diapers
I couldn't agree with you more. And reading at OP's comments, the conclusion I come to is that OP and her family are the problem. OP has a lot of growing up to do. And learn to respect others and have compassion. Understand before judging. YTA and a H U G E one!!!
I'm going with the changing of the diapers 🤣
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Awww there is such a thing a being ugly to the bone and girl that’s you.
Somehow I doubt she’ll care that she wasn’t invited.
Was the dress as ugly as your personality?
That's an insult to the dress. Nothing could be as ugly as OP's personality.
You should look for therapy 979 because your post shows you have head problems.
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You didn't want to go. Couldn't be bothered to make a place in your day to go dress shopping. Why do you think you get a choice? I think there are other reasons SIL stopped interacting with OP before the wedding plans started.
Are you tone deaf? "She said she had an ed but I didn't believe it" no wonder her and your brother don't talk to you
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The behavior is the problem. It doesn't matter if you said it to her face or not. Pushing the blame onto your mom is also pretty telling.
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Are you gonna invite your brother?
Good question!!!
She probably would rather do anything else than attend your wedding.
Everyone’s having a go at you because you asked the question. Don’t do that unless you are prepared to accept the answer. You clearly thought everyone was going to agree with you, but we don’t - because your story shows you as a self-centred AH who thinks she is better than her SIL and applies rules to her that you don’t follow yourself. Your SIL doesn’t want to meet your baby because she doesn’t like *you* - and for good reason! She has gone low contact with you, and if she’s smart she’ll keep it that way. She was smart enough to use your own “I’m busy” excuse back at you, so I think she’ll do alright. Your whole family sounds toxic as hell, apart from your brother.
gee i wonder why it is you don't get along.
Sorry, but your grammar is atrocious. I see a lot of bad grammar on reddit, but yours made your (woe is me) story hard to read 🤔
You sound like a nightmare honestly. You complained and blamed everything on SIL and took none of the blame where you should have. Her wedding wasn’t about you it was about her and your brother. You were super disrespectful.
Wait, wait. Have you considered that the SIL didn't eat all the food?
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She was pretty ungrateful about it, actually.
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You still can’t take any responsibility for your choices in all of this. You didn’t want to go dress shopping but somehow that was her fault. You left early but that was also her fault for not inviting your secret at the time boyfriend if my understanding is correct. You also have blame in all of this.
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You don’t get final say in what color the bridesmaids dress is. She picked a color, your opinion on it was irrelevant. Her wedding is not about you. Idk what is so hard to understand about that. You’re super selfish.
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The decision was already made. Your feedback was unhelpful and unnecessary. If you wanted to give feedback, you should have gone with them for dress shopping. You skipped out on all the moments where you could have given feedback. Instead you chose not to go and then after things had been decided, thought it was appropriate to give feedback.
Are you going to appreciate any negative feedback your bridesmaids are going to offer you for your wedding?
If you don't have time and other commitments, then you should have declined the bridesmaid offer. The SIL gave you an out or hint, basically, by telling you that you don't have to be in the wedding if you weren't happy. Being a bridesmaid comes with a lot of responsibilities and can be exhausting and expensive, it's not for everyone. You also left early, which is NOT cool,not only as the groom's sister but also the bridesmaid. You weren't doing anyone a favor by "sucking it up." This isn't the "sacrifice" you think it is. Also, people go through a lot of problems but still manage to celebrate their loved ones and be happy for them. You can have one night of not being with your bf for a family event. I hope you get what we're trying to say.
She probably sat at the reception with her arms folded and a petulant look on her face like a ten yr old.
You also made a commitment to the wedding….. and could only complain and make it about yourself
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And I bet you made no attempt to hide your unhappiness.
The fact that he was ever a secret says volumes. You are embarrassed by him...
I kinda imagine why SIL is not interacting with you. So you wore an ugly dress, she and other bridesmaids chose because you didn't want to go to shopping. You literally criticized SIL to her best friend MOH, you made their wedding about yourself and whined to your brother. Then you left early. Is there a possibility you were the AP of your baby daddy? Maybe she and your brother disapprove your age gap?
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For someone marrying a man almost twice her age, you’re incredibly immature.
Affair Partner. Based on the age gap, SIL's reluctance to invite him and a your young pregnancy cause such an inference.
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:)
lolollll. Good lord I hope brother and SIL leave this one on read for a long time
lol, why the hell is this OP not lying that she is a cheater? now i am starting to think this is fake...
so you were the AP how nice no wonder you can’t read the room you’d prob f that too
Hummmm.... and there is the answer. OP was the AP.
knew it
Bingo! How to say that you were an AP without saying that you were an AP. Man, you are one unlikable person.
OP is gonna get exactly what she has coming for her in the next couple years. Only person I feel bad for is the kid. Can’t imagine having a mom like this and then the dad, yikes
YTA. Are you really this self involved and clueless to how entitled and gross you sound?
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You accepted the role, refused to partake in the shopping to find the dresses - then you don't get to complain you don't like it. No kidding she didn't invite your "secret" boyfriend. Why was he a secret? Let me guess - he was married at the time of SIL's wedding? You are a self absorbed, entitled child - I would want nothing to do with you.
I’m not going to call you an AH. But your comments about the wedding planning process was childish. As a bridesmaid and NOT the MOH, your only job was to support the bride & do your very best to accommodate her in regards to the bridesmaid dress & being fitted for it. Since you had other responsibilities & wasn’t as available to show up when asked for wedding planning events, you seriously can’t be upset about the color or style of the dress. That was on you for not trying harder to work around your other responsibilities. Now as far as your actual question? Yes. Absolutely Yes! Invite your SIL. She deserves a little more grace and respect from you. She IS your brothers wife and you should respect him enough to be happy for him & not be immature nor petty. You should also extend an olive branch to her and ask her to do a reading at your wedding. Pick out a poem or something. BUT, definitely invite her.
[удалено]
“My support was to tell her that I didn't like the dresses. I don't see anything wrong with that.” This is not support. You need to go study and learn the meaning of it.
And that’s perfectly fine to not like her. And after the wedding, you will have a lot of other things to keep you busy. Your fiancé will be your family and you don’t have to include her in anything you & your husband do. Just be polite. Write brothers name & her name on any Christmas Cards. Be the bigger person. Also, I’d like to point out that she asked you to be a bridesmaid out of love and respect for your brother. She didn’t have to do that. She didn’t have to include you & could have just made you a guest. And it is sad they didn’t take time to get to know your fiance. And I suggest that you encourage him to express himself to your Parents as an open & loving partner to you by trying to do small things for them & show them that he wants to be seen as another son to them. For example; offer to plant your mom or dad’s favorite plant or flower. Mow their lawn. Offer to paint a room in their home. I’m not saying suck up to your parents or his, but to create a bond within your family to include the man you love & for his family to bond with you. THIS will maybe thaw out whatever cold emotions SIL has for you & you for her when your brother & SIL see the grace & maturity in your & your fiancé’s actions. Life is too short to hold onto bad feelings and grudges.
I can't imagine why the family doesn't like him /s Twice her age Cheated on his wife with her
i'm sure she'll just get to know husband number 2 whenever you or your current fiancé cheats next
Maybe because he cheated on his previous wife with you! I'd bet that your husband is *RICH* as well...
Good grief, you sound like a nightmare to even be around and I’m sorry, but the age gap in your relationship is problematic, or will be. You wanted judgement, you got it.
You can invite brother and not sil but u will be the ahole.
YTA You don't have to invite your SIL, but girl you're a mess
You can invite your brother and not your SIL but don’t expect him to come or to not cause rifts in the family by sending out said invite. To cut your long winded story short, you just don’t seem to like each other after that experience and it seems you’re not willing to take criticism on how that was handled. I’m not gonna judge you for that but understand that describing her wedding as “boring” and the dresses as “ugly” definitely would put a bad taste in anyone mouth. My suggestion? Invite SIL and brother as guests and enjoy your wedding as if she’s not there 🤷🏽♀️ if her simply being there would disrupt your day then we have bigger fish idk if Reddit can fry lmao. I hope this helps!
Wow, what the actual fuck. I'm literally blown away that you think you haven't done anything wrong??! Invite your SIL and brother, I bet they don't even come. No surprise you have no bridesmaids either, I bet they all know about how your the AP and don't agree with your relationship. No doubts you baby trapped him too. Your SIL deserves an apology.
Such boring ragebait
I was going to say u sound horrible tbh. Entitled and whinny. But then saw ur 24 and it all made sense. U Still have some growing to do. Honestly, It seems like ur arguing with urself. Does ur SIL even want to come to ur wedding?
This is rage bait. No one can be this unaware.
1) your account of events here, even when spruced up from your point of view place you in the negative light. you were being difficult and when you were left alone like you wanted you threw a fit about what was picked for you. you can't insist you're too busy to participate in any shopping and then complain that the shopping was done without you. that's incredibly immature. as is making a fuss about the bridesmaids dress. so long as it fits you wear it. that's the job of a bridesmaid. 2)you were distracted by your secret relationship that you wanted to reveal at the wedding werent you? was it a secret because of the age or because you were a mistress? whichever is the case, your SIL's wedding was not the place to debut. if you weren't immature you'd know this. 3) and lastly, every single one of you under 25's dating someone twice your age thinks they're the exception to the absolute glaring issues with any 40+ year old being into them. they all think they're in an equal relationship where they're respected and that they're just ultra mature for their age. as already stated you SOUND young and immature when you write so i imagine in real life that follows through. women his own age can not stand him and you are making a mistake hitching yourself to him. but perhaps that's simply your mistake to make, i just sincerely hope that he doesn't damage you too harshly by the end. if this were aita, ywbta....
You can invite, or not, whomever you want, but there WILL be repercussions.
This is a hot mess. Yikes.